#Wanted to capture the experience in written form

[creatingblackcharacters]

As October approaches, I would like to encourage everyone to watch Jordan Peele films if they haven't already. It's quality horror with Black characters whose experiences as Black people actually play into the genre. I feel like Peele's contributions were a defibrillator we all needed. (IMO there was a lull where storytelling was taking a backseat to edginess, but these movies gave me some hope again.) Not to mention, his movies star Black people with full stories, meaningful action, and chilling commentary. Favorite characters galore. Even if you don't like to dissect horror, his content is enjoyable.

The easiest to recommend, personally, is Nope. A sci-fi Western horror, which sounds like a lot, but it's actually the best and SUPER fun. It's not nearly as scary as the other Peele movies, and it's a good start to anyone interested.

MY favorite character is Otis Junior Haywood, our main protagonist. He runs the family business: they're trained horse handlers for the film industry. He's softspoken but responsible and sensible, and is trying to take care of things after his father passes from a tragic accident. He's much better with horses than with people, but he's sharp and serious and sentimental. Even when he has to resort to selling horses to a local theme park, he wants to acquire them back and give them a good, long life.

The fan favorite is Emerald, his sister. She's funny, playful, and easygoing. She's OJ's confidant, but also a free spirit who is exploring all her options and trying to find her own place in Hollywood, so long as it's away from horse training. Unfortunately, it's not going well, as CGI and changing technology are quickly replacing all their gigs. The siblings notice paranormal activity in their area, though, and it's Em's idea to capture video proof of its existence so they can save the family business.

I think about OJ so much. He's a well-written character and every single interaction he has serves immense purpose-- and even the moments when he's all alone in the open, it's less that he's waiting for something to happen and more that he's watchful and observant. No second feels wasted while riding behind his eyes. He also has an EXTREMELY interesting foil to another character, whose trauma in film has been distorted to an extreme form of profiteering and delusion. I do love Em and my family thinks she's the best character, but OJ as our main protagonist is a perfect fit and I love how he was made for the role.

The main themes in Nope are about spectacle and exploitation: a legacy can be built on the remissions and injuries of others, like Hollywood and its unfair treatment of Black people; it's about the illusion of power between an animal handler (man) and a wild animal (the unknowable); it's about bearing witness to tragedy, and how the consumption of said tragedy can make the difference in how we interact with it. I think it's especially compelling that Western themes were incorporated into the story, as an extremely American-centric storytelling that often exploits BIPOC lives and storytelling for its perpetration. But in Nope, the siblings win the day and protect their home.

‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

[patchwork-crow-writes]

Golden ribbons of sacred light descend from the heavens, responding to your desperate plea for a miracle. They swirl and swoop through the air like birds of sparkling crystal, leaving shimmering trails in their wake. You watch, breath caught in your throat, as the light converges upon the body of your dearest friend, settling like effervescent dew upon their lifeless form. Like the merest whisper of a sigh, the light is drawn into them, imparting a soft glow upon their surroundings that moves you to tears. It's like coming home, and you feel in the deepest reaches of your immortal soul that everything is going to be okay.

*Miss*

[zylev-blog]

Danny was pissed. He was chilling in the Speedforce, waiting on his dad—the Flash—to show up when he felt something shift around him. He exited the speedforce to find that the timeline had changed again, and he had been written out of the timeline. He technically was a time anomaly now, and didn’t exist. So he talked to Clockwork, a ghost he’d gotten to know extremely well after Danny’s creation.

Danny was a clone of the Flash and Green Lantern(Hal Jordan) as part of an experiment that Lex Luthor had taken prior to cloning Superboy. Lex had wanted to know if the power ring was able to transmit anything genetically (it couldn’t. It was a wearable weapon, not a genetic thing.) but Danny had inherited Flash’s superspeed, so he wasn’t a complete loss. Danny wasn’t sure if he looked more like either man, considering they both wore masks. He had brown hair and green eyes. Beyond that, he tanned well, was tall for his age, and packed on muscle far easier than the Flash did. He hadn’t ever seen either man out of the costume.

After a talk with Clockwork, he decided he was just going to force his way back into his Dad’s life. Both of them, if possible. He arrived years before his creation by mistake, right near the start of the Justice League. By his estimates, the team had only been formed for a year before he’d arrived. It was strange; he both didn’t exist and was from the future. He guessed that it was around nine years before his birth, and since he was technically six months old, he was 9 years in the past. Thinking about this was going to give him a headache.

The Justice League was severely mistrustful of each other. They didn’t go out of their way for teamups, didn’t have weekly meetings, and almost pretended if the other members didn’t exist. The most recluse of them was Batman, of course. If any hero set foot in Gotham, they were booted out before they even got to downtown. Danny highly suspected Batman had the entire city on camera. The situation was weirding him out more than before. What had happened to the team?! He was used to everyone being one big family, and even the sidekicks having their own teams… speaking of sidekicks, why was Robin so small?! Wait a minute, that wasn’t the third Robin that he was used to, that was the first Robin! Baby Nightwing!

Thankfully for him, he still had his costume on this entire time as he zipped around the country, spying on the younger members of the Justice League. It was surreal watching everyone try to capture him, but he wasn’t going to be caught that easily!

Eventually his presence forced the Justice League into another teamup. Batman laid the trap out, and Flash lured him into it. The plan was so beautiful that he didn’t even realize it was a trap until he was caught in it. Green Lantern took off Danny’s mask, and for the first time, he looked at his fathers without a mask. They didn’t make the connection to him right away. It wasn’t until Wonder Woman’s lasso made its way around his wrist that the truth finally came out.

“Who are you?” Wonder Woman asked.

“Oof , hard question—ow ow oww—I’m being honest!” He struggled against the lasso as it started to burn him. “My designation was Dn-y, I go by Danny, though. I’m a clone.”

“Of who?” Batman demanded.

“Flash and Green Lantern.” The lasso was glowing brightly, indicating that he was telling the truth.

“How did you escape?” Flash asked.

He didn’t answer right away. He was trying to think about how to phrase the whole time traveling—timeline erasure thing when the lasso started to burn him again. “Ow ow! Sorry, I’m thinking! Ow! Turn down the settings on that thing, holy shit—okay, okay.” He winced, his words coming out in one breath as he quickly talked, “What do you know about time travel?”

Diana’s eyebrows were rising. “How are you able to resist the lasso for so long?”

“I’m not really resisting it.” He answered, noting the obvious deflect of his last question, “I just-oww—okay! My mind moves too fast for me to put into words sometimes and it makes me stop to think about it, but like, I’m not good at controlling the speed in which I speak all the time—owww make this thing stop burning me! I’m speaking honestly!”

Diana revoked the lasso, and he rubbed his wrist where his costume was starting to singe. He was still trapped in an anti-speedster prison, so it wasn’t exactly like he was going anywhere anyway.

“Why were you asking about time travel?” Batman asked.

“Based on the crickets chirping I heard earlier, that leads me to believe you guys haven’t had any experience in it yet.” He leaned against the wall of the prison, wincing as it shocked him with electricity. “Seriously? How paranoid are you, Batman?” He rubbed his shoulder. “Honestly, I don’t know what I was expecting with you people, but I feel so attacked right now.”

“So we have experience with it in the future?” Superman piped up.

“Yeah?” His tone of voice equated to a ‘duh’ tone. “Why would I ask what you knew if I wasn’t from the future?”

“How far in the future are you from?” Green Lantern asked.

“Nine years, maybe close to ten? Timelines are weird. I’m technically six months old, but at the same time I’m sixteen. Cloning is odd, but I was like, the first clone ever, so I don’t really have a basis for this sort of thing, if you catch my drift.” He shrugged. He seemed like he talked a lot more than the heroes did, but he didn’t know if that was because he was a chatterbox, or because they weren’t comfortable in each other’s presence. Either way, the silence was odd to him.

“How did you end up here?” Batman asked.

“Honestly? I don’t fully know. Don’t give me that look, Diana! I’m telling the truth.” He added quickly as Diana fingered her lasso again. “All I know is one minute, I’m chilling in the Speedforce, and the next, the timeline is changed and I’m nine years too early for my birth. You’d think the timeline would at least have the decency to spit me out in my own year, but nooo, it wanted to—“

“What’s the Speedforce?” Superman interrupted.

He tilted his head at Superman’s question, then turned to the Flash. “How long have you had your powers?”

Flash shifted uncomfortably. “Two years.”

“Oh boy.” Danny’s green eyes widened. “You don’t know anything about them, do you?”

“I do know things!” Flash deflected, “My suit doesn’t catch on fire anymore! I can run up to Mach 2! I can get from either end of the country in thirty minutes!”

He groaned loudly. “Oh no. Oh no.” He chewed on his thumb, trying to recall everything he’d learned about his powers from his Flash. While he hadn’t learned his or Green Lantern’s identity yet, he knew almost everything about their hero personas and a lot of personal information. They were just worried of the Cadmus connection and didn’t want their identity to fall into the wrong hands if they still could see inside of Danny’s head.

“What’s wrong?” Diana asked.

“Okay.” He ran his hands through his brown hair, making it spike up. “Hypothetically—“ he cut himself off as Batman glared at him. “Okay, totally real, but uh, Flash, let’s just say that I’m faster than you right now. A lot faster.”

“How much?” Flash took a step forward, obviously curious.

“From what we can tell, I’ve topped out at Mach nine.” He responded with a dry laugh, “But your speed was still a lot faster than mine. You’d never tell me what it was. I’m still growing though, and I’m getting faster. I’m able to beat my precious time by almost double each time we test. But my situation was complicated, and things were happening, and it was a mess.”

“Like what?” Superman asked.

“World war three. I think?” He rubbed the back of his neck, a gesture that he had picked up from Green Lantern, “Things got complicated. That’s why I was going to wait for…” his eyebrows scrunched together as the last piece of the puzzle clicked into place. “It was you!” He turned to Flash. “You!” He jabbed a finger at the speedster. “You set this up! You set ME up!”

The heroes took fighting stances, but Superman took a step forward, blocking them from Danny. “What are you talking about?”

“Okay okay.” He was trying to calm down his anger, but he had been told by Green Lantern in the past that he had inherited the man’s anger issues. “Let me start at the beginning. This is going to be a long story, you might want to take a seat.”

Nobody moved, but everyone was tense.

“Or not. Okay. So my creation starts with Lex Luthor.” He noticed Superman stiffen. “He used me as his trial, if you will. Once he got a successful attempt at cloning—me—he moved onto his real target. Cloning Superman.” Danny’s green eyes hovered onto Superman’s blue ones. “He was successful.”

“What happened?” Superman’s voice was unnaturally quiet.

“Well, at first, Conner wasn’t showing that he had all the powers of Superman. So Lex tossed him aside and tried again. The second attempt was more successful than the first. But cloning Kryptonian dna was hard, I guess.” He shrugged. “The second clone lacked basic emotions. Empathy, remorse… it made him the perfect little weapon for Lex. But eventually, the clone’s anger and Lex’s greed got to a point of no return. Lex was elected President of the United States and uh…you can probably see where this is going, right? While the fighting hadn’t like…’officially’ started,” He used his fingers to create air quotes around the word ‘officially’, “Things were getting tense. See, we couldn’t take the clone down because Lex had wrote out the Kryptonite deficiency out of his weakness. And the clone had all the strength of Superman and none of his remorse…”

Superman looked pale. “I see.”

“So Flash and I came up with a plan.” He turned back to his father, “We were going to travel into the next dimension for help. From what we could tell, that dimension was full of god-like beings, and one of them actually helped me out earlier! But for a lot of them, they ask for a price for their help. But anyway, Flash and I were going to take our case to the King and plead for help. I was waiting for Flash when the timeline reset and I found out that not only did I not exist, but I was nine years too early.”

“What are you going to do now?” Green Lantern asked.

“Dunno,” His voice dropped as the reality hit him. He wasn’t going home—his home didn’t exist anymore.

[jobean12-blog]

All In

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x female reader

Word Count: 1,103

Summary: Bucky makes your first time an experience you don't want to forget.

Author's Note: This is written for my sweet friend @blackwidownat2814 <3 I hope you like it! Thank you for sharing with me and requesting it! Love and hugs! Thank you all so much for reading! Much love always! ❤️❤️❤️Divider by the lovely @firefly-graphics thank you Daisy! 😘

Warnings: Softness and sweetness, fluff, insecurities but lots of love in between it all, smut, fingering, oral, unprotected p in v, first time

You’re so aware of everything that’s him. His size, the warmth he radiates, his distinct and comforting scent. It’s all overwhelming in the best way and when warm and soft lips press to the skin of your neck you dig your teeth into your bottom lip to stop your whimper.

