#i built that entire house and only used literally one room oh well

[hannahssimblr]

“Clóda,” one stone. 

“Clóda,” another. 

“Fuck sake,” I murmur to myself, then throw a third, bigger one, which smacks off her window so loudly that I’m briefly paralysed with fear that it has broken the glass. Thankfully it hasn’t. She comes out onto the balcony.

“There you are,” she says quietly, peering down at me in her garden as I drop my handful of stones and wipe the dirt on my thighs. 

“Yeah, here I am. This is a bit Shakespearean isn’t it?” 

“Huh?”

“Like, you know, 'but soft, what light through yonder window breaks…. Defy thy father, refuse thy name', et cetera,” I pause before clarifying, “Romeo and Juliet, no?”

“Oh, I did The Merchant of Venice for my Junior Cert.”

“I thought you’d have still gotten the reference.”

She leans over the balcony to point to a precarious looking trellis against the wall, “If you climb up that thing you’ll be able to reach me.”

“Right,” I say, and press my foot against the flimsy timber to test my weight, “You know I’m like, nearly thirteen stone?” 

“You can try.”

“And if I break it?”

“Hmm, try not to,” she suggests. 

“Right,” I brace myself by slotting my fingers into a gap between some brick facade on the side of the house and I haul myself onto the trellis, and it groans but doesn’t give. “I’m good, I think I’m good.”

From there it’s not so bad. I nimbly move up the wall, grab hold of the sun room gutters and grab a hold of the balcony railings, where I find myself thrilled in the way a child is, having climbed somewhere he is not supposed to climb, the king of the castle overlooking his vast land, though I can’t really see much in the dark countryside, save a few car headlights in the distance, the lighthouse flashing over the bay. 

“Um, here,” Clóda hisses, and I realise I have briefly forgotten my objective, but the rest is easy, I just swing myself over the railing and I’m up. 

“Nice that you’ve a balcony,” I comment, “I don't know many other people who have one of these.”

“We built this house a few years ago, and for some reason I wanted a balcony in my room, I don’t know, I was like, ten, and it was a stupid idea because it’s mostly too cold out here to even make use of.” 

“Useful now though, huh?” 

She tucks her hair behind her ears and bats her eyelashes at me, “yeah I suppose it is.”

She pushes the door open and we creep into her room where the only light is from the glow of the television screen in the corner. It’s clean, very clean with no clutter or clothes lying around, which always freaks me out for reasons that I cannot explain. The idea that a person would have the interest or discipline to keep their bedroom clean is odd. If a person's bedroom is a mirror to the inside of their mind, then the lack of chaos in hers is foreign and unrelatable. 

While she switches on a pink fringed bedside light I throw myself down on the neatly tucked duvet just so that I can mess it up a little bit, to mark my territory like some kind of wild dog let loose in a palace. I peer at her CD collection and mess that up too by pulling one out and showing it to her, “Jesse McCartney, huh? You a fan?”

She goes pink and grabs it out of my hand, “Yeah I used to be, I dunno, not so much anymore, I don’t know why I still have that.”

I grab another, “Who are the Jonas Brothers?” 

“Oh, they’re-”

“That guy in the middle has a pretty wild haircut, would you fancy me with that?”

“No,” she giggles and takes that CD off me too, then slots them carefully back where they were, “I have some silly stuff, I probably shouldn’t have it all out.”

“Nah, well, look, you have some great stuff here, how ‘bout this? Black Holes and Revelations? I love this album, you know I saw Muse live last year.”

The mattress sinks as she sits next to me, “Really? Was it when they came to Ireland?”

“Nah it was in the states.”

Her eyes flash with intrigue, “like, America?”

“Mm, yeah.”

“That’s so cool.”

“Is it?”

“Yeah, that you just, like, go to America and stuff. I don’t know anybody who’s gone to America yet, and I want to go so badly.”

I shrug, “well you should, then.”

“How often do you go?”

“Not often, I was there last year and then before that…” I try to remember, “I think I was maybe twelve. It takes a long time to get to where I’m going, you know, from here you can only get to New York and then you have to get a connecting flight and all of that,” thinking about the ordeal of it exhausts me, but Clóda is leaning forward in fascination, as hearing the words ‘New York’ come out of my mouth has sent a thrill through her. 

“What do you go for?”

“Just to visit family and stuff.”

“You’ve family there?”

“Of course, did you not know that my dad is American?”

She frowns, “Well you sound a little bit American but I thought… I don’t know, really, I thought you were putting it on or something.”

“What, like, for attention?”

“I don’t know,” she shakes her head, impatient, “where do you go?”

“Well… I’ve some family in California and some in New Mexico, which is like, a state in the southwest, kinda wedged between Texas and California, if you can imagine that on a map,” I leave out poor Arizona just to make it easier on her, because nobody here knows what the hell a New Mexico, (‘no, no not Mexico, New Mexico’) is so it’s best to keep it concise. 

Clóda is nodding vigorously, “California, like, LA.”

“Kind of. Like, my dad comes from a place called San Bernardino, which is-” I take her wrist and trace a line on the soft skin of her inner arm, “-to the east of LA, say, an hour or two away, depending on the traffic, yeah? And then his family, like his aunts and uncles and their parents, who we used to visit sometimes, they’re living in a place way up north,” I run a gentle trail all the way up to the sleeve of her t-shirt, “to the very tip top of the Sacramento valley in this rugged, gold rush town…” I lift my eyes to her and she’s staring at my hand, following the motion of my finger as I skim the tip of it over her shoulder and across the taut skin of her collarbone. I prepare myself to say more sexy things about the Sacramento river and the rolling hills and the central valley and whatever else I usually bang on about whenever someone asks, but she looks into my eyes and says: “Is there an Abercrombie where you go?”

“Huh?”

“Abercrombie and Fitch.”

I frown, “Yeah?”

“Oh, wow.” She pushes me onto my back and lays on top of me, gazing down at me with fervid glitter in her eyes, “If you go back to America this year, could you buy me something from there?”

I search in her eyes for some sign that she’s joking and determine that she isn’t. She really wants me to do that. “Yep, sure,” I say.

“Ah, that’d be amazing. You know the way they have those bags too? The ones with the black and white pictures of the guys' bodies on them? Well there was a girl in my class who…”

And I zone out and I stop listening to her as she talks about laminating the bags and carrying school books in them, and I wonder if she will even notice the glazed over look in my eyes as I let my eyes unfocus and stare into the middle distance between her and her pastel pink walls and ask myself some serious questions. 

Do I like her?

She’s pretty though.

Sure, she’s pretty but is she fun? 

She likes Muse.

She’s not even very nice though, is she? She’s said a few weird things in the past.

Yeah but I’ve had sex with her now.

I can’t really stop talking to her or anything, can I? That’d mean I’m a dickhead. 

But would I rather be a dickhead or be miserable?

Maybe both outcomes will make me miserable. Maybe I’m just pre-programmed to be a miserable person. Or am I just cursed?

I zone back in for a moment, “...and then Mr. Brennan confiscated all of them, and there was this whole thing where the parents council…” What is happening? 

“Uh huh,” I say, “Uh huh… uh huh, what? That’s crazy,” God she is really pretty though, the kind of pretty that’s hard to find, and it’s not like there’s anyone else around, is there? It’d be awkward to stop seeing each other now with two whole weeks left of the summer. 

Beginning // Prev // Next

[emyluwinter]

Au Silver Bullet (Mafia au)

Author and owner -@jackplushie

I'm sorry if I'm bothering you.

BUT I just can't resist writing an excerpt on such a cool AU Excuse me, I will use the name "Yuu" for the bartender MC

It was one of the cloudy days this month. The short rainy season raged with all the force it had for this week. The bartender has to go to work in rubber boots and a raincoat in order not to drown in a heavy downpour. A couple of times, the neighbors, these three cute old men around the house, suggested that Yuu take oars and a boat with him to swim to work. Oh, these jokes of theirs.. Approaching the entrance to the bar, Yuu notices a gray wet lump next to the door. It looks like someone threw garbage right under their bar door. Excellent. A wonderful start to the working day. There weren't enough of these pompous criminal guys, so also… No wait, garbage shouldn't sneeze and shake like a leaf in the wind.

Hastily sheltering from the rain under a small canopy over the door of the bar, loud noise from falling drops almost like an uncontrolled drum or alarm clock. After taking a closer look and removing the hood from his face, Yuu were clearly surprised by the morning find. No, it wasn't garbage!

-Cat? Hey, buddy, where did you come from?

Squatting down, the bartender examined the stray cat with interest. Very annoyed by the fact that his fluffy fur coat was wet through. He hissed and snorted very displeased, as if he was trying to take out all his anger at not the weather.

-No collar…not like you're lost..

Rummaging in the pockets of his raincoat to find a bunch of keys, Yuu opens the door of the bar wide enough for the poor cat to get inside.

-Well?Will you be my first visitor Mister? If you kick out the mice and behave yourself, I'll feed you properly.

Even before he could finish, the cat immediately slipped into a warmer room in comparison with the dank street, with its cold strong wind. The bartender had to give up the umbrella due to the fact that they were almost blown away by the wind along with the umbrella. Yes, they definitely weren't going to suddenly learn to fly in rainy weather.

Watching the cat with undisguised amusement, Yuu took off their raincoat so as not to leave wet footprints on the floor. But the traces of cat paws immediately filled the entire floor of the bar. Only after running inside, this impudent cat began to shake off his paws from the water and dirt, snorting loudly and angrily.Under the quiet laughter of the bartender watching him. And then, like the owner, the cat sniffed and studied every corner he could get to. Finally, having settled on one of the chairs, the cat began to diligently wash and put his fur coat in order.

Well, the beginning of the working day has become much better. The cat was smug, arrogant, and with a temper. But quite a bit of treats from Yuu and the newly minted feline friend became the most obedient and compliant.

Pleasantly surprised to find out a couple of days later that the mice and rats finally left the bar with the appearance of the cat, Yuu decided to reward his furry friend. Grimm, such a name was chosen during their lonely working hours under the quiet meowing of the cat. The cat was definitely happy with the reward and became literally a regular at the bar. The bartender even arranged a "vip" place for him at the bar. Taking one of the old leaky baskets and laying an old pillow with a fluffy towel, they built a kind of bed for the cat.

Usually Grimm lazily watched the visitors and very very rarely went out to the visitors to beg for some treats.

What surprised the Bartender the most was that Grimm began from time to time to bring coins or bills lost or forgotten by visitors or lost on the street.

-Oh? Have you decided to pay? Okay, I'll buy you some goodies with this money.

Over time, Grimm became a good friend for Yu and a playmate "Grimm get off the bar, I just wiped it!", "Fluffy marauder!!" "DON'T TOUCH THE GLASS ON THE EDGE OF THE TABLE!!!!!!" A sign appeared in the bar "Dear visitors, do not leave your drinks unattended, there is a bar THE CATZILLA"

And the Grimm warily hisses when someone from the "mafia" approaches the bar. Yuu now has a fluffy alarm system. Once Grimm even stood up for Yuu, hissing menacingly and scratching, biting to the blood one very persistent drunk guy who almost crawled through the bar to Yuu. That night, Grimm received a lot of goodies and strokes from a modest bartender.

Aaaaaaaand another dialogue

The Heartslabyul mafia visited the bar with Riddle for the first time. It was decided to take a couple of low-alcohol drinks.

The bartender, as always, asked for documents in order not to sell alcohol to minors. Crime is crime, and Yuu criminals and violators of the law somehow did not burn with the desire to become.

-Are you 18 years old?

-Yes.- Ace answers.

-Hey, Yuu…let's take a walk for once. You're like a workaholic with your teeth in this bar, there are many places in the city that are worth seeing. - Diamond decided to flirt a little. Never giving up trying to bring all your questions like spears and press them to Yuu's throat. To get at least one sound out of their throats and mouths.

-And 16? -Yuu suddenly asks. -Uh… No? - bewildered Deuce blurts out completely not understanding what he is talking about. -Then no booze, sir. If there are 18 and there are documents to confirm, then there are no problems. In return, I can offer a wide range of tea. It is listed in the menu in front of you. The guys snorted merrily at this joke. "There are 18 years, but there are no 16 years"

-Cold as an iceberg… oh, you break my heart. - Diamond added in frustration, realizing that his questions were being ignored again. -I can recommend a strong blue duct tape, sir.For sale in the next block. - briefly added the bartender taking an order from Deuce for coffee. Ace laughed all evening afterwards and actually bought blue duct tape for Cater.

[wildcatofgreen]

“Dear Diary”

Send “Dear Diary” to read a random entry of my muses diary/journal.

"Round an' round, the die will go. Where will it land? Nobody knows!"

Rolls it.

"Avalice. Alright, let's see."

Flips open the Avalice book. Reads aloud.

"dear diary "cory laughed at me over the phone. i was tellin her all about lyli and stuff and then she just started laughing "i kinda dont get why...? i was just talking about how cool and awesome and pretty she is. like shes my best friend how could i not think these things. "if cory had a super cool best friend like lilac she'd think the same things!!! she doesnt need to LAUGH!!!"

She puts a thumb on this page.

" 'Fore I continue, lemme just read the literal next entry. I remember these two very vividly, y'see. Ahem."

Flipping to the next page, it was almost a completely blank page, save for eleven words.

"dear diary "oh my fucking stones im in love with lilac."

Flips back to the previous entry, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"For as much sierra as I get for this stuff now, at least I realized it pretty early. It ain't take long for me to understand, after Cory bullied me and wouldn't explain why, the exact reason. "Should'a heard the kinda things I was talkin' about this girl. Always wantin' to be with her, talkin' 'bout how great she was, 'bout all the lil sierra she does. Like how when she cleans she cleans in alphabetical order. Or when she makes cup noodles she'll always add a dash of cinnamon if we have any. Or if she gives me a gift, it always has somethin' to do with her. It's usual subtle, but I remember one time she gave me a gift that had a literal lilac on it.

"She's so fuckin' corny."

Right, the diary entry.

Clears her throat, then continues.

"today me and lilac kinda mostly did house maintenance. its not been a long time since me and lilac built it but some stuff wasnt working right. the tv's fucked and the water doesnt run right. so me and lilac were tryin to figure out why. we didnt get it today but lilac said that there's always tomorrow. like that one play! "i wanna go see it with her sometime. maybe we could do that trenchcoat thing like on tv!!! thatd be really funny!!! "though it wouldnt be stealthy... we're too tall to do it good now. maybe when we were back in the scarves, a couple years back. "i bet i could steal us some tickets at least. get out of this STUPID house and do something actually cool for once! im glad we have this house but im sick of it. the rooms back in the scarves were better. "i almost wish spade wasnt such a jerk none of this wouldve happened. well the entire place is full of jerks actually but still!!! spade's the biggest jerk!!!! 3: "im super glad i have lilac with me though!!! idk if i couldve done all this on my own! i love her so much!!!! "why did that make me feel weird to say? "carol"

"I suppose lil me had some smarts in that peanut brain. I think about what would've happened if I never met the girl. Be some ''cool'' double agent ninja or somethin'?

"As much as the idea sounds cool, Iiiiii'd rather not risk any limbs trying to steal for these undesirables. What would happen during Brevon if we never left? Who the hell would the Magister call on about Merga for? Their stupid royal guard?

"Lissen, you ain't hear this from me, but all of those dudes are incompetent. Jade and Doug are the only good ones! Literally nobody else knows how to do their job! I can't speak for the other kingdoms--except for Shang Mu those guys suck too--but I doubt that they're good at their jobs too.

"The kingdoms are better off with a one man band than the guards at all. Spread us out, station us in every kingdom then when something happens it'll be easy as pie to take care of.

"I'm getting ahead of myself--point is, I'm glad I went with Lilac back then. I was a brat myself--can't imagine how Lilac felt about me. If she ain't regret her choices then she probably would pretty soon."

She sighed, resting a hand on her face.

[theminecraftbee]

Here are some things Grian expected for when he got on red:

No one would trust him. He’s good with TNT, chaotic, all of that, so, yeah, no one would trust him. He’d get to pull out the old trapping skills again. His favorite block? Yeah, he’d get to use that! And really, watching Joel before had been fun, so he’d have fun participating, even if he would get kicked out of any alliances he had. He’d get to do so much murder.

And, yeah, he should probably be scared of that, scared of the idea of being a killer, but honestly. Would they even be doing any of this if they didn’t at least a little want to kill people? And sure it would be lonely, and sure he’d be close to death, and sure he’d be a monster wearing pesky bird skin, but those things come with the territory. It wouldn’t be the end of the world! It would even probably be fun! Bloodshed and chaos and -

Here is what Grian actually gets when he goes on red:

“And I say we name him... Timothy.”

“He’s a predator! We’re naming him Skullcruncher.”

“I still say we name him Stupid.”

Grian shoves his head in his hands and groans. There is a single piece of interior decorating in the bridge house Joel had built for a base that isn’t basic infrastructure (bedrolls and the chests they trusted each other with for the time being). That structure is, for some reason, an axolotl tank. There is a yellow axolotl in it. It is apparently their mascot. It apparently needs a name.

“Timothy is a noble name!” Joel says emphatically. “It’s perfectly suited for a fine, adorable predator like this.”

“Yeah, so is Stupid-”

“No,” Joel and Cleo say at once.

“Bonecruncher might be a bit much, you’re right,” agrees Cleo, “but we’re not naming it Timothy. How are we supposed to be intimidating with a mascot named Timothy? Really, Joel.”

“Fine, fine. But Bonecruncher is also stupid. And we’re not naming him Stupid. I’m not cruel.”

The three of them fall silent. Grian, who had been trying to take inventory of their TNT, does not chime in, because he doesn’t have time to stare at the middle of the room at a small... lizard... thing. (The axolotl blows bubbles. Grian ignores it.) He definitely doesn’t want to point out how this is their second day in this house and they have yet to do any of the expected murder and also Bdubs is here, literally one of the only people on Grian’s list -

“Fine! I’ll come up with a ‘real name’. And it will be the best name, just you guys watch!” Speaking of Bdubs. The man’s moss-green hoodie is tossed over one of the temporary benches they’ve been using for seating. He would be really, really easy to kill, except Grian’s supposed to be treating the other red names as allies right now. Or at least, pretending to until he gets on his feet.

They’re. Sure making it hard right now, though.

“I know! How about... Rosco?”

“Oh I do like Rosco,” Joel says.

“Yeah but it’s not very intimidating,” argues Cleo.

“Rosco is intimidating entirely on his own, thank you!” Bdubs says, failing entirely to pretend not to be attached to the axolotl.

“Are you all really going to keep spending time on this?” asks Grian, exasperated.

“Oh, wow. Killjoy,” Cleo says, picking at her nails.

“Don’t you want revenge?” says Grian. “Don’t you all want to-”

“I mean, no, I’m not all that vengeful, really, I just like murder,” Joel says.

“Oh yeah. Revenge on Scar. That’d be cool. But we have an axolotl,” Bdubs says.

“I mean, yeah? But like. I’ve had a real bad few days. May as well take a break for a moment. So they don’t see us coming,” Cleo says, something dark in her voice.

Grian looks between the three of them. Unfortunately, Cleo is convincing, and he really has nothing non-axolotl related to do. “Fine,” he says, slumping to the ground. “I think Rosco is a dumb name too, then.”

“NO! Traitor,” hisses Bdubs.

“Bdubs, I already hated you, I’m not betraying anyone.”

“See? I told you two it was dumb. What if we called him something like... Roberts.”

Grian rolls his eyes. “How is that any better? Come on.”

"I haven’t heard you suggest anything,” Joel says.

“Oh! Yeah! Come on, Grian!” says Bdubs brightly while Cleo smirks at Grian.

“I don’t have anything! I haven’t named anything since my cats, don’t look at me!” All three of them look at him. They have red eyes and sharp teeth and elongated claws. Everything about them is sharper and more deadly; it’s a part of the curse of being a red name. Even looking at a red name betrays just how dangerous they are. Grian, even as another red, should probably feel some measure of fear, pinned down by three red gazes.

Unfortunately, the three red gazes are all staring at him about an axolotl name, not about murder, and Grian watched Joel trip over his own build yesterday, and has seen Bdubs get into too many races over proper sleep schedules to be that scared of him, and while Cleo scares anyone with a brain that’s her playful murder face, not her murder murder face. The effect is entirely lost.

Wait. Oh no. Her playful murder face.

“Welllll,” Cleo says. “If he has nothing, I have an idea.”

Grian doesn’t like where this is going.

“I say we name him Grian Jr.”

“What? No!”

