#gay people don’t turn straight because they’re not in a relationship

[tokenducks]

Some of y’all are annoying godbless. It’s not queer baiting if a canon queer character doesn’t end up dating someone oh my god

[steviesbicrisis]

Thinking about YouTuber Steve who’s gaining a lot of popularity with his weekly vlogs. The routine is very similar: he goes to work, hangs out with friends, acts silly for the camera, cooks for his roommate, watches movies with his roommate, goes out with his roommate.

His roommate is there a lot.

His new growing fanbase doesn’t take long to divide into factions regarding Steve’s dating life and sexuality; There are ships, OTPs, people who want him single so they can date him, and a surprisingly small portion which questions his heterosexuality, which gets always shut up by the following compelling arguments:

“stop assuming he’s gay.”

“Steve doesn’t look gay. He’s just a guy, a former jock, who loves to cook and hangs out with friends. A friend more than the others, but it’s his roommate so it makes sense, right?”

“And yes, they do cuddle while watching movies, but who doesn’t love a cuddle? You don’t have to be gay for that.”

“Sure, they hold hands when they go out but the city is crowded and they might lose each other.”

“Since when two male friends can’t be close without assuming that they’re gay?”

“Have you ever seen them kiss in ten minutes of weekly vlog? No, so drop your gay agenda already.”

And Steve Harrington, who started the whole vlog thing in the first place because he wanted to update his friends who live miles away and still doesn’t know how he got this much heteronormative bullcrap in his comments, has had enough.

One day, Steve Just-A-Guy Harrington, wakes up and chooses violence.

He replies to a tiktok comment that says “stop assuming he’s gay” with another video.

It begins with Steve glaring at the camera “oh yes please, stop assuming I’m gay.”

Then there’s a quick motion and Steve is pulling a curly haired guy into frame: Eddie, his roommate/platonic friend/totally not his boyfriend of 5+ years.

Eddie yawns, looking sleepily at the camera “are you vlogging?”

“I’m proving a point” Steve replies, then kisses him. They almost get lost into it, but Steve is a man on a mission, so he pulls back and turns to the camera.

“This is Eddie, my boyfriend. Not a friend who’s a boy, you delusional homophobes, we are together, a couple, in a relationship. We haven’t been just friends for over 5 years. We live together, he isn’t just a roommate.

And even if he was just my roommate, do you think I would live with this” he squeezes Eddie’s cheeks between his fingers and zooms in to show his face up close. Eddie blinks a couple of times, but let’s Steve do whatever he wants.

“Do you seriously think that I would live with this 24/7 and stay straight? Like, are you insane?” He gives Eddie a quick smack on the lips, leaving him blushing and more confused than ever.

Usually, it’s Eddie the one getting almost feral over Steve, not the other way around.

He doesn’t complain.

“So yeah, stop assuming I’m gay. Because I’m bi, you homophobic little shits.”

The video ends with Eddie pulling Steve for more than a quick peck on the lips, and Steve throwing the phone on their couch, face down.

Somehow, under Steve’s video, there’s still someone that comments “I mean, this doesn’t mean anything. It’s just bros helping bros, right?”

Steve is too busy making out with his “bro” to read it.

[ifyouknowmenahyoudontt]

ranting about the fandom ( TW: opinions)

- remus is so badly mischaracterized, the shift from him being a soft sensitive kid despite the violent nature of his condition was so so important but now he is turned into this mean angry alpha male. i feel like the point of him being so sensitive was to contrast w him being a werewolf ya know. bring back weird and awkward remus

- gay ships that are just there because they’re gay is pretty strange. i’m speaking of the whole jegulus/pandalily/whatever new thing ppl come up with i don’t really understand the point of just thinking that making a couple gay makes them more interesting. seems a little counterproductive .

-jily loosing its popularity is killing me. bring back my 7 year slow burn prophecy beautiful love story they are the most important ship

-sirius being a feminine dramatic gay twink. this man was a motorcycle owning rebel strong guy. and believe it or not he CAN be gay and still be that. him being gay ( in our head canons) doesn’t mean he’s a woman

- turning gay ships into basically a straight relationship by making them so stereotypical ( wolfstar w feminine af sirius and strong man remus)

- shipping character that died and fought against a certain ideology and people that were actively apart of the problem is kinda crazy. like jegulily? my brother in christ regulus wanted her dead.

-fanon regulus. he was a strong willed DEATH EATER he wasn’t forced into it or abused by his family. it.is.stated.in.the.book.

-deatheaters are interesting characters BUT don’t tell me people are babying and glorifying them in a effort to explore their complexity.

-some of you are blinded by the fancasts and forgot all about what the characters are.

- the new fan casts are meeeh. they’re not all supposed to be supermodels…

- jegulus taking over the fandom is insane.

-andromeda should be getting the regulus treatement she is what you made regulus into.

-frank and alice should be more loved.

- the romantization of that whole pureblood supremacist squad is NOT cute.

-james potter my beloved.

- i don’t really like the idea of the casanova being remus. i feel like it would james or sirius based on how remus talked about his high school years

- jily is way too important to the universe to be discredited.

-lily evans being put behind regulus is CRAZY. my girl did not die for this bs

-sirius being criticized for leaving is wild. regulus was not abused and didn’t even want to leave. sirius was mistreated.

- i kind of like the idea of the developed character of walburga. sirius said she wasn’t a deatheater. and i like people writing her as a more complex character.

- as much as i love wolfstar, james and sirius’s relationship stays the central point of the gang.

-ships have taken way too much importance over the friendships of the group.

-i feel like a people make female characters into lesbians ( like lily ) just because they are strong characters and it’s weird.

- yes once she got married to james she was lily POTTER and she was a mother just like james was FATHER they’re is nothing wrong with that.

- jegulus/ any ship between a member of the order and a deatheater is just plain stupid sorry but if your head canons goes completely against the core of a character it’s just a wrong statement.

before you start “LEt pEoPle dO whAT thEy WaNt” these are MY opinions

please share yours i love to debate

[alphajocklover]

Can we see the Alpha turning a couple of gay betas who used to be boyfriends into pussy obsessed straight bros?

Someone clearly saw my post about Alphas and sexuality. When I talk about Alphas I usually talk about them in general terms, since getting close and personal with an Alpha is practically begging to get turned into their beta. I usually don’t name names or get into specifics. But since you asked…

Meet Alvin and Benny. They’re boyfriends, or at least they were when this photo was taken. They used to be a loving couple. Alvin, the bigger one, loved to travel and dreamed of taking a trip to Paris. He was an outgoing, friendly guy who was always very kind. Benny, the shorter one, was slightly less social, being painfully shy. Still he had a good heart, loved to write, and once you got to know him he was the funniest person you’d ever meet. Alvin and Benny were great together, being an ideal couple. They brought out the best of each other and supported eachother in everything.

And then they met Cal.

Neither of them really remember how Cal came into their lives? Was he their new neighbor? No, that wasn’t right. Was he Alvin’s new coworker? That didn’t ring true either. Maybe he was Benny’s childhood friend who had come out of the woodwork? Whoever he was, he quickly integrated into their lives. It started off with small things, like skipping drag brunch with their other gay friends to hang out with Cal, or eating a salad instead of a donut because Cal suggested they try to eat healthier. But things escalated quickly, as they usually do with Alphas. Soon Al and Ben, as they now liked to be called, were working out like crazy because they wanted to keep up with Cal. They started talking differently, using words like bro and dude almost constantly, because Cal talked like that, and they were Cal’s bros. They quickly started to forget they were ever anything but Cal’s bros, his betas. Still, through it all, they stayed a couple. It was… weird. Cal was kind of impressed honestly. Usually by the time someone became a beta they lost all interest in relationships with anyone but their Alpha. But these two… they had hung onto it, despite everything. It was impressive… and it pissed Cal off. He didn’t mind that they were gay, but he fucking hated that they were still resisting him. He was their fucking Alpha, and they were his Betas. He should have complete control over them. But he was confident in his powers, like all Alphas are.

So he made a game of it.

