#<- you know. the quote that Bruce needs to actually express with his actions and behaviors

[heroesriseandfall]

So tired of comics where Dick feels like he has to reassure, apologize, and reconcile with Bruce. I want more comics where Bruce takes actual responsibility for his actions and apologizes clearly, sincerely, and extensively to Dick. And without expecting Dick to automatically forgive him just because he apologized or expressed affection.

[fancyfade]

also like i’m thinking on parts of damian’s partnership with bruce and dick respectively, due to comparison posts (link1, link2, link 3)

I feel like a lot of Damian’s seemingly backward character development from the end of batman and robin 2009 to the beginning of batman and robin 2011 can be explained by Bruce’s presence... unfortunately for Bruce (and Damian).

I’m not going to completely recap those posts you can just click the links and read them but the general gist is that dick anticipates Damian’s needs, recognizes he is a kid even if he’s hard to get along with, supports him but does not condescend him, and treats him with equal respect (though not as an adult) whereas Bruce demands obedience and wants to control Damian because he fears that Damian will do wrong or get hurt outside of his control, he views Damian’s existence as ‘his fault’, he views Damian more as a killing machine than a child at first. I also think it’s notable that Bruce says he is afraid of what Damian would become without him around -- even though we do know what Damian would become without Bruce around -- he would be Robin. Bruce pretty much views himself as 100% responsible for Damian’s existence AND capacity to do wrong which is always present in his mind at first.

2011 Damian does a lot of stuff it might be hard to imagine 2009 damian doing (at least at the end of his run), the biggest of which is killing Nobody outside of a life-or-death situation -- even though I don’t think 2009 run Damian ever articulated why it was wrong to kill people he also didn’t wind up in a situation where he might a lot. 2009 run Damian expressed his interest in Robin not in terms of what is wrong to do but what is right to do -- which is saving people (we see his in his responsibility to Scarlet, who he feels guilty for having not saved, and him explaining he believes that being Robin is the best thing he’s ever done when he talks to his mom, in Streets of Gotham we see this from how protective he is over the kids in Zsazs’ fight ring and angered and disgusted at the injustice of their deaths)

But in general 2011 Damian definitely feels like he kind of just came in from the League of Assassins (except that... if he had actually just come in from the League of Assassins and Bruce was his mentor, he probably would have left much sooner unless some fatherly respect thing was keeping him there). He says a lot of dialogue wrt death that really sounded like he was probably quoting what he had been told by Ra’s or in the League (that life is a battlefield, good people die horrible deaths the same as bad ones, grief and remorse are diseases of the weak). he has a hard time reigning himself in from using excessive force (though he is trying) and is “trying to keep his instincts under control” -- though that last part was Bruce’s dialogue, and it is probably Bruce mischaracterizing his own son and assuming Damian wants to kill people more than he does -- like I said earlier I don’t think Damian ever wanted to kill people I don’t think it’s something he’s shown liking doing, he just does it because he thinks it is right. But Bruce initially comes at Damian like he is unworthy of trust, and he demands a one-way street situation -- he demands that Damian trust and respect him, but he is not willing to show either to Damian (and he straight up tells Damian this lol (link)). He is trying to do right by Damian -- he notices Damian restraining himself in combat and says his actions are commendable -- he’s just not succeeding.

but anyway part of me is wondering if Damian is acting a bit more standoffish -- he doesn't really have the banter he has with Dick, and when he’s with Dick it seems like being Batman and Robin is almost fun (link to one of many of their interactions I like) which I actually think is really important for Damian, who wasn’t really allowed to have fun up to this point and is somewhat hesitant to having fun the way that kids normally do (though he does wind up getting to enjoy some regular kid stuff later).

but anyway Damian is a bit more standoffish and tense with Bruce because Bruce can’t put him at ease like Dick could -- it’s almost impossible to imagine Damian having some of those interactions he has with Dick when he’s with Bruce. Bruce, especially when he just starts working with Damian, is all about control. You know, I’ll tell you what you need to know when you need to know it. which TBH would probably be reminiscent to Damian from his League of Assassins days, since we see in the League of Assassins Damian isn’t given all of the information about his missions and he just has to complete them on his grandfather’s say so (one of his servants slips him information about Darga cultists in the year of blood and gets his tongue cut out later for it, because Damian wasn’t supposed to know what he was doing). I don’t know if this is an intentional decision by the writers -- it was published afterwards but one of the creators who worked on B&R 2011 (gleason) also wrote Robin: Son of Batman. We do however know that information is something Damian has to earn in the League from the B&R 2011 series with his arrangement with his mother though -- he has to earn the right to know who his dad is -- and that’s in the same series.

Like none of this is saying that Bruce is a static or horrible character -- he does eventually open up to Damian (after Damian has killed nobody) and we can see Bruce trying to learn. And I actually love Batman and Robin 2011 its on my favorite comics list! So I like their dynamic there and I’m not saying it’s badly written, but I also think that they’re dynamic is a bit unhealthy for Damian compared to Dick’s dynamic with Damian, especially at first.

[watchtower-feed]

Waynesitter and Favorites

Notes: Oh hey an actual fic this time. I’ve been feeling under the weather for the past few days and DDWP part 11 is heavy on the heart so I can’t do it in one sitting. Is that a spoiler or a teaser? Anyway, here’s something light for now. Words: 2,085

     “Okay, but who’s your favorite?”

     They've been asking you this for a long time now. You’ve been expertly dodging their questions but even Damian has started to be persistent that you’re finding it harder and harder to just say, “I hate all of you, let’s start there.”

     “Jason.”

     Cass answers suddenly which catches the attention of the whole room. Jason stares at her as a growing blush slowly covers his whole face.

     “Wait.” Dick is visibly flabbergasted but more upset. He points a finger at Cass, “Is that Y/N’s answer or-“

     “Mine,” she answers with a smile.

     “Why?” Tim asks, sounding skeptical and a little outraged.

     Cass places a finger below her lips and looks up, listing things in her head for a moment. Jason is the easy choice for her. She knows that when death comes knocking for one of them, he won’t bat an eyelid to kill the harbinger. Cass needs that. She needs someone to do what she can’t do.

     There are other reasons, too, smaller ones. Like how Jason is a brute but he’s tender when he’s applying first aid on her wounds. How he quotes books she’s never read. How he sings while he cooks.

     “Because he’s the most handsome,” she teases and you’re already hating her for the chaos that ensues.

     If you think Dick was offended before, now he looks like Cass just stepped on his grave. “Lies,” he hisses.

     Cass snickers which eggs him even more. Tim’s frowning when looks to you, “I always thought I was her favorite…” he says trying to sound nonchalant but failing.

     “Tim,” you look at him with a straight gaze, “If I had a daughter, you’re the only one I would introduce her to.” Tim practically straightens his body in joy. You point your finger at him and wink, “So you better make sure you get her into an Ivy League.”

     Tim rolls his eyes and groans. 

     You chuckle. You weren’t lying though. Tim is the most dependable and responsible out of everyone in the manor. He’s not great at taking care of himself, God knows he goes days without sleeping and won’t notice until he passes out, but whenever he sees someone injured or just plain exhausted, he goes into full big brother mode.

     “I knew it! You just want me for my brains.”

     “At least you get Y/N’s daughter! Cass won’t even acknowledge that I’m the most fun and loving brother!” Dick quickly turns to Jason with the distaste of a childhood rival, “You’ve been quiet. You must feel so smug right now.”

     Jason pretends to inspect his cuticles, “What was that? I can’t hear you over all the handsomeness I’m emitting.”

     Someone tugs on your sleeve and you see Damian sitting next to you now. He half covers his mouth to whisper something to you, “I know I’m your favorite.”

     You twitch a little, “Really? How so?”

     “You always see me last before you leave.”

     Half true. Damian is the only one living at the manor full time so you always see him. He’s also still a child so you always have to check on him before you leave, making sure he’s still on the property and not out of the country without Bruce’s knowledge like that one time—

     “I also overheard you talking to Alfred.”

     Okay. Guilty. Whenever Alfred comes back early, he asks you how you are and you would always go into these rants about everything they did. You love them as much as you hate them but ever since you first met Damian, you’ve always had a soft spot for him, so everything he does is almost endearing to you.

     He was in the garden with the dog when Lucius first dropped you off at the manor. You watched this stern little kid try to talk the dog into sitting down, gesturing the proper movement for the action, and staring Titus down like a boarding school principal.

     But Titus did sit down and the wide and bright smile on Damian was too precious. He was beaming so hard that for a second there he lost his composure. You knew right then and there that this kid deserves more love than he can handle.

     You place your finger on your lips and whisper, “Don’t tell them.”

     “What’s this?” Jason calls out loudly, “Damian and Y/N are conspiring with each other.”

     “It’s none of your business, Todd.”

     “You’re bribing her, aren’t you?”

     “Jason, you already have Cass. Stop being so greedy,” Dick replies, obviously still wounded. 

     “Who’s your favorite?” Cass suddenly asks him. You almost want to hug her. Of course, the best way to nurse an emotionally hurting Dick Grayson is by giving him the upperhand.

     Dick is already grinning as his eyes sweep around the room. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

     “That’s why she asked, Dick,” Tim answers, almost bored of this topic.

     “We don’t wanna know,” Jason adds.

     “No. No. I’ll tell you.” He looks around, taking in the suspense that was slowly building. “It’s…” Dick takes his time looking at all of you.

     “Any day, Richard,” you mock.

     “You know what?” Dick crosses his arms and pretends to be hurt but the grin on his face is giving him away. “I don’t want to tell you.”

     Jason groans and Tim just rests his head on the back of the sofa. You and Cass smile because it’s such a typical Dick thing to do, and it finally got everyone off your back.

     “Have you all gone deaf?” Alfred pokes his head under the living room doorway. “I’ve been calling the lot of you for dinner for 5 minutes. Even master Bruce is already at the table.”

     “Bruce!” everyone simultaneously yells out. Cass and the boys leap over the couch to get to the dining room, surprising and angering Alfred as they pass him.

     “Goodness-- It’s like living with wild animals.”

     “I’ve been telling you that since my first day!” you whine as you walk to the dining room.

     Alfred grins at you, “We both know you’ve grown fond of them.”

     As you get closer, their riotous goating of Bruce got louder.

     “Come on, Bruce! You can’t not have a favorite!”

     “The moment you tell us it’s not Dick, then we’ll be happy.”

     “Stuff you, Jason. Just because you’re definitely not in the running doesn’t mean you can drag me down.”

     “You’re all wasting your breath. Of course, I’m his favorite. I’m his real son.”

     The room suddenly goes quiet. This was the worst time to enter. Cass, Tim, Jason, and Dick are staring at Damian, and then they roll their eyes and fill the room with a collective ‘oooh’.

     “Look at me! I’m Damian! I’m his son!” Jason sways his hips as he mocks.

     “Look, I have my father’s eyebrows,” teases Dick.

     “Being his son means he’s obligated to love you, you know.”

     “Shut up, Drake!”

     Bruce turns to you and you’ve never seen so many worry lines on the cool and collected millionaire until this moment. He’s practically begging you to help him. “Um,” you say out loud, trying to drown their voices, “Cass is definitely the best girl here!”

     They all turn to you. Alfred leaves you to sit at the table with the rest of them. Traitor you almost want to mutter. He gives you a look saying good luck because you’re digging your own grave.

     “I mean, isn’t she though?” You walk over to Cass and hug her from behind. “If you guys ever got caught, like really caught, and I mean like you can’t fight your way out, or your talk your way out, who would you call first?”

     The boys look at each other and think for a moment. Some of them nod and purse their lips. Cass holds onto your arms and turns to her side to kiss you on the cheek. You immediately smile and feel giddy that you lean your cheeks against each other. That was enough to calm everyone down because if anyone would dare ruin the moment none of them would be leaving the table alive.

     Dinner lasted longer than usual. You yawn as you walk to the door with Dick.

     “Want me to drop you off on my way to Bludhaven?”

     You nod quickly, “You’re an angel.” He chuckles but you quickly remember something. “One sec.”

     As soon as you go back into the house, Damian’s standing there. “You almost forgot me.”

     “I could never.” You lift Damian in your arms and carry him off to his room, an extraordinary milestone that took you a month to reach. 

     “You tired, Dami?” He’s nodding off against your shoulders but still manages to suppress a yawn. You enter his room and lay him down on his bed. “What are you doing tomorrow?” You always ask him. When Damian thinks about his plans for the next day, it seems to put him to sleep faster.

     He finally yawns, “I’m patrolling with father.”

     “And during the day?”

     “Training Goliath.”

     You flinch. You’ve seen Goliath and you vow to yourself to never go exploring in the caves again. “H-how fun…” you mutter. You brush his hair until he closes his eyes. “I’ll be back in two days, okay? Tell me about it then?”

     Damian lazily nods with his brows and turns to his side. You tuck in his blanket before you leave and head home.

     Eerily, the drive back to your apartment is quiet. You sneak a look at Dick and see a more serious expression on his face. You nudge him.

     “Hey! Driving here--”

     “Wanna know who Bruce’s favorite is?” you tease with half-lidded eyes.

     “Who is it?” you don’t answer so he takes a quick look at you and finds you raising your brows and smiling. He laughs, “No way!” then he stops, “Yes way? Are you serious?” You just smile at him and nod once. “I don’t believe you. How could you obtain such valuable information?”

     “When you take your suits off, you guys are a lot easier to read than you think.”

     “Gosh, Y/N. If you ever become a villain, you might just take over this town.”

     You shake your head at such a ridiculous notion. You hate crime-fighting and you hate crime even more. You suddenly punch Dick in the shoulder.

     “Ow!”

     “You better not tell your brothers!”

     He rubs his shoulders and looks at you, “Why would I? Is it true? Am I really Bruce’s favorite?” His grip on the wheels suddenly tightens and he looks like he’s ready to speed into the distance, “Jason is going to be so mad!” You shake your head and wonder how many hours you have to wait before you’re bombarded with group messages about this.

     “Oh hey, Y/N,” Dick pulls over outside your apartment building. “Guess who’s Alfred’s favorite?”

     Your attention is definitely piqued, “Who?”

     “I said guess.”

     “It’s not you, is it?” you narrow your eyes, suddenly feeling like this is just a narcissistic trap Dick has set up.

     He chuckles, “It used to be. But have you noticed how you get called to the manor even when he’s there?”

     You roll your eyes, “Have you met you? You guys are a serious handful!”

     Dick shakes his head, “No no. Listen. Alfred can handle us. He can handle us better than Bruce, let me tell you--” Dick pauses a little, “Alfred actually saw you at the office. You were scolding Lucius and when Bruce came to check on him as a backup, you scolded him, too.” Dick laughs.

     “Wait. What? What’s this? I don’t remember that. Come on, Dick. Stop laughing and tell the story properly!”

     “I don’t know,” he’s still laughing, “I forgot what it was about but Alfred was just impressed by how immune you were to their charms and how scared you made Bruce in a matter of seconds. Not an easy feat and you know that.”

     You narrow your eyes at Dick, “You’re the worst storyteller.” You unclasp your seatbelt and step out of the car. After walking around, you knock on the driver’s window and wait until he rolls down the window. “Thanks for the ride by the way.” 

     He salutes you. “Want me to pick you up in two days?”

     “No, I’m okay.”

     “Okay. I’ll pick you up.”

     Dick drives off before you can add another word. You glare at his sports car before you walk up to your building door. Before you even get the chance to slip your keys in, your phone vibrates in your pocket. “That little-”

✧ Watchtower Masterlist ✧

[dariadraws]

and my final piece so far for @geekinthecorner‘s @batfam-big-bang fic Bats Of The West, it’s Jason Todd! ngl i think this is one of the ones i had the most fun with, and also the one i crammed the most details into that no one but me will ever know exist, but i’ll share a few of them under the cut, along with the image description. plus, a list of all of Jason’s scars in this au, and how he got them.

also, like i said, this is my final piece so far but i fully intend to come back and round out the batfam, draw all the other characters i havent had a chance to get to yet, so keep an eye out for that, and in the meantime here’s some fun facts!

alright so. first off, just some general overall thoughts on Jason and some of the details i added here.

 his gun in the first pic is super expensive and pretty, but i imagine he doesnt use is as often as some of his other ones, simply because when he’s out in The Wilderness tracking down criminals for weeks on end, it’s not really the kind of place you want to bring your prettiest, most expensive gun. when he’s on the ranch or in town tho, or really just anywhere where he doesnt anticipate needing to rough it for more than a couple days (which isnt the same as not expecting the need to get rough), he’s probably got this gun.

his gun belt and holster are a whole other story tho. he spent exactly zero dollars and zero cents on them, just assembled them from some spare leather they had lying around, which is why theyre in such Not Great condition, and also why the belt itself ended up so long. he could cut it down to a more reasonable size, but it’s not like there’s anything else he could make from those scraps anyways, so why bother.

that big gun in the second image isn’t technically his tho, it’s the Communal Ranch Rifle. mainly it’s just used to scare away coyotes (or, yknow, actually hit coyotes) but it does occasionally see real action as well, tho not often.

also. does it even need to be said? his hat.. holder... bead... thing. with the turquoise inlay. is a gift from Dick

alright and now the fun part! i go through all of jason’s scars, and how he got them. there are quite a few and a lot of them are. Sad. so be warned, and take care of yourselves! (also just for the record, i promise the fic itself isnt actually as dark as this will make it sound. basically none of this shows up in the story, i was just given free reign to design whatever i wanted, and poor jason ended up paying the price)

ok so. scars. 

first off, the claw and bit marks on his arms and shoulders are from getting attacked by some coyotes back when he was still just a kid. to quote my explanation back when i pitched this to Em, “bc as a Young Human with minimal supervision and not necessarily having someone to call him inside once it gets dark, he was unfortunately Very Delicious, if somewhat scrawny, by coyote standards”

next up: a bullet scar on his abdomen, on his lower left side (our right), from some kind of shootout with a criminal. this one is middling-recent; after bruce adopted him, but before the joker thing. i dont really have anything concrete for that one but it was a through and through, and somehow, miraculously, missed hitting any bones, and any organs. just missed his lower rib by like. an inch. that one messed bruce up more than jason, honestly. if anything, he was just surprised it took him that long to get shot, with the life he's had

the ones on his cheek and on his chin were just Regular Childhood Shenanigans scars, no real story.

the one through his mouth is from his time with the joker though. there's also the J brand on his right bicep, also from the joker.

also joker related, hes got a lot of scars on his hands, especially his knuckles and fingertips, from trying to fight his way out of his captivity, and scratching his fingers raw trying to pry open the door to his cell/untie the rough rope he way tied with/whatever the specific situation was. also some minor rope burn scars on his wrists from the same deal.

also some blade scars across his palms from trying to stop/block knives. definitely with the joker, but probably at some point in his youth as well

a few faint lines across his neck from being a temporary hostage a few time while helping Bruce on cases when he was younger, but none of them ever went deep or caused any serious damage

oh and also, whip scars on his back from his time with the joker, which arent too prominent, and mostly cant be seen from the front, except for a couple of spots where they crest over his shoulders and the very tail ends of them can be seen, but they’re there 

and also some kind of straight scar on his left forearm, which was a carry-over from my usual Jason design, that i like but dont really have a story for, so that one’s purely aesthetic, lol

and that’s it! i think? that’s all my notes on that? either way this post is getting Way Too Long, and i still gotta do the image descriptions, so i’m calling it there. 

[IMAGE ID: two images of Jason Todd in old-fashioned cowboy clothing. He has red, curly hair with a streak of white running through it at the front. his skin is pale but sunburnt, has deep-blue eyes, many freckles both on his face and on the rest of his exposed skin, and his body is broad and muscular, and he has many scars. he has small round metal piercings in the lobes of both ears, as well as an additional two in the top cartilege of his right ear.

in the first image, he is facing directly at the viewer with his arms crossed, and a challenging look on his face. he is wearing a maroon cowboy shirt with checkered red accent at the chest and the sleeves rolled up to his upper arms. he has a dark blue polka-dot bandana tied around his neck, and over that pass two strands of red braided cord holding his tan cowboy hat, which is visible hanging off his neck behind him. the cords are tipped with small metal beads, and pass through a large, dark brown wooden bead inset with turquoise, which regulates their length. he is wearing dark-wash blue jeans with prominent yellow stitching, pulled over his cowboy boots up to the ankle until only the foot of each boot is visible. the boots are dark brown with pale seams and red stitching, and light brown heels and soles. fastened around each boot are embossed red spur-straps, with metal spurs extending from them behind the boots. at his waist are two cracked leather belts. one is dark brown, with a pale silver buckle stamped with vine designs, and it is threaded through his belt loops. the second belt is hanging diagonally over his hips and holds his gun and holster. this belt is a reddish tan with a pattern of darker brown, overlapping rings down its length, and has a darker silver buckle. it is long enough that the loose end of it wraps back around itself several times before hanging down. the holster is simple brown leather folded over the gun, with two straps to tighten it. the gun itself is an ornate and expensive-looking revolver, black metal with intricate gold detailing and a mother-of-pearl grip.

in the second image, he is facing slightly to the side, with a long shotgun propped over his shoulder with one hand and an unimpressed expression on his face as he looks somewhere to the right of the viewer. he is shirtless, and his torso is muscled, stocky, and as sunburned and freckled as the rest of him. his cowboy hat is hanging off his neck again behind him, once more held in place by the braided red cord and round wood-and-turquoise bead. he is wearing tan, high-waisted pants tucked into his cowboy boots, which are the same as in the first image but now fully visible, with red pulls at the top. the pants are attached to red suspenders, though they are not on his shoulders and hang down around him instead. his gunbelt is once more around his hips, but the holster is obscured behind him, and isn't visible. the hand not holding the shotgun is down loosely at his side, and has a red and white bandana wrapped around the wrist. END ID]

[vikingpoteto]

we don’t have to dance (to the beat of their songs)

Chapter 4 on AO3

______________________

Relationships:  (Gen) Tim Drake & Jason Todd

Tags: Battle for the Cowl, Alternate Canon, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, Mental Health Issues, Past Child Neglect, Domestic Fluff, Canon is not valid I am, and I want them to be friends goddamnit

Summary: In the middle of their battle, Jason asks Tim to leave the nest and be his Robin. Tim decides it's not a bad idea, after all. 

________________________

 When Tim walks out of the crappy motel room, the sun is already up. He curses inwardly, guessing it must be past eight in the morning at least. He hadn’t meant to stay up all night, but that’s what happens more often than not. He remembers reading somewhere online that ADHD people have a different sleeping cycle, something about working better when sleeping from 2am to 10am or something. He didn’t read the full article because it didn’t seem that relevant at the time. 

