#am i supposed to pretend it didn't sucked ass?

[wildernessuntothemselves]

lazy cat hybrid reader + too much energy dog hybrid gyu in heat 😔 maybe switch/switch ^^’

"Are you seriously sitting there and jerking off while starting at me?" You scoff at the dog hybrid on the other side of the room from you and he quickly takes his hands out of his pants grabs onto the pillow next to him.

"I wasn't jerking off." He croaks and you laugh derisively.

"Yeah and I'm not pretty." You say mockingly but the puppy is too dumb to understand the sarcasm and answers dreamily. "You are pretty." He breathes, hand unconsciously doing back to grab at his cock. "So pretty."

"And you're gross." You turn your nose up at him and he whines, getting off the couch and crawling towards you quickly. You curl up in a ball and unfurl your claws, scratching at him when he gets close.

He whimpers as if he doesn't get why you did that, and sits down on his ass a small distance from you, nursing his scratched up cheek.

"Kitty, it hurts." He whines.

"I wouldn't have scratched you if you didn't jump on me like that." You explain without remorse, but he shakes his head. "Not that. This."

He leans back on his heels, emphasizing his bulge to you that is contained in sweatpants that leave nothing to the imagination. You'd be lying if you said that didn't make your mouth water a bit, but you're not a dog like him and you're certainly not going to let yourself fall for your base needs just because a stupid pup is waving his cock at you.

"Then you should've told our owners that you're going into heat." You tell him snottily.

"But then they would've taken me away to a breeding center." He mumbles sadly.

"So?" You ask as if you didn't care, and Beomgyu looks down dejectedly. "Did you think I'd care about that?"

"You cared when our owners brought Danbi over for a playdate." He mumbles under his breath.

Your temper flares at the mention of the dog hybrid's name. "I was saving you from getting involved with a bitch like her."

"She was nice to me." He argues back.

"She was just being pretend nice. She was awful to me which you would've noticed if you didn't have your nose firmly lodged inside her asshole. But I guess friendships mean nothing to you and you'd rather get your dick wet than stand up for your friends."

"No, you're right I'm sorry." He moves towards you, his lands smoothing up and down your legs in a soothing manner, getting the tension to leave your body. "You mean much more to me than anyone else."

Your heart flutters at his words but you choose to decidedly ignore it, focusing instead on how his big hands inch up and up with every passing second.

"Puppy, what are you doing?" You raise an eyebrow at him, and the glazed over look in his eyes clears up as he realizes he's been caught yet again.

"I just--" He tries to think, hands squeezing your thighs in distress. "I really need you."

"You know I can't take your cock. Kittens aren't meant to take such a big cock." You're telling the truth--cats and dogs aren't supposed to fuck--but you were being intentionally goading with your wording, knowing it will drive him crazy.

He sucks in a sharp breath through his teeth. "We can try. I'll stop if it hurts too much."

"No. You'll rip my pussy apart." You shut him down. "You should've told our owners."

He looks at you, betrayed at you bring it up again. "Fine, maybe I will. Maybe I'll ask them to arrange another playdate with Danbi."

You raise your arm to scratch his face again but he sees it coming, grabbing your arm and pinning it to your side as he takes your lips in a kiss. You bite his lip punishingly but he doesn't care, moaning against your mouth and kissing you harder.

"Don't want her. Don't want any other bitch. Just want my pretty pussy."

"I am not yours."

"I would like to see anyone else try claim you." He growls menacingly and your pussy quivers at his dominating aura. It just makes you want to make him melt again for you.

"You can have my thighs." You tell him. He opens his mouth to protest but you beat him to it. "Either my thighs or nothing."

He grumbles but pulls back, pulling his pants down and spitting on his hand before bring it to his cock to lubricate it. He places his cock between your thighs and bucks his hips experimentally, moaning out and seemingly content with the feeling.

"Yeah, that's it. You know how to be good. You just need some training."

"Yes, pretty." He moans, lost as soon as his dick gets some stimulation.

"Am I prettier than her?"

"So much prettier. No one is prettier than you." He babbles, dick thrusting between your thighs. "Do you went me to tell our owners about my heat?"

"No, I can take care of my puppy. Won't need anyone else." You tell him and he melts, cumming all over your pretty dress that the owners put you in and that Beomgyu loves so much.

But the orgasm does nothing to calm his cock, and it still stand erect between your thighs.

"You're still hard?" You ask incredulously and he shrugs. "I'm in heat."

"Well, what now?" You ask awkwardly, staring at his dick. "Do you wanna do it again?"

He nods. "Let me rut against your pussy this time. Maybe that will help. I won't put it in. I promise."

"Beomgyu..." You hesitate.

"You just said you'll take care of me." He reminds you and you huff. "Fine."

"Thank you." Beomgyu yips happily, unceremoniously taking off your underwear. He lets his cock rest against your pussy and holds it down with his thumb so that when he ruts forward, his whole length rubs against your slit.

"Oh." You breathe out and his ears perk at the sound. He cocks his head to the side and ruts against you again, ears twitching at the restrained sounds you try to keep in as his movements grow more vigorous with excitement.

"You like it, kitty?" He asks, a grin on his face, and you stick you tongue out stubbornly. He laughs and angles his hips in such a way so as that his cock would brush against your clit each time.

He seems to be more focused on trying to illicit pleasure out of you than working towards his own orgasm. But the dumb pup is so excited and turned on by your sounds and the way your tits jiggle with each thrust that he's falling over the edge before he even realizes it.

"No, no," He whines at his premature orgasm, but his hips continue to thrust forward as he covers you in another load.

This time, when his cock doesn't go down, you don't mind it so much. Maybe you'll get to cum this time. But Beomgyu is a greedy little mutt.

"Let me put it in. Just the tip." He pleads.

"It won't fit!"

"Just the tip." He coaxes, thumb moving down to your whole and dipping ever so slightly in. You know he can feel you clench around it because he says, "I know you need it too."

"Fuck you." You let out defeatedly, and he knows he has you.

You cringe as he lines the large head of his cock with your pussy and pushes in, anticipating the pain, but true to his word he stops as soon as he feels resistance.

With just the tip in, he pulls back and thrusts back in, and as you soon realize, this is pure torture--for you more than him. At least he seems to be getting off on it despite the massive restraint the excitable pup is having to endure. As for you, it just feels like being teased with no hope of cumming. You want him to fill you up. You want to cum on his cock, but you're too scared to ask for it.

Somehow, the stupid brute notices how needy you are, and moves his hand up to flick his thumb over your clit, giving you the much needed stimulation you've been craving.

"Oh fuck, Beommie. Keep doing that." You keen, not caring about how you're only exciting him further, just hoping he'll make you cum this time.

And he does. He's unrefined and sloppy, but he's earnest and you're so, so turned on.

"Yes, yes!" You mewl, clenching around him as you cum, but he surprisingly takes his cock out, choosing to spurt his cum on your dress once again.

"You didn't cum inside." You state, confused, and he mumbles sheepishly. "You didn't say I could."

How is he so adorable about something so lewd? You want to reach out and pet him for being so cute but you hold back, looking away from his puppy eyes so you wouldn't be tempted to.

As you look down to your dress, you realize it's basically ruined now, wet and sticky from multiple loads, and yet as you stare in disgust at the sodden material, you see that Beomgyu is still hard.

"Is it seriously not down?"

"I didn't knot you yet."

You gasp at the audacity. "And you're not going to."

"Come on, kitty. You know it's the only way to make this go away. My body needs to feel like I've bred you." He exclaims and you look away, cheeks burning.

"Well, I'm exhausted." You excuse lamely and he snorts. "You're not even doing anything. Just lay on your tummy and let me use you." He growls and you raise an eyebrow at him so he adds. "Please."

"Such a perv."

"I'm not a perv. Just need you to present yourself for mating." He mumbles the last part quietly.

"Perv." You repeat but obey, still refusing to admit to yourself that you're enjoying this.

Once you flop on your tummy, he grabs your hips and pulls your ass up in the air. "Just like that." He purrs, fingers running along your slit. "Good kitty ready to be mounted."

"Just shut up and do it."

"Yes, kitty." He climbs over you, pressing his big cock into you.

"Ooof." You whimper as he fills you up, going deeper this time.

"Good pussy." He slurs, already lost in the feeling of your pussy but trying to comfort you with kisses to your shoulder. "Just relax. You can take it."

Surprisingly, you do. You manage to take his whole length and Beomgyu is full of praises for you.

"You're doing so good for me. Being such a good mate." He coos, holding you close as his hips thrust back and forth, fucking you from behind. "You're so pretty. And so nice. I love you."

You breath hitches at his words but you dismiss them. He's just pussy-drunk. He'll say he loves anything he can fuck right now.

But it's hard to ignore it when he keeps repeating it over and over, getting more and more loud as he gets lost in the pleasure.

"Fuck, puppy, don't say that." You gasp as your body rocks with every thrust. "You know we can't."

"I don't care. I love you. I love you so much." He moans in your ear, one arm wrapped around your waist, holding you up against his onslaught, while the other snakes between your legs to rub at your pussy. "Please love me too."

Fuck, he's being so unfair right now. He can't do this to you when he's fucking you so good. So you bite lip to stay quiet, tasting the blood on your tongue.

"Please!" Beomgyu cries out, his hips losing rhythm as he nears his end but tries to hold off. You clench around him, coaxing him to let go. "Come on, pup, cum for me. I know you're dying to knot me good."

"Please, please..." He continues to beg even as his hips stutter and you feel the base of his cock swell up.

"That's it. There you go." You wince as he pushes his knot into you. But Beomgyu is still keen to pleasure you too.

"Cum for me. Need you to feel good too. Please." He whimpers brokenly. Oh, if he knows just how good he's making you feel. He's too rough and fast, too sloppy and eager, but his moans in your ear and need for you radiating off him in waves more than makes up for it.

"Ah Beomgyu, I'm cumming, puppy. I'm cumming--oh" You shudder, feeling his seed fill you up as your pussy tries to clench around him but his knot is just too big.

You double over in pain and pleasure, lying still for a while before registering that Beomgyu is licking the side of your neck soothingly and whispering reassurances in your ear.

"You did so good. You're so perfect." He says, and you can hear the pain in his voice but you don't dare address it, just letting him comfort you as you wait for his knot to go down.

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FROM LIFE IS STRANGE, SEASON 1 *  assorted dialogue, suggested by ismelodrama, adjust as necessary

everything is a picture waiting for be taken.

you're just jealous of me because i actually do the things you can't.

are you hiding something?

i'm sick of your disrespect. tell me the truth!

i don't want to fight with you anymore. i don't want to fight with anyone anymore.

i was eating those beans!

how the hell did you know about that photo?

always take the shot. my number one rule of photography.

you just don't listen, do you?

there's something weird going on with you.

you've only been here for three weeks and you're already causing conflict.

after this week, you are certainly not a little kid anymore.

not now. i'm contemplating shit.

are you fucking kidding me? this is major bullshit!

i didn't have all the evidence at the time.

we all make decisions we regret.

i'm not gonna make any excuses for my behavior.

i'd put stephen hawking against picasso any day.

it sucks to be dragged into the spotlight.

nobody believes me anyway.

you're exactly the kind of soldier i'd want by my side in a war.

why the hell not?

i almost asked you to hang out.

you should have asked me.

maybe we're too much alike.

i don't believe anything you say. you're full of shit.

eat a dick, [name].

i'll be in the tardis getting my delorean ready.

since you're the mysterious superhero... i'll be your faithful chauffeur and companion.

you don't know who the fuck i am or who you're messing around with.

where'd you get that? what are you doing? come on, put that thing down!

don't ever tell me what to do! i'm so sick of people trying to control me!

so you can't help me?

i told you before that i'll always believe you.

i may be a pest but... i'm a good listener.

you're the bravest person i've ever known.

for every action, there's a reaction.

i'm trying. but you have to understand my position.

i know i can be a pain in the ass... and you've always treated me like a person, not a beta nerd.

why do you want all your friends to die?

oh i see. i'm not important to you anymore.

nobody lectures me. everybody tries though.

do not analyze me! i pay people for that.

hey, that's total slander!

you don't know shit about my father, or me.

you're all fucked!

everybody hates me.

