#aros who love their friends and aros in relationships and aplatonic aros

[aroreanimator]

i like seeing aros who have totally different experiences with attraction and relationships <3 rejoice in a diversity of perspectives and a collaborative and respectful community

[lycanr0t]

the thing about aplatonicism is that just like aromanticism and asexualism, it doesn't inherently mean you don't want friendships, every individual apl person has different needs and wants in regards to friendship and each person will go about it differently.

I for example am aplatonic and don't specifically feel platonic attraction as in, i don't feel a drive to befriend people. I don't get "friend crushes" or ever get the desire to befriend specific people. I am personally, very open to the possibility of friendship if someone else approaches me and we vibe. I am not platonically attracted to them, but I also do get enjoyment from socializing with others in that way and can become attached to them, etc. Platonic attraction does not equal caring about someone/being good to them. Attraction is not moral in that way. it just is.

Just like how some ace people still enjoy sex, even without sexual attraction. Some aplatonic people still enjoy friendship, and some don't. And that's okay! There are so many types of relationships out there that people can form and explore what makes them happiest and it looks different for every person and that's such a wonderful thing.

[void-thegod]

It's funny in a fucked up bad way that people want to be quirky and weird. To feel special.

Then these same people turn around and ostracize people who are naturally different from others around them.

Me, speaking as someone who is a person of color, trans, autistic, has cPTSD, and is aplacearo 99% of the time.

Voidpunk 4life

[antikosm]

Aro/Ace Terms Masterlist

Please let me know if I forgot anything

NOTE: There is a distinct difference between someone's personal orientation versus how they feel about sexuality/romanticism as a whole. Someone who's sex/romance repulsed may be in favour of open sexual/romantic expression or even vice versa (shoutout to @sowearecleariamhere for informing me of this!)

Types of attraction

Sexual - I wanna have sex with that

Romantic - I want to date that

Sensual - I want to hug that

Platonic - I want to be friends with that

Platonic crushes do exist. They are called “squishes”. You go through the same process of having a romantic or sexual crush but instead of landing them in bed, you’re on the floor at 2am with pizza rolls, Shrek in the background, talking about eldritch monstrosities (or whatever your shared interest is)

Aesthetic - that looks so heckin’ cool/pretty I love it

Intellectual - the desire to engage with another in an intellectual manner, i.e. having a conversation, picking their brain, and finding out how they think

Terms describing degree of attraction

Aromantic - lack of romantic attraction

Asexual - lack of sexual attraction

Aplatonic - lack of platonic attraction

Aroace - lack of both sexual and romantic attraction

Demi - attraction only forms once a strong emotional bond has been formed

Grey/gray - rarely/seldom experiences attraction

Allosexual - someone who experiences sexual attraction

I think I’ve also heard/seen it referred to as ‘arosexual’ but that’s honestly a bit confusing

Alloromantic - someone who experiences romantic attraction

I personally shorten both of those to “allo” (pronounced ‘aloe’)

Apothiosexual - sex-repulsed

Apothioromantic - romance-repulsed

Apothiaroace - often shortened to just ‘apothi’. In addition to being aroace, apothis are repulsed by romantic/sexual scenes, items, displays, etc. to varying degrees

Sex-neutral and sex-positive/favourable aces exist as well

Not all of us have the same level of comfort with sexual and romantic activities so please check. I mean that applies to everyone anyway, but please check and don’t assume that just because someone is aro/ace, that doesn’t mean they are sex/romance repulsed

Queerplatonic - Queerplatonic typically refers to a relationship that bends the lines between a romantic relationship and a non-romantic relationship. A queerplatonic relationship (QPR) often goes beyond what is socially acceptable for a platonic relationship but does not fit the typical notion of a romantic relationship.

Alterous attraction - a type of emotional attraction to someone that isn’t entirely romantic or platonic.

Chastity - actively refraining from sexual activities. This is NOT part of the ace/aro spectrum, though it is a common assumption when someone says they are ace/aro. Thankfully we’re getting a bit more representation in media now so it’s not as common of an assumption as it used to be, but it’s still there, especially in those communities.