Alas. Since he’s up, he might as well get himself some breakfast. He walks to the vending machine he was planning on visiting anyway. He blinks his blurry eyes trying to see the options in front of him. He considers buying just an energy drink and calling it a day, but he doesn’t think his empty stomach will appreciate that course of action.

“The fuck? You’re still here?”

Tim turns around. Jason is in front of his own room, only half wearing his leather jacket.

“I’m a paying customer?” Tim says. He hadn’t meant to make it sound like a question. God, he’s sleepy. 

“I thought you’d be back in Gotham by now,” Jason says.

Tim frowns at him. “Where would I go?”

Jason considers that for a while. Usually, Tim would be bothered by being scanned like that, but he can’t find in himself to care or to try and figure what Jason might be thinking right now. Finally, the older boy sighs.

“You got breakfast yet?”

Tim gestures vaguely at the vending machine full of snacks. 

Jason stares, his expression empty. Then he rolls his eyes, grabs Tim by the collar and starts dragging him as though he’s a sack of potatoes. It’s a testament to how tired Tim really is that he stumbles and barely manages a noise of protest.

“Jason,” he whines, the tone in his voice catching even himself by surprise. 

A couple gives them a judgemental glance as they cross the street. Tim wonders what they look like to strangers. Tim’s clothes, while a lot more expensive than Jason’s, are battered and faded from his misadventures. His painfully pale skin doesn’t match Jason’s dark tan at all, even with all the freckles he got from having fun with assassins in the desert. Still, to a passerby, Tim’s juvenile tone and pathetic attempts to slap Jason’s hand away should make them look like bickering friends. In spite of Jason’s size, his young face still betrays his real age. They could pass as…

Tim straightens himself in a swift movement. Whether he’s finally successful in his attempt to free himself or Jason notices his tension and lets him go, is up for debate. He shakes his head and pretends that no stupid thought almost crossed his mind.

“What are you doing?” Tim complains.

Jason points at the building in front of them — an old diner — and walks in, expecting Tim to follow. He does. 

A tired looking waitress squints at them as though she’s expecting trouble for whatever reason. Tim doesn’t know why, he’s sure they look perfectly innocent as they find themselves a place to sit. They make a beeline towards a table in a discreet corner, partially hidden behind a nook of the wall. The spot allows them to see almost all the other patrons without being too visible. Tim notes, but doesn’t comment on the fact that both of them chose that spot seemingly at the same time.

When they sit across one another, however, Tim has a weird feeling in his gut. Maybe it’s the sleepless night, but he has a hard time not thinking about the last time he sat across Jason like this: the older boy had been in jail and Tim’s stupid plan to get him out resulted in… well.

Babs used to say Tim talked a lot or didn’t talk at all, and she had been the first person to realize that the former meant Tim wasn’t thinking and the latter meant he was thinking too much. Tim does what he does best when he’s nervous or uncomfortable: he starts talking. A terrible mistake in retrospect, really. 

“Are you buying me breakfast?” he asks.

Jason glares at him. “You’re richer than I am. Buy your own food.”

“Not really. Plus you dragged me here.”

“You said you were a paying customer.”

“Yeah, at the hotel. Credit cards are hackable and Babs taught me a thing or two in case I ever found myself in a tight spot, which I definitely am right now.” Tim points at the ‘cash only’ sign behind the counter. “The pocket change I have is cool for a vending machine, but a diner is fancier than what I’m ready for.”

Jason groans and rolls his eyes. Tim thinks that the closest thing he’ll get from a yes, so he takes it. 

Without talking about it and even though they’re not talking about anything too secretive, they go silent when the waitress walks towards their table. Rather than greeting them, she shows her little notepad and arches an eyebrow at them. Tim is loving the service already, it’s doing great things to his nerves.

“Coffee. Black,” he says. 

She turns to Jason, but he’s still looking at Tim as though waiting for him to say something else. When Tim simply gives him a quizzical look, Jason appears annoyed.

“What do you mean black coffee?” Jason says. “You’re making me pay for your food and you’re not even ordering actual food?”

“Uh… I’m fine? I don’t eat much this early, it makes me nauseous.”

“Jesus Christ, kid. We gonna have your largest order of pancakes for this stupid child.”

Tim kicks him under the table.

“Little shit,” Jason hisses.

And Tim almost falls over when he pushes his chair to avoid being kicked back.

“Cut it out, Jason!”

While their feet battle under the table, the waitress rolls her eyes and walks away. Tim really wishes he could give this place a five star review.

When Jason’s sole finally connects to Tim’s chair and he has to hold onto the table to avoid toppling over, he groans:

“Truce.”

“Nah. You lost.”

Tim stares.

“Admit you lost and I stop.”

“Fine, you oversized baby, I lost!”

Jason smiles. It’s stupid to get so worked up at such a small thing, not to mention how extremely out of place it feels after his little vacation with the League. Still, Tim can’t help but think this is the first time he’s seen Jason look so satisfied. Annoyingly smug, sure, but satisfied.

Silence stretches. Jason grabs a napkin from the table and starts methodically tearing it apart for no apparent reason. Tim wishes he thought of doing something like that, because his hands are itching to do something. It’d look dumb if he started doing the same thing as Jason, wouldn’t it?

“I thought you were rich,” Jason says, startling Tim. 

He shakes his head, reprimanding himself for spacing out. “What?”

“I get not using your own credit card so you can’t be tracked,” Jason says, “but you’re so obsessed with planning everything. I kinda expected you to have a secret stash of money somewhere.”

Tim frowns. “What, you think I just stole Bruce’s money before leaving?”

Now that Jason mentions it, that would’ve been smarter. It’s not like Dick would miss it, and money would’ve left less of a trail than the fake credit cards he’d been using. Maybe Ra’s wouldn’t have found him if… He’s spacing out again. Jason is speaking. Crap.

“... your other father?” 

He needs a few blinks to realize what Jason means. “My dad lost everything before he died. You didn’t know?” 

“Wait, so what are you going to do when you go back to Gotham? Go back to the manor?”

Tim frowns. “I don’t think that’d be a good idea.”

“He’d take you back.”

At that, Tim gives him a pointed look. Jason realizes his misstep.

“Don’t,” he grits out. “Don’t you dare say it. We’re not the same by any means.”

“I didn’t say anything,” Tim says simply.

He never does. Ever since he reached that weird truce with Jason, Tim only said it once. He said that Jason should go back; Jason told him to fuck off. Tim said that Bruce wanted him back and Dick missed him; Jason told him to be quiet. Tim told him that Alfred wanted to see him; Jason stormed off. 

Since then, in the very few times they’ve met and talked like semi-civilized people, Tim never brought up Jason going home again. Jason seems to firmly believe that he’ll never be forgiven. Tim knows that he’s the last person Jason wants to talk about family, and it’s not like he has any arguments that could change his mind, so Tim keeps quiet. It works, unless one of them (usually Jason) is trying to kill the other (Tim). Even now, after the whole clusterfucker before Tim’s trip - had it really happened a few weeks ago? - there is no doubt in his mind that Dick and Alfred would take Jason back with open arms, more than willing to work on their issues. Perhaps Dick would still be a bit upset about Jason shooting Damian, but hey, the kid barely stayed down for a day.

As it is now, neither of them are planning to go back. Once more, the question looms over them. Why would Tim make the same mistake again? What was that fancy quote about insanity? Something about doing the same thing and expecting a miracle or whatever. Tim hopes Jason won’t ask.

But then again, if Jason asks Tim why he wants to stay, he’ll have to explain why he’s accepting it, and Tim doesn’t think he’s too keen on that.

The waitress comes back with their food. Tim twists his nose at the pile of pancakes in front of him. Jason threateningly points a fork at him until he sighs and starts eating. 

“We’re taking off after I’m done eating, so get to chewing, Replacement.”

Tim feels a smile stretching his lips. “We?”

“Don’t be a smartass. If I regret this, I’ll dump your ass in the middle of the road.”

“Can’t do, boss. It’s part of Robin’s job to call you out on your shit.”

“But you’re not Robin anymore, are you?”

That wipes Tim’s smile off pretty fast. He has to keep reminding himself that Jason can be as much of an asshole as Tim can, if not worse. He resumes eating in silence, pretending he’s too mature to be bothered by Jason’s stupid smug face. 

Never mind that he has to grit his teeth to hold back at least three different smart retorts. He doesn’t want to risk Jason giving up on him out of spite and the son of a bitch knows it. 

Tim takes his sweet time poking at his pancakes and sipping his coffee, hoping that Jason will be done first and they’ll leave. When Jason realizes what he’s doing, he starts barking out threats and insults until Tim is kicking him again. 

They don’t stop fighting until Tim’s plate is empty and his stomach is filled to the brim. 

The waitress looks unreasonably relieved when Jason throws a couple of crumpled bills at the counter and they turn to leave. Tim didn’t think they made a fuss big enough to warrant that reaction. But, then again, maybe they just look like trouble makers. 

“We’re going back to Gotham?” Tim asks.

“What do you think, genius?” Jason rolls his eyes. “God, my territory must be a mess by now.”

“No one told you to fall from that height, dude, I’m surprised you’re not out of commission for longer,” Tim says.

“Replacement, I swear to God…”

“Just sayin’,” and his mocking smile is back. “We’re going to one of your infamous safehouses?”

“Hm.”

“The one in Burnley? Or the one behind Crime Alley? Or…”

Jason stops walking. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “No one likes a smartass, Tim.”

“Jokes on you, no one likes me anyway.” Tim grins. “If it makes you feel any better, I’m pretty sure Dick doesn’t know about the Burnley one.”

“Guess that’s where we’re going then,” Jason huffs. “Can’t have them breathin’ on my neck while I get my stuff together. Can’t believe I have a fucking kid now.”

“You’re only two years older than me, Jason. Less, if we consider you were dead for a couple months.”

Jason ignores that. “You better not go running to them, Replacement. You’re on your trial run. You fuck this up, you not gonna like the consequences.” 

Tim rolls his eyes, but says nothing. Jason will find out soon enough how good he is at keeping secrets.

They grab their things at the hotel, not that Tim has a lot of luggage. Jason grabs a motorcycle that definitely isn’t his. Tim doesn’t comment on it, because the one he’s currently riding was paid with money that wasn’t his either. 

They hit the road, and the sleepless night and the breakfast still threatening to come back don’t bother Tim as much, because he feels like he’s finally moving again. Finally has a sense of purpose again. 

 Tim didn’t expect to live with Jason. He thought he’d look around his place, help him set up a functional computer system - how Jason survived alone for so long with the tech he had was beyond Tim - and then he’d leave to figure out what to do. His credit card fraud system wouldn’t work as well in Gotham, at least not if Barbara was in town, but he was willing to figure it out. 

The fact that he came this far without a plan told him that his month with the assassins had thrown him off his game. He’d grown used to winging it because the last weeks had been so unfairly unpredictable, but he has to go back to his old modus operandi as soon as possible.

Or at least that’s what he thought, until he emerged from the secret Red Hood bunker downstairs and Jason casually told him to take the vacant room upstairs.

That solved a lot of logistic issues, so Tim forces his mouth shut and heads upstairs. 

If you forget about the heavy arsenal in the secret basement (a secret that Tim will spend the whole weekend tinkering because holy shit, his childhood bedroom was more secure)  the house is almost… normal. Like an abandoned  middle class house. There are boards on the windows and signs that it should’ve been demolished at some point. Other than that, Jason had made the place a functional home. It’s a bit sparse in the furniture department and not unlike the hotel room Tim found Jason in: mismatched pieces, old wood and dust everywhere. There are marks on the wallpaper where pictures had presumably hung once, but that was probably before Jason took over the place. 

It occurs to Tim that he’s probably going to be on cleaning duty, which is a bit worrisome. As much as he’s okay with less than hospitable places, he’s never had to clean. Ever. He hopes there’s a YouTube tutorial on it. 

His new room clearly belonged to a very feminine person at some point, and all they left behind was an old bed with no sheets, a beaten dresser and marks on the pink walls where posters had probably been. Tears in the wallpaper hint they were carelessly ripped off. Tim carefully removes the mirror from the dresser and puts it out of sight before dumping his duffel bag near the bed. Home, sweet home.

Someone clears his throat by the door. 

Leaning against the frame as though he doesn’t know what to do with himself, Jason crosses and uncrosses his arms.

“I’m going on patrol in a bit. Gotta assess the situation.”

Tim nods and waits. This would usually be the time Bruce gave them instructions for  the night. Jason shifts his weight from one foot to the other. Whether he’s deliberately trying to be less like Bruce - which is futile, since Bruce is the only reference he has - or he simply doesn’t know how to handle a sidekick… Tim takes pity on him and says:

“I’ll be ready to join you in five.”

Jason aqcuiesces stiffly. Then heads down the hallway. Tim swears he hears Jason mumbling to himself as he leaves, which would be amusing if he wasn’t feeling just as awkward. 

He grabs the light chainmail armor from his bag and puts it on. The black, sleek outfit that follows still feels uncomfortable and foreign, but Tim supposes it will have to do. He hesitates before pulling on the black hood and even more before reaching for the Spoiler-like mask that will only cover the lower half of his face. Finally, he discards the piece of fabric to a corner. Associating the thing with Steph does the opposite of making him feel better about it. He’ll have to ask Jason if he has a spare domino mask he can borrow. 

He heads downstairs just as Jason is emerging from the kitchen in almost full Red Hood gear, his helmet under his arm. He tries to ignore the tug at his stomach when he sees it. Judging by Jason’s expression, he was thinking something similar.

“What the fuck are you wearing, Replacement?”

“Discreet clothes for an undercover mission. What are you wearing?” Tim tries to play it off as nothing, but, judging by Jason’s expression, he’s failing. “Look, I didn’t have Robin anymore, okay? I had to wear something and this is what Ra’s gave me.”

“Yeah, I’m not going out with a mini-League of Assassins recrutee.”

Tim wishes he had a logical argument against that. He thinks there is one, but the sleepless night is finally getting to him and he can’t think straight. “Well, damn, Jason, what do you expect me to do? Go out in civies? Not all of us can pull off the leather jacket.”

The older boy considers him for a moment, and an irrational part of Tim’s brain keeps him frozen on the spot. This is it. This is when he realizes this has been a mistake, and me thinking he’s like me was a gross miscalculation. He’s going to send me away. He’s going to tell me to go away.

“Stay here,” Jason says. “Now that I think about it, if I go alone there’s less of a chance of them finding out I’m back.”

Tim is panicking, but not hard enough that he misses the opportunity to quip: “I’m not the one with a bright red helmet.”

“Shut it. Do digital detective work while I’m gone. Can you find out what happened in my territory for the past month without bringing Oracle down my ass?”

“Of course I can. What do you think I am?”

“Inferior to Barbara.”

“Bitch…!” Tim pauses. Takes a deep breath. “Okay, fair, I am. But she isn’t actively looking for me and I know her M.O.”

Jason nods. “Then do your thing. I’ll be back in the morning.”

Tim watches him head to the door. So he isn’t fired again, which is good.

“Jason?” He calls, because apparently he can’t take a win and keep his damn mouth shut. “I’m not going to stay indoors. I’m not the computer guy. I’m in this to fight crime and I didn’t look for you to stay back because you don’t like my fashion choices.”

Jason looks absolutely disgusted  at that. “The problem with smart people like you is that you keep thinking everyone else is a fucking idiot. I’m not. And you know that, since you chose to come after me.”

Tim could tell him Jason offered first. That would lead to a childish back-and-forth until accusing the other of starting wouldn’t be enough and they would have a fist fight on top of the ratty couch. Considering the thing looks like it’s about to collapse under the mildest gust of wind, Tim wisely stays quiet for once in his life. 

He turns around and heads to the kitchen, to the secret entrance that leads to the secret basement. He hears when Jason leaves. He’s still pouting when he boots the stupid computer in serious need of an update.

He’s going to hate this. 

 Tim hates that he enjoys himself. 

It’s been quite a long time since he worked in such a simple case. He’d forgotten how enjoyable it is to work on a puzzle and watch the pieces fall together with ease. Like skating for fun after spending months practicing complicated maneuvers. He doesn’t see time going by as he takes notes and prints info, compiling a thorough report on everything Jason missed, up to some cold trails from when he was in Blackgate.  

He doesn’t remember falling asleep. 

At least not until he wakes up and immediately lets out an unholy screech because his bed vanishes under him. Except he isn’t on his bed, he’s spinning around on the computer chair and he scrambles to stay on the seat before the chair finally hits the wall and stops.

After the shock is gone, he looks up and finds a rather smug Red Hood smirking at him from across the room.

“What the… Did you seriously kick my chair?” Tim gasps.

“My chair,” Jason corrects. “That I let you borrow in exchange for work. Slacking on the service on the first day?”

Tim shoots up. “I was not! Fuck you!”

Jason blinks, his eyes widening. “Easy there. And I’m the one with anger issues.”

“I gathered everything that there is to find from the past month,” he protests, frantic and irritated all at the same time. “Sure, I didn’t finish the time you were locked up, but that’s because your internet is fucking slow. Give me until morning and I-”

Strong hands grab his wrists and Tim looks up. Jason’s expression is so oddly telling that Tim thinks he’s trying to manipulate him somehow. His brows are knitted together and his warm brown eyes are still mildly wide. Enough that Tim can see the specks of green in the dark iris, a reminder of Jason’s dip in the Lazarus Pit. He tries to come up with an explanation, because Jason has no reason to make Tim think he’s worried about him.

“The fuck is wrong with you? I didn’t expect you to be done before I got home. And I didn’t expect you to get info about the time I was in jail either.”

Tim is confused. He misinterpreted his mess up? “You didn’t want me to know what was going on before? That’s counterproductive. Plus a lot of this isn’t new information, I was monitoring…”

“Tim,” Jason cuts him off again. 

It’s weird that he says Tim and not Robin. It’s correct, because Tim isn’t Robin anymore, but this is Robin time regardless. Tim feels as though he’s back at the cave and he’s 13 years old. This time he doesn’t have Dick’s hesitant encouragement or Alfred’s worried glances, but it feels too similar to being around a grief-stricken man, broken almost beyond repair. That man is his boss and, in order to earn his stay, Tim has to succeed.

Except next time Jason speaks, he doesn’t sound like Bruce. Not like Bruce after he started healing. Definitely not like Bruce sounded when he first met Tim. He sounds - and that’s extremely weird - like Cassie when she found Tim pulling an all-nighter reviewing the case files. It was right after they got their team approved and could take over Titans Tower. Tim had to make sure everything was running smoothly, but Cassie thought not sleeping after sparring all-day was a bad call. She had been absolutely bewildered by the concept, for some reason.

It’s ridiculous that Red Hood reminds him of Wonder Girl.

“I don’t fucking care that you checked old news,” Jason says. “I’m just surprised you’re done already.” 

Tim’s brow furrows and he reviews the night, again trying to assess his mistake. “You said I was supposed to do digital work while you were on patrol,” he repeats slowly, almost to himself. 

“Yeah,” Jason agrees, letting go of his wrists. “I thought you were gonna collect some info and go to bed. Continue tomorrow.”

Tim gives in and straight up asks: “And you’re angry because…?”

“I’m not?” Jason is the one looking confused now. “You think me kicking your chair was me being angry? I was just being a jerk. I didn’t think you were that sensitive.”

Oh. Tim feels his cheeks warming. “I-I’m not! That is, I don’t care that you kicked the chair and sent me careening across the room while I was asleep.” There’s a beat. “Wait, no, I do care about that, what the hell, Jason?”

Jason rolls his eyes. “Come on, I’m gonna make it up to you. Don’t get used to it, though. Just come here and take a look.” 

Tim notices a bundle of what looks like fabric on the computer desk. It definitely wasn’t there before he dozed off. His confusion peaks when he notices it isn’t simply fabric… it’s leather and kevlar and a freaking cowl connected to a cape and…

“You stole Dr. Mid-Nite’s suit?” Tim asks.

“Wha- No, dumbass! It’s my suit! My old suit, anyway.”

Tim takes it and holds it in front of him. It’s a bit heavier than his old Robin suit, but it looks more resistant, if not as much malleable. 

“From the time you went to a different dimension,” Tim gasps.

“How the fuck do you know that?” Jason asks, bewildered again. 

Tim turns to him. “Why do you have this?”

Jason shrugs. “I grew out of it. Figured you could have it. You’re a bit taller than I was then, and skinnier too, but nothing you can’t work around. Beats making a whole new suit from scratch.”

Words fail him and he simply stares at the suit, unresponsive. 

“If you don’t like it, deal with it,” Jason says, suddenly less blase. It’s almost as though he’s nervous. “Or make a new suit, I don’t care. Just don’t go out in that stupid ninja suit.”

“R.R.” Tim mutters, his voice hollow. “What does R.R. stands for?”

It’s Jason’s turn to hesitate. Silent stretches for a little before he blurts: “Red Robin.”

“Huh.” Tim says, eloquent as ever. “What’s with all the red? I thought your favorite color was green.”

“How do you-” Jason sighs. “Whatever. Grab your shit and get the hell out of here.”

Tim whips around, alarmed again. “Why?”

“Because I wanna fucking change,” he gestures at his clothes, “and it’s weird to do it with your scrawny ass down here. This ain’t the Batcave, I only got one room.”

Oh. That sort of “leaving”. That makes more sense. “Right. I’m gonna go… uh... “ Where, again?

“To bed,” Jason snaps. “You’re gonna sleep on an actual bed instead of drooling all over my keyboard. Scram.”

Nodding jerkily, Tim obeys. The suit he holds tightly against his chest feels heavy and not because of all the body armor hidden within layers of leather.

[kitkatwinchester]

Happy Fanfic Writer Friday (#FFWF)! Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

OMG THIS IS SUCH A GREAT ASK!!! 

Okay okay, because you basically gave me permission to ramble, this is gonna be so freaking long, but I’m doing it anyways, because I want to do every story that has it because I try to do stuff like this a ton, especially in multi-chapter stories!! 

Okay, I’m gonna focus on only AO3 stories this time, since those ones are the ones that really have a lot of this, and I’ll talk about them in order of most recently published/updated (though not all are included in this list because some are simpler than others lol). That said, spoiler alert for anyone who hasn’t read these stories. 

AO3:

Who Knew Birthdays Could Be So Complicated

My favorite thing about this story is that it’s based entirely on poking fun at the fact that so many MCU villains are only villains because Tony made them mad somehow, because I think it’s hilarious and I’m proud of how I was able to poke fun at it while still properly representing the beautiful relationship between Tony and Peter and their individual characterizations. 

This has a very subtle incorporation of Spideychelle, because it takes place after Endgame, but assumes Far From Home never happened, so Peter and MJ aren’t really a thing yet, but you can kind of tell they’re going to be if you take notice of the way they react both around each other and about each other in this fic. 

