#so you telling me a shrimp fried this rice?

[vasyandii]

Yk when I die of old age (which is never, I'm immortal) I'm not gonna leave behind any money or property or anything like that,

instead I'll devote my life to making the most delicious, delectable, ass kicking, butt clenching, shrimp fried rice recipe known to man and keep the recipe a secret until I kick the bucket, my next of kin (who all have grown up on that recipe and since it's so good, other fried rice can't compare) so they will be at each other's throats for years to find THE shrimp fried rice recipe to inherit because grandpa died.

But AHA, were you paying attention? I didn't die. I'm immortal. I have the recipe with me the whole time. Now I'm watching the chaos unfold from Above.

Above? Wrong. Do you think I would come close to tell you which direction I'm in? I could be upside down, my above is your down. You can't find me OR my fried rice recipe.

Have fun eating nothing but Panda Express fried rice for the rest of your life, loser.

[a-snowpoff]

Dad bod Prunsel, requested by @duskyskye

[vitamin-zeeth]

the ace attorney brainrot is beginning. someone has to have made the "based?? Based on what??" meme with Edgeworth they have to

[warriorfujoshi]

sergey is so fucking funny to me bc theyre like a deadpan ex-gangster lone wolf pushing 40 but also they fucking love shrimp, they think shrimp are adorable, they make their own shirts that have shit like “keep it shrimple!” and “prawn to be wild” on them, they love jimmy buffet, if they ever got to go to a beach that had safe water theyd run around and jump and frolick like a dog let off the leash, the people who get to see their smile most in the whole facility are probably the wellcheers shrimp

[potatoesandsunshine]

i have to stop thinking about this and go to bed i have to. BUT

[ilaiyayaya]

I FUCKING enjoy BUILDING GUNPLA IT'S SUCH A FUCKING fun

I DID IT! I FUCKING DID IT!! IT ONLY TOOK LIKE 3 FUCKING MONTHS OF IT SITTING ON MY DESK TAKING UP LITERALLY ALL OF MY SPACE BUT I FINALLY BUILT HER!!!

No I will NOT add the stickers and no I will NOT paint her or even add the waterslide decals to the alternate faces to give her a face that looks less boring that requires effort and this piece of shit (non-derogatory) took me 4 full hours to build WHY THE FUCK AM I SO FUCKING SLOW THIS THING IS MEANT TO TAKE LIKE AN HOUR IT HAS LESS PARTS THAN A HIGH GRADE

I'm not even truly done, this is just the halfway point, next I have to make the other one...

NOOOOOOOOOOO I DON'T WANNA, MAKE ME TOUCH GRASS INSTEAD PLEASE ANYTHING BUT MORE GUNPLA YOU CAN'T FUCKING MAKE ME I DON'T WANNA GO BACK TO THE GUNPLA MINES NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

But like surely it'll be worth it once I'm done surely!!! They'll be on my shelf and I'll be able to just look to my right every day and say "wow! those 2 are gay af frfr (derogatory)".

I'm never gonna have empty deck space again it's so joever 😔

[bronzebraids-art]

You’re telling me A SHRIMP FRIED THIS RICE??

Enjoy this fun little comic full of Wrecker vibes. I left the 3rd pic very badly sketched cause it looked funnier that way😂

Also Crosshair just want to eat some food in peace, but you know these guys

Thanks for the love on this, this is the reason posting art on Tumblr is so fun🖤

[incorrectbatfam]

dickie and jason headcanons pretty please

Everyone thinks Tim and Damian are a nightmare to have in a room together, but it's actually Dick and Jason. Tim and Damian still need to work through a thing or two and subconsciously pull their punches because of that, but Dick and Jason have no such thing. They've been siblings the longest and at this point it's an undisputed fact that they love each other, so there's zero limit to them being absolute menaces

They've been in a Toy Blast standoff since last year. Dick keeps speedrunning the levels and Jason keeps deleting the app from Dick's phone until he catches up

The bathroom switch in the Bludhaven apartment is outside the bathroom. Barbara kept telling Dick to get it changed and he kept procrastinating, so when Jason broke in and turned the lights off in the middle of Dick's shower, all Babs said from the other room was "Told you so"

Jason: "Alfred, tell Dick to quit breathing over my shoulder"