An absolute FANTASTIC addition by @heyftinally in case anyone doesn't see the repost

Gonna expand on sex favorable/neutral/repulsed, since this is a masterlist after all: - Sex favorable - regardless of your sexual orientation, you personally want to engage in sexual activity with someone (significant other, one night stand, friends with benefits, etc) - Sex neutral - if you're with someone who wants to engage in sexual activities then you may or may not, depending on a variety of factors, but you have no strong inclinations for or against engaging in sex itself as an activity. Basically it's "alright" Sex repulsed/averse - the idea of personally engaging in sexual activities makes you want to hurl/cry/claw your skin off/spontaneously combust. If someone suggested doing sexual activities together, you would probably vehemently say "No!" before they even finished the question. You would rather do anything else - Sex positive - refers to your attitudes about sex in general. Regardless of where you fall in the above three terms, you recognize that other people want to, and should have the freedom and right to, engage in consensual sexual activities, even if you personally don't like or want those activities. Essentially shorthand for "I respect the right of other adults to have gay sex, have gender-weird sex, have sex with multiple people in and out of monogamous relationships/marriages, and have weird, wild, freaky kinky sex, so long as all participants and consenting adults". You can still personally want zero sex for yourself or think a particular kink is weird/ick, but you can, in tumblr speak, be normal about consenting adults doing consenting adult stuff - Sex negative - conservative purity culture, basically. You think nobody should have sex ever, or at least not until marriage, and when they do it should only be the "right" or "good" kind, as arbitrarily decided by you/society/some collective. You think badly of, look down on, and may even treat badly anyone who doesn't have the "right" kind of sex in your opinion. You are not normal about consenting adults doing consenting adult activities (even though they don't involve you in any way)

A wonderful addition from @overlord-of-chaos Sex aversion is not the same thing as sex repulsed.

If you are sex adverse, you personally have no desire to partake in any of those actions but seeing or knowing other people partake in that doesn't bother you.

Sex repulsion is when you can't stand doing it yourself, seeing/hearing about/knowing that others partake in it, or even just the idea of it.

Microlabels/Terms describing flavour of attraction

Note: -sexual is used for many of these so we don't have to deal with duplicates confusing things. All of these prefixes can be used with -romantic, -sexual, -platonic, and I imagine -alterous as well

Abrosexual - orientation fluctuates between a variety of orientations

Aceflux - similar to abrosexual, but orientation is contained to asexual spectrum

Acespike - someone who is asexual but may experience intense, brief, and random bouts of sexual attraction

Aegosexual - disconnect between oneself and the target of arousal

Amicusromantic/sexual - only experiences romantic attraction to those who they have formed a platonic relationship with (subset of demi)

Angled aroace - the same as oriented, but for those who are demi, grey, flux, etc.

Anthrosexual - someone who is attracted to humans and alterhumans regardless of gender identity/expression

Bellussexual - has interest in the aesthetic/aspects/certain sexual actions, but does not experience sexual attraction or want a sexual relationship

Caedsexual - previously allo, but now ace due to past trauma

Cupiosexual - wanting a sexual relationship but not experiencing sexual attraction

Finsexual/gynesexual - attraction to femininity

Fraysexual - opposite of demi. Attraction dissipates once an emotional connection has been formed

Linsexual - attraction to androgyny

Lithosexual - experiencing sexual attraction but not wanting it to be reciprocated

Loveless Romantic/Lovelessromantic - those who cannot feel love or feel disconnected from love but can feel romantic attraction/don't feel disconnected from the concept of romance

Minsexual/androsexual - attraction to masculinity

Orchid - the opposite of cupio; experiences ____ attraction but has no desire for a relationship of that type

Placiosexual - not wanting to be on the receiving end of sexual activities but wishing to perform them on others

Quiosexual - unable to distinguish between sexual attraction and other forms of attraction

Qui(r)oromantic - inability to distinguish between platonic and romantic attraction

Reciprosexual - not experiencing sexual attraction towards someone until you discover they experience sexual attraction towards you

Requiessexual - similar to caedsexual, but rather than trauma, ace identity originates from a state of emotional exhaustion, usually from a past sexual experience

Oriented aroace -  an aromantic asexual (aroace) individual who experiences a form of tertiary attraction, that they feel is significant enough to warrant a place alongside their aroace orientation. (i.e. gay aroace, bi aroace)

