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#not good and not great but better than it is when im in school and i feel like that says a lot.
wall-e-gorl · 7 months
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My sister, at 9pm: mom I have this thing due tomorrow and I can't get it done can you help me
Mom: when did you get this? Last friday? You should have been working on this way earlier I mean come on
Sister: you don't understand
Me, getting up from my bed despite having to wake up ridiculously early tomorrow: mom get out of here, you don't understand. What's this? What's the problem?
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ikyw-t · 2 years
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this is a moodboard for how my brain has been feeling the past couple weeks. yes i spent like 10 minutes organizing these pictures if that tells u anything about how im feeling
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#not that anyone asked but it's bc my adderall rx changed a month ago from extended release to short release#bc the extended release was making me feel super anxious in the afternoon when it would start to wear off#which is obviously counterproductive and i am already anxiety-inclined if that's even a phrase#so ive been on the short release version of adderall for the last month and overall it was going a lot better#the anxiety in the afternoon pretty much disappeared which was nice#the past like three weeks tho ive been dealing with being unable to stop picking at my skin and cuticles too#which is something ive struggled with since middle school in various degrees and tho it was getting better in the past couple years#ive never struggled with it LESS than i have since starting adderall in like march. and my god. what a joy and relief that was#so now that it's started happening again it's honestly pretty upsetting bc it's kinda physically painful and also just rly embarrassing#like i dont even have that bad acne probably but being unable to stop picking at it makes it like ten times worse#like i haven't had acne on my back in like three years since i finished taking accutane#and in the past three weeks i have but it's rly only bc i can't stop scratching at it and so there's gonna be scarring too#it's just very embarrassing and also disappointing nd disheartening since i was finally able to NOT have to deal with this for a few months#it's appalling and upsetting to realize that this was just my life for like a decade before i got treatment for adhd#and once i did it a lot of my impulsive and unconscious skin picking pretty much disappeared.#like damn bro the amount of times my mom and everyone in my family told me how nice my skin would be if i could just leave it alone. yeah.#anyway. im gonna talk to the doctor about this next month when i get my refill obviously bc i am not having a good time#even tho this was working rly great for the first three weeks. like whyyyy can't medicine just work. whyyy#anywayyyy if u read all this no u didnt bc it's embarrassing for me lol#i just felt the need to talk about it cause it's been upsetting me today
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n0ct0urn1quet · 2 years
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think i migght acactully drop out of school lmao i cannot do this shit anymore . i was fine a second ago but the thoughts got too strong and so now im Mad
#school doesnt start for another month and im already stressed and i just know that when school does start my mental health is just#going to rapidly decline and im gonna not have energy to do anything anymore n im sjut gonna fucking die#like if im being honest since i stopped going to school last year around like november/december my mental health has been Better#not good and not great but better than it is when im in school and i feel like that says a lot.#idc if dropping out means my entire family disowns me my moms already tired of me not going to school bc ive been struggling since#6th grade and its like. ok.#i might as well just not try#like ill be doing online school this year so not going back to public school but still dude i dont want to#i dont wanna do this shit for another 2 fucking eyars ive struggled enough already i cant Take It#i wanna fuckin move out so bad i dont wanna do this shit no more <3#evereyones like 'oh i could never drop out of school id ruin my relatinship with my mom' n its like#ok well for me theres no relationship to ruin between us in the first place. she hates me and i hate her n thats just how its gonna be#she already is like ignorant when it comes to school n me being in school so why even fuckin bother this year right#seriously just considering dropping out i really dont wanna do this becauuse doing school is just going to take such a tolll on me and like#i just . dont wanna go through it! im done! the american education system can suck my dick.#i dont even think im gonna graduate at 18. i dont think im gonna graduate ever. i didnt finish 6th grade and completely skipped 7th#i pretty much failed 8th bc my grades went down bc i didnt go to school bc of the whole covid thing n i manually passed but that#doesnt count bc i was already skipping school n didnt do the online classes. i didnt finish 9th bc that was also during like the height of#the pandemic and 10th was just a disaster and on my last day i had pretty much an anxiety attack in my 4th period bc my teacher was#a fucking loser.#so. im just done! im fucking done.#not gonna graduate. oh well.
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marmorenshud · 11 months
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i can't believe it's over tomorrow
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HEHRHE WORK RANT 😐
#.....the owners came to visit last week ❤️ while i was gone ❤️#and apparently ❤️ hated the bakery ❤️#bc its too messy. which i agree with. but its been messy since i started this is NOT my mess#in fact ive cleaned it up IMMENSELY. its 100x better than when i started#and OFC they came the ONE time i had transfers sent back 😐 bc they weren't perfect 😐#and they weren't perfect and im sorry! but i was lowkey rushing that day bc i was trying to prepare to take a week off#actually. i stayed almost an hour late. i am sorry they weren't perfect and i re did them yesterday.#but i dont live for this job?? i have to go home??#hahahahahah the manager was supposed to be here yesterday but he was sick. he wasn't supposed to be here today. he is.#which is why i know the owners said stuff bc he told me#and he said hes gonna help me clean today. and that im doing good. and that he told them a lot of stuff was messy before i was here.#which is nice#im just!!! not a messy baker!!!! it bothers me too!! i was the clean one in school :(#and?? the owners visited one time when The Other Baker still worked here. i wasn't there for that either#but i noticed she had cleaned more than usual lol and it still wasn't as clean as i have it now!!!#and they left a note that said 'the bakery looks great!' ?????????#SOOO????? thats why i haven't cleaned as much as i would prefer bc idk how particular they are#it was like this before are they just fine with it being kinda messy??? do they not want me to spend time cleaning??#ugshdbjadvsjs idk its annoying#i dont wanna give all these excuses like I DIDN'T DO IT!!! but lowkey. i didn't skdnks
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queenerdloser · 1 year
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okay i genuinely love traveling alone bc it means i can do shit like spend my entire vacation eating food i want, meandering into shops and shrines at my leisure, sitting in parks and reading, and doing karaoke every night for an entire week. like. if i was with someone i would feel far more pressure to do a bunch of touristy stuff and “make an experience” or w/e (and tbf i do kind of feel like that for this trip since several people were like “show me pictures when you get back!” not knowing i am The Worst at vacation pictures since i dont do selfies and i take pictures purely to appease Myself) but it’s also like... this is my vacation. i’m here on my own. so yeah, i am going to take a siesta in the middle of the day in my hotel, i am going to do two hours of karaoke, i am going to go visit the shrine i love and just wander around. and bc i’m alone, i dont have to justify that to anyone or accommodate anyone else’s desires and frankly it’s the best feeling in the world. everyone should travel internationally by themselves at least once if they have the money/time bc then maybe less people would double take or act like i murdered a kitten when i tell them i prefer it. 
