pure-heroinnn

[xhoess]

pls can you write an happy ending angst with nicholas chavez where reader and him discuss mariage and having children in general and reader shuts down the subjects saying mariage is overrated and meaningless and she hates children and doesn’t want any. so they starts debating/ fighting and he’s flabbergasted bc they don’t have at all the same vision of life and during few days it’s very cold/tensed between them especially him bc he told her that he wanted her to be the mother of their children. but at the end she ends up telling him why she is afraid to have PPD since she had a long depression and there more risks to have post partum depression if you had been depressed, to become a bad mom like her narcissistic mom …

(Yes omg I immediately started when I saw this🥲🥲)

"Facing Fears, Finding Love"

Nicholas chavez x fem reader

Summary: When Nicholas Chavez shares his dreams of marriage and children, you shut him down, leading to a tense argument. Days of distance follow until you confess your fears of postpartum depression and becoming a bad mother due to your past struggles. Nicholas, understanding and supportive, reassures you with unconditional love. Together, you begin to rebuild trust, facing the future with renewed hope and mutual understanding.

Words: 7.6 K

The air was thick with tension, the comfortable silence that had enveloped your cozy living room now feeling stifling. The soft glow of the table lamp cast gentle shadows over Nicholas's features, but the warmth was rapidly giving way to something far colder. He sat perched on the edge of the couch, a half-empty cup of tea cradled between his hands. His gaze had shifted from the window to you, and you sensed that something in him had changed since your blunt words had cut through the evening.

His enthusiasm had been infectious just moments earlier as he excitedly shared his visions of a future filled with laughter and children. You could remember the way his eyes sparkled, how his voice had held such a soothing cadence as he painted dreamlike scenarios of family vacations, birthday parties, and the cozy chaos of everyday life. The dreams that had built up effortlessly in his imagination had felt almost tangible, revived by the warmth of your shared space.

But then you shattered that moment. You could still hear the harshness of your own voice as you declared, "Marriage is overrated and meaningless," and then coolly added, "I hate kids. I don’t want any." The sting of your words hung between you, suspended like a bitter fog that neither of you knew how to dissipate.

Nicholas's expression shifted from one of hope to confusion, and finally to pain. His brows knitted together, as if trying to piece together the fragments of the conversation, and you saw the light in his eyes dim. "Why didn’t you say something before?" he asked, his voice a tight whisper, the tremor in it revealing the depth of his shock.

You opened your mouth, intending to reply, but the words caught in your throat. "I... I didn’t think it mattered," you stuttered, the pit in your stomach tightening as you tried to pick apart your jumbled thoughts.

Nicholas shook his head, his deep-set eyes searching yours for an answer you were not ready to give. "It does matter! You make it sound like all my dreams are foolish. I always thought you’d be the mother of my children!" He stood up abruptly, his movement punctuating the tension that crackled in the room. The chair he had been perched on scraped against the floor, a sound sharp enough to increase your heartbeat.

"I didn’t realize you had those dreams," you argued, defensiveness creeping into your voice. "Why would you assume that I would fill that role? Just because we’re together doesn't mean we want the same future."

Nicholas's face crumpled at your words, and for a fleeting moment, you wondered if he would crumble under the weight of your lack of understanding. "Because I thought we were building a life together," he shot back, the hurt evident in his tone. "I can’t believe you never mentioned this before. I always shared my dreams with you, and I believed you were sharing yours too. Was it all a lie?"

Your heart raced, and the sense of being cornered filled you with an urge to flee. "It’s not a lie!" you exclaimed, desperate to have him understand. "I just... I never thought you meant it so seriously. You know how I feel about kids, and you always seemed so... sure."

"But those were my hopes!" Nicholas’s voice rose, filled with bewildered frustration. "And you made me feel like I was the only one on this path. I thought we were on the same page—working toward a future together. Now I find out you’ve been harboring these feelings in secret!"

"Do you think I want this?" you replied, anger rising from a place you hadn’t known existed. "Do you think it’s easy for me to admit this? I didn’t want to disappoint you!" The words were out before you could snatch them back, biting into the already frayed fabric of the evening.

Nicholas paused, his chest rising and falling heavily with each breath, the realization washing over him as he processed your admission. "You must’ve known I would want to know," he said quietly, the hurt lying heavy in each syllable.

“I thought it could work,” you said, your voice betraying the edge of desperation. “I thought I could learn to want those things. But I can’t. I don’t want them.” The finality in your voice echoed around the room, but the truth collided with the storm brewing within you—a twisted mix of anger, sadness, and guilt.

Nicholas took a deep breath, visibly deflating. "I don’t want to pressure you into something you don’t want," he said, the warmth of his usual tone replaced by resigned coldness. "But I thought we were building a life together. I thought you were on board with this."

A painful silence descended, so thick you could nearly touch it. The more you tried to dismiss your internal storm, the louder it grew, shrieking that you could lose him, that this could be the turning point of everything you shared.

Nicholas stepped back then, retreating from your presence as if he needed physical space away from the wall he felt was being built between you. "I just... I need some air," he murmured, his voice just above a whisper. And with that, he walked away, leaving the conversation unresolved, like an unfinished melody that echoed in the empty silence.

You stood there, rooted to the spot, a ghost of guilt weaving its strands through your being. You wanted to go after him, to take back your words, but instead, you remained motionless, staring into the distance, the shadow of what had just transpired pressing down on you like an anchor.

The weight of your convictions pressed heavily against your chest, but so too did the fear of what might happen next. Would he really walk away? Would this moment linger? You felt trapped between the walls of your own design, and you couldn't decide which was more terrifying: the thought of losing Nicholas or the dread of confronting the real emotions behind your aversion to his dreams.

Breathing low and shaky, you sank onto the edge of the couch, the faint sound of Nicholas’s footsteps fading into the night. You were left alone, surrounded by silence, filled with a torrent of unresolved emotions swirling deeper in the recesses of your heart.

You spent the next few days drifting through your routine like a ghost. Each morning greeted you with the same tightness in your chest, a constant reminder of the cavernous rift that had opened between you and Nicholas. You felt it as you brewed your coffee, the familiar sound of the kettle boiling echoing in your small kitchen, yet it felt so foreign without Nicholas’s laughter or his gentle teasing about your obsessive coffee-making rituals. The silence was heavy, suffocating.

Nicholas had retreated into himself, a stark shift from the exuberant man who had spent countless evenings talking about dreams and plans. Now, sitting on the couch, you watched him scroll through his phone whenever he was nearby, his eyes dull, the corners of his mouth pressed into a thin line. He seemed a million miles away, lost in thoughts you couldn't penetrate. Each glance in his direction felt like a glimpse into an impenetrable fortress—one that had been built overnight after that fateful evening.

As you prepared your meals, the routine felt strangely haunting. You would plate two servings, only to find yourself taking the food to the table in silence. The atmosphere was heavy with unspokenness, punctuated only by the clattering of utensils. Nicholas would sit opposite you, often looking down at his food, as if it was the most fascinating spectacle in the world. After a few awkward bites, he would excuse himself, muttering something about an early start the following day. You would watch him go, the door swinging shut like the final nail in the coffin of your conversation.

In the evenings, you found yourself gravitating toward the living room window, staring out at the street below, watching people pass by with their laughter and carefree chatter. Your heart ached as you thought of how easy it had once been for you and Nicholas to share such moments, laughing and dreaming about the future. Now, memories felt like daggers, cutting deeper with each recollection of his face lighting up while talking about a family.

You tried to reach out, to bridge the distance, but every time you opened your mouth to speak, words got stuck in your throat. There were so many things you wanted to say, so many unexpressed fears that loomed over you like dark clouds. You didn’t want to unpack them in front of Nicholas, especially after how he had looked at you in shock. Instead, you chose solitary evenings, curled up on the couch with a blanket and a book, pretending to be engrossed in stories that danced around you but never quite touched your heart.

Occasionally, you’d catch Nicholas’s eye, and in those brief moments, your heart would flutter with hope. Maybe he’d reach out, maybe he’d say something… But each time, he just looked away, as if he were afraid to delve into that abyss of unexpressed thoughts. It reminded you of the time a friend had brought an injured bird to your doorstep. You both stared at it, sympathizing with its struggle, but when it came to the actual act of helping, you froze. Both of you had chosen to leave it alone, believing it was better that way.

One evening, as golden twilight faded into cool dusk, things grew unbearable. The silence felt like a living entity, twisting around you both like vines, choking the air. You found yourself standing by the window, tracing patterns on the glass with your fingers, when Nicholas’s voice cut through the stillness, soft but laden with weight.

“Are you just going to keep shutting me out?” he asked, his tone edged with pain.

You turned slowly, locking eyes with him. There was a vulnerability there that made your heart ache. Memories surged, unbidden—moments of joy, laughter, and warmth—and it shattered something inside you. You opened your mouth to respond, but the words cowered, retreating back into the shadows of your mind.

Nicholas stepped closer, his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his jeans as if they were the only anchor he had left. “We can’t keep doing this,” he continued, his voice barely above a whisper. “You don’t talk to me anymore. You don’t look at me the way you used to. I feel like I’m losing you.”

His admission cut deeply, the truth of his words reverberating within you. You wanted to scream that you were still there, still the person who loved him fiercely, but the fear of unveiling your struggles kept your tongue tied. Instead, you bit your lip, the taste of dread pooling in your stomach.

“I’m...fine,” you said, the lie tasting bitter on your lips as you looked away.

“Fine? You think this is fine? You closed yourself off after that night, and I am left here, feeling like some kind of stranger. I just want to understand,” he urged, his voice thickening with emotion.

His frustration hung thick in the air, and you felt an overwhelming urge to run, to hide away from the truth that loomed behind your eyes—the fear, the apprehension—a tangled web of hurt that you were still unraveling.

“Just leave me alone,” you finally managed, the words tumbling out before you could stop them. It was a defense mechanism, your voice detached and flat, concealing the tempest inside.

Nicholas’s face fell, eyes wide with hurt. “Why are you pushing me away?” he asked, his voice cracking. “I can’t make sense of any of this! I thought we were in this together!”

His words stung, and you stood there, feeling the distance grow wider, casting long shadows in the light of the fading day. “You wouldn’t understand,” you whispered, the admission barely escaping your lips.

With that, he turned and walked away, the weight of his footsteps reverberating through the quiet of the house. You could hear the sound of the door shutting behind him, blunt and final, and you were left standing alone in that echoing silence, the guilt rising inside you like a relentless tide.

As the minutes turned to hours, you sat on the edge of the couch, your head spinning with confusion. You were filled with guilt for not sharing your fears, yet terrified of how he would react if you did. As darkness enveloped the room, so did the realization that the love you cherished felt like it was slipping through your fingers like grains of sand.

In the emptiness, you found yourself wavering in that fragile silence, torn between the love you had for Nicholas and the walls you had built to shield yourself from the storm raging within. As night deepened, and shadows crept along the walls, you sat encased in loneliness, wondering if the silence between you could ever be broken.

You had counted the hours, but when you were finally able to measure the silence in days, it felt like a weight pressing against your chest. The quiet hung in your apartment like an uncomfortable guest who had overstayed their welcome. The remnants of heated words still echoed in your mind, taunting you as you passed through rooms once filled with laughter and conversation. You thought about reaching out to Nicholas, but each time you opened your mouth to speak, words crumbled in your throat, frail and weak.

The living room, once a sanctuary of warmth, had become a battleground adorned with remnants of the life you shared—the cozy blanket on the couch, the coffee mug still resting on the side table from a time before the argument erupted. Now, even the soft tremble of the air felt altered—thick, stifling. Nicholas had barely spoken since that fateful night, his eyes betraying a hurt that cut deeper with each glance as he withdrew further into himself.

You were busy preparing dinner—an unremarkable pasta dish—when you heard the sound of keys jiggling in the lock. Nicholas entered the house, and the mere act of him crossing the threshold somehow intensified the suffocating silence. You turned your back to him, focusing on the bubbling pot as if it could distract you from the gravity of the moment.

“Hey,” Nicholas said softly, his voice barely rising above the sound of water boiling, but you felt the tremor in it as if the ground beneath you was shifting. You willed your heart to slow, taking a deep breath, bracing yourself for the waves of anxiety that threatened to pull you under.

“Hey,” you managed to murmur without turning around. There was a heaviness in the air between you, a chasm of unspoken words stretching wide. You sensed him lingering in the doorway, unsure of how to breach the wall that had crashed down between you.

After an interminable moment, he finally stepped forward. “I can’t keep doing this,” he said, his voice cracking ever so slightly. “I can’t stand this silence.” His words wrapped around you, both a lifeline and a knife. “You feel so far away. Why have you shut me out?”

His vulnerability struck you. The warmth of his breath brushed against your neck, and despite the tension, a part of you longed to lean into him, to bridge that unbearable distance. But fear held you back, chaining you in place. You turned to face him, and the sight of his pained expression tugged at something deep inside.

“I don't know where to start,” you finally confessed, your voice wavering. “It’s just...everything has changed so quickly.”

Nicholas stepped closer, his eyes glimmering with concern. “You’re not making sense. I don’t understand what’s going on in your head, but it hurts to feel like you don’t want to share that with me.”

His words cut deeper than any shattering argument. You felt exposed and raw, and yet, in his gaze, you saw the remnants of the love you once felt so confident about. “You want to build a life together, Nicholas,” you said, trying to keep your tone even, but the tremor was there no matter how hard you fought against it. “You want a family, and I...I don’t want that. Not now, not ever.”

“What do you mean?” he questioned, his voice deepening with disbelief. “You never told me this. I always thought—” The weight of his words hung heavy, full of memories and dreams you once shared. He paused, swallowing hard as he looked away, as if seeking some kind of answer in the shadows of the room.

“You always thought I’d be the mother of your children,” you echoed, the bitterness you felt welling at the back of your throat. “So did I. But things don’t always turn out the way we plan, do they?”

His expression twisted with a mixture of hurt and confusion. “Why do you feel the need to shut me out? This isn't just about you. This is about us. Don’t you see how much you’ve changed and how much I care?”

“I just can’t think about that now!” you exclaimed, feeling the bubbling turmoil spilling over. “Life is messy. It's scary, Nicholas! I’m terrified, and I don’t want to repeat the mistakes that were made with me. I don’t even want—”

“Then what do you want?” he pressed, his frustration mounting, but his eyes softened, a glimmer of fear sparking behind them. “Tell me what you want. Do you want to be with me? Can we talk about this?”

“I don’t...” You hesitated, the internal battle raging loudly in your mind. You wanted to collapse into his arms and cry until there was nothing left, but each time you attempted to find the words, your throat constricted, as if afraid of the truth spilling out. The thought of his disappointment crushed you further, and the rawness of your own feelings cut deeply.

With a defeated breath, he whispered, “You know how much I love you, right? You’re my everything. I just always thought… I thought we were on the same path.” He looked down, and you could see the shadows of his dreams fading behind the weight of your words.

Panic clawed at your chest. You’d never intended to destroy the future he envisioned, but here you were, standing among jagged edges and broken pieces of trust.

“I thought you’d be the one to help me build a family,” he murmured, barely audible, his voice thick with emotion. You saw the hurt in his expression, and somewhere in that pain, you felt the truth of your own: you were losing him.

With that realization clawing at your heart, he turned away, moving toward the door again, each step reverberating with a heavy finality. “I need some air,” he said, his voice breaking slightly. “I can’t do this right now.”