Angled aroace - someone who is on the aroace spectrum (grey, demi, fray, etc) who experiences a type of attraction significant enough to stand alongside their aroace orientation

Examples of mixed orientations

Heteroromantic asexual biplatonic

Poly greyromantic pansexual

Apothi abroplatonic

Placiosexual aromantic finplatonic

Aroace cupioplatonic

Pan lithioromantic

Fraysexual biromantic aplatonic

You can get WAY more specific than what these cover, but just to give a general idea

Amatonormativity

Amatonormativity is the assumption that all human beings pursue love or romance, especially by means of a monogamous long-term relationship. The term was coined by Elizabeth Brake, in her book Minimizing Marriage: Marriage, Morality, and the Law (2011).

[lovelessrage]

If you want to move forward in advocacy, you have to remove the stigma about not loving someone in any way, shape, or form. It doesn't mean you hate them, just... you don't love them. That binary of love/hate needs to be broken down for all types of love. This applies to aros and aces in relationships, yes, but goes double for aplatonics and afamilials who don't love their family or friends. Not loving someone isn't a condemnation of that person, it just means you don't feel that way about them. Lacking love doesn't mean you wish someone harm.

[archivomeow]

here are some harmful aro stereotypes 💚🤍🩶🖤

there are probably so many more stereotypes, but those are the ones that i see more often! also i already posted same post about bisexuality, so check it out —> here.

aros are heartless — most people think that, because they assume aromantics do not love, they love. they can love their family, their friends, their pet or even themselves (this one is specifically for my afamilial & aplatonic folks). there is so much more complexity to love than romantic love and anyone who puts romantic love above all else is lame. like im sorry, but romantic love isn’t somehow better from self-love or love to your friends or family.

aro and ace are the same — this is also about asexuality, but aro ≠ ace. i see some people use the term asexual to describe both the aro & ace experience and to me it makes no sense since they’re completely different things. aro & ace can co-exist and one person can be on both spectrums, but that doesn’t mean all people are the same, not all aros are ace, not all aces are aro. so what is aro & ace? both are a spectrum. if you are aromantic you do not feel romantic attraction OR feel it under certain circumstances only (ex. when you know someone well, when someone likes you you like them back or until someone likes you back you like them). if you’re asexual that means you do not feel sexual attraction OR only feel it under certain circumstances.

aros can’t date — aros can in fact date, some people on the arospec experience attraction (rarely or under certain circumstances) so it makes sense they can date. there are also aros that do not experience romantic attraction, some date even though they do not experience the same feeling. they can like the person, care for them deeply and affectionately, but it is simply not romantic love, but they can chose to date the person. not all aros are loveless or romance repulsed.

i can ship xyz, aros can date — this is targeted tbh, i keep seeing people bring this up in Yelena Belova discourse about her aromanticism, while it is true aros can date, some chose not to, some are simply not interested in it and if a character in canon is showing no interest in romance or is repulsed by it, they don’t need to be fixed, they don’t need to be put in a relationship, they can just exist in peace. i especially dislike allos shipping aro/ace characters because they just see them as allo at that point, like im sorry, but they don’t give a shit about aros if they can’t listen to them explaining why you shouldn’t ship a specific aro character.

aros aren’t valid — bs. just bs. they are valid, whether you’re a man, a woman, a gender outside of the binary, whether you’re asexual as well or not, whether you want to date or not, you are valid as long as the definition applies to you!!! honestly here’s how i can explain being aro: if you are straight you are only attracted to opposite gender, so you don’t like same-sex, so just like you don’t like same-sex, aro’s don’t like same-sex & opposite gender.

[aromanticmina]

The 5 common questions people have about aplatonics

so, I've seen so many blogs on the aplatonic tag having to answer the same questions over and over again, so I figured I could make a list so that people can have an easier time getting to the answers they are looking for! (and apl people can just link back to this post if they're asked one of this questions, if they want to)

What does aplatonic mean?

Aplatonic is a term that refers to the lack of (or experiencing little) platonic attraction or platonic love, it can also mean having trouble forming platonic relationships due to trauma or being neurodivergent.

2. Does that mean aplatonic people don't have friends?

Not necessarily, there are aplatonic people who don't (desire to) have friends or wouldn't label any relationship they have as friendship (even though, to an outsider, some would seem as one), for numbers of reasons.

