#Its REALLY interesting i feel shame posting this even though its MY OWN FUCKING TUMBLR. also she looks great

[girlnextvore]

This is the last time I will change Rosa's Reference I SWEAR. Anyway she is a Nagloper now cause i think thats neat!

[almalvo]

STAR TREK: DISCOVERY | S1E7 "Magic to Make the Sanest Man Go Mad"

[I will react to each episode individually and in full, raw reception and then post as is unrevised here onto my tumblr for the full span of every and all NuTrek episodes and series that have been and will be released. If this falls under your field of interest - I welcome your company in joining me. Enjoy the ride.] -------

man the intro just continues to remind me fucking ingenius the Star Trek introduction was period. Love it. forever. and always. wonder when we will see these scenes play out when we will see that big plant tentacle monster from the intro or when we will see the two hands touch etc

things are flowing so fast rn in burnham's evaluative speech at the start of this episode. even though not much has happened. and no offence but, i do not think shes earned this kind of audience? because theres like. still hardly much to like nor connect with these characters? imo. idk. idk if its just me, maybe it is. but i definitely dont really have much investment in any characters yet. actually, the one character i resonated MOST with was mega-sized space waterbear, no cap. (oh mossie i miss you i hope we can see you again) trek party lol. ok ill say this one thing DISCO has a lot of filming inconsistencies between shots. like, lets say burnham's hands will be up holding her face. but then next shot, her hands are down at her seat. then switch back and her hands are back up. that sort of thing. happens a lot all the time. stamets. happy drunk. lovey dovey. cute. ash and burnham? idk. every time lorca says saru, i just catch myself thinkning "sulu" cute mega-organisms gormagander wow. space whale sounds. amazing. is it prego. … who ANDORIAN?/ IS THAT AN ANDORIAN OML ITS HELMET SO CUTE oh nevermind its scarier. MUDD. but yes that is an andorian helmet wow so cute give me one. stella.

MUDD is so vengeful. what interesting implications for TOS. DUDE WTF the end of DISCO. man a time plot huh ok lets see how this goes a remix of stayin' alive runners said left. let me guess. burnham will later predict them coming from behind her. and then be like "huh. why did i already know this" there is something off about the delivery of these lines from so many of the actors lorca's actor feels pretty grounded same as saru which is good. something feels so weird with the line delivery. idk if it sthe actors or if its the way the filming is that just makes it feel less effective acting?? idk i think its cuz theres a lot of organic quality missing in a lot of the actors getting a decent amount of screentime? i dont want to sound rude ofc i just feel something is off yeah. man. a time jumping Mudd. now THAT'S terrifying. Poor stewart. he didnt deserve to get thrown. "went his own way"? u sure you didnt kill him. Mudd's actor is also pretty grounded. the lines roll off well and not awkwardly. Nice Stamets. this is too fast. Muidd gets shot in the back and then Stamets has a comedic line delivery that seriously needed a pause or soemthing, but we switch imediately to ending the scene and returning after what felt like a commercial break or seomthing.

yeah the pacing of the show is just RUSHING so much like WHY. it just eats up so much of any weight this show couldve had in even its smallest things. i know i sound so critical but its built up a lot and its already the 7th episode into the 1st season. Stamets actor feels pretty good too but i think its just awkward screenplay and awkward lines and weirdo af pacing/film style that ruin things. they need to let this show BREATHE more. it s such a shame they didnt. maybe not the best director. also too many zooms. the show feels so experimental, but i dont know if necessarily in a good way. i sound so pickky but bro im saying what im seeing,. ok sorry this just now, stamets talking to burnham when he says hes the one "missing from mudd's timeloop" is actually pretty bad. bad editing super inconsistent between shots and why are there like a billion camera cuts? we dont need THIS many angles to talk about one single conversational exchange no offence. this scene was pretty bad. weird screenplay, weird delivery, bad editing stamets even sounded like there was a shot with his mic off i could hear the environmental reverb why is this happening. with such a beautiful visual and constume budget such as this. also yes. that is A GORN IN LORCA'S OFFICE. oh my god that means maybe the gorn from SNW DO look humanoid fully matured. ugh cant wait to see what that means. mudd is so merciless. man lorca died like a bug so many times. wtf. why is stamets out of focus- WHAT. WHAT IS THAT. THE FUCK WAS THAT im sorry no this wasnt funny cuz it was supposed to be funny in that way im sorry but just now

when stamets tells burnham that "shes never been in love" at the party in the time loop, she says in the WEIRDEST most… sry ngl, badly acted type way, replying "why would you say that to me" that i had to actually PAUSE the episode and rewatch that again to confirm what i saw. just finished the rewatch of this one scene. wtf was that. sorry that was so poor. its soooo awkwarddddd. and flatttt. what is this ADR though. stamet's ADR in this episode is some of the worse. also sorry that lens reflection of that one green party light that hit right onto burnham's face during this exchange, its almost as if i HEARD the cameraman's thoughts going "ah shit this stupid light" as the camera moved downward to get as much of that green spot out of the direct line of her face. okay, Mr. God-Named-Stamets. is that an apron that isnt a one sided dress. dance in the hallway. ok. this wa so fast. this tone feels very not in sync with the course of this plot? where did this dance thing come from. i think im feeling such a dissonance rn when stamets is on screen because he feels like hes NOT stamets. idk its like, i get that charcters/people are hopefully more than 1-dimensional, and that we get to learn about them more as time passes, but like this kind of feels like stamets just wasnt properly developed and we the audience just didnt get enough proper exposure to him to recognise who really is his person? if that makes ANY sense to anyone. ok no offence, this episode probably is the most trash in terms of script. harry mudd, time loop, saving the ship from destruction, but then also stamets is an omniscient constant, while also flat cardboard af awkward love revelations between ash and burnham?? idk. maybe in a different writers' room, this coiuld be made compellingly and cohesively. but right now. this episode is NOT. IT. im sorry so why does it feel like its deterioriating a bit. the show had me in the beginning cuz how freaking DIFFERENT and UPGRADED it looked (gorgeous btw) compared to ALL the series that came before it in Prime-Timeline. but no matter how i fought it, my emersions been finally broken by the consistently questionable factors that keep loudly making themselves known in this show. too frequently bad deliveries from actors weird af editing bad cinematography even my great efforts to ignore it all and benefit of the doubt, it was too much. which is, based on everything ive ever watched ever, a BAD thing. also, oml lorca is so small in this episode - which actually i like. he feels so insignificant in this episode haha, small fry dying every single time. also i hope i see more creative deaths in this show, cuz everytime someone dies is them dissipating in dusty colour. come onnn, we can do better than thattt.

also just fyi, understand that i am NOT advocating for a super "serious/dire" star trek, weve had a bit of that in random episodes thoruhgout the franchise and moveis too - so no, i also absolutely love silly mad crazy trek plots too, but like. DISCO i think is probably handling this in a way that is the worst ever in Star Trek so far, even among its whacky insane moments. I am keeping to the series and going to stick it through all the way to the end of course. but yeah, i was never here to just be some blind non-insightful talking head that just admired this show unconditionally. if you thought so, then you should try again. i will say whats good, but likewise whats bad. and right now, the good things are things that i have already said, but the bad is really kicking up a storm right now. captain mudd. amazing. its so off-balance, this show. some deliveries are great, pacing is great. but then its like so sporadic and everywhere too often etc yes. delivery is REALLY weird and super weak in too many scenes. idk. maybe construction of the show itself is just weak in too many areas. so so strange. with a show that LOOKS genuinely this good. im just so perplexed. the shows construction feels so amateurish i guess? in not a very good way. "nobody beats Mudd, huh." a businessman is correct, lorca. these camera zoomes are really distasteful. like lorca over here making some consistently really solid deliveries, and the stupid camera cuts and zooms and unnecessary movements just cheapen it all. it makes me so angry. this show needed a better writers' room and better directing. and terrible ADR. its liek they use different mics every 2 lines. i can HEAR the discrepancies, even without my audiophile headphones.

im so mad and sad by this. because the threads of the issues i was sensing since episode 1 are now kind of unforgiveable. i can no longer look over them. so im here really speaking about them in this reaction this time. no offence it kind of feels like nothing much happened this whole episode. and im literally 3 minutes away from finishing this episode. im sorry im not impressed with this ending in how mudd was caught. i feel like this show didnt know how to quite handle the crazy nature of Trek. Bad editing yeah. i keep consistently seeing how for example Mudd is talking, and the camera cuts to a different angle shot of the same line delivery that has to get repeated and edited in, but i can physically see Mudd's jaw still moving in speech despite his dialogue halting from the ADR of the other camera shot. THIS ^ stuff KEEPS happening. and it shouldnt. its super BASIC stuff relatively speaking. and there wasnt this much of an obvious degree of this problematic editing in even older series of trek. so strange. 'i hate how it lifted me out of immersion of this show, this list of issues. you know, id LOVE to see ANY scene of conversation withOUT the stupid slow-creep zoom. listen, i KNOW that this is very often used everywhere in media, but it doesnt mean "always'. in this case DISCO does it poorly. ok episode over. i am not convinced over ANYTHING that just happened. its a 44 minute long episode, but it felt brief as fuck. it didnt feel like it had much substance at all - and im NOT talking some kind of "moral message" shit - things do NOT have to have a real message to be good. and this episode was actually not. it felt so criminally underwhelming. like ok, stamets had augmentation that let him resist the time loop.... and? so what. so what about that. nothing significant happened except apparently blossoming love story between Ash and Burnham, which- Ash x Burnham?

bullshit.

bro that was terrible. and they got zero chemistry no sorry no. get outta here.

burnham had more chemistry with the fucking captain than ash. (i dont support either one dw.) ok. well. ima continue the trip ofc. but mmmmm stupid peripheral things are really not doing this show justice. i fear that DISCO is a show that couldve been great but just wasnt even good. bad writing, bad directing, bad editing, bad delivery - i am far from being sold than I was in episode 1. i gave the excuse of the first episode feeling so brisk because it was an exposition….. but the show quickly tired out my benefit-of-the-doubt with how i see that ep 1 wasnt so much a mere exposition, but that its kind of ACTUALLY what this show IS. i cant lie. im p nervous for this show. SNW was fucking good, so i just hope that this show improves to SNW's level where all these questionable issues resolve at some point, more or less.

guess i'll see.

[melodygatesauthor]

Happy early birthday to you! May I request a Kapkan x Reader with the romantic line, "You remembered my favorite food?" It's the little things that count-

Of course, I can't ask this without giving you a gift. (or rather, questions to entertain your mind with)

We appreciate you writing for the R6s fandom, it's great to have more members that are active within the community. Your longfic of Kapkan has had me in a chokehold since November lmao. I'm a sucker for enemies to lovers. (Ik that the longfic isnt exactly this)

How long have you been into Star Wars? What brought you into it? I used to be REALLY into it years ago, though I have fallen out and perhaps I may join back in.

This one I hope you can answer, and fyi i mean NO ill judgement while asking. What makes you and others so interested in the kink of non-con? I find it hard to read when I know that others irl have trauma because of it. I know that you've clarified that it's just because it's all fiction and that you don't support it irl, but I guess I can't wrap myself around this topic? I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense, but I'd like to know and like I've said before, I am not having negative feelings to those who enjoy non-con! No one should shame you for what you like in fiction.

That being said, keep doing what you're doing and I hope that you have an amazing birthday!!!

Im aware of what I wrote is long af and im sorry-

Hi Nonnie!

Omg so much to unpack and I'm so so so excited to do that. You don't ever have to apologize to me for long asks, I like them. Answers below the cut.

I'm going to fulfill your request in a different post. I have several ahead of yours but it's on my list and I'll get to it as I go down the line. I cannot wait!

Thank you for your kind words about my longfic (The Recruit and the Hunter for others to have context)! I don't get a lot of attention here for it, probably mostly because it's AO3 exclusive, but I'll be adding it to Tumblr at some point! It's definitely a favorite of mine and I've put a lot of work into it. I would say it's enemies to lovers adjacent? lol it's got a similar feel to it! On your note about having others involved in the community, I have noticed that the writings for X Reader are scarce! There are a few of us in the community that I think are keeping it going. I hope more people will get involved!

So as far as Star Wars goes, I watched it all the way through for the first time in 2015 just before The Force Awakens came out and when I watched back then I thought nothing of it. It was good but like, it was just a series to me, nothing more. Fast forward to September 2022, I had a dream about Kylo Ren. Yes, literally had a dream about him randomly and then I couldn't stop thinking about him. (True story) I googled if people even read fanfiction anymore, and turns out THEY DO and hey, 30 years old isn't too old to read/write fanfiction (no age is, you can be 90 writing ff, just have fun). When I found out they did, I rewatched the entire Star Wars movie series again through a new lens...information gathering for fic writing. The second I saw Kylo fucking Ren coming down the gangway in TFA for the first time through this new lens....I knew I was ill. Thus sparked my Star Wars obsession and the spiraling that lead me to write for all these other fandoms, Siege included (although I've been a Siege player on and off since it came out back in...was it 2015?).

This is a great question and gets a section all on its own...

On the subject of non-con in fanfiction (please don't read if this topic is sensitive to you):

To start, I can assume that other people think like me, but as I answer this, I ask that you keep in mind that I can't exactly speak for anyone OTHER than myself. I know what I like and what I'm comfortable with and that's all I can TRULY speak on so bear that in mind as you read through my response.

There are a couple reasons I think that I enjoy non-con. I'M SPEAKING PURELY FROM A FANTASY STANDPOINT GOING FORWARD, NOT A REALITY STANDPOINT. One reason is societal. I read somewhere that it's possible people gravitate to the subject of non-con in fanfiction (primarily women in ff spaces), due to societal factors. Meaning, that women who are from more sexually oppressive countries, America being one in some ways (being primarily a Christian/Catholic country and always teaching people, again with an emphasis on women since it's more "obvious", to save it for marriage), might be more inclined to enjoy "non-con". It's thought that this is due to the idea that it's attractive to think that someone finds us so desirable that they just couldn't help themselves. Further, it's the thought that the blame, again in some ways, is removed from the woman. She didn't go out acting promiscuous, this thing just happened to her, this sexual encounter. She couldn't stop it from happening and for some people the idea of feeling desired and not being able to control that it's happening and therefore it's "guilt free" is attractive. THIS IS AGAIN FOR FICTIONAL SPACES, not REALITY. No one wants this to happen to them in real life or to happen to someone else in real life period.

The other reason is that I just enjoy the purely feral and primal urge for a big man to conquer and take what he wants. Again, not something I'd want in real life or that I'd want someone to go through, but the thought is hot to me. Man want vageen, man take vageen, it's literally that barbaric and simple. I have many kinks in fanfiction that I DON'T have in real life, and non-con is certainly one of them for this reason.

Now as far as "finding it hard to read/write because others have IRL trauma because of it", while I understand completely where you're coming from, and I'm not trying to change your mind, I encourage you to think about some things. Firstly, you are perfectly valid to feel uncomfortable reading something, and that's why I said I'm not going to try and sway your opinion. Let's just understand that first and foremost. Secondly, there are other things we read about that have caused people IRL trauma that no one shakes a fist at, murder being a big one. Just because I enjoy reading/writing a fictional murder-mystery, does that mean I don't feel bad for real people who have been murdered or family members of victims? Not at all, I feel for them, but I'm still intrigued by the story I'm reading/writing. What I find interesting, (and this isn't a reflection on YOU, there's a lot of people who think this way) is that for some reason the subject of non-con is disturbing for some, but the loss of a life (murder) is fine? That is something that I still am trying to figure out! I hope this clears it up a little?

EDITED TO ADD: It also allows lots of people a safe space to indulge in a very unsafe and downright dangerous thing. We can "experience" something horrific without actually being in real danger and it allows us to enjoy it that way.

Thanks for the great thought provoking questions! I really enjoyed this exercise! I'll get to your fic soon!!

[marcheradiuju]

Eeeghh! (*exasperated banshee screech*)

I got caught up in the familiar perfectionistic shame spiral again, even as I tried to commit myself to letting go and using this new page as a regular, low-stakes, public-facing journal. I got caught up in conceptualizing what i wanted to write about each day (if I wanted to write a new post every day) and started feeling shitty because I wasn’t showing up in the ways I envisioned.

Trying to begin a new practice/ routine in order to attempt consistently actuating toward my interests, goals, and survival and falling into spiraling stagnation because I fall short of the unreasonably high, subconsciously constructed expectations of myself is not an unfamiliar cycle for me, nor is it remotely novel or singular. However, the characteristically CYCLICAL nature of this CYCLE and familiarity I have with it are exactly why it’s so infinitely FRUSTRATING.

In seemingly sporadic intervals, every few weeks or so, I’ll be invigorated with an uncharacteristic amount of energy and I’ll finally complete a task or follow through on starting a creative project and then develop a fresh sense of optimistic naivety. During this period, I feel like things are finally starting to fall into place, or rather that I’m finally I’m getting out of my own way. I start to notice things again, I’m able to take in the world around me and recognize its grace and beauty, and momentarily take a break from shitting on myself and everything I’ve ever done. For a moment, I feel great and I feel capable. I’m able to sustain this abnormal jump in activity maybe for an afternoon, a day, historically no more than two or three days— inevitably, I crash. 

Starting this page on tumblr, a platform that I haven’t been on in over a decade, and writing that first little greeting post was one of those brief instances of optimism and excitement of following through on something that I felt could be the start of a healthy, grounding practice. I know that these things might seem small, easy and inconsequential, but it took a lot of effort to finally put myself “out there”, and I felt proud of those renewed tippy-toe steps toward actualization. I was really excited to keep up the momentum on this front, and then I crashed again. 