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flowerflowerflo · 2 months
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🤍𓂃 ࣪˖ if you can read this, it means you're still here! which is an achievement in itself. im so proud of you. <3
i have been falling back into some bad habits recently, and thinking about it a lot. i had a really, really bad night last night and this morning i woke up with puffy eyes and a messy room but i felt light.
imagine yourself in december this year. imagine yourself looking back on today and smiling at how far you've come. everything can change in one year. everything can change at any time.
there is a whole entire world for you. the sound of rain on the glass, the way the petals fall in the spring, the way the sun rises in the morning, that stranger that smiled at you on the street, that cute little dog you saw on your way to work or school or wherever you went to this morning.
there are people you haven't even met who are cheering you on. you have so many people admiring you from the sidelines because they're too shy to say it. i have been one of those people and still am. there are people who admire the tiniest things about you; the creases by your eyes when you smile, the cute little dimples on your cheeks, the way your hair gets so messy after being out in the wind, the way you hold yourself with such confidence, the way you try so hard to be better every day even if it's hard.
there are people who love you beyond belief that you've never even met yet. because there is so much to be explored, so much to be learnt, so much to see and so much to meet. 8 billion people. 8 billion. even if it feels like you're surrounded by people who don't love you, who don't want the best for you, who don't take care of you and admire you half as much as they should, they are not the last people in the world, and they never will be. there are 8 billion people! think about that for a second! there is someone who is wishing for you the way you are wishing for them! there are people who have so much love for you they haven't even had the chance yet to express!! that's so beautiful!!! <3
there are people who do love you beyond belief, even if you guys don't talk anymore. there are people who smile when they look back on you guys time together, from your childhood best friend to that girl you complimented in the street years and years and years ago. there are people who look back on your memory fondly and still love you and are so happy to see you flourishing.
its okay to be sensitive, its okay to get upset by things. not everything is going to be okay all the time, and neither are you. you can't have good without the bad, and the good always comes afterwards better than you'd ever imagined. life is feeling everything deeply and learning from it, no matter how hard it was or still is. you can always make it through because the most sensitive people are the strongest people.
there is so much life left. you are so young, no matter how old you are. there is so much you can do, so much you will do, so many achievements to be made, so many friends to meet, so many experiences you can learn from. you will get your happily ever after and you will make something beautiful out of your life because life is messy and imperfect and constantly growing and that is beauty.
please keep living, because there is so much to live for. even if you want to go back to that home of sadness you've built over the years, even if growth is messy and uncomfortable, even if things aren't going too great right now, even if it's not everything you thought it would be, you've survived your entire life with you helping you through it even if you've been alone.
you've picked yourself back up every. single. time. and are still making an active effort. that is extremely strong and you've done more than 90% of other people would do in your position and all the things you've been through. you've tried so hard and you should be so proud of yourself. and you should keep going for, because the life you're dreaming of is so close. please smile. please never give up. there is so much left to live for. i love you & you should do the same.
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newtkive · 3 months
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shift shenanigans - s1 social media au
note: jus for fun ! may or may not do more parts.
warnings: crude humor, slightly offensive jokes from richie sry
part two
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liked by syd_adamu, marcus.brooks11 and 30 others
chefboyardee: my friends! i love my friends! the two on the right more than the left (i’m joking i promise) 😁😁😁😁
see all 8 comments
syd_adamu: brave of you to call him your friend y/n
↳ chefboyardee: boss man carmy save me
↳ syd_adamu: oh.. :///
marcus.brooks11: you did me so dirty, friend.
↳ chefboyardee: love you marcus you look spectacular
↳ marcus.brooks11: don’t start
richietheking: Where am I?
↳ chefboyardee: ya motha
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liked by syd_adamu, chefboyardee and 10 others
richietheking: Getting sh$!t done.
see all 8 comments
marcus.brooks11: This is coolllddd.
↳ richietheking: You already know it man.
syd_adamu: this is actually crazy
carmyberzatto: can you show this on instagram? i think you should delete this.
↳ richietheking: Delete your life.
chefboyardee: come down to the beef for a number 6 the occy way 💯 the safest joint on the block 🤑💯we are 🔛🔝
↳ richietheking: Eyyy I know that’s right.
↳ carmyberzatto: please don’t advertise this.
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WE HAVE THE BEEF 🥩
[ 8:25 am ]
y/n:
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bruh im about to lose it. heads up when you guys get to work.
marcus: that catering order is about to be crazy
DO NOT REPLY: These white boards are stressing me out.
syd: we know, probably giving you ptsd from not finishing high school
DO NOT REPLY: Fuck you I did finish it.
y/n: oh i gotta change ur contact name richie
richie poo: ????? What
y/n: it was ‘DO NOT REPLY’ lols
marcus: valid
syd: real
richie poo: What? Why?! That’s so rude
y/n: cuz you piss me off
and you kept blowing up my phone yesterday
richie poo: You weren’t answering, and we needed help at the cook out.
syd: the one where you poisoned everyone?
richie poo: Fuck off.
y/n: when i’m off work, i’m off work.
marcus: don’t let carmy hear that, y/n
y/n: don’t remind me
syd: he’s trying at least, go easy on him. he really has great ideas
richie poo: You mean you have great ideas in that little notebook
tina: Never trust a broad with a notebook.
syd: hey! i’m just being helpful
y/n: do you guys think my ig post will hurt carmys feelings
marcus: it would make me a little sad if i were him, but i don’t think he cares
y/n: great i’m gonna cry now
syd: i doubt he even saw it y/n it’s fine
richie poo: Check the work chat. Cousin is in a mood.
y/n: oh great
tina: Help us all.
syd: be nice you guys
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WORK
[ 9:15 am ]
carmy: Everyone, we have huge catering orders tomorrow to prep for today. Please get here as soon as you can, the earlier you clock in the better. Additionally, please be careful what you post on social media. I don’t want people to get the wrong impression
y/n: yes chef 👨‍🍳
syd: ok sounds good
richie poo: Cool it, Cousin. What’s the issue with the social media
tina: I use FaceBook. That not allowed now??