“Ye-e-es!” cackles Bdubs.

“I am making the nametag right now,” says Joel.

“No. No, I’m not letting you do this. I will fight you. I’m on red like the rest of you! I’m allowed to initiate fights, and I just counted all our TNT, we aren’t naming it Grian Jr. -”

About half an hour, a wrestling match, some threats from Cleo, and a game of keep-away with the nametag later, Grian has an axolotl son and they’re all laughing bright hyena cackles together. In the process, Grian had gathered at least one misnamed name tag to deploy in pranks in the future, and he’d managed to “accidentally” elbow Bdubs in the face, so despite his loss in the axolotl war, he feels like he may have come on top in that exchange. They collapse on the floor of the house together, still cackling.

And this is - this is not what Grian expected from going red, but it’s better than he’s felt at all since Joel killed him, so, whatever.

He’ll take the stupid name.

[rnelodyy]

c!Dream and the rules

(/dsmp /rp, all names refer to characters, not content creators)

I think one of the most striking parts of Exile is something that I rarely see talked about, and it’s Dream’s rules. Or rather, how his rules were made to be used as justification to hurt Tommy.

The thing about exile is that, outside of the initial rule of “Don’t go back to L’Manburg”, Dream never told Tommy the rules, yet constantly operated under the assumption that Tommy already knew them, and had accepted them. The rules also changed constantly, without Tommy ever being notified until he was already in trouble.

The second time Dream told Tommy to put his armor in the hole, he didn’t tell Tommy to do that right away. Instead, the conversation went like this (slightly edited to remove stammering and unrelated dialogue).

Dream: Do you have, uh… something you wanna put on the floor here? Tommy: Yes. (drops two pieces of red concrete as Dream digs a hole) Dre-eam! You’re evil. You’re evil. Dream: Anything else, Tommy? Tommy: Nope! Dream: Oh c’mon, I know there’s something else you wanna drop down here. Tommy: (panicking slightly) No, there… (messages BBH “take this and run”, throws him the disc BBH had gifted him earlier) Um… I don’t reckon there is! (pause) Dream: Okay, are you suuuure? Tommy: YES. Dream: Alright… How ‘bout your armor, Tommy? Tommy: Well, no, this is- I actually earned this myself. Dream: I know you did! Tommy: Leave me alone. Dream: Just drop it in the hole, Tommy. Tommy: Wh- no, NO, you can’t just come and demand things from me! I’ve been exiled, I’ve done your shit, what do you mean?! Dream: (sing-song) Tommy… Tommy: What? (Dream hits Tommy with his axe, taking over half his health) Tommy: (screams, drops his armor) OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY!

The only rule Tommy was aware of at this time was that he wasn’t allowed to go back to L’Manburg. Dream had taken his armor the night before, but there was no indication that he expected Tommy to do this constantly. Taking his armor upon initially arriving at Logstedshire made some kind of sense, allowing Tommy to keep it would run the risk of him trying to fight his way back into L’Manburg. Taking his new, very shitty armor (seriously it was an iron chestplate and a pair of golden leggings he got from a ruined portal chest) made no sense at all, so the fact that Tommy was confused and refused to cooperate at first isn’t unexpected in the slightest.

And the thing is… Dream was aware of this fact. Throughout the conversation, he never really sounded annoyed, and was actively teasing Tommy at times. This isn’t a good thing btw, it’s a sign that he was fully aware that Tommy didn’t know what he wanted from him, and that that would create a situation where Dream could “put him in his place” as it were.

If you’re a parent, and your kid does something that’s not allowed, without knowing it’s not allowed, you don’t start off with a beating. You sit them down, calmly explain the rules to them and explain why those rules are there, then send them on their way with the knowledge that they shouldn't do it again.

This interaction wasn’t an instance of Tommy acting out and Dream correcting him. This interaction was a trap. Dream set Tommy up to fail by not telling him the rules beforehand, and when Tommy offered even the slightest bit of resistance and asked why he needed to drop his armor, Dream jumped straight to beating him. It’s a powerplay, plain and simple.

This is demonstrated again with the destruction of Logstedshire. Dream got pissed that Tommy disobeyed him by having hidden chests with gear under his house, and retaliated by destroying everything Tommy had built, destroying every item he’d collected, killing his pet and only foodsource, barring him from the Nether, banning everyone except himself from visiting, and telling him to start over from scratch after a whole lecture about how Tommy betrayed him.

Again, I wanna point out some specific lines from this lecture that illustrate my point very well.

Dream: You were lying to me! You were lying to me. Tommy: No- Why was I lying?! Dream: What do you mean, why were you lying?! Tommy: I wasn’t hi- I wasn’t- Dream: You hid things in a chest knowing they were things I wouldn’t want you to have! And you hid it in a way that way I would never find it!

Except Tommy didn’t know that. The contents of the stash were all items that Tommy had obtained previously without any issue (diamonds, emeralds, iron, ender pearls, some pickaxes, and some purely sentimental items like flowers, a jukebox, and pictures of Tubbo and L’Manburg). In fact, the vast majority of them came from Tommy’s aboveground storage, which Dream had full access to, and had looked through before!

Dream also never said Tommy wasn’t allowed to hide stuff, and there was nothing to suggest he didn’t want Tommy to keep secrets from him.

There’s been a theory floating around for a while that Dream knew about Tommy’s item stash beforehand, since it was a very strange place to dig a hole (like, right in front of the house in the center of Logstedshire itself, instead of out in the plains where the TNT wouldn’t damage any structures), and Tommy had previously forgotten to cover up the entrance ladder. While Dream hadn’t looked inside the house, he would’ve definitely heard Tommy place the block back.

If this theory is correct, then this was yet another trap. Dream knew Tommy had a hidden room, and instead of just saying “hey, I don’t want you to have a hidden stash, go put this back and fill in the room” (which would’ve still been bullshit btw), he went COMPLETELY ballistic, destroyed EVERYTHING Tommy had, and while doing it, kept admonishing Tommy for betraying him, said shit like “I thought we were friends”, and even accused him of preparing to attack Dream. Again, a powerplay.

Hell, even the exile conflict itself is this! Tommy was exiled for griefing the king’s property while being a high-ranking official in L’Manburg. Except Fundy, the then-president’s son, CONSTANTLY griefed Eret’s shit after the L’Manburg war, ranging from ripping down one of their towers to “shrink” it, filling another tower with water, and multiple elaborate plots to steal the throne from under their nose. But apparently, between all of that shit and the exile-conflict, the rules were silently changed, meaning Dream could exile Tommy for breaking a couple blocks and placing some rude signs in George’s house. Even the punishment itself was changed without warning, as Tommy went from being exiled from L’Manburg to exiled from “everywhere that’s ever been touched.”

...I was originally gonna make a different point here. I may put it in the reblogs, because I still think it’s very interesting. But, in the middle of writing this essay I had to stop because it was late, then I spent the entire next day packing up because I’m in the middle of a move. It's now the next evening, I'm sat in my new room, on my camping bed, I opened this doc because I pretty much forgot what I typed, I reread it, and then I realized… This isn’t an isolated series of events. This is a pattern for Dream.

Before Tommy first joined the server, there were only three set rules: no stealing, no griefing, and no killing people. Except by that point, those rules weren’t enforced at all. In fact, Dream broke all three at once at one point, by killing George and burning his diamond armor because he didn’t feel it was fair that George got to run around in full diamond when everyone else still had iron.

Tommy joined the server, and broke the rules like everyone else. He stole shit, broke shit, killed George for funsies… and he got exiled for it. Seriously, they dumped him in an empty snowfield for breaking rules that nobody had enforced for weeks. So technically, the Exile-arc isn’t even the first time something like this has happened to him!

During the events that would eventually spark the Disc War, Sapnap stole a bunch of Tommy’s items (including the only Netherite chestplate on the server at the time), and told him he’d only give the stuff back if Tommy helped him with a conflict he had with Ponk. Long story short, Dream tried to intervene and was killed by Tommy and Sapnap, and Dream stole Tommy’s discs to force him to apologize. He then kept the discs, and the Disc War followed. Sapnap, despite being the aggressor and arguably forcing Tommy to participate in the conflict, was never punished.

This proves not only that the rules can change whenever Dream feels like it, but that they’re arbitrarily enforced. Dream refuses to punish his friends for the same crimes he endlessly fucks over Tommy for.

L’Manburg was created in part because of the fact that the rules were unevenly enforced. Tommy, Wilbur, and later Tubbo were repeatedly killed, stolen from, imprisoned, and even held hostage for very minor crimes, while the people killing, imprisoning, kidnapping and stealing from them were able to do so without impunity.

This was also the point where Dream just started making up new rules; there was no rule against having governments on the server, or making a separate area where Dream’s rules wouldn’t apply, so Dream banned governments, and used this new rule as an excuse to kill them, take their items, and tear their land to shreds.

And that’s another thing: the punishments for breaking Dream’s rules are INCREDIBLY harsh.

Kill him non-canonically one time? Your most prized possessions will now be dangled over your head and used to hurt you for the next few months.

Make a country with different laws that doesn’t infringe on anyone’s territory, has no desire to expand, is explicitly pacifistic and open to trade negotiations? You’ll be forced to fight a war you’re in no way equipped to fight, you’ll be betrayed and murdered and have your land destroyed in front of your very eyes until you literally have no choice but to surrender.

Mildly vandalize the king’s house, which nobody else has ever been punished for? You’ll be dragged into court, exiled from your home, and subjected to weeks of abuse until you believe that all of your friends hate you and you actively want to kill yourself.

Hide some stuff in a secret chest? Your only shelter will be exploded, your pet/only food source will be killed, all your items will be destroyed, you’ll be banned from the Nether, and none of your friends will be allowed to come see you.

This is all such disproportionate retribution it’s ridiculous. It’s like punishing someone for speeding by blowing up their car with a ballistic missile.

So to sum up: Dream’s rules are arbitrarily enforced, and he can just straight up make them up on the spot if he feels like it. Sometimes, he won’t tell you a rule exists until you’ve already broken it, and you’re treated as if you broke it out of malice instead of genuine ignorance. And if you do break a rule, and he decides you have to be punished, it will always be a punishment so harsh it doesn’t even ATTEMPT to fit the crime.

I don’t know about you, but that sounds pretty fucking corrupt and tyrannical to me.

When people say Tommy deserved exile, or made Dream spiral into villainy, or abused Dream somehow (seriously I’ve seen this take multiple times and every time it makes my brain melt) by breaking the rules, I would invite them to take a step back and ask themselves, why did that rule exist? Did Tommy know it existed? Was it enforced for everyone other than him as well? Does the punishment fit the crime?

Dream has a bad habit of making up rules, or enforcing old ones that were never enforced before, to punish those who threaten his power. None of the Dream Team were ever punished for anything, despite committing the same crimes as the L’Manburgians. That is, until they founded Mexican L’Manburg (i.e. went against Dream’s rule), at which point they were attacked by Dream and George was dethroned for “not being neutral enough.”

Tommy should’ve faced consequences for what he did. But those consequences should’ve come naturally, and been carried out by the people he hurt. Like, if Dream hadn’t intervened, griefing George’s house would’ve resulted in George griefing Tommy back in revenge. In fact, he DID do that, by turning Tommy’s entire house into granite and putting the Jump In The Cadillac picture on his front lawn.

These are natural, proportionate consequences. Exile was none of that. The Disc War was none of that. Everything that happened to L’Manburg was none of that.

Dream’s rules and how he enforces them are inherently corrupt and tyrannical. To pretend it’s anything but is disingenuous at best.

[absolutepokemontrash]

MC is Half Demon and They’re- Oh Crap They’re Barbatos’ Kid!

This is the second part of that one request I answered for Dia and Barb’s possible kids. Sorry this took so long! Writer’s block, y’know? Anyhoo~ enjoy, everyone!

This story didn’t start on the first day of the exchange program, it started five days before in Barbatos’ room at three in the morning with the poor butler waking up in a cold sweat.

Oh dear, it appeared the exchange program would be up in a bit of a tizzy. He had… a child? Oh my… Barbatos hoped the young master wouldn’t be too miffed about the student not being a totally normal human.

On the day of the exchange program, Barbatos insisted he had to be present for the event, he carefully pushed a cushioned sofa in the drop zone before opening the portal. The child fell right out of the sky and landed perfectly on the couch, they were already wearing a helmet and looked quite shocked by the cushioned fall.

Well, it was a big shock to the assembled crowd, but the child gave everyone a lopsided smile and removed their helmet.

“So, I assume I’m here for the exchange program?”

Dadbatos

Well, this child was incredibly… what was the word the kids were using? chill? They were quite chill considering the situation, and was surprisingly prepared for the sudden drop into hell.

“Oh, I had a dream that this was going to happen, and I dream about the future n’stuff. I thought I’d come prepared.” “Ah, that’s very sensible.”

Diavolo recovered quickly from his shock and was positively delighted to meet this little munchkin. He insisted that they had to stay with their dad.

MC was polite, if not a bit overly calm about a lot of things. They didn’t run off to start trouble, and they didn’t seem very impressed by the Devildom itself. It was sort of like this child had a very low maximum level of excitement. Barbatos was glad his child wasn’t some little hellraiser.

He was never a child himself, so he’s a bit clueless about what children actually enjoy. Here child, have a… have an old torture weapon. Don’t use it on anyone who doesn’t deserve it :)

(I’m kidding, Barbatos is too responsible to give one of his instruments of torture to a child. That’s for when they’re older.)

“MC,” Barbatos knocked on his child’s door. “Have you done your homework?”

MC answered the door with a grin on their face. “Yep, done this week’s and next week’s. I’m getting a head start on the potions project due next week.”

Barbatos almost breathed a small sigh of relief. Thank the stars his child was responsible, it already took a big chunk of his energy to make sure Diavolo didn’t get distracted from his paperwork. Though, his stress levels did rise a tad when he got a glimpse at the mess in MC’s room.

“Are you going to clean that?”

“Nah,” MC shrugged. “It’s whatever. I know where everything is and nothing’s a fall risk. See you at dinner, father.”

And with that, MC shut the door. Well… no child was perfect.

As much as MC’s lack of cleanliness bothers Barbatos, he knows his kid isn’t being maliciously lazy, just for the love of the Demon King please stop leaving cups on the coffee tables without a coaster!

Oh yeah, Luke has a big sib. Sorry- little sib, because Luke isn’t some chihuahua child, he’s a totally mature grown-up Angel.

Barbatos is the type of father who will let his child go off and have whatever kind of fun they want as long as they don’t slack on their important duties.

Barbs also has a goddamn torture dungeon so we here at Stupid Headcanons inc. do NOT recommend trying to eat MC. Doing so may result in you wishing you were dead.

Don’t fuck with the butler.

Lucifer

…out of literally everyone in the room, the last person Lucifer expected to have a secret scandal baby… had a scandal baby. Damn.

At least the human wouldn’t have to live with him and his brothers. The last thing Lucifer wanted was for Barbatos to be even more aware of the chaos that went down in that house every single day.

MC and Lucifer have a healthy level of respect for one another, but Lucifer just can’t shake the feeling that this kid is messing with him somehow.

Just, little things… MC offering him fruit and loudly assuring him that it was just blackberries and nothing poisonous, asking if the RAD uniform suits his tastes, proclaiming that the dirt was high quality-

SOMEONE TOLD MC ABOUT LUCIFER’S FIRST VISIT TO THE DEVILDOM!

MC wasn’t exactly visibly goading him, they said everything with an innocent smile on their face.

When MC starts getting nosy with the attic, he’s not terribly sure how to deal with it. He was going up against a child that could at least partially tell the future. After the first time Lucifer told them to scram, they never went back to the steps… at least not when Lucifer was there to guard it…

After everything goes down, Lucifer is glad that MC wasn’t hurt or anything. He’d come to like the child and it’d be awful to lose the only person who could get his more hyperactive brothers to calm down.

Mammon

Mammon wasn’t present for the meeting, but when he was informed later, the news was met with an eloquent: “the fuck? Huh, wild.”

He isn’t too interested in MC at first. At least until the little runt saved him from getting busted for skipping class. Mammon was just eating his lunch in the courtyard when MC passed by and calmly told him that if he skipped class he should not hang out in the west staircase because Lucifer was going to walk down those steps during third period.

At first Mammon tried to brush off the warning, but ended up listening to the kid anyway, and what do ya know! He didn’t get caught by Lucifer!

That’s when it clicked that MC could see the future, right? Right?! Ya know what Mammon could use that for?! Right?!

Gambling! Scams! Schemes! General shennaniganery!

MC wasn’t terribly enthused about the entire situation, so they may have messed with Mammon a little. Just a bit.

It’s not like Mammon ever listened when MC told him to cut his losses and leave the casino anyway 🙄

Leviathan

First reaction? Thank the anime gods that there wouldn’t be another normie living in the house with him…

Reaction upon hearing that the MC was Barb’s kid? Really? Barbatos? Wow… well, to be fair Levi totally understood why someone would be attracted to Barbatos, I mean, Levi’s watched plenty of anime involving butlers, but Barbatos actually having a living breathing child? Damn.

But still, Levi wasn’t going to hang out with some normie brat. He had better and nerdier things to devote his time to.

Whenever MC visited, Levi was up in his room. But once MC decided to poke their head in the door while Levi was in the middle of gamer raging.

They calmly sat Levi down and explained to him that he could be upset about whatever happened in his game, but lashing out wasn’t going to fix anything or make him better at the actual game.

…damn it… they were right.

Slowly but surely Levi and MC built up a friendship, and the brothers rejoiced at the lack of rage related Lotan summons.

Satan

Out of everything Satan could have possibly expected from the second exchange student, this was not one of them.

Satan began to wonder exactly how MC’s powers worked, he didn’t exactly have any concrete data to compare them to because Barbatos was so mysterious

Hm, how very interesting. Satan decided that it was up to him to satiate his own curiosity and began to study MC. To be honest, MC wasn’t being terribly interesting.

They were a pretty normal kid all things considered. MC went to class, made friends, did their work, very very normal. Well, except for the fact that they seemed to dodge practically every unfortunate thing that could have happened to them.

They’d stop at the perfect time to avoid something accidentally being spilled on them, they always had pencils ready, and they always seemed to know exactly when a teacher was coming… mad sus.

Satan eventually confronted MC about this, and they just shrugged and explained that they tend to dream about what was most likely to happen the next day and would adjust their actions accordingly.

It may have been anticlimactic, but MC did inform Satan that there would be a cat in the courtyard in fifteen minutes.

HE NEEDED TO GO!

Asmodeus

Asmo had genuinely been looking forward to the new exchange program, he was excited to have a new face around the house to shake things up! He loves his dear brothers but spending thousands of years with them makes their shenanigans become a bit… well, a bit boring.

But my oh my, the new face was being obscured by that tacky bicycle helmet… the new face looked an awful lot like Barbatos…

Once Asmo registered what was going on, he was positively enchanted with the little half human. They were just so cute! They looked like a baby Barbatos with those adorably chubby cheeks!

Oh Barbatos~ he just had to let Asmo babysit!

When Asmo managed to sweep MC away for a fun day with shifty uncle Solomon, he was reminded of all the shenanigans that he, Barbatos, and Solomon used to get up to.

*sigh, Barbie was always so busy… no time for a fun night of torture, chaos, and revelry

Anyhoodles~ MC was always such a relaxed little thing. They let Asmo vent whenever any awful tragedies occur, like when Asmo finds a sweater that isn’t in his size… *sniffle*

Beelzebub

A child of Barbatos? The best cook in the three realms Barbatos?! …hey kid want to hang out with cool uncle Beel?

Beel tried everything in his power to get MC to make him food. I mean, the genetic disposition for making good food has to have been passed down from father to child!

When MC finally made Beel food, he was ecstatic!

…Until the food touched Beel’s tongue and he realized it wasn’t good, it was just… okay. Average. Passable.

Aw man… but the kid looked so excited to have made something for Beel…

Beel really hammed up his reaction to make MC feel better. Beel was like “Wow. So good. Amazing.” “Thanks Beel.”

Very sweet child, they don’t mind being used in place as a dumbell.

Belphegor

Damn, and here Belphie was, thinking Barbatos has standards. Apparently not!

When MC went and walked up the attic steps, Belphie was almost bouncing on his toes in anticipation. This human had been a pain in the rear to call up, so he was excited to finally get a good look at them. And lo and behold, a half demon child of Lord Diavolo’s butler.

MC grinned and greeted Belphie first, using his name and asking why the Avatar of Sloth was stuck up in the attic of his own home when he was supposed to be in the human world. Belphie was flabbergasted and didn’t exactly know how to respond.