I’m so tired all of the time, tired and numb and dulled. I’m also feeling super fucking dysphoric lately, which is super fun. There are many other compounding factors and I’m sure I’ll dig into in the future. For now, though, I think I’ve expressed enough frustration. I want to sign off with some more practical positivity— *sigh*, I’m still here, I showed up for the practice and wrote this lil rant, and now I do feel a bit lighter.

[glowzoul]

i think i like leaving things alone better when i can tell myself they're final and out of my hands now. melodrama ramble below the cut dni about it i just wanna vent.

I don't wanna make up i don't wanna wonder and worry again in an understanding in which only i've got something to lose. Sitting here staring at a screen for days waiting and hoping for a change to something proven and communicated to be unobtainable just because of a questionable choice of wording when affirming my suspicion about your inability. Compounding growing fears inside lulls of silence, grappling with a reality where again i'm not much more than an emotionally safe occasional entertainment easily paused and restarted, flawed with inescapable doubts trying too hard to protect your feelings. Tormenting myself questioning the authenticity of those doubts and if they're self serving more than considerate. Is it abandonment when i cut you off so you can do anything without guilt or shame, and i can accept things and move on. is it selfish to not let you be a part of my life to avoid a failure to stay emotionally unattached. Am i lying to you if i avoid the topic. Do i really care about you in this, or am i just cowardly to want to avoid getting hurt and having no one to blame but myself, because you made me understand that you feel no obligations of loyalty naturally and will not be comfortable with conditions i can hold you to and trust you with.

This is bad for me, i'm starting to dissolve the progress i've made again, i was starting to eat again and go for walks every day and talk to people and studying medicine through online courses, it felt fake because i was doing it to work through things, and i'm not normal i didn't have the urge to do these things naturally and was just trying to mimic what normal people do in an attempt to feel better since it works for them. But it felt good to know i was at least trying, that even though it wasn't working that well, i could say i tried. And its slowing down now because we're replaying this game again. I'm doing it to myself and i don't blame you but i can't stop it, and the undeniable cause is my failure to balance an interest in you with my own well-being. as if saying "i'm already compromising my own safety emotionally just talking to you again so who cares about anything else if i'm going to self destruct like that anyway".

so idk how to do this but the brain worms are setting in. I can't stop thinking you're only talking to me again because you're bored or lonely, and now that i responded, again, you're satisfied and content and i have to wrestle with this, alone.

idk if i even wanna post this cuz im 99% sure you have my tumblr. but fuck it i need to vent anyway. hold it together hold it together holdit tnbogether looking like pic related the whole time staring at our dm screen fun fun ufdunlfun funf

[oreosmama]

Hi! Already told ya but I really liked you ST headcanon❤️ could you make one with Billy (+ any other stranger things boys you want to add) about them accidentally hearing that y/n has feelings for them? It’s too cliched but such fluffy fluff is my air:>

He Accidentally Overhears You Have Feelings for Him (Stranger Things Headcanons)

*GIF not mine*

A/N: yeah so this took me like a month but also guess what i had to bullet point every single goddamned mfing line in this post by hand bc of tumblr's new formatting or whatever, and then i posted it on the wrong goddamn request so i had to do it twice so ig we all got probs kill me. Anyways, i kinda went overboard on this prompt bc i love billy so naturally no one else made it into the hc🤷‍♀️ what a shame👀 Enjoy!

Word count: 4856

Billy Hargrove: 

“I don’t like him.” 

Billy’s eyes fluttered open, and they glided lazily onto your form in the desk in front of him. With his hands folded behind his head and his legs crossed, feet perched on his own desktop, Billy knew the teacher had long ago given up on scolding him for his lackadaisical behavior in class, and even longer ago had he realized Billy would never put much effort in anyway. 

One such happenstance that seemed to disturb the entire class, though, was how Billy had wound up there in the first place. Honors English didn’t exactly seem tailored to his, er, capabilities, to put it lightly. 

However, before Billy and his family had moved to Hawkins, Indiana, he’d been quite the student (according to the principal…after you’d complained), and lost in translation was some other lame excuse that English classes in California were inherently more advanced than those of Indiana anyway. 

You called bullshit. You had sworn Billy had bribed the teacher to let him remain in the class just to disrupt your existence. 

It wasn’t exactly his crowd, so to speak, judging by the glasses, focused faces, and pencils scribbling around the room. Nobody in the room looked like they’d even smelled a cigarette before—well, not until Billy arrived.

But you? God, you fit in like a glove. Here was where you divided yourself from the rest of the school, from its bullies and booze and tobacco—from its corruption. You were innocent when it came to such “paraphernalia,” as you called it. You were untouched, and more importantly, you were unclaimed. 

Billy was enthralled with this virtuous disposition of yours. In the beginning, his feelings for you,“little Miss Priss” as he’d grown to calling you, appalled him. Of all the girls in the school he could choose from, all the hot blondes that fawned over him in the halls and the enticing brunettes that asked him out after catching his eye for a moment, never did he think for a fucking second that it would be you. 

The prude. 

“Don’t like who?” Billy interjected harshly, dismissing how you and your friend flinched at his sudden interest. 

“No one!” you both mumbled, avoiding his gaze and spinning around in your seats. 

Billy’s brow rose at that, and the instant the bell rang, he kicked his feet off his desk and reached a hand toward you. You scooted forward in your seat the second his fingers brushed you, and Billy paused, a small ache in his chest disguising itself as irritation. 

Clenching his jaw, Billy curled his fingers around the back of your desk chair and dragged you back to him, the rubber stoppers on the ends of your chair legs squealing in protest against the polished floors. The teacher glanced up from his podium at the front of the class at the sound, an unimpressed look on his face, but was otherwise unconcerned about the situation unfolding. After all, it happened almost every morning. 

The teacher sighed and resumed calling roll. Billy kept one fist clasped around the back of your chair and one long leg outstretched beneath your seat, his boot situated around the nearest footing to stop you from scooting away. He leaned forward, hot breath rustling your hair as you sat stock-still, hands folded in your lap. 

“YN-”

You flinched. 

“-who were you talking about?” Though it was a question, he more demanded the answer than asked for it, because Billy would be damned if he had to listen to you and your friend giggle and jabber about your feelings for any guy that wasn’t him. 

Just the thought of another boy in the class catching your eye in general made him feel angry. 

No, maybe not angry. Sick was more like it. You weren’t his, and he knew that—fuck, he knew that all too well. He wouldn’t let it be that way for long, though. 

For months he’d tried to take his mind off you and place it, force it, on someone else. But when girls at parties and in his car, in hotel rooms or in their own goddamn bedrooms couldn’t eliminate the picture of you hot-glued to the forefront of his mind—couldn’t erase your secret smile when Billy had Sharpied a dick on Mr. Morrison’s board, or your glare when he’d tugged your seat over to his for the first time, or that feeling of your hand overtop his when he’d tugged on your hair to distract you, to bring your attention back onto him—Billy knew he had to give up on getting over you. 

He’d finally accepted that his only course of action was to keep your eyes on him just as his were locked on you. It was only fair. 

“Nobody,” you huffed under your breath. “Why do you even care?”

The tension on Billy’s face softened, relaxed as he looked over your form appreciatively, licking his lower lip. ‘Heres’ and ‘Presents’ resounded about the pair of you as Billy released his grip on your seat’s backing, settling the same arm on his desk and reaching up a hand to twirl a strand of your hair around his finger. “Oh, no reason, babe, just making sure I’m still in your good graces is all.”

You scoffed and twisted in your seat, yanking his hand from your hair with a grip on his wrist. “Were you ever?”

Billy held your gaze while simultaneously imploring to whatever asshole wandered around in the sky that you would never release your hold on him, and he allowed his lips to curl up into a real smile. So long he went without ever letting that happen, and then you showed up and now he never wanted to stop. 

Just as Billy reached up to brush a strand of hair from your forehead, the teacher reared his ugly, bald, fucking bastard head. 

“YN, Billy,” Mr. Morrison called aloud, his tone on the latter’s name far more irritated, and, of course, you sat at attention, turning away from Billy and tearing your hand away from his wrist. “Pay attention, please.”

“Sorry, sir.”

And just like that, you slipped from his grasp. You ignored Billy’s every poking and prodding of his pencil in your back for the rest of class and focused rather on whatever the hell Morrison was on about, curled over your notebook with your head ducked low.

It was only when Billy sighed and sat back in his seat with crossed arms, chest tight, that he realized your friend was watching from the corner of her eye with a small grin. 

Until Billy flipped her the bird, then she scoffed and looked away too. 

By the end of class, Billy’s head was dropped back, mouth open and releasing soft snores. The bell ringing didn’t wake him; what did was your courteous kick to his foot in order for him to release your chair, which he did, so you could push your seat in. Then you smacked his forehead with your notebook for good measure. “Wake up, asshole, class is over.”

He grunted, swatting away the offender. “You’re so kind to me, babe,” he grumbled bitterly. “What would I do without you?”

“Considering you spend every waking minute in this class annoying me, I truly, honestly don’t know.”

Billy smirked at that, gaze latched onto your form as you walked away side-by-side with your friend, whom you seemed to be shaking your head at. Sluggishly and with a yawn, he rose to his feet, lugging his bag over his shoulder and following your path out of the classroom. 

He lingered behind a few steps, stopping only to lean against a water fountain and pull a pack of Marlboros from his back jean pocket. He swiped the cigarette across his bottom lip before slotting it in the corner of his mouth and reaching for his lighter. 

“That’s not what this is,” you groaned, fiddling with the combination of your locker. 

Your friend hummed sarcastically, a mocking “Totally” on her lips from Billy’s distance away. He could barely hear the two of you, especially through the thick crowd of students flooding the halls, rushing to their cars and buses to get the hell out of school. 

Of course, you were lagging behind to study in the library, and, of course, Billy would be there to bother you for the next half hour before “suddenly remembering” he had a date.

Fuck, he hated it. He hated himself, and how easily you wound him around your little finger. He used to wish you were cruel; some cold-blooded bitch to him so it would be so much easier to dismiss his feelings and walk away. Instead, you were kind. The only fucking person who could battle back against his attitude and yet still care about his wellbeing. How many times had you tugged a cigarette from his mouth with a small, disapproving grumble, or silently placed a water bottle on his desk when he’d enter the classroom reeling from the effects of the night before?

He'd never met anyone that was too good for him. Not since…

Fuck. He hated this.

How? How did you have that power over him? When did you ever have time to wrench your hand into his chest, break past his ribcage and grab a fistfull of his heart just to steal it out and shake it in front of him like some cruel game of fetch?

“Goddamnit,” he huffed, eyes narrowed at his lighter that sparked fruitlessly. One last click, though, and a flame bloomed in his hand. 

“I swear it’s not! The guy’s an asshole. You know my grade is actually dropping in that class?” You slammed your locker closed, armfuls of textbooks hugged to your chest. “It’s because of him. Pretty soon, I’ll have an A-minus. Do you know how long it’s been since I've had an A-minus in a class?”

“Not as long as you haven’t had a D.” 

You blanched, whole body flinching like you took a punch to the gut. “I-... you-... that was totally uncalled for.” Your friend snickered. 

Billy, meanwhile, had grown infinitely more interested in the conversation, so much so that he had almost coughed out the smoke in his lungs. His eyebrows raised as he watched a flush rise to your cheeks. 

“You’re disgusting, you know that?” You pointed at her disapprovingly, but she only laughed more boisterously. 

“Oh, come on! Am I wrong?”

“Who cares about my…” you gestured at yourself wordlessly, floundering, “e-experience level? You really think that asshole is gonna solve that?”

“Easily.” 

You threw your arms in the air hopelessly at your friend’s deadpan, rolling your eyes. “No! Not happening! The only possible outcome is a newfound exposure to STDs.”

“Worth it.” Her hands snapped up in surrender at your glare. “Kidding. Just kidding.”

Slowly but steadily, the halls were clearing. Billy didn’t bother trying to disguise his watchful gaze as he inhaled another cloud of smoke, pulling the cigarette from his lips to tap the ashes out in the water fountain behind him. He let out the fumes in one long stream as he leaned a hip against the metal edge of the fountain, settling his other hand into a front pocket on his blue jeans. 

Billy waited, as he always did, like a predator ready to swoop in on his prey the second it was alone. Two blue eyes stay cemented on your form like a promise, a pledge of devotion. It was the yearning from afar that pained him the most, certainly because what excuse could he ever fabricate to explain himself? You hadn’t called his name—-your gaze hadn’t even accidently washed over him. You’d done nothing to gain his attention. You had done nothing but be, and for that, Billy was undeniably, absolutely addicted. 

He needed you.

Billy massaged two fingers at his temple, taking another drag with half-lidded eyes. 

“You better be.” You sighed, slamming your locker closed and clenching the straps of your backpack in your hands. “The day I actually throw myself into the arms of that aggravating jerk is the day I toss all of my self-respect in the trash.”

It’s me. It has to be.

She’s talking about-

“He’s not that bad if you think about it. Even you yourself said-”

“I know what I said,” you floundered, shoving a finger against her lips. “But—you know what—if we both ignore that I ever said it, then maybe, just maybe, my feelings will fade away, and we can both look back at my confession one day and laugh.” You pull your hand away from her, posing your hands on your hips righteously. “Laugh while knowing that my feelings for him were ridiculous and dumb and stupid and childish, and that I was just acting like a regular teenager with a little, stupid crush on some dumb boy-”

“You’re in love with Billy, aren’t you?” your friend deadpanned. 

Your face fell, and you pouted. “Yeah, fine, you’re right, I’ve got it bad.” 

-Me.

The cigarette fell from his lips, landing on the floor soundlessly. Billy stood at attention, his hand falling out of his pocket as the other dropped from his head. Love. YN is-

She’s in love with me.

All color in his cheeks disappeared, just as all the air in his chest. He couldn’t breathe, but in a good way, like the burn of surfacing from underwater for too long—like he was seconds away from the first gasp of fresh, sweet oxygen, after suffocating for so long.

He wanted this—fuck, he needed this. Who gave a damn if he deserved it or not, he was going to have you. You and the warmth of your hands; your smile and your laugh, all of your blushes and your tears.

All of it. Every single last ounce, he wanted it all.

He could fucking have it, too. 

She’s in love with me. 

Your friend grinned all too smugly. “You’re finally admitting it out loud, huh? Look at you, growing up right before my eyes. How does it feel?”

“How does what feel?” you grumbled, still curled in on yourself, cheeks dusted pink.

“Your first real love confession to a boy.” She dropped both of her hands on your shoulders as your brows furrowed. 

“Does it really count if he’s not even here?”

“Nope,” she beamed, spinning you around in her grip. “Good thing he is!”

For a moment longer, you were still visibly confused at her words. The halls had long cleared, and the only sights and noises that now filled them were your wide eyes and quick gasp. 

“Billy.” His name slipped from your lips like an accident, tumbling out without a second thought and landing in the allconsuming silence of the hallway with a dull thud. 

He couldn't help it. God, he couldn’t fucking help it. 

The trembling that took hold of him, the shiver that began in the tips of his fingers and transferred up the length of his spine—he hated it because he had to hate it, but deep down he loved it more than anything else.

Because you were just so fucking perfect. 

Your eyes were glassy, like any second you were going to burst into tears. There was a small quiver of your lower lip, and, like a tidal wave, the overwhelming urge to feel that same quiver against his own lips, his skin, crashed into him. 

He really, really couldn’t help it. It was second nature. 

A corner of his mouth lifted, and his eyes glinted with condescension. “Is that right?” he hummed, amused. “Are you in love with me, YN?”

The pounding in his chest, the pregnant pause as he waited, the subtle, dizzying fog that began to flood his mind, all of it he ignored. He had to hear it. Say it again.

But he couldn’t help it, and the more your glistening eyes studied his face, tears threatening to overflow at the waterline, the more he could feel that sweet burn in his lungs turn painful once more. 

And it hurt so much worse when you twisted out of your friend’s hold and bolted. 

Your tennis shoes squeaked in protest against the vinyl composition tile, down the hallway and clear through the glass doors of Hawkins High, never turning back no matter how many times your friend called your name. 

When the doors slammed shut, a gust of wind followed and ruffled the stray curl against Billy’s forehead. The smirk had long fallen from his face. 

Your friend bit the inside of her cheek beside him, obviously searching for words of any kind to explain your reaction. “She’s just-… well, you kind of…” She huffed, adjusting her backpack straps against her shoulders. “Look, she’ll be back on Monday. She wouldn’t skip school, even out of embarrassment like that.” She threw him a sidelong glance. “Though, maybe next time you don’t respond like that, right?”

Billy’s face hardened, and he pulled the pack of cigarettes from his back pocket. He slotted a smoke in the corner of his lips. “Who gives a shit?” 

Your friend pursed her lips, observing as he struggled once more with his lighter. He gripped it with white knuckles, and the butt of his cigarette was crushed between his teeth. “Right,” she nodded with a sigh. “See you Monday.” Her footsteps trailed down the hall and away.

When the doors shut after her too, Billy spat out the smoke, hurling his lighter down the hallway with bared teeth. “FUCK!”

Monday. Fucking Monday?

Billy wrenched two hands in his hair, his nostrils flaring as he gnawed on his lips. It hurt, it all fucking hurt. Everything. 

She left, she fucking left. She ran away from you, and you know why too—it’s because you’re so weak. Why the hell would she ever want to be with someone like you? How could she ever be in love with-

Billy paused, his hands falling from his scalp, his shoulders rolling back. His head raised, slowly. 

