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usermakki · 1 year

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AVATAR MEN + BEST DADS

[ #CHARACTERS ] neteyam, lo'ak, tsu'tey, jake, ao'nung, rotxo & tonowari

[ #CONTENT ] aged-up!characters, children + parenting, established relationships + bonds, slice of life, domestic fluff, lowercase intended

[ #NOTE ] firstly, thank you so much for 300+ followers sz you guys are the best!! this was literally not planned at all, but it was so fun to write sz

#MASTERLIST

ㅤㅤㅤ#NETEYAM

﹒ɞ he’s so involved with your children’s day-to-day; he knows all of their friends by name, is in on all of the kindergarten gossip and doesn’t miss out on a single sleepover fun. he’s definitely the dad all your kid's friend has a massive crush on and both of you have such a good laugh out of it. neteyam’s such an affectionate dad too, walking around with a baby strapped to his chest and another sitting on his shoulder, carrying them around even when they get too old for it, stroking their hair, kissing their snout, playing with their tails, and tickling them until they snort because he loves the sound of their giggles. neteyam simply loves cooking for your kids, it could be the middle of the night, and if he hears any of their stomachs growling, he’s up in an instant and lighting a fire to cook them something. he entertains all of your kid's jokes and interests, unless it could get them hurt, then he’s quick to pick them up and drop them somewhere safe, preferably before you find out about it. teaches your kids everything he knows, is worried sick for their safety and wants to make sure they know how to protect themselves if it ever comes to it. is so so proud when they pass their iknimaya and dream hunt and he lets everyone know about it, he’s completely enthusiastic about hunting and patrolling with his kids. used to brag a little about his achievements but dropped the act when he realized nothing he said would change your position as the coolest and favorite parent. neteyam is cool with that though, because you’re his favorite too!

ㅤㅤㅤ#LO'AK

﹒ɞ such a fun dad! and i can not stress this enough, he is the favorite parent and there’s nothing you can do about it. but if it’s any consolation, you’ll always be his number one! takes his kids hunting and exploring in the forests and the ocean, lets them explore and discover things on their own and never lets them get in a dangerous situation by themselves, which doesn’t reassure you in the slightest. he lets your kids get away with so much stuff, nothing outright disrespectful which you’re glad for, but he goes along and indulges so many of their gremlin behavior. lo’ak makes sure to spend proportionate time with each of them, always includes all of your children in everything, and never lets anyone feel left out. lo’ak doesn’t pick any favorites, what one kid has the other one does too. if your kids ever address feeling down about something he did, lo’ak is so quick to apologize. pride is literally nonexistent, his kids matter too much to ever let something easily resolved get in the way of their relationship. he’s such an affectionate dad too!! putting them to sleep with a kiss on the forehead, cuddling with them on cold and warm days, holding their hands all the time, showering them in kisses, playing with their ears, and picking them up and twirling them around. Lo’ak’s favorite moments are when he’s got all his favorite people in the whole world nestled in his embrace.

ㅤㅤㅤ#TSU'TEY

﹒ɞ a little bit stern with his parenting but it’s because he has so many traditions and customs to uphold :/ he means well and you make sure to let your kids know that. very affectionate with them; carrying them around as he goes about his day, playing with them every night before sleeping, letting them use him for their entertainment, such as climbing, play fighting and even target practice. that wanes quite a bit as they get older, but if you or the children express sadness or disappointment about this behavior, tsu’tey is so quick to get his shit together and make up for it. instill a very deep sense of respect and compassion in your kids towards everyone, something that he learned through you. he takes your kids on small adventures almost every day, showing them around the forest and teaching them how to look after themselves in hypothetical situations that have them kinda scared of getting back there lol. tsu’tey brags about your children almost every day, his friends and everyone he comes across has been forced to listen to something one of his kids has done at least once, the clan people know his kid's achievements even better than they do. as they get older, tsu’tey uses the excuse of teaching your children how to craft or weave as a means to spend more time with them, and he always gets embarrassed when you straight up tell him that his kids won’t reject time with him if he asks for it.

ㅤㅤㅤ#JAKE

﹒ɞ he’s got so many dad jokes… much to your dismay and your kid’s entertainment. plays with them all the time, the sound of laughter and screaming is a constant wherever your family is, and at this point, you’re done trying to keep them quiet. doesn’t like admitting that he’s kinda lame outside of his olo’eyktan persona, and you have to reassure him that the kids won’t think any less of him for that. loves loves loves to spend quality time with you and the children, he’s always so busy and stressed with his duties and you and the kids are literally his havens, you’re all he needs to wind down after every day. Jake is so hands-on with his kid's upbringing; teaching them things, scolding them when needed, playing with them in his free time and even taking some time off just to be with them, never letting them want for nothing. he shoulders half of everything with you, and wouldn't dare let you do anything by yourself. jake’s very very protective and worried about his kids, he knows some of them to have a troublemaker streak to them, so he never truly calms down when they’re far from any of your sights. master of the tickling, literally no one is safe when he feels like causing a bit of chaos. you could be peacefully in bed on the verge of falling asleep, but if he and the kids decide the night isn’t over yet then you’re gonna be tickled by five pairs of hands to the point of tears. and that’s when they run.