In that moment, as you watched him walk away, the silence between you felt unbearable. You fell back against the cold counter, wrapped in a cocoon of guilt—but your mind spun in chaos, unable to clarify the thoughts clamoring for attention. You were afraid of losing him, yet still lost in your own shadows.

And between you and Nicholas, the door closed, sealing away all the words that now felt too heavy to utter.

The air in the room was heavy, thick with anticipation and unsaid words. You stood at the window, staring out at the dimming sky, the fragments of dusk spilling hues of orange and purple across the horizon. Each fleeting moment echoed your racing heartbeat, the silent battle raging within. Nicholas sat across the room, observing you with an intensity that made your heart clench. How had things escalated so quickly? One moment, you were weaving dreams of a future together, and the next, you'd shattered all that with a single sentence.

"Marriage is overrated and meaningless," you had said, and in return, you'd seen the light dim in Nicholas's eyes, the shock and hurt etched across his features like an unwelcome painting. Now, silence loomed around you, oppressive and thick, making it nearly impossible to breathe.

You turned away from the window, taking a step towards him, your feet heavy with uncertainty. Nicholas's expression remained guarded, a portrait of hurt and confusion, as if he were still trying to shield himself from the blow you'd dealt. But you couldn’t maintain the façade of indifference any longer. The truth clawed at your insides, begging for release.

"Nicholas," you began, your voice trembling. "I—"

He lifted his hand to silence you gently. “Please, just let me speak.”

So you fell silent again, heart racing as you waited for him to find the right words. He took a deep breath, and you could see the struggle behind his calm exterior.

“You shut me out, and I—” he hesitated, a shudder of emotion flitting across his face. “I thought you were my partner, but suddenly, I feel like I don’t even know you.”

You felt a swift pang of guilt. How could you expect him to understand? The words you wanted to speak slid around inside your mind like fish in a bucket, eluding you—but the truth was surfacing, rising, clawing its way out as you felt the weight of these hidden fears.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice was quieter now, softened by the weight of his pain. “I thought we were on the same page. I pictured us having a family together, sharing our lives… You never mentioned this.”

“I was afraid,” you confessed, the small admission at the tip of your tongue suddenly relieving. “Afraid of what you’d think of me.”

“Of what? You can tell me anything. I’m here, I love you,” he said, his voice almost pleading, and in his eyes, you saw the glimmer of hope, the raw sincerity of someone who was struggling to piece this puzzle together.

“I don’t want to be a failure,” you said, the words tumbling from your lips before you could catch them. You could see Nicholas’s confusion deepen, but you pressed onward, feeling the dam within you begin to crack. “I grew up watching my mother, who was supposed to be my protector, but she was… twisted. Emotional scars… they don’t heal easily, and I’m terrified of becoming her.”

Nicholas remained silent, his eyes widening with concern. The deeper you delved, the closer you felt to that dark recess of your past—unprocessed memories of chaos and confusion. “You know I struggled with depression,” you admitted, your throat tightening, “and I’ve read how that increases the risk of postpartum depression. It’s terrifying.”

As his expression shifted from confusion to understanding, you felt an odd sense of relief. “I don’t want to bring kids into this world and hurt them the way she hurt me. What if I can’t control it? What if I can’t be what they need?”

A tear slipped down your cheek, and you felt vulnerable, yet somehow lighter. Nicholas remained quiet, absorbing the weight of your fears, filtering through the chaos you shared.

“Please, say something.” You could hardly bear the silence. The truth of your feelings had surfaced, and now, you needed him to meet you there.

“That makes sense,” he finally said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I wish I’d known sooner. But I’m here, and I don’t want to pressure you into anything. I love you for you, and I want what makes you happy. We can face this together.”

His words reached out to you, digging around the rawness you felt and slowly stitching it back together. The flutter of panic that had threatened to consume you began to ease, though the scars remained, raw but acknowledged.

“I want you to know that you're not destined to repeat any cycle,” he said softly, closing the space between you, his hands reaching for yours. “Whatever happens, we’ll face it together. You’re not alone in this.”

Tears streamed quietly down your face as you felt an unexpected warmth envelop you. The release of your fears had opened a door, one you’d thought was locked forever. You took a shaky breath, touched by his understanding, and nodded in silent appreciation.

“You’ll be an amazing mother if that’s what you choose, and I know that,” he continued, voice steady, “but I want you to choose it for the right reasons—not because of fear dictating your decisions.”

His touch felt like home, and you leaned into him, finally free to be vulnerable, shedding the layers you had clutched onto for so long. You didn’t realize how much you craved this connection until it enveloped you.

“What a relief,” you murmured against his shoulder, and you felt him relax against you.

As the two of you stood there, bound by shared secrets and the promises of understanding, it became clear that while the future may still remain uncertain, you had taken the first brave step in facing it together. Yet, deep down, you knew the path was still long, unfurling ahead of you like the dimming light of the outside world.

But for now, you were not alone. The chapter was still unwritten, but a flicker of hope danced softly in the shadows.

You sit across from Nicholas, your heart pounding in your chest, the weight of your confession still hovering in the air like a thick fog. Tears glimmer in your eyes, but the raw honesty you’ve just shared brings to life an entirely different kind of fear—fear of his reaction. The silence between you feels heavy, as if the world has paused, awaiting his response. You can barely breathe, the anticipation hanging like an unspoken promise.

Nicholas shifts in his seat, his expression unchanging for a moment that feels like an eternity. He looks deeply into your eyes, searching not just for what you’ve voiced, but for all the fears and insecurities that still linger unspoken. His brow furrows as his mind processes the layers of your confession, the vulnerability laid bare between you.

Finally, he exhales softly, the breath escaping him like a gentle wave retreating back into the ocean. “I…I had no idea,” he murmurs, his voice barely above a whisper. “I’m so sorry you felt you had to carry this alone.” His tone is tender, and you can sense the sincerity woven through his words.

You blink, trying to hold back more tears. The empathy in his voice warms your heart, yet guilt creeps in, gnawing at you for the burdens you've placed on him without sharing. You have kept this hidden for so long, convinced that being strong meant being silent. In his gaze, you see not just the hurt, but an earnest desire to understand.

“I wish you had told me sooner,” Nicholas continues, his expression softening as he brushes a hand through his hair, a nervous habit you’ve come to recognize. “But I understand why it was difficult for you.” There’s a longing in his voice, an ache for connection, and you can’t help but feel a flicker of hope.

“I was scared you would leave,” you admit, the words spilling out. “I thought if I could just pretend, maybe it wouldn't become a problem.” You feel exposed, both terrified and relieved as you unearth the truth. “I didn’t want to disappoint you… or lose you.”

Nicholas reaches across the table, his hand finding yours, warm and grounding. He squeezes gently, breaking through the walls of tension that once surrounded you both. “You could never disappoint me. I love you too much for that,” he assures you, his voice calm and steady, a lighthouse guiding you through the stormy sea. “This is a journey we can take together, however long it needs to be.”

His words ebb the tide of your fears, and you watch as a soft resolve spreads across his features. “You’re not alone, and you don’t have to go through this by yourself,” he continues, his grip tightening reassuringly. “We’ll figure this out, step by step, together.”

Your heart swells, a mix of relief and gratitude washing over you, but doubt still lingers like a shadow at the back of your mind. “But what if I can’t overcome this?” you ask, your voice trembling as uncertainty floods in once more. “What if…I’m really not meant to be a mother?”

Nicholas’s gaze intensifies, a fierce protection enveloping his eyes. “That’s not true,” he says firmly. “You’re not your mother. You’re stronger than that, and I know you can break the cycle.” His voice is a balm, soothing the wounds you've carried for so long. “We can learn. We can seek help if you need it. You could even talk to a therapist with me… whatever you need.”

His willingness to tread into those uncharted waters with you ignites a spark of hope, yet your heart weighs heavy as a sense of fragility looms between you. “You really mean that?” you ask, your voice a whisper, almost fearfully fragile.

“Absolutely,” he nods, his tone reassuringly steady. “The love I have for you isn’t conditional on motherhood or marriage. It's about us, our connection, our partnership. And I’m not going anywhere.” He looks deep into your eyes, his resolve unwavering. “We’ll face whatever comes, together.”

The intensity of his promise warms your chest, pouring light into the dark corners of your fear. Nicholas’s breath mingles with yours as the distance that once felt insurmountable begins to fade with every reassuring word. You feel something shift in your heart, like the first thaw of spring after a long winter.

Overwhelmed with emotion, you lean in closer, until your foreheads almost touch. The warmth of his presence envelopes you, easing the tension that has knotted your heart for days. You take in the tangible sense of togetherness, feeling more at ease than you’ve felt in a long time.

But as you search his eyes, uncertainty lingers still—a flicker of concern reflecting back at you. “You know, even if we decide to have kids one day, it will take time for me to be ready—if I ever truly am. I don’t want you to wait for something that may never happen,” you confess, your heart aching with vulnerability.

Nicholas pauses for a moment, the weight of your words settling between you like a soft blanket. “I’d rather wait for you than rush into a decision that doesn’t feel right,” he responds, his voice filled with patience and understanding. The kindness in his eyes tells you that he truly means it, and for the first time in what felt like an eternity, you begin to believe that maybe you could share this journey of self-discovery together.

As the two of you sit in silence, the noise of the outside world fades into the background. In that stillness, you realize that the road ahead may not be easy, but holding onto each other through it offers a kind of comfort you’ve never truly experienced before. Nicholas’s presence feels like home, and with that thought, you draw a breath deep into your lungs.

The chapter ends with Nicholas pulling you into a comforting embrace. Lost in his warmth, the realization washes over you: although fear still lingers, it no longer feels insurmountable. Together, you can navigate the unknown, one step at a time.

The air felt different between you and Nicholas in the days following your heartfelt confession. The emotional storm that had raged in your hearts for what felt like an eternity was finally beginning to calm, but the residue of tension lingered like a faint, stubborn smell—too subtle to pinpoint, yet always there. You could almost see the invisible threads tethering you two together, slowly being rewoven, one earnest conversation at a time.

Nicholas had become a constant presence beside you, both a pillar of support and a gentle nudge urging you to confront your fears. The warmth of his hand on your shoulder, the soft, understanding glances he tossed your way when you faltered, made you feel safer. The distance had shrunk, but trust was a fragile thing, one that required careful nurturing.

It started on a Monday evening. The sun dipped low in the sky, casting a golden hue through the small kitchen window and wrapping you both in a soft glow. You were in the midst of organizing the clutter on the counter—a resurrected pile of bills and unwritten grocery lists that had become a silent witness to your distraction over the past few weeks. Nicholas stood nearby, stirring a pot of simple pasta, the unmistakable aroma of simmering garlic wafting through the air.

“Hey,” he called softly, breaking the silence that had become comfortable in its own right. “What do you think about planning a little getaway this weekend? Just you and me. Somewhere quiet.”

You turned toward him, the rhythm of your thoughts disrupted. “A getaway? Like… a vacation?” The notion stirred a note of excitement within you that had long been dormant. The idea of distancing yourselves from the daily grind—of seeking solace together—sparked a flicker of hope.

Nicholas nodded, his expression earnest. “Someplace where we can talk, be open. I think we both need a little time to breathe, to focus on each other.”

Feeling a rare swell of emotion, you put down the bill you had been sorting through. “You really think it would help?” There was a hint of disbelief in your voice, as if you had almost forgotten the two of you could enjoy simple pleasures together amidst the chaos of your emotions.

“Absolutely. Just you and me. And maybe some nature, fresh air, and absolutely no distractions,” he replied, a knowing smile stretching on his face. “We can figure things out together. No pressure.”

You glanced at the pot of pasta simmering away; the steam rising was almost hypnotic. But between each soft putter of the boiling water, you felt the pull of uncertainty—a reminder of the fears that still loomed, like shadows in the background. “What if we focus so much on talking that we end up pushing each other away again?” The doubt slipped out before you could rein it in.

Nicholas sighed softly, placing the wooden spoon down on the counter. He turned to face you fully, allowing the playful banter to fade into the realm of sincerity that had become your new norm. “It’s part of healing, isn’t it? We can’t avoid the tough conversations forever.”

Looking into his eyes, which sparkled not just with love but also with a determination to work through this together, you could see how deeply this mattered to him. Your insecurities waged war inside you, and still, the thought of turning away from that possibility sent a wave of panic crashing through.

“Okay,” you agreed, your voice steadying with resolve. “Let’s do it. A weekend away sounds perfect.” A tentative smile grazed your lips, igniting a glimmer of excitement. Perhaps this was the step you both needed.

As the week rolled by, the anticipation of your weekend getaway began to thaw the lingering frost in your relationship. Each night, you and Nicholas shared small glimpses of normalcy—watching your favorite shows, cooking together, and sometimes, just sitting side by side in silence, the once-painful quiet now a source of comfort.

The more open your conversations became, the more you began to reflect on what had once driven a wedge between you. You realized how easy it had been to retreat into yourself, a learned reaction rooted in your past disappointments. With Nicholas, though, you found safety in honesty—a revelation that came like a dawn after a long, dark night.

On Friday evening, you guys piled into the car with a playful mix of excitement and nervous energy. The road stretched before you like an unwritten story, your destination a small cabin nestled in the woods, just far enough away from bustling city life for you to truly escape. As you drove, Nicholas took your hand, intertwining your fingers—a simple gesture that sent warmth coursing through you.

“Just you and me,” he repeated, glancing at you with a soft smile that spoke volumes. The trees gradually transformed from a blur to individual silhouettes with each passing mile—stories waiting to be told, mysteries to unravel.

When you finally arrived, the cabin stood sturdily against the backdrop of towering pines and a rapidly darkening sky. It felt like a hidden treasure, a safe harbor from the storms that had threatened to destroy everything you held dear. Stepping inside, the scent of cedar enveloped you, mingled with a crackling fire that flickered warmly in the stone fireplace.

As you settled into the space, the initial thrill of the getaway settled into a tender stillness. You sat on the couch, the warmth of the fire playing along the walls as Nicholas draped an arm around you. “Here’s to new beginnings,” he toasted, raising an imaginary glass. Laughter bubbled from your lips—an echo of familiarity, the joy somewhat striking in its discomfort after the recent storm.

The evening unfurled like a blanket, soft, reassuring. Comforted by the gentle sounds of the wilderness outside, you found the courage to engage in small talk that danced around deeper fears. “I’ve been thinking about therapy,” you admitted quietly as you both watched the flames flicker.

“Really? I think that’s a great idea,” Nicholas said, his voice encouraging as he leaned closer. “And I’d love to go with you. I want to be part of your journey in any way I can.”

His words resonated like a soothing lullaby, and for the first time in ages, you didn’t feel the walls closing in. The conversation turned to lighter topics—memories, holiday plans, and silly dreams. And amid the laughter, you realized that rebuilding trust didn’t just stem from big declarations—it thrived in the everyday moments, the tenderness shared in glances and gestures.

As the night deepened, ultimately it became clear: fear and love could coexist, but it was how you navigated the waters between them that defined your journey. Slowly, you began to understand that while you didn’t have all the answers, the effort to communicate was your most significant step forward.

The sun dipped low on the horizon, casting warm hues of orange and pink across the sprawling beach. Waves lapped softly at the shoreline, their rhythmic cadence soothing the remnants of tension that had once gripped your heart. You walked along the sands, hand in hand with Nicholas, each step feeling lighter than the last. It was a picturesque scene—one that felt vibrant and alive—much like the renewed connection you both shared.

