#Queer Essays

[your-bigender-big-brother]

Xenity and Gender in the Abstract

(An essay under the cut.)

Can you imagine a gender experience that is not feminine, masculine, neutral, epicene, outherine, or even genderless? What if, instead of any of those categories, you used far more unconventional ways to explain your gender? The concept of atrinary identities was explained in a previous essay, but I also briefly mentioned the experience of being xenine - that is, any gender quality outside of the human scope of genderedness. Instead of using human concepts to explain gender, xenity exists in the realm of the abstract and the other. Xenine identities may also be called  xenic.

Xenity can be experienced in a number of ways - through concepts based on emotions, colors, textures, plants, animals, media, sensations, and so much more. Some xenine identities might feel like a cool early morning while some might be related to a specific character from a TV show or movie. Others might be more like the deep dark ocean. And others might be best described as something eldritch and unknowable. Like any other gender experience, it really depends on the individual who uses the label. Genders that are inherently xenine are typically called xenogenders.

While these experiences don’t use human categorizations of gender, they do not inherently indicate a nonhuman experience such as otherkinity or therianthropy either. However, that may actually be the experience for some members of those communities. If someone is more animalistic, they may view their own gender as something an animal might experience - or, at least, an animal in a human’s body. It gets even more complex when that person isn’t human or animal, or even anything of this world. If they’re some sort of mythical creature, a spirit, an alien, or even the embodiment of an abstract concept, their xenine experience might be more suited to that form of nonhumanity.

Other folks - not otherkin or therian - may feel a connection to music or other forms of media, which means their xenic experience will reflect that. Xenogenders based on specific songs or albums, on video game characters, on physical pieces of technology, or even the nostalgic feeling of interacting with these types of media exist to fit this type of gendered experience.

Another way someone may experience xenity is through -coric identities, which are based on specific core aesthetics. Goblincore, cottagecore, horrorcore, and fairycore can all be xenogenders - goblincoric, cottagecoric, horrorcoric, and fairycoric respectively. While an aesthetic-based identity sounds like it may play into one’s gender expression more than anything, these are actually more often literal genders. Xenogenders may also be based on other types of aesthetics, anywhere from lolita to gothic to pastel to neon. Aesthetics can be just as flexible as genders.

Xenity doesn't just have to relate to xenogenders. Since it's a gender quality, it can be applied to any other existing gender or lack thereof. You can be a xenic man, a xeno-aligned agender person, or someone who is demixenogender with a connection to other genders. Your presentation or expression can also be xenic. What does that look like? Like any other type of gender expression, it is variable and individualistic - it depends on how that person chooses to express themselves! There are no rules for gender expression or how a gender quality might affect our gendered experiences.

Gender is incredibly personal and since we experience the world through a vast and varied number of sensory inputs, it makes sense that those inputs might intersect with our gender identity. Our sense of self, after all, is often shaped by the many ways we experience the world. The way something looks, feels, sounds, or is experienced through memories can all influence our genders in some way. This might very well be one of the most diverse and flexible gender concepts that exist!

[thekingofcrochet]

Just shy of 30 I drew my own nude portrait…

I'm not new to nude figure drawing. I went to art school after all. And figure drawing courses are the least sexiest thing about art school.

Sometimes the model is moving through poses quickly so you never get to see one area for too long. Sometimes they sit for multiple sessions in the same pose and by the time it's over you may have developed a tense relationship with the back of someone's left knee.

If you fall in love, you've done it wrong. Plain and simple. It's a school child's definition of love - persistence and obsession, a single two-sided coin

But when was the last time you saw yourself as other's see you. I don't mean in a philosophical sense. When your friends take pictures of you, are you happy? or disgruntled? or sad? or bored?

What about when you see those photos? Do you hate what you see?

So far, most of my self portaits have just been that - portrait shots. From the shoulders up, I got really good at drawing my eyes, nose, mouth, ears. I've figured out how to draw glasses and how to get the eyes to look almost the same. At least twice a year I would draw myself. Usually for a class. And then I'd just start doing it because it seemed like a fun thing to do. And what better reference than one's own body.

I was never good at drawing the rest of me - body dysmorphia and body dysphoria created a me that was never me. Mirrors were my enemy. Or a window to a me who didn't exist. Or the me who existed while I was trapped in the mirror.

But then I started getting naked. I put myself on display. For people to look at and think their thoughts. I lavished in the praise and ignored the hatred. What did they know about me? About my body? The eating disorders? The hormone problems? Walking through life tits first, personality second? Who cares what they think. I certainly don't.

So why did I hate my body? Who is making me hate my body?

I chose to remove my facial features and instead draw some flowers. Because if I'm anything, than it's a hypocrite. A beautiful, sexy hypocrite.

If you’ve made it this far, then you should know that I had originally posted this reflection on ko-fi many months ago. But my page has been suspended because I included “censored nudity” which is against the guidelines. They don’t care that I made this work for non-sexual reasons.

So now that’s one less revenue stream for me and my art.

You can support me at any other link while i try to figure out either how to get my page back or if I should switch to Patreon or something

[pigeonflavouredcake]

Happy Pride Month

here's a look at my current queer bookshelf🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

It's super small atm but it's slowly growing, most of them are either transition related or wlw related. Here's a list of all the books and their Goodreads links from top to bottom.