He came up with a new plan quickly. Belphie didn’t exactly know how this kid’s powers worked, so he’d continue with trying to trick them into opening the attic door. Allowing Belphie to end their miserable little life and thus ruining the exchange program.

The child continued to visit Belphie up in the attic, relaying the events of what was going on, and Belphie continued to play the part of prisoner. Until one day in particular…

MC appeared in front of the door, looking a tad more unkempt than normal, they weren’t smiling their usual carefree smile either. Their eyes bore holes into Belphegor’s skull as they flared at him.

“How long have you been planning on killing me?”

MC had seen the future where they died at Belphie’s hand, and they sure as hell were not going to let him out of the attic after that. Though, they did tell Belphie about Lilith’s true fate before they left, and assured Belphie they had no reason to lie to him about something he wasn’t directly involved in.

So, Belphie did get let out of the attic eventually, and even though MC smiled and welcomed him back all the same, there would always a barrier between the two. Broken trust wasn’t easy to mend, after all.

[shina913]

Scions, Ch.2 - Seokjin | Kim Line + JHS

Scions, 2 - Seokjin

sci·​on | \ ˈsī-ən \ Definition: (1) a descendant (2) a shoot or twig, especially one cut for grafting or planting

✼Scions Masterlist✼

Pairing: Jin x Fem!OC; Fem!Reader Sister + Jin

Rating: M (🔞)

Genre: Siblings!AU; Marriage!AU; FWB!AU; exes to ?; angst; smut; fluff

Warnings: unprotected sex (couple is in a monogamous relationship); spooning; dirty talk; cussing; overt discussions of fertility struggles; anxiety; OC has feelings of imposter syndrome; oral (M-receiving); alcohol consumption; character illness; a wild Jimin appears!

Word count: 6,033K+

Summary: Four grown siblings return to their childhood hometown after their father is declared to be terminal. They are forced to live under the same roof for days, along with their overbearing mother, to say their final goodbyes. It starts off nostalgic until some unresolved family issues along with an assortment of spouses, exes, and might-have-beens make things even more interesting.

A/N: This chapter was written as part of @btswritingcafe's Specialty Coffee Anniversary Event. There were three categories that featured various B-side tracks whose lyrics were meant to be the basis for the fic. For this particular chapter, I have chosen "21st Century Girls": Whatever other people say, Whatever this world tells you, You’re the best to me just the way you are.

Also—opening smut so—proceed with caution, under the cut!

“Oh my gooood, Jin–” she moans. Her hands reaching back and digging into his thigh as he thrusts deeply into her.

“You like that? You like when I fuck you like this?” He gasps into her ear. He woke up hard this morning and was consumed with the desire to be inside her.

“Yes,” she mewls as he works his cock into her cunt.

She couldn’t say no to him—not when his fingers had so deftly rubbed her clit until she was sopping wet for him. He had built up the visceral need in her, one that would only be fulfilled if he fucked her senseless.

“I’m gonna cum so hard for you–you feel so good…so tight for me,” he rasps. He suckles on her neck, pumping his hips against hers.

“Ah, I’m close! Yes!”

He groaned and drilled harder and deeper into her. His fingers grasping her hips while her body trembled from her brewing climax.

She came with a loud cry…her moans filling the entire room and seeping out into the empty hallway, echoing through the entire house.

He followed shortly after. Gasping for air while he emptied himself into her.

It was raw, unbridled lust. 

******

“You think that increased our chances?”

He pauses buttoning his shirt for a beat.

“I…hope so,” he says, his voice lined with a thin layer of disappointment. It’s been a while since he had been inside her purely because he wanted to give his wife a good fucking.

He continued to fasten the rest of his buttons then took a quick glance at himself in the bathroom mirror before walking into the bedroom to rejoin his wife.

“Who knows? Maybe some spontaneity will help us.” He remarks, lightening his tone as he approaches her, still laying in bed.

She gives him a small smile. 

Seokjin and Yoojung have been married for a little over three years. They’ve known each other since they were in grade school. He finally asked her out during their junior year in high school. They went to prom together and stayed as a couple through their university years until he asked her to marry him.

Yoojung was a sweetheart. She was the quintessential girl-next-door—or if you wanted to be literal about it, she was the girl from two blocks away.

She’s always been so shy and reserved–she was practically a wallflower so it was a wonder how Jin plucked her out from the hordes of girls giving him heart-eyes at school back then. He could have his pick of any woman he wanted. He could have very well dumped her when they went to different universities–but each and every time, he only had eyes for her.

Yoojung couldn’t believe her luck–she had always been in love with Jin. Despite his popularity, he was sincere, caring, and extremely down-to-earth. He could have gone on to the big city and found a job but he chose to come back to his hometown and help run the family’s restaurant.

“Have a good day, yeobo,” she says as she tilts her chin up to kiss him

“You too. I love you,” he smiled.

“Love you, too,” she responded as she watched him walk out of their room.

They typically had breakfast together. She’d make him coffee and pack him lunch. But their early morning shenanigans caused her to stay laid up on the bed…to let things marinate.

Yoojung decided to lie still for another few minutes before she hopped in the shower to get ready for her day.

It was already light out when Jin backs out of his garage, slightly later than his usual departure time. He thought it was worth being late to the market just to have those blissful extra few minutes with Yoojung.

******

“Good morning, everyone!” He greets his staff enthusiastically as he enters through the side entrance of the kitchen, bringing in a container of fresh fish from the market. They all murmur their greetings in return as they’re already far into the day’s prep work. He hands the styrofoam container to his chef who compliments his bosses’ ingredient of choice for today’s special.

“How’s your dad today,” the chef asked while he was in the middle of working on his mise en place.

“He has his good days and bad. But he’s been listening to the doctor and taking it easy. Of course staying still has always been a huge challenge for him,” Jin says jokingly.

“Ah, you know your dad—he’d prefer to work until his last breath,” he says.

Jin smiles. “I’m sure he does. But, if he wants to be able to live the rest of his life—enjoy his grandchildren…he doesn’t have much of a choice. He has to rest.”

The chef’s eyebrows quirk. “Are you trying to say that he’s about to have more grandchildren?”

He paused, brimming with uncertainty. But instead of completely dodging the question, he carefully sidestepped it instead. “It’s certainly a possibility,” he chuckled.

The chef laughed. “Don’t worry, boss. I’m not trying to put any pressure on you. I’m sure that you and your siblings were more than a handful for your parents back then. It’s why I only had the one kid! It already felt like a circus with just him!”

Jin laughed in response. The truth was, his father had a talent for juggling. In fact, it felt as if he had invented it by the way he raised four kids, mostly on his own.

He only dreamed of becoming half the man he was. And if Yoojung ended up getting pregnant during this cycle, would he be up to the job?

******

//Eight months ago

“Seokjin-ah, can you open this for me, please?”

Jin pauses his inventory, sets his clipboard down and walks over to where his dad stood in the middle of the kitchen to unscrew the lid off the jar of homemade gochujang.

“Thank you, son. I’m sorry–your old man is an old man,” he chuckled, scooping some into the soup that he was mixing.

“Why don’t you just store the gochujang in a plastic tub? It would make it easier on you–”

“Jin,” he says sagely. “It’s much better in a glass bottle. It extends the shelf-life, especially for something homemade like this. Besides, I just probably need to lift more weights,” he jokes.

Jin smiles. “How ‘bout this? What if you switch to a flip-top jar then? It would be more convenient for you,” he suggests. “Plus, I don’t want to get a random call saying that you’re stuck underneath the bench press,” he laughs.

His father laughed heartily in response. “That would be humiliating,” he remarked. “But you know what? The flip-top jar is a great idea. Could you add that to our next order?”

“Of course!”

He watches his father carefully. It looked like he had gotten much older in a short amount of time…as if he didn’t look well. But the smile on his face said otherwise. 

“Aish, these darned pants,” he chuckles again. “They just won’t stay up.” He goes on to adjust the drawstring on his work trousers to tighten them further.

“Did mom put you on one of her weird diets again?” Jin wonders. His dad looked like he shed some weight recently–not that he was overweight to begin with.

He chalked it up to his mom being home more. Maybe her presence fast-tracked those wrinkles and gray hairs. Jin chuckles to himself.

Kim Beomsok had always lived an active lifestyle, despite making his living around food. He was always on the go. If he wasn’t running errands for the restaurant, he was shuttling his kids around town—from school, to playdates, extra-curricular activities.

Everyone in town knew that Kim family.

More recently, he slowed down a lot. What with three out of his four children living away from home, with their own lives. He did enjoy the occasional trip to the city, where he could play with his grandchildren. They were his pride and joy. He especially loved it when he could cook for them.

But it’s been a while since he drove too far from home. He found himself tiring out more easily. His doctor advised him to scale back and enjoy retirement.

Retirement involved his wife, a famous movie and television actress who had since stepped away from the limelight that she enjoyed for close to three decades. She was also tired and wanted to spend more time with the love of her life.

However, you can take the actress off the stage, but she still had an on-stage mindset. Case in point, keeping up with her ‘healthy’ diets.

His father laughs heartily. “I tried but I find myself sneaking in more midnight snacks than anything. One night, I finished half a slab of samgyeopsal all by myself.”

Jin laughed at that. He knew he could eat a whole slab of pork on his own–he and his siblings have seen it with their own eyes.

Each night, after dinner service, his father always made the staff a hearty meal. It was another way of showing gratitude and appreciation for a job well done. And he always joined in and partook in a celebratory beer.

Lately, his father hadn’t been joining the staff during meals. He still cooked but seemed a bit more tired than usual, apologizing constantly at the meager effort that he pulled together.

Restaurant staff always waved him off. How many bosses actually cooked for their staff on a nightly basis? Besides, he was understandably getting older, moving a bit slower than usual.

His father was still a proud man and the restaurant had been his whole life. This place, just like a handful of other family-owned businesses around town, was an institution. It helped that their mom’s star power kept its popularity—but more than that? The place just had great food and even better service. Anybody who came to eat there was always treated like family.

It was why Jin took it upon himself to slowly take on more tasks for the business. It began from supply inventories to accounting…pretty soon, he was helping plan out the seasonal menu. There was nothing in the restaurant’s daily operation that Jin didn’t have a hand in.

Eventually, he and his siblings were able to convince their dad to retire and enjoy the fruits of his labor. He had been working non-stop since he was a teenager. He deserved to rest.

//End flashback

******

“Hello?”

“So—when you make your kalguksu, do you wash your noodles or just throw them into the pot?”

YN sighed into her car’s bluetooth receiver. She had just picked up her oldest, Joobin from elementary school and was en route to picking up her youngest, Jooni from preschool.  “Well…it’s a matter of preference, really. Do you want a thicker or clear broth?”

“Good point. So anyway! That’s not really why I called.”

YN laughed out loud.

“There’s no good way to broach this topic but—holy shit, fertility treatments are no joke,” he blurts out.

She squeezed her eyes shut and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Oppa, you are on my bluetooth speaker and I just picked up Joobin.”

Joobin giggled from the backseat. “Uncle Jin said ‘shit.’”

“Ah, sorry, Joobinie! Don’t repeat that. Uncle is bad!”

YN groans in response. “Okay, let’s watch our language, please?”

“Right, sorry about that,” Jin apologizes. “Anyway…back to what I was saying. I know it’s the extra hormones from the shots but,” he sighs audibly, “I feel like I'm getting hit from all directions! It’s a rollercoaster of emotions.”

She shrugged her shoulders as she turned right on an intersection. “Just think, oppa—when she’s actually pregnant, it’s going to be ten times worse.”

“I knew this process was going to be long and difficult and truth be told, I thought I’d approach it differently by keeping it light to help us get through it, because…why wouldn’t I want to have sex with my wife?”

She cringed. “Gaaahh! Oppa! Language, please!”

“Ah, shit,” he says again on the other line while Joobin laughs.

“That’s it! I’m switching this conversation to my headset,” YN says, fishing out her earpiece from the center console and transferring the audio output.

“Okay, now you can speak freely,” she rolled her eyes. 

He sighed. “I’m sorry…I just,” he hesitates for a bit, “I just don’t know anybody else who's gone through the same process. The struggles of–trying for a kid…the physical and emotional toll…” he trails off.

YN softens her tone. “What’s wrong? Are you and Yoojung having problems?”

“No,” he says tentatively. “Not in that way. She’s putting in a lot of energy into this whole thing and I can see it consuming her. I’m worried.”

She hummed sympathetically. “Have you sat down and talked about it? What if you skip a cycle and wait for her hormones to normalize a bit? Maybe things might not be as tense,” she recommends.

He sighed into the phone. “I could suggest that but I don’t know how she’ll take it. She seems to really, really want this baby.”

“Do you want the same thing as she does? I mean, to have a kid?” She asked.

“I do,” he answered instantaneously. “But…”

“But what?”

He catches a glimpse of their wedding portrait propped on one side of his desk. “I just don’t want her to feel as if she’s obligated to do this. I want a kid, of course…but if it’s not in the cards for us, I still want us to be happy. I want her to be happy,” he sighed. “I think that she thinks this might be a make-or-break moment for our marriage—to…fuuuck me,” He drags out while he knits his brows in confusion.

She choked out a laugh on the other line. “Say that again?“

“No-no, YN. It’s-it’s dad,” he stammers as he watches his dad walk through the kitchen from the back office’s window.

“What? What happened to dad?”

“He just walked in through the kitchen—shit, I gotta go, YN.”

“Okay, okay. Call me back later. Love you!”

“Yep, love you, bye.“ 

He rushed out of his office and back into the kitchen. “D-dad? Wh-what are you doing here? Mom said you weren’t feeling well last night—“

He waved him off. “Ah, that was nothing. I woke up feeling much better and got an idea. I stopped by the market and… look!” He exclaims as he holds up a bucketful of Manila clams. “What do you say? Bajirak kalguksu?”

******

His efforts to drive him away from the restaurant so he could rest at home were futile.

Even after calling his mom, she told Jin to just let him be.

His dad ended up spending the whole afternoon there, even helping out through lunch and dinner service and rewarding all employees with a delicious pot of kalguksu.

Jin and his dad slurp loudly at their respective bowls of soup. As they set them back down on the table, they both let out a sigh of appreciation then burp almost in unison. After which, they make eye contact for a brief moment..before falling into absolute stitches seconds later.

Their staff had already gone home for the night so they were enjoying a bit of quiet time before Jin did his nightly walkthrough. 

“That was great, dad. As always,” he says as he picks up his bottle of beer and taps it against his dad’s.

After he takes a long drag of it, he remarks, “I wish I could make it like you do,” Jin  says quietly.

“You make it just fine, son,” he says to him before he takes a gulp of his beer.

“It’s just not the same. There’s–I don’t know…always something missing.”

“You make it your own way–and I think it tastes great.”

Jin chuckles. “You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”

“Son, you should do things your way, not how I do them. I mean–” he spreads his arms out, gesturing around the restaurant. “Look at this place–it’s like a well-oiled machine! I couldn’t have left it in more capable hands.”

Jin sighs. “I just learned to do things like you showed me, dad.”

“Well…there’s pros and cons to that, Seokjinie. One, I’m flattered that you think I’ve taught you well. But two–you can always choose to go a different path. Hell–look at Namjoon-ah and YN-ah. They’re off doing their own thing…that was their choice, I respect that. Taehyung-ah…” he sighs, “I’m not gonna lie, I worry about that boy. But,” he shrugged his shoulders, “He’s trying to find his own way. I get it–he looks up to his hyungs and his noona. He’ll figure things out soon enough.”

Jin narrows his eyes at him. “Why are you getting all sentimental, dad? Is it the beer? Are you a lightweight now because you haven’t had a drop in a while,” he jokes. 

Jin’s dad laughs, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “Maybe,” he sighed. “I just want to make sure that you’re all settled, you know? And by that I mean–happy with the choices you’ve made. And if you aren’t–you need to do something about it sooner rather than later.”

“Are you happy with the choices you’ve made, dad?”

“Of course!” He says proudly after swallowing another gulp of beer. “I’ll admit, there were difficult times…especially when your mother worked a lot. But all those choices I made–I stood by them. They all worked out eventually.” He then turns to his son. “We raised all four of you after all,” he said with a smile. “I think you all turned out alright?”

Jin chuckled, fidgeting with the label on his bottle.

“But…like I said–if you’re unhappy now, don’t wait until resentment sets in. Life’s too short for that.”

******

After Jin watches his dad drive off, he proceeds to close out the register and records the day’s total sales. By the time he was done, he got home close to 11PM. He hangs his keys by the front door and toes his shoes off, setting them in the hallway closet.

He pads over to the kitchen and retrieves a bottle of wine from the fridge and a glass from the cupboard. He sets the glass down and proceeds to pour himself a generous serving. He swirls it around and takes a sip. He sighs at the combination of cool, sweet, acidity hitting his palette.

It was already shaping up to be a long day–slightly made more complicated by his dad’s unexpected visit. But it was over now, at least. He contemplated dinner. Yoojung had texted him earlier that she had put away a plate for him–which he saw in the fridge when he retrieved the wine.

He rubbed his eyes–sleep quickly taking over the moment he walked through his front door. That plate would just have to be breakfast for tomorrow…or he could pack it for lunch. He didn’t have time to decide on that now.

He picks up the wine glass and tilts his head back to polish it off before rinsing it and setting it on the dish rack to try.

He drags his feet up the steps when suddenly, he hears his wife curse loudly, then quickly followed by something hitting the floor.

He rushes the last few steps to check on her, finding her in their bathroom.

“Damn it! Damn it,” she says as slams her fist on the sink.

“Love, are you okay? I heard something crash–” he looks down on the floor and sees some cotton swabs and rounds scattered on the floor, along with whatever remnants of the containers that originally held them.

She looks up at him, beneath tear-soaked lashes.

“Are you hurt?” He rushes over to check on her hands.

“No, no. I’m–I’m not hurt,” she whimpers. “Then what’s wrong? Talk to me.”

She sighed deeply. “I…did a pregnancy test. I just thought–” she paused for a beat, “I had a feeling. I…I felt different so I thought I’d check and…” Her lips narrow into a thin line, trying to bite back the rest of her sobs.

He enveloped her in a warm embrace, and she melted right into him. “Hey…it’s okay, love,” he says. He rubbed her back, trying to comfort her.

“I’m so sorry, yeobo,” she cried softly. “I’m really, really sorry.”

“Huh? For what?”

“For being such a failure,” she said sadly.

At the sound of that, he pulls her away from his chest to look at her. “Yoojung, why would you say that?”

“Because–I can’t give you a baby,” she says before another wave of sobs escape her lips.

Jin sighed. “You know, when we took that step to try fertility treatments, we came to that decision together. Any setback or doubts that either of us had or felt, we agreed to talk through it together.”

He kept his eyes at her, staring intensely. “Lately, I feel like you’re doing way more than what I thought we had initially talked about with the doctor. Constantly checking your body temperature, changing your diet, setting timers…I can’t imagine what this is doing to you but I just know that it worries me…seeing you like this.”

“Jin, the doctor said, there’s no shame in being a bit proactive to speed up the process. I know that we could be looking at a long road and that it’s different for every couple–”

“Precisely! It’s different for every couple,” he repeats. “I was there, too, when he gave us the whole spiel. But I see the process completely overwhelming you. At first I thought it was just the hormones but…now, I don’t know. Talk to me, love,” he pleads with her. “I want to know what you’re feeling. I want to be in this with you, too.”

She tried to fight that sinking feeling within her. That feeling of desperation and helplessness. Yes, it was the extra hormones but that wasn’t entirely true. She sniffled. “I just want us to have a baby, Jin. I feel…I feel so incomplete…and unworthy–”

“I’m going to stop you right there! It breaks my heart that you would think of yourself like that,” he cuts her off abruptly.

“I can’t help it,” she whined. “Ever since you asked me out–I felt like I always had to pinch myself to make sure that I wasn’t dreaming. All these years, I’ve had to–endure all of these…these judgy looks from all of these girls and women who were more deserving of your attention.”

“Yoojung–”

She shook her head. “Honestly–I was doing fine. I thought that I finally got over all that after you asked me to marry you. But now?” she chuckled bitterly, “We’ve been married for over three years–and still–” she sucked in a breath, “I feel like such a fraud.” She reaches over to grab a couple of tissues to clean up the broken pieces of acrylic and pick up the rest of the mess that she made during her sudden emotional outburst.

Despite Jin’s repeated reassurances, Yoojung still felt as if having a child would complete their family…and complete her, in a way.

