#and maybe. maybe... it'll actually go into my tags and be organized

[pyrosomatic-metamorphosis]

yea

[why-animals-do-the-thing]

perhaps a bit of an odd question: so, when I'm scrolling tumblr on mobile, I have a habit of downloading most images i come across, so that I can send them to people who don't use tumblr, especially memes and animal photos. however, i also have severe memory issues, and I may end up forgetting where i got certain images. i know for the photo repository one of the rules is to not repost the photos without any modification- which i might forget, or forget which images on my phone fall under that rule. and while i would guess that that rule doesn't apply to stuff like direct messages or texts, i might forget to tell the person I'm sending it to, who might repost it elsewhere without being aware, or months after downloading i will just forget and use one of the photos in a post I'm making because it felt relevant.

this is something i can pretty easily solve myself by just blocking the photo repository blog, or tags relating to it, but I'd rather not do that because i do really like seeing the photos and all the info and stuff. and i would assume it would be an insane amount of work for you to add something like a watermark to every single photo, so I'm not really sure how to go about this. i like seeing the photos, but i don't want to accidentally break the rules.

You clearly care deeply about doing the "right thing", so, what that tells me is that you're not actually the target audience for that rule. I appreciate all the thought you put into this message. Let's talk about it!

I've been reconsidering if requiring people to get permission for reposting images is the best policy to have and I'd like people to weigh in.

My original reasoning was this: the more I can ensure that reposts are affiliated with credit, the better I can control copyright on the images on the site, and therefore have more ground to challenge any scrapers/fake accounts/AR groups that yoink them for nefarious purposes. The easiest way to do that seemed to be to have people ping and ask, with the expectation of saying yes almost all the time.

But there's a couple problems with that, I think, in practice:

People don't like emailing strangers (I forget this! I have done it for work for so many years it isn't uncomfortable anymore).

This isn't how the internet works. (Tumblr has a specific microculture that encourages crediting creators and not stealing! Once this is shared more widely on other platforms, I don't expect it'll be the same ecosystem).

It actually undermines organic spread of content! (You're less likely to make an excited post about a cool photo if you have to send a maybe-scary email and wait for a response). And I do want there to be lots of eyeballs on the photos.

Realistically, @nexus-nebulae, with the policy right now? If you slipped up and reposted something without thinking, I'd just ask you to add credit to the post so it directs back to the site. The goal of this whole project is community access and engagement - I want to you to enjoy the photos, and send them to your friends! I'm just trying to also protect it from the awful that a lot of the internet has become.

But, I'm also wondering it it makes sense to swap the policy to say that it's fine to re-post images on socials as long as they're appropriately credited and/or linked back to the repository. This isn't the policy yet, but if you're reading this please tell me what you're thinking.

Non-edited image use (like putting them in a scientific paper, using them to build a curriculum unit, or putting them on board game cards - these are just random examples) would still need to be requested; but that's an entirely protective stance and if you ask, my goal is to always say yes.

So OP, please don't worry too much. Enjoy looking at the animals, do your best, and I'll be happy. :)

[chuubian]

Bulle fruit pancakes

Tags Arlecchino x fem reader, fluff, domestic life, anxiety, blood, death, soft Arlecchino, Arlecchino acts like an old man in this she’s my favorite gilf

Summary After a mission that nearly breaks you and Arlecchino apart, she decides she can’t let her job get in the way of your relationship. Living in the countryside after running away from the fatui can be scary. But Arlecchino finds a way to comfort and reassure you that you’re safe with her.

A/N: This is actually based off a conversation in stormbringer where verlaine tells rimbaud about his plan about running away and giving chuuya a normal life 😭😭 i wanted to cry during that and now i can’t stop thinking about it.

Images of Arlecchino, covered in blood and lifeless infront of you have haunted you since your relationship started. Her job is dangerous. Stepping out of line could lead to her being hunted down and killed. As her girlfriend, they wouldn’t hesitate to target you for revenge too. The fatui is not a philanthropic organization.

Her job requires her to constantly be away from home, sometimes you go weeks without hearing from her, wondering if she was killed— or, god forbid, captured and tortured. As a trained soldier, she would probably be able to handle it and escape, but it doesn't make it less frightening. There are still people stronger than her in this world— though it is very few.

On her last mission, Arlecchino is supposed to be sent to Inazuma for an undisclosed amount of time. Naturally, this revelation fills you with anxiety. How could they not know even a general timeframe? Was it this serious of an assignment. You begged her to please ask for a new assignment, but she brushes your worries aside. Telling you that you're overreacting and that if you can't handle it then there's nothing she can do to salvage the relationship, her cold red eyes staring into your soul, taking note of how you react.

You instantly go speechless, humbled by the threat. Sitting back down quietly, unwilling to lose her. Maybe it won't be so bad. She can still send letters. Arlecchino's gaze softens, leaning over you, kissing the top of your head gently. It was so sweet and intimate that you couldn't help but lean into her pleasant touch.

"I'll try to get back home as soon as possible. We can still write to each other."

Sighing softly, you look up at her. There was a flurry of emotions stirring up inside your chest. How were you supposed to be okay with this? You're brought back out of your thoughts by Arlecchino softly cupping your cheeks. Her nails, although sharp, feel soothing against your heated skin.

"It'll be fine. You worry too much."

Leaning away from her touch, you take a hold of her hands. You don't even want to look at her.

"How can you be sure? You don't even know how long you'll be gone."

Her eyes narrow, she pulls her hands our of your grip.

"I'm going whether you like it or not, it's my job. I expect you to reflect and come to your senses while I'm gone."

With that, she grabs her bags and leaves. Not even offering you so much as a goodbye. You sit in silence, feeling cold and abandoned. It's hard to even get up, your mind is filled with worries about what could possibly happen on this dangerous trip.

For the seven months Arlecchino is gone from home, she rarely writes. You can't really blame her, you don't respond to her letters either way. Nevertheless, you can't help feeling betrayed by her. She didn't stop to consider your feelings at all. It might be selfish, but you wish she cared more about you than her job.

When Arlecchino shows her disgraceful face around your shared house again, she's covered in blood. She doesn't wait for you to invite her in, taking the initiative to push past you, rushing into your bedroom and packing your clothes into a garbage bag. Stunned, you try to stop her.

"Arle! What are you doing?!"

She ignores you, seeming engrossed in her task. You try to pull her hands away, but instead of letting you, Arlecchino smacks your hand away. She looks back at you with a frenzied, irritated look on her face. It's clear you shouldn't mess with her, but you have barely talked to her in seven months, she can't force you to do anything. However, Arlecchino is nothing if not commanding and forceful. The look in her eyes chills you to the bone. Now you understand why she has such a high ranking in the fatui.

When she finishes packing your clothes, her cold hand wraps around your forearm- pulling you away from the bedroom, away from the house, and away from Snezhnaya. She doesn't speak until the harsh winter storms are far behind, in favor of the mild winters and humid summers of the Fontainian countryside.

"I'm leaving the fatui."

"What?"

She rolls her eyes, seemingly still aggravated.

"I'm leaving the fatui."

Your initial reaction is to doubt her new announcement. Even if she isn't lying- she betrayed you, she doesn't get to drag you away to Fontaine. But thinking it over for a few seconds, you realize something must've gone wrong. You take in her appearance, jacket turned brown. It makes you shiver, a sense of dread looming over you, the fright that comes with it sinks deep in your gut, making it hard to even move with the burden of your emotion weighing you down.

"Why? Did something happen?"

She moves to hold your hand instead, pulling you closer. The warmth radiating from her almost makes you forget about how stained her clothing and hand is.

“We’ll talk about it when we get to our destination, okay?”

You nod and follow her lead, unsure of what’s going on. Although the both of you aren’t speaking, it’s comfortable. The scenery of rainbow rose fields and exotic birds is a welcome change from the brutal blizzards that leave nothing but a white wasteland in Snezhnaya. As you both approach the cottage in the distance, you notice just how remote everything is. There's no people around at all, it doesn't seem like there's even any electricity. This is going to be a hellhole in the summer.

Arlecchino sets your bags down on the couch when you first enter, sighing softly. She starts taking off her soiled, blood covered jacket. Looking over her exposed arms, your mouth goes dry. It's been too long since you last saw her, and it was hard not to stare at her defined arms and strong back. She was covered in a thin sheen of sweat, her skin was glistening. You reached out to grab hold of her arm, finding it hard to resist. The feeling of her soft skin and firm muscles is invigorating. It's just so right. You're interrupted in your thoughts by Arlecchino sitting down and pulling you onto her lap.

"What are you thinking about, my love?"

"You still haven't explained anything."

While talking to her you can't help but run yours hands over her arms and shoulders. The years of training in the fatui have sculpted her like a Greek god, you can hardly even pay attention to what she says. She tilts your chin up to look her in the eyes, sharp nails digging into your jaw.

"i meant exactly what i said, I'm leaving the Fatui."

Scowling, you shake her shoulders. Why does she always have to be so tight-lipped?

"Okayyy but why...? This is so sudden! And especially for a harbinger its hard to completely escape, what if they come looking for us? You came back covered in blood, I was worried all seven months! We barely even talked in that time, so what gives you the right to drag me away from home?!"

You felt like you're going crazy, How is this normal in any way? Arlecchino can never just talk to you like a normal person. She shushes you by putting a finger over your mouth. Pushing her hand away, you glare at her.

"Why cant you ever talk to me like a normal person? Am i not worthy of knowing your thoughts? Or what you're up to?! Seriously you're so fucking condescending and irritating, Arle!"

She smirks in response. Seriously!?

"You're angry at me but you still use a nickname?"

You can feel your face get warmer, embarrassed and angry with her. She knows you too well, she always has to rile you up in the way only she knows.

"If you don't explain I'm walking the whole way to Snezhnaya."

Her grip around your waist tightens. She wasnt going to let her prized possession leave her so easily.

"Fine fine, Ill explain."

You cross your arms, waiting for the explanation.

"Look... I didn't want my job to get between us. You're more important to me than the fatui is so It's not a big deal okay?"

"That's it? You couldn't have told me that before dragging me to Fontaine?"

Gently running her fingers over your sides, she presses a soft kiss to your cheek. The tensions leaves your body at the tender show of affection. All the anger and worry dissipates, leaving your mind feeling light. It's a welcome change from the grim thoughts running through your head for the past seven months. It's amazing how easily Arlecchino can manage to lower your defenses- she's your biggest weakness and she knows it.

"I'm sorry, but i had to get us away from there as soon as possible... They'll definitely look for us but its okay, I'm here. I'll protect us. I've taken all the precautions i can. You trust me right?"

You nod, leaning in and resting your head on Arlecchino's shoulder.

"But... you're not even the strongest harbinger, what if they find us?"