carmy: Tina, you’re fine. I’m talking about those who post work things on public accounts
marcus: facebook is crazy
richie poo: I can’t go private
y/n: he needs the likes
richie poo: No I’m disabled from doing so. Not sure why
y/n: liar
richie poo: 😑I don’t like you
carmy: Then please don’t post pics of yourself posting up with a gun and an air horn outside of my shop anymore.
marcus: that pic was fire can’t lie
carmy: Well, it’s bad for business.
richie poo: Fine, whatever
y/n: carmy
carmy: What, Y/n?
y/n: is this because of my caption on my post i’m sorry i promise i wasn’t being for real
carmy: I don’t care Y/n.
y/n: is that code for ‘i care a lot and i’m crying in the office right now and that’s why the door is closed’
oh
syd: ? why the oh
y/n: he opened the door and yelled no 🤨 but i think i saw red eyes
carmy: Please get back to work and I’ll comp a meal for you later
y/n: OMG yes chef 😍
richie poo: Inappropriate emojis and you shouldn’t have to incentivize her to work
y/n: shut up acting like HR i’m gonna beat your ass
jealousy is ugly which is why you have that mug on your face
carmy: Stop
y/n: yes chef 👨‍🍳
i heard your giggle tho
richie poo: Again with the schizo episode
syd: you can’t say that richie
richie poo: Oh sorry
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bealovesmarauders · 1 year
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Heyyy! You said you were writing for Gilmore Girls, are you writing for Jess? If so, could you please write headcanons for him or anything you want to write really. If you don’t want it its okay ofc💕
grumpy x sunshine / jess mariano
⋆ ࣪.      ⁺⑅     ⋰˚     *.゚    .˳⁺⁎˚     ˚⁎⁺˳ .    ༺ ˖
jess mariano x reader (headcanons)
wc: 700
a/n: thank you so much for requesting!! yes i do write for jess!! one of my fave bfs other than james potter and gilbert blythe. they’re all so<33  i’m absolutely obsessed with the grumpy x sunshine trope rn and jess with that seems perfect so that’s what im gonna write about if thats ok!!
⋆ ࣪.      ⁺⑅     ⋰˚     *.゚    .˳⁺⁎˚     ˚⁎⁺˳ .    ༺ ˖
jess has always been the bad boy of stars hollow since he moved. that is a fact. and when he meets you it completely throws him off because how can someone be so happy and sweet, and so beautiful at the same time?
obviously he’s not known for being optimistic… so when you meet him while working at luke’s, you try to make it your personal mission to have jess smile at least once a shift
luke thinks it’s great that you two have to work together because jess badly needs a good influence, and you’ve known luke since you were young so you’re completely and entirely trusted with the shop when luke goes fishing and whatever
jess is astounded
and then the way you treat the customers
even kirk likes you- he thinks you’re a wonderful break from whatever the hell luke’s attitude is
you’ve memorized everyone’s regular orders and never fail to serve someone without a smile on your face
at first it kinda pissed jess off tbh because he thinks it’s an act and not genuine
but as he gets to know you better he realizes that you’re just a really lovely sunshiney person no matter what, and hey, maybe you’re rubbing off on him a bit after all
one time he leaves his book at the counter while he’s on a break and you run up to the apartment to give it to him, even though there’s a backlog of customers
“you forgot your book downstairs”
he kind of stares at you, a smile creeping up 
“thanks”
“you’re welcome”
more awkward pauses
“you should really use a bookmark, you know, it’s bad for the pages if you bend them like that”
“you read?”
“yeah. you should really start a new book, though. that one had a super unsatisfying ending”
“oh yeah?”
that’s when everything changes for him
the next shift he comes to work on your day off and you’ve left him a small package beside the coffee machine with his name in cursive on it
it’s a book
your handwriting is inside the front cover with a little note to him
‘for jess, this is my favorite book, don’t bend the pages please :)’
and then there’s a homemade bookmark
from then on you guys start trading books 
and he starts smiling at you more
you guys get closer and more attached, working perfectly in sync at the diner- you’ll have the fries done at the same time he’s grilled a burger, so that everything stays warm for the customers
jess also starts doing more little things for you: wiping down the counter, helping clean up so you can go home earlier, giving you all the tips in the tip jar even though technically he deserves half
until one day you come into work late, eyes rimmed with red, furiously blinking tears away
he’s never seen you like this, so obviously he has to fix it
because you’re y/n l/n. you’re the sunshine of stars hollow
lorelai and rory are there, and so he asks lorelai to help man the coffee 
jess takes you upstairs to his room, away from prying eyes, and asks you what’s wrong, cause he can tell
you just burst into tears
“hey hey hey, you’re okay, what’s wrong?”
cue protective jess.
through the tears you tell him how you’re overwhelmed with school, homework, the pressure to get into a good university, and how you feel like you’re supposed to handle it all by yourself
jess knows it’s not the time for wisecracks
so he wipes away the tears from your cheeks and listens as you talk
when you’ve calmed down, you hug him as a thank you
jess has never really been hugged before. luke and his mom aren’t very affectionate, especially physically
when you finally pull away, his touch lingers
and you kiss him on the cheek very quickly
that’s when jess knows you’re the one
you’ll always be his sunshine, even through both of your worst moments
and he knows he’s going to spend the rest of his life with you, and devote his days to hearing you laugh
but that’s a story for another time
i hope you like this!! thanks so much for requesting, sorry if this got a bit long or if it’s not what you're looking for. likes and reblogs are appreciated! <33
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kenmakodz · 2 months
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CANDID LOVE ˙✧˖📷
02. shitty sushi place ☆
writing in-between cuts!
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you sigh, tucking your phone away— they’re way too close now to keep typing about them, it’d be obvious. it will be fine, you think. nobara has hung out with maki and her friends plenty of times; if she gets along with them, so can you!