“How perfect is this?” Nicholas broke the silence, glancing at you with a smile that lit up his face. His eyes sparkled with the same warmth as the setting sun, and you couldn’t help but smile back.

“It is,” you replied, letting the gentle breeze ruffle your hair. It was moments like this that reminded you how far you’d come. The ocean stretched endlessly before you, mirroring the vast possibilities of the future laid out ahead.

Nicholas paused, pulling you closer as you walked. His presence felt reassuring, grounding. You had spent countless sleepless nights processing your fears, the weight of your mother’s shadow looming large. Yet here you were, finally facing those insecurities, hand in hand with someone who promised to navigate the unknown by your side.

“Can you believe how much has changed since our fight?” Nicholas asked, his tone hinting at disbelief, yet filled with hope.

You could hardly believe it yourself. The storm that had once threatened to capsize your relationship now felt like a distant memory—something you had survived together, anchored in honesty and understanding.

“What we talked about… it’s not gone, but it doesn’t feel as terrifying anymore,” you confessed. “I think facing it head-on made it easier to breathe.”

Nicholas nodded thoughtfully, his fingers tightening around yours. “I’m just glad we’re both willing to talk about it. Can you imagine how different things would be if we didn’t have that conversation?”

You shuddered at the thought. The idea of burying your fears, of risking silence over honesty, felt suffocating. “I know I was scared to share my feelings before,” you began, looking up at him. “But your reaction…it changed everything for me.”

His eyes softened at your words. “I’m always here for you. It’s just a matter of finding the right way to open up. I wanted to be supportive but didn’t know how. I never want you to feel like your fears make you less deserving of love.”

There was a richness to his voice that filled you with warmth. Nicholas had done more than express his love—he had actively opened the door to healing. Knowing that he was here to buoy you through those moments of despair allowed you to cultivate hope.

With the sun now sinking lower, the sky was ablaze with color—blues and violets mixing with the fading gold of the day. You settled down on a nearby blanket laid out earlier, creating a cozy spot to watch the world’s beauty unfold. Nicholas joined you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder, his presence an anchor in a world that often felt chaotic.

“What if we made it a tradition?” he suggested, gazing out at the water, which glistened in the dimming light like thousands of diamonds scattered across the surface. “Coming here, whenever we need a reset. Just you and me.”

You smiled at the thought, imagining countless sunsets shared together, a space ever filled with laughter and honesty. “I love that idea. It’s like a reminder that we can always come back to each other.”

Nicholas turned to face you, his expression earnest. “And we’ll continue to talk, to share. About everything. There’s no shame in discussing our fears. Sometimes they’ll deepen but others, like with kids… it’s no longer just a ‘what-if’ if we approach it together. It’s just a matter of time.”

The thought made your heart race, fluttering with both excitement and lingering fear. “I want that, but it terrifies me still.”

It’s okay to feel that way,” he assured you, his gaze steady. “What’s important is that we’re growing together. We won’t rush anything—but we both know facing that chapter when we’re ready, together, is what counts.”

That sense of mutual understanding allowed a certain relief to wash over you. Navigating the future felt less like a solitary journey through treacherous waters and more like a gentle drift under the stars, together in a small boat.

“I never thought I would feel this way,” you admitted softly. “About children, about us. That I could come to terms with my past while looking forward to what’s ahead, no matter what it looks like.”

Nicholas smiled, his warmth radiating through you as his thumb gently stroked your arm. “You’re not destined to repeat your mother’s mistakes. You’re stronger than you realize. Whatever route we take, I promise to be alongside you. You’ll never be alone in this.”

The final flush of sunlight dipped below the horizon, the twilight wrapping you both in a cocoon of soft shadows. You leaned your head against Nicholas’s shoulder, comforted by his promise and knowing that trust had been rebuilt through vulnerability.

“Let’s make plans,” you said suddenly, a surge of bravery rising within you. “Not just about kids but about us. Let’s talk about where we see our lives heading—the little things we can do to nurture our love.”

Nicholas’s eyes twinkled with excitement. “Absolutely. Maybe we can start with that cooking class you mentioned or exploring some new trails for hiking?”

“Or finding a place together!” you proposed, a giddy anticipation bubbling inside.

The possibilities felt endless, a blank canvas primed for new experiences. In that moment, everything shifted—the uncertainty you once feared began to fade, replacing it with eagerness and hope.

As you both made tentative plans for the future, a sense of exhilaration enveloped you. You grasped his hand tighter, feeling the warmth of connection both profound and palpable.

You realized, perhaps for the first time, that the future was not just a timeline filled with uncertainties; it was a landscape you would cultivate together, day by day, moment by moment.

Nicholas pulled you closer, wrapping his arms around you as the last traces of daylight disappeared. Together, you stared out into the darkening sea, where the stars began to twinkle overhead. No longer on the precipice of fear, you knew deep within that you would face whatever came—together, always.

In that tranquil embrace, you felt a swell of gratitude wash over you. For love. For trust. For new beginnings. As the waves rolled in softly beneath the starlit sky, you held onto hope tightly and realized:

Your journey was only just beginning.

[lovifie]

Simon was in complete awe of your captivating persona from the very beginning. He always imagined you as a serene, well-read, and graceful princess. Your persona was so angelic that he believed you descended from the heavens. He assumed you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth, surrounded by opulence and luxury. But all of his preconceptions changed when he met your parents at a family dinner. To his surprise, your dad was a retired veteran colonel, and your mom was a retired military pilot. They were acting cruelly…hell even the children at the dinner…The realization hit him like a bolt of lightning, that you and your siblings were raised to be soldiers, and your training began from childhood….

This is the second time I write it because the only time I chose to write directly on Tumblr.com it bugged and deleted it (I wanna rip my eyes off) Hope that you like it 🩷

Extra bit - Extra bit x2

It was a dinner arranged by your parents, the whole team was invited. You thought about not saying anything, keep to yourself and tell your parents the team said no. But they would read right through you, and the moment you mentioned the team was sold.

Now, Simon used to think that you came for an extremely wealthy family. That you joined the military in an act of rebellion, that you could have easily chosen an easier job because you wouldn't have to worry about money in your life. You always move so gracefully while fighting, always so serene when talking, he had yet to see you cry or get mad. Almost like a porcelain door.

What he didn't know was that it was simply a mask that had been forced upon you by your parents. And it was during the dinner that he started to see the little cracks.

He finally saw you be tense, every thread of your person pulled to their limit ready to snap. He understood why you always seemed so relaxed under Price's orders. In comparison to your parents, the man was a loving mother. At some point they even expressed their doubts even of the captain's abilities. He didn't even want to think about how much self doubt they have helped you form.

It slowly started to make sense, how he would never see you in the mess hall. Always working, always training, always practicing, always studying, always getting better.

He looked at your siblings, younger, worse at hiding their emotions. He could see their tiredness, their fear of your parents. You have seated yourself between your father and your siblings. Trusting more to seat them next to Ghost than your own parents.

Your youngest sibling was sitting next to him, and when he noticed them looking up to them he looked back. The kid didn't even look away, and Ghost winked at them making the slightest smile appear on his tiny face.

“We are eating.” Your mother chastised, your sibling face terrified as he went back to eating. It didn't escape him the way you jump, not the slight disgusted expression it put onto your father when you did.

He standed up, motioning you to follow him outside. You panic for a second, forgetting that you no longer lived in your parents house and didn't need to be afraid. You slipped through your father's hand, walking behind the lieutenant when he went outside to have a smoke. You sat on the floor, sighing and with tears pricking your eyes from the frustration.

Ghost asked you about it, and you finally let go of it all. You told him about how your parents believe that dying at war is the most noble way out, how the only job valid for them was in the military, how you have never seen them cry, how you were sure that they would never cry if you died, everything.

By the end of it, you were hugging his leg, your head resting on his thigh as he rubbed your head with his hand consoling you.

“Wait here.” He threw the cigarette to the floor, stepping on it and went back inside.

A moment later the four men were out again.

“C’mon, kid.” Price said with a smile on his face. “There's an emergency, let's go.”

Just when you were standing up, drying your tears the door opened.

Your siblings walked out, giggling each with a backpack. “We heard the world needs saving, shall we go?”

And then, with your team and your siblings, you went into the most rundown, almost destroyed pub. Ate the most greasy food that you were certain would give everyone food poisoning and went on to have the best family dinner of your whole life.

[novantinuum]

Steven's Breakdown Was Inevitable From the Very Beginning

I feel like the thing that fucks me up the most about Steven Q. Universe and how well conceived he is as a character is that the fundamental building blocks of why he reached his breaking point in SU: Future were laid out as clear as day in the span of legit only the first four episodes of the original show. The writing was literally always on the wall that future him would struggle with matters of self worth and identity in relationship to the others around him.

Let's take a look:

Gem Glow

"Awesome! What are these things?"

Foundational Trauma #1: Steven's home is always either under threat or actively being wrecked by antagonistic forces/beings, and he constantly copes with this by pushing down his fear in favor of a curiosity and silver linings based mindset.

Look at his initial shock when he opens the door and gets tackled by one of these things, and then his response when one of them spits acid:

The kid's freaked the hell out about all this, and while I do think there's a part of Steven that genuinely IS curious about what these lil critters are, I think he's subconsciously using that curiosity as a way to distract himself from his own fears and anxieties. This is Steven actively learning how to ignore the deeper problems in favor of emoting a facade to the others in his life that he can totally handle himself in scary situations like these.

The underlying reason why is incredibly apparent, when you look at the example from the next episode-

Laser Light Canon

"I don't know what a magic lady like her ever saw in a plain old dope like me..."

Genuinely- from the bottom of my heart- I think the above quote from Greg is a moment where his own insecurities around the Gems actually rubbed off on Steven.

At this point in time, Steven may be living with the Gems... but he hasn't started to harness any of his powers at all, so in his own head he might as well be the same as his dad- another human, just one who happens to have a gem! But the way Greg talks about himself... given Steven was living with him in the van for years before moving in to the beach house, he had to have heard negative self-talk from his dad like this before.

And then there's the rest of the Crystal Gems... always speaking of Rose with such reverence as if she were an all-powerful goddess... and Steven can't help but look back at himself, and his gem that won't work... the gem that the others still identify as Rose's...

"Your gem-! You have Rose's gem!"

And maybe he starts to wonder if- without any working powers- he's just a plain ol' dope like his Dad, too.

"Please work... Unlock! Activate! Go! Please-!! Everyone's counting on you, you can't just be useless!"

Foundational Trauma #2: Steven has Rose's gem, and as such, is constantly living under the silent expectation to live up to a standard that he simply cannot ever hope to achieve, because he doesn't KNOW her and he never will.

I want to highlight one of Steven's expressions while his dad is talking about Rose- look at that sad look. My god, I just wanna hug him. This is the expression of a child who has already come to terms with the fact that his only relationship with his mom is through the rose tinted stories that other people tell him about her.

Cheeseburger Backpack

So. Steven has learned so far that he needs to push down his feelings and emote a false veneer of cheer and bravery even when he's afraid, because the rest of the people in his life have expectations and hopes for him due to the legacy of his parentage and he can't bear the thought of letting them down. (And in a sad way, at this point "letting them down" literally just means... being an ordinary human boy. I believe Steven at this stage of the show is flat out scared to be human, because to be human is to fail at being a Gem, and no amount of love and sacrifice in the name of humanity in the seasons to come could've ever saved him from the fundamental fact that the wedge between him and this whole half of his being was already drawn long before the events of season 1 even started. But I digress.)

Let's see where we go from there. Let's check out Steven's first "mission." Or as Pearl puts it about 35 episodes later, his first "test."

"Yeah... they can't all be winners."

This episode is tinted with a little bit of tragedy for me on rewatch, because I genuinely do think the Gems handled the situation as well as they could've. They were supportive of Steven's successful ploys, and (for the most part) responded with grace when he majorly blundered and left the Goddess Statue at home. The main problem, however, is that Steven has already developed a bit of a complex about impressing the three of them-

Foundational Trauma #3: Even when they claim otherwise, Steven has convinced himself that affection from the Gems is transactional, and that when he messes up he's not truly a part of the Crystal Gems.

Of course we the audience know this isn't true- I mean, hell, Amethyst even said as much in episode one after her slip-up ("and you're fun to have around, even if your gem IS useless!")... that the Crystal Gems wouldn't be the same without him. But Steven... the poor kid is a complicated little guy living a complicated life, and whether they intended it or not, the language used they've used around him thus far has not backed up their attempts at fully embracing him, human parentage and all.

Thus, Steven just spends the entire episode wracked with anxiety trying to find creative non-power using ways to make the mission easier so he can convince them he's useful to have around.

Look how nervous he gets even when all three of them are visibly and vocally supportive of his presence here:

This is the face of a boy who feels like he's under constant judgement and scrutiny from those around him.

Blessedly, viewing this episode in isolation, he experiences a brief moment of mental respite where he finally accepts the Gems' encouragement and agrees that his ideas 'can't all be winners,' but this lesson does not stick for him moving forward. A shame, really.

Together Breakfast

"What's the matter, Steven?" "I wanted us all to have breakfast together, so I made Together Breakfast! But everyone keeps leaving..." "Oh, that's nice..."

Taken in context with what we've learned already in the last three episodes, Steven's desperation to spend quality time with the Gems here and his sadness that they keep leaving him alone doesn't just exist within a vacuum. He spends the whole morning watching them shuffle in and out of the temple, or come back from missions he wasn't invited on, and with the disastrous result of the LAST mission he went on probably fresh in his mind it's not hard to understand why this bothers him.

Foundational Trauma #4: Steven internalizes that the price of "not being useful" is that the Gems actively ignore him, meaning that the only way to guarantee their attention is to work as hard as he can to become a stronger member of the team.

I know this screenshot is usually used as a lighthearted meme, but I wanted to include it because I think it's a good example of how Steven's intense desire to impress permeates every facet of his personality at times. Just LOOK at how desperate he is to make Garnet laugh at his joke, to be the one that's at very least "fun to have around," as Amethyst put it in episode one.

The Gems do eventually drop what they're doing to spend time with Steven by the conclusion of this episode, but this only comes after Steven shows his growing strength and "proves" himself by saving their butts from the breakfast monster.

If he successfully gained their attention in literally any other way he might've come away from this episode with a different lesson, but no. Instead, his fears were proven true- the Gems value strength and utility, and if he's not exhibiting that, then what use is he to them?

These fears of his can be seen weaving throughout the foundational fabric of the entire show, but I think Steven lays out what he sees as his "stakes" in the clearest way possible in the episode 'An Indirect Kiss.'

"But- if I don't have powers, then I can't hang out with Amethyst, or Garnet, o-or Pearl, and- I-I can't go on missions!"

And these same insecurities even rear their ugly head as late as the movie.

"I can't believe this... for the first time in years, everyone's in danger, everybody needs me, and- I'm useless!"

Powers = Utility = Worth = Other's love, for Steven. Everything is transactional to the end, which is a hilarious double standard he's set for himself when he's made his reputation as the kid who always listens and encourages and gives others a chance to change, no matter their messy history with him.

__

So let's recap and restate those foundational traumas from Steven's perspective.

One: The only way to cope when your life is constantly under threat is to bury the damage and pretend to be fine.

