#chaotic batfamily

[thief-of-eggs]

Damian: *storming into the den* Faaaather, Drake called me a rude word-

Tim: For the hundredth time, I said you were acting like Dick, not acting like a dick!

Jason: *not even glancing up from his book* That’s debatably worse

Dick: *exaggeratedly wounded gasp*

Damian: *pulling a knife* You take that back Todd-

Bruce: *as chaos ensues* …I’m out

[the-wandering-mage]

I've seen a lot of Batfam meets the Justice League fics where Batman has hidden his family. I'd really like a Batfam meets the Justice League fic where he doesn't try to hide his family no. The Batman who loves scaring people, popping out of shadows, disappearing into them, and overall just fucking with people, the head of the chaotic Batfam, he knowing that the other heros don't know a lot of what goes on in Gotham so he just pretends like they know. He tells them it's Oracle's system that runs watchtower and he make a bunch of vague references to the other bats knowing they are going to take it a different way. He doesn't try to hide his relationship with the other bats when his kids and their teams run into the Justice League. He just sits back and watches the chaos as the leaguers try to make their perception of The Batman fit with what they are seeing.

And his kids and their teams? Well they should have believed them when they said Batman was they're dad. It's not their fault they thought they were joking. Even Alfred is in on it making calls to watchtower and Titan's tower about being home in time for dinner and forgetting their lunches at home. Alfred is happy how this is bringing them together and that Bruce is making friends.

Meanwhile the Hero community is scared shitless about Batman's retired dad that doesn't have a no kill rule. They've never met him in person but the overall respect of the Batfam has towards Agent A as well as the fact he raised Batman makes them never want to meet him or for him to feel a need to come out of retirement.

***

"oh Batman isn't the head of the Batfamily"

"what?"

"Agent A is"

***

"who's scarier than Batman?", one of the leaguers asks rhetorically

Batfam member who pops up behind them from the shadows, "Agent A, he doesn't have a no kill rule"

"who's Agent A?"

"The man who raised Batman"

The leaguer who once referred to him as that old guy that answers the batcave phone: 😨

[sodamnbored]

Damian, entering the living room: Oh, Drake. I didn’t realise you were here too.

Tim, distracted on his phone on the couch: Yeah, best WiFi around. Keeping busy?

Damian, looking in cupboards and chandeliers for acrobatic older brothers: Looking for Dick.

Tim absently, not looking up from Grindr: Mm, me too.

[yjcorefourenjoyer]

Jason: *sees Tim come into the kitchen with a different coffee cup then he left with*

Jason: “dude, how many do you have?”

Tim: “huh?”

Jason: “coffee cups. every time I see you, you have a different one I’ve seen like 14 just today.”

Tim: “well actually I’ve had 23”

Jason: “why do you have so many!? Are you Losing them!? Do they just break or something!?”

*Tim who has been purposely breaking his favorite cups when he feels angry to show himself that when he’s mad things he love disappears*

“Uh……..”

[kartsie]

Sometimes everyone dusts off or throws together their Robin costume for a hijinks filled patrol

((Yes I’m behind but it’s been a rough week))

[bruciemilf]

bruce's publicist just gets so fed up with him that the next time he causes a scandal and he's just like "my bad sorry" they just go "kys"

I imagine Bruce’s publicist as this tiny old lady who reeks of cigarettes, laughs like a fire alarm, and can bury you 10 feet under with a single look. She’s been managing the Waynes before Bruce got his first diaper. She has this shit handled. But GOOD LORD.

Bruce’s primary excuse is “ok but my dad did worse tho” (which is very true. Thomas gave her so many gray hairs she could audition for Santa Claus)

and her go to response is, “follow his exemple. In the grave”. Still. She loves the kid. Wished he didn’t get into tussles with every single socialite who’s being a cunt to his children, but, she loves him.

The real PR nightmare of the family?

Dick “No, I WILL swing on the chandelier and smoke weed in the White House” Grayson

[snakeredbirdbatkatana]

Tim Drake is usually called the smart Robin which I like don't get me wrong but all of the bats are smart and I do love my Tim but my Tim is just a bit different.

I want Tim drake half out of his mind fucking with Lex Luthor while he chugs 6 monsters. I want baby stalker who was heavy breathing putting together a red string murder board at 3:00 am with very sketchy stalker pictures of the Wayne's.

I want titans tower where Tim knew it was Jason and is about to home alone that shit. While also internally fanboying and giving Jason tips on how to murder the joker.