There’s also a very subtle incorporation of Happy/May for the same reason--Far From Home hasn’t happened (yet), so their relationship is only just starting to come to pass. It’s referenced through Tony and Peter’s suspicious/surprised reactions when Happy suddenly wants to be with May all the time. 

I love the way I made time pass in this fic. At once point, I transition between scene using a watch, and throughout the fic, the passing of time and the number of minutes are constantly mentioned to serve as a sort of countdown as events transpire, and it’s subtle, but I feel like it really helps follow the passage of time and make it all even more realistic. 

It was hard to figure out how to express this, so I’m not sure how many people actually caught this, but I loved how I subtly showed that Bruce wound up finding a way to reverse what he did before Endgame and bring himself back to his normal self in order to help the city better. 

There’s a really subtle reference to Peter’s sensory overload when Perceptivo starts talking about how he was able to grab Peter in the first place. He never finishes his sentence, but the reader and Tony get a sense of what he’s getting at. 

Everytime I write in adorable Peter and Morgan moments, I get excited about it, and this fic is no different. That said, I love the way their relationship is portrayed, even if it is brief. 

Lastly, I love what I did with the chapter titles for this story. The titles match up, outside to in. The first and last chapter parallel each other as general titles (”The Unexpected Surprise” and “The Real Surprise”). The second and seventh title both reference a phrase said/implied in the chapter (”Forty-Three Minutes” and “Unconditional Love”). The third and sixth titles chapter titles that summarize the chapter, with the sixth one being a Star Wars reference, because of course ;) (”Lost Sleep, Long Night” and “It’s a Trap”). And lastly, the fourth and fifth chapters are lines quoted by the Peter and Tony in their respective POV chapters (”I Need to Handle This on My Own” and “Dammit Kid”). I worked hard on those, and I’m so proud of how they lined up. 

Always and Forever

I love love love how the sibling relationship between Peter, Harley, and Morgan develops in this one. I love that Harley and Morgan have an established relationship through video, but there’s still a sense of distance there, and I love how Peter and Morgan have a pre-determined relationship because of the stories Tony used to tell Morgan about Peter, but he doesn’t want to overstep, so it creates distance. I love Harley and Peter knowing about and already respecting each other and then being able to actually get to know each other for real and everything that comes with that. I just love how these three slowly get to know each other, but in a way, they already knew each other so well that they’re basically already family. It’s exactly what I was shooting for, and I’m glad that it seemed to come out that way for readers and for my own self-analysis. 

I am also particularly proud of Morgan’s voice in this story. Peter and Harley, both being teenagers, were a little more natural, but Morgan, as a four-year-old, took some tweaking to perfect, but in the end, I really felt like I could hear the four-year-old innocence and hope and love and I felt like it lined up so well with everything else in the story as she comes to terms with everything that happened and works through it in the only way she can--with help. 

Most of the references/callbacks in this one are super obvious, but there are a couple that are more subtle. There’s a small reference to that “you’re a mechanic, why don’t you just build something?” scene in IM3 where Harley gets Tony out of a panic attack, and to Harley’s dad leaving him. There’s also a reference to Peter’s uncle dying when he mentions that he’s “been through it before”. I also included a little bit of subtlety in reference to the fact that Pepper never actually changed her name to Stark, canonically, and added the emotional element of it in the epilogue. 

Each of the objects/memories that the three kids hold close has a lot of symbolism and intent behind them, and they fit in with the chapter titles. In “Every Picture Tells a Story”, Peter’s memories are in pictures because of the picture of him and Tony in Endgame that made Tony invent time travel (it totally made him invent time travel don’t even try to fight me on it). It represents that timeline of events where Tony really truly had a kid with him that he could love and cherish and who loved and cherished him back, but in a way that never needed words--just actions and photographs. In “Reminders of How it Used to Be”, Harley’s memories are in his phone through text messages, because he and Tony always connected technologically, even from a distance. They initially bonded over fixing the Iron Man suit, and the idea that Tony continued to upgrade Harley’s tech into his later years fits really well into their relationship. Even though they were far away, they learned how to express how much they cared for each other through words and objects. Lastly, in “No Hugs are as Warm as Yours” Morgan’s memories are in a recording of her Dad, because Morgan was the one that Tony truly got his time with--the one that was truly his to cherish and hold that he would never let go of. After Peter, and with Harley’s distance, Morgan was the one that Tony was determined to love with everything he had, and in doing this, he gave her a piece of him every day, and she could always hold him close to her heart and have him do all the special things with her that only he could do. The recording of him, that’s small enough to clutch to her, but big enough emotionally to represent everything her father did for her, and shows a tiny part of something that only her dad does--a lullaby her mom doesn’t sing, and a lullaby he’s never sung to anyone else--is a great representation of the piece of his soul that Tony gave to his daughter, just by being her dad. Maybe I tried to read too much into all of that, but I thought those subtle little representations were really crucial to this story. 

Another thing I love that I tried to break down is that everyone had a different name for Morgan. As the precious little one who just lost her dad, she’s kind of the center of this story, in a sense. Harley and Peter bond over helping her through her nightmare, and that brings the three of them closer. Morgan makes Peter and Harley smile in the dark times, and they do the same for her. Morgan had the most to lose from this, because Tony was, theoretically, the only one she had, but the message of the story winds up being that he wasn’t, because she has all of these other people in her family too. Because of that, there’s a nice subtlety that I had where everyone has a different nickname for her, because everyone contributes to her story and her life in a different way. Pepper’s nicknames/terms of endearment for her are sweetheart and little miss; however, “little miss” is one that Tony used to use, so Pepper only started using it after Tony died (so...in this story). Tony’s other nickname for her, canonically, is Morguna. Then, Peter’s nickname for her is Morgs, and Harley’s nickname for her is Mo. Most of those only really appear once, but it’s a cute little characterization thing that I worked hard to include. 

Lastly, another method of symbolism in the chapter titles is their lengths and, again, parallelism. I already talked about the second, third, and fourth chapter titles, all of which are a little shorter and represent the different object symbols for the kids and their connection to Tony, but I also added some symbolism and parallelism with the first and last chapter titles. Both of those titles, because those chapters have the perspectives of all three children, are longer and include parenthetical statements. Additionally, the first chapter title represents a lot more distance: “It’s Hard to Say Goodbye (To What You Want Forever”. This ties in not only to the fact that Tony’s gone, but also to the fact that, in the first chapter, while all three kids’ perspectives are included, they’re separate and apart. But then the last chapter title, “I Can’t Solve All Your Problems (But I Promise You Won’t Face Them Alone), represents togetherness, which is exactly how that chapter winds up playing out--all three perspsecitves collide, and they wind up helping each other through the grief. Symbolic titles are always fun.

To An Amazing Big Brother

This one is filled with subtle references. Sam leaves ScoobyDoo on for Dean, referenced as a favorite of his several times canonically. Sam also mentions how Dean checks under the bed every night, which was supposed to connect to the scene where Sam tells Dean that his dad said the monsters under the bed weren’t real and Dean told him it’s because he already checked there. Dean’s grumpiness over the lack of bacon is based off of two scenes: the one where Dean’s mad that Sam won’t let him get bacon, and the one where Sam’s mad that Dean won’t buy veggie bacon. The fact that Dean keeps the journal close for the next twenty-eight years is a reference to that photo of Mary that he’s had since he was a kid that he brings with them everywhere. Dean mentioning that Sam had grown up so much in three years is supposed to reference the many times in the show that Dean mentions that he wished Sam could’ve been a kid longer. The candy bars and the Hot Wheel car as his birthday gifts represent how Sam gives him “fuel” for Dean and Baby as gifts in the Christmas episode, and the fact that Sam mentions that Uncle Bobby helped him with it is a reference to Bobby giving Sam the Samulet to give to John in the Christmas episode, which he eventually gives to Dean. Lastly, the birthday pie represents the many, many times Dean says he loves pie. So I guess that all ties into symbolism, references, and callbacks/clues for future scenes, but in any case, there are a lot of them. 

The other thing that comes into this is the symbolism of the photo album. The fact that it’s something Bobby put together shows how Bobby was always a true father for them (at least, in my opinion, but, I mean, come on, he was), and the fact that it takes place over several years and very rarely actually has Bobby in the photo just represents how much he got to watch them grow and how much he was there for them. On top of that, it represents Sam and Dean’s brotherly relationship for two reasons: first of all, it shows how they grew up together and basically never left each other’s side; second of all, the message Sam writes, “Thanks for always being there for me. I know I can always count on you.”, is a huge representation of everything Supernatural is and stands for when it comes to Sam and Dean’s relationship--they can always count on each other, no matter what. 

The Meaning of Christmas

There isn’t really that much in this one, but I did want to mention that I put a lot of research into making the locations as realistic as possible, so Ellen’s Stardust Diner and 7th Avenue are both real streets in NY popular for Christmas shows and Christmas lights, respectively. I don’t live in NY, so I don’t know how accurate any of that was, but I tried my best, and I feel like it worked. 

Training Session

This one doesn’t have anything too deep overall, but it does include a couple of Endgame references and one from Ant-Man. Morgan and Nat’s training with practicing punching was meant to loosely reference the Ant-Man training session between Hope and Scott--with the failed attempt, but slowly getting better. Harley and Clint training--with Clint adjusting Harley’s footing, Harley making it dead center, and Clint high-fiving him--were all references to Clint and his daughter shooting arrows in Endgame. Lastly, while this is pretty obviously an Endgame reference, Morgan does say “I (still) love you 3000”, and Tony says it back, so there is that. XD 

Wow! This was honestly kind of hard to break down, but also really fun! I’ve definitely gotten better at symbolism and references in recent months--most of these were a lot more recent, especially the ones with loads of commentary XD--but in general, I think my character development in pretty good, and I still try to incorporate as many things as I can, subtle or otherwise.

I hope this answered your question, and I’m sorry it’s so long, but this was really fun! Thank you so much for asking! <3

[gothamstreetcat]

Batcat + Stay/Leave  ★  Gone Like Smoke (requested by @keepswingin)

“Don’t ever mistake bravery for good sense.”

Her words were still ringing in his ears from their encounter, even miles away in the bitter chill of the cold where Gotham felt far away. Bruce stuffed his numbing fingers into the pockets of his sweatshirt. It didn’t particularly keep him warm. Not by a mile. Or a hundred. It was strange for him to remember how he had been in such different clothes just that morning. His favorite sweater, fancy shoes, and a dress shirt. Hardly Gotham weather material. Yet, the morning had been just beginning to cool when he fled the home. Now, the air was a bitter cold that froze him to the bone. Through the scuffle and all Selina yanked him along leaving him unable to snatch his father’s overcoat from the closet or even think to grab it in the first place. Alfred wouldn’t have dared to let him leave the manor in such a state. 

As it turned out, neither would Selina. For she insisted he wears her leather rags until she procured something more suitable. She told him she wouldn’t be cold but by the way she hugged herself following her generosity, he could tell she was lying. 

As he threw the jacket over his shoulders he found it fit comfortably well. It smelled like her too. 

He could remember the fear in his body well. As if it was like a memory or a trigger somehow happening inside him. The way his body quaked ever so little combined with his elevated heart rate and shortness of breath. The way air kept getting caught in his lungs reminding him of the night in the alley. His fear. Only he is different now. Older and wiser. He is not frozen in the terror that once claimed him months ago. He is not experiencing the fear of a young boy about to die. He is experiencing the fear of a boy about to live.

Until she’s got him cornered. Pinned down on the metal staircase just before the exit sign. His heart still pounding like a jackhammer. So heavy and fast he’s actually afraid it might combust. 

“Where’s your girlfriend?”

He was starting to shiver violently the further they traveled. Fighting himself to turn around and see Gotham for potentially the last time. Even with everything around him being coated in some sort of grey mist, he could still see Her bright lights peeking through the fog. Street lights, city lights, car lights, lamplights, all scattered around in beautiful perfection. Gotham could be understandably ugly up close but from a distance, she was the second most beautiful thing Bruce Wayne had ever seen. He wondered what would become of Her in his absence. 

The assassin had him now pinned by his ankle. Wrinkling the cuff of his jeans he could picture with a firm grip to keep him in place. Her fingers curled tightly around him as she squeezed like a snake suffocating its prey. Her gun was pointed at him. He didn’t dare kick her or struggle.

This wasn't his first sight at the end of a gun. There was clearly nowhere left for him to run or hide. 

He only hoped she wasn't paying attention when he caught a quick glance below them. There, he could see Selina making her escape. At the window, she was almost free until she turned around to look at him as if she knew he was watching her. He was relieved, it was his idea after all. However, the pained expression covering her rosy face told him she was either more scared for him in this matter, or more scared for herself. Bruce had a choice to make. It was between her life or his. 

It was difficult to process the events of that morning. He had known Selina for roughly only a week. And in that time she was kind to him and harsh when she needed to be. She taught him things he would never have been able to learn in the school-yard or even at home in his father’s books. She never treated him like he was strange or odd. 

If he was never going to know another Human Being for the rest of his time on earth, he was beyond grateful that he got the chance to meet the street girl named Selina Kyle. It seemed silly, but he wished he’d told her he loved her. That he did love her, even now. Even as it may have appeared she was leaving him to be killed. He loved her. 

The choice of handing her over was simple. 

He looked back at the assassin whose eyes were stern and threatening. She was trying to intimidate him yet, failed in every aspect of the word. He met the eyes of his captor with only courage and the bravest sense of fear. 

“I have no idea.” For the first time since the alley, he felt brave. Even as he imagined the window closing between him and Selina. He’d never see her again. 

“Don’t make me hurt you. You are not on the contract.”

He knew she could hurt him if she wanted and he would let her. But instead, her threats felt hollow and empty because there was nothing she could do to hurt him. Selina was gone. His parents long passed, and Alfred nowhere to be seen. He wouldn’t have to watch as Bruce died, even if it meant never knowing the true reason why. Perhaps, in death Alfred would learn Bruce’s actions. His choice, for his friend. Dying a good, honorable death. 

“She’s gone,” he added, realizing it was silly to wish he’d told Selina he loved her… because he should have done it sooner. 

He couldn’t understand if it had been the choice of his words or the show of his strength. Perhaps, instead, the assassin had been truthful when she told him “not to make her hurt him.” Because she yielded her weapon to the side and relinquished her grasp on his leg. Finally, leaning into him with last words. 

“Don’t ever mistake bravery for good sense.”

Even miles away he swears he can still hear her voice. The type of voice soft-spoken with a series of words that one wasn’t to forget. Such as a favorite quote or an important lesson. How the woman sounded concerned for him and kind in a weird sort of way. Like, she thought of him stupid for saving Selina. Felt sorry for him because he was a child. Or maybe even, respected him for standing strong. He could sense she didn't want to hurt him. Maybe she didn’t even want to hurt Selina. She would have hurt him otherwise. Wouldn’t see? More than just pointing a gun to scare him. 

“Hey!”

The way she towered over him should have been a clue. He should have realized their encounter wasn’t over and she wasn’t letting him go in the least. For when he shifted to get away she lunged for him again like a python on a rat. Yanking him down slowly from the metal stairs, forcing him to feel every thud of his body clanging uncomfortably against them. 

He could feel bruises already being to manifest. 

His fingers scrambled to catch a grip beneath the footholds. Yet, every time they curled beneath the underlying of the metal he was forcefully pulled harder. 

“Uh, Bruce?” 

He grunted as he reached for the stair’s railing, catching it as he slid down the final step, now on the dirty floor. 

“Oh no, I’m not done with you yet,” her voice was like venom. Poisonous and angry. Her hands a snake’s tail with fingers like claws that swiftly lunged for his palms; preying him away from his reaching point. She had him yet again but this time he struggled.

“Snap out of it!”

He could feel his face turning red as she tightened her hand around one of his wrists. The gun in her other hand pushed into him where the barrel kissed his forehead. He was becoming more uneasy this time. He wanted to get away. 

“Here Kitty Kitty! Come out, come out wherever your hiding!” She scanned the area in search for Selina. She eyed Bruce viciously. Sizing herself over him and cocking the gun as though she was going to shoot him for sure. 

“I told you!” Bruce yelled, his eyes full of worry. “She’s already gone! She's--” 

The air was frigid. Tasting like seawater. Smelling like decay… 

There was a loud pop! against his ear right before the gun slid from his forehead and he scrambled away as quickly as he could. Panicking and breathing harder than before. He was gasping for air as he checked himself over for blood and perhaps a missing earlobe. He was sweating. 

“Right here.” It was Selina, standing tall. Over the assassin who once tried to claim them, now on the ground like nothing but prey. Her hand holding her side. Pride hurting sore. 

There was a long metal pipe between them. Caught off guard by Selina’s sneaky attack as she swung the heavy weapon into the assassin, knocking her down. Her gun laying close by, a stray bullet lying closer that had missed Bruce only by centimeters.

He was still panicking. Trying to stand but falling to his aching knees every time. Selina rushed to his side. 

“Are you okay, are you hurt?” Even she checked him over, talking fast. No blood. No bruises, she seemed relieved. Giving him a glance that told him he knew what she did was risky. 

“I’m--fine…” Bruce gasped. “I told you to run. I told you to run and you came back for me. You came back--” he could feel tears welling in the corners of his eyes. 

“We don’t have time,” she shushed him with a nod toward their groaning enemy who was beginning to find her feet. Slapping a hand to the concrete and raising herself up from the floor. 

In a matter of seconds, Bruce felt Selina flee from his side. He moved to follow her before suddenly being stopped in his tracks— the assassin too. For there was a loud bang not too far from them where he heard Alfred's voice followed by the bellowing of “GCPD!”  Jim Gordon for sure. 

His eyes quickly went to the assassin who he could see fleeing from the room. Her gun too. Then he looked for Selina whose boots were beginning to become an echo. 

Alfred’s name became caught in his throat. Yet, even as he wanted to run toward his friend and assure him he was alright his heart wanted him somewhere else. So he escaped following the beating direction of a street girl he’d only just known. He caught the window just before it shut completely, clamping hard on his fingers. He winced as he hoisted himself over the edge using the little bit of strength he was carrying. Just a quick glance below he saw the running shadow of Selina. 

He jumped, not calculating how far to the ground but realizing it was just enough to send him onto his knees. He kissed the ground with barely just enough time to find his feet and catch up. 

He ran quick as his figure blended into the dark shadows and even if Jim and Alfred could catch up to them now, they wouldn’t be seen. “Selina, wait up.” His voice was almost a struggling whisper. He was out of breath again. 

Luckily Selina stopped but when she turned around she seemed angry. “What are you doing?!” she scolded. Her eyes flickered in the dark. 

“I’m coming with you,” he stated. “I have to come with you.” Though he wasn’t sure why anymore. 

“No you’re not,” she protested. Fed up and irritated it was clear she’d had enough of the billionaire for one day and possibly the rest of her life. 

“I am,” he said again more firmly, just now being able to breathe a little smoother. “We don’t have time to argue.”

“It’s over, kid. Go home. Alfred’s is waiting for you, didn’t you hear him in there,” she motioned toward the window. “He’s worried sick about you.” Then she snapped on him. “You’re not my problem anymore!” There was a pause. “And I’m not yours.”

He wasn’t hearing it. “We have to stick together,” Bruce said as calmly as he could. Even in the dark, he could imagine Selina scrunching her nose at him. He would have smiled if he knew she couldn’t see him. “I helped you escape, I’m an accessory now. They’ll be searching for me too, whoever is after you.” He paused. “I don’t want to put Alfred in danger. He’s all I have left.”

Though he couldn’t prove the same people would come for him now too, he was sure of three things. One was that if they did hunt him down, he didn’t want harm to come to Alfred. Second, he didn’t want further harm to come to Selina if he had means of changing it. And lastly, some deep part of him wanted to follow her anyway. Such was their plan before. Snatch some cash and disappear like smoke. Those were Selina’s words, why change things now?

Together they stood longer than necessary. Selina didn’t speak a word for his reasons. Only a huff through her nose before she scrunched it disapprovingly. She knew they didn’t have time to argue so she ran, this time not stopping or slowing as Bruce followed suit. 

"Bruce, come on!” 

He was shaking. Both violently from the cold and because Selina was rocking him at both his shoulders trying to pull him from his thoughts. 

“Are you okay? I thought I lost you for a second.” He could see her breath in the air as she looked over him with a case of concern. Her cold leather glove reaching to touch his frozen cheek. 

He could only nod. Her jacket still fitted around his shoulders. She adjusted the black beanie on his head she had ‘found’ for him just before exiting the city. She thinks he didn’t notice when she snatched it off some rich-looking kid’s head but he did. 

“Well we better hurry up if we wanna make the train," Selina pulled him closer as she started walking again. “And if we miss it we’ll have to run to jump on.” 

He was perplexed. Not being able to tell if she was teasingly joking him or not but the idea still crossed his mind. 

"Jump on a moving train?" He questioned. "You want me to jump onto a moving train?" The idea shouldn't have come as a surprise to him. This was Selina after all, who could jump from building to building like it was nothing. Who could face her killer toe to toe and who also had probably done more crazy things on the street in one day then he in his whole life.

"Uh-huh, why not? I've done it plenty of times. Besides, you've jumped across the rooftops already.” She smiled playfully and punched his arm. “This should be easy. Train-hopping should be a piece of cake." She seemed confident in him, which made him feel more confident too, even if the idea still seemed crazy. 

“You're right,” he came to conclude. 

"Exactly." Words she always liked to hear. 

"Hey, Sel-"

She hit him roughly on the shoulder. "Sh." Her voice was sharp. "Keep it down,” she growled.

Noticing more than he how they had wondered just close enough to the edge of the train tracks. Selina pointed forward and Bruce could see two workers talking by an open train car. He was pulled down into the grass where they were sure not to be seen. 

The men were chatting to themselves bundled up in warm coats and hats with their fingers curled around identical cups. Presumably coffee. Identifiable cigarette smoke wafted from their fingers in the opposing hand. They were too far away to be heard. 

"How are we gonna get on?" Bruce whispered and understood he was being ignored. So they watched and waited until the pair of workmen abandoned the empty train car. 

It only took a moment for them to secure their means of transportation. Selina assisted Bruce into the car first by joining her fingers for him to use as a step letter. Hopping in herself so effortlessly beside him. When they heard voices coming back they were quick to silence themselves, tucking their bodies into the dark corners of the train car where they were sure to not be seen. 

It was ten minutes before the workmen disappeared again, and five more by the time the train started moving and they felt comfortable enough to come out.  Both crawling to the opening where they swung their legs over the edge. There was something about the rush of cold air on his face and the fast movement of the train that made Bruce feel alive. Watching the tracks fly by was such an intense feeling he couldn’t quite explain but he imagined if was dumb enough he just might have just reached down to touch them. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Selina caught him smiling. “Haven’t you ever taken a train before?” 

“Lots of times,” he admitted. “With father on one of his business trips. But never like this.” He was in awe watching the sparkles of Gotham as they passed. “What about you?” 

