#agents of incorrect quotes

[daisybeewrites]

its been awhile since i did one of these

AoS as things overheard at my school! (p. 3?)

————

jemma: i spy something hot

bobbi: me?

jemma: no, that group just caught the sink on fire

————

hunter: je m’appelle Lance Amadeus Ravenclaw Hunter

daisy: je l’appelle ‘idiot’

————

may: we need a new coffee machine in the lounge

coulson: the fire marshals took the last one bc it was a fire hazard

may: only because someone didn’t hide it

————

*in the art room*

daniel: what’s your next project for AP art?

daisy: it’s titled "the loneliest polar bear"

the project: *a blank canvas*

————

mack: we should do a senior prank

bobbi: like what? put sticky notes on coulson’s car?

fitz: i was thinking glue the furniture to the ceiling

bobbi: you realize that the school has 247 classrooms, right?

————

jemma: *drinking a smoothie*

daisy: *drinking an iced latte*

bobbi: *sipping her boba*

may: i didn’t realize school was BYOB

————

i am guilty of not painting a canvas and submitting it with the title "the loneliest polar bear"

i am also guilty of bringing coffee, boba, and smoothies to class

at least i have never caught the sink on fire by tipping over a bunsen burner :)

[blitzwhore]

Them again. What can I say? They're so memeable it hurts 😂

[drnurssie]

part two

[esmerxyaugusta]

[ maria coming back from a mission ]

nat: are you okay? are you hurt?

maria: *shaking her head* but i think i need sleep

nat: what, why? we have a date tonight *pouts*

maria: blood loss

nat: I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T INJURED

maria: i mean my period, vagina blood loss

[sucker-for-emily-prentiss]

*Gideon leaving*:

Reid: If I had a nickel for every time a father figure in my life abandoned me…

Reid: I’d only have two nickels but it’s weird that it happened twice.

[forhappysake]

[thedelusionalbitchgianna]

Hotch texting Emily: Come out.

Emily: Okay give me a minute...

Emily: I'm a lesbian

Hotch: To the car Emily. Come out to the car.

Emily turning to the car: I'm a lesbian

Hotch facepalming: No we're about to leave. Get in the car.

[damianwaynerocks]

ya know how it’s canon that damian was taking acting lessons with carrie? and that he was really good at it?

what if that’s his civilian job when he’s older?

like we know some of the bats have civilian jobs. bruce, obviously, runs WE. tim is CEO. dick is a cop.

what if damian’s civilian job is an actor?

i know it wouldn’t make total sense bc he’d probably have to leave set randomly in the middle of a scene because he’d have to go on a mission but hear me out.

we know he loved acting because he gets to be someone else. carrie says this:

and then damian says the same thing in super sons

yeah he could’ve been saying that to fuck with jon but because carrie said the same thing, i think he was being honest.

and besides, look at how he played that old man. that is a jolly old fella and i personally read it in sweet old man voice.

and the disguises he always chooses when going undercover are outfits like these

and yes you could say that it’s just a gag bit the writer put in to be funny or you could say that that’s how damian feels like “normal” people dress and he’s trying to fit in but to me!! i feel like it’s him trying to be the opposite of how he is. you know, being somebody else.

plus he’s so good with voices. he could easily put on any accent necessary.

and so i think he would be an actor. yeah, he wouldn’t be able to be in gotham all the time filming movies and stuff, but personally i love the idea of damian being like dick and moving out of gotham to become his own hero/person.

he’d get the opportunity to experience what it’s like to be someone else, someone who wasn’t taught to kill someone before they could walk, someone who wasn’t forced to grow up way too fast, someone who doesn’t have to risk their life every single night, somebody who doesn’t have to hold possibly the world’s biggest secret. he could embrace being a completely different person, even if it’s only for a few hours at a time.

and imagine how funny it would be for the batfamily to turn on their tv and watch their mean, stern little brother have a wide smile with an australian accent in a romantic comedy.

jason storming out of the manor after damian insulted him 30 times and then he turns on his tv to get his mind off it and there damian is on a beach searching for treasure side-by-side with tom holland

damian in a wired google search interview and the first result is “is damian wayne robin?” and damian just sighs.

damian on a press tour in an interview and he’s just shooting the shit with jennifer anniston.

tim watching the tiktok edits of damian and just silently fuming at the comments that are like “he’s so babygirl”

damian getting an offer for a star wars movie and yeah, he might hate star wars because the lightsaber duels follow no sword fighting etiquette but he takes the role anyways so that tim can’t watch his beloved star wars without seeing damian wielding a light saber with ewan mccgregor

would dc do it? no definitely not and logistically it wouldn’t work because crimefighter hours probs do not mesh with 14 hour days on set. however!! imagine damian in a buzzfeed puppies interview.

[criminalmindsgonewrong]

spencer: I can't find my pen

emily, staring at the pen slotted behind his ear: five bucks and ill help you look

[thatbitchyoulivewith]

Kidnapper: We have your daughter.

Loid: No, we have you.

Kidnapper: Wha-

Loid: Yor, kick down the door.

*distant sound of a door being forced off its hinges*

Yor, charging in: GIVE ME BACK MY DAUGHTER YOU FUCKING SCUM!!!

[fandomnerd9602]

Maria grabs Y/N as they come back from an Avengers assignment…

Maria: you are not doing that again

Y/N: yes ma’am

Maria: I am going to take you back to our bedroom and screw you til you see stars

Y/N: (sarcastic) oh work work work

Maria giggles and pulls Y/N off somewhere private…

[blitzwhore]

This is so stupid. I regret nothing

[sincka]

(goofy) Headcanon 🙌

Loki confessing his love to Mobius for the first time ~

Mobius : Well, come on. You’re the God of Mischief. Right ?

Loki : *gives heart eyes*

Loki :...I'm in love with you.

Mobius : What ?!

Loki : Oh, look, behind you !

Mobius : *turns around*

Loki : *steals the time twister from Mobius's pocket*

Mobius : *looks back at Loki who's trying to rewind time*

Mobius : Loki... You know that's not how it works.

Loki : Shh— I'm focused here !

[cosmothealien358]

PIXAL: *explaining OSHA violations*

Jay: *turning them into a to-do list* 

[celestialvoid-fanfiction]

Stiles: Who traumatised you?

Derek: Want a list?

Stiles: (hiding his bat behind his back) Yes.

[sucker-for-emily-prentiss]

Reid: Hostage or not, it’s nice to be held.

Hotch:

Hotch: Are you okay?