Two: Everyone expects you to live up to the standards of someone you're not.

Three: The Gems only love you when you're of use to them.

Four: If you ever stop being useful, the Gems won't want anything more to do with you.

In sum, Steven's habit of burying his feelings for the benefit of others was there from the very beginning, not just since 'The Test.'

Those unreachable standards he felt so daunted and intimidated by all his life were the ones set by Rose, at first... but over the course of the series, the dynamic of this shifted. As Rose's influence fell into the background, Steven's rose into the front. And so it's with great irony that- by the time of Steven Universe: Future, the expectations this exhausted, worn down teenager is fighting to once again achieve are the ones HE set for himself. Many of young Steven's selfless actions during the war are quite admirable when analyzed in isolation, but almost none of them are sustainable. He set himself on fire just to save the world, but teen Steven is genuinely unable to see this for what it is yet- as a tragic sacrifice of his own childhood. You can't burn your own ends for others forever, not at all. His breakdown was simply inevitable.

When it comes to the interconnected beliefs three and four, these are exactly why the ultimate confrontation at the end of I Am My Monster HAD to be one fueled by selfless love. Steven is at his absolute lowest at this point- he's everything he fears he's become, trapped in a form that's nearly incapable of reason. He's big and angry and spiky because that's a part of the facade- because a part of him WANTS to scare the Gems away, wants to be left alone forever, believing this the fate he deserves as price for his misdeeds.

In this form, by his own definitions he is NOT useful to the Crystal Gems at all.

But they don't care.

Because it never WAS about Steven's 'usefulness' to them, they simply love him for being Steven.

With this in mind, the conclusion of Steven Universe: Future wasn't just a salve to teen Steven's immediate struggles, it was a salve to the foundational insecurities that have been plaguing him his entire life.

And hopefully... from this point on... his family's shows of love and encouragement will be enough to finally convince Steven that he's more than worth their time...

No matter what path the future leads him on, and no matter what form he takes.

[pathetichimbos]

Can you do prego reader x Thomas Hewitt?

I sure can!

Thomas loves kids. He adores them, always has. He desperately wants a family of his own, but the idea is pretty short lived considering no one in his entire town will look at him, let alone want to spend their life raising a family with him.

So, he throws the idea away, tossing it to the back of his mind with the rest of his dreams that have been crushed due to his conditions.

But then, here comes you.

Not only do you look at him, but you stare, as if you're caught in a trance by his presence alone. He's nervous under your gaze, but he doesn't run as you approach him, introducing yourself.

You're so very kind, and as time moves on, and the two of you begin to become close, he's infatuated.

He spends a long time entranced, pining from a distance, too afraid to even approach you with the idea of possibly having a relationship, simply happy just to be by your side as a friend.

No one can tell you how he could possibly miss your own affection for him, or how you could miss his.

But the two of you dance around each other for too long, always teasing at the possibility of more, but self doubt and hesitation keeping you both at bay.

The tension finally snaps when Thomas sees a random, older biker hitting on you at the old station.

He doesn't really know what breaks inside him, his arms snaking around your waist from behind, burying his face in your neck, but the way you lean back against his chest and run a hand through his hair, all while holding eye contact with the old creep, tells him it wasn't a mistake.

He's a lot more affectionate with you after that, mostly in private, but he doesn't shy away from holding you close to ward off any creeps that may take an interest in you.

Your first kiss is slow, and messy. It's clear Thomas doesn't know what he's doing as he holds your wrists, letting you cup his face in the dark of his bedroom.

Luda Mae would throw a fit if she found out you snuck out of the guest room they let you stay in, slipping out in the middle of the night to see Thomas when you couldn't sleep.

But neither of you could seem to care as you gently pull his mask off, moving it out of the way as you cup his scarred face, rubbing circles over his cheekbones.

He lets you take the lead, following your movements slowly and carefully as he tests the waters, eagerly returning your affections.

It doesn't go much farther than that, but it doesn't need to. You and Thomas have always gone at your own pace, and as long as you have each other, that's all that matters to you.

Years pass and the two of you inevitably get hitched, and all of the sudden that desire Thomas hid away all those years comes flooding back.

Thomas wants kids.

He's still unsure, nervous about how you'd feel about the idea. He doesn't want to bring it up and ruin everything by making you uncomfortable, but he desperately wants to have a family with you.

So, when he finally works up the courage, and you tell him you want kids as well, he's all over you.

It's less than three months after your wedding you find out you're pregnant, and the entire family is overjoyed.

Thomas is ecstatic, almost in disbelief that this is actually happening, and that he's actually going to be a father.

Luda Mae is delighted at the idea of grandchildren, and it even puts a smile on Hoyt's face.

No one can wait to welcome the newest Hewitt to the family, everyone in joyous spirits for the entire duration of the pregnancy.

It doesn't take long for your stomach to swell and grow, and everything you do has Thomas worried and fidgeting, not wanting to be overbearing but mind racing with everything that could go wrong.

Luda Mae is your main source of confidence, having already gone through her own pregnancy long ago. Any anxieties or fears the two of you have, she helps calm, and any questions that could keep either of you up at night, she has the answers.

You're very noticeablely pregnant by your third month, your stomach poking out and making your shirts ride up, leaving everyone to come to one conclusion:

"It's twins." Luda Mae looks at you over the rim of her cup as she takes another sip of coffee.

"Twins!?" Your eyes are wide as you grip the table in front of you, barely grasping what she just said, "But how- how could you possibly know that!?"

"Well, look at'ya." She gestures to you from across the table.

You rub your hand over your not so little bump, looking between her and your stomach, "I mean, yea, but that doesn't mean it has to be twins, right?"

"You better listen to Mama on this one." Hoyt pitches in from where he's leaning back in the other chair, his own coffee mug in front of him, "She ain't never been wrong about this."

Thomas is, of course, ecstatic about this. He wants multiple children, so to him this makes things easier. Depending on how you feel about it, he would consider having more, but he's more than happy with twins.

Hoyt spends the couple of months before your due date bringing in more victims to sort of 'stock' up so Thomas won't have to leave your side during the last month of your pregnancy. Which, good luck to anyone trying to pull him away from you during the last month, he's practically glued to your hip.

It pretty much goes without saying everyone expects you to do a home birth. Of course, if you really want to, (or need to due to a high-risk labor), Luda Mae will take you to the hospital in the next town over.

While Thomas normally hates going to town, for anything really, nothing is going to stop him from being there for the birth, so it doesn't matter where or how you decide to have the twins, he's going to be by your side for the entirety of it.

...And that's pretty much a less analytical more drabbily sort of take on it. Thanks for sending in the ask! <3

[puranami]

✿ It's The Little Things - 4 ✿

A/N: I wish I knew how to write for Katakuri because he'd be right at home in this big boi edition ksdjh Rosi makes me cry ilhsm (ಥ﹏ಥ)

Summary: Little relationship things with a couple big bads, and Rosi who has never done anything wrong in his life and doesn't die, bc i said so ✿

Characters: Crocodile, Rosinante (Corazon), Doflamingo

Content: SFW, G/N reader (though Croc calls you doll... but I think he'd do that regardless,) fluff on toast ✿

(Part 1 - Luffy, Zoro, Nami, Usopp, Sanji) (Part 2 - Buggy, Shanks, Mihawk) (Part 3 - Franky, Robin, Law, Kid, Killer)

Crocodile

✿ It goes without saying, being with Crocodile means you are surrounded by luxury; he is a very materialistic man with a very specific image he has cultivated, and that extends to you. All your clothes, jewellery, any makeup, even down to your perfume and shampoo are carefully considered to make sure you compliment him perfectly. He is particular, but not unreasonable, giving you options so you can make your own decision, and he will not force something on you that you hate - can't have you walking around sulking. Really though, he values your opinion, he just sets the parameters and you chose how to meet them. In fact, if you simply went along with everything he said, giving no input of your own; he'd get very bored, very quickly.

✿ When you aren't in public, basically acting as the power couple of Alabasta (before that goes awry,) and then of the Cross Guild; he allows himself to be much softer, and generally just more human with you. Work will always be his priority, but he's not against sleeping in and having a lazy day, or part day, depending on what's going on in your lives. He'll hug you randomly, catch you in his hook if he wants your attention, and just generally manhandle you, but in the gentlest way. Crocodile also enjoys cooking with you, and is not above throwing ingredients, or flicking water at you, especially if you start it, and he will throw a tea towel in your face if he wants to. It's very endearing seeing such a powerful, and feared man being a little silly, and it's only for you.

✿ His sense of humour is as dry as he is, and either you get it and laugh along, which is nice, or you find it so painful that you can't help but groan, him laughing at your suffering instead, which is even nicer. Crocodile's laugh is basically a low rumble that you can feel reverberating in his chest, which is the nicest part of all. He always drops jokes unexpectedly, in a way where you think he's just going to comment on something, or maybe flirt with you; "You know what makes me smile, doll?" - "Could it be the fact you get to spend a quiet, relaxing day with me, hmm?" - "Facial muscles." It's either the funniest thing, or you will genuinely want to throttle him. He doesn't hold it against you if you slap him over it, the impact barely registers with this living sandbag, and he takes it as a sign that the joke was a particularly good one (in his opinion.)

Rosinante (Corazon)

✿ An absolute sweetheart, and a gentle giant. He treats you like spun glass, at least to begin with, afraid he will hurt you with either his general size and strength, or his clumsy nature. It will take time for him to relax into things, but he will; humans are naturally rather resilient, and him giving you a strong hug, or falling over himself onto you is not going to break you. It still won't stop him crying over it, especially if you end up with any bruises, but you'll hold him gently as you stroke his head, soothing him while you explain that it's alright, and that these things happen; "I got a bigger bruise from accidentally kneeing the table the other day. It's not the first time, and it won't be the last either. Everything is okay, I promise." Poor guy just loves you so much, he can't stand the thought of you being hurt in any way!

✿ He absolutely adores it when you snuggle up beside him, under his massive coat. It feels like the safest place in the world, and it's so warm - nothing bad can happen under this fortress of feathers! Rosi in general is just a cuddly guy really, holding you at every opportunity, taking your relatively small hands in his giant ones, carrying you whenever and wherever you'll allow him to; always by his chest though, so when he inevitably slips, he doesn't land on you. Being your resident tall, he prefers to pick you up to reach things as opposed to grabbing those things for you, as it means he can hug you at the same time!

✿ Rosinante is absolutely ride or die with you! Whatever your dreams and ambitions, he will do everything in his power to try and help you achieve them. The only caveat is that he will also do the same for his own mission, and sometimes that overtakes him, and he will unknowingly, and definitely unwillingly overlook you at times. He keeps you completely separate from that part of his life - because it's so dangerous, and he never wants to put you in harms way. It can be lonely when he's so focused, or not around, and that's what spurs him to attach himself to you whenever he can.

Doflamingo

✿ The fact you managed to catch his attention at all is honestly a feat in itself. He's a man who has everything (until he goes to jail,) and he always gets what he wants, no matter how he has to go about it - so there must be something that he cannot buy, threaten, or manipulate out of you, or anyone else. There is something about you personally, a fearless spirit, the right kind of sass, the patient and forgiving nature of a god, just something more; you're like a unique treasure, one that he refuses to allow in the public eye, as he is a very selfish man. He basically puts you on a pedestal, catering to every little whim or desire. At least to a point. He won't prioritise you over his machinations, and he can't be soft and tender with you on command. He'll have is moments sure, but they're on his time, and only when you are alone.

✿ He loves to loom over you, manhandle you, generally just manipulate your body, all to remind you just how small and delicate you are. The man is a predator, let's be real, and you will never forget that while you are his favourite, you are still prey in his eyes. While he likes the look of you being the small, timid thing he expects from prey, he adores your looks of defiance, refusing to cower before him. It's part of what proves that you are above everyone else, excluding himself of course, and that you are worthy of his attention. You can sass him, and tell him "No," so long as you do what he says where it matters. He won't tolerate blatant disrespect and insubordination, that's a one way ticket 6ft under. Your relationship is a delicate balance of accepting your place beneath him, but not being so beneath him that you may as well not exist.

✿ In those longed for times when it's just the two of you, he will give you whatever affection you desire, even if it's not something he can really reciprocate. He likes you happy, and his pride means he will not accept that there is something he cannot get or do for you. That's not to say he doesn't love you, he does in his own way; he's just buried that part of him deep down, so deep it may never be found. Perhaps, as time goes on however, with you being a consistent presence in his life, showing him what genuine kindness and compassion are, he may remember somewhat and be able to offer it back to you. Don't hold your breath, though, if it's happening, it's not happening fast. He's certainly a convincing actor, and his mimicked affections feel real enough.

[halcyone-of-the-sea]

Congrats on 5k my dear you deserve it!!!! <3

My humble request is a lil angsty, [Reader] passing away unexpectedly (accident maybe idk) and leaving their child in Simon’s care whom he didnt know existed until then. Child is probably 2-5 years old maybe. Angsty, bittersweet Simon coming to terms with fatherhood, where it goes its up to you!! <3

Also if it feels this can be more than your current limit to two page request celebration then feel free to ignore it! ^^

—Supposed To Happen

⇢ ˗ˏˋ 5k Drabble Masterlist ࿐ྂ

╰┈➤ ❝ [You died and left him a child he had no idea existed. How can he even begin to try and understand?] ❞

He watches his child as they play in the living room with one of the blankets from the couch, his hands digging into the skin of his biceps. 

Simon didn’t know what to think, and that resulted in a panic that could only be seen in his unblinking eyes. So much had happened—so much gone wrong in so little time there wasn’t a moment to process before the next problem jumped on his already heavy shoulders. 

You were dead. 

Dead. 

And he’d had a child this entire time and had never known about it. 

Why hadn’t you told him? Why hadn’t you said anything? None of this made sense to him—even hours after he’d taken this small toddler back to his flat, Simon’s body was quivering under his clothes; indiscernible to anyone but himself. He felt nauseous. 

He wasn’t ready to be a father. Even normal civilian life was…difficult to fall back into. And that was putting it lightly. 

A child. His child. Flesh and blood.

Blinking slowly, the man hadn’t said a word as the child no older than two grabbed at the fabric with its tiny hands—raising it up and down to watch the material wave. Small cut-off giggles stab Simon in the heart and he has to look away firmly as his jaw clenches. It is a bone-deep fear that he holds like a brick in his lungs. 

“Fucking hell,” he breathes out, a hand coming up to rub over his face. Simon wasn’t wearing a balaclava—too afraid he’d scare the little thing. 

The last thing he needed was for them to cry.

“Fucking hell,” Simon repeats, slower and more harshly. 

He was a soldier—a killer…a father?

Simon hadn’t picked the child up after he’d last set them down on the floor, his hands gloved because of the blood he was afraid might be under the stitching; the stain that can never come out. 

A father? No, no he can’t be a father. Not now. Not…not after…

Tiny hands grasp at the material of his pants and he tenses, flinching back two quick steps. The mini body that had been attached to his leg stumbles, tripping on air as the balance it had disappears. 

Wide brown eyes stare tightly, face blank of any emotion as a small silence falls when the thump of little knees meeting the rug makes Simon’s ears twitch in remorse. 

Sniffles result in the man panicking. 

“No, no, no,” he utters, stepping closer with his hands raised as the toddler’s limbs move to their eyes, tears making their way to the floor. “Hey, d-don’t cry. You’re alright, Kid? Yeah? You’re fine.” 