Gideon The Ninth - Tamsyn Muir. Lesbian necromancers explore a haunted gothic palace in space. I am kind of obsessed. I currently only have an e-book version but I liked it so much I'm looking to continue the series as physical books (I'm holding out hope for the books as a birthday present). Also butch rep. I am rabid for butch rep.

One Last Stop - Casey McQuinston. On my TBR pile. A romance that starts on a NYC subway but the love interest is trapped in the past.

The Girls are Never Gone - Sarah Glenn Marsh. On my TBR pile. Girl runs a paranormal investigation podcast and starts investigating a mysterious death from 30 years ago. The most recent book I bought that I'm looking forward to reading when I finish Children of Time.

The Lost Girls - Sonia Hartl. Holly gets revenge on her vampire ex by killing him and stealing his new girlfriend. I read this last year and I don't normally enjoy vampires but this book took me by surprise, lots of funny jokes about immortality and some empathetic discussions about emotional neglect and grooming that did make me cry a little.

Growing Older as a Trans and/or Nonbinary Person - Jennie Kermode. On My TBR pile. Insight and advice on being trans later in life in the UK. Reviewers have mentioned that it's mostly specific to the transfeminine experience but I still thought this book might be nice to look at.

Spectrums - Maxfield Sparrow. A collection of personal anecdotes from autistic trans people. Some bits are poetry some are more essay based, it was very heart-warming and affirming.

It Came From The Closet - Joe Vallese. On my TBR pile. A collection of essays on queer representation in the horror genre.

[januscorner]

Just realized I can post this. Please watch the ones about social issues omg

[book0ftheday]

It Came From the Closet: Queer Reflections on Horror edited by Joe Vallese, illustrated by Bishakh Som, cover design by Bràulio Amado, published 2022.

[setaflow]

Gay pride happens in June and gay wrath happens whenever hbomberguy drops a 3+ hour video essay about a specific topic

[renthony]

In Defense of Shitty Queer Art

Queer art has a long history of being censored and sidelined. In 1895, Oscar Wilde’s novel The Picture of Dorian Gray was used as evidence in the author’s sodomy trials. From the 1930s to the 1960s, the American Hays Code prohibited depictions of queerness in film, defining it as “sex perversion.” In 2020, the book Steven Universe: End of an Era by Chris McDonnell confirmed that Rebecca Sugar’s insistence on including a sapphic wedding in the show is what triggered its cancellation by Cartoon Network. According to the American Library Association, of the top ten most challenged books in 2023, seven were targeted for their queer content. Across time, place, and medium, queer art has been ruthlessly targeted by censors and protesters, and at times it seems there might be no end in sight.

So why, then, are queer spaces so viciously critical of queer art?

Name any piece of moderately-well-known queer media, and you can find immense, vitriolic discourse surrounding it. Audiences debate whether queer media is good representation, bad representation, or whether it’s otherwise too problematic to engage with. Artists are picked apart under a microscope to make sure their morals are pure enough and their identities queer enough. Every minor fault—real or perceived—is compiled in discourse dossiers and spread around online. Lines are drawn, and callout posts are made against those who get too close to “problematic art.”

Modern examples abound, such as the TV show Steven Universe, the video game Dream Daddy, or the webcomic Boyfriends, but it’s far from a new phenomenon. In his book Hi Honey, I’m Homo!, queer pop culture analyst Matt Baume writes about an example from the 1970s, where the ABC sitcom titled Soap was protested by homophobes and queer audiences alike—before a single episode of the show ever aired. Audiences didn’t wait to actually watch the show before passing judgment and writing protest letters.

After so many years starved for positive representation, it’s understandable for queer audiences to crave depictions where we’re treated well. It’s exhausting to only ever see the same tired gay tropes and subtext, and queer audiences deserve more. Yet the way to more, better, varied representation is not to insist on perfection. The pursuit of perfection is poison in art, and it’s no different when that art happens to be queer.

When the pool of queer art is so limited, it feels horrible when a piece of queer art doesn’t live up to expectations. Even if the representation is technically good, it’s disappointing to get excited for a queer story only for that story to underwhelm and frustrate you.

But the world needs that disappointing art. It needs mediocre art. It even needs the bad art. The world needs to reach a point where queer artists can fearlessly make a mess, because if queer artists can only strive for perfection, the less art they can make. They may eventually produce a masterpiece, but a single masterpiece is still a drop in the bucket compared to the oceans of censorship. The only way to drown out bigotry and offensive stereotypes created by bigots is to allow queer artists the ability to experiment, learn through making mistakes, and represent their queer truth even if it clashes with someone else’s.

If queer artists aren’t allowed to make garbage, we can never make those masterpieces everyone craves. If queer artists are terrified at all times that their art will be targeted both by bigots and their own queer communities, queer art cannot thrive.

Let queer artists make shitty art. Let allies to queer people try their hand at representation, even if they miss the mark. Let queer art be messy, and let the artists screw up without fear of overblown retribution.

It’s the only way we’ll ever get more queer art.

_

Like this essay? Tip me on Ko-Fi, pledge to my Patreon, or commission an essay on the topic of your choice!