Fine, you could have until Monday. But on that day, he was getting some fucking answers. 

The weekend didn’t pass by quick enough, despite Billy not remembering most of it. He recalled the party he attended that Friday night, the keg and the shots and what must have been some girl trying her best to come onto him. He remembered shoving her off one minute with a snarl and thundering towards his car, and then the next he was waking up in his own bed. He remembered working out and drinking Saturday and Sunday away, and he remembered waking up Monday with a healing bruise on his cheek, his father none too impressed that he’d drunk all the beer in the house in the span of two days. 

But who fucking cared, right?

Who gave a shit when his Camaro came squealing into the school parking lot, stopped parallel between three spots? Who gave a shit when he ambled Hawkins High halfway through the school day, his shirt unbuttoned down his chest, his cologne wafting after him everywhere he went?

And who gave a shit when he arrived in Mr. Morrison’s class, early for the first time in the six months he’d been in it, and planted himself in his seat, his legs kicked up on his desk, his arms folded up behind his head, blue eyes carefully watching the doorway. 

Because, yeah, you’d ran away from him. But you’ve been doing that for so long now, dancing out of his reach each time he wanted you, twisting out of his grip each time he almost had you. This was the first time you’d ever escaped him knowingly. 

Finally, he knew you loved him, and once more you got away. 

Of course, your little game of cat and mouse had to end like this—it had to end with him catching you. 

And catch you he did. 

God, you were so fucking beautiful, it actually made him ache. Your friend was shoving you in through the classroom door, two hands braced against your back despite you trying to wriggle away like a loose fish. 

Your face was red, completely, utterly red, like you’d just come back from running a marathon. Your eyes were darting around frantically, from the desks to the ceiling, and he knew you were actually considering your chances of escaping through an air vent. 

She’s in love with me.

He didn’t care. Suddenly, at the sight of you, he just didn’t fucking care anymore. He didn’t care that you ran, about the turmoil you’d caused him, about the misery that had been his weekend away from you. 

He couldn’t care for anything less because the second your eyes landed on him in that classroom and you let out the softest little squeal, all he knew was you, you, you.

So fucking cute.

Billy kicked his feet off his desk, reaching forward and pulling out your chair before patting the seat backing suggestively. Like clockwork, his smirk reformed on his face, a small glimmer of patronizing amusement in his eyes. 

“Come on, babe,” he simpered at you. “Don’t be shy. Take a seat.”

Come back to me. I need you.

Your eyes widened, and you squirmed in her grip once more. “Nope, I can’t do this.”

“Hush up and go.” One big shove from your friend and you were stumbling forward, scrambling to regain your balance. 

Billy silently urged you closer, gesturing down at your seat with his hands the closer you shuffled toward him. As he did, he drank in the sight of you, flushed and skittish, stumbling toward him like a baby deer on new, unsteady legs. He noticed the darkened skin under your eyes, most likely matching his own, though he doubted you and him were sleepless for the same reasons. 

When you ground to a halt in front of him, you gulped, your attention everywhere but on his face. 

“Hey, YN,” he practically purred, hands itching to reach out to you. 

“Hello, Billy,” you squeaked, dropping into your seat and gripping the bottom in an effort to slide the chair forward. Very quickly, though, you discovered Billy’s boot was already perched around the chair’s footing, and one hand had an iron grip on its back. 

“Going somewhere?”

“I guess not.”

Billy hummed. “I think you have something to say to me.”

“Umm nope, don’t think so.”

“Oh, come on, no need to be shy. I just wanna hear you say it,” he prompted, as his other hand glided up, curling a strand of your hair around his finger. “Tell me how you feel about me, YN.”

“I think you’re a jerk,” you whispered, turning back slightly to fix him with a flimsy glare. 

“Besides that. Tell me what you told me Friday, before you ran.” He tugged at the strand of hair, his brows raised expectantly. 

“I didn’t mean it-”

“Don’t-” Billy gritted his teeth, his hand leaving your hair to grip your chin, turning you to face him. “Don’t say that.” He watched as your eyes grew damp again, all soft and delicate and one small admonition away from bursting into tears. 

You were so fragile, so small in his eyes. It often made him wonder why he ever thought he should be the one you should be with. How could he ever hold you in his arms without tarnishing you?

So badly, he thought he wanted to have you just to dirty you, take away that purity that seemed to hover over your head, but there were some days where he knew that all he wanted from you was to make him believe he could hold on to something so clean.

He wanted it. So, so bad, he wanted whatever you would offer him. He wanted to hear those words straight from your lips. 

Your cheeks were so hot, he itched to cradle them in his palms and absorb some of that warmth. He wanted to wipe away all of the tentativeness with the pads of his fingers and leave behind the breathlessness, the pure affection that was its source. 

“You just want to laugh at me,” you whispered, your voice almost breaking. “You’re just going to tease me about it like you do with everything else.” You swept a hand underneath your eyes. “You’re so cruel, Billy.”

“Stop-” he hissed and shook his head, gritting his teeth. “You don’t get to say that. Not after all I’ve ever wanted is for you to love me back, you don’t get to fucking say that.” Billy seized your wrist, tugging you closer. “I know what I am. I know what I do.”

His pride was wilting away the more he spoke to you, the longer you didn’t pull away from him, and his mind pounded in indignation. At what point did you turn him into a complete lovesick fool, and was it before or after you first smiled at him?

If your wide-eyed look was any indication of your shock at his feelings, he wondered just how baffled you would be once you discovered his willingness to bend over backwards at your every plea. You would never take advantage of him, and he knew that, but the tendrils of doubt still crawled up his spine at the thought of leaving himself so vulnerable for you. 

 “But you, YN?” He traced his eyes over your face, huffing softly. “In all my life, I’ve never wanted something more.”

You stared at him, open mouthed. Your gaze was so surprised, so innocent that it actually frustrated him. How could you have not seen? How could you be so blind?

“So don’t you fucking say that it’s cruel of me, or selfish, or some other bullshit.”

You gasped when he tugged you closer by the wrist, his other hand encompassing your cheek. 

“Just say it again.”

His eyes darted over your face, desperate.

“Please.”

Your eyebrows twitched up at that, and your gaze grew tender, raking over his face slowly as if committing to memory. You paused at his lips, watching as they parted and pursed against one another. 

You’d worn him down. You’d exhausted him, mentally and physically. Of all the months he’d waited for your confession like this, he never thought the last few moments would be the most excruciating of them all. What more did you want from him? Already, he could feel the swell of anger at his throat ready to be unleashed, to lash out at you until you were in steady tears again just so he knew exactly what you were feeling once more. Billy wanted—no, needed—some part of you to be under his thumb, just so he could pretend, if even for a second, that your emotions for him were still in his range of sway.

Instead, his heart stuttered when the hand in his grip wormed away and pulled off the other that was at your cheek. You splayed his hand out on the surface of his desk, then you intertwined your fingers with his and squeezed. Your teeth worried at your bottom lip as you ducked your head. 

“I’m in love with you, Billy.”

His eyelids fluttered shut, and he breathed a sigh of relief. 

Finally. Fucking Finally.

You were his, completely. 

He couldn’t help it. He really couldn’t.

His hand found your chin, and he tipped your head up, gaining your attention.

“I fucking knew it,” he simpered, entirely too smug. And when you tried to scramble away, panicked and scared, his hand found the back of your neck and tugged you close, his lips landing on yours. 

In his hold, you grew lax, only your hand tensing around his. Your lips didn’t move against his, seemingly too tentative and inexperienced to truly indulge yourself.

Billy grinned into the kiss, far more pleased than anyone should be at the knowledge that he could leave marks on you in so many more ways than one. When he pulled away, he quickly cupped your face with a hand, thumbing at your lips in search of the remainder of his own warmth. 

“Library, after school?” he muttered, his mouth still curved.

“Only if you don’t have a date afterwards,” you grumbled. You could sass him all you wanted, and Billy couldn’t care less. He could hear your breathlessness and feel the heat in your cheeks, and pride flared in him knowingly. 

“Well, I might-”

“Are you guys done yet? ’Cause that was kinda gross.” Your friend dropped into the seat beside you, her nose wrinkled. You straightened up, unraveling yourself from Billy’s hold and nodding your head.

“Yep, yeah, definitely all done. Totally.” 

And just like that, you were gone. Billy bristled at your instantaneous lack of touch and threw a snarl at your friend, who only shrugged. 

Then she held out a hand, brows raised expectantly. 

“You owe me.”

Billy rolled his eyes, fishing his wallet out of the pocket of his jeans and rifling through it, passing her a ten dollar bill. 

“Keep the change.”

“With pleasure.”

[xenya1111]

Dorm Leaders and the other students reactions to Yuu being a girl

So this idea has been going around a bit here on Tumblr, and needless to say I ended up liking this idea a lot lmao.

So the scenario is Yuu pulls a Mulan when she first got to NRC and she disguises herself to blend in with everyone since it’s an only boys school, but something eventually happens and Yuu’s disguise gets ripped off or it falls off by accident.

Warnings: None, female reader, some foul language used, a lot of the guys develop crushes on you, other than that there’s nothing to worry about :) Also this is my first ever post so I hope you enjoy!

Heartsylabyul:

Riddle Rosehearts:

He’s just in utter shock lmao

He just goes, “What? You’re a girl?? But how are you even allowed here??? Isn’t this an only boys school?”

Cue him trying to go find Crowley 💀

After he finds out that Crowley does not give a single fuck he’s like 🙂 okay 🤷🏼‍♀️

He doesn’t really see a problem if Crowley doesn’t see a problem

May or may not develop a small crush on you, its a very small one but he enjoys your presence.

He’s definitely more respectful towards you afterwards since he knows it must be hard being the only female student among a bunch of boys, not to mention he knows you’ve been through a lot.

He tries not to treat you downright special but he finds himself inviting you to the unbirthday parties and always makes sure you enjoy yourself

Always tells himself he definitely doesn’t have a crush on you, but he doesn’t get why he gets so fidgety around you 👀

Trey Clover:

Oh, so you’re a girl?

Interesting…

Trey probably gives you more sweets if it’s that JOYOUS time of the month 💀

Overall he just likes giving you a lot of sweets, like way more than before cause he knows most girls like sweet stuff

If you don’t like sweet stuff that much then he’ll always make you something else that you enjoy

He’s definitely a simp but he’s very subtle and respectful about it; he never likes to push it too far and he just really finds you interesting

He does however invite you over to bake with him since he likes being around you

He’s definitely like a big brother, ask him anything! If you need help with something, just ask!

Will help you out with a certain idiot duo if you need it

Cater Diamond:

Nothing really changes with him to be completely honest

You’re his friend whether your a boy or a girl, it doesn’t matter

Or that’s what he’d like to say but he eventually develops a crush on you, it’s small but it’s there

He finds himself taking you out to cafes once in a while

Cater often takes pictures with you and posts them on Magicam, girls in his comment section always ask if you’re his girlfriend or not

He never replies 💀

Overall, Cater stays the same with you, he’s more of a sweetheart now that he knows you’re a girl

Deuce Spade:

Cue his face turning bright red 💀

This poor boy lmfao

He’s never known any other girls/ women other than his own mother

May or may not develop a crush on you

Scratch that he definitely does 💀

He creates a #protectYuu squad

Deuce will definitely fight anyone who tries getting close to you in any way *cough* Ace *cough*.

Ace Trappola:

Good luck with this bitch 💀

He definitely becomes more clingy and annoying

He’s a huge ass simp after he finds out and he has no shame whatsoever

Will flirt with you any chance he gets and is pretty smooth until he keeps going and eventually embarrasses himself 😭

But he does respect you though, he knows you’ve been through hell and back just being here, and he joins the #protectYuu squad. You are his friend and he appreciates you, he does like you but he’s also really stubborn in a way, he’d rather die than admit it 💀

Tease 101, will not stop his teasing. You’re gonna need help cause this lil fucker will not let you live it down and he will continue to bug you. I pray for your sanity.

Savanaclaw:

Leona Kingscholar:

He had a feeling you were a girl from the moment y’all first met since your scent was different from the others in the student body.

Once he figures it out he definitely regrets the shit he did to you cause he was a dick to you many many times

He tries making up for it by being nicer in his own way- if you pay attention closely he’s really only nice to a select few, and one of those people is you.

He’s definitely way more respectful towards you from now on since it’s canon that this man drinks his respect women juice by the gallon

He does end up becoming a simp 😭, thing is, Leona doesn’t just outright admit it, he’s a huge tease & the man refuses to believe he has feelings for you at first so good luck with that ^^

He wants to make you fall for him slowly even though this man already has a school girl crush on you

One way this fucker does that is by making you blush in any way possible, y’all truly don’t know what you’re in for I am not kidding 😗

Casually brushes up against you or fixes your hair to make you turn red 💀, maybe whacks you with his tail to be an ass or to get your attention. Or he’ll wrap it around your wrist/waist to comfort you. Sometimes he’ll help you out with anything he sees you struggling with, luckily you have him cause this man is very intelligent to say the least.

Flirts with you all the time now since he knows it flusters you. No but seriously he’s really smooth with his flirting like it’ll leave you in shock from how smooth this mf is-

Thing is, Leona never takes it too far, he does keep it respectful since he doesn’t want to offend you or upset you, and if he does something wrong let him know, he’ll make sure to own up to it.

Once in a while he’ll probably drag you to the botanical garden and nap with you there if he feels like you’re overexerting yourself, heck if you don’t want to he’ll drag you kicking and screaming if he has to

Once you guys are there tho you’ll discover he literally only lets you and only you touch his ears and tail

Please touch his ears and tail this man absolutely loves it but would rather die than admit it

He does put in an effort for you and only you, it might not be noticeable to you but Ruggie & other guys from Savanaclaw have noticed Leona acting strange 😀.

If you two ever get really close he’ll more than likely develop feelings for you since you’re the only one who he’d actually put in an effort for. But this man is stubborn as hell so 🙂 he’ll go from liking you to wondering how the hell he fell for someone like you- seriously good luck. He is one, stubborn man, but underneath all that he’s hella worth it.

Leona does protect you in secret because he sees you like a sheep in a wolves den, he’ll have Ruggie & Jack check up on you once in awhile & sometimes he has them bring you over to watch some spelldrive practice.

He ends up hating Crowley even more when he found out Crowley basically threw you in an only boys school with no protection whatsoever: mans respect for him was already low as is but it went even lower 😗

Ruggie Bucchi:

He also more than likely suspected you were a girl cause your scent differed from the rest of the student body

He probably distances himself at first because he’s terrified of women cause of where he’s from, since male hyenas get treated like shit from the women over there

He also regrets his behavior towards you since he also holds women in high regard

Expect an apology from him sooner or later

Eventually when he sees that Leona literally only puts in an effort with you, Ruggie definitely plays wingman and has you come over to Savanaclaw to make him study 💀

Is definitely relieved he found a loophole, he’s glad that you can make that lazy ass lion actually put in the effort to do anything 😭

He tries to be nicer to you from now on since you’re a girl, if you also ever need help he’s more than willing to aid you, for a price of course

Jack Howl:

This boy is literally such a tsundere, he becomes an even bigger one once he finds out you’re a girl

Develops a crush on you but he respects you a lot since he also really respects women

He does also respect you because he knows it must be pretty hard being the only girl at an only boys school, top it off you’re magicless and you’ve had to deal with overblot incidents left and right

He definitely joins the #protectYuu squad

He definitely becomes more flustered around you lmaoo please don’t tease him cause it’s pretty obvious

Does become protective of you since not only are you his crush but you’re his friend & he cares about you a lot.

Octavinelle:

Azul Ashengrotto:

Literally wonders how tf you even managed to stay disguised for so long

Also wonders why the fuck Crowley even lets you stay at an only boys school but at this point he doesn’t even care lmao

Azul becomes one of the biggest simps you’ll have 💀

At first he was 100% sure you were a boy but now? The cats out of the bag now so

He blushes a lot more around you, he really can’t keep a straight face around you and the twins tease him all the time for it. He TRIES to play it cool but he just really finds you so pretty lmao he can never keep his cool.

Probably tries swindling you into a deal that requires you to be close to him

Or he offers a part time job at the Mostro lounge

He does really respect you though so it’s all good

He’ll give you discounts at the lounge and on special days like your birthday you’ll get to eat for free

He’ll send Jade and Floyd to check up on you here and there

Azul’s honestly just really impressed with you. You’ve managed to put up with overblot incidents left and right without help, top it all off you’re a magicless human. He knows it must be difficult, and he admires your hard work.

Jade Leech:

He probably suspected something from the moment he first laid eyes on you since you had really feminine features and you didn’t look like a boy that much

Once he figured out you’re a human woman he becomes curious about the differences in a human woman’s body since merwomen and human women are different, but doesn’t ask. Jade’s an observant soul so he’ll be able to notice the differences quickly

He honestly just becomes a gentleman, even more than before. He offers to help you with anything and doesn’t ask for anything in return

Doesn’t develop a crush but thinks you’re a very cute human woman

Jade’s probably a little protective now since he sees you like a guppy in a shark tank lmfao

He would probably try and make a deal with you but if you didn’t show interest or you weren’t comfortable he would immediately change the subject and wouldn’t press any further

Does try to bring you over to Mostro lounge more than before since he finds out Azul likes you lmao

Floyd Leech:

He also probably suspected something from the start but wasn’t sure if he was right or not since he’s never seen a human woman before

When Floyd went to hug you one day he felt that your chest was squishier than any other guys not to mention your bone structure was different

When Floyd found out he just went, “Huh..? Shrimpy’s a girl?? No wonder she’s so squishy!!!”