Simon clears his throat as the crying continues—seemingly growing louder as his eyes move about the room. Seeing nothing, and locking with the grabby hands that are leveled up at his face, the soldier shoves down his fear and hesitancy grasps the child. 

Picking it up, he holds it to his chest, whispering quick pleas under his breath. 

“You’re fine.” He paces the room, slow heavy steps trying to make him ease his doubts as the thing grips at him, sniffling. “You’re just fine, eh? I’m begging you, little Devil, ease up on it. I’m right ‘ere.” 

Simon had a child. You were dead. He had a deployment in one week and a stack of paperwork to update. But he can’t leave his kid alone—no, no that was never an option. 

Family meant sticking by one another, and now…this one was the only family he had left. Brown eyes move downward to where the tiny being rests on his pec, his large hands splayed about to keep it secure—one on the little head that puffs breaths now that the tears have stopped.

When had they stopped? Simon didn’t know; he didn’t know the first thing about being a father.

He takes a deep breath of air, filling his lungs with oxygen. The shaking of his hands slowly settles as the minutes lengthen, letting his mind move back to the state it usually was in. There was so much to do—to try and understand. Truth be told, most of it would be shoved to the back of his fractured mind like the rest, but here, now…Simon grunts, keeping his child close to his heart.

First, he had to go buy baby food.

[that-nerd-who-writes-fanfiction]

WIP Wednesday:

Merlin doesn't stay in Camelot, after he finds out about his destiny he brings life back to The Perilous Lands and makes it his kingdom to keep magic users safe. - Arthur becomes king and seeks a peace treaty with King Emrys.

Just a snippet from something else I’ve been working on :)

—

Arthur watched Merlin’s back, the glow of a sunset outlining him and making him look almost ethereal. The ornate silver circlet in his hand, hung carelessly at his side, shining golden in the light against the blue cloak hanging from one shoulder. His soft curls dented where they’d been pressed flat wearing his circlet most of the day in court with the high priestesses, and the slight view of his cheekbones when he turned his head.

His breaths were shallow as he stood on the cliff edge. It all made him seem so painfully human, not so untouchable as he had when Arthur and his knights first arrived in his kingdom and yet still impossibly far from Arthur’s grasp.

His time away from Camelot had made him a sap. These feelings he didn’t know what to do with left him aching to reach out and simultaneously terrified to do so.

He tried to imagine it, life as a peasant as Emrys had described it. The dawn to dusk work each and every day, having responsibility for the animals and fearing what his next meal would be if the harvest failed or came up short. It was eerily similar to kingship in some ways, or perhaps that was too ignorant. Others, Arthur couldn’t even begin to comprehend. The torment of the village when he didn’t fit in, the constant fear of what could happen if he let his guard down.

That scar on his forearm took on an entirely new meaning now he knew where Merlin had gotten it.

There was a beat, silent and still whilst the sun fell down the sky as though it was chasing Icarus. Arthur stepped forward, standing shoulder to shoulder with the man who had gone to great lengths these past weeks to keep Arthur at a distance.

“It must’ve been hard,” he said, keeping his eyes forward. The warmth radiating from Merlin’s body was magnetic, and he wanted nothing more than to reach out, but this… it was something they couldn’t carelessly rush into.

“It was.” Merlin replied almost bitterly, sadness undermining the anger in his grief. He sighed, running a hand through his curls, searching for words he’d most likely thought a thousand times but never truly articulated. Perhaps that was arrogant to think, but not even Sir Lancelot could get this close to the king. Arthur gave him the same chance to collect his thoughts that Merlin had given him. “The same way most kids talk about monsters under the bed, you fear knights and pyres, and-” He cut himself off and heaved a breath that seemed to take everything he had before swallowing, Arthur watching the tense muscles in his neck work.

He continued more tentatively, sounding so raw and utterly exhausted, “And when most kids believe the knights you’re so afraid of hunt monsters, you start wondering if maybe that's why they hunt people like you.” The smooth velveteen voice Arthur had grown used to over the past few days was replaced with something more tear-soaked and cold. Merlin kept his eyes focused on the horizon, as though keeping an adequate distance between them.

He couldn’t respond, couldn’t find the words that would truly describe everything he wanted to say. He stayed silent, instead offering silent company if Merlin wanted it.

He didn’t cry. It wasn't for any sign of strength, Arthur thought Merlin displayed his strengths and tenacity in living rather well, simply by how he carried himself. His whole existence was a testament to his relentless bravery and capabilities. He must’ve spent too many nights crying his grief, and it wasn't too difficult to see that weight on his chest that had eased with time clearly hadn’t gone away entirely.

Arthur wondered if the other wounds Merlin carried festered like this one. If he’d offered his condolences and private yet sincere advice that grief wasn’t something that would go away so quickly, thinking about the child in a village fearing for his life or something else.

“I just didn’t want to feel like a monster anymore.” Merlin said finally, breaking through the silence. His voice was set in stone and he seemed, once again, the immovable, untouchable, magical king that he was.

In one sentence, he was a little less of Merlin and all the more of the omnipotent god of magic, king of his people, Emrys.

Arthur wished he was brave enough to reach out to him again, but he didn’t dare.

As the sun dipped below the horizon and Merlin declared that they should return, mounting his horse and waving Arthur to do the same, he followed silently and took the coward's way out that Merlin was providing him. They wouldn’t speak of that evening again, and that was going to have to be agreeable with him because there was nothing he could do any differently.

———

Recently I’ve had a really hard time liking anything I’ve written enough to post it, that includes chapters of Leon’s knowing and unknowing treason which I really want to bring to an end at some point, but I’m trying to build my confidence enough to post the last few chapters of that currently sat in my drafts so I can move onto my next project. I know it’s been months, I'm sorry. I’ve got most of it finished but I hate everything about it at the moment and the urge to scrap the whole thing and turn it into two or three separate fics is way too strong so I thought it would be better to put it down for a bit then come back.

I’m honestly just trying to prove to myself that I can write something bad and still won’t be completely ridiculed off the internet for it. I really don't like this and it's never gonna see the light of day outside of a doom folder (or fic graveyard if I get enough dopamine to finish it) but I'm trying to be brave so please let me know what you think :)

And if I can convince myself it's not completely crap, I’ll have Leon’s knowing and unknowing treason edited and posted soon.

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Hey man

this is the malevolent fic-starved anon.

You mentioned a Jarthur fic rec list

👁️👁️👁️

yo! i got you 👍

i haven't published the post yet because there are some more fics in my marked for later i want to get through first, but i'll go head and copy/paste the list i have so far for your enjoyment. putting it under a cut since it's long.

formaldehyde (or, The Case of the Missing Lilly) by SupposedToBeWriting 110k M

Half of the King in Yellow gets ejected through a portal on a failed ritual. To return, he must perform a human sacrifice - harder than it first seems, as the entity struggles to adapt to the peculiar ways of mortals. In a stroke of luck, he finds the perfect sacrifice in the form of one drunken, surly ex-PI: Arthur Lester.

In the meanwhile, Arkham is in the swing of Prohibition and everyone knows how things work around here. A chance meeting and an abrupt kidnapping put John and Arthur on a case: one where secrets lurk behind every mask and blood flows thicker than gin.

Surrogate: The Director's Cut by Kraiva, Somniate, Trin (ssjtrinity) 637k+ WIP M

The King in Yellow had a plan. It worked, and Arthur Lester broke.

Then it all went to hell.

A certain Outer God took issue with his favorite show's cancellation, and arrived with certain demands.

Hastur is furious. His adopted daughter is afraid. John wants to kill his other half; and Arthur has a lot of healing to do in rebuilt Carcosa, in the mystical Dreamlands.

Forced family is not, as it turns out, a good time for anyone.

(yes, this fic is absurdly long, and YES, it's absolutely worth it)

All that is mine to me, all that is yours to you by Stringgoblin 86k M

"We'll find you a nice cadaver, or something."

After everything, Arthur and John finally have time to figure out how to get John his own body. It isn't a pleasant process. It turns out that having a fragment of a god excised from your mind has some side-effects, and being a fragment of a god suddenly resident in a human ex-corpse isn't particularly straightforward either.

They'll help each other through it. They always do.

whiskey old fashioned sour by bluejayblueskies 80k E

Following the death of his daughter, famous film composer and pianist Arthur Lester drops out of the music scene and disappears from the public eye. Ten years later, Arthur now works as a private investigator and has no interest in performing or composing ever again.

John is intrigued by Arthur, who comes to his club to drink on the rare nights that there’s no music scheduled. As they meet again and again, they begin to grow closer. But Arthur isn’t the only one with a past he’s trying to run away from.

In a Yellow Wood by oprime 72k T

John is gone, and Arthur goes back about the business of living. Until he finds himself thrust back into the dark underbelly of the world and decides to find his best friend. Or die trying.

I Prefer My Heart to Be Broken by Trin (ssjtrinity) 140k M

(TMA/Malevolent crossover)

Somewhere Else isn't right, and they've never talked about what happened in the Panopticon, but so what? They're together. The Fears aren’t gone, no, but behind a curtain, subdued.

Martin actually loves the small-village life, farming and friends and found family. Jon is... managing. They're making it work.

But the universe they landed in is occupied, and its current rulers are very interested in the new kids. Entities made of Fear, attached to a damaged ex-human and his surprisingly sneaky lover? Who could resist playing with that?

Everyone has plans, and plans under those plans. What happens when a web grows too heavy to support its own weight?

"Tears and blood, blood and tears," says Kayne.

He is not wrong.

Oh, I Love You So Much (It Scares Me Half To Death) by SupposedToBeWriting 84k M

Arthur and John have become Doe & Lester, private detectives. Finally in his own body, John is eager to see what the rest of his mortal life holds -- Arthur, on the other hand, believes that John should spend his life without Arthur holding him back. Arthur is not the sort of man who can provide stability, warmth. A family.

On a case, they find a baby clutched in the arms of her dead father. John grows attached quickly, and together, the men discover that the baby is in fact Emily MacFarland from another timeline... and that the universe is much more breakable than they thought.

The sky falls around their ears, strange flesh monsters crawl from portals, and the world seems to be nearing its end. John begins to realize what exactly he wants out of life, as Arthur faces the constant enemy to his own happiness: himself.

A Night Out In Albany by SupposedToBeWriting 9k M

Arthur and John arrive in Albany after the last train to New York leaves. Stranding in Albany for the night, they take advantage of the opportunity and get Arthur a change of clothes and a shave -- and maybe even a movie, if time allows. After the horrors they encountered in Addison, and amidst Arthur's growing suspicion that his friend is hiding something, sometimes it's nice to have a night out on the town.

How Their Light Sets Me Dreaming by Artistic_Witch 12.6k M

After the confrontation with the King, John awakens to a beautiful vision of a life he and Arthur never had the chance to lead. Is this a manipulative trick meant to break him, or something else entirely?

Now That's What I Call Entangled! by Croik 58k E

On the way to the plateau, Arthur and John discover a spell in one of their books that will (hopefully) allow them to fight back against the King in Yellow. But when John ends up absorbed by the King, it's up to Arthur to free him.

tachycardia by bluejayblueskies 6.3k E

The thump-thump-thump increases until it’s all John can hear, and quite frankly, he’s had enough. “Just calm down!” he snarls, and he clenches his hand into a fist, and then—

And then, it stops.

John has a single moment of blissful silence.

Then, Arthur wheezes and crumples to the ground.

.

Or, John gains control of Arthur’s heart.

In Vino Veritas by SupposedToBeWriting 5k T

Taking advantage of relative safety, John and Arthur have a nice meal and a bottle of wine. It takes some time before they realize that certain god fragments are not immune to the effects of alcohol, and certain mortal men have recently lost a significant amount of blood. Confessions are made, plans are established, and a good rest is had by all.

Take My Skin and Wear It by PrettyArbitrary 3k E

Stripped to his skin, Arthur lays back on the mattress. “All right, John, I’m all yours.”

They share a body. John thinks it's about time he got more familiar with it.

It Would Be A Long Drive Home by Croik 20k T

The King in Yellow throws Arthur out of the Dreamlands, convinced that will be the end of his troubles. But he's miscalculated - Arthur and John are still deeply entangled, and the threat of Arthur's death and banishment to the Dark World hangs over them all. The King has no choice but to help Arthur survive this, for his own sake (aka Arthur Never Makes the Deal with Kayne AU).

Faroe's Waltz by Wildehack (tyleet) 10k M

Arthur dreams of pain and wakes to music: the opening strains of a melody, left incomplete.

Cold As the Rain That Falls in December by captaincravatthecapricious 41k M

There's no way Arthur just waltzes off to NY with a hole in his stomach sewed up by filthy thread and fishhooks, right?

Phagia by PrettyArbitrary 4k T

It's a holdover from his old body, his old identity. Sometimes his blunt little human teeth ache to bite. To rend, to tear into flesh and set his jaw and just rip.

a burden halved by Calamitatum 11k

Arthur's scars litter his skin like a roadmap of mistakes, the harrowing evidence of everything he's suffered to keep them both alive.

When John is injured on a case, he's startled to find that Arthur can't feel it. Determined, for once, to ease his friend's burden, John keeps the severity of the wound to himself. After all, he's seen Arthur bounce back from plenty worse, right?

Right?

From Roots to Tip by Croik 3.2k E

Breaktime in the Dreamlands, and Arthur promised that John would have his turn for a "hand job."

The Lightning In The Collied Night by Artistic_Witch 4k G

Arthur decides to help John acclimate to his new body by teaching him how to dance.

Sometimes all you can do is dance in the dark...

Embrace the World Ahead by SupposedToBeWriting 2k T

Taking a quiet moment, Arthur starts to nod off. John has a question he'd like to ask, and in return, Arthur receives the first hug he'd had in a very, very long while.

[atxxokirina]

You're My Mirror.

Lo'ak x Omatikayan fem reader

warnings ;; slight bullying/mention of bullying, reader being insecure, some fluff near the end.

quick author's note! ✧ okay, so! I have 12 fingers irl, and i relate to lo'ak so much when it comes to him being self conscious about his hands, so i just had to write this. not only for myself, but hopefully for anyone else who feels outcast. <3 (i used y/n instead of my name to make it feel more inclusive. enjoy!)

-

You were born differently. The usual Na'vi has 4 fingers, but you? You came out with 6 instead. Your parents hoped everything would be fine with you, even after the Tsahík at the time insisted that you were perfectly fine and healthy, and that it was just an unusual mutation.

The festival was in full swing as the clan celebrated the newly mated couple. The music was loud, the drinks were flowing, and were dancing and laughing.

But you were not having fun. Instead, you're standing in the back corner, arms folded, trying to hide your hands. You hated that you always hid them away, but you knew better. You knew that if you didn't, all eyes would be on you, and conversations would start up about you again. It had been that way ever since you were a kid. Either you were teased for having 6 fingers, or being accused for being not being full Na'vi. No matter what- it was always something.

As you watched some people form a circle, holding hands and dancing together, you felt a pang of envy.. You had wished to join in, so badly, but you were much too afraid of allowing your hands to touch with anyone again. Your mind flashed to when you were young. The vivid memory of being called a freak, being called an alien, and the absolute hell of others threatening to sever your extra fingers off.. as if you weren't right in front of them.

Your deep thoughts were interrupted by Mo'at approaching you. "Y/n, come join us." She holds out her hand for you. "Do not let your past consume you. Allow yourself to have fun. With us, with your family."