[name]... it's me. i just wanted to say i'm sorry.

i truly am sorry for being such a bastard.

you would have been cool to hang out with.

you might as well choose me.

i'm not perfect, okay?

you have talent, [name].

you don't have to push people out of your way.

thanks for admitting again that i have some talent.

do you think it's, like, fate we're not supposed to be friends?

nobody says we have to be friends.

everybody lies. no exceptions.

i came for all of you.

i'm in a nightmare and i can't wake up.

no wonder they call it a "web." nothing can ever get out.

i wish i could go back in time and erase everything.

just tell me you do have the photograph.

now shut up and listen.

i'm not a real scientist.

i was just happy just being your friend.

[name], i'm so sorry you had to go through all that.

i don't think i can concentrate on going out to the movies.

everybody pretends to care until they don't.

even angels need angels, [name].

i might be naive, but i feel their struggle.

why did you stop me from jumping?

this shit pit has taken everyone i've ever loved.

when a door closes, a window opens... or something like that.

i keep going back in time.

how could there be a more important moment in history?

thank you for trusting me.

hey... be careful out there.

what kind of friend are you?

you never understood me, or what happened to me.

i'll always be alone, thanks to you.

just in case we don't get out of this...

i'm going to make the right choices from now on.

i've been feeling like this might be actually the end of the world.

i hate to say that i'm glad to see you, but i'm glad to see you.

i wish i could stay in this moment forever... but then it wouldn't be a moment.

if that tornado came right now, i would just sit here and watch for a while.

i just feel like escaping.

i have total faith that you'll do the right thing when the time comes.

with great power comes great bullshit.

am i pushing myself too hard?

you like to hurt people, huh?

i'm glad you decided to escort me.

i know this is a bad time, but can i get one picture?

of course i believe you. you're the most amazing person i've ever met, and i'm glad you trust me.

i don't have a fucking clue what's going on.

[etoilesbienne]

honestly thank you so much for talking about this

i have been doing. so bad. it feels like half the fucking server and fandom are pretending like nothing happened and/or the admins that left did so just to pursue other things or whatever and then there was zero aknowledgment of that from q's side

like idk, i personally have other povs as well, but the french + bbh & dapper have contributed So Much and were/are my favorite parts of the server as well, and it just. sucks so much that everyone seems to just be moving on like it didn't mean anything

ywah. like ill be honest where i am rn ive spent the better part of two days crying out of frustration and i keep going on ocd spirals about everything happening because its agitating me to no end. ironically this is probably causing my inability to shut the fuck up but i feel like ive gotten to the point where i just. do not think i care about hearing excuses anymore. im tired of reading about how lumi or shade "never actually cared about the server and want it to burn down." they worked there for Ten Months and More for Free with no recognition. I think they cared a lot about it. im tired of reading about the possible theoretical ways restructuring could happen. i just want something tangible that shows literally any improvement of the original problem (communication) being solved. im tired of people blaming random ass "haters" as the downfall of the project and not the company's own mismanagement. frankly i feel fucking crazy seeing people say that quackity response was directed at anyone except the admins. he would not be making that statement if the admins didn't say anything. i don't want the project to fail but i feel like ive had a slap in the face after sitting and trying to be polite and quiet. what am i supposed to do sit and beg for scraps like a dog? this has turned into a personal post i guess but i sure am not doing great personally. i feel like everyone is gaslighting me constantly about things being better than they are and not acknowledging whats happened for some reason like are me and maybe 15 other people the only people who can see the dead bodies in the middle of the room . i feel quite negative currently is what im realizing

[kazumist]

EPISODE 7 ★ FUZZY FEELING

FAKE IT TILL WE MAKE IT — A SCARAMOUCHE SMAU

masterpost / prev ep / next ep / timestamps don't matter

scaramouche must have been crazy.

seriously? a date? it was the last thing you expected! however, if you were going to pretend to be a couple, going on dates is actually a given. and like you said in your message to him:

we both have to suck it up.

even if that means having your first date with the guy you hate.

luckily enough, the awkward ride to the aquarium ended faster than you expected. but now that you’re here, how does one enjoy an aquarium date anyway? or what does one even talk about on their first date in general?

these were the questions running through both of your heads as you mindlessly wandered around.

“hey,” scaramouche starts.

“hmm?”

“this fish looks a lot like childe for some reason.”

when you turned to look at what he was looking at, you seriously had to hold back a loud laugh. because why does the fish actually look like childe? “that’s a clownfish, right?” you ask him.

“you know about these things?”

“not really; i just watched finding nemo back then as a kid.”

“oh wait, here’s the description. yeah, it’s a clownfish, and it seems like even their description fits childe even more,” scaramouche says, pointing his head at a podium nearby with his hands inside his pockets.

“clownfish are active and territorial fish with an erratic swimming pattern who sometimes appear to be doing acrobatics while defending the area around their anemone," you read aloud. “see? it fits him perfectly.”

“are you saying childe seems to do acrobatics sometimes?”

“no, i’m saying that he’s way too hyper for his own good.”

“isn’t that supposed to be venti, though?”

“they’re practically the same kind; does it really matter who is who?”

you laugh at his response. 

maybe this isn’t so bad. just maybe.

with the sun almost setting, your little trip to the aquarium ends, and you both decide to stop by a cafe on the way home.

but unfortunately, the awkward tension comes back.

what now? are you supposed to say, “hey, i had fun today,” and just move along? are you supposed to ask, “so how did the date go for you? did you have fun like i did?” you couldn’t find the right words to say, but you couldn’t stand this awkward atmosphere either.

“i… kinda had fun today.”

can this guy read minds or something?

"likewise."

time flew by faster than you expected, and now you were walking out of the cafe with scaramouche. “thanks for today, even though i was kinda against it at first,” you said.

“i hope you realize that we have to do this often if we really want to be convincing.”

“yeah, yeah, i get it. give me a break. who would’ve thought that i would be going on a date with you, of all people?”

“why do you sound so icked by the thought of going out with me?” he rolled his eyes.

“because i am icked by it, smart ass.”

“says the one who equally enjoyed the day like i did?”

“sorry, my pride is too high to make me admit that i actually enjoyed your company.”

he shakes his head at your response. how very… likely of you to say such a thing.

“i guess this is goodbye, then?” scaramouche asks.

“yeah. why? do you not want the day to end?”

“don’t put words into my mouth.”

“you didn’t really deny it, you know.”

“why are you like this?” 

“why shouldn’t i be like this?”

from your peripheral vision, you could see a familiar sight of blue-ish white hair as well as a blonde walking nearby. since they didn’t really know that this wasn’t real, you acted out of impulse. but what did you do exactly?

you kissed scaramouche on the cheek and waved him goodbye, just like that.

extra notes.

i didn't expect this chapter to be so long uhm idk im 50/50 on the narrations bc deadass it was hard 2 write for me ... OTL

theyre kinda getting close! emphasize on kinda though

more silly little romance in the next chapter haha pls stay tuned

synopsis.

what happens when scaramouche, your rival since the first year of highschool, had some annoying admirers on his back? easy—he (fake) dates you to shoo them off. nothing can possibly go wrong with faking a relationship with the guy you hate, right?

spoiler: apparently, a lot can go wrong.

taglist (open): @niiheng @yinyinggie @ilyuu @veekoko @motherscrustytoenailclippings @the-ghost-0f-t0m0 @akairaindrops @kichiyoshi @lxkeeeee @user11918163805279 @sketcheeee @yukiipc @kyouzki @quokkatss @ynverse @yuyumaru @danhenglovebot @sheep-from-rad @gekkow @aeongiies @scararaw @beriiov @thenightsflower @simpforsubmissivemen @sakurapeach @akxtagawaxryxn0sxke @naheana @supernova25 @mitsu-moshi @yelleloww @kiyomi-hoku @kazemiya @theblueblub @lazy-sanns

[allamericansbitch]

Im asking your opinion because I myself don't know how to feel. Taylor keeps saying she doesn't want her work to be about her exes but then keeps throwing "winks" at fans like am I supposed to believe she didn't know "Blue Dress on A Boat" would make fans immediately associate that song with HS? Am I supposed to pretend she didn't mean for people to see that she liked that old tweet? Am I supposed to pretend the multiple synchronized unfollows were all a coincidence? Am I supposed to pretend she didn't know it would make headlines when she got on stage and said 'I love you, you know who you are' admist the Matty rumors?

Media outlets aren't doing research on every single thing taylor does, fans are. That's where the articles come from, news articles are basically just a bunch of tweets/tiktoks on a list format nowadays. So if she says she doesn't want this kind of attention why does she keep doing it?

It reminds me of the time she went to the Ellen show and roasted Joe Jonas for dumping her over the phone (she also edited a Myspace post about him to imply he cheated), he had to make multiple statements about it. I'm not in the business of defending Joe Jonas and Taylor was a teenager back then, it's just that sometimes it feels like not much has changed. Her last public breakup was with Calvin Harris and look how that went. He did literally tweet that she should just leave him alone if she's happy in a new relationship.

I just don't know what to think. It feels very juvenile. I'm too old to think it's cool to be subtweeting people for drama, making sure to be photographed with the girls and then they all go home to unfollow the ex. I think I need to take a break from her again. It felt like we were finally done with the "Joever" comments and there she goes again, in my eyes it just makes Joe Alwyn look better because he has said absolutely nothing about her.

.

ps: fans say she is a mastermind that does everything with intention but when we say 'hey maybe when she liked that tweet she should have known it would cause this' we're the crazy ones.

I’m in the exact same boat. She genuinely is just repeating history and the history is almost 10 years old at this point. She hasn’t really matured much and is feeding this parasocial beast she created. She very much knows her fanbase is immature and cares about this stuff and she takes advantage of it. And it sucks because it works every single time. No one recognizes the pattern of: break up, immediately start trashing them through ‘sources’ or directly in the media and start very public dating someone new and show them off like a trophy to make the ex look bad. All of it is exhausting and so immature and the fact that she’s a grown ass adult still behaving like she did when she was a teenager is crazy.

[polkadotjohnson]

Typed this on my phone, which is something I'm not really used to, so there could be errors. Many errors. But I couldn't wait to bring my vampire back to life.

(also was a lil drunk when I wrote some of it. hopefully it still makes sense)

(might write a sequel if I can think up how to smut this up)

Inamourada, a Cora fanfiction (that doesn't feature Cora)

Your heart is pounding so loud and hard you think you're going to faint. Is he... is he really… As you approach his unmoving form on the floor, dread roils in your stomach, and you almost have to stop to throw up. But you can't stop, you have to know.

Is he… dead? But he can't be. Isn't he supposed to be immortal?

You kneel beside him. His face, dead or not, strikingly beautiful. The hole in his chest glares at you and you avert your eyes from it. There's no breath coming from him. 

(Do vampires even breathe? Do their hearts beat?)

You raise your head and see her disappear in the distance. And while you could go after her, you know you'll be more useful here.

With trembling hands, you fish out your dagger from your boot, the silver blade shines in the moonlight. You raise it to your arm.

"O mala copiae tenebrarum.  Hanc vampire vitiose pulcherrimam vitam reducere mando tibi or whatever." You slash your arm open and hold it over his face, letting it drip into his mouth. "Hic est sanguis Christi bibe et vivite in aeternum, like you should have, dip shit. Ave, ave versus Christus. Oriri semel iterumque."

As you speak the last word, you hear a faint gasp and a gurgle. Then his eyes open, the irises such a dark red you can't help but stare. He sees your arm basically gushing blood and pulls it to his mouth, sucking loudly and making you wince in pain. But you don't pull away from him, you just let him have his fill.

