#not that I don’t think trans men can’t be lesbians you do you

[miqo-treats]

I will not get mad at the blatant transandrophobia that happened when Lanque was revealed i will not be upset I will not be upset I will not be upset I will not-

[mintharasthrone]

more “gay” pages posting complete homophobic garbage claiming bisexual women are lesbians

[st-dionysus]

(The Poem is named) Emetophobia CW

It’s 2024 and I’m in a 20 year old drag bar, watching the very first trans-masculine performer to compete on their stage, he gets second place even though he deserved first.

I show up to the men’s bathhouse on trans night to get free entry and get turned away at the door, and told it’s for transgirls only, bitch you could have put it on the flyer that transmen need not apply.

I’m doing a line of ketamine off the table, calling it stealing transfem valor.

I get banned from the camsite for listing myself as transgender when I don’t have a dick, I complain online and get told that the trans-masculine body is to grotesque to be fetishized and I should be grateful.

I wear a packer and hitch up a skirt, walk the street, get $20, calling it stealing transfem valor.

Cissie puts a TW #body-mutilation tag under my thirst trap. Tranny puts a TW #dysphoria tag under my thirst trap.

T-girl with a callout post pedojackets me, Enby with TME in bio pedojackets me, T-boy with a self-deprecating joke about men in his bio pedojackets me.

I do another line of ketamine off the table, calling it stealing transfem valor.

I am at the woman’s clinic, I am at the woman’s clinic, I am at the woman’s clinic wearing a mask – not cause I’m compromised (I am), just to hide my beard – avoiding making everyone uncomfortable.

I am getting re-diagnosed with BPD, which just means I have bitch disorder and no one trusts me.

I take my pills and throw them up. I drink my liquor before the beer and throw them up.

I am just 14 when the picture and videos go up. Remind me that I have it easy, they were only pictures and videos.

I am just 17 when the recording of my proof stops before it happens, my phone memory is full, I’m called a liar and now I can’t see buttered crackers, thanksgiving, or sriracha sauce without wanting to kill myself.

No one gets me therapy, but they still want to convert me, she puts her hands down my pants, at least I’m 19, to remind me I’m a woman – tell me how they love trans men again.

I do a third line of ketamine off the table, realize it doesn’t effect me, calling it stealing transfem valor.

I call myself a dog, I start biting my lovers and I have to hold back from ripping out a chunk of flesh, I don’t think I’d throw it up.

I am reading the statistics, 40% of BPD patients try and kill themselves. 1 in 2 transgender men try and kill themselves. I’m one of them. I’m 12 and I swallowed all the pills. I’m 14 and the gun is empty. I’m 17 and I put the box-opener against my throat. Therapist calls me a liar, there is no scar, and my words don’t count for anything.

I’m using he/him pronouns for Stormé DeLarverie, like the stonewall veteran association said to, and telling you he started the riot, calling it stealing transfem valor from a woman who told you she didn’t fucking do it.

I’m shoving my fingers down my throat in a fit of mania, convinced I can vomit up my uterus. She tells me I should be grateful, she’d do anything to be able to get pregnant.

My brother in the struggle gets bottom surgery without top, calling it stealing transfem valor to feel comfortable in his body.

It’s 2024 and I’m at trans pride, the announcers tells everyone to give a round of applause for trans woman, a round of applause for gender-queers, a round of applause for transfems, a round of applause for the enbies, a round of applause for trans-masculine people. You forgot someone. Did you know a trans man started the first ever transgender pride parade?

A book on queer history talks about gay men and lesbians and trans women and the women who dressed as men for better job opportunities. I’m reminded that my invisibility is a privilege, if you aren’t seen you don’t get bashed.

I’m 13 and they throw me in the girls bathroom, pin me down, beat me, and in black sharpie write “dyke”, write “tranny”, write “lesbo”, and pull my hair out the cap I shoved it in.

I’m 19 with D cups that a binder can’t hide and a beard I refuse to shave less I break the mirror and kill myself with the shards of glass I would swallow.

Man at the bus stop calls me tranny and tells me I’ll never be a woman. I’d laugh if he didn’t have his hand on my throat. Calling it stealing transfem valor.

I’m 21 and have to pull a taser on him, cause from the back, even with short hair and top surgery, I look rape-able.

I’m 23 and in the gay district when they chase me down the street, calling me faggot.

Make another forcemasc post, calling it stealing transfem valor.

Read an article about a trans man prostitute that kills himself and ends up another female statistic.

Read an article about a trans man shooter, they blame the HRT he didn’t have access too.

Going to read a callout about me, five pages on Google Docs, does this post make it on the list?

Do a final line of ketamine, write the final line of a poem that makes me want to die, calling it stealing transfem valor.

I puke and miss the toilet.

[pokemon-radical-red]

I got this comment on a post that I made about being a trans man and noticing how we’re perceived by others. This person is blocked now because I don’t want some transphobe on my blog, but I want to talk a little bit about this.

I like how this person’s trying to convince me that I’m wrong while saying that the only people who would be attracted to us are lesbians who are into butch women. But they can’t use those exact words or else we’ll all KNOW that they’re misgendering us. It’s interesting. Let’s play a game! TERF or transandrophobe. (I’m not scrolling through their blog long enough to find out.)