She soothingly rubs your back. It's comfortable moments like this that remind you of why you fell in love with her. She's usually so cold and brutal, but during intimate moments she turns sympathetic and unguarded.

"They won't, i made sure."

"You came back covered in blood, I was so worried."

Your eyes start watering. During that period of minimal contact, your heart was aching for your lover. Aching for someone you assumed didn't feel the same way. The lump in your throat grows bigger, making it hard to breathe or talk properly.

Arlecchino lets you cry into her neck all night. Holding you tightly and never letting go. She could never even conceive of a world where your relationship isn't her top priority. A sense of warmth washes over you, melting away the cold lonely feeling in your heart.

It's been months since you ran away with Arlecchino. Months since you've been away from civilization and big crowds- but surprisingly, you don't feel isolated.

The paranoia of being found by the fatui never goes away. Slowly creeping up on your mind, becoming more and more persistent until it pounces- causing severe panic attacks and barbaric nightmares. Images flash before your eyes. Portrayals of Arlecchino collapsed on the floor, slumped over, covered in her own blood, eyes flat and lifeless. Your cottage has been ransacked and destroyed by those barbarians. All your furniture and clothing were scattered across the ground, some of them charred until they were unrecognizable. You could feel the heat radiating off the fire burning your back.

You tried to scream for help, but for some reason your voice wasn't working, your throat was closing. Your mind felt fuzzy, it was hard to think or move- like your legs were made of lead. You didn't even get to say goodbye. She was taken too soon.

Suddenly you were shaken awake. Eyes fluttering open, your cheeks were wet with tears and you could feel your heart tightening in your chest. Arlecchino's worried face was hovering above you. Gasping for air, you search for comfort in your lovers arms. Relieved to see her again alive, wrapping your arms around her and squeezing tight, leaning into the warmth- the life- radiating off of her.

"What happened, my love?"

She tenderly caresses your hair, running her slender and sharp fingers through the strands. It sends tingles through your scalp and down you spine, quelling the dull ache through your body.

"Y-you died..."

Your voice was shaky and weak. It was clear to Arlecchino that the nightmare had affected you deep to your core. She gently kisses your forehead.

"I'm here, I'm not leaving any time soon."

She gently pulled you back bed, laying you down in her caring embrace. The soft golden light of the sunrise is shining through the window and into your eyes. It made Arlecchino's smooth skin glow. She looks so heavenly, even with her messy bedhead. How had you landed someone so gracious and bewitching? She cooed softly, her enchanting voice lulling you into a dreamlike daze. Even with the horrible nightmares that haunted you, mornings like this were your favorite part of being with Arlecchino. She never fails to make you feel secure again.

After a few minutes of laying in bed and holding each other tightly, Arlecchino decides to get up, attempting to pry your arms off her.

"Noooo don't leave me!"

Whining, you hug her closer, refusing to let go of the human heater that sleeps on the other side of the bed. Unfortunately, Arlecchino is much stronger than you so she manages to get your hands off her, instead deciding to pin your wrists to the bed, straddling your hips.

"We have to get up eventually, my love."

Pouting, you start complaining and trying to free your wrists.

"But does it have to be now?"

She chuckles lowly, leaning in so close that you can feel her breath fanning over your face.

"Yes, it does."

Your heart is beating so fast, her face is so close, you can feel the electricity in the air. The heat radiating from her skin was making your face burn. It was hard to look her in the eyes, if you made eye contact you would probably burst into flames. But despite you avoiding her gaze, you could feel her staring at your lips, looking down at you under her, with your hair splayed out, so disheveled but still so beautiful. The butterflies in your stomach seeming to want to escape, fluttering against the walls of your stomach, making your muscles quiver.

She squeezes your wrists tighter, leaning in even closer. You could cut the tension with a knife. It was like there was a magnet pulling your lips closer, like the universe is working to bring the both of you together. Slowly, she presses her lips to yours. She tastes like heaven. Your head goes fuzzy and your body feels like it's floating. It's too soon after that, that Arlecchino starts pulling away. Her lips are parted, panting softly. Her eyes are darkened, her pupils dilated.

Suddenly, she sits up- looking high and mighty, like an ice queen.

"We need to get up."

She drags herself out of bed, giving you a playful smack on the ass.

"Agh!! you're mean!"

Smacking her hand away, you attempt to drag her back to bed.

"Come back!"

"Nope."

She smirks taking a hold of your hands, kissing the knuckles. It made you forget your goal. Before you could get back on track she pulls you out of the comfortable cotton sheets, wrapping her arms around your waist.

"Arle!"

She ignores your cries and carries you over her shoulders. You squirm and kick, trying to get free.

"Put me down!"

She holds the back of your thighs tightly, laughing at your struggle. Once you both arrive in the kitchen she finally puts you down on the kitchen counter. She stands between your knees, with her hands on your thighs.

"I told you we had to get out of bed."

"Well maybe i didn't want to."

"But i want you to, the sun is already up"

You scowl, pushing her hands off you.

"It's only seven! we should be sleeping!"

She shrugs, not seeming to understand the problem.

"I like waking up early."

You run your fingers through her hair, pulling her closer.

"You're like an old man, seriously why do we need to be up so early?"

She wraps her arms around your waist, pulling your bodies closer.

"The sun is up, it's time to eat."

You sigh, giving up on trying to convince her to be normal. Getting up from the counter, you walk around the kitchen grabbing ingredients and tools to start cooking breakfast.

"You better stay out of the kitchen, your cooking is deadly."

Arlecchino doesn't even try to argue, she knows it wont do any good. Sitting down at the kitchen table, admiring the view, she rests her chin on her hand.

It seems like a dream, the birds chirping in the distance, the beautiful flowers in the garden, the sounds and smells of your cooking- it all feels surreal.

You cut up the bulle fruits, mix up the batter, making Arlecchino's favorite dish-Hearthfire's trail, adding spices (which are desperately needed). You cant let her live on without spices anymore, it is physically hurting you to see her eat bland food. How does she even do it? She's just torturing herself.

After a few minutes of cooking you finally finish, giving her a nice big serving of pancakes with bulle fruit jubilee, and her stupid beloved Hearthfire's trail. She looks at it confused.

"Did you do something to it? It looks different."

"No... i spent so long making it perfect for you and you're complaining?"

She decides against pressing you for more information, trying some. Quickly, her face turns red. She evidently isn't used to eating anything other than bland meat. Regardless, she doesn't spit it out, deciding to swallow it before complaining.

"Why did you do this to me??"

Her voice is hoarse, you cant help but burst out in laughter. You've never seen her so flustered.

" Hehehe... Arle! you can't go on eating unseasoned food forever! It's time to be an adult."

"Seasoning is useless! If your food needs spices to taste good then its just bad quality."

Shrugging you point to her food.

"I worked very hard on that, you have to finish it."

She grumbles softly, complaining but doing as you say anyways. She sips her tea between every bite, suffering due to your little scheme. After she's done, she digs into her pancakes, seeming much more delighted at the taste of cold ice cream and sweet fruit on her tongue. You giggle watching her, amused by how weak she is to something so simple.

"Arle... How did you manage to get the position as the fourth harbinger when you cant even eat cumin?"

"Our position isn't based off food preferences, it's based on strength."

She clearly isn't as amused as you, her eyes narrowed.

"Still..."

"I just have a taste for quality food."

"I would hardly consider what you eat to be 'quality'."

"Hey! I eat your cooking, so that means you think your own cooking is bad."

Oh she thinks she's so funny. Groaning, you sit up straight.

"My cooking is good!"

"You don't seem to think so."

Scowling, you ignore her. You eat your pancakes angrily.

"Do you like my cooking?"

"No."

Her face betrays her words, she's smirking- enjoying getting under your skin. You decide you need to get revenge.... by wiping putting the whipped cream and ice cream from your pancakes on her face.

"I hate you."

She only laughs in response, wiping the cream off with her pointy fingers and licking it off. Her long forked tongue dragging over the blackened skin. She doesn't even try to hide her intentions, staring you right in the eyes with that evil, sinful stare.

The rest of the morning is a blur. You can only remember the feeling of pure bliss and the warmth of being in her arms. All the worries about the fatui finding you are completely forgotten when you're with her. Arlecchino makes you into a happier, more secure person. There's no other place you'd rather be.

[bloomzone]

hii!! im new to this entire girlblogging thing and it all seems so exciting and fun ><! it really motivates me

i dont really know how to go about it though :( like how do i girlblog?? what is girlblogging like exactly?? like i get the idea of it but what do u "exactly" do? sorry if this sounds silly 😭😭

and seriously i love love lovee ur page so much !! it has made me so much more productive and im satisfied with my progress :D

hope u have a great day ahead tysm for reading through this :3

hii angel !!

first of all you're so cute for this message and not silly at all i promise!! i was literally in your place once like staring at girlblogs thinking, “omg this is so pretty and motivating but... what do i actually do??”

so i’m super happy you asked here’s everything i’ve learned, and a veery siiimple way how to start a blog !

🗒️ i’m so sorry for not answering earlier or maybe my answer is not effective 100% i’ve been entering my exam season lately so things have been a bit crazy, and i haven’t had the time to talk much or reply to everyone in my inbox. i didn’t want you to feel ignored or left there especially after such a sweet and kind message like yours.

girlblogging isn’t about being perfect or aesthetic 24/7

it’s about showing up for yourself it’s like ur own little soft space on the internet where you post the things that matter to you, your goals, your routines, your messy thoughts, your progress, your healing or playlists .. whatever makes you feel like you.

you can make it look cute if you want (and trust me it's fun ) but the real magic is when you post with meaning.

when i started my girlblog…

i made this blog honestly because i needed to hold myself accountable. i was struggling with discipline, with staying on track, with self-worth... and i told myself:

“if i create a space where i act like i’m becoming the best version of me maybe i’ll actually become her.”

and that’s exactly what started happening.

so like when i post about discipline or motivation or glow ups ... I’m not just sharing advice. i’m reminding myself too j don’t post things just because they’re trendy. i post things that reflect where i am or where i want to be.

and once i achieve something i love sharing what helped me because maybe it'll help another girl too. THAT'S A GIRL BLOGGER

so how do you start?

this is what i recommend:

grab a piece of paper or just open your notes app and write:

what’s something i care about right now?

what’s helping me grow?

what’s something i wish i had guidance on?

and then start posting about that.

for example:

﹙ ✿ ﹚ if you’re focused on becoming more organized, post your routines, planners, study tips, or cozy to-do lists

﹙ ✿ ﹚ if you’re trying to glow up, post your skincare, your healthy habits, your challenges (10 days of productivity / 10 days for building a habits .... )

﹙ ✿ ﹚ if you’re healing, post your affirmations, journal prompts, or how you’re learning to treat yourself kindly

you don’t need a niche seriously.

girlblogging isn’t about fitting into a box. it’s not “only” skincare or “only” study stuff. it’s about being a whole human.

some girls post about beauty, some about healing, some about routines, some about faith or wellness or school or food or writing or dreams...

and some post about all of it.

how do you grow?

this part gets easier the more you enjoy what you’re posting (read that again.)