[them-faetale]

The good news about Hbomberguy's plagiarism video for everyone who used to like James Somerton (I recently discovered him and hadn't got to any of the misogynistic shit yet), is that the queer analysis we liked is still out there - just not written by the thieving little shite. Great place to start is the playlist Harry created of plagarised or otherwise hardworking (but underrated) creators:

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLRGz5EMig3r2ZDgeGzwUlSz-PzF-L1Xu1&si=KqFfYA1NntIA3JG_

Also, as he's gonna send the profits to the writers James yoinked (without the twist) from, if you wanna help financially, you could always just... Put the video on in the background on repeat...

Tangentially, I met Harry a few years back at WorldCon in Dublin, and thanked him for his videos. He gave me a hug. The guy is just as sweet and lovely, and delightfully wild-eyed*, in real life.

*Seriously, the magnificent bastard has beautiful eyes.

[steddieas-shegoes]

When Eddie comes out to him, Steve makes a big mistake. His first reaction was to thank him for trusting him, which is what Robin told him to do in this situation.

But his second reaction was to say “I also like guys.”

Eddie blinked at him, clearly confused and defensive, like maybe Steve was making fun or not taking him seriously.

“Uh. You do?”

“Yeah man! I mean, no one else knows, but yeah.”

Eddie smiled and thanked him for trusting him with it, said they should hang out more, and recommended a queer bar in Indy if he needed a safe place to explore.

And Steve smiled and nodded like he couldn’t agree more.

As soon as Eddie was gone, he rushed to the phone in his kitchen and called Robin.

She called him an idiot, a dingus, a bisexual disaster —whatever that was—, and told him he absolutely wasn’t allowed to go to a queer bar without her.

She did at least agree to keep up the lie until he could find a way out of it without Eddie thinking he lied to hurt him or something.

But he started hanging out a lot more with Eddie and finding that they had more in common than he originally thought.

Eddie took Robin and Steve to the queer club and Steve…felt at home, felt welcomed, felt like he belonged. Robin kept giving him these looks all night, and Eddie kept dragging him to meet people who he cared about, and one of the guys on the dance floor kept pulling him out there to dance with him.

He felt free and alive and-

Queer.

It hit him as the guy, Paul maybe, was pulling him closer by his waist as his hips rocked to the beat of a song he didn’t recognize but felt like something he wanted on a mixtape. It hit him that he liked this because he liked dancing with Paul like this. He liked this because he saw himself visiting more, even without Eddie and Robin. He liked this because he could picture making out with Eddie in the bathroom.

He froze.

“You okay, sweet thing?” Paul asked him.

“I think I’m in love with my friend.”

Paul’s eyes widened momentarily before patting Steve’s hip. “Is he gay, honey?”

“Huh?” Steve was already trying to find Eddie in the crowd. “Oh, yeah. He’s here tonight.”

“Shouldn’t you be dancin’ with him then?”

Steve finally looked back at Paul, who had his hands on his own hips now, teasing smile on his face.

“Yeah. I should,” Steve thanked him, apologized for any misleading, which was immediately brushed off. Paul was here to dance, he didn’t much care for who he was dancing with.

“Send that beauty over here. She looks like she needs some lessons,” Paul pointed to Robin, who was still looking a little nervous despite the friendly bartender handing her sodas every time he passed by her.

“She’s gay, man.”

“So am I! Doesn’t mean we can’t dance!”

Steve laughed. “You’re right.”

He walked over to Robin quickly, avoided getting pulled back into the crowd.

“I’m in love with Eddie.”

Robin rolled her eyes. “I know, dingus. You literally risked your entire reputation to come to a queer bar to try to impress him.”

Steve balked. “That’s not what this was!”

“Uh huh. Well he’s sulking in the bathroom if you wanna go tell him.”

“Sulking? Why?”

“He saw you dancing with that guy. Think he assumed you were interested in him.”

“Not a chance. I prefer long hair and ripped jeans,” Steve winked. He turned to walk towards the hall with the bathrooms when Robin stopped him.

“Don’t do this if you’re not 100% sure,” she said seriously. “Eddie really likes you and it would destroy him if you were lying to make him feel better.”

“I wouldn’t do that,” Steve started, but stopped when Robin gave him a look.

“You’ve literally been pretending to be queer for the last two months because he came out to you and you accidentally came out to him. You’re lucky it wasn’t a complete lie.”

“Yeah but I wouldn’t fuck with his feelings like that.” Steve knew what it was like to be led on. He wouldn’t do that to Eddie. “I’ll be careful with him.”

“And be careful with you.”

He saluted her as he walked away.

When he found Eddie sitting on the counter at the sink in the bathroom, he was swinging his legs back and forth and humming something distinctly less pop than what was playing on the dance floor. No one else was in here, but that didn’t mean no one would walk in.

He walked over to Eddie and placed a hand on his knee.

Eddie immediately stopped kicking his feet and looked up.

“What’s with the face?” Steve asked, reaching up to touch the line between his brows that always appeared when he was pouting.

Eddie shrugged. “Just not feeling it tonight I guess.”

“The music isn’t really your thing. Kinda surprised you like this place,” Steve said as his hand drifted down to his wrist. “Seems closer to a small club than a bar.”

“You seemed to be enjoying yourself.”

Eddie’s tone was sharp, laced with jealousy. Even if Steve hadn’t had his realization five minutes earlier, he would’ve seen what that was from a mile away.

“I was until I realized I’d rather be out there with you.”

Eddie snorted. “I don’t really dance.”

“But you’d dance with me if I asked, right?” Steve’s fingers circled his wrist and he tugged Eddie off the counter. “Even if I asked you to do it right here with no music?”