He decided to see how far he could push them, how many changes they could handle while still being a gay couple. It wasn’t hard to increase their libidos, nor was it hard to give them an intense urge to fuck pussy. It took 3 months for the changes to finalize, and Cal found it hilarious to watch the two former fags slowly transform, how they’d insist they were gay while also bragging to eachother and Cal about all the pussy they were getting. How they were still convinced they were boyfriends when the closest they’d get to being intimate now is when they’d spit roast a bimbo together on their cocks. In the end there never was never an exact moment where they went from gay to straight. Overtime they just slowly forgot that that was what they used to be. They didn’t think about it anymore. Their relationship with their Alpha was far more important than their relationship with each other after all. And if their Alpha wanted two pussy obsessed straight douchebags, that was what he’d get.

Maybe Cal would let them be a couple again one day. Or maybe he’d make them both into his personal cock suckers. But for now Cal was happy to watch the former fags act like a couple of straight bros. All for him.

**Another Gay to Straight story, this time taking place is my ‘Alpha with a Capital A’ world. I love it when people ask me to expand on the stuff I’ve made, and I had fun writing this. Hope you liked it! If anyone ever wants to see me expand more on anything I’ve written before, just ask!**

[hockey-finns]

So about pekka (and his og boyfriend)

since käärijä and hockey are currently the two main topics of my blog (don’t ask why), after today’s urheilucast episode I feel like it’s my responsibility to introduce pekka rinne better to you who do not know him yet

this post is made just so you know that pekka is lowkey also a kinky bastard and when you inevitably start to write those pekka x jere fanfics you will not forget that pekka already has a hockey goalie boyfriend named juuse saros and they had have a very interesting relationship

pekka has been one of juuse’s biggest idols since he was twelve and he used to watch his highlights on youtube. they met the first time in the 2014 ice hockey world championships when juuse had just turned 19 and he was clearly very starstruck by pekka, who took juuse under his wing immediately

here is a gif of juuse so maybe pekka has a type (significantly shorter, blue eyes, dark hair, younger… sounds familiar?)

By a coincidence (it was fate) juuse was also drafted by nashville predators and ended up playing in the same team as pekka, and that’s where their relationship really kicked off

Here are some memorable moments:

first The Daddy Interview that all hockey tumblrs have probably seen (also multiple people have commented that they thought this is the beginning of a gay p*rn before they knew they’re hockey players)

in addition to this pekka often refers to juuse as ”my son” of ”my boy”

probably the second most kinkiest well known moment - The Collaring in front of the whole team

when juuse was asked his opinion on the chant ”Rinteen Peksi, parempaa kuin seksi” (”Pekka Rinne, better than sex”) he answered ”that’s true”???

juuse is very well known for doing the splits and he has also said that his party trick is to twerk in the splits (sadly no video evidence)

juuse has also had a goalie mask which featured pekka in a sexy white suit and he very proudly presented it to pekka

juuse’s actual father is also named pekka so it’s a bit awkward that his father and his daddy have the same name

one of my most popular posts is a translated video where pekka talks about (praises) juuse for four minutes straight in a sauna and in the end he requests that juuse does his interview shirtless

(So do whatever you want with all the daddy kink, dom/sub shit and the praise kink)

here are some wholesome gifs to cleanse your soul because in the end these two love each other to bits

(gif/video credits in order: @dermott, @rask, @imadeoutwithmikeywayonwarpedtour, @rask, @sorokie)

[replaycamera2]

What Your Fave Redacted Character Says About You

Davey - You value a lot of things in a man: the most important being his ability to snap you in half.

Asher - You are the annoying younger sibling who is completely aware of exactly how much they can get away with via years of experience.

Milo - When people ask you what your hobbies are you say “reading” but the silent part of that answer is “fanfiction”

Vincent - I could go on for hours about all the parasocial relationships you’ve had in your life.

Sam - You’re rapidly running out of things other than yourself to blame for your problems, and honestly, it’s just a cry for help at this point.

Lasko - The people in your life have learned not to use the turn of phrase, “What’s the worst that could happen?” Because you will immediately launch into a 20 minute PowerPoint presentation with cited sources on exactly everything that could possibly go wrong.

Damien - Your parents were PTA terrorists. They were planning your bid for student council president while you were still in the womb.

Hux - For the people who think other people are always flirting with them or buttering them up, but they’re honestly just being nice and you never really learned how appropriately reciprocate that because life has taught you that everyone is always after something.

Gavin - God gave you depression and anxiety because if he didn’t, you’d be competing for his job

Avior - You’re either a burned out “gifted kid” or you only just got diagnosed with ADHD in your mid 20s. No in between.

Vega - Dear god do you love to be stepped on

Blake - You can not fix him. YOU CAN NOT FIX HIM.

Elliott - The ultimate fantasy of every demi-sexual out there.

Aaron - Depends: if you’re a straight woman, this is just everyone’s daddy fantasy. Otherwise, you’re a white gay guy. Only they would see a 1-to-1 recreation of their bully and go, “That is my husband.”

Ivan - I’m not saying you’re scary when you’re mad, I’m just saying the Venn diagram of people who have crossed you and the people you never hear from again is a circle

James - Admit it, you find degradation just a little bit hot. Just give in and go for it, it’ll be cathartic, trust me.

Anton - Literally that meme of “Thank you for changing my life.” “I’m literally a white man from Arizona mumbling and mouth-breathing into a mic.”

Geordi - “Patience of a saint” and “persistence of a rock” do not even begin to describe you. We have had nothing but radio silence from this man for 7 months.

Regulus - You just want someone to end your existence without actually killing you and honestly, valid take.

Guy - Your insecurities might scream at every person you meet, but not if you scream louder

Ollie - Your life moves from one disaster to the next and you are desperate for a shred of stability, which is probably why you’re listening to boyfriend role-play.

Morgan - There are two kinds of people in this fandom: Those who know what “19 months” means, and those who don’t.

[canichangemyblogname]

I’d personally like to know what fandom they’re in because every third day since May of this year, I have been subjected to takes that include statements like:

Tommy will cheat on Buck because gay men cheat.

Tommy will give Buck an STI because gay men sleep around.

I hope Tommy dies of AIDS.

Tommy is homophobic for dating Buck instead of a “femme twink bottom.”

If I were Buck, I’d have killed Tommy for flirting with me.

If you like Buck x Tommy, you’re just a fetishizer. Even if you’re a queer man. I said what I said.

We should stone Tommy.

M/M romantic relationships have always centered women.

Temu is a predator for dating a grown man who’s younger then him.

Jakey only wants Buck for his body and youth because gay men are shallow and superficial.

Which crime makes you want to execute Tteokbokki the most? Cutting a date short or calling a man by his given name?

Gay men are never actually gay; they just think they are. They actually like women, but don’t realize it or are lying.

Men like T*mmy should be beheaded for flirting with men the way he has with Buck.

Tommy is such a typical gay man, forcing himself on Buck in his loft and turning him gay.

Gay men are all liars, so I don’t expect Buck to put up with Tommy long.

Stereotypes about gay men obvi come from somewhere, and that’s real life! I have good cause to think Tommy will be bad for Buck as a gay man!

Buck’s not actually into men; Tommy is your typical man and pressured/coerced Buck into a relationship.

Tommy and Buck dating makes light of women’s relationship trauma.

Someone needs to tell Buck that he’s actually in love with his best friend!

The gayest thing to ever happen to Buck isn’t kissing a man or the implication he’s had sex with that man, but the one time he told his best friend he’d beat him up.

Buck x Tommy is problematic because they’re both men.

Tommy is a pedo because queer people prey on children and a teen in the show called him “cool” off-screen.

Any number of takes calling fans of 911’s recent decision to expand queer representation by including a same-sex male couple “bummies” or “bummers” << UK queer people have told y’all to knock it off. It’s a slur.

Also any number of takes saying that Buck & Tommy’s relationship feels “off-putting,” “creepy,” “gross,” “weird,” “nauseating,” or “obscene”

If you flirt with men like Tommy, you’re a predator. Simple.

Tommy is a freak and a fetishizer.

Relationships are only meaningful and worthwhile if it’s a slow burn and you more friends for the better part of a decade first.

I think this queer guy is secretly in love with and pining for his (straight) best friend.

Queer guys and straight guys can’t be friends; the attraction gets in the way.

Buck is going to cheat on Tommy because Tommy’s old and has a low libido and Buck’s a bisexual slut.

Tommy is grooming Buck!

So, yeah, I’d like to know what fandom you’re in where people are being homophobic to real queer people for *not* liking Tommy, because all I’ve seen is people literally sending death threats and CSAM fics to queer people—often specifically targeting queer men—who support 911’s newest canon queer couple. It has been MONTHS of targeted harassment. Months. I’d like to know WHO these people are who are harassing queer people in the name of defending a “homophobic queer character,” and then I’d like to know how that character is homophobic.