ㅤㅤㅤ#AO'NUNG

﹒ɞ sings all of your children to sleep, it’s his favorite moment with them. he sits on the ground next to their hammocks every night without fail, until they’re at an age to find it cringy, and then he complains to you about how unfair it is that they’re not even that old and already think he’s lame lol. sets time aside to teach them everything he knows, from combat and hunting to cooking and crafting, always prioritizing their safety and well-being. ao’nung always comes to you with a giant smile on his face whenever he hears one of his kids bragging about having a much cooler dad. prouds himself of the teens and adults they grow to be, complimenting them on every achievement and singing all of their praises for all the clan to know. you always have to console him after every milestone, when he comes to you later at night teary-eyed and with a wobbly smile. always and I mean always, makes sure to thank you for doing this with him. he’s so so grateful to have a family with you and for everything you do for them. ao’nung makes sure to entertain the kids and let you have some you moments whenever he feels you need it, never blaming or shaming you for needing space from them. he goes to great lengths to collect trinkets for your kid's first headpieces, necklaces and knives, and spends hours upon hours perfecting all of their craftings so they end up with the coolest and prettiest things.

ㅤㅤㅤ#ROTXO

﹒ɞ he spends so much quality time with your children that it’s revolting, you absolutely love how present he is but sometimes you have to wrangle with him for a moment with your own kids. he teaches them to weave from an early age; it’s their favorite bonding activity, and he gets to see them having fun and learning a very important skill in the process, it’s a win-win situation really. rotxo has a soft heart and hates scolding the kids, but he does it anyway because he doesn’t ever want them to consider you the annoying parent sz. tell your kids every day how cool and beautiful you are and honestly doesn’t mind being called sappy and cringe for it, he just wants them to grow up with a positive representation of a healthy relationship. would go to the ends of the world for all of your kids, but he just refuses to share his snacks, and that’s not even about teaching a lesson on boundaries or something, he’s just kinda selfish about them. rotxo takes the kids on walks along the beach every week, not only as a bonding activity but he wants them to be connected to their culture and environment, and what better way to do it than to admire the beautiful view of a sunset on the beach while he rattles on about some kind of way of water? cried once when his youngest called him lame.

ㅤㅤㅤ#TONOWARI

﹒ɞ he’s got such a gentle parenting method it’s :hearteyes: he always speaks so softly with your kids; when telling them stories, answering their incoherent babbles, lulling them to sleep, and letting them in on a very confidential secret only the olo’eyktan knows and that should not be shared with anyone under any circumstances. whenever your children misbehave or cause any trouble, tonowari takes the time to sit them down and explain what they did wrong, and why it’s wrong to do it, and he never ever ever gets annoyed with their questions. your kids don’t know what an ass-whooping is because they just never had it and that’s on great parenting. tonowari is so gentle when handling all of your kids, never gripping their arms too tight, always putting them down when they get overwhelmed by physical contact, and reassuring them in any way they’re more comfortable with. tonowari makes sure to teach all of your kids to treat you with the utmost respect, and lets them know that neither of them would survive long without you, including him. something that pulls at your heartstrings is just how much your mate loves to hold your babies, it’s such an adorable sight every time; your 9’6 feet tall mate holding and rocking a baby so small that they fit in his hand! you always leave the room when he’s doing it or else you’ll be planning for another kid soon oops

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waitmyturtles · 2 months

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Turtles Catches Up With Old GMMTV: A Honorable Mention For War of Y, and Another Look at How Thai BL Talks About BL (With a Bonus Watch of BL: Broken Fantasy)

[What’s going on here? After joining Tumblr and discovering Thai BLs through KinnPorsche in 2022, I began watching GMMTV’s new offerings -- and realized that I had a lot of history to catch up on, to appreciate the more recent works that I was delving into. From tropes to BL frameworks, what we’re watching now hails from somewhere, and I’m learning about Thai BL's history through what I’m calling the Old GMMTV Challenge (OGMMTVC). Starting with recommendations from @absolutebl on their post regarding how GMMTV is correcting for its mistakes with its shows today, I’ve made an expansive list to get me through a condensed history of essential/classic/significant Thai BLs produced by GMMTV and many other BL studios. My watchlist, pasted below, lists what I’ve watched and what’s upcoming, along with the reviews I’ve written so far. Today, I take a look at the more recent attempts by the Thai BL industry to critique itself with War of Y and the mini-documentary, BL: Broken Fantasy.]

2022's War of Y. Let me start this piece off by saying that this show is not good. My friend and BL elder educator, @bengiyo, once said about the OGMMTVC project, that some people (LIKE ME :'( ) just have to look into the abyss to satiate their curiosity about how this genre has developed, and that's definitely a point of the OGMMTVC. Not all past Thai BL shows are good, not by a long shot, and I don't recommend War of Y if you're watching dramas for pleasurable experiences only. (If you want to watch a GREAT drama that critiques the Thai BL industry, start with 2021's Lovely Writer, and I'll get more into this later.)