“Just a couple times for fun,” she shrugged the experience off. “I used to come up here with some other kids while they drank and got high. I’d always jump off right before we left Gotham completely,” she chuckled. “Skinned my knees a few times that way.”

“Why?” he wondered. Not the drinking or the smoking, but jumping right before she was bound to leave Gotham. 

“It’s stupid,” she looked down at the ground with a hint of embarrassment. “I guess I just couldn’t bring myself to leave. Is that stupid?”

“Not at all. I understand.” 

“Why did you come with me?” She bit her lip and started with childlike innocence. It was her turn to be curious for a change. 

“I told you—“ 

“No,” she cut him off. “I mean why did you really come with me.” Her hand was close to his on the edge of the train car. Close enough to touch. 

He thought about the right answer for a long time. Finally saying, “because I wanted to.” 

A beat passed between them before he felt her grab his hand faster then he was able to react. Her lips touching his, his shoulders went up in surprise but he didn’t pull away. Then it was over and she stared at him with this quirky, fun smile as though she had won. Only he didn’t know what was to be won. He only knew he felt warm inside and safe, and… happy but curious at the same time. He’d never kissed a girl before. And still technically hadn’t. But somehow it didn’t seem to matter because Selina was still holding his hand and he was out in the world and he felt happy. He wasn’t worried about being chased after, or bullies in school, or his parents. He was here with Selina Kyle. 

“Why did you do that?” The answer was simple. 

“Because I wanted to.” 

When his eyes started to fall from tiredness he laid his head willing into Selina’s lap. Both quiet and tired from the day's endless chaos. Whispering goodbye to Gotham. 

[qvicksilversass]

Young Lady, You’re Scaring Me

(Steve Rogers x Reader)

You’ve been in love with Steve for, well, ever, but he never seems to notice you. So in desperation you ask Tony for advice…yeah, totally not a good idea.

Words: 2138  Warnings: language! daft fluff mainly. :)

The lights were giving you a headache, the code was giving you a headache, the fact you couldn’t stop being distracted by thoughts of Steve; that was driving you crazy. For the last year, your feelings for him had grown and he seemed oblivious. He’s so hard to read, always so professional never giving anything away. You glance across the lab to your best friends, you could ask for help? 

“Hey, Tony?”

“Yesss?”

“Can I ask your advice on something?”

“Ooh, is this serious? I’m guessing this isn’t about the new suits?” Tony grinned and jumped on his chair, sliding over to you a mischievous look of interest in his eyes. 

“Say you really liked someone, but they never notice you? What would you do?”

“Oh, y/n I’m flattered, but Pepper and I have just got back together-”

“Not you, you idiot!” You grinned shoving him, he spins away and Bruce chuckles giving you a rolling eyes smile. Maybe you should have kept your mouth shut? You took off your glasses and pinched your nose.

“I have a few ideas, you know, master of relationships here…"  Tony grinned, rolling his chair back to you, “but I gotta know who he is first.”

“No way. You’ll just laugh.”

“Me?” he feigned offence, “I need to tailor my advice y/n, now spill it.”

“Tell me or I’ll find out. Either way, I’m gonna know."  He pokes you with every word and you bat his hands away in a fit of giggles.

"It’s Steve….” you whispered and he got closer pretending not to hear you.

“It’s who?”

“Steve! I’m in love with Steve ok?!”

“Really?! Capsicle?” his eyes go wide, covering his mouth in mock-surprise.

“Yes, really and he doesn’t know I exist.”

“Well it’s going to be hard getting past his chastity belt,” Tony falls about  laughing, “nobody’s ever got into them britches!”

“Will you help me or not?”

“Just…britches!..Give me a minute!”

—

Hours later you were busy finalizing code when Tony suddenly shouted in your direction.

“Better hide y/n!”

“Eh?”

“Cap’s on his way in.”

“You wouldn’t?”

“You want an answer don’t you?!”

“Tony Stark!"  

"Five seconds till he walks in…”

“I hate you!” You complained but ran out of sight anyway, hiding behind a prototype suit.

“No you don’t! Turn your com on.”

“Yes I do!” You shout just before Steve walks in, heading straight to Tony.

“What is it Stark?"    

"Hmm? Oh yeah, I need to test the new recall mechanism on your suit, it’s been malfunctioning?”

“Right? and you needed me here?”

“Yes,” he pulls Steve over and messes with his suit, it’s obvious he’s not really doing anything, to you anyway, “Sooo, Steve…”

God, was he going to be this obvious? You cringed from around the corner.

“Stark? Do you have something you wanna tell me?”

“How about y/n…?”

“Y/n? What has she got to do with my suit?”

“Nothing…except she wants you out of it and in her bed…” If Steve heard that you would actually shove Steve’s shield up Tony’s-

“She’s hot right? Like smart, cute hot with the glasses and…”

“Aren’t you and Pepper a couple again?” 

“Yes, that’s not my point.”

“Then what is?” Steve said, getting fed up. Seriously, Tony, you could do a better job of this!

“Do you like her? I ship it.”

“What? Why do you, I’m not…ship?"  he blushed and got all awkward before composing himself.

"Are you done?”

Steve tests the recall, of course it works and Tony nods. Steve walks out and Tony runs over to you.

“Did you see how flustered the old guy got?” he giggles and you shove him, “He so likes you…”

“How obvious can you be Tony? Why did I ask you for help?”

“Capsicle’s melting y/n!”

—

“Are you sure about this?" 

Tony had Nat sworn to secrecy, her dressing you up in some of her clothes. 

"You wanna get in his pants, you have to take control.”

“I’m not throwing myself at him, Tony.” 

“You might have to.”

“He doesn’t seem the type to go for all this though…”  you frown down at the heels and clingy dress you were wearing, your eyes itching from the contacts he’d convinced you to wear.  How did Nat walk in these heels never mind kill people?

“...and has your ‘scientist chic’ worked so far?" 

Did he actually just do air quotes?

"No-”

“Well, go on, knock him dead…figuratively!”

Tony pushed you through the door giving you a thumbs up, and you stumble into the common room where Steve and Bucky are eating and talking. Your heart beating so fast you thought it might explode in your chest. You took out your lunch as usual and as usual, neither of them noticed you.

“Hi guys.” The confidence you wanted to project only comes out as a whisper and Tony rolls his eyes and sighs at you from the doorway.

“What the?” Bucky spits out his drink and Steve glances up confused, not quite the expression you were going for.

Feel your resolve fading the longer they stare at you and you just stand there staring back at them.

“Y/n? trying out a new look huh?” Bucky mumbled.

“Yeah, its…"  You wobble your way to the empty chair and start eating lunch. You notice Steve looking and lean over the counter like Tony told you puffing out your chest. What did you have to lose at this point?

"So Steve, I er, wanted to…"  you glance up and smile only meeting his eyes for a second before he coughs and jumps up.

"Got to go, got training, yep, training.” he runs out of the kitchen you facepalm the counter, well that went well. 

“Nice try doll,” Bucky gets up to leave too, winking back at you as he leaves, “you scrub up nice." 

Tony pats you on the back, "There there, plan b?”

—

“Wake up!” 

“Come on sleeping beauty!” 

The annoying voice invades your sleep and your eyes reluctantly open. What the hell did he want?  He’s interrupting a perfect dream, you and Steve on a date to Disney World...

“Urgh, fuck off Tony!”

“Steve’s in the gym alone, you need to go down there.”

You sit up rubbing your eyes, trying to adjust to the darkness and checking the time. 

“Tony, why would I be walking through the gym at 5am?”

“Just do it, trust me.” 

“Urgh, fine.” You yawn grabbing a hoodie and shorts and wandering out of your room.

“You could have brushed your hair.”

“Say one more thing…”

You pause as you walk into the gym. Steve’s lifting weights, his abs gleaming with sweat and you lick your lips, entranced.

“Oh…” 

“See, told you. Now when he looks over try to look sexy.”

“Sexy? How?”  

Steve stops what he's doing, putting the bar back and looking up to you with a confused smile, “Y/n?” 

What were you doing? Right. Sexy. Look sexy. Got it. 

“Hey.” You start to walk over, swaying your hips - Nope, not got it!

You don't see the treadmill and go flying, the thud of your ass meeting the floor echoing around the gym.  Steve runs over to see if you’re okay but all you can hear is Tony’s hysterical laughter in your ear.

“I’m okay.” 

“You took quite a fall there.” Steve’s trying to hold in a laugh and his bare chest is way up close to you. So close you want to reach out and touch him. 

“Yep.” You manage to squeak out before legging it out of there, mortified.

When you get to the lab, Tony and Bruce are watching the footage of you. You storm in and click it off and cross your arms seething at Tony.

“You know I’m gonna keep that cctv right?” He smirks and you groan.

“I thought you were supposed to be helping? Now he just thinks I’m crazy!”

“But he has noticed you…”

“I’m just going to give up while I have a tiny bit of dignity left.” Bruce chuckles and you send him a glare, he holds his hands up.

“Wait, just one more idea. Please?” 

You look back to Bruce for support but he shrugs going back to his work. 

“He likes you y/n. I know it.”

“Argh…fine!” Even as you uttered the words you had the feeling you’d regret them.

 —

IronTone:  be in the gym at 9. America’s ass is teaching you self-defence techniques with the new recruits. ;) 

You peered down at your phone in confusion. Tony had already taught you enough to get yourself out of trouble, not that you’d ever been near any action in all the years you’d worked for him anyway. 

Y/n:  He agreed to that? How?

IronTone: I used my charm of course 

Y/n: You have charm? :p

IronTone: Really y/n

I just said he’s the only man for the job, and I'm worried about your safety

after all, it’s dangerous being around me all the time

Y/n: Wow

IronTone: I know, I’m a genius

I’ve left a little something in your closet, don’t forget your com

This was too far, there’s no way you could do this one. It was too much, too obvious. Even by Tony's standards. You held up the vest crop top thing and some skimpy shorts, how could you wear these? this couldn’t be what the recruits wore they were like something from the 80′s.

Sighing you tried them on, cringing at yourself in the mirror and putting your com in your ear.

“Get your ass down there.”

“Isn't this a bit?”

“You look great, now move.”

With a groan, you head to the gym and it’s really busy. Curiously with most of the avengers training, the recruits chatting and watching them. One after another they turn to look at you. 

“Tony, everyone’s looking at me.” You whisper into your com awkwardly standing behind the group of recruits, they’re all dressed in joggers and t-shirts, whispering between themselves. 

“Look sharp here he comes.” 

Steve heads over, searching the recruits for you and you give him a smile and wave. 

“Hey guys, today we’re-erm,” his eyes go wide, looking you over, “erm, we’re covering self-defence again today.”

He collects himself, giving you a quick smile and turning back to the recruits, “Partner up and go over what we’ve learnt so far. Y/n you’re with me.” 

“Good start, y/n.” 

“But I didn’t do anything.” 

The recruits all busy themselves starting to train and your stomach flips when Steve guides you over to a mat. 

“Quick pretend your lace is undone,” you crouch down messing with your laces and Tony groans, “for god's sake not like that!” 

“How am I supposed to know?!” You hiss, standing up again, Steve giving you a funny look.

“You okay?” 

You bite your lip and nod, his eyes going to your lips, “So...yep, let’s start with the basics.”

Wait, did that actually work? 

But it was the only sign. After that, he was as professional as could be. No matter what Tony told you to try, nothing phased him. Not even when you asked him to show how to break a headlock, though you had to admit you enjoyed that one.

“I think that lip thing was just a fluke, can I go home yet?” 

You took a quick drink break, gulping the water down. You were less than unfit and all this was making you start to sweat. 

“Hang on, do that again.”

“Do what?”

“Drink, let a little water dribble down your…” 

You take another drink, ignoring Tony’s dribble comment, but you do notice Steve watching you from the mat, “You ready to go again?” 

“Of course.”

“Make him catch you, always works.” Tony suggests, and you roll your eyes.  

“So I have to hold my arm like this?”  Steve nods and moves to attack you, while you ‘accidentally’ trip over the edge of the mat and fall backwards with a yelp. Steve catches you with one hand around your waist, bringing you back up against him. 

“Wow, nice reflexes,” You smirk, “you really saved me there.” 

“Now go for the kill.”  Tony whispers, why you don't know as only you can hear him.

“Maybe we should have started slower.” 

His voice is a little shaky and you let one hand drift down his arm, leaning close to whisper in his ear, “I was thinking, maybe you could teach me more in private?”

This time you do fall, when he jumps away from you. 

"What the…young lady, you’re scaring me!” 

Young lady?! 

“Fuck it! I give up!”

Hear his gasp, more shocked at your outburst than what you’d just done. You pick yourself up and start walking away from him, yanking the com out of your ear as you go.

"Language!” Steve shouts after you, getting the attention of the rest of the team and the other recruits, they all turn to wattch you both, nothing but amusement in their eyes.

“English!” You shout back. 

“Actually that was German!” he shouts, pausing before he shouts again, “Why are we shouting?!”

You turn back to him as the room erupts into laughter, “Why do you think?! God Steve!”   

You’d made an idiot out of yourself for the last time. You had your answer and you weren’t sticking around to see Tony and the others laughing at you.

Before you get to the exit, Steve pulls you away to the side, "Y/n I’m flattered, but what’s got into you?"  

Flattered? Well, if that doesn’t make you feel even worse. 

"I told Tony you didn’t see me like that, but he was convinced you liked me!”

“You? What?" Steve chuckles and you take it wrong storming off.

"Hey, wait.” 

Steve holds your arms rubbing them, “You asked Tony Stark for relationship advice? Are you crazy?”

“Maybe a little.” 

“I preferred it when you were yourself, all this crazy shit? I’m not ready for that.”

”Language.“ you smirk, too embarrassed to look him in the eyes.

"Always had a thing for shy broads, smart, cute…” he tilts your face to meet his, nose brushing yours, “I was working up to asking you to dinner and a movie.”

“Steve I’ve known you for a year, you never got past hello.”

“Yeah, it took longer than I hoped," Steve smiled and kissed you, quick and gentle, the barest touch of his lips against yours.

"So doll, will you go to dinner with me?”

—

Masterlist 

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[revenantbat]

The Superman vs Batman Movie We Deserve:

Related to my If Batman Started as a Teen post:

Wonder Woman: We should reveal our identities so we can trust each other.

Batman: *knowing full well they’re not going to treat him as an equal member of the team when they find out he’s only nineteen* I work alone.

Superman: This was your idea.

-

In Gotham, Superman shows up after hearing reports of a Batwoman in the city and getting pissed because that means his ‘I work alone’ is clearly bull.

Cue Superman using x-ray vision to see who Batman is and getting a lecture on boundaries in return. The all seven League members are there eventually because Superman is bitching about it.

Clark Kent was raised on Earth, he’s also a journalist. That means that he’s heard a number of things over the years about Bruce Wayne and his probablematic dealing over his philanthropic. He knows that power corrupts, he heard it in that tale of Brainiac and the Death of his home planet, he’s been taught it by his parents in Kansas, he has a bad experience with billionaires - and Lex is just salty enough about not getting a foothold in Gotham to throw some subtle shade towards the playboy. This is ironic because he’s just used his powers to effectively take Batman’s secret identity away from him and tells the others. He will realise his mistake and start to learn from it. He won’t apologise in this movie, he might not apologise at all. But he will change his behaviour and be more mindful of his actions when it comes to respecting others - unfortunately it’s not Bruce’s argument that makes him see that.

Bruce is fundamentally feeling attacked. Someone he wasn’t sure he could trust has come into his city and invaded his privacy in a way that’s also going against his expressed wishes. He feels particularly defenseless and it’s something that shapes his character going forward. He’s backed into a corner here when it comes to arguing, he can’t argue how he want’s to argue because it can be used against him. He also can’t argue the same way anyone in Gotham argues because these people are outsiders and won’t understand. Bruce is forced to defend rather then attack and that isn’t how arguments are won. Bruce also isn’t liking the fear he’s feeling and likely projecting. Fundamentally, he’s in the right here. He knows that but he doesn’t know how to prove that.

Barry Allen is the first of the other JLA members to assess the argument and form an opinion. This isn’t surprising due to his powers. But he also works for a police department, it’s likely that he’s read a lot of socio-political papers on Gotham and the crime in Gotham to know about the situation in the city on a factual basis that isn’t the media image of the city. He has a blog about weird occurrences and has likely visited the city and spoken to members of GCPD. From a crime fighting perspective he knows that there are members of GCPD that are grateful for Batman’s detective skills regarding crimes and situations they aren’t prepared for or don’t have the time for. He knows the state of corruption in the city and understands that getting a warrent for some of the things Batman does would be impossible for GCPD. He knows that crime in the city is fought on a ‘what is most damaging or harmful to the highest number of people’ or violent crime focus with vice close behind rather then other things, like corruption or muggings, theft, vandalism, etc. All things that the poor people of Gotham suffers from the most and he knows that while GCPD cannot focus on those things the vigilantes in the city do. He uses these facts in support of Batman and against Superman and more often then not arguments about whether or not Bruce Wayne is trained is replied with ‘How do you know?’

It is this line of questioning that gives Hal Jordan pause in joining the argument. Because Barry and Bruce are right Hal doesn’t know if Bruce is trained or what his motivations are. He was suppotive of Superman’s argument ement before that, because he doesn’t believe that teenagers should be fighting crime. He believe’s that there are people with that responsibility, he’s trained in his responsibility with the Guardians but... Superman doesn’t have much mire of a responsibility to Metropolis and the world then Bruce Wayne has to Gotham and the world. In fact he probably has less of a responsibility to Metropolis then Bruce has to Gotham and Bruce has made it clear that he’s not taking responsibility for the world but will help when needed. He knows that as Bruce Wayne he does a lot of charity work to help the poor, he found that out when he looked for answers about those Zombie apocalypses that he’d been told about. Hal’s mostly just developing a headache and takes Aquaman’s offer to help him look for snacks because he knows Barry well enough to know Barry is grouchy when he’s hungry and it’s honestly better then being here. They end up investigating something stranger then a Zombie apocalypse and all question about if Batman could handle some of the space stuff he’s heard about leaves his mind because this is weirder and also not considered a big deal to anyone in the city?

Arthur Curry was listening to the argument and honestly felt a bit lost. He wouldn’t want someone to come into his Kingdom and tell him how to run it or that they thought he couldn’t for whatever reason. The argument was entertaining enough to justify leaving the water however he was also quoted facts and has a responsibility to investigate those. So he leaves and he takes Green Lantern with him because what a better time to bond with your teammate when sneaking through someone elses house and going through their stuff except not really? They run into Question almost immediately and get politely asked not to use their powers to stop any crime they come across because the infrastructure really couldn’t handle a superhero battle. Fair. Question also asks Arthur about help investigating Vampire Mermaids just off the coast. He gets worried about the description of a Vampire because it sounds a lot like cannibalistic water demons and those aren’t supposed to exist anymore. Imagine his surprise when he finds out they do and people in Gotham keep surfing in the waters after being bitten. They think it’s a result of bacteria and infection due to a high rate of bodies being dumped in the waters, it probably is. Question asks for a risk assessment but is otherwise tells him the Vampire Mermaids can stay because they aren’t killing anyone. A new found respect for the city has honestly been found and he cannot wait to tell his wife.

Diana Prince was split for her thoughts. She understood where Superman was coming from regarding Batman’s age, while she was trained as a child Man’s world didn’t practice that as far as she was aware. Superman had no right to come to Gotham and take something that didn’t belong to him, even if that was knowledge, he had no right to share that with the rest of them. It was unfair on Batman who had excluded himself from the team narrative early on. She also understood the need to persue a calling, if that was something that was happening she wanted to be supportive of him in it. Someone young should have support especially if the crime rates in the city are what they are. Diana wants to hold the group together and it’s obvious that Batman had seen this argument coming when he walked away those months ago. It’s when she looks up to the sky that she realises that Gotham plays on different rules though. Usually when she does that she can feel the support of Olympus and while it’s still there, it’s distant. It’s a clear warning to Diana really, there are other gods here and to them you’re an outsider. She knows what she has to do then because she hasn’t just been taught to fight her battles physically, but politically as well. It’s her and the Martian Manhunter who stop the argument from escalating.

J’onn J’onzz is trying to understand Earth culture and how Humans act. From the best he can tell is that Superman is in the wrong here. He can sense the age of the city around him and there are remarkably few children here it’s upsetting to him. He can feel the anger and self-righteousness that Superman is projecting. He can feel the fear that Batman is and he could hear his thought of his age being an issue of trust. So it isn’t just that Superman is on the wrong side, but that Batman’s judgement was correct about his age and identity meaning he couldn’t actually trust them. He points it out rather bluntly, and there’s a brush of something agaisnt his mind psychically in response. Something in this city wasn’t happy with the argument. Superman, he thinks, isn’t going to undertand their point of view until he learns to listen and do research on his own and he’ll have to build up trust with Batman on his own. But at least now, J’onn thinks, he knows he’s not going to win.

Hal and Arthur return with snacks and a friend without a face. It is apparently someone Batman knows well because there’s relief there too even if it’s when he hears that GCPD are asking if they have to evacuate the District or if ‘superpowers’ are going to leave. Something about infrastructure and fights that typically destroy 3.2 skyscrapers. Most of them leave apologetic of the fact that they weren’t able to wait for Batman to trust them with who he is himself.

There isn’t a physical fight, but if there was one Superman would lose. Not because Batman had preptime or allies. But because in my Gotham, this Gotham, the stories of a giant man sleeping beneath the city, a wizard leaving a powerful magical artefact buried there somewhere, and two curses from Native tribes before they were slaughtered mean Gotham had it’s own particular brand of magic and it’s own God are true. Batman would win because it’s magical land they were fighting on, and magic is one of Superman’s weaknesses.

It’s not an action movie, and I think it shows Superman’s abuse of power on a much more subtle level then other movies. But it would also show that there are human flaws in Superman’s character that the Snyder movie did not show really. Also it fits with my teenage batman headcanon. It’s also going to cause massive changes in Bruce and Batman going forward, not just Superman’s growth.

There’s a lot that Bruce was never effectively taught how to do and political arguments are one of those things, he can’t have travelled the world to train if he started so young he would have had to train at home and there’s an element of outside media politicking that he could learn. Honestly? I imagine him learning that from Diana. But there’s also a pause too. Because a massive amount of Batman’s character is his need to know everything about everyone and his privacy issues, and this is where that starts. It’s an ugly part of his character but he needs it to feel safe.

It certainly would be a good place to begin the psychiatric reasons behind him not killing going beyond ‘moral code’ and trauma. Namely that he doesn’t personally believe that he could stop killing after the one time. He thinks that it would be too easy for him and it’s a reason to keep him from doing it, while not being able to understand how others are able to, but having a willingness to work with those that do.

