#Splitting

[fictoweirdoesten]

How the lad's guys would deal with a split reader ♡ (Sylus, Rafayel, Caleb)

cw: gn! reader (for caleb, it's heavily implied reader is small and afab! sorry, had to self insert a bit!). bpd/splitting/disorganized attachment episode. informal writing(?). there's angst but there's also fluff I promsie. caleb is a bit freaky at the end. use of petnames (sweetie, kitten, cutie, pips, baby).

a/n: I'm kinda tired of warning those who I get too close to about my splitting episodes and possible bpd and their response always being, "Oh yeah I can handle it! I won't leave you" and then they grow distant as soon as the mood swings begin :) it's a waste of time and energy for me and I'd rather just not be friends with anyone anymore for their and my sake. So...this is a cope, self-indulgent fic for me, but I wanted this to be as inclusive as possible for anyone else going through the same things I am. I tried to include all the different reasons for splitting I could think of/personally went through (Abandonment, Envy, Self-Worth)

Lack of Zayne and Xavier because I don't see them being able to handle an unstable reader...sorry. If you're a Zayne/Xavier girly though I'm sure he'd absolutely love and adore you ♡ I just have a hard time envisioning it.

rafayel's is kinda short and caleb's is kinda long I'm sorry-

🐦‍⬛ Poor, Poor Sylus. He just had to be busy the entire week, too busy to spend time with his clingy 'kitten'.

🐦‍⬛ You walk up to Sylus in his office, watching him type away on the desktop keyboard. Your chest starts to tighten, knowing the response that he'll give you, but you hope you're proven wrong today.

🐦‍⬛ "Sylus, could we-" "Sorry sweetie, but I'm very busy right now."

🐦‍⬛ You try to hide your insecurities from Sylus as you nod and walk off, but he could tell something was off when you didn't persist like you usually would, but he decided not to bring it up.

🐦‍⬛ Poor, Poor Sylus...

🐦‍⬛ It's been 2 days since then, and you've only been texting him one or two words. You always come and visit him but now? Nowhere to be seen.

🐦‍⬛ He starts to wonder what he's done wrong...so, he takes action right away. $1000 + funds suddenly added to your account, your favorite coffee spot delivered to you as soon as you wake up, flowers delivered to your door...

🐦‍⬛ Your response? "I'm tired of you buying things and expecting me to forgive you!" You hang up, and he sits absolutely perplexed, staring at his phone.

🐦‍⬛ The twins spot their boss with an expression they rarely ever see, so they ask him what's wrong.

🐦‍⬛ "She suddenly grew distant from you?" "Maybe she's got that uh, 'BPD' thing?"

🐦‍⬛ "BPD?" Sylus pondered, and he soon got to work on his laptop, looking up everything he needed to know about the disorder. It was never confirmed that you were even diagnosed with it...but he was desperate for an answer, so why not?

🐦‍⬛ He could also just...ask, but he didn't want to bother you any further for the day (that's his excuse anyway).

🐦‍⬛ Sylus shows up at your door at midnight, and as he studies your blank expression before walking inside. He pats the space next to him on the couch, beckoning you to sit.

🐦‍⬛ "Is your recent behavior towards me because I haven't been spending time with you lately," Sylus asks, making sure not to seem judgemental or exhausted when he asks. You reluctantly nod, and he lets out a hum, suddenly wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you closer to him.

🐦‍⬛ "Well, just so you know, I don't hate you. I'm just incredibly busy, and I'm sorry if I've come across as distant." You shake your head, nuzzling against his arm as you mumble your own apology.

🐦‍⬛ "No need kitten. Let's just come up with a compromise. Oh and, promise me the next time I offend you somehow, let me know."

🐠 You think this fishy doesn't understand your self-destructive tendencies? Honestly the two of you probably, definitely shouldn't be a couple, but it's the clear communication and respect that keeps your relationship from falling apart.

🐠 So when you're suddenly distant from him after the art exhibit, he's quickly pestering you with as many questions as possible to figure out what's wrong.

🐠 "Was I too far away from you?" "Did I not pay attention to you as much?" "Did you misinterpret something that I said?"

🐠 You glance away from him, shaking your head. He pouts, staring at you in complete silence until a light bulb goes off.

🐠 "Is it...because of her?" You freeze. Bullseye. Rafayel sighs, his hand lightly banging his head as he fakes being distraught.

🐠 "After all this time! This cutie still insists that I have my eyes on other fish in the sea!" He lets out a dramatic sigh, shaking his head. "Honestly!"