He definitely also develops a crush on you lmao

He still calls you shrimpy though but he honestly just finds you really cute

Doesn’t try to make a deal with you

He just really likes the idea of having his hands on you, not in a weird way of course, he just honestly finds you so squishy and warm

Also probably asks what the human woman anatomy is like since it’s different from merwomen, but he straight up asks about it unlike his brother. Floyd has no filter 💀

Expect him to become more clingy, also expect a lot of hugs anytime he sees you. Floyd also becomes more talkative around you and he does become protective of you too.

Scarabia:

Kalim Al-Asim:

He also doesn’t care lmfao

Boy, Girl, doesn’t matter, he likes you and you’re his friend so who cares

Definitely makes more sleepover parties and parades and invites you to all of them (poor Jamil)

He would probably develop a really small crush on you but with how dense Kalim is he probably wouldn’t even notice 💀

He’ll probably spoil you rotten from now on, be it jewelry or anything you take an interest in it’ll be yours

Like for instance if y’all were at the cafeteria and you somehow weren’t able to get lunch this boy goes and buys a whole ass meal for you

He’s honestly just such a sweetheart to you, he’s also so impressed with how you’ve managed to put up everything, he likes how strong you are.

Jamil Viper:

Jamil’s an intriguing simp to say the least

He does come to respect you, and he finds it impressive with how you’ve managed to put up with and deal with the overblot incidents, which were someone else’s responsibility (Crowleys 🙂)

He becomes a HUGE simp, but he’s surprisingly good at hiding it. You think he wouldn’t be good at hiding it but he is, y’all forget, he’s a master manipulator so he can hide his feelings well, but they’re there. You can tell in the actions he shows you.

He likes having you around since you’re such a dear to him and you always offer to help him out, be it with cleaning or cooking you’re always there for him and it makes his heart skip a beat lmao

He’s a bit more open with you however he does try and distance himself at first because he was ashamed at how he manipulated you with his UM.

Would never use his unique magic on you again, since the last time he did it he thought you were an ordinary boy but when he found out you were a girl he vowed to never use his magic on you again

Would definitely use his magic on anybody making you uncomfortable 😭 and would probably go make them make a fool out of themselves in front of a large crowd

He definitely becomes more charming around you, he tries to impress you with his hidden talents and he likes the sparkle in your eyes

He tries to get you to try on traditional clothing from his homeland the scalding sands

(The clothes he gets you to try on are traditional courting outfits but you don’t need to know that ^^!)

He definitely cooks for you more than before since he loves hearing you gush about how delicious his food is

He’s probably gonna end up being your new mom friend, he’ll hit you with the “Did you eat well?” “Did you sleep well?” Etc, he honestly wants to make sure your healthy 🫶🏼

Pomefiore:

Vil Schoenheit:

Instantaneously thinks: “FINALLY someone to practice make up on”

He’ll definitely drag you to pomefiore if you don’t take care of your appearance

He’ll give you his homemade products and he’ll spoil you with tickets to his latest movie/show or he’ll pamper you with spa days

Expect to be dolled up all the time from now on cause this man sees your hidden beauty and he wants everyone to see it lmaoo

Vil is a bit critical on things like your appearance but he helps you out with it and always gives you a little pampering before y’all go into classes: he doesn’t wanna see you all disheveled 💀

Of course he’s also willing to help you out with anything normal, be it schoolwork, your make up, picking out new outfits, anything

He knows boys can be perverted sometimes so he does also offer his protection in case you ever need it

Once you start hanging out with him more often and if you give him compliments on how amazing he is, or if you mention anything about you thinking he’s better than Neige he’ll definitely develop a crush on you lmao

Definitely creates a secret fanclub and will be the leader of said fan club lmao

He also really respects how strong you are despite not having magical abilities, you’ve got your own strengths, he finds your tenacity admirable.

Rook hunt:

Definitely one of the first ones who immediately knows you’re a girl, but he never said anything because he knew why you disguised yourself since it was kinda obvious

He’s also had time to watch you from afar and he’s come to know your body language

He truly finds it fascinating that you’re the only girl here at NRC and he really does find it impressive with how you’ve managed to put up with everything that’s happened so far, every time he sees you he’s just internally screaming “beaute!!”in French

He honestly finds everything you do to be beautiful lmao. Heck you could just be sitting there and he’d be behind a pillar gushing about how amazing your hair looked that day

He probably becomes a bit more clingy cause weirdly enough he likes your scent & also weirdly enough he likes observing you up close (as if he hasn’t been doing that enough already)

Epel Felmier:

This boy is so sad lmao

Don’t get him wrong though he still likes you cause you’re his friend and all but he was thinking you were just like him

He NEEDS to know what you think of him and NOW

Please tell this poor boy he’s manly he needs the reassurance 😭

He’s definitely more protective of you now as well

He does also join the #protectYuu squad lmao

Any compliment you give him will have him thinking about it all night 💀

Ignihyde:

Idia Shroud:

Literally just cue him getting a gushing nosebleed like in those anime scenes lmao

He is the BIGGEST fanboy you’ll have: no ands ifs or buts

He definitely joins the secret fanclub and would try fighting Vil to become the leader lmfaooo

He’s extremely shy around you and doesn’t like to get near you or talk to you because he knows he won’t be able to say anything with how nervous he’ll be

He honestly just develops a huge crush on you 💀 he’s like a schoolgirl 😭 he really comes to like you but he just can’t be near you at all or he’ll just stop functioning.

In a way Idia also respects you a lot. You’re pretty resilient for a human girl, having dealt with all of the crap Crowley dumps on you all the time, he admires you for it a lot.

After a while Idia probably starts to think you’re in your own reverse harem and he’s one of the main love interests; probably sees the other dorm heads as competition now 👀

He’s also secretly protective of you and has ortho check up on you from time to time

However if you were to just suddenly compliment his hair or tell him he’s got a nice face?

Idia.exe has stopped working

Ortho Shroud:

He probably also already knew you were a girl from the first time y’all met since you looked really feminine and he just scanned your features

He’s honestly the same way with you, pretty friendly to you

He most definitely invites you over to Ignihyde to play games with him from now on, that or he sends you over to Idia’s room and has you game with him instead cause he knows it’ll make his brother happy lmao

He does try and play wingman cause he does discover Idia’s heart rate accelerates whenever you’re near and he eventually discovered he has feelings for you 💀. Ortho invites you over way more than before because he really likes the idea of you two being together 😭

Diasomnia:

Malleus Draconia:

Malleus is the type to actually develop deep feelings for you the moment he finds out you’re a girl, though, he doesn’t know what love is so he doesn’t act on it right away

Since he doesn’t really know what this feeling is he goes and asks Lilia

Cue Lilia starting to cry cause Malleus has fallen in love <3

Lilia tells him what those feelings are and Malleus from there on out tries to court you

Malleus honestly sees you as his future queen

Don’t blame him this man has his priorities straight

Not to mention he’s got a whole ass kingdom to think about and you’re literally the perfect one to rule by his side, heck he’s even already picturing how you’d look when you’re beside him on the throne

Malleus truly believes with how you’ve managed to break down his walls, you’ll be able to break down the barriers between the Fae and humans bit by bit

He’s also just truly so proud of you for dealing with students overblotting left and right and putting up with it without any magic, for a human you’re very strong and he just absolutely loves that about you

He falls for you deeply because you were the first human woman to truly touch his heart, you weren’t scared of him, you hugged him freely without care, you invited him to many things, you made him feel appreciated, and there’s honestly so many other things he could go on and gush about why he loves you

As a Dragonic Fae, their tradition in courting is gift giving

He honestly can’t stand how dense you are when he gives you the gifts since you think he’s just being kind, but he supposes he’ll deal with it for now and he’ll let you be dense for a little while longer

He’s definitely a romantic once he does his research and he’ll probably pull moves on you that’ll even have you flustered

This one time he brought you a ring and he slipped it on your ring finger, then kissed your hand and then teleported away leaving you flustered asf 💀

He definitely tries to spend more time with you because he knows human lives are fleeting and he wants to spend as much time with you as he can before you go

Please just return his feeling this boy needs it in his life lmao

Lilia Vanrouge:

He’s probably the same exact way with you lmao

He definitely noticed Malleus’s feelings right away and he’s just so proud of how far Malleus has come lmaoo

He does find it truly fascinating with how you managed to capture Malleus’s eye when you’re simply a human woman but he couldn’t exactly blame him, you were truly kind to Malleus, something most other people weren’t, and Lilia secretly thanks you all the time for it

He definitely invites you over to Diasomnia more often after having that talk with Malleus cause he know it gets him antsy and Lilia just wants to see you two date already

Supportive dad 101 lmao

Honestly he just continue to support Malleus from the sidelines and is a gentleman to you.

Silver:

Probably also develops a really tiny crush on you, he just really likes your presence since you relax him for some reason

He definitely becomes more protective of you seeing as your the only girl in an only boys school

Plus he knows guys can be mean so he also joins the #protectYuu squad, he really just wants you to be safe

After he discovers Malleus has feelings for you he’s just so happy that Malleus has a new friend let alone someone he has feelings for

Both Lilia, him and Malleus simultaneously agree not to tell Sebek of Malleus’s new feelings 💀

Silver definitely also invites you over to Diasomnia a lot from now on cause he likes having you over plus he wants to also play wingman

Honestly he’s just so much more sweet to you, even more then before.

Sebek Zigvolt:

A human woman?! In an only boys school?! PREPOSTEROUS!!!

He immediately wants you to stay as far away from Malleus as possible because he thinks you’ll seduce him

(Doesn’t know you basically already did 💀)

He doesn’t know why he wants a simple human woman’s attention all to himself though and he finds himself yelling at everything you do, heck you could be sitting there and he’d yell at you about your posture 💀 heck he’d even yell at you for breathing

He tries keeping you as far away from Malleus as possible but it’s just a huge fail and he ends up getting curious about you instead

He just tries so hard to convince himself you’ll ruin Malleus’s purity somehow

Ends up developing a tiny crush on you lmaoo but he doesn’t even realize, heck if he did he’s so stubborn he’d constantly be in denial about it

He’s overall more loud and strict with you but he tries to mellow it down since Malleus eventually told him to stop 😭

[erekiosuncreativeideas]

The Part-Time Puppeteer - Chapter 08

<= Chapter 7

Summary : Lukas gets a chance against one of the biggest actors ever known.

Also available on AO3 : https://archiveofourown.org/works/23828971/chapters/81316792

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The duel you had all been awaiting for... THERE IT IS. I hope you'll like it !

Thank you, Tumblr, for making this chapter so fucking hard to post, I appreciate it, really. /s

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Chapter 8 - “So you came back... As I had planned.”

The role of the Moonjumper was both an interesting and a boring one- at least, this is what Lukas had thought to himself while he had been learning his lines. It wasn’t that this character was a bad one, no, far from it. But he was… Predictable, unoriginal in some ways even. The young man hadn’t noticed it really, while simply reading the text in his mind. But once he had said the lines out loud… This is when it started to get apparent. Of course, he had told himself he was merely a law student, so what could he know about fiction and how to interpret it? He was no specialist in that field. And yet, this is the impression the role gave to him. Not a bad one, but not a perfect one.

In short, there was room for improvement. However, this hadn’t been on his mind, or not for too long. After all, he had other preoccupations other than thinking about that. The first one had been to learn these lines, and the second and most important one… Was to teach that bastard of an actor that sometimes life could get back at you for your attitude.

And apparently, now was the moment for it.

With a wave of confidence caused by his anger towards the diva, Lukas opened his mouth and put a start to what seemed to be a duel between the two of them.

-“So you came back,” he murmured with a little smile, moving the puppet upwards, as if it were looming over Hat Kid or, in this case, MJ: “As I had planned.”

-“You took something from me,” retorted MJ, with a determined intonation that was completely different from his arrogant, usual self. This man was no doubt a very skilled actor. Even if he looked nothing like a little girl… He still managed to give the same vibes, by his movements, his expression and his voice. It was truly impressing, though the student couldn’t care much at the moment.

He needed to focus, to get himself in character… In this very instant, the young man was a mysterious and powerful entity who had been imprisoned in his own dimension for centuries. He was a monster that would lure his victims in, never for them to be seen again. What did he do with them? The script wasn’t clear about that, though there were traces that hinted he would turn them into puppets.

Quite a scary thing for a kids’ show.

The student was struggling to move the puppet with precision, due to how it was made. It was the same kind of puppet who had strings linking it to a wooden cross. It was practical in a way where he didn’t have to touch the puppet directly to move it… But on the other hand, it meant that he couldn’t do precise or specific gestures with it. This meant he would need to put extra effort on his acting, so that it would compensate the lack of gesture he could do.

Well, he hoped this wouldn’t be too noticeable… Trying his best to make the puppet raise its hand, he continued playing:

-“Oh, you mean this, perhaps?” Having no props on the scene with him made it less immersive, but thankfully, the rest of the dialogue was enough for everyone to understand what the Moonjumper was talking about: “This hourglass of yours… A powerful artifact, yes?”

Lukas’ tone was calm, reserved, but it wouldn’t last- later in the scene, the Moonjumper would become more agitated. Actually, the directives on it didn’t say he was going to get mad, per se. Still, when he read those lines, he was… Disappointed in the entity’s attitude. For a bad guy, the latter was way too mild, too nice, and… Not threatening enough.

Not frightening enough.

-“That is none of your business,” the diva replied, his tone more aggressive. His stance had tensed, giving away how important this object was for the main character, and how crucial it was to get it back.

-“Oh, is that so?” Lukas made the puppet tilt its head to the side, approaching MJ dangerously. His tone had turned icy, bitter, as if what the main character had said weren’t such a good idea: “I believe it is quite my business, on the contrary, young child,” his murmur had lowered in volume as he made another step forward.

-“It’s mine!” MJ’s voice had talked back, his expression showing a mix of anger, despair, and persistence.

-“Is it? Is it, really?” he snarled in response, starting to raise his tone a little- this was the time to put his improvisation on the table. At this point, it was make or break: “Maybe you’re lying. Perhaps you stole it. Who is there to say? Do you even know how much I need it?”

The diva in front of him seemed taken aback by him not respecting the stage direction completely. It didn’t last long, and soon enough, the hint of a smirk could be seen on the other’s face, even if just for a second. It quickly disappeared, as the actor didn’t want to break character. But Lukas saw it, and it simply enraged him.

At least, his fury in the next moments was not going to be faked.

-“You don’t know what you’re talking about!” the ‘little girl’ screamed at him, getting closer to confront him: “This isn’t a toy, this isn’t… Some weird stuff that you can use for yourself! It’s… It belongs to me, to… To my people!”

Okay, this was it, this was the most embarrassing moment of this whole scene. God, he wanted to cringe so hard just thinking about what he was going to do, but… This exact thing was the reason he got the role to begin with. So, realistically, it meant… That it was maybe his secret weapon.

Shit, that sounded so fucking stupid.

The student let out a snort, one that started to get louder and louder as seconds passed. This wasn’t supposed to be anything more than a cruel giggle, but… This scene was the finale, was something people had to remember after seeing that episode. It had to be… Intense! Full of passion, as Grooves would say, he supposed. And so… His mind conjured a picture he would never, ever forget.

MJ falling down the day before. MJ getting angry, humiliated before the entire crew, losing his job against a nobody, a simple stagehand who had been hired the same day. And, just like that… Lukas burst out laughing, his hysterical giggles echoing all around, sending shivers to the spectators as it continued. For years, the young man had been shamed for his way of laughing. His entire childhood had been spent hiding that part of him from the others, so he wouldn’t be judged and mocked for something he couldn’t even control. And here, for the first time of his entire life…

Lukas was laughing without being (too) scared of the way people would react in consequence. This was… Absolutely freeing, to feel like he could be himself, just a few instants…!

-“You think I see this as a toy? Don’t be silly, young child… This,” he spoke again, his voice dark, lifting the doll’s hand again: “… Is my salvation, the key to my esca-”

-“Okay, cut, that’s enough,” Lukas was interrupted by a familiar voice, the investor’s. His face paled up- wait, they hadn’t finished the scene, why would that man stop them? Did… Did he do wrong? He gulped down, starting to regret taking initiatives. What was he thinking? If he had a script, it was to respect it! Why did he choose the riskiest solution?! Couldn’t he just stick to the plan?!

He turned to the investor, a look of fear and confusion written all over his face. At his sides, MJ’s acting mask fell, only to be replaced by a smug expression, as he approached the student. Leaning towards him, so that only he could hear, the actor whispered:

-“You didn’t even respect your text,” the diva mocked him: “What, you thought it was a good idea to improvise? Or were you just too stupid to read the stage directions?”

Lukas glared at him, gritting his teeth- but his arch nemesis was right. He had taken initiatives and, in hindsight, this really hadn’t been the opportunity for it. This was an exam, a duel, in which they both had to prove who was a better actor. When would a good actor question a director’s orders?

The young man’s cheeks blushed both in anger and embarrassment. His eyes fell on the Conductor and DJ Grooves- both looked disappointed and perhaps a little angry. They were most likely thinking that he had just wasted a golden opportunity- he didn’t think he had acted badly, he was pretty sure his laughter had been a great addition, but his wasn’t about that.

It was about respecting the directors’ wishes, which he hadn’t done.

In an instant, Lukas’ attitude went from confidence to utter embarrassment. Oh, how he wished he could just hide underground, never to be seen again. Next to him, in comparison, MJ was simply beaming. In the distance, Mike’s expression was a mix of sadness and frustration. As for the rest of the crew… Lukas just couldn’t look at them.