Your eyes dart to hers, a soft gasp escaping your mouth as she startled you. You listen to her words, hesitant first at but eventually giving in after some thinking. She was only right, you can't live like this forever. You took Mo'at's hand and joined the circle. For a while everything felt fine, you had let your body relax as you let the fears you had fall away. You closed your eyes and danced, hips swaying with the music as you formed hands with the other people in the circle.

The music was beautiful, and the voices around you were soothing. You feel an abrupt yank on your hand and instantly opened your eyes, your tail going alert and ears perking up. You see Aonung and his friend Nashvi on each side of you, grinning at each other. "Ugh, fuck off!" You say in an attempt to pull your arms away from the two boys.

"Oh, now why are you struggling so hard? Trying to hide something from us aren't you?" Aounung teases. You whine and pull back again, already knowing the direction this is going in. Ever since you'd arrived to their village with the Sully's, Aonung and his friends would make it their job to bully you daily.

The two chuckle as Aonung lifts up your hand. "Look at this! What do you even call this freakshow? She's fucking gross, isn't she?" He yells out, pulling your arm and holding it in the air. The space around you goes quiet, all eyes now on you. You see some faces recoil as shame fills your body. "Stop! Just let me go-"

"..what the fuck is that?"

"Does she have- six fingers?"

"Ma Eywa.. I've never seen anything like that.."

"So unfortunate.. poor girl... I feel bad for her parents"

You begin to hear multiple voices murmer around you as tears well in your eyes.

"Oh great mother.." Neteyam speaks under his breath, watching everything unfold.

"Huh? What's going on?" Lo'ak questions while stuffing his face with Teylu that Neytiri had made. He looks up to see a group of boys pushing you around and messing with you.

"6 fingers? Really? Eywa could've made you a simple freak with 5, but she just had to keep going!" Aonung says as him and his peers continue to laugh at you.

".. fuck" Lo'ak mutters, making his way toward Aonung and pushing him by his shoulder. "Leave her alone, fish lips. I'm not gonna ask you again." He sternly demands.

"Ohhh? Two freaks now, I see.. Just makes this freakshow even better!" Aonung ignores Lo'ak's warning. Lo'ak slaps Aonung and grabs your arm, pulling you next to him and gripping your hand.

"I'll beat your ass again if I have to, bitch. Don't make me fuck you up." You stare at Lo'ak, impressed at his confidence.

With your hand still in his, he walks you over to a secluded area on the shore and sits you down as the bioluminescent plants around you move with the wind. You cry out, covering your face with your hands. "What's wrong with me..? Why can't I just be normal, like everyone else.." Tears stream down your face while your heart consumes itself with pain and humiliation.

Lo'ak places his hand on your shoulder, feeling empathetic towards you. "I know how you feel, y/n" he says softly. "I have an extra finger too, remember?" You looked at him, wiping the tears from your cheeks. "I know.." You sniffle. "I just wish.. I wish they'd accept me, you know? Ever since I've been here.. I have nothing but nice to them.. and I get this in return? I'm tired of it, Lo'ak. I'm so fucking tired.." You speak through broken cries and sniffles.

"You're not alone," he continued. "And you're not gross or weird.. You're just different, just like me." He cups your face and wipes your tears, giving your wet cheek a soft kiss. He intertwines his fingers with yours as he turns your head to face him. "And after tonight, Aonung and his friends will never bother you again okay? I promise."

"W-what are you gonna do?" You ask, a shuddered sigh coming from your mouth while looking into his eyes. "Doesn't matter, mama. All that matters is that I'm gonna take care of it. You know I've got you." Lo'ak reassures, patting your head. Your eyebrows narrow as you smile, bringing Lo'ak into a hug and resting your head in the crook of his neck. "Thank you, Lo'ak.."

He rubs his hand across your back, holding your shoulder and pulling away from the hug, wholeheartedly gazing into your eyes. Lo'ak licks his lips, opening his mouth to say something, visibly nervous. "..I see you, y/n."

Your pupils widen, tail flicking back and forth in excitement and content after hearing his words. A great feeling of ease washes over you, it feels as if you've finally gotten the one thing you have been waiting for. You look back into his eyes with a soft, loving gaze.

"I see you, Lo'ak."

oh my lord , this is lowkey the first fanfiction i have written in awhilleeee, so i can't tell if it's as good as i think it is. all criticism is welcome, just be nice and don't hurt my feelings pls! 🫶

as always, my writing style/layout (?) is heavily inspired by the queen herself, @pandorxxx <3 love you bae!

[gorey-maiden]

Bowers gang headcannons! | Smut-ish

Warnings: mentions of knife play, blood, Patrick in general, abusive father and of course spice!

Henry:

-You caught Henry’s attention very quickly when you showed you where not afraid of him not willing to be pushed around.

-when things start getting more serious with your relationship and he begins to fully feel comfortable around you he will tell you about his dad and his home life.

-when he has a bad day or his dad is making his life miserable he’ll come over to your house knoack on your window and you will be greeted with an exhausted and broken looking Henry on the verge of tears you of course let him in.

-you sometimes hang out with the others but not often Henry likes to keep you more separated from his chaotic life and keep you in the more peaceful side, you are his safe haven.

-when it come to your sex life he pretty private when it comes down to it manly because I believe him and the others are virgins let’s be honest here everyone is to scared of them to go near them.

-so if you are more experienced when you are going to have to teach him a few things, you two experiment with things and find stuff you both feel comfortable in and go from there.

-he will of course live knife play in the beginning he was a bit scared to use weapons in the bedroom but you reassured him he wasn’t going to hurt you.

-he usually is more dominant but sometimes when he is a bit fragile or it’s his birthday and you wanna do all the work he’ll be under you but it’s rear since he likes being in control since he doesn’t have a lot of it.

Patrick:

-he’s horny and your hot thats it.

-just kidding but honestly he was immediately turned on when he saw you there was just something about he found really attractive.

-if you love horror movies and find blood interesting he’s your man, you two will stay in and have a marathon every Friday date night.

-even if he doesn’t say it he adores when he lays on your chest and takes a nap it’s the one time he actually looks peaceful so soak it in.

-gives black cat energy (I don’t make the rules)

-he actually won’t show you “the fringe” in fear of driving you away.

-also is into knife play and just BDSM in general he a freaky man.

-he loooves when you two play cat and mouse aka you running through the woods and he catches you.

Belch:

-Belch is probably the nicest one out of all of them let’s be honest.

-this man adores you he loves small kisses and cuddles and he loves just you two laying in bed and talking for hours it’s very therapeutic for him.

- like Henry he will try to keep you away from the others in fear of ruining what peace he has.

-if your into cars and you work as a mechanic this boy has died and when to heaven.

-car sex 💯 he loves to fuck you in the back of his car the windows fogged up and both of you sweaty absolutely makes his feral.

 -sex with him is pretty vanilla usually soft and sweet sometimes rougher on angrier days but of course nothing is at you.

Vic:

(sorry I don’t have anything to write about him :/ )

Poly gang!:

-the boys will be very protective about you nobody messes with you

-scary dog privileges definitely

-cuddles with them are the best usually it goes: Henry with his arms wrapped around you one one side Patrick propped up on his arm on the other side you laying on belch and Vic laying on your stomach with you playing with his hair.

-won’t let you go anywhere dangerous without at least one of the guys.

-they will have a schedule of who is going to walk you to your next class.

(Not me writing this at 8 in the morning😗)





[technovillain]

Give me the rundown on your dudes in as much or as little detail as you like

I put up the OC asks thing the other day and then just went ham on updating my references and toyhouse instead whoops!!

Basic rundown of all my psynauts ocs for u <3

FIRST IS THESE THREE:

they're my characters that aren't directly related to any of the canon characters . jameela's an intern a few years after the events of pn2, gusty is a whispering rock camper and also temporarily lives at the motherlobe, veranda is an agent who works with them both in their collective story.

jameela is the highly intelligent daughter of tech guru dallas delmarro. she has incredible inventing skills that are aided by her psychic abilities, namely her precognition. her precognition is both a blessing and a curse, especially when she keeps seeing horrible apocalyptic doom scenarios.

gusty is a rowdy ragamuffin who accidentally gave his entire town brain damage when he found out he could abuse the psychic power of confusion to do whatever he wanted. he was mostly unaware of the repercussions of his actions. after making his own living situation unsafe, he was taken in to the psychonauts, becoming one of the "motherlobe kids" while his town was put under observation and check-ins.

veranda is a 30-something new zealand immigrant who loves cowboys and the wild west. they feel like they've been running from their problems for years now. they had a fear of growing up when they were little and accidentally time-bubbled some of their child relatives as a teenager. ever since they've been afraid of making the wrong decisions AND of being around children.

NEXT is my Oleander family members

midge is oleander's mother. she's got a potent sad energy and mostly keeps to herself.

eagle is an all-american boy scout who makes his mother proud.

rock is the oldest brother who eventually works in the butcher shop with his father. both rock and eagle bully morry when he's little (well, a little kid....)

NEXT is the Zanotto family members

laurel is bob's older sister and truman's mother. she was an artsy jack of all trades, she was a beatnik and avid music-festival-goer in her younger years

jonny is truman's father, laurel's short-term psychic boyfriend who disappeared under mysterious circumstances (he was doomed)

delphine is truman's ex-wife and lili's mother. she has a big fancy corporate banking job. despite being a total workaholic she calls lili on the phone every single night <3

AND THE OTHER ONES!

ophelia was a distant relative of houston thorney who lived at thorney towers when loboto was a patient. she is the mother of his mentioned child (who is bobby zilch in my hc) and she also died because of a longstanding "family curse"

lester was a character i made for an oleander fic that's in progress. he was originally just going to be in the beginning chapter as a kid but i also decided on a way to bring him back as an adult. maybeeee someday i will write that part of the story too ^__^

nostradamus is my least developed oc, he's more of just a brain concept and a character design.... one of these days i will find a way to tie him properly into the universe.

thank u 4 ur time <3

[ilguna]

Supply Run: Can I get #24 from prompt list 2 with Joel Miller?

☼ stepping stones (Joel Miller) ☼

warnings; swearing, undisclosed age gap, death mention, murder mention.

wc; 2.4k

prompt; 24. "Don't let your fears dictate your life."

notes; i'm picturing game joel in my head. and this is set in boston but before he smuggles ellie.

--

A couple months ago you made the mistake of telling Joel a little secret about yourself when it comes to him. It happened during a game of Texas Hold’em with Tess and a few of your other friends in the quarantine zone. It came so casually, mostly because you weren’t entirely sober, and you knew that Tess was talking over you, anyway.

You didn’t expect him to hear, much less remember what you had to say, but it must’ve been one of those facts about you that he knew he should save for later. Which you can’t hold against him, because you would’ve done the same thing if you were in his position.

When you told Joel that he can pressure you into succumbing to any request with just his gaze, you were halfway kidding. You were referring to the game you were playing, because while you’re normally good at keeping a poker face, he always manages to crack you without doing it on purpose.

You knew the moment it came out of your mouth that it sounded stupidly flirtatious, but you meant it earnestly. Joel is one of those people where you feel safe enough to open up to him, trusting him with practically everything. Even though it’s difficult for him to do the same.

You’d like to say that Joel liked you from the beginning, but the truth is that he kept a fair distance and a sharp eye on what you did. He could tell just by looking at you that you were trouble. Or, at the very least, you came from it. When you joined the Boston quarantine zone almost five years ago, it was done out of desperation.

And you weren’t exactly the friendliest face around, something that you couldn’t help. Tess later told you that you had this specific look on your face, as if you were always waiting for someone to jump out at you. Which probably wasn’t far from the reality you were living at the time. 

Joel had a feeling that you came from a group of hunters, judging by the way you seemed to be prepared to defend your belongings at every turn. Since there was a period of time where he’d done the same, he couldn’t come down on you too hard, but everyone knows that the next generation of hunters are more brutal than the last. It’s because supplies are scarce to come by out there with every passing week.

Still, you preferred to be outside of the walls and not under the rule of FEDRA for the longest time. The only reason why you ended up changing your mind was because a group of travelers came through your hunting group and wiped absolutely everyone out. 

You managed to escape by yourself. If there were any other survivors, you never got to find out, because you were trying to put space between you and your camp that they were taking out. And when they found out that you were still alive, they didn’t let you escape so easily. You think they were afraid that you’d come back for them.

So, they ambushed you repeatedly. The first time they did it, they had too much confidence in themselves. They came in daylight with just two people, thinking that it’d be more than enough to bring you down. Once they were dead, you moved a few miles further out, toward Albany.

Well, they tried it again, coming in the daylight with almost eight people to bring you down. Fortunately, you’d scavenged in the area frequently, mostly because no one else liked going toward the big cities. You only had to bring down one person in order to secure your way out, but they followed you.

You basically drove them straight through the heart of the city, the infected did a bulk of the work for you. It didn’t deter them, especially since a few of them had survived the attack. The final time they came was during the night, and you’re still not sure how they managed to find you in that office building. You covered your tracks.

Regardless, they were so set on revenge that they abandoned the camp they killed your group for, and settled into chasing you across Massachusetts. You went straight to the Boston quarantine zone, knowing that they’d have a hard time trying to get you, then. 

The initial plan was to stay long enough to get your shit together, before going back out again. The longer you stayed, the more you decided that you liked the relative normalcy. You didn’t mind working, having a place to call home, food on your table almost every night. As soon as you started making friends, the nail on the coffin was sealed. You haven’t been able to bring yourself to leave since.

That’s why you can’t bring yourself to agree to what Tess and Joel are asking of you. It started out as a choice, but with Tess not feeling any better from the cold she caught earlier this week, they’re both telling you to help them. Which brings you right back to what you were saying ago with Joel making that face.

His steely eyes are piercing your soul right now, trying to get you to cave. You stare back at him, trying to replicate the intensity, but he’s so much better at it than you are. So, you resort to your words instead.

“I already told the both of you I’m not interested.” You raise your eyebrows, tearing your eyes from Joels, to Tess, who might as well be glued to her bed. “I don’t want to leave the quarantine zone.”

“You’ll hardly be going that far.” Tess holds her hand out in the direction of the window. “It’s just a few miles out. That’s where you’ll meet Wayne, he’ll give you the pills, and then you’ll come right back. Joel and I will do the work of bringing it to a different part of the zone.”

“The mileage doesn’t bother me, it’s being out there.”

“What are you so afraid of?” Tess scoffs. “You used to live out there.”

“Used to.” You emphasize. “It’s been five years, Tess. It’s not going to be a quick adjustment.” You turn your attention to Joel, shaking your head. “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to find someone else, or do it alone.”

“We don’t have anyone else.” Joel says. “I can’t take the trip alone, I need a partner.”

You shrug, “I guess you’re going to miss the trade, then.”

“(Y/n).” Tess sighs from her bed. “Don’t make me get up to kick your ass.”

“Try.” You roll your eyes.

She ignores your comment, sitting up a little. “You have to miss it out there a little, don’t you want to experience it again?”

“I do.” You have no issue admitting this. “But I don’t want to get hurt.”

“You’ll be with me.” Joel stands up from where he’s leaning against the wall. “I’ll have your back.”

Your mouth opens, going to tell him no again, when you hesitate. You know that he’s not lying, Joel is the best person you can ask for while being outside of the walls. You can’t remember the last time he came back with a scratch on him after navigating the streets for days at a time. 