War of Y, directed by the chaotic Cheewin Thanamin and the I-am-assuming-to-be-misanthropic-and-indulgently-self-righteous-and-preening Den Panuwat, gave us 20 episodes of what I believe they thought to be groundbreaking critical art about the currently Thai BL industry. Let me set up an outline so that I don't spend too long on the bad stuff, and explain why War of Y does at least get an important mention (but not an official inclusion) on the OGMMTVC list.

1) What was War of Y about, how it was structured, and some quick high points, 2) Comparing War of Y to other pieces of Thai BL fiction that did a better job of critiquing Thai BL culture, and 3) A close-out reflection of Aam Anusorn's 2020 mini-documentary, BL: Broken Fantasy.

War of Y, as presented by Cheewin and Den, is designed to be a meta-drama of four chapters, all examining a specific aspect of the Thai BL industry. The first chapter, led by Billy Patchanon and Seng Wichai, focuses on two ship partnerships competing with each other, to the mental detriment of one of the older ship's celebrities; the second chapter focuses on two HORRIBLE warring managers; the third chapter showcases, in excruciating detail, god help us, a Y idol reality show, replete with singing; and the final chapter depicts the creation of a BL series and the rise of another super celebrity, whose career potentially gets derailed by his relationship with a female acting colleague.

Before I get into the few high points, I just want to say that this bloated structure (four chapters of five episodes each) did not do this drama well. It could have been edited down GREATLY for more succinct messaging. The other major issue I had is that the Thai BL genre -- as a romance genre itself, that demands romantic and coupled endings -- is just not the right genre to meta-critique the industry from which the piece of art comes from, not unless you're the screenwriter of Lovely Writer, who deftly managed some very complicated storylines into true art. There was no deft to War of Y. Couples got together in pandering and condescending ways, because that's how a Thai BL should end, right (?!); HORRENDOUS warring enemies suddenly made up with barely any context except to make money, and so on. I kept saying to friends during my watch that in a Den Panuwat show -- the worse you are as a character, the more likely you are to be redeemed for seemingly no good reason.

[Exhibits B and C in Den Panuwat's screenwriting record of questionable human characteristics? Fucking Only Friends and Playboyy. THE WORSE THOSE CHARACTERS WERE, THE BETTER THEIR OUTCOMES. Yeah, we really wanted those assholes to end well. ANYWAY. (I am committing to never watching a Den Panuwat show again. ANYWAY.)]

But there were a few high points. Actually seeing a Y idol reality show, something that international fans may not be able to appreciate with a lack of subtitles, was at least eye-opening for the inter-related nature of these kinds of shows, with some performers subsequently getting series gigs. (I understand that Santa Pongsapak, of My Own 12%, is an example of this kind of performer, who started out first as a music idol trainee.)

And the acting. Some of the acting was EASILY the best part of War of Y, as it very often happens in questionable Thai dramas: Billy (BILLYYYYYYYY), First Piyangkul, Dome Waruwat (who we most recently saw in Cooking Crush, and who absolutely SLAYED as one of the SLIMIEST, GROSSEST characters EVER, ohmygod), and

SENG MOTHERFUCKING WICHAI

(who will win one of the crowns as one of THE BEST FUCKING ACTORS IN THAI BL at the conclusion of the OGMMTVC project)

were easily the best reasons to watch War of Y. The range of Seng Wichai. It's ironic that he left Idol Factory last year, ending the BillySeng ship, and was then disgracefully treated like utter crap by the media and BL fans for the reveal of his relationship with Freen Sarocha. That, in itself, could make for a heartbreaking drama about the BL industry, but alas. We have War of Y instead. Seng is a motherfucking hero, and is also the KING of cringe, playing a horribly behaved actor who learns to overcome his insecurities to stand up against the advantages taken unto him by greedy managers.

We also had MANY wild and crazy cameos from real BL professionals in the show. @twig-tea and I agree that director New Siwaj's cameo was BAFFLING. He played a BL director (which he actually is) who maybe hated making BLs? (Maybe he actually hates it?) But still does it? And was mostly checked out of making the BL-show-within-the-BL-show, until he was called out about it, and then behaved like a good boy. Like. That cameo, along with a literally-evil NetJames and an even more inexplicable and weird literally-evil MaxNat cameo (wtf, that wasn't filled out AT ALL), were the really weird ones. The sad ones were ones like sweet NuNew Chawarin telling young BL guys that they have to sing (NO THEY DON'T). There was actual!Tee Bundit telling off Seng Wichai's character, that was rad. Director Lit Phadung of SOTUS and Dangerous Romance (😬) was there. Even the original novelist for Thailand's first television BL, Love Sick, was there, playing herself as Kwang Latika, who complained to a producer within War of Y that the show-within-the-show (yeah, I know) was taking her novel out of context. That shit sounds familiar! I could have used more accurate commentary on that.

The last high point that I can muster is that the show began to toe the line of the issue of actors needing to explore their sexualities for art's sake. As fans, we truly do not have much insight into this process, and I think it's for good reason, so as to protect actors (wherever they land on the sexuality spectrum) from very real, emotional, and sensitive processes and workshops that prepare them for taking on queer material. We know that actors like Nanon Korapat from Bad Buddy use Method techniques in their performances, and that can be mentally draining. Do I believe that some actor pairings experiment with dating, and may actually be in relationships? Yes, I must believe it, considering the psychological work these young men have to do to build attraction to each other for art's sake. The CEO of Korea's Strongberry studio confirmed as much earlier this year.