Anyway, this is the kind of storyline we need in a teenage!batman v superman movie/book/comic.

[lalalasingoutloud]

Veronica Mars Season 4

This is going to be a fucking essay. I just need to get my feelings out. This initially started off as just a Logan rant but it turned into a LoVe rant. My feelings about the season 4 finale is at the end.

I only started watching this show when seasons 1-3 were released on Hulu. I quickly watched these 3 seasons and the movie and read both books in a span of a week. This show quickly became my favorite TV show. Not one of my favorites; it became the favorite. I loved the writing of the show and the character of Veronica. But the main reason why I love this show, hot I get hooked onto any show, is the development of relationships, in any kind of way. I like to watch how certain characters interact with each other, how the actors play with each other. I believe that Veronica Mars does a good job of exploring those relationships in a way that makes sense (for the most part). It was especially exciting to see how Veronica and Logan came to be. It came out of nowhere, and yet made sense. 

I do want Veronica and Logan together. Yes, their relationship was toxic in seasons 1-3. The main problem in their relationship was that Veronica has trust issues and that both of them were equally stubborn. Logan was always the one that wanted to help and protect Veronica no matter the consequence. Veronica was the one who refused help because she doesn’t like looking weak. Neither really backed down and did what they thought was right. As much as I liked them together, their final breakup in season 3 was needed for them to grow. Even though I knew that they’d probably get back together in the movie, watching the final scene in season 3, you know that they’d find their way back to each other. I know that there is no one else in the entire world that they could love as much as each other. (Side note: Piz was okay for Veronica, but I don’t think Veronica could ever love Piz as much as he loved her. But I loved him as a character.)

The movie was the perfect time to get Veronica and Logan back together. While Veronica remained mostly the same at her core, Logan grew the fuck up. He joined the Navy, learning discipline and responsibility for the first time in his life. He tried his best to help Carrie be the best version of himself. He became the responsible and stable one in the relationship. Although he still has his Logan-ism that make him act like his teenage self (like starting a fight over the sex tape and lightly threatening Sean to delete the Carrie-coke posts), he knows when to pick his battles for the most part. He is the troupe of the bad-boy reformed, but it makes sense. 

Throughout the movie, you can see all the love and feelings that are still there when they are around each other (I know this whole film is fan service, but still). The moment in the film that said that they were going to get together in the end is when Veronica says that they should take the long way home. I believe this is a reference to when they decided to get together in season 1 when Logan says that he’ll take her on the back roads to drive her home. 

SEASON 4 

The development of Logan is beautifully done in season 4. He is changed, but still him. He still has his quips and his inspirational quotes. He just has evolved the good qualities that he has always had and dealing with pain through therapy. I did not expect him to go to therapy but I love this choice. He has had a temper problem pretty much throughout his life, but this season, it’s sedated. He’s trying to be the Bruce Banner, rather than the Hulk (Side note: I love the amount of Marvel references in this season). He says that he’s always angry, but he express that anger, not through rage, but through understanding. If he doesn’t control it, then he reverts back to his teenage self, like how he punched out the kitchen cabinet because Veronica said no to his proposal. Another way we saw him as Teen Logan was when he casually walked through the door after fighting the Carr men and gives Veronica the check with a bloody shirt on. It’s moments like these that show that Logan is working really hard to be better.

It’s interesting to see the dynamic between Veronica and Logan. Even though the roles of stability has reversed (Logan wanting her to go to therapy), where they are in the relationship has been the same. Even in their relationship throughout their adolescence, it was always Logan who committed first. As far as I remember, we don’t actually here Veronica say the words “I love you” to Logan, or at least on-screen. We only know she loves him when he asks for confirmation twice in season 3. Even in the flashbacks of their summer during the season 2 premiere, Logan tells her he is in love with her, and she doesn’t say it back. She has never said those words because she is scared of that kind of commitment and trust. This dynamic is explored again in the premiere of season 4 because Logan wants to marry her and has want to for a long time, and Veronica doesn’t because she’s seen what has happened to married people for the past 20 years. Logan is disappointed that she said no, but he just waits for her to be where he is, if she wants to be. He knows he wants to spend the rest of his life with her, but he gives her an out if she doesn’t feel the same. But she does and marries him at a court house which is perfect for them. This couple aren’t extravagant. All they want and need is each other, they’ve waited for so long that they don’t want to waste more time not being married. But RIP their marriage that lasted all of an hour.

Like many other people, I am upset, disappointed, confused, and angry about Logan’s death. He honestly deserved better. He had one of the best character developments in the show, and in my opinion, in television shows in general. He grew from the psychotic jack ass to someone who cares so much for other people. He grew from the abuse he endured growing up, being abandoned by the people he loves, accused of multiple murders, and many other traumatic things that could prevent him from changing. But he did. He turned himself into a man that is so self aware and trying to take care of himself. He went to therapy to deal with the trauma he has experienced and was willing to change to be the best version of himself. 

I truly and honestly do not understand why kill him off. As much as I want LoVe to be together into old age, this is not why I am upset about his death. Logan deserved better. If he were to die young, I’ve imagined him dying in a blaze of glory. Either by dying in action or by saving Veronica. This death just feels cheap. This death is only for shock value. It doesn’t serve a purpose at the end. It does open the possibility of a season 5, because they don’t explicitly state that Logan is death, they just heavily imply that. I really hope he is alive in any fashion, secret mission, coma, whatever. I don’t care, because Logan deserves better.

But if he is truly dead, I think the most interesting thing about his death is how Veronica is going to handle it. Obviously, we see her go to therapy, but the way Veronica has dealt with trauma her entire life is trying to solve the mystery behind it. After Lilly died, she spent over a year trying to solve her murder, because that’s how she coped. She tried to find her mom after she left the first time. She went after Gia and Luke after her father got into a car accident. Her entire way of coping is getting justice to the people who have hurt her and the ones she loves. But this death is different. She already know who did it. He’s already been captured. There is no mystery to solve. It’s already done. This time instead of focusing on the case that will help her get closure, she already had to deal with it before it happened. This time she takes cases that take her out of Neptune because she can’t stand to be there.

How she copes is the only way his death will progress the show, because it is different. But that does not mean that his death was justified. We didn’t see anyone mourn really. Logan Echolls deserves that. 

[sunlitroom]

Gotham s5e09 - The Trial of Jim Gordon

As I watched it, and some random observations here and there.

Previously on Gotham:

The river is full of chemicals.  Reunification likely isn’t happening now.  Jim rescued Victor.  Jim made impossible promises to a winsome orphan.  Ivy’s feeding the earth with corpses.  Jim insists he’s going to be part of his and Barbara’s child’s life.  Barbara wants in on Oswald and Ed’s submarine plot.  Lee needs to read a season 4 synopsis, because she’s appalled that Jim is having a baby with Barbara.

So…

This is a summary as opposed to a recap.  

This is one of the hard-fought for – thanks for locking me out of my account twice, Twitter! :) – extra episodes that fans won.  It was filmed last, so while it exists within the context of season 5, I don’t think anything that comes after this episode is dependent on it story-wise – if that makes sense?  

As such – it’s sort of an easter egg.

The recaps I do are pretty much old TWoP-style recaps, if anyone here remembers what TWoP was. They cover what happened in the episode, but there’s also an element of critique throughout.  This is not a ‘hate’ thing.  This is simply what meta used to be: critical analysis.

The thing is, I didn’t think this was a strong episode.  I feel that if I do a full recap of this episode, it’s going to look like I’m meanly picking holes in it every second sentence, and given that this was an ‘extra’ episode hard-fought for by fans (Twitter locked me out of my account during the campaign :D), with cast involvement in the writing side, it would make me feel churlish to spend 7000 words picking it to bits.

On top of that – recaps are a bit of a labour of love.  They usually take a few hours of my weekend and wreck my wrists.  The nature and standard of this episode is such that I’m going to regard it as a sort of fun optional easter egg, as opposed to canon.  It’s sweet that there are so many personal associations in it for the cast (there were lots of genuine smiles in the wedding scene) – but it doesn’t really hold up in comparison with a regular episode.  

As such, I’ll still do meta, because I love a bit of meta - but not as much as usual.  My wrists are so happy.

When I saw The Trial of Jim Gordon as a title, I was excited. Jim’s always had a tricky relationship with guilt and shame and the whole notion of the hero.  He’s also got a tendency to wallow when he’s hit rock-bottom, but never actually goes so far as to apologise and make amends.  He feels bad about himself for a while, turns over a new leaf, and then carries on until the next moral lapse.

This title sounded like we’d get a sustained look at that habit.  Great – fascinating.  And it would be a nod to viewers who have been there since the first episode, because Jim’s sins stretch back as far as season one.  For example, he took Loeb’s one good and pure quality – his love for his daughter – and used it to blackmail him: an incredibly morally murky moment for him.  

And there’s been so many more moments like that over the years.  He went to Carmine Falcone because his ego couldn’t take losing a pissing contest with Oswald.  His actions led to the deaths of cops during the Pyg fiasco.  He let Oswald take the fall for Theo Galavan’s murder.  He allowed Sofia Falcone to propel him to the Captain’s job and screwed over his best friend in the process.  He betrayed Alice Tetch’s trust.  And that’s only naming a few.  

However, it was quickly apparent that his trial would only focus on one thing: his treatment of Lee.  And don’t get me wrong – Jim has done Lee wrong at points. I would say the worst moment was when he didn’t contact her immediately after his escape, despite knowing that she had suffered a miscarriage.  His rationale for that was weak, and I could see how she would be badly hurt by it and feel betrayed.

But.  There’s a couple of big issues created by focusing on Lee alone.

First up - it diminishes her as a character.  It removes Lee’s intelligence and strength and agency and interests and makes her one thing: the victim.  Was Jim the perfect man?  Nope. Did Lee have the ability to call it a day?  Yes, repeatedly. She could have checked out when she didn’t feel he was open enough about their relationship at work, or when he was weirdly slow to commit, or when he went off and murdered Galavan against her express wishes, or when he killed Ogden Barker, or when he lied about killing Galavan…. the list goes on.

Which is not to condemn her for wanting to stay in the relationship, that’s her call and that’s fine. But what you can’t really then do – in telling a story – is to paint her as a passive victim.  Lee had choices.  Which leads to the next problem in focusing on her alone.

In the context of Jim’s sins – the fact that Lee at every point had other options means that she’s probably one of his less hard-done-to victims.  Alice Tetch was terrified and without any other help when he betrayed her. Harvey has repeatedly said that working with Jim is essentially what keeps him going day to day – but Jim took his captaincy and left him feeling judged and alone and obsolete in a hospital bed.  Oswald was powerless when he abandoned him in Arkham.  Barbara only asked to be recognised as a human being when she was released from hospital.  It’s these kinds of people he has to answer to: the people who were vulnerable and powerless and desperately in need of help when they came to him.

And when the story just chooses to ignore them – then what we’re left with is the underlying message that those kinds of people, the freaks, the outsiders, the ones on the edge, well - they just don’t count.  Not to Jim Gordon, and thus, tacitly, not in the moral system of this universe.  They’re somehow not valid – their suffering matters less, and Jim doesn’t have to answer for how he’s wronged them.

For the narrative here to send and endorse that message is so difficult to reconcile to the show’s narrative as a whole that – for me – it simply can’t be accepted without major problems.

On practical level, too – the trial premise doesn’t really make sense.  Lee’s willingness to still have Jim in her life doesn’t exonerate him from past wrongs. The trial is an interesting idea.  Examining whether Lee wants to rebuild a relationship with Jim is an interesting idea. The two don’t really mesh well, though.

Overall, as a concept – it just didn’t really come off successfully, which is unfortunate, because the kernel of the idea had promise.    

Most of that main plotline is also plagued with inconsistencies, which didn’t help. Last week – Jim told Barbara that he didn’t want to see her in jail and take their baby away from her.  This week? That doesn’t hold water.  She’s excised from her own child’s life all over the place.  Alfred tells Lee she’ll make an exquisite mother.  Jim’s hallucination has Lee offering him the baby.  You can easily acknowledge that Lee will be the baby’s stepmother without erasing Barbara – but the story doesn’t seem to know how to do that. Fumbling it like this makes characters look callous.  Another odd moment was Ivy’s sudden willingness to see Selina dead.  That doesn’t follow on at all from the last time we saw her. On top of that, it felt a bit wearying for the women to all be at odds in this episode - and in such a simplistic good vs bad way.

Thinking a bit more about inconsistencies, the story seems not to acknowledge that season 4 happened.  It’s pretty glaring that season 5 hasn’t touched on Ed/Lee at all.  Whether or not you personally liked it, it was a big relationship that seemingly revealed a lot about Lee, and what’s seemed apparent this season is that they simply don’t know how to write their way back from something as big as the climactic ‘I do see you’ moment.  

This episode continues to ignore the repercussions of that relationship, which is fair enough, since the rest of the season has too – but it also ignores just about all of the rest of season 4.  You can’t really have Lee calling Barbara a psychopath when we saw her shoot Sofia in the head and knife Ed in the gut.  If you do, then you’re going to make her look like a moral hypocrite.

Last up, you have Oswald and Barbara in Sirens.  It’s maybe a very concentrated example of a problem the show has had over the years in handling shifts of tone.  If the story were consistently light and camp, and never touched on deeper themes, and the characters were purely comedy villains – then the notion of Oswald and Barbara not being invited to the wedding is a sly nudge in the ribs joke. But because it does frequently examine darker territory, and because it has showed us that they’ve both saved Jim’s neck repeatedly, and because it did show us their trauma, and did made us engage with them emotionally – excluding them causes problems.  It creates an ’us vs them’ when the show has been at pains over the years to stress the idea of nuance and shades of grey.  Much like the Madonna/Whore thing it creates with Lee and Barbara – think hard.  Is this honestly what you want your story to say?

And…it’s not.  Not really.  Which is fundamentally the issue.  The story just doesn’t really feel like it was constructed with attention to the narrative first and foremost.  And there are reasons for that, and as a sentimental nod – I’m sure it’s very sweet, but as a story it’s ultimately much too self-indulgent and, as a result, not really up to par.  

General Observations

Things that I’m unclear on going forward

Will we have a vengeful Ivy running about - seeking revenge for the failure of her plan?  I’m assuming not?

Will Jim and Lee be described as married by other characters – or just ‘together’?

Are the gangs settled now?  This one seems a big deal in terms of the city’s stability

  To finish on a positive note:

Bruce and Selina were sweet.

Victor was a joy throughout. As well as quoting Dickens a few episodes ago, he gave us some Shakespeare this week.  Also, he’s a vegan now.  Victor: officially more well-rounded than several main characters. I think that the last time we’re going to see Victor (on Fox, anyway) – so catch you later, Mr Zsasz.

Lee should get to wear 40s-inspired stuff every week - she really suited that shape of wedding dress.  That’s been a real missed trick in her costuming.  

Lucius and Ed are a match made in heaven.  Not only did we get Lucius’ ‘we’re perfectly bonded – like carbon and oxygen’ line, but he also seems to get walloped round the head as often as Ed.

Normal service will be resumed in a fortnight :)

[kat-astrophic-todd]

I Am Not a Robot

Also on AO3

Beta read by @mizmahlia

.

The piles of documents on his desk seemed to grow bigger every time he looked up from his laptop, but those emails weren’t going to write themselves. If Bruce was typing with more force than necessary it didn’t mean a damn thing.

He just wanted to lie in bed and get some sleep; this was usually the best hour for him to get some rest because none of the boys were around. Not that they actually spent time on the manor lately. He sighed.

With his elbows on the desk he covered his face with both hands, groaning lightly now that he was alone. Always alone. The shipment had arrived two hours late to the docks last night, and though he wouldn’t admit it in front of Alfred, Bruce though he might’ve caught a cold. The position was strangely comfortable and he felt himself drifting a bit. If he stopped paying attention he could pretend he was on his warm and fuzzy bed.

He woke up to the sound of his own snores. He had slept ten minutes. Bruce felt worse than before and his muscles felt like lead. He was horrified to find that he was on the brink of tears for no reason at all. He cleared his throat and tried to focus again on typing the passive-aggressive email he was sending to Lex Luthor about the deal he had offered Wayne Enterprises.

“Mister Wayne?” It took him a minute to realize that voice was real and that Jean, his secretary, had probably called him more than once. He looked up slowly, feeling that he might get dizzy if he did it faster. She looked at him with worried eyes, her brow furrowed.

“Yes?” Bruce almost winced at how exhausted he sounded.

“You have a call, Sir.” She gestured the red light on his desk phone. “Do you want me to tell them you’re not available, Sir?”

“Who is it?” He ignored her comment. Jean had been working for him long enough that she didn’t take it as an offense.

“Mister Head.” She commented before exiting his office.

Head? I don’t know any-

He picked up the phone quickly.

“Jay?” He didn’t care that he had sounded desperate. He thought he heard something akin to a cough through the line.

“Um... hi.” The voice of his second eldest felt like a warm blanket for his trembling heart.

“Jay.” Wonderment filled his tone. It really was him. He rarely talked to Bruce these days, he preferred having Alfred as the message man. “What do you need, son?”

Eager. He sounded eager.

“Uh.” Jason sounded distracted. “I’m... ah, I wanted to tell you that I need to solve a couple of things down in Chinatown?” The uncertainty would have sounded cute if Bruce didn’t know that tone was the product of years of estrangement.

“Anything you need, Jaylad.” Affection filled Bruce’s voice in an attempt to communicate how much he cared, how it ached every time his son refused to see him or interact with his siblings because he had the misguided idea that he didn’t belong. Bruce needed to make him know. Somehow. “Just don’t make a mess, okay?”

“... okay?” If Bruce didn’t know him better he could have said he sounded panicked. “I’ll... see you around.”

“Jay?” He rushed to say.

“Yes?”

“Take care.”

The only answer was the beep that signalled the end of the call.

That night Bruce changed his route slightly so he could be around the Diamond District and if that allowed him to check on Chinatown here and there, well, there was no one to call him out on it.

 ᴥ

 They were being dramatic, all of them. They even had the nerve to tell him he was the one overreacting. He just had a cold. He was perfectly capable of going on patrol. He had endured a broken spine and relocated it on his own, for heaven’s sake. He could bear a cold.

“Master Bruce, I’m sure that thing in your hands is not a phone.” Alfred’s clipped voice travelled from the half-opened door of the mansion’s master bedroom. “Because I remember informing you that using it would only worsen your headache.”

He froze and lowered the phone slowly, as if he didn’t do sudden moves Alfred wouldn’t see it. And then he frowned, because Alfred had his phone between his ear and shoulder, while he carried tray with soup for him. Bruce tried to get up and help him, but the stare he got from the older man dissuaded him. The person on the other side of the line must have said something because Alfred tried to supress a smile before answering.

“Master Jason, I’m sure we’ve talked about your peculiar use of the English language before.” Alfred didn’t see Bruce’s surprise, as he was paying attention to his grandson at the phone. He hummed. “I might approve of that word if you are quoting the Bard… Indeed.” The old man smiled and turned to Bruce. “Well, I’ll pass you on to your father… yes, Master Jason, it is necessary.” Alfred sighed, although Bruce could clearly see the amusement behind the action, and finally handed him the phone. If the conversation had carried on longer without him (and he was definitely not telling anybody), he might have started making grabby hand motions.

“Hello.” He hoped Jason could hear the emotion despite the congestion in his nose.

“Hey.” He sounded petulant. When the silence carried on, Bruce talked.

“How are you doing?” And just before Jason could answer: “How did your case in Chinatown go?”

“Cut the bullshit. I know you were stalking me.” The bitterness dripping from his son made him pause. He deduced his son had taken offense from him making sure he didn’t need assistance?

“I took a small detour from my normal route in case you needed me.” But now Bruce sounded unsure. He felt really tired, suddenly. Talking with Jason felt like walking around broken glass more often than not. You couldn’t know when a wrong move was going to draw blood.

“If you don’t trust me when I’m in your part of the city you could at least tell me. I’m not eleven anymore.” Bruce looked at Alfred searching for advice but the old man just arched a brow. “Look, Alfred insisted that I had to talk to you personally about tonight’s patrol.”

“Uh?” Eloquent, as always.

“Dick insisted I go with him to do your route, because two of us somehow equal a Batman.” He spat.

“He didn’t say that.” Bruce answered without thinking. He winced. That might make things tenser.

“So you won’t have to worry about what I might be up to when you’re not here making sure I don’t go on a killing spree.” Jason kept on, ignoring his comment. The sarcasm was almost palpable.

“Jason, I would trust you with my life.” And by God, that was the truest thing he would ever say. He loved Jason with all his heart, so much that sometimes it hurt. It hurt like nothing before, because he’d lost him and then gotten him back, but not really. Sometimes it was like Jason didn’t want to be back. Like he didn’t want Bruce back.

“Yeah, but you wouldn’t trust me with your city.” The anguish in his son’s voice paralyzed him, not letting him contradict the statement before the call ended.

 ᴥ

 “Hey, what’s wrong?” Superman closed the distance between them in the training room.

He’d gone to the watchtower as soon as Alfred let him get out of bed. They were all helping in another cities. The world seemed to grow more chaotic in the days Bruce had been sick. He tried not to think about that, not to go down that path.

Instead, he looked down at his phone, where a selfie of Jason greeted him. Flipping him off. He assumed that was a negative to coming to the family dinner on Saturday.

Bruce sighed and saved the photograph in a folder named Jason, where he kept all the pictures his children managed to take of him. There weren’t many. That alone made Bruce feel a familiar throb in his chest.

“It’s Jason,” He explained, looking up at Superman. His friend cocked his head, not really understanding. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to act around him, or how to talk to him. Every time things get better between us, I manage to drag things back to the start.” Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose, although the cowl made the action pointless.

“You should talk to him, B.” Bruce knew that was technically true, Clark being the best example of good parenting and communication. But Bruce’s family was complicated. Mostly because of him.

“I don’t- I’m not good at expressing how I feel. And I know Jason needs that.” Bruce was a mess. Intelligence couldn’t help him when he couldn’t get out the words that were flooding him, the truths that would make him vulnerable but would show his son he was somehow human. “I don’t know what the main problem is, either.”

“Well, I do.” Both of them looked at the doorway, where Diana was leaning, watching them like they were some really dumb creatures.

“Please, explain.” Bruce wasn’t even irritated. If there was someone who hated how incapable he was of understanding emotions, it was himself. He just wanted to be able to be a good father.

“Bruce,” she took a deep breath, pondering how to explain herself. “You shouldn’t mistake compliance for respect, neither obedience for affection.” She nodded to herself, ignoring Bruce’s sudden inhale. “I used to give my mother hell. I would run away from my tutors, jump off cliffs, take up lessons she didn't approve of. The reason I was able to test the limits,” she looked directly into Bruce’s white lenses, “the reason I risked angering her doing what I liked, was because I had no doubt she loved me, and would continue to do so no matter what I did.”