“Steve, what are you doing?”

“Dancing. Or trying to.” Steve rested his hands on Eddie’s hips and started swaying them in sync with his. “It is hard without music.”

“Why don’t you go back out there?” Eddie’s hands went around Steve’s neck.

“Because you’re not out there. I don’t wanna be where you aren’t.”

“Steve-“

“You know I didn’t actually know I liked guys until tonight?” Steve huffed out a laugh. “Well, I really like this one guy. Not sure about others yet.”

Eddie was silent, but didn’t push Steve away.

“He was hiding in this bathroom though. I didn’t really think he’d join me out there, so I brought the dancing to him,” Steve winked.

“You like me? You? Like me?”

Steve nodded.

“And you just realized this?”

“Kinda.”

“In a queer bar?”

“Mhm.”

“That’s pretty gay, dude.”

Steve snorted and smacked Eddie’s chest. “That’s the point.”

Eddie moved in impossibly closer, no room for Jesus between their chests anymore. “So you lied when you came out to me?”

“I panicked! But it doesn’t actually count as a lie if I’ve seen the light.”

“Was it a rainbow light? Or the reflection of the disco ball in the glitter shorts Perry was wearing?” Eddie joked.

“Perry!” Steve smacked his own forehead. “He’s nice. Made me come tell you how I feel.”

“Oh. He did?” Eddie seemed shy for maybe the first time ever.

“Yeah. Said I should come dance with you if I’m in love with you.”

Steve hadn’t felt like this in a while, and hadn’t left his heart on his sleeve like this in even longer. As Eddie’s face went from shy to shocked to flustered, Steve thought about how long he’d been dancing around these feelings.

But no more dancing around them. Now it was time to dance with them.

“Can’t believe you just said you’re in love with me in the bathroom of a queer bar. Don’t even think they clean this place,” Eddie laughed, letting his forehead fall against Steve’s.

“I’ll tell you again outside.” Steve kissed his cheek. “And in the van.” His nose. “Your house, my house.” The corner of his mouth. “Everywhere.”

Eddie licked his lip, skipping over a soft kiss for a hungry one. It was hot, desperate, impatient. Everything Steve hadn’t known he needed.

Then again, he hadn’t even actually known he liked guys until tonight. Maybe he was just late to learn things about himself.

[raavenb2619]

I’m not sure when exactly this happened, but I think it’s clear that the aro community really is a community, now.

For the longest time I’ve felt like we were still in stasis, not quite there; a proto-community, yes, but not quite a community. But we have more history now to lean back on, more of each other to talk to and laugh with and cry with and learn from. More people that’ll go forward and make a part of modern aro history. More people that believe us, believe in us, will stand with us if we ask them.

I wouldn’t consider myself an aro elder yet, though each year I’m surprised at how long aromanticism has been a part of my life, how long I’ve been free of doubt or insecurity about my aromanticism, how far we’ve come since I was questioning. Then again, when I was questioning, some of the people I looked up to for guidance were probably close to the age I am now, so I might be there sooner than I think.

And, I’m so so hopeful for all aros, young or old, new or not, because we’ve come so far. Day by day, progress is slow (and yes, it’s unfair, it should be so much faster), but looking back it feels fast. We are our own role models, the people we look up to for guidance. We carve our own path through life, making things up as we go. I used to find that terrifying, because I had no idea what the future would bring. But it’s actually amazing, because I can ignore all these silly “rules” and guidelines about what my life should be, and instead ask, “what do I want my life to be?”

Younger me, you have no idea how awesome your future is gonna be. I’m sorry about the pain and hardship you’ll go through first; it won’t be fair and you shouldn’t have to deal with it. But you’ll make it through, and one day you’ll be me. I can’t wait for you to get here.

[your-bigender-big-brother]

What is Gender Neutrality?

(An essay under the cut.)

If you were to look up “gender neutral” on most gender wiki sites, you’ll come across a definition that’s something like “Gender neutrality is the experience of having a gender that is neutral, not male or female.” Then, the word “neutral” might link you to a list of neutral-related identity labels. Pages like these don’t seem to have a super thorough answer, but they have a lot of words for this experience - niaspec, ningender, neutrois, neutral-aligned, etc. Not being male or female could mean any number of things, and not all identities that are not-male and not-female are neutral. So, what does gender neutrality actually refer to?

Neutrality, in the gender sense, can refer to an experience of in-between or blended gender. One term you might be familiar with is androgyne, a gender that combines maleness and femaleness into one identity. While this means having a combination or blend of genders, some people may consider being an androgyne as being in between male and female - a point in between two other points. This is what neutrality most commonly refers to, but it doesn’t just have to be in between male and female. If you are genderfluid, but that fluidity is between agender and maverique, then you may consider neutrality as being between those two points instead. It doesn’t have to be an exact dead-center point in between two genders, but that tends to be the way people describe it.

Neutrality may also refer to a “gray area” of gender. Take the term demigender for example. If you are a demiboy or a demigirl, then you are partially a boy or partially a girl respectively. What about that other part? If you are part one thing, then there may be another part to make it 100% an entire identity. The gray area, the neutrality, lies in that other part (at least for some people such as myself. Some people in contrast may see this other part as agender instead.) This idea of a gray area can also work for identities such as genderflux. If you experience peaks (spikes) of gender, then neutrality could be the valleys in between - this would be an unmoving part to an otherwise ever-changing gender.