It was too much. His anxiety was eating him from the inside, feeding on his self doubts, on his fears, and on how much he wanted to get out of here. Please, couldn’t he hear that he was downgraded to being a stagehand again?

The wait was unbearable.

The investor had remained silent for a few seconds, staring into space. Eventually, his eyes went back up to the two actors, and he sighed, visibly conflicted. But conflicted about what? There wasn’t anything to be conflicted about! The young man clenched his fists, trying to focus on the pain of his nails scratching his palms instead. The longer it lasted, the more he could feel his emotions getting out of control. If it continued, then… Well, he could already feel some tears making their way up to his eyes.

Oh, no, no, please, no, not in public- not next to MJ, out of every-fucking-one!

His mind went silent as he saw the investor looking at him, his face serious. This was it.

-“You don’t fit the role,” he said sternly, and Lukas felt his heart sink in his chest- he knew it, he fucking knew it, he shouldn’t have tried to take risks! This wasn’t his forte, he should have stuck to rules like he always had!

-“Well, isn’t that a surprise,” a sarcastic scoff left the actor’s lips at his sides, only making the student feel even worse than he already was: “Who could have ever thought hiring a stagehand to do some professional work was a bad idea- oh, yeah. I did,” the asshole’s voice became serious, sending huge and bitter “I told you so” vibes.

God, Lukas just wanted to punch his face so bad…! And the humiliation he was feeling wasn’t helping him either- fuck, fuck, he could feel the urge to cry getting harder and harder to suppress.

The investor raised his hand, his expression still as serious as before:

-“I’m not finished,” he interrupted the other’s celebration before crossing his hands, lost in thoughts: “This… Is not something I had expected, I have to admit that much.”

-“Wha-” MJ seemed confused and tilted his head to the side, frowning: “What do you mean?” he pressed the older man, visibly not liking where this was going. Lukas was just as confused as him, not really understanding where the other was getting at. And, to be fair, so was everyone else in the room, especially the two directors, who exchanged a perplexed look.

What the hell was going on?

It took approximately thirty, long seconds for the investor to find his words, and he crossed his arms, looking back at the student.

-“You don’t fit the role, because this character doesn’t fit you.”

There was a short silence in the room, before MJ broke it, an insincere smile taking place onto his lips:

-“I’m sorry,” he snorted sarcastically: “This role doesn’t fit him because he doesn’t know how to act,” the jerk enunciated, as if it were obvious- and it was. Still, the other shook his head and tapped the script resting on his legs with the back of his fingers.

-“No, he does. But his acting doesn’t fit a character like this,” he explained better, and he opened the script to continue: “See, I only got to read the script before, today is the first time I’m seeing it actually being rehearsed. And it made me notice that… This character isn’t good. In fact, he’s bad.”

This last statement cast a chill in the room, making people frown in confusion and incomprehension. However, for the two directors, it was more than that. It was more pronounced, more… Visible.

-“Wh- What d’you mean?” the Conductor exclaimed, holding his own copy of the script and flipping the pages frantically. DJ Grooves was more reserved, but he was clearly furrowing his brow, shaking his head:

-“But… But we sent you the script a few times, and you validated this version,” he retorted: “I don’t understand why suddenly this character is bad to you.”

The investor pointed at the two young men on the scene, his head turning back to look at the directors:

-“It’s one thing to read the script, and it’s another to experience it. The Moonjumper is bland, he doesn’t have any personality, he looks like any other bad guy, he feels… Unoriginal. I’m honestly feeling like I was watching something made by teenagers.”

It was clear that this last sentence deeply offended the two men, and Grooves had to grab the Conductor’s arm, so that the latter could keep his mouth shut. But, oh, it was obvious they wanted to talk back. Still, it was best to be polite with the person funding your entire project.

-“Which is why you need a good actor,” MJ tried to interject, placing his hand over his heart as he tried to persuade the benefactor to choose him instead. But he was soon cut short by the man’s voice again, disagreeing with him:

-“No, MJ, you don’t understand. This character is badly written, and this puppet,” he nodded to the object still in Lukas’ hands: “… Is too scary for kids. On one hand, you have this character without any personality, and on the other, you have this puppet which design has to change.”

At the mention of the puppet, a familiar person moved across the crowd to join the conversation. Without much surprise, it was Mike, whose expression showed concern and confusion:

-“W-wait,” he called out to the investor, not knowing what to do with his own hands: “I don’t… I was asked to make a scary puppet, I-”

-“And you did way too much. Furthermore… Our friend here had some trouble moving the puppet around,” he pointed to the student, whose face paled up as everyone’s eyes glanced at him. Oh, shit, no, he didn’t want to be implicated in this…!

-“This puppet wasn’t made with the idea of interacting with props. It can’t hold things and even if it could, it seems complicated to make it express emotions or body language. In short, I want the puppet to be redesigned entirely.”

Mike’s face paled at the investor’s decision, and Lukas couldn’t blame him. It was months of work thrown away like it was nothing. He was about to say something against it, but MJ beat him to it, defending his brother for the student’s greatest surprise:

-“And you had to wait until it was finished to say something about it?” the actor’s tone was getting more aggressive as he gestured at his brother: “He spent nights working on that! And you decide to just… Scrap it away?!”

Lukas… Really hadn’t expected the other to care, especially with how the latter had thrown the puppet to the floor the day before. Then again, they were twins, and Mike did seem to care about his brother… So maybe the feeling was mutual, just… Unbalanced, perhaps?

-“I know, and I take full responsibility for that,” retorted the man with determination: “The other reason I want a redesign is that I want this character to change. I want another one instead, one that is original, and not… The typical cliché of a bad guy.”

Before MJ was able to talk back, the Conductor interjected, his expression really showing he wasn’t liking anything that was being said at the moment.

-“Are you serious?!” he finally snapped, his Scottish accent more audible than ever: “Do you expect us to rewrite the entire thing?! After all the time it took us?!”

Grooves tried to calm the Conductor down, but it was in vain. All he could do was to push him lightly to the side, before the other reacted violently by shoving him back, not wanting to be touched, especially by him. Still, that got the message across, and DJ Grooves got the opportunity to talk:

-“It’s… Not possible to rewrite anything, the deadlines are too short for our budget and-”

-“In that case, if this is the way to avoid a catastrophic show, then I’ll fund this project for a little longer. But I do not want to see my money being wasted on some poorly written story,” he sighed, obviously aware of how much his words had irritated the entire crew, who was now glaring daggers at him: “I know I am responsible for saying that too late, which is why I will give you more time and money to adjust tactics. But this,” he gestured to the puppet and the script: “… Has to change. I’m not asking for a complete rework of the script, but I want us to talk about the modifications we need to implement.”

After the announcement regarding the deadlines being postponed, the crew did lose some animosity, though it was still very much there, especially for the two directors who had to rewrite a good chunk of what they thought was a final version. Mike, in comparison, looked much more disappointed and sad than anything else, which made Lukas feel bad for him. He wanted to comfort his friend, trying to encourage him- but before he even could, MJ’s voice rose again in the room, catching everyone’s attention once more:

-“And what about the original problem, hm?” he urged the benefactor: “If there’s no Moonjumper anymore, then… What about the new character?” He then gestured at Lukas as if he were showing something disgusting- and yeah, that was pretty insulting: “You’re not… Going to choose an inexperienced stagehand for a major role, are you? You need someone who knows how to act, not… Not someone who can’t even respect the stage directions!”

The student gritted his teeth again- but he couldn’t deny the last point, as it was true. Then again, that didn’t mean he couldn’t defend himself:

-“At least, I respect other people,” he mumbled, loud enough for the diva to hear. Unsurprisingly, the latter turned to him, his eyes wide and his expression furious:

-“Excuse me?!” he retorted, outraged: “I know what acting is, and it’s following the script!”

-“Oh sure, that’s clearlymore important than being a decent human being!” the young man rolled his eyes, crossing his arms. This seemed to be what made the actor snap. The latter rushed towards him, his fist raised, prepared to hit- but thankfully, Mike knew his brother enough to anticipate it, and he dashed to grab his twin by the waist, stopping him.

-“MJ, cut it out!” yelled the puppet maker, and Lukas couldn’t help but be taken aback, not used to seeing Mike so… Angry. And yet, it was barely enough to keep MJ from trying to punch the student- he was trying to break out of his brother’s hold. Lukas couldn’t help but step back, in case the actor did manage to shove his twin aside. But it didn’t happen. Instead, the diva slowly lowered his fist, glaring at his rival with pure hatred in his eyes.

-“Will you pleasefucking stop?!” the benefactor’s loud voice called out to the group. When they all turned their head back to him, his face showed nothing but anger and annoyance. That sent shivers down Lukas’ spine, and he tensed, facing the man again like a well-behaved child. Next to him, MJ glared at the man before rolling his eyes, soon imitating his arch nemesis. Mike, upon seeing his brother had calmed down, let go of him and made a few steps back as well.

Okay, seemed like this day was getting as agitated as the previous one… Was this going to be the case for every single day? He… Didn’t know if he could handle that.

The investor let out a long, exaggerated sigh before pinching his nose, irritation written all over his face.

-“I’m… Ugh… Okay, fine. For this new character, and my decision will be final… I want the newbie on it.”

Lukas’ heart stopped beating, his eyes widening in astonishment. Wait, wait, wh-

-“What?!” the diva’s voice soon echoed around them, his tone enraged and scandalized: “You can’t be serious, he’s just-”

-“I said that my decision was final,” the benefactor reaffirmed his choice, giving the actor a very stern look of disapproval: “And if you’re unhappy with that, then you are more than welcome to leave. If you finally decide to act like an adult, then I will give you another role. But let me tell you, MJ, you’re on thin fucking ice, right now.”

The diva shot him yet another glare, his fists clenched and trembling from how livid he was. Both of them seemed to try and assert their dominance over the other… But eventually, MJ looked away and stormed off, kicking a chair as he moved through the room. It took him only a few seconds to reach the door and slam it behind him, leaving the set after another tantrum. Mike, just like the day before, quickly followed him, most likely to comfort him or at least calm him down.

In the meantime, Lukas was just… Existing, barely realizing what had been said to him. This… This was a dream, right? He was still in the workshop, taking an impromptu nap, this couldn’t be possible in real life…! And yet, it was all very real. In the back, the Conductor and Grooves seemed to have conflicted emotions: on one hand, they were very upset by the idea of rewriting a good part of their story, but on the other hand… They wouldn’t have to worry about that asshole’s attitude anymore. Still, they seemed just confused as him as to why he had been chosen. Yeah, seemed like improvising wouldn’t have been a good idea, but… Maybe in this particular case, it helped to highlight the Moonjumper’s lack of personality.

In a way… Probably not something to do in the future from now on.

Suddenly, the student was brought back to reality as he felt a hand over his shoulder, and he jumped, not expecting the sudden contact. He looked in front of him, his eyes focusing on the person he was facing: the benefactor. The latter still wasn’t smiling, and his expression was still irritated, but it didn’t seem directed at him at least:

-“Well, congrats, I guess. You did good.”

Lukas remained silent for a moment, not knowing how to answer or what to say. Eventually, he stammered a quick “thank you”, his mind still having trouble to process what had just happened.

He had the role- holy shit, he had managed to get the role, and against MJ at that!

The man pulled away and turned to the directors, telling them things Lukas could barely hear over the cacophony his minds was making. Still, inside him… A feeling of pride and accomplishment was growing, enveloping him. A wave of excitement followed, and it was hard not to jump around in pure joy and satisfaction.

Maybe this day wasn’t so bad after all…

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

=> Chapter 09

[philosopherking1887]

Writer tag game

Thanks for tagging me, @ectogeo-rebubbles... 4, days ago, sorry; my parents are visiting and I haven’t had much time to myself.

How many works do you have on AO3?

61

(Why is the number so big when I post? @sapphosewrites said the same thing, so I know it’s not just me...)

What's your total AO3 word count?

515,575

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Mostly Zuko-centric ATLA fics because a couple were inspired by a BNA whom I tagged in the Tumblr post, then she reblogged and lots of people saw them.

Between the Salt Water and the Sea Strand

To Give Birth to a Dancing Star (didn’t get very far on that one, oops)

The Last Argument

Zeno’s Paradox (the only non-ATLA fic on this list; I posted it very shortly after Thor: Ragnarok came out, before I realized how terrible it was)

Shame and Necessity

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yes, almost always (unless someone said something weird, or one person left a bunch of identical short comments on different chapters of the same fic; it seems a bit silly to respond to every “<3″ with “Thanks!”). I respond to encourage people to keep commenting, by assuring them that I’m reading comments, I pay attention to their content, and I appreciate them. I especially like it when people comment on specific themes in the fic or how it relates to some aspect of canon, so that it starts an analytical conversation about the story and the characters -- which is what a lot of us are here for.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

I’m gonna say The Third Time, because Loki actually permanently dies.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Starting Over, I guess? That’s the hopeful ending of my Thorki series, taking place before some hypothetical version of the Infinity War storyline in which neither of our principal characters dies (because fuck the actual movies, and fuck Ragnarok too, while we’re at it). But there are other fics, sometimes intermediate in one of my series, that have hopeful rather than downbeat endings, even if more complications arise later. The Ninth Deadly Sin is a rare standalone fic with a happy ending (which I’d forgotten about until I went looking through my Works page for happy endings). Prince of Darkness also has a fairly happy ending that involves solving climate change with Frost Giants...

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve ever written?

No, at least not yet. I have nothing against them in principle, and sometimes enjoy reading them, but since the target audience is the intersection of two (or more) fandoms, it’s necessarily going to be smaller than either fandom on its own.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not really related to the fic. I did get a random nasty comment on a Garashir fic about a fan letter I wrote to Tom Hiddleston (and handed to his manager-person after seeing Betrayal in London) and then posted on Tumblr. Just someone being an asshole.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I do indeed! I write very chatty smut, with a lot of feelings, often angsty, and sometimes awkward, because sex can be awkward, especially if one or more of the participants is inexperienced (at least with bodies like their partner’s).

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes -- someone translated No Exit into French as Aucune sortie (though actually, the French title of the Sartre play that I named the fic after is Huis clos).

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope.

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I’m inevitably going to answer that kind of question with my current favorite ship, which is Garashir... but that might actually be my all-time favorite ship because the fandom is a lot more welcoming and chill than others I’ve been in before.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Hoo boy. All the people I’ve seen doing this tag game previously have said they don’t have any; I have 5 partially posted WIPs in old fandoms that I doubt I’ll pick up again. I think I’ve tagged most of them as “on hiatus” and warned readers in author’s notes that I probably won’t finish... Do I want to finish them? In theory, yes; in practice, no.

What are your writing strengths?

I’ve most often received compliments on my dialogue, which I also find the easiest thing to write; my favorite version of this compliment is when people say that they can hear the dialogue in the actors’/characters’ voices. Some people enjoy the philosophical discussions that I can’t help inserting into my fics...  

What are your writing weaknesses?

Plots. Thing happening. I cannot come up with plots. All of my fics are just people talking and having thoughts and feelings about things.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Ask yourself: what does it add to have the dialogue in the language it’s supposed to be in rather than translated? If the POV character speaks the language, would it be sufficient to note that they’ve switched to a different language, or put it in italics or something to indicate that? If the POV character doesn’t speak the language, would it make more sense to just say that other characters have spoken an unintelligible string in another language, or that they just caught a few words, or whatever? That’s not to say that there’s never a good reason to include the actual language; if the actual words are important, or if it matters that the POV character doesn’t switch effortlessly between languages, or if it just adds some richness of texture that you’re going for, it can make sense.

If it’s a real language that you’re not fluent in, do ask someone who is to check your grammar.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter, of course; I am that age, after all. I wrote fics about Tom Riddle and/or Voldemort when I was in middle school in 2001-2. I’ve always been interested in the villain’s perspective.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

At the moment, Had we but world enough, and time. It stayed reasonably self-contained while also covering the issues I wanted it to cover, with some smut thrown in. Maybe my best fic is actually an older one, but my favorite is always in my current fandom, because that’s what I’m excited about... and I’d like to think my writing has been improving with practice.

Tagging: @delicatetrashstranger, @vermin-disciple, @hex-o, @judiops, @the-last-dillpickle... and @illwynd and @incredifishface (since I actually ended up talking about my Loki and Thorki fics in this one).