Okay. Let’s pretend that we live in their world, where trans men are not also a porn category (as someone pointed out in a response comment), and get to the deep cuts!

Now maybe this person defines oversexualization in a different way, and frequently commenting on our bodies—especially our chests—is totally cool and normal to them, because I literally have a post talking about the Tik Tok trend of “oh trans man wants me to respect his pronouns but he has HUGE BOOBS!!! haha this is so funny, guys!” You may notice that in this example here, she claims to feel bad, but then immediately turns around and makes a joke about it. Is describing transmascs essentially as our chests not sexualization? Not to mention dehumanizing considering they refer to this person as “a he/they,” instead of a transmasc or a nonbinary person or anything else.

But if that’s not enough sexualization for you, or you think that it isn’t valid to be upset over that, you can look under the cuts for the disgusting descriptions of our bodies from some transphobes. From some of those “ladies who just like butch,” since they’re innocent and aren’t oversexualizing us because “nobody oversexualizes ftm trans folks,” as the person in the screenshot said confidently.

I wanna say trigger warning for disgusting oversexualization of trans men (including trans men who are in their teens!) under the cut, but huh… the commenter said that nobody oversexualizes trans men, so this can’t be right. (On a serious note, please do heed the trigger warning before deciding to open the rest of the post.)

[pineapplerightsideupcake]

So.. I'm confused about something. If your beliefs in radical feminism say that trans people aren't valid in their feelings of being trans, what's stopping you from making bisexual people not part of the LGB? B stands for bisexual. What if their sexuality is just a phase? What if they are *actually* just heterosexual? For that matter what's stopping you from excluding YOURSELF from the community? At some point, you can't exclude any more people from a space that wasn't supposed to be gatekept to begin with! -Vero of CFC

You people always use that word “valid”. It’s absolutely meaningless post modern nonsense. Trans people feel that despite having a male or female body, their feelings about it change reality. I’m not telling trans people how they feel. Because you’re right, I can’t know that. What I’m telling them is that their feelings don’t change their bio sex. I’m telling them their feelings don’t supersede the rights and dignity of women. That’s not at all the same thing as being same sex attracted.

If I tell you that I am attracted to both men and women you can believe me or not. It doesn’t change my sexuality. You can’t know how I personally experience sexual attraction. But if I tell you I’m an Olympic Figure Skater, that’s something external and material. That’s something that either is or isn’t. And it doesn’t matter how true I want it to be.

This isn’t about people being invalid or valid. It isn’t about telling others I know better than them how they feel. It’s me telling them that their feelings don’t change material reality.

And we don’t get to sidestep reality because language is limited and imprecise. We create words to express ideas and categorize things so we don’t have to start every conversation from the ground up. Think of the quote “a rose by any other name”. The word ‘rose’ is made up but the flower it refers to exists in the material world. And you and everyone on earth could declare a rose a tulip but as long as people needed to specify they’d find a way to invent the word rose again. It’s why every 3 years your movement declares old terms verboten. MtF and FtM got used until people got mad it didn’t erase the reality of bio sex and people just used those terms in place of “male and female”. Then the same thing happened with AFAB and AMAB. Now we’re onto TME and no one knows what anyone is talking about because at the end of the day, people are male or female and no amount of “validation” or the right words erases that reality.

I am bisexual because I am attracted to both men and women. Lesbians are women exclusively attracted to women. Gay men are men exclusively attracted to men. Straight people are exclusively attracted to the opposite sex. The LGB community formed because the thing we had in common- same sex attraction- is punished in most societies. It absolutely was designed to gatekeep. It was a civil rights movement- not a secret club house. The LGB have no more moral responsibility to admit opposite sex attracted people than black activists have to include white or Asian people.

“Queer” has nothing to do with it. Demi flux genderoo aroallo fox kin have nothing to do with it. A group of men that believe their internal state of mind makes them literally a woman has nothing to do with it. You people overran a movement for same sex attracted people, convinced everyone to call our community a slur, and demand that we center heterosexual teens too immature for a relationship thinking that makes them the same as a Gay man.

I’m tired of arguing with 19 year olds that read too much mlm fanfiction that having short hair and wearing hoodies from the boys section doesn’t mean they’re gay men. I’m tired of arguing with those same girls that the 45 year old man with pigtails and a pink pinafore sucking his thumb and holding a dolly on social media isn’t a brave woman defying The Man. He’s just a pervert.

[homunculus-argument]

hey there! this sounds like a bit of a silly question, but as a trans guy, you’re one of the few trans people i’ve been following almost since i joined tumblr, so based on your other anon ask and answer i figured i’d pop in and ask if you have any advice? if you want to answer, ofc :) — i foresee this being a bit long, so i totally get if not

so i’m also a trans guy, but i haven’t been able to take any steps toward medical transitioning before since i live with my parents. but i’ll move out soon, and i still can’t decide if i should take any of these steps even once i do. i’ve never felt like i particularly wanted to medically transition (i don’t really care about how my body looks + i’ve never really cared about changing any of it), but i would like to be seen a guy — i don’t mind if not so by strangers, but maybe so by like, my friends. but i can’t help but feel like i’d be laughed at for wanting that — i’m not naturally androgynous or masculine looking to others and i have never been mistaken for a guy, because i have really long hair, d cups, and curves. and without medically transitioning, i also kinda feel like i’m… betraying the trans community, since i’m not really putting the effort into my transition and so i’m just ‘pretending’, even though i do know i’m not.

so my question would be: as a trans person who has transitioned, socially and medically, do you think people are more understanding than i think they are currently? do you know of any trans people who don’t want to medically transition, and do you think it’s possible to live fulfilled that way? or even: do you think it would be easier for someone like me to just live a lie? i usually tell people i’m a lesbian, because they definitely would not look at me and assume ‘straight guy’, but also, as a trans person who doesn’t want to medically transition, i’m just always worried that i won’t be taken seriously. i feel like your experience of being trans and probably interacting with the community is much more than mine, which is why i ask this last one — i would try being open myself, but again, i’m still living with my parents unfortunately.