They lived in a small town–where virtually everyone knew each other. And they can only field so many of those ‘When are you having kids’ questions. It was getting exhausting.

Jin bends down to help his wife pick up the pieces off the bathroom floor. They did so quietly until they were satisfied that they had picked up every fragment.

Yoojung gets under the covers and Jin follows her back to the bedroom and sits next to her.

“Hey–” he cupped her face in his hands. “It’s still early. We still have over a week left in this cycle so…we can still keep trying.” He tries to console her.

“And…if it doesn’t work, maybe…now hear me out on this…maybe we should consider skipping the next cycle? We can regroup, give your body some time to rest. What do you think?” He asked softly, rubbing her arms for comfort.

Her shoulders sagged at the sound of that. She didn’t want to lose the momentum they had. “I don’t know, Jin.”

“Have I ever forced you to do anything that you didn’t want to?”

“No,” she says quietly.

“And–have you ever felt pressured by any of my family members–at all–to have children?”

She shook her head.

“Then why? Why would you want to torture yourself like this? To prove to me that you’re worthy?”

“But–married couples have babies, Jin! And–w-what about your family name? Wouldn’t you want to leave a legacy?”

He laughed. “Yoojung, I have two more brothers–I’m pretty sure, they’ll be able to pick up the slack in that aspect.”

“I know but…Jin, you’re the oldest, you’re–”

“Yeobo.” He places his hands on her shoulders to calm her down, face turning more serious this time. “What is this really about? Did the doctor say anything to you that you’re not telling me? Do we have a deeper problem?”

She shook her head. The fertility specialist hadn’t said anything different from when they first sat down with them and discussed options, risks, and possible and highly likely moments of heartbreak during this whole process. Yoojung figured that if she focused more on the positive aspects, that the pitfalls wouldn’t matter so much–and that the outcome would be different and work in their favor.

So far, it hasn’t.

It’s only been a few months into their journey but she has been feeling more stressed and anxious than ever. She was over 30 now and fearful that her prospects of conceiving were lowering so time was of the essence. Although Jin has been supportive, the bottom line was that he didn’t understand how a woman’s body worked…or the concept of a biological clock in terms of reproduction.

She looked at him, tears pooling in her eyes. “I just want to make you happy, Jin,” she says in earnest.

He lets out an ill-timed chuckle. Yoojung finally lets out that sob that she’s been holding in. “Hello? I’m crying here??” She says angrily.

“I’m sorry, love–I just had to laugh at what you just said.”

She scrunched her face in confusion and annoyance. ”What? That I want to make you happy,” she whimpers.

Jin reaches out to cup her face in his hands, swiping at her tears with his thumbs.  “Yoojung–when have I ever said that I wasn’t happy?” She was silent. She didn’t have a good answer for him.

“See? You can’t even answer that,” he says softly. “Whatever or whoever gave you that idea?”

It was her imposter syndrome kicking back into gear. Yes, she got over it after they were married and it was blissful. She was finally feeling secure and confident in her relationship with Jin. They basked in newlywed bliss for a year.

And then one year turned into two, two rolled into three.

Suddenly, living in the hometown where they were born, raised, and worked in was not all it was cut up to be.

When are we going to see mini-Seokjinies running around, Yoojung?

Seokjin-ah, when are you going to pass on your worldwide handsome genes?

How long have you both been married? And still?

Are you two having problems?

It comforted Jin knowing that his wife and sister had a close bond. YN offered an ear for when Yoojung had bad days and needed a confidante. She had her own friends but at least YN understood her. She didn’t judge but she didn’t patronize her either.

“Love, I don’t know where this is all coming from–and for now, I’ll just blame the excess hormones in you. But listen to me…you don’t have to prove anything to me. In fact, you don’t have to prove anything to anybody! I fell in love with you because…you’re you. And I know that doesn’t seem like a believable statement but you’re just going to have to trust me. I want you just the way you are and I would never, ever ask you to change yourself. If you want to do that because you’re doing it for yourself and because that’s what makes you happy? Then fine–I’ll take it, but don’t ever do it on my account.”

He gazed at her more fiercely this time. He was fully aware of her insecurities–and he never threw it in her face. He acknowledged them and he would listen and tirelessly reassure her whenever she opened up about them.

“Don’t you want somebody more…I don’t know…who can give you a family?” She asked lowly.

“I already have a family. I have you,” he wiped a tear away again. “Nobody takes care of me like you do. Nobody else loves me like you do. That’s why I’m with you. You love me unconditionally. How can I ask for more from you when you’ve already given me everything?”

Any woman would melt at the sound of that. How can you not?

“Whatever other people say, whatever this world tells you…you’re the best to me just the way you are. I love you, Yoojung.”

“I love you, Seokjinie,” she smiles at him. He pulls her face closer to his and kisses her. Soon enough, her hands rake through his hair, pulling at the strands. He groans and deepens the kiss.

He groans as he pulls away and knits his eyebrows in curiosity. “Mrs. Kim–do you want a repeat of this morning’s…entanglement?”

She smiled playfully. “Let me remind you that my hormones are still on overdrive.” She closed in on him, pushing on his chest so his back hits their mattress. He gasps at her sudden aggression but he was all too happy to let her take control.

“And right now, they’re telling me to take care of my husband.” She turned her attention to his lower half. She did take care of him in all aspects. And he had zero complaints there.

She unbuckled his belt. “You’ve worked very hard today, Mr. Kim.” Then unzipped his pants. “So why don’t you lay back,” He moans softly when she pulls him out. “And watch me work on you.” She flashed a sly grin before she dipped her head, wrapping her lips around his cock.

He squeezed his eyes shut, surrendering. His fingers tugged at her hair at the feel of her warm, velvety mouth.

She watched his lips part in a sharply indrawn breath. 

“Yoojung…” His hooded gaze heated as he watched her hollow her cheeks, bobbing up and down his length. “Hmm, yes. Just like that, love.”

His praises spurred her on. She took him as deep as she could. He let out a deep groan once he felt the tip of his cock hit the soft cushion in the back of her throat.

Just as he felt himself tipping over the edge, he is jolted by the sound of his phone ringing.

He tries to reach out for it. Vaguely remembering that he tossed it somewhere on top of the covers when he sat on the bed, trying to comfort his wife.

He feels Yoojung pull away from him.

“Love, don’t worry, about it,” he almost whines, wanting her mouth to stay in place. “Probably just the chef forgetting about–”

“It’s your mom,” she says as she hands it to him.

He rolled his eyes and answered before the call went to voicemail.

“Ma, what–”

“Seokjin! Seokjin, you have to come quick! It’s your dad,” she says in a panicked state. “He just…he just collapsed and I can’t wake him up,” she sobbed hysterically on the other line.

Jin immediately sits up and scrambles to get himself decent. “Don’t wait until I get there. Just call an ambulance and I’ll meet you at the hospital.”

******

“Wait but—I thought that the drop in weight was from diabetes or…or a thyroid issue?”

The doctor glances at Jin’s mother, Lina, who was seated right by his father’s side, whimpering. He had been injected with sedatives but was stable.

“Dr. Park…please…We’ve known each other for, what? Decades! You and Taehyung have grown up together. You’re family. Just level with me—what is going on with my dad?” Jin’s eyes were pleading. He’d been kept in the dark and he could feel it.

He knew his father had been sick and was told that it just came with age and that he just needed to be on a strict regimen. He had no idea how serious it was.

He lived about 20 minutes away from his parents but made it a point to call or check in every couple days since the restaurant had taken up a lot of his time.

Every time he saw his parents, they always seemed to be in good spirits. His dad spent a lot of time in the garage tinkering with his 1972 Ford Gran Torino, since he finally had the time to do so.

He sounded incredibly happy. His wife was semi-retired from acting, only taking minor roles so she wouldn’t be away from him for too long. They were enjoying being together—as if making up for lost time.

The doctor glances at Lina once more but Jin tilts his head to block his line of sight.

“Jimin-ah! Tell me what is happening with my father?” Jin says more forcefully this time. If he wasn’t going to respond to formalities, he thought a more ‘personal’ approach would compel him.

“It’s alright, Jiminie,” Jin’s mother says softly. “We’ve taken this far enough,” she sniffled.

Jimin looks his hyung in the eyes with trepidation. He wished that he didn’t have to deliver this news but on the other hand, he wouldn’t dare have a nurse or resident do it for him. Not with this family.

He blew out a shallow breath and squared his shoulders. “Hyung…abeonim’s organs are shutting down,” he says gravely. “His body is no longer responding to treatments.”

Jin starts reeling from the information. Dreading the rest of the prognosis.

“What treatments? I thought you said that he just needed some pills and exercise and rest—I don’t…” Jin trails off. His head whips around to look back at his father, laying on the hospital bed. His body, laid up against the white sheets in this equally white room made him look more emaciated than usual.

“At this point, we just need to make sure he’s comfortable.”

“Comfortable?” Jin repeats incredulously. “We just made clam kalguksu this evening! We had some beers—” He rakes his fingers through his hair as he is in complete disbelief.

“H-how the fuck does he go from that to this,” he points aggressively towards the bed.

“Sometimes,” Jimin says calmly, “Patients will experience what we call a ‘surge’. One day, they’re good, the next…”

“Thank you, Jiminie,” Jin’s mom says walking up to both young men, rubbing her son’s back gently. 

Jin turns away from them wordlessly while Jimin carries on a conversation with his mom. His mouth goes dry while he attempts to internally grapple with all of the information that he just heard. He meandered across the room until he reached the foot of his father’s bed.

He was covered in a warm blanket, looking like he typically did when he napped on the couch at home or in the back office at the restaurant. Jin reaches out to rest his hand on his father’s foot, squeezing it gently. It flinched a little from the contact, remembering that he was incredibly ticklish.

He was still here, he thought.

From a distance, Jin hears Jimin tell his mom that a nurse and hospital social worker will come by soon to go over paperwork for hospice care.

Hospice?

Hospice.

It was as if his whole childhood flashed before his eyes like a movie–slowing down at the scene from this afternoon–when he was in the kitchen, bouncing around and laughing boisterously with the staff. How could this same man be upright one moment then suddenly declared terminal mere hours later?

“Jin.”

He slowly turned his head at his mom, who was standing next to him now. He had been completely unaware that a tear had pushed its way through, sliding down his cheek.

She felt a pang of guilt within her. She reaches up and gingerly wipes it away with her thumb. “You should call your brothers and sister.”

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Thank you for reading!

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Tagging: @internetjunkdrawer @deepseavibez @joeybeanxbts

[five-rivers]

Danny slowly loses his memories from before the Accident.

“I don’t remember that,” said Danny.  “Are you sure I was there?”

Maddie raised her eyebrows.  “I talked to you about it just last week,” she said. “When I was asking you about what you’d like to do during summer vacation.”

“I remember that,” said Danny, uncurling slightly from his position on the couch.  “I just don’t remember the other thing.  I... maybe we talked about something like it.  When was it?”

“You were twelve,” said Maddie.  “It was just before your birthday.”

Slowly, he shook his head.  “Sorry,” he said.  “I remember, um...  What other vacations did we have?  Before the one where you thought I was crazy, it was, um...” He held his hands as if preparing to count on them.  “We went to New York that one time.  And then the Great Lakes before that...  Oh!  And that haunted house road trip.”

He frowned down at his hands, and Maddie felt something unpleasant curl in her gut.  

“Is that...  All you remember?” she asked.  

“Y-Yeah?  I guess the others were from when I was too young to remember?”

“The haunted house trip was when you were five,” said Maddie.  “Danny... have you been,” she didn’t want to say it, didn’t want to piece together other little oddities into a big picture, “have you been forgetting things?”

“No!” said Danny, defensively, sitting up straighter.  “I’m just...”  He chewed his lip.  “It isn’t as if I’ve forgotten anything recent.”

His abysmal grades and missed curfews begged to differ.

“One second,” said Maddie.  “Stay here.”

She went to her room and fetched one of her largest photo albums.  Danny was still on the couch when she came back, picking at the hem of his pant leg, and staring blankly at the floor.  Maddie sat next to him, making him jump.  She opened the album to a random page.  

“What were we doing here?” she asked.  

“Um,” said Danny, brows pinching together in confusion.  “Shopping?”

“For?” prompted Maddie.  

Danny shook his head.  “It’s just shopping.  It isn’t important.”

“Danny, this is from when we got you that model spaceship.  The one you have hanging up in your room.”

Danny blinked, and slowly shook his head.  

.

The doctor’s office looked clean.  It even smelled clean.  Danny was still doing his level best not to touch anything.  Maddie would have sighed at his behavior, but she was too tense.  She met Jack’s eye.  He looked terrible too.

“There are no signs of Alzheimer’s disease,” said the doctor.  All three of them sighed with relief.  “However...  You said the other symptoms, the difficulty in school, began after the electrical accident?”

“Yeah,” said Danny.  

The doctor nodded.  “Electricity can do strange things to the brain, sometimes.  We haven’t been able to find any structural damage, but the activity levels...”  He brought a colored image up on his computer screen.  “This is where long-term memory is stored,” he said. 

“Doesn’t red usually indicate high levels of activity?” asked Jack.

“It does,” said the doctor.  “This is actually higher than usual activity...  Honestly, I don’t know what’s going on here.  I would like to request that you make a record of things that you currently remember as happening in your life, and then come back a month from now.”

“That’s it?” demanded Maddie.  

“Right now, since we don’t know what’s causing this,” said the doctor, “the best we can do is monitor the situation.  We don’t even know if this is an ongoing deterioration, or something more gradual.  On the upside, other than long-term memory, there doesn’t appear to be any damage.  Your timeline after your accident is clear and detailed.  The cognitive tests we put you through actually put you significantly above average...  This is what we can do.”

Maddie didn’t like it.  Danny didn’t look surprised.  Or even particularly upset.  

She caught Jack’s eye again.  They would have to be ready to support him, when the extent of what he had lost fully hit him.  

.

Danny floated down the icy hallway next to Frostbite.  “This isn’t going to be one of those examinations where I have to get undressed, is it?” he asked.  

Frostbite chuckled, but there was an undercurrent to it that usually wasn’t present.  “Only halfway.”  He paused to tap Danny on the chest.  “Your mind is no longer entirely contained in your head, after all.”

Danny rubbed at where Frostbite had tapped him.  “You don’t think that has anything to do with it, do you?”

“I’m unsure,” said Frostbite as they reached the examination room.  “It isn’t unusual for ghosts to lose their memories of their lives, but that is both more immediate and more complete.  Sit down here, and take your shirt off, Great One, and we can begin.”

Danny made a face at the item that looked like an overly complicated dentist’s chair with a large metal disk embedded in the back, but obeyed.  

“Here we are,” said Frostbite, pulling a complicated ring-shaped thing from the chair.  “This part goes around your head,” he said adjusting it to fit.  

Despite his cold core, Danny shivered at the frigidity of the metal.  

“These are to monitor your core, along with the matching one built into the chair,” said Frostbite as he attached several flat disks to Danny’s chest.  

“Are they, like, ultrasound?” asked Danny, running his finger along the edge of one of them.  He didn’t like how they stuck to his skin.  

“They work on a similar principle,” said Frostbite.  He turned on several nearby monitors.  “With this, we will be able to see how your brain and core react in tandem.  Can you transform for me a few times?  I want to compare with the baseline readings we took from you when you first stayed with us.”

“Sure,” said Danny.  

.

“Alright,” said Frostbite.  “Now, I am going to try sending a few low-intensity ectoplasmic pulses and currents through you.  Is that alright?”

“Sure,” said Danny.  

The first few left Danny feeling lethargic and tingly.  Other gave him so much energy he had to leave the room for a few minutes to burn some of it off.  Another, interestingly, turned off his ghost half, not unlike the Plasmius Maximus.

There was a rest period in-between each test, to make sure that they weren’t mixing results.  During those times, Danny and Frostbite would laugh and tell jokes and...

...  Danny trailed off in the middle of a sentence.  “Frostbite?” he asked after a minute.  “What was I just saying?”

.

“I want to stress that this is currently just a theory, Great One,” said Frostbite.  

“It’s okay,” said Danny.  “Just...  What is it?”

“Your memories are recorded in both your brain and your core.  You know this, correct?”

“Yeah.  You told me that a while back.”

Frostbite nodded.  “Normally, if one is turned off, the other one is still recording memories, and the memories will be transcribed.”

Danny nodded.  

“Or, if they are disconnected, in the case of the Plasmius Maximus, or your parents’ ‘Ghost Catcher,’ they will swap memories.  However...”

“Yes?”

“It is my theory that certain kinds of discrepancies between memories can lead to your core deciding that the discrepancy is an error and attempting to remedy it.  Great One, your core did not exist prior to your accident.”

“So, it thinks my memories from before that are wrong, and it’s getting rid of them.”

“I’m afraid it may be so.”

“Can you stop it?  I mean, you were able to artificially induce it, earlier...”

Frostbite made a face.  “The only things I can think of that could stop this would be unhealthy in the long run.  I do not believe you want to try to split yourself in two again.”

“No,” agreed Danny.  “Any-Anything else?”

Frostbite sighed.  “This is not something I can confirm,” he said, “but I suspect that the reason for your odd pattern of your memory loss is that the memories you dwelled on most often vanished first.”

“Oh,” said Danny.  “Because that would bring them to my core’s attention...”

Frostbite nodded.  

“Well.  That’s... not ideal.”

“I’m sorry, Great One.  Would that I could do more.”

.

“It’s all gone,” he said, without preamble, as he stood at Jazz’s door first thing in the morning.  

She looked crushed.  “Are you sure?”

Danny nodded.  “I remember remembering, but I don’t actually remember.  It’s weird and...  actually kind of a relief,” he said, tilting his head to one side.  

Jazz blinked rapidly.  “Are you going to tell Mom and Dad?”

He shook his head.  As his memories had disappeared, so had most of his remaining trust in his parents.  Between the memories of them caring for him, and the memories of them attacking or threatening him, the latter were more vivid.  

He still loved them, and his ghostly desires, that he literally could not remember living without, still focused on them, but that and trust were two different things.  It had been months since he’d started to fake retaining memories that he only knew about from reading his journals.  

“Sam and Tucker?”

This time, Danny nodded, the gesture much more enthusiastic.  “We were going to meet up later today, anyway.  Do you want to come with us?”

“Sure,” said Jazz.  She rubbed at her eyes.  “Give me a second.”

Danny nodded.  He wasn’t in a hurry.  “I’ll be downstairs.”

He could understand the grief.  He had felt it.  But it was over, now.  The only thing left was to make new memories.  