[milkpuddjng]

sex education s3 thoughts!

oh my god. so many thoughts. i’ve never been too into sexed just cause. but i have SO many opinions about this season and they NEed to be heard. i think i’ll also be making a post about young royals later on so. yes.

i think i’ll just. start off by saying. what the fuck was that? the only enjoyable characters to watch this season were Adam, Ruby, Aimee and the adults. the rest of the cast (that I had originally really enjoyed watching the first two seasons) were absolutely butchered and made to serve extremely boring, there-for-the-sake-of-it ideas. like?? huh?

for one, Otis felt like. an absolute loser this season. not just because he is the archetypical “loser”, but also because he was just so. bland and had such little zest. i understand that the whole point of the season was that he had no more clinic and couldn’t help people and therefore felt like a dampened version of himself, but wtf? his excuse was terrible. that in no ways would make you as different from your original self as you are in this season! the way he went about his relationship with his mum was good though - that was quite nice to watch. but his friendship with Eric this season just felt.. forced. it didn’t feel like it really did anything with the narrative, they were kind of just there for each other as fodder. and and GOD the character just flip-flopped between being spineless and an asshole, and it really didn’t read well with me. I thought the delicate kind of balance and characterisation of Otis they had in the first two seasons really fell through and it’s honestly a shame they let him ‘develop’ into this in this season.

and don’t get me started at ALL on Eric. to me this was the worst and most cruel character DECIMATION this entire season. my reading of Eric was as someone who had only recently developed into his gayness. he had only recently reclaimed his own identity and found pride in his gayness and flamboyance. this being a way-too-overdone gay trope aside, I had originally rooted for him lots in the first two seasons because it felt like he was doing it at his own pace and slowly getting comfortable with that. in s3 though, it feels like he is condescending BECAUSE of this confidence, and frankly that really just did not sit right with me. they made Eric out to be cruel, tone-deaf and insensitive. throughout the entire s3, even in his scenes with Adam, he’s uninterested, and really doesn’t show much interest in Adam apart from wanting a relationship and all its physical and social perks. he’s so preoccupied with having a Perfect gay relationship and takes no interest in actually knowing more about Adam, and that honestly really rubbed me off the wrong way, especially with the way their relationship was portrayed as being more emotional and something vulnerable in the last seasons. Eric this season felt like he was making use of Adam the whole way, and what was originally something I was looking forward to a lot in this season ended up being the thing that disappointed me the most. and i’m not sure if it’s the writing or not, and the lack of material for them to work with, but the chemistry between them this season was so lacklustre. really really disappointing.

fk i hate tumblr. i wrote a whole thing about adam and how much i love that his line was written in a delicate and sweet way, but it got deleted. rip. anyway i liked his relationship with Rahim, Ruby and interactions with Ola far more than his relationship with Eric, and I enjoyed how he became sweeter and more delicate towards Ms Sands and his own mother! to me this season was about him unlearning and trying better to relate to the people around him, and connect with himself on a deeper level and it was really very sweet to watch as that panned out. would have loved to see more interactions of him and Ola and them confiding in each other, but I swear if he and Rahim’s friendship develops into a romantic relationship I would lose it. ok but i love stoic boy learns emotions for people around him trope and the scene of him crying on the bridge really fucked me up :”) OH and i also enjoyed how the entire Groff family had their own individual developmental arcs this season, and i really hope that means something for them as a family unit later on and their reunion as a healthier, albeit un perfect still family.

on the topic of people who deserved more! i think viv for sure. i frankly don’t understand the point of giving her a hot boyfriend and of not exploring her friendship with Jackson more. not TO mention the own blandness of Jackson’s character,,, god. they had so much to work with and truly just abandoned it all. it made sense to me that she would engage in such ‘treasonous’ behavior with Hope and all, but I didn’t understand what the sexy boyfriend and sexting did for her character. i would have much preferred deep emotional talks between Jackson and her, and of the three of them solidifying as a solid friend group. would also have appreciated her becoming better friends with Cal but. wtv. very disappointed with her character this season, especially because her and Jackson’s friendship last season was done so well.

and on Jackson and Cal, i like Cal lots. really. but i really didn’t see the narrative function of their character in the show this season. while I really respect and enjoy the show’s decision to have more diversity of representation etc., i thought Cal as a character was quite unnecessary, especially because this season proved that the writers were struggling a lot to develop everyone’s characters and their backstories etc. Cal, while fun, just distracted from existing relationships and characters the show would have benefitted from exploring more. and i just didn’t see the chemistry between them and Jackson, idk at first I felt it but after a while it didn’t seem very genuine or legit to me and it felt even a bit forced. idk if this is unpopular but i honestly really enjoyed Jackson with Maeve a lot more. this was in my opinion, quite a disappointing match-up. also i missed Jackson’s mums - thought it would have been nice to spend more time thinking about that and showing that relationship as well. also didn’t think Jackson doing drugs was like. necessary. it was nice but like. ? i didn’t see the character development with that.

Maeve and Isaac. i really started off season 3 hating Isaac’s guts, but i thought that as the season went on, I really saw the chemistry between them which I truly thoroughly enjoyed. I also don’t know. why and how Maeve is still attracted to Otis - frankly, Isaac understands her way more, and allows her that much independence that I felt was necessary for her growth. Oh but I did like Maeve’s growing into accepting help and setting down her pride - especially in her relationship with Anna. i felt Maeve was more or less stuck in the same place as last season save for her letting down of her pride though. although her and Aimee as usual! were very enjoyable to watch.

ok i think this is all i have to say for sexed for now, when and if I do find more to talk about i will uPdate this!

[that-wizard-oki]

Hello! I've been aware of your blog for years, and made a Tumblr blog very recently. I want to say that your posts are extremely well thought out, and give the storyline of Wizard101 a lot of much needed depth. I think if Wiz had the gameplay and story structure of Pirate101, it would benefit highly especially for worlds like Azteca and Khrysalis. Currently I'm rewriting Wiz and your posts are a huge inspiration. Finally. what are your thoughts on Arc 3? Imo it had potential but failed.

Hey there! Thank you so much for all your kind words, I’m glad you enjoy my thoughts and theories about the game-  and I’m flattered to hear they inspire you to create your own fan work :D 

Personally, I wouldn’t say that Arc 3 failed in any sense. I think the idea of a children's/family game to tackle the theme of a broken family\divorce is pretty smart- it gives the opportunity to adults who play this game with their kids to find a way to perhaps talk about their own experience with the same themes in their real lives (if it applies to them). Likewise, i also like that the story focuses on that the CHILDREN are the one who have to clean up the PARENTS mess, more or less. Often times the children in families who have a parent/parents that are either split, should split, or are abusive to one another, are the ones who get caught in the cross fire- this is SO evident with Mellori and Bat in Empyrea.

Following that, I think it was also super clever to have Mellori (and the wizard) initially ALSO be fighting against Spider’s children. Another common occurrence in families that experience abuse between their parents/ect, is that one or both of the parents will try to divide their children onto sides- furthering the divide and conflict in the family itself. THIS was exactly what was happening in arc 3- we weren’t technically fighting Raven and Spider, but their children were fighting each other in their names.

One of the most beautiful things to come out of this game was the fact that Mellori and Bat WERE able to see through that, and instead focused on the real threat at hand- their parents. In fact, it is their COMBINED power that allows the wizard to defeat the result of Raven and Spider- the Aethyr Titan. This reflects so well into reality, where when the children of broken families try their damned to support one another, instead of letting their parents continue to control and divide them, it leads to the kids being able to break the domino effect that comes with that kind of family dynamic. They are able to become individuals- instead of being some mini version or “part” of their parents (which is also clever on KI’s part to make Mellori and Bat/Rat/Scorpion LITERAL extensions of Raven/Spider, which makes it seem like they are just kind of mindless bots doing whatever their entrusted parent tells them). 

One part i particularly like as well is that towards the end of Empyrea, Mellori talk about how she’s going to go home to her mom- and it’s not Raven, it’s Baba Yaga. I absolutely love this idea that, yea, Mellori (and any kid for that matter) SHOULD be able to choose who their mom/dad/parent is if their birth parent(s) don't provide for you the way a parent should. I think that is a SUPER important lesson for Kids AND parents to hear. You choose your own family if that’s what it comes down to, and there is NO shame in that. 

That being said, i do have my issues with some things too- this might seem small, but I never liked how when we’re in the Husk, and Raven and Spider are talking to one another about who’s “really” at fault, and eventually Raven goes “oh what have i done?” and Spider just goes “.... Yea were were BOTH really bad huh?” Like.... listen, sure, Raven probably shouldn’t have locked Cob away for eternity and stole his chaos heart in order to reform the spiral, BUT imma be real with y’all... Spider also did shit to aggravate Raven- specifically, he messed with her kids into a fucking war. I mean this half sarcastically, but tbh, if you mess with a mother’s kids... that's fucking on you man, you know the grave your digging for yourself on that one lmao.

But more seriously- i feel like they REALLY tried to make Raven out to be “worse” than Spider, and having Spider just beguile her with his words at the end in a way were she ended up being like “oh nooo IM the really bad one, oh no oh noo :((” JUST for him to be like “no its ok babe :) we’re BOTH equally as bad, stay here with me and we can be bad and alone together :)”

Actually now that i write that out, it is a little.. weird that Spider kinda got what he wanted- to be with Raven, when imo, they really should have STAYED split. I don’t come from a divorced family, but I’ve many friends who do, and I’ve gathered that more often than not... divorce can be a good thing, as it is likely to stop/lessen the conflict within families. I think that yea, they both did bad things to one another, and need to stay apart, not spend the rest of eternity together.

That’s probably my biggest qualm with the entirety of Arc 3, beyond the various obvious one, which is that Morganthe played like, absolutely no part in it lmao. I’ve talked endlessly about it, so i won’t repeat myself too much lol. 

Just to briefly reiterate- i think that Morganthe, the one who re-discovered shadow magic, was groomed by the Shadow Magi, and very blatantly infused with something akin to the conversion tables we see in Khrysalis, I think she would have been an invaluable source of information and help for the Wizard. Not only does she probably know the most about Shadow Magic outside of Spider, but it’s insanely alluded to that she was under his control- perhaps even had contact or conversation with him somehow in her time as Shadow queen.

The biggest frustration of her lack of presence though, comes from the way Khrysalis built up this INSANELY interesting Foil between the Wizard and her. The way that they both weirdly fit the prophecy, the way their lead into The Hive was so eerily mirrored, the fact that we were both called the Children of Light and Shadow by Spider, and not to even mention how the shared feelings of loneliness and fear of failure as students of Ambrose... like I could go on about these two and how amazing it would have been for them both to work together in arc 3, but also help heal and grow as The Children of Light and Shadow... but that’s not what we got unfortunately. 

Anywho, i don’t wanna ramble on about that too much because i touched on it in another ask post and you can look at that if ya want in my tag, but yea! Those are my general thoughts on Arc 3. Again, i love this arc, i think it truly has some of the most nuanced writing and characters thus far in the game. 

Besides, i always think they could easily write in Morganthe’s return for a redemption with the wizard, especially now with the Wizard seemingly trying to fight their own shadows.

Hope that satisfied your question though, and good luck with your writings :D

[spookidema]

Never Trust a Stranger

Day 2 of Spooki Month

Vampire!Park Seonghwa

Genre: Angst

Summary: You don't know how you were convinced to be at this club on Halloween but you wanted to be anywhere but here. Rumors of things that go bump in the night get more frequent during this time of year, and you wanted nothing more than not to be the dinner of a creature of the night, but we don't always get what we want.

Author Note: Welcome to post number 2 also known as Day 2 of Spooki Month. This one also was suposed to be posted yesterday but Tumblr deleted the writing in the draft. Hope you enjoy and again watch out for more coming up. Also the look Seonghwa is wearing is the outfit he wore on Weekly Idol. The episode where Yeosang exposed him, San, and Wooyoung.

Tag: @alwayschoosechocolate​

You wanted nothing to do with the club you are currently in. Most people could tell by the way you stood at the bar instead of dancing with the group of old college friends, that convinced you to join them clubbing. Tell by the way you swirled the drink in your hand with disinterest. Clubs were never really your scene. You were more of a 'wine at home with a good movie' kind of person than a 'sweaty nightclub during October' kind of person.

"Come on, (Y/N)," Jisoo, one of your old college friends, begged. "Come dance with us."

"Jisoo, I'm fine here watching," you said smiling at the slightly drunk girl. "Go have fun."

"But you have been sitting here alone since we got here," Jisoo continued to beg." Who knows the next time we will all be together again."

"We have all night, Jisoo," you waved dismissively. "Go have fun, bud. Who knows? You might find someone to take home."

Jisoo rolled her eyes playfully before sauntering away back to the crowd in the middle of the dance floor.

Turning back to your drink at the bar, you were just about to take a sip of your drink as someone slipped beside you. You looked over to the person. It was a tall male. His black hair was swept back and to the side. He wore a simple white tshirt, black leather jacket, and black jeans with a simple silver necklace and a single hooped earring. His features were sharp and slightly intimidating. Just for a split second, you swore that his eyes flashed a crimson color but it could been a trick of the light.

"I wouldn't drink that if I was you," he said. His voice was velvety and deep. "Huh," all you said as you stared at him."

"Your drink," he continued slowly." I wouldn't drink it if I were you. I just saw someone put something in it while you were talking to your friend."

"Damn it," you growled pushing the drink away from you." Fucking hell, what's wrong with people?"

"They wanted an easy target, I'm guessing," the man shrugged leaning on the bar. "Taking a distracted woman and wait the 30 minutes just to try and swoop in to be the savior of the day to take advantage of the poor girl as they tried to 'help'."

"Sounds like you're familiar with this type of situation," you said with a raised eyebrow. "Play hero often?"

"Considering I have to keep the people of my club safe," he said with a smirk.

"Your club," interest laced your voice." You own this place?"

"My brother and I own this place," he replied." We barely come to this floor of this club."

"Well then," you nodded." Can I get the name of the mystery owner of this fine establishment?"

"Park Seonghwa," Seonghwa answered," can I have the name of the beautiful woman who I saved?"

"(Y/N)," you answered as well.

"Nice to meet you," Seonghwa said waving to the bartender.

AS the bartender approached, you started to feel like someone/someones was staring at you. You looked around and you saw seven pairs of eyes on you from the upstairs balcony. The shortest one was giving you a smirk making you tense up as Seonghwa tapped the side of your arm. When you looked toward Seonghwa, Seonghwa's eyes glowed slightly and you stared for a second before the glow died and the tension melted off.

"I had the bartender make you one of me and my brother's favorite drinks," Seonghwa said his eyes brown." It's really good."

"Oh really," you said looking into the glass he slid your way ." My momma always said never to take drinks from handsome strangers."

"Smart woman," he chuckled as his voice slipped slightly more velvety."Drink it." Without another word you drank the drink. It was fruit with a slight metallic taste. It lacked the usual alcohol taste, but never the last it was good.

"There you go,"Seonghwa smiled slightly."Now tell me about yourself."

And that you did.

You told him about how you a 22 year old AB- art major who lived with three cats and two cacti. How you were not really a people person never the less a club person. How you don't really talk to many people have from a couple of boys you worked with and a couple of their roommates. How you rarely speak to your family due to them not caring for the major you chose.

As you spilled your guts, time seemed to pass quickly.

Your friends would tap you every once in a while to tell you that they were leaving one by one with people that peaked their interest and you nodded to them to acknowledge them but you really didn't take your eyes off Seonghwa.

Once you finished, Seonghwa stared at you for a moment. You head spinning slightly making you sway on your feet for a second.

"You wanna get out of here," he asked tilting his head back slightly.

"And where would we go," you questioned raising one of your eyebrows.

"I have a couple of places in mind. You want to invite me to your apartment," he smirked and for some reason your body started to go into 'fight or flight' mode and running was what you wanted to do.

"I should really get home," you declined with a forced smile pushing from the bar.

"Let me walk you then," Seonghwa insisted as he paid for your tab from your earlier drinks."You were drinking and its late."

"No, that’s fine," you said glancing back to balcony again seeing the seven pairs of eyes still staring down at you."I don't live far. Thanks though."

"I don't like being refused,(Y/N)," his face set straight as you go to walk away,"Let me walk you home. Call it even for earlier."

"No,Seonghwa," you said glaring slightly."Look. Thanks for the save and the drink and conversation, but my answer is no. No, you can not walk me home."

AS you walked away, you could feel his eyes follow you and he seemed pissed.

Making your way home under the October harvest moon, you couldn't help to feel like Seonghwa's rage was following making you feel paranoid. You were looking behind you every now and then. Your apartment building was just in sights when you were pulled into an alleyway.A hand covered your month as you were slammed into the side of one of the buildings. Red glowing stared down at you.

"Tsk,tsk,(Y/N). You should have just let me take you home and we could have done this in the comforts of your home and not in a dirty alley."

Seonghwa. He followed you.

"You could have died in your warm home, but you had to be difficult," he shook his head sneering causing a sharp pearly tooth to be exposed." I hate it when my food doesn't listen."

'Vampire,' you thought gasping behind his hand. You tried to push him away. "Stop moving," he glowed out making your arms to drop involuntary to your sides and your body to go slack slightly."Much better. You know when you said you blood type was AB-, I almost drained you right there in the club. I love AB-. So so rare but so so sweet."

The chills of terror spread across your body. Ice filled your veins as Seonghwa licked his lips taking his hand away from your mouth to cradle your jaw tilting it to the side. Seonghwa chuckled lowly as he leaned into your neck breathing in deeply.

"This is going to hurt a lot," he said scraping one of his fangs down your neck."Do not scream."

Then he sank his teeth into your neck.

It felt like knives or needles were digging their way into every inch of your body draining you of all your blood. Felt like the heat of the sun was injected straight in your bloodstream. You wished you could scream but somehow Seonghwa made it where you couldn't. Your body completely went slack causing Seonghwa to hold your form. You were becoming weak as time passed. Spots swimming in you vision.

As Seonghwa unlatched himself from you neck, he let you fall onto the ground. You laid on the ground soundless your vision darkening as he knelt down brushing hair from your face.

"Shame to leave you dying in this alley,(Y/N)," he said smoothing down your hair."Alone without anyone knowing til its too late. Goodbye,(Y/N)."

He sunk into the darkness disappearing. You let out a string of wimpier as you were finally able to make sounds. You started saying your goodbyes in the darkness as your vision left you.

Muffled footsteps enter your ears as you faded.

"Hyung, she's dying," one voice said. "Help her."

"We have you, ....,"another voice said. "We won't let you die."

[needtherapy]

soaring, carried aloft on the wind...continued 21

An arranged-marriage story for Xichen and Mingjue, in another time and another place.