I'll be honest I don't actually really know much "community" save for former art school classmates. I've only known one trans person irl who chose not to medically transition - at the time, Finland's trans law was still shitty and required sterilisation for legal sex change, and all that. She didn't want kids or anything, but refused to engage in the process as her own little personal civilian protest. I don't want to paint some caricature picture of some Sharp Dommy Tall Scary Goth Trans Anarchist, but I was deeply impressed by the way she didn't do a single thing to try to seem smaller, softer, or in any way submissive or docile to be ~feminine~ the right, socially accepted way.

She wasn't just taller than most men but usually the tallest person in the room, and she stood out in a crowd of cis women like a crane in a chicken coop - a bird just as much as they are, but a different kind of bird. And I remember thinking that I could never do that, being so unflinching and unhesitant about standing out in the crowd because assimilating and muting yourself is beneath your dignity.

Honestly, I don't know what to tell you about being openly trans without transitioning medically, save for that it takes more guts than being able to just go stealth. I had physical dysphoria about the way my body was, and was desperate to get top surgery just for the sake of my own physical comfort, and I like the convenient anonymity of being able to just be Just Some Guy who doesn't attract anyone's interest or curiosity.

It's a smart move to not come out to your parents before you're out of their house and not relying on them for anything - this is something everyone should use their own judgement for, but I stress it to every queer kid to not take the risk if there's any chance that they'll react poorly while they still have power over you. But living your whole life in the closet - "living a lie" is a good way to put it - will corrode you from the inside.

It's better to live in peace with yourself and against the world, than in peace with the world against yourself. There is absolutely nothing in your power that you could do to change the minds of people who have already decided that they don't respect you, and if they try telling you that they would, if you only met their approved criteria, they are lying. That's bait they're dangling in front of you, and there's no "earning" the respect of such people.

Stay true to yourself and be good to people, and you'll have the respect of people who are capable of respecting you. Don't waste your time and energy on people who won't respect you, every thought and effort you spare them is wasted on them.

[nsfwitchy2]

“Why can’t [gender identity/sexuality] just have this ONE THING!? Why can’t we just talk about OUR experiences?”

Well I hate to be the one to tell you this but that’s because uhhhh that’s just. Not. How human interaction works.

Unless you are talking about SOLELY your experience, and that experience in question is very strange and very unique and could only possibly have happened to you - there is no “one” experience.

There is no one transfem experience. One lesbian experience. One transmasc experience or nonbinary experience or gay or pansexual or bisexual or aro/ace experience.

Whether you like it or not the queer/LGBT community is exactly that - it’s a community. It isn’t meant a group of individuals discussing their individual experience and throwing a hissy fit whenever someone has the audacity to relate to that or compare it to their own experience. It’s a community of people.

And when you have a community of people you will have, shared and overlapping experiences.

So yes the transfem experience may overlap with the experiences of lesbians and trans men. And the lesbian experience may overlap with that of trans men and bisexuals and trans women. The aro/ace experience may overlap with that of pansexuals and bisexuals and nonbinary people.

If you wanna be part of a community, to foster a community, than I think maybe some of you should stop throwing a hissy fit when someone talks about the experience of one group - and other groups chime in because they relate to it as well.

The only way to build a community is to share your experiences, and let others share theirs. If you can’t do that - I don’t think what you’re looking for is a “community”.

[2amcheese]

I am queer.

Whatever your associations with the word, I am it. I was queer when the little boys called Mary queer at the beginning of The Secret Garden, in that old fashioned way that meant strange, I was queer when I found out the modern definition, I’ve been queer and queer and queer for years and years and years. 

I’m a trans guy. I don’t think I’m a trans man, or a trans boy. I can’t find those words in me, a concrete definition of what a male should be. I’m a trans dude. A trans guy. A concept of casual masculinity that I dress myself in for comfort. I’m tired of labels.

My mom always complains about kids and their labels. I think some labels are fine, when you shed them like a dress when it no longer fits. I don’t like labels that choke you out and force you into their boxes, which are always just too small to be comfortable but not too bad to leave. I think some labels are an abusive relationship. That’s why I’m not a trans boy. Too many expectations to fulfill the role of “boy,” I tried it once and I can’t fit into the box, even though I tried. I tried so hard.

When I look for queers on the internet they’re often separated by label. LESBIAN SPACE. GAY MEN ONLY. WLW DNI. I feel like a floater, hopping from planet to planet, like I was born out of an asteroid in the queer galaxy, never really belonging anywhere. I belong in the galaxy, I can feel that in my bones (which come from stardust) but a planet, a label, eludes me.

