#caedogender

[thefrogginbullfish]

[d0llyxtears]

MY IDENTITY AND MY TRAUMA

I genuinely believe that my parents don’t understand what happened to me and how it shaped who I am now …

My own twin brother…. The one I looked up too , who was once my best friend, the closest person to me in the world……..abused me ….

Every time he did it he took another part of me , shattered another part of my very soul .

He turned my own body into a weapon against me , made me feel uncomfortable and unsafe in myself

He made me feel inhuman…. Like I was nothing but an object . He made me feel me gross and filthy… like there was something inherently wrong with my body

He broke my sense of safety and trust…. I don’t feel safe in the world anymore … he made me feel completely alone ….

He betrayed me … he utterly betrayed, used and ruined me

I built defensive walls to block out the pain and hurt of what happened to me ……

My own identity and the way I see myself now is a defense mechanism …. A way to avoid the the feelings of feeling filthy and tainted

I can’t unlink my identity from my trauma because really there was no ‘me ‘ before the trauma happened….

I honestly can’t explain all the damage he did to me ….. it’s complicated and complex

I don’t really like talking about my identity knowing that it’s linked to something so devastating……. I wish I could’ve had the chance to discover my gender identity, sexuality and alter humanity without that horrible thing ….. I wish it wasn’t just a defense mechanism… I wish I could feel safe in my biological gender and body

But unfortunately… I can’t because he decided to steal it it away from me that day ….

[genderqueer-dream]

Neurogender folks are fantastic!

Neurogenders are important labels that help many people describe themselves!

Neurogenders are not ableist, quite the opposite!

Support neurogender people this disability pride month!

[genderstarbucks]

can you make a gender where your gender is fluid do to trauma

Caedfluid!!

Caedfluid | Caedfluidnonbinary

Caedfluidboy | Caedfluidgirl

Caedfluid - a term for when your gender is fluid after experiencing trauma, doesn't necessarily have to be genderfluid

[losergendered]

ID: a set of 10 images in 5 pairs. each has one image of the listed pumpkin night character with a white outline in front of their corresponding flags, and a second image which is a blank flag splice. END ID

Kirino Naoko from Pumpkin Night is a caedplatonic, deadgender, pumpkingender, horrorcoric, halloweencoric, monstercoric, caedogender, horrorgender, slasheric, knifegender, fakegirl, pseudogirl, xenouthfusgirl, gorture, alterhuman, nonhuman, weapum, aroace, caedaroace, FtF, cis transfem girl with autism, PTSD, OCD, BPD, bipolar disorder, is schizospec, has DID, is a system, and is psychotic and disabled! Naoko uses any feminine nonhuman-like pronouns!

Her boyfriend, Kazuya Makino, is an asexual, bi straight, biveldarcian, pseudoboy, MtM, cis transmasc, xenouthfusboy, gorture, deurseity, gorturseity, unlabelboy with PTSD, psychosis, is a system with a fictive member, and is bipolar! He uses he/him along with unsettling masc-related pronouns!

Matsui is a bipan man who is bi straight, pan straight, and heteroflexible, and has POCD and is bipolar!

Ryuichi Higa is a sciencegender, genderdoctor, doctorthing, doctorian, medcoric, bloodcoric, fleshian agender man with POCD who is neurodivergent!

Yuki Ogita is a transfem boy, AFAB, canonically femboy, hackergender, hackautistic, hackehypersexulic, techrobai, hacketurigirl, cohackcoric, genderhacker, cis transsexual, transsexual, bimboy, bulletboldinet, ov'rwelcomputic, gendership, girlfag, turigirl, veldihet, gai, gaician, toric, fairyfag, FINgender, fiaspec, femme, GNC, genderqueer, agender, nonbinary, genderfluid, trans man anarchist who uses fem-based masc pronouns! Yuki is auDHD, has anxiety, insomnia, BPD, OLD, and is hypersexual!

For @dead-dog-dont-eat !

[nightfallsystem]

I drew something but I have too many labels

[boygirldykething]

maybe i should start posting the art i made in the earlyish days of my mom radicalizing into the whole Concerned(tm) TERF Parents thing going around

[Image ID: A two-panel horizontal comic. The only colours used are black and deep blue, except for one block of white text. Everything is surrounded by a thick, black, sort of scribbly border.

Panel 1: Inside the border above the first panel, blue handwriting reads: i miss you. i miss you so much. is this how you feel when you mourn me? The panel itself contains a lone head at the center. His hair is short and he's reaching his arms up, hands almost covering his face. The only feature drawn on the face is the right eye and right eyebrow, which has an eyebrow ring through it. His few features are twisted in grief and tears are pouring from both his drawn eye and the space his other eye would be. He's looking down, maybe at his hands, maybe at the ground. The rest of the body is not drawn. As his tears fall down to the bottom of the panel, they grow much larger in size, until they're almost the size of his head.

