#a part of cluster b disorder

[abyss-hydra-archived]

That post started as a vague post, but, fortunately, it changed into just a thoughts.

More in the tags.

[clusterblood]

having personality disorders is sooo funny couse if I have at least two hours of feeling great, I forget I have em

[cree-future-rabbi]

How come I can help others, but not myself?

How does that even make sense?

Why are people in psychology the most messed up people?

[v0m1t-d0gz]

i crave attention of any kind, negative or not

[belzrgr]

Save me

[eclaire-went-bam]

bcs i'm aware of how i automatically percieve people, i earnestly try to give the benefit of the doubt a lot. i tend to believe people are Actually Just That Dumb™ when they're joking about something, so i try to get ahead of that & tell myself people are joking when they say something stupid, so that i don't look stupid

all i've learnt in doing that, is most of the time, people aren't joking. they actually did mean what they say, & i made the situation 10× worse by laughing at what they said.

not only does it reinforce the idea in my head that people are Dumb so i need to take the reins on literally Everything, but it also leads people to believe i'm making fun of them for saying something silly & talking to me less, when, if i knew it were a genuine thing they thought, i would have gladly explained it without judgement

but i don't really know how to stop treating them as jokes, because what if they ARE joking so they laugh at me for how Stupid i am for taking the bait? i can't handle being made a fool of, i think i'd rather die

[foolishnpd]

intentional self delusion is the only thing keeping me going :3

[hibachihooker]

someday you will ache like i ache.

[hpdculture-is]

HPD culture is being glad you have enough unique childhood trauma so you don’t have to lie to get people’s attention

.

[cluster-b-culture-is]

Cluster B culture is continually wondering whether a personality disorder means having different, greater needs than neurotypicals, or if it’s just a worse response when the same needs that neurotypicals have aren’t met

.

[mad-mantis]

probably the funniest thing an ableist has ever said to me

[chaos-in-one]

Unsurprising note, r/fakedisordercringe is extremely ableist about npd and openly uplifts the idea that npd = being an asshole, abuser, manipulator, etc

And also promotes the idea that a *real* narcissist would never admit to having npd... as if that isn't anti recovery as fuck....

[peacocking-cuckoo]

I hate. the sort of "hierarchy" that builds up with trauma and mental illness ngl. I've been in groups that have told me a suicide attemps doesn't count unless you end up in the hospital (mine didn't. I passed out in my apartment and just kinda... threw up for three days, and decided to speak to no one about it due to how mortified i was). I've been in groups where emotional abuse was seen as "lesser" than sexual and physical abuse. Where some disorders were seen as more worthy than others.

Honestly? I'm lucky as shit. no one really hurt me in a way i can call abuse and not feel like lying. I have never been poor. I have never been homeless. My parents tried their absolute best.

You'd think that mean I would turn out well, unbroken, and be able to cope well with shit.

But instead it just means that when I started to get bad, no one took it seriously because obviously i was making shit up, i didn't have any right to claim i was ill when everything was fine at home. Even now, i'm repeatedly told over and over that some disorders are not possible for me to even have and that i must be lying about my experiences. People have sent me psychotic by dming me about how i must have forgotten my traumatic childhood that would explain it all.

I always feel like a dick when i ask for help, when i point out the fact that "having no trauma" is specifically why no one wants to help me. i don't really know what to do about it. I think there's just this "mediocre trauma" i have that is not "enough" for anyone. Shit that makes other traumatised people laugh because it's "so much less than they lived".

I was "just" bullied. I was "just" not believed. I was "just" screamed at for crying at annoying times. it's nothing "enough" to justify not doing okay. so i just continue to not be okay and i just continue hoping i remember some traumatic event that would feel like enough to deserve help and i just continue to hope i get worse and i just continue to put myself in danger in hope i finally get to that level of deserving pity.

i don't know where im going i with this. I just wish i had something to blame for being defective.

[dodgeryy]

BPD is crazy because I just got the most objectively sweet heartfelt message from somebody I have a very intense relationship with and my take away was

Oh this is temporary and ending soon and you don't see me as a permanent relationship you want to maintain.