I am bisexual, but only in the loosest sense of the word. I don’t know if I find anyone sexually attractive but people of any genders can look good to me. My first crush was a boy and now I’m dating a girl and I don’t know if I have a preference. There are very few bi spaces and even fewer I feel I belong in--I am fundamentally not a bi girl, but have no experience with being a bi boy and all the stigma that comes with being a homo- or bi-sexual male. I feel disconnected from the concept of gender, discovering myself by avoiding feeling bad instead of seeking feeling good. 

My head is complicated. There is anxiety in there and the burden of being labeled as “the smart kid” in first grade. There’s so much in my head I can’t think straight--though my girlfriend likes to say that I can’t do anything straight. I know who I am but not what I am or how to fit in in our dimorphic world. I feel like I’m blindly feeling around for something, trying to map out a path to me by feeling the spikes and cutting my hands and going the other way. That’s less of a metaphor than I wish it was. 

I have found acceptance but not belonging. I have support but no concrete identity. The world wants so badly to categorize me so it can understand me and I don’t know how to explain that I am just me. The thing that is me is not any of these other things you wish it was. I guess my journey is less about finding a label that works, and more about learning to live label-less. I need to learn how to identify as me instead of whatever label they wrap around my neck. For now I think I’ll stick with queer. To quote The Greatest Showman; “I am brave, I am bruised, this is who I’m meant to be. This is me.” 

This is me. Queer. 

[joonliebe]

This is going to be a little rant about something I have personally noticed in my own community and I think it should be talked about

If a gay man doesn’t want to date a trans man and a lesbian woman doesn’t want to date a trans woman then that doesn’t necessarily mean they are transphobic!

Now let me go into further detail about my statement.

It’s not wrong to have a preference in body types when pursuing a relationship. Just because a gay man won’t date a trans man doesn’t mean he doesn’t see you as a man (same goes for lesbians with trans women)

I’m not sure how bottom surgery works exactly so I can’t speak on that part but if a lesbian is lesbian because of the fact that she just doesn’t like having sexual relationships with those with the opposite genitalia then she shouldn’t be shamed for not wanting to be in a relationship with a trans woman.

Unless the individual specifically states that the reason why they don’t want to date transgender people is because they don’t see them as real men/women then they are not transphobic

And this goes for straight people too. Unless a straight person specifically says that they won’t date a trans person because they’re not real men/women then they shouldn’t be labeled as transphobic.

This happens a lot more than people think and it goes farther than just straight people. It goes into our community as well and it breaks the one thing that we as a lgbtq+ community stands for and that is to be accepted no matter our preference.

As a gay trans ftm individual myself I know it can be disappointing to find out that another gay man would want to date me because I don’t physically have the same genitalia as my gender however in the long run I will survive and find another. I rather a man to be open and tell me that he doesn’t like the opposite genitalia so that he doesn’t feel pressured into a relationship where he would be uncomfortable when having sexual intercourse and or not want to have sexual intercourse.

That brings me down to my last point

As a transgender individual you should make it clear to the person that you want to be in a relationship with (if gay, straight, or lesbian) ahead of time so you don’t end up in the wrong situation.

Unfortunately not all people would handle finding out their partners are the opposite biological sex of their attraction and may act aggressively (this would be obvious transphobia).

On a non violent note if that person turns out to not want to be in a relationship with you because your genitalia is not something that they seek in a relationship however they do still see you as a man/woman then don’t take it personally because you can always still be friends with them even if it’s awkward for a little bit the awkwardness is only temporary and will only last the longer you stay on the thought that the person doesn’t seek a relationship with you because your genitalia. Instead think of the fact that despite you not having your gender anatomy you are still a man/woman

If you have any questions or are unsure what I mean by something please ask me. Do not assume something if I haven’t specifically stated it because that is disrespectful to me and uncalled for.

[communistkenobi]

i know next to nothing about queer theory, but i did exist online during (what felt like) huge exclusionary periods (ace discourse, bi/pan discourse, and transmedicalism were the big ones i remember)

i wonder if the first drive for sexuality being something unchangeable and intrinsic to you had something to do with those things, that queerness was fixed and definable, which meant that there were strict lines to be drawn about who was and wasn't gay/lesbian/bi which was only made worse by trans and nonbinary people who didn't exactly fit the previous molds

ill be doubly honest and say i only interacted w/ the community online at the time bc living in a homophobic country doesnt give you a lot of opportunities to meet up in person which means my view of the whole thing is skewed. im not sure if this makes any sense