She approached them slowly, clearly not done with her insight. Bruce felt as if he was being dissected.

“Think about this, Bruce. You took a brilliant boy in and he had only known abandonment. I bet he was ready to leave at any moment, wasn’t he?” She looked at him, patiently waiting for an answer.

Bruce remembered those first months. The food stashes hidden around the mansion as if Jason feared he may be denied food someday. The bag Jason hid in his closet packed with the necessities to survive on the streets. The weary looks whenever Bruce closed the space between them. The panicked eyes when Bruce raised his hand to ruffle his hair.

“Yes.” His voice was but a whisper, something weak and pained. But Diana heard him.

“And when he realized you were giving him the opportunity to stay, I bet he did everything to please you and assure you wouldn't abandon him too.” She gave him a sad smile. “So the moment he thought you really loved him despite everything, he started testing the limits. And you took it as offense, thinking he was disrespecting you, when in fact, he was trying to find himself.”

Bruce didn’t like to think about that often. How Jason started disagreeing with him and breaking the rules. How the anger in his young son grew and seemed to consume him. The death of Felipe Garzonas was something that weighed on Bruce’s conscience, as did Jason’s death. In the end, he ran away because he thought Bruce was going to take Robin away from him. Because he believed Bruce was somehow going to abandon him. His son.

And Bruce had been paralyzed just like he was now because he wasn’t good with words. He worried easily and needed to be in control. So, baring his soul and making himself vulnerable felt like an actually bodily challenge.

He really didn’t deserve any of them.

They deserved a father that wasn’t afraid to show his love and tell them how vital they were, how he could die if any of them suffered any further because of him. How having them was the only thing stopping him from going too far, taking too much, caring too little about his life. How they were what kept him alive more often than not.

“He'd had no opportunity to find out what type of person he was. He had only been able to be what the world pushed him to be to survive.” Diana placed her hand on his shoulder and squeezed, demanding his undivided attention. “To you, everything has to be ordered. You need patterns and statistics and numbers. He changed the pattern, and you went into shutdown mode, trying to figure out what was wrong with him.”

Oh, God. He had, hadn’t he? He really couldn’t fathom the possibility of being at fault. Of being the one that was wrong.

“He needed you. He needed to know that you loved him. He needed to make sure that in finding himself, he wouldn't lose you.” She cupped his face. He wondered if the tears had run down his cheek, where the cowl should have stopped them. But maybe she just knew him too well, knew the rising and the falling of his chest, identifying how his whole body ached. “Bruce. Those fights, the anger, Jason lashing out.” She pressed their foreheads together and let the air get out of her lungs slowly. He felt Clark’s hand on his back, as if he was supporting him in case he fell. Maybe he was. “He saw you distance yourself from him a little more every day. He saw you recoil at the person he was becoming.”

He heard a sob, and distantly, his mind registered it was his. He was blind. He was so fucked up, and stupid, and blind.

“Diana,” it sounded like a plea. It was a plea. “What do I do?”

She took a step back and wiped her eyes, squaring her shoulders. She met his torn expression with determination.

“You go to your son and apologize.” She gulped. “You have to let him know how you feel and how much you love him and appreciate him for who he is.”

“Okay,” he whispered.

Okay.

 ᴥ

Bruce let himself fall to the ground where Jason was tying up the gang members he had knocked out. His whole body tensed when he saw the caped figure behind him. Sometimes Bruce really was mesmerized at how loud his son was about his emotions with his body and words. With his entire being.

“Jason.” And it was his name, not Red Hood or Hood. He had come to talk to his son.

“I really don’t want to do this tonight, okay?” He got up and wiped the non-existent dust from his cargo pants, looking at some point over Bruce’s shoulder. “I didn’t kill anyone, I didn’t steal anything. You can go and sleep well tonight.” Bruce hated that monotone voice. It was what Jason did whenever he was trying to distance himself from a bad memory or an unpleasant situation. When he was too exhausted to fight back.

Just like Bruce had sounded when Jason had died. When he felt too tired to live but too scared to die.

That thought alone scared him right out of his bones.

No. Not him. Not my boy.

He moved in a flash, driven by panic and desperation. He saw Jason tense, preparing for a hit and Bruce wanted to die a little bit more, but he needed to do this. Before it was too late to try. He crushed Jason in a hug, embracing him with his whole body, shielding them behind his cape and pressing his cheek against Jason’s neck (not the top of his head, Jason had grown up so much he was almost Bruce’s height). He wished he could have him like this forever, secured within his arms, just for Bruce to love and cherish.

Bruce needed to say so much, apologize for so many things. He should start telling Jason how proud he was of the young man he had turned into. How lucky he was to have a son that cared so much for people, who was brilliant and kind and too good for Bruce. He opened his mouth.

“I-“ He choked on the words, tears falling down his face. His shoulders were shaking violently and he was starting to panic, because Jason needed to hear him say all those things and understand how thankful Bruce was of being his father. And Bruce just needed to actually say the words. He was hyperventilating.

“Bruce?” Jason sounded panicked. When he tried to step back Bruce just tightened his grip around him. He just needed him to hear- “Bruce, oh my God, you’re hyperventilating.” Panic turned to terror and Jason tried to step back again. “Please, let me call Alfred. You’re freaking me out.” Bruce shook his head against Jason’s neck and Jason fisted his hand on his cape, drawing a shaky breath. “Please, let me help you. Please, Dad.” And just like that, Bruce broke down into ugly tears and desperate sobs.

“I’m sorry.” He made sure Jason could hear him, although he still sounded muffled against Jason’s leather jacket. “God, I’m so sorry. I don’t deserve you. I’m a terrible father and I know you hate me. And I’m sorry for everything.”

“Hey, slow down, B.” Jason was still trying to step back.

“I love you.” That made him pause. Bruce took the opportunity. “I love you so much. And it hurts all the time. I- I don’t know how to not say the wrong things or do the wrong things. I just want to protect you and. God, I’m sorry.” He was choking a little on the snot. Alfred would probably curse him when he cleaned the cowl. “I need you to know.” He leaned back and grabbed Jason’s helmet between his hands. The young man was frozen in place. “I’m so proud of you, Jason. I’m so happy that I got you back and I’m so proud of the man you are.”

He heard the heavy breaths his son was taking through the voice modulator. He wished they were anywhere else. He wished their masks weren’t there. He wished he could keep Jason inside his heart, where he could feel all the good things he made Bruce feel.

“Please, let me try.” Bruce bit his lip, trying to find the words among the hurricane inside of him. “Let me try to be a better father.”

A huff of air left Jason, making a weird noise through the helmet. His hands were trembling and his chest was moving up and down.

“I... ” Jason stopped talking, he brought a hand to his chest and absentmindedly rubbed the material there. “Okay.” Jason conceded. And Bruce knew there was so much more to do to get things right.

Bruce engulfed him again in a soul-crushing hug. He felt like never letting go.

Okay.

[zivitz]

I can’t reblog this post so I’m just gonna copy and paste my reply. And then I have better things to do with my brain space than respond to people who are  attempting to browbeat me into submission while simultaneously refusing to allow me to participate, explain, or elaborate on my POV. So I might be talking to myself here, but it makes me feel better. To my followers, I’m sorry for the novel.

@trashpandabarnes ( @trashpanda-barnes) wrote:

yeah, abusing and gaslighting your “daughter” whose family who burnt to the ground, whom you tried to manipulate and sacrificed AGAINST HER WILL, as she ACTIVELY EXPRESSED HER DESIRE TO FREE HERSELF FROM YOU but you threw her off the cliff’s edge because u want power, because you don’t actually care about your “daughter” but are ALL about making her tragedy of negligence and abuse ALL YOUR OWN self-vicimized manpain is totally the characteristics of a fantastique dad™, ooof i could go on and on on the Gamora thing alone but then there’s Nebula who you mistreated her whole life and constantly pit her against the only person who she felt like she could have a connection to, and never passed up a chance to insult her, saying killing her would be a “waste of parts”. Boi oh boi @zivitz never fucking have kids dude if you think saying/doing this kind of shit to your kids is still gonna get u the award of father of the year bc no matter how much u claim u love ur kids, it doesn’t fucking excuse the abuse and also never have a girlfriend if this is how you think women are to be treated in fiction/otherwise —its 2018, women deserve  better than to  be treated as plot device for a self-importance asshole’s cringey angst. Get tf outta here with your apologist attitude, dufe. Thanos shows no remorse or no acknowledgement of faults and therefore, no character growth. He is stubborn and self-absorbed and a deadass weak villian. Marvel went about wrong with constantly trying to sympathize him, he’s a purple egoistic maniac and that is not an appealing character trait and should NOT have been glamorized by marvel for edgy fanboys like you with barely one working braincell, end of.

First of all, and this must be embarrassing for you- I’m not a guy. At least, I hope it’s embarrassing, because you’re making a fuck of a lot of assumptions based on this belief and they’re all wrong.

There seems to be a lot of thought going around that I am, and I quote, “pro-Thanos”. That I defend his actions or justify them in any way. That I think he’s a swell guy who’s just a misunderstood woobie. Or something. I think you’re confusing me with the Loki fangirls, but whatever.

Thanos being both capable of love and actually loving Gamora doesn’t make him a good person. It’s pretty clear throughout the movie that Gamora is literally the only person he loves. At all. In the universe. Except for himself, that is. Just because he’s capable of loving Gamora doesn’t mean he loves Nebula- I mean, clearly he fucking hates her. He doesn’t love the Black Order. I have a hunch that they started out as his ‘children’ in terms of being under his protection, guidance, and doing his bidding, but he was taken by Gamora and she became his daughter in thought and deed as well as word.

I have never ever said he was a good father, either. He clearly was not; no good parent puts their child through that kind of pain. No good parent rips a child away from their family, kills them, forces them into a life they neither are ready for nor would have chosen. A good parent (even most bad parents) doesn’t pit children against each other. Gamora had an abusive childhood, flat out. No one’s arguing that. Thanos is a big fat child abuser. He abused her (and Nebula, and probably the Black Order) to suit his own purpose. It was bad and wrong and fucked them all up royally and none of them deserved that.

Now take a step back and get the fuck of your high horse for a minute, and look at it from Thanos’s perspective. He is the hero of his own story. That’s what we were meant to see in Infinity War. A peek at the story from his point of view. Not that we were supposed to believe he was right, not that they were saying he had a point, or that we should sympathize with him. We’re not supposed to see character growth because he’s not the hero and there is no redemption. We’re just seeing how things look from his vantage point.

He saw his world die and couldn’t stop it because no one was strong enough to do the terrible, awful thing that would have saved it.  And he saw the same things happening all over, so he decided he was the only one strong enough to do what needed to be done. And he worked hard at it. He collected his ‘children’, those he could raise and train to be strong like him and carry out his work. Carry on his work, if it lasted beyond his lifetime.

Gamora came along and was Different. In that deleted scene, he said himself he saw himself as alone and he was okay with that (he says in a voice that very much says he was Not Okay With That) because he had ‘a new vocation’. Until Gamora. He loved her. Took her under his wing, trained her, challenged her to be the best she could be. Gave her a family. Thought she, his favourite daughter, would be his heir. Wanted her to choose it, choose him, and let her leave when she didn’t instead of dragging her back and punishing her. He doesn’t really care that she’s rejecting him because he loves her regardless, but is hurt by the betrayal of her lies because she was the one person he trusted completely. He hurts her, but only as much as he has to to get what he needs. If he didn’t need to, he wouldn’t hurt her (we see this again and again- he could have killed Bruce, Groot, Cap, Wanda- and he didn’t. He just wanted them out of his way). His Vocation is more important at this point. And even then, he struggles with the decision that he must sacrifice the one person he loves and again be utterly alone- and live with the knowledge that he’s killed his child, his ‘everything’- for the sake of the Greater Good.

That’s how Thanos views himself. Is that how I view him? Not really. I mean, objectively speaking he did pretty fucking unspeakable things for what he thinks in his own incredibly misguided way is the right thing to do. Did Gamora deserve all that? Fuck, no. No one does. Did he love her during all of that, think he was doing what was best for her? Yup. Was it actually what was best for her? Fucking hell. No.

I love Gamora. I feel a great affinity for her because I grew up in an abusive household, where I was groomed and manipulated to be what my mother wanted and needed me to be. I was made in her image, to be useful to her and do what she needed and prop her up. I was her enabler for a long time. I didn’t break away from her until I was long into adulthood. And yet, I was loved. My mother thought she was doing the right thing by me. She thought she was making me into a strong person. She was doing her best to make me the best I could be by her vision. Because she loved me. She was wrong about what she was doing. She fucked me up in ways I’m still learning about.  I can see both worlds: the one my mother inhabits, and the real world.

I feel Gamora. I really, truly do. But liking Thanos, being able to see how he sees himself and yes, even feel bad for someone who’s suffering even if they’re a crazy abusive monster, doesn’t mean I have to agree with him. Doesn’t mean I think he’s justified, doesn’t make me an apologist. Doesn’t mean I love Gamora any less.

And it doesn’t mean I’m a bad person. That I support abuse, abusers, or would abuse anyone in any way. I work with very young children precisely because I was abused and no one helped me. And I want to keep that from happening to other children, to keep them from growing up like I did. It’s my own version of “There are little girls like you across the universe who are in danger. You can stay with us and help them.” You make a lot of assumptions about me, and we all know what they say about that. This is fandom, but we’re all people here. Maybe check yourself before you go shooting your mouth off about shit you know nothing about.

[deveharrington]

[17 new theories, Part 1/4] Part 1: The Fear Cycle. What these workout videos from Hell🔥 might be telling us: For David, Fitness Culture™ is not about health, but what it means in terms of proving something to himself (youth, capability, money, image etc.). Also analyzing his poor workout form: not what it is, but why? ALSO, considering the “relationship” non-romantically, and (thank you, anon!) is M*nique/Cool Girl™ scamming David with Fitness Culture™??!!

Ohh David baby, what the hell are you trying to show us right now? LMFAO??

Bruce Lee: Don’t think, FEEEEEEL! = David’s fave Bruce Lee quote, probably. 

To anons, thank you so much! I tried to incorporate all of your asks in these discussions. Some of them will be posted and/or referenced in future parts.)

Overarching Theory: Everything and Nothing (will be explored in 4 separate discussions)

My dream theory: David did not grieve nor heal properly after the trauma of Gillovny ending/having a chance with Gillian and failing, again (feel free to completely ignore this very sappy theory if you wish to, lmao). 

Theory that is probably closer to reality: He jumped straight into a fantasy to alleviate himself from some undefined trauma or, I can still see some sense in my earlier claim that he is just bored out of his mind. What we are seeing right now is his fantasy, still prolonged. And the fantasy right now is: Fitness Fakery™. Biggest theory (for now): he is being scammed with Fitness Culture™️, and this trap might more dangerous than, or the main hook of, the “relationship”.

Parts to explore:

Part 1: The Fear Cycle (David radiates fear, and scammers are drawn to it. David is keeping things light and controlled right now, matching his Cool Boy™️ self with a Cool Girl™️. But, just like Cool Girl™️/Boy™️, deep down within himself, David is something else: scared? fake? nothing? let’s explore)

+ Maybe he uses fear to manipulate others the same way others use fear to manipulate him. And the idea that he manipulates HIMSELF with fear. 

Part 2: Identity Crisis (His artistic image > his art, Examining his art and the way he expresses himself with very broad strokes, never getting too personal. David wants very badly to be something he is not). 

+ David’s actions right now might be an attempt to see a reflection of himself because he has lost sight of who he is. OR he is trying to build himself up because he feels inadequate. 

I think in a lot of cases, his desire and ambition trump his actual skills, but he is still able to get what he wants through coercion, money, business, etc. However, at the end of the process, he is still left feeling unsatisfied. 

Part 3: Pain and Pleasure (David has confused the two. For David, pain = pleasure = pain) ** elaborated below (under the header “Everything and Nothing”)

Part 4: “You didn’t love me enough” (Based on an excellent submission from an anon) 

“You didn’t love me enough” = “So, I will act out and see who WILL love me as much as I need to be loved! Oh wait, I have nothing to offer but my money. Guess I can only attract SCAMMERS! Eh, bought love is still love for me, beggars can’t be choosers.”

+ Maybe David just doesn’t want to be a burden, I think he definitely does not like to ask for help (example: maybe this is why therapy was not the most effective treatment method for him). So:

** 🚨 Could it be that his actions right now are a cry for help (in his way), but what he wants is to see who, of those close to him, TRULY CARES? 🚨 ** I think he would accept help as long as those who are helping him are helping him of their own VOLITION. So, maybe he is trying to bait people but I think he is also so lost in his own mind and fantasies that he cannot process how awful he is coming across right now. Awful as in, it all really is a cry for help, and not just the "fitness” videos from Hell, but all of his other expressions and actions as well. 

General Table of Contents:

Everything and Nothing

The Fear Cycle

Latest conclusions. (Biggest conclusion: he is currently pushing “how far he can go” because he has lost sight of himself.)

What does his poor form in his workouts tell us? (a lot!!)

Biggest theory: he is being scammed with Fitness Culture™️, and this trap might more dangerous than, or the main hook of, the “relationship”.

David is being fake (lead-in for future discussion on his identity crisis)

If Cool Girl™ is meant to be a reflection of his ego, does this make David a Cool Boy™? My answer: yes. 

Is he literally so LOST and EMPTY within himself, that he would need to find fulfillment THROUGH THESE MEANS?? 

Overarching Theory: Everything and Nothing

David wants everything both ways. (I will also relate this to the workout videos from Hell, just keep this idea in mind going forward). 

I think David wants to believe in too much meaning, building things up like a fantasy in his head, to justify the bullshit of his situations.

And, in turn, he removes the meaning from situations that are actually important (potential examples: why he’s always beating around the bush with Gillovny, can’t give a straight answer, and can’t commit, OR, looking at the other side of the coin, maybe they just wanted to keep things private). I think he removes meaning when he doesn’t want to deal with any situation that brings him discomfort, makes him challenge himself, or makes him evolve.

These two mental and emotional processes of adding and subtracting meaning go hand in hand. Perhaps what he wants is to pick and choose what he will address in life, when he will address it, with who, and how. And it is always in service of his needs over anyone else’s. Everyone knows this is not how reality works but it is how he has shaped his own reality. In sum, he lives in a fantasy.

Him telling us to “Be Here Now” is bullshit. Unless he is talking about his book signings, “concerts”, autograph sessions, etc. Notice that all these events have something in common? They are set up as communal events that ask you to come and see David in a context that is always like a temple of worship. Come, look at him, listen to him too, but don’t you dare ask any questions because he will always have the last word: "it all means nothing~~!”

He also confuses his work with his rest.

He confuses his passion with his burden.

He confuses productivity with wasting time.

In relation to this situation of the excessive exercise, for example, it could be seen as a conflation of work/rest, pain/pleasure, passion/burden. He has no notion of balance or boundaries because the two sides of his judgment scale are not defined.

And he deliberately leaves his judgment undefined

What is right and what is wrong? He doesn’t know, and doesn’t care. He’ll say that he lets anyone come up with their own mind but he will never join the conversation and try to contribute or change his perspective because he doesn’t give a sh*t about anyone but himself.

What is real and what is fake with David? I don’t know and he probably does not know himself.

I think he also has not realized that he is constantly walking in fear. He has confused his fear with safety, freedom, fantasy.

In the future, I will explore a batch of theories that discuss how he has, in the same way, confused his own notions of pain and pleasure, prolonging his pain because it brings him pleasure (attention, pity, he is bored - really!, it makes him interesting/edgy/cool/“that guy who’s been through things”) and mourning his pleasure because he also sees it as pain (it is like he is drawn to destructive pleasure, but then cannot handle the consequences so conflates pleasure with pain automatically… more on this later).

I also think that, when he is left feeling dissatisfied, he switches the definition of either pain or pleasure in his head in order to SATISFY HIMSELF.  In sum, he lives in a complete fantasy. 

And maybe he wants to be paired with someone who is as confused and suppressed as he is. Cool Girl™ confuses attention with accomplishment, obedience with love, compliance with partnership, suppression/reflection with identity etc.

Keep this in mind going forward. Even in the most literal sense of, the physical “pain” of exercising, the “pleasure” of feeling accomplished, etc

+ To this anon:

Please know that you have contributed to these theories as much as I have. The only difference between our expressions is that I said my piece in the most convoluted and wordy manner possible. 

I had created the ideas of these new theories before I received your message, but your input turned so many ideas on their heads!  

You lit a fire in my brain!!! And for that I thank you.

The rest of my answer to you anon, some more conclusions, the main questions of this post, being fair to David in response to the mean spirited comments about the workout videos from Hell, and Table of Contents are all under the cut. Thanks so much to anyone who reads this!

Response to anon continued: 

Gerascophobia (perfect word for this situation), absolutely. And I will actually explore how David’s refusal to accept his age is actually becoming physically dangerous for him. I think it is also contributing to a possible identity crisis that he may be experiencing right now (I will explore this more in Part 2).

Thanatophobia, of course! I think David having 5 daily reminders on his phone that he will one day die (his own admission of one thing he uses his phone for)  is actually doing a disservice to him. What I don’t like about the “we only have one life” thinking is that it makes you act recklessly. Add to this the fact that this attitude is not ideal for someone who already refuses to have a foundation of meaning and thought for his actions. Life does not last forever but it is not a rat race either. Life must consist of work and rest, silence and noise. Essentially, balance. 

💣  [THEORY 64] David radiates fear, and scammers are drawn to it. Scammers validate and perpetuate David’s fears in order to prolong their scamming, A.K.A. The Fear Cycle. 

And now, considering all of this fear that is bubbling beneath David’s calm, cool, spirit seems to be away from the body surface, let’s go ahead and quote a favorite artist of mine, Jenny Holzer’s, Inflammatory mantra on fear and manipulation: 

FEAR FEEDS ON FEAR. 

#BradNewYorkHobo #CoolGirlisHotCoolGirlisGameCoolGirlNeverGetsAngryatHerMan #Brick1stClassDoggie

all live by this: 

David walks forward, but is constantly looking over his shoulder. His scammers are as well. This situation would be hilarious if it weren’t so desperately pathetic. 

I want to try to simplify what I see as David’s fear cycle: 

1. Because he does not involve himself in the real world or does research to educate himself, he is afraid of it. 

2. He radiates fear (really) and the scammers are drawn to it. 

2. Try not to take this point too harshly, but coming from these previous steps, I think its fair to conclude that David gets what he wants by imposing fear on others or uses fear as an emotional manipulation tactic. But he does not mean any harm. I say this mainly because what is within is expressed on the surface. Also, what is learned becomes your behavior. 