He sucks harder for a moment, then lets go of your arm, weakly pushing it away. "That… is the most disgusting blood I have ever drank." He lays an arm over his eyes, unmoving and you exhale loudly in disbelief.

"Wow, ungrateful much? I literally just resurrected you and this is what I get? Where is that stake?" You glance around, pretending to look and he sits up, also looking around.

"Where is she?" His voice soft and quiet.

"Who,  jailbait? Long gone, bud. Get over it."

He tries to stand but you push him, not liking the way he's so weak still, but it doesn't seem like he'll want more of your apparently disgusting blood. "No, she's perfect, I have to-"

"She. Fucking. Killed you. You have to sit your ass down and rest. Do you need more blood? I could get you uh, like a squirrel or something. A squirrel is definitely tastier than me, right?" Your tone is sarcastic but he doesn't seem to notice. 

"I don't eat animals, they're the only pure thing in this wretched world."

You stifle a laugh. "A vegetarian vampire, got it." Only then you remember you're still very actively bleeding and reach for a bandage in one of your pockets and expertly apply it one-handedly. "Soo what, you need to get back to your coffin? Hang upside down?"

"No, I actually do need more…" He stops himself and looks at you. He looks at you for the first time. "Who are you anyway?"

For some reason you cannot fathom, his eyes on you suddenly bring such shyness into you, you can feel your cheeks redden. "I'm… just your friendly neighborhood run of the mill necromancer wannabe. Uh, you?"

He eyes you up and down and surprisingly lies down once again. "You know who I am." His voice is slow and a little tired. "You've been following me around for weeks."

"Gasp! You noticed?" You curse yourself for actually saying 'gasp'. "Then why… why didn't you…"

"Why didn't I come for you?" He looks you in the eyes with a smirk as he speaks. "You don't interest me. You're weak and unremarkable."

"Unre- have I mentioned you're incredibly ungrateful? I did a spell to bring you back to life, don't think I can't turn that around, mister."

"I don't remember asking you to resurrect me."

"Well of course not, you were dead! Why do you-"

"What do you want? For your troubles?"

You hate being interrupted, but since he just asked the magic question, you let it go. "Isn't it obvious?" You stand up and do a little twirl so he can see your get up. Your black clothes and chains, your tall boots and dark makeup. "I want you to bite me!"

He has the gall to roll his eyes. "Great. Another goth."

"Excuse me? What do you mean-"

"I don't want you. Biting you means we would have a connection, and I don't…" He looks you dead in the eyes again. "Want you."

You don't know whether to cry or scream. So you do both. "Agh fuck you! Arrogant prick who can't even decide between a teen and a cougar and then ends up with neither that's what you get haha sucks to suck fuck you dick go to hell and die again for all I care…" You breathe in to spew some more insults and turn around but hesitate to leave him despite his words. He decides it for you.

"Wait."

"What? What could you possibly want?"

"Help me get back home and I'll consider it."

"I…" You'll hate yourself for this. But deep down you know that if you don't do it, you'll hate yourself even more. "Fine. Can you stand up, o master vampire?"

He punches you, but it's more of a shove. "Keep up that insolence and see where it gets you."

You hold back a sigh and help him up, his claws dig some into your arm sending an intrusive shiver down your spine. 'What the actual fuck', you mouth. You feel them go slightly deeper and he's up. "Where to? Castle? Cave? Futuristic wood and glass house?"

"Just… keep walking."

*

"You're fucking kidding me." Calling the house dilapidated would be a compliment. More like decrepit. Rotting. Dying. His house looks like it's dying. "Is it haunted?"

"I live in it."

"Good point." You push the front door and it opens with the loudest creak you've ever heard. "You must have one hell of a security system."

"Yes, it's called being a powerful creature of the night with such a strong aura of terror no one dares to enter." You stop and look at him to see if he's actually serious, but he's rolling his eyes again. "Why would I worry about intruders? If someone enters, they get eaten."

To be fair, the house is so secluded, deep down into the woods, a place you never knew existed, even though you've walked through these woods your whole life. You doubt anyone else knows about it.

The living room is beyond filthy, leaves and dirt everywhere, every item of furniture covered in deep layers of dust. He plops down into a dingy couch, ignoring your horrified expression. When he doesn't say anything else, you take the chance to explore, morbid curiosity winning over your desire to go home and take a long, warm shower.

The kitchen smells putrid, and soon you realize why. The fridge door is ajar and there's nothing but spoiled food in it. Dirty dishes in the sink. Dirty pans on the table. Does he eat actual food?

You return to the living room and notice some pictures above the fireplace mantel. A couple. Man and woman. Three kids. "Was this their house? Did you kill them?"

"You're still here. Wonderful."

You know he's not going to answer you, so you try something else. "Well?"

He sighs. "Well… what?"

"Are you going to do it or not?"

"I said… I would think about it. Go home and leave me alone, I can't stand to look at you anymore."

You shake your head to stop your nerves from shaking too. "After all I've done, all I've gone through, this is how I get repaid. Story of my life."

"I don't care, go away."

You shake some more, wondering why the hell you didn't bring your cigarettes with you. You could really use one right about now. "I hope you die during the night."

"No, you don't."

The only way you can think to describe what you're feeling is that you're falling for him. You're falling in hate with him.

"See you, sucker." You smile through your tears and go home.

*

You walk through the cemetery every other night, but don't see him again. He used to stalk around, looking at graves and breaking into mausoleums to do god knows what. When you first saw him, he was perched on top of a family grave like a gargoyle. You knew immediately what he was. The rumors were true. Which meant your childhood dream of becoming one could come true. If only you had the guts to approach him.

You followed him around, watched him meet up with the blonde woman, wondering what he could possibly want with her. But other than her, you never saw him bite anyone else.

Then…

Then there was the scuffle with the girl and he died, just like that. It surprised you how strong she was and how he seemed to be holding back.

You wonder if you'll be able to fight like that too if he bites you.

You're weak.

His words reverberate in your head.

You're weak and unremarkable.

You know that. You know. He didn't have to say it.

The scar in your arm doesn't itch anymore. You rip the bandage off and throw it aside. It's completely healed. You want to grab your dagger and open it up again. Instead, you light up a cigarette and inhale deeply, keeping the smoke in until you calm down some. When you blow the smoke, it's clear, almost transparent and you do it again, deeper this time until your heart calms down and you feel that sweet lightness all over your body.

One poison over the other, you suppose.

"Where are you?"

You're still looking at the scar when it hits you. Your stomach drops.

I actually do need more…

You jump from the bench but stumble still lightheaded, that head almost cracking open when you hit the ground.

How many days has it been? Six? Eight? The spell doesn't work twice on the same person. If he dies again, it'll be for good.

Your stamina is deplorable, but you're running. Breathless, legs feeling like they're about to fall off but you're running.

You let out a scream of frustration when you can't find the house and search around some more, trying not to fall in complete despair.

Were there any reference points? Any landmarks? Anything different? No. You couldn't remember anything. Nothing remarkable surrounding the mysterious house of the mysterious vampire.

Nothing at all. That was the point. You were looking for something, turning at every tree that looked different, every twisted path you came across. But the way was unremarkable.

Just like you.

In less than five minutes you're there. The door cracked open just like you left it, and you dread peering inside. But you do it anyway.

"Knock knock, Avon calling."

He's still on the couch where you left him to die.

"Hey asshole." You're trembling, your voice is nothing more than a whisper. He was pale before but now his face is sallow and haggard. The smallest crinkle on his brow fills you with such relief that you fall on your knees beside him. "Looks like you've got no choice but to have more of this disgusting meal, huh." You pat your boot but the dagger isn't there. In your crazed rush, you've probably lost it somewhere along the way. "Shit. Uh, stay here." He exhales softly while you run to the kitchen, scouring the drawers to find an at least somewhat clean knife. There's nothing, they're all drenched in the filthy sink water. "Ugh. Fuck." You grab one with the tips of your fingers and wipe it on your clothes as best as you can and make a new cut next to the last one and all but shove the open wound into his mouth. He only laps at it at first, but then his eyes open wide and he sucks long and hard. Instead of wincing, it sends another unwelcome shiver through your body. In a moment, he's grabbing onto your arm with both hands, claws buried in your skin and you turn your head away so he won't see your face.

"Better. So… so much better." His voice is so weak that you almost want to comfort him, but he gets back to it and this time it hurts a little. It should probably hurt more with the voracity he's going at it, but your head is so light that you're not sure what you're feeling anymore.

That's enough, you're gonna suck me dry. The words are only in your head, but he looks at you and keeps sucking. It's like that story about the guy who tries to help out a snake only for it to bite and kill him. 'It's your own fault. You knew damn well I was a snake and yet you've offered yourself to me.'

Was that how it went?

*

When you open your eyes, you find that hell is nothing like you pictured it. There's no lava pits, no devils with pitchforks dancing around and torturing people. Just decaying flowery wallpaper and dirty sheets. A couple of fresh oranges over a nightstand and a familiar knife.

Your arm is throbbing and you can't move it, but it's not bleeding. Maybe he really did suck you dry.

You devour the fruits without hesitation, even though you don't usually like them. They were so fresh, a complete contrast of everything else in that house.

You get up from the bed when you're done and almost take the knife downstairs to be washed, but then you remember the state of the kitchen, and you really don't want to part with your meal so soon. Soft sunlight dances through the curtains and a warm breeze makes you walk to the window. There's an orchard, and it seems to be well taken care of. Another discrepancy with the rest of the house.

Does he take care of it? You can't imagine that.

You wonder where he is. Probably asleep, since it seems to be early morning. You open the door and it's a long hallway with other doors you're for some reason are weary about opening.

"Vampire?" This is ridiculous, you should know his name. Yet, you've never asked.

"Not now." His voice is soft, but not weak as it was last night. You can't tell from which room it came from and you don't try to find out.

"I'll come back later."

You leave without another word and go about your things in a daze all day. And when the sun sets, you run. There's no need to, not anymore. But you run.

*

"So it wasn't gross this time?" You've just finished sweeping the floor and now you're seriously considering whether you'll have the guts to brave the sink.

He watches you for a moment, leaning in the doorway with his arms crossed. "Why don't you give me some more so I can decide?"

"Sure. If you take it yourself. With your fangs."

"You're persistent."

"One of my best traits." Not believing your luck, you put on the rubber gloves you've just found. They're somewhat gross too, but it's better than just having to shove your hands directly into the putrid water.

"Why? Why do you want to become a soulless monster who thinks of nothing but making people suffer? Nothing but feeding and spreading discord?"

You glare at him for a moment before turning your attention back to the dishes. "Do you have to do those things? I mean, besides the feeding. Can't you just like, I dunno, live your life without ruining other people's?"

"Where is the fun in that?"

"...You're despicable."

"And yet, you're doing my dishes."

If your life had a laugh track, you're sure it would pop up right about now.

"Been meaning to ask. What's your name?"

A few seconds later he still hasn't said anything, and when you turn your head to look at him, he's frowning and looking out the window. "Stay here." He leaps out the door and you realize you've missed seeing him moving this unnaturally fast. He used to do it a lot on the cemetery and-

Wait. Why did he tell you to stay here?

You glance out the window, but don't see anything, it's pitch black out. Then you hear fighting noises. Oh no, did Buffy return? Like hell you're letting her kill him again. You grab a (now gloriously clean) knife and run outside. But the one he's fighting is not a girl this time, but another man. And they're both letting the other have it. "Hey! What's going on?" The fight stops abruptly, the vampire holding the other man by the neck while said man just stares at you.

"What's that? You got your own Renfield?" The guy sounds amused despite the blood running down his nose.

"I told you to stay inside!"

You scoff. "Are you nuts? Since when do I respond to you?" You approach them with the knife by your side and the vampire tries to push the other man away. The man ignores his attempt and in a moment, he's standing right in front of you.

Oh. He's a vampire too. Handsome, but not quite as handsome as y-

No. You did not just think of him as 'your vampire'. Nope. That's not a thing that just happened.