What I’m about to say isn’t a diagnosis of the causes behind those discourses (partly because i don’t think there is a single reason animating those arguments), but like I guess in general a very baseline authority people fall back on is biology. Dominant reactionary discourses describe being gay trans etc as a lifestyle choice, as an active decision to participate in sexual and gendered degeneracy, and so a very appealing counter-claim to make is to point to biology - we are born this way, we can’t help who we are just as cishet people cannot help who they are, so you should accept us because we can’t change our identity. That rhetorical strategy requires/assumes a stable sexual and gendered ontology, a primary authority of the body that can’t be altered. While I believe this argument is fundamentally flawed, I think this is a straightforwardly easy argument to make re: sexual orientation. With trans and non-binary people this is more difficult because the foundational claim to our existence is that gender is mutable, is alterable, is subject to change (and also “I’ve felt this way since I was a child” is a pathological model of gender dysphoria that is enforced through medical and psychiatric institutions, not a reflection of lived reality for many, many trans and non-binary people). That doesn’t necessarily mean being transgender is a “choice” (although if someone said they woke up one day and chose to be transgender then that is a perfectly authentic justification), especially because “choice” in these discussions is often framed as individualised, private, detached from the social world - we are all just free agents making rational autonomous decisions in a field of equally rational choices, etc. which I think is a very impoverished way to understand choice and agency. Gender is an institution, it is a set of behaviours and performances that we choose to engage in in many different ways, and my use of the word ‘choice’ there does not imply these choices are free from coercion, violence, or harm. I chose to transition, I chose to engage in performances and behaviours that signal to the social world that I am a man - where that desire to make those choices arises from is another matter, and honestly not one I’m super interested in figuring out. Like if I discovered the ‘origin’ of my transness it wouldn’t make any difference to me. Similarly, how I choose to signal masculinity is very obviously bound up in dominant gendered assumptions. Trans people get accused of upholding gendered norms a lot, but that’s only because we aren’t taken seriously unless we do so! It is a survival mechanism that allows us to better navigate incredible amounts of violence and social exclusion, and arguing that our desire to do gender with our bodies comes from some grade-school assumption that dress = woman and pants = man or whatever is pure projection on the part of cis people. cis men think if they drink pink wine they’ll become gay - trans people are not the ones enforcing these norms here.

Getting a bit far afield here, so to loop back around - I think a stable state of sexual and gendered subjectivity or “being” is very appealing to a lot of people because it’s a way to dismiss reactionary fears and to justify to yourself that your oppression is entirely out of your control (which is true obviously!). Again I think these arguments are flawed because they buy into cisgendered and heteronormative ideas about gender and sexuality, that it is a biological burden imposed on us, that deviance is not a choice, that gender is done to us as opposed to being gendered agents, that we are similarly trapped in a sexual prison and should be accepted on those grounds, etc, but they have massive rhetorical power.  

As I’ve said before I’m a pretty staunch believer in Butler’s assertion that it is social all the way down, that gender is not discoverable in the body but rather the body is the medium through which gender is done in the world. Cis people choose to do gender just as much as trans people do! The only difference is that institutional architecture is set up to facilitate and make invisible (in very misogynistic and racist ways) those gendered practices. I think the stronger counter argument to make is that cis- and het-normativities are deeply violent and miserable status quos that need to be dismantled and discarded, that true choice can only emerge vis a vis gender and sexuality once those institutions are abolished, and that choice is actually a desirable end-goal - I want people to be able to participate in gender and sexuality as free agents, as non-coercive practices that are sites of great joy and wonder and pleasure. And this world is only possible if we accept that there is no gendered or sexual ontology, that it is all smoke and mirrors, that this current system’s primary function is to reproduce the nuclear family, to maintain the hereditary nature of class and wealth and race, to provide a standardised system of labour division, to maintain a distinction between the public and private labour realms, and so on.

So again like, is this what animates discourses about who gets to be counted as lgbtq/queer/whichever label you want to use? I don’t know. Probably some of it has to do with that. Queerness is in party a pathological category that is used to describe a failure to meaningfully reproduce cishet norms and practices, it is a set of relationships you have to legal and political and medical and administrative institutions (which is especially true for trans/non binary people). I like this definition because built into it is the possibility of change - I do not want trans people to be assimilated into cishet society, I want society to become transgender, thereby making transgender an irrelevant medical and legal category of person. Much like communism aims to abolish class by universalising the proletariat, I want to abolish gender by universalising the legal and political and medical mechanisms of transition. Only then will cisgenderism be abolished.

One thing I have been thinking a lot about is something a friend said to me, which is that human rights to do not begin with a definition of human - in the same way, I think trans rights do not require a definition of transgenderism. Just universalise and de-pathologise the mechanisms through which transition is expressed. Make it easy to change your name, remove all barriers to hormones and surgery, make everyone economically secure enough that they can change their wardrobe however they please,  desegregate all gendered spaces, de-gender clothing, remove gender markers from all documents, and so on and so on. Doing so would make both cisgender and transgender an irrelevant legal and political category and, again, allow choice to emerge as a meaningful mechanism of gender expression. 

This isn’t a comprehensive policy platform, there are many things I’m sure I haven’t thought through and a large portion of this discussion has to contend with the colonial and white supremacist nature of the western binary gender (bringing us into discussions of decolonial efforts, socialist efforts, and so on), but this is already getting long and I feel like I’m rambling. But like fundamentally I believe in a radical political imaginary that argues that all of this is subject to change and therefore any arguments about an essential gendered or sexual being is, at the end of the day, a reactionary description of gender and sexuality 

[fox-steward]

oh by the way i bet you’re so scared of trans women that pass as cis. oh NO i thought that woman was hot but it turns out she has a PENIS!! nobody can blur the lines of gender because what if i get a crush on someone i shouldn’t ): because attraction can’t be fluid or blur the lines of gender at all D:

nobody’s asking you to date people with dicks if you don’t want to jfc just stop invalidating lesbians who do date trans women. stop invalidating lesbians who are trans women. keep trans people out of your fucking mouth for a second. reevaluate your beliefs for a second maybe.