💌 post consistently (even small stuff counts! And always reblog stuff that inspir you)

💌 interact with other girlbloggers comment, follow, hype them up it builds the cutest community ever

💌 use tags like #girlblog #girlbogger #selfgrowth #studyblog ... it helps people find you

💌 and most importantly: be honest, be kind, and be real.

one of the most helpful things i learned:

→ post what you need to see not what looks cool not what everyone else is doing but what you wish someone had told you. what you needed when you were feeling lost.

that’s how my blog started growing when i began writing like i was helping my past self. and yes other girls needed those same words too so u don’t have to have it all figured out. you just need to start.

thank you again for saying such sweet things about my blog knowing it helped you feel productive and satisfied with your progress actually made me tear up you’re gonna do amazing, i can feel it and if you ever need support, inspiration, or anything i’m right here !

now go post something you love and let the journey begin<3

@bloomzone

[montammil]

CHARACTERS: Rowan, you/reader

WARNINGS/TAGS: Gender neutral reader, implied yandere behavior but nothing explicit, anxiety attacks, cuddling, kisses, actually pretty wholesome

WORD COUNT: 1k

NOTES: This was meant to be a 500 word commission but I got carried away since its been so long since I wrote for Rowan haha. Thank you to the commissioner!! I hopefully plan to write something with Rowan and Sawyer again soon haha

...

You had felt anxious the entire day. It wasn't a rare occurrence at all, but you still tried to hide it well. It was easy enough, plaster on a smile and crack jokes. Everything will be fine. If you just keep telling yourself that, then maybe it'll become true. You just have to keep being optimistic, surely.

When you hear the door open, you know its Rowan. He walks over, the kitchen sink is running while you stand there scrubbing away at dirty dishes.

He wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you flush against his chest. You can smell his subtle cologne. Cedarwood and vanilla with just a touch of lemon.

"I missed you today, my heart." His lips are against the back of your head and you shut the water off.

You turn your face so he can kiss you, which he does. One thing you've noticed while dating is he loves kisses. On the lips, the cheek, forehead, wherever he could pepper them.

"How was work?" you ask him.

He rests his chin on the top of your head, swaying with you slightly in place. "Not busy, thankfully. But I'm so glad to be home now. How was it for you, dear?"

You take a shaky breath and he rubs up and down your arm gently. "It was okay."

"Just okay?"

"Yeah," you say. "There's this weird guy that's really clingy though, and he won't let me wash the dishes in peace."

"Well, whoever that creep may be... I'm sure they have nothing but good intentions, dearest," he says playfully. You smile and laugh, shaking your head as he grins into your hair. "I'll make dinner and finish the rest of these. You go relax, alright?" His hands fall away from your hips and he gently ushers you out of the kitchen.

You think that should cause the anxiety to go away, but it doesn't.

The rest of the day goes smoothly enough. The two of you watch TV together and eat the meal he's prepared. Rowan is always cleaning something or organizing things, keeping up the house.

Around almost midnight you start getting tired and cuddle in bed with him. His fingers play through your hair as you both relax.

That should calm the last dregs of anxiety right?

But no. It still remains.

He pulls you against him in bed, your back pressed to his front. He nuzzles his face in the crook of your neck.

Now that you're left to your thoughts, though, the feeling seems like it's consuming you again. Like it has a tight hold on your brain.

Next thing you know, you're clutching your beating heart and struggling to take in a deep breath. Everything around you blurs except for those few feet around you, tunnel vision setting in. Your eyes dart around as if to search for an escape from your mind.

His arms come around you, holding your head. They're careful and gentle, loving.

You turn to face him, looking up at Rowan. His bright eyes bore into yours.

"It's just me, love," he quietly coos. His hand is rubbing up and down along your chest while the other holds the back of your head. You try to focus on your breathing while looking up at him. "Copy me," he instructs you.

And you do. He slowly takes in a deep breath and then blows out through his mouth before doing it again. You feel your panic slowly ebb away into pure anxiety again. Tears well in your eyes, but you aggressively try wiping them away.

Rowan grabs your wrist and guides it down between your bodies. "You'll hurt your sweet face doing that." His voice is barely above a whisper.

You look away from him with shame.

He guides you to face him again, kissing your closed eyelids. His thumb glides across your cheekbones and wipes the tears that fall away. "Don't ever feel embarrassed about having an attack."

With a small nod you feel him kiss your cheeks.

"You worry me," he continues, "I don't want you to ever feel too afraid to talk to me when things get overwhelming for you, okay? It terrifies me when you don't talk to me. It makes me start thinking of worst case scenarios. Like... like you got diagnosed with something awful, someone hurt you, or—or you're planning on leaving me—"

Your face crumples and you kiss him. It feels wet between the two of you as you both begin crying together.

"I'd never leave you!" Your hands grab the front of his shirt.

He smiles through tears, expression as adoring as ever still. "I just... cherish you so much. If something were to happen to you..." His expression darkens just at the thought. "I need you. And I want you to need me."

You let him kiss away your tears, then bury your face in his chest. "I'm just anxious. There isn't any specific reason for it... it just builds up, I guess."

Rowan hums. "So no one hurt you? You didn't receive any bad news, or..."

You shake your head. "No. And even if I was in trouble, you'd be the first person I go running to."

This seems to appease him greatly. You feel his nose gently trace against your hairline. "Good. Even if you murdered someone and wanted help hiding the body, you better come to me, understood?"

A laugh bubbles out from you. You push his shoulder and he grins with joy.

"There's that lovely smile." He grips your hands. "Never be afraid to tell me you're anxious, please. I know I sometimes seem like an old-fashioned stick in the mud, but I'd never judge you for anything ever, including anxiety." His thumbs rub across your knuckles and he presses a kiss to each of them.

You can't help smiling. "You're so kissy."

"Only for you, sweetheart. Now close your eyes. I'm not going anywhere." He holds you again, only allowing himself to fall asleep when he hears your soft snores.

[mytardisiscoolerthanyours]

You've Got Mail

Chapter 5: Your Favorite Pen Pal

Ch. 4

Timmy!

I was beginning to think you forgot about me! Sorry to hear that work has been busy. An internship and a night job at the same time is crazy, do you ever sleep??

So I've been going over my notes (your past letters) and I've compiled your lore. It sounds creepy when I say it like that. I really only meant to look back and see what we talked about in our last letters and then, I don't know, my data driven nerd brain went crazy. Anyway, this is what I’ve got. So, I know you have an adoptive dad named Bruce who owns a company that you work at. You used to be an only child but now you have three brothers named Jason, Dick, and one you haven't mentioned yet. Any sisters I don’t know about? lol. Also you have a mildly concerning coffee obsession. I made a note to circle back to that, it'll stunt your growth you know. But all in all, you've led an interesting life Timbo. I guess it's only fair that I give you some of my lore too. 

I'll start at the beginning. I was born in Metropolis, like I said in my first letter. Mom and dad tried their best, but dad- or should I say sperm donor- didn't care about us too much. He left when I was young. I wouldn't even remember him if it weren't for the pictures that my mom showed me. All I'll say is thank god I got my looks from my mom. 

Anyway, we lived there until I was about ten and then it just got too hard. Rent was expensive and I was too young to help, so we packed up and moved to Gotham. A real upgrade I know, but rent here is cheaper and mom was able to find a job she actually liked. She works at one of the children's homeless shelters near Park Row. And since rent was lower here, I didn’t need to find a job to pay rent. Mom said she wanted me to be a kid for as long as I could. But, being an ally-adjacent kid, it wasn't super easy. I eventually found a good group of friends and we were able to manage just fine. 

Going back to your absurd amount of martial arts skills. (I still think three is too many at once) I actually learned some self defense when I was younger. Mom organized weekly classes at the shelter and I would always tag along. I can’t classify it as actual karate, but I can hold my own against a mugger. 

Also, I can't believe you have a spreadsheet of each hero's powers. You're a bigger nerd than I am. And I knew your whole righteous, “I don't need powers to be cool” speech was bullshit. Everyone wants a power.

Flying is a cool one though. There's so many uses for it, especially if you could turn into a bird. I think I'd choose one of the big birds of prey, like an eagle or hawk. I bet you’d choose something more stealthy, like a robin or a pigeon. You would blend in with all the other birds. 

If I could be ANY animal though, I think I would pick some kind of sea creature. Maybe an orca or a shark. Fun fact about me, I'm actually terrified of the ocean. I hate that I can’t see the bottom and that we have basically no idea what lives down there. So if I had the opportunity, I would absolutely go down to figure it out. Fears and all. 

As for my summer plans, it's a whole lot of nothing. I was going to get a job, but nowhere will hire me. They want me to have crazy things like “work experience” and “good customer service.” So weird, but oh well. It gives me more time to chill before classes start. Plus I’ve been helping out at the shelter once a week. It's nice to see the kids and do what I can. They even let me practice first aid on them if they had a rough day. Don’t tell them I told you, though. They like to act tough and pretend they don’t need my help. Something about their “street cred?”

What's your night job, by the way. I’m surprised you need one if you're already working at your dads fancy company. That sounded judgy. I just meant, well, it must be something cool if youre doing it without really needing the money, right?

My question this week is, If you had to choose one weapon to use during a zombie apocalypse, which would you choose and why?

I’d take after my good friend Harley (because apparently I'm a super villain now? Thanks for that) and use a bat. It's reliable and easy to carry, basically the best choice. 

Thanks for sticking around Tim, it means a lot. Getting your letter every week always makes me smile. And yes, we're going to stick to letters, email isn’t as special. And I think this is special, or at least, it is to me.

“See” you next week!

Your favorite pen pal,

Quinnley 

P.S. Yes, that is my real name. Thanks for the compliment <3 My mom thought it was regal and “unique.” I'm just pissed that I’ll never find my name on a keychain when I go to the beach. 

--

Thanks for reading!

Check out all the chapters here!

[makoredeyes]

Keep it coming you say? 👀 I saw that tag! I'm ~quite~ bored, so here's a couple questions/whatever they're considered, lol.

Yes, flattery will get me very far here, indeed! To where? I do not know, but whatever, compliments! You deserve them. I'm rather sure my friends are tired of hearing me go on and on about destiny characters, ':)

How's your writing wip's going so far? I'm waiting very (im)patiently for any updates, I've totally not re-read everything forty-two times.. hope their all going well!

A little self indulgence here, but I like to think Andal Brask was the Hunter Vanguard when Osiris and Saint-14 were in, because.. come on, I'm rather sure the time frame adds up. I like to believe before, because their dynamic just seems really fun to me. Lots of great opportunities. (I partly blame that one fanart sylenth-l made of Andal and Osiris for this, it was really funny). What do you think their dynamic would be like?