He was once described as intimidating. What if he uses his “laid-back all-knowing sage” posturing as a way to do this? He intimidates others with his education, his apathy/lack of vulnerability, his smugness? 

3. He lives in fear. He walks but is constantly looking over his shoulder. 

4. Living in fear only further proves his own beliefs. 

Thanks so much again, anon. And thank you especially for the first part of your ask! I won’t give up. We can’t give up!!!

Disclaimer

OK, lots of blah blah blah here so I tried to shorten this by bolding what’s important. I’ve also tried to label what I feel is very important with asterisks or emojis, lmao. There just is a lot of foundation to lay in order to see how all the pieces connect as a bigger whole.

🌟= important! lmao

🚨 = important within important!!

Latest conclusions:

- 🌟 David is not obsessed with or solely working for money. I think he is obsessed with wanting to push the bounds of “how far he can go”. ex: acting like a brat at cons while still getting paid, or proposing the most ambitious projects. This gym behaviour might be another manifestation, and if it is, it represents the discrepancy between what is going on in his head and what is going on in reality.

- 🌟🚨 ** I state that he wants to see “how far he can go” because he has lost sight of himself. He does not know who he is right now. (Did he ever imagine he would have a “relationship” [even considering it non-romantically] like this? Does he even associate it with his true self or who he wants to be?).

+ I still think his unpredictable career plays a role in the way he sees himself. 

[Could an identity crisis be involved:]

- 🌟 When was the last time David did something on his own? From his own heart and by his own hands? When was the last time he expressed himself truly and fully?

- 🌟 When was the last time David spent time ALONE? I think the solution for him would be to take time away for himself right now.

[On the scamming:]

- 🌟 Ok, I’m sorry. I previously went in on David saying he is faking his innocence and humility, but what if he is actually a VERY innocent and genuinely nice guy? And this is why he keeps getting scammed? GOD if this is the case then i’m really sorry, David, for what I said, really!

- 🌟 🚨 If M*nique were being a GOOD gym buddy, she would have David’s health in her best interests. !!! The video evidence demonstrates otherwise, but i’ll still leave this thought open to being proven wrong for now.

- 🌟 AND My question then is this: For the amount of time D/M have spent together supposedly exercising, why is his form still so bad? And why does he still have chicken legs? (serious question, lmao) if he is doing the same routines as Monique? Fastest conclusion: he is not exercising properly, and nobody is not bothering to correct him??

- 🌟 I assert in these theories that the Fitness Fakery™ is more dangerous than the “relationship”. It is dangerous to his already vulnerable identity and of course dangerous for his health. 

- 🌟 But I will also explore the idea that maybe the “relationship” is NOT romantic, and David is just that weird - which is not out of the realm of extreme possibility. (or, I still stand by my stance that, if there were a  “romance”, it would exist only between David and himself).

From my perspective

I’ve been going to the gym regularly for years. I’ve had gym buddies and a personal trainer in the past and I’ve learned that there is a difference between the two. I don’t know if David himself has learned the difference between the two. A buddy is great for getting you motivated and feeling comfortable in the gym. But, for me anyways, a trainer (at the very beginning) was essential for getting my form on point and making me learn that the mental component is as as important as the physical component when it comes to working out efficiently.

So, this is coming from my personal experience of exercising and listening to my body: FORM IS EVERYTHING! Form is more important than the duration of your exercise, the intensity, and how many reps you do. 

So, just be warned that I will focus alot on his workout form. Those unfamiliar with exercising (or exercising properly) [sorry! I don’t mean to insult anyone] might feel like I am making a mountain out of a molehill. And ACTUALLY this discussion might be one of my most biased because it is coming from a personal place for me. 

Where i’m coming from: I learned eventually that your mentality was key in being consistent with using the gym. I, before anything else, had to perfect my gym form, ethic and integrity. I needed to create an idea in my mind of what the gym/Fitness Culture™ meant to me in order to give myself the highest likelihood of success. 

So I’m addressing WHY people use the gym in my take. 

🌟 In fairness, I don’t know anyone who habitually uses with the gym for YEARS purely for physical health. And I’m not referring to exceptions like people who want/need to lose weight, people working through injuries, physiotherapy etc.

*** 🌟 To commit ourselves, we all need to have some personal, psychological, emotional, mental and/or spiritual reasons we attach to it to give that level of dedication some meaning. ***

*** 🌟 BUT, following that thought, remember that David himself admitted that he doesn’t like to think too hard? Nor apply too much personal meaning to his actions? ***

To simplify what I am trying to say here:

1. Poor form = wasting time at the gym.

2. No thought behind actions at the gym = literally, wasting your time and energy at the gym. 

1 + 2 = 

 **** 🌟  💣  [THEORY 65] He is wasting his time but he WANTS to waste his time. He WANTS to fool himself with this Fitness Fakery™ because he has NOTHING else going on in his life yet he wants to project the image (to others and most importantly to himself) of “being his best self/living his best life”.

This is HIS end of the Fitness Fakery™ scam. I’ll say it again: it takes two to tango. 

And, again, the gym is probably some fantasyland for him. 

Consider also: typical Midlife Crisis Activities™ and how they afford you the illusion of “living your best life” (thank you to a user who brought this idea up to me).

Again, it comes back to being a mind game. I will try to address the question: What is David’s real reason for going to the gym? 

**** 🌟  💣  [THEORY 66] My conclusion for now: David has confused his body and identity with the positive association of Fitness Culture™ (and let’s keeping asking, “why?”). Because his view of this routine in his life of his is overwhelmingly positive and most likely seems overwhelmingly positive to those around him, 

*** he has not noticed that he has fallen into a hole of self-obsession. 

*** Also, his workouts could be potentially dangerous for his health. No ageism here, the human body is simply the human body. When we age, we must make adjustments to our fitness routines, that’s all. It might not even be the intensity, but again, the poor form that could be the biggest danger. 

*** In sum, David’s mind and body are not in sync. I’ve stated before that I believe his mind is overactive (not in critical, retrospective, reflective or deep thought, but in rationalizations and fantasies) and I think this mind of his is very much playing a role in this situation. 

The Good and The Questions

The Good: 

- Good for David for wanting to be in shape. But there is a difference between working out and overexerting yourself with a workout meant for someone much younger than you. Even when I train with people my age but at a different fitness level, I cannot always keep up with their routines. 

The solution: do it as intensely as you can while still maintaining your form. Do not push yourself to match what you see while compromising your form, because you are essentially wasting your time. 

- To be fair to David against the mean spirited comments: honestly, exercising is not a pretty sight, nobody looks cool while exercising lmao sadly. Also, I think the D/M situation still makes a lot of people (including me) so uncomfortable that we resort to laughter to heal ourselves. Even my initial reaction to the videos was very mean spirited, but I have been angry with David lately, lmao. 

- To be fair to David about his poor form: there could be a number of reasons, an injury, age, he is tired. But to all of these, any professional trainer (or a GOOD gym buddy) would tell you to simply rest or adjust your workout. They would never tell you to overexert yourself.

- 🌟 And, to still be fair to him, it is not a consistent journey to go to the gym regularly, you will have some good days and many bad ones. This could've been a bad day for him emotionally or mentally. 

🌟 BUT My question then is this: For the amount of time D/M have spent together supposedly exercising, why is his form still so bad? And why does he still have chicken legs? (serious question, lmao) if he is doing the same routines as Monique? (will be addressed later)

**** 🌟 Ideally, your day at the gym will involve NEUTRAL emotions (and I thought for so long that you should always be positive, but this usually just leads to me beating myself up for not working out hard enough! lmao!) and you 🌟 accomplish your routine without too much self-gloating NOR too much self-criticism involved. 

**** 🌟 So, why is is he pushing through a hardcore workout with poor form, if he should know from experience that this is NOT good for his health? And he should also be able to know and FEEL that his form is BAD? I’ll say it again: bad form = wasted exercise.

Conclusion:

**** 🌟  💣  [THEORY 67] I don’t see that he has NEUTRAL feelings towards Fitness Culture™

Maybe its as simple as:

1. David wants to see himself reflected in Cool Girl™

2. David see, David do. In David’s mind, he’s GOTTA do in order to prove to himself that he IS in fact, a 25 year old woman!!!!!!

(Are his emotions involved when he goes to the gym? Keep this in mind going forward...)

The Questions: 

1. 🚨 Why is David so engaged in Fitness Culture™ right now and not in his real life? 🚨 Not in his relationships? Not in his career - why will he act so dead at a con and then exercise like this? exercising should make you feel happy! (literally, lmao!) He might just be making himself tired, LMFAO.

2.  🌟 And why allow videos to be made and posted about it??? I honestly instinctively interpreted it as an angry message at first? like, showing off to his fans? attempting to demonstrate that he is Hercules to anyone that will listen? or could it be showing off to someone in particular [initials: GA] perhaps? hehehehe... ?? I’m probably reading way too much into it, as always. 

But, if David allowed this sh*t to be posted after he berated Gillian Anderson for her work related social media posts, that would make him look absolutely outrageous. Just more evidence of his completely self serving hypocrisy and total lack of self awareness.

OR, there could be a possibility that he didn’t know the videos would be made public. And whoever filmed and distributed these videos had the intention of making fun of David, lmfao. To which I would say, David, when will you GET THE F*CK OUT OF THIS SITUATION???!?!?!?

3. 🌟  Who is making these videos and why? Because if they are being made by and for the personal trainer, then they are compromising this trainer’s reputation. Not only in a supposed breach of privacy (I have no clue if David allowed these videos or not. I’m guessing he probably did but is still clueless as to how social media works? I have no idea), but also in the fact that a trainer is meant to spot and correct a client’s form constantly. 

4. *** 🚨 In one of the videos, the one with resistance band squats, whoever is filming even makes fun of David, telling him to push harder (although David’s form was already very poor, and his rhythm was too quick, essentially, he wasn’t doing to the exercise properly). And Cool Girl™JUST LAUGHED ??? She didn’t even check to see if Dave was ok?? And I can’t believe I actually felt bad for David for a single tiny fraction of a millisecond of a portion of a molecule of a split second there.

*** But it could all just be some “gym humor” I am not picking up on through a short video, who knows.

***  🚨 BUT, bottom line: WHY does David keep subjecting himself to this?? Now the kids are laughing at him!!!!!! To his face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And he is still blind to his situation?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

5. For the amount of time D/Cool Girl™ have spent together supposedly exercising, why is his form still so bad? 

6. Also on the subject of how long they’ve been working out together, why are his legs still chicken legs (serious question, lmao)? They should be built up by now if he is doing the same routines Monique is (look at her legs). Literally, a conclusion here is that he is not doing his exercises PROPERLY. 

Table of Contents

On the Fitness Fakery™ . 

1. David is distracting himself with Fitness Culture™ to fool himself into thinking that he is busy. He especially needs this foolery right now due to the beyond dead and rotted nature of his “career” (I’m withholding my mercy, David, because you have really been hurting me lately).

2. Fitness Fakery™ is his current fantasy. 

2. David is BEING FAKE!! Evidence: poor workout form. The fitness routine is for his image, and not body image, but self-image of youth, capability, and illusion of routine and activity.

3. He is not being a smart consumer when it comes to Fitness Culture™. 

4. On the subject of being a poor consumer, can we also relate this to his “consumption” of “relationships”? And, on this subject, could it be that his education working against him?

5. Ok, let’s put on the table the possibility that Monique is really mainly his gym buddy? Maybe even free nutritionist (to explain why they are always eating meals together? LMAO?)?

6. DAVID IS CHEAP!!! He said so himself. Monique is actually providing a great service of being a gym buddy at no REAL benefit to herself (beyond material things). Maybe David will one day let her roam 20 km off the hotel grounds. Until then, she’s gotta put in HER DUES to him!!!

7. IF David were exercising properly at this intensity, the release of endorphins would lead to him being happier. I honestly think he is just making himself TIRED?? lmao??? lay off the gym then, Dave!!!!

8. Mixing the Fitness Fakery™ with the Identity Crisis: The way David goes about things, as in, always asking others/ hiring others an never questioning their process or trying to understand/educate himself, is what leaves him vulnerable to scamming. 

9. Cool Girl™ cannot exist without attention. Cool Girl™ is as confused as Cool Boy™. Maybe David just wants to be with someone who is as confused and suppressed as he is. Cool Girl™ confuses attention with accomplishment, obedience with love, compliance with partnership, suppression/reflection with identity etc.

10. If Cool Girl™ is meant to be a reflection of his ego, does this make David a Cool Boy™? My answer: yes. And, if this were the case, the relationship would still unequal, and it would still be an exploitation.

11. Is he literally so LOST and EMPTY within himself, that he would need to find fulfillment THROUGH THESE MEANS???!!!!

The Theories:

(1) 💣 [THEORY 68] David is distracting himself with Fitness Culture™ to fool himself into thinking that he is busy. He especially needs this foolery right now due to the beyond dead and rotted nature of his “career” (I’m withholding my mercy, David, because you have really been hurting me lately).

He is drawn to and practices FAKE fitness, not real fitness. Related to: he doesn’t like discomfort.

We make fun of his chicken legs but seriously, from a fitness perspective, what are those? Why doesn’t he buff up his body evenly? 

From my experience of going to the gym: I love working out my arms (the burn feels good there, for some reason) but not my legs. The pain in my legs just freaks me out, probably because you need to use your legs more than your arms. And knowing that David doesn’t like discomfort, maybe this is the case with him as well? LMAO? In short, David, we understand... everyone hates “leg day” but... we push through it anyways!

Ok, on the subject of distraction, I think it speaks for itself. And I don’t think this is the only distraction in his life, but I think this might be one of the more “dangerous” ones in terms of the way it fools his mind and identity.

(2) 💣 [THEORY 69 - POOR CHOICE OF NUMBER. It would’ve been nice to have a Gillovny theory here, I blame you, David!] Fitness Fakery™ is his current fantasy.

My conclusion for now: he fell into a hole of self-obsession. Wtf is he doing? Acting like he doesn’t give a sh*t about The X-Files at cons but still supporting Chris Carter and saying he’s open to doing more episodes??

*** I’m here to put a focus on the discrepancy of why he is so engaged in the Fitness Fakery™  and not engaged in his real life.

*** Conclusion: Fitness fakery™ is his current fantasy.

*** The Danger: Its hard to argue that this is something bad for him - for him to argue against himself or his loved ones to argue against him, since fitness is usually very literally equated to “goodness”/health/productivity etc. So, with the hook of Fitness Fakery™, he has some justification that he NEEDS to be at the gym 24/7 with his lil clone buddy. And of course... nobody is buying this. Except for him. 

(2)  💣 [THEORY 70] David is BEING FAKE!! Evidence: poor workout form. The fitness routine is for his image, and not body image, but self-image of youth, capability, and illusion of routine and activity.

Evidence of fakeness: POOR FORM AT THE GYM. I go to the gym regularly and when I first started I invested in a personal trainer just to get my form correct. Form is everything in exercises, not duration and not how many sets or reps you do. 

Just by looking at his form I can see that he is wasting his time. I don’t know why the guy who was filming (who seemed to also be spotting them) didn’t correct David. Literally, it doesn’t matter if you do 1 million pushups the way he did them, you won’t see any progress (ok thats an exaggeration, but FORM IS STILL CRUCIAL!!)

I’m stunned to see the poor form because I thought he was experienced with fitness? Was this a bad day? I’m tired of being fair to him so i’m just gonna go in:

What real gym-goers say at the gym: “I want a REAL workout. I want to feel like I’m dying afterwards. I do this for myself and for my own health. But I know my limits and will not overexert myself. I keep myself informed. I want to get my money and time’s worth. etc.”

What Fakey Davey says at the gym: “I want a FAKE workout. I don’t want to feel too much discomfort. I will ignore my doctor’s advice that I shouldn’t be pushing myself so hard at my age. LOOK AT ME EVERYONE!!! SEE HOW OLD YET STRONG YET FAKE I AM? Hey Chris Carter, you forgot to write a scene in this X-Files episode where I can take my shirt off for no reason!!! I don’t care about getting my money or time’s worth at the gym because... I HAVE UNLIMITED AMOUNTS OF BOTH. etc.”

OR actually, just to be fair, i’ll toss in the possibility that he is aware of his age or has an injury or something. But to this I will still oppose him and tell him to be kind to himself and lay off the gym. And you know, perhaps, put some attention onto something... you know... something other than himself. Maybe. For once. Just a suggestion?

He is being fake, to everyone, and most importantly to himself. Fine, fool yourself David, but don’t implicate others. Don’t lie to your fans about who you are and then accept their money happily while turning over a crap product (and I consider his behaviour at the latest con to be a crap product, to put it nicely). 

Voice of David’s God (a.k.a. himself): He is convincing himself that he will one day become The Hulk or one day win some 1st prize bodybuilder trophy or some sh*t and one day ONE DAY this will make people RESPECT THIS GOD OF A MAN!!!! you’ll believe godd is a daviiiiiiid ~~

(3) 💣 [THEORY 71] He is not being a smart consumer when it comes to Fitness Culture™. 

But, to be fair to him, he might just be a product of his fake, shiny plastic, gimmicky, trendy Los Angeles environment. Also, I think this is related to his avoidance of deep or critical thinking.

I recently received an anon message talking about the people in his circle and the products they sell/promote: all fake, holistic, unproven health gimmicks. Very popular amongst actors since they need to keep up with the cool crowd, want to support their inner circle of ~ enlightened millionaire beings ~ and are uneducated (or in this case, lack critical thinking or research skills). 

(4) 💣 [THEORY 72] On the subject of being a crap consumer, can we also relate this to his “consumption” of “relationships”? And, on this subject, could it be that his education working against him?

I stated before that he consumed this “relationship” the same way he would consume a gimmick. And he is keeping the “relationship” going the same way he keeps those disgusting Vibrams on his feet. 

Same way he will consume a “relationship” with a scammer. 

Where is the self awareness David? Where is the pride? Where is the self respect? 

oH WAIT actually, maybe he never learned to become a smart consumer because HE NEVER HAD TO WORRY ABOUT MONEY????!!!! OR BEING AT LOSS WHEN IT COMES TO WOMEN ayyyye got it ya’ll! ... just kidding. 

Its a cycle:

CRAP CONSUMPTION = CRAP COMING OUT THE OTHER END. 

= THIS IS WHAT WE’RE SEEING RIGHT NOW. 

“Loved the Wizard World Comic Con appearance straight from your ass, Dave!” - TripAdvisor review posted anonymously and thumbs upped by Brad Davidson. 

Maybe he fooled himself from the get-go with the education? He considers himself omniscient? . 

Why can’t he just.... FOR ONCE.... think critically!!!!??!??!?!

(5) 💣 [THEORY 73] Ok, let’s put on the table the possibility that Monique is really mainly his gym buddy? Maybe even free nutritionist (to explain why they are always eating meals together? LMAO?)?

I still assert that him bringing her around everywhere is just excessive, self-indulgent, selfish and ridiculous. However, everything we’ve witnessed in the past has proven that David is excessive, self-indulgent, selfish and ridiculous. Soo, end of discussion? 

(6) 💣 [THEORY 74] DAVID IS CHEAP!!! He said so himself. Monique is actually providing a great service of being a gym buddy at no REAL benefit to herself (beyond material things). Maybe David will one day let her roam 20 km off the hotel grounds. Until then, she’s gotta put in HER DUES to him!!! 

*** However, if she is meant to be his trainer, her services are not really professional. If she were training him then I believe that she would correct his form, or give him exercises that are more appropriate for his age (no age shame here, the human body is the human body. With age, we must make adjustments). 

I think what might be going on is that David is forcing himself because he wants to prove that he can still do these exercises that younger people do. In short: to see himself the way he wants to see himself in his head. So again, I circle back to the argument that David is doing this for his loneliness, desire to feel young and capable, and, essentially, all his selfish purposes. 

(6) 💣 [THEORY 75] *** IS the Fitness Fakery THE TRAP? And is this trap within a larger trap of the crap career? And is the crap career trap within the larger trap of his own apathy/laziness/greed/insatiable ego?

my answer: YASSS!!!! pass it on to Dave.

Ok but seriously, wtf?? If it is so damn painful for us just to watch a few single seconds of these videos from Hell what the f*ck is the reality of the situation for David? 

I said he lives in a fantasy, but this theory would prove that he is BODY, MIND AND SOUL IN ANOTHER DIMENSION.

Does he just not feel any pain anymore? Whet? Does he not feel ANY shame? LMFAO?? wtf boy...????

(7) 💣 [THEORY 76] IF David were exercising properly at this intensity, the release of endorphins would lead to him being happier.

I honestly think he is just making himself TIRED?? lmao??? lay off the gym then, Dave!!!!

Another thing I noticed in those videos from Hell, is that the trainer does not do anything to correct David? Its like he is not even acknowledging him? What I see is honestly a bunch of people not wanting to tell David the truth of himself, lmfao. It took a while for me to pick up on this through all my cringing/refusal to look directly at the Hell footage. 

I’ll just repeat myself here because I thought this moment was hilarious:

*** 🚨 In one of the videos, the one with resistance band squats, whoever is filming even makes fun of David, telling him to push harder (although David’s form was already very poor, and his rhythm was too quick, essentially, he wasn’t doing to the exercise properly). And Cool Girl™ JUST LAUGHED ??? She didn’t even check to see if Dave was ok?? And I can’t believe I actually felt bad for David for a single split second there. 

*** But it could all just be some “gym humor” I am not picking up on through a short video, who knows. 

***  🚨 BUT, bottom line: WHY does David keep subjecting himself to this?? Now the kids are laughing at him!!!!!! To his face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And he is still blind to his situation?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

(8)  💣  [THEORY 77] Mixing the Fitness Fakery™ with the Identity Crisis: The way David goes about things, as in, always asking others/ hiring others an never questioning their process or trying to understand/educate himself, is what leaves him vulnerable to scamming.

I guess we should not ignore the possibility that David is just very naive (its been said before but I still cannot even make heads or tails of this idea right now, lmao). Maybe he will just blindly believe anyone with credentials or even ANYONE WITH NO CREDENTIALS lmfao!!! Maybe he only believes... young people? I don’t...

Oh wait yeah... he has a close relationship with and respect for Chris Carter... I guess I shouldn’t be... applying morals or logic to who he decides to trust....

So, is he just lazy? I still don’t think it’s that simple. But, I mean, come on boy, READ SOME DAMN LITERATURE ON THE SUBJECT. Put away the fantasy books, the myths, the outdated philosophy manuscripts FOR ONE SECOND and EDUCATE YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(9) 💣  [THEORY 78] Cool Girl™ cannot exist without attention. Cool Girl™ is as confused as Cool Boy™. Maybe David just wants to be with someone who is as confused and suppressed as he is. Cool Girl™ confuses attention with accomplishment, obedience with love, compliance with partnership, suppression/reflection with identity etc.