Dick: "Tell Jason to quit blocking the screen with his big helmet"

Alfred: "Sort it out yourselves, this is not in my job description"

Dick wrestled Jason for an Oreo but also gave him the comfier sleeping bag in the span of five minutes while they were on a stakeout

Jason is absolutely the sibling that chases Dick around the house with a knife for fun when Bruce and Alfred aren't around

Dick: "Get out of my room"

Jason, lurking outside the windowsill: "I'm not in your room"

Dick's outfits aren't truly considered nice until they pass the Jason Test, which is getting a "meh" instead of "you look like you were drawn by a fourth grader"

To brag that he got the last slice of pizza, Jason slapped it across Dick's face

The most accurate ruler in the world is the one they use to split the last candy bar (but Dick secretly lets Jason have an extra millimeter)

And the most accurate measuring cup is the one they divide the last of the apple juice with (though Jason generously gives Dick a few drops more)

The tension is palpable—even the Subway guy cutting their sandwich can feel it

Alfred sends them out to do yard work and they start sword-fighting with increasingly bigger sticks until Dick grabs a rake and Jason whips out the All-Blades

Jason: "I was here first!"

Dick: "I was born first!"

Jason: "I was adopted first!"

Dick has two Instagram accounts—Dick Grayson and Nightwing. Jason has three—Jason Todd, Red Hood, and the verified Nightwing

When the Cave is colder than usual, Jason brings Dick his favorite peppermint hot chocolate but always takes the first sip

Together they stole the bat-plane, flew to Lebanon for food, received a hefty fine after nearly colliding with a fighter jet, got a huge scratch on the side, paid someone under the table to fix it, and put it back where they found it in the span of Bruce debriefing the Justice League

Dick will go through Jason's leftovers, pick out what he likes, and leave the rest. Later he'll hear Jason walk out of the kitchen shouting "Who the FUCK took the shrimp out of my shrimp fried rice?!"

When they were kids Jason's bedtime was half an hour later than Dick's. Dick still has beef with Bruce about that

Dick is Player 1. Jason is Player 6 because the first time they played he grabbed a random controller from a box of dozen

Jason: "Help me bury this body"

Dick: "Sure"

Jason: "Also I need to delete all record of this guy's existence"

Dick: "Will do"

Jason: "And can you get me a drink?"

Dick: "Get it yourself"

When he first arrived, Jason was resistant to the idea of having an older sibling until he realized he has Younger Brother Privilege

Dick hides the remote with a sword swallowing trick and Jason hates it

They use texts for personal conversations, WhatsApp for vigilante business, and Snapchat for unhinged memery. It's like talking to 3 separate people

They also have their own text abbrevation: DTB (Don't tell Bruce)

They don't apologize, they just sulk in their rooms for a couple hours until Alfred calls them down for dinner and they forget all about it

Goon: "Who's that blue fella? Youse was fightin' real loud"

Jason: "Nightwing. He just pisses me off sometimes"

Goon: "I can take care of him"

Jason, lighting a cigarette: "Go ahead, I'll be here when you get your ass handed to you"

[guillotinna]

I keep seeing these Gen z is task force 141 and I wanna join

Anytime you use a computer, you do that stupid movie hacker trope of exaggerated typing and say "I'm in"

Saying "POV" in front of sentences

In the group chat saying "1 like and I'll kms", liking your own message and then saying "damn guess I gotta"

I see a lot of these posts were Gaz and Soap would understand y/n....bffr, no those geezers would not

No one knows what the gen z kid is saying they just know it's probably not good

"You're telling me a shrimp fried this rice?"

You have a small photo you keep tucked in your chest pocket and after enough times seeing you looking lovingly at it, one of the guys asks who it is. Is it a s/o from back home? 😏😏

You say no and pull out a photo card of your fave singer and they're like ??? Really

One time during a particularly physical scuffle with the enemy, you get thrown to the ground and huff out "one hop this time" only to promptly tackle tf outta your assailant while saying "take it back now yall"

Reads everyone's zodiac charts except ghost bc he won't tell his birthday let alone the time he was born so you just make one up

Price calls a 6 am meeting to which you say "double it and give to the next person"