What do you think it'd be like if the Iron Lords mysteriously came back alive? 👀 I'm talking, SIVA couldn't actually kill them because their ghosts hid in the light in their bodies, and SIVA only goes after non-organic materials right? Maybe it couldn't work it's way into the light, and as long as their ghost + light are intact, = alive. But *only* after the Warmind managed to get control over SIVA and free their physical bodies from harm? It's a thought I had, influenced by a few fics but I quite like the idea. Just imagine, a ghostless, lightless Osiris receiving word that maybe, they weren't as dead as he thought they were. Or Fel and Timur coming back only to realize what happened to Osiris?? Poor Sagira?? Learning lady Efrideet's alive? 👀 (Is that her name?)

Or perhaps, In this one fic, it's Timur and his special, take over your will little stunt he has, was keeping SIVA at bay, I think that's pretty neat too! So many possibilities! (If you were the one that wrote these, I hope you see this as a compliment cause I am not about to go dig through Ao3 to find them xD)

Either way, it'd be like a modern!au of the iron lords, for them at least, hah (I can just imagine Gheleon having a mental breakdown that their memorial involved fighting one another)

I can't really think of anything, but rest assured I will *probably* be back once I'm dome tormenting my poor boy Tevis

Ahaha yeesss YESSSS I feed me I'm such an attention whore lmao RIP XD. (fr tho bless you ;_; )

I am writing! There are longer gaps between posts rn because I have lots going on in my life, but also, because I am working on many fics at once. I counted the other day I have 26 WIPs but six I am actively working on in concert - three for Housefire that are all directly intermingled plot and timing-wise to the point where I'm not even entirely sure what order I'll be posting them in yet, another chapter for Things Found (I am trying to stay 2 chapters ahead with that to make sure I have a cohesive story for it), and two XXX stand-alone one-shots! I should fish out another teaser for everyone soon. I think it'll be one of the one-shots that makes it out next tbh they're the furthest along. But the naughty stuff is also the slowest to get written bc I yanno...can't write that stuff at work, etc. haha. But I've felt a new wind of motivation lately for writing and am picking away at these projects pretty regularly. <3

I'm going to admit I am not very well-read on the hunter squad in general, BUT iirc I believe Andal was Vanguard during the City Age. He was definitely around as I recall his presence in the comics. The problem with that time is that Osiris was largely absent. This was when the Cult of Osiris was gaining traction, and Osiris' obsession with the Darkness and the Vex was really heating up. He was neglecting his duties to the Vanguard (with Ikora often standing in as proxy for him) and he wasn't really paying attention to anyone else. Like. At all. There was a lot of unhappy tension even with Saint at that time. Andal, by all accounts, was a damn good fella though, and while I think just about everyone nettled Osiris, Andal also stuck up for him where he could. Even if Osiris couldn't appreciate that in the moment I'm sure he would come to later. I look at Osiris and see him as he is now, with some hard lessons learned and some hard losses under his belt, realizing a little too late some of the damn good souls he had in his court, Andal included. All of that said, 100% in a lighter, easier setting, a free-spirit like Andal (and/or Cayde...heaven forbid them both together!) would drive a stuffed shirt like Osiris up an absolute freaking wall with pure comical results, hands down.

(a side note, a brain storm, an insane thought that just poisoned my brain - a sweeter moment hidden from time: Andal's guitar and this gift of song Saint has hinted Osiris has....??????! I'm not melting it's just hot in here, right???)

As for Ironsbane and SIVA... I have INDEED put an awful lot of thought into this. Quite a lot. So much. I have my own ideas on ways to circumvent the disaster, O Reader Mine, but you're going to have to wait a while longer for me to write it. :3 (Housefire is, after all, ultimately, a fixit )

*but no SIVA attacks whatever it is programmed to, organic or not: and Rasputin set it on hundreds of Iron Lords and wiped them all out with the sole exception Efrideet and Saladin with the directives “REPLICATE, ELIMINATE, IMMUNIZE” it was not what SIVA was made to do but he deliberately repurposed it into a weapon. (I could go on for years about Rasputin and his darker epochs, but especially his misappropriation of SIVA lol)

** Your mention of Timur and his spooky skills DID remind me of another fic I need to get back to as well OTL TT_TT I still have requests I took in January I have yet to complete. At this rate it's going to take me all year to get them all done and by then I'll be taking more aahaha whuups.

[warm-cat-burrito]

This is legitimately just my spam blog. I have two other sideblogs, one for art/my OCs (@fennmeow) and one for therian/autism/ADHD stuff and general thoughts (@fennthetalkingdog). All I'll probably ever do here is reblog cool stuff I find, but the main reason I'm making this intro is just so I can organize all the tags I'll be using here. It'll change all the time (if I start to reblog something that requires a new tag, I'll add it here), so this will continually change.

For reference, though, I like:

Yu-Gi-Oh, Dungeon Meshi, and other anime/manga

Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint, Tower of God, and other webtoons/webtoon anime

Persona 5 Royal (both the game and the manga <3)

Wings of Fire

Warrior cats

FNAF

Spiderman

Writing

(Some) K-pop songs, Vocaloid songs (Ghost and Pals <3), and music in general

Alt stuff (especially poc alt stuff)

Autism, ADHD, and therian stuff (will be limited tho since some of it will go on my sideblog)

so I'll definitely be reblogging that stuff. And I occasionally have hyperfixations, so that list is also subject to change, lol. Also I'll be putting real life stuff into either the #real life tag or the #advice tag (depending on what it is). Other stuff will be organized in one of the tags attached here (hopefully).

Also here are the links for the daily clicks for Palestine/Sudan thing because I keep forgetting and maybe you did too:

Okay so it looks like I'm gonna run out of tags soon so I'll put them under a cut (I'll save the actual tags for important and relevant ones):

🐾--------🐾

(Note: If tags have another tag next to them in parentheses, that's their spoiler tag; I try my best to use only one. And related tags can be listed in bullets beneath a parent tag—in this case all posts with the specific tag will also be tagged with the parent tag. If two tags have a "/" between them, that means they're interchangable and all posts with one tag will have the other too.)

General Trigger Warnings:

#tw blood

#tw drugs

* #tw weed

#tw eyestrain

#tw sex mention (literally for anything that mentions sex)

* #spicy (spicy stuff that may imply/describe sex but don't show it)

* nsfw (full-on nsfw stuff - I shouldn't be posting that? But just in case)

#tw syscourse (most will only be reblogged privately tho)

#tw periods

#tw politics

* #international news

* #congo

* #gaza/#palestine/#free palestine

* #haiti

* #sudan

* #tigray

* #usa news

* #us presidential debate

* #us politics

General Art Tags:

#animatic

#character design

#comic

#cool art (for art unrelated to a mentioned fandom)

* #anthro

* #artfight

* #fennmeow/#my art

* #monster

* #oc art

* #scenecore

#human designs

#suggestive

Anime:

#dungeon meshi (#dungeon meshi spoilers)

* #farcille

* #labru

* #secret lab!au (also under #crossover and #scp foundation)

#jujutsu kaisen

#mob psycho 100

* #transfem mob

* #transmasc reigen

#oshi no ko (#oshi no ko spoilers)

#tower of god (in this category since I'll barely reblog ToG webtoon stuff probably)

* #tower of god anime

#welcome to demon school iruma kun/#marimashita! iruma kun

* #iruma kun mafia if story

#yugioh

* #yugioh gx

Webtoons:

#omniscient reader's viewpoint (#omniscient reader spoilers)

Videogames:

#deltarune

#fnaf

* #fnaf movie

#legend of zelda

* #breath of the wild

* #tears of the kingdom

* #wind waker

#off game

#persona 5 royal

#slay the princess

#the stanley parable

#ultrakill

#undertale

Books:

#stormlight archive

#virals

#warrior cats

#wings of fire

Other Media:

#actirangers

#crossover (a tag for crossovers - I've gotta go back and retag stuff tho)

* #secret lab!au (dungeon meshi x scp foundation)

* #twin runes (undertale x deltarune)

#gravity falls

* #after canon AU

* #fiddleford

* #billford

* #bill(ford)^2

* #the book of bill

#lackadaisy

#musicals

* #cats the musical

* #hadestown

#my little pony

* #equestria girls

* #my little pony friendship is magic

#scp foundation

#spiderman (almost each character has their own tag in this category)

* #into the spiderverse (#into the spiderverse spoilers)

* #across the spiderverse (#across the spiderverse spoilers)

* #meows morales/#spidercat

#total drama island

#what we do in the shadows

* #my familiars ghost

Relating to Me:

#alterhuman/#nonhuman

* #otherkin

* #therian

#college things

* #major stuff (stuff about my majors)

* #minor stuff (stuff about my minors)

#for future fenn

* #for irl friends

#languages

#music

* #video game music

* #vocaloid

* #hatsune miku/#miku worldwide

#neurodivergent

* #autism

* #adhd

* #intellectual giftedness

* #overexcitability

* #stimming

#plurality

* #tulpamancy

#pride (for queer stuff in general)

#writing

* #fanfiction

* #mha fanfiction/#Rowan Call and Toby (my own mha fanfiction)

General Tags:

#important

#advice

* #drawing advice

* #job applications

#cats

#friend interactions (things like chain posts with friends)

#mental health

#pretty people

* #drag

#real life

* #comedy

* #disability

* #fundraiser

#resources (only for linked resources)

#stuff for atlas (stuff for my friend Atlas btw)

#tumblr

* #historic tumblr posts

* #poll

* #tumblr folks doing the usual

I apologize profusely for any untagged or badly tagged posts—I reblogged a bunch of stuff before I began my tagging system and some past stuff is still untagged or weirdly tagged.