“hey again!” you wave, walking to meet the duo halfway. the shorter blonde boy is first to acknowledge you, nodding his head as his pace comes to a halt- a greeting, you suppose. maki lazily holds up a hand as if to say hello. “nice to see you again, just on our turf this time huh?” she chuckles on the last word, coaxing you to smile back- intrigued at her way of starting a conversation. “yeah, seems like the tables have turned. it’s much smaller than i expected, though.��� you turn to face the boy standing next to her, deciding it would be rude to not introduce yourself. “nice to meet you as well, y/n l/n.” he nods again, “toge inumaki.” his voice is much quieter than you expected, maybe he’s the shy type? or maybe he’s just not interested in talking to you; who knows. 
maki’s tour isn’t very…. detailed. “this is the dining hall, we eat here sometimes.” , “this is the common area that nobody sits in.” , etc etc. to most, this would come off as rude and uninterested. in reality, she actually made you laugh quite a few times. she slipped in jokes here and there, the majority of them being about the wide range of interesting professors she's come across. an honest tour is much better than an over-detailed, over-explanation of every single thing on campus that close to nobody cares about; she reminds you a lot of megumi the whole time. the boy wouldn’t say too much, just some playful banter back and forth with the two of you about certain classes, random places on campus, and the like. it was nice, you thought- not as awkward or as forced as you felt like it would be. maki seemed to be enjoying herself as well, noticing that you laughed whenever she poked at the school for its quirks.
after about an hour of walking around, the three of you seem to halt rather abruptly. you notice the two friends begin texting, so you lean against the building and begin to lazily scroll while they do their own thing.
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finally, she looks up, clearly contemplating something. “would you want to come get sushi with us? our other friend, yuuta is on the way too. he’s studying the same thing as you.”
you pause. being invited out with them was the last thing you had expected- when her mouth opened, you were anticipating her to offer walking you back home. the confusion definitely shows on your face, and the boy (who you now know as toge) laughs at your reaction. “you can say no if you don’t want to,” making a mental note to punch yourself for being so awkward later on, you finally respond, starting to laugh along. “im sorry, i don’t know why i reacted like that- i’m honestly starving, that would be great!”
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you've gained 3 new followers!
↓ makizen, fortnitegod, y.okkotsu.
fun facts -> yuuta was contemplating skipping his lecture for that sushi all. day. it'd been a while since the three of them went out, and it could be a while before they get to do it again, since work begins to pile up around this time in the year. when he heard about y/n being there, he almost backed out. yuuta hyperfocuses on first-impressions, and showing up sleep deprived after a 2 hour lecture was NOT his idea of a good one.
previous , masterlist, next [03. life: ended]
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taglist is open! @just-a-girlblogger @moryymor @swissy23 @hvnyacoded @sereniteav @k4romis @jayathelostdragon @h3rmess @olivandeee @lysaray @ari3000dontcare @raechu11
⤷ © kenmakodz
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adoregojo · 2 months
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valentines - sae itoshi x reader
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yayyyyy I finished it, im free :3 im so freaking sleepy rn warnings: angst, very happy ending the chap before: one
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2017
it's been years since you last saw sae.
those 3 years without the elder itoshi felt unfilled, missing it familiar spark. visiting the sea doesn't feel the same without the reddish-brown boy alongside with you. his endless grumbles about how luck keeps running the opposite direction and it's always loss in the in of his road were now just a remains echoing inside your head.
it's not that his face wasn't rememberable anymore, in fact, his face was glued on every bug screen around japan. under the name of the japan prodigy himself. however his face was blurry and those big-screens always do him unjustifiably. pictures were good, but sae grew. oh how you wished you could have grew together again.
you missed his actual face, when he would reveal his rare unseen smile to you. even when he didn't smile, there was something there, your grandma always said that his eyes would go soft under the mention of your name. when actual emotions were still swirling in his heartland. now you looking at his face, his slime teal eyes were so..bleary.. sae looked like he lost all his colours.
you wished you could embrace him, just like you used to when you two were kids after he flunked his math test and the first thing he does is let you hug him and play with his hair, sae told you that he would never let someone else do that to him yet the word shameless was unfound beside you.
but now you were helpless. thinking about the great distance itself between you two was crushing.
you kept writing, and sae promised to write back. at least he did at first, within the next months his letters and calls were fading, draining each day, they were getting awfully dry to the point you felt he was just saying anything to make shut you down. but in the end he stopped completely. no matter how much you texted or called they were never answered.
yet you kept on writing, even when he didn't reply. you sent him birthday cards on his, remained him of yours as well. however he never responded. you write and send, write and send, write and send damn letters nonstop. at some stage you didn't know where to send them anymore. they were never replied to, never seen nor read.
soon your texts became green. and it felt like a door was slammed on your face.
you felt desperate, like a dog waiting for it owner returned. and you could feel the pity glimpses in everyone's faces, in school, neighbourhood, sometimes even your own grandma, except that she held more sympathy with it.
perhaps, the younger itoshi was the only one who didn't change much. just like you, sae stopped his communication with him as well. but he handled it way better than you did, the letters 'big brother will come back, he's just busy' fell out rin's mouth every time he senses you unhidden soreness.
you should believe in what he says, it's literally his brother. his own flesh and blood, his family. yet you didn't ease up under his words, if anything it worried you even more. you felt it, the wave screaming back at you that something bad will happen, something that'll change everything forever.
and you knew you were right when opened the door revealing rin with tears running down his reddened cheeks.
2018
rin never told you what happened that tragic snowy night.
all you could remember was him shedding tears like there was no tomorrow, they were silent yet so painful that you felt sorry for the boy. you always took rin as an unbending person, he was like sae but much more chill and dare you say more friendly?
you warped a blanket around him when he slept in the guest room, you never pressured him. never pushed him, thinking about it now, you should probably have. because you woke up to that bed soothed back all clean and empty the next morning.
and it felt like rin last strike of humanity was left dead under your roof.
rin changed, and everything changed with him. maybe you didn't, perhaps you grew doleful, dejected. waiting was hard, pouring down your soul. it felt like the sky was telling you that you were waiting for nothing, but to be truthful, not only the sky was implying that.
you saw how the younger itoshi would look at you when he saw you writing letters to sae. he said nothing and stood silent, yet his eyes were pleading with you to stop, to give up on his brother before he curses you for good. however, you were already cursed by sae a long time ago.
even when he left for that project, deep inside. he wanted to say something, to speak up. the words were on the tip of his tongue yet he kept on opening his mouth and closing it like a lost fish. then rin left without a word, leaving you to face the truth by yourself.
you found it strange when every time you were present in the tv room, the first thing your grandmother dose is close the tv or change the channel. it was weird, you never remembered her being a big fan of national animals shows. she always liked the news which was what she kept avoiding for a while for some reason. her protection wouldn't last forever.
a secret kept swimming around you, just walking around in the hallways was enough for everyone to either laugh or look at you with such pity. even the teachers? what was going on, what kind of secret could it be to impair you this much?
you wished to stay curious, to stay lost in your little circle of agony but not to witness the man that planted dead hopes within you was now cutting your roots of holden on faith.
you saw a picture of sae kissing another girl, and you felt your soul getting toured up by him.
like the world itself was laughing at you naiveness, how stupid you were. you felt used, the wasted years you spent waiting on someone who didn't even care felt like a pure burning betrayal. you got that light message, sae was basically telling you to get off his back, you were no longer needed.
you meant nothing that anyone could possibly overshadow you. you got tossed aside, a dusty memory that was never worth holding in the first place.
you stopped writing letters after that day.