“Mm,” he hums appreciatively as he works his way down to your collarbone. “You’re so soft doll.”

Your fingers delve into his hair when he teases along the lace of your bra and then he moves higher, capturing your lips.

He pulls away and his brow furrows when he sees your bottom lip trembling and your eyes shining.

“What it is doll? Are you ok, talk to me.”

He gathers you close and wraps you in his arms.

“I’m ok, it’s just…I want this, and I want you to know how badly but…”

He smiles softly and presses his fingers under your chin, bringing your lips close so he can kiss you.

“You can be as loud as you want here. It’s just us doll. I’m the only one who gets to hear those beautiful sounds falling from your beautiful lips.”

When he releases you, he slowly gathers your arms over your head and holds them there, watching you intently as his lips trail along the curve of your shoulder and your skin erupts in goosebumps.

“You like that?” he murmurs before kissing the swell of your breast.

You nod and arch your back.

“Use your words doll face. If I do something you like, I want to know and if I do something you don’t like you have to tell me.”

He does it again, reassuring you with more words. “Remember, just us.”

“Ok,” you breathe out.

He chuckles softly and teases your lips, grinning when he pulls away and you chase them for more.

“Words,” he coos.

“Kiss me again Bucky.”

And he does-until you’re a melted mess beneath him and unable to form a sentence.

You gently tug on his shirt, wanting it off so you can feel his skin. He lifts his upper body and helps you slip it off, revealing smooth and defined muscle.

At your soft sigh he cradles your cheek and brushes his thumb across your lips.

“What’s that sound for gorgeous?”

Your simple shrug isn’t enough, and he tightens his hold on you. “Tell me.”

“You’re so beautiful Bucky.”

The pad of his thumb gently massages your bottom lip before he takes it between his teeth.

“Every time I get to see even an inch of your beautiful skin bare for me, I have to count down the seconds until I can again.”

Your fingers trace his shoulder, hovering at the spot where skin meets metal.

“I understand,” he whispers.

Your eyes meet his.

“About being self-conscious.”

“Oh Bucky,” you whisper, cupping his jaw.

“It was so much worse before…at least now it’s cleaned up…still not pretty but better.”

“I think every part of you is pretty,” you whisper.

“I know you do doll face. And that’s why I need you to believe me when I tell you that you’re the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen.”

You quietly nod and let your fingertips smooth down the length of metal plates until they find his fingers, your own closing tightly around his.

“What did I say before about…”

You cut him off with a soft response. “I believe you Bucky.”

His answering kiss is soft and filled with all the words lingering in the small space between you and it’s enough to steal your breath.

“What do you want me to do?” he asks, blue eyes darkened with desire.

“Taste me,” you whisper.

He licks his lips and starts to peel off you shorts, letting out a groan when he reveals your matching lace panties.

“Oh, fuck doll. Wow.”

“I was hoping you’d like them,” you answer, your eyes alight with growing confidence.

“I don’t like them. I love them. And I love that you thought of me while picking them out.”

He continues to stare, quiet now, as his eyes roam over every inch of you.

“What are you doing?” you ask as your lips start to lift.

“Imprinting this on my brain forever,” he murmurs. “You’re so gorgeous.”

With gentle hands he lifts your leg and caresses your calf before pressing his lips to your inner thigh.

He moves his hands up to your hips and hooks his thumb under the dark lace, slowly dragging it down your legs until he can drop it to the bed.

“You’re staring again,” you giggle.

He barely registers your words as he spreads you open and settles between your legs. Your fingers find purchase in his hair, and you pull tightly when his tongue makes the first slide between your folds.

You moan out his name and rock your hips, effectively pulling him closer and making him hum appreciatively.

It only fuels you on and your hips start to move in rhythm with his tongue. He teases and licks until your thighs are shaking against his head. His fingers ghost up your thigh before he pushes one inside you, pumping it in and out.

“Do you need more doll?”

You let out a muffled sigh and he slows his movements.

“Doll,” he warns, coaxing you with a determined look from between your legs.

“Yes, Bucky. More. Please.”

He dives back in, carefully stretching you before pushing another finger inside.

“You ok gorgeous?” he asks.

You’re so close to falling apart you can’t do more than nod but remembering his words you breathe out, “so close Bucky. It feels so good.”

He gives you just what you need, and you cry out his name.

“I love hearing you scream my name doll. Knowing I’m makin’ you feel so good. It drives me fucking crazy.”  

Your eyes are half lidded as you clumsily push on the waistband of his shorts.

“You want these off?” he asks with a chuckle.

“Off,” you answer, watching as he sits up to remove them.

When his cock springs free against his abs you reach for him, but he gently holds your hand back and dips his head to capture your lips.

“Tonight is all about you,” he whispers against them.

You pout but he simply kisses it from your lips and settles his weight on top of you. Your fingernails lightly run along the hard planes of his back then reach for his ass.

With a squeeze you urge him closer.

“Doll,” he whispers when he presses in, and you coat the length of him with your arousal. “Fuck.”

His hands are worshipful as they wander over your skin and his lips are soft when they kiss every spot he can find.

Every sensation makes you whimper and tremble in his arms until finally you speak up.

“Bucky,” you gasp. “I need you. Now. Please.”

With words of praise, he slowly pushes inside you, careful as he watches your face for any signs of pain. His eyes squeeze shut once he’s fully seated, and his face falls to your neck.

Your walls tighten and your hips roll.

“Oh god,” he hisses. “I swear you’re so perfect I’m gonna finish before we’ve even started.”

Your soft giggles have his eyes meeting yours and his expression softens, filling with reverence.

“You’re perfect,” he whispers.

@hiddles-rose @kmc1989 @lizette50 @goldylions

[poebot]

At The Gay Bar

tags: bouncer!abby, established relationship ellie, fem!reader, jealousy

a/n: no one wrote it so i wrote... based on this post i made a while back. i haven’t stopped thinking about it. sorry that i haven’t written anything in ages :( exam season was kicking my ass

taglist: (people who said they wanted to see this in word form) @rubycruzsbitch @elsgirl

“you’re serious... you’ve never been to a gay bar before?” you wore an incredulous look on your face as ellie awkwardly shrugged, trying to look nonchalant about it.

your girlfriend wasn’t the type to frequent nightclubs. if it was up to her, she’d be spending tonight high as a kite sat by her gaming set up. but you’d insisted that she had to tag along with you because it was a ‘mandatory queer experience’. ellie knew deep down that you just wanted to get shit faced and have her close by simultaneously. you always ended up blowing up her phone whenever you got too drunk at parties, whining that you missed her and begging her to turn up or take you home. one of the drawbacks she’d learned to accept of dating an extrovert.

“cmon. you’ll have a good time, i promise.” you leaned in close, dropping the pitch of your voice and staring into her eyes. her ears flushed pink as she slid her toned arms around your waist to draw you in even closer, and you knew you’d convinced her.

the next hour or so was spent with you trying on different outfits and forcing ellie to help you pick one. her opinion was pretty useless, mostly consisting of monotoned ‘looks great babe’s as she shamelessly ogled you dress and undress in front of her.

“dude. you’re such a creep.” you sighed, shimmying your way into a different skirt. ellie rolled her eyes, approaching you from behind to help you pull up the zipper. “what, i can’t admire my girl?” she murmured, peppering warm kisses across the back of your neck.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

the heels of your platforms clack noisily against the sidewalk as you finally reach the front of the queue, the harsh bass of the music vibrating from within the club. excitement thrummed through your veins and you smiled brightly at ellie, squeezing her warm hand in yours. she smiled sheepishly back, returning your squeeze.

“gonna need to see some ID, princess.” a deep yet feminine voice captured your attention. you looked up to meet the gaze of the bouncer only to be truly taken aback by her appearance. she wore a fitted tank top that emphasised her ridiculously built upper body, her thick freckled arms folded across her chest and her expression stern. just as you were admiring her long hair neatly braided at the back of her head you realised she noticed you staring.

you squinted to read the blonde’s name tag, abby, before averting your eyes long enough to tap ellie’s arm, motioning for her to help you fish out your ID from your purse. you didn’t notice the way her eye twitched at the pet name. ellie dug into the bag and slapped the card into abby’s hand with more force than was probably necessary. abby didn’t react, simply flipping it over.

the woman analysed your license in silence with furrowed brows and her mouth downturned. you began to panic slightly, your glossy lips pursed. there was a slight chance that she was gonna turn you away. man, would that be a bummer. “it’s real.. pinkie promise.” you say in an attempt to lighten the mood. abby’s briefly looks up at you to meet your eyes before continuing to examine the ID card that you absently realise looks comically small in her large hands. ellie sighs impatiently, crossing her arms and staring up at the sky. you shoot her a look that screams ‘not helpful, babe.’

“hmm. can you smile for me?” the request caught you slightly off guard and you paused for a moment, chancing a glance at your girlfriend. her expression almost made you burst out laughing; you’ve never seen ellie look more aggravated. her eyebrows were raised in disbelief as she tries to make eye contact with abby to assert some form of control over the situation. when that doesn’t work, she lets out a perplexed ‘dude!’

the bouncer continues to completely ignore her and focuses her gaze on you, her brow raised expectantly. you relent. anything to get out of this line quicker. they’re playing your favorite song for fuck sake, and the longer you’re stood out here the higher the likelyhood ellie will change her mind about the night. so you beam up at her, flashing your best smile and abby’s stoic expression finally cracks into a grin of her own.

“yeah, there’s them pretty dimples. get in there baby.” abby motions into the bar with a wink. against your better judgment, you can’t help feeling flustered by the line. your mouth hangs open slightly as you stare up at her, rooted to the spot from the shock. you’re finally broken out of it by ellie shooting her a disgusted scowl and ushering you into the darkness of the bar. you try to school your expression before she notices the dopey smile spread wide across your face.

[suskz]

Hi there! Could write a Chan x reader. Reader went to a skz fansigning & got dared to give Chan a note and along with the note there was an attached hotel key card, asking him to meet her at a certain time and at first he was so hesitant about it but then when the reader waits for over an hour after the time stated on the note, she opens the hotel door ready to leave and there is chan 👀

pairing: Idol!Chan x Fan!Fem!Reader

t/w: fluff ; Chan is a tease and a flirt ; reader is delulu (even tho she says she isn’t).

w/c: around 1.3k

a/n: I’m not really sure about this. I practically wrote what you had already written. I wanted to extend the final part but it just didn’t come out right. Anyway, yours is a really great idea, I love it! I hope you still like this!

It's a stupid idea. It's ridiculous. And yet you're doing it anyway.

You know it's impossible for it to actually happen, but if you're doing it, it's because deep down —very deep down— inside you, there's a little hope.

“You got this, girl!” you hear from the other end of the phone. This only makes you more nervous and embarrassed about what you're doing. You're so damn delusional.

Your hand moves the pen faster across the paper as you mutter a 'shut up' to your friend, who sighs yet again at your harsh choice of words.

The click of the pen marks the end of your note.

You end the call, get up from the toilet, and leave the bathroom as if nothing happened —or will happen. You get back in line behind other people waiting to see their idols, preparing yourself for the humiliation.

But when you find yourself in front of him, you realise there's no way to prepare for the humiliation from something like this.

“Hello!” he greets you with a smile, wearing the wolf ear headband that one of the fans before you gave him.

“Hi.” Your voice is anxious, and he can tell.

You hand him the album you have in your hands, and he immediately opens it and starts signing it.

Your heart beats fast because you are in front of him, Bang Chan. Your idol, the man who has captured your heart more than anyone else. And the man who will soon want to run as far away from you as possible after opening your letter.

A card, a place, and a street. 'Let’s meet at 5pm tomorrow?' written with an uncertainty you never imagined you could experience.

You already prepare to laugh to brush away the embarrassment when he opens the letter. You start to consider whether to give it to him or not. You could spare yourself an embarrassing moment and continue living your life normally. Maybe that's better; fuck the dare, it's just a silly game.

“What’s your name?” Your thoughts are interrupted by his sweet voice as he looks up from the album, perhaps a little amused.

You feel your cheeks heat up as you realise you've been silently staring at him for too long. A few seconds, but it's already too much.

“Uh, Y/n.” You try to say with as much confidence as possible, but it doesn’t come out as you would have liked.

“How are you, Y/n?” He asks kindly.

“I’m good, thanks. A bit nervous, actually.” You admit, and he looks at you still smiling.

“Oh, you don’t need to be.” He reassures you.

"It’s just, I’m sitting in front of a God, you left me speechless." You try to sound as normal as possible. You've rehearsed what to say to him in advance, and you don't want your anxiety to prevent you from talking to him.

He opens his mouth to speak but immediately shuts it, taken by surprise. Now it’s him who’s speechless.