Please—I beg—tell me how Tommy is a “homophobic” gay man. How is he anything like the self-proclaimed “homophobic gay men” of buddieblr? Do tell. Without relying on any tropes about gay men being predatory. Because the only reason y’all think he is and can and would “groom” or “prey upon” a grown man is based in very popular irl queerphobic stereotypes about queer men. Y’all have spent the last five months essentially saying: “I want to subject this fictional character to violence because of real life false conceptions about men like him.”

[ricanvvas]

Okay, I’m going to make one thing *extremely* clear,

Anime that were made for the purpose of portraying strong friendship or teamwork should not have ships that includes the characters within.

Sure, yes, ships are all about opinion and scenes and whatnot, but you cannot look at me dead in the eye and stupidly stand there trying to “make me understand”:

“gOjO aNd gEtO—”

“nArUtO aNd sAsUkE—”

“eRwiN aNd LeVi—”

“chUuyA aNd dAzAi—”

“(literally every fucking character in haikyū)—”

“mEguMi aNd iTadOri—”

All of these characters and their relationships or even the anime itself are supposed to be a clear image of actual true bonds, heavy understandments, depth-y trust, and strong, loyal friendship.

And this HAD to be said. I cannot express how much it triggers me and makes me lose interest or faith so quickly. Makes me believe that you understood absolutely nothing through what the given relationship between the characters was trying to portray. Are you even properly watching the show?

Like it or not, by the way, fetishizing gay people has become so common that not only are weirdos fetishizing gay men, they’re starting to insert sexualities of their choice INTO a character that does not belong to them in any form. Go, turn tf back, and watch/read your yaoi stuff, don’t drag it into anime that has nothing to do with it + people genuinely want to enjoy what is canonically given (indeed, I’m a canon freak). Straight up disrespectful to the original author when you really try to twist characters or their relationship with another character. Disappointing.

It overall makes me believe that everybody who does decide to get into these ships are the types of people who absolutely lack any form of strong bonds or friendship in their life, hence the urge and odd desire to start shipping platonic friendships who clearly were there for the purpose to have a relationship that portrays friendship, understanding, teamwork, and etc.

Most of the time because of this, people even forget the entire plot of the actual story, and instead try to focus it on just two characters (which they twisted their entire relationship into something that satisfies their delusion). It’s genuinely sad. As a writer myself, and hopefully a soon-to-be-author, I’d be damned if I ever opened a phone and saw some no-lifer trying to ship the two characters I put in specifically to show their deep friendship—it sounds so absurd.

[catholickedd]

hi this pride let’s talk about bisexuals

bisexuals are excluded from the queer community very very often because of the idea that we “dont face as much oppression” because we can “just pretend to be straight”

however saying that is extremely extremely harmful as it’s literally the exact same rhetoric that was used against gay men & lesbians for years, that same sex attraction is a choice

bisexuals don’t choose who they’re attracted to and saying they can just “pretend to be straight” is erasing the experience of bisexuals everywhere

i’m a bisexual woman-presenting person. the amount of times i’ve been called a dyke is staggering and only to turn around and get told i can’t say dyke on the internet because that’s “only for lesbians”

like yeah let me tell the homophobic dude at my school “oh, sorry, you can’t call me that, that’s actually only for lesbians!! try faggot instead :)”

also. i heard somebody once complain about how “there’s never two lesbians in a relationship, it’s always a lesbian and a bisexual. this is lesbian erasure.” uh what. do i need to expand on that

also bisexuals are still bisexual when they’re dating a cis man and when they’re dating a cis woman and when they’re dating anyone in between

and a bisexual woman bringing her “cis bf” to pride isn’t infringing on anyone’s rights & it just makes the queer community a more hostile place toward men and male-presenting people & amab non-cis people than it already is

bisexual women and lesbians should not be fighting. we should be kissing because we both love women

thank u for coming to my ted talk

[sarahowritesostucky]

📖"The Taste of You"

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes

Tags: Fresh AU, dark rom-com, dark!Bucky, pre-serum Steve, cannibalism, kidnapping, yandere/basement wife, meet cute-ish, gay sex n' stuff, dub-con

Summary: Steve is so tired of the meat market that modern dating has become. Just when he's deleted all the apps and given up on ever finding Mr. Right, he meets the perfect guy at the grocery store.

A dark, cute, funny, fucked up, and very tasty love story.

A.N.: It's not as murdery as it sounds 😅 But, as per usual: minors DNI. It's a Fresh AU. "If you can't handle the cannibalism, get out of the kitchen"--or something like that

1. Specialty Ingredients

Steve watches, mouth literally hanging open, as it happens again: his date is stomping away, mad.

He just called Steve a scrawny, cock-teasing twink for making out a little on the sidewalk, but then declining to go back to his place to hook up. The guy pressed the issue and Steve got frustrated and told him tersely that he wasn't interested because they just met, okay? That went over like a lead balloon.

Steve scowls as the jerk disappears around the corner at the end of the block. “Well fuck you too,” he mutters, feeling put out—and okay, a little hurt, too. He’s not a cocktease. He’s not scrawny.

Well, maybe that second one is kind of true, but Steve hates how guys will act like they’re into his small stature when they think he’s a sure thing, but then get all derogatory and mean about it once he tries to tell them he’s looking for more than a hookup and wants to take it slow—and not even hetero people slow; gay guy slow, which is super fast in comparison! Steve just wants to get to know a guy for once before sleeping with him. Is that really so bad?

He huffs and turns around, walking dejectedly back to his car. Another handsome asshole, another hope dashed, another pathetic date. He really does have the worst luck, and he’s getting plain sick of it. He checks his phone before he drives away.

Clint: Well???

Steve sighs. He types back a reply to his friend

Steve: another dud

Clint: dude …

Steve rolls his eyes and chucks the phone onto the passenger seat. He turns the key in the ignition, the radio coming on to an old eighties love ballad that just worsens his sense of dejection. “Fucking figures,” he mutters, putting the car into drive.

He leaves the song playing though, because sometimes wallowing is called for.

The next morning, Steve wakes up in a glum mood. He tries to focus on his work for most of the day, rather than his horrible luck with dating, but as he paints the hours away he winds up pouting about it anyhow. He sinks further and further into a depressing pit of self-pity and despair.

Clint texts him, asking if he wants to go out and sing karaoke or something, and Steve knows he’s just trying to cheer him up and all, but he really can’t stand the thought of being cheerful right now.

Steve hates gay guys, he thinks, stomping over to the crappy small sink in his crappy small apartment’s kitchen. He runs the water and rinses off his brushes with a vengeance they don’t deserve. Gay guys suck. Steve hates how shallow they all are, how vapid and self-centered. All they want is to go clubbing and fuck around and that’s it. None of them want a real relationship, and they think Steve is boring for wanting to have a meaningful conversation instead of suck their dicks right away. He gets grumpier about it the more he thinks, and he even has the thought that at least if he were straight he could find someone with feelings, a desire for genuine connection. “Gay guys suck,” he mutters to his poor, abused paint brushes.

Nevermind that Steve himself is incontrovertibly homosexual and has no choice in the matter of what his dating pool consists of. After all: ‘Haters gonna hate, players gonna play’. “Gaays gonna gay, gay, gay, gay, gay.” Steve sings the tune under his breath. He just hates it, hates it all. He’s sick and tired of playing the game.

He sends Natalie a nastily self-deprecating text:

Steve: Know any of your girlfriends who might want to date a faggot?

It’s not nice, and he knows she won’t like him using that word in that context.

Natalie Potential Rich!! Buyer: another douche huh?

He sighs and texts back an apology with a huggy emoji.

Steve: Sorry 🤗 Just frustrated. All the good ones are taken and I’m not interested in the skanks who’re left over.

Natalie responds with the “Give that man a Snickers” Diva-meme, which makes Steve realize that he is, in fact, hungry. He needs to get something to eat. He needs to focus on himself for a change. Maybe it’s finally time to stop looking for Mr. Right and just enjoy Steve Rogers. Maybe he should join a gym, start a new hobby, anything to fill up his time with himself rather than another person. 