2021
"nice having you back in japan, genius boy."
aiku laughed, but the man ahead of him didn't even spare a smile at him. instead he found the glass of drink in front of him more interested. the black head let out a sigh, he guessed that sae isn't exactly a man of change, he needs to stop letting his hopes up for nothing.
it's an understatement to say that aiku was surprised that the elder itoshi would even acknowledge his invitation for a night out at what he called a fancy bar. hell, sae probably didn't even like wine in the first place. yet he was here, looking around with his boredom eyes that never opened fully.
"soo, you finally opened your heart for your dear home?." aiku asked, taking a sip of his own drink. through the transparent glass, he could see the slim teal eyes peeking at him.
"what's up with that interview question? don't say you invited me for this." sae spat out, the place was awfully packed despite it being the middle of the night. and he would lie if he said he wanted to spend another second here.
"haha, once a stiff always a stiff. thought i would get a thank you for getting you out of your forlorn shell for awhile. i mean, look at those chicks, you sure you don't wanna catch yourself a little fun? heard you were left out on valentines eve."
the elder itoshi frown a brow, "you think you're my wingman or some shit? don't get too high of yourself just 'cause i went out here with you." scoffing, the reddish head crossed his arms.
before aiku could get a chance to reply, a sultry voice called. "you boys would like a refill?" the suffocating smell of her perfume was pocking sae's nose, which made him hard grimace in disgust. while on the other hand, the shaggy head threw a sly smile at him for some reason, he better not do anything stupid.
"not me, hun. but my friend over there would definitely like to. right, sae?" he should've knew better. he knew this fucker was trying to set him up with some, it didn't even need a rethink when his glass wasn't even half way empty.
sae could feel a vine running through his head when the high heels sound was lifted to his side. his personal space was getting tackled when the woman bend over with her breath that reeked of unhidden smoke and alcohol was tickling his ear.
"Oh? you must be a new one. we got specials for those." she breath out, her hand running down sae's arm. he had to stop himself from getting defensive at her sharp nails stabbing him through the fabric of his clothes. "you can request anything you please, even these lewd things going on your head."
her flirting was on death ears, he didn't even take a glimpse at her. nudging that man was like trying to punch a wall. sae told himself to ignore and she'll get the message and leave him alone already.
"c'mon now, whatever little sweetheart you clinging onto doesn't have to know."
and that hits a nerve, "anything you say? than I request you to step the fuck back you good for nothing tart creature." as soon as these harsh words come out, a loud gasp was heard. and sae couldn't find it in himself to stop the next words of coming out. "I came here for someone, not some harlot woman wiggling over me. go throw yourself on some pimp maybe you'll find a purpose inside their pants or something."
soon, it turns into a crying mess. and sae remains stiff. the only reaction he could give was sipping on his drink, he saw aiku trying to stop the women from running before stroking the bridge of his nose is disbelief.
"what the hell man.. you could've just told her to leave you alone."
"I don't like pushy people."
he hears a scoff, then aiku swaying after the other woman. sae could feel the eyes of strangers staring him down, not that he cares, not even about that woman who he sent crying, she can collect what's left from her dignity, if there was any in the first place. he was too busy rethinking why did he speak those words.
and why did was your face the first thing to pop up his mind when he said that.
it's been years, and he couldn't believe that he agreed to aiku's request, yet he'll never admit that he wanted any reason to step here again. any reason to see you again, he never thought he still had it in his heart to miss you. to be eager for you, he found himself bubbling with excitement like a little kid again.
sae can't figure why are you suddenly so heavy on his mind, was it the years of pushing you to the corner of his mind was paying off? even the tiniest things were enough to makeshift you in a way. it felt like he couldn't escape you, you were in everything and everyone. in the side planted flowers, in the little kids laughs, in the bright colours of the sun.
he wondered if you still think of him, if you still hold on him after seven years of being absent in every way possible. you turned eighteen without him, you probably had much more friends by now, maybe even changed your haircut, he remembers you rambling about how your grandma wouldn't let you change the same haircut for years now. sae himself doesn't notice the smile forming on his lips.
"wash that sappy face off, doesn't suit you." a firm voice stated, he didn't even have to turn around and see when he knew this tone like the back of his hand. lo and behold, his younger brother standing there.
"rin."
"shitty brother."
rin walked up to the table, his hands deep in his pockets. standing in such a filthy place made shift disgustingly. not even trying to hide his displeasure staring at both his brother and whoever walks by like a walking foul trash bags. or maybe that's just his natural face.
he didn't take the obvious abandon seat, instead he stood like he just needed a minute before taking his leave. "didn't expect you to be back, though you called this place unworthy of your presence." said rin, his eyes doesn't held them loathing anymore. but still a hint of unbearableness was there, that'll take some time to wash away.
"i have my reasons." he simply replied, he was never releasing his feelings.
"plus, what the hell are you doing here? and don't lie to me when you look like seconds away from throwing up." sae question,
"you need to get a assertive manager next time." rin shrugged, he wasn't planning on lying. the guy almost shat himself at the sight of rin alone. maybe he should work in his face expression.
"well, I know you aren't here for a heartwarming family reunion. so spit it out already." rude as ever, but the younger itoshi learned to not raise his hopes too much when it came to his brother.
rin doesn't reply to that, instead he reaches for his black coat pocket. lifting out some designed letter, leaned it carefully over the table for him to take. so sae does, playing around with the object, he sided eye his brother.
"a wedding invitation." rin answered before he could question.
"yours?" he asked in disbelief, that was not a face of a man getting married.
his younger brother started at him like he grew another head, "no?" he almost gagged, narrowing his eyes.
"then i have no interest in wasting my time."