"So… what's your story, Creature Feature?"

"I-"

"Don't talk to him." The vampire pulls the man by the collar and throws him on the ground.

"You were always the jealous type, weren't you Vincent? Never willing to share your toys."

Vincent. You have a name now.

"Yes, Sebastian. And as you can see I am not dead, you can go home now." He glares at you, willing you to get inside with his eyes, but now you're too intrigued to leave.

"You were, though. I felt it." Sebastian stands up turning his back to you so he can talk to Vincent. Ignored, as always. But this time, you don't mind.

Also, he felt it? Were they connected, like Vincent said it happens? Did one of them bite the other? You have so many questions.

"I was just weak. Had some indigestible meal and fell sick."

"Who? Renfield over here?"

You decide to interfere, because for some reason he doesn't want the other man to find out that he did indeed die. "Yeah, I'm inedible, apparently. And I was the one who offered, so I felt bad for making him sick and now I'm doing his chores."

"Hmm. I'm not sure that's how it works. It felt just like it did with Chr-"

"I am fine." Vincent smiles, forced and awkward. "I obviously did not die, how do you explain me standing here right now?"

Sebastian looks Vincent up and down. "That's what I'd like to know."

"There is nothing…" His voice is loud, and he takes a deep breath, forcing that unnatural smile again. "To know. You might have felt me fade away for a moment thanks to the foulness of the blood I had consumed."

Sebastian crosses his arms. "Never heard of something like that."

"What are you, the expert in vampire lore? There are many things we don't know, Sebastian. Like what are you still doing here since I already told you that everything is okay?"

The man dusts himself up, eyeing you one last time. "Be seeing you."

"No, you won't." Vincent grabs your shoulders and starts pushing you back inside as Sebastian leaves.

You can't help yourself. "So, what was all that jealousy about? Do I do it for you now? Are you biting me then?"

"My brother has a strong persuasive strength. If he wants, he can turn you into his slave for life. If that is your thing, make sure to have a long, nice talk to him next time he shows up."

Oh, brother. It explains the similar looks. "So, what, you're from a family of vampires? A clan?"

He breathes out a short laugh. "I wonder what kind of fiction you consume. And speaking of consume, it's time for dinner." He raises his eyebrows at you, and you sigh.

"Fine, but you gotta stop before I pass out this time." You cut up your arm and offer it to him. "What did you do before you had your own personal blood bank?"

He looks like he's not going to answer, so you pull your arm back.  "I can persuade people too. But differently. Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses."

"So you could persuade me."

"Why waste energy when you're so willing?" He sucks on the wound with considerably less fervor, but his noises are still enthusiastic. Was it a change in your diet? That couldn't possibly be it, you always eat the same junk. Then…

He pulls your arm closer for a moment and licks the wound clean. Goosebumps start forming almost immediately.

You wonder how healthy it is to lose this much blood so often. "Would you grab me another orange?"

"Help yourself." He turns and leaves before you have a chance to ask him about the orchard.

*

Next time you visit, he's actually hanging upside down from a tree, and there's a crumpled form in the ground next to him.

"Who's that?"

"Dinner." Is all he says.

You stretch your neck to see the person's face, but don't recognize him. "Is he dead?"

"Probably not. I'll take him back in a moment."

It's out of your mouth before you can think about it. "Was he tastier than me?"

"Not really. Too much alcohol in his system. And probably some illicit substances too."

It makes you happy. You want to kick yourself for feeling this way, but it does. "And why are you hanging like that? Trying to turn into a bat?"

He raises himself on the branch like a gymnast and jumps off. "Just exercising a little. What do you want?"

You almost scream at him. He knows what you want. "...Can I finish cleaning? I don't like to leave it half done."

He shakes his head, throwing the (hopefully) unconscious man over his shoulder. "Suit yourself." In a blink, he's gone, and you stride to the house. You're curious to see more of the second floor, but also weary. Are you going to find corpses on the beds? The house owners maybe?

You examine the pictures above the fireplace again. Man, woman, three boys. There are individual portraits too, which you didn't notice the other day, and you recognize the face in one of them. Large, beautiful eyes, and despite the photo being black and white, you're sure they're not red. Possibly brown. Thin, long, nose and perfect cheekbones, although a little chubby, given how young he seems to be. An innocent smile the type you could never imagine on that wretch's face. "So you weren't always evil." In one of the other portraits you think you can recognize Sebastian, younger too and also smiling like an angel. There's no portrait of the other boy.

So this really was his house.

In another picture, the woman who's obviously his mother is looking after the orchard, and in the next, he and her are playing in it, both with dazzling smiles, and that answers another one of your questions. Maybe he's less of a monster than he lets on, if he wants to keep her memory alive like that.

The bedrooms are considerably easier to clean than the kitchen and the bathrooms, but when you're done, you're still so tired that you fall on the bed, a different room than the one you woke up in the other day. There were a few games and old magazines, some of the pages starting to crumble. You stored them as safely as you could in the closet.

The third brother probably died young. You leave the bed with a start, afraid he'll get mad at you for lying in it. "Vincent? Are you home?"

"Yes."

And because he's answering all your questions today, you follow his voice to the next door, one you haven't been to yet. Maybe he'll tell you more.

The room is a library, and on the few walls without any bookshelves, there are paintings, beautiful works of art from artists you don't recognize. He's sitting on an ancient but comfortable looking chair, the book in his hands so worn out you can't make out the cover. "Would you tell me about your brother?"

He sighs. "I already did, he's an insufferable maniac with a penchant for torture."

You can't believe he's the lesser of two evils. "No, I meant… the other one."

He raises his eyes from the book, staring a hole into you, and you swallow, taking a small step back without even realizing it. "I'm sorry. Forget… forget I asked. Pretend I didn't. I'm gonna go grab the broom so I can clean up a bit in here." Great, look what you've done. Now he won't answer anything anymore.

You don't even look up at him when you return to the library, but you can see he's still sitting in the same place, book now forgotten over his lap. You feel his eyes on the back of your neck while you sweep the floor and you can't focus on it. You're sure you've sweeped the same spot three times and it's still dirty.

"She came in one night and killed my parents." His sudden voice makes you jump, and you're pretty sure you let out some sort of embarrassing noise too. "Ate both of them right in front of us. Then she started feeding off of me and my brothers. Her control was absolute. I was twelve, Sebastian was ten. And Christopher…" He sighs shortly. "Christopher was six. It was like that for years. Years. She'd take turns with us so we wouldn't get too weak. And she taught us things. How to play instruments, how to fight. I guess she wanted to start that clan you're so crazy about. And when I turned fourteen, she taught me something else too and I was in love with her. She was perfect. I couldn't get enough of her. Her cold murder of my beloved parents a distant memory in the back of my mind.

"She let me have a drop of her blood when I was eighteen and it tasted like death and it was exquisite. I started killing for her, bring her victims. Christopher was weak, too weak. I'd bring her someone else on his days or offer myself again. I don't remember how old I was when she bit me. Twenty four? Twenty eight? Sebastian was so jealous of her that he begged her to bite him too and she did. That night she had us both, even though he could barely move as the bite took hold. She didn't care.

"And just like that there were more mouths to feed and we'd have to go far away so the townsfolk wouldn't get suspicious. One week we destroyed an entire village. It sated us enough that we could return and settle down for a while.

"She didn't have any reason to bite him then, we were so full. But she did it anyway. There was no rhyme or reason to her. I knew he wasn't going to make it. He was weak. He was going to perish on the first night, unable to handle the transformation. I fed him all night, holding his hand and wiping his face, and he pulled through. I dreamed of my parents, about how disappointed they were in me. Of what I'd become and when I woke up, her spell was broken. I ran upstairs to my parents bedroom, which she had taken for herself and almost screamed. The perfect creature was nowhere in sight. On the bed there was only an old shroud, filthy and foul, rotting. I touched it and she grabbed my arm. Her face a waking nightmare. There were no eyes, only empty holes. A bat nose, horrendous, wet and red. And her fangs were infinite. Her fangs were eternal. I was falling for it again, staring into them and seeing that beautiful demon again, her soft hair, perfect body. I leaned in to kiss her but was pushed away. I fell hard against the door and Christopher was there and his hand was on the window latch while he pulled her to him with the other.

"Don't!"

He smiled and opened it. "I love you."

"He vanished before I could do anything, turned to dust before my eyes, but he'd taken the thing in the bed with him. They were both gone just like that, and I felt like my body was imploding. Coming apart from the inside. In an instant Sebastian was there too and he picked me up and held me tight.

"He was gone the next day and I stayed."

"..." No matter how you try, you can't think of a single thing to say. Your feet feel like they're stuck to the floor. "I… I'm…"

He's in front of you in an instant, his claws softly scratching your chin. "Will I have to spell it out for you? I won't bite you because you remind me of him too much. So you can quit this housekeeping nonsense and leave." He turns to do just that but you manage to grab his arm

"Wait! Can't… can't I keep coming anyway? I won't bug you about it anymore…"

"And why would you want to do such a thing?"

"I like y- your company."

He buffs. "You're a terrible judge of character."

"Yeah, I know. I'm gonna finish up the library now." You push him away weakly and he leaves to do who knows what.

Only then do you try to wrap your mind on everything he's just told you. You can't say it justifies the way he is, but it certainly explains it.

You know your chances of him biting you have dropped considerably, but you don't really care right now. You didn't lie to him, you really do enjoy his company, asshole as he may be.

You can only imagine it has to do with your apparent masochistic tendencies.

*

You still let him drink from you every now and then, and he isn't shy about letting you know how tasty it is. You are. You'd blush, but your blood leaves your body before it can reach your face.

"Was it really bad the first time you drank it?"

"It tasted like poison." He licks the wound and you watch his tongue, feeling a little thirsty yourself.

He's a murderer. A monster. You really shouldn't be around him. But… you want to be like him, always have. You've told yourself time and again that if your dream ever came true that you'd only go after evil people, rapists and politicians and whatnot. But what if you change too? What if you don't care?

You barely care now.

Maybe the both of you should be locked up.

It's a moot point anyway, since he's adamant about not biting you. Maybe you should prove to him that you could be strong. You're almost sure you've seen some dumbbells when you cleaned the attic.

(He did mean physically strong, right?)

You can barely lift it one inch off the ground. "Great. Uh, maybe I could start with just the bar?"

You hear glass breaking downstairs and freeze. You were sure he was asleep, as the sun hasn't set yet. "Vincent?"

There's a commotion outside, and from the window you can see people. People with torches, and the smell of gasoline reaches your nose. "Fuck! Vincent!"

Your voice draws their attention and a rock flies right beside your head. You step back but it's too late. Everything goes dark.

*

"Ah…" Why does it hurt so much? And why is it so hot? "No…" You try to get up but there's something heavy on top of you. A beam from the ceiling apparently. But the real pain comes from whatever had impaled your stomach. A… stake? No, it's just another piece of wood. Too big to be a stake.

Is he dead?

"Vin… cent…"

"I'm here."

"You're okay." You taste blood on your cough.

"They're not. And neither…" He comes into view, disheveled and drenched in blood. "Are you." He lifts the beam off of you, and you're pretty sure most of your ribs are broken. "If I remove the other one you'll bleed out almost instantly."

"Then… if you bite me, it'll heal, right?"

He shakes his head, and while the look in his eyes is almost certainly sad, you're pretty sure it's because he's about to lose his favorite meal. "It would take a while for the bite to hold. Days. With Christopher it was fast because she was more powerful." He runs the back of his fingers over your face and you close your eyes.

"Can't… can't you do it anyway? I really wanted to feel your mouth on me at least once." It sounds vaguely sexual, but since you're dying, you couldn't care less.

You're not entirely sure if he kisses you out of pity or because there's so much blood coming off your mouth that he really doesn't want to miss that last snack. You thought it'd be cold, but when his tongue touches yours, it's warm and soft. "Do you think you're strong enough to bite me?"

"H-huh… I…" can barely speak, so no.