*Alexa, play teenagers by MCR*

If you had time describe the base, you'd say it smells like ball sweat, blood and war crimes which everyone took offense to for different reasons

Would absolutely get soaps doodles tattooed

Actually speaking of which, imagine getting caught giving yourself stick and pokes with a pen and being banned from using pens period

You'd be in a meeting with a #2 pencil

Ofc a gen z member would be absolutely feral which very little regard for their own safety much to the dismay of the others

Quoting "Oh these aren't homemade, they were made in a factory....a bomb factory......they're bombs." All the time around soap even though he has no idea what you're talking about

You don't spent too much alone time with ghost bc he likes quiet and you can't be alone with your thoughts which is why you lean more towards spending time with soap or gaz

I just like puns so I'm gonna add this but gen z love borgs (a customized gallon jug of alcohol that is usually given a name) and yours is appropriately named taskforce 1-borg-1

this is mainly for my americans but i know pretty much the whole world got beef with engl*nd: before you met Soap, you thought the entire 141 was en*lish so when you finally did meet him, you said "oh thank god" with a sigh

americans 🤝 scotts

making fun of english "people"

"Pull up in the monster, automobile gangsta With a bad bitch that came fr-" "....sergeant, comms off please"

you show Ghost WAP and he has to take a walk

*price yelling at gaz and soap*: KYLE GARRICK AND JOHN MACTAVISH GET IN HERE- Y/n: oop not the government name

Another for my US baddies: if your'e ever arguing with any of the guys, the nail in the coffin would be "and it's called soccer"

"one more like and i'll-" "enough!"

you call Price "ms. girl" and he could not be more confused

someone asks "do you serve?" and u reply "yah, serve cunt"

when asked why you decided to join the military you said something like: "well i didnt think i'd live past 18 so when I did, i ended up here".....crickets from the rest of the team

"good thing we only have showers on base because i would have already taken a toaster bath by now"

ask Gaz "no bitches?🤨" one more time see what happens

price: the enemies have taken civvies hostage and blocked off all exits and entrances to the town-" y/n: "omg tea"

Also calling price "capt. Save-a-hoe"....I wanna be saaaavvveddd ;)

If you took a shot every time you said "rest in peace to all the soldiers that died in the service, I dive in her cervix", you'd be dead lmao

When asked if they like the military they'd say "it was either this or the psych ward so yah, I'll take it"

Quoting MPGIS constantly and no one even sort of knows what that is ("Crack. Is that what you smoke? You smoke crack?")

Some detainee being interrogated is spilling some nonsense, so you hit them with "oh brother this guy stinks!" And then with the butt of your gun

"Little bad trini bitch but she mixed with China, real thick vagina, smuggle bricks to-" "SARGENT ENOUGH"

Falling asleep on team mates (minus ghost's) shoulders mostly because the most peace they get is when you're unconscious

*when y/n hears any slightly suggestive/dirty phrase*: what are we talking about 😏 (iykyk)

Same energy as: " born next to a nuclear power plant, has an IQ of 2 and was hit in the head with several Rocks as a child"

Vine quotes out the wazoo, it's just awful for the rest of the team lmao

Replying to everything with "on god?"

soap: "what are you 6?" y/n: "yah 6 inches deep in your mom".....you did not walk away from that unscathed to say the least...worth it tho

[webslingingslasher]

okay hear me out. how about a big exam is coming up for peter so he just buries himself in books and barely leaves his room, wants to be left alone and trouble respects it to the best of her ability. but naturally she takes it upon herself to take care of him cause he's so immersed in his studying he forgets himself. maybe she brings him food or something and peters like 🥹🥹🥹

*cleaning out my inbox*

peter's smart. not in just an impressive way, but in a way that could envy the top scholars. peter is smart. when he tells you he needs ‘study hibernation’ time, you give him all the space he needs.

until he puts taking care of himself on the back burner. then, it becomes your job to take care of him. it's in the girlfriend rule book.

peter doesn't look up when you softly open his door, your text was left unread, but he must've at least read it at a quick glance. unless he was so invested in his textbook and computer he couldn't look over.

'hi, petey.' you softly kick your shoes off, padding across the hardwood at his hello back. 'hi, trouble.' wrapping your arms around his neck, you lean over his shoulder to kiss his cheek. 'see my text?'