He goes into the kitchen, thinking that he’ll make something yummy and binge watch a new series off his Netflix list, but scowls at the barren interior that greets him when he opens the fridge door. Nothing good to eat. “Fuck,” he mutters. He’s got to go to the grocery store now before he can sit down with a meal and relax.

And it’s raining outside, too. Just his fucking luck.

His phone ‘pings’ and he looks over at where he’d set it on the counter. The screen is lit up with a new notification from Grindr:

Henry super liked you!

He picks up the phone and opens the app. Henry’s profile pic is only from the neck down, showing off his abs. Steve rolls his eyes. The next picture is his lower half, a pair of tighty-whities stretched over his erection making it lewd, but still within the app’s no dick pic rules. The third pic is of his bare ass in a jockstrap.

Steve spends a second more than he intends appreciating the guy’s backside, but then he growls and jabs his finger at the screen to reject the guy. He’s fucking fed up with this entire thing! On a sudden, right-feeling whim, he exits the app and holds his finger down on the screen until all the icons start wiggling with their little x’s. He quickly proceeds to delete Grindr, Scruff, and Hornet from his phone.

He’s fucking done with dating. He’s giving up. Steve is just not meant to find Mr. Right. Not this year, anyway. He feels lighter after deleting the apps, and he slides his unburdened phone into his pocket with a sense of accomplishment and a shiny new idea: He’s not going to date for a whole year. He’s going to make this The Year of Steve.

Fuck yeah.

He goes to the hall closet to grab his umbrella and rain boots.

The walk to FreshMart is only four blocks from his apartment, but he still arrives at the grocery store a little damp from the gusting rain. He shakes off his umbrella by the door, grabs a basket, and directs himself towards the produce aisle. He’s added fingerling potatoes and some asparagus spears to his basket, and has just started perusing the meat section when he hears a man’s voice say, 

“Hey, have you ever had this?”

Steve looks over. The guy is holding up a package of bloody red … something. Steve blinks. “Um …”

The stranger twists his lips and shakes his head, looking at the meat. “It’s venison. I thought I’d freak my sister out with something a little different.”

“Your sister?” Steve asks, feeling very odd at being asked his opinion in the middle of the meat department. He looks between the package of raw meat and the stranger—He’s unusually handsome, tall and strong-jawed, brown hair styled in an effortlessly flattering cut. Steve licks his lips nervously. “Um, isn’t that like, deer meat?” He takes a step closer to peer down at the label. “Huh.” He didn’t know regular grocery stores sold that kind of thing. “That’s … exotic,” he says, for lack of a better word.

The stranger chuckles. “Yeah, well. I actually don’t eat animals, so …” he shrugs. “But her and her husband and kids are total carnivores. Thought I’d bring something other than my usual bottle of wine.”

“Oh.” Steve peers up at the man, trying to figure him out. The man smiles sheepishly and Steve winds up smiling, charmed, if somewhat baffled. He looks the man in the eyes and is taken by how pretty they are, how intense. Damn he’s good looking. “Well I, ah, couldn’t tell you what it tastes like. I’ve never had it.” He makes a face. “Like I said, it’s exotic.”

“Oh I love to cook with exotic ingredients. I’m kind of an amateur cuisinier. Or at least I try to be.”

“Oh. Right.” Steve gestures to the blood package. “But you ah … you don’t cook only vegetarian stuff?”

The man grins (and shoot, he’s got an unfairly attractive smile, too). “I guess I just like to satisfy other people’s appetites,” he says, lips parted enticingly. And then his tongue darts out in this totally casual, should-be-illegal sort of way. “I take it you’re a meat eater,” he says knowingly.

Is that a double entendre? Steve thinks it might be a double entendre. Yes! he wants to scream. Yes! He is 1000% a meat eater. He gulps as the guy’s eyes flick down and back up his body in a heated onceover, and Steve may not always be the brightest bulb in the box, but he can tell when he’s being considered. Is this guy really flirting with him? Here? In the freaking grocery store? Is that even a real thing that happens, anymore? Steve flushes and pulls his shopping basket up higher in front of himself, like a shield. “I–I see,” he stammers. “Well … um … yeah.” God, he’s hopeless.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Venison’ll probably be … different.” He nods at the stranger, awkward and aware that the other man isn’t moving away. “Well. Good luck.” He turns and vacantly peruses the meats, pretending that he’s more invested in searching out the perfect porkchop than he really is. He hears the guy’s footsteps moving away.

“Fuck it,” the man says, and turns right back around. He takes a deep breath. “I like your boots.”

“What?”

The guy nods downwards. “Your rain boots. They’re really cute.”

Steve looks down at his feet. His rubber boots are pink and printed with the golden girls’ faces. He looks back up at the stranger, stunned. No straight guy on planet Earth would ever say such a thing. “Um. Thanks.”

The guy holds out his hand, friendly, like he’s not aware he’s acting weird as shit. “I’m James.”

Steve probably stares too long at the offered hand, before he hurries to shove the handles of his shopping basket up onto his one arm so that he can take the guy’s—James’—hand and shake it. It’s pleasantly large over his own hand. “Steve.”

James smiles. He’s arrestingly handsome when he doesn’t smile and Steve feels like an even weaker creature when he does. “Sorry,” James says, looking down shyly. “I uh, I don’t usually do this.”

“Do what?” Steve asks, keenly aware that he may just be about to be propositioned. He winces at the idea of having to turn down another good-looking jerk.

James tilts his head. “Would you …” He hesitates, eyes flicking up and over as a woman passes them. She turns and goes down the soda aisle. He looks back to Steve, distracted. “I was gonna be crazy and ask for your number,” he says, flushing. Steve doesn’t even get a chance to say anything before James is scrubbing his hand over his embarrassed face. “Fuck, I’m sorry. You’re probably not even—” He looks back to the soda aisle where the woman had gone. “Sorry,” he mumbles again, and starts to walk away. “Human disaster in the meat aisle. Just ignore me, please.”

“Wait!” Steve blurts. James turns back around. “Why do you want my number? Were you gonna ask me out? Like on a date?” He uses the word purposefully.

“Well, yeah.” James looks apologetic. “Sorry. I know it’s weird.”

It is weird. But Steve is kind of charmed by the guy’s odd methods. He promptly pushes away his resolution of The Year of Steve. “James,” he says, taking a step closer. “Um, you can. Have my number.” He peeks up at him shyly. “If you want.”

James' happy-surprised-enthused smile is the best one yet. They exchange numbers.

Clint: Wait, wat do you mean, the grocery store??

Steve: he came over and just started talking to me.

Clint: … that’s weird, man. That’s shady.

Steve: actually it was kind of cute. Kind of idk old fashioned.

Clint: Kind of weird. Whats his Insta?

Steve doesn’t hear from James for almost three days. He alternates between finding it refreshing, and being disappointed. Maybe Clint’s right. Maybe the guy was just a weirdo.

Then, on the third day, Steve is leaving from his morning shift at Michaels when he hears his phone ‘ping’ with a notification. When he sees the name “Weird Meat Guy” on the screen, his face splits in a grin.

Weird Meat Guy: Been thinking about you since the other day.

Happy butterflies come to life in Steve’s stomach at the flirtatious tone of the text. His first instinct is to force himself to ignore it for at least thirty minutes, so that he doesn’t seem overeager. But then he thinks, fuck it, just like James had said in the grocery store before turning right back around to ask him out.

Steve types a reply.

Steve: hey stranger. Yeah I was wondering how that venison worked out for you. 😂What’s it taste like?

Weird Meat Guy: I don’t eat animals, not even for my sister’s Sunday dinners. But she said it was fine. Not as good as regular old cow, though🐄🥩

Steve: not surprising.

There’s a bit of a pause where he can see James is typing and deleting and typing again. Then,

Weird Meat Guy: Do you want to go out tonight? We could grab drinks or something?

Steve bites his lip, bad memories of “casual” meetups and “just grabbing drinks” dates and what they’ve always led to, in the past.

Steve: let’s go out to eat. At a restaurant or something. A real date.

James texts back almost immediately, and his answer makes Steve beam like a fool.

Weird Meat Guy: Hell yeah. What’s your favorite kind of food?

Steve can’t help it; he has a good-verging-on-great feeling about this guy. He tries to tuck away his expectations that this time it’ll be different. He can still do The Year of Steve if or when this goes wrong. He’ll just try this one last time though. Just once more before he swears off being a “meat eater” for the year.