“That’s too sweet, thank you.” His smile widens, his eyes forming crescents and his dimples more visible than before, if possible.

"That's the truth though, you're much more handsome in person than I thought." you compliment him again.

You feel more relaxed now and manage to speak with him normally for the rest of the time.

It's when you have to move on to the next member and he greets you that you give him the letter.

"This is for you, I would appreciate it if you read it later."

And indeed, he remembers to read it at the end of the fan sign.

‘From Y/n’ he reads in his mind, opening it.

And he thinks you're crazy. Maybe a maniac. Delusional enough to do something like this thinking he would show up.

And he's ready to give it to the staff to throw it in the trash, but when someone behind him calls him, he's too taken aback to think properly and puts your letter in his pocket.

It's a stupid move, but he promises himself to throw it away later, in the dressing room.

Or a few hours later, at home. Or in his room, after reading it one last time. Or after reading it twice. Or three times.

For the first time, he takes out the key card and examines it in his hands. It's real, it's not a joke.

‘That’s crazy’, he realises. He can't show up, it would be stupid, it would be dangerous. It's the best thing to do, ignore it all.

And yet you are still waiting for him, dressed in the black leather skirt your friends chose for you. You glance at the clock and realise you've been sitting on the hotel room sofa for almost an hour.

You knew it was a stupid idea and that he would never show up. Actually, it would have been insane of Chan to do so. He probably thought you were a serial killer or something, or that you wanted to kidnap him.

You sigh. You get up from the sofa, grab your bag from where it’s placed on a chair, and head to the door.

When you open it, though, you quickly step back and almost throw your bag at the person standing in front of you. 

Your eyes widen when you realise who it is. 

"Uh… hello." He smiles awkwardly, scratching the nape of his neck.

He came.

A thought immediately flashes through your mind.

Now what?

When you sit on the sofa, after him, you are the first to speak, “I didn’t… think you would actually come.” You find the courage to look him in the eyes.

“I didn’t think I would come either, it was a last-minute decision,” he admits. “I don’t know what was going through my mind when I decided to come.” He chuckles slightly, and you smile.

“Is it because I seemed cute to you at the fan sign?” You tease him. Embarrassing. You realize too late that you shouldn’t have said it.

You’re lucky, though, because he plays along, “I couldn’t find the words to tell you after being called a God.” He teases back, a smirk forming on his lips.

You stay silent for a while, embarrassment spreading across your cheeks and making him chuckle.

“Can you blame me? You have me obsessed over your fancams, the way you move is amazing.”

“Oh, yeah?” He grins, “I’m honored to know that a pretty girl like you watches my fancams.” He says playfully.

Pretty?

“Oh shut up.” You say jokingly, rolling your eyes to hide the blush coloring your cheeks.

“I will, if it’s you who says so.” He says, looking into your eyes in a way that now seems more intense.

You swallow hard, not expecting such a response, trying to hold his gaze.

“If you don’t stop talking like that, I’ll be completely yours, Mr. Bang.” You find the confidence in his eyes to say these words.

He chuckles, “I’d like to see that.”

“You’re being too much of a tease.” You say in a pouty tone, looking away like a child who didn’t get their candy.

“Don’t you like me for that very reason?” He asks rhetorically, raising an eyebrow.

You turn your head back toward him and smile, “Yes, I like you for that too.”

And he knew that at the end of this evening, he would have to leave and pretend nothing happened.

And he knew it was wrong and he would regret it when he had to face the consequences, but he did it anyway.

“Should we exchange numbers?”

[your-highnessmarvel]

So Much Paperwork

Requested by Anonymous: can you do one with avenger!reader and bucky and they get like either captured by hydra or locked in a room and there sex pollen and they don’t want to get dirty because they’re friends but… eventually they do? ❤️❤️❤️ if you’re not comfortable with this it’s ok!

AN: i’ve never written sex pollen before so bare with me! this is a heeellll of a ride LMMMAAOOOO this is going to spruce up my Bucky masterlist LETS GO

Warnings: smut (oral f!receiving, hand job, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, praising, biting), sex pollen, dub!con action, language, mentions of HYDRA

*gif not mine

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MASTERLIST

When Cap had said it was just a Hydra base, you hadn’t expected to enter a motherlode of enemy information. Opening that vault was like finding a cave filled with gold - every inch of the vault was brimming with sensitive Hydra files, all dog-eared, marked up, or highlighted. 

Bucky insisted on going through each and everyone of them. He had you open up each file cabinet, sift through each file, pick out the most interesting of them all, and place them by the door. Thank God you could read German. 

“Look at this one,” he called from the other side of the vault, far off in the corner. 

You were examining a file on something Hydra called Experiment 4H7, Phase 4. You let the file go before even reading the subject of the experiment and made your way towards Bucky. 

He was wearing his familiar all black outfit, the metal arm a stark silver against the vault’s gold and his suit’s black. He looked over his metal shoulder as you approached. 

“I’m guessing they’re keeping more red rooms in Ukraine,” he stated, showing you the file. There were a number of pictures of young girls varying from blondes to brunets to red heads, all different heights, all different shades of skin tones. 

“Yup,” you sighed, pointing to a line in the file. “That’s a graduate class, I’m guessing, look at that.” You pointed to the German word for Graduation and felt a deep pinch in your belly. These poor women. Unaware that they would be stripped of their rights, of what made them woman. 

You swallowed. “Okay,” you said. “I think we should just leave with what’s by the door?”

You stepped back, feeling the tile beneath your booted heel give and fall an inch lower. A metallic sound, like two gears churning to work, echoed loudly in the vault, and slowly, the vault door started shutting. 

“It’s a boobytrap!” Bucky yelled, dropping the file and running to the door, his metallic hand out to stop it.

“Did I step on a mine?” you yelled back, panic gripping every nerve in your body. 

It felt like time slowed as you looked over your shoulder, soft strands of hair slicking against the sweat on your cheek. You saw Bucky arrive at the door when it had but a few inches left to go, jamming his metal fingers between the closing door and the oval frame.

Every beat of your heart burned as you watched his face flush red, veins in his neck pulsing as he struggled to keep the door just a slight inch open. 

And then, overhead, a quiet squirting sound. You felt tiny pinpricks of water touch your cheek and you looked up. 

“Bucky.” But his name was lost to the sound of him groaning, grunting, heels sliding against the cement floor, sweat forming on his upper lip - all to keep the door from closing. “Bucky!”

When he looked back at you, the vault door closed with a deafening boom. 

“Y/N, don’t breathe in!” he gasped, retrieving his fingers form the door, panting as he made his way towards you. 

“Too late,” you said, feeling the minuscule dots of water dampen the inside of your nose, your lips, your tongue. It tasted so sweet. 

“Fuck,” he murmured, bending to your rest his hand on your boot, the one still pressed on the loose tile. “Y/N, I don’t think it’s a mine.”

You shivered, something achy climbing its way up your spine, burying deep in your belly. “Why?” you asked, closing your eyes as you felt his metal fingers clamp hard over your booted ankle. 

“Because,” he answered. “This was just the trigger for the door.”

You sighed. “Of course, I’m the dumbass who triggers the trap.”

“No worries, doll,” he said with a chuckle, and that nickname, that chuckle, made something sticky and thick slide down your belly, settling comfortably between your legs. Oh no. 

“How do we get out?” you asked, finally moving away from the tile as Bucky stood. You met his eyes, towering over you, and your skin suddenly flashed so hot that you feared he could see the heat fuming off your flesh. You sighed, an excuse to get air into your lungs, to fan out the heat invading your bones. 

He frowned, bent over to get on eye level with you. “Fuck,” he spat, walking towards the door. 

“What?” you asked, suddenly feeling your throat stick, parched, thick with saliva all at once. “Bucky, what’s happening?” You’d wanted your voice to sound panicky, but somehow, it came out... breathy. Like a purr. 

Bucky bashed his metal fist into the vault door, but the thing only echoed the sound back, not even denting, not even screeching. 

“Fuck!” Bucky yelled, raking his flesh hand through his short, cropped hair. 

He looked at you over the expanse of the vault, just a few meters apart, and something inside you ached, like an intense burn that made the fabric of your suit hurt against your skin, feel like hot iron against your nipples, the soft flesh on the inside of your thigh. 

God, you needed to get out of this suit. But not here. 

“How long until Cap comes for us?” you asked, falling to your knees, heat blasting from your knees to your scalp as you found the floor. Maybe it was cold. 

Bucky didn’t answer. He watched you fall flat to the ground, press your heated, sweaty cheek to the floor, chasing any kind of relief from this mounting pain, this heat. 

He gritted his teeth and took a step back. 

“What’s happening?” you asked again, rolling onto your back. The floor was but a brief relief of the heat, of the pain burning harshly under your skin. You closed your sweaty lids, scrapped your nails against your damp hairline. When had you gotten so sweaty? 

You reached up to the zipper of your one-piece suit, ready to tug it down. 

“Y/N, don’t.” Bucky’s voice, usually comforting, friendly, guiding - now sounded like a wolfish demand, a famished lion salivating at the sight of bleeding prey. 

You breathed in harshly, suddenly, your mind shifting the narrative of who Bucky was to you in a split second. A heartbeat before, Bucky was your superior, your friend who’d been nothing but a guiding force through your life - taking you from the depths of fear and desperation to acceptance. He’d brought you to the Avengers, to Cap and Nat, to a team of people like you - misfits who fit together. 

But now. Now the Bucky you knew was shadowed by this new grumbling, groaning wolf. 

“It hurts,” you panted, eyes still closed. You reached up anyway and undid your zipper, opening your suit down to your bellybutton, like slicing open a piece of meat. 

You heard something fleshy hit the floor, and you opened your eyes, looking back. It hurt to scrape your head against the cement, but you saw Bucky on his knees there, looking at you with something dark and hungry glazing over his eyes. 

Your eyes fell back to the ceiling above you, and you opened your suit up, arching off the cement in search of air. Your skin was pebbled with sweat, scorched to the touch. 

“If you expose more skin,” Bucky panted, and you realized that he was closer, almost breathing into your ear. “I’m not going to be able to stop myself.”

“What’s happening?” you asked, for the millionth time, feeling an ache start to build dangerously fast in your cunt, throbbing, burning, slicking down your thighs with every beat of your heart. Every rush of blood in your veins was pain, every throb in your hole like a searing demand, an ache insatiable. Even when you wiggled, even when you groaned, clamping your thighs together, turning to your side and trying to find friction.  

Your clit was a pained, throbbing mess. 

“Doll,” Bucky breathed, and God, that sent another wave of hurt coursing down your spine, snapping in your blood like lightning. You could feel your pussy slick even more at the utter wretchedness of his voice.  

You groaned. Shaking your head. “No,” you whined. “Not this.” You’d heard about this - this experiment on something Hydra called sex pollen. They’d first used it in their breeding program they’d started during the second world war, when they wanted more Aryan children. They’d perfected it during the Cold War, and started manufacturing it for breeding camps they’d scattered across barren wastelands to produce more Hydra pawns. And now, they were using it as chemical warfare. 

“Bucky, no,” you whined, feeling hot, steaming tears wet your cheeks. You couldn’t do this. Bucky was your friend, your boss even. He was 7 years older than you (although he was technically like, 109 years old, but still). You were a rookie and he, your training officer. Your were his student and he was your professor. This was wrong on so many levels. “How much time does this last?” you asked, shivering, feeling another nauseating wave of need pulse through you. 

“I’m... I’m not sure,” he said, struggling to say each word. Like air was unknown to his lungs. Like he was fighting every instinct in his bones. 

But just the sound of his voice was enough to make another wave of excruciating pain wash through you, making you groan and wiggle against the floor. That ache in your clit intensified, pulsed painfully.

“Make it stop,” you murmured. “It hurts... so much.”

There was a second of silence until you heard the telltale sound of fabric rustling. Just the thought of Bucky naked, even an inch of skin available to your hungry eyes, made your cunt clench on nothing and you groaned in pain again. 

“I’m so sorry, y/n,” he said. “There’s only one way to make it stop.”

You shook your head, shivering. “No.”

Your heart stuttered as another wash of hot, molten lava scorched through your veins and this time, you sobbed, teeth clenching. 

“You can die, y/n,” Bucky whimpered and this time, his voice was right there, above you, a hand skimming across your thigh. 

You made a whimpering sound at the feel of his hand, even the slightest touch like a bucket of cold water had been dumped over your head. 

You opened your eyes and through tear-stained lashed and heavy lids, you looked back, seeing Bucky hunched over you, shirtless and sweating and with nothing but pain in those dark blue eyes of his. 

He bit his lip, meeting your eyes, and he nodded slowly. 

At this point, your entire body was shivering, sweaty, heating to the point that you thought your body would shut down. 