'mhm,' he leans back into your touch, but he doesn't lose focus. 'did you eat dinner?' peter shakes his head into your chest, you curl to place another kiss. 'thought so. i brought you some chinese, if you're interested.'

peter claws at your hands, he's suddenly famished and dying. the idea of shrimp fried rice makes his mouth water. 'yes, please. thank you.' you pat his shoulders, a way of telling him, 'don't worry about it, i'll get it.' and just like magic, his favorite is right in front of his eyes.

'anything else?' peter's got tunnel vision, his hands almost shaking at how fast he's trying to tear the plastic it's stuck in. 'no. thank you, thank you. i love you.' peter's brewing headache was swept clear, food healing him from within.

a third kiss to his cheek, 'alright. love you too, talk to me before you go to bed?' you weren't able to take one step before peter spins one eighty in his chair, the styrofoam didn't dare leave his clutches, peter spoons in another bite as he cries out. 'you're leaving?'

'you're studying! i don't wanna bother you.' peter eyes his bed and your bag, 'you didn't get anything?' you shake your head, 'i ate with ally, i got yours before i left.' a whine, 'no! can you just... lay there and talk to me? just while i eat this, promise.'

you appease him and sit down on the corner of his bed. 'you're going to finish that in five seconds.' peter stops, and physically hurts himself by putting his takeout box down. 'i'll... i'll slow down then.'

'are you sure about that?' a shuffle, another mountain of rice, 'no.' it's all muffled. peter gathers his strength and breathes deep, your sweet voice fills him more than a plate of chinese could ever. it's a little torturous, because he's going to starve when you leave.

[queenie-the-court-jester]

Ok I was seeing all The Farm headcanons again (No joke your talent for this Is amazing), and I love how all of The animals dont have any kind of respect for The reader with The constant insinuatons. But how you Think that they would react with The Reader being MAD?, AND i dont mean a bit angry, I mean Totally Hatefull. Like Brutus ir Cotton try to talk The reader AND just One Stare Is needed to send their asses to The other sise of The farm, I can imagine The dogs whimping of fear AND The Cats Hiding from The rage of their Darling.

Anyway Congratulayions for your first 100 followers.

-👍

thank you I'm over 200 now 💋

Princess: DARLING! OH WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!? YOU'VE LEFT YOUR POOR PRINCESS ALL BY HERSELF-

y/n: stares

Princess: d-darling..?

Boss music starts playing

Princess: DARLING!?

Y/n: come one step closer I'll be mounting your head on the wall mutt.

Brutus: ...>:))

Threatening was unaffective, now you must use violence

Miguel: bet I can be a better boyfriend than-

Y/n: walks away

Miguel: hey!? Where are you going!? Come back-!

Maya: anyways like-

casper fucking snatches y/n

Maya:..NOO GIVE THEM BACK! GIVE THEM BACK. THEY'RE MINE-

Bubba: if I hear one more-

Y/n: let me do it for you-

Bubba: SHUT UP. SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU IMBECILE

Molly: have you ever wondered what happens when we all die

Y/n: why are you like this.

Riley: you're telling me a shrimp fried this rice!?

Mimi: oh my god that joke IS SO FUCKING OLD.

Maxine: exists

Y/n: k!ll yourself asshole.

Maxine: that's not what you said last night lapin~

Y/n: can you stop talking about among us Damien, it's hard enough having to carry your baby

[REDACTED]: I thought you liked it when I talked..

Y/n: whatever gave you that idea.

Benny: excuse me sir! Have you seen my partner!? They're about this tall, clearly stupid but somehow still passes their classes!?

[doyoulikethis-vocaloid-song]

💚 Artists and titles will be revealed after the poll closes, so check back for results! Until then, please don't mention the song title in reblogs! (Guesses about everything else are fine and encouraged though; have fun!) 💚

[kcrossvine-art]

Youre telling me a shimp fried this rice soup? No.  But with your help it can, for just pennies a day. Today on the the Redwall Cookbook we're making Shrimp'N'Hotroot Soup. 