"just read it you damn slacker." rin demand, he did not come all the way here for his older brother to act like a spoiled brat. he swore he's gonna shove that letter down his throat if don't stop yapping.
finally sae let out a dramatic sigh before opening the letter, whatever name it was, it better be worth it. and part of him wished he never opened it.
because his eyes uncontrollably traveled to your name, not even that he read the start nor the beginning. he wished it was a mistake, maybe someone else's name and it was all pure coincidence. his eyelids flicker open, he read it once, twice, and the world felt like it stopped.
"..it's in two days by the way.. and stop looking at the letter like that, your gonna burn it." rin words went from ear to ear. but sae managed to catch something in the lines 'in two days'
"two days?.. why am i getting an invitation now?" words came out mindlessly, he wanted to ask more, who, how and when. his mind was on track. sae never wished for something to be a sick joke like now.
"are you serious? be grateful you were even in the list." nevertheless, rin didn't like his question. is that really what he asked? not even about you? however, his brother colourless face spoke more.
sae didn't reply, he looked at the letter in his hand like it was his worst enemy. rin wished his brother wasn't a damn block headed maybe then he'll get his fingers on what's running inside his mind. so rin takes his leave, letting his brother handle the news by himself.
"woah, man. that girl just wouldn't stop crying. I'm starting to believe you're truly heartless." aiku let out breathlessly, but he was met of a new face of sae, it was the first time he say any other expression on his face. especially something..this emotional..
"dude, you okay? looks like you've seen a ghost."
maybe even someone as cold as sae could carry a fragile heart.
2021 February 18
it felt like the universe was laughing at him.
fate was truly the cruelest, out of any other day. it had to day, the day that was meant for you and him, just fir another guy to snatch his place like a piece of candy. he wished it was him, he wished he didn't come here in the first place. yet he was, surrounded with unfamiliar faces chit chatting around.
sae regrets stepping in here, he wanted to leave. to runaway. he doesn't want to face it, to face you walking down with another man that is not him. but he wanted to see you so bad, why did this feel like this is his only chance to see you ever again?
he felt aimless, and the people talking wasn't helping him either.
"did you hear? they're gonna rent a house on a beach!"
"oh my, they're so lucky. wished mine would have the same mindset."
fucking kill him.
"you actually came? thought you'd leave like the spineless coward you are." the voice of rin was merciless. and most of all brutally honest.
"shut up. I don't wanna hear it." sae waved him off, he didn't wanna hear it. especially his little brother berating him senselessly. deep down, he knew he deserved it. he was the one that stepped over your heart when he promised to take care of it. maybe he is a coward.
after he followed after rin, which took to long for his liking, he had to complain. "fuck you taking me to?" he spat out.
"be patient, don't you wanna talk to them?"
that somehow shuts down any chance of any other objection, it felt like ages before they got to the meant room. and for some reason, sae doesn't enter yet, he doesn't find the guts to.
"why did you even invite me to this?"
"me? invite you? you wish." rin jeered, his brother was definitely not in the right mindset to think such thing. "they invited you, if anything i thought it was better not to."
"I didn't even think you'd come, looks like you still got something in that frigid heart of yours. but it's already too late to come over your fears."
a ghost smile form on sae's face, at his own stupidity, at rin's truthful manner. at himself,
"i know that."
he closed the door behind, and slowly walked into the room. his steps were heavy they kept on echoing through the walls. announcing to the world what he was doing. it was a miracle he didn't fumble his feet on the way, and more of a miracle when he didn't faint at how beautifully you shone.
you quickly stood up, the white dress mimicking your movements. he was right, you did change your hairstyle after all, and oh, how you good you made it look.
"sae? you actually came.." you exclaimed. examining him from head to toe, he did change, more like he grew. he wasn't the same height as you anymore, his bangs were long gone. and he refused to meet your eyes. looking at everything but your gaze.
"yeah." he pushed out his lips.
it was strange, seeing the one he promised to marry get married to another one. his first crush, first crush, his first heartbreak, the first heart he shattered. all the memories of childhood came like a rush wave of air, and what lingered was your face at the airport, the day you said goodbye. the day he heard you sniffing behind him, yet he didn't turn.
perhaps because he knew out everyone, he would've gave up everything just to not see you a tear run down your face. or it would be him crying with and be a couple of crying mess. yes you got him warped your finger like that.
sae only knew a world with you, and he knew his soul stayed with you the day he left.
"it's been a while,"
"seven years, it's been seven years." the male corrected
"i know." you giggle bitterly. he knew you knew. you both knew but none spoke or mentioned anything.
"how have you been?" he had now idea of what to say or ask of you, that was your fucking weeding of course you're happy. damn, even his younger self wasn't that clueless.
"I'm good. you?"
I'm missing you terribly.
"good."
"that's good.." you shifted awkwardly, like you wanted to hide from him. was he making you that uncomfortable?
"can i?" stretching out his arms slightly, he was ready for you reject it, to punch him, to scream at him. but you nodded instead.
you lean right on his chest, his hesitate arm on the small of your back. when was the last he hugged someone? it was much easier when you two were kids. it sure felt warm, your cologne taking over his senses. he just didn't feel like fits the puzzle anymore. and it fucking hurt.
it didn't last long sadly, taking yourself out of his embrace. he doesn't want to let go, if he let go, you'll disappear. despite that he looked into your eyes, and suddenly he doesn't feel only half alive. you still got him warped around your finger like that.
"i need to go, it was nice seeing you again, sae."
he could only nodded, every step he took away from you felt like the world was draining it colors again, the universe was punishing him, because seeing you not sparing a glance back was truly painful.
the evening felt timeless, it skips to where he sat looking heedlessly at the ground. he didn't want to meant anyone's face nor attention. he bet that his was gloomy enough to scare off anyone who walks by.
one's begs to differ.
"well, well. if that ain't a face I haven't seen in a long time." an elderly woman said, the same old sly smile still glued to her face. she takes a seat beside sae, fearlessly nudging him to look at her.
"it's you."
"it's me, that old granny you used to call a hag." your grandma said.
"That was one time, and you spanked me for it."
"i sure did, always been a badass." she laughed, and sae found the invisible beam draw in it way to her face.
"look at you, you grew to a fine young man." he hissed when she pinched his cheek, almost as if she meant for it to hurt. he had rub the spot with a grunt.
"despite that, it's sad to say you disappointed me, itoshi sae." she spoke in a straightforward manner. almost like she was scolding him. and when say nothing she continues.