Unfortunately, I think War of Y leveraged these very sensitive realities to blatantly and flippantly indicate that ships can be ASSUMED to either explore sex with each other, and/or to even assume that they SHOULD be in relationships, à la the television BL romance formula that I mentioned above. I think this show could have transcended the romance genre formula, frankly, and I think the show came kinda close to doing that in the last chapter with First Piyangkul -- but not before setting up First's character, Achi, as a cheating monster-machine who was willing to go to great lengths to protect his fame, including outing his trans-female ex-girlfriend and co-star (YEAH, THAT HAPPENED), as well as separating himself from his ship and sexual same-sex partner while still indicating that they were dating. The whole storyline was just -- BLEH.

As I chatted with another fabulous BL elder, @twig-tea, about after I finished War of Y, clearly, Cheewin and Den thought they were intellectual geniuses upon the creation of this show, thinking that a BL itself would be a sufficient mechanism to offer meta commentary about problematic aspects of the BL industry (IT'S NOT). Twig wisely said to me that a writer or directly simply CHOOSING a topic to explore vis à vis a BL -- like a criticism of the industry itself -- is not, in of itself, worthy of laudation. And Cheewin and Den were CLEARLY expecting flowers by the end of this drama. If you've ever lived in smelling distance of southern California, you'll know that entertainment industries love nothing more than to talk about the entertainment industry, and that they think that fictional drama art is the best way to obsess over the vagaries of these industries (IT'S NOT). Instead, Cheewin and Den basically outed themselves as economic shippers and idiot faux-savants who are clearly in the game for fame, and maybe the dudes themselves, which -- BLEH REDUX.

On the OGMMTVC list, Lovely Writer does such a better job at covering the latent homophobia and judgments against actors within and external to the industries that take on BL. War of Y actually teed up a LOT of interesting topics, such as the BL-to-het-drama-and-studio pipeline that I talked about in my past OGMMTVC KinnPorsche pieces -- but these topics in War of Y just instead drowned in misanthropic meditations about fame, sex, and money that seemed far more suited to reaaaaalllly-bad Cinemax than, say, a proto-documentary.

The OGMMTVC syllabus also has YYY, from 2020, as a first entrée to BL-commentary-within-BL (and funnily enough, YYY also stars Lay Talay, who was the main anchor of War of Y, and was actually fantastic in both shows). YYY is a lot more succinct, CONCISE, zany, weird as HELL, incomplete, INSANE, not the greatest show, but HILARIOUS, simply in part because of its different and wonderful writers in Fluke Teerapat (a former BL actor himself) and Tanachot Prapasri. If you're looking for commentary about BL within wild-ass fiction (and if you're willing to watch it with shrooms or a fifth of vodka), watch YYY. (And remember that you're really watching YYY to watch Poppy Ratchapong eat his role of Porpla totally alive. Utter brilliance.)

Otherwise, as a means of complementing this review, I also watched 2020's non-fiction mini-documentary, BL: Broken Fantasy, by Aam Anusorn, another Series Y director who made the documentary, perhaps in part, to atone for past BL shows that he made, like 2Moons2 and Call It What You Want.

BL: Broken Fantasy featured interviews from directors, actors, and actual fans, about the nature of shipping, what the industry demands of actors, what fans themselves demand, and offered even a little bit of insight from two HUGE actors, Bright Vachiwarit and Win Metawin of 2gether and Still 2gether, about the process itself of young men acting in a queer coupleship.

The documentary is perhaps too short for its own good. And it sets up Aam as an unwilling participant within the BL industry, seemingly not knowing about what he was getting into when he first started making BLs (2gether's director, Champ Weerachit, also presents this way, which I found a touch disingenuous, as they were literally filming 2gether in the documentary).

But BL: Broken Fantasy hammered on a couple of important and real points. The economic benefits of shipping are HUGE. The sponsorship deals, the fame, the money -- they literally make young actors very rich and very well attended to. The fans EXPECT shipping performances, so that they themselves can situate themselves as caretakers or "mommies" to their young flock of boba-eyed actors that they worship. And for directors who want to earn money by making filmed art: the budding industry offers them that opportunity in growing spades. ( @lurkingshan will be happy to know that of all people, Aof Noppharnach, confirms to the documentary's audience that BL is a romance genre of love stories. As if there was any doubt, playa!)

At this point in time, in 2024, if I want a meta-critical understanding of the BL industry, and its many impacts on queer populations, fan bases, and Asian and global society, I'll go to Dr. Thomas Baudinette's Boys Love Media in Thailand and choose the academic route. We are SO LUCKY now to actually have tremendous academic discourse on the genre and its impact on media, fandoms, queer society, and global and regional acceptances of queer equity.

As opposed to the roads that academics are paving, War of Y allowed itself to bloat and gloat, on behalf of its creators, about their desires for shipping, for lavishing attention on beautiful young men, without offering us objective insight into the mindsets of these gentlemen who are important artists and creators in many of the shows we love. There needs to be a space for fair and objective criticism about an industry that may, at many times, take advantage of these young men. While there were many industry cameos in the show, the most frequent cameo was Den Panuwat himself. That enough should tell us what this show was ultimately really about.