🐠 You can't help but giggle at his antics, realizing that you were (probably) worrying over nothing once again. He squeezes and tugs at your cheeks, puckering his lips and making kissy faces at you.

🐠 "Glub Glub! This little fishie is absolutely infatuated with you! That silly woman from earlier thought she could ever compare to you. What a fool I say! Glub Glub!"

🐠 You can't help but burst into a fit of laughter then. Rafayel smiles, wrapping his arms around your waist as he rests his head on top of yours.

🐠 "I love you, cutie. You and only you."

🍎 Of course he's aware of his cute little pip's mood swings. How one little thing he does can change your whole opinion about him. He never wants you to suddenly think he's the worst human ever, that he doesn't care for you, that he doesn't love you. He tries his hardest to reassure you everyday, to flower you in kisses and hugs when he can, but sometimes even that isn't enough.

🍎 He made a mistake. A mistake he'll curse himself for years to come.

🍎 He was lying on the couch, scrolling through social media on his phone. You walk towards him, leaning down, getting ready to kiss his forehead...when you see it, when you both see it:

🍎 A woman in a one-piece body suit. Quite curvy, small waist, pretty face, the usual.

🍎 Caleb grimaces at the picture, not at all attracted to the woman and continues to scroll. But you...you suddenly moved away from him, not bothering to finish your kiss as you walked straight to the room, closing the door.

🍎 Caleb heard the slam, heard the aggression behind it, and he quickly got up and knocked on your door to come check up on you. When you don't respond, he lets himself in, hoping you'll forgive him for it later.

🍎"Hey, you alright in there pip-"

🍎 He pauses, watching you poke and pull at your skin in front of the mirror. Your face was clearly uncomfortable, and the sight made his heart ache. Why is his favorite person looking in the mirror like that?

🍎 Caleb slowly but surely walks behind you, wrapping his arms around your chest and hugging you from behind. You grunt, grabbing at his arms to pry him away from you, but he insists in keeping his hold.

🍎 "I'm...not enough for you, Caleb. You deserve someone who is."

🍎 Caleb's grip suddenly grows tighter at your confession. He's visibly angry, not at you, but whoever hurt you enough for you to always doubt him and his love for you.

🍎 "Where did this come from? Who do I need to kill this time," he jokes, but there's truth and venom buried deep within his words. You shake your head, refusing to answer any of the questions he asks. Caleb becomes frustrated at your stubbornness, but he doesn't give up. He doesn't give up on you.

🍎 He still has you in his arms, his mind racing as he tries to trace the reason for your sudden mood swing. He suddenly lets out a gasp, and you watch as his expression changes from being tense to almost guilty as he stares back at your reflection in the mirror.

🍎 "You saw...didn't you?" He asks gently, and you slowly nod. Caleb let's out a sigh, and suddenly, carries you in his arms. He sits down on the edge of the bed with you in his lap, looking up at you with beady, pleading eyes.

🍎 "Hey, look at me." He moves his hand to your cheek, carressing it gently as he lets out a sigh, a sigh full of love and adoration. "There's no other person in this world I find more beautiful, attractive, then you. Do you understand that?"

🍎 You feel yourself blush at his words, but you still remain stubborn. He smiles at your stubbornness this time, his hands moving to your waist as he pulls you closer to him.

🍎"I love you so much, baby, just as much as you love me yeah? I couldn't live without you. I couldn't love anyone else but you. It's impossible."

🍎 You can't help but feel teary at his words, and you nuzzle your face into the corner of his neck to hide your tears from him. He lets out a chuckle, holding you tightly. The two of you sit there for a while like that, quiet and enjoying each other's warmth and company.

🍎 Caleb inches his lips to your ear, whispering gently, "I can't control what appears on my feed pips, I'm sorry. Forgive me?" You nod, moving back slightly to get a better look at his face as you smile at him, poking at his face. He giggles, playfully biting your finger.

🍎 "If you want...I don't mind listing everything I love about you right now. I can even write an essay if that's what you want."

🍎 You laugh, calling him a goober, but he was absolutely serious. He moves his hands to your hips, picking you up once more as he walks back to the living room.

🍎 "And if you ever split on me again, I might have to lock you up and force you to listen to an audio recording of me saying 'I love you' for 24 hours straight."

🍎 You laugh, but he was dead serious about that, too.