"I would've given you another spank but my grandchild would be mad, they still cares for you. always been." the lady sighed, "they never gave up on you, four years is a real challenge. every day they kept on writing to you, did you perhaps read them."
"every singer night."
"but you didn't respond to a single one?"
he doesn't replay to that.
"don't prove me wrong again. that girl you put your mouth on, why?"
sae's hand travel down his neck, trying to find the right answer. as if there was one. "i wanted them to give up on me. i just felt pushing them and everyone away was the right thing."
"so you became a selfish bastard that kills everything he touches? i knew you were dumb but not that dumb." she shook her head, he had concerned her swinging her cane over his head.
"it doesn't matter, it was already done." lies sliding down his throat. and he knew even a strong face wasn't enough to hide the truth. she could see him bare.
"maybe if you weren't that stupid, you'd have managed to keep the only person that could handle you. but I'm never wrong so i guess you two did end up together in another lifetime."
"but i wanted them in this one."
"too bad, too late." it felt like a sucker punch, he wished for her to actually beat him with that cane at least it'd be less hurtful and heavy. again the urge to leave was strong. and it was getting stronger when that man stood there, and when you walked he couldn't take his eyes off, he couldn't even blink. you never looked so breathtaking. and there he knew that his place didn't get stolen, but earned by someone else. someone better than him. someone that could make you happy and wouldn't make you hold on to a forsaken promise.
yesterday it was him proposing to you with his dead grandparents ring, today it was another one warping it around your finger. the image will hunt him to his death.
the him that promised, the him who kisses you injures, the him who saw you in sunset above the sea. was still there, that version was still swirling within him somehow. and it only shon with your light only. the light that will never be his anymore.
to sae you'll forever be his everlasting one in the stars.
"goodbye." he hopped he chose you in another life.
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lmao this is trash mb yall
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simplyreveries · 3 months
Note
Hello, can I request platonic diasomnia dorm with a first year fae m!reader (maybe he is Sebek's roommate and classmate)
but the reader got adopted by a human couple when he was a baby and grew up at other places, so he didn't know much about Briar Valley's history and fae's customs.
so do you think they just kinda welcome reader as new family member and teaching him about fae's things?
I don't know if i request too much and English isn't my first language. feel free to ignore this request if it's too much trouble. Thank you!"
how sweet<3
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malleus draconia
he thinks its entertaining to see just how new you are and so unaware of the customs of fae culture, being in a dorm where many people may be of decent or even just from his kingdom its particularly interesting to watch as you grow so confused and bewildered at times.
often, he will advise you and tell you sometimes about how certain things work if you're curious, its usually if you ask. but if he notices you seeming still a lot like a fish out of water in a particular situation he'll chuckle softly and nudge you, telling you what something means to give you a better understanding when around other faes (especially lilia since he knows that man is confusing at times.)
in return you sort of tell him about human things and human culture that you've grown accustomed to- he is trying to understand and learn more about how exactly things work with humans so you're there to equally help him out when he seems a bit, befuddled haha.
lilia vanrouge
lilia thinks it's cute, but he used to meet all kinds of people with different backgrounds and family's so, you being a fae, but not really understanding anything of fae culture isn't all that surprising to him. he's over 600 years older than his human son, everyone is a little different, he'll muse and remind you.
sometimes he may mess with you a little for the fun of it by greatly exaggerating myths and stories or telling you what something means when it means the opposite. it's all light-hearted and playfully, don't worry, he will (eventually) tell you the truth! but seriously, he does have so much to share to you.
he does seem quite protective though, he doesn't seem to take it kindly if other troublesome students, especially those within his own dorm are being demeaning because of it. his presence alone with a small smile is enough to have the students back off from any kind of rude remarks.
silver
it's kind of the opposite for the both of you, he was a human raised by fae's but you were a fae raised by humans. he finds himself relating and understanding you a lot, when it comes to confusion between two cultures and species raised by. you two teach each other things quite often to help each other out.
definitely a good brother-like figure to you, he is calm and understanding. a good person to talk to if you're feeling out of place or confused. he gives a soft smile of reassurance, that'll easily help any sort of nerves.
asks lilia about the idea of even bringing you over to briar valley-- he knows lilia will be overjoyed at the idea and more than willing to show you the kingdom during one of your school breaks. he thinks you'll find yourself adjusting well during that time when you actually get to experience it.
sebek zigvolt
if im being honest... being sebek and when he hadn't warmed up to you- he didn't understand fully that you really couldn't have known a lot about fae culture and kind of looked at you in shock that you couldn't possibly know anything about them in a "how could you...?!" you're a fae, you must know!!
he mistakenly referred to you as "human" before but when he got a better look at your features you definitely renderred him a bit dumbfounded.
sebek has his own issues he deals with most likely because he is half fae, but over time as he does slightly start warming up to you he will tell you a lot of what he knows from his own experiences with great pride-! he does tend to go on and on getting pretty loud and excited... also seems to expect you to remember ^^;.
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sage-green-matcha · 10 months
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LOVE LETTERS - ETHAN LANDRY 💌
Small love letters Ethan would give you during your 3 years of dating in high school!
Content includes: fluff! Cuteness idk!! Small argument :(
<3
<3
<3
Dear Y/n,
Hi :) you did really well on your project today. I hope you get the grade you want! You look beautiful. Yours, Ethan Landry <3
Dear Y/n,
Hi :) I missed you in 5th period today. Hope you feel better soon! I like your sweater by the way :)) Yours, Ethan Landry <3
To my dear Y/n
You looked so beautiful today, I wish I could see you more throughout the day. I can’t wait to see you later <3 have an amazing day :) - Ethan <3
Dear Y/n!
Today I got an A on my final! I know I was stressing you out since I was freaking out!! Thank you for dealing with me!! I love you, have a good day ;) <3 Yours, Ethan <333
Dear Y/n
I know you’ve been feeling down but I just wanted to say I love you. I can’t wait to see you at lunch. You look pretty like always, hope you feel better soon. Yours, Eth <3
Dear Y/n!
My mom said you can come over for dinner tonight! Don’t get nervous I already know my family is gonna love you. Quinn is practically already in love with you so don’t worry about her. Yours, Ethan Landry <3
Dear Y/n <3
My parents literally adored you. They keep asking when you’re gonna come back. My moms already planning on inviting you to Christmas. Have a great day! I love u and adore u sm! Yours, Ethan :)
Dear Y/n!!!
