#Manic Depression

[possibly-a-secunit]

[xvelvetcoffinx]

backshots this, backshots that, i would like to be taken out back and shot

[vixensofdeath]

I destroy myself to make me feel better but in the end I always feel worse.

[traumakid-hideout]

An episode of mania almost always always always starts out so euphorically, makes you feel like you’re on the perfect drug, makes your confidence and motivation sky rocket and has you romanticizing all the fun it baits you with. It feels so amazing, you feel like nothing can hurt you or get to you.

Then the irritability comes, genuine rage, such an uncomfortable and overwhelming increase in libido, dangerous impulses, social behavior to be humiliated from by the time you crash, severe sleep deprivation that disorients the fuck out of you the longer you go without it, without even feeling tired at all. But feeling completely out of control. And if it escalates, Lord help you. Hallucinations, bad paranoia, black outs, substance abuse (or relapse if you happen to be recovering), delusions, everything that could get you into a psych ward. It isn’t fun at the end and any pleasure you feel is completely illusionary.

The worst part is I still normally never want it to stop. Because the depression after, which gets so ugly and terrible the longer, more intense the mania is, is something I’m not looking forward to at all. That, and mania can really sometimes convince you that you love it. I’m not wanting to go there though, because I have a lot to lose. Even if I don’t lose anything, I’m tired of this cycle and just can’t afford to desire it anymore. So I’m managing where I can, but wow it’s just scary to watch it take you higher and higher into it, and further and further away from yourself.

This is precisely why I despise any sort of stigma toward bipolar disorder. It’s so misunderstood, misquoted, and mistreated. I just really want and need some help. My hands are so sweaty and shaky, my heart and my mind are racing, I can’t stop talking, I can’t eat. I can’t focus, I can only fixate. And it’s just so overwhelming already.

[purpledeathh]

God if you exist prove it by killing me in my sleep tonight

[kawaiibunnygirll]

…

[bleedspink]

the mirror

-

every morning i look into the mirror

i stare at her with disgust

i want to wrap my fingers around her throat

squeeze tightly

i want to watch the life leave her eyes

until her ocean eyes become a sickly grey

i want to stab her over and over

watch the crimson flow

pour down her pretty pale skin

i want to break her bones

make her hurt like she hurt me

when she’s finally dead

on the bathroom floor

i mourn what used to be

[xvelvetcoffinx]

[stumped-on-bennington]

literally how it feels to be a manic depressive

[talmaroussohertz]

When they ask me who’s my celebrity crush and I can’t say David Tennant, specifically in “Takin’ Over The Asylum”, specifically with the multicolored-squares jumper, specifically with the Glaswegian accent.

So I just say “Tom Holland”.

[sysboxes]

[Text: This user has manic depression.]

[Text: This system has manic depression.]

[Text: This collective has manic depression.]

[Text: This alter has manic depression.]

[Text: This part has manic depression.]

Like/Reblog if you save or use!

[ha1leysblog]

[tezriaetho]

shit been pissing me off to no end lately

i just want to scream

[bloody-gh0st-thing]

feel depressed for a week -> 2 week manic episode -> try to recover from manic episode -> feel completely numb for a week bc the happiness is gone -> mental breakdown -> feel depre

[that-bipolar-mood]

I met quite a handful of people with bipolar disorder who were over medicated. They often complained about the numerous side effects and issues the meds brought on.

Yet they couldn't stop, always begging for more, or a different combination. It baffled me when I could never handle more than 3 different meds.

Then I understood that some are desperate to feel the way they did before. We all have our 'befores'. Before the first episode, before diagnosis... And it's almost impossible to accept that you are changed and the before will never return to present.

Perhaps all those with chronic illnesses might relate. Seemingly, each of us lived two lives, were two people.

[bleedspink]

starved

-

I don’t know when it started—
this hunger,
quiet, unspoken,
but always gnawing at me,
like a thing I can’t name
but can’t escape.

I need to feel the weight of your eyes on me,
the way you see me,
without needing to ask.
Your attention is light,
and I burn for it,
aching for your gaze
like a plant starving for the sun.

There’s a pull in my chest
whenever you’re near,
and when you look away—
it tightens,
a string pulled too tight,
suffocating me
with its silence,
but I can’t stop tugging,
waiting for you to return.

I want to be the only thing you see,
the only thought that slips through your mind
when the world swallows you whole.
I want your voice to be the last thing I hear
before sleep,
the first thing I wake to.

I don’t know how to explain this need—
this ache,
this thing that claws at my insides,
grows sharper when you’re not looking,
when I’m not enough
just by existing here.

But when you give me your time,
your eyes,
it feels like everything else disappears—
like I’ve found something
I didn’t know I was starving for,
something I’ll never be able to survive without.