“Let me help,” he said, wretched, rough. 

When he applied the entire weight of his hand on your hip, it was like a lightning bolt had exploded under your skin. A moan ripped from your throat, utterly wrecked and rough and gone. 

Bucky said something but it was lost to the smoke in your head. He pulled down the rest of your suit, exposing hardened nipples to the air, but it still wasn’t cold enough. You wiggled your hips as he dragged the rest of the fabric down your body, to your legs until he was chucking off your boots and leaving you in nothing but your underwear. 

“Doll,” he rasped, pressing his fingers to your ankles, gently scraping up until he was resting both hands on the inside of your soft, plush thighs. “You’re soaked.”

You groaned, panting on the floor, feeling sticky, achy, and on fire. You pressed your hips forward, searching, searching. “Bucky, please.”

“Jesus, forgive me,” he groaned, and when you opened your eyes to meet the white lights above, he pressed a kiss to your clothed clit and you moaned salaciously.

One hand instinctively gripped at the roots of his brown hair, pulling him ever closer. The other clawed at the arm that came to rest over your tummy. 

A sharp, bruising knot formed in your tummy when he used one finger to move your thong to the side and he pressed a warm, wet kiss to your bare pussy. 

“Fuck, Bucky.” It came as a breath, like this was the first fresh, real breath you’d taken in years. 

He groaned against your skin, the vibrations dribbling up your belly, up your spine. Your toes curled as he gave his first few strokes of his tongue, long and harsh, like he was at a watering hole after days of being parched. 

“You taste like heaven, kitten,” he murmured, flattening his tongue against your clit and stroking it quickly, little flicks that sent your spine arching, your eyes closing, toes curling against his back. 

He gripped your hips in both hands, digging in to his meal, each stroke of his tongue like a spark against your clit. 

Your first orgasm wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough to quench the heat, to cool the fire raging in your belly. Like a monstrous black wave, the pollen kept your senses awaken. 

“Bucky, again,” you whined, closing your thighs against his head, guiding his mouth back to your hole. He kept licking, sucking against your clit. 

Your second orgasm was like a temporary wash of relief. You smiled against each wave, hips stuttering against Bucky’s mouth. 

“It won’t be enough,” he said, voice wrecked, as he kissed up your thighs, igniting another wave of harsh, hot lava to drip from your belly into your clit. You whined. “I know,” he cooed, his eyes glazed as he hovered over you. When you met his gaze, you could see that he was fighting his own seams, that he was just as fragile and wanting and needing as you were. 

You reached between your bodies, skimming your nails down his hard chest, hearing the faint groan that left his lips. You patted down his belly, down until your hand wrapped around the impossibly hard, thick bulge in his suit pants. 

He bowed forward, sighing, moaning as you felt him out. Something like confidence, dark cunning, invaded your senses like a drug. 

“I need to be inside you so bad, y/n,” he groaned, hiding his face in the crook of your shoulder. Just the weight of his body on your chest, feeling his heat, his every breath, every tremble of his fingers as he clawed at your bare hip, your plush thighs, made you tremble with need. 

Hurriedly, he pressed away from you, pushing down his pants until his drooling, hard cock sprang free. He let it flop against your belly, groaning at the feeling, and when you met his eyes, he was nothing but a feral, hungry wolf. 

He claimed your mouth in a sudden, voracious kiss, tasting yourself on his lips as he ground into you. Delving his tongue passed your teeth, nipping at your bottom lip, breathing life into you with every stroke of his tongue against yours. 

You gripped his shaft slowly, feeling the velvety skin, stroking him in slow, languid movements of your wrist. Your other hand found his hair, pushing his mouth closer to yours, kissing him with fervour and need. His own hands cupped your head, positioned you the way he wanted. 

Then his metal fingers closed over your knee, hooking your leg over his hips, and he pulled away form your mouth in a wet, sloppy pop. He breathed, calming himself, but with you clawing at his shoulders, bringing him closer, hands stroking his dick quickly, he couldn’t stop himself. Even if he wanted to. Even if, deep down, in the dark, almost forgotten corners of his mind, he knew this was wrong, wrong, wrong - he wanted to lose himself in you. Just your taste wasn’t enough. Two of your orgasms against his lips wasn’t enough. Kissing you like he’d dreamed of doing so many times in his wet dreams - all of it wasn’t enough. 

He fell to one forearm, bringing his mouth to your ear. Your hand still slicking against him. Your mouth kissing against his neck, up his jaw. Your other hand digging nails into the hard muscle of his tricep. Your hot, wet thigh pressed against his bare hip. 

“I’m going to fuck you, y/n,” he grunted against your ear. 

You nodded, pushing your hips up, towards him. He pulled away from your stroking hand and you felt his tip press at your wet entrance. He shivered when he thrust the tip in, feeling your hole give in to him. 

You gasped as he slid in slowly. Now was when you realized just how big he was. How thick and unforgiving his cock was as he stretched your walls, impaling himself into you inch by inch. 

It was a painful stretch that made your knees tremble, gripping onto his shoulders for dear fucking life. 

“So tight,” he whispered against your ear. “Were you waiting for me, doll?”

His voice was like a sin committed in church. 

You whimpered when he pushed in completely, seating himself to the root, until every inch of him was pressed up against you. 

“Did you save this pussy for me, huh, kitten?” he rasped, pulling back and thrusting in slowly. He groaned, bowing forward. “So wet, doll, I can feel you dripping all over me.”

Who knew Bucky could be this filthy with his mouth. It made your body snap like a rubberband. 

He kissed up your throat, giving you shallow, quick strokes until he could feel your gummy walls relax and when he knew you were ready, he rutted against you like a dog gone mad. 

He gripped your hip, thrusting into you until your body was numb, your walls clenching against him, a pressure building just under your bellybutton. 

“Bucky,” you whined, sobbed, as he kept hitting that spot in you that made sparks dance along your spine.

“I can feel you, doll,” he grunted, teeth biting into your shoulder. “Come on, darlin’, you’re almost there.”

Your mouth opened in a small ‘o’, spine arching off the floor, adding to the pressure against his dick as your walls clenched impossibly tight against him, fluttering, buzzing, until your orgasm exploded through your flesh like a bomb of sparks and fireworks. 

You fell back to the floor, spine loose against the cement, your orgasm spinning through your blood as he kept rutting into you, chasing his own relief. 

You weakly grabbed onto his shoulders, pressed your face against his shoulder. “Fuck me, Bucky,” you pleaded. “Fuck me like I know you’ve always wanted to.” Your voice was so small, so wrecked from him, and it drove him crazy, drilling into you without rhythm. 

“So filthy, my doll,” he cooed, groaning when he heard you moan against his flesh. 

He fell onto you so suddenly, robbing you of air as he ground against you, chasing his own high. And after a few sloppy, shallow thrusts, you felt his cum inside you, his seed filling every inch of your gummy walls until he was dripping out of you and onto the cement. 

He breathed roughly, panting, gasping against your shoulder. And suddenly, his harsh hands became gentle on your cooling skin, stroking slowly against your waist. 

Your heart slowed, numbness filling you up like a dark, tentative wave. You were finally, finally cooling down, at peace, no more pain or ache or desire making every one of your movements excruciating. 

“I’m so sorry, y/n,” Bucky panted quietly, his face still hidden in your shoulder. “I never intended us to do... this.”

You shook your head. But no words formed in your mind, no coherent thought even took place as you just lay there, enjoying his weight, his heat. 

“We can’t stay here,” he said. He was so quiet, so gentle. He helped you get dressed in your soiled, cold suit. He zipped you up, did his best to smooth down your hair, tried to get as much of his cum off the floor with his boot. No use. 

When he got up and tucked himself back in his pants, tugging them over his hips, you couldn’t help the chuckle that left your lips. 

“We’re going to be in so much trouble, Bucky,” you said, almost like if you laughed about it, it wasn’t that bad, right?

He sighed, shaking his head. “Just...” he hesitated, putting his shirt back on. “I couldn’t watch you suffer like that.”

You nodded. 

“Cap will come get us,” he continued, almost reassuringly. “We’ll get some rest... shower too, and then we’ll talk about what’s next.”

You leaned against the wall, so tired, so fucked out that nothing else seemed even remotely satisfying except your bed. 

“What’s next is a lot of fucking paperwork, Buck.”

[eternal-ascensionism]

Hey! Would you be willing to write a Sleep Token fic where fem!reader is touring with ST (maybe as part of another band, makeup artist, etc). Vessel is really sweet but shy, and reader discovers that he has a crush on her… then things become very spicy…😈

Warnings: smut, angst if you squint. Oral, penetration with fingers, that’s p much it for this one. MINORS DNI

Reader is somewhat fem aligned but it’s mostly gn!reader. Also: Don’t @ me for this but the title is from Naked Love by Adam Lambert bc the Trespassing album had a cultural impact on 12 y/o me the size of a mf crater

Word count:1.9k

Roll The Dice - Vessel x Band Member!Reader

♥️

He screams until his throat is raw, searching for common ground in the dim lighting of a sold-out arena. Having complex emotions can be a blessing and a curse; on one hand, he feels most validated when he finds the right words to capture his view. On the other hand, it’s isolating when the words won’t flow so easily from his lips. It isn’t until Vessel meets you that he begins to feel the burden of speaking his mind has lifted a bit. You were placed together on a tour through the states, your band just beginning to show out as a rising name in the scene. The man couldn’t say for sure whether he’d heard of you before, but he figured it wouldn’t hurt to listen to one of your songs before a show to get a read on your music style.

As the last few notes rang out, Vessel found himself staring into space. Lost in the agony laid bare to all who listened closely enough. It was a sort of primal yearning he’d felt before. One that was imprinted on his very bones. He’d written it out and heard it discussed a million times over, yet the way you captured pain tugged at his heartstrings. From then on, Vessel couldn’t deny his fascination with you. He would never show it, of course. You were both professionals. Since this was your first real tour experience, he couldn’t risk tarnishing it by following you like a lost puppy.

Vessel had never been as smooth with conveying his affections in spoken word as he was with his songs. Although you seemed sweet and approachable for the most part, he was a shy man by nature. That said, something about you made him want to open up. Vessel desired to bond with you, sharing old wounds and their resulting scars. It was roughly two months before he mustered up enough confidence to have a one-on-one conversation with you. After that, the dynamic between you two seemed to shift. Words flowed easier, compliments became abundant, and suddenly you were his confidant. Ves settled on being friends and tour mates, packing away his growing feelings for your sake. But he wasn’t the only one pining in silence, unbeknownst to him.

You began this tour with rather low expectations. Your band was new to all things business-oriented, and you weren’t familiar with most of the lineup. You set your standards to surviving and hopefully making a friend or two. Then you met him. Vessel seemed reserved; you never saw him around without some form of mask to shroud his identity. You knew it was part of Sleep Token’s personas, and it never bothered you much. Who were you to demand someone’s true self or their face time? So you’d always respected their privacy, turning around when one needed to lift a mask for water or to replace it with a less sweaty backup.

——

Tonight hadn’t gone according to plan. Your poor, uncoordinated bassist had clocked his head on the edge of the cabinet door when trying to pack away the communal copy of Cards Against Humanity. You had quickly sat him down and examined the spot; it wasn’t too bad, but it seemed to be bleeding like a stuck pig. With the other members asleep and no first aid kit on hand, you give Chris a towel to hold pressure on the laceration and head for the bus two spots down. III was the one to open the door after you knocked rather quietly. You weren’t sure they’d still be awake, but the lights in the windows gave you hope.

“What can we do you for?” Came his cheery tone, stepping aside as an offer to come inside. You shook your head.

“Sorry to bother you guys, but Chris smashed his forehead on the corner of the cabinet and it’s bleeding pretty bad. He’s alright but we used up our kit after that broken beer bottle incident last week.”

He nodded, seemingly racking his brain for something. “I think we might have one, I know there’s plasters somewhere if nothing else. I’ll look around and come over there.”

You turn on your heel and walk briskly back in the direction you came. Upon arrival, Chris was in the small kitchenette holding the blood-stained rag to the affected area. You both settle on a bench seat next to the counter and wait for word from the guys. When the tall man crossed the threshold of the front door, you almost did a double take. You hadn’t been expecting to see him out of his stage gear, but it made sense given the hour.

Vessel held a flashlight in one hand and a small, red box in the other. “Hey, heard you guys had an accident. You alright, mate?”

Chris nodded the best he could, in spite of his splitting headache. Vessel made quick work of cleaning the wound that had mostly stopped bleeding. His long fingers unraveled the gauze pad and carefully placed it before securing it with two larger band-aids. You couldn’t help but smile at the sight; for all his mystery and moody aura, Ves was a lover at heart. You hadn’t taken notice of it before, but it seemed obvious now. The man cared deeply for those around him. You feel a thud against your shin, and lock eyes with your friend. You’re met with a knowing smirk.