The Beifeng, the mighty empire of the north, invaded more than a year ago, moving inexorably south and east.

In order to buy peace, the chief of the Lan clan has given the Beifeng warlord a gift, his second oldest son in marriage. However, when Xichen finds out he makes a plan.

He, too, can give a gift to the Beifeng warlord, and he will not regret it.

Part 1: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 Part 2: 14 / 15 / 16 / 17 / 18 / 19 / 20 / 21 … HOME

It’s complete on AO3 here.

Notes: Check the tags if you’re concerned about the pairings ;) This chapter is rated E for Explicit

For translations of the entirely fictitious Beifeng language, you’ll have to scroll to notes. I’m only going to translate something that’s not clear in the text. Sadly, there’s just not any other good way to do it on Tumblr!

Chapter 21 Earlier

It didn’t take long for Xichen to find Huaisang leaning on a hitching post, watching a herd of horses gallop through the valley on the north side of the encampment. If Xichen hadn’t fully appreciated it when he had first arrived, by now, he understood how seriously the Ikarahu took their horses.

There were four herds, divided for safety and for grazing, and during this winter armistice, the hostlers moved them in a circle between the camp and across the plains to find new pastures in the mornings and afternoons. Between the fields, they ran the horses to preserve their strength, to discourage infighting, and, Xichen heartily believed, because it was so spectacularly beautiful to watch.

He stood silently with Huaisang for a while, the horses a patchwork of color in the distance.

“I never really wanted to come on this campaign,” Huaisang said as the herd thundered in a circle toward them.

If Xichen had not seen them do this before, he would have been terrified to be standing in their path. As they always did, though, the riders driving this river of horseflesh turned the group with shouts and flashing whips. The horses banked, slowing as they swept past Huaisang and Xichen so closely, Xichen could almost have reached out and grazed his hand along their silky flanks. It was only the appearance of danger, and the riders were always in control, guiding the horses whether they realized it or not. The herd slowed as they approached the corrals on the western edge of the camp. Xichen knew they would be walked now, and each would be groomed and brushed and cared for as diligently as though they were people.

“Why did you?” Xichen asked, pressing Huaisang about his mood more than he usually would.

Huaisang sidestepped, dodging what Xichen was truly asking. “I couldn’t say no. I will finish what we started but...I’m ready for something else.”

He sounded unusually discouraged, and Xichen patted his hand. He couldn’t think of calming words for Huaisang when his own thoughts were filled with clanging anxiety, spinning eddies of ice and snow. He was afraid he didn’t have the option of something else, or, if there was something else, Xichen was afraid he wouldn’t like it. Two months ago, he had thought he knew where his life was headed, but now...now he wasn’t entirely sure what Mingjue’s plan was for him. And after seeing such clear evidence that Guangyao’s interests were not merely political, Xichen was worried that some other arrangement might be determined for him. He wished he had someone to talk to. He wished he could talk to Wangji.

“If I wrote to my brother, would you find someone to deliver the letters?” he asked, swallowing the shame of asking a question he should have voiced months ago.

Huaisang tipped his head like his hawk, eyebrows snapping together. “Of course, Xichen. You...we would never keep you from your family.”

Xichen nodded, already planning the words to write. He had taken too long, and he couldn’t even remember what he was waiting for. No, he did know. He hadn’t wanted to face the consequences of leaving and then, later, the difficulty of explaining why he didn’t want to return. He would send letters tomorrow. He didn’t know if his brother would forgive him for leaving or forgive him for his silence, but it was time to find out. He couldn’t spend his life running only in a circle.

A smile flitted across Huaisang’s face, but it couldn’t quite disguise the sadness in his voice. “I miss my family too, Xichen. I miss my home. I know you lived on a mountain, but you have not seen datik like ours. They will take your breath away. Do you know what the sunrise looks like from the top of a mountain?”

For once, Xichen didn’t allow the change of subject to distract him. He pushed back, one act of bravery spurring another. “Why did you leave the tent?”

This time Huaisang’s quirked smile seemed authentic. “I could ask you the same.” He shrugged. “I thought Guangyao would be an opportunity, but I might have been wrong. He is unpredictable and chaotic.”

Unpredictable and chaotic were not words Xichen would have used. He had always thought of Guangyao as cautious and purposeful, if not always fully honest, and he wondered what Huaisang had seen that he hadn’t.

“Qingyang says he has reasons of his own for being here,” Xichen offered, and Huaisang snorted.

“Of course he does. But his actions don’t make any sense.” Huaisang paused and chewed thoughtfully on his lip. “Not as far as I can tell. If he is a spy…well, if I was a spy, I would do things differently. And if I was a prisoner, I would also do things differently.”

“Was your mission with the bridge a success?” Xichen asked, wondering if that was what Huaisang was referring to. He also found it strange that Guangyao would help the Ikarahu.

“Yes, it was,” Huaisang answered with a frown. “I am certain it was.”

He pulled his kitingi fan from his belt and snapped it open, spinning it in circles, flipping it between his hands, obviously pondering something. Xichen watched and waited, but with a sigh and a frown, Huaisang eventually put the fan away. His most glib smile settled on his lips, a smile meant to hide his true thoughts, and Xichen knew the conversation was over.

“Shall we make anakau suffer a little longer? We don’t get many sunny days, and I feel like a ride.”

Xichen’s lips twitched. He would not have worded it quite that way, and yet...

“What a remarkable idea, anati. I haven’t ridden in days,” he agreed and together, they trailed along behind the horses all the way back to camp. Xichen audaciously borrowed Mingjue’s black mare and followed Huaisang in a pounding gallop across the hard-packed plains.

By now, he was a skilled rider; not as confident as any of the Ikarahu, but enough that he could let muscle memory keep him on the horse’s back while the pace and the cold cleared his mind and settled his doubts. He thought about his future. He thought about what he needed and what he was willing to give up. And he thought about whether he was a coward who would walk away or a man who would fight for what he wanted.

By the time Xichen returned to his tent, he was tired and sated in a way he had not felt in some time, and he was able to shove aside the flood of anxiety that tried to whirl back when he saw Mingjue waiting for him. He was barefoot, braids loose around his shoulders, wearing only pants. Xichen was absolutely certain he intended to look as irresistible as possible. He did not miscalculate. Xichen wanted him immediately, wanted to claim every part of him.

Well, why should he not?

Throwing his belt and coat on the floor, he reached Mingjue in three long strides and pushed him back onto the bed, straddling his hips and kissing him with teeth and fangs. He gripped the flesh of Mingjue’s shoulder with one hand, fingers agile from playing the guqin. The other hand, strong from wielding a sword, wrapped around Mingjue’s thigh and Xichen ground down on him, hard enough that Mingjue hissed, cupping his hands around Xichen’s buttocks and arching under him.

Xichen’s heart sang as Mingjue matched his force and ardor without question. He only tried to roll Xichen over once, his voice already halfway to pleading, but Xichen didn’t relent. If he belonged to Mingjue, then Mingjue would also belong to him.

When Mingjue was desperate, bucking wildly underneath him, Xichen kicked off his pants without bothering to fully undress and crawled forward.

“Open your mouth, ahoraho,” he said, relishing how eagerly Mingjue obeyed.

Xichen caressed his face, the straight slope of his nose, the lines around his eyes, the creases in his cheeks that hid the dimples he loved so much as he fucked Mingjue’s willing mouth. Mingjue’s hands on Xichen’s hips urged Xichen to thrust harder, and Xichen did, wanting to mark every piece of Mingjue as his, his, his.

Before the gnawing ache of climax could overtake him, Xichen grabbed a handful of Mingjue’s braids and yanked, angling his head back and wresting a moan from Mingjue that vibrated around his cock and through his gut. Mingjue’s fingers dug into Xichen’s back as he sucked him further into his mouth, forcing his cock against the back of his throat, sending sparks shooting through Xichen’s entire body. With a satisfied groan, Mingjue swallowed, once, twice, the tension nearly keeling Xichen over. The third time Mingjue swallowed, the tightly bruising band around his heart released its grip, and Xichen saw stars dancing in his eyes as the world dissolved in white cloud of pleasure.

He was dimly aware of falling to the side, closing his eyes to bathe in the fading warmth that still pulsed through him. Mingjue curled tightly around Xichen whispering endearments, stroking his hair, nuzzling his neck. He used the other hand to unfasten Xichen’s robes and rubbed his stomach when he finally got them undone. Xichen almost laughed at how much of him Mingjue was trying to touch at once.

“Ah, Xichen, I am sorry. I know I should not tease,” Mingjue murmured, soft breath tickling Xichen’s ear. “But I love when you are fierce.”

“You meant for me to be jealous so I would…ravish you?” Xichen asked. He couldn’t decide if he was annoyed or not. Maybe a little annoyed.

Mingjue snuggled closer to Xichen, and despite his pique, Xichen turned toward the scent of earth and cedar.

“I did not mean it, but I did not dislike it. You shine like the sun when you are defending what is yours, my bright heart.” Mingjue’s hand reached the arch of Xichen’s hip bone and traced the line lower.

“Do you want him as a lover?” Xichen asked, trying to sound as though it didn’t matter, but it did matter. In that moment, it was the only thing that mattered.

Mingjue leaned up on one elbow to regard him, his perceptive expression reminding Xichen that for all his gentle ways, he was not a fool.

“No. If he had come to me before you, I might have...considered it,” he answered cautiously. “But he did not, and so it is no matter. There is only you now.”

Mingjue’s expression shifted, as if he wanted to say more. Xichen wondered if he would ask the same question.

“If you wish him, or wish us both, I will not argue, aitapaho,” he said finally, his fingers skimming circles on Xichen’s chest.

Xichen intended to deny it immediately, but something about Mingjue’s expression gave him pause. It was unusually guarded and neutral, and Xichen felt he owed him honest consideration.

It was true that Guangyao was attractive, intelligent, cultured—all the things Xichen would have looked for in a partner or second spouse when he was heir to the Cloud Recesses, difficulties with inheritance and politics aside. Perhaps if he was a better man, Xichen thought, he would be generous enough to share Mingjue with someone he liked well enough. But he was certain he didn’t have that kind of unselfishness in him.

Xichen knew the unpredictability of war, even if he preferred not to think of it. He knew the Ikarahu would return to the mountains someday. He knew eventually, things would change between him and Mingjue. Whatever time they had together, Xichen wanted to keep it for himself.

And then, of course, there was Huaisang. Xichen still wasn’t certain what the extent or truth of Huaisang’s interest was, but he did not wish to cause any impediment if it was real.

“I do not. He is not you, ahoraho,” Xichen said, taking Mingjue’s hand and kissing the knuckles, touching the tiny nicks and scars from years of carrying a sword and pulling a bow. “No one is you.”

Mingjue threw his leg over Xichen and rubbed against him, hard still or hard again, his fingers trembling in Xichen’s hair. “I want to see you ride me tonight, Huan. Every night. You, and no one else.” He should be past blushing at Mingjue’s shameless words, but Xichen knew his cheeks had reddened, and he was chagrined to realize that he was as insatiable as Mingjue. He retrieved the bottle of oil and climbed on top of Mingjue’s solid form, to let him be a bulwark against all of Xichen’s uncertainty. He wanted to trust this love, at least.

Leisurely, meticulously, he pulled his robes off, basking in the light of Mingjue’s heated gaze. With a slow smile of his own, he poured oil onto his hand, slicking his fingers.

“I will,” he agreed. “But first, I want to taste you, ahoraho.” He kissed Mingjue’s throat, raking teeth across his collarbone, licking the salt from his skin and trailing his lips in a path down his broad chest.

“And touch you.” Xichen slid back to straddle the hard muscle of Mingjue’s thighs, rubbing his thumb across Mingjue’s lips, pushing between them when they parted. Mingjue closed his eyes with a muted whimper, biting down, the hard tip of his tongue asking Xichen for more.

“And hear you,” Xichen said, before he agreed to more, closing his hand around the hot velvet of Mingjue’s cock with a rough, decisive stroke. He did, indeed, love the sounds Mingjue made, the faltering exhale of Xichen’s name, a rumbling moan, the quickening of his breath.

This is what I never knew I always wanted, Xichen thought, lips and hands stoking the smoldering fire in Mingjue’s eyes. To be yours and no one else’s, he thought, settling back and joining their bodies slowly, agonizingly, sublimely slowly. As you are mine, and no one else’s, he thought, smiling with love, exulting in the satisfaction of their union.

[rpbetter]

Hey there, check out this pinned post first!

Thanks for visiting Roleplay Better, where I believe that you can fucking do better! That kind of language, however, is why it is important for you to read this post before proceeding.

This blog and its posts are meant for an adult RPing audience; be over legal, adult age in the USA, 18+. Do not interact by submitting, asking, reblogging, commenting, or liking unless you are over eighteen years of age. By interacting with RPB or me, Vespertine, you are assumed to be following this rule. If you are breaking this rule, you will be blocked.

I have that rule because this blog can/will/does address topics inappropriate for a younger audience. Those can include, but are not limited to:

not safe for work - violence, injury, sexual language, smut, substance use

“dark topics” and themes like violence, unhealthy relationships, mental illness, trauma, graphic injury, dubious consent, substance use, and so forth addressed realistically

foul, sexual, and otherwise “Adult” language

 unpopular opinions and approaches about writing, RP, fandoms

“negativity” since literally anything can be, and my whole point here isn’t about holding back; it is likely that, at some point, in some post or another, a shoe will fit you-you need to be mature enough to handle that without taking it as a personal attack on you

images and links that may contain things inappropriate for a younger audience

this blog is founded upon the idea that fiction has reflections in reality, but that fiction does not utterly equate to reality. You should write with realism, your characters should be people in their own right, and you should absolutely be addressing many popular topics responsibly, which is to say realistically. I do not support or otherwise condone purity culture, so while realism is a big deal here, fiction = reality arguments are a no

seriously, you have no idea how fucking salty I am! I try to be fair, reasonable, and mellow with everyone, but it can and does come out.

This blog tags for common, major triggers, but it is not for those easily triggered or particularly sensitive. By proceeding, you take responsibility for yourself...like a mature adult. I expect you to utilize blacklist, unfollow, and block. Tag format is simple, it is literally just the word in most cases, with “cw” and “tw” added to particularly common things. Example, a post containing a breakdown of forms of dubcon will be tagged #dubcon #dubious consent. If that was specifically of a sexual nature, since tumblr is unfriendly to using Not Safe For Work now, I will be using #notsafe for sexual topics. In the event that this needs to change, it will be posted about, the previous tag left intact, so that you may update your blacklist.

You are always welcome to send me an ask or private message requesting a particular trigger be tagged for you. I try to check blogs I see following, especially if I follow back, so that I can tag what you require. However, I’m a person, I’m an ND, ill, busy person though, I do make mistakes!

If you find yourself desirous of telling me to tag in a hateful way, don’t. You will not be responded to with an apology and kindness. Do not be rude, it’s uncalled for when informing someone of a problem or making a request.

I will run the blog largely on a queue, and will not be following many people back. This is not personal! I just like to try to provide content at many different times, have a life elsewhere, and I am so happy that you love your fandom, but it might not be something I’ve enough interest in to have on my dash.

Don’t tumblr message me. Use the inbox or submit.

Due to recent events, I am changing this rule. It’s hard for me to receive messages unexpectedly, and I hate to imply that I’ll be able to get to these quicker because it isn’t the truth. Quicker, better responses come from the inbox. However, there have been too many incidents lately in which people needed to speak privately and had to make that a request. If you’re having a problem and need to vent, request sensitive advice, etc.? It’s alright, go ahead and drop me a PM, y’all. I’ll get back to you as soon as I am able. Please, do not be angry with me if I respond to inbox things or my queue is running! You’re important to me, I just might not have the requisite social cognition and energy you deserve at that time.

Aggressive inbox messages will be responded to in kind. I don’t care if you are on anon or not, if you haven’t an ounce of polite communication skills, I won’t have them either. This is not a “we don’t publish anon hate” blog.

I highly encourage asks and submissions on any and all RP topics, and it’s perfectly alright to be salty as fuck in them, you can totally vent here, but don’t take out your frustration on me or be demanding of me. I am always happy to help with information, advice, or just a response to your venting-it’s important to know someone is listening. However, it may take me a few days to a week to get to you, be patient. 

If you are going to vent, leave out usernames. This isn’t a callout or burnbook blog. It’s fine to state characters and fandoms, but if this becomes a problem, it’ll have to change. I don’t want this becoming a salt blog for one or two fandoms I very likely can’t even stand. Practice the fine art of alluding to things, its good experience for your writing! Besides, RPC problems are RPC problems, I promise. It might feel like it’s just your fandom, but there is something relatable in all corners.

I will not overly police comments. Keep the slurs and shit out of it, though. If there is an issue going on pertaining to a serious instance of hate speech, or behavior I, personally, deem as too inappropriate and/or immature to be taking place on my post, I will step in. Otherwise, I expect everyone to be adults in the comments and reblogs too. If you want to argue with each other, that’s your business. If you want to argue with me, I’m not sorry in advance.

Addition to the above: this is not a blog in which it will be tolerated that commentators or those submitting with the URLS are targeted for callouts, shaming, or other instances of bullying. No, I cannot make those people stop bothering you by blocking them, but the least I can do is address that by shutting down their access to this blog and it’s posts by blocking on the URLs I have for them. And I will. Fuck that “we can’t be responsible for” shit. It’s my blog, it’s my content I’m putting out there, I’m not going to just ignore shit like what went down over on COAR, thanks. Not. Cool.