He recognizes your hesitation, pushing it. “Don’t let your fears dictate your life.”

When you look at Tess, she has this knowing smile on her face. She’s won, and she knows it. You close your eyes, shaking your head slightly, and then you let out a sigh.

“Fine.”

There’s a moment of silence as Joel looks at Tess. “I told you she’d come around.”

She tilts her head, face impressed. “I guess you were right when you said she had a soft spot for you.”

Your eyes narrow at Joel. “Don’t talk about me like I’m not standing right here.” You tell them, crossing your arms over your chest. “What’s the plan, then?”

“Joel will take you to the apartment we regularly sneak out of before midnight. You’ll meet Wayne a few miles out, Joel will trade him, and then you’ll come right back.”

“Easier said than done.” You look at Joel to see that he’s giving you a halfway smile. “I still need gear.”

“One step ahead of you.” Tess waves her hand. “You’ll just use my bag, everything you could ask for is in there.”

You press your lips together, but give her a nod, agreeing. You wish that you still had your old backpack—FEDRA confiscated it as soon as they could. The only things you were allowed to keep from it was an old family picture and your knife. Everything else got thrown away or cycled into their own weapon supply. 

You had a really nice gun, too.

“Tonight it is.”

—

For someone that didn’t want to do this a few short hours ago, you find yourself glad that you caved and agreed. It was anxiety inducing for the first hour or so, as you jumped at every sound and searched every shadow. But it’s like riding a bike after a while—you get the hang of it.

Besides, there’s not many infected surrounding the quarantine zone due to the consistent FEDRA patrol. By the time you realized they were there, Joel had already taken them down and was moving onto the next house. This eased your mind considerably, allowing you to relax and mindlessly follow hi,.

A part of you is disappointed that this had to be done during the night, and not during the day. Not only would it be easier for you to see, you like inspecting the area around to see how it’s changed over time. 

When you brought this up to Joel, he wasn’t very impressed, remarking that had you listened to them earlier in the week, he could’ve arranged that. Since it’s so late and they’re going to miss their window, there’s not much of a choice left in the matter.

You couldn’t help but to roll your eyes at him. You weren’t looking to complain, you were actually going to skate directly into a conversation about what he likes best of the great outdoors. You decided that it would be best to leave it, despite knowing that he would likely realize as soon as you asked.

There are times where you can’t tell if Joel wants to have a quiet day or if he’s willing to let you chat his ear off. He seemed pretty fine earlier this afternoon when you were visiting Tess, but when you regrouped with him in the apartment complex, he was gruff and slightly irritated. 

It makes you wonder if it was something that Tess said after you left. He did tell you that he was going to stay back with her for a little while longer to talk about the deal with Wayne. That way he’d be able to catch you up to speed on the way to the fire station, which is just outside of Brookline.

Why you’re traveling so far for a bag of pills is beyond you. And you would be mad about the distance, because Tess blatantly lied to you, but it’s not the first time she’s successfully deceived you. It’s your own fault for believing her.

The pills must be pretty important if you’re going out of your way like this. You know they make a pretty good income with smuggling. They’ll be so well-off sometimes that they’ll slide extra ration cards your way, as if they aren’t practically made out of gold.

Either way, Joel hasn’t let you in on what’s happening. You’d say he’s forgotten, but he’s got a pretty good memory. He’s choosing to keep the reasoning from you. Which could be for a number of reasons—like he’s afraid you’re going to freak out. You’d like to think you’re level-headed enough to hear him out first.

A sigh escapes you, pace slowing. Joel glances over his shoulder at you, seeing that you’re not walking as quickly as before. He matches your speed, even turning his body to look at you better.

So he is open to conversation.

“Curiosity’s going to kill me.” You start, Joel raises his eyebrows. “You said that you were going to fill me in, and I’m all empty.”

He looks away from you. “Tess told you all there is.”

“Did she? ‘Cause all she said was that we’re picking up pills from Wayne.” 

“That about sums it up.” He says.

You squint at the back of Joel’s head, not liking the answer. Maybe you read the situation right earlier. “Okay, sure.” You murmur, looking away from him, to the houses off to your left.

It’s quiet between the two of you for a few minutes. This must be burn for Joel, because he ends up clearing his throat. “We’re supposed to work out an agreement with him.”

Your eyebrows twitch. “What?”

“Tess and Wayne got into a fight last month, he said he’d settle it the next time we met.”

You come to a stop in the middle of the road. “Are you telling me that we’re walking straight into an ambush right now?”

“No.”

“What was the fight over?”

Joel hesitates, “Tess cut his payout.”

You stare at him for a long second before looking away, around at the neighborhood you’re walking through. There could be dozens of people in these houses, and you won’t know until it’s too late. You’re not sure what was going through their heads with leaving a detail this large out, but Joel was right to try to keep this from you as long as he could. 

Sometimes you wonder why you even consider yourself a friend of theirs.

“Do we have enough to make it up?” You ask, he shakes his head.

“Honey, I won’t let anything happen to you.”

“You were going to let me walk into a fight blindly.” You raise your eyebrows. “How do you even know Wayne?”

“He’s a friend of Bill’s.”

Your face drops completely, as you reach up with one hand to grab your temples, turning away from him with another sigh. You met Bill once, and it was before you’d joined the quarantine zone, but it was while you were on your way there. You ran across him by accident, and got the full force of his insanity and violence. 

“If he’s anything like Bill, then we need to go back to Boston.” You point down the road you’ve been walking. “I’m not prepared to deal with something like that.”

Joel reaches up, hand grabbing your shoulder to squeeze it. “I’ve got you.”

--

this was part of my 3k celebration!!

[xthe-writing-vampirex]

Mechanic Y/N

Fandom: FNAF

Relationships: multiple

I've been asked a lot to write more of Monty and Y/N so I hope this gives you guys a bit of what you want. I have no idea who Y/N will go for in this but I'll be trying to write more of Y/N with all of the animatronics.

Y/N is a new mechanic working on the main four. Unfortunately for them they're afraid of animatronics and now stuck constantly alone with them because I live for angst. Hope you like it💕

🍄🍄🍄

As a technician of sorts for the main four it's your job to make sure they're all in working order before the shows. It's your first day on the job and you were beyond nervous. You'd accepted the job thinking you'd be working on small things like the lighting, not getting close to the stars themselves. Your parents had forced you into this career, seeing your obvious knack for robotics. Your father worked for a tech company after all and you were constantly exposed to his projects. Unfortunately for you, you had a horribly obvious fear of animatronics. The idea of a broken decrepit one coming out of the shadows, metal parts peaking out rusted beyond repair as their creepy glowing eyes find you, it gives you immediate dread. Obviously these animatronics weren't like that, shiny and clean and well put together. Unfortunately another thing about them scared you as well, the sharp claws and teeth, the insane amount of strength. They could bend metal without even thinking about it and seeing what Monty did to his room didn't help. After some time working on the side lines, the managers had noticed your abilities and the main four needed a new mechanic. You'd seen them from afar, interacting with kids, helping people out as much as they could. They all seemed nice, Freddy even seemed gentle at times. They were starting to work that fear away a bit until you came to work on them for the first time before a show. As you got closer to the area they were standing and chatting in, in relative darkness something struck you. When they looked up at you, you could see how their eyes glowed in the dark.

Your heart skips a beat, breath hitching at the terrifying sight before you. You'd almost forgotten that they are in fact animatronics and therefore their eyes glow from their metal endoskeletons under the pretty casing that fooled you. Freddy waves at you, a small smile on his lips though you can't see it. All you can see is the odd white glow coming from his eyes. As you approach you can't help shaking a bit, heart racing at the idea of being so close to them. Freddy can immediately tell somethings wrong, scanning you and seeing your heightened heart rate.

"Are you alright superstar?" He asks, in his typical papa bear fashion. You tense, quickly nodding in response and simply wanting to get the checks over with as fast as possible.

"Um….W-What exactly am I supposed to check?" You ask in a shaky voice. Freddy doesn't believe you but decides not to push you for an answer. Chica is the one to answer your question in a rather cheerful voice.

"Nothing really rock chick, we usually just tell you if something doesn't feel right and you check it for us." She explains happily, a kind smile on her face. "I'm all good! What about you guys?" She states, looking at the others, they all nod, smiling in response. "Good to go then!" She states, nodding in response you quickly move away from them though Freddy watches you closely. He can tell somethings wrong and wants to try to help but doesn't know where to begin. Plus the kids are waiting.

After watching them go up onto the stage you quickly make your way to a nearby office, wanting to be alone. You just couldn't get the way their eyes glowed in the dark out of your head, especially Monty's. They were literally glowing red after all. All of this had you on edge and you couldn't help the rising panic attacks you were feeling. You didn't know if you could keep doing this job. One day they'll need repairs and you'll have to legit get close to them. Just thinking about that makes you hyperventilate. How could you make this work?

Unfortunately for your now terrified self one of the bots now needed repairs. Making your way down to parts and service felt like walking to your doom, hands sweaty, heart racing, every step took every bit of strength you could muster. You needed this job, you couldn't let your fears ruin it for you and you refused to let that happen. Though when it was Monty you saw in parts and service you froze. Why him? Of all the bots why the fucking huge ass, terrifying gator. He doesn't seem to notice you at first, talking to the employee that seems to have brought him down here. The employee is the first to spot you, turning and approaching you with the gator following, unintentionally towering over the human and causing a spike in your anxiety.

"Monty here had an incident on stage. We need you to look at him." The employee states. Monty immediately let's out a light growl.

"I had an incident? You mean that idiot shined a light right in my fucking eyes." The clearly irritated gator states, causing you to flinch. He of course notices this, simply rolling his eyes in response. The employee sighs, glancing at the gator before looking at you again.

"Yes. One of the new hires programed the lights incorrectly and it shined in his eyes, causing him to glitch out on stage. He seems fine now but the higher ups wanted to make sure there's no permanent damage." He finishes, ignoring the grumbling gator beside him. Meanwhile you can't stop staring at the huge claws the gator is sporting. Why in the hell would they put something like that on a damn children's attraction? Seeming to notice you staring the gator glares, watching you closely. "I'll leave you to it Y/N. Just be careful. He can be grumpy." Monty growls at him for that one and sighs.

"Let's get this over with." He states in his rather deep, almost growly voice. You flinch again, avoiding his gaze as you speak.

"Are there any errors in your interface?" You ask, voice shaking. The gator crossed his rather muscular arms.

"No. It was just bright as hell and then my eyes stopped working for a minute." He states, red eyes studying your frame. He isn't a fan of any of the humans that work here, always acting like cornered animals around him. They treat him like a ticking time bomb and it's more than a little annoying to him.

"Did anything come up in your scans?" You ask timidly, earning a grunt from the gator in question.

"Yes. I'm not an idiot. Nothing came up other than a glitch caused by the brightness." He states, clearly irritated by the line of questioning.

"I…..I think you'll be fine then. If you have problems with your optics I can install new ones." You state, though you really didn't even want to think about touching him. Of course the gator can tell immediately what you think of him, your body tense and rigid, heart racing every time he so much as looks at you. You don't have to say you don't want to help him, he can already read it. Growling under his breath he starts walking out of the room.

"Then thanks for nothing newbie." The rather irritated gator states, leaving you alone in parts and service, half panicked.

[megachaoticstupid]

All the things he hates

All of the stage shenanigans aside, Omega, by all means is a chill ghoul. That's true up until he meets a small crying baby

Author's note: i wanted to make a follow up to this fic and couldn't find a post with it under any tags on my blog. So me being a silly lazy person, i am just reposting it again. And i know this is rusty, this was one of my firsts, sorry. Huge thanks to @gothdaddyissues for amazing dividers and @her-satanic-wiles for all of the support she give me

Tags: somewhat fluff Masterlist

He wasn’t sure when it all started, but maybe at the very, very beginning.

He always hated when human babies cried. They wailed like the loudest siren, demanding attention, crying due any slightest change in their small lives and roared when their parents left them. Especially orphans. They were constantly crying and calling for the parents they will never learn to know. And he always hated it.

Kids in his pack back in hell never demanded attention, because they were always provided with that. But humans, even if they cared, couldn’t help the little ones, only able to cover their basic needs and provide only necessary nurture. Even in the satanic church. And the newest addition, only one month old, was the loudest child he had ever heard.

She cried day and night, asking for the bits of attention she could never receive in the fullest. She mourned the mother, who left her in childbirth and joined her Siblings under the Lucifer’s wing, and the father, who didn’t even know she existed. And since Omega lived near the infirmary, he was going mad with her tiniest pleas until he finally snapped.  In a week he was going around the abbey, as if nothing happened, finally at peace and enjoying the quiet around him. And, just like his mother did to him in his short-lived youth, he was carrying her in a bundle of cute rose-pink covers, gently nestling her in the curve of his tail.

He knew it was an impulsive decision, not thought through, considering how much they travel on tours. He knew all of that. But seeing her babbling with joy, cradled on Apha’s chest, he melted. Seeing her grabbing his pinky while he was feeding her, made him vulnerable and so mushy on the inside. She was their joy, but also brought a lot of hateful quick thoughts to his mind.

He hated that his duty required from him to leave her with other ghouls, when he was touring with Papas. He just hated to miss out on her every achievement, her any sorrow and happiness. He had already missed her first steps and was losing more precious moments with her. Even if they sent him and Alpha all of the photos and videos, it was never enough. They missed her too much to be satiated with these tributes of their daughter. And he was always scared, that if they tour for too long, she will even not recognize them after a while.

He hated, how tiny and fragile she was, especially compared to him. Even though he knew, that amongst his kin he was considered a giant, he couldn’t help himself to be in awe at her tiny frame, making him scared to ever hurt her. And, on the contrary, she was never scared of any scratches, learning how to walk early enough for him not to babyproof Alpha’s and his quarters in time. He couldn’t even count how many times he had to kiss her boo-boos and wipe away her tears, and how many times he felt the dread when she began to fall down after a rather unsteady step.

He hated her fears of the dark, that made her cry and tremble at night. He hung everywhere nightlamps and kept the door open for her whenever she needed to run to them. Talked her through all of her fears and showed her that there was nothing to be afraid of. And still whenever she climbed into their bed, trembling and sobbing, his heart was tearing to shreds and the guilt of not being enough weight heavy on his soul.

He hated her tears when she was ill and trembling from fever and exhaustion. He couldn’t help but feel helpless, when she looked at him, pale, weak, and sobbing, while doctor checked her. He felt helpless, when she refused to eat even a light soup, made for her by loving hands of someone from the pack. And he agreed to her every whim just to make her feel better, loved and cared for. These days they never left her side, doting just a bit too much and scared for her health, watching with their daughter her favourite cartoons and persuading her to eat anything. And they always rejoiced when she finally asked for her favourite waffles.

He always grumbled how he hates bright colours and never agreed to put in their bedroom anything too flashy. But now, as she learned how to hold a pencil, their walls, the fridge, the nightstand - almost every surface was littered with her drawings and he looked at them every night before they all went to bed. Bright colours no longer irritated his eyes, they soothed him, reminding him of every single moment he and his husband spend with her. He liked to see the little stories she puts in them, he liked the shapes her childish mind invented and he couldn’t help but laugh at some of the pictures of him, Alpha and any of Papas she made. They looked almost like a caricature, sometimes highlighting their shortcomings in such a funny way, that he always fought a fit of laughter when she showed him them. His favourite were: Alpha without his mouth, because he had scolded her a night before for eating too many candies, Papa Emeterius III performing a silly dance with the biggest smile known to mankind, him, looking like a building next to every ghoul in the picture. These ones he carried in his wallet until they were too worn out.