“With the way you’re looking at him, you’d think he was bandaging you up!” Chris chuckled as you prod him sharply in the side with one finger. Vessel’s head was down, a hint of red across his cheeks. Cute.

“I wasn’t looking, I’m just admiring his kind nature. Not like you’d know; remember the time you and Amanda took me out with the pool noodle? Y’all just laughed at me like maniacs after I swallowed all that pool water!” You made a sweeping motion with your hands to paint the picture for the taller male. He shook his head with a smile.

“I’m just trying to help out. Besides, gives me a chance to talk with you more.”

Wordlessly, Chris stand up and claps his hands together. “Well, it was a pleasure seeing you Ves. Thanks for the patchwork. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to give you two lovesick freaks some space. Talk, bond, kiss. Just keep it down so I can maintain my plausible deniability.” With that, he disappeared to the back bunks of the bus.

The silence that followed was all-consuming. Neither of you were sure how to move forward. The connection was evident. The tension was palpable. But you both had long histories of anxious behaviors, and old habits die hard. That said, you only lasted about 30 seconds before deciding the potential reward was worth the risk. Scooting closer to Ves who now sat on the same bench seat, you chanced a look at his face. His eyes held something akin to amusement.

“So what did you want to talk about?” Your gaze falls back to the floor where your slipper scraped repeatedly against a loose thread of carpet. It was a soothing motion as you awaited an answer.

“I think I’d like to know how long you’ve liked me.”

“Well,” you began, “I’ve honestly been into you since before we met. When I saw you guys live for the first time at that festival last summer, the one where we played on the small stage. I caught you guys’ set after we wrapped, and I was absolutely enamored.”

Vessel inched closer, his right hand coming to rest gently over your left. “Yknow, I saw you that time. You managed to get to the front and the first thing I noticed was your pretty eyes. They sparkled when the sun came.”

You took the leap to close the gap between the two of you, Ves meeting you halfway for a soft kiss. You practically melted. He smelled like soap and a hint of incense, you wanted to bury your face in his threadbare tee and never come up for air. He gently guided you to lay back against the cushioned bench while his warm hands slid down your sides. His fingers dipped just below the fabric of your sleep shorts to press into the plush skin of your hips. The firm kneading movements elicited a strangled noise from you.

“It’s okay, baby, I’m right here. Gonna hold you and make you feel good.” He murmured against your lips before making his way down to your neck with sweet pecks. One hand remains at your hip, massaging while the other slips your loose fitting bottoms to the side. A deep satisfied hum sounds through his chest, and it makes you ache. He carefully pushes your legs up and apart once again to admire the view.

“You really are gorgeous everywhere, darling.” A quick peck to your lips. “Magnificent.” Another peck against your shoulder. “Breathtaking.” He’s now level with your groin, eyes taking you in like a desperate animal. No more words leave his lips before they attach to where you crave him most.

Bucking your hips, your hand flies to your mouth as you fight to stay in control. Your band has seen you in many embarrassing situations over the years, but this would be one you’d never live down if anybody caught you. Vessel moans against you, and you bite down on the heel of your palm to stifle your own needy sounds.

It isn’t long before he has you on the edge. You were so close to your release, but you just needed a little more to push you over the line. Mustering what rational thought you had left, you plead for Ves to add a finger. You swear you hear a growl, and then there’s two long digits pushing lightly into you. He prods and curves expertly until finding the spot that makes your hips pause as you grind down on his hand. You let out a whimper as you feel the dam finally burst, making a mess of yourself and Vessel in the process. He lets you catch your breath and relax for a moment before slowly removing his fingers. You pull him in for a kiss, hands beginning to roam before he takes them in his own and looks at you.

“Hey. I really like you, like a lot. I don’t wanna rush anything. I know that’s a bit odd to say after I just had my mouth on you, but I’d really just like to take you out proper before we go any further. Would that be okay? I just…I wanna make sure I do this right.”

You feel a lump forming in your throat as you gaze into his eyes, a sea of uncertainty beneath. Nodding, you give him a smile and pull him closer for a hug. “I’d really like that, Ves. I wanna give us the best chance at working out, we can go as slow as you feel comfortable with.”

Vessel beams at you, lifting you up to relocate to the comfier loveseat in the middle of the bus. “Wonderful. I say we watch some cheesy horror movies for our first date.”

You chuckle and nod while grabbing the remote, “agreed. You pick the movie, I’ll make the popcorn.”

♥️

HI IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME LIKE A MONTH TO GET DONE I HAVE BEEN GOING THRU IT BUT THIS WAS SO FUN TO WRITE AHHHHHH

Okay screaming over, thank you for real for the requests and all the inspo it’s helped refresh my writing skills and as always, feedback is appreciated! If this does well I can make another part where they actually have their first time together (not as in virgins but as in first time with each other)

[soapyghostie]

I felt kinda weird sending a request cause we talk outside of here but oh well

Do you think you could write Nubbins and Danny with a reader who does photography, horror is one of the reasons I got into photography so idk, sorry if I worded this weird

I had the motivation to do one more for now since I haven’t been very productive in my classes so far today. Hope you enjoy!

The Ghost Face/Danny Johnson

OMG! Can he help?! Danny is drawn to your passion for photography because he loves photography too! He admires your ability to capture the beauty of the world around you, and he often finds him lost in the amazingly well shot photos you took. Almost as good as his photography skills. 

Danny, being a journalist under his alter ego Jed Olsen, understands your creative drive behind pursuing your passion for photography. When you express your desire to open a photography studio, he’s not only super supportive but also is excited about the prospect. He sees this as an opportunity for you to showcase your amazing talent and creativity to the world. He, also, wants to help you start and run your photography business too! 

As someone who appreciates the power of storytelling through images and his articles, Danny will bring up the idea of collaborating with you on various photography projects. He’ll even ask you to photograph events that he’s having to write about so he can publish your beautiful photographs for the whole town to see in his well written top tier articles. 

Danny understands the challenges of starting a new venture, especially in a competitive field like photography (He might be the top journalist at the Roseville Gazette, but that doesn’t mean he became that great overnight. He’s had a lot of practice). He offers his support not only emotionally but also practically, helping you with business planning, networking, and promotion. 

As a journalist, Danny's schedule is pretty busy during the day and also he spends a lot of time with his ‘hobby’ (if you know what I mean), yet, he still finds time to make an effort to prioritize quality time with you (I don’t know how he does it so don’t ask me). He understands the importance of nurturing y’all’s relationship amidst y’all’s respective careers and often suggests going on photoshoot outings together as a way to bond and unwind. Danny enjoys brainstorming creative concepts and themes for your photoshoots.

When you finally open your photography studio, Danny couldn’t be more prouder. He attends the grand opening with a camera in hand, capturing the excitement and anticipation of the moment. He smiles and y’all’s shared passion for storytelling will continue to strengthen y’all’s bond and drive each other to success.

Nubbins Sawyer

When Nubbins finds out that you photograph for fun just like him, he’s excited. Obviously, your photography technique is very different from his and he doesn’t fully understand the artist form of your photography at first; however, he quickly becomes fascinated by the way you capture the world through your lens. He wants to know why your photographs aren’t dark and blurry like his. 

Nubbins often finds himself admiring your work in awe, marveling at the way you can turn the most mundane scenes into something beautiful and captivating. You’ll look over your shoulder and find him just staring at one of the many photos you’ve taken in his hand, unmoving. Who knows how long he’s been standing there admiring your work. Actually, the better assumption is how long has he gone staring at that photo without blinking.

Nubbins spends the majority of his time hitchhiking and looking for ‘food’ heading towards the Sawyer property. He’d enjoy it if you tagged along with him and brought your camera to document your adventures together. Your hobby is a great way to immortalize y’all’s experiences and memories, creating a photo album of y’all’s life.  

Nubbins encourages and supports you. He would point out interesting objects and compositions for you to take pictures of during y’all’s unorganized photoshoots. He’ll also scout for locations or offer input too. 

Nubbins is protective of your camera equipment, ensuring it’s always safely stowed away when not using it. He understands how much your gear means to you and goes to great lengths to make sure it goes undamaged, knowing how much their photography means to you. 

Nubbins often proudly displays your work around the Sawyer house for his brothers to see. He takes pride in showcasing your talent to them and often boasts about your skills to his brothers. When he shares your photographs with his brothers, Nubbins finds himself cherishing the photographs, reminding him of all the moments y’all shared together. Each image holds a special place in his heart, serving as a visual representation of y’all’s love and adventures.

[lick-me-lennon22]

Beatles X Model!Reader Headcanons

(this prompt was requested by the lovely @sugaredlavenderhearts 💕 hope you all enjoy this one!!)

John

John is incredibly (and perhaps a bit overly) protective of you, always reviewing gigs before you take them on to be sure they aren't exploitative or suspicious in any way

he basically acts as a second agent/manager

your career as a model tends to bring out the jealous and possessive aspects of John's personality

despite this, he really enjoys exploring different aesthetics and getting to play around with art and photography with you

he appreciates your artistic side and loves to collaborate with you on creative projects and experimental photoshoots, adding some excitement to your portfolio

you two mesh very well, your modeling skills blending seamlessly with John's own artistic vision

he also won't pass up the chance to brag about your looks and talent in conversation with the other lads

Paul

Paul takes a genuine interest in your career, offering encouragement every step of the way

he attends every show and photoshoot to show his support - and to see his gorgeous partner in action, of course

he'll often coordinate his outfits to match yours when the two of you go out on dates or to events

he loves nothing more than to show you off and wants everyone to see the two of you together

he can't help but shower you with compliments whenever possible

you're 100% Paul's creative muse and artistic inspiration

he's written countless love songs inspired by your elegance and beauty, expressing his admiration for you through his music

George

George deeply admires your ability to express yourself through fashion

he respects your dedication to your craft and you provide him with a deeper understanding of the art form

he loves to offer his perspective and insight on different shoots and projects you take part in, not afraid to speak up when he feels strongly about a creative decision or idea

during interviews, he often shifts the focus of the conversation to you and your accomplishments, beaming with pride as he speaks about you

he promotes you whenever he gets the chance, using his influence to propel you further into the limelight

Ringo

Ringo would be your biggest cheerleader, attending every show and shoot you book

he enjoys acting as your companion at events, reveling in the excitement and glamor of the industry

he likes to joke around with you between takes, using his humor to get you to lighten up and to dispel any nerves that may get to you

he's fascinated by your experiences in the fast-paced world of fashion, listening attentively to every story you share with him

when you're alone together, Ringo loves to take his own headshots of you, making silly faces behind the camera to get more genuine smiles and capture some candid shots of his gorgeous partner

[kyeomniscient]

seventeen ao3 fic recs

other rec lists

pt. 2 (completed shorter fics, <10k words)

pt. 3 (incomplete fics)

so i recently got into reading svt fics and this is a compilation of a few of my favourites :) all recs here are completed (yay no cliffhangers)!

these are mostly minwon, but there are some other pairings as well and i'll be updating this as i go~

also props to anyone who writes!! both fics and in general bc writing is not easy and the creativity and flair that some of these authors have... simply unmatched

---

all-time faves (last updated 9/5/2024)

as y'all can tell i love the longer fics bc they are j so immersive and memorable esp when the characters capture the essence and little quirks of svt so well sooo here goes

Catch the Stars (minwon, 150k words, completed)

this is often hailed as one of the top 3 minwon fics of all time and i wholeheartedly agree!! this might be my fave fic of all time - i really love the city boy x country boy trope, where the mcs form a connection in spite of their different backgrounds and life experiences hehe also random but some of the scenes reminded me of cmbyn (small town italy peachy summer vibes) lolol

Kalon (minwon, 200k words, completed)

my heart broke for wonwoo in this fic and it was absolutely worth the read :"") it's by the same author as catch the stars and her writing is just *chef's kiss* really loved how each conflict and setback was handled and built upon, and wonwoo's inner conflict due to his fear of relationships was really well-depicted and realistic, and the intimacy of them spending time together in the spectacle shop after hours was everything i could've asked for

Love Stuck (minwon, 200k words, completed)

don't usually read parent aus because i prefer stories where the mcs are closer in profile to the actual pair but this was very well-written!! loved how the author handled the struggles of single parent-child dynamics as well as the slow burn - each character was really fleshed out, the chapters didn't feel repetitive despite the fic being quite long and it was all in all a vv wholesome fic hehe

'til kingdom come (minwon, 160k words, completed)

this was a historical au and the writing was so poetic!! and exquisite!! not forgetting the tension and drama of it all, how the world-building was so intricately wrought out, the language so befitting of the period, the development of the entire war arc beyond the romance, each character so original yet still bearing hints that remain true to their persons, the chapters being well-paced, the epilogue that wrapped things up so beautifully... i can't even begin to fathom how long it took the author to come up with this gripping masterpiece askshdfjkdsf i'd give a million kudos if i could

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others (in order of descending word count)

the sun and the silver lining (minwon, 60k words, completed)

this one made my heart feel things :"") really loved this author's descriptions (the metaphors in this fic were unparalleled) and how they give nuance to the internal thoughts and feelings of the characters!! slight b99 vibes with policeofficer!wonwoo x paramedic!mingyu lolol

Like the Beginning (minwon, 55k words, completed)

this was heartbreak/comfort with a second-chance romance and slight hospital playlist vibes lol i relish in the pain of reading about wonwoo trying to go back to how things were, mingyu being torn between indulging him and wanting to keep his distance, that feeling of looking at someone you once loved only to realise that you never moved on in the first place ugh

in defense of the side character (minwon, 55k words, completed)

actor!mingyu x scriptwriter!wonwoo - super well-written and it even has art!! the scripts made it all the more realistic and i have a soft spot for fics on the entertainment industry bc the overall atmosphere is always a little different from the slice of life/school aus like there's this underlying tension of being under public scrutiny and the pressure of being public figures and i j love when the fics capture these nuances in the story hah

Change of Ends (soonwoo, 52k, completed)

tennis!au - this might actually be my favourite soonwoo fic ever?? loved how their relationship was fleshed out over the years with the use of a non-linear narrative to sprinkle in memories from their past between their moments at present, and wonwoo was so sweet and loving here and it was such a refreshing take on his character bc he is usually the colder one. also, the level of detail for the sport was incredible and made the reading experience extra immersive so highly-recommend!!