(you may find the original recipe at the bottom if you’d like to follow along!)-

MY NAMES CROSS NOW LETS COOK LIKE ANIMALS

SO, “what goes in to a Shrimp'N'Hotroot Soup?” YOU MIGHT ASK

Unsalted butter

1 onion

2 leeks

Vegetable stock (or vegetable bouillon)

Milk

3 potatoes

Curry or chili powder

Salt and pepper

Pre-cooked shrimp or prawns

I also added parsley flakes and smoke paprika for serving. The recipe recommends crusty bread!

Crusty bread. Like garlic or a baguette.

Stale potato chips would prolly taste good if ur into that sorta thing.

AND, “what does Shrimp'N'Hotroot Soup taste like?” YOU MIGHT ASK

Of all the redwall dishes so far this one has the most distinct 'savory' flavor

Smooth, rich flavor

The veggies came out nicer than id thought and i think the simmering and then adding liquid let it seep in.

The seafood smells intense after an hour or so (serve immediately)

The powder and the milk kept separating and i wonder if stirring more or adding the milk earlier wouldve made it emulsify better?

You could strain and serve the contents without the soup part!

Would pair well with a smooth red wine and a 'naked' salad.

Shimp-shimp-shimp-shimp-a-doop

. Used almond milk where milk called for . Used curry powder . Used garlic bread

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Honestly feel free to just fuckin HEAP on the spices, in classic brit fashion, they have the tongues of arctic babies and you can barely taste the spice with the original portions given. The shrimp is understandably pre-cooked but as is they come out barely changed by the soup or spices, and if someone could tell me the reasoning behind not adding them earlier to soak up some of that good good stuff, id love to hear (genuine).

2 major points on this recipe; As its seafood, it does not keep well, you could maybe save it for later the same day. Beyond that youre playing with your life and it wont taste great. It is very fast to prepare (if you have prechopped veggies). Maybe 40 minutes from deciding to make it from having it in my belly, not counting veggie prep time as i did that the morning-of while reading.

So sorry for having this out late! I've been working on some projects like concept work for an upcoming indie TTRPG, commissions for folks DnD parties, and my own personal stuff. If it makes it up to yall, i did eat this on the 3rd of this month haha.

As much as I love seafood, unfortunately i dont make it much as its hard to store and can be finicky to prepare. This soup could be replaced with a few other centerpieces, or made vegetarian, but for how it is in the book- I give this recipe a solid 6/10 (with 1 being food that makes one physically sick and 10 being food that gives one a lust for life again. 5 being average)

🐁 ORIGINAL RESIPPY TEXT BELOW 🐁

Ingredients:

2 tablespoons unsalted butter

1 large onion, chopped

2 medium leeks, washed well and chopped

1 1/2 cups vegetable stock (or 1 1/2 cups water and 1/2 cube vegetable bouillon)

3 medium potatoes, peeled and chopped

1 teaspoon curry powder or chili powder, or to taste

Salt and pepper, to taste

8 ounces peeled, cooked shrimp or prawns, sliced if large

1 cup milk

Method:

In a large pot over medium heat, melt the butter. Add the onion and leeks and cook, stirring, until soft, about 5 minutes (do not let the vegetables brown).

Add the vegetable stock, potatoes, curry or chili powder, and salt and pepper. Cover and simmer until the potatoes are very soft, 15 to 20 minutes.

Add the shrimp and milk and gently heat. Serve with crusty bread.

[hey-its-cweepy]

John Doe headcanons because they never manifest on my feed:

(You're more than open to disagree/add your own!)

•The type to watch the clothes wash if the washer has a window door

•"I did this for you, love!" It was the ugliest drawing you've ever seen in your life but you still appreciate it

•He likes to be the little spoon (but doesn't mind being big spoon)

•"WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DID YOU DO WITH (You/MC/Y/N)?!"

"... I took off my makeup"

"... Oh..."

•He's so silly and goofy I love him <3

•Would definitely think a shrimp fried this rice

•Someone is probably losing it trying to clean his messy ass room, screaming, crying, sobbing as more trash spawns and he's just "omg no you didn't you're so sweet <3"

•"Why are you hugging me?"