[a-healthy-dose-of-apathy]

i am once again grieving something i never had

[funeral--pyre]

Splitting on people is fucking stupid because what do you MEAN one thing happened and now it's hard to feel safe around you. What do you MEAN I have to keep beating my brain back with a stick. What the actual fuck is wrong with you.

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

I just saw a review of 19 that said that it was bad because it sympathizes with fascist. It was certainly a take any thought.

Dehumanization is a hell of a drug.

[i-deserve-it-all]

I hate how every time a close friend gets into a new relationship, it just keeps triggering my bpd in multiple ways and it causes me to self-sabotage a lot :(

I either cry and have a bpd episode over the fact I feel replaced and fear being abandoned, get triggered bc of my PTSD from my last relationship, split on them bc they chose someone over me or want to isolate away from them because I hate seeing people in their puppy love phase (they can't shut up about their partners) (and yes, when I have a crush/am in love/have a new fp I also don't shut up about them, I know I'm a hypocrite)

I just can't function around them, it feels like hell, I hate it so much, I also hate myself for not being able to just be chill and happy for them

Of course I pretend to my best ability to be happy for them and supportive, I mask all my emotions (unless I have a bpd episode and the mask slips off), but having to pretend makes this even more insufferable

[burned0utstar]

I'm trying to remember that I don't hate my friends, to remind myself that I am just hurt.

I am not wanting them to actually suffer, I just want them to know what it feels like to be ignored.

I am doing my best to acknowledge that I do not want to see them dead, that I just want them to stay and hug me.

I try to know that I am not a terrible person, while screaming at myself that I am.

[itspixthecrazybitch]

God I hate when they talk to me while distracted like either talk to me or commit to choosing something over me this is insulting and upsetting.

[autumn-sol]

whenever someone hurts or disappoints me every single good memory i've had with them either disappears or gets tainted. everything feels like a lie. no, they never loved me. no, they never cared. they were probably playing with my feelings. or maybe they once cared about me but they don't anymore. they hate me and want me to die. they think i'm hideous and clingy. they want me out of their life forever. so i tell myself "fine, i guess that's what i will do then".

[lixdoesntknow]

can i go like seven days without crashing out because i think no one cares about me, that would be nice.

[honeypleasejustkillme]

we just got in an argument and ofc afterwards we apologized but the guilt you feel after splitting is unreal.. i always feel like a piece of shit, a worthless pile of garbage, the fucking scum under the toilet.. like it’s so fucking hard living with this disorder and knowing you cause all these things because you can’t just regulate your own goddamn emotions like you’re supposed to be able to do.. it literally just makes me feel like an asshole and that i’m never gonna get better

[bpd-aware]

[ever-emotes]

I’ve made a set of system emotes! I decided to start with some basic ones that I could think of, and I’ll be making more in the future as well :]

Host, Co-host, system splitting, losing front, new member/fronter, and “Who am I/who is fronting?”

[the-label-sanctuary]

・₊✧𝘈 𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘮 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘥𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘳𝘺｡｡｡ -`♡´-

♡Anchored Person♡

✧Anchored Person (AP) (Also known as Grounded/Stable Person (GRP/SBP)): A term for people with any personality disorder used to describe someone who can anchor you during a splitting episode.✧

✧This can also be attached to other "-person" terms by adding Anchored- to them. Ex: Anchored Worthy Person (Credits to the Weeping System for making the flag)✧

♡Anchored Person Flag♡

♡Anchored- Flag addition♡

♡Anchored Worthy Person flag example♡

For a full list of Special Person terms, I made this doc for a comprehensible list. If you'd like to use my PD flags as emojis, I made this discord server with them as heart emojis! (Originally made to react to my SPs messages)

DISCLAIMER: All of these terms already have existed in the community before I posted them. If you have genuine questions or concerns, feel free to reach out and I will try to work with you! These terms are meant to be inclusive of ALL experiences I have heard of or experienced myself, so I have no issue adding things if necessary. These posts are meant to be short and sweet descriptions, not full deep delves on what each means! Feel free to make your own deep dives posts about your own experiences with these and @ me, I’ll definitely repost as long as they’re done in a respectful manner. 

Note: This one was actually coined by me lmao

[burned0utstar]

Fuck off. Fuck off, all of you, fuck off.

I hate you, you don't care. Admit it, you just don't care. So fuck off now.

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.

You can leave me, I don't care, fuck off and just leave me here.

Just fuck off. I don't need you. I don't.

[sysboxes]

[Text: This system splits really easily, and that doesn’t make them less valid.]

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