On the topic of gray areas, being “on the cusp” of a gender can be considered a gray area. Proximal genders come to mind, which describe an experience of being close to a specific gender (proxvir is close to maleness, juxera is close to femaleness) but existing as its own separate gender. Maybe your gender is almost agender, but is on its own plane of existence that makes it not-agender. Paragender is a similar term that means being 99% a certain gender but something about the identity keeps it from being 100%. That’s where this gray area may come into play, attempting to “neutralize” the remainder of the identity. This gender has a partial neutrality to it.

Yes, neutrality can actually be a neutralizing aspect of one’s identity. Take the term ambonec for example. Ambonec means being both male and female, but also neither at the same time. The “neither” part is where maleness and femaleness may overlap and neutralize as a result. They cancel each other out, making for a complex identity that is three parts at once and yet not. Other identities that may have overlapping parts would be something like bigender or trigender, where there are two or more genders at play but they overlap in some areas. The neutrality is in the overlap.

Remember the terms I talked about in the beginning of this post? Niaspec is a term for the neutrally gendered spectrum, which can mean any number of neutral or neutral-adjacent experiences. One term that comes to mind is aporagender, a gender that is not male or female but is also not genderless. Under niaspec, you’ll see the term ningender, a word for any gender that is “neutral-in-nature” - any gender that is inherently neutral by definition. One of those genders is neutrois, an umbrella term for genders that are neutral, androgynous, genderless, and more. This is why some people may consider their agender identity as part of the niaspec umbrella, being proximal to a neutral experience.

Gender neutrality could also literally mean being neutral about the idea of gender. Someone may decide that they are indifferent to gender and therefore don’t have any sort of preference for pronouns or gendered language. Cassgender is a term for being gender indifferent, but many people who feel indifferent to gender might not choose to use that label. A lot of the time it’s a take-it-or-leave it sort of attitude toward gender - any pronouns at all, call me a boy, call me a girl, call me an entity, I’m going to wear whatever I feel like without leaning one way or another into any one gender presentation. Genderpunks and gender nonconforming people understand these views most of all, but you may also see this sentiment in the agender and multigender communities.

Other generally neutral experiences might refer to having an ambiguous gender (androgynous or ambiguine), having an unknown gender (uingender, graygender, quoigender), being pangender or having an unquantifiable number of genders (omnigender), or any other experience that doesn’t fall into any one specific category. Neutrality can be a word to mean flexible, nebulous, blurry, intangible, impartial, complex, or even nonexistent. One follower described its experience with neutrality as the feeling of an impending storm: It’s not actually raining, but it’s about to, and you can tell by the change of lighting. That goes back to the ideas of being “on the cusp” of a gender and being in-between genders.  People will have a variety of reasons for using this term to describe their gender experience, so there isn’t just one solid definition for it!

[direquail]

the thing that people are missing about TLT—what makes it so good and so extremely affirmingly gay—is that it is layered through and through with queer desire of all kinds: Sick desire, wrong desire, desire that will never be voiced let alone fulfilled, desire that CANNOT be spoken of, desires that shouldn’t be fulfilled or run counter to social mores of the setting in ways that are alien to the reader’s own. It is So. Horny. People are horny for corpses. They’re fucking using other peoples’ bodies (without consent). They’re subtextually fucking their siblings. The core homoerotic relationship is a necro/cav relationship, which in the book’s setting, romantic or sexual necro/cav relationships are considered repulsive.

And it will never be fulfilled or consummated in the sense that most people imagine them. Nobody is getting what they want. Girls are kissing girls who are in love with someone else’s corpse. Girls are lobotomizing themselves to save other girls’ souls. Girls are spearing their hearts on iron fences and offering their souls to other girls to eat. They are both profoundly Not Getting Laid and also having intimacies and consumptions that make sucking and fucking seem about as profound as a puddle. The penetration metaphor of Naberius’ death and the bottoming metaphor of Gideon’s cannot be overstated. Someone’s arm is amputated and it’s the closest thing that book has to a sex scene.

And somehow, even though it portrays repression in some cases, it is not Repressed(TM). The girls are Jesus; the girls are reading porn rags; the girls are dying as virgins. Someone tries to fuck a hallucination that is also the ghost of the Devil and also of the Earth. The ghost of the Earth and the Devil says “Huh. One moment, I have to cross time, space, and the River beyond death” and roughly… a day later, fully possesses their body.

Sex doesn’t begin to describe it. It is sublime; it is spiritual; it is as crass and visceral and compulsive as whatever sick pornographies anybody gets off to; it is as grimy and solipsistic and subterranean as any human unconscious.

You simply could not get that in a light and happy “found family! ✨” rainbow sci-fi

[bidean-byedean]

aside from my own glee at the hilarious ways Eddie could be reminded that Buck and Tommy are fucking, not just bros hanging, we shouldn't forget that it's actually important for the show to be explicit about their relationship. just like it's important to show Hen and Karen's relationship as sexual and romantic. queer sex is still more censored, considered more explicit somehow than hetero sex, which we see on the show all the time!

Buck asserting his boundaries with Eddie is absolutely not about shipping or even them really, it should be about the show asserting boundaries with the audience. Buck/Tommy is different from Buck&Eddie and Eddie&Tommy, this is "/" vs "&" and Eddie happens to be the person to facilitate this best.