"... Because you look like you needed it"

"But Im not sad"

"I know"

•Does that thing where you walk into the room and just poof- forget what you originally came for more often than you think

•I dont care how many bite marks and scratches I get I am GOING to bathe him with little rubber duckies and he is going to like it even if he looks like a wet pomeranian by the end of it

•Can someone tell me why I only see him with ponytails/loose hair and never smth like pigtails or braids? Please I need to know-

•You cut his hair and the scissors break

[lowkeyremi]

The first date. Wakatoshi Ushijima

Timeskip!Ushijima x fem!reader

A/N: Ahhhh I have Ushi fever (It's been so long.. my recent obsession has been Atsumu hehe) So I wanted to write what your first date with him would be like ;) Enjoy

content: Fluff, dates, established relationship, kisses, etc. (also some grammar here and there bc I hate proofreading lmao I need to get someone to do it for me)

The two of you started dating less than a month ago and not once have you been out on a date. You fixed that. You explained to Wakatoshi that most people went out on dates with their partners, or stayed in the house for inside dates. He wanted to take you out as soon as possible upon hearing this. So now here you were sitting in his car staring out the window as he drove the two of you to a restaurant he got a reservation for.

"You okay?" He asked nervously while sitting at a red light. "Yeah, I'm cool." A smile took over your face as you looked at the handsome man sitting right next to you. Damn how did I even get such a hot guy. He focused his eyes back on the road and then replied, "I'm going to be honest... I'm nervous. I've never taken someone out on a date." The athlete bit his bottom lip.

You gasped in surprise. "Never?" He shook his head. "Not once, no one really caught my attention, except you of course." His voice was deep but meaningful. I still wonder how I managed to catch your attention.

You found it cute that this would be Wakatoshi's first date. "We need to take pictures, to document your first date!" You stated in an as-a-matter-of-fact voice. "You said 'your' instead of our... have you been on a date before?" Now the male was semi-curious. A small blush crept up your face so you looked out the window to keep from embarrassment. "I've been on a few. They weren't too great." You calmed down and looked back his way.

"Well, I hope this date isn't one that won't be great." He says in a worried tone. You giggle quietly, "There's nothing to worry about, we'll be fine! Plus I like you a lot so one lousy date won't ruin anything." Your heart began to beat faster at the mention of liking him. He looked out his window possibly to keep you from seeing him blush but he failed because you could still see his red ears, cute. 

The two of you arrived at the restaurant and were seated almost immediately. (perks of being with timeskip ushi >:3) A waiter came and poured both of you a glass of wine. "I hope wine is okay, if you want I can get you something else." He says with an anxious smile on his face. You placed your hand on his arm, he looked into your eyes and you looked into his.

"Relax, no need to be nervous Wakatoshi. I'll enjoy this date no matter what." (You couldn't tell me he wouldn't be a nervous bean)

He smiled at your statement, taking a deep breath and relaxing quickly. "You're right, I need to relax." 

His eyebrows settle and his face relaxes. He looks so cute, it’s obvious that this man was made for you.

“So.. how has your week been?” He asks his face resting in his palm. You think a second before explaining your week to him. He looks so serious and you can’t help but let out a laugh.

“What is it? Is there something on me?” He asks inspecting himself. You whip out your phone and snap a few pictures of him.

“Nah, I just think it’s cute how serious you are.” He sighs in relief that he wasn’t doing anything embarrassing.

“Not a lot of people like it, they say they can’t read me.” He explains and you hold out your hand on the table and he puts his in yours.

“Not everyone needs to be able to read you, ‘Toshi.” He’s a blushing mess. There’s also little sweat droplets on his forehead.

“You’re still nervous.” You state and he nods shyly. “I’m afraid I’ll mess this date up.” Just as you were about to respond the waiter comes up and asks you two what you’d like to eat.

“Can I get a (ur fav food).” You ask and the lady nods. “For you sir?” He asks for shrimp fried rice and she smiles and nods.

“By the way.. you two are so cute together. Sorry if that’s weird.” She says nervously. It takes everything in you to not smile like a big idiot.

“Thank you, this is actually our first date.” Ushijima clarifies. She claps and compliments the two of you before walking away to check on another table.

The rest of dinner was normal the two of you talked, laughed, ate, and in general had fun.

“Let’s go over to that park!” You say pointing to the park that was a short walk from the restaurant. “But it’s getting dark.. what if something happens to you?” He asks.

“I can kick ass, I’ve also got a boyfriend who’s over six feet and I think that’s scary as is.” Confidence is laced in your tone.