[todayisafridaynight]

I largely keep to myself in fandoms, only picking up the odd friend here-and-there or joining a group chat if I'm feeling brave enough. But all of this Twitter talk is making me want to try engage with folks on the platform too! My only gripe isn't even surrounding the community, since you can curate your space like you said, it's the lack of organisation and the dreaded infinite scroll on pages. I adore Tumblr for how easy you can come back to a particular post you reblogged a long time ago, or venture through the tags on somebody's page... but it feels as though that's not possible on Twitter with how it operates. Are there any ways to get around this? 🤔

tl;dr - if you're trying to find a specific topic on someone's page, type 'topic (from:@Username)'

example: minedai (from:@Snapperoni)

if you're trying to save a post to look at later, you can either use twitter's own bookmark feature, or you can use your browser's bookmark feature

long ass unnecessary winded edition below the cut

twitter's less organized than tumblr since tumblr's meant for proper organizational blogging instead of status-update-type posts like twitter (even if its blog tag search system only decides to work depending on the phase of the moon on tumblr), so fundamentally its going to be a little more awkward with organization. there's some things you can do though, and it's not impossible: it's just a little extra work

in my experience it's a lot easier to just 'run into' new accounts and posts once your algorithm knows what you like and i prefer to use twitter that way for finding art or discussions im interested in. trusting the wind and all and the wind's done me well to show me excellent art.

you can help curate your algorithm by going into your Settings -> Privacy And Safety -> Content You See. you cant manually type in topics to add (you CAN save searches though if that's anything: it just means you dont have to type in the thing you want to search when you go to the search bar), but again once you start liking posts it'll start to recommend topics like 'Yakuza' that you can add. you can also remove topics you dont like once they show up in the list under Content You See -> Interests

another way around is to just search your interest (i.e. 'baseball') and just start liking/retweeting a bunch of posts and the algorithm will do the rest for your For You page. following accounts posting the topic you like also helps (obviouslylol)); searching terms on twitter is a fine way to see people post about a thing you like. its like tumblr in that it'll only show you posts that have the tagged word (i.e. 'minedai) in the actual post (i.e. 'if i think about minedai for more than three seconds im going to eat gravel')

at most for coming back to a post you like, you can use the bookmark feature: ive used it. A Lot. and True it gets harder to find older bookmarks as time goes on but for what it is it's been nifty for me. i dont exactly look at bookmarks any older than maybe a month at this point, so it doees its job fine for my needs. if you're on desktop and you really want to save a post without using twitter's bookmark feature, then you can always use your browser's own bookmark feature (i do that with tumblr posts sometimes. it's definitely easier to organize things that way but i also can see how it might appear cumbersome)

trying to find a specific post or type of post from someone's 50/50 though, like tumblr (because i repeat its tagging system is only so reliable sometimes). unless they use tags or you remember a particular phrase they put in the post (you can search specific terms, that including tags) then you just have to scroll i fear. other than that, if you search the term you want and the account youre trying to look through (i.e. minedai (from:@Snapperoni) then it should show up: if anything, twitter's more reliable in actually showing you the post you're looking for so long as you have the term typed correctly

and ermmmm yeah i think thats all i got LOL. best of luck to using twitter

[serenadeonacanoe]

Honestly, I'd piss him off on purpose. Chapter 3:

Pairing: Namjoon x Original Female Character

Genre/Warnings: Smut, Angst, Fluff, too tired to beta

Tags: Artist!Namjoon, Yoongi and Tae are the best flatmates, Enemies to Lovers I guess… more like brats to making out in the storage unit, OFC is an idiot.

More chapters on AO3

---------------------------------------------

"I mean... eventually it'll be a great story to tell at parties." Yoongi tried the next morning.

After my little impromptu birthday party at work, I'd left pretty soon after. When I got home, Tae was still on the couch, apparently waiting for me, looking like a puppy that had gotten caught peeing in my shoes. He apologized, but by then, there wasn’t anything left to do about it. I hugged him, and we went to bed.

"If you want, I can sleep in your bed and hold you?"

"Tae, we said we'd never speak of that again. One day, Yoongi will find out and he'll never let us forget it."

"I don't want to forget it. It was nice. Your sheets smell good."

"Yeah, but... most people would only do that if they weren't just..."

"Why can't friends hold each other?"

"Look, no friendship cuddles, not tonight, okay? I'm exhausted."

He nodded, smiled at me one last time, and disappeared into the bathroom.

Now, the next day, he was at college, and Yoongi and I were making dinner. Which usually meant I was sitting on the kitchen counter, eating whatever Yoongi had just chopped up, until he got so pissed he moved everything out of my reach.

He was making lasagna, but the ingredients had been really expensive, and he said maybe this year would be the year I understood that curly fries weren’t the pinnacle of fine cuisine.

It did smell good.

He’d also gotten me a nice scarf. As a thank-you, he demanded I take fewer long showers in the morning, but when he turned toward the kitchen, I hugged him from behind. He at least didn’t push me away. He even patted my hand a little before moving on.

"It is a funny story, I get it. But I just know he's going to give me that smug, knowing grin every time we see each other now. How am I supposed to ignore him when he knows I want to see him naked?"

"I think the answer's pretty obvious. You just keep ignoring him. But... do you really want to? See him naked, I mean?"

I shrugged. "If he dropped his clothes in the middle of the exhibition space, I think that’d be something I’d very much like to be present for."

"That doesn’t sound creepy at all. And what about, you know, being part of him getting naked?"

"Gross."

"How old are you again?"

"No, I mean... definitely not."

"He is pretty hot."

"Even you think so?"

"What? I have eyes. He’s got those..." Yoongi waved vaguely at his own face, "...cheekbones. And I wish I was his height. Still not into men, sorry, but yeah, he looks good."

"Yeah."

"Then go for it."

"I see what you’re saying. But even with casual sex, there’s a line. Apart from him being kind of a colleague... you wouldn’t take Stalin to bed, right? Or Hitler?"

Yoongi stopped chopping onions.

"You’re comparing him to Stalin and Hitler?"

"No, but..."

"You literally just did. Get your perspective checked, seriously. Just because some guy doesn’t drop to his knees as soon as he sees you doesn’t make him a war criminal."

I didn’t answer. Because he was right, of course, and I had overdone it again. I chewed on the inside of my cheek for a bit before asking if I could help. Yoongi just raised an eyebrow, surprised, and handed me some tomatoes to chop.

By the time Tae got home, Yoongi and I were almost done and actually having a good time. Just cooking in harmony, no snarky comments, which made Tae incredibly happy. All in all, it was still a good birthday, but I couldn’t deny being relieved that I didn’t have to go back to work for another day.

Eventually, though, it wasn’t half bad when I did. Namjoon wasn’t around all the time, after all. I spent the first few hours answering what felt like hundreds of emails, organizing some transports, and having my weekly fight with unreliable suppliers on the phone.

It felt almost normal until he appeared out of nowhere a couple of days later. Well, I was sure Chris knew he was coming. He’d just not told us. Maybe it was a good thing I didn’t have time to psyche myself up. A few minutes earlier, a buyer had arrived, but the artist - of course - was fashionably late. Usually, they were hanging out down the street because they were too nervous to be actually late, and waited outside for the dramatic entrance.

It worked. God, it worked.

His hair was a glorious mess. He was wearing tight jeans and a dress shirt under his winter coat. He looked smart and cool and casual all at once. How...

As full of myself as I could be... most of the time I just felt put together at best, but this was some level of planned nonchalance that felt deeply unfair.

Since he was in a hurry, he rushed past our desk, barely nodding toward Sam and me. She copied it. I didn’t. Not that he would’ve noticed.

The talks seemed to be going well. I couldn’t help but notice the buyer getting a little touchy-feely with Namjoon. Constantly touching his shoulder like they were old friends. If he didn’t like it, Namjoon didn’t show it. Maybe they were old friends. Or maybe he was just being professional.

It wasn’t unusual. Some people bought art for the value, but others just wanted to hang out with the artist. For them, that was part of the experience.

When Chris walked in our direction and shot me a look, I knew it was time to make coffee. Usually, I didn’t mind, but I saw Namjoon standing behind him, clearly trying not to grin.

Great. The fact that I was bringing them drinks again seemed to delight him, which sent me fuming on my way to the kitchen.

I tried not to show it, but there was some color on my cheeks, and when I came back with a tray and three cups, I noticed his eyes lingered a moment too long. It took me a second to realize what he was looking at. Ugh. My face.

The meeting was a success. A little later, the buyer left his details with me so I could send him a bill while the others kept chatting. After he left, Namjoon hovered near the desk like he wasn’t sure if he should stay. Sam congratulated him with her usual kindness, and he smiled, nodded... and still stood there. We exchanged a look, but she only shrugged.

I should have known what would happen next. That night I was accompanying Chris to what was technically dinner but really more of a business meeting. Dinner with another gallerist, to simulate friendship.

I didn’t usually mind. The food was great, and I knew the contacts would eventually pay off. Besides, it had to mean I was doing something right. Or at least not screwing things up.

When Namjoon didn’t leave the gallery after his meeting ended, I figured Chris had invited him along. And when Chris emerged from his office smiling, coat in hand, waving at him, it became clear.

I could still feel Namjoon’s stare on the back of my head as I got into the front seat of the cab, giving the driver the address. He looked even more surprised to be coming along with both of us than I was.

“Multi-sensory dining!” Chris had exclaimed earlier. I’d imagined broccoli stuffed up his ears and nose. But no.

“Modernist cuisine positioned at the intersection of art, science, and philosophy.” Google had explained. Which didn’t really explain much.

The pictures looked pretty, which I guessed was the “sight” part. I totally wanted my food to smell good. I was a bit nervous about what “touch” and “sound” meant, but okay.

The restaurant looked like it had opened recently. The servers were on the edge of psychotically friendly, and I got dizzy walking past a light installation that simulated a night sky. It was beautiful. Just... a lot.

But our glasses were full of expensive wine before the gallerist even showed up, so I was happy.

Chris was making small talk with Namjoon, who kept squinting at the light effects. I told myself he did it because he was an arrogant asshole, while I squinted too.

Some of the food was on fire. Some of it pretended to be other food. Some was edible flowers in syrup.

Both Chris and the gallerist kept gushing about how amazing everything was.

“We really are lucky to be alive in times like these.” Chris said at one point, cutting into his gelato that looked like a fried egg. Namjoon and I both choked at the same time.

The others looked confused, and I hoped they hadn’t noticed me hiding laughter.

Seriously. The great revolutions of the 21st century: renewable energy, the internet... and egg ice cream.

Weirdly, I felt almost a sense of solidarity with Namjoon. Like we were going through this bizarre evening together. That disappeared the second we left the restaurant and I held the door open, only for him to slip past me, eyes glued to his phone, pretending not to see me. Then the others followed.

Apparently I wasn’t just catering staff now. I was also the concierge.

We went for drinks at a bar down the street. The cocktails were so sweet and sour at the same time that my tongue didn’t know what was happening, but I liked it. I had three. On top of the two from dinner. The conversations got more fun after that.

I knew Chris brought me along because I was sociable. Maybe even entertaining. Not the reasons I wanted to be given opportunities... but whatever. I’d take them.

On my way to get more drinks, I suddenly found myself next to Namjoon at the bar. He’d had the same idea. I eyed his drink.

"How was that?"

"Hm?"

"Your drink. It’s very red."

"Good."

"Looks good."

"Come taste it then."

I blinked. Eyebrows raised. Excuse me?

He was hard to read, especially in the low light. But before I could think too hard, my mouth answered for me.

"I might."

Now he looked surprised. Weirdest part? My tone didn’t match my expression, which was somewhere between shock and annoyance.

"Oh, will you now?"

It was like a staring contest. Very mature.