He tells James that he really likes Italian food, and the next thing he knows, James is sending him the link to a really nice and expensive Italian place in Brooklyn. Steve thrills at James' enthusiasm, and grimaces at the three dollar signs that Google has lined up beside the restaurant’s name.

He tells James okay, figures he’ll just tighten up his budget a bit for a few weeks after.

James meets him inside the restaurant, at the bar. He’s already got a drink in his hand. “It’s an old fashioned,” he tells him sheepishly. “Sorry to start without you.”

“No, it’s fine.”

“I just get a little nervous when I ask a cute guy out to dinner.”

Steve freezes, but then his mouth twitches. “Oh,” he says. “You, ah … you think I’m cute, huh?”

James grins and winks at him in a way that is devastating and should-not-be-allowed. “Yeah. I sure do.”

Steve is charmed.

The hostess seats them in a dark and cozy booth in the back of the restaurant. Steve settles in and looks around, impressed. “This is a really nice place,” he says, genuinely meaning it but also kind of anxious to open his menu and get a look at whatever prices garnered a $$$ on Google.

“Yeah it’s one of my favorites.” James is grinning at him from across the table. “I was so glad you picked Italian, cause then I knew I had the perfect place to bring you.”

Bring you. Steve looks down and tries not to smile too obviously at the words. “I like it so far,” he says, peeking up coyly at James so that he knows Steve doesn’t just mean the restaurant.

James seems to get it, if his expression is anything to go by.

They open their menus and Steve’s stomach drops at the forty dollar appetizers. Shit. He wishes he’d found a way to mention to James that he’s kind of a starving artist.

“Do you like mushrooms?” James asks, oblivious to Steve’s internal panic. He’s looking across the table at him with eager eyes. “They’ve got the best stuffed mushrooms I’ve ever had. I think they put crack in ‘em.”

Steve laughs despite himself, then decides ‘fuck it’ once again, and closes his menu with a nod. “Sure,” he says. “Let’s do it.” He’ll live frugally for a month if he has to.

James orders them the appetizer and an entire bottle of wine that he knows by its specific name and year. All Steve makes out is the “‘94 ” part of it, and his heart rate picks up. He’s about to really worry about how the hell much a place like this is going to charge for an entire bottle of wine that’s older than he is, but then when the server delivers it and pours for them, James shoots him a wink and tells him, “S’my treat.”

Oh. Steve’s heart flutters as much at the gentlemanly gesture as it does at the possibility that maybe James will pay for the whole meal. A guy can dream.

The mushrooms arrive and Steve gushes to James about how he was right: they are amazing. They get to talking, covering the standard ‘first date’ questions, and it’s stupid and awkward like it always is; but also it isn’t, because James seems to laugh about the awkwardness of it, too. And that makes it kind of fun.

James is thirty-seven to Steve’s twenty-seven (Daddy kink: activated). He has a place in Manhattan but his sister lives in Brooklyn, which is why he was shopping at the FreshMart in Steve’s neck of the woods the other day. He’s got one parent still living, grew up with a loving family but “pretty poor” in Jersey. He hasn’t been in a relationship or even been on a date in “a really long time.” He wants to travel more but he lets his work consume him too much. He doesn’t eat animals.

He’s also really good at making the whole first-date interrogation-phase go smoothly. It’s fun with him, Steve realizes, not awful and strained like it usually would be. Their conversation just seems to flow naturally and easily, both of them smiling almost continually as they chat and joke.

Steve is utterly charmed.

“Okay,” James says, as he pops another mushroom into his mouth and then talks around it. “I’ll do another boring one: what do you do for work?”

Steve gulps and delays answering by taking a sip of the wine—a red that downright tastes expensive. “Um, well my passion is my art. It’s what I went to school for.” He tucks his lips in and shrugs. “But, ya know, ‘starving artists,’ and all that. So I work part time at Michaels, too.”

James doesn’t look like he’s thinking that Steve’s a stereotype or a loser or anything like that. “That’s awesome!” he says, sounding like he genuinely means it. “What kind of art? Or like, what medium do you work with?”

Steve blinks. Nobody ever asks him good questions like this, like they actually care and want to dig deeper into who he really is. “Um, mostly acrylics. Some watercolors and pencil-charcoal sketching,” he says, flustering at the way that James pays such close attention to his answers. “I like to mix it up sometimes, but mostly it’s those three.” He shrugs. “I sell online. I have one really loyal patron—she keeps me afloat. S’nothing that special.”

“Sounds like you know your stuff,” James counters, not letting him insist on his own mediocrity. “If you went to school for it and all, then you must be pretty good. Don’t you have to, like, audition for art school?”

Steve blushes and looks away. “Well. Yeah.”

“And I bet you get all your supplies cheap with the side gig, huh?”

Steve stares at him. “Yeah,” he says, impressed. “Employee discount.”

James nods sagely, as if he’s ever had to worry in his life about the utility of an employee discount. He might’ve grown up poor, but he’s clearly well-off now. Steve can tell that the suit he’s wearing is a custom tailored deal, and the wine he’s ordered for the table has a bouquet of oak and dollar bills. “I think it’s really brave of you,” he’s telling Steve, looking like he admires him or something ridiculous like that. “That you’re following a passion like that? That you can just …” he makes a shaping gesture over the table with his hands, “make something with your own two hands and then sell it? That’s incredible.”

The more James talks, the more Steve gets his hopes up that he might actually be A Really Great Guy™️. Steve can hardly stand to take all the compliments, so he turns the question back around on James: “What about you? What do you do for work?”

James hesitates. “... I’m a surgeon.”

Steve’s eyes go wide and his mouth drops open, making him look like A Gold Digger™️, probably. He closes his mouth. “Oh. Wow, that’s … that’s neat. Medical school, then, huh?”

James smiles through a wince, as if being a freaking doctor is no big deal. “Yeah. It was rough for a few years, but I got through it. I’m in a good place now. It’s pretty smooth sailing.”

“So do you work at like a hospital or something?”

“Not exactly.” He stares at him for a long moment, then suddenly says, “Gosh, I’m just really attracted to you, Steve.” Steve blinks, taken-aback. He reaches for a hurried sip of his wine and tries to think of a response to the weird shift in conversation. “Sorry,” James hurries. “I just felt like I had to say it.” He gives Steve a tender look rather than a lecherous one, which is a welcome change from the usual script. “I think I might really like you.”

Steve flusters and averts his eyes to the tabletop, peeking back up at James a few times. The guy is totally focused on him. It’s intimidating, but not in a bad way. “Yeah,” Steve eventually manages to murmur. “Yeah I think you might be nice.”

James teases him about the ‘nice’, and they fall into easy banter again as they finish the mushrooms and open up their menus to choose their entrees. Steve’s once again fixated on the prices, and he immediately starts trying to see if there’s anything under sixty dollars …

“By the way,” James says casually, not looking up from where he’s reading his menu. “I know this place is fucking ridiculous: I got it covered.”

He says it all easy and nonchalant, like it’s no big deal that he’s treating Steve to what’s probably a three hundred dollar dinner, and Steve once again feels like he’s on a date with a hero, a real gentleman. “Kay,” he says smally, feeling delighted and hopeful as heck on the inside. 

He orders a seafood linguini, and James gets a spinach and cheese tortellini dish. “This is so good,” Steve practically moans around a mouthful of his food. 

James makes a noise of agreement, stuffing another tortellini shell in his mouth. “Mmph.”

“So you really don’t eat any meat?” Steve winds up asking. “Like, not even fish or chicken or anything?” Where does he get his protein? James looks like he keeps in good shape …

James chuckles. “Nope. Haven’t touched the stuff for … gosh, almost fifteen years.”

“Wow.” Steve spears up another shrimp from his pasta and wonders if it offends James. “So like, is it an ethical thing or just …”

“No, no. I just kind of had this epiphany one day—while I was tenderizing a thigh, mind you—that all the things I was eating were living creatures, that we’re animals just like they are.” He makes a thoughtful face as he considers it. “It’s not a moral viewpoint so much as it is a …” he trails off and his eyes return to Steve with an apologetic shrug. “I dunno. My viewpoint shifted that day. Couldn’t shift it back. I’ve tried so many other things now, animal meat just doesn’t taste the same anymore.”

“I can respect that.” Steve wiggles his fork that’s speared with a juicy scallop. “As long as you don’t mind this.” 