is sex really that important? are people’s genitals at birth really that important? are intersex people irrelevant because they’re only 1% of the population (79 million people)? you say you believe trans women are female but then you say lesbians don’t date trans women. are they female lite to you? Can you define who lesbians can date in a way that excludes all trans people and includes all cis women?

i've seen feminine men and thought, "wow she's hot," only to realize i'm looking at a cute gay guy. attraction disappears. i thought that person was a woman, was attracted to who i thought was a woman, and upon finding out i was wrong, the attraction fades. i am not afraid of this. this is not a scary thing, it is simply a real thing.

no one is asking me personally to date people with dicks, they're just asking me to share lesbian-only spaces with them where they can walk up and hit on me when the point of lesbian spaces is that i'm free from that imposition, and if i want to decline i have to pretend it's for some other reason, not because they're men; they're asking me to pretend we're the same and we just aren't. no one is saying transwomen aren't people worthy of spaces of their own, people who love and are attracted to them, we're just saying they're not entitled to OUR spaces or OUR love and attraction and we shouldn't have to play pretend that they are.

you tell on yourself with the word "invalidate," because real things are not destroyed by invalidation. you know what happens when someone doesn't know, doesn't realize, or doesn't believe i'm a lesbian? absolutely nothing. i remain a woman attracted only to women. invalidation only affects imposters. if invalidation is affecting transwomen who are pretending to be lesbians it is because deep down they know they just aren't; they're atypical heterosexual (or bisexual) men, but there is no fathomable universe where any man, even one with a special attachment to his concept of womanhood, is a lesbian.

god, YES sex is important. it is one of the main organizing factors of the world and it is especially important to women. don't trot out intersex people when it's convenient for you to make a shitty point (and to do so poorly, btw). intersex people are male or female and their conditions cause actual health impacts in their lives, they are not your convenient puppets and the vast, vast majority of trans people are not intersex so knock it the fuck off.

i have NEVER said i believe transwomen are female. trans women are necessarily male, unless you think it's possible or okay for a "cis" woman to "identify" as a transwoman? lesbians are females who love and are attracted exclusively to other females. it's very easy.

congratulations on figuring out your bisexuality.

[butchbarbieagainstterfs]

What do you think gay men are attracted to in men that they can’t be attracted to in women?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives men-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait men have that women can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

- [ ]

I don’t know why you’re asking me about gay men when I am…not a gay man tbqh, and there are plenty of gay men out there who aren’t transphobic and, I am sure, have spoken about this.

I’m a lesbian. I like women. One of my first crushes as a kid was on Nicole Kidman in the Golden Compass. When I was looking at her and being attracted to her though, I wasn’t thinking about vulvas. I wasn’t thinking about what she had going on downstairs. I just thought she was very pretty. That…hasn’t really changed much, as an adult. And I don’t get that with men and never have. I’ve never been attracted to them at all and wouldn’t regardless of what they had going on downstairs.

Now if that makes me bi or pan to you, quite frankly I don’t care and I also just want to put it out there: if you in your sexuality need your partner to have a certain genitalia set, that’s perfectly fine. Don’t date trans people. Have this conversation with your partner to make sure they aren’t trans. That’s your business and quite frankly your responsibility.

I also think this kind of question in a failed attempt at a gotcha is just reiterating the idea that being gay is an adult thing, because you never bring up straight people in this same manner. You are implying that the only thing that makes people gay is wanting sex with a certain type of genitals, which is the same exact sexualisation homophobes do to us all the fucking time. Being a lesbian isn’t just about wanting to touch vulvas.

Now I will be pinning this so I do not have to answer this kind of shit again, and you will never be darkening my page again because I will not be answering any further messages from you or anyone else that sends me this bad faith, poor attempt at trying to claim a lesbian is homophobic simply because he disagrees with you about trans people. Have the day you deserve. Now fuck off 😘

[voheitmp3]

we just had. the weirdest debate ever? on a video about someone being frustrated with lesbian exclusionists and queer exclusionists as a whole we commented that the lesboy hate was getting out of hand, and that it was upsetting to see, especially during pride month.

someone replied and said “i would love to but 9 times out of 10 it’s used to be homophobic to lesbians.”

i replied with “then block and move on? people don't need to make a big fuss over something that doesn't matter. i'm frustrated about it as a butch lesbian who just wants their label to be respected and accepted.”

they replied with “we should address the problem of homophobia with men pretending to be lesbians tho. butches are fine but when you're a full on man saying you're wlw, you really shouldn't be using "reclaimed" slurs”

imo this is already where it went off the rails. i said “i want to be accepted” and they replied with “but what about men” which was Not relevant. to this comment what so ever .

the debate continued with me replying to them with “i know this is controversial, but if a man genuinely feels and believes that he is a lesbian, he is one. sexuality and gender are fluid, and people are going to identify in a way you deem “wrong”.”

this person replied to that with “so a woman can identify as a gay man? or is it only “labels are flexible” when it comes to women’s labels?”

i replied with “no of course she can? the label turigirl exists for a reason? anyone can identify however they’d like to. that’s the point of what i just said”

personally. i don’t think it’s too crazy or ridiculous to say that. people are free to identify how they want, and rigid gender or sexuality “rules” isn’t going to change that.

their response to this is “woah omg you did not just say that. that’s so disrespectful to the victims of the aids crisis and ongoing victims of homophobia”

which. genuinely what. i have no idea how you would ever get to that conclusion.