"Well, I might."

"You already said that."

"I might even say it a third time if I feel like it."

"Wow. Witty as fuck, huh?"

"Well, I might."

"There you..." “Here are your drinks.” a slightly frazzled waitress said suddenly, right next to my face, shoving some glasses between us. Maybe she just wanted to get away as quickly as possible. I grabbed as many as I could carry and figured he’d take the rest, stepping away.

“I can’t help that I’m really hot.” I suddenly heard him call after me. I turned around so fast I nearly spilled a gin and tonic all over myself. My reaction clearly amused him. And I nearly lunged at the provocative sparkle in his eyes. Because that was what he was doing - provoking a reaction from me, right? Pah. I was a grown-up. Professional. Completely over what had happened with Tae. (Right...) So I just turned back around, sat down at our table, and knocked back half a glass of whisky in one go.

“This is great.” Chris said after taking a sip of his lilac drink. “What is that? Do you want to try it? Anyone want a taste?” I nearly choked again - this time not from laughing but from surprise. For a second, I worried he might’ve overheard us, but there was no way. Namjoon had returned and was sitting next to us again. I could feel his eyes on me, so I turned and looked him straight in the face when I said, “Well, I might.” and took Chris’s glass. I could’ve sworn I saw the corners of Namjoon’s mouth twitch. Made me really impressed with myself. Though honestly, I should’ve felt like an idiot. An even bigger one. Both of us, really.

When we finally walked out of the bar much later, Namjoon was on the phone again - eye roll emoji - so Chris got on a call too, and we just stood there like idiots. I was thinking about how it didn’t really matter when it came to me. I just wanted to thank them properly for dinner before I left. But the gallerist was standing there too, awkward and silent. That seemed a little unprofessional. Chris could’ve at least waited with his call. Who the hell was he even talking to at 2 a.m. that was so important? I must’ve been staring at Chris a little too intensely because the gallerist chuckled.

“It’s fine. Interesting evening. Especially watching Mr. Kim side-eyeing you the whole time.” I felt my cheeks flush. Shit. “Yeah, uh... we’ve had some miscommunications recently. He doesn’t actually hate me as much as it looks.” I lied. “Miscommunications. That’s what they call it these days…” Fuck. Wait. What? I looked at the gallerist - why couldn’t I remember his damn name all night? - with full question marks in my eyes. “Come on. You must’ve noticed his looks.” A smug smile crept onto my lips. Oh. “After all, you’re copying them really well.” Smile gone.

I still wasn’t thrilled about Namjoon knowing I thought he was hot. But at least I could take this stranger’s word and call it even. Maybe I just needed to get my damn facial expressions under control.

The gallerist said his goodbyes, kissing each of my cheeks, because we were clearly in Europe… not, and Chris copied him, which was weird, considering we usually didn’t even shake hands. Then Namjoon, still cold as ever, just held out his hand. So I flashed my most evil grin, got on tiptoe, and kissed his cheek. He froze. I chuckled near his ear. And damn, he looked good when he was pissed off. This time, I was the one walking away.

“You. Are. Just... such a brat.” Yoongi muttered, clearly exhausted after I’d told him the whole story. Well, a version of the night that made me look cooler, obviously - but he saw right through it. “Go jump his bones already and leave me alone.” “Well, I might.” Even I was a little surprised I’d said that. I mostly meant it as a joke. Yoongi raised an eyebrow. “Well, there you go. Problem solved.” “Uh, no, I was kidding. Of course not.” “Of course not... whatever. Good night.” “Night.” I said, turning around. I might, I thought to myself.

Lying in bed later, for some reason, all I could picture was my finger on Namjoon’s lower lip after he’d had a fruity cocktail. I almost started rummaging through my bedside table for my vibrator. But when I couldn’t find it right away, I slammed the drawer shut. “He doesn’t deserve it.” I muttered. As punishment, I fell asleep drunk, horny, and very much confused.

[mamadoc]

1, 2, 30, 38, 46 🤗

1. What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work? (In other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?)

My two long multi-chapters have taken most of my writing time (and I love them), but I actually really love the first series I ever wrote, *Sense* You Know Me So Well. The second chapter of this series and the second chapter of its sequel are the two that I am most proud of. They just feel very authentic and have deep feelings.

2. Go to your AO3 “Works” page, to the sidebar with all the filters, and click the drop-down arrow for “Additional Tags.” What are your top 3-5 most used tags? Do you think they accurately represent your writing habits?

I'm not great at tagging apparently or my stories are all quite different. My only tag that I've used more than once was 'Alternate Universe,' which makes since given that 3 of my 6 are AUs.

30. Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter?

I have a story that was my first ever idea for a story that I've started writing, but I still haven't felt confident enough in my writing to tackle. It's all outlined with some parts written out, but there's a lot of heartbreak and angst in the beginning of the story, and I haven't written much of that into my stories to date. Perhaps one day when I finish my long multi-chapter, I'll get back to that.

I'm emotionally very affected by what I read and write. So I think I'll have to be in a good place with a good chunk of time to dedicate to writing so that I can get through all the angst more quickly. Yikes... that means I'll have to do it before my kids get out of school in May. Sheesh. Maybe it'll have to wait until fall.... We'll see.

38. Did any of your fics get surprisingly popular (whatever that means to you)? Which ones? Why do you think they were so successful?

Honestly, when I started I wasn't sure anyone would like any of my stories. I definitely lacked confidence in my ability to write creatively since I had never done it before. I have written academically quite a bit, so I wasn't worried about sentence structure or grammar. I just wasn't sure anyone would like what I had to say - that it would be up to snuff.

But the response I've gotten to Catch of a Lifetime has been so amazing. I wasn't sure how many baseball AU Chenford readers there would be out there. But it also just started with 3 outlined chapters, and now I have it outlined to chapter 19. I think it'll be done soon after that. That makes me feel like a lazy, inexperienced writer, but this story has just taken on a life of it's own. I post it at the end of baseball season because that seems appropriate, but somehow it's still going.

46. Do you prefer writing on your phone or on a computer (or something else)? Do you think where you write affects the way you write?

I make a lot of notes on my phone, but I always write out the stories on my computer.

Thanks for asking!

[doki-doki-lesbians-club]

DDLC Fanfic: Deep Breaths by Nicrosil

Hey all! Another DDLC fic recommendation for everyone: Deep Breaths by Nicrosil on AO3! This is a much heavier Natsuri fic, but it's very well written and grips you all the way through! We'll start with the AO3 tags/categories, my thoughts under the cut!

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences No Archive Warnings Apply/Creator Chose Not To Use Warnings Category: F/F Relationships: Natsuki/Yuri (Doki Doki Literature Club!), Monika/Sayori (Doki Doki Literature Club!) Characters: Natsuki (Doki Doki Literature Club!), Yuri (Doki Doki Literature Club!), Monika (Doki Doki Literature Club!), Sayori (Doki Doki Literature Club!) Additional Tags: Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Fluff, Swearing, lotsa swearing, Awkwardness, Romance, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Depression!, It sucks., Alcohol, Fluff and Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Vomiting, Violent Thoughts

Like I said, this one is heavy.

This fic is unique in the sense that it's actually from Yuri's point of view, which is pretty rare! However, because of that, there's a lot of careful attention paid to Yuri's self-harm habits, general anxiety, and intrusive thoughts, so consider this a trigger warning before you go in: it'll be quite prevalent.

Against this backdrop of Yuri's own personal issues she is working through, we get a really cute and really well-written take on the Natsuki/Yuri pairing! We get to watch them evolve from acquaintances, to friends, to crush, to "complicated", all while watching some Sayonika develop in the background!

There's a lot of cute circumstances and details here that make the characters feel very real, and by extension their interactions make you feel for them. I'm already autistic over these characters, and fics as amazingly written as this one do not help, ahaha!

Like I mentioned, we get a front row seat to Yuri's issues as she struggles with them over the story, from her anxiety, to her self-harm, and towards the end her intrusive thoughts she can't seem to ignore. I won't lie, I had to take it slow to make sure I was processing everything as I went and didn't let it get to me, so if you're maybe susceptible to those sorts of things, I'd advise maybe skipping through certain portions or not reading at all. But, if you're okay to read on, you'll find a really great representation of anxiety and how to deal with it! We see Sayori struggle with her depression with Monika's support, and eventually how they all relate to Yuri with their struggles with anxiety and negative thoughts.

But maybe my favorite part? Yuri's dad.

It's always so interesting to see how author's portray the doki's parents, and this fic shows us Yuri's dad, some of his past, how he interacts with his daughter, and most importantly, how he supports her. It was so refreshing to see a healthy parent/daughter dynamic in a DDLC fic, I think we need more of that! While he doesn't know all the details, he does offer his support on a number of subjects, and it's really great to watch Yuri and her dad interact :3

I really love this fic, but sadly it only has 16/17 chapters! It was last updated 2018-10-30 with no sign of finishing... but the first 16 chapters are golden, and if you stop reading where it ends, it can still be taken as an abrupt and open-ended way to finish things off! I hope against all odds that the author returns to finish it one day (and maybe write a follow-up!), but for now we are left with the makings of a masterpiece that I highly recommend!

[trickiwooao3]

WIP Wednesday on a Thursday

Thanks for the tag, @ramonaflow. It may seem that I am posting my entire fic, but there are at least 99,999 words still in the hopper. This scene is in the repetitive fidgeting stage of editing. ===============

"Philter of Passion. Invigorates, inspires, arouses," Patrick read aloud from the card on the crowded shelf. A. Schwab Dry Goods was a step back in time, displaying everything from stick horses to potions that would be more at home in a 19th-century hawker's bag than a 2004 hardware store.

David reached for one of the small opaque bottles and squinted at the label on the back. "Local honey; dried rose buds. Organic, fair trade. Serving: two teaspoons. Not for therapeutic or medical use. For entertainment purposes only. Consult a medical professional if you are experiencing sexual dysfunction."

"Should I get some for my tea? Maybe it'll make me more entertaining," Patrick said with that smirky smirk that should be annoying but was anything but. David rolled his eyes as he replaced the bottle and scanned the nearby displays. "The abominations never cease. Case in point." He reached for a small square envelope with "King of Condoms" in ornate script below an image of Elvis. Patrick grabbed the packet from David's hand and waved it in the air. "Why not? We need an Elvis souvenir, right?"

"Oh my god, no, those are terrible." David snacked the packet from Patrick's hand in mid-wave and shoved it back on the shelf. "The ones I have in the room are a lot better."

Patrick leaned back and crossed his arms. "You have better ones in the room," he repeated, nodding with an expression of--what? Amusement? Skepticism? "Do you have the emperor of condoms?" Patrick cocked his head and assumed the bland expression of a customer asking, "Do you have these socks in gray? "

David froze. What was wrong with his stupid mouth? He should explain that he hadn't actually packed them—they just lived in his travel bag, like body silk and emergency M&Ms. He wasn't a predatory, condom-packing creep.