I don't need the show to be explicit about their sex lives for my own gratification, I need it to have continuity in Buck's sexual behaviour to normalise his queerness and everyday queer sexuality.

[cepheusgalaxy]

"So, you wanna make them ace?"

Asexuality 101: Making your characters asexual

Indroduction: Ok, so, from what I've seen in fandom and in general, most people don't really know how to write an asexual character. Many just quit it and make them allosexual, others just struggle their way without having much of a guide. Prime example is Alastor from Hazbin Hotel, whom many people want to involve in sexual scenarios so they go with the "asexuality is a spectrum" route. Problem is, they don't understand how asexuality is a spectrum exactly and then they just end up writing their characters as allo. Now, how to avoid this? Teaching them!

If you're looking for a good way to get started with your own asexual oc, an ace headcanon or a media charater, I've got you! (i mention sex briefly here in some parts)

My credentials: I'm ace.

The basics

What is asexuality?

Asexuality is a sexual orientation that is generally defined by the lack of sexual attraction, or a very little amount of it. Sexual attraction is many times confused with libido, which is the sexual desire. Sexual attraction is more accurately, "the desire of having sex with this specific person." Therefore, some ace people do have a libido, and do want to have sex, but mostly are just not attracted to a person.

Myths and misconceptions

Asexuals can't have sex - as many shippers say, "asexuality is a spectrum", and while some aces don't have sex indeed, they can want it and have it as well. Person to person scenario

Asexuals don't know nothing about sex - unless the ace in question is a child, they probably may know, in fact, a lot. Many ace people like reading, watching or consuming smut, and by this and other means, even if they don't have sex themselves, they pretty much know how it is and how it works. Sex is everywhere, after all. Hard to miss

Asexuality is caused by trauma - it can be! Just not always, and most aces are simply born this way

Asexuality is a medical condition - much like homosexuality, asexuality is frequently treated as an illnes and many ace people are forced into conversion therapy. Some people also hold the belief that asexuality is caused by an anormality in a person's hormones, a mental illness, etc. But it is not true! Asexual people can obviously also be mentally ill in some way, but these are different things. It is just a sexual orientation like any other!

Asexuality is caused by HRT - hormone replacement therapy, ie. taking testosterone or estrogen, is one of the most common type of medical transition for trans people. Some hold the belief that taking hormones like those can "break" your sexuality (estrogen does sometimes decrease a person's libido, but it depends on the person's organism and it doesn't take your sexual attraction away from you), and turn you asexual

Asexuality is caused by autism - this myth may be originated from the fact that many autistic people are in fact asexual, or by the fact that both asexuals and autistic people tend to be infantilized a lot. However, as much as autistic people are very commonly also ace, asexuality is not, in fact, a symptom of autism

Basic terminology

Ace - short for "asexual".

Aro - short for "aromantic"; someone who experiences little to no romantic attraction, aka typically "doesn't fall in love".

Allo - somebody who does experience attraction. "Allosexual" is someone who is not asexual, and "alloromantic" is someone who is not aromantic.

Aspec - short for "a-spectrum". The a-spectrum is an umbrella term for anyone who is in any way ace, aro, aplatonic, afamilial, or other identities that fit here.

Acespec - short for "asexual spectrum/ace spectrum". It's a part of the a-spectrum and contemplates all asexuality.

Aesthetic attraction - finding someone pretty or beatiful, without necessarily wanting to have sex with them. Many ace people who didn't know they were ace report to having used to mistake it with sexual attraction.

Sensual attraction - similar to sexual attraction; the desire to touch someone, but without wanting to actuall have sex with them. Many ace people also confused this with sexual attraction.

Aphobia - discrimination against aspec people.

Amatonormativity- the belief that everybody is happier in a relationship, wether they want it or not, and should want and seek to be in one, and the general root of aphobia.

The Split Attraction Model

If you are looking on the ace community for a while, you might have heard of the split attraction model--if you haven't, here it is:

Image description: The Split Attraction Model, a cross chart inside a square, with four ends. The first end of the cross is labelled "ace", its opposite is labelled as "alloce", the third end is labelled as "alloro" and it's opposite is labelled as "aro". The section on the "alloro" and "ace" square is labelled "alloromantic asexual", the section in the "ace" and "aro" part is labelled "aromantic asexual", the section on the "alloro" and "alloce" square is labelled as "alloromantic allosexual" and the section on the "aro" and "alloce" section is labelled "aromantic allosexual". /end ID.

The split attraction model divides all orientations in four groups: The aroaces, the aroallos, the alloaces and the alloallos. It is usually shortened to "SAM".

Many people find this model useful, because it sorts your attraction into two groups: allo- and a-, and yes and no. It's simple and easy.

Many aces do not use this model to explain their attraction/lack thereof though! Hence the first distinction of aces we have here: SAM-aces and non-SAM-aces. Basically aces who use the Split Attraction Model and aces who prefer not to!

A non-SAM ace may define their asexuality as their romantic orientation as well, or label themselves differently altogether. While a SAM ace could call themselves an "asexual aromantic" or an "asexual alloromantic", a non-SAM ace could call themselves just "an asexual". In this case, they can be neither "alloro" nor "aro".

If your character is aware of their sexuality and identifies as ace, it's good to know wether they use the Split Attraction Model for themselves or not.