Tim Drake who doesn't get disturbed by Ra on Tuesday cause he knows Tim has plans with young Justice and Tim will destroy all of his bases again if he is bothered.

Tim who thought Damian was adorable and everytime he makes an attempt on his life gets a new paint set because that is the Drake way and no little brother of his isn't gonna understand premeditated murder.

TIM Drake who owns up to the clones and the boy who Kon knows is a little murdery gremlin and loves that about his boyfriend.

My Tim drake need to be balls to the wall fucking insane or I don't want that shit.

[chocor0se]

when tim is working as the ceo of WE in public half of the time he’s the perfect figure, looking fancy and being respectful while also being intimidating when he needs to be. the other half he’s so tired he just starts cussing at annoying people and flipping them off.

[p1nkshield]

More of what happened to one Richard Grayson after teaching his siblings the art of weaponized cuteness.

Tim: Hey Dick? Bruce locked me out of the computer again what’s the password?

Dick: I’m sorry Timbers I can’t tell you.

Tim: *inexplicably resembles a sad sickly victorian boy despite being able to take down multiple criminals at once* okay…

Dick: -_-… the password is souperMaN123

Tim: Thank you!

Damian: Grayson! I am in need of the Batmobile.

Dick: No driving! You are a baby.

Damian: Richard.. may I please drive the Batmobile?

Dick: *handing over keys* what have I done?

Jason: Hey, can I-

Dick: No! You cannot make a flamethrower machine gun!

Jason: Spoil sport! What kind of big brother are you?

Dick:

Dick sits despondent as Damian drives a lap around the bat cave, Tim hacks into lex’s database and Jason’s sixth prototype explodes.

Dick: this may have been a mistake.

[wondersinwaynemanor]

ONE of the rare times Bruce has used the distress signal was

First: when Jason finally came home and Bruce didn't know how to face his son because he sucks at expressing his feelings.

Second: when his four sons got de aged because of magic. Zatanna and Constantine were in some other dimension and he didn't know who to contact.

You're asking where the signal leads to? To Alfred ofc.

Bruce - I'm positive I'm not gonna use the signal from now on, Alfred. I got this.

Alfred - It's not bad to ask for help, Master Bruce.

SO when four of his sons show up to his study, Bruce is getting quite nervous because they don't usually show up together unless it was very, very serious. His finger is already close to his watch where the signal is.

Bruce - Boys, something wrong?

Dick is smiling apologetically, scratching the back of his head.

Jason - Get ready, B, it's gonna be intense.

Tim - Sorry, Bruce, there was nothing we can do.

Bruce - Just tell me. *finger so close to the signal*

Damian - She's pregnant, Father.

Bruce - ((getting a heart attack???)) WHO GOT PREGNANT? *walks to the boys* Boys, I swear to God, how many times have I told you about that, *covers Damian's ears* you should learn to use protection!!!

Jason - I mean.. Damian exists and you didn't use one, Bruce. >:D

Dick - At least we got a baby brother! :3

Tim rolls his eyes and thinks of getting another round of coffee for the night. zzzz

Damian - Father, relax, it's the stray rabbit you brought home from the Justice League mission. She's pregnant. Jon was the one who knew.

Bruce - What? *stares at the three other boys* Why did you make it sound like it's a big deal?

Damian - It's a big deal, Father, because there's going to be a baby rabbit and I'm not sure how I can raise such innocence.

Tim - It was Jason's idea to rattle you.

Jason - Just some teasing, B. >:D

Dick - Just to prepare you for the future. O:)

Bruce - ((his heart must have stopped at this point???)) Christ Almighty-

Once the boys leave the room, Bruce uses the distress signal and Alfred brings him a cup of tea.

Alfred - Not bad to ask for help, Sir.

Bruce - *sighs*

[thief-of-eggs]

You know that younger sibling / older siblings thing where the older ones simply refuse to acknowledge that the younger one is aging up?

So that- but with Damian and his whole family.

Boy could turn 15 and Jason’s still like “Oh, my baby brother Damian? Yeah he’s 11.”

He could go out and legally get his license at 16, and on instinct, Tim still never lets him drive. “wait until you’re 16-“ “I AM SIXTEEN”

He turns 18 and Dick is scandalized when he suggests that they watch an R rated movie. Who cares about all the blood and gore he’s already witnessed- “Damian you’re too young for R rated movies!!”