i asked where that curveball came from, and they said “from your homophobia. it is a complete disregard of individuals who have been socially ostracized for their identities to say anyone can use any label no matter how they actually identify”

which is genuinely kind of crazy to me. because in my opinion and the opinion of a lot of my friends, my view on labels is completely understandable and reasonable?

in response, i said “you seem to be disregarding my own personal experience with homophobia. anyone can use whatever label they want, because that is how free will works. it's not homophobic to say that at all?” which, because of my experiences with homophobia (i have been hospitalized several times due to queer/trans violence) is a reasonable thing to say.

they send back “how would i know your personal experience first of all? and second of all it is homophobic to say that men can be wlw and women can be mlm when lesbians and gay men fought so hard during the aids crisis to not be seen as monsters.”

although i’m not quite sure how that is totally relevant, i think you’re making people who don’t identify the way you think they should as monsters, or “wrong”, which if i’m being honest sounds a bit like homophobia to me.

i then ask about listening their perspective in dms, to see if they’d let me try to understand why they think oppressive boxes have something to do with how you’re supposed to identify, but they said that “i have made my perspective very clear and backed it with research, like requested. if you are not able to understand this complex issue, that is your responsibility and not mine to educate yourself.”

which if i had to ask for a more detailed explanation, i don’t think they made it very clear, but i suppose we all can’t care about queer people.

i’m not sure how mentioning the aids crisis is the same thing as doing research against my point, but again, i don’t think they were very clear at explaining anything.

anyway, i’m posting this here to break the echo chamber of my friends all completely agreeing with me, to see if maybe i was just missing something or whatever

;; 🪶/\ 🪓

[nopeleavemealoone]

Bsd ship headcanons for pride (skk, sskk, ranpoe, fyolai, kousano, +sigma)

soukoku

Dazai is somewhere on the ace spectrum, but he doesn’t really bother thinking about it too much so he doesn’t know where

other than that he’s bi

he’s also in denial about it and blames his confusion on chuuya’s long hair

Dazai is genderqueer (look at him) he also does not care enough to put a defined label on this

chuuya is gay and demiromantic

he feels like a cis male to me, I dunno, he’s masculine and content with that

Shin Soukoku

Atsushi is pan and a demiboy, he’s just too nervous to tell people that they are allowed to use they/them for them

akutagawa has no idea he’s nonbinary, asexual and gay— if/when atsushi kisses him he’s going to be very confused

ranpoe

Ranpo knew he was pan ace, the world’s greatest detective won’t fret over these things

he’s cismale

poe could either be cis or transmale, I dunno, Ranpo does (you can’t hide from the world’s greatest detective) but I’m not Ranpo

poe knows he’s bi with a strong preference to men but he’s too nervous to ever bring it up

poe is probably also ace

fyolai

fyodor is cis (maaaaybe trans) male and gay, he’s just too busy being a terrorist to ever do anything about it (he gives homophobic homosexual vibes)

nikolai may be genderfluid I dunno

he’s too chaotic and obsessed with fredom to be restricted by a gender binary

nikolai is pan but he will only say he’s gay

fyodor corrects him each time, even though Nikolai has explained

kousano

Yosano is cis female and bi but she likes to lie about what she has a preference towards and do some minor gaslighting so that people don’t actually believe whether or not she’s bi and cis(I love my insane women)

kouyou could be either trans or cis female, she works either way

kouyou is a lesbian and asexual, but she only ever came out to yosano (so they could date) and chuuya who said “cool” and moved on

BONUS- sigma

We all know this one hs no gender

an all pronouns sort of guy

The secret reason as to why they keep their three levels of bangs and waist length hair is that it makes them feel like a non gender entity

100% aroace, does not want to kiss, date, fvck, nothing. Leave the lil boy alone

happy pride y’allllll

[probablyasocialecologist]

I’m going to be honest straight away. I think “Gender Critical” people* are radicalised and I think there is a lot of danger for many cis people on the periphery to follow them down that rabbit hole. I’m writing this essay in an effort to prevent radicalisation of any feminists looking in on the situation who haven’t made their minds up yet. I’m speaking to people who consider themselves feminists and don’t consider themselves transphobic. I’m speaking to people who don’t spend time accusing trans people of having fetishes, who don’t think selfies with Proud Boys are excusable, and who don’t think soup is worse than Nazis. If that’s you, I hope you read on and consider what I have to say in good faith.

[...]

Here’s what else I know for sure. Trans people are real people. Their lives are not hypothetical. While we are discussing this topic on Twitter like it’s a theoretical game, they are truly scared for the future of their rights. So far in the UK there has not been significant legislative change, but we’ve seen hundreds of anti-trans laws proposed in the US, from threatening to perform genital testing on young women in high school sports to revoking the medical licenses of doctors who provide affirming care to threatening to take kids away from parents who even socially affirm their child’s gender. These are real children. They are not fodder for us to argue over. How many trans people, adults or children, do you know in person? And what aspects of their well-being are you willing to risk for a theoretical argument?

[...]