[Well, as you can tell, I am fucking DONE with War of Y, laughing my azz off, and -- I'm off to greener pastures. I'm taking a cute and quick break from the OGMMTVC to devour Japan's anime version of Cherry Magic for an upcoming comparative (and totally self-indulgent) Big Meta on Thailand's and Japan's versions of that franchise. (And I have also been watching Fully Booked, AMA.) But I've got a long-awaited rewatch of The Eclipse coming up, to explore how GMMTV handled homophobia as a centered topic head-on, and from there, I go back to Idol Factory to watch Thailand's first GL, featuring the lovely FreenBecky, in GAP.

AND THEN: HOLY SHIT! FINALLY! My School President. I can't wait.

Here's the latest of the OGMMTVC list. If you've got any questions or comments about the syllabus, just mosey on over to this link and drop a comment my way!

1) The Love of Siam (2007) (movie) (review here) 2) My Bromance (2014) (movie) (review here) 3) Love Sick and Love Sick 2 (2014 and 2015) (review here) 4) Gay OK Bangkok Season 1 (2016) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 5) Make It Right (2016) (review here) 6) SOTUS (2016-2017) (review here) 7) Gay OK Bangkok Season 2 (2017) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 8) Make It Right 2 (2017) (review here) 9) Together With Me (2017) (review here) 10) SOTUS S/Our Skyy x SOTUS (2017-2018) (review here) 11) Love By Chance (2018) (review here) 12) Kiss Me Again: PeteKao cuts (2018) (no review) 13) He’s Coming To Me (2019) (review here) 14) Dark Blue Kiss (2019) and Our Skyy x Kiss Me Again (2018) (review here) 15) TharnType (2019-2020) (review here) 16) Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey (OffGun BL cuts) (2016 and 2017) (no review) 17) Theory of Love (2019) (review here) 18) 3 Will Be Free (2019) (a non-BL and an important harbinger of things to come in 2019 and beyond re: Jojo Tichakorn pushing queer content in non-BLs) (review here) 19) Dew the Movie (2019) (review here) 20) Until We Meet Again (2019-2020) (review here) (and notes on my UWMA rewatch here)

21) 2gether (2020) and Still 2gether (2020) (review here) 22) I Told Sunset About You (2020) (review here) 23) YYY (2020, out of chronological order) (review here) 24) Manner of Death (2020-2021) (review here) 25) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) (review here) 26) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake Of Rewatching Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (re-review here) 27) Lovely Writer (2021) (review here) 28) Last Twilight in Phuket (2021) (the mini-special before IPYTM) (review here) 29) I Promised You the Moon (2021) (review here) 30) Not Me (2021-2022) (review here)

31) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) (thesis here) 32) 55:15 Never Too Late (2021-2022) (not a BL, but a GMMTV drama that features a macro BL storyline about shipper culture and the BL industry) (review here) 33) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) and Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (2023) OGMMTVC Rewatch (Links to the BBS OGMMTVC Meta Series are here: preamble here, part 1, part 2, part 3a, part 3b, and part 4) 34) Secret Crush On You (2022) (review here) 35) KinnPorsche (2022) (tag here) 36) KinnPorsche (2022) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For the Sake of Re-Analyzing the KP Cultural Zeitgeist (part 1 and part 2) 37) Honorable Mention: War of Y (2022) (for the sake of an attempt to provide meta BL commentary within a BL in the modern BL era), with a complementary watch of Aam Anusorn’s documentary, BL: Broken Fantasy (2020) 38) The Eclipse (2022) (tag here) 39) The Eclipse OGMMTVC Rewatch to Reexamine “Genre BLs” and Internalized/Externalized Homophobia in GMMTV Shows (watching) 40) GAP (2022-2023) (Thailand’s first GL)

41) My School President (2022-2023) and Our Skyy 2 x My School President (2023) 42) Moonlight Chicken (2023) (tag here) 43) Bed Friend (2023) (tag here) 44 La Pluie (2023) (review coming) 45) Be My Favorite (2023) (tag here) (I’m including this for BMF’s sophisticated commentary on Krist’s career past as a BL icon) 46) Wedding Plan (2023) (Recommended as an important trajectory in the course of MAME’s work and influence from TharnType) 47) Only Friends (2023) (tag here) (not technically a BL, but it certainly became one in the end) 48) Last Twilight (2023-24) (tag here) (on the list as Thailand’s first major BL to center disability, successfully or otherwise) 49) Cherry Magic Thailand (2023-24) (tag here) (on the list as the first major Japanese-to-Thai drama adaptation, featuring the comeback of TayNew) 50) Ossan’s Love Returns (2024) (adding for the EarthMix cameo and the eventual Thai remake)

51) Dead Friend Forever (2024) (thoughts here) 52) 23.5 (2024) (GMMTV’s first GL) (thoughts here)]

#war of y #war of y the series #billyseng #billy patchanon #seng wichai #cheewin thanamin #den panuwat #first piyangkul #the old gmmtv challenge #ogmmtvc #turtles catches up with the essential BLs #turtles catches up with thai BLs #war of y meta

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thegirlwhowrites642 · 1 year

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Hiii :)

Do you have any Harry headcanons ?