A Mighty Stranger (minwon, 50k words, completed)

a fantasy minwon au for a change! really cool concept for a fic and there was so much effort and research that went into this bc the story spanned across different continents and time periods so i'd recommend this to those looking for smth diff

The Times We Fell (minwon, 46k, completed)

this one definitely did things to my heart :"") loved the visuals of hockeyplayer!mingyu x figureskater!wonwoo, the development of their enemies(?)-to-friends-to-lovers arc, how their relationship remained strong and steady throughout despite being met with various obstacles and external pressures along the way, how Mingyu rekindled Wonwoo's love for skating not once but twice, just them being a healthy and supportive couple - a beautiful read!

cut to the feeling (soonwoo, 44k, completed)

this was a character study on emotional self-torture and every chapter was an absolute sucker punch to the gut - loved the sadness and pining for the drama but i also felt like plot-wise the events didn't really justify the intensity of it all as much as the author's other piece :"/ writing was still amazing though!!

gold fever (seokgyu, 43k words, completed)

archer!seokmin x weightlifter!mingyu in a college au - really liked the vibes and writing in this fic :) seokgyu fics are rare and i feel like it's bc their dynamics on-camera mostly revolve around teasing/bickering it's hard to picture anything else, but the slow-burn element brought smth fresh and new to their dynamics and it was such an enjoyable read!

just let me know (i'll be on the floor) (verkwan, 30k words, completed)

soft and sweet friends-to-lovers fic that made my heart so warm!! really loved how their relationship unfolded over time, how they took care of each other as roommates, with seungkwan's obliviousness and denial and vernon being so patient with him throughout - 'twas a lovely slice-of-life read that brought comfort and joy :)

A (Revised Guide to Lab Safety) (soonwoo, 25k words, completed)

askjfsds this was an amazing mix of soonwoo peer dynamics in a college au + science!! their lab partners-to-friends-to-lovers arc was really too cute so i'd highly recommend this to soonwoo enthusiasts

tu me manques (minwon, 26k words, completed)

this really captured the feeling of watching 90s & early 2000s romcoms (think before sunrise, chasing liberty, serendipity etc) and was written so beautifully i might cry :"") really loved the travelling aspect of it, the scenic descriptions of each city made the fic so immersive, like i was there along w them sigh

also wonwoo has slight manic pixie dream boy vibes and mingyu is just there lolol

snowflake, i'll catch you tonight (minwon, 25k words, completed)

this was really cute!! just soft and fluffy vibes in general and characterisation was super on point bc wonwoo is literally winter personified lmao

a mix of sun and clouds (soonwoo, 24k words, completed)

lovelovelove aus with interesting professions, and this time they're both working at a weather station! soonyoung being a weather nerd is such a delight to read, and wonwoo's emotional constipation + little acts of service never gets old hehe geguri is amazing

Paradise Lost (minwon, 24k, completed)

sad fics have a chokehold on me and this one definitely takes the cake... was left in tears and i would risk it all to experience it for the first time again

despite this being a post-apocalyptic au, the development of the romance arc was treated softly and gently, that the moments of tenderness between the mcs shone through the violence and ruin that surrounded them. it was a really refreshing take on domesticity, one that took me by surprise, and it's a pity that the author only has 2 works!! i need MORE

Bend (and Break) (seoksoon, 23k words, completed)

fwb-to-friends-to-lovers seoksoon?? another wholesome fic and i loved the build up in this fic, where the mcs are basically doing all but admitting their feelings for each other UGH so cute

175°C for 60 minutes (seokgyu, 23k words, completed)

vv cute baking rivals au!! love how little clues were sprinkled throughout the story and came together at the end to tie things up nicely hehe

Lie Again (gyuhan, 22k words, completed)

the best gyuhan fic (that i've read so far) !! aka the chronicles of one (1) emotionally-unavailable yoon jeonghan where he learns to embrace the notion of Having Feelings ™ ft some of my other fave ships seoksoo and soonwoo

stillness and motion (seokhao, 21k words, completed)

give me a fic about emotionally-repressed characters that yearn and do everything but communicate and i'll eat it up!! the tension built up between (former) teammates in sport aus are a different breed and i'm absolutely here for it

For Want of Glory (woncheol, 21k words, completed)

secret agent au! loved woncheol's dynamics here, and it's really endearing to read from coups' pov because i love the way he just PINES

you make me feel good (i like it) (soonwoo, 18k words, completed)

no spoilers but this was an absolute beast of a fic that DESTROYED me the best way possible :"") each chapter was succinct yet packed a punch, loveloveloved how the element of time travel was weaved into the storyline!! op you are a genius for conceiving and writing this

Storm Warning (wonhui, 18k words, completed)

jun as a manic pixie dream type here is everything!! ww's feelings are so valid bc if jun was my neighbour, i too, would fall in love right away HAHA

now i'm covered in you (soonwoo, 16k words, completed)

it's the art of dealing with grief and moving on in a sweet and tender fic - highly recommend!

full ten (minwon, 14k words, completed)

super adorable strangers-to-roommates-to-lovers fic!! i really loved that they each had their own lives (preferences, habits, jobs and interests) before they met each other, and coming to live together only made their lives better - there's just something about the intimacy of co-existing in the same space with someone, bonding over simple weeknight dinners, developing a shared routine over time :"")

favorite (minwon, 14k, completed)

this was a v lovely friends-to-lovers fic - really loved the timelapse of small moments between them from both perspectives!

helios (minwon, 13k, completed)

a literal masterpiece - great execution of a cool concept, and wonwoo's persona as an artist was really well-crafted!!

day ones all i keep around me (minwon, 12k words, completed)

established (secret) relationship where minwon tries to soft-launch their marriage but their fans are too dense to realise LMAO this was really cute, and i loved the dynamics between streamer!wonwoo x soccerplayer!mingyu hehe

Flowers In My Path, My Love (seokwoo, 12k words, completed)

this was the cutest college meet-cute aka hotpoetryclassguy!wonwoo x cutepoetryclassguy!dk - it really captured the moments of fumbling, awkward shyness when interacting with crushes so well and bonus points for describing dk as sunshine bc he really is the brightest boy!!

light the way home (and i'll follow) (minwon, 10k words, completed)

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feel free to rec any fics based on what i've shared!! would really appreciate it thank you hehe

[gingermintpepper]

hi, i haven't read the iliad and the odyssey but want to - do u have a specific translation you recommend? the emily wilson one has been going around bc, y'know, first female translator of the iliad and odyssey into english, but i was wondering on if you had Thoughts

Hi anon! Sorry for the somewhat late response and I'm glad you trust me with recommendations! Full, disclosure, I am somewhat of a traditionalist when it comes to translations of the source text of the Iliad + Odyssey combo wombo, which means I tend to prefer closeness in literal verbiage over interpretation of the poetic form of these epics - for that reason, my personal preferred versions of the Odyssey and Iliad both are Robert Fitzgerald's. Because both of these translations (and his Aeneid!) were done some 50+ years ago (63 for his original Odyssey tl, 50 flat for his Iliad and 40 for his Aeneid) the English itself can be a bit difficult to read and the syntax can get confusing in a lot of places, so despite my personal preferences, I wouldn't recommend it for someone who is looking to experience the Iliad + Odyssey for the very first time.

For an absolute beginner, someone who has tried to read one or both of these epics but couldn't get into it or someone who has a lot of difficulty with concentrating on poetry or long, winding bits of prose, I fully and wholeheartedly recommend Wilson's translation! See, the genius of Emily Wilson's Iliad + Odyssey isn't that she's a woman who's translated these classics, it's that she's a poet who's adapted the greek traditional poetic form of dactylic hexameter into the english traditional poetic form of iambic pentameter. That alone goes a very very long way to making these poems feel more digestible and approachable - iambic pentameter is simply extremely comfortable and natural for native english speakers' brains and the general briskness of her verbiage helps a lot in getting through a lot of the problem books that people usually drop the Iliad or Odyssey in like Book 2 of the Iliad or Book 4 of the Odyssey. I think it's a wonderful starting point that allows people to familiarise themselves with the source text before deciding if they want to dig deeper - personally, researching Wilson's translation choices alone is a massive rabbit hole that is worth getting into LOL.

The happy medium between Fitzgerald's somewhat archaic but precise syntax and Wilson's comfortable meter but occasionally less detailled account is Robert Fagles' Iliad + Odyssey. Now, full disclosure, I detest how Fagles handles epithets in both of his versions, I think they're far too subtle which is something he himself has talked at length about in his translation notes, but for everything else - I'd consider his translations the most well rounded of english adaptations of this text in recent memory. They're accurate but written in plain English, they're descriptive and detailled without sacrificing a comfortable meter and, perhaps most importantly, they're very accessible for native english speaking audiences to approach and interact with. I've annotated my Fagles' volumes of these books to heaven and back because I'm deeply interested in a lot of the translation decisions made, but I also have to specifically compliment his ability to capture nuance in the characters' of these poems in a way I don't often see. He managed to adapt the ambivalence of ancient greek morality in a way I scarcely see and that probably has a hand in why I keep coming back to his translations.

Now, I know this wasn't much of a direct recommendation but as I do not know you personally, dear anon, I can't much make a direct recommendation to a version that would best appeal to your style of reading. Ideally, I'd recommend that you read and enjoy all three! But, presuming that you are a normal person, I suggest picking which one is most applicable for you. I hope this helps! 🥰

[enrosadiraanisaaa]

Within Session .Part Three.

Hey there cuties, do not think I forgot about y'all! This fanfic consist of Yandere!Leon Kennedy. I intend for this fic to progressively become disturbing and fucked up with each chapter. While the first few chapters will be tamed, expect the following in this series:

~Stalking, Kidnapping, Forced Breeding, Degradation, NonCon, Gang Banging, Forced Pregnancy, Somnophilia, Blackmail, Manipulation, Abuse, Pet Names, Obsessive Behavior (Duh), Torture, Constraints, Mentions of Blood & Gore, Mental Degradation, Toxic Relationship, Sexual Abuse, Masturbation, Drugged & Drunk Sex, Loss of Virginity, Forced Penetration…

Also you will be retconned (Too bad 😏): Female Reader, 24 Years old and from Texas 💝

This story was purely written with RE 4 (Remake) Leon in mind. So no puppy dog Leon from RE2 or DILF Leon from later games & movies. The story takes place several months after the events of RE4. Yay, you’re in 2004!

I plan to make this series long and fleshed out, but I promise what you want will hit you like a train~🚂

This chapter does not contain any 🔞 material. This story will contain +18 content (NSFW) in the near future 🔞 If you’re a minor, please go read a real book or something, don’t cry to me when your mom finds your shit.  This story will eventually hit that point so don’t set yourself up.