The panel fades to black through a series of brushstrokes, then fades back to blue in the same way to start the second panel. Inside the black space between the panels, there is white handwriting that reads: i don't see an end to this guilt until it's too late.

Panel 2: The same figure from the first panel, same hair, same one-eyed face, stands in the rain, holding an umbrella. This time he has not been drawn with his one eyebrow, so it cannot be used to help determine what emotion shows on his face. He's wearing a black suit with a black tie, like someone would wear at a funeral. His posture is stiff, his shoulders straight, his arms pressed to his sides, giving him a strict rectangular silhouette. He's staring intensely at something in front of him: several flowers, varying in size, probably laid by someone, maybe covering something. Inside the border below the panel, in blue handwriting, is just a single period. end ID.]

[thecouncilsinsideblog]

The body is fem-passing.

I myself am demi-fin.

I (occasionally) use feminine terms.

But if you perceive me as a woman, I will gouge your eyes out :)

I am a polyfluid demi-fin(gender)+caedogender+demongender being.

There's a reason I say I'm sapphic and not a lesbian (ignoring the gynesexual/gyneromantic "being attracted to femininity regardless of gender identity/expression and/or sex" part that is...)

I am not a woman. I am not non-binary. I am definitely not a man.

You can (and will) refer to me first and foremost as a demon. A rather effeminate demon, but "woman" is a human term.

I am very normal about gender and self-identity...

[frogsforthefrogwar]

[warriors-pride]

Caedsexual caedromantic caedgender crowfeather

[spirgender]

↦ genderseptic -

a [neuro]gender that is / feels diseased and infected. it might “infect” other genders, causing them to feel different and inflamed, and may also be connected to medical-based aesthetics. this gender is aimed at those with medical trauma or survivors of medical abuse.

requested by: nobody.

coined by: quinn/polonium.

[neopronouns]

parfixspinian | holneurogender | sensmascfem backroomic | panbackroomic | drestalitraurre narcgender | histriogender | caedgender

‘pride is for me’ edits for several anons! requests for these are open!

image id: square images of each listed flag with large, all-caps white text outlined in black that says ‘pride is for me’. end id.

dni transcript here

[kizunasystemja]

caedflowerboy/caedoflowerboy flags!

Caedflowerboy - someone who is cut away from being flowerboy due to trauma.

[agirldying]

I don’t go by a label but people could consider me as under the nonbinary umbrella and leaning more towards masculinity but I still associate my abuse and who I was during the abuse with girlhood

Hey anon,

I understand how you feel, and it's completely valid. I won't dictate your gender identity but if you're looking for some suggestions I can speak from experience.

as it relates to my blog name, I relate to the latter part about associating trauma with femininity, especially if afab. for me it was hard to feel feminine without feeling like prey. so for a while I went to the opposite end of the spectrum and my gender expression became super masculine (ftm), and now it's floating somewhere in the middle, as I now identify as nonbinary. so I can relate to really everything you said here.

it's totally fine not to label yourself, so like I said it's completely up to you whether or not to adopt a term, but I think you might be interested in caedogender. caedogender is defined as a gender that has been "cut away" due to trauma. so for example I am afab, and so you could say I am a caedogirl because my femininity has been "cut away" due to trauma.

I also just recently learned about another xenogender that I think was just coined a few weeks ago (maybe even a few days ago because my sense of time is messed up) and forgive me if I spell this wrong but I believe it's called traumallion or something, and basically it is a gender as a result of trauma, which can feel like a void or just something completely different from the gender you felt previously. (I'm going to look for this). update: i actually got the name right haha

again I am a person that thinks in terms of labels so I apologize if this isn't necessarily the answer you were looking for but you are valid, you don't have to label yourself anything, and you are welcome in my inbox anytime. I hope I could help!

[genderstarbucks]

Hey, I just want to ask something. I am a little confused about my gender..

I kind of know that I am non-binary and I was feeling this since I was 11. But my genderlessness feels different now. I have been through quite the amount of trauma and that has made me feel like everything is void like or empty or hard to express. This includes my gender.

I feel like I was already not my assigned birth gender but now it feels completely void like.