In the previous episodes: Headcanons about the Potter kids and Teddy Headcanons about Ginny

Now, some Harry headcanons:

His favourite colour is red but that's basically canon

Called the big black dog he and Ginny adopted "Pad" (in reference to Padfoot of course), literally the only animal he managed to name out of all the zoo they have in the house

Canonically he becomes Head Auror at 27, around the same time Lily was born, so I think it happened for a similar reason to Ginny changing her job. Harry loves being in the action and it definitely wasn't his last opportunity to become Head Auror, but basically never going in the field and generally having way more stable hours meant having way more time for the kids

After the war, he discovers that there's an actual Potter vault at Gringrotts he started having access to at 17. There he finds, besides more money, a lot of family heirlooms, diaries, and things taken from the cottage and so he starts discovering more about the Potter family.

When Ginny goes back to Hogwarts, Harry doesn't exactly have the easiest time dealing with her absence. So once he understands that drinking himself to death might not be a great idea he decides to keep himself extremely busy. Obviously, Auror's training helps, but also he spends a lot of time with Teddy and, inspired by what he finds in the Potter vault, he starts investigating his family, finding distant relatives or simply people who knew his parents and grandparents and maybe even great-grandparents. Not only from the Potter side but the Evans one too. He writes to Ginny about it and it becomes a sort of game where she suggests places to check (especially with her pureblood knowledge of the wizarding world) and many of the people Harry meets become inside jokes between them, like some sort of characters

Lily has him wrapped around her little finger. In his defence, she looks just like her mother, what is he supposed to do??

He is like ridiculously good at his job? Especially when he comes to terms with the fact that he can be very intimidating and starts using that with purpose

He is the one that cooks usually, a sort of reappropriation of the activity after his childhood. Now he does it for the people he loves and that very much love him back.

When the kids are all at Hogwarts, he decides that he needs another hobby besides cooking. I've always imagined gardening because it's an open-air activity and it's very methodical and therefore relaxing. Maybe he starts keeping a vegetable garden.

Robards is absolutely the new addition to his collection of father figures.

When he becomes Head of the DMLE, he gets as secretary a very competent, very grumpy, lady that is old enough to be his mother. Harry adores her because she doesn't give a fuck about him being Harry Potter and when she retires he is grumpy about it for months.

On this note, Harry takes Ron leaving the Aurors as a bit of a personal offence. He gets over it eventually but oh, he definitely complains about it

The Auror partner he has for years is a guy ten years older than him, that already has a wife and very young kids when Harry meets him, so he becomes a bit of an older brother to Harry [I hate when people give Harry no new friends in the Aurors, the man works there for a billion years]. The Potters are all friends with this other family, they have dinners together once in a while, the kids are invited to the others' birthdays, stuff like that

When Ginny plays for the Harpies he is the only guy in the group at parties. The only players with a partner are a couple of older married women that don't usually go to parties, all the younger girls are young and single so they basically adopt Harry as a brother and ask him for advice with the guys (to Ginny's great amusement and Harry's horror) but he actually grows into the role

As much as he hates to admit it, one thing he learns from hanging out with Quidditch players is how easier it is to be friends with other famous people than non-famous ones

He teaches his kids how to duel because he is paranoic and also there's nothing more Harry Potter-like than teaching your kids in borderline illegal ways despite being Head Auror

He has some quirks that come very clearly from being raised by Petunia, like being a bit of a neat freak. In general, he needs some things in the house to be done in a certain way

When he eventually retires, he picks up some cases here and there as a private investigator, mainly because I think it would be hilarious for him to be in competition with a department he led for years

In short, grandpa/great-grandpa/great-great-grandpa Harry has Harry's idea of a perfect life: he spends a lot of time with the grandchildren, he has his vegetable garden, he has fun solving only the more interesting mysteries, he goes to events to support his writer wife, and they have a fun trip once in a while

#harry potter

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missbluesunflowersstuff · 7 months

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Some Tim Drake headcanon

I did some headcanon based in canon stuff and also random things, this is more around the batkids and Tim. Please respect

Tim likes to think of himself as a street smarth, but he's not. He is academically smarth, but not a street smart kid (he grew up in a mansion with several servants, even though he is hella neglected, he wouldn't know how to survive on the streets of Gotham in the same way that Jason, Duke, Dick)

(ok I noticed some confusion with my worlds here, then Tim Drake is a child from Gotham, his way of surviving there is a little different from his brother but he still would figure it out. That's what I was saying, thanks for the comprehension)

whenever Tim needs someone to talk to he looks for Dick, he knows that Dick will listening to him and his older brother will also give him useful advice/ help him solve the problem

He's afraid of having redhead fever from his older brothers (Dick being friend with Babs, Wally, Kor'i and Roy and Jason being friend with Artemis, Roy and Kor'i), not in a romantic way or anything, he just doesn't know how to explain how Dick and Jason attract so many redheaded friends

He fears info dumping someone when he talks; Duke once commented that he liked the smell of rain when it rained on very hot days, and Tim began to explain that this was due to a fungus. Duke just listened silently and then shy smiled. And only later did Tim think he had ruined the peaceful moment, as he noticed how Duke and Cass lay quietly enjoying the rain...