However, there are some aplatonic people who do have friends, but they're not really close to them/don't feel love for them.

love and care are different things, you can care for someone and want the best for them even when you're not close enough to them to love them.

3. But if aplatonic people don't have friends, does that mean they don't socialize with anyone?

Nope! friendships aren't the only way you can socialize with people. Family, classmates, coworkers, lovers, neighbors, those are all people you have have nice conversations with!

4. Are all aplatonics also aromantic?

Not all of them, while it's true that there are a lot of people who are both aro and apl (see: me), there are aplatonics who are alloromantic (feel romantic attraction) or just don't label their romantic orientation.

(fun fact, the original coiner of the aplatonic label is an alloromantic asexual!)

5. Are all aplatonics also loveless?

Again, not all of them, there is a great overlap between the aplatonic and loveless community (shout out to my loveless apls!), but not all aplatonics identify as loveless.

Some love in a romantic way, familiar way, alterous way (if you don't know what alterous attraction is, I recommend looking it up!) or just in a completely unique but ultimately queer way (hi, it's me, I'm lovequeer).

I still don't really get it...

That's okay, you don't have to understand something to respect it, if you're still curious and want to learn more about us, there are multiple blogs on the #aplatonic tag sharing their different experiences with aplatonicism, you just have to know where to look!

And remember! the Aspec includes the aplatonic spectrum, you can't say you support aspecs if you don't support aplatonic people as well!

[entropy-sea-system]

Because not many people are talking about it, I'm making a post on what constitutes platonormativity!

Platonormativity here refers to the idealisation of friendship and viewing friendship as essential and mandatory.

Im putting this under the cut as this is a long post

[If this personally offends you or you're an exclus or think I am not aware of how friendship is also deprioritised, etc. honestly this post is not really for you lol]

Things that can be platonormative:

-Assuming that everyone has friends, and viewing it as a red flag or a sign of mental illness if someone doesn't have friends, and/or expecting them to be actively looking for friends

-Claiming that one must be 'friends first' before a romantic or sexual or other relationship in order for it to work out

-Treating friendship as inherently more stable and long-lasting than other relationship types

-Using the term friend for people without considering whether they actually are okay with that term or whether they actually want to be your friend, or otherwise considering someone your friend when they are not explicitly okay with that

-Claiming that aros and aces must "at least have friends" or experience platonic love or platonic attraction because of their 'lack'

-Claiming that everyone should have friends

-Profiling people who don't seem to have friends as a "suicide liability"

-Being ableist towards people whose ability to make or keep friends or want friends or otherwise engage in social bonds is diminished by their (physical or mental) disability and/or neurodivergence

-Assuming that everyone is alloplatonic and friending and plato-favorable

-Assuming that no one is monogamous for friendship

-Considering it inherently "unhealthy" or "increasing risk of abuse" if someone has a partner(s) but not friends

-Forcing friendship as something mandatory even when people are toddlers or very young children

-Assuming a couple/other partners are solely "friends" due to them being polyamorous, queer, or other reasons

-Assuming that people who interact in certain ways must be friends

-Treating friendship as something inherently more "wholesome" or as something that can never be used for harm unless it was a pretence

-Blaming a lack of friendship rather than the harmful behaviour itself when it comes to 'pickup artists' and other people who act entitled to sex, romance, or other things

-Calling aplatonics with a connection to romance "amatonormative" for existing

-Treating the dismantling of amatonormativity, relationship anarchy, and aro activism as an excuse to enforce friendship as something that is mandatory

-Claiming that 'aro culture' is basically (insert alloplatonic and/or plato favorable experience)

-Assuming that ALL demiromantic and/or demisexual people must require friendship as the bond after which it is a possibility for them to experience attraction

-Assuming that every alloaro must want a 'friends with benefits' type of relationship

-Assuming that anything thats nonromantic and/or nonsexual has to be platonic(friendship)

-Reinforcing a platonic-romantic binary

-Claiming that friendship cannot involve sex or romance ever

-Assuming that queerplatonic relationships are friendship or always involve friendship

-Looking down on others for not giving priority to friendship or not engaging in friendship

-Media being saturated with friendship and not many media existing without having friendship in it

-Not understanding that people can be repulsed by friendship and/or platonicism

[heartless-aro]

what's the story behind aardvarks and yellow roses?

Yellow Roses

Ok so yellow roses are a bit more straightforward to explain, so I’m gonna start there. Outside of the aromantic community, yellow roses traditionally symbolize friendship. Because of this symbolism, when the first aromantic flag (the four stripe flag with green, yellow, orange, and black, shown below) was published on the website for the National Coalition for Aromantic Visibility (NCAV), the flag included a yellow stripe which represented romantic friendship, friends with benefits, friendship dating, and queerplatonic relationships.

The redesigns of the flag also included a yellow stripe (to represent lithromantics) though I’m not sure whether this was at all inspired by the yellow stripe in the original flag (if anyone knows please lmk). Still, it’s an interesting piece of aro history for sure. We still see yellow being used to represent platonic attraction sometimes (notably, on the queerplatonic flag), so there could be some link there as well (though that’s a bit of speculation).

Before the “ace discourse” era on here, I also used to see yellow roses by themselves being used as a symbol of aromanticism by aromantics due to platonic love being intrinsic to how many people experience their aromanticism. It wasn’t as common of a symbol as, say, aardvarks or spades, but it was common enough to be recognizable as a symbol. It was especially used as a symbol of platonic love and attraction within the aro community, as one might expect. Here’s a screenshot of one instance of this that I found digging through old posts by @aromanticaardvark on Wayback Machine. The post is from 2015.

I’m not sure why, but I’ve always personally liked the yellow roses as an aro symbol even if I don’t entirely relate to the platonic love symbolism (in fact, I could be considered aplatonic, though I don’t often label myself as such).

I actually use the blue roses in my header as a nod to the old yellow rose symbol, in case anyone was curious about that. (I chose blue roses instead of yellow since, as I said, the platonic love symbolism isn’t particularly relatable to me. Plus blue roses are often used to symbolize unattainable or unrequited love, which I thought was fitting since I myself am unattainable, and any romantic feelings directed towards me will forever be unrequited).

Aardvarks

So, I’m about 90% sure that the aardvark symbol was started by @aromanticaardvark, who used to be one of the big name blogs in the aro community (though their blog has been inactive since 2016). Back when advice animal memes were a thing, the person behind the Aromantic Aardvark blog used to post aromantic-themed advice animal memes which featured an aardvark. (An example of one such meme originally posted on the Aromantic Aardvark blog in 2011 is shown below).

In 2015, Aromantic Aardvark received the anonymous ask “What does the aardvark have to do with it?” to which they replied “Nothing, really, it’s just alliterative. Aromantic Aardvark was founded when advice animals were a common meme here on tumblr, and my friend and I thought it’d be funny if there were an aromantic meme. That aspect of the blog eventually went away however, and it became more of a general resource/advice blog for aro spectrum people.” This would seem to imply that the use of aardvarks to symbolize aromantics originated on the Aromantic Aardvark tumblr blog.

This would make sense seeing as Aromantic Aardvark was one of the early aromantic blogs, and was even linked on the NCAV website back in 2014.

Aardvarks were used pretty commonly as an aromantic symbol for a while. Notably, the AroPlane forum, where a lot of early discussions about aromantic symbols and flag redesigns took place, used a drawing of an aardvark in its website banner (see below).

I’m honestly not quite sure when aardvarks started to decline in use as an aromantic symbol though.

[thearomanticasexualexp]

A Life with Less Societal Expectations

Lacking something sometimes feel so alienating.

Aside from asexuality and aromanticism that can exclude you from romantic and sexual experiences, being socially inadept is also something hard to take. It excludes you from so many things life has to offer.

Aroace people who are also aplatonic, aspec peple who struggle to make friends, aspec people who are outcasts, aspec people who are loners, aspec people who have a past negative experience with friendships, aspec people who are introverted, aspec people who are not comfortable with social interactions, aspec people who were bullied, aspec people who were the last choice in a friend group, aspec people who don't have a stable social circle, aspec people who only have two or three friends they can truly trust, aspec people who have social anxiety, aspec people who are always misunderstood, aspec people who have an "unfriendly" appearance, intimidating aspecs, aspec people who try to fit in so hard but it always feel fruitless, aplatonic people who are happy, aspec people who have no choice but to be by themselves, aspec people with avoidant attachment style, aspec people who love the friends they have but don't know how to show it.

It can never feel the same.

But does it have to?

The successful and happy life seems to be so linear. Graduate, get a high-paying job, be financially secure, find a partner, get married, have children, have sex. Build friendships. It's tiring having to stress out when it's ever gonna happen in this life.

Being aro and ace can already exclude you from at least two experiences. Does being a socially-anxious have to exclude you from making meaningful friendships too?

At this point, it won't even matter anymore. A life with less societal expectations is good too. At least, by carrying those labels around, there is a concrete reason for not engaging in a certain activity for the experience.

Additionally, building a life where we don't have to feel like we're missing out on what is socially expected - dating, getting married, having children, having sex, friendships - doesn't sound like a bad idea.

Lacking something doesn't need to be so alienating. If you extricate yourself from the feeling that makes you uncomfortable in the first place - not having a certain relationship - and replace it with something good, like focusing on your career and volunteering, it feels much more fulfilling.

Accept the void.

[term-repost]

[ID: A pride flag with five horizontal stripes of: dark purple, dark pink, orange, pale yellow, and green. End ID.]

Amatopunk!

Challenging notions of what it means to be in a relationship, defining love, and how important each form of it is to society. Amatopunk as an idea challenges amatonormantivity, and how society views aspec people, polyamorous people, and others who do not fit into the “right” mold. Anyone can identify with amatopunk and be a part of it if it fits them.

While it was made with aspecs and polyamorous people primarily in mind, this is because those are groups I am in. So long as you identify with the ideas of amatopunk, you are welcome to use it however you want. Disabled people, trans people, GNC people, POC, and so many more can be under this label; anyone who wants to be amatopunk is.

Amatopunk will mean different things for different people, and that’s okay. It’s a broad, inclusive label for different types of people, and how amatonormantivity affects them and/or their community.

Amatopunk is focused on both relationships and love itself. Some people have gone around saying it’s strictly, or more specifically, about relationships, and this is not true. Amatopunk is about both love and relationships!

Amatopunk does not include or endorse dangerous relationship styles, or things that harm other people. Notable examples include pedophilia, zoophilia, and incest. Please do not everuse this flag to create incestuous, pedophilic, or abusive content.

Amatopunk ideas and notions!

Fighting the idea that certain kinds of relationships are necessary

Fighting the idea that love must be followed a certain way, or that you must experience certain kinds of it

Fighting the idea that sex is required in any kind of relationship

Inclusion of aspecs, polyamorous people, and others within the community, and fighting against the stigma they deal with. Amatopunk is no place for bigots or exclusionary ideas.

Erasing the idea that you need any kind of relationship to be whole, or happy. Relationships are a choice, not a must.

For many, amatopunk may include relationship anarchy; it’s a big topic, so I definitely suggest looking this up!

Breaking down what it means to be in a QPR versus a romantic relationship versus a friendship; the “lines” between the two are important to many, but they are not a must. Friends can kiss and have intimate relationships, romantic partners can choose to never kiss, etc.- it’s about comfort and boundaries, not the type of relationship you’re in.

Challenging the idea that people like aspecs, polyamorous people, etc. are broken or cannot have a regular family. Furthermore, you do not need a family at all, if you don’t want one.

A family can be a man, woman, and two kids, a family can be three moms and one kid, and a family can be one man and 6 dogs; family is family.

A heavy emphasis on comfort, boundaries, communication, and consent in all forms of relationships

A removal from the ideas of what makes a family. Full inclusion of found families, queer families, polyam families, etc.

A rejection of forced gender roles on all genders, and of course, inclusion and representation of MLM, WLW, diamoric, and all kinds of other queer people in all kinds of relationships.

Marriage equality for those who do not have it, such as disabled people and polyamorous people.

Full inclusion of alloaros, loveless aros, aplatonic people, and others who may feel like outsiders in their own communities (so long as they want to be included!).

A rejection of amatonormantivity and societies perceptions of romance and sex in general.

(This is not all it can be! This is just some examples of what amatopunk may look like. As previously stated, amatopunk is a very broad, inclusive, and personalized thing, with experiences that even I likely do not experience being included within it.)

The flag!

The flag was made by me, and is a blend of various flags and other colors. Other people can absolutely make their own amatopunk flag if they would rather use a different kind! Furthermore, you can use mine for whatever you’d like so long as you credit me in some way.

The stripes do not have specific meanings due to how broad the experiences within this idea may be, and everyone is welcome into amatopunk, but purple and green were put there with aspecs in mind.

originally posted and coined by user Kenochoric /Kenochoric-moved

archive of the amatopunk carrd | archive post

[lemongrass77777]

Harry Potter characters I headcanon somewhere on both/either the Aromantic or a Asexual Spectrums as retribution for the fact Lord Voldemort is literally the only aspec character in the series(as much as I love the books few people talk about how Aphobic they are)

Charlie Weasley: a classic. Charlie is the second oldest Weasley and the only not-dead Weasley child to have never been married. I headcanon him as both Aromantic and Asexual. Non-partnering obviously.

Harry Potter himself: Harry has very few crushes for an alloromantic/allosexual boy his age. This is actually pretty common in fiction because books generally do not have enough page time for getting into that many crushes/minor attractions, but for my purposes he is both greyromantic and greysexual.

Hermione Granger: This one is mostly based on vibes. I headcanon her as demisexual.

Sirius Black: Sirius is never canonically confirmed to have any romantic relationships. He also had a very close relationship with James, his best friend. “Do you remember who his best friend was?”  “Naturally,” said Madam Rosmerta, with a small laugh. “Never saw one without the other, did you? The number of times I had them in here — ooh, they used to make me laugh. Quite the double act, Sirius Black and James Potter!” “Harry had the distinct impression that Sirius was the only one for whom James would have stopped showing off.” “Lily and James only made you Secret-Keeper because I suggested it,” Black hissed”“James is getting a bit frustrated shut up here, he tries not to show it but I can tell — also, Dumbledore’s still got his Invisibility Cloak, so no chance of little excursions. If you could visit, it would cheer him up so much.” “This is a two-way mirror, I've got the other one of the pair. If you need to speak to me, just say my name into it; you'll appear in my mirror and I'll be able to talk in yours. James and I used to use them when we were in separate detentions.” I headcanon that he and James had a queerplatonic relationship. Obviously they wouldn’t have called it that because it was the 70s, but just because there’s no word for an experience doesn’t mean it didn’t exist prior to the word describing it.

Minerva McGonagall: She doesn’t have a love interest in the books I headcanon her as aroace and aplatonic

Albus Dumbledore: The man fell in love once and then never again. Some say that was only because he was traumatized by Gely, which is true, but Aro people can have relationship trauma and that doesn’t invalidate their identities. He is greyromantic. This has nothing to do with the fact he is one of my favorite characters.

Luna Lovegood: I think a character named “lovegood” being Aromantic is funny. Romance repulsed.

Remus Lupin: I headcanon him as asexual, no reason, just vibes. I think he was a afraid of having sex for a long time, and was feeling meh about what was happening during Teddy’s conception. Not that he doesn’t love Tonks deeply, he does, he’s just indifferent to sex for the most part.

[aro-thoughts]

I quite like to compare attraction/relationships to food. I used to think it was a pretty good analogy but wasn't perfect, but the more I think about it now the more I think it's actually quite perfect.

We've all heard of the analogy of "some people like chocolate, some people like vanilla, some like both and others like neither" but I think you can take it much further than just that.

Eating food can mean having relationships with other people - sexual, romantic, platonic, whatever - not just having sex, but I suppose just interacting with other people in general. One of the reasons I thought this analogy was imperfect is because eating food is something you need to do to survive whereas sex isn't necessarily like that, but comparing eating to just interacting with people fixes this issue since it's quite difficult to go thru life without interacting with anyone. So hunger is the need for interacting with someone, since you have to anyway.

Attraction is not about hunger nor just 'liking' a food but actually craving it. A strong desire for it, often regardless of whether you're already hungry.

Hunger is just the need for eating something, craving is the desire for a specific food.

I already knew 7 years ago that sex wasn't something I was interested in. I've never craved it and I doubt I ever will, at least not massively. Then for 3 years I've known I don't crave romance. That's how I realised I was aro, that I see everyone around constantly wishing they had a boyfriend or girlfriend but I've never wished for one like that.

Last year I realised I don't crave friends either. There's always that stupid thing people say like "it's ok to be ace cuz you can still date", " it's ok to be aro cuz you still like having friends" but it's not so straight forward is it? For what reason does my lack of attraction need to be 'redeemed' with another one? That's what being aplatonic is like.

I do want friends, yes, like how I like pizza, but to tell the truth I don't usually crave pizza. The main reason I order pizza is just because it's convenient. Pizza Hut has a deal called 2 for Tuesday's, meaning that if it's a Tuesday you can order 2 for the price of 1. No joke. Pizza is like friends. It's convenient.

I do think it's pretty difficult to live completely without interacting with other people, relationships are important and necessary but they're also kinda like cutlery as well. I could eat food with my hands but it's just less messy if I use cutlery.

I guess that's what being loveless is for me. I need other people and I do love them in a sense but I don't crave them - the only cravings I've ever had are for fictional people and people who a relationship probably wouldn't work very well with

[xxstrawberrybunxx]

happy valentine’s day to all loveless and heartless aros! 

happy valentine’s day to alloaros!

happy valentine’s day to loving aros!

happy valentine’s day to love or romance repulsed, neutral, and favorable aros! 

happy valentine’s day to unlovable aros (hey)

happy candy day to aromantic who might feel left out and alienated today, and happy candy day to aromantic folks who enjoy valentine’s day (like myself) despite maybe not experiencing “love” in the same way as others. happy candy to aros who date their friends, aros who only have sexual relationships, and happy candy day to nonpartnering and partnering-adverse aros! 

also, happy valentine’s day to folks who are otherwise “love-atypical”. aroace folks (oriented and not), aplatonic folks, objectum folks, polyam and polyaffectionate folks. you’re all super epic!! 

and no matter if you love or hate this holiday, happy 50% off chocolate and flowers day in advanced! of course. 

[aroace-confessions]

I'm aro, and ace Ig, but I feel so disconnected to the ace part. I don't fit with the other aces who are grossed out by sex, only ever wanting to have it with someone close, or not at all. I have sex, loveless sex with strangers, and that's what I like. With being aro, I feel at least some connection to the community because I'm romance-repulsed and non-partnering, my actions line up with other aros. For some reason, the constant talk of qprs in the aro-spec community isn't as daunting (even when I'll never be anywhere near one) as an onslaught of people who I thought were like me disgusted and confused by meaningless sex and sexual relationships. I end up spending more time in aroallo communities, aplatonic (which I am as well), and specifically non-partnering communities, because we share more experiences. I don't feel sexual attraction, but I just can't seem to be asexual the way I'm supposed to. In the end, do my actions cancel out my feelings? Because as much as 'ace-spec people can have sex' is spread around (even though it's a really weird notion bc anyone can have sex, Idk why you're singling us out, we shouldn't have to clarify that we're capable of sex(?)) I've never met another ace person who actually feels the same as I do. I don't want to find a partner of any kind who I have to love and become tied to because we're not 'friends' anymore, I don't want anything near that. So it sucks that my community almost exclusively does. But who cares, this is a very niche problem lmao-

Submitted 04/03/24

[lovelessrage]

Be considerate to aplatonic experiences on ALL days, not just when it's easy to nod along to what we say!

Shoutout to aplatonic aros of all kinds that get told making Valentine's Day about platonic love makes it "for" aros and to not complain, despite being an aro who also feels little or none at all, and for aplatonic aroallos who are belittled and demeaned for their potential relationships lacking yet another type of love.

Shoutout to aplatonic aces of all kinds that get constantly called shallow and callous for potentially loving their partner(s) more than their friends, or for not being able to "make up" for their aroace identity with a separate love.

Shoutout to aplatonics who are just aplatonics and nothing else, who are unseen most times and dismissed as discourse material on others.

Shoutout to aplatonics that are also other atertiary labels, and can't just "hop on" to the next proposal of love that "everyone feels".

Shoutout to loveless people who also identify with the aplatonic label, who only get mentioned in passing and have every concern dismissed as derailing or complaining.

Aplatonics are here all year. Show up for us every time, and don't ignore us.