He finally turns 21 and Bruce still makes sure to tell the servers at the galas to not serve any drinks to Damian because “he’s too young.” Meanwhile Damian is just seething in the background, clenching his glass of apple juice so hard that it shatters.

[galacticrainbowsaz]

Tim, running on 34 hours of no sleep: Do you think it's called a dick because someone was really angry at a guy nicknamed Dick and got his words mixed up?

Dick, horrified: Tim nO. That's not-

Jason, running on 2 weeks no sleep: Close, but no

Tim and Dick: *confused glance*

Jason: It was actually a guy called Richard who wanted to show off to a girl

Dick: Jay...

Jason, in a dramatic voice: He doth declared "I am your Dick, and this is mine!"

Dick: Jay, stop

Jason: Then another Richard heard the tale and did the same thing to his wife. And then another, until it spread like wildfire.

Dick: JASON!

Jason: We call this "The Crowning of the Dick" *pointed smirk to Dick*

Tim: *wheezing* Is that... Pfff, is that what you say to Babs?

*5 minutes later, Bruce is in the bath with his Batman™ Rubber Ducky when he hears muffled screaming, laughing and cursing in the distance. He chooses to ignore it*

[toebeanpowpaw]

🖤🦇💜

[yjcorefourenjoyer]

currently obsessed with MY OWN AU where Tim used to be a magic user but got cursed by one of the artifacts his parents brought home, and can no longer make his own magic. now he has to get a spark from someone else in order to use it.

But since the Bats don’t like magic he just doesn’t tell anyone about it, but he’s still one of the most knowledgeable ppl about magic in the JL

He just randomly gives the magic users tips then walks away

Tim: “that’s the wrong symbol, it’s supposed to be #|#§##%&$#”

magic expert who’s wondering how a BAT knows this ancient summoning circle: “you’re right but how??????”

——————————————————————————————————

Edit: For everyone asking for the fic THERE IS NON I JUST MADE THIS AU UP

[robintherobiner]

I love Tim, he's such a chaotic little gremlin, and heres why.

(it does slowly get darker and more so me listing reasons on how Tim would be a great potential villain)

Figured out Batman's identity at nine years old all because he remembered a flip he only saw when he was 3

BLACKMAILED BATMAN INTO LETTING HIM BE ROBIN

Blown up multiple LoA bases (mainly for funzies)

Made an entire batmobile by hiding it in the batarang budget (again, mainly for funzies)

Tried to clone his best friend after he died (the best friend is already a clone, so Tim wanted a clone-of-a-clone)

Practically single handily saved his mentor from being lost in the time stream bc he saw a FUCKING PORTRAIT AND THOUGHT "huh, this dude looks so similar to bruce.. too similar"

Fell asleep while on a roller-coaster (was also on a date at the time, if i remember corectly)

He was about to kill Captain Boomerang as revenge for his dads death, and had to be talked out of it

His detective skills are on par with Bruce, so much so that Ra's (one of the people who trained Bruce before he became Batman) calls him Detective which is/was his title for Bruce

Faked having an uncle after his dad died just so he didn't have to get adopted

There was a mission where Tim became Batman, and used the gun that killed Bruce's parents to kill many of the rouges in Gotham, went back in time, and then that timeline was erased by threatening to SHOOT HIMSELF. not future-Tim, the gun weilding maniac, no, just normal robin-Tim

He broke Jason out of jail, despite the fact that he tried to murder him. Tim also broke Lynx (?) out of jail, when she tried to kill him too.

Despite many people saying he's the 'worst fighter in the family' he was literally trained by Lady Shiva, Rahul Lama, Shen Chi, Legless Master, Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, Alfred Pennyworth, Cassandra Cain, and Barbra Gordon. All of which are amazing fighters, some of which are like, mass murderers i think (Lady Shiva, hello??)

A different future Tim came back to the past to kill Kate Kane (aka batwoman) and although she was saved, he didn't hold any regret.

Almost killed Johnny Warlock for almost killing Stephanie, and he only stopped because Batman showed up and reminded him of the no-killing rule and the fact that Robin is supposed to be Batmans light (which means that Tim didn't stop because he remembered murder is wrong, he stopped because batman says its wrong, if ya get what i mean)

Beat the Joker while Batman was out of country, on his first time patrolling the city on his own

And finally, he happily (and successfully) lies to Batman

[i-fell-in-a-hole]

more chaotic batfam