Before David could stumble into a response, Patrick asked, "Is this a subject I should drop?" His piercing stare sent an organ-quivering jolt.

"Do you want to drop it?" David asked in his most disinterested, unsexy voice.

"No," Patrick said simply. "But neither do I want to talk about this in a dry goods store." He paused. "Should we go back to the hotel and get a drink?"

"Oh god, yes. More than one."

[ashtonisvibing]

"Fuck me before I die"

Fandom: Jacksepticeye Egos

Alternate Universe: Normalcy AU

Ship(s): Schneeplebro (Platonic/Implied Sexual)

Character(s): Henrik von Schneeplestein, Chase Brody

Warning(s): Alcohol abuse, mentioned depression, talks of suicide, smoking mention, vomiting

Originally Published: Oct. 26, 2023

Word Count: 3,283

Author's Notes:

so, you read the tags (i hope). you know that this is a very heavy one. and if you didn't, i'm saying it right here and now: this is a very heavy one. i'm pretty sure the dead dove tag applies to this one, so i'm using it. if there's any other tags i should use, as always let me know (still don't fully know what tags are available on here)

this is exploring chase and henrik's relationship to each other a little, even though it's during an extremely hard moment in chase's life. but hey, aren't the hardships the best times to explore characters and how they interact? : )

small and quick german phrases will be in german, but if there's any instance where henrik speaks a full sentence in german it'll be indicated by these [ ] brackets, just to make it easier to understand him.

pronoun check:

henrik: he/him

chase: he/him, they/them

Link:

if you liked what you read, consider giving this a reblog, please! it'll let more people see my work!

[plain text: if you liked what you read, consider giving this a reblog, please! it'll let more people see my work!]

The Normalcy AU MAsterpost

Full Story:

The nearly freezing rain beat against Chase's skin and made his clothes stick in the most uncomfortable way. He could barely see through the water dripping from his bangs, but in his drunken state he didn't care. He didn't care about anything, really. He could feel the effects of the whiskey he downed not that long ago but it didn't cure his numbness. Seeing his brother, Jackie, earlier didn't help. And he knew whom he was going to see now wouldn't, either. But that was his plan, wasn't it? Ever since Stacy came by to let him know.

"Chase, what the hell...? What...?"

"What..? Jus'... Tryna drink an' forget... An' all that..."

"Did you forget that you were supposed to take the kids today?"

"... Figured you- you wouldn't want me seein' the kids.. Cuz'a the beer an' shit.."

"I just... I thought that maybe you had tried getting help, like I asked.."

He still held the whiskey bottle he'd bought in his hand. He threw his head back as the glass opening touched his lips, hoping for even just a drop of the burning liquid. He didn't want to think about this morning. He didn't want to think at all. He wanted to forget everything for a little while. Forget how much he had screwed his life up in a few years. If only he had actually grown up, had tried a little harder. If only...

The burning neon light signing "Emergency Room" stung his eyes, needing him to shield himself by pulling his hat down further. He was finally here, now all he had to do was wait. So he sat against one of the pillars and did just that. Waited. Despite the sign on the wall telling him he wasn't allowed to smoke he still tried to find his cigarette pack in any of his pockets. When he realized he didn't have it he silently cursed. He could've sworn he picked some up with the whiskey. Next best thing was to just chew on his hoodie string and try not to think.

Don't think, don't think, don't think, don't think, DON'T THI-

"Chase...?"

Chase was jolted out of his thoughts by a voice. He looked up and saw whom he wanted to see. Henrik, an old friend of his. They hadn't seen each other in... Chase couldn't remember. Henrik went to medical school and that took up his time. Then his wife got pregnant and that took up his time. Then his wife gave birth prematurely and died, leaving Hen as a single father in med school. Then Chase's divorce that made him want to...

They just hadn't seen each other in a while.

Chase did his best to stand up, but he nearly tripped over his own two feet doing so. The only thing that kept him from tasting rain water and concrete was Henrik catching him.

"Gah- Verdammte Hölle, Chase, are you-" And then Henrik took a sniff, and the strong smell of whiskey wafting from Chase nearly caused him to turn away. "You've been drinking again."

"Man.. Really putting that brain to good-" Chase was interrupted by a hiccup. "Good use.." He could barely stand up properly as he chuckled a little. He didn't even realize he had left the bottle in its paper bag on the ground. "Got nothin' better t'do these days..." What else could he do? The only thing that kept him from spiraling was the burning syrup going down his throat and making his mind fuzzy. And when that fuzz went away, down some more. An endless cycle that he didn't see the point of breaking now.

"Wha's the point in.. In getting help..? Won't fix my shit life.."

"Yeah, because once you get help and back on your feet then you'll be the one to fix your life. And it's not like you'll have to do it alone."

"Pfft, no one's gonna help me.. No one gives a shit 'bout some... Some sad asshole..."

"Chase, that isn't true! You've got Jackie and your parents, you've got me-"

"I don't got you anymore... Fucked that up, i's all I do, remember..?"

"Chase..."

"- Chase!"

Chase was snapped out of his thoughts by a different voice yelling his name. He hadn't even realized he had sunk right back into his thoughts, but he was thankful that he'd been snapped out of it. "So- Sorry... Lots'a thoughts as always..."

Henrik let out a sigh as he looked around for Chase's car, although realizing just how drunk the other was made him grateful he didn't seem to see it anywhere. It meant he didn't drive all the way here while drinking. He didn't even really care what brought Chase to the hospital tonight, whatever the reason he needed to be brought home. Or maybe to Jackie so that he didn't keep drinking. "Alright, I'm driving you... Somewhere. Probably to your brother, I do not trust you to be alone." The doctor helped his friend to his side and wrapped the other's arm around his shoulders, his own arm wrapping tightly around his waist as they walked to keep him upright. "I could try and clear your apartment of any alcohol you have and you would possibly have some stashed in a secret cabinet."

"Want you t'come home with me..." Chase mumbled out as he watched his feet sway and stumble across the parking lot concrete. It didn't even feel like he was walking at this point, like Henrik was just pulling him along and he was pretending to walk. "Have a night of fun... Like we used to 'fore we met Stacy an' Maria..."

Henrik nearly dropped Chase at that suggestion. He knew perfectly well what "a night of fun" meant. Before the pair had met their now ex wives they fooled around together. A lot. It basically became routine for them to go home together for a hard fuck whenever they met up. Hen nearly considered it before he shook his head a little. "Chase you are far too drunk for that, you probably don't even know what you are ta-"

"Had this idea since this morning... Wasn't drunk then..." Chase knew if he told the truth Henrik wouldn't come back with him. He chuckled a little as he looked up at his friend, and the doctor was able to see just how shitty the other looked. He was soaked and pale and probably freezing, and judging by the huge dark circles under his eyes- and just how sunken they looked- he'd been getting barely any sleep lately. Hell, there's a chance he didn't let himself sleep, simply having his body force himself to pass out for even a few hours of rest. He was in horrible shape. "C'mon, jus' one last night... An' then I won't bother you again.."

That sentence... Concerned Henrik. He didn't want to think about what that could imply. It could simply just be that Chase wouldn't ask for any more favors. But...

"Alright, fine." Hen didn't want his friend to be alone tonight. He didn't know what could happen if he simply took Chase home and left him there. And taking him to Jackie maybe wouldn't be any better. Maybe being a doctor gave him a bit of a savior complex but he just had a feeling that he needed to be with his friend tonight. And if that included a quick fuck with a drunk man, then he could suck it up and deal. "But we are going to your apartment, I am not letting Robbie hear us." All the doctor got was a hum in response as he helped Chase into the passenger side of the car, getting in on the driver's side and pulling his phone out.

Chase didn't understand a word that Henrik was saying while speaking to... Whoever. It was all in german. Probably one of Hen's parents, telling them he wouldn't be home tonight. He didn't really care much as he watched water droplets fall from his hat and onto his lap. His hand gripped at... Nothing. "Shit, left my- My drink back there.." He tried to get out of the car but Henrik was quick to place an arm over his chest, giving a glare as he continued talking. Okay, he wasn't getting out of the car any time soon apparently. But he really needed that drink.

It took a few more seconds before the doctor put his phone away, replacing it with his car keys. "So long as I am with you you will not be having any alcohol." The engine revved to life once the keys were turned and they were off to Chase's apartment. Thankfully Henrik remembered the way there from the hospital. "I will keep you distracted all night if I have to."

Chase let out a snort and a chuckle. "Don't think my ass can handle that much dick.. Or are you gonna let me play with you tonight..?" His speech was getting less slurred now. That was good, it meant he was slowly getting sober. Henrik couldn't help his little chuckle at the other's words. He missed his friend's dirty humor, sometimes.

"Whatever you need me to do so you will stay away from the bottle."

Thankfully Henrik managed to keep the conversation going the entire half an hour they were driving. It never gave Chase a chance to go back into his head and think too much. The doctor knew that was the last thing his friend needed right now, was to think about anything else but the present moment. And it was nice to just... Talk. About anything and everything that came to their minds, about a new movie one of them saw recently or what they had to eat last night. He needed to reach out to Chase more often, even if it was just to talk on the phone for a few minutes. Maybe that could help the other get just a little better as well.

It took several minutes to get Chase out of the car and up the stairs to his apartment. It didn't help that he nearly tripped right back down the stairs a couple of times. But soon they were inside, and Henrik was immediately hit with the horribly strong smell of various alcohols, as well as the state of the apartment. Glass bottles, cans, and take out containers littered every surface area. Dishes that probably hadn't been used in weeks were stacked on the kitchen counter.

"[Jesus Christ, Chase, how are you living like this...?]" Henrik spoke under his breath as he looked around the disheveled apartment. All he got was a groan in response. Chase was barely hanging on to the doctor, his head hung low and tangled hair covering his growing pale face.

"Doc, I don'... Feel so good..." He mumbled before his body lurched forward with a retch. The doctor was snapped out of his shock over his surroundings and was quick to lead Chase to the nearby sink so he could vomit any contents that were in his stomach. This certainly wasn't the first time Henrik had seen someone puke their guts out, he'd become desensitized to it thanks to working in the medical field. So he was able to look over what was in the vomit, disappointed that it was purely liquid. Maybe he just hadn't eaten in the past few hours, but knowing his friend's mental state...

Henrik turned the faucet on to wash away the rest of the vomit, grabbing a paper towel and wetting it to help clean Chase's mouth. "Alright, because of that we are not having sex tonight.. I'm assuming you have not eaten at all today, so I am going to order us some take out and we will watch movies together." The other man let out a small groan as he shook his head, letting out a few coughs to make sure everything was out of his system.