He touches one of your piercings but pulls his hand back with a hiss. "Silver. All of them?"

You nod. That is some piece of vampire lore it had escaped you. He can't touch silver. Finally it makes sense why your blood tasted bad that first time when you remember your long lost silver dagger.

"Can you take one off?"

You try to raise your arm. "Can't… move…"

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, going back to the piercing, struggling with it due to his claws. When he gets it off, he punctures and rips his neck open with it before tossing it aside. "Have as much as you can." He leans over you, his pale bleeding neck right by your mouth. So you do.

The taste makes you recoil at first, but you keep going and then it's delicious. A nectar. The best thing you've ever tasted. "By the way," his voice is weaker. "I have no idea if this is going to work, and if I pass out, be prepared for a fiery death."

You release his neck. "Then go."

He just shakes his head and kisses you again, and you hold him tight against you.

*

"Do you think Brazil has a high crime rate?"

"Are you suggesting we move to a place that is known as the tropical country?"

"Hmmweellll… why don't you want to go to Romania?"

He looks at you as if you just asked the dumbest question he's ever heard. "Competition."

"Oh."

"Besides… it's where Sebastian lives."

"Are you kidding me? Then we really should go! We could stay with him until we find some place."

"Have you forgotten?" He pushes you against the side of the burnt house and bites your neck. "I don't share my toys."

"Ah…" His comment should make you want to punch him, but his bite makes your knees too weak for that. "Let's just drive then. We can live in the car until we figure it out." You make sure all the blinds and window covers are in the back seat and open the passenger door for him. "Sorry about the house."

He shakes his head. "It was just a place. They can't take what matters the most." He taps the side of his head with a claw in case you didn't understand. Then he sits down, holding the vase with the seedling, and you almost tell him to put it in the backseat, but the way he's looking at it tells you maybe he wants to keep it closer to him just a little longer.

[bat-stuff]

Batfam as the Quote Book

Part 4: SkillsUSA State Edition and the preparation towards it because we're successful. We didn't win tho guys. But we did get on the wrong bus and end up 40 minutes away from the city we were supposed to be in.

~~~~~~~~~~

Stephanie: Just to let you guys know, my ass does not hold back.

~~~~~~~~~

Jason: if you don't watch yourself I'm going to nail you on the cross

~~~~~~~~~

Dick: in my defense the bus was in my way

Bruce: That still doesn't explain how you managed to get on the only bus that was heading out of Gotham

Dick: THE SIGN WAS BLOCKED SO I COULDN'T READ IT AND YOU KNOW I'M EASLY DISTRACTED BY BIG GROUPS OF PEOPLE

~~~~~~~~~

Damian: Hath thou seen the Joker batter Jason Todd with thy retched bar-of-crows

~~~~~~~~~

Carrie: Listen, I call Bruce a bitch sometimes but that's because he stole my brownie bites

~~~~~~~~~

Cullen: Gotham runs on feet pics

~~~~~~~~~

Barbara: Don't worry guys, tumblr doesn't support Al-Qaeda

~~~~~~~~~

Tim: SOUR CREAM?!?!?!

Jason: dude why do you always get this excited about sour cream

Stephanie: it's probably the Mexican in him

Duke: ...he's white

~~~~~~~~~~

Jason: Do you know any available bachelorettes

Kate: well technically there's me but I'm gay so I'm not sure if that counts

~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: I didn't learn French to flirt with girls. I learned French to fight crime in France

~~~~~~~~~~

*Jason and Damian Arguing*

Dick, trying to be the mediator: I'm sensing some tension between the two of you

Damian: Stop pretending you're an empath and just fuck off

~~~~~~~~~~

Dick: we may have lost but at least we did it together

Kate: Oh my God shut up with your positivity

Dick, in shock: I hate you

Jason: wow, fantastic comeback. I bet she's shaking with sadness

Kate: Oh yeah I definitely am

Dick: you guys suck

Kate: what, you can't see the tears?

Barbara: and we all wonder why Bruce said it was a bad idea for us to work together

~~~~~~~~~~

Tim: I can't believe you guys went to BatBurger without me!

Bruce: Jason told me you were sleeping. I didn't want to disturb you

Tim: IT'S THREE PM! I WAS LITERALLY IN THE KITCHEN, YOU PASSED ME ON YOURE WAY OUT

[scyllas-revenge]

I'm so depressed rn about dating/marriage/the future, literally cried yesterday, I just don't think its going to happen. I'm not going to ask a guy out because I don't have the confidence for that and if he said yes it would always be in the back of my head that he's just settling for me cuz if he wanted me he'd have asked. I've never even been on a date, ever! Didn't even go to my own senior prom cuz I didn't wanna have to sit alone all night lol

Recently I was texting a guy and he was so sweet and gentlemanly but I totally ruined that. He came into my work to use our services and I freaked out and started telling my colleague that I wish he wouldn't come here and like why is he here and stressing about him being there. And I'm pretty sure he overheard and doesn't understand that I didn't actually mean any of that I just have an anxiety disorder and freaked out. Then my colleague started laughing about an older man who asked me out (he was 65 wth!) And I think other actually nice guy thinks we were laughing about him.

Now at work his entire demeanor has changed he seems so down and he legit glares at me when saying goodbye on the way out (my desk is by the door) So being at work is depressing because all I can think about at work is how this man was actually so sweet and so nice to me and I with my big mouth and idiot anxiety just disrespected him so much and clearly hurt his feelings which he didn't deserve. And I don't wanna try to talk to him about it because we don't really know each other that well and what am I supposed to say 'hey did you hear me talking about you and about how I want you to go away-yeah I didn't mean that it was just anxiety pls don't be upset-like wth I can't do that

Now I'm gonna pray every morning for God to keep my words so I don't be so damn stupid. I'm just really upset that I upset someone like that regardless of possible dating I don't even care I just care that I was inadvertently so mean like what kind of bullshit high school level behaviour was that ffs

Btw this is the anon from sotwk-I saw your comment and totally relate like its nice to know I'm not alone and others deal with this too but at the same time it's depressing as hell that this many people are having this problem, like it just reinforces the hopelessness. I feel like I'm sitting in a waiting room waiting for something that will never happen but I cant get out of the waiting room because I really want the thing y'know?

Apologies for the entire ass rant, I'm just so mad at myself rn

Hey anon! I'm really sorry you're going through all this. Giving advice isn't my strong suit, but I definitely understand the "sitting in a waiting room" feeling, and it sucks.

I spent a good chunk of my 20s like that, feeling stuck and alone and unable to stop crying or shake off my self-loathing. I was trapped waiting for things that would never happen and I was powerless to change that.

No, things aren't perfect now, and yes, I'm still very single, but the good news is I did manage to escape the "waiting room" feeling. It still creeps up every now and again, but I'm better able to recognize and fight it.

The first step was realizing I was depressed. Oh my GOD was I depressed. It feels ridiculous that I didn't notice at the time, but it had been creeping up on me so slowly that at some point it just became my new normal to cry multiple times a week. I was lethargic and detached and utterly convinced to the very core of my being that something was fundamentally wrong with me, and that I would never be loved and my whole life would pass me by with that same horrible sense of waiting. (I don't want to sit here giving armchair diagnoses or pretending to know all the details of your life, but it certainly looks to me like you have depression too.)

When I turned 30 it felt like a wake-up call- it's a new decade and something needs to change. The thought of my 30s slipping by just like a good chunk of my 20s really scared me.

So the second step for me was therapy. I don't know if you're in therapy now, or tried it and it didn't work, or if it's an option for you financially, but if you can give it a try, I really do think it will help. I can tell you're desperate to get all this off your chest and get answers and validation, and a good therapist will help with that way more than a tumblr ask box will! My therapist also connected me with a psychiatrist, because wow does medicine also help. It took some trial and error, but between the right meds and the right people to talk to, things really did improve.

It's hard, but I'm doing my best to try new things- new hobbies, social groups, clubs, anything- because I want to meet new people and have more meaning in my life. The disgusting cocktail of depression, anxiety, and executive dysfunction were keeping me from doing much of anything besides work and scrolling the internet, and that really intensified the feeling of being stuck in a waiting room, watching other people's lives move forward while i was sitting still. But being more active socially, trying new hobbies, even just being outside of my apartment more often, is giving me back some control. I even took an impromptu trip to Iceland, alone, and I could practically hear myself slamming the door of the waiting room behind me as I left!

I know none of the above rambling had anything to do with finding love, but personally, I kind of needed to take all of those steps before I could focus on anything else. And it wasn't that I "needed to stop looking for love and focus on other things, and love will come when you least expect it" - it was that if I didn't try to bring more meaning into my life, my depression was never going to get better.

And it wasn't that I "needed to love myself first or no one will ever love me" - it was that I had been spiraling for years and could hardly function if I didn't focus on my mental health. (So...maybe all that cliche advice isn't wrong. It's just usually not framed right.)

Because that's the thing- you're not unlovable or doomed to be alone or secretly fundamentally flawed or anything else your brain is telling you right now. What you are is a good person worthy of love and respect whose anxiety and depression are doing their best to get the better of her. They're in that waiting room with you, barring the door shut and telling you it's your fault, and you need to use any tools you can (therapy, medicine, guidance counseling, meditation, anything) to shut them up and kick the door down. Love isn't in that waiting room- it never was. It's beyond the door, in the real world, where you have agency and aren't powerless to change things.

Beyond dragging a waiting room metaphor way too far, I don't have much more advice, especially as far as romance goes. My own love life is nonexistent- I'm probably not the best person to get help from!

It sounds like you might be feeling too much anxiety to try dating apps, or you might not like the idea of them. And tbh I hate them too, but I bring them up because that was how I got my first real date at 24, as well as 99% of the other dates I've been on since. Even if the date sucks, it makes dating as a concept feel a bit less daunting- it's no longer this Big Significant Achievement, it's just a thing you've done before.

Anyway, I'm not sure if any of this very long response will help or not, but feel free to send me a message if you want to talk more. I'm wishing you all the best and am confident that things will get better!

[mitskistevens]

Quick but lengthy rant post.

What happened in Rafah has really changed how I went through my life today. When I was watching the news with my parents, I just wanted to turn the TV off because all the anchors were talking about how great the Super Bowl was and how funny the commercials were. The whole NFL is run by zionists, so of course they would glorify it. Nobody cares that people are dying in Palestine. Nobody cares that there is a literal genocide going on that could wipe out a country and have horrible environmental effects on the planet! Of course!

Well, they did care a tiny bit. There was a 3-4 minute segment they did on updates of the "Israel-Hamas War". Most of that time were talking about Israel dropping strikes and trying to find new points where Hamas could be hiding.

Only less than a minute was dedicated to telling us of the casualties in Rafah. Less than a fucking minute. Take that all in.

At school, I was drained more. All my classmates would talk about is the freaking Super Bowl! All I heard was, "The 49ers should've won!" "That was a long game." "Usher's performance was good, but I wasn't expecting him to strip!"

One of my peers even asked me about how I felt. I could barely keep my composure as I told him my feelings. My head was wanting me to scream, "You should've never even watched it! You're supporting zionists! PEOPLE IN RAFAH ARE DYING!" But trying to prevent myself from breaking down, I didn't say that.

A part of me is jealous of zionists. In fact, that part of me envies them. They are able to consume what they want, watch what they want, support most people they want, etc. They don't have to boycott major brands. They don't have to lose sleep over people they barely know. They don't have to cry at a desk because their friends talk about a football game rather than a literal holocaust.

But then again, the major side of me LOATHES them. Their inability to recognize major human rights mistreatment and get educated, their inability to see and hear Palestinian stories, but only able to focus on some capitalist, greedy governments who only care about destruction and not the people. Even if they learn and join our side, a part of me will still hate the person because of their past. "Love the sinner, hate the sin," my ass.

Yesterday, I did some very zionist things because of my parents. I never thought I would have the guts to admit it, but here I am. My mom and I ate McDonald's. And later that night, we all watched the Super Bowl. I tried to avoid them both, but peer pressure always lured me in, and I was stuck, pretending to love what everyone else does.