“No, no way. Don’t you remember where we met?”

Steve snickers. “Oh yeah, how could I forget. What was it you said? You like to ‘satisfy other people’s appetites’?” He chances a flirty look across the table. “Wasn’t that how you put it?”

James chews, smirking, and he winks at Steve again. Goddamn. “Yeah,” he says lowly. “Yeah. I sure do.”

On the sidewalk outside the restaurant they stand close together, bundled in their jackets. Neither one of them seems to want to leave. “Thanks again,” Steve says. “For dinner. It was really nice.”

“My pleasure.” James takes a step closer, so that they’re almost toe to toe. “I was so excited to go out with you,” he says. He brings a hand up and traces the side of Steve’s face with the backs of his fingers, not looking at Steve’s eyes but rather where he’s touching his cheek. “You’re different,” he murmurs. "And I knew it the moment I met you."

Wow, what a fucking intense thing to say. Steve … doesn’t hate it. “I am?” he whispers, watching his breath swirl on the air between their faces.

“Mmhm. I can tell.” 

Steve shivers and fights the urge to press into James’ touch on his cheek. It feels unduly intimate, and they’re already so close. “I was excited for tonight, too,” he confides. “I’ve had a lot of bad luck with dating. Was getting sick of trying, to be honest.”

“But?” James asks softly, and Steve looks up at him, for once feeling open and honest enough to just admit,

“But I didn’t meet you on some app. And you liked my stupid Golden Girls boots.” James chuckles and Steve looks up, taking in his face up close: the dimple in his chin, the creases of age that’ve barely begun to collect at the corners of his eyes, that one tiny patch of grey in his beard. It makes him all the more insufferably handsome. “And you’re charming,” he whispers. “So there’s that.”

James smiles softly. “Aw, shucks.”

“I think you’re a really nice guy, James. I’d like to see you again.”

James' smile widens hopefully. “Yeah?” he says, leaning even closer.

“Yeah. I think, well … I just think …”

“What?” James touches his face again, this time palming his cheek. “Tell me.”

“Oh, it’s nothin’.” Steve finally lets his eyes slip closed, enjoying the feeling of James’ hand on his skin, the cologne he gets a whiff of when they’re standing this close. “You smell nice.”

“Thank you. Still haven’t told me what you were gonna say.”

Steve smiles sadly. “Oh, I’m just getting my hopes up about you, is all.” He’s still got his eyes closed when James kisses him. He inhales sharply through his nose, surprised. But he doesn’t pull away, and they just … keep kissing.

Eventually James cups his face with both hands and Steve moans, because the way James is kissing him feels so natural and good. He feels like he can taste James' good intentions as they make out softly, right there on the sidewalk.

When they part they’re both panting a little, heavy-lidded eyes flicking over one another, gauging, desire tinged with uncertainty. “That was …” James breathes.

“Yeah,” Steve says, and they both stare at each other for another long moment, before Steve says, “Fuck it,” and surges in to grab James by his jacket and kiss him again, this time harder. James whimpers needily into his mouth, and heat shoots through Steve’s belly at hearing it, arousal flaring to life faster than he can handle. Suddenly his pants feel a little tight, and he wants James so badly he can hardly stand it. “Oh man,” he groans, pulling away from the kiss, grimacing at himself for what he’s about to say. “I really, really never do this,” he promises against James' lips. “But … Do you want to go back to my place?”

James' eyes widen. “Yeah,” he breathes. “Fuck. Yeah, okay.”

They kiss eagerly one more time and then hurry off, giddy, hands clasped, and headed in the direction where James says he’s parked his car.

Masterlist

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[joonliebe]

This is going to be a little rant about something I have personally noticed in my own community and I think it should be talked about

If a gay man doesn’t want to date a trans man and a lesbian woman doesn’t want to date a trans woman then that doesn’t necessarily mean they are transphobic!

Now let me go into further detail about my statement.

It’s not wrong to have a preference in body types when pursuing a relationship. Just because a gay man won’t date a trans man doesn’t mean he doesn’t see you as a man (same goes for lesbians with trans women)

I’m not sure how bottom surgery works exactly so I can’t speak on that part but if a lesbian is lesbian because of the fact that she just doesn’t like having sexual relationships with those with the opposite genitalia then she shouldn’t be shamed for not wanting to be in a relationship with a trans woman.

Unless the individual specifically states that the reason why they don’t want to date transgender people is because they don’t see them as real men/women then they are not transphobic

And this goes for straight people too. Unless a straight person specifically says that they won’t date a trans person because they’re not real men/women then they shouldn’t be labeled as transphobic.

This happens a lot more than people think and it goes farther than just straight people. It goes into our community as well and it breaks the one thing that we as a lgbtq+ community stands for and that is to be accepted no matter our preference.

As a gay trans ftm individual myself I know it can be disappointing to find out that another gay man would want to date me because I don’t physically have the same genitalia as my gender however in the long run I will survive and find another. I rather a man to be open and tell me that he doesn’t like the opposite genitalia so that he doesn’t feel pressured into a relationship where he would be uncomfortable when having sexual intercourse and or not want to have sexual intercourse.

That brings me down to my last point

As a transgender individual you should make it clear to the person that you want to be in a relationship with (if gay, straight, or lesbian) ahead of time so you don’t end up in the wrong situation.

Unfortunately not all people would handle finding out their partners are the opposite biological sex of their attraction and may act aggressively (this would be obvious transphobia).

On a non violent note if that person turns out to not want to be in a relationship with you because your genitalia is not something that they seek in a relationship however they do still see you as a man/woman then don’t take it personally because you can always still be friends with them even if it’s awkward for a little bit the awkwardness is only temporary and will only last the longer you stay on the thought that the person doesn’t seek a relationship with you because your genitalia. Instead think of the fact that despite you not having your gender anatomy you are still a man/woman

If you have any questions or are unsure what I mean by something please ask me. Do not assume something if I haven’t specifically stated it because that is disrespectful to me and uncalled for.

[nickssidewitch]

I just want to understand… there are so many fanfictions out there of straight females x fem readers because they’re viewed as ‘pretty’ or ‘girl crushes’ what makes this different from gay male x female readers? People are saying it’s disrespectful to their sexuality but doesn’t this make people who write straight female x fem reader hypocrites? Why is it so normalised for fem x fem regardless of their sexualities? I personally don’t find it disrespectful if people choose to write Nick x Fem. It’s not like they aren’t accepting of him it literally fan FICTION. Matt and Chris aren’t really dealers or professors it’s all fiction. We know realistically Nick isn’t getting turned on from a woman but that’s why it’s fiction. I just don’t think it’s right to label these writers or people who enjoy reading these fics, homophobic. Am I wrong? I’m just genuinely trying to see the difference

Straight Real-Life Celeb Female x Fem!Reader is also bad… whoooo said it was acceptable?! 😭😭😭😭 What?!

From every statement I’ve read about people having an issue with Nick x Fem!Reader, they’ve almost alwayssss followed it up with “and writing Matt/Chris with a Male!Reader is also just as bad”.

The point that literally everyone (and I mean every. single. person.) is trying to make to these thick-skulled defenders (not saying you’re thick skulled anon 😭) is… AHEM! :

Writing real-life, living, breathing, non-made up, nonfictional people as something other than their actual sexualities (Straight or Gay) is WRONG! Hands down, point blank, period! It is disrespectful because it targets the person’s sexuality as if that is something that can be manipulated or skewed (even if its a mere depiction) to appeal to the masses.

This is something that the thick-skulled defenders don’t understand, are uninformed about, or just want to be the devil’s advocate of.

Even though it is fanfiction, you have to understand that you are writing fictional stories based on REAL PEOPLE with REAL IDENTITIES!

Imagine a writer wrote a story about a real lesbian celebrity and she came across that and didn’t like the fact that people were depicting her as straight and in straight sexual relationships— she’d feel so gross that people were treating her identity as something that could be skewed. And she could literally sue that person for it 😭 No joke.

The reason why it’s not disrespectful to write these real life people as professors or drug dealers or whatever other role is because that’s a whole JOB. a PROFESSION. a HOBBY. a ROLE. You’re not changing someone’s identity. You’re not changing someone’s core value.

Just…*takes a deep breath* be respectful. That’s literally the whole focal point of why this whole thing is wrong! It’s disrespectful. “How is it disrespec— BONK! 💥👋🏾” If you don’t get it, reread my statement and orher people’s.