Is there any word for that kind of gender? Sorry if this is too much to ask lol

Caedogender, or caedgender, is a gender that has been "cut away" or damaged by trauma. At one point one may have experienced a certain gender at one point, but one feels that their connection to that gender has been damaged, altered, or completely cut away after a traumatic event. This is typically associated with sufferers of PTSD or other trauma and stressor related disorders. Caedogender can be combined with other relevant genders such as caedogirl, caedoboy, caedononbinary, etc. It can also be used as an identity on its own for those who feel like they have been cut away from the concept of gender in general.

Caednonbinary | Caedvoid

[askanaroace]

Caedro Qs

(Too long to want to split into multiple asks.)

I’ve been sitting on a draft about caedromanticism inspired by thinking about the coronavirus pandemic and trauma, but I’ve been having trouble with not really finding caedromantic experiences or perspectives. I’m aware that you’re not presenting yourself as a caedromantic authority, but I was hoping to ask a few questions. Would you happen to know whether there’s anything more substantial than a definition about caedromanticism somewhere? An idea of how many people use it?

In the process of trying to look into caedromanticism, I haven’t really found more than a few references to trauma related to interpersonal relationships involving either familial or intimate partner abuse of some sort. I imagine there are other caedromantic experiences that aren’t related to those types of trauma, but is there a sense of the diversity of how trauma can relate to identifying as caedromantic? (The definition of caedromantic shared in glossaries may not specify what type of trauma is associated with identifying with caedro, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a widespread pattern and/or community association.)

I’m not trying to invalidate caed- identities or spring a gotcha on anyone. I went through something that resulted in a distinct ‘alloromantic before’ and ‘aro spec after’ feeling prior to 2020, but I didn’t consider the situation a trauma or view myself as a trauma survivor while questioning if I was aro spec, so I never used caedro. In the context of the current global pandemic and quarantine measures, I’ve returned to feeling a before and after with a different aspect of communicating my aro identity, but I don’t want to just slap caed- on an identity word and carry on without understanding how caedromantic is used. -anonymous

Unfortunately, I do not know of any more in depth caedro resources, references, or writings! I have been HEAVILY considering trying to write a book (may not a long book) discussing how asexuality can impact sexual trauma, which would be interrelated with caedsexuality and caedromanticism but feel wholly unqualified to do so, and obviously just thinking about it doesn't help you now. :x

I am positive there are handfuls of threads with some personal perspectives in places like AVEN and the asexuality/aromantic reddit communities. (Here's an example of a thread on the cPTSD sub, which points to the fact that these concepts may actually be more common in trauma/PTSD/cPTSD type spaces where people might feel safer bringing it up.) Maybe Arocalypse but I don't recall anything. But I'm sure those aren't in depth and don't have very many of us. I think on this blog I've only gotten like one other ask from someone who wondered if they could be caeda. I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's pretty rare and those of us that do identify in these ways are probably too scared/anxious to speak up about it too terribly much. (I myself have often struggled with taking up space in the aro community as a caedromantic with such different experiences and trying to balance not somehow promoting the idea that aromanticism can only be due to trauma, though I have gotten more confident over the years.)

The idea of a common base of trauma experiences causing caeda identities is an interesting one. For several reasons, I would suspect that indeed any kind of abuse is likely going to be the most common, if for no other reason that abuse is, sadly, an extremely common type of trauma to suffer. But you're right that there's certainly no rule. Trauma is an intentionally vague word that includes everything from car crashes to deaths to abuse, and the caeda identities keep this vague-ness for a reason. This is total conjecture, but I would hazard a guess that any sort of long-term/extended trauma is probably more likely to cause caeda changes than instant/sudden types of trauma and will be more represented in our community. That's just based on gut feeling and a base level understanding of the psychology of trauma, though. And note that it still doesn't exclude anybody from becoming caeda through an instant/sudden trauma.

I would definitely like more writings in this area, but honestly resources for trauma as a whole aren't very diverse or available, so it's unsurprising that nothing seems to really exist in this realm.

Like any other identity, the terms you use are up to you. It's okay to have weird or conflicting feelings based on your experience and if it's trauma and still use any caed- label (caedogender is also a caed-label). What it comes down to is if the label is useful to you. The caed- labels are certainly useful for signifying that there has been a direct change in your identity, and so it does sound useful in your case. I will say that no one I've ever shared my caedro label with has ever grilled me on what I went through to cause it or otherwise tried to gatekeep me at all. And if anybody asks you, remember that you are in no way obligated to answer. That is private information. You don't have to prove anything to anyone.

If it helps, I started calling myself caedro before I was really able to accept that what I went through was a trauma and started referring to it as such. Using caedro actually helped me become more comfortable with accepting that.

You are most certainly welcome to identify as caedro, whatever it is you went through. What matters is your feelings on it, not anyone else's.