His relationship with Steph isn't that complicated, they dated in the past, but nowadays they both try their best to remain good friends

He tries to plan several cute dates with Bernard, but he always ends up overthinking so he chooses the simplest route, cinema and burgers (Kon and Bart helped him choose this as perfect date)

When Tim is having problems with Bruce, he always turns to Dick, knowing that his older brother will help him with whatever he needs

Tim regrets the beginning between him and Damian, not just the assassination attempts, but Tim didn't try to trust Damian and always accused Damian's people of being bad and had an offense towards Damian's origins (both were wrong, Damian in his trauma stuff and I dislike how "his people are evil" that DC wrote at that time)

He is secretly afraid of someone discovering the bomb in Nanda Parbat, yes there were murderers there, but it was a city that also had civilians there and as a hero he shouldn't put the lives of innocent people at risk (why does DC keep writing him like that???)

There are actually several theories in Gotham about why he doesn't age, some say he's a vampire and others say he bathes in the blood of innocents, no one knows who start these theories (Dick blames Jason, Jason blames Damian, Damian blames Steph, Steph blames Bernard and Kon and Bart blames each others)

his worst nightmare is being the only survivor of his entire family (again)

Loneliness can hurt him in ways no villain could, being alone can drive him crazy. Therefore, unlike his brothers (who can work alone), Tim tries his best to work in teams

Because Bruce and Tim were born into a rich house, they are out of touch with normal stuff sometimes

he really enjoys listening to Bernard's theories and sometimes encourages him with something stupid

Tim likes to think that If his mother were alive she would like Bernard

Tim is the only one in the family who shows concern about Damian's addiction to adopting animals, afraid that it will turn into something similar to Bruce

Tim learned a lot about motorcycles because he thought it would be a good topic to talk about with Jason

Tim has and listens to his emo playlist

Even when he hates loneliness, he can disappear for a while, either because he wants someone to look for him or because of something Bruce said. When this happend, he usually comes back when he is tired of being alone or someone go look for him (man this is pretty sad...let me write something...)

There was a time when he disappeared for a while, he hid in a safehouse outside the country and when he started to wonder if anyone would miss him the door was shut down, Damian, Jon and a girl in a white mask that he didn't recognize entered

"tt if I knew you weren't in danger I would have feared more" "what?" "come on, get on the Goliath, we have to go home" "did something happen?" "Batcow. Cows have a circle of friends and they can get depressed if a friend disappears

Ok Tim knew about cows due to Kon living on a farm, but he was extremely confused about being kidnapped rescued by Damian, Jon and Nobody just because the kids were worried about the Batcow mental health

Coming back was strange, since Bruce didn't even notice he was gone, but soon he felt Alfred the cat rubbing against him, Titus licking his hand and the cow mooing at him, Tim was a little happier to come back (I'm not good to write fluffly you guys are struck with this)

Nowadays Tim is very smug because he was the first of the brothers to fly in Goliath

Some batkid headcanon: Damian || Duke || Cassandra || Stephanie || Tim || Jason || Dick

#dc comics #batfamily #tim drake #damian wayne #jason todd #dick grayson #batfam #bruce wayne #batfam headcanons #batfamily headcanons #stephanie brown #bernard dowd

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choccyhearts · 8 months

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Lollipop Chainsaw // Steve Harrington x Reader

Note: is this too niche of an idea? i originally thought of this as an eddie fic until i realized, no, steve fits the profile for handsome jock obviously, and he would love any kind of sexy couples costume with his partner <3 (also this idea came to me because i thought it'd be sooo hot but awful irl)

CW: 18+!! Suggestive and spicy but not smut, fem!reader, light soft!dom!reader/sub!steve dynamic, steve is in LOVE, modern!steve but only cause of the video game, plzz lemme know if i missed anything!

Here's the costume btw:

♡

Steve wasn't ever really into Halloween. He did all the traditions, but it wasn't a time of year he was dying to celebrate. As he got older, he liked it for the reasons young people like it -- drinking and sexy costumes. Not that he didn't have a sweet tooth too, though.

But once he started dating you, he quickly discovered how serious people could take the holiday. Not that he was complaining. He thought it was adorable, the way your face lit up when you'd see a pumpkin or skeleton in front of someone's home, or how excited you'd get when you were making your autumn treats. And it meant he had a wide variety of dates he could take you on -- haunted houses, hay rides, pumpkin picking, picnics.

He also helped you decorate, putting up the really high stuff like spider webs and lights. He loved how big your smile was when you saw your vision come true thanks to his help. He may not love Halloween, but he sure loves you, so I guess he loves Halloween by association.

But when it came to picking out a costume, something he was excited to do, you had other plans. He wanted to do something cheesy and coupley or sexy and totally hot. He'd always thought it would be cute to have the couples' costume experience for just one night. A silent way of showing you off to everyone, making sure they know you're only his.

You, however, told him that you already knew what you were going to be and it was going to be a surpise. Steve knew he was going to like whatever you pick, but he couldn't help but feel a little bummed that another Halloween was going to come and go and he once again wasn't going to live out his couples costume fantasy.