Fanfiction is fun and of course you can play around. There’s just still a respectful way to do it. 🥰👍🏾😁

[heterophobicdyke]

do you think bi women who only date women could use femme/butch? i’ve read that it was used by bisexuals since it was developed before the communities separated. i’m totally fine with lesbian being an exclusionary label though it wasn’t in the past, because words evolve and meanings change. but i’m not sure that should mean bi women don’t get to use terms they historically have? i already feel like since the label bisexual wasn’t used/widespreadt for a long time, bi women who participated in the lesbian community in the past get forgotten/ignored. i do however realize queer people tend to do a lot of history revisionism, so i wanted to hear your opinion on it.

ps. obviously if someone dates/seeks men they shouldn’t call yourself any of those terms.

I’m sorry but I am so so so tired of people making up that “all SSA women used to use lesbian.” No they didn’t. I even reached out to multiple lesbian historians and literally everybody said they have heard this shit before but nobody backs it up with meaningful proof.

There are fakers of every label, of course. But what bisexuals refer to when they say “lesbian used to be for bisexuals and lesbians” is because many more lesbians (female homosexuals!) were married or in longterm relationships with men before coming out because they literally had no other choice. Bisexuals take that to mean the lesbians are just stealing every SSA woman from history, rather than understanding why lesbians entered those relationships without desiring men at all.

You know where most bisexuals were back in the day? In desired relationships with the opposite-sex. Like today. But even more often back then, for reasons I hope are obvious. Same-sex relationships were even more dangerous to be in, which means less OSA women are going to risk it all on a SSA relationship because they’re capable of finding comfort within the heteronormative expectation. They’re able to find accepted love.

The true revisionism is this anonymous ask. “Lesbian” as a term to be identified with really only took off in the 1960s (but it is first documented in the late 1800s - around the same time “bisexual” was first documented). The word lesbian and the word bisexual gained popularity within a decade of each other, in the 1960s/1970s. And previously to that, in the 50s, lesbians mainly called themselves homophiles or gay. “Lesbian” became a way to carve out our own terminology seperate from gay men, during a period filled with so much frustration towards their misogyny within the gay rights/homophile movement that we turned to radical feminism - only to find so much homophobia. So if what you mean by it being a shared term is when bisexuals appropriated lesbianism by calling themselves “political lesbians,” literally using the ‘political’ because they KNEW they weren’t actual lesbians, then here’s a friendly reminder that homophobic pockets of OSA women appropriating lesbianism does not mean that the term was for all SSA women.

There are still bisexuals who believe everything lesbian, include butch/femme, should be for bisexuals (especially female-leaners), because nobody erases bisexuality like bisexuals. Bisexuals need to socialise and build community more with fellow bisexuals because y’all can’t keep complaining about the world seeing things as straight or gay when we are literally begging you to admit your bisexuality and stop hiding behind homosexual terminology. Nobody thinks of bisexual when they hear butch/femme. You would be willingly using terms people associate with lesbians, as a male-attracted woman. And while I’m sure the odd bisexual woman used those terms in the 1930s-1950s, most of you were in desired marriages with men safe from accusations of perversion.

How many bisexuals would have been in butch/femme working class dyke bars in the 50s? Come on. It’s like saying bisexuals should be able to reclaim “dyke” because they may have had it shouted at them before. What about GNC straight women? Should they, too, get to call themselves “dyke” because a man might shout it at them from a car window? I hate how downplayed it is that bisexuals tend to focus their attention on men. It’s not their fault because male/female relationships are normalised and it genuinely is hard being gay or gay-passing. But you can always go back to men and you usually do. So dabbling with lesbian terminology is not on. Create your own terms.

[tall-glass-of-nope]

I saw Chasing Amy for the first time last night and since I’m generally uninitiated in the world of Kevin Smith films I guess I have no basis of comparison but I was shocked at the candor with which a lot of the sexual topics and relationships are presented.

I expect this will be one of my most unpopular opinions but I’m willing to say it: I thought it was a good movie.

I don’t know how it was MEANT to be interpreted, but here’s what I got from it (spoilers ahead).

I get that many people find it problematic that Alyssa describes herself as gay when she’s clearly bisexual, but with the context that this film was made in the late 90s and the fact that there are STILL people who think bi identities are just noncommittal experimental stops between gay and straight… I just don’t find it that unrealistic that she’d be imprecise with her own label.

Ben Affleck’s character sucks. Like, I hated him. But I don’t hate that I hated him, because it’s a movie and I’m pro-unlikeable protagonist sometimes. There is a lot of dialogue about turning the lesbian, and I think his character does fetishize that. I also think he’s wrong to believe that’s what happened at all. She chose to spend all that time with him, to accept his stupid cringe car speech, and eventually to leave. He doesn’t actually change her. She’s using him (romantically) like she used to use people sexually in her past, AND I don’t think that should be a condemned character trait on her part. If he had really loved her back, well, then it wouldn’t have been using. But it was one-sided imo. I believe she saw the red flags and still chose him, until he disappointingly came around to a proposition that demonstrated he’d never treat her the same again and she knew she didn’t deserve that.

But also I do think she really thought she was in love, so at the one year later mark her emotionality makes sense because that’s a kind of nostalgia that is so personal, even if that chapter is well and truly over.

Banky is gay. Full stop. So, interpret all of his problematic diatribes with that filter. His “everyone needs a good dicking” speech is him telling on himself. It’s repression and a lot of internalized issues, and he talks about this stuff in ways I’ve heard other people in my real life talk about them in private spaces. It’s a realistic portrayal. Also Jason Lee NAILS the little details. He’s staring at Ben Affleck’s lips. He’s jealous of the attention Alyssa gets. I didn’t doubt for a single frame what was going on under the surface for that character.

I will never defend the two main boys in this movie, but they’re written extremely realistically. I know guys like these two dudes. The whole movie long I had two specific people in mind, in fact. And no, I do not have anything to do with them anymore, but I was someone’s Alyssa (or Amy) once.

One final note: I’ve never seen a movie where a straight character actually suggests a three-way as a solution to his love triangle problems and this was portrayed so surprisingly earnestly as a request. Yeah, it was cringe and incorrect, but so is everything about Holden. I just found it surprising that it happened at all, and I don’t think it was entirely played for laughs or pure shock value.

[denimbex1986]

'Last month, the BBC offered an apology of sorts after a red-carpet reporter at the Baftas asked Andrew Scott, star of the film All of Us Strangers, about fellow Irish actor Barry Keoghan’s appendage. This had been the subject of conversation thanks to Keoghan’s naked dancing in the film, Saltburn, in which Keoghan’s floppy bishop steals the final scene. To settle this nagging concern the BBC turned to a gay man. ‘There was a lot of talk about prosthetics. How well do you know him?’ the reporter asked an annoyed Scott who shook his head and walked away.

Had a female actress been asked to authenticate another woman’s breasts, the scandal that would have ensued goes without mentioning, but the BBC dusted it off. ‘Our question to Andrew Scott was meant to be a light-hearted reflection of the discussion around the scene and was not intended to cause offence,’ the organisation said.

The gynarchy has made clear that objectifying men is perfectly fine and, after all, what’s a little light-hearted homophobia when gay movies are having a renaissance? All of Us Strangers – nominated for six Baftas but ultimately snubbed, and Saltburn, nominated for five – joined a handful of other gay titles that studios have banked on attracting an audience beyond the 4 per cent of the population who might traditionally see those films.

Where the box office didn’t pay off, critical acclaim largely has. 2020’s Supernova, staring Colin Firth and Stanley Tucci as a 60-something gay couple, and last year’s drama Passages directed by Ira Sachs, have also inched into a market where such movies typically didn’t belong.

‘Why are gay movies always so sad,’ people used to ask in the 1990s. Thirty years later, nothing has changed. Gay flicks tend to have three themes – loneliness, death, and villainy – and this recent batch of movies is no exception. The miniseries Feud: Capote vs. The Swans, released last month and based on writer Truman Capote’s final years, nicely encompasses all three.