Eating the greasy food, watching greedy celebs getting more attention than actual players - scratch that, protestors and actual good people in general - made me sick. And hearing about the massacre in Rafah happening right on the day I let my guard loose? I lost hours of sleep regretting it all.

The main point of this? Might as well be nothing. But I suppose I have one: I hope zionists learn to regret. I want them to get educated on the genocide in Palestine and look back on everything they've done that has supported Israel and America. I want them to ponder their actions, I want them to lose sleep, maybe even shed some tears. I want them to change who they are - be more socially active, turn down zionist requests, make their own power - because of what they see and know.

And then, only then, will I forgive a zionist.

I will never forgive myself for what I did yesterday. And I hope they'll come to think it that way too.

(If you've come this far, thanks for reading. I know it sucks, but I needed to get this anger out. Have a good day, and remember, ALL EYES ON RAFAH. -Kamryn)

[mamafuzzyartist]

Hello

This it the Mumbo x Doc story, hope you enjoy!

TW of slight mention of blood, making out, and such

Royal Garlic Bread

Written and roleplayed by Mama Fuzzy and Eldritch Horror(idk if that’s their tumblr name)

It was later afternoon when Mumbo came home with a scroll in his had, umbrella in the other to protect himself from the sun. He calls out to the others he live with; Grian, Scar, and…. Oh, Doc.

“Everyone, I have announcement!”

A big smile was plastered on his dirty face. He wore his standard suit today, his wings red as they grew inside. His antennas perking up with all the fluff in the world, his fangs hanging out as he smiles proudly

“Oh? What’s the surprise?”

Scar asks as he came out from taking cookies out of the oven, in an apron and all. He loves when there is good news, he hopes that it isn’t anything bad at least

Grian raised a brow as he ate his food. The Avian was honestly ready to run to his room to hide. He saw that scroll and knew who it was from it was from the king. He was nervous about what would happen if doc heard. He ran over and covered Mumbo's mouth slightly as he glared up at him.

“Hush it! Doc is in the house, I refuse to have another fight”

He almost hisses out.

Just as he said that, Doc came walking into the kitchen the food. He looked over at grian and mumbo before turning back to the fridge and grabbing some fruits.

"What's going on here..mhh just don't start screaming again."

Doc rolled his eye as he walked and sat on the couch as he started to eat the food he grabbed.

Mumbo’s eyes widen as Grian quickly came over to cover his mouth, him freezing. He knew Grian was serious so he slowly hid his scroll behind him on his belt. He gulps a bit, Grian being angry is a rare sight and he doesn’t want to face his wrath again

“Um… Ren is having an amazing hotdog sale?”

Scar sparks up.

“I love hotdogs! Can we go Grian? It’ll be so good to go out with everyone!”

Grian relaxed and gave him one last look before he looked over at scar and smiled softly.

"Of course we can scar. I'll take you after you finish your cookies."

He cooed and walked over to him and nuzzled against him. He then leads him off to the kitchen just in case. He tried his best to keep scar away from fights even if he knew he could handle it.

Doc glared at him as his ears twitched.

"Am i supposed to pretend like that hotdog sale isn't a lie.. you suck at lying mumbo."

He looked him in the eyes as he started to sit up. He started to trudge over to mumbo, ready to pry for what that paper really meant. He didn't like the fact that the so-called king was trying to recruit more people.

Scar cheers and goes back into the kitchen, finishing and cleaning up so they can get hot dogs

“What do you like on your hot dogs Grian?”

Mumbo clears his throat as he stands up straight, glancing away with his brown eyes

“N-nothing, really. We should get ready to go out, I needed new gloves from my room anyways-“

Mumbo tries sneaking away towards the hallway, a table there in the way. The scroll was right between his ass, his wings folded to hide it but a glimpse of it can be seen when he turns around

"Hhmm ohh i like uhh mustard or seeds." He joked softly while helping scar clean up. Grian was ready to hit both mumbo and doc if they upset scar again. "What do you like i can get anything you like on top??" He questioned softly while rufflihis hair.

Doc growled as mumbo tried to ignore him and walk away. He walked over and grabbed the scroll from his wings.He then used his paw to keep him away. He made sure to keep him pinned to the wall chest first as he opened the scroll. As he read it, he grew rather angry, which caused his claws to poke out a bit. "Are you actually serious??" He growled out as he leaned closer to the vampire.

“I like everything on it, just little bits though so I can taste everything and go to a new flavor every bite!”

Scar says happily in his cute apron, putting the cookies away in separate containers since he made everyone their favorites. He hums as he put the dishes in the dish washer, not hearing the two in the other room.

"Ohh, really, that sounds good. Come on, let's go to my room and get my money pouch it'll me my treat."

He smiled softly. Grain grabbed scars' hands and led him twords the back of the base. He could already hear the other two, and he wasn't in the mood.

As he led scar away, he chirped, and his wings puffed up as well. He was just slightly nervous they'd got dragged into a fight again. He rembers last time he felt docs claws on his wings or hurt.

~

Mumbo yelps when Doc touched his wings, some dust hitting the ground as now he couldn’t produce dust there anymore. His eyes widen as he tries turning around but Doc had him against the wall by his chest, making his struggle to reach the scroll. He is slightly weaker than Doc, sometimes he wins but lately he has not. He whimpers when Doc’s claws came out poking in his chest, ruining his white shirt as blood slowly seeps out. He stops struggling and gulps, leaning back against the wall tensely. He stares at Doc, his heart racing.

“Why do you care? He needed my help to create peace around here, said that he wants to change. W-well I’m helping him to become a better king and friend! Unlike you, you just spit fire at everyone who comes across you even when we’re not a threat”

Doc retracted his claws as he glared at the pale male and raised a brow at him.

"Im a perfectly good friend, thank you! I tried to help him, but Ren is a greedy and selfish king who is taking everything from people. I refuse to give up my perimeter just because he said i have to. it's mine, not anyone else's. Also, i have my reason for spiting fire at everyone as you say! You don't know me, and you never will, so stop trying to act all both and mighty!"

He snapped at him and shoved him one more before taking the contract and dropping it in the cup of water grian left on the table.

Mumbo holds his chest then grabs the scroll from the cup, panicking

“NO! I can fix him, I can help him get better! I promise to keep him off of everyone’s lands and such, build machines that’ll do more than good. You’re just a brute with no manners and should’ve left my business alone.”

He tries drying off the scroll and seeing that the paper was the only thing damaged. He sighs in relief and huffs at Doc, turning away.

"You fix nothing.You only add to the problem! Im not a brute of you wanna see a brute I'll shove you into the neither!"

He spat out while growling at him. Doc was ready to jump at him and attack mumbo he really was.

"You know what if i see him intruding on my perimeter, i will be after you!"

With that doc went to walk away, heading to his room to grab a few things. He was going to head out with everyone even if he didn't need much, but he was going to check a few things. As he disappeared around the corner, he let out one last huff.

Mumbo clenched onto the scroll that holds his life with a knife he couldn’t see, not knowing it’s a trap

“Oh put a scone down your throat without chewing! I don’t add to the problem, I try and help. If I do add to the problem, it isn’t on purpose!”

Mumbo huffs and goes to his room, undressing himself when the door was shut. He examines the claw marks and blood, his eyes glowing red. He starts taking his hand to gather the sweet taste, getting distracted instead of patching himself up

~

Meanwhile, Scar and Grian were having a small chat. Mainly they talked about Grian afraid to nest but Scar reassured that he’ll help anyway he could. Grian smiles and sighs, going into deep thought when he realized he left Doc’s tools in Mumbo’s room. Why? Because pesky bird did a dumb thing again and couldn’t find his own tools. He knew something was about to happen so Scar gave some ideas out. Grian smiled and happily took up on the idea, they hope this’ll work… they can only hope.

~

When doc looked for his screwdriver and couldn't find it, he growled slightly and followed his own scent. When he smelled it in mumbo's room, he barged in without knocking. When he saw his screwdriver, he glared at him.

"Why is my stuff in your room!?" He growled out at him.

Hot moment coming in

Mumbo turns around when he had blood down his slightly buff chest, his tongue and the tips ofnhis fingers covered as well. He didn’t even have pants on, just tight boxers. He stops and stares, freezing as his ears and cheeks went red. He takes a deep breath, obviously triggered

“Doc… I don’t know how it got to my room, I don’t go through your stuff. If it was lying around and I grabbed it, I apologize . BUT WOULD YOU KNOCK FOR ONCE!”

he shoves the male out, trying to shut the door.

Doc growled and tried to move mumbo so he could grab his tool he needed it.

"I'll stop barging in when you stop, just waking in when I'm taking a shower."

He snapped back at him slightly.

Suddenly, Grian appeared behind Doc, the avian way shorter than the male but he is a strong bugger. He watched as the two argued at the door, and he smirked. The avian rushed doc, and the minute he was in the room, he slammed the door shut. He was then quick to take his keys and lock the door.

"Get along, and maybe you'll get out anyway. i have to go!"

He chirped out.

When Doc went to take a step, he yelped as he was shoved. This caused him to trip and fall on top of mumbo. As he hit the floor, he whimpered as he felt the electronic bits of his body rattle as parts got knocked loose. He struggled to push himself up as he glanced back just as the door was slammed shut. Doc tried to get up and was quick to try and open it.

"Let me out of here grian this isn't a funny joke!! I will now mumbo to smithereens!"

He tried to threaten.

Mumbo’s eyes widen when he saw Doc coming towards him. He yelps and falls back, hissing from the sudden pain in his back. He looks forward and blushes madly to see Doc over his hips and the bottom of his stomach, he couldn’t move until Doc got up. When he got up, Mumbo put on some comfortable clothes and hid behind the bed. He felt so flustered and his space was being violated.

“G-Grian, let him out now. Please. I don’t want to be blown up or hurt even more!”

the male begs, covering himself in a blanket. He didn’t feel like going out anymore after that.

Grian snickered and ran off to go get scar. Once he saw him, he grabbed his hand carefully and smiled.

"Well, i took care of them for a bit. Now you and me can just relax and not worry, they wont ruin today."

He cooed and led Scar outside.

As doc realized he was locked in, he banged on the door a bit as he huffed when he heard what mumbo said.

"I wouldn't blow up. Thank you very much! I can control myself!"

He snapped at him a bit before taking in a deep breath and waking away. He found a clear spot and just plopped himself down. He then curled up like a cat to calm himself more.

Ima stop here, thought it was a good start ^^ hope you enjoy, more are to come!

[thegeminisage]

SIIIGH it is star trek update time. last night we watched tng's "preemptive strike" and ds9's "the collaborator."

preemptive strike (tng):

well well well, if it isn't picard racially profiling more bajoran women. because that went SO well for him last time

yes it was also because of her "training" or whatever but like. it was because she was bajoran

rough time w this episode because picard was being awful to ro the whole time and it's so clear she loves him and cares about his opinion SO MUCH! but ro herself was amazing. i literally was cheering for her to defect the entire time and she finally did and i was SO HAPPY girl get her off that spaceship

on the other hand, it sucks that all her life is about the cardassians. she either is oppressed by them or fights them and she doesn't ever really get to break free of that ever. i guess it's better than serving under picard but :/

i looked up why she wears her earring on the other side and apparently it's to keep vedeks from feeling her pagh ie she's an atheist. queen.

did NOT like the section where she and picard had to pretend to be making out. her also fr making out with that other rando was gross. like, they put her in this situation, and she immediately has to pull a captain kirk and start using her body/sex as a tool in her arsenal.

icing on the shit cake is sending riker out with her to make sure she stays loyal when riker was the most skeptical of her at first and even made her TAKE OFF HER EARRING. he calmed down eventually and he was really nice to her here (and his outfit did slay) but that's still adding insult to injury

the collaborator: (ds9):

the emotional rollercoaster this one sent me on.

i hate vedek winn with a passion reserved for people who hate fictional characters because they've known people exactly like that in real life. the way she's like no i am nice and kind YOU are the mean evil one for always being so angry :) makes me homicidal. every religious south carolinian ever. so initially i was like "bitch shut up we all know youre framing his ass"

EVEN THOUGH I ALSO DON'T LIKE. BAREIL. it's a tough life i lead

i thought kira's orb vision where they were naked together was REALLY creepy*, and i was extremely disgusted when they fucked in whatever episode that was, so him and her fucking for a good section was like. gross.