That cannot be right. But saying that feels like saying the sky isn't blue babe I hate this disorder

[martyrbat]

martyrtodd, my beloved, I see your disability takes and as someone who is physically and mentally disabled I appreciate them and hold them close to my heart.

I humbly ask for some disabled Jason headcanons

goosey my beloved <3 im so glad you're enjoying them and i offer mere samples on how far deep the disabled jason todd rabbit hole can go <3

im mixing in some that he should just canonly have and personal hcs (plus a bit of self projection) but hopefully you'll like any of these too :3

schizoaffective disorder

more prone to mania outbursts

can be extremely delusional

paranoia and anxiety -> isolating

psychosis

(lots of people give him hallucinations due to his ptsd but i think he experiences a range of it and in different levels of intrusiveness!)

(and fun fact, children under 16 who experienced trauma are more than 3x likely to have psychosis as an adult! up to 50x if its severe!)

autistic

literally just a given. look at him. autism coded.

deaf/hard of hearing

always had poor hearing

fast visual learner because of it

has multiple pairs of hearing aids he wore as robin to "keep his identity secret"

bruce taught him asl

batman and robin used a lot of nonverbal cues and their own version of sign language on patrol too. (batman teaches it to the others when hes gone and jason cries)

as a kid he had a gun shot near him & developed tinnitus

^ only worsened as time went on

it gets overbearing after he comes back to life due to the beating he received and literally dying in an explosion

it continued until he got Lazarus Pitted. but that ringing was replaced with silence & most of his hearing fully gone

gains more due to close proximity with firearms and explosions constantly

terrifies him as his hearing loss got worse.

like full on sobbing terrifies.

he spent his entire life relying on his senses and wayne techs always improving technology to keep himself and others safe. with that fully removed it leaves him feeling vulnerable

'how will i know if im alone? if someone is sneaking up on me or im being too loud? if someone is screaning for help just out of eyesight?'

so much fear !

but! he grows to accept it and use it to his advantage and

helmet rigged to have sensors that alert him of almost anything around him

and so sensitive to the vibration of any sound to where he can pinpoint anyone

will close his eyes/remove his hearing aids when arguing so he doesnt 'hear' them

really into heavier music for the bass and drum vibration

fully deaf by the time he reaches his 30s

speech

(this one can be effected by all but)

severe speech delay as a child

repeated lines/quotes mostly to express his feelings because he's autistic and its easier than coming up with the words yourself

semi nonverbal

damaged vocal cords, gets hoarsed easily/painful to talk for too long

stims by clicking his tongue against his teeth

^^ became a tic !

chronic pain

a given for anyone but especially jason

from the streets and not being able to afford a doctor

to as robin and the injuries he received

to dying

to being forcefully brought back to life

to the Lazarus Pit

just so much pain. he cant remember a time he wasnt in pain. its the one thing that'll always be consistent no matter what.

chronic migraine haver, u can tell

talia tries her best to help ease it and make sure he has meds/the fake id and doctor to keep his prescriptions

his shoulder, head, and hips get the worse flares

would push himself as robin too much and made it worse

allows his body the rest as an adult, using that time to do his scheming and think of every detail/possible route in it

misc.

had NAS

picks at his skin if overstressed

being poor can and will make your health worse. from stress to not being able to get the help you need and something small becoming chronic or permanent

extreme fatigue

so many burns and damaged nerve tissue :(

i think about that one batwoman comic where he lost an eye in a future timeline constantly

OCD

periodically gets bad tremors in his hands

again. so fucking autistic coded.

[undervaluedagent]

So I think part of the problem with the whole "you can have [insert disorder that makes you hurt people around you] as long as you take responsibility and get help" is that. A lot of us are going to need a "why" that isn't just "it's the right thing to do", 'cause a lot of us with disorders that hurt people also have warped senses of morality for one reason or another, and "it's the right thing to do" simply makes no sense to us. For example, I'm autistic with a stupid strong sense of morality, and sometimes even when I know somethings unacceptable in the eyes of society, I cannot stop myself because what's happening is breaking *my* (flawed) moral code.

So we need another reason. If you have a disorder that messes with your sense of morality, please say what your alternative reasons to get help are.