I don’t think I’ll have to work very hard to convince you that whatever so-called values Tucker Carlson, Matt Walsh, Jordan Peterson or ACTUAL NAZIS have do not align with the values of radical feminists. I would suggest that the reason they are interested in the issue are because they see something you don’t. Right-wingers recognise women’s liberation when they see it, because they hate it so much. They have never been on our side. They never will be on our side. They do not respect our right to our own lives, our own bodies, or our own minds, so if they are agreeing with you on an issue of women’s rights, THERE IS A PROBLEM. You might be thinking that you and Tucker don’t see eye to eye on the basics of the issue: he is pro-gender stereotypes and you are against them. But where does this all end up? It pains me to point out the right is very often several steps ahead of us; the devastating destruction of Roe v Wade shows us that. What is in it for them? They get to divide the left, something the gender debate has been extraordinarily effective at. They get to distract feminists from real issues (again Roe v Wade, the cornerstone of American feminist achievement, has fallen). On this very trip, Posie Parker has been spouting anti-abortion sentiment for the minors who need abortion and birth control the most, and since becoming radicalised, she’s claimed that lesbian mothers weren’t really mothers, and that trans men (whom she views as women) should be forcibly sterilised. They get to paint the left as the real agents of hatred, as the real homophobes, as the people really trying to shut down debate. They get to watch as lifelong feminists start criticising women’s appearance and behaviour for not being feminine enough. They get to watch as lifelong feminists start to argue that male violence is not a product of socialisation, of entitlement, of broken legal systems that do not view women’s bodies as their own, but as something inherent to men. Something they can’t help. Something we shouldn’t even try to change. And they get to recruit you. And they are doing that with remarkable success.

[dasha-aibo]

Same Chris chan anon, I’m back. I saw your reply, and yeah, I agree on some parts. Good people can turn bad.

What I meant was that if you’re a person with strong values, you would’ve never done that stuff. It was plain sexism. A person with strong values wouldn’t do that because their actions dictate what kind of person they are.

And while I understand that you don’t SUPPORT chris chan, you can’t be like “well! Actually, women, stfu about his sexism!!! He did it because he was bullied online!!! And shut up about how he sexually harassed his female friends beforehand!!!”

Like. Think critically. This was an actual crime. With actual victims. And now he’s out of jail??? Male privilege at its finest. He should’ve NEVER gotten out of jail.

Also, rape is like, in my opinion, the only crime that can NEVER be excused. Because nobody forced you to do it??? Nobody can use it as self defense. Nobody recovers from it like a wound. It’s not simple. It’s a complex hate crime against women.

On another note, I don’t like bullying. I’ve been a bullying victim for many years. And even worse, IN REAL LIFE. But I never would’ve done that. Because plainly, I’m not sexist.

Chris Chan was porn sick. That’s it. He harassed women, did something unforgivable to his mother, and became “trans” to intimidate lesbians into dating him. That’s a straight white man if I’ve ever seen it. The internet is cruel, but it doesn’t turn men into rapists. That’s their own doing. We need to hold men accountable for what they do. We can’t coddle them or they’ll just keep doing shit. It’s never justified!!! Never!! Even the nastiest woman doesn’t deserve it because it’s a hate crime against women as a whole!

Have empathy towards the victims. We never know what they went through, and their suffering was much worse than what a brain rotted straight white man went through. Because let’s bffr, if a man I knew told me he’s a woman because he wants to bang a lesbian, draws porn of me, and then rapes his mom AND PEOPLE ONLINE DEMAND HES CALLED A WOMAN AND THAT HE DESERVES PITY??? That would be my breaking point.

He’s a whole ass villain 😭😭 why can’t y’all see that

I don't believe in perfect villains or perfect victims.

We don't need to villianize Chris to have empathy for Barbara. We don't need to gloss over Barbara being a horrible person to feel horrible for what happened to her.

It's not a black-and-white world, no matter how much Ayn Rand wanted it to be.

Chris was severely abused and neglected by his parents. Barbara specifically fostered unhealthy attachment, which absolutely did not help in this situation.

I don't think we need to state over and over again that FUCKING YOUR DEMENTIA-RIDDEN MOTHER IS WRONG. I think that's pretty obvious by itself.

But just taking a step back and looking at the whole situation in context is important.

And it's important to realize that the collective internet didn't just "bully" Chris. They manipulated and gaslighted this person for over a decade. They derailed Chris's life and any middling chance they had at becoming a normal person. They egged on their every worst instinct and broke this person's brain and will. That goes beyond regular bullying.

I think, overall, it's the internet looking at a monster we created and then refusing to accept that harassing, bullying, gaslighting and obsessively documenting a living, breathing human being for over a decade because they're "cringe" is a bad thing. So Chris has to have been a monster from the start.

Chris is out of jail, because the judges don't know WTF to do with them. You can't hold a person in jail with no trial for more than a year, rape is really hard to prove with dementia patients, who might not even remember it, incest penalties are their own can of legal worms and trying a person as severely autistic as Chris is borderline-impossible.

The best outcome for everyone would be to put Chris in an assisted living facility. But I doubt that's gonna happen.

Also, I refuse to comment on Chris's trans status. It's between them and their psychologist. I simply don't care, because it changes very little.

Yeah, I do think Chris deserves pity. Condemnation AND pity. We shouldn't just forgive their horrible actions. But we should at least have the humility to realize that we would be capable of some monstrous shit if we were ever treated like that.

YOU don't think you would've done something horrible in that situation, but you HAVE NOT been in the same situation. And thank your lucky stars for that.