*possibly this vision was supposed to be sexy instead, but i never stopped seeing him as slightly predatory after this

anyway, then i was like, i don't want winn to be kai because she sucks so bad, but it would be cool if he did it because then he and kira will break up! and kira can get back to having no romance whatsoever with odo until like season one million, but i'm a patient woman and i can wait.

IMAGINE MY SHOCK when kira was like talking about her problems to odo, who had alerted her to the prisoner being moved JUST as a consideration, and was doing all these data lookups for her JUST to be nice, and she goes "i love him" and his approximation of a head snaps up like it's on an approximation of a string

LIKE. HELLO??? WE'RE ONLY IN SEASON 2????? i got the impression they didn't get together until WAY late in the show and this is pretty direct confirmation that despite his very loudly objecting to the idea of romance in general he is ALREADY CARRYING THE TORCH........perhaps has been for some time?? me pointing to the ds9 soup hey is there PINING in this?????

i really hope kira/odo is good when it happens. i'll be so sad if it happens but it's bad. in my mind palace it's amazing. not that i don't love odo and quark, but quark has yet to connect with my psyche on a deeper level and odo and kira live in there rent free with sisko and julian bashir.

anyway, the plot twist about kai opaka was really REALLY good an unexpected, kira was FANTASTIC in this ep, and of course i'm insane about odo pining, but ultimately this is a bust bc we got the absolute worst of both worlds: winn is kai, AND kira and bareil don't break up. i was LIVID.

i then looked up to see when/if winn and bareil die and was relieved to discover he dies soon but she lives until the finale 😒 fuck offffff

TONIGHT: the SERIES FINALE of tng!!!! our suffering is almost over.......

[effervescentdragon]

Hiii Akira, may we please a lefreres fic on occasion of arthur's birthday and to forget all the heartache the past few weeks have brought us? thank u, i love u so much

hi anon! i am currently working on the chicfest fic and it's kicking my ass, so im trying to concentrate on that, BUT. since it is arthur's bday, i will share a part of the fic i started writing after spa but havent been much in the mood for with all the other insanity, which is literally just lefreres. i hope you like it :) let me know what you think! kisses to you <3

Lorenzo does what he always does; he watches his brothers. 

(He watches over his brothers.)

He watches his brothers on Saturday, hugging after the F3 sprint race. He sees the pride on Charles' face and the relief on Arthur's, after that abysmal qualifying. 

He watches his brothers on Saturday after the F1 qualifying. He sees the strain on Charles' face and the worry on Arthur's, after that joke of quali and rule changes.

He watches his brothers on Sunday after the F3 feature race. He sees the disappointment on Arthur's face, finishing just outside of the points and losing the third place in the Championship, and the knowing understanding on Charles'.

He watches his brothers after the F1 race on Sunday. He watches the hurtful resignation on Charles' face after losing the second place in the WDC and that absolutely unnecessary pitstop which cost him a five-second penalty and a grid place in the final result, and the barely restrained fury on Arthur's, and the way they hold each other tight, Arthur letting Charles lean on him for an almost imperceptible second, before Charles has to go back to pretending everything is alright. 

Lorenzo looks at his brothers; really looks. They came back from the break, and even though they have both gotten enough rest physically, the shadows around their eyes return quicker than they should. The triple header is one third done, and his brothers already look tired, even though they hide it well. He knows Charles is supposed to fly to the Netherlands on Tuesday with the Ferrari private jet, while he and Arthur are supposed to fly with Lorenzo's friend, also on Tuesday.

Lorenzo looks at his brothers, and the way Arthur's eyes cannot hold back the incredulousness and the anger, impotent as it is, and the way Charles' eyes are red-rimmed and the way his lips shake when he speaks to the press. He twists the golden pendant on his necklace. It's a simple gold plate with five letters on it. He twists it around and around with his fingers as he watches his brothers and the myriad of suppressed emotions on their faces. He is only able to read them because he has seen them grow up since birth, and has seen every single iteration of those expressions grow along with them. They can hide from the world, and they do so miraculously, but they can’t hide from their big brother.

The sun hits him straight in the eyes suddenly, coming out of nowhere in the rainy Spa, and blinds him completely. He raises his hand to cover his eyes and he raises his head up, simultaneously hiding from and seeking the sun. He lets the warmth at the end of a frustrating weekend caress his cheeks, and he smiles. 

"Alright," he says out loud into the sky, quietly and softly. "Message received." 

Lorenzo turns around and goes to make some phone calls.

*

❤️ LEFRÈRES 🙊🙉🙈

enzoNOTferrari 🙊⛵:

[17:54] lefrères council meeting in arthurs room before or after dinner 🙃

[17:54] as dinner also works

[17:55] not sure when you'll be free @charlemagne  🙉🎹

petit 🙈🍭:

[17:55] and what abt me huh @enzoNOTferrari 🙊⛵

[17:55] maybe im BUSY did u wven think of that??? 

[17:56] maybe my rooms not free??

[17:56] 🙄🙄😤😤😤 

[17:56] the audacity

enzoNOTferrari 🙊⛵:

[17:58] i didn't know you knew how to spell audacity, good job petit ❤️

[17:59] and shut up, i know you're free, i literally MADE your schedule 

petit 🙈🍭:

[18:00] yeah well u suck ✌️

enzoNOTferrari 🙊⛵:

[18:01] do you want me to reply to that 🙂

petit 🙈🍭:

[18:02] OH EW EW EW ENZOOOOO WTFFFF

[18:02] UR THE WORST LEFRERE

[18:03] MY EYES 😭😭😖😖😖

[18:03] imma go eat some bleach or pour it on my eyes or something

enzoNOTferrari 🙊⛵:

[18:04] you started it 😘

petit 🙈🍭:

[18:04] did fucking not 😭

charlemagne 🙉🎹:

[18:15] is it okay if pierre comes too? im still not sure if im going w him to milan or not

[18:16] and pls can we have dinner too? im starving 😿

petit 🙈🍭:

[18:16] @charlemagne 🙉🎹 yah ofc i love beau-frere 🔥

enzoNOTferrari 🙊⛵:

[18:16] of course! i'll get us all dinner ❤️

charlemagne 🙉🎹:

[18:18] thanks petit, and thanks enzo, youre the best ❤️

[18:18] half an hour or so and we ll be there 

Lorenzo doesn't think he's imagining the dejected tone in Charles' messages or the way he ignored falling for Arthur's obvious bait, which only makes him doubly sure that he is doing the right thing with his little spontaneous plan. He opens the text thread with Pierre, ignoring Arthur's incoming messages in their own private thread.

To: Pierre G. 🏎🇫🇷

[18:19] hey, congrats on a good job today! :) two questions - what do you want for dinner, and would you mind terribly if Charles didn't come to Milan with you this time?

From: Pierre G. 🏎🇫🇷

[18:20] thank you enzo! 😘

[18:20] get me the chicken stir-fry pls, and a greek salad if they have it, or any if they dont

[18:20] and no, i just thought to cheer him up a bit before the fuckery starts again 🙄

[18:20] why? 

To: Pierre G. 🏎🇫🇷

[18:21] no problem! and that's good, i've had an idea, i'll tell you all about it at dinner 🙂

Pierre sends him a thumbs up, so that should be okay until dinner. Lorenzo is pretty sure Pierre understands more than he lets on, and that he won’t say anything to Charles yet. He skims Arthur's messages next, which are mostly him trying to find any wiggle room about his diet. Enzo rolls his eyes and sends him just one message.

To: petit ❤️

[18:24] ur not getting chocolatw cake OR espresso, and you better not bribe pierre to bring you any either tonight 😉

He thinks for a moment, then sends a message to Charles, too.

To: bébé ❤️

[18:26] don't tell arthur, but i'm getting you dessert, we'll just have to hide it from him like we used to 😉

[campgender]

ROY KENT? toxic masculinity-roy fuckin kent? oh hell nah, sorry in advance, this is gonna be long, you just jinxed yourself mentioning that. ;_; whoever said that did NOT watch enough of that boy because his masculinity is beautiful and there's genuinely nothing toxic about it at all. like, we did not watch him suck all his bitchiness up to have a relationship with his girl just for him to get called toxic. not to mention...

FIRST on my list of his display's of butchness: this is Roy "I gave my girlfriend head while she watched a video of me crying my head off" fuckin Kent! Y'all are not gonna pin him for toxic masculinity, c'mon. If that ain't the most butch-ass shit I've ever heard of...

SECOND: I'd put a lot more weight into the suggestion of toxic masculinity if he'd stayed the way he'd been at the beginning of the show but this is a man who grew a fuck-ton even in just the first couple episodes, not to mention throughout the show (which I haven't finished).

He's not a bully, which is surprising for such a hyper-masculine character. Hair as far as the eye can see, with a beard, furry thighs and arms, a low growly voice-But for all his swearing and other foul language, he isn't a bully. He doesn't pretend, he says no, and he sets clear boundaries, but even with children who he has loads of power over, he's very careful to never cross the line into bullying. He jokes, clearly knowing the children, barking orders and playing ball. He has a niece and even though he doesn't understand the book wrinkle in time, he reads it to her and only after getting three quarters through does he go to ted to demand what the fuck its supposed to be about.

THIRD: the way sometimes he looses speech and yet he STILL. FUCKING. COMMUNICATES. beautiful. Which rolls straight into FOUR, which is the way he communicates! He's very clear, very blunt, obviously. But its not just that. Its how as we get to know Roy Kent, more and more, we see how when he gets overwhelmed or annoyed, he often steps back from the situation so that he doesn't blow his temper at someone he likes or someone who doesn't deserve it...which is very, dare I say it? chivalrous! Its not a word you think when you think of roy kent, but he is! He's chivalrous! He isn't quite comfortable around rebecca, think of early season 2, but when he sees she needs it, he tells her she deserves the goddamn world in a partner, not just "fine", and he didn't tell her that because he had to! Keeley would've left it and he could've gotten away with a minimal answer. He told her because she deserved to hear it and he knew that and he's a fucking kind person!

just like that time at the end of season 1 when he and keeley were photographed by that man and he stole the photos and then handed them to keeley and gave the man back his camera. he could've smashed the fuckin camera. he's exactly the type of person to smash the camera! but he didn't. why? because they cost a shit-ton of money and because he wanted keeley to have photos of their first date. ;_; its called CHIVALRY. which. is. BUTCH. AS. FUCK. need i go on?

roy kent's masculinity is beautiful, it's a joy to behold, it's butch as hell, thank you, i hope you don't mind me dropping an essay in your askbox, sorry abt that.

OH SHIT YOU HAVEN’T FINISHED IT. you haven’t seen what they did to my bestie in the finale 😭😭 how they MALIGNED his NAME — if you do watch it come hmu though bc holy shit am i still livid.

anyway. yes to all of this!!!!! especially how he communicates while also losing speech <3333 i get so fucking upset every time someone calls him repressed bc like. he literally isn’t!!! he’s very aware of & in touch with his emotions!!!!!!!!!! what he is is stoic & it’s bc 1) he’s autistic 2) y’all are assholes. like. i feel like fucking crying every time i think about the scene in s1 when he’s just been benched: keeley’s excited but kind of impatient “oh, so you are ready to talk about real stuff now!!” and the way it makes it seem like a bad thing for him to need some time to process. & then her really sarcastic & dismissive response when he says how scared he is of losing what the entire fucking country has made his sole identity:

I think men that feel sorry for themselves are so sexy. And if you start telling me how hard it is that you play a game for a living, I think I might come.

i see fucking red!!!!!!! the show multiple times (including in the finale) belittles his feelings and/or throws away his characterization and then treats that like a #Feminist moment. & like in the previous example, yeah keeley prompts phoebe to say how she sees roy & that’s a sweet moment, but keeley never actually apologizes or says how she sees or thinks of roy outside of sex.