This is definitely not a place for:

people who think giving muses labels, including top/bottom “dynamics,” is a good substitute for character traits, personality, and development

those with no reading comprehension skills

folks dependent upon aesthetics and aesthetics-based purple prose as filler for actual writing

anti-original character/just wants to fuck a FC or canon character club, get the fuck out immediately

y’all who see writing as an obstacle to getting down to action, be that smut, drama, or fight scenes...it’s literally a writing hobby

politics, any manner of phobe or ism, violent/non-inclusive feminists, purity/rpc/fandom/content police of any manner, and exactly any manner of racism, sexism, or religious intolerance - I give not a shit if it’s popular to hate the straights, for example, I neither believe in nor tolerate reactionary classifying of any group as blanket-statement evil

people who are going to tack onto my posts shit like, “it’s okay, OP, you can say x character.” Trust me, if I were talking about one character, I fucking would name drop them, don’t bring me into your fandom drama, I doubt I know or want to know who that anime guy is who looks like 12 other anime guys to me.

About Vespertine

You can call me that, Vespertine. I’d rather you didn’t go with Vesper, but as it is unfortunately so likely to happen, I won’t feed you to the dogs over it either. RPB Mun is also acceptable.

I’m alright with either she/her or he/him, they/them is also fine. Apparently, that was big enough clue-in for the poor reading comp crowd, so while I feel it is not of importance, I’m nonbinary, yes.

Late 30′s, chronically ill but still working adult with neurodivergence. I’m both busy and Busy, and always sick. This limits my brain power and ability to be here. I have an active RP blog that I won’t be sharing to keep responsible distance. That is always going to be my priority, it is my primary hobby.

Please, don’t tumblr message me totally random things if we don’t have that kind of relationship! I’m too ill and busy, and it really fucks my nerves to have a bunch of messages/have to suddenly interact socially with people. Don’t do it. Use my inbox, use the submit, comment on posts. I cannot do random messages of “hey” and so forth.

I only do written RP, don’t expect me to understand much of anything from tabletop. I’ve RPed for the last 23 years consistently, on every platform from AOL chats to forums to messengers and here. I also don’t do RP in discord, so I’m sorry, but I can’t advise you much on anything with a word count, except to stop it for serious RP. Other than that, I promise you that I’ve seen the trends, the drama, the fandoms. I can give a lot of advice and perspective on a wide range of topics, situations, and characters! When I don’t have a clue at all, I’ll try to do enough research to give you an answer.

Do I come off as a horrible, strict asshole? I do! I’m not going to say that I am just a shy bean who is more scared of you than you are me. I’m not. I’m honestly feral, but have common decency, compassion, and sense. All of which are lacking in the general RPC. So, if you can inbox/common/otherwise interact with anyone else on this site, you can totally handle me!

Honesty and openness are policies.

And in the spirit of that, I repeat; you can fucking do better, tumblr RPC!

[atozfic]

fic writer tag.

i was tagged by @/literally no one, i just like filling in these tag games instead of writing my wips. 🥰

1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?

harry potter, marvel, the umbrella academy, 5sos.

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for?

ateez, will be expanding that list soon though.

3. how long have you been writing?

basically since i developed the ability to spell, but started writing fan-fiction when i was way too young to be doing so, like most of us. i stopped for around a year or so before starting up again in march, when i opened this account.

4. on which platforms do you post your stories?

only tumblr. if you see my stories anywhere else, they've been plagiarized and i would really appreciate being informed about it.

5. what is your favorite genre to write?

i hate this kind of question because it feels so open-ended but ig angst. useful angst though, not just sad shit happening for the sake of putting the characters and the reader through the pain.

6. are you a pantser or a planner?

a very chaotic combination of both. i write out a bullet form of every scene for a fic and then just randomly add details as i write. shorter fics tend to just be spur of the moment word vomit.

7. one-shot or multi-chapter?

both, even thought right now i've only posted one-shots so far. a multi-chapter fic is in the works though.

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?

every story requires a different word-count to be correct. sometimes, you can say more with 100 words about a character than you could with 10k words.

9. what is your longest published story?

a touch of frost, but i'm pretty sure siren will overpass it in word count.

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most?

overdrive. fuck i'm in love with that fic and so unashamed to admit that. wrote the second half of it the day it was set to be posted and it was the most chaotic yet enjoyable 9 hours of my life.

11. favorite request you’ve written and why?

i've not done many requests, because i'm terrible at fulfilling them but it's a tie between my wooyoung greek mythology au drabble, yeosang apocalypse au drabble or my mingi ghost au drabble.

12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories?

i have this incessant need to make half my characters mentally ill and i refuse to accept that it's just self-reflection. i also enjoy having realistic obstacles and troubles for my characters. not everything has to be life or death for it to be a valid concern in someone's life.

13. current number of wips?

i hope you all know i'm about to break out in a nervous sweat as i admit this but,, 26.

14. three things you have noticed about your writing?

1) i tend to repeatedly use the word "and" instead of just adding a damn comma.

2) i'm awful at describing surrounding scenes, and perfectly okay with that. personally, when i read, i'm far more interested in the characters and how they feel rather than reading paragraph after paragraph about the different architectural descriptions for the actual setting that do nothing but bore me and steal my focus away from the actual story at hand. this isn't shade, by the way, just me sharing a preference.

3) everyone buckle up, i'm about to actually praise something about myself. shocking, i know. but i feel like i'm good at making everything in a story count, even if it takes some time to make sense. dialogue, details, different facts about the characters, pretty much everything that i share is there for a reason and drives the story towards where i want it to go.

15. a quote you like from a published story?

"no one warns you about how lonely being an adult is.“

16. a quote from an unpublished story?

"we let you on board our ship, let you move into our home. we trusted you. i trusted you. and all you've done is lie to us. (...) get out of my sight.”

17. space for you to say something to your readers~~

how does it feel to be the sexiest, biggest brained bitches out there? no but fr, i have such an unhealthy amount of appreciation towards all of you. you've all been nothing but kind and encouraging since the start and have really given me a place where, even if i sometimes doubt its value, i feel comfortable enough to post my writing and feel welcome enough to share my dumb ass shit posts. i hope you know i see every like, every reblog, every comment left in tags, every ask or mention sent my way and i couldn't be more thankful for having met/interacted with you all. i promise to do my best to repay you all with chaotic fics fueled by my own existential crisis and dread.

as for tagging, i'm not tagging anyone because i really just think you guys should answer this tag game if you feel like it. ain't no shame in wanting to entertain yourself for a few minutes.

[lillupon]

So, I've got a very long rant/opinion here and Idk really know how to say this without coming off kinda bad but I'm gonna say it anyways. I agree with the fact that the seventeen tag has been kinda dry lately on most fanfic places, but it's really only in the smut area. It's the sane way with other groups too I feel like. All of the nice little innocent tags are boomin to this day and thats completely fine. I think the smut tag is dry tho bc lately I feel like a few social issues (like sexualizing people and disrespecting them and their identity) have crossed over into kpop and have been ?blown out of proportion? Lately there's been a rampage of people who like to say that writing smut about someone is disgusting and is dehumanizing because people want to assume that it would make the idols uncomfortable which could equate to some morality issues on how you are reducing someone only to their body without their consent and a bunch of stuff like that. It kind of pisses me off bc this is fiction. About grown adults. Clamping down on horny people who simp over hot asian men isn't going to solve the issues we face in real life. I think a shit ton is wrong with the world we currently live in, and deciding to come after something that isn't even real bothers me. Like what does that actually accomplish. But yeah, I think thats a reason why smut has been dying down. I mean, on youtube almost every video about unpopular opinions, or things they dont like about kpop will include something about shipping idols in fanfics. And then everyone in the comment section will talk about how its all fine and dandy in moderation, but once people start writing smut it's crossing the idols personal boundaries. It's something I've been seeing a lot more often and I think people who are interested in writing smut are being turned away from it bc we've gotten to a point where people are being called disgusting for having fantasies.

Hi Anon, thank you for sending in this Ask. 

I want to preface this by saying: when I write or talk about Mingyu and Wonwoo fucking on my blog, it is a fantasy. I am not speculating about what the real Mingyu and Wonwoo might be like in bed. I am imagining the versions of Mingyu and Wonwoo that I have created in my head, that exist only in my stories. None of it is real. I understand that this can be a blurry boundary for some people. But for me, the separation between fantasy and reality is well-defined. Now, on to your Ask!

You’ve hit the nail on the head with this one. You’ve also touched on many of the issues I have been struggling with myself as of late. It’s difficult to argue about morals since everyone has a different set of values, as well as different comfort levels. Some people think real person fiction (RPF) is a gross invasion of privacy. Others are fine with it. And others don’t care one way or another. There is no single answer; I can only offer my answer. Which means, of course, people are welcome to disagree with it, or parts of it. 

In this essay (LOL But forreal: this is an essay), I will be sharing my experience in the k-pop fanfic community from 2014 to present, the etiquette I personally abide by as a reader and writer of RPF, as well as my stance on RPF in general.

I started reading and posting fanfics back in 2014/2015 on a website called AsianFanfics (AFF). Obviously, no one on that site had a problem with RPF, since AFF is a platform made specifically for sharing stories about Asian celebrities. For many years, I read and enjoyed RPF with zero guilt. I scribbled away by myself in my own corner of fandom and curated my own content. I didn’t interact much with other fans, readers, or writers. I didn’t have a Twitter, and I only used tumblr to reblog memes. As a result, I’ve been able to avoid a lot of anti-shipping discourse, as well as purity and cancel culture. I had no idea there were so many negative opinions about RPF. It wasn’t until I became active on the subreddit r/Fanfiction last year that I learned about all the discourse surrounding RPF. 

This newfound ‘awareness’ does make me feel guilty at times—but only because after mulling this over, I still don’t think this is something to feel guilty about.

Here’s what I remember, first and foremost, when I create and consume RPF: fanfics and my favourite ships are fictional, and fiction is fantasy. This is basic etiquette when it comes to RPF, and most people in the k-pop fandom understand this. Delusional fans exist, of course, but they are not representative of the entire k-pop community. 

Another point of etiquette is to keep fanfics within fandom spaces. I would never push my fics into celebrities’ faces, or go around claiming that my fanfics are accurate representations of a k-idol’s life or personality, in any way, shape, or form. I would also discourage directing ship-related questions to official accounts, or bringing them up during fansigns or other face-to-face interactions; I believe that in these instances, shipping does have the potential to strain real-life relationships.

So with basic etiquette out of the way, let me share my approach to RPF in general.

As much as we like to think we know our favourite celebrities, we really don’t. All we see is their public persona. And this public persona is intentionally controlled, managed, and curated by a team of people: directors, tabloids, editors, makeup artists, publicists, etc. How “real” are these celebrities? We are so distanced from them that they may as well be fictional.

I draw from the public persona that idols project, and I work them into my own writing. But at the end of the day, these personalities are my own interpretation. My interpretation is probably nothing like an idol’s actual personality. I just use the “public persona/character” that idols portray as inspiration for my own stories, which are set in wildly different universes.

More than anything, I think of k-pop idols as “actors” in my fic. You know how when you write an original novel, you scroll through Google images, looking for the perfect person to portray your original character? RPF is literally that, except you might build upon pre-existing dynamics and personalities.

When it comes to explicit fanfiction, two main concerns are prevalent: one of consent, and one of sexualisation.

If we argue against explicit RPF due to lack of consent, we should be willing to apply the same lens to all explicit works. How do we know that the creator of a movie, book, series, etc., is okay with us using their characters in our stories, explicit or not? We don’t. Perhaps some creators encourage fanfiction, but don’t want their lovingly crafted characters engaging in sexual acts or experiencing trauma. We just don’t know. I feel this line is even more blurred when we talk about characters from movies or TV series.

Let’s take Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes, as portrayed by Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan, from the Captain America movies as an example. I am willing to bet that when people consume and create explicit fanfiction about Steve and Bucky, they are imagining Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan in their heads. I doubt many people are imagining the 2D cartoon versions of Steve and Bucky, even though they’re technically the exact same characters. Why? Well, it could be because movies are more readily and easily consumed than comics, and so people are unfamiliar with comic book Steve and Bucky. But it might also be because fans find Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan attractive. Is this really any different from RPF, where fic authors make up everything about a celebrity’s life?  

When readers and writers of fanfic talk about how hot Steve Rogers or Bucky Barnes is, those comments are about Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan’s bodies. When reading explicit stories, fans are going to picture Chris and Sebastian’s bodies in their head, doing sexual things. Can we say, “Well, it’s not really you, Chris/Sebastian”, when in a way, it is?

The reality is, people are going to thirst over celebrities, regardless of whether or not explicit fanfiction exists. They’re going to post thirst tweets on Twitter. They’re going to talk to friends and strangers online about how hot [insert celebrity name here] is. They’re going to fantasize about dating and having sex with their favourite celebrity. Or, as it is in my case, they’re going to make up stories in their heads about their favourite idols dating and banging each other. People are going to do all of this without ‘getting consent’ from the celebrity. Cracking down upon and shaming writers of RPF isn’t going to change any of that.

To be honest, I’m not sure why people think it is disgusting to imagine sexual scenarios about real people. It is okay and normal to have these kinds of fantasies. I suppose the alternative is to fantasise about having sex with cartoon characters instead? It’s a very binary way of thinking to say that if you imagine/write real people in explicit scenarios, you are immediately sexualising, dehumanising, or objectifying them. There is more to dehumanisation than writing smut about our favourite celebrities. For one thing, you can love someone and appreciate all parts of them, and still want to fuck their brains out. And generally, fanfics come from a place of love—love that is not only sexual in nature.

Is it the sharing aspect inherent to fanfiction? The possibility that a celebrity might stumble upon explicit works about them? The chances are very low, I think, of the k-pop idols I enjoy writing about coming across my English fics. But I also believe in curating your own content, and that applies to celebrities too. Perhaps a celebrity should not go searching for fanfics about themselves. And of course, people should not show celebrities their fanfics, unless invited.

Another argument I hear against (explicit) RPF is, “How would you feel if someone wrote fanfiction about you?” First off, I don’t like this argument because there’s a difference between someone who decides to be a public figure versus someone who decides to remain a regular private citizen. Celebrities should and do know what they’re getting into when they choose their occupation. (This is not to say, “They are celebrities; sexualise them all you want because that’s what they signed up for.” Here, I am only acknowledging that people might have sexual fantasies about celebrities they are attracted to. Presumably, celebrities are cognizant of this.)  

If someone (whose existence I am not even aware of, mind you) decides they want to write explicit fanfiction of me in some tiny corner of the Internet, I wouldn’t care so long as: (1) they don’t shove it into my face, and (2) they don’t harass me and ask invasive questions about my personal life and relationships. It’s not hurting me or negatively affecting my life, so it wouldn’t even register as a blip on my radar. When fanfiction remains within its appropriate spaces, it is largely harmless. 

Now, if a k-pop idol were to ask their fans to stop writing fanfiction about them, would I? Yes, I would. However, I can’t imagine that happening. Judging by the number of ‘sexy’ concepts, fanservice moments, and variety shows such as ‘We Got Married’, I am certain that k-pop idols realise they are the stars of many fantasies—some of which are explicit in nature. Considering the prevalence of shipping in the k-pop industry, I would argue that shipping is subtly encouraged.

It’s sad that so many talented writers are shamed out of fandom, or feel that k-pop cannot be the medium through which they tell their stories, or explore their sexuality, or cope with trauma, or simply have fun. Professional works and Hollywood love their RPF—readers and writers of fanfics should be able to, as well. 

As you said Anon, “clamping down on horny people who simp over hot asian men isn't going to solve the issues we face in real life” (this is a lovely sentence, by the way). The kind of person who dehumanises another and reduces them to a sexual object will do so some other way, if not via fanfiction. I don’t think the issue of fetishisation can be fixed simply by telling people not to write explicit RPF. In my experience, people who read and write RPF are more respectful and thoughtful about these things than the general public. We’ve all seen the general public say highly sexual things about celebrities in the media and to their faces, or tag celebrities in their thirst tweets. Are these things less invasive than fanfiction? Personally, I don’t think so. And in my opinion, there are more pressing and damaging issues in stan culture than fanfic.

In conclusion, I don’t think there is anything wrong with creating and consuming RPF, both explicit and non-explicit so long as we:

Remember we are writing fiction

Keep RPF within its appropriate space, and

Do not harass celebrities about their personal lives and relationships

RPF is not for everyone. There may be people who enjoy RPF, but draw the line at explicit stories. This is fine. Everyone has their own personal preferences. What is not fine, however, is attacking people for creating things you don’t like. I’m not sure what kind of moral crusade people are on and what they hope to achieve by shaming writers of RPF, explicit or otherwise. Ultimately, fic authors are writing a fantasy. It’s not real; no one is being hurt. I think it’s important for people to curate their own content, and AO3 makes it very easy to filter out explicit works and unwanted tags. 

Maybe this is me trying to justify my own participation in explicit RPF—I don’t know. What I do know is that I love k-pop, and fandom is an important part of my media and entertainment experience. I adore the k-pop idols I write about, and I just want to imagine them being happy and getting lots of love and orgasms. Let a bitch be horny, goddamn… 

Some bonus fun facts!

At the time I am writing this, on AO3:

26.2% of Stray Kids fanfics are rated M or E

26.3% of Seventeen fanfics are rated M or E

29.0% of Merlin fanfics are rated M or E

34.9% of Captain America (Movies) fanfics are rated M or E

40.1% of BTS fanfics are rated M or E ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Coincidentally, I saw this post on Reddit this morning: Can we have a RPF positivity post?