He hated to worry about raising her into a decent adult, waiting for her to start speaking, bringing her to various doctors the Ministry could provide. Trying all of the recipes books and hacks to help her to start talking. He blamed himself for not being a good father, for always being absent on tours and not doing well enough for her. Never doing well enough for her. Even Alpha couldn’t help to ease his worries, to soothe his worrying soul, while they tried every speech therapist they knew. And through all of these worrying visits, the source of his worries was sitting on his shoulders, pulling on his horns and giggling. The first time he heard her say the first word, he was sobbing, talking to her via phone and being miles and miles away from her. But at least he was there for her thousands of “Daddy’s” after that.

He just hated to miss her so much. Especially, when every child in the venue reminded him of her. He hated to be apart from his daughter, always worrying for her health and well-being. He just hated to leave their home and leave her. And most of all, he hated to beg the Ministry to let Alpha and him to retire. Even if Terzo agreed immediately, the Ministry didn’t want to budge that easily. But, after all of the turmoil, bickering and arguments, they were finally allowed to rest, to spend the much-needed time with her.

And he never regretted this decision, because for all of the things he hated there were thousands more things he loved.

[dreamnants-mis]

An attempt of a character analysis on Andy and Victor which I'll probably miss some details on because I write like a fifth grader essay. (So feel free to tell me things that I probably missed).

Because it's very relevant since Victor appeared in the anime recently and we may be getting the Autumn arc this season.

Spoilers for up to Chapter 134! Proceed with caution!

.

.

.

Andy and Victor are actually similar despite how Victor in his introduction appears very different from Andy, since it turns out Andy himself is Victor's alter ego created from Undead attempting to get around Remember sealing Victor's consciousness away. In particular, Victor comments that Andy reminds him of himself in the past, so I imagine Andy was influenced by Victor in some ways.

The similarity in particular being both are nihilistic and disconnected from their humanity, even though they express this in very different ways. But I like to think what they also share is both are afraid to openly care for others because of the fear of being hurt since as Undead, they will survive while everyone around them dies.

The latter point comes from a realization Andy has post-Spring battle; Fuuko's battle with Spring proves she can kill beings that aren't human and what might be preventing Fuuko from killing him with Unluck is because it's him who's afraid to love her back the same, leading to him declaring it's his turn to fall in love with her, which could be interpreted as Andy wanting to be someone able to accept and return Fuuko's feelings.

Interestingly, he already technically confessed to her, but he tried to play it off when pressed about it since Fuuko didn't hear it.

Here, Andy clearly seems to pause registering Fuuko noticed he was saying he loved her and then immediately tries to lie to her, which she knows he's lying about. Episode 9 also add a similar moment where he talks to Fuuko about the Longing teacher and the kids and he gets surprisingly introspective on the topic before almost rather abruptly asking Fuuko if that charmed her.

Regardless, it does highlight that Andy is secretly afraid of being emotionally vulnerable and that manifests in his outward actions/words not fully reflecting what he actually thinks.

But where Andy begins to diverge from Victor is being able to believe in others from Fuuko's influence and trying to overcome that fear of being able to care for others openly.

His fight with Billy highlights his gained ability to believe in others. Besides Fuuko, he trusted that the other Union members can handle Under while he tries to retrieve Fuuko from under and this conversation in particular highlights this:

He agrees with Billy that only the strong should face God, but then tells him that together, the Union is strong.

Which is powerful considering we know Andy started the series just as nihilistic and detached as Victor.

In fact, in the context of the scene while these two were fighting, Fuuko was climbing Tokyo Tower and reached Spring in the time for the two to end up in a stalemate.

In particular, Andy's interactions with Lucy are incredibly significant in helping Andy come to understanding himself.

When they're trapped in Seal, Lucy tells him the secret to astral projection is dreaming of something you want, which for her is being able to play with others that her ability made her unable to do. Andy at first states he's already achieved just about everything in his years of living. At least, until Lucy stating that "[he's] got everything" because he can't die makes Andy start to think. And here, we see what might truly be "the greatest death ever" for Andy is actually being able to die of old age after living a fulfilling life, something that Andy had given up on since Undead makes that impossible to achieve.

Of course, he acts surprisingly shy and even tells Lucy to not laugh at him for said dream. And yet, I think that's important to think about because it does show Andy has become more conscious about his feelings and what he actually wants.

But then we get to Victor and find even after 455 billion years, he's never quite been able to describe what exactly Juiz gives him until she's gone, and only then he understands why people keep fighting to protect the warmth others have given them. Victor became someone too afraid to love deeply or consciously because he would always survive and anyone around him would not. Even for Juiz, she was still mortal and could still die in battle, and that over the course of countless loops made Victor afraid to consciously acknowledge what exactly she meant to him, even though she had been the reason he hadn't completely lost his mind having to watch the world get destroyed and reformed 100 times.

In the flashbacks, we also see Victor was rather cynical of the idea of allies, at one point getting into an argument with Juiz after one version of the Spoil quest resulted in most of the Roundtable being wiped out, claiming it was the allies that added to Juiz's burden and nearly got her killed. I think that likely contributed to Victor focusing more and more on individual strength, though it's clear even he can't do much alone against God.

Maybe that's also shown in how Victor is only able to draw power from Rebellion after understanding what Juiz had given him because he's now about to consciously recognize his feelings as they truly were. Before, Victor couldn't really use Rebellion outside of negating the life draining aspects of it because he was too detached from his feelings to power the Artifact or understood the strength and feelings needed to use it. And only after losing the person that mattered to him could finally use it to protect the beacon of hope Juiz had named her successor. But of course, he understands them too late to protect the person he wanted to protect the most.

I think this also shows in their names. As I mentioned in my previous mini-essay on the significance of Andy's name, Andy started out as a nickname Fuuko gave him but it became his name overtime. While Fuuko got the name from the Japanese pronunciation of "Undead" in-universe, the name is actually pretty fitting for Andy in a likely unintentional way since it can be a diminutive of the name "Andreas", which means 'man' aka "human".

As it turned out, it's being human that may very well allow for Fuuko to succeed where Juiz was unable to accomplish and where Andy becomes someone potentially stronger than Victor.

Victor's name meanwhile can translate to "conqueror" and he's called a "God of Victory", someone not quite human. That's also interesting to pay attention to considering he insists to Shen that he's not a god, but a human. Which in some ways could feel hollow since Victor likely is trying to remind himself he is human despite feeling disconnected from it.

Though as we learn from observing Juiz in the beginning of the story, Juiz probably didn't need physical strength but rather heart since that was probably what was missing that kept her from ever succeeding (well, on top of the fact the Gods were clearly screwing her over from the beginning since the one item they needed to kill God would only appear in the last loop).

I think Victor's real tragedy is he became a god of war to protect Juiz, the person he loved, but what he actually needed to protect Juiz from was from herself by being a human and reminding her she is still human. But in becoming stronger and becoming nihilistic, he became someone unable to do that.

[countrymusiclover]

17 - Changing the Future

Part 18

Battle of Heart and Mind

Tag list - ask to be added (in my ask box please) @aintinacage @hiraethrhapsody @mostlymarvelgirl @importantgalaxyrunaway

“Erik!” I moaned through grunted teeth watching him hover down into the area now having everything he wanted trapped. He was wearing his red suit and cape along with the helmet meaning we couldn’t stop him.

Smoke and dust disappeared from around us all where I finished coughing covering my mouth. Watching what was happening at the White House a huge whole was broken and a metal safe room was dropped on the ground by Erik. He broke opened the safe revealing Trask, the president and the secret service members. Erik waved his hand turning the attention of the cameras on him and the others declaring a speech to the world. “You built these weapon to destroy us. Why? Because you're afraid of our gifts. Because we are different. Humanity has always feared that which is different. Well I'm here to tell you... to tell the world... you're right to fear us. We are the future. We are the ones who will inherit this earth and anyone who stands in our way will suffer... the same fate as these men you see before you. Today was meant to be a display of your power... instead I give you a glimpse of the devastation my race can unleash upon yours. Let this be a warning to the world... and to my mutant brothers and sisters out there. I say this... no more hiding, no more suffering. You have lived in the shadows and shame and fear for too long. Come out. Join me. Fight together in the brotherhood of our kind. A new tomorrow. That starts today.”

Logan and Hank were separated from Charles from what I could tell since I could see him trapped under some metal frame from the stadium. Raising my hand again I grunted trying to lift it off him but it didn’t get the chance to move when what I had to assume was a contraction came over me. “You’ve got to be kidding me…ohh!” I held onto my stomach laying on my back with my hair sticking to my forehead.

“Mr. President, no.” Some of his service members tried to hold back the president when he pushed through the crowd to confront Erik.

The president stood tall, surrendering himself. “Stand down. I said stand down. You wanna make a statement. kill me fine but spare everyone else.”

“Very heroic, Mr. President. But you have no intention of sparing any of us. The future of our species begins now.” Erik raised his other hand taking all the guns from their hands aiming them at the humans instead of himself.

I gasped feeling slightly better when I sat myself upright moving forward to some of the rumble that was on the ground. Leaning my body against it I focused my breathing hearing Charles' voice enter my mind. “Addi, calm your mind. I know what is happening right now. But I need you to help me convince Raven not to kill Trask.”

“What do I have to do, Charles?” I questioned sucking a lump in my throat.

His voice responded. “Just focus your mind on, Raven. I’ll get you the rest of the way in.” I shut my eyes concentrating on my friends mind as best as I can, seconds later I felt someone connected inside my Hess meaning it was Charles.

“You used to be a better shot.” Before my eyes the president drew a glass gun from his pocket and shot Erik in the neck. He gasped dropping on the ground watching Raven reveal herself as the president of the United States.

She strides up to him kicking him in the face knocking him out for a few minutes. “Trust me, I still am. Get out of my head Charles!” She turned around pointing the gun at Trask with everyone moving out of the way until she saw Charles appear in front of him in her mind.

He begged her simply. “Raven. Please, do not make us the enemy today.”

“Look around you, we already are.” She snapped back at him.

He disagreed with his foster sister. “Not all of us. All you've done so far is save the lives of these men. You can show them a better path.”

“If you kill him then yes we will be the enemy.” I appeared beside her brother in astral projection form.

She gasped. “Addi?”

“Raven, please think about this for a second. Killing him won’t fix what has already happened. It will only show the world that we are dangerous when not all of us are.”

“But he killed them, Addi. He needs to be punished for what he did.” She fought against me.

I moved my hands down to my stomach, staring at my blue transforming friend believing she was right. Yet I didn’t have just myself to think about anymore. “I know how much it must hurt and how much you want revenge. But if you do this we will all be wiped out for good.”

“Why have you changed your mind? You used to agree with me and Erik.” She questioned me confused until she lowered her gaze to my belly.

I smiled lightly seeing that she understood what I was showing her now. “Because I have twins to worry about now, Raven. I can’t afford for them to be forced into a war. I’m praying that you just make the right decision here.” Raven watches my ghost self disappear away from her view.

“Stop her Charles.” I winced pressing my back against the rubble feeling another contraction coming over me causing me to leave her mind quicker than I liked too.

“I've been trying to control you ever since the day we met. And look what that's got us?” Charles declared to her, putting the fate of us and humanity in her hands rather than stopping her himself. “Everything that happens now is in your hands. I have faith in you, Raven.”

Raven dropped the glass gun yanking the helmet off Erik’s head. “He's all yours, Charles.” Allowing him to control him and lift the metal off of him. Hank helped Charles to lean against him.

“If you let them have me I'm as good as dead. You know that.” Erik turned his head to his friend.

Charles nodded his head. “I know.”

“Goodbye old friend.” Erik said to him.

Charles responded shifting his gaze over in my direction where all three boys came running over to where I was sitting on the grass. “Goodbye Erik - Addi!”

“It’s the babies - gah! I’m going into labor.” I gasped gripping the grass in my fingers, sweat running down my forehead and my chest was heaving up and down.

Charles grunted leaning against Hank. “We’ll call the hospital immediately.”

“They’re too slow. I can just fly us out of here in no time.” Erik said dropping on his knees brushing hair from my eyes letting his softer side show to our two friends. “Addison, I’m sorry. This is not how this should be going for you.”

Hank pulled the phone away from his ear. “There’s an ambulance already outside but they can’t get in. You’ll have to help us get her out of here.”

“That can be done. Hang onto me, Addi. Charles, you and Hank too.” Erik instructed picking me up bridal style in his arms with the other two holding tightly to his arms lifting us all off the ground and over the stadium wall. He landed on the ground climbing in the back of the ambulance still just holding onto me.

Charles instructed the medics to get moving. “She went into labor a little bit ago. We need a hospital as fast as you can.”

“Can we get a name for the record for the doctors there?” The medic asked him.

I gasped sharply, reaching out for both Erik and Charles' hands where they got on either side of me during the drive there. “Addison - ah! Addison Shaw.”

“Find us the first available room immediately. Nobody asks any questions of my friends and I.” Charles raised a finger to his temple, freezing everyone in the hospital for a moment. Doctors and nurses were running around until they had me sit up in a bed changed into a hospital gown.

A doctor came in, measuring me and giving the nurses a head nod. “She’s ready to push now.”

The contractions started coming closer together when I gave some of my first few pushes. My heart started banging against my chest and I already felt tired. "Erik - Charles - I can’t - I can’t do this.”

“Yes you can, Addi…agh! Charles a little help before she breaks one of our hands.” Erik winced, bending his head down holding back some tears by how hard I was holding his hand.

Charles winced slightly too when I gave my next push, turning his hand almost white. “Addi, calm your mind and just focus on the babies.”

“Just a few more big pushes." The doctor replied by lifting one baby out and handing it to the nurse. “We just have our second baby now.”

I bared my teeth doing one final push that took the last of my energy that I had left. An infant's cry filled the room where I threw her head back onto the pillows. Gulping a lump down my throat I slowly controlled my breathing while the nurse wrapped the baby in a blanket handing the second baby over to me. "Congratulations, you have a boy and a girl.”

“Which one of you is the father?” The nurse questioned holding the first baby which was the girl in her arms.

Erik nodded his head when Charles took a step backwards letting us have a family moment. “I am.”

She placed the infant in his arms. “Here’s your daughter then, sir.”

“Erik…” I breathed out his name under my breath holding the infant boy in my arms. He blinked his eyes for a few minutes where I could see tears forming. He remained silent for a little bit with the baby girl making some cooing noises.

He looked down at me with a chuckle letting some tears slip down his face. “She’s absolutely perfect, Addi….Do you have names picked out already?” The girl had some tiny strings of blonde hair and my eye color.

“Yeah I have.” I sniffed through some tears moving my gaze down to the boy who had hair color similar to his father and his eyes. “Ryder Charles Lehnsherr.”

Charles smiled now sitting down in one of the hospital wheelchairs. “Awe Addi…thank you.”

“And the girl's name is going to be Astraea Emma Lehnsherr.” Lifting my gaze upward Erik sat down on the edge of the bed so we could both easily see our children. Charles wiped away some tears at his friends finally together. Now that the future war had been prevented he had hope that everything would work out…