When you walked into the classroom I was like “What the fuck?!!” You look more than beautiful, I love you and your style so much. You look so good. Style me next lol. From your amazing boyfriend, Ethan Landry <33
Dear Y/n!!!
Meet me at the library after school today? I have a surprise for you! Bring yourself and that’s it! Love you so so much! - Ethan! <3
Dear Y/n
I hope you liked your surprise from yesterday! I can’t wait to see what dress you wear to the prom. I already know you’re gonna look beautiful. Your baby, Eth <3
Dear Y/n <3
I had so much fun at prom with you. I can't stop thinking about you and that beautiful dress of yours. You’re taking over my brain but I’m not complaining. From your cutie of a boyfriend, Ethan Landry!!!
Dear Y/n!!!
I’m so hungry, text me so we can figure out what to get for lunch. Legitimately starving, I could eat you up ;) jk…but also not jk? ANYWAYS! lmk :) - Ethan!! <3
Dear Y/n
I know you’re upset at me. I’m sorry. You know that I will always support you in whatever you do. I was just scared to be away from you and I hope you know I love you and will support all of your decisions. Yours, Ethan Landry <3
Dear Y/n!
I can’t believe you’re leaving me for a whole week. I might just die without you. I hope you have the most fun on your trip! Hopefully, London is as beautiful as you are! (Which is impossible) - Your sad boyfriend, Ethan Landry <3
Dear Y/n
Oh my god, I missed your face so much. Thank you for bringing me all those snacks! I loved getting to see you this weekend. So glad to have you back I was so touch starved - Ethan! <33333
Dear Y/n:
Our last week of high school!!! I can’t wait to move into our apartment soon. You know I love you!! Get to packing! Yours, Eth <3
My dear Y/n
For the last 3 years, I have been writing you letters and giving them to you in between passing periods. Im gonna miss this a lot. But I’m glad that we’re getting to grow together. I'm so thankful for you and all your support. I can’t wait to walk up on that stage and look for you in the crowd. I love you so so much. Maybe when we get settled into our apartment I can write you notes on the fridge with magnets or something. Yours, Ethan Landry <3
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cloudcountry · 11 months
Note
Ahhh i dont really know how Tumblr works (this is my first time requesting someone) but i see that ur request was open
i want to request an academic rivalry trope hcs with riddle or Azul or both (bcs i absolutely LOVE the way u write them 😞 it makes me giggle)
Thank u in advance and have a great day or night (⁠´⁠∩⁠。⁠•⁠ ⁠ᵕ⁠ ⁠•⁠。⁠∩⁠`⁠)
SUMMARY: Riddle & Azul with an academic rival!!
WARNINGS: None!!
COMMENTS: omg i love you for this!!! this is one of my favorite tropes ever and these two are so emotionally constipated they wouldn't know what to do with themselves. i hope you have a lovely day too anon <33 and im so glad you like how i write them hehe azul is the loml so it means a lot when people say that!!
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Riddle doesn’t know what to do about you. He feels so incredibly frustrated every single time you score higher than him on a test because he should be better. How can he pride himself in being Heartslabyul’s Housewarden if he can’t even be at the top of his class?
So what does he do with that frustration? He studies harder and harder because clearly he isn’t trying hard enough. His health deteriorated, and if it wasn’t for Trey, Riddle would be even more of a wreck.
Then he finally does it. All of that work culminates into Riddle finally scoring a point higher than you on his Magical History exam. He stares at the board smugly, really admiring his name above yours (which is how it should be, in his mind.)
You approach the board too, and he expects you to say something about how you’ll score higher than him next time or how you can’t believe he’s finally beaten you, but instead, you nod cheerfully and walk away.
You just walk away. You don't even look at him. You’re satisfied with yourself?! Riddle feels rage bubbling up in his chest, and he almost screams at you right there and then in the hallway. What is wrong with you?!
It doesn’t help matters when Crewel assigns a huge project that's to be completed by two people, and places you and Riddle together. He’s so hell-bent on avoiding you the entire time, even when your face grows annoyed at his inability to cooperate.
“This project is a long one, you know.” you tell him one day, staring daggers into the side of his skull, “It takes six months to complete. If you want to get a good grade you’ve got to lay down your pride and talk to me. I’m not put up with this for half a year.”
Riddle hates that you’re right. He hates it so much because he’s always supposed to be the sensible one. He’s studied the rules over and over and yet you stump him. You make him wrong.
Is he wrong to resent you for that? Is it wrong to want to destroy your pride? Is it wrong to hate that you seemingly get everything you’ve ever wanted so easily while he’s worked hard for it?
Is it wrong that he wants to cooperate so hard and so efficiently with you that you take back everything you said to him?
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Azul wants to get you in his debt so BADLY. He isn’t at the very top of his class, no. That title belongs to Riddle, who has refused his offers for a contract time and time again. Maybe there’s something you want, though.
He will find it. He will examine you every day and pick apart every insecurity and moment of sadness. That smart little brain of yours may be good for tests, but when it comes to manipulation, you have nothing on Azul.
It’s a small comfort if nothing else. You may have the entire school wrapped around your finger and the Leech twins might be fascinated with you, but that doesn’t matter.
Well, it doesn’t matter until you show up at the Lounge of your own volition. Azul is shocked when he hears the twins call your name, and you enter his VIP Room looking far too calm.
Floyd almost hacks up a laugh from laughing too hard when you ask for tutoring. Azul is baffled as Jade snickers, wondering why the person who outscores Azul continuously would ask him for tutoring.
But this is his chance. And so he writes up a contract, asking for something vague because he doesn’t know what he’ll need from you yet but he’s certain you’ll come in handy in the future and suddenly—
You wrinkle your nose and hand the contract back to him, pointing at one of the conditions. “I don’t like that one. Change it.” you say, and Floyd starts cackling again because no one has ever read them that closely.
It’s a condition that states you will come to the Lounge whenever Azul summons you. It’s vague enough that the signer may not realize he truly means whenever, but outlined enough to make them assume that it only applies to the time frame in which the main part of the contract is in effect.
It’s sneaky, and you caught it. Azul’s eyebrow twitches as he stares at you, forcing a smile on his features. Why, of course he can change that for you! What would you like it to say instead? You should know that he’s on home turf right now, and he never loses in the comfort of his VIP Room.
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