& then in s3 honestly his apology letter to her made me feel ill. like there’s a difference between owning your shit — which i do think she deserved an apology for him breaking up with her out of nowhere — and saying everything is your fault. that’s not growth, that’s still self-hatred. and like i understand keeley was going through a lot but i don’t think it was fair to him for him to confess his love & her fuck him while like. presumably knowing she doesn’t want to get back together.

i’m also so fucking livid about the show comparing roy and FUCKING RUPERT????? in that scene, again for some sort of shallow #GirlBoss moment. fuck that fuck the writers fuck like most of the fan attitudes i’ve seen.

also the way the “roy is sorry for not understanding keeley” scene is played — yeah, he should’ve communicated better, but she just started yelling at him out of nowhere & revealed she’d been complaining about him being clingy to all their colleagues. and she never apologizes for not talking to him sooner & her bottling her feelings until she exploded at him???? instead he apologizes for doing….. something she’d never told him she had a problem with.

i’m working on a fic about this aspect but the show has no fucking sympathy for his becoming disabled and it’s so transparent. obviously ted lasso in general is really bad at acknowledging systemic issues — “just be a goodfish!!” :))) — it’s a liberal show & you should overcome adversity by individual work ie therapy & forgiving your oppressors. but like there’s literally no acknowledgment after that scene when he gets shut down by keeley in s1 of how ableism affects roy’s self-image.

as a disabled person whose mobility impairment started with a knee issue in sports, i also think the show did a fucking shit job with his disability in general. like they played it for a laugh — you might not have watched 3x11 yet so feel free to skip this paragraph but “i played injured all the time / you can’t go up stairs!!” followed by jamie still playing injured to, what, make a point about forgiveness?? shows how fucking seriously they took that, and roy was walking up stairs earlier in that very episode.

similarly, “everybody run to the bus… except roy!” earlier in s3 was an emotional moment for me bc like oh they’re acknowledging how this affects his life!! …..and then they showed him running (on pavement!!!) with jamie all the fucking time. like sure not every knee issue is the same as mine, okay, whatever, but either be consistent or throw in a line about him having a good day today or something. jesus fucking christ it’s so ableist & careless & disrespectful.

anyway my hot take is that as they’re written, keeley & roy shouldn’t be together not because, as brenden fucking hunt put it, “he has work he needs to do on himself first,” but because she doesn’t respect him & fundamentally you can’t make compromises with people who think how you are is wrong.

i do really like keeley especially in s1, i think a lot of this is fuck-ups on the writers’ parts that keeley were she a real person either wouldn’t have done or would’ve apologized for. but as it’s written? fucking yikes.

anyway that got really off track from your thoughts lol but i absolutely adored reading this, it was a delight & i would love to hear more any time 💓💓💓

[tobiasdrake]

Into the Tower of Antsudlo to face our kinda shitty destinies.

So it turns out it's a jetstream, not a portal. I'm disappointed.

This is it. I hope the door that no one could open wasn't this one because it just took two baps with the Coral Hammer on the Coral Bells nearby to budge it. The Docarri build the Coral Bells. Surely they meant something else.

Alright team, let's make camp here at this inexplicably flammable lumber pile half-submerged in water.

So. That sucked and I hated it. We all got put through the ringer on that trip. Except you, Garl, because even total dickweeds can't bring themselves to be mean to you. You're a cinnamon roll. Keep doing what you're doing.

Key takeaway is that we're going to fucking die. That's a downer. But we knew that already so it's not that much of a downer, right? ...right?

...

I'm going to bed in my soggy bedroll. Good talk, everyone.

...that actually means a lot to me.

Okay, maybe we've got this. You aren't even supposed to be here and that means you might be able to change things up! We've got this!

Do you think the Docarri come here and leave all this pottery? There's a bunch of jars and stuff that's definitely not naturally occurring.

No, wait. Obviously the tower isn't naturally occurring, so the pottery may have been left behind by whoever built this structure to begin with.

Sorry, I'm still a bit shaken up.

I'm sure this is fine. We were probably meant to do this, right? Completely normal method of transportation.

SHIT THAT'S THE DOOR

Probably! It's a door, but it looks important! Guys! Break the pipe! Do something! Don't let it pass us by! GUYS.

You guys are fucking useless.

Except you, Garl. You're my bestie.

And you, Serai. We adore you and we're glad you're with us, regardless of whatever might be going on with you.

Zale, I give you a lot of shit but you're pretty cool too.

Everyone else here is fucking useless.

THE DOOR

Great work, team. We all pulled together and made it through. See, Zale? I told you we didn't need to resort to petty vandalism to get here but no, you wouldn't listen to me.

What are we, thugs or something?

Now, this looks much more like an ancient door sealed away that no one has ever crossed through. Look at those markings. There's something almost spiritual about this place. Teaks could probably spend a lifetime examining these carvings.

Well, that's not much of an obstacle. Garl, you still got those pressure cooker bombs of yours?

Just because I deserved this, that doesn't mean I can't be mad about it. Remember me as I was. Crying and shrieking obscenities that can't be published in most sections of this library at the World Eater as it swallows me whole.

Why didn't it open? Aren't we supposed to be children of fate or some shit? Defective-ass fucking prophet gave us some defective-ass prophecies. "You are the Chosen; Go to the door that only opens for the Chosen WHOOPS IT DOESN'T FUCKING OPEN I GUESS I'M LYING."

I hope I drowned that fish before we all died.

Oh you're on the other side of the Liar Door. That's fantastic. Hang on a sec... Zale, give me those papers I gave you. Yeah, the ones we wrote out during training.

Right. Here we go. Ahem.

This here's a court summons. I will expect to see you in the courthouse at Mirth, right after we build one, so that we can settle the matter of false advertisement.

Awfully informal. Are you coming with us? There's still room in Garl's backpack if you want to be Cargo.

Codes are flexible. They're social structures that only exist because we choose to let them. The only power they have is what we pretend they do.

So that's a "Yes you can" but "No you won't".

Guessing that's the true name of the Fleshmancer, then?

Yep, that's the Fleshmancer.

Shot in the dark, have you ever considered solving the Fleshmancer problem with violence?

Alright, I get it. "The consequences would be dire" or whatever.

GARL NO

Love the enthusiasm but please don't let your mouth write checks that I don't know if we can cash. I am not ready to throw hands at the Dweller of Strife's dad. When I suggested violence a moment ago, that was not me volunteering our services.

Well, the Chosen Ones door wouldn't open for us and we're failing at our prophecies. So. Probably not. I'd say that's a definite no. We are not who all this predestination shit had in mind.

But beggars can't be choosers and I don't care if you're a god or not, those ratty clothes do not imply a man with many options. So we're the best you've got. Deal with it.

Oh, sure. Piece of cake. We live in a tropical paradise so. Y'know. We're definitely equipped to hit up the fucking arctic on a goose chase for a homeless deity who smells of book must and mold.

Oh. Not even going to let us find warmer clothes first. Straight to the arctic.

Okay, but I'm taking three books with me as collateral. If this winds up being a trap and there is no artifact, I'm burning them for warmth.

[adustoflove]

Sorry for giving you false expectations I known I'm probablya let down lol, considering you don't know who I am I could become whatever or who ever , I could pretend or act some way , whatever helps you I'm willing to do even if I have to change

I need something to work twords anyways

To let myself be known would be willing to be seen , known in a way that is sorta uncapped and untailored its to much for folks iv been shown that

Goodnight, I'll speak to you whenever you get back to me , have a good day at work

I talk to much I'm sorry

You don't talk too much and you did NOT disappoint me. I think it's safe to say that first impressions aren't always the preferred impressions. I would prefer if people tried to be themselves as much as possible around me because nothing sucks more ass than constantly having to put on a mask to be around people you're supposed to enjoy talking to. But ....I guess it depends. Not everybody is compatible and I try to keep that in mind when making or losing friends ♡

I'm sorry I got back so late it was a really busy and draining day at work, so I didn't really have the energy to do much more than post and talk to other gawker gal 😔😭

[sparxaf]

So today's eps happened.

Welp. My thoughts are all over the place. Enjoy.

No bits. Not even a kiss. Fuck everything. Also I had to sit through not one but two Finn love confessions. I skipped all the previous ones so I can only imagine how tedious it is for those who have basically seen this same scene with him four times now. Also, I was nice to Gabi while she sat there and daydreamed about how things might play out with Suresh if I'm the one dumped. GABI IS A DICKHEAD.

AND WHY DIDN'T I GET ONE ON ONE TIME WITH MY BELOVED LULU? WHY DO YOU HATE US, FUSEBOX? AND NO SHOWER SEX? I WAS PROMISED SHOWER SEX.

Onto the positives (sort of). We got to tell off Meera, Nicolas, and Suresh. I told Suresh I'd never forgive him and want no connection with him ever and he said, "It doesn't get any clearer than that." Yep. And I only had to say it half a dozen times for it to become crystal.

Was Alfie cold for what he did to Meera? Yes. Was it hilarious? Also yes. I legit laughed out loud when he went, "Errrrr." GOLD.

I will say for me, this was one of the most fun eps of the season because Nicolas was hysterically funny to me. When he chastised Kat for believing the lies he spread I almost choked to death on my laugh snort. Though it was a little unsatisfying how happy he was to leave. He's all STICK WITH MY PLAN. Sir, your plan didn't work. You're leaving. You suck and you should feel bad about it.

Anyway, I liked it when Kat said this:

Because all I could hear in my head was this 😂😂😂

God I love that movie.

Ahem. Back to complaining. Could we not with Meera's prolonged goodbye scenes and even longer post dumping scenes where everyone kisses her ass for being so great? Soldiers going off to fight a winless war get less heartfelt, tearful farewells than this salty bitch. For as long as I had to sit through her bullshit (twice) I want the same length of time dedicated to everyone telling MC how wonderful she is and apologizing PROFUSELY, groveling really, for ever doubting her awesomeness. "Sorrrrrry," with abashed face ain't cutting it.

Oh also, when Meera found out she was leaving and Dana asked me what I thought, I chose to say that it changed nothing. Her being there or not didn't make any difference to me. And Dana had the nerve...

Yes. Yes I am. Meera has been nasty to me when I literally did nothing to deserve it. I was nice to her. I told Alfie to choose her. Alfie knows I'm not into him and I haven't spoken to him privately once since he came back with her. I've done everything to get out of their way and in return I was treated like trash by her and no one stood up for me. But now I'm supposed to pretend to be sad that Meera won't be around to insult me or call me a liar or a backstabber? Dana, you can fucking take a long walk off a short pier.

THE GALL. I told everyone that I forgive nothing. I don't forgive Meera. I don't forgive Suresh. I don't forgive Nicolas. I don't forgive any of you dicks. I AM PETTY AND ANGRY. I meant to do a self-righteous, above-it-all angel MC route, but I'm too mad 😂 I told off Meera more than once and it was delightful.

Overall, it was a little emotionally satisfying, but the fun stuff was overshadowed by yet another episode of everyone licking Meera's booty hole. Like when did she make this miracle transformation they're going on about? It seems more like she was always a bitch and she just didn't hide it on her return. We didn't get enough character development from anyone to see an actual transformation.

Oh well.

I will say, these eps inspired a fic idea. One that isn't about Suresh getting kicked in the balls, I mean. I have three of those going already. No, this is something else. I want to finish TSIME first, but I think I'm cooking up something special for S5. Mwhahahahahaaaaa.

I should probably put a read more break somewhere in this, because it's super long, but I'm cramping and don't know where to put it. Let's blame Meera.