So, now he lay on your bed, tossing a stress ball into the air and catching it while you're in the bathroom. It's Halloween weekend, and there's a party you're both excited for. Steve decided to go without costume, not having come up with a good idea soon enough. You asked him sweetly over the phone to wear his old Hawkins varsity jacket and the pair of jeans that hugged his ass and bulge nicely but refused to clue him in why.

A sigh leaves Steve's lips, his eyes lazily following the stress ball as it soars and drops over and over again. It had been almost half an hour, and you were still in the bathroom. He was getting antsy, wanting to check in and see if you were okay. He knew it took girls a while in the bathroom (though it could be argued he takes just as long), so he just assumed you were trying to fix your hair or makeup.

"Babyyy, are you almost finished?" His voice comes out whinier than he wants, but it still gets his point across.

"Almost, Stevie. I promise it'll be worth it," you call to him lovingly.

You stare at yourself in the mirror, adjusting your belt. You knew this idea was perfect, and you were counting down the days until you could reveal it. Your eyes drift over your body in the mirror, donning a Juliet Starling costume.

When it came to picking out the perfect costume idea to surprise Steve with, you wanted something that would take his breath away and wrap him even tighter around your finger. Most sexy couples costumes were good, but you didn't want to be the third Morticia and Gomez at a party. You wanted something you figured no one else would wear, and after playing the game, Lollipop Chainsaw, you knew it was the perfect costume.

Steve hums softly to himself, mind blanking as he continues waiting. You walk into your room, and like a puppy, Steve sits up putting all of his attention on you. He smiles at you, heart racing as he looks at your cute appearance, standing in front of him with your hair in two pig tails and makeup done softly.

"You look sooo pretty, baby," Steve grins, face flushed and eyes shining.

"You can't even see my costume," you tease, as you've hidden it under a robe.

"Doesn't matter, still look pretty," he blinks slowly, very love drunk.

"Well, you look handsome too, my love." You walk to him, standing between his legs as you set your hands on his shoulders. He lets out a 'mmm' and brings his face against your stomach, needing to just melt into you. You delicately drag your nails against his neck, not wanting to mess up his styled hair.

"My handsome, adorable lover boy," you coo before pulling away. He tightens his arms around you and grunts in response.

"No, wanna stay like this," his voice is muffled as he speaks against your body.

"Don't you wanna see my costume? I wanna see yours." You successfully free yourself and take a couple steps back.

"Yeah, speaking of, why did I need to wear this?"

You don't answer verbally. Instead, untying your robe and sliding it off your body, revealing the cute blue and pink cheerleading uniform. You let the robe fall to the floor as you do a small spin to let Steve look at all of you. His eyes widen and get shinier as he refuses to blink, his mouth parting in an 'o' shape. Lights are on, but no one's home.

"What do you think? Isn't it cute?"

Your little boyfriend can't even hear you, his brain too occupied drinking in your seductive beauty. All he can think about is how mouth-watering your thighs look, how soft and plush your tits look, how he could just barely see your ass when you turned. He wants to keep staring but he also wants to touch you.

"Stevie?" You walk forward and use two fingers to guide his chin to look up at you.

He blinks a few times, involuntary tears falling as his eyes rehydrate.

"I'm sorry, baby, what did you say?"

"Do you like it?"

He pulls you against him again and groans loudly.

"You kidding, me? I looove it, I mean it. I fucking love it," his hands squeeze your ass which makes you jump. You bite back a moan, not wanting to let him distract you.

"Thank you, sweetie." You kiss the top of his head. "And now, for the other surprise!"

"Another surprise? Baby, I don't think my heart can take it."

"Come on, you'll reallyyy like this one," you say in a sing-songy tone.

"Well, I reallyyy like this one, just fine," he mimicks you. "So why don't we just stay here, put on a scary movie, and I show you a few tricks of my own."

He holds your left wrist and begins kissing up your arm, knowing it's your weakness. You hum happily, always enjoying getting loved on by him. His lips are soft and gentle as they stamp your skin over and over again. But his efforts are useless.

"Nope, nope. Let me show you the other half of the costume." You pull off as he gripes at you.

You go into your closet and pull out a thick, neck brace looking collar with a metal loop on the back. You keep it hidden behind your back from Steve as you walk back to him.

"So, you've never played this game, but our costumes are inspired by two characters from a game called Lollipop Chainsaw. I'm Juliet, the protagonist, a zombie hunting cheerleader, and you get to be her football player jock boyfriend."

"I see why you asked me to wear this now."

"There's just one thing about her boyfriend."

"Is he zombie?"

"No, actually, Juliet saves him by decapitating him."

"So you're asking to decapitate me," Steve asks with heavy sarcasm lacing his tone.

"No." You roll your eyes before pulling the collar from behind your back, and Steve eyes it confused. You walk towards him and motion it to him, asking if he'll let you put it on him. He nods, trusting you and remembering you said he'd like it. You've never steered him wrong yet. What's the harm?

You unclasp the collar and begin to gently wrap it around Steve's neck.

"After she decapitates him, she does a spell to keep him alive. And, for the rest of the game, she needs to keep him safe."

You click the collar shut and allