#before they actually started dating

[spicypussywave]

Sand, I'm gonna have to disagree with you.

[daddiesdrarryy]

Remus: Hey, there’s something we need to tell you. Pads and I are dating

Peter: Yeah, we’ve known about it for the last few years, guys, you two are inseparable

Sirius: Years? We’ve only been dating for a few weeks

James: Weeks? Then what the hell were you doing before that?

[jimmy-wilson]

House: giving gifts shows how much you don't know/love people, for example your gift to your ex wife sucked

Wilson: bet. *Gets House the most thoughtful gift fucking ever, signs it "Dear Greg, made me think of you," a name he's never used in casual conversation, and wraps it nicely to leave on Houses desk for a holiday Wilson doesn't even celebrate*

House: *never opens it, keeps it safe for an entire year then uses it to trick his employees into thinking he has a girlfriend*

Wilson: *hears of last year's present to House, unopened, in the hands of Houses subordinates the next year and 365 days previous and proceeds to make up a story about The One Who Got Away, whom House "met" about the same time Wilson met him*

The ducklings: whoever got you that present is in love with you

IM GOING INSANE YALL

[littlespoonevan]

maddie’s pregnancy storyline really opened my eyes to the us healthcare system because what do you mean she’s over 42 weeks pregnant and hasn’t been induced yet?????? what do you mean she’s over 42 weeks pregnant and still at wORK?????? what do you mean she doesn’t get 6 months maternity leave after jee is born????????????

[b0nelessdoodles]

i keep thinking im gonna like actually finish these but that ain't happening so have some gay people

[morganbritton132]

Eddie, shoving his phone in Steve’s face: Stevie, who’s the most important person in your life?

Steve: Nancy

Eddie:

Eddie:

Steve: *flips to next page in his magazine*

Eddie:

Eddie: Was kinda hoping that you’d say me, your husband.

Steve: Yeah, of course, it’s you. But I don’t get you if Nancy never took a chance on me.

Steve: I don’t get you. I don’t Robin or Dustin, Max, Lucas, Hopper, anybody. I would have been exactly what my dad wanted me to be if Nance never *taps his knuckles against the top of his head* bonked me on the head and set me right.

Steve: So, it’s Nance. Because now I have you.

Eddie, a little choked up: I was not expecting you to have a good reason for saying her.

[yokiamine]

Asareze delusions

P2

[meanya]

Now seems like a good time to introduce a strategy to all my ADHD peers that I've invented so I wouldn't be Late to everything!

It's called...

✨️ Disaster Time ✨️

You know that feeling when you wait til the last second to do something and THEN it seems like THAT'S when everything goes wrong??? Right when you need everything to go smoothly?

You're thinking "the office is only 10 minutes away, so I'll leave 10 minutes before my appointment time!" And THAT'S when it happens; You forget to brush your hair, you can't find your keys, your wallet is missing, your GPS is glitchy, there's traffic, there's a detour, you hit every red light, there's no parking, you enter the wrong door, you can't find the room, etc. There's always SOMETHING.

I used to get SO MAD when everything would go wrong while I was on a time crunch. It seemed like when I least expected it, suddenly every object that could possibly get in my way would get in my way. I used to think, "The universe is out to get me 😔 No matter what I do, everything is gonna go wrong."

And that's when a switch went off in my mind...

Everything is gonna go wrong when I least expect it to!!!

Therefore -> I should stop being surprised and just. Expect it to!!

Every time!

Hence, the invention of ✨️Disaster Time✨️

Disaster Time (noun) the extra time you alot for disasters.

If you just KNOW something's gonna go wrong and then just PLAN for something to go wrong! Then you'll always be ready for it!

Because something is always is gonna happen, right? Something is always gonna go wrong. You don't know what's gonna go wrong, so instead of hoping nothing goes wrong and then being disappointed when something does go wrong, just alot some Disaster Time!

So you think to yourself "the office is only 10 minutes away, so if I give myself 10 extra minutes of Disaster Time for when The Disaster happens, then I'll leave 20 minutes before my appointment time."

Your assignment's due at midnight? Disaster Time! Make it due at 11:40 to account for when the [internet goes out / file gets corrupt / website doesn't load / grammar errors pop up ]

Your hangout is at 8pm? Disaster Time! Give yourself 10 extra minutes to [find your missing phone / stop and grab some gas / brush your hair / quickly eat a snack]

Work at 9? Disaster time! Leave 15 minutes earlier for when [you spill coffee on your shirt / your car light goes off / you forgot something and have to go back]

People used to tell me to do things "early" but I have adhd and time blindness! "Early" doesn't exist!!! "Early" is an abstract concept! And "early" isn't as motivating as "The Last Second"

So instead, alot a set amount of Disaster Time and adjust your "last second" to account for that pesky inevitable Disaster, and you'll always be on time!

If you EXPECT that everything will go wrong EVERY time and just *account* for that when you plan, then you'll always be on time!

[youremyonlyhope]

I love when I see posts like "Share how many crochet WIPs you currently have! I have 5, it's so many!"

Like, girl, I have unfinished projects from over a decade ago that I refuse to frog on the off chance I decide to finish them. I've found years-old projects I forgot I even started and will impulsively just finish it on the spot. I've started three different projects in the last 2 months, including one I started yesterday, that I already know I may or may not finish within the year depending on motivation.

The number of WIPs I have is infinite.

[666writingcafe]

Banshee

MC

Hearing faint noise coming from within the House of Lamentation as I approach the front door is nothing new. At least one of the brothers is in the middle of doing something loudly whenever I arrive, and depending on what it is, I either help them out or stop them before they go too far.

That, however, doesn't prepare me for the continuous high-pitched wailing that assaults my ears the minute I open the door. If it weren't for Beel running outside and slamming the door behind him seconds later, I'm sure my eardrums would have burst and began bleeding. Whatever it is, it's that loud.

He puts his back against the door, trying to catch his breath. Once he's composed, I ask him,

"What the hell is going on in there? Why is someone yelling at the top of their lungs?" The shock is evident in his eyes as he glances over at me.

"You can hear it too?" Well, this isn't good. Either we've both gone completely mad, or the thing in question is specifically targeting the two of us.

"Of course I can. My ears are still ringing from all the screaming." Beel sighs in relief.

"Thank Father...I thought I was going crazy. The others certainly look at me that way. I'm sure once they figure out that I'm no longer inside, they're going to start freaking out and worrying that I'm on another rampage, but that honestly isn't my intention. I just was going to run as far away from it as I could."

"Would a long walk be enough? I'm not nearly as fast as you are, plus it'll give us a chance to talk more about what happened, if that's something you feel like doing." Beel nods his head, and I extend my hand out to him as we walk away from the House.

~~~

We end up sitting on a park bench in a secluded corner of one of my favorite parks in the Devildom. It's relatively unknown, so not many people frequent it, and this particular area is partially hidden by some thick foliage. All in all, a near perfect place to have a private conversation without someone eavesdropping.

"So, let's start from the beginning," I instruct Beel. "What events led to someone shrieking like that?" He sighs.

"My brothers were coming up with ideas to prank Lucifer. He's spending the afternoon at the castle, you see, and they figured they could do something before you were supposed to arrive."

"So, basically take advantage of the lack of adult supervision." He snorts in amusement.

"Pretty much, yeah. You and Lucifer are the two responsible ones. The rest of us give in to temptation far too easily." Lucifer does too, but Beel doesn't need to know that. The shenanigans his brother gets up to when he thinks no one is watching him aren't exactly pertinent to this conversation.

"Anyway, Satan suggested summoning a Hellfire Salamander in Lucifer's room, and I knew I wanted no part of it," Beel continues. "Those things make dragons look tame in comparison. If one set something of Lucifer's on fire..."

"You didn't want to be on the hook for it," I reply.

"Exactly. So, as everyone else ventured to his room, I decided to head towards the kitchen. I was feeling a bit peckish anyway, but also I knew I wouldn't get in nearly as much trouble if I got caught rummaging through the fridge."

"Makes sense."

"Unfortunately, right when I figured out something to eat, I heard this awful scream. Instead of summoning a Hellfire Salamander, they accidentally brought a banshee inside the House." Beel pauses. "That's what set me off the first time, when you found me in the colosseum. Diavolo had gifted Lucifer a record of a banshee's song, and he asked if he could have it played during dinner. Most people would only hear melodic wailing. I heard and felt its pain, and it overwhelmed me, especially since it reminded me of..." He trails off as he closes his eyes and begins taking deep breaths, tears threatening to spill.

There are two types of people that can hear a banshee scream: those about to die, and those close to individuals on the brink of death. If you remain alive afterwards, you're forced to listen to their every wail and shriek for the rest of your life. To say that it's unpleasant would be quite the understatement.

It doesn't explain how I can hear it, though. Perhaps getting Beel to talk about his experience will help me figure that out.

"Reminded you of what?" I gently prompt. Understandably, he takes a while to respond. For one, it must have been a pretty traumatic event if it's making Beel this upset, but also he and I aren't as close here as we are in my timeline. In fact, I think this is the most he's ever spoken to me since I've arrived.

"It's okay if you don't want to tell me--"

"It's not that," Beel interrupts, opening his eyes again. "If anyone could understand, it's you, and I'm sure talking about it will help me feel a bit better. It's just...I haven't shared this before, not even to my brothers."

"I can keep a secret." He softly smiles.

"I know." Another deep breath, then,

"The first time I heard a banshee's cry was in the human world. Michael had sent me there to complete a task. I forget what it was, but at this point it really doesn't matter. All I know is that on my way back to the portal, the banshee began screaming. It scared me so much that I ran in the opposite direction of the portal and ended up getting lost, causing me to return to the Celestial Realm much later than I was supposed to. I wasn't even allowed to explain myself; both Michael and Raphael took turns reprimanding me. I think that might have been the last straw for Lucifer, because the next day marked the start of the war." Momentary silence.

"There should be eight of us down here, not seven," Beel quietly adds. "We lost our sister in the fray. She and Belphie were both in a precarious position, and I only had time to save one of them." A couple tears fall from his eyes.

"I know that by the time I heard the scream that it was too late to change her future, but there's a part of me that feels like I could have prevented her from dying. I miss her dearly. I can't even sleep some nights because the memory plays in my head over and over again, and I...I..." I hug Beel as he begins sobbing uncontrollably.

I wonder...

Of course. It makes sense. If Lilith's memory of her death rests somewhere in my subconscious, then it's possible that other memories of hers do, too.

Like one of a banshee's scream.

I'm sure that if I ask nicely enough, I can get Lucifer to destroy that record. If he wants to hear it that badly, I'm sure there's audio of it on the internet that he can listen to with headphones. But I don't want Beel to suffer unnecessarily, and I don't think Lucifer does, either.

Taglist: @lost-in-time-wanderer, @fuzztacular, @dianedancer18, @sweetbrier2908, @flare-love, @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf, @thunderlightning351, @l3v1chan, @anxious-chick, @5mary5, @expressionless-fr, @tenkobitch, @interconnectedmatrix

[kirby-the-gorb]

[electric-plants]

alhaitham: it’s five in the morning what do you want from me

cyno: your signature on this paper

cyno: also a date but i don’t think that’s relevant right now

alhaitham: cyno please it is FIVE in the MORNING

[crybaby-bkg]

a slight continuation of this

no caller ID pops on your screen, pulling your attention away from your previous task at hand: not fucking up your eyeliner. you typically wouldn’t care if it was a little uneven, but you’re going on a date tonight, for the first time in so long, and you want everything to go as smoothly as possible.

which is why you groan when you end the call, and that same no caller ID pops right back up seconds later. you know who it is—who else would it be? you figured he’s already seen your story of being excited for going on your first date in a while, on the only app you hadn’t blocked him on. petty? perhaps, but it’s on him to be keeping up with you despite you cursing him out for wasting your time and then blocking him right after.

you watch it ring though, contemplating for a while longer than you should. you blocked him for a reason. no need to entertain his same shit that he always spews to you when he realizes that he might be losing you once more?

….but it doesn’t hurt to hear the hero beg for you.

“What do you want, Bakugou?” You sigh irritably as you finally answer his call, putting him on speaker as you go back to even out your eyeliner. You hear him huff on the other side of the phone at the use of his surname, but he doesn’t say anything about it, instead, quickly telling you what he’s been bothering you for.

“Who’s the fuckin’ loser that’s gonna drool over how good your tits look in that stupid green dress you love so much?” Bakugou grunts, and you instantly feel your face heating at his crude words. You glance over with a frown at that same green dress that makes your tits look good, where it hangs on your closet.

“None of your damn business, Bakugou.” You snap at him, wondering if it’s too late to find something else to wear. “Not like you ever took me out in my stupid green dress.” Your voice holds a level of bitterness that only he can bring out of you, and you hear his sigh through the speakers.

“I told you this before, I’m always—”

“Busy.” You cut him off, voice suddenly thick as you think back on the countless rejections he’s splattered at your feet every time you tried to further your relationship with him. “You reminded me of how busy you’ve been since you first started this whole situationship.”

“Situation—? Huh? We were dating!” Bakugou protests with a huff, and you can hear how he paces the floor quickly. You glare at your phone, setting down your liner to instead pick of your (his) favorite lipgloss.

“You’d have to ask me out to be dating, Bakugou. You’d have to court me to be dating, Bakugou. You’d have to make time for me and take me out on dates and not hide me to fucking date me, Bakugou.” You spit at him, venom dripping off of your lips in waves. You don’t know why you answered, why you even entertained him. You shake your head with a huff when the line goes quiet, eyebrows quirking up when your date sends you a text to make sure you’re still on for tonight.

“I’m sorry.” Bakugou mutters pathetically, his voice suddenly soft. You hesitate, for some reason, when it comes to texting your date back. Why do you always hesitate when Bakugou is around?

“Let me make it up to you, court you, and shit. I can take you to one of my favorite places, you can wear that pretty green dress and that gloss you know I love.” His voice is pleading, thickening and sweet and suffocating. You shouldn’t respond, should reply back a yes to your date.

“Please? You know how much you mean to me.” Bakugou mumbles, and you can hear the earnestness in his voice. Why haven’t you said yes to your date yet?

“I’ll do better this time. Just one more chance, sweetheart.” Bakugou’s voice is so soft, you’ve never heard him this vulnerable before. You sigh with a shake of your head, slumping back into your seat in defeat.

…

Sorry, I can’t make it tonight. Something came up. Maybe we can reschedule for another time?

[cod-dump]

Ghost: Babe could you-?

Soap, points at himself and looks around before looking back at Ghost: BABE?

Ghost: Oh shit I meant to say bro!

Soap: Nah, you will for now on refer to me as ‘babe’. If you call me bro I will not respond to it. You can upgrade but you can’t downgrade!

[why-the-heck-not]

started a sourdough starter!!! It’s not even that much abt bread; I just like the idea of having a pet and this is about the max amount of responsibility I’m looking for rn

[merakiui]

i hope this doesn't sound too pushy, but i'd love to see more sapphic twst from you!! of course, i'll read anything you put out either way o(^▽^)o

It's not pushy at all!! (⸝⸝ᵕᴗᵕ⸝⸝) I would be happy to write more sapphic twst! I'd like to write more with the Boyfriend universe because it's always fun writing fem Riddle, especially one who is so in love with you. <3 although I'd also like to write something where fem Riddle thinks Jade isn't a good fit for you and she drives herself near mad trying to prove you're better off without him. Meanwhile, Jade has too much fun tormenting her and continues to drive a wedge between you and her. It would be interesting to explore a dynamic in which Riddle is so emotionally codependent on you, so when you start dating Jade (or even Floyd) she feels as if she'll lose you. You're the one and only light in her dark life; she needs you.

I like the idea of Riddle getting drunk at your birthday party and she stumbles upon some secret thing on Jade (or Floyd's) phone and perhaps it's something incriminating. But because she's drunk her memory is foggy and it's the perfect excuse for everyone to use in order to diminish her claims. She just thinks that Leech guy is bad news and totally unsafe, and she's trying so hard to convince you that you should consider other people.

AAAAA and Jade would have so much fun with it, too. Adding more fuel to the fire by saying things like, "Aren't you a little too attached to (Name)? I understand the both of you are close friends, but even this is a little obsessive." And you're stuck between the both of them, wondering what's gotten into your friend and why she seems so distrustful of your boyfriend. >:D

Of course I'd also love to write for other fem twst characters as well, but Riddle has me in a chokehold. She's so cute. I love her lots. orz