[dinosaurtsukki]

haikyuu!! buzzfeed unsolved AU

OK THIS IS THE LAST BUZZFEED UNSOLVED RELATED HEADCANON SET I PROMISE 

[edit: check out the link at the bottom of the post for more buzzfeed unsolved au content :)]

hinata and kageyama:

90% of the show is them yelling and nobody watches it with earphones on

both of them believe in ghosts but that doesn't mean they want to see one

hinata will literally go to the bathroom five times before going to the spooky house and kageyama gets mad at him for it but there is Fear in his eyes

producer: 'were you scared?'

kageyama: 'pfft, no'

cameraman: *points camera down to show that kageyama's legs are shaking*

they also bring a shit ton of food with them when they stay the night at a place and they'll deadass be eating while talking about the history of the place

‘this house *crunch crunch* was built in *crunch crunch* 1972'

the producers tell them to stop bringing snacks but fans of the show love it

sometimes they'll shoot a mini mukbang video

SPICY, BARBECUE POTATO FRIES | Mukbang at the Waverly Hills Asylum'

hinata: *looking up how to do a seance on wikihow* it says we gotta offer some food for the spirit

kageyama: *spills the doritos he was eating on the table

*after 20 minutes*

kageyama: fuck this

hinata: *starts eating the doritos*

producer: ...

the ghosts: ..................the, audacity

tsukishima and yamaguchi

pretty much a ryan and shane duo right here

yamaguchi: we'll be visiting this place as part of our ongoing investigation on the question, are ghosts real?

tsukishima: *shakes head*

yamaguchi just wants to see the look of fear in tsukishima’s eyes at least once

yamaguchi: *hears a random thump sound* fUCk tSuKkI a gHoSt!!!

tsukishima: *sees a chair being tossed across the room* huh, the wind is pretty strong today

he likes to stick his head into attics to scare yamaguchi

yamaguchi always carries a water gun full of holy water

yamaguchi: i have holy water with me and i'm not afraid to use it! but i'm also sorry you had to die such a horrible death i hope you find peace soon

tsukishima: *walks into a basement that is supposedly a portal to hell* fuckin’ take me already

so many 'yamaguchi being an angel and tsukishima being a demon for 10 mins' video compilations 

daichi and sugawara

a very chaotic buzzfeed unsolved duo

suga, who is satan’s child himself, and daichi, who needs a raise

daichi: hello everyone! this is daichi,

sugawara: and suga

daichi: and you’re watching...

sugawara: jackass!!

daichi:...buzz...buzzfeed unsolved??

daichi started out being afraid of almost every place he had to walk into but after having to deal with the chaotic mess that is suga for an entire season, he no longer Feels Fear

this is because suga will deadass film a tiktok dance video no matter where he is

daichi: suga, someone was literally axe-murdered there

suga: *dancing along to ‘I’m a Savage’ or whatever that tiktok song is called*

daichi: *at cameraman* do you see what i have to deal with every day?’

suga is only genuinely scared by ghosts when his followers point out that a ghost was caught on camera in one of his tiktok videos

suga: *watching the video*

that was the end of suga’s tiktok career

tanaka and nishinoya:

another bunch of loud bois but they are much louder than kageyama and hinata

they’re very much into proving the existence of cryptids and are most known for that episode they spent hunting bigfoot by dressing up to look like bigfoot

tanaka: ‘you know that thing they do in cartoons where they stack on top of each other under a coat so they look like just one big guy?’

nishinoya: ‘ryuu i love you so fucking much’

other guy there who is also trying to catch bigfoot: oMg ItS bIgFooT *takes picture with the blurriest camera he could find*

both of them are very committed in their investigation of the supernatural and they’re very unconventional approaches

nishinoya: *lying on the ground in a creepy basement* EAT MY HEART DEMONS! WE’LL PUT THE VIDEO ON YOUTUBE!

tanaka: *takes out a spirit board* *spells out O-M-A-E  W-A  M-O  S-H-I-N-D-E-I-R-U*

ghost: *spells out N-A-N-I*

tanaka and nishinoya: *screaming*

kuroo and kenma: 

kuroo deadass flirts with any ghost or demon they encounter and kenma would sleep over in a haunted asylum for ten bucks

kuroo: *sidles up to the infamous annabelle doll* hey there little lady, what’s a pretty thing like you doing in a locked, glass case with a ‘don’t touch’ sign like this?

kenma: kuroo, there’s a demon inside her

kuroo: well, i’m a bit of a demon myself

kenma: she attempted to choke a guy in his sleep

kuroo: oooh, choking. i can get behind that...

kenma: *looks at camera*

the demon in annabelle: d-daddy??

“kuroo flirting with demons and kenma looking at the camera for 5 minutes”

kuroo’s actually a huge fucking scaredy cat and kenma secretly tries to push him over the edge

kenma: *plays computer-generated screams of the damned on his phone*

kuroo: WHAT WAS THAT?

kenma: ...I didn’t hear anything *looks at the camera as if he was on the office and plays the sound again*

kuroo: i was too scared to close my eyes last night

kenma: i was actually able to catch a bunch of pokemon last night. who knew the winchester mansion is such a hotspot

producer: did you catch any evidence of ghosts?

kenma: ...i caught a gastly

bokuto and akaashi:

bokuto is a die-hard mothman fan and akaashi is emotionally involved in proving that ghosts exist he will stop at nothing

akaashi: all of the evidence on the shadow figures and orbs spotted in this place can only suggest one thing...

bokuto: mothman did it

akaashi: no

bokuto: yes

akaashi: mothman is literally five states away

bokuto: he has wings

during their individual investigations, akaashi has already foreseen how bokuto is going to react

producer: it’s been quiet for a while. do you think bokuto’s no longer scared?

akaashi: oh no. he should be screaming right about now...

bokuto, inside the haunted house: *screams and waves his flashlight around*

akaashi:  and then he’s gonna call for help

bokuto: AKAAAAAASHIIIIIIIIII

*few hours later*

bokuto: i saw my life flash before my eyes in there

akaashi: *muttering incoherently near his ‘evidence wall’ full of blurry pictures and red string*

bokuto: i must’ve stared into the abyss at one point

akaashi: this place is fucking haunted. can i go back? it’s for sale right?

ushijima and tendou:

ushijima’s knowledge of ghosts is based on hollywood movies and tendou has exorcised places just by vibing

ushijima: *brings out a pottery wheel* if there are any ghosts in here, you know what to do

he’s actually never watched Ghost he just knows That One Scene

tendou: *naruto-running through the goatman bridge with a go-pro strapped to his head* IT’S MY BRIDGE GOATMAN, IT’S MY BRIDGE!!!

the Goatman Himself: i’ve never felt so fucking scared in my entire fucking life

ushijima believes that chanting in latin will Summon the Ghosts and tendou takes full advantage of that

tendou: *handing ushijima a slip of paper* here, apparently this will summon a full-bodied apparition

ushijima: thanks *begins chanting*

producer, interviewing tendou to the side: okay, what did you make him read this time?

tendou: i typed out ‘let me eat your ass’ in latin on google translate and went from there

cameraman: *zooms in on ushijima chanting*

the ghost haunting the castle: *is confused in French*

in the end neither of them get evidence on ghosts

ushijima: well, we'll have better luck next time

tendou: maybe even revisit this place ?

the ghosts: i know i'm dead but this is the first time i've been scared for my life

[EDIT: for more buzzfeed unsolved au content written by me, check out The Search for the Mysterious Mothman, a headcanon set feat. bokuaka]

[drarrily-we-row-along]

Day 116: Silver

The problem was that the entire house was grey.

Not metaphorically speaking, of course. No, Harry was actually a little in love with the house itself. It was a cozy little two bedroom home with a nice big kitchen that had an island in the center and a breakfast nook in the corner by the window. And the bathroom had a giant bathtub for soaking and relaxing. The living room had bookshelves built into the walls and a cozy fireplace that Harry couldn't wait to use in the fall and winter.

Metaphorically speaking, the house was sunshine-yellow. Harry adored it.

But every wall in the house was literally grey. His realtor had assured him that grey walls were very fashionable and that he'd grow to like them in time if he just gave them a chance.

So he'd given them a chance. He waited to fall in love with the walls for three whole days before he decided that he simply couldn't take it anymore.

He went to the little muggle hardware store down the street and bought seven gallons of paint; sea foam for the bathroom, coral for the kitchen and breakfast nook, cerulean for his bed room, emerald for the guest bedroom, raspberry for the living room, crisp white for the entry way and all of the doorways, and crimson for the front door. Harry bought paintbrushes, rollers, drop cloths, painters tape, and even a fancy tool to get the corners.

Thankfully, the shop owner let him borrow a little wagon to take everything back on and in no time Harry had the tape up to protect ceilings and doorways, he had drop cloths covering the hard wood floors, and he was ready to start.

He didn't know how long he was at it, but he'd finished the front door, the entry way, and the kitchen when a familiar voice was calling out to him from the open front door. "Potter?"

"Draco," he said in surprise, making his way through the stacks of covered furniture to find his bemused looking auror partner standing on the front steps with a bottle of wine and a house plant. "Hi," he said.

"Hello," the other man replied. "Is it a muggle custom to simply leave one's door open?"

(Read more below the cut)

"No," Harry said with a laugh, "My paint is just drying."

"Have I come at a bad time?" Draco asked, brow furrowing slightly. "I should have sent a patronus ahead of me to check, I'm sorr-"

"It's fine," Harry assured quickly, "I told you to come by any time. Come in. Please."

"Are you certain?" he asked.

He nodded, "Come on. Just don't touch the walls."

Draco followed him inside and held out the wine and the plant, "These are for you," he offered, "house warming presents."

"Thank you," Harry said, genuinely touched. "Really, you didn't have to-"

"I wanted to."

"Thank you," he said again.

After a moment of simply staring at one another, an activity that was becoming increasingly, worryingly common for the two of them, Draco said, "So! Show me your house." He grinned, silver eyes twinkling with mischief, "Give me the grand tour."

Harry laughed, "Well, you'll have to forgive the mess," he said as he headed toward the kitchen, "I'm painting."

"I can see that," he teased. "What was wrong with the color the walls were when you moved in?"

He made a face as he tucked the wine into the refrigerator, "They were all grey!" he said. "Every. single. wall. Grey!"

Draco laughed, "Alright, tell me about your vision for each room."

Happily, Harry complied; taking Draco around the house room by room and telling him about the color palette for each space, the new furniture and decorations he was thinking about buying to complete each room.

By the time they made it back to the living room, Draco was chuckling under his breath.

"What?" he asked, "What are you laughing at?"

"Just you," he said with a little shake of his head. "This is so like you."

"How so?"

With a wistful little smile, Draco looked around the room like he could already see what Harry was going to do. "There's just so much life here, you know? You just," he shrugged a little helplessly, "Everywhere you go, you make things come to life."

He blinked at him and opened his mouth to say something and nothing came out. He swallowed back what felt suspiciously like tears and then managed, "That might be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me."

A flush flared across Draco's cheeks and Harry admirably resisted the urge to trail his nose over the blush. "Don't let it go to your head," the other man said with a huff.

Harry laughed, "Do you want to stay?"

"Sorry?"

He shrugged, "Do you want to stay and help paint? It's actually pretty fun."

"I don't have the appropriate attire," he said after a moment.

"I have extra joggers and t-shirts you can borrow if you'd like?" he offered.

The corner of Draco's mouth tipped up, "If you don't mind. I've never painted the muggle way before."

"It feels good," Harry said as he started off toward his room to fetch clothes for Draco to borrow. "It feels like you've really accomplished something."

Draco laughed, following along behind him, "Ah, yes. I can see how you, who brought in only thirteen criminals to the DMLE this week alone, might feel the need to 'really accomplish something,'" he teased.

"Shut it," Harry said good naturedly as he dug out clothes for Draco to borrow and threw them at his head.

Draco caught them and Harry's eyes snagged on Draco's, holding them for a beat too long again, before he cleared his throat, "I'll see you in a few minutes," he offered lamely before fleeing his own bedroom.

----------

After several hours of painting (and laughing, and singing and dancing along with the wireless, and cleaning dripped paint off of several surfaces that it should never have been on in the first place) they decided to take a break for dinner.

They ordered a pizza and ate it sitting on the floor in the living room while they drank the bottle of wine Draco had brought. And as Harry stared at the rosy blush coloring Draco's cheeks from the wine and the laughter, he tried to remember the last time he'd felt this free and happy.

When he couldn't eat one more bite, Harry flopped down on his back on the floor in the living room with a groan, "My shoulder hurts from painting."

Draco nudged him with his knee. "You're getting old, Potter," he said with a little smile.

And he meant it as a joke but it twisted something in Harry's gut uncomfortably, "I never imagined I'd grow old," he confessed softly.

The smile slipped from Draco's face, "Harry, I didn't mean-"

"It's alright," Harry said quickly, reaching out to press his pinky against Draco's. "It just my parents died really young, and there was everything with Voldemort, and for a long time after that I thought that surely one of his followers would finish me off," he shrugged. "And I just didn't expect to get old."

"You listen to me, Harry Potter," Draco said fiercely, his eyes bright in a way that made Harry's heart clench in his chest. "You are going to live to be ancient. Older than Dumbledore and infinitely happier."

"Oh?" he asked, smiling in spite of himself.

"Yes."

"How do you know?" he asked.

Draco narrowed his eyes at him, "Because I do. And if there is something else destined for you, I will make it so by sheer force of will." He wrapped his pinky around Harry's and something thrilled in the pit of Harry's stomach, "You deserve the world and if the world will not hand itself over on a silver platter, I will give it to you."

He sat up and pressed his lips to the other man's without another thought because it was honestly nothing short of a miracle that he hadn't done it before now. And honestly, how was he supposed to resist kissing him when the other man said things like that? "I love you," he breathed when he pulled back. And then he immediately wanted to take those words back, "Sorry," he spluttered as he collapsed back onto the floor and covered his face with his hands, "Godric, I don't know what's come over me. Sorry. Just forget-"

Draco's lips covered Harry's and stemmed the flow of words coming from his mouth.

"Mmrmph," Harry murmured against his mouth inelegantly before giving himself over to the kiss completely and reaching up to cup Draco's face with his hands.

"Don't be sorry," Draco whispered when he drew back a moment later, "Please say you meant it."

"I meant it," Harry replied softly as he brushed Draco's hair back.

"Good," Draco said, leaning down to kiss him softly once more. "Because I love you, too."

-----------

Day 115: Soft | Day 117: Movie

[findingjoynweirdstuff]

Dream SMP Recap (February 26/2021) - ...What?

DreamXD helped George build a McDonald’s, Quackity’s double joined, Jack and Andrea went on a date with Sam and Foolish joining in as wingmen, Andrea was lured to the Egg, Wilbur (non-canonically) had a heart attack during a horse/footrace and died...

Just an average day in the Dream SMP, I suppose?

---

VOD LINKS:

Ranboo

Captain Puffy

Georgenotfound

Jack Manifold

[Andrea’s VOD was deleted due to leaked info, nothing to worry about though!]

---

- Puffy and Foolish work on their fast food restaurant

- After attempting to solve the mystery behind why George was banned on TikTok, Quackity decides that George should build a McDonald’s in Minecraft.

- DreamXD, the god of the server himself, appears to help them. As the owner of the land, he suggests that they renovate the Deal or No Deal house into a McDonalds. He happens to have some very convenient stacks of supplies. 

- They burn down the old house and begin to build. Wendy’s replies on Twitter and Dream ratios them.

- Quackity starts chasing George so he calls for Dream’s help and DreamXD attacks him as Quackity repents for his sins. Quackity logs out and DreamXD builds a pit and they fill it with lava.

- George shouts for Quackity to log in while dramatic music plays. 

Quackity: “Then so be it. So be it! I don’t care! So be it, George! If this is the destiny that I have to face, then I’ll face it with honor, George!”

- He’s known it all along...Quackity is the one who got him banned. Quackity’s the one who got them all banned! Quackity begins to chuckle. George finally put together the pieces.

Quackity: “You have no idea how much power I have, George...and guess what, I have no issues doing it over, and over, and over again.”

- Quackity decides that he’s not going to log in so that he won’t give George the satisfaction of watching him die. DreamXD types a suggestion to ban Quackity in chat.

George: “I have Dream on my side! DreamXD, he is the god of the Dream SMP server! He will RUIN you! He will delete you from the lore!”

Quackity: “DreamXD...you think gods scare me, George? Gods don’t scare me, George, they don’t.”

- Bad falls into the pit and has to get out.

George: “He’s quacked!”

Quackity: “I’m gonna walk out the door with honor, George, and I’m never giving you the satisfaction of watching me die.”

- Suddenly, DreamXD hits George into the pit of fire, revealing that he’s been with Wendy’s this entire time! George perishes in the fire as Quackity taunts him. 

Quackity: “LOOK AT YOU! Look at you fall into despair and death, thinking you’re one step above, but you have no one on your side, George. Nobody...nobody is on your side. Nobody has ever been on your side, George. That’s the funny part! That’s the funny part. Your little moments, your little moments where you think you have any sort of power...they’re just amusing, George. They’re so amusing to me. Have you realized it yet? Have you realized how you hold no power, ever, at all? Take this to the grave, George...you’re nobody.”

- DreamXD tells Quackity it’s clear to log on, but Quackity still doesn’t die. DreamXD then says that it was all an attempt to trick Quackity into logging in and calls for George to log back on.

DreamXD: “I was never with him, George...I’ve been by your side since the beginning, George...I promise.”

- They walk back to McDonald’s. DreamXD assures George that Quackity will pay for this. He murders Bad to cheer George up. DreamXD also makes George a server operator for a short moment.

- George runs back, shouting at Quackity to log in. Quackity replies that as long as he’s outside of George’s realm, they have no power over him. The instant he logs in, they have control. He won’t give them that satisfaction.

- George threatens to canonically ban Quackity for eternity. Bad warns him of the mark this might make on his soul. George presses enter...and it doesn’t work. 

Quackity: (laughing) “George...you really thought you had the power! You really thought you could do anything to me! George, you can’t! You can’t do anything to me! Not now, not ever, not as long as I live, George.”

“Long live Quackity, George...I never die.”

- Quackity announces that he will be building a salad store right across the street from George’s store, and there’s nothing George can do about it!

- quackitynumber2 joins the game. George tells him that if he sacrifices himself to the lava, he’ll forgive him. Quackitynumber2 does just that. They rescue real Quackity from the lava.

- DreamXD takes George to the Oogway Shrine to “pray.” 

- Sapnap comes on, very confused. They continue to ratio Wendy’s.

- Jack preps for his date. Foolish gives him a pep talk, then Wilbur briefly joins to ask if Andrea’s there yet. Antfrost arrives in a maid outfit.

- Andrea eventually comes onto the server. She dies once and Sam declares it canon. Sam gives Jack gifts for the date at Spawn.

- Jack and Andrea ride around in a boat a bit. The date continues as Antfrost and Sam work as diligent wingmen.

- Sam turns Jack into the waterman and shouts about Dreamons as he attacks. Jack runs away and waits for the invisibility to wear off while Sam, Punz and the others show Andrea Egg propaganda.

- Sam says they can see the Egg soon! Punz remarks that the Egg is nice. Jack freaks out when he hears about this and runs over, eager to stop Andrea from being mind-controlled.

- Jack makes it to Puffy’s McDonald’s and reunites with Andrea. 

- They continue to walk around, near the Eggpire meeting room. Sam greets them there, leads the two into the egg building and tells Andrea to stand in the center. Jack and Andrea jump down into the Egg Room.

Sam: Break it Andrea. Save the server. Do it.

- Jack warns her against breaking the blocks. Andrea jumps down from the Egg and looks at it.

Sam: DO YOU WANT TO BE A HERO??

Andrea: SIR

Andrea: MR AWESOME DUDE

Sam: Yes?

Andrea: HAVE YOU EVER SEEN AN EGG

Andrea: THAT IS NOT AN EGG

- She says this reminds her of health education classes. A fun way to teach people about the reproductive system. Sam tells her to break the Egg again.

- Sam tells her they need to break the Egg to leave, but Andrea dies by lava instead. Jack warns her that she only has one canon life left.

- Jack struggles to swim back up to the surface through the chute. Sam tells Andrea that he doesn’t see her surviving the night.

- Jack makes it to the surface and tries to get back to Andrea. Meanwhile, Sam tells Andrea that he’s way richer than Jack is. 

- Jack meets Andrea and Sam at Lemon City. Sam gets Andrea a horse. They decide to do a race. Andrea proposes that they sacrifice the loser. Foolish accuses Sam of cheating on Ponk.

- Ponk comes online.

Jack: Hi Fonk

Sam: LETS RACE

Ponk: Shut up home wrecker

WilburSoot joined the game.

- They make a call for all the racers. Wilbur joins and asks Jack for a few words in private.

- Once alone, Wilbur urges Jack to get out of there. This is not going well, he says. Jack insists that everything’s going fine! Wilbur tells Jack that Andrea asked him to serenade her.

- Jack points out that Wilbur did this last time. Wilbur tells him that was just him being a silly quirky goofster. This is him being real.Wilbur tells Jack to trust him.

Wilbur: “I have a plan...basically, you’re doing a race, right? What’s the worst thing that can happen during a race, you may be asking? I’ll tell you what:

“Wilbur Soot has a heart attack and dies.”

- The plan goes as follows: they start the race, Wilbur has a heart attack and dies, and in his last dying breath, he asks Andrea to tell the truth.

- The two rejoin the call with the plan in mind and meet at the Community House with Sam to begin the race.

Wilbur: “I sure hope my arteries will hold up!”

- The race begins! Jack, Andrea and Sam all start running, Andrea still on horseback. Wilbur calls out that his chest is hurting and Jack turns around to run back to him.

- With his last dying breath, Wilbur says to Andrea that she should tell Jack what she said to Wilbur. He then dies before they can perform CPR. Sam points out that Wilbur Soot is not the type to waste his last words. Andrea replies that they were going to sacrifice him anyway.

- Jack has the messages from Wilbur.

Sam: “Can you read those to us please? I wanna imagine that he wrote them about me.”

Jack: “Okay, he said -- you’re gonna struggle, it has my name in it.”

Sam: “Well, just, when you read your name, just say ‘Sam’ instead.

Jack: “Okay, he says, ‘I want to date Sam. That sounds fucking brilliant.’”

Sam: “Wilbur said that about me?! Oh my god, I have chills. I literally have chills right now. I got ghost bumpies.”