"Uh-uh... Gotta stick with the plan..." Chase chuckled a little as he moved his hair out of his face. "Gonna be the last chance you'll ever have t'fuck me, man..."

Henrik could feel a pit form in his stomach at that sentence. In other circumstances, that sentence could be taken as a good thing. Chase could be seeing someone else, or he was moving across the country. Anything else would make sense in a different situation. But here? While his friend was hunched over the sink, his life seemingly becoming more of a mess? The doctor could hear his heart in his ears from how hard it was beating. "What do you mean by that, Chase..?"

"Gonna off myself t'night.." Chase hummed a little as he stared into the sink drain. The dark hole at the bottom of the silver dish felt like it was growing more and more and soon it would just swallow him whole. "Had a whole plan and everything.. Go hang with Jackie for a while, then bring you back here to get-" He heaved a little before he went back to talking. "-get my brains fucked out. Or fuck your brains out, either was cool.. And then I'd be gone..! Once less screw up in the world..."

It felt like Henrik's heart completely stopped. He knew it hadn't, he knew what a heart stopping was actually supposed to feel like. His heart was still technically beating, but in the moment it seemingly just... Stopped. The entire world around him stopped as Chase's words sunk in. He made this entire plan, one last day of fun with the ones closest to him, and then...

Henrik felt like he was going to puke.

How did any of them not notice how far gone this man had become?

"Chase... What..." The doctor ran a hand through his hair in any attempt to stabilize himself, to keep himself as calm as he could be right now. He needed to be calm for Chase. "Why did you never say anything..? If you are feeling that low one of us could have helped you. Is it money that is the issue? I can cover any therapy bills that you may ne-"

"Stacy took the kids." Henrik was interrupted by his friend's low voice. His stare into the sink was so intense he could have set it on fire by now. "Caught me drunk this morning. I was supposed to take the kids but... C'mon, they don't wanna be around their sad dad." Chase finally looked up at the doctor. His dark blue eyes, once holding so much spark and excitement... They truly looked dead. Completely dull. "So she took 'em. Something about... I dunno, doing it for my own good?" He let out a snorted chuckle. "Lot'a good that did, huh..."

"Chase, you can't keep doing this! You're gonna drink yourself to death!"

"Isn't that what everything wants? Finally, the dead beat's actually dead... Don't gotta watch 'im spiral anymore..."

"....... I'm taking the kids back to my place. You're not allowed to see them until you get some sort of help."

"Wh-"

"Those kids love you to fucking death, Chase! You seriously think they want their own father dead?! I just-..."

"Stace..."

"... I know how much they mean to you. That's why I'm doing this. Get sober, get help, anything. Just... Stop drinking yourself into a hole. If you won't do that for all your friends, maybe even your own brother, then do it for them. Give them their dad back. Please..."

Chase was snapped back into reality by Henrik shaking his shoulder and calling out his name. He looked up at the doctor... And he didn't expect the expression he'd see. The other's face was pale, tears already starting to fall down his face. What was he crying for? "Hey, doc, what's with the long fa-" He was immediately cut off as arms pulled him into a tight yet shaky hug. Oh, this... He hadn't felt one of these in a while. Sure, of course Jackie gave him hugs. But... This one was so emotional. Henrik held him like he might vanish right then and there if he let go. Chase needed to take a few moments before his own arms wrapped just as tightly around his friend, nuzzling his face into the crook of the other's neck. The doctor's hand ran itself through the other's hair.

"Chase, ki-" Henrik needed to take a pause at that word. "Killing yourself is not the answer to losing your kids... You should be trying to get better..." The other man gave a dry, hollow chuckle in response.

"I... I don't think I can, doc..." He pulled his face away as his own tears started to form. He didn't want to start crying on his friend. "What the hell am I supposed to do, huh? Just quit cold turkey? I mean- Fuck, how long would it even take..?? What if Stacy's never happy with my progress or whatever.."

"Please, do you really think she would do that to you..?" One of the doctor's hands reached up to gently cup Chase's cheek, earning a tired sigh from the other man as he leaned into the touch. "She knows just how much you love your children.. She is taking them away because she thinks they are the only thing that will get you to recover. The rest of us have tried everything we could, and that has not worked. What else is there to do..? Because there is not a single chance that we are just going to leave you to die. We will all help you in any way we can. Just please, try to get better..."

Sometimes you don't realize how badly you need someone to hit you with reality until it happens to you. Chase wanted so badly to ignore Henrik's words. To keep telling both of them that he wasn't deserving of anyone's help, that at this point he was far too gone. That he should just be rotting six feet below by now. But he wanted to get better so bad. He didn't want to keep laying on the couch drinking until he passed out, and have the cycle just keep repeating. He wanted to see his friend and family again. He wanted to see his kids laugh and smile, he wanted to crack jokes, he wanted to look at the world and not see grays.

He wanted to get better.

Chase only gave a noise in response as he leaned more into Henrik's arms. At this point he was just so tired that he could barely do anything else, only limply wrapping his own arms around the doctor for any sort of closeness. That's what he needed so badly right now. Just to be close to someone that apparently cared about him. He was glad that that person was Henrik right now. And they just stood there next to the sink for what seemed like hours, even if it had only been mere minutes. Just standing there in each other's arms and taking in the air around them. There were so many things that both of them wanted to say, but after Henrik's words the silence was needed so much more. And in all honesty, both of them just needed some rest, even if it was simply sitting down together.

"Hey doc...?" Chase spoke up after another minute, his voice just barely loud enough for Henrik to hear him.

"Hm...?"

"You mentioned take out... Could we get pizza...? Haven't eaten all day..."

Henrik couldn't help his small chuckle as he nodded, leaving a small kiss on the other's head. "Sure... Does pepperoni sound good...?"

"Sounds amazing right now..."

[gaywiththesauce]

Passing Out as Night Turns into Day (CHWE CH 3)

Three days. It's been three days since Kyojuro asked him why he's been avoiding his texts. It's been three days since he ate those delicious cherries. It's been three days since he ate anything that could compare.

Giyuu sighed. He needed to leave the house today. He ate everything his apartment had to offer. His cabinets was purposefully left with the bare minimum. Usually, he would go to the grocery store every other day to pick up his cheap dinners and drinks. It's been three days since he's visited the store and now all he had left was tap water and cereal. He could not live off of watered down cereal. He figured that he should live in luxury and cook since all of the homework from Friday was graded already.

His phone buzzed from its spot on the coffee table. Shinobu had been texting him about her sister, who was the science teacher and the most popular teacher in their academy. She was telling him information that he did not want to know. She told him about how many of her male classmates were crushing on Kanae and how many of them she threatened to back off. Giyuu was regretting giving her his number back in college since she was now talking about how gross Kanae and Shinazugawa were.

Girl from 126: they are actually disgusting

Girl from 126: don’t you see themflirt at all??

Giyuu: I do my best to avoid Shinazugawa. He’s known for throwing people he doesn’t like out of windows.

Girl from 126: and he doesn’t like you?

Girl from 126: tbh that doesn’t surprise me at all

Girl from 126: u are kinda boring :/

Giyuu ignored that comment. It was nearly 3PM when he mustered the willpower to step out of the door. He hadn't brushed his hair out, so the knotted ponytail was on full display. He was wearing one of Urokodaki's old shirts and sweatpants, ready to go to the store and come straight home. His necklace was around his neck as well, a jade ring with silver accents of two Koi fish. He hadn't worn it in awhile. He figured no one would bother him about it. He opened the gate and closed it behind him. His eyes were on his phone, looking at the next thing Shinobu was complaining about when he heard his name being called, "Tomioka-sen-!"

His life flashed before his eyes. The wind was knocked out of him as he was tackled to the ground. His head hit the pavement, blurring his vision and causing his ears to pop and ring. He laid on the ground like a corpse. This is how he died. Pathetically, ambushed by his attackers. His attacker's face come into view. Well, at least he would be killed by someone pretty or maybe this was an angel escorting to the afterlife.

---------------

Hello! I found a consistent schedule sort of? This will be updated every other week. If I don't get the post out by Wednesday morning, then it won't be available until that weekend. I can inform you that the plot thickens from here on out and it'll be thick like Kyojuro's pecs. This story's rating will be updated to Mature next week for sexual content, so just a little heads up about that.

This chapter is the longest so far, so it gets an appropriately long title! I hope you enjoy!

Here is the link to the rest of the chapter :)

Links to other chapters: One - Two - Four

Taglist: @amanitaknowsbest let me know if you'd like to be tagged in the future!

[transienturl]

maybe ridiculous to say but like

it seems so much more difficult to get to know someone without tumblr?

I think the microblog format sitting in this vaguely defined space in the middle of these other extremes of what you're supposed to post on social media sort of helps people find a place on the spectrum of how much you express yourself that they might otherwise have no reason to find. like, so few people actually go out and make "a blog," in the traditional sense, not just because of the technical process of setting that up but because there's an expectation that when you post on your blog you have something to say. it's like how many youtubers have their main channel only have big projects once they become popular and wind up with a personal channel or shorts or tiktok or whatever for content that doesn't feel in the moment like, oh, this is part of my oeuvre, this is just casual, you know?

while tumblr, I guess, has the reblogging-without-comment thing that you could be doing every day, because oh, you know, I'm just an aesthetic blogger or whatever, right? or oh I just reblog memes it's a fun time. but then, hey, you can talk in the tags if you want, no pressure. hey if there's something on your mind there's a full post form right here. don't worry, posts are pretty ephemeral, it'll get buried in your reblogs anyway, it's not a big deal, you don't have to put any effort into it. but, whoops, you're learning to express yourself, bit by bit. maybe you get 20 notes on a fandom post and go, hey, that's what it's like to communicate with a group, I think next time I'll adjust my wording a bit or whatever it is that that teaches you.

we always joke, you know, that we know so much about the people we follow on tumblr re: what they like and what they believe but so little about e.g. basic demographics, because it's true. but I think you can look at that from the perspective of like "haha tumblr means you don't know people's faces and real names," but also from that of like "look at all of these people who you wouldn't otherwise have known anything about at all"

I guess that turned into a post about something else, but the point I was originally going to make is that when the opposite is true, when you meet someone and learn their face and real name, it's hard to be like hey, how can I get to a place where I can talk to you about the things we have mutual interests in, from a shared context? sure I can try to pull information out of you and you can try to pull information out of me, but that just seems inefficient. the tumblr model allows one to organically find that overlap, by mutually pushing things out into the world instead of pulling on what's potentially the wrong thread. it just gives you a lot of information, because it provides a natural way for people to put that information out there.

I dunno. just thinking about this because of someone I'd like to be friends with who for various good reasons doesn't use public social media. and it's like, sure, I can have a regular conversation, that's not fundamentally a problem, but it's just so much complete shot in the dark where to go with it, as compared to people on tumblr I've never talked to directly but easily could.