The spectrum

You may have heard that "asexuality is a spectrum" a thousand times, but what does it mean?

Just like "non-binary", "asexual" can be an identity on its own, but it is actually an umbrella term for a bunch of orientations. When we say that it is a spectrum, we are saying that there is Nuance. "Ace who doesn't date", "ace who dates", "ace who experiences just a little bit of sexual attraction", "aces who like sex" and so on. 'But Angel', you ask me, 'didn't you say that asexuality is when people don't have sexual attraction?' It can be! But there IS nuance, and that's what I am here to tell you.

There are two more factors beyond the SAM that you can consider:

"Are they sex repulsed, sex favorable, or sex neutral?"

Here is the "aces can still have sex" thing. A sex repulsed ace is probably what the majority of people think when they hear "asexual". It is an ace person who doesn't like sex. Doesn't want to have it, is disgusted by it, despises sexual intimacy, etc. They are the aces who tipically just don't want to have sex, and are very happy without it.

A sex favorable asexual is someone who likes it. Sure, they don't feel sexual attraction, but who's letting it stop them, right? They like sexual acts, they are fine and happy with having sex in general, and that's what the "aces can still have sex" point means. Yes, they can, if they want to! Maybe your character themself doesn't define themselves as neither repulsed nor favorable, but it's good to know what their instance on sex is.

Sex neutral asexuals are aces who are not repulsed by it, but are not really into it either. They may have sex, they may be fine with it, they may like it even, but they generally don't have a desire or strong feelings regarding it. It's just sex, after all.

Sex ambivalent asexuals are another thing I want to touch on. They are tipically aces whose instance on sex changes! Sometimes they may feel repulsed by it, sometimes they may want it, sometimes they may not care. They are neither strictly one, nor another. Their feelings change!

It's good to see where in this categorization your character or blorbo would be.

Inside the asexual spectrum, where do they stand?

If I were to represent the ace spectrum as a linear thing, I'd do it like this:

Image description: A linear representation of the asexual spectrum, in the shape of an arch. In one end, it is written "asexual", on the other, it is written "allosexual" and on the very middle, at the top of the arch, it is written "gray-asexual". /end ID.

or like this:

Image description: Another linear representation of the asexual spectrum. One of the ends is a black circle and the other is a white circle. Between them, a gradient goes from one circle to another, passing through different shades of gray. The black end is labelled as "asexual", the white end is labelled as "allosexual", and the gradient with shades of gray is labelled "different kinds of Gray-As". /end ID.

What is graysexual, you ask me? We all know that the world is not black-and-white, and as so, sexuality is also not. Grayace is a term for a person that is also asexual, but not strictly: that is, they are the "feels a little of sexual attraction" part of the spectrum. It is called like that because when we put asexual and allosexual in two ends of a spectrum, graysexuality stands in this gray area.

Gray sexuals may:

Experience sexual attraction only sometimes

Experience light sexual attraction

Experience sexual attraction under certain conditions in certain scenarios, for example, when they are already very intimate with a certain person

And many more! Graysexuality is on itself a spectrum, but having an idea of allosexual -> graysexual -> strictly asexual is already a good guide. Graysexuality can also be described as "having partial sexual attraction".

Fun fact about gray-aces: The asexual flag has four stripes; purple, white, gray and black. The purple stripe is meant to be a color signifier of the community, the white means allosexual, the gray means the gray aces and the black stripe represents people with strictly no sexual attraction. Hence the term "black stripe asexual" (which is not very popular but I personally like).

Micro-labels

You already have a basic understanding of the asexual spectrum and how it works, so you can think on where exactly in the spectrum your character/blorbo is. To help you out further, I present you the microlabels! Much like non binary is an umbrella term with many microlabels like genderqueer, xenogender and demigender, that help one explain their identity with more and more specific explanations, asexuals also have a lot of microlabels! Here are some:

Cupiosexual - asexual person that wishes to have a sexual relationship (example: i am cupioromantic person and i am basically a hopeless romantic and a yearner. cupiosexuality is similar, but with sex)

Gray sexual - asexual person with partial sexual attraction

Demisexual - asexual person who can only be attracted to people they already have a bond with

Abrosexual - person whose sexuality is fluid, and may be asexual at one time, bisexual at another, gay at another, etc.

Aceflux - asexual person whose sexuality changes, like abrosexual, but only between asexual identities

Aegosexual - asexual person who likes the idea of sex or fantasises about it, as long as it doesn't envolve them

Lythosexual - asexual person who is only sexually attracted to people they are not close with, and their sexual attraction fades out once the become closer

Myrsexual - asexual person that uses multiple asexual identities to describe their sexuality

Aroace - aromantic asexual person

Alloace - alloromantic asexual person

Apothisexual - sex-repulsed asexual person

These are not all micro labels in the asexual spectrum, but they are quite a lot. Maybe even if your charater is not sure if they are in a certain label or not, you may find them in some of these descriptions.

Links to resources with more microlabels: Tumblr post by @aroacesafeplaceforall (no images) /

/ A slightly longer list on asexuals.net (undescribed flags) /

/ Another guide for microlabels on lgbtqia.fandom.com (undescribed flags)

Bonus questions

Is it okay if I make my asexual character autistic? Is it not stereotyping? Yes, it's okay. There are actual asexual autistic people, and I'm sure they'd love to get represented as well!

Is it okay if I make my asexual character have sex? Is it not erasure? Yes, you can do that too! As long as it is where they stand in the spectrum (as explained in the topics above), you are doing a good thing by representing sex-favorable asexuals.

Do I have to make a romantic orientation for them too? No. Your character may be a non-sam ace, and identify as ace alone!

I heard that it is erasure if I make smut fanfic of ace character X. I don't get it how! While it is true many ace people have sex, many people when writing that just ignore their sexuality when writing/drawing smut of them! The spectrum is wide, so when you are doing that, remember where they stand on it.

Why can't I headcanon this ace character as allosexual? I headcanon straight characters as gay/bi/pan all the time and nobody says it's wrong! If people don't like my headcanon why can't they just look away? Because asexual people are a marginalized group, unlike straight people, so it is as okay to make them allo as it is to take an asian or black or jewish character and make them white. Because it is not just an individual headcanon; it's a part of a much bigger problem, and by avoiding headcanoning ace characters as allo, you are confronting your own internalized aphobia, which is a good thing! If you still want to make them have sex, well, that's what I made this guide for! So you can make them have sex as you wish without erasing their identity.

I am ace and am basing myself or my own experiences here. Is it okay if I...? The answer is generally yes. If you wanna write about a different ace experience than your own, a little bit of research won't hurt, though!

Is this enough for me to write my ace character? It is a start. This is a general guide, and there are some things I haven't touched on this guide (like aphobia) so I'd advice you to do more in-depth research on topics you want to focus more on, but this should get you pretty far.

Extra

"Is Alastor from Hazbin Hotel canonically ace or aroace?" (slightly related, because some people looking for this guide to write this guy might want to know this too)

Answer: link to a post clearing this up this with some sources. Short answer though, is that he is confirmed to be ace, not aroace.

"If I didn't understand something here, or I have more questions, can I ask you?"

Answer: Yes! You can reblog this post with questions, and my inbox is also open, and I make sure to always let anon on. I will be happy to help if I can.

"One of the image descriptions on this post was off or confusing, can you change it to X so it is better to understand it?"

Answer: Of course! I will need you to signal me in either the notes or in the inbox what I need to change, though.

"Are asexual people queer?"

Answer: Yes! Because the queer community, as the name suggests, is for people who are different, odd, and are not considered "normal" because of that. Asexual people are not a part of "the norm", because we don't feel sexual attraction, and therefore, we, and by extension your ace characters too, are queer.

<2

[druidmilk]

In light of hbomberguys new video here’s some video essayists with way too little followers that you should go support:

CopsHateMoe

Alexander Avila

Jessie Gender

Aranock

Mia Mulder

The leftist cooks

Elle literacy

Lilly Simpson

Thinkpiece Tribe

Overthinking it

Verilybitchie

Philosynoir

Geekouter

Orowen

Rowan Ellis

Dr Fatima

Lu Vagara

Ponderful

Artie Carden

Tirrrb

Brigitte Empire

JohntheDuncan

Caelan Conrad

Kaz Rowe

Hoots

AnRel

I know a lot of these are mentioned at the end of the video but their some of my faves so :)

There are probably so many more that I forgot, please let me know any recommendations people have

[musingsofanaroace]

Aro and Ace Content Creators

Fluently Aspec

This aro and ace content creator makes many short and informative videos about the different types of aros and aces that exist out there in the world. If you're suspecting that you may be aro or ace or both, this channel will give you the pertinent information you need. On the other hand, if someone in your life has come out as aro or ace or both, this channel will also help you. It will provide you with the necessary information to better understand your loved one and their experiences.

Ace Dad Advice

Cody Daigle-Orians is a gay ace and agender content creator who makes many entertaining and informative videos about anything to do with the a-spectrum. Also, he breaks down many of the stereotypes and assumptions people make about asexuality in general. Besides the online content, they have also written a few books on the subject as well: I Am Ace and The Ace and Aro Relationship Guide (out October 2024).

Lynn Saga

This non-binary and aspec content creator makes many informative videos on sexuality and gender. Also, they don't shy away from discussing emotional or vulnerable topics. They're not afraid to "tell it as it is". Seriously, go show them some love!

Rowan Ellis

This lesbian and ace content creator makes engaging and comprehensive video essays on queer topics. Her videos are always well-researched and thought-provoking. I especially liked her latest, "the chronically online state of asexual discourse". Besides creating video essays, she has also written the nonfiction book Queer and Here.

thom_is_trans

This trans content creator identifies as being on the ace spectrum. He mostly posts videos on Heartstopper related content but does occasionally branch out to different topics. Besides his witty humor and obsession over Heartstopper, he is an author and has published several queer YA books under the name T.J. Baer. Dreamers and The Boy Who Was Kissed are his latest.

Spacey Aces

This channel is run by Elle and Kaden. Elle is a genderfluid AroAce, and they are also autistic. Kaden is a non-binary and demisexual aromantic. On this channel, they explore many neurodivergent and queer topics. I especially liked the video "History of Autism | The Importance of Self-Advocacy & Community".

Evan Edinger

This British born American is a straight demisexual who mostly makes YouTube videos on anything that interests him, such as British vs American culture, photography, British politics, biking, language learning, you name it. In the past, he has also made several videos about his sexuality or sexuality in general.

Well, that's all I have for today. Until next time, take care and stay curious.