- Andrea asks what’s going on between Jack and Wilbur, and questions whether Jack is really in love with her. She decides to run away.

- Sam shows her the prison he built and brags that he’s the warden. Andrea’s horse explodes. Sam asks if they should lock Jack up, and Andrea says they should.

- After Andrea sings “My Humps,” Sam rapidly comes to the conclusion that he no longer wants anything to do with this date. 

- Jack and Andrea’s date continues as he leads her to the restaurant he made. 

- Afterwards, they go back to the mainland and Andrea sees L’manhole. Jack explains that this is where L’manberg was destroyed, and he fell into Hell. Andrea remarks that there used to be a sign here that said “I <3 Andrea” that now says “You </3 Little Penis” instead.

- They sail out into the ocean together. 

- Afterwards, Jack brings her to Foolish’s Temple of Undying. Jack says he’ll see her on their next date, if he’s still alive by then.

- Andrea leaves, and Sam speaks with Jack alone.

---

Upcoming events remain the same.

[stellocchia]

Since people often seem to think that Tommy’s and Dream’s dynamic is something that was established in season 2 and sorta came out of nowhere before that, I thought I’d finally take a look at the evolution of it throughout season 1. 

From here on out, of course, I’ll be talking exclusively about the characters. It is also to be kept in mind that season 1 was a LOT less scripted, so there may be streams and moments that I leave out as they don’t seem to be too impactful or they lack canonicity. So sadly the whole stream where they build Church Prime that has Dream comparing himself to God for 2 hours has to go...

 This will undoubtedly be an EXTREMELY long one, so be prepared for it...

Let’s go step by step in chronological order, shall we? 

THE DISCS WAR PREQUEL

By now a lot of people know that the Disc Saga wasn’t actually started by Tommy, but here’s a refresher anyway: Ponk started it off by pranking Sapnap’s base, in retaliation Sapnap burned down Ponk’s lemon tree. With this Ponk allied himself with Alyssa and the two started a war against Sapnap. 

Later Tommy joins the server. Tommy obtains the first netherite cheestplate in the server and it’s promptly stolen by Sapnap. Later again Sapnap uses the netherite chestplate to blackmail Tommy into joining his fight against Ponk and Alyssa. Tommy just refuses ang gets his armour back, but he considers Sapnap’s offer because of: Alyssa setting him on fire and Tubbo (who was mostly neutral but leaning towards Ponk and Alyssa) had made him loose his stuff the day before.

Dream arrived then to stop the fighting, but Sapnap and Tommy decided to kill him instead (non-canonically of course). Sapnap killed him twice and Tommy once. In retaliation Dream stole Cat and Mellohi. Sapnap stole one of the disks back and then they retrived the other one and Tommy hid them near his base.

So what does this tell us? Tommy most definitely wasn’t the one who instigated the conflict, nor the one who escalated it. YET, he was the only one Dream focused on. And remember, while a proper coherent storyline didn’t exist back then we know that the wars were at least somewhat scripted (thanks to cc!Dream telling us so on the Eboys Podcast). They also kept their characters characterization pretty consistent throughtout, which means we had the first hints of their dynamic all the way back here.

ESCALATION OF THE DISC WAR

(From Tommy’s main channel it’s: “Dream is a Psychopath.”)

Everything could have been over then, but Dream was still pissed he lost, so he removed all the floring of Tommy’s base (escavating all the dirt from in front of it) in order to find the disks and take them back. At this point, after once again stealing the disks, Dream asked Tommy for his netherite chestplate (again, only one on the server at the time) in exchange for them. Also, an actual conversation they had: 

Tommy: “Dream! Was this you that destroyed my entire base and re-named the sign to ‘BitchBoy enterprise?!” 

Dream: “I didn’t touch the sign. I didn’t destroy your base either it’s just the f- the dirt” (note: as I said before, all the dirt was removed, but, hey, he didn’t touch the chickens and the carrot farm!)

Also:

Tommy:“Dream, you removed the ENTIRE floor of my base” 

Dream: “It’s YOUR fault. It’s your fault...” 

T: “How is it MY fault?!” 

D: “‘Cause you hid the disks!” 

T: “Yeah, because they’re MY disks!” 

D: “You hid the disks and I’ve taken them back, okay?”

If this doesn’t sound like the beginning of the Obsession Arc, I don’t know what does! 

But, in all seriousness, even back then for c!Dream the key of everything in the server was Tommy, though at the time he was just “the reason for conflict”. Still it’s pretty obvious that the disk conflict could have ended before it started if Dream didn’t decide to escalate things (though, as it’s obvious by the conversation, he blames his own actions on Tommy as we see him do in later seasons).

Anyone wondering about the gravity of Tommy killing Dream once non-canonically before this: In this video Dream kills both Tommy and Tubbo twice in the first 10 minutes. Yeah, he’s not any better. Btw, this is the video with the fight they then mimicked in the finale and they actually loose this one as well. 

Tommy: “What is your obsession with this disks? Why don’t you just give them back?” 

Dream: “No because I can get something in return for them, I don’t care about the disks”

Oh what simpler times when blackmail was just simple old blackmail to obtain material possessions... 

Btw, this one ended with basically a double scam where Dream gave them fake disks and they logged off with both the fake disks and the netherite chestplate.

(Main channel: “mission: kill dream (FINALE)”)

Tubbo: “Please do not tell me you have sentimental attachment to the bullshit disks...”

Early theme of attachment back in season 1. Either way Tommy has been portrayed as an extremely sentimental character that develops attachments scarily fast from all the way back in season 1. C!Dream’s idea of him he expresses in the finale isn’t born from nothing.

Anyway, Tubbo and Tommy use the composter glitch to find Dream’s base to try and get back the disks, but they aren’t there, so they end up going for the original exchange, this time with no scamming included. Tommy get’s his disks back, while Dream gets Tommy’s netherite chestplate. Just to point out: at this point Dream was the one completely at fault. Tommy was dragged into a war he wasn’t involved in and yet was the sole one to be punished for it and Dream couldn’t just accept a defeat so heavily griefed Tommy’s base and stole back HIS posssession. Dream is the main instigator here, yet he blames it ENTIRELY on Tommy from the start. Literally their dynamic started off pretty f*cked. 

Still, since Tommy didn’t want to keep risking loosing stuff to Dream for the disks he decided to make an ender chest for himself. He gets some blaze powder and ender pearls from Punz in exchange from an apple (that was too sweet not to include) and then, when it comes to getting the obsidian is when Dream realizes what he’s been doing. You’d think he’d be fine with it considering they already had a “fair” exchange (aka Dream’s blackmailing had been succesful), but nope. He hunts down both Tommy and Tubbo, but fails in killing them and they manage to put the disks away safely.

L’MANBURG BEGINNING

As we know Wilbur founded L’Manburg and Dream did not like that, so he declared war on them. Here’s the speach: 

“Tommy! (pause) And Wilbur and the rest of L’ManChildburg, we are at war. There is no mercy. We’ve burnt down Tubbo’s house. We’ve planted tnt cannons around your land. We have cobblestone walled the outside and we shot ONE warning shot inside your walls ans an explosion and we have NO MERCY! NO MERCY FOR YOU! Do you understand? We will come! We’ll burn down your houses, we will kill anything inside your walls and we’ll take back the land that is rightfully ours if you do not surrender. I want to see WHITE FLAGS! WHITE FLAGS OUTSIDE YOUR BASE BY TOMORROW, AT DAWN, OR YOU’RE DEAD!”

So, a couple of things to unpack here:

1) Dream first and foremost singles out Tommy who, if you all remember, was NOT the leader of L’Manburg. He was barely Wilbur’s right hand man and had only been confirmed as such recently at that point. He is not the leader and YET, in how the speach is enunciated it’s obvious that it’s directed at him specifically.

2) For anyone wondering if Dream could be considered a villain back in season one: so far the people from L’Manburg had done nothing but frolic in the flowers. They were a group of pacifists that refused to use any armour and Dream’s reaction to them is to kill them all and burn anything they built. And he’s doing all this because he thinks he’s entitled to all of the land in the smp and even something as small as og L’Manburg had no right to exist free of his rule.

(Always from the main channel: “Doomsday.”)

Two important things for their relationship happen here: Dream deciding, out of everyone, to kill Tommy specifically in the final control room and the duel (or more so the result of the duel). 

It is something back then no-one wondered about, but why would Dream, the leader of the Greater Dream SMP, go after the second in command instead of the leader? Possibly for the same reason he singled out Tommy in the declaration of war? Possible foreshadowing of their future dynamic?

Also, may I mention that Dream was the one to add the condition that, on top of not getting independence for L’Manburg, Tommy had to give up one of the disks (mellohi) if he lost? And Dream being the one to mention it is the reason why Tommy knew they were valuable to him in the first place. It’s the reason why Tommy proposed the deal of his disks for L’Manburg independence (which worked, which tells us a whole lot about when Dream’s obsession withe the disks started. Man was willing to take an L to have THAT sort of control over Tommy already in season one)

POGTOPIA

Jump to when Tommy and Wilbur get exiled. A lot happens here, but, for the function of this analysis, I’ll only be talking about what pertains to Dream’s and Tommy’s relationship. 

So, at the beginning of exile Dream offers his support for Pogtopia leaving a chest specifically for Tommy (once again, not Wilbur, the leader, but Tommy. He also gives Tommy a lot more stuff then Techno who was arguably a much more valuable asset). In the chest there was: a full set of netherite armour, 3 stacks of ender pearls, an enchanment table, a netherite sword, Dream’s crossbow (”Definitely not penis”), a stack of golde apples, 1 enchanted golden apple, 1 stack of diamonds, 17 obsidian, 3 potions of strenght, a stack of steak and a book written by Dream called “Tyrant” which, again, is addressed soley to Tommy. (In the book he basically says that he doesn’t like Schlatt and that he’s only going to help from the shadows because he can’t directly involve himself). 

Now, for the standards of the time, that was A LOT of stuff. Dream clearly wasn’t half-assing his support to Tommy there (I’d say to “Pogtopia” but, again, it was all specifically for Tommy). He keeps up his help when he intervenes in favour of Tommy in the Battle of the Lake (from the vods channel: “TommyInnit, Dream & Technoblade TEAM UP (dream smp war)”). Before that however he also helps Tommy to lava cast (or attempt to) the Eiffel Tower (built for Karl’s and Sapnap’s honeymoon). For this battle Dream also gives Mars (Sapnap’s and George’s fish) to Tommy (together with quite a few more ender pearls). Their relationship up until this point seems to have improved quite a bit with Tommy immediately trusting Dream again (he seems to be always inclined to trust Dream much in the same way he’s always inclined to trust Wilbur) and Dream seemingly being supportive (although that was actually because he needed both Manburg and Pogtopia to disappear as we discovered later on). 

Fast forward again we have the moment when their relationship sours again: Dream provides Wilbur with the tnt. With this momement we have the confirmation that Dream truly was only siding with them for his own self-interest (as he always considered L’Manburg as his own propriety, independence or not, and he wasn’t happy with Schlatt wanting to expand and being morw ambitious then Wilbur ever was) and Tommy also looses part of his trust in him, though not completely. 

You see, their relationship is a bit more complex then that. In season 1 even when Tommy and Dream were enemies there was never really much bad blood between them. And when I say this I mean that Dream in particular didn’t let there be much bad blood between them, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

After Quackity joins Pogtopia they try to make a plan to get L’Manburg back that would not include blowing it up. After that fails (from the vods channel: “Dream BETRAYS TommyInnit during the Dream SMP Meeting...”) and Fundy joins Pogtopia as well Dream announces that Schlatt gave him something “more valuable then frienship” and he’s now siding with him and leaves the Pogtopians announcing that there is a traitor among them. 

Wilbur: “Dream just wants to be on the side of the rebellion and now that we are the dominant force technically... isn’t that right Dream? Would you say you just want to be on the other side? You just want to be on the other team?” 

Dream: “No I- I don’t think so...” 

Tommy: “Dream’s the good guy Wilbur” 

D: “I think I’d say that my interest is in myself”

So, despite everything, Up to this point Tommy still trusted Dream. Fully trusted him. But now, soon after this conversation, Dream explicitely tells them that he never considered them “friends” they were “convenient allies” for him (a mindset that he carries on later on and brings to an extreme). 

Now you’d think that was the breaking point right? I mean the whole vod was also titled “Dream betrays Tommy” and Dream just left them telling Tommy specifically that no, they were not friends (though Tommy didn’t agree on that point, much like with Techno later on). But that’s not were Dream leaves it. 

First he allows Tommy back in his old base to get some stuff once they’re alone (despite having just said in front of Wilbur, Quackity and Fundy that he’d stab him if he tried going back)

Tommy: “I just don’t understand, why would you team with Schlatt?”

Dream: “Tommy... I’m a business man, you know what that’s like”

T: “No I don’t”

D: “Well you do, of course you do”

God since exile that damn soft condescending tone he does hits me so different... anyway. As you see as soon as he’s alone with Tommy he starts being more friendly, less formal. He also takes on a more menacing persona (I really don’t know how he manages to do both at the same time... no wait, exile. He acts more like how he did in exile). Anyway the switch is actually pretty interesting to see. 

Tommy: “Why would you not team with us?”

Dream: “Tommy... I’ve never been on your team. I have never been on your team, ever!” 

T: “Well I’ve been in your team...”

D: “Wel I- I’m not saying you have. I’ve never been on your team. I’ve never been on anyone’s team” 

And with this we are done with their important interactions for this stream, but wait! They have a war in a few days, right? Well, Dream makes sure to spend that time with Tommy. Like, a lot of it. 

All of “Dream bullies TommyInnit for having low viewers.” Is Dream following Tommy ominously around while mildly inconveniencing and somewhat helping when they’re supposed to be enemies (it’s literally one of my favourite vods, it’s great! It was also the one vod that sparked the “Dream is obsessed with Tommy” theory in me. Yes I’ve had it from all the way back then, but I also was right, so...). 

Tommy: “Okay, so you know how we’re going to war in 7 days time?”

Dream: “Yes”

T: “like, ME and YOU are going to war...”

D: “Yes”

T: “Yes, yeah so I need to- I- it feels very strange to be- I need to prepare for THAT”

D: “Well, what do you need?”

Dream then proceeds to half-help him half-stop him from getting gold in the nether. The whole vod is like this. It definitely has a very weird atmosphere as it’s clear that both of them are fully aware of their respective roles in their upcoming war, but Tommy doesn’t know what to do and Dream is clearly willingly ignoring it all. It’s pretty jarring to watch tbh (together with being a hilarious vod to watch) and it helps starting to paint the picture of Dream having the level of dependence on Tommy that we know he has now.

Then there is “TommyInnit, Dream & Sapnap's PET WAR FINALE” which is LITERALLY THE DAY BEFORE THE WAR. Here Dream, once again, decides to spend the whole time with Tommy. He helps him against Sapnap (who is Dream’s ally) and even decides to lead Tommy to Sapnap’s and Punz’s secret base where they keep their animals and starts encoraging him to kill them. Tommy, of course, refuses and the whole pet war finishes with Sapnap and Tommy releasing Mars and promising to be friends once the war was over. 

Like, honestly, if anyone in Pogtopia had known about this interactions maybe they could have suspected Tommy of being the traitor for legitimate reasons instead of misinterpreting him entirely as a person and thinking he just wanted to be president... and you’d think that, maybe, THAT was Dream’s goal, but... not really? He always made sure to spend time with Tommy when there was no-one from Pogtopia around. In all 3 of this vods he is drastically different when they’re alone and, I mean, he stopped hidining how he is with Tommy only during Doomsday (when he gave his speach on the obsidian grid to Tommy, not caring that Tubbo and Quackity were both there).

To finish it off, we know that season 1 ends with Dream fighting alongside Technoblade and nothing else of significant happens for their relationship. Still, I hope this was comprehensive enough to show that, most definitely, his obsession with Tommy and the having power over Tommy is not a new concept for Dream. It’s something that got worse with time, but it’s most definitely not something new. The main thing that changed throughout season 1 and 2 was Tommy’s perception of Dream (which went from easy trust and friendship to hatred and fear), not vice versa.

Also may I add that Dream's constantly acting friendly when they most definitely aren't is probably one of the reasons why Tommy was so predisposed to accepting Dream as his friend in exile? Just a thought...

@ladycatland

[y0itsbri]

Hi Bri 🥰

C-16 if you'd like to 👀

Coffee dates and disasters

au with college!lip and barista!mandy where ian is a frequent visitor at the campus café and meets mickey under rather unfortunate circumstances. don't cry over spilled milk, buddy.

which also fits under a.u.gust for @gallavichthings

words: 2.4k

"never would have thought you the type to come to one of these places," ian mused, looking around the small café with only lamps and string lights illuminating the space. "can't believe college changed you, man," ian clutched at his heart dramatically.

"don't worry. 'm still the annoying bastard you love so dearly," lip squeezed ian's shoulder before he sauntered up to the counter.

the barista's bored expressed brightened when she saw them. her perky demeanor was matched by a high pitched voice, "hey lip," she smiled, dark lipstick striking. she appraised ian with a somewhat predatory eye, "hello, lip's friend."

"uh, brother," ian coughed.

lip rolled his eyes, "and he's gay so don't even try it, mandy."

she pouted and flicked her hair behind her shoulder, "not that it's any of your business, anyways."

ian chuckled besides him, drawing another smile out of mandy, this one kinder, sweeter.

"what can i get you boys?"

the pink highlights glistened in her dark hair as she whipped up lip's cold brew and ian's caramel macchiato, then proceeded to insist that this one is on the house. neither of them argued, but thanked her before they settled down in some stools by the window.

"fucking the barista privileges?" ian asked, raising his eyebrow at his slut of a brother.

"i think of it more like fellow south sider charity," he rubbed his bottom lip, "but yours works too," lip smirked around the edges of his coffee cup.

"you're an idiot."

"can a man who got us free drinks really be deemed an idiot?" lip philosophized.

ian paused, taking a moment of thorough consideration. he looked lip straight in the eyes as he answered, "if that man is you, then without a doubt."

lip tried to knock ian's cup out of his hand, but failed at his attempt. ian thanked his well-practiced jrotc skills and a lifetime experience of growing up in a house packed with annoying siblings for his victory.

they chatted about the robotics classes lip was taking, how he got full-time access to one of the labs, and his weird ass roommate who may or may not be gay if ian is at all interested. ian scrunched up his face. after hearing so many horror stories about the guy, ian didn't want anywhere near him. he wasn't that desperate yet.

the second that lip was out of his seat and heading to the bathroom, the beautiful mess that was mandy descended.

"hiiii lip's gay brother," she leaned against the table.

"it's ian," he spun his empty cup in his hands. he couldn't help himself from smiling at her charisma.

"well hi, ian, i just wanted to say sorry if i spooked you earlier. i just had no idea lip's brother would be so cute!"

"his ugly mug's not too hard to beat." ian laughed. "he got the short end of the gallagher stick, literally."

"cute and charming. you're funny, ian gallagher, i like you." she placed her hand on his shoulder for a moment, a movement so soft compared to her rather frantic appearance. "come back here anytime and it's on the house, yeah? i work most evenings after three."

"oh. uh- okay," ian scrambled for words, "thanks."

she squeezed his shoulder once before lip returned with a rather obnoxious entrance.

"ayo mands, stop harassing him!"

ian ducked his head in embarrassment.

"oh, shut up! i'm just clearing your cups," she winked at ian as she left.

mandy was something else. but she was kind and good company. ian could get used to the chill atmosphere over the chaos of the gallagher house anytime. he might just take up her offer.

--

"you'd think with all the time you spend here, you'd be offered a scholarship or something by now." mandy sipped on her chocolate frappuccino as she laid her feet across ian's lap. he always made sure to come visit during her breaks at least twice a week during the past couple months.

ian shrugged, "guess they only had room for one gallagher."

mandy hit his arm in a way that hurt. lip was fucked if he ever broke her heart.

"does fiona even know that this is where you sneak off to?"

"yeah." mandy's look said she didn't believe him. "well, kinda. she thinks i'm visiting lip, brotherly duties and all."

"yeah? how are those brotherly duties?"

"fuck if i know."

she laughed.

"i still think you should apply here for next fall," she encouraged, "could take some art classes."

"i suck at art."

"chemistry?"

"failed that."

"business?"

"yeah, no thanks."

mandy flipped him off, "fine. botany?

"ya know what? sure." he had always wanted to grow tomatoes.

"really?!"

"heart wants what it wants, mandy. we can't all be psychology brainiacs."

"brains and beauty, what can i say?" she teased. ian laughed, eyes glistening towards his friend. mandy made things better.

"hey," she continued, "there's this concert on the main campus lawn this weekend, you should totally come!"

"isn't that just for students?"

"they don't card, dummy."

"right, right, i knew that."

"sureeee. you in?"

ian mentally checked his work schedule.

"i'm in."

--

lip and ian strolled into the café a few days later. okay, maybe ian had felt a bit guilty for abandoning his brotherly duties lately, but at least this way he could hang out with both his best friends. well he could have if he remembered the fact that mandy had the day off for her behavioral neuroscience midterm. they had literally spent her previous shift reviewing the terms, he should have known.

ian's couldn't help his face from falling as another blonde barista took their orders, mostly eyeing lip the whole time.

"hi lip," she smiled a little too sincerely, "what can i get for you today?"

ian had ordered something new at the recommendation of the blonde and he was not a fan. and to make matters worse, he had to actually pay for the atrocity that he wouldn't even be able to finish.

"so how's your little coffee dates with mandy?" lip asked over his cup.

ian nearly choked on his god-awful americano. "how'd you know?"

"please. she's obsessed with you. every time i see her, it's 'ian this,' 'ian that,' 'ian might apply here in next year.'"

"oh."

"yeah, oh. when were you gonna tell me?!"

“it’s all mandy’s idea, i’m not even sure i want to,” ian muttered, refusing to make eye contact.

“dude, i’ve literally shared a room with you since the day you popped out of monica’s wretched womb, you think I can’t tell when you’re lying?”

okay maybe ian had been getting increasingly more excited about the idea of attending school and actually learning things that he wants to learn. something that might actually lead him somewhere real since rotc was looking more and more like a poor man's fantasy the more that he thought about it.

“I was gonna tell you, swear on it.” and he was. once he convinced himself that lip wasn't going to straight up laugh in his face. but the look in his eye seemed genuinely supportive.

“mhm, i gotta catch my english lit class," lip stood up, swinging his tattered tan backpack across one shoulder. he patted ian's shoulder in his big brother ways, "don’t be a stranger, yeah?”

“yeah, yeah for sure! have fun learning a language you already know!” lip flipped him off at his smartass remark.

soon after, ian stood up to return his drink to the counter, the anxiety from the conversation making him entirely lose whatever appetite he might have had. plus, it wasn’t the same here without lip or mandy. he just wanted to be wrapped up in a cocoon in his own bed. but that was so far away. maybe he could catch an early ride—

thump.

ian crashed into a guy’s sturdy body.

the remnants of his shitty drink spilled in an americano nightmare over both of them, ceramic pieces shattering on the floor in a truly horrific manner.

ian yipped and the other man let out a grunt of irritation.

they were fucking soaked. well, at least the coffee wasn't hot? ian tried justifying the situation, but, nah, this was bad.

"shit! i'm so sorry, lemme," ian reached out and the shorter man flinched away.

they were now far enough apart that ian got a good look at him. a leather jacket.. now covered in ian's drink -- shit. and shockingly piercing blue eyes that lingered too long on ian's before his cheeks turned a shade of pink that made ian's stomach flutter.

he might have seemed cold if he didn’t make ian feel so warm.

"it’s cool, man. i gotta go, uh," and he walked out of the café without looking back.

fuck.

ian smelled like coffee the entire train ride to the back of the yards. he laid in his bed regretting his entire life.

no mandy. no lip. no dignity.

--

the day of the concert that mandy had invited him to rolled around. ian wouldn’t admit it, but he was nervous to spend a coffee-less evening with mandy, their entire friendship built inside that one room. his little bubble of safety was bursting.

well, to be honest, the bubble had burst the moment that his disaster of a coffee was spilled onto one of the most ridiculously pretty guys that he's ever seen. every time he closed his eyes, he remembered the guy’s face shift from hostile to something else. he was torn between wanting to know the his name and also on never seeing him again in fear that he would simply pass away of embarrassment.

hopefully mandy hadn't heard about it. they may not have been friends for a long time, but he already knew that she would never let him live it down.

"hey ian!" her familiar voice called. that sounded promising.

his face fell with relief as he finally spotted her at the corner. she embraced him in a warm hug before pulling back and giving him a once over.

"huh, could have sworn you'd still have coffee behind your ear or something after the description karen gave me of your little disaster the other day." she smirked, quite literally double checking behind his ears as they turned hot under her gaze.

"ugh, fuck, how much did she tell you?" he itched his forehead and scrunched up his nose.

"oh, calm your tits, it's funny as fuck." she giggled, punching his arm in a way that still unintentionally hurt.

"whatever. are you excited for the concert tonight?"

their reunion conversation lulled eventually, and ian noticed that they weren't necessarily standing alone.

no. fucking. way.

just his luck, if he was being honest. he probably deserved this.

there he stood. the man that has plagued his dreams the past few days. in a light wash jean jacket that was a little tight on the biceps, leaning casually against the wall, kicking the pebbles on the ground with his boot.

"uh, what's he doing here?" ian gestured towards the victim of The Coffee Incident.

“what, you know him?” mandy asked, walking them towards him.

“vaguely.” if that wasn’t the understatement of the year.

"huh. i didn’t think my idiot brother had any friends."

brother? how did ian not realize she had a brother?

"what, did you think i was going to babysit you all night? i can't let everyone here thinking you're my boyfriend, no offense or whatever, but you're in good hands!" she kissed his cheek, clearly not helping her own not-looking-like-her-boyfriend rule.

ian eyed said brother's good hands only to see the faded letters of FUCK U-UP on them. oh.

mandy pushed ian over to her brother, "ian, mickey. mickey, ian," she introduced before pushing and shuffling her way through the crowd of college students to find herself someone’s cheap ass fruity alcohol to mooch off of.

mickey. ian's brain repeated over and over, a chime against the murmuring sea of voices they found themselves enveloped by.

"nice jacket," ian pointed out, an awkward attempt to converse before shoving his hands back in his pockets.

"it's my second favorite." the corners of his mouth lifted like there was more to the statement. ian took the bait, as if he could resist.

"what's your first?"

"first is still airing out the fuckin’ coffee smell," he smirked as ian groaned. "oh c’mon, man, don't go crying over spilled milk."

how could he not? on the bright side, he didn’t seemed to hate ian for it.

“if it was anyone else,” mickey drawled, “they’d have to get a beat down for it.”

“why do I get a free pass?” ian mused.

“well, you’re mandy’s friend, right?”

“yup,” ian tried to suppress his disappointment. he really did. but fiona always told him he wore his heart on his sleeve.

“yeah, that ain’t why, though,” his eyebrows waggled suggestively and ian nearly felt his heart drop out of his ass.

ian blessed whatever coffee god was out there for sending him both mandy and the beautiful man in front of him.

“you wanna go listen to the band?” ian nodded his head towards the stage with passionate players jumping around like they were playing lollapalooza or some shit.

“lead the way, stud, just try to keep your drinks off of me this time,” mickey knocked into ian’s own flannel covered shoulder.

yeah, ian couldn’t believe his luck. maybe karma was finally on his side.

—

mandy smirked at her brother and best friend not-so-subtly checking each other out over the course of the night, bopping their heads to the music and downing whatever free booze they could get their hands on.

she hoped that adding mickey to the equation would be enough incentive to convince ian to stick around. things were better when he was near.

the way that ian followed mickey around like a lost puppy with that dopey moon-eyed look, it seemed like her hopes would come true.

and when both ian and mickey strolled into the café to come visit her at work the next week, mickey in his worse-for-wear leather jacket and ian in borrowed denim, she thanks the coffee gods for her luck.

[inkmemes]

this  country  (  2017  -  2020  )  sentence  starters ↪  taken  from  the  bbc  mockumentary.  trigger  warning  for  mentions  of  religion,  death,  sex.  alter  as  you  see  fit  ♡

“i like the underdog.”

“don't be a fucking dick.”

“everyone comes together on days like today and just forgets their utter hatred of each other.”

“everyone who's anyone's going to be there and there are people from my past that would love to see me slain.”

“there's a tea rooms there and under the counter they've got a panic button and if i take one step inside, they can press that. the police will be there in three minutes.”

"he whatsapped me the other day asking us to go laser quest with him and i ... well, i clicked on it by accident, didn't i? so he knows i've seen it."

"i mean, i get it, but it's not making me feel nothing."

“it's baffling. i'm baffled by the entire situation, if i'm honest.”

“what the actual fuck? what the actual fuck? you have fucking lost your head, mate. you have lost your fucking head.”

“when i get hold of you, i swear to god i will fucking deck you.”

"someone's just been throwing plums at my house. i'm going to kill them. i can't believe it. i can't believe it. all over this. plumming on here, plumming on that. plum on the sofa, look! there's nothing left that hasn't been plummed."

“i've had a target on my back since the day i was born.”

“thank you very much, enjoy your free potatoes.”

“do you know how small your brain is?”

“hogwarts is that way, dumbledore.”

“he used to say i looked like the puppet off the dolmio advert.”

“there's a kid crying over there. do you want me to...? i can tell him to shut the fuck up if you want?”

“he genuinely looked like a moomin.”

“on my first day of karate club, karate master goes to me, [name], i don't know why you're here because i can't teach you anything. if anything, you should be teaching me." and just gave me his black belt.”

“you know that little old blind man? yeah, when i was punching him in his face, the lens from his glasses broke and cut my knuckle.”

“some things are just best left in the past, where they belong.”

“what's the point in knocking if you're just going to walk in anyway?”

“it was a miscarriage of justice though, cos what people forget is 12 out of them 20 hostages actually found it funny.”

“i lied so much i still don't know what's real life and what's plain lies.”

“i'm so glad you're out of that lying phase.”

“he likes to be the only person on the road, so whenever he sees a car coming the other way he just pulls over.”

“nasa went through hundreds of them in the '60s. and now every time i see a really bright star in the sky i can't wish on it, cos in my head i'm thinking, ‘that's probably just a spacecraft with some monkey bones in it.’”

“you absolute traitor. that's my cheese - it's my fucking house!”

“don't you dare eat that cheese. you eat that and i will smash this. i promise you, i will smash you with this.”

“fuck! you switched them!”

“yeah, i can see it's fucking burnt, sherlock.”

“i honestly am ashamed to know him, sometimes.”

“if you knock on someone's door, don't take no for an answer. get into their house. if they say, ‘leave my house’, stay. and if they say, ‘i'm going to call the police’, you walk upstairs and see if there's anybody else upstairs to sell to.”

“she looks like uncle fester.”

“right. i'm going to piss in their flowers, then.”

“you really need to go home. your mum's called the police and everything.”

“you're also fired from being my best mate, by the way.”

“in business, there will always be setbacks. i don't drink my own juice, fray bentos doesn't eat his own pies. but that's business.”

“do you know what, i don't actually want to play this any more, because it is actually very, very boring.”

“i'm ashamed of myself, that's not usually me, so don't get the wrong impression.”

“i genuinely think one of them fancies me as well.”

“it's fate her moving across the street.”

“the problem with finding a girlfriend in the village is that most of the girls you meet round here are old-age pensioners.”

“yeah, i am looking for a relationship, but thing is i've just got so many trust issues, yeah, with being fucked over massive in the past, so no matter how much i get close to someone now i'm thinking in the back of my head, ‘shit, am i going to get fucked over?’ because i've been fucked over in the past massively. my last relationship proper fucked me up.”

“i went through a really dark phase. listening to papa roach and just blowing everything up with them little french bangers.”

“shut up, you don't know what you're talking about!”

“i don't like the man. i know he's my uncle, but i don't like him.”

“it's just malicious lies, that's all it is.”

“i'm not saying i've got a cruel heart, but if she ain't willing to take me as i am rather than the monster i've become, then she can literally just jog on back to sea with all the other fish cos i don't care.”

“what do you look for in a boyfriend?”

“the key to dating, yeah, is the two rs and the three ts. 'respect, rapport, and talking, talking, talking.' don't ever let that ball hit the ground. good relationships are built on great conversation.”

“on a date, you've got to tell them all the interesting stuff about you, because that's what they'll be interested in.”

“he said to me, he goes, ‘you can't smoke on here.’ i said, ‘i'm not smoking, i'm vaping.’ the look on his face when i said that. i don't think he knew what vaping… what a vape is.”

“you would make me the happiest mouse if you say yes and become my spouse.”

“here's a tip, [name], next time you take a chick out on a date, don't bore her to tears.”

“roses are red, violets are blue, i've got five fingers, the third one's for you.”

“get out of my way, pipe cleaner.”

“[name] phoned me the other day at three in the morning saying, ‘come quick,

there's a hedgehog in the garden that looks exactly like grandad.’ so i got up, i got dressed and i ran over to [name]'s as fast as i could and then i just stopped in the middle of the street at three in the morning and thought, ‘what the fuck am i doing with my life?’

“you're joking me? because if you are joking me, that is massively harsh.”

“oh, let me get a song up on youtube. you're going to absolutely love this, [name]. here we go… listen to this. oh, for fuck's sake, advert.”

“let's go down the pub and get shitfaced.”

“where do i see myself in five years? well, me and [name] will have a flat in the middle of the village and all of our furniture will be inflatable and we'll have cable and it will pay for itself, because we're going to use the spare room to breed quails, because their eggs are worth fucking shitloads.”

“is this about the calippo, still? because you offered to buy me that.”

“if he wants to go, good luck to him, i say. i reckon he thinks that i can't live without him, which is a laugh, because he went a whole weekend away once and i got on all right. i just ended up following this cat around the village.”

“i've got to do what's right for me, at the end of the day, instead of worrying about other people.”

“how about you say sorry? sorry for the massive knife that's hanging out the back of my back because of you.”

“oh, and while you're stabbing me in the back, feel free to bend down and kiss my arse.”

“can i just ask you an honest question? why would you want to leave the village when we've got a pub and a shop?”

“i think you don't know how lucky we have it to be doing nothing with our lives, like. we're all going to die, anyway, so what's the point in doing anything?”

“i want ownership of the words fucknut and dickmilk.”

“i had this come through the post. and i've got a few concerns about it. firstly, this guy on the front looks really arrogant. not the sort of guy i was expecting, if i'm honest.”

“this is starting to stress me out a little bit.”

“why are you trying to stress me out? you know i'm already stressed out as it is.”

“the bloke that used to live in there, right, kept hearing strange noises coming out of his attic at night. and he'd go to the fridge and find that food was missing from the fridge. so he thought, ‘i'm just going to go up to the attic and check this out.’ and he found an entire family of peruvian panpipe buskers just living up there. and he thought ‘i'm just going to leave them to it, ‘cos they're not really doing me any harm.’ and then, a few years later, he thought, "well, i'll just go up to the attic to check on them. ‘see if they're all right.’ and it turned out they'd all died of asbestos poisoning. yeah, he doesn't live here any more.”

“some people will always be scared of me, and i can't change that, no matter how nice i am. but there's a balance to be had between being nice and being feared.”

“don't really like catching up. it's not my thing.”

“i just watched this video of this girl doing a random act of kindness on youtube. she basically paid for this old man's shopping at the till. and this old man was, like, about 90 years old. and he's so fucking old, like, you could see through his skin. and he just starts bawling his eyes out. he's like, ‘you're fucking joking me, this ain't fucking real life.’ i just thought... i want to make someone feel like that. ‘cos that's... i really… that's what i want to do.”

“i'm not dead. just can't be arsed to text her sometimes.”

“you know, correct me if i'm wrong, but four texts a day is complete madness. no-one can keep up with that.”

“i am doing kind things selfishly.”

“i was at midnight mass one year, right, someone got tipped off i was there. as i was coming out the church, someone tries to shoot me with a crossbow.”

“well, i haven't seen the film, have i? that's why i came here - to watch the fucking film - like a normal human being.”

“i've made an effort by coming here tonight. i didn't want to come.”

“i had to wheel him here from his house in an asda trolley, cos he was just too heartbroken to move.”

“sometimes you don't know what you got until you ain't got it any more. like blockbuster's. i just took 'em for granted - and then, one day, gone, and you spend ages trying to figure out what went wrong, and then you realise it was your fault all along.”

“i thought you said you wanted to fix things.”

“she wanted it to go that way, and it just wasn't gonna go that way. she even got me thinking that they'd get back together… ..but that's manipula.... manipulative people... do that. and he's better off without her.”

“that wasn't much to write home about.”

“it's fucking dead, isn't it?”

“basically, somebody's been sending me threatening letters, and i don't know who's doing it - and i am concerned, because my peripheral vision is poor, so, if somebody attacks me from the sides or snipes at me from an upstairs window, i am fucked - but my hearing is excellent, see? so i just need to spend a few days inside honing my sonar, and i'll be fine then.”

“if you don't like the work, the circus is in town and they're always looking for clowns.”

“his soul is just going to crumble to dust.”

“this really is not a good situation for me. a physical threat is something that i can deal with, but a sexual thing is not my area of expertise.”

“just really fucked in the head, mate.”

“what have i done? i haven't done anything wrong.”

“do you know how sad that is? that is so, actually, sad. that makes me sad for you, that you can't take a joke.”

“i think i just got a bit carried away with the whole thing.”

“your finger's going up my arsehole, mate.”

“i'll hold the back of your head, so you don't bash yourself.”

“when i lie in future, i don't want a massive lecture on how bad lying is, cos deep down, you're the worst of us all, mate.”

“i'd quite like a coke.”

“it's going to be like gluing a breadstick back together, because… like, as if a breadstick's been in a blender and it's all… ...the pieces smashed up.”

“like, this one time i started a fight club in the village hall, and i got a black eye from beating myself up. but it made my enemies think, ‘fuck, if she can do that to herself, what the fuck can she do to me?’”

“i'm absolutely 1,000% sure i've broken it in two places.”

“i knew this day would come.”

“i should be in tk maxx, getting the bargains that i deserve.”

“unlike you, [name], i'm not a fashion disaster.”

“i'm still warm in my grave, and she's sucking off the pallbearer.”

“you know, it took me ten years to get over [name], and i only went out with her for half a day.”

“i swear to god, if i see him here again, i swear to god, i will have no hesitation in just going up to him and just planting one on his face.”

“right, then keep your nose out of my business, yeah? nosy old cock-womble.”

“[name]’s attitude to me is puzzling. if i walk past her in the street

and say hi, she'll tell me to fuck off. yet every year, she sends me a really sweet, nice christmas card. you know, there's just no consistency there.”

“he's good-looking up close, isn't he?”

“don't show me any weakness, because i will take advantage.”

“no, put the brick down, you fucking psychopath.”

“when i asked him, he just said, ‘come to my office now,’ which means we're in the fucking shit, cos we're always in fucking shit.”

“i shouldn't be paying you at all.”

“i've always had a son. i talk about him all the time.”

“he's my son. he's not my dog.”

“it reminds me of the wicker man. i don't really know why.”

“i just find it weird how you can be so close to someone and they can be such a big part of your life, and then the next minute, you're just sort of strangers in the night.”

“i don't want the emotional implications.”

“well, about five years ago, i sold my birthday to my mum for about 200 quid, which means my mum's legally entitled now to never celebrate my birthday ever again for the rest of my life. not even, like, a happy birthday cup of tea, or a moonpig card, nothing - which is the worst decision i ever made in my entire life.”

“he deserves that anyway, because he's been sexting my nan, so…”

“what's this surprise? cos i need to know whether it's going to be worth this walk.”

“i always see them banners above the motorway, and i always thought, ‘who the fuck does them?’ well, now i know. people like me.”

“did you know you can't get stung by a stinging nettle if you grab the leaf top and bottom, like that? it's only when you touch it on the sides, it stings. agh, actually, that stung, then.”

“pez dispenser, they're cursed. they are, i'm not even joking. honestly, when i had one of them, i had the worst bout of bad luck i ever had in my life.”

“i swear down, it's a short cut. it might be a pleasant walk, we might enjoy it.”

“i'm not scared of the fox twins. i'd just like to sit them down and ask 'em plainly, ‘look, guys, what is going on? ‘cos this has just gotten completely out of hand now. you know, stop walking on your knuckles, stand up straight, be the best version of you that you can be. get a job, even. there's a trolley boy who works at tesco's, you know, who may as well have been raised by wolves. if he can get a job, you guys can walk it.’”

“yes, there has been talk of strange goings-on in the woods, ghost sightings and the like. but… ...they're never from particularly reliable sources.”

“i live with a ghost. there's a ghost in that house. he's like a civil war cavalier, with all the hair and the hat and all that. and every time i walk into the living room, he doffs his cap. and on his shoulder, he's got this crow that barks at me. it means i spend less time in the house, really. not because of him, because he's-he's quite peaceable. but the crow is malevolent. and i'm not having that. i can't share my house with a malevolent bird.”