‘New film All of us Strangers centers on gay loneliness and trauma,’ a headline on NBC News read, as though that’s anything new. And while I don’t know what ‘trauma’ is, I do know that gay people have always fixated on it and, increasingly, so does everyone else. Gay films haven’t changed, but the audience has. Women are lonelier, more promiscuous, and more atomised than ever and now they’ve discovered a whole sub-genre of cinema speaking to that and aiming to nurture those anxieties. Just a hunch, but the ladies sobbing along at home to Supernova are probably childless and spend many hours a week on Zoom calls.

When a gay film meanders too deeply into gay insider baseball, like Billy Eichner’s 2022 romantic comedy Bros, it bombs. The most resonate gay movie of all time might continue to be 1970’s The Boys in the Band, but the 2020 remake flopped, probably because it’s a story devoid of hope and beauty, only messiness and casual destruction –something gay men understand but remains far too raw and excruciating for women to enjoy.

Then there’s the other side of it – the neutered gay fan fiction written by and for women, like Amazon Prime’s horrendously stupid 2023 film Red, White & Royal Blue, which offers women magical gay pets to carry around in their dreams. When I asked the feminist writer Louise Perry about these films, she said:

"These are usually gay relationships represented in a uniquely feminine way: intensely emotional, no casual sex, very unlike gay porn for men.

I suspect that young women find these gay fantasies attractive because they’re scared of the asymmetries inherent to straight relationships, in which women are always the more physically vulnerable party. So, they invent fictional gay men and give them a style of sexuality more typical of women.

She continued: ‘Will & Grace was obviously created for women because the gay male characters are weirdly asexual,’ reiterating something gay men have speculated for some time, noting that the bitchy and boozy, heterosexual Karen Walker was the only character they gravitated toward.

That’s not to say women can’t write great gay stories. Brokeback Mountain, the most critically acclaimed gay movie of all time, was based on a short story by Annie Proulx, who revealed in a 2009 interview her frustration with fan letters wishing the story had ended on a positive note. Those ‘idiots’ who want a happy ending, she said, overwhelmingly tended to be men.'

[sicasole]

Why I Love Kpop (I think)

I’ve joked before that everyone who likes kpop secretly wants to be in a polycule, but like most jokes the more I think about that statement, the more truth I find in it. After all, kpop disrupts the way we think about homosocial relationships, and it often presents queer dynamics for its audience to ponder and sometimes even obsess over. Lately, (and by lately I mean for almost 8 years) I’ve been captivated by the question of why I and so many other queer people love kpop so much. The following is a stream-of-consiousness attempt at answering that question. I’ll be speaking from the perspective of a queer femme fan who listens to and watches mostly male idols, but of course I know this topic is richer than just this one dynamic. I don’t speak for all queer people or all kpop fans.

For as long as I can remember I’ve been listening to, performing, and analyzing music, but when I think about kpop, I’m thinking about it very differently than any other musical media. Because yes, kpop is about the music but it’s also about so much else. It’s about queerness and bodily autonomy and relationships both toxic and beneficial. I, like a lot of queer people, love fantasy worlds and characters because they present their audiences with beings who live outside the norm, people and places unbounded by logic and social constraints. They offer us an escape from a world that is unaccepting of our ever-expansive queer identities, and a vision of the possibility for a better one.

But kpop occupies this intensely fascinating space between fantasy and reality. Fans online talk about idols more like they’re fictional characters than real people, frequently speculating about an idol’s time away from the narrative their company puts out the way someone might headcanon a fictional character. These group narratives a company creates give idols an air of fantasy and mystery, allowing for this fan speculation to run amok on social media as they attempt to “fill in the blanks.” But kpop offers a grounding in reality that pure fiction cannot. Here exists a fantasy world you can really see and hear and walk through. These characters you project onto are actually real people.

So why do I love kpop? The answer changes almost daily, but lately I think it's because in many ways, kpop seems to be made to be enjoyed by queer people. The 20th century had gay men who were devoted to Judy Garland, and now we have the Jungkook lesbians.

Queers have always dominated fandom spaces. As people who are more likely to lack role models in our everyday lives, we’ll often turn to fandom media for guidance about how to love and how to be. I think “straight” mass media lately is obsessed with being “relatable” but queer people don’t usually relate to the narratives put out by the heterosexual media machine. This is why kpop is really appealing to members of the community. It’s overwhelmingly uninterested in being relatable, instead, it's aspirational. This parallels the queer self, who is often more invested in the journey of becoming than it is in running towards a more clean-cut goal like home ownership or a nuclear family.

But when I think about kpop, I also think about my own body and its autonomy (or lack thereof). I think about the performance of femininity. This feels a bit strange and vulnerable to admit, but a part of me has always been willing to hand over my body in exchange for love and devotion. This is the kind of transaction a kpop idol makes when they sign a contract. It’s easy to criticize when we see it put in front of us so plainly, but queer people (especially trans people) and those assigned female at birth have always been aware that they don’t entirely own their bodies or decide their actions.

Idols capture exactly the level of freedom I believe is currently possible for me because frequently as a queer person and a feminine person I feel like the only way I can be accepted and safe is if I offer up my body and self in a way that is sanitized and therefore marketable and commodifiable.

Queerness is more accepted today than it was even a few years ago, but there are still limitations to that acceptance. Queer people who remind the dominant heterosexual power structures of tropes and stereotypes are more accepted than those who are living their lives in active opposition to straight expectations. Of course, we know that stereotypes are oppressive tools used to dehumanize people, which is why the pressure many members of the community feel to censor their identities in order to fit into these tropes and stereotypes (while often done for their own safety) is especially demoralizing.

Kpop also relies heavily on tropes when it comes to constructing the narrative of their groups’ dynamics. We know that much of this is done to make the group marketable and commodifiable. But one positive is that a performative self can protect a kpop idol’s privacy from a world that demands celebrities provide their fans with an endless stream of details about themselves and their lives. In the same way, a performative self can protect a queer person from persecution.

This begs the question of how much someone can stand to perform an inauthentic self, even if that performance helps keep them safe. Lately, this is where I see myself most in the idol on my screen. Like me, I feel he is constantly engaged in a horrific balancing act, asking himself how much he can stand to inhabit a performative self for his own safety. Like me, I feel he is questioning whether an authentic self even exists and if it does, will its appearance cut him off from the audience’s love? Like me, I feel he is screaming for a way out.

These men have been locked into a performance their overwhelmingly queer and female fanbases are all too familiar with. Their personal and financial livelihood depends on their ability to appeal to their audience just as the safety of queer people is dependent on the way they are viewed by the domineering heterosexual power. The relationship between idol and fanbase is both symbiotic and toxic. Idols become what they think their audiences want, and this performance is terrifyingly reflected in the lives of their marginalized fans.

This is the point in my thinking where I ask myself what I even hope to gain from this line of inquiry. Is it some sort of twisted self reflection? Is it an unhinged brain-ego trip? Is there even anything here worth exploring? I believe (and hope) there is. I and most people who analyze media today are pushing back on the idea that someone has to be exactly like you for you to relate to them. On the surface, the male idol is nothing like me, but the aspirational nature of kpop media invites me to see him and myself as more hauntingly alike than I would sometimes like to admit. He is androgynous in ways I could only ever dream of, yet he is yearning like me. He is queer like me.

One of the pillars of anthropology (so much so that it’s almost become a cliche) is that its goal is to make the strange familiar and the familiar strange. To the untrained eye, kpop might look like a shallower reflection of our everyday world, one that’s even more image-conscious and subjugated by the demands of capitalism. It certainly can be those things, but when I look at kpop I see the current human condition distilled. Most of us alive today have been trained to constantly seek validation from those around us. Kpop is both familiar and strange because it reminds us of the ways we perform for audiences either real or imagined. It can make us uncomfortable because it shows us just how much we are willing to sacrifice to satisfy the demands of those audiences. In censoring ourselves, we become our own voyeurs and are left wondering who has more power, observed or observer?

So why do I love kpop? I’m not always entirely sure that I do. What I do know is that it’s not really about some fantasy of receiving affection. I don’t turn to idols for tenderness. I never wanted to feel loved, I just wanted to see something beautiful up close. I wanted to see someone who was suffering in the same way I was. I wanted to seek some unprovable personal truth, that perhaps this ethereal creature I saw on my screen was, in fact, just like me. Sure, they had a surface-level beauty I could never reach, but we were alike in all the ways that mattered.

And here I am now, with all of this behind me, wondering if I am (and continue to be) just some more than slightly messed up and lonely child looking for connection in all the wrong places. But then again, aren’t we all?