Summary

As an on sight therapist for STRATCOM in Nebraska, you’re tasked with providing quality therapy for US military personnel and government agents. After working at the headquarters for 6 months, Hunnigan recommends you to a notable government agent, Leon Kennedy, who is in need of therapy. After a number of sessions with you, Leon notices a substantial stability in his sanity yet is threatened when you are offered a position back home, closer to your family and friends. Your choice doesn’t sit well with one particular client, who can’t fathom you out of your role as his therapist. Leon has found a means of keeping his precious therapist and realizes you are the key to his permanent solace. You were obviously destined to be his in some form. Why dream of him letting you go?

A\N: I was heavily inspired by Satoshi Kon’s Perfect Blue 💙, ExploreVenus’s Something Permanent and Guardian Angel by NexysWorld. This chapter was oddly hard to write, especially writing out a session on a serious topic. Once I was writing, I kept writing so you might find this chapter to be long! Expect the next chapter to be out in two weeks!

Hope y'all enjoy the third part! More to come 💝~ Anisssa أنيسة

Here is Part One and Part Two of Within Session

Cleared Mirror

When Leon finally mentioned to Hunnigan his need for help, he did not expect immediate validation to improve his mental health. After the Raccoon City incident in 1998, the horrifying experiences that had cost him a normal life had embedded as an inevitable trauma. The grueling military training that followed after he was captured by the US government and forced to become a government agent to protect Sherry. The underlying hazing that he endured in boot camp tested his abilities and mental state beyond his capabilities, yet it was a period of time that distracted him. Then the recent mission to Spain to save the president’s daughter and his fight against Las Plagas of Los Illuminados seemed to weigh in after losing Luis and confronting Ada Wong after a number of years.  His guilt was engulfing him at this point, so he looked forward to his first session with the referred therapist by Hunnigan.

        However, when he did arrive at the office for the scheduled session at 5PM, he did not expect a young woman to be assigned his therapist. He noticed she was preoccupied with paperwork on her desk before he knocked on the doorway door to notify her that he had arrived. Once her awareness of him occurred, she stood up from her chair to greet him. Leon instantly notices her red attire with black heels, reminding him of a certain woman.

     Without realizing it, Leon accidentally scrunches his face from the reminder. Even when you offer a seat on one of the chairs in front of your desk, a glare on his face remains for a moment. However, when Leon takes another glance at your face, he eases the features of his face, nearly dazed at the sight of your eyes and lips as you both sit across each other. For a moment he studies your facial features while you speak until a question from you returns him to reality. Leon blinks his eyes in realization and nods to the question, simply muttering,”Yes.”

          His heart nearly flutters when you provide a reassuring smile while nodding your head,”That’s okay, let’s get started, Leon,” He hears you tell him. 

      By leaning over the chair, you reach over with one hand to retrieve paperwork clipped to a clipboard from the top of your desk. Leon patiently sits in silence across from you, curious of the next course of actions. With a swift flip of the papers attached to the clipboard, you reaffirm all the necessary documents before leaning over in the chair to hand the clipboard to Leon. Once Leon had the clipboard in his possession, he curiously skimmed through the pages while you spoke,” Alright Leon, we’re going to take the first 15 minutes to get through all this annoying intake paperwork. Essentially review HIPAA concerns, consent forms, and ethical guidelines. Afterwards, I will ask more questions regarding your background, then begin discussing your reasons for therapy and goals so we can formulate a treatment plan along our sessions. How does that sound?” You question him, provided with a gentle smile.

       Leon follows with a head nod, content with the flow of the session.”Sounds good,” he immediately responds, eager to hear your voice more. Despite Leon never receiving treatment before, he was honestly impressed with your diligence.

     With the reassurance from Leon, you proceed on explaining the following paperwork.”Also, please feel welcomed to ask me any questions, I want to ensure you’re not leaving here confused and that my skills are what you’re looking for in a therapist,” You sincerely express, shifting in the chair to cross your legs.  

      There were several questions that instantly came to Leon’s thoughts: ‘How old are you?’ and ‘Are you single?’ 

“The first page contains a HIPAA authorization form, basically entailing how your medical information is disclosed and your rights regarding your medical information…''You explain, leaning over the side of the chair again to snatch a pen from your desk. With the pen in hand, you lean over the chair to hand it to Leon,”So just write today’s date, your full name, date of birth, social security, check the boxes, and provide your signature. Please let me know if you have questions,” You breathe out, observing him as Leon fills out the worksheet in silence, hearing the scribbling of the pen on paper.  

         After a moment, Leon glances back up to you, signaling he was finished with signing this section of paperwork. In this moment, you provide a smile in reassurance,”Sweet, now we can continue to the next section, which is simply covering ethical guidelines between therapist and client. If you flip over to the next page, it will clarify all the different points. When you’re done reading, just sign at the bottom,” You advise him, sinking back into the chair as Leon flips and reviews the next page of ethical guidelines.

      At this moment, several points mentioning friendship and gift exchange between client and therapist caught Leon’s attention. Therapists are legally required to maintain a professional relationship with their clients, thus can not accept gifts over a certain amount. Leon briefly glances at you, then instantly returns his sight to the paperwork on his lap. He would have to abide by these guidelines to receive treatment. With the pen in his hand, Leon inscribes his signature on the line at the bottom of the page along with writing the current date. 

    With all the paperwork finally reviewed and signed, this prompted you to clasp your hands together, instantly capturing Leon’s concentration from the paperwork on his lap up to you at the sudden noise,”Okay, we’re done with paperwork! You can set that on my desk, now we can finally get into why you’re here. I will ask a couple of questions, then you can tell me more about yourself, Leon,” You explain, your voice full of enthusiasm as you directly observe his blue orbs across the room. In response to your declaration, Leon nods his head. 

     By adjusting your throat, you then exhale before asking the first question: “Has your family or you have any history of substance abuse that is not limited to alcohol, illegal drugs, and abuse of medication?” 

From across the room, you notice Leon shakes his head,”I am not sure about my family, but not me…”

      To acknowledge him, you provide a subtle head nod to his response,”That’s okay if you don’t know. Another question: During your childhood, did you live any significant period of time with anyone other than your natural parents?” You question him, intently observing his expressions. Despite his file entailing he was an orphan, you needed more context.

      There was a momentary pause from Leon at this question, his gaze elsewhere but you as he ponders this question. He then returns his gaze to you, nodding,” Yes. I was in the foster care system until I became 18 years of age. There was an incident in my family that I don’t have much recollection on…” He tries to clarify. 

     ‘There was an incident?’ This thought comes to you, debating if this subject should be pressed on and explored. You veer your head to the clock on the wall, it was already 5:32PM. Session will be ending soon at 5:50PM and there is at least one important question left for Leon.

     With another head nod, your lips form a smile to Leon,”We can explore that at another time if you like… My last question is: What has brought you to therapy and what goals do you want to accomplish?” To some, this inquiry might seem ridiculous, but this direct question was for clients to explore their reasoning to receive therapy.

     An exasperated sigh escapes his mouth, tilting his head to the sides as it seemed he did not want to confess his sentiment. “Uh… I feel alone” He finally admits, his face expressionless.

     “At what point in your life do you feel alone?” You inquired, keeping your tone serious to Leon’s response.

      Over the span of his life, there were an absurd number of instances when he was abandoned by people. The initial example was during his childhood, when his family was massacred for unexplained reasons. He spent a considerate amount of years in the foster care system, unloved by blood. The girlfriend who broke off their relationship the night before he experienced the incident in Raccoon City. Hell, even when Claire Redfield deserted Sherry and him to search for her older brother after they barely survived that harrowing night together. Leon had to fend for Sherry when Claire had left them to the mercy of the US government. Then the infamous Ada Wong, who used him twice before vanishing without a trace. People were brief in his life, either from death or they left him.

     Despite these prominent circumstances, how would he express some of these details without explaining an incident that was covered up and immensely classified. His hands and tongue were tied, he would have to brush over this portion of his life. 

       With several blink of his eyes, Leon considers other reasons for his lonesomeness. There was an uneasy feeling that swept over him due to the unsettling silence in the room. You were attentive for his answer.

      “The nature of my job… I am too busy to involve myself in meaningful relationships,” Leon conjures, returning his gaze to those eyes that seemed too distant from him. 

     As Leon provides a response to your final question, you notice hesitation in his demeanor as if he is recollecting something traumatic. However, as a professional you can not dismiss his answer, but simply acknowledge him. 

    Since Leon was an agent of STRATCOM, no doubt that life threatening missions contributed to this sentiment. Similar among other agents and military personnel, coping with isolation and loneliness was common. 

      “Are there any particular aspects of your job that contribute to your feeling of loneliness?” You ask him in a sincere tone. With a quick glance at the clock on the wall, there were only a few minutes of session. Damm…

Leon noticed your glance to the clock on the wall, yet continued to speak,” People are temporary in my line of work…” He admits, noticing the hands of the clock were at 5:46pm.”Session is done already, huh?” Leon comments, returning his attention to you for confirmation. 

       A faint smile forms on your lips, nod slightly.”Unfortunately…but we can continue this subject next session..” You respond, standing from the chair to retrieve another clipboard from your desk, consisting of another signature page. “Before you leave, if I could get your signature. I did check your health insurance and it’s all good to go. They require a client signature to authorize that you received treatment today,” You inform him, offering the clipboard to him with both hands. 

     Leon stands from his seat, taking the clipboard with one hand while his other hand grasps the pen attached to the clipboard. After signing his signature at the bottom of the sheet, he returns the clipboard back into your possession with a faint smile on his lips.

     You reciprocate the same faint smile on your face,”Alright Leon, it was a pleasure to meet you today. I really recommend writing any thoughts or topics you want to speak about in a small notebook for our sessions, that way you don’t forget… but other than that. You are free to go. I look forward to seeing you on Friday at 5PM. If you need to reach me for any reason, definitely reach me by email or my work number.” You mention, leaning on your desk. 

       With a nod from Leon, offering a cheeky grin,”Yes ma'am. I will see you on Friday then, stay warm...” He comments, noticeably glancing at your body up and down, implying your poor choice in your red attire. At those words, Leon turns around to exit your office, leaving you alone in silence. 

     This was definitely an interesting client, there was no doubt in Leon’s charisma and intellect. 

[violettduchess]

A/N: It was SUCH a close poll but Clavis managed to beat out both Gilbert and Cyran to win so he is the Prince suitor for @aquagirl1978 and my Summer Days Sultry Nights CCC.

The prompt was "Sundress"

I wanted to experiment a little with form. I had written one Leonardo fic last year that was only dialogue and wanted to try it again.

modiste: a fashionable milliner or dressmaker

WC: ~500

“Clavis? Could you come here a moment, please?”

“Is my lovely wife missing me already? I haven’t even left the room yet!”

“Clavis.”

“Alright little lamb, I’m coming. Oh dear, am I allowed behind the changing screen? I may see something I shouldn’t and my, wouldn’t that be scandalous.”

“Clavis, we’re married.”

“Ah yes, and what a dream it’s been since the wedding. I have a particularly fond memory of sneaking off during the reception and–”

“Clavis!”

“I’m here, Mrs. Lelouch and…….ah…..oh dear. Oh dearie me. What have you done?”

“Please help me. When I tried it on at the modiste, she helped me with all the straps. She made it seem so easy to get into this damned dress but now…..I think I’ve made a mess of it.”

“Hmm. I am quite certain that you are exposing body parts that are exclusively for the blessed eyes of your beloved husband and no one else. Let me just tuck that back–”

“Clavis, you have to fix the whole dress. Not just squish me into some of it! Also that hurts. They’re attached, you know.”

“Are they? I should feel again just to be sure and- ouch! My little bunny turns violent. It’s quite charming how fiery you are.”

“I will swat your hands away if you try that again. I just need- oof– help untwisting these straps here. I believe some of them should go across that way.”

“My, who knew garments could be so complex. Where is the style of simplicity?"

“Says the man who wears seven belts.”

“Only on occasion. Now be a sweetheart and bend your arm like so. Just….further down, darling.”

“My arm doesn’t bend that way!”

“Wait…wait…ah, I believe this particular strap goes like this. Much better. I should consult with your modiste when constructing my next trap. She appears to be a natural.”

“She would never. She is a lady.”

“So were you and I still managed to capture your heart, charm you until you couldn’t bear to be without me, fill your nights with dreams of Lelouchian delight.”

“Oh for heaven’s sake.”

“Your tone notwithstanding, I know you are thrilled to be Mrs. Lelouch. And would Mrs. Lelouch care to duck underneath this strap, watch your head. Ah. My, my, would you look at that. It really IS a beautiful dress.”

“You did it!”

“Of course I did. I am a man of my word and also, I’m an incredibly talented– Mmmph.”

---------💋-------------------💋-------------------💋----------

---------💋-------------------💋-------------------💋----------

“You’re leaving me quite breathless, sweetheart. My eyes close and you kiss me, my eyes open and I see you in this positively marvelous dress with oh so much back exposed. I hardly know what to do with myself.”