Without any eyes on Cool Girl™, what reason would Cool Girl™ need to be hot, game, and never angry?

Cool Girl™ might have also confused reflecting someone’s ego with having a personal identity, not realizing that their role is merely to be a... mirror. 

(10) 💣  [THEORY 79] If Cool Girl™ is meant to be a reflection of his ego, does this make David a Cool Boy™? My answer: yes.

Cool Boy™️ is also hot, game, fun, never angry, liking whatever someone else likes WITHOUT CRITICAL THOUGHT/RESEARCH. 

Above all, Cool Girl™️ does what she does for the attention and approval of men, even at the expense of other women. 

So, does David/Cool Boy™️ do the same? Could we actually say yes? Suppressing his actual indifference towards feminist issues? Never getting angry about the social media nonsense? lmao??

**  🚨 I think David keeps up this facade and suppresses himself because he knows there is really nothing to him beneath the surface.

* And would the end goal, for Cool Boy™️, of this “relationship” be simply recognition, attention, and approval? Even if it is all faked fakery? I don’t really want to even think about the situation as being THIS pathetic but all of the evidence, including what we know of David’s insatiable ego and the fact that he his living in some fantasy land right now with no evidence of a single person bringing him back to reality, would prove, yes?

**  🚨 🚨 HOWEVER, the “relationship” is still an exploitation: our Cool Boy™️ in this situation, unlike Cool Girl™️, does NOT have to fully sacrifice himself for the attention of the Cool Girl™️ because of the power imbalance of the “relationship”.

The fact that Cool Boy™️ is male (and socially seen as protector, provider etc.)

the fact that Cool Boy™️ is older (again, seen as the provider of both resources and knowledge)

the fact that Cool Boy™️ simply has more experience with “relationships”, human interaction, and emotional manipulation...

All of these facts combine to tip the scales in Cool Boy™️’s favor. Yet still, he maintains the facade of Cool Boy™️ because he DOES want attention in this relationship.

(11) 💣  [THEORY 80]***** 🚨 🚨 He is literally that LOST and EMPTY within himself, that he would need to find fulfillment THROUGH THESE MEANS!!!!

Hey David, why not just put all of this effort, energy, mental fantasy making whatever towards your CAREER, ART, WORK, AND VERY LOYAL FANS? I can’t stand the sh*tty way he treats his fans!! But I gotta hand it to them, they are very loyal, so wake it up Dave!!!

Again: He is damn bored out of his mind, has no creativity, has no desire to give, no desire to contribute, has no bravery to start a real conversation... and most importantly, is probably **VERY LONELY**... I will keep repeating myself

In Part 2: Identity Crisis, I will discuss how he really wants to be regarded as some gritty warrior who has gone through many trials and tribulations in his life, although all the evidence (example: the immature way he handles his problems) proves otherwise.

Future ideas:

Does David actually LIKE being told what to do?

Accomplishment without pride?

Midlife Crisis Activities™ and how they provide the self-delusion of “living your best life”

Thank you again, readers!

[siochan-leat]

Thor: Ragnarok Review

Now that my brain is properly working again, I think I’m able to construct my review of the film. On a whole, my spoiler-free review is that this is probably the best film Marvel has done. And they took some risks with it - a different kind of director (cos, let’s face it, Taika Waititi is about as different as they come), different sets designs and concept, and the atmosphere of the film was lighter and definitely more comedic than an action film typically is. Which was said when “The Avengers” came out - ‘we didn’t expect it to be so funny!!’ Well...this time we’re dealing with the end of a planet and the extinction of a people….it’s tough to make THAT hilarious.

The best way I can review this film properly is to talk about the characters themselves instead of me nattering on.

Oh and tagging @lokiperfection and @quoting-shakespeare-to-ducks cos they might be the only ones who read this, LOL

So, be warned here be spoilers ahead…

Thor: Thank you Taika, for finally giving us the Thor film we’ve been waiting for! He was absolutely brilliant is this film - outrageously humorous from the very first scenes, still chucking around Mjolnir like nobody’s business ( that is, until...well he doesn’t have it anymore), ready to fight anyone or thing that messes with him or his friends, and still VERY MUCH the pig headed hothead he’s always been. But...there was something more endearing about this incarnation of Thor. We can tell he’s…changed. Maybe it was all that running around the cosmos trying to find himself that made the difference? It’s hard to tell. But once his hammer is broken, I think he finally realizes that must rely on something else for once - he must find his other strength(s) and find his true power. Odin quite rightly says to him in his Big Moment of Weakness, “Are you The God of Hammers?” No, Thor is the God of THUNDER, so he has no choice but to find that power and tap into it if he and those who join him have ANY chance of defeating Hela. He also realizes WHEN he needs to ask for help comes into play here too (scene with Heimdall and Odin in particular).

He’s also the Imperfect Hero here - flawed, uncertain, clumsy and yeah, things can be badly timed. Just cos you’re “Asgard’s Golden Boy” doesn’t mean you can’t make mistakes.

And I now want to refer to him from now on as “Sparkles.”

The scenes with The Hulk and his brother, Loki I found especially endearing and wonderful, but more about that later.

Loki: As a devoted Loki Fangirl, I was expecting much of this character and THANK THE GODS, Taika and Tom did NOT let us down. We also finally got the Loki we’ve been waiting for since Tom donned the helmet back in 2011. Here, Loki is at his very best - chaotic, snarky,mischievous, deadpan gut-bustingly funny,  the full-tilt diva, but also the insecure, hurt, wounded soul. I remember as many of you will, Tom speaking about Loki and saying, “The opposite of love isn't hate; it’s indifference.” And that is so so very clear in this film it’s just remarkable. I think the very real possibility that Thor is now indifferent to his brother really REALLY bothers Loki and the scene that PERFECTLY CAPTURES THIS is where Loki projects himself into the dungeon room on Sakaar to plead with his brother….and Thor just sits there, tossing rocks at him, with no expression on his face. Loki finally, after getting no reaction, says “ would you say something? SAY SOMETHING!” And Thor’s response is so perfect!!! ‘You did all this bad shit and you’re gonna keep doing more and more of it,  so…?”

Even more so when Loki betrays Thor for the umpteenth time after “Get Help” and what Loki doesn’t see coming is that Thor knew it was gonna happen. So he has a chat with Loki whilst being on floor with the shock collar thingy, cos maybe that’s the only way he will actually LISTEN,  and says to him (i’m paraphrasing here), “we just keep going around and around like this….when will you get it, that in order to grow you must change?? You are (just) the God of Mischief….but (when?) you could be MORE…”

I have more to say about him in “Scenes I Loved”. Cos he was in a LOT of them. Ehehehe

Odin:  So...the AllFather is in exile and he’s got some big explaining to do. I know every family has secrets they’d rather keep tucked away somewhere, and yeah maybe he was trying to protect his loved ones and the whole of Asgard from the Royal Family’s dirty laundry, but WOW. You didn’t think your people deserved to know that The Goddess of Death was gonna come for everyone once i’m dead,  and oh by the way she’s Thor’s sister and my first born and we kinda destroyed whole civilizations together.

I’m sorry…...WHAT?!?!

Back the Family Tree up here!!!

But Odin knows he fucked up. BIG time. And his sons and Asgard’s people are unfortunately gonna pay the price for it. Unless,  his sons come together (haha) & do something about it and end up saving them. Cos they’re Thor and Loki’s people now to save.

Hela: Ooooooh, yesssss. HELA YES. Bless you Cate Blanchett, for doing this role cos NO ONE could’ve done this better. She was magnificent as only Cate could make her - that narrowing of her eyes, THAT STRUT OF MURDEROUS INTENT, that sly snark to her voice and,  i’m sorry, but if her and Loki are not blood related, I’m calling BULLSHIT.You couldn’t ignore the parallels between Hela and Loki if you TRIED, cos there were just SO MANY of them!!! There’s one scene towards the end of the film where Thor is on the throne and Hela is before him explaining something and the camera goes to a wide shot behind Thor and for a moment, in that wide shot, if i didn't know it was Hela standing there, I could’ve SWORN it was LOKI.

Perhaps that’s why Odin was so hard on Loki for so long? Because he had seen and experienced first hand what powerful greed and destructive ambition actually results in??? That’s my guess anyways.

Heimdall: Really, the TRUE saviour of Asgard. It made me a bit uncomfy to think that Heimdall was and is considered an enemy of the Crown, even after Odin’s exile and Loki’s takeover. But Heimdall is this film had a singular purpose and we knew that he could see Hela coming for Asgard so his sole purpose was to save as many Asgardians as he could and stash them up in the mountains (Mines of Moria, anyone? *snickers*) until he could make for the Bifrost to get them off the planet. Idris Elba, as always, was superior.

The Grandmaster: In my humble opinion, Jeff Goldblum’s greatest role and performance since Jurassic Park. He was the Jeff Goldblum-iest Jeff Goldblum EVER.

The Hulk: I thought, like most of us, that Mark Ruffalo was the best thing to ever happen to Bruce Banner/Hulk and i still DO, even more so now because of this movie. Hulk here is a different Hulk; he’s still a hothead and very temper driven, but he’s revered on Sakkar as a Gladiatorial Champion and he really seems to love the attention and all the “winning”. I’m glad he has more lines in this movie and we get to see a bit more of his personality, and not just Banner’s. I really like his man-child way of speaking, it really gives him a very likable “gentle giant” quality, well...gentle when he WANTS to be. When he said “Please?” I think i felt my heart turn to goo.

Valkyrie: UHH YAAAAAS QUEEN!!! I love love love LOVED this character OMGGG. There’s not much to not like about her ( well….maybe the whole “traitor to Asgard” that Thor accuses her of being…?) She gives absolutely ZEROS FUCKS, she drinks like a fish, kicks fucking ass and takes names, also has a Strut of Murderous Intent, and looks FLAWLESS. I think she and the Ravagers would get along VERY WELL. But, once Loki gets into her head and Thor kinda tells her not to run from her problems anymore, I like that she does a bit of an “about-face” and realizes that Asgard…..is still home for her and is in real trouble, no matter how much she tries to deny or forget her past. But she will help and join in on  her terms.

And um, the whole ship jumping scene?!?!?! ASDFGHJKLKL!!!

Korg: Easily my fave new character of the MCU (sorry Groot). Every single scene he was in had me busting a gut laughing and he’s just so….CUTE!!! And, can we also appreciate that the director of this film was able to be an integral character in it too?!? Like….how often does that happen?? Almost never!

And thank you, Taika for making me fall in love with an animate pile of rocks. I haven’t been so smitten since Rockbiter and Rockbiter Jr. in the Neverending Story Films.

Skurge: I really liked Karl Urban in this role, but the character itself was kind blah for me. He agrees to be Hela’s executioner so he can “ have a chance to prove myself”, but every time Hela does something, he has second thoughts. In every scene he has a double take of “should i really be doing this??” It kinda felt after a while like, did he not get she’s the Goddess of Death? What did he think she was gonna do? Kill people with candy floss? It’s like it took him the entire movie to get up enough courage to back out of the deal and go against Hela, which he’s promptly killed for.

Surtur: I didn’t know anything about this character going into the film, so all I can say was that he seemed to be a bit of an egomaniac fire demon at the start of the film (all that monologuing…..yeeesh!) but once he was reborn and grew big and scary, I was more convinced and freaked out. Him shoving his flaming sword into the heart of Asgard and making in go BOOM was very VERY COOL.

Scenes / Things I Loved

- The Tragedy of Loki whole play scene. Great cameos by Liam Hemsworth, Matt Damon and Sam Neill. And Loki turning and saying to Skurge, “ you had ONE. JOB.” LMAO

- Thor and Loki in Midgard. THE BLACK SUIT OF SEX.

- The whole Dr. Strange scene.

- Thor and Loki seeing Odin for the last time (not counting Thor’s visions) in Norway. I think this scene was more...emotional for Loki than Thor cos I don’t think Loki knew how Odin was going to react to him being there. But once Odin turns to him and tells him “...took me quite a while to break free from your spell...Frigga would’ve been proud…” , I think all was forgiven in that moment. And to solidify this, Odin says that he loves “his sons”, and that he’s failed them both. I spent most of this scene focusing on Loki’s face and it was hard to watch Tom’s face as Odin’s spirit  “left”. It was just….heartbreaking.

- Thor in the wheelchair in the tunnel before meeting the Grandmaster. The “Willy Wonka” music made me laugh SO HARD!

- The Grandmaster.

- Thor finding Loki alive and Loki’s reaction to Thor being alive. And oh god that whole “Shhhhhh! SHHH!” thing Tom did??? ASDFGJLAKSDASJHHASFKJAHS

- The dungeon scene between Loki’s projection and Thor

- STAN LEE’S CAMEO. THE BEST EVER.

- Korg. All of Korg, all the frickin TIME.

- Thor finding/unleashing his Thunder & Lightning powers while Hulk is beating him up. The flashes to Odin were an awesome touch

- Thor Shirtless for almost 2 minutes. HHHNNNNGG. Another Very Important Plot Point. And thank youuuuu Taika for circling the camera around and around DAT BOD. O_O

- Pretty much all the stuff with Thor and Hulk in Hulk’s apartment. Especially the sit-down chat on the bed where Hulk gets Haiku poetic.

- Thor asking Heimdall to help him to “See”.

- FENRIR.

- Loki and Valkyrie’s scene. I love that she calls him “Lucky” *snicker snicker*

The elevator scene and “get help”

- Valkyrie and Thor jumping on and off various ships in MID AIR. O_O

- The scene with Thor and Odin in Thor’s Moment of Weakness.

- Thor kicking ass on the Bifrost at his full power. AWW YEAAAAH!!

- Loki’s arrival back in Asgard. And the helmet flip. And him fighting. And….and….ALL OF IT.

- “We’re gonna need a ship with cupholders, cos we’re gonna die,  so DRINKS!!!”

- “Darling...you have no idea what’s possible”

- “It varies from moment to moment.” ( not so much the line but HOW he SAID IT! GUHHH!!!)

- “It's a bold move, brother. Even for me”.

- The final scene between Hela and Surtur. 3D was MADE for that scene alone.

Things I Didn’t Love

- Thor immediately blaming Loki for Odin’s death. I think it was unfair of him to jump to that conclusion. Yes, he was in exile, yes Loki may have put him there, but how was Loki to know that Odin was coming to the end of his life? Maybe Odin didn’t want his sons to know that he was dying so he covered it up much like he did everything else.

- The way Hulk turned back into Banner. I found it very hard to buy Bruce and Natasha’s love story in Ultron, and we have to deal with it yet again in this film. I found it equally hard to swallow that Banner was trapped in Hulk for 2 YEARS and the moment he sees and hears Natasha, that THAT is what changes him back??!?!? I don’t buy it.

- The Loki shock collar scene. I can understand why Thor did it, but i think there must've been a better way to reason with his brother, even if he attempted to betray him yet again. I don’t agree that Thor simply left Loki there to suffer for hours and hours. If you recall every other time Thor was shocked with the collar it DID shut off after a while. We have no real way of knowing how long he was on the floor before he was found by Korg and his crew.

- How mangey Fenrir looked. I know, i know, he’s been dead for a while, i just thought when he was reborn, he’d look a little less dead.

- Some of Hela’s monologuing. And most of Surtur’s.

Things I have theories about. Or the Internet does

- How Loki made it onto the ship that made it out of Asgard. He goes from releasing Surtur on Asgard in Asgard’s basement to being on the ship….but we never see him actually board the ship. My theory is that he was either able to project himself onto the ship once it began to leave and his real form followed soon afterwards OR the Loki we saw in Asgard’s basement WAS the projection and his magic was strong enough to release Surtur from afar.

- Whose ship was that that appeared in the extra end scene? Internet theories seem to think it’s Thanos’ ship, which makes sense since Loki did kinda cheat him out of the Tesseract. But if that’s what Thanos is after and Asgard is no longer…..perhaps Loki was able to take it with him before releasing Surtur?

If you made it ALL THE WAY DOWN HERE.....YAAAAAY YOU GET A COOKIE AND A HUG!!!

[pebblevote]

Watchalong: Soul Hunter

Kendra:

I'm going to watch ... SOUL HUNTER

NO...don't fire your REAR ENGINES to slow down

Ooh sexy Obama doctor

Complete with eyebrow waggle

Discoooooo jump out of hyperspace

Out of controoooool

I just noticed the giant preying mantis in the intro for the first time?

Tony:

who is clearly receiving an american express card

PRODUCT PLACEMENT

Kendra:

Data crystalsssss

Ooh commander has such a sexy voice for "first contact...I waaant it"

No no no don't move your ship that wayyyyy

Tony:

I am human. we are humans. welcome...to our station

*suggestive eyebrows*

*flounce*

Kendra:

Ooh he GRAPPLED that ship successfully

Why are the floors flat? Isn't the ship rotating to create artificial gravity? So ... round?

Tony:

it’s simply the illusion of flatness. the station is actually about 800,000 miles in diameter

Kendra:

"Shock-dot? Shock-dot?"

Yikes

That is a crushingly fast spin

Tony:

get ready for some intense overacting

they really needed some time to work things out in the beginning

Kendra:

Yeah the bald headgear woman is giving me whiplash

Tony:

Delenn. who I promise becomes less excruciating

unlike, say, Garibaldi

Kendra:

I'm only here for her popcorn frustration. Tell me she "eats" popcorn again

Tony:

I can’t swear to it

but she does eat other things?

ONSCREEN EVEN

and they are important things

and also maybe her enemies

Kendra:

Oh dear god

Does she pick them apart with her fingernails over cocktails with Garralousaldi?

Tony:

she’s too classy for that

not for cocktails

but for Garriscarii

Kendra:

The doctor. is he extra shiny for a reason?

Tony:

he just is

he is a statement of being

Kendra:

She was watching Donald Duck with him...why not drinks?

Tony:

wonderful being

Kendra:

Kniiiiife

Whoa that murderer has great hair

Creepy old man is creepy

Tony:

easy breezy beautiful I killed a girl

Kendra:

Quoting creepy things

Why does his head have mud flaps

"We are not thieves! We are parodies of holy men and shaman stereotypes!"

Oh I know what bothers me about him

He reads like an MFA student at a poetry reading

Particularly sex poems and nature profundities

Tony:

YES

he does

so much ardor. so much passion. such soul. it’s like william shatner.

Kendra:

William Shatner with mud flaps over his ears

Tony:

william ‘mudkip’ shatner

Kendra:

Flatter

*Flatner

Tony:

for some reason I think his nickname should be giggles

Kendra:

That's okay. Mine is goggles.

Tony:

both excellent choices for mr. I-have-bluetooth-in-my-forehead

Kendra:

I'm really disappointed it doesn't light up

Seems such a shame to leave a Logan's Run reference unturned

Tony:

it could also have made a fun sound

which they could’ve incorporated in his action figure if they made one

Kendra:

Nyyyyooom nyoooom

Tony:

missed opportunity, that

Kendra:

Why didn't they?

Tony:

oh, they made action figures

I have several

just none with sound

Kendra:

Bruce Boxleitner is supposed to show up eventually, right?

Ughhh

Tony:

oh yes oh yes. second season.

Kendra:

Good

He adorned "Tron Legacy" like a king

Tony:

and so shall he here

Kendra:

THE MUSIC

WHY

Tony:

to you remind you it’s there

Kendra:

oh no there is an orb

A floating orb

Oh god oh god

Tony:

HEY IN CASE YOU FORGOT I am the music which is made from someone beating up a synthesizer in a back alley

Kendra:

I just realized it looks like labia

The thing on his head

Tony:

he seems to be labiaoring under the delusion that it doesn’t

Kendra:

Ughhhhhh

Oh no a preying mantis with humanoid arms is leading the sexface holy man??

Tony:

a muppety praying mantis, thankyouverymuch

#makealiensmuppetsagain

Kendra:

Make coming around a corner dramatic again

Tony:

oh they’ll definitely do that

and then some

and the music will be there to remind you

Kendra:

MUDFLAPS TWO

Tony:

one does not simply walk around corners

Kendra:

one *poses* around corners

Why is GarshopsAldi not commander? He has a point about the commander being so heroic. The commander does like 90% of the protection of the ship

Station

Thing

Tony:

he really does. as much as Garybaldy is not my favorite character, he does get the best opportunities to show common sense and be logical. sometimes.

“well, Garibaldi kind of has a point”

that’s the show in a nutshell

Kendra:

*delivers monologue over unconscious body while staring off into the middle distance*

This guy is hardcore for a poetry major

MOOOOSIC

Tony:

because he just kinda straight up tortures Delenn here and idk no one really talks about it?

Kendra:

why don't they swap places? It would be more efficient

Tony:

I read that as “why don’t they swan places?"

and I thought OH BUT THEY DO

Kendra:

And it would ensure we never have to see gallaboldi eat, ever again

Tony:

eh I could get into it

Kendra:

What is he distilling

Her blood?

Tony:

he’s bleeding her like a pomegranate?

Kendra:

Soul juice doesn't feel right

Pomegranate doesn't bleed

Unless...crushed

Oh no he has a ... GUN

ARE THOSE ...

laser pointers?

Why is the commander alone???

Tony:

he’s going to remind you what points you need to remember for the exam

TO

DEATH

Kendra:

He has a phone!! Thing!!!

Just ask for directions already

Bloody useless men

Tony:

yup, that’s pretty much the show too

Kendra:

Murder babies are orbing

Tony:

murder babies gon fucking fuck you up, head labia man

Kendra:

Nooooo

Noooooo

His belly is glowing

Tony:

head labia man could also refer to the gynecologist in charge

Kendra:

Aw

Captain soft eyebrows the Dellem

It WAS blood

Tony:

he literally took like a whole leg’s worth of blood out of her

but she’s gonna fucking walk it off

Kendra:

Mmmm he really needs not to smile coyly

Tony:

because she is a BEAST

Kendra:

"I knew you would come"

Sexy eyes

She has killer eyeliner for a walking helmet

"Keyword search" no no nineties STAY DEAD

Tony:

one wears one’s best eyeliner when one is going to be bled to death and then eaten as a murder baby orb by a cosmic vacuum

Kendra:

"There's always time ..."

UNLESS YOU AIRED ON FOX

Was the second soul hunter even required, at all?

Tony:

nope

in my mind he was named steve

and he led a mediocre life

Kendra:

Cosmic baby bubble wrap

Those were empty Christmas tree ornaments weren't they

CUT TO BLACK

Tony:

probably. wouldn’t surprise me.

the whole episode can be distilled to one line

Delenn is on the Gray Council

DONE

Kendra:

Cool. Can't wait for episode 3. Since it's called "Born to the Purple" I'm going to take it that everyone is wearing togas. The whole episode. Just that, togas.

Tony:

you’re in for a pleasant surprise or a disappointment