He pauses for a second, “you think I’m scary?” You turn around to look at him, “that’s not what I meant. Sorry, I meant like you can scare anyone away!” He feels reassured and grabs your hand. His fingers are laced together with yours and you feel heat in your stomach.

The park was not far as mentioned early, the grass was a nice place to sit because it was soft.

“Look Wakatoshi, isn’t the view beautiful?” You ask a big goofy smile on your face.

“It sure is,” you turn your head to look at him and he’s staring you down.

“I meant the stars, not me.” You clarify. He hasn’t let go of your hand since he grabbed it, not that you mind. It’s not all cute and romantic like in movies, his hand is a little bit sweaty and clammy. You don’t mind though, your sure that your own hands feel the same way to him.

“You look way more beautiful than any star out there.” Maybe he can’t see your blush because it’s dark but it’s definitely there.

You’re sure people wouldn’t believe he was a natural flirt if you told them but he is in your opinion.

“I think you’re beautiful too, ‘Toshi.” He brings your hand up to his mouth and gives it a small kiss.

“Thank you for loving me the way no one else could ever.” He says quietly. Only for your ears to hear.

“It’s too early in the year for me to be crying.” It’s getting cold but it doesn’t really matter because Ushijima is the only warmth you need.

“I hope to go on more dates with you, I love this.” He says which makes your heart melt again.

“You’ll be the death of me,” you declare.

“I actually think it’s the other way around.” He says and you two spend the next hour arguing over who loves who more.

It was very dark by the time you guys reached Ushijima’s small apartment. You spent the whole night cuddling him. It was hard to get up and get ready for work in the morning because sleeping with him is too damn comfortable.

After your first date Ushijima wanted to go on dates ALL the time so you limited it to fridays because you both stay busy lol.

[sil3ntfr34k]

Postal Dude really be taking over my brain someone save me

Smoking with Postal Dude Headcanons

• You probably don’t smoke crack like he does, but you dabble (or are heavily into) marijuana!

• It’s definitely not as strong as crack like Dude is used to, but you bet ur ass he’s smoking that joint with you

• Where as you can smoke maybe 2, MAYBE 3, joints in a single session, Postal Dude is slamming 4 and then smoking 2 more just to feel something

• He probably doesn’t like to pass it around, prefers his own. ‘OhHhH bUt WhAt AbOuT tHe CoSt Of WeEd’, relax, Dude just killed the local dealers in town and has their whole stash that should last at LEAST a month with the way all smoke

• Sessions with Dude are actually pretty chill if you aren’t a paranoid high. He likes to talk a lot when he’s high, so be prepared to know a lot about his favorite weapon and how he started to get into killing people

• If you ever want to know something about Dude without him deflecting, get him high. This man will shoot off at the mouth and answer whatever you ask with no hesitation.

• Cue Postal Dude whippin out that snuff movie with the quickness of a pistol shrimp and slappin it in the dvd slot of the tv. He used to watch this kinda stuff along with gore religiously growing up, so it’s sort of like a comfort for him. He probably gets annoyed if you want to watch something else, most definitely called you a ‘sissy lala wuss puss bitch’. He’s very colorful with his curses,,,

• Even with how much he smokes, he knows how much he can take to NOT get paranoid. Last time Dude got paranoid while high, there was a genocide at the police station. If he ever does get paranoid while high with you, you gotta not freak the fuck out with him and try to get you BOTH in bed to nap it off

• Munchies be hittin him hard. (Actually thinking about it now, he probably has to smoke to eat or else he won’t be hungry all day) It’s very easy to convince him to run out to the local Chinese place for some orange chicken and shrimp fried rice. Best part is is that he will go alone if you don’t wanna leave. His wife (or ex wife depending on what u want) made him run errands alone all the time so he really doesn’t mind

• Absolutely FUCKS UP that entire styrofoam box. Like the whole thing is ripped around and the fork is somehow stabbed through the top, bits of rice scattered around the crime scene.

• If he’s still hungry he will not hesitate to go back again, just tell him if you want some more too and he’ll ride off into the sunset for that delicious Chinese food

• Sleepy after he comes back down. He drags himself to the bed and just knocks tf out. Easily stays down for like 5 hours straight and wakes up forgetting what planet he’s on