“Husband.”

“Yes, my lovely wife.”

“You were able to wrangle me into this ordeal of a dress…..”

“Mmm hmm.”

“How about you now wrangle me out of it?”

“Oh?........Oh. OH. With the greatest of pleasure, my dear. The GREATEST of pleasure.”

Tagging: @alexxavicry @queengiuliettafirstlady @rhodolitesrose @ikemen-writer @bellerose-arcana @thewitchofbooks @aria-chikage @redheadkittys @tele86 @dear-mrs-otome @firestar-otomeobsessed @curious-skybunny @rhodoliteschaos @kpop-and-otome @writingwhimsey @mxrmaid-poet @silver-dahlia @wendolrea @otomefoxystar @nightfoxqueen @myonlyjknight @queen-dahlia @aceuuuuu @scorchieart @bubblexly

[dilvuc]

╰┈ chapter ii. | bonding.

note: i haven't reached fontaine because of inazuma, forgive me for this.

“This is Café Lutece, the main restaurant in the city.” Neuvillette introduced the restaurant to the taller male. [Y] looks up at the sign that reads “Café Lutece” just as Neuvillette says, is it possible to tell Neuvillette that the pyro dragon couldn't read? Nah. He won't notice, right? The hydro dragon led the taller male to a table. Once they were seated at the table, they were handed a menu.

“What's this?” [Y] asked, trying to read the menu. Neuvillette explained, “It's a menu. You just have to choose what you like that is written on the menu.”

The taller male squinted his eyes at the menu before giving it to Neuvillette, “I'll stick with anything with meat.”

“...?” Neuvillette looks at the taller male with confusion, “Do you prefer Barbecue Ribs? Steak Tartare? Or Bulle Sauce Duck Breast?”

[Y] didn't even know that it was on the menu and didn't want to admit that he can't read, so he picked them all, “...I’ll…I’ll take them all.”

“Are you sure?” The hydro dragon tilted his head, staring at the male, who looked away.

“Yes…”

The chief of justice handed the menu to the waitress. That was odd? Why handed him the menu? Was he nervous or something? Maybe he has bad eyesight…? The look on the pyro dragon's face, it tells the hydro dragon what's up.

“Monsieur [Y]...” Neuvillette called, grabbing the taller male's attention. “I only just realized, since this is the first time in your human form…you can't read, can you?”

[Y]’s eyes widened when the hydro dragon caught on what's wrong with him. The pyro dragon stood up and about to leave in embarrassment, but Neuvillette stopped him by grabbing him by the wrist, “Wait.”

“Are you gonna laugh at me because I can't read or write?” [Y] furrowed his eyebrows, feeling his hair lit up to pink flame. It shows signs that he's flustered.

“...No, I'm not gonna laugh at you. It's ok if you can't read or write.” Neuvillette said, allowing the taller male to sit down. “It's understandable since I had a similar experience when I first entered the human society. So, I shall teach you how.”

“...T…thank you…” [Y] mumbled. Neuvillette notices the male's hair turned from pink to bright [c] hair. It is pretty impressive how his hair could change colors, it even captures the interests of the citizens who were walking by.

“Now that we’re waiting. Let us begin our bond.” Neuvillette leaned back slightly against his chair. “But I have a question for you: Your hair can change colors? I have noticed how it changes colors. It's now brighter than before.”

The pyro dragon has a stoic expression, but his hair can easily tell how he feels. The dark-skinned male responded, “It changes based on my emotions. However, this is just a flame that made my hair longer, it'll disappear when it gets wet, but return when it dries up.”

“Change based on your emotions? Interesting…” Neuvillette mumbled. “Also about the “not real hair” part, when it blow out, will you—”

“I'm not gonna go bald. The part that isn't braided is my real hair. They can turn into flame whenever it needs to.” [Y] explained, fiddling with his side loop. “I didn't want to remove it now since my hair is braided. I'll keep it this way.”

“I understand. Your hair…is rather amusing and endearing.” The chief of justice praises the pyro dragon's hair with a soft smile, causing [Y]’s hair to turn into a mixture for some reason. Neuvillette tilted his head, “Oh? What does that mean? It's turned into a rainbow.”

“Sorry, it happens when I'm confused with my emotions.” [Y] apologized, stopping his hair from changing colors. He's confused. Very confused. He has never felt this way. The dark-skinned male has been praised before, but why does this feel different coming from Neuvillette. If the hydro dragon compliments his hair, then he will compliment his hair, but [Y] thought it might be weird if he tried. His hair started changing into rainbow colors again as he thought about how he would compliment Neuvillette’s hair.

“Are you alright?” Neuvillette asked the male. [Y] sighed, “Trying to think of a way to compliment your hair, but now I genuinely can't think of words to compliment your hair. Although, it suits you.”

“Hm?”

“I was almost stunned by you…” the taller male admitted without hesitation. Neuvillette raised his eyebrows, “Stun? And you're saying…?”

“I was stunned by your beauty. When I first saw you again after 400 years, I couldn't help but stare at you during the whole conversation…” [Y] stated, catching the chief of justice by surprise. Is he saying these words without realizing it? He's just that much of an airhead, is he? “...I was able to stare into your eyes for the first time. We rarely make eye contact. Your dark blue-shaded slit eyes. You look more beautiful and pure the moment I see you again—”

The taller male stopped his words realizing that he was talking too much instead of trying to give Neuvillette’s hair a compliment. He groaned, ruffling his rainbow hair, “I've been talking for too long that I've forgotten to compliment your hair…”

The pyro dragon’s pointed ear perked up when he heard a chuckle. He looks over to see the hydro dragon chuckle with soft blush, “What's so funny…?”

“Apologies. I just find you amusing. You are an honest yet confusing gentleman.” Neuvillette smiled fondly. “Have you realized what you just said a second ago?”

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

The taller male’s hair bursts into a pink flame when he finally realizes what he says. He held a stoic expression, but his hair had failed to hide his embarrassment. “I see…How embarrassing. I apologize if it comes out uncomfortable.”

“No need to apologize. I think it's quite appealing. Thank you.” Neuvillette blushed.

“What's the deal with water tasting? Can you tell the difference?” [Y] inquired.

“Indeed, I can. Water comes in many flavors to the discerning palate. Mondstadt's water is crisp and pure,” Neuvillette began while the taller male listened in, “While water from Liyue has an enduring aftertaste. In Inazuma, the water possesses a depth of flavor unlike any other.”

“Sumeru's water, meanwhile, has a rich and complex flavor profile, but it must be savored patiently to fully appreciate it.”

“Ah? You have a weird hobby there. I guess my hobby is a lot weirder since I bathe in lava and boiled water.” [Y] mumbled, crossing his arms. Neuvillette tilted his head, “Does it not burn your skin?”

“My body can handle the heat. I can eat them without any burn, same with magma which gives me more power.” the taller male explained. “There are creatures in Natlan that swim in lava. I usually hit them up with a race and lose on purpose.”

“I’m not surprised you can handle the heat.” The hydro dragon said, placing his hand on his side. It didn't go unnoticed by the pyro dragon. The dark-skinned male remembers that he left a third degree burn on the hydro dragon. Perhaps he could apologize for the damage to his body.

“Hey—”

“Your lunch is served.”

[Y] was taken back when three plates of meat were placed in front of him. They sure as hell look good. “These are the meats humans have been eating?”

“Indeed.” Neuvillette nodded. He noticed the taller male about to use his hand to grab the meat, but he stopped before he could. The hydro dragon grabbed a fork and butter knife then handed them to the pyro dragon, “You use a knife to cut and a fork to pick.”

[Y] grabbed the silverware from the chief, looking at the male, curious on how to use it. Neuvillette showed the taller male how to work it, “Just do it like this…”

The pyro dragon followed the hydro dragon’s steps, but only failed to cut it, turning his hair orange. Neuvillette decided to help him out by supporting the taller male into cutting the rib, then holding the rib up to him on a fork, “Here.”

“...” the pyro dragon gave it a sniff then took a bite out of it. [Y]’s hair turned bright [c] after the flavor kicked in, “What's this?”

“Barbecue Ribs.” Neuvillette responded, giving [Y] another piece of the rib. [Y] pointed to another meat, “And that?”

Neuvillette smiled, “Steak Tartare.”

The taller male then pointed at the last meat he ordered, “And this?”

“Bulle Sauce Duck Breast. Enjoy.”

The pyro dragon was practically drooling over how delicious the food was, much to Neuvillette’s amusement. “Remember to use silverware.”

[Y] continued to follow Neuvillette during a tour around the city, but his attention landed on an orange cat, causing him to pause. The taller male stares into the cat's eyes, almost like they are communicating. The pyro dragon kneeled down before the cat. As a pyro dragon, he has never seen a cat before.

“Meow…” the cat meowed, catching the taller male by surprise. He was wondering if that's how he could communicate with a cat, so he responded back with a meow, “Meow…”

“Meow~”

“Meow.”

“Meow~”

“Meow.”

“Monsieur [Y]?” Neuvillette called to the male in question when he noticed that the pyro dragon wasn't following him. He spotted the taller male communicating with a cat by meowing.

“Meow.”

“Meow~”

Neuvillette stifles back a chuckle when witnessing the cute scene before him. [Y] lifted the cat and held it up as if it's a child, “You are now my worthy companion, Citali…”

“Meow~” the cat known as Citali, meowed. Neuvillette placed his hand over his mouth, trying not to show much emotion, he then cleared his throat, “I see that you made a companion.”

“Indeed. Citali will be my loyal companion. I respect his words.” [Y] nodded.

“For a pyro dragon, he sure is darling…Perhaps I could create a new law for this lil’ one if Monsieur [Y] wants his companion to stay by his side.” Neuvillette smiled. “Shall we?”

“We shall…” [Y] nodded.

The melusines were secretly spying on the two dragons having their bond. Judging how close they become, the girls wanted to make them closer.

╭      ⁞ ❏. facts

┊      ⁞ ❏. neuvillette is willing to create a new law where citali is allowed inside buildings as [y]’s support animal

┊      ⁞ ❏. [y] has never seen a cat before, yes there's some cats in natlan, he just never encountered one before

┊      ⁞ ❏. neuvillette thought the new side of [y] was cute

┊      ⁞ ❏. the daughters wanted to put their father and [y] together

previous.

next.

[soracities]

writers block is killing me, mim. i haven't written anything since ages. but i really want to, i just don't have anything in mind. send help!!

Oh, dear anon....I may not be the best person to ask in this because I generally don't believe in writer's block to begin with; I have dealt with one for years but at the same time I don't see not writing as any more natural or normal a state than writing itself. Neither is "bad" or "good"; they're simply two different processes with different results, one of filling up (not writing) and one of emptying (writing). But because of this, it is, crucially, a cycle to me—like how you fill a cup then empty it again then fill it then empty it again. Sometimes the processes happen so subtly, or so closely together, that we don't notice their separate movements. But sometimes they aren't as synchronised as that. Sometimes there's a long period of filling up that, because of how extensive and deep it is, requires far more time than we would like.

Our imagination and creative impulses don't exist in a fixed, preordained state of On / Off—they are something active and responsive that needs to be nourished and replenished just like our bodies do with fresh and air and food. And sometimes being replenished looks like a passive rather than an active event. So maybe it will help to look at it as less of a "block" anon, and more a state of accumulation. Maybe you're percolating, brewing, marinating, collecting fragments and impressions of the world and shoring them up deep inside you. Maybe it's the time to touch life and be touched by it and allow it to change the landscape inside you, to renew the places you can write from when the time comes but simply live and experience the things that happen to you until that time comes. Maybe you are undergoing deep changes yourself and these need to be allowed to take shape a little more before you can use them as a foundation from which your writing begins.

I don't know if any of this will help and I'm sorry if it doesn't. But I do believe that in moments like this, the best thing you can is not to force yourself or your mind into a state it does not seem ready for at this time because you will only be met with more resistance and more frustration as a result (which will also only harden that resistance further). If you desperately need to write I would recommend a journal, but a journal with no expecations—errant thoughts, observations, things you saw and that made you happy (or sad or angry), a catalogue, really, of the sights and sounds and textures of your day. They don't need to be eloquent or polished (if anything I think it helps if you keep them as spontaneous as possible). The point is to make a habit of noticing the world around you and the experiences you have and also let you feel that you are capturing or expressing something as you write it all down. Alternatively you can also try a stream-of-consciousness exercise every day: write whatever comes to your mind, again without expectations, without hesitation or concern for form or content. I don't know if this will help, but it may ease the anxiety you feel around wanting to write and not being able to simply by providing you with the action in some form.

I hope you find something in here to see you through this, anon x