#incorrect Harry Potter quotes

[sayssnape]

minerva: i love watching severus when I'm having a bad day because no matter what kind of day I'm having, severus is having a worse one.

[pottermagiczz]

Peter, sad: I'm always the last one to know everything

James: That's not true, Wormtail

Peter: Yes, it is! I was the last to know about Moony being a werewolf, I was the last to know about you dating Lily, I was the last to know about you being Head Boy, I was the last to know about you breaking your bed with your antlers, I was the last to know about Padfoot's crush on Moony, I wa—

Remus, cutting Peter off: WAIT, WHAT!!??

Peter: Oh, second to last

Peter, happily: I suppose you were right, Prongs

Sirius: You silly f*cking rat!

[propussyslayer]

sirius: so what do you do for a living

remus: i hunt and kill zombies

sirius: the fuck no you don't

remus: have you ever seen one?

sirius: no?

remus: then you are fucking welcome

[daddiesdrarryy]

Barty: You slept with Potter?

Regulus: I didn’t know what else to do! He had those big, sad eyes. I couldn’t help it!

Evan: …sure, sounds like you had no other choice

[toujoursincorrect]

Sirius: *walks in on James and Regulus kissing*

Sirius: This is incest!

James: No it’s not.

Sirius: Yes it is, James!

Regulus: We’re not related.

Sirius: Oh, and that makes it OK, I suppose?

James: Well, it makes it not incest.

[rhetorical-conscience]

James: We need to talk about your mental health.

Regulus, trying to change the subject: Actually, what I need is to be dicked down right now.

James:

Regulus:

James, removing his tie: You know, one of these days that isn't going to work-

[moutainrusing]

Sirius: If you want my advice—

Harry: No offence, Sirius, but you’re the last person we want relationship advice from.

Draco: Yeah, you thought your husband was the traitor.

Sirius: In my defence, he also thought I was the traitor.

Remus: It’s true. We’re on the same wavelength like that.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Harry, thoughtfully: Do you ever notice how Sirius and Professor Lupin always sit next to each other at dinner?

Hermione:

Harry, even more thoughtfully: And...they always share a couch when we sit in the sitting room. And it's a small couch.

Hermione:

Harry, getting suspicious, now: And, you know, I saw Professor Lupin leaving Sirius's bedroom the other night!

Hermione:

Harry, nodding to himself: They must be really close friends.

Hermione: *bangs head on table*

Lily, to James, looking down from above: Oh, he is your son.

[incorrectharrypotterblog]

Hermione: why are threesomes only for sex

Hermione: why can’t I join in on a couples argument if I want to

[pottermagiczz]

Sirius trying to teach lil Harry his name

Sirius: Harry, say Padfoot

Harry:

Sirius: C'mon lil guy, Pad-foot

Harry: Moo-ee

Sirius: No Harry, Pad-foot

Harry: MOO-EE

Sirius: You're one lil sh*t, aren't you?

Harry: Sh*t!

Sirius: F*CK! DON'T SAY THAT!

Remus, entering the room: Hey Harry, having fun?

Harry: F*ck! Sh*t!

Remus: ...

Remus, CaLmLy: WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT!?

Harry: Pad-foooo

[hpseeker99]

The Daily Prophet: Three people have reportedly broken into the Gringotts. McGonagall, scoffing: What idiots *Front cover on the daily prophet, showing Harry, Ron, and Hermione riding a dragon out of the building* McGonagall: Wait, those are my idiots

[gryfferin-gaybies]

Draco: *walks by*

Harry: I'd hit that

Hermione: I know you don't like him Harry but violence is never the answer

Harry: right yeah violence...that's what I meant...I'd hit that with my fists

[daddiesdrarryy]

James: Okay, you guys, there’s Reg. Watch. Just watch this

Regulus: *walking past*

James: See? Still pretending he’s not interested. Oh! He’s coming over. Just pretend like we don’t know him. We’ve forgotten who he is!

Regulus: Hey guys!

Remus: Hey Regulus!

Peter: Hello!

James: …

Sirius: Hey, Reggie. You know Prongs, my best friend? He’s nice. He’s not bad to look at, right?

James: Thanks, Pads

Regulus: Well, of course

Sirius: Do you want to go out on a date with him? You got my blessing!

James: Sirius!

Regulus: Sure. Is Sunday okay?

Sirius: Sunday’s perfect. He can’t wait

Regulus: On the date, I will be able to talk to him directly, right?

Sirius: Yeah

Regulus: All right, see you Sunday, Potter *leaves*

James: Okay. What the hell was that? You know what? Don’t answer me

James, giggling: I have a date with Reggie!

[toujoursincorrect]

Sirius: I think I’m coming down with something, I’ve been feeling nauseous lately.

James: Maybe you’re pregnant?

Sirius: …

James: …

Sirius: I don’t know who’s the bigger idiot right now, you because you suggested it, or me, because i just had a heart attack.

[rhetorical-conscience]

Regulus: I don't deserve your love.

James: No, Reg, don't say that! You deserve all the love in the world!

Regulus: You know that's not true, Pott-

James: You can only accept mine, though.

Regulus:

James: I get jealous easily.

[or-we-could-take-a-walk-together]

The Daily Prophet: two people have reportedly broken into the Ministry all by themselves.

Regulus: *scoffs* what idiots

*Front cover on the daily prophet, showing Barty and Evan running away from the aurors*

Regulus: wait, those are my idiots