“that's haunted as fuck.”

“am i going mad here, or does that, to you, look like that's where just ghost will hang out all the time?”

“look at him, little red riding twat.”

“if he's got an attitude with me, i swear to god, i'll just grab the steering wheel and drive us all into a wall.”

“it's a bit annoying, actually. cos this is not the first or the second time i've had to tell you, really, is it?”

“his sparkle has just gone.”

“you know my dad actually wrote the song wonderwall on the back of a beer mat in the space of ten minutes, don't you?”

“i've just got a tiny, tiny, tiny little favour to ask you.”

“when i think of [name], i think of someone who is very loyal. and very, very stupid. sort of more stupid than loyal. sort of 70% stupid, 30% loyal, probably. because she's very loyal. but extremely stupid.”

“do you know what? i actually don't think he loves you at all and i don't think he's ever loved you.”

“all right, that's harsh and unnecessary, but fine.”

“frankly, she is behaving like the antichrist.”

“i literally just got here.”

“you are such an unemotional slab of ham, [name].”

“i've got so much shit on that man you would not believe.”

“there's something in my eye.”

“i just can't quit him, you know?”

“yeah, we might have a fiery relationship,  but when we're together, it's just… it's just pure chemistry, isn't it?”

“i'm not proud of it, believe me. but at the end of the day, i'm a very vindictive person, you know? it is what makes me me.”

“i basically went out and bought an alpaca off gumtree for £500. of all the mistakes i've made in my life, that was possibly the largest. definitely the physically largest.”

“yeah, i really don't wanna talk about that.”

“her only loyalty is to herself, staffies, and the tv channel dave… ...which, in my opinion, is a tv channel made by knuckle-draggers for knuckle-draggers.”

“i can't move on till i've seeked revenge, unfortunately.”

“if that was in france, that would be fine, but we're not in france.”

“the only thing we had in common, really, was stealing, and that was more my thing that i got him onto. but it just goes to show, you know, some friendships last and some friendships don't, but that's just the way it is.”

“you know it was me that got you sacked, don't you?”

“the thing i learnt about friendship is, you gotta accept each other's flaws, no matter how toxic they may be.”

“shit-stirring from beyond the grave.”

[bluesfortheredj]

The spy who loved me.

Smut ahead. Like, seriously. Smut.

It had been a long time, a very long time, since seeing Eggsy. Even professional spies weren’t immune to the restrictions and rules when it came to lockdown. The daily texts, phone calls, and video chats had satiated your need for contact with him only so much, and you were both desperate for some intimacy with one another in person. At this point even the thought of holding his hand was enough to make you feel giddy; those slender fingers of his linked with yours again before exploring your body… it was positively breath taking.

Eggsy had stayed in London with his mum and sister in the new house he’d purchased for them only a couple of weeks before the world turned upside down and finally, now that lockdown was being lifted and you could form bubbles with other households, you were on your way to join them thanks to your job allowing you to continue to work from home; not that you were planning on working too much when you arrived. Butterflies were fluttering around your stomach as you pull up on the driveway and see his car parked half in and half out of the garage, and when you knock on the door your heart leaps as you see his familiar shadowy figure walk towards it.

He opens the door with a breathy ‘hey’ and you immediately fall into his chest before his arms wrap themselves around the body he’d missed so very much the last few months. The two of you stand there for what seems like hours yet minutes all at the same time, only separating when you shiver from the cool breeze blowing around both of you in the doorway. His hands stay on your arms as he leans away with a smile to take in the sight of you standing there in person finally, then he bends down to scoop your suitcase up and leads you inside, kicking the door shut behind you both.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” he sighs in disbelief as places your luggage down at the foot of the stairs before taking you through to the large lounge, “is this actually real?”

You press your lips to his in what begins as quite an innocent kiss but ends as a desperate, sloppy, heated embrace as he pushes you against the nearest wall before his hands begin to explore every inch of skin he can possibly touch underneath your top. Your hands grab at his jeans blindly, trying to find his belt so you could set him free from the confines of his underwear, and the two of you are freely moaning at the heightened feel of touching one another after so long. Neither of you hear the front door open and then close again, and Eggsy’s mum has to loudly clear her throat for the two of you to even notice that someone else was in the room.

“Shit!” Eggsy gasps, facing away as he does his jeans up.

“Oh my god,” you whisper with hot cheeks as you smooth your clothes down, “I’m so sorry Mrs. Unwin.”

“Sorry mum!”

“I think it can be forgiven under the current circumstances,” she chuckles, “good to see you again (Y/N)!”

Daisy sits in her pram giggling at her own foot and your heart melts at the sight of her, “it’s lovely to see you both, Daisy’s grown so much!”

“She’s eating us out of house and home!” Michelle exclaims, “she’s going through the longest growth spurt I’ve ever known of!”

“Well that’s lucky, because a little birdie told me that she’s partial to a certain dinosaur shaped biscuit, and I happen to have a couple of packs of them in my suitcase.”

“You’re a life saver,” she sighs in relief, “Eggsy, why don’t you show her around the house? I guess you didn’t quite get that far...”

“Will do mum,” he nods as a blush creeps up his cheeks, “this way.”

He picks your suitcase up and leads you up the floating staircase as you take in the very modern and expensive surroundings you now find yourself in.

“Bloody hell Eggs, this house is amazing!” you exhale in disbelief as your fingers glide along the wall.

“Nice, init?”

“Nice? Bit of an understatement!”

“Wait until you see our room… the walk in shower is to die for,” he says with a wink and a light bite of his lip, “plus we’re the opposite end of the top floor so we don’t need to be too quiet.”

You give his arm a playful slap and he takes your hand as the two of you head to his side of the house and the more than generous bedroom he got to call his own until life could continue as normal. It felt as if you were in an episode of Grand Designs with how modern and clean everything was, and you walk through the wardrobe space with long rails either side of you filled with variations of the same suit to the extravagant en suite with charcoal tiles lining the floor and walls and the biggest walk in shower you’d ever seen in your life; only one sheet of glass slap bang in the middle of the room to separate the shower area and the toilet and sink.

“This is literally bigger than my flat,” you groan, “I think I need to become a spy as well.”

“Don’t even joke about that,” Eggsy scolds as his brow furrows, “anyway, you’ve got me, and what’s mine is yours.”

“Yeah but that’s not fair for me to rely on you like that, plus I don’t have anything to give you in return.”

“Uh… I would disagree with that statement…”

“Huh?” you question as you look up at the square shower head and wonder what it must feel like underneath it.

You’re so transfixed by the fitting you don’t even notice Eggsy creep up to you until his sultry breath flows over your ear, “you have plenty to give me,” he whispers.

You shiver involuntarily as his fingers creep their way around your hips before walking along into the waistband of your jeans. Your head rolls back to lean on his shoulder as your hands grip firmly onto his forearms while his fingers tease your lips apart and stroke along your hidden folds gently, and you can feel his own excitement at the intimate touch against your backside.

“What would you two like for dinner?” Michelle shouts up the stairs, tearing you both away from your quiet moment and forcing you back to reality with a jolt.

Eggsy groans in frustration as he reluctantly retracts his hands from your body and you find yourself now completely worked up and more than ready for him to show you exactly what you’d been missing the last few months. A sigh escapes your lips as you steady yourself on the shower screen and Eggsy can see just how desperate you are to continue what he’d just started.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers.

“It’s fine, I just didn’t realise how much I missed that.”

What the two of you needed right now was, quite simply, a fuck; something that would just purely release the initial tension that had built during lockdown. You had plenty of time to make love romantically now that you were staying there, and you could take your time with it hen Michelle and Daisy were out doing the food shop or something, but what you needed at this precise moment was a quick and messy release. The two of you look at one another, knowing exactly what was going to happen, and Eggsy quickly runs downstairs to give his mum an idea of what you wanted to eat that would take at least half an hour or so to give you a small window of opportunity.

“Right,” he exhales as he shuts the bedroom door behind him when he returns, “oh…” he pauses as he sees you’re already in his bed, your clothes and underwear in a pile on the floor next to it, and he discards his own clothing on his way over to you.

“How long have we got?” you ask as he settles on top of your body and adjusts the duvet accordingly.

“Like half an hour I think?” he grins before removing his glasses and leaning down to kiss you.

He’s almost pressing his entire body weight onto you as your mouths move around one another’s in a sloppy kiss that’s more teeth and saliva than anything else in all honesty, and your hands are grabbing at every inch of skin you can get a hold of as he manoeuvres himself between your legs hastily and carefully guides his length inside your already slick walls that had been waiting for him for what seemed like so long. The sensation of him inside you and his body on top of yours once more is overwhelming, and it doesn’t take you long to fall into a fast and needy rhythm as you two of you moan unashamedly while the bed rocks beneath you. This is exactly what you both needed; passionate, hot, fast, handsy, loud sex. It was purely to scratch an itch that was in desperate need of attention, and as the need to orgasm heightens with each deep thrust you find yourselves going out of rhythm as the aching for release takes over.

“Eggsy… Eggsy!” you moan as his lips attempt to kiss your neck.

“Fuck, (Y/N), I ain’t gonna last,” he pants against your skin.

The sound of your bodies slapping against one another in quick succession drifts up from underneath the duvet and the two of you are truly lost in the haze of impending orgasms just as Michelle opens the door while asking a question that isn’t even distinguishable to either of you until there’s a gasp at the doorway which shocks you both to stillness.

“Mum!” Eggsy shouts, “get out!”

She quickly retreats and slams the door shut before you hear her practically running away down the landing towards the stairs. You look up at Eggsy who slowly turns to face you, then his lips land on yours within seconds as his hips start up again; his stiff member filling you with ease as your legs wrap around his backside.

“You know I love you,” he breathes heavily between intermittent pants.

“I know,” you nod, “I love you too.”

“Good,” he smiles, then leans his head down and bites onto your breast so he can flick his tongue over your nipple.

You cry out with pleasure at his sudden move and your hands weave their way through his hair to keep him where he is as your muscles begin to tense inside, ready for the much needed release. Before you can get to yours though, Eggsy lets out a hot, stuttered breath over your chest and his entire body tenses as he finally lets go with the longest groan you’d ever heard him make. He soldiers on after his climax and with some encouragement from his thumb rubbing over your sweet spot, you soon clench around him and release to the sound of whispered pants of his name which are emanating from your throat without you even realising. You blink away the stars in your eyes and finally look at his satisfied face hovering above you, then he flops down next to you and takes your hand in his as you both catch your breath.

“You do realise I will never be able to look your mum in the eye again, right?” you chuckle after a few moments of silence.

“Same,” he grimaces playfully, “I think we’ll just hide up here the rest of the night.”

could you make it as smutty as possible with some fluff, there visiting his parents back home and they can’t keep their hands off each other and his parents notice but don’t say anything until his mum walks in on them on the sofa in a very heated and handsy make out they apologise and try forget what happened but then she walks in on them the next evening in his room having sex there embarrassed again but still continue after she has left as they just can’t get enough of each other – Taron or Eggsy – @sarahegerton96

[codenamed-queenie]

#BatsInQuarantine

I am going insane. So I poured my restlessness into one long and very detailed post and got super into it. Please enjoy this hot mess.

The Justice League, being the well-meaning virus-proof Super Friends that they are, took one good look at the news, one good look at their non-powered friends Ollie, Bruce, and their families, and collectively decided that these normal humans must be Protected At All Costs.

Now, keep in mind, Bruce is never one to roll over when it comes to being benched. 

However, he understands the importance of social distancing. He knows he needs to set a good example for his kids, and keep up appearances as Gotham’s Most Responsible Multi-Billionaire. 

So. Quarantine it is. 

But how are his kids handling it?

Dick - 

100% on board in the beginning. Gotta do the Responsible Thing. Gotta set a Good Example. Besides, guys, this is gonna be Fun. Quality Family Time is always a Must.

He lasted 2 days. 

Then he started to get twitchy. 

And as everyone knows? A Trapped Dick Grayson is a Feral Dick Grayson.

He bounces off the walls.

Literally.

“I have to climb.” 

“Dick, no.”  

“I have to climb everything.”

Has scaled the manor 16 times already. Has climbed the chandelier. The banister. Bruce. The roof. The Cave. Anything in the house that’s been bolted down and especially anything that hasn’t. 

Duke found him clinging to the wall 10 ft off the ground like Spiderman and screamed so loud it shattered glass. 

Desperate for news of the outside. 

He thrives off of it like a starving man. 

Was the one to suggest he and Barbara take a break to Social Distance from each other (”Sorry, babe, kissing spreads germs”) and experienced Instant Regret(TM) approximately 5 minutes after. 

The Family has labelled him a Flight Risk Level 1 (Most likely to say f**k it and make a break for the outside world)

Jason - 

Accidentally got trapped inside the manor with the others when Bruce called Shutdown. If he had his way, he’d be chilling in his favorite safe-house right now, binging The Witcher with Roy and Artemis, and not worrying about finding a stray brother in his sock drawer.

But he’s nothing if not an opportunist. 

The way he sees it, Jason has 3 options:

Self Improvement

Self Isolation (See Duke, Cass, and Damian)

Descension Into Madness (See Dick and Steph)

And, well, he always wanted to try a few things. Now he’s got the free time to do it.

So he settles on baking. 

Alfred’s got enough food and raw ingredients stored up to feed an army. (Not because he’s a Panic-Buying-Hoarder in times like these. But because he’s a Panic-Buying-Hoarder all the time. Just try feeding 11+ teenagers sometime.)

Uses recipes he finds off Google.

His first few attempts are, in a word, ‘tragic’.

Alfred slips him a few of his recipe cards, and Jason suddenly starts seeing Results. 

Turns out he’s pretty good at this baking thing once he gets the hang of it. 

Hope everyone’s okay eating nothing but pie, macaroons, biscuits, and whatever else Jason whips up. 

Cause that’s gonna be the only food left by the time he’s done. 

Barbara - 

Self-quarantined with her dad. 

They’ve been binge-watching classic black and white movies together.

It’s a fun time, but she’s started to get a little antsy. Loving her dad and wanting to be around him 24/7 are, understandably, mutually exclusive. 

Calls the manor to video-chat every day.

For her sanity just as much as theirs. 

Gives everyone little challenges to film on their phones and send in. She makes compilations of everyone’s submissions so they can all watch and laugh together. 

Bonus points for Creativity

One comp shows the family trying to drop Mentos into coke bottles. 

Dick did a handstand, and dropped his Mento from the second story balcony. 

Tim did it wearing the Batman cowl. The soda exploded into his face, and the rest of the video is just Bruce’s Shrieking.

Stephanie tried it, but the bottle tipped. Everyone on camera screamed as the bottle rocketed through the front window. 

She spends most of her calls having one-on-one convos with Dick.

They’ve come up with little code phrases so they can be Cheesy even with family members lurking in the background. 

She thinks the way he clings to the monitor is cute. 

Almost like he’s giving her a hug through the screen. 

(It’s easier than letting herself worry about his mental state, at least)

Tim -

Oh this boy.

Freaked out for the first five minutes before he decided ‘hey wait, Bruce is letting me stay in my pajamas all day? Noice.’ 

Now he’s just vibing.

The rest of his family is Low-Key shielding him.

He Has No Spleen, you see.

Steph: “Someone could cough on him and he could die!”

He just goes about his day, playing Animal Crossing like there’s no tomorrow, tinkering on projects, taking naps, etc. Living his best life.

Meanwhile there’s always someone lurking behind him, keeping watch, keeping him safe. 

Dick sneezed within 5 feet of Tim once (the fact that he was on top of the dusty bookshelf Tim was perusing is irrelevant)

Jason still full-body tackled him the second Tim’s back was turned. 

No one with any symptoms--

Like, any symptoms. They don’t even have to be Corona-related.

--is allowed within 10 feet of Tim. 

Tim has been wandering the manor for weeks, now, without seeing another human being. 

(He sees Dick on the ceiling sometimes, but that doesn’t really count)

He’s been trying increasingly drastic pranks and shenanigans to draw someone, anyone, out. 

But it doesn’t matter how many times he steals Damian’s sword, or sets fire to Jason’s brownie bites.

Nobody wants to risk it. 

Cass - 

No one has seen her since quarantine started.

Everyone is approximately 87% sure she’s somewhere in the manor though

Because she does eat the meals Alfred leaves out for her.

Or at least someone does, at any rate. 

(Jason and Santa top the running suspects list)

Santa was Steph’s suggestion. For some reason it snowballed. 

It’s assumed that Cass misunderstood the meaning of ‘social distancing’ and took it too far. 

But no one knows for sure. 

She is Tim’s Guardian Angel. 

People who so much as clear their throats a little too loudly anywhere near him suddenly wake up on a different floor of the house four hours later. 

Duke came closest to spotting her while he was up in the attic. 

Either that, or there’s another Creepy Sister everyone forgot to tell him about living up there.

She is silent, and watchful, sticking to the shadows, but she does leave the occasional note out to brighten her siblings’ day. 

Things like ‘helo i love u’ and ‘hop u ar ok’  mostly. 

She is bound and determined to protect her family from this invisible threat, no matter the cost. 

Steph - 

Like Dick, she was Super Pumped at first. 

(Just kind of showed up at Wayne Manor before quarantine was enacted. The original purpose of her visit is unclear, but regardless, she’s Trapped.)

Also Like Dick, her descent into madness was swift.

She is impossible to pin down. 

Not like Cass or Damian, who’ve stayed off the grid, and are therefore Untraceable. 

No. She’s impossible to pin down, because she never stops moving. 

Switches seamlessly between Zumba on top of the Giant Dinosaur in the Batcave, and furiously knitting Alfred (the Cat) a sweater with a pair of Tim’s used chopsticks. 

Braided everyone’s hair while they were asleep.

Even Bruce’s. 

She tried to do Tim’s, but somehow blacked out and regained consciousness in the attic. 

When she woke up with a scream and a furiously twitching eye, she startled Duke out of his Makeshift Fort he built out of old cardboard boxes and antique furniture. He’s had to resort to finding a new hiding place. 

Sometimes, on the rare occasions she does sit still, staring off into the distance, she’ll suddenly start laughing hysterically. This may last between thirty seconds and thirty minutes, depending entirely on how long it’s been since she’s knitted a cat sweater or done cartwheels through every room in the house.

Blew up the greenhouse out back, somehow.

Everyone has agreed not to talk about it.

Some people were built to handle prolonged time inside their homes.

Stephanie Brown is not that way.

Damian - 

Damian Wayne Cannot Be Contained.

At least not inside the house. 

He took off thirty-six hours into quarantine. 

Thanks to the security equipment around the borders of the Wayne Estate, he can’t escape the grounds. 

(He’s tried and failed multiple times. Jason and Bruce have a running bet on how many times the perimeter alarms will go off per day.)

(Jason is winning.)

He wanders the grounds with Titus as his only companion. 

The two of them run laps, practice drills, and find ways to occupy their time. 

No one’s entirely sure what those ways are. 

In fact, nobody knows exactly where Damian is at any given time. 

Only that he is Out There. 

And he’s the best security system Wayne Manor’s ever had. 

So far, he’s stopped five groups of civilians scaling the perimeter walls before the lasers and electric nets even have a chance to deploy.

They were trying to break in and steal supplies. 

(Even ones they already had in surplus. Like Toilet Paper.)

He’s also stopped Dick from escaping twelve (12) times.

Drags him back by his shirt collar and deposits him on the welcome mat. 

Usually with a note for Alfred/Jason, requesting more fruit tarts. 

Duke - 

Did not leave the attic for two weeks. 

Then Steph discovered his hiding spot (read: was dumped there by Cassandra) which forced him to relocate to the basement. 

Yes, it turns out Wayne Manor does have a basement. 

This was a surprise to Duke, who always thought that the Batcave was Bruce Wayne’s basement. 

Alfred keeps him supplied with all the necessities:

i.e. food, magazines, assorted pastries from Jason’s latest batch, usually straight out of the oven.

Duke also snagged the Manor’s Alexa. 

She has become a sort of ‘Wilson’ to Duke’s ‘Chuck Noland’.

She is his only comfort. His only ally. 

He’s determined to wait out this quarantine, doing his best to avoid the others. 

Duke has seen these people under pressure. 

He knows exactly what he’s dealing with. 

Duke: “Alexa is the only motherf****r in this madhouse I ever respected.”

*offended butler noises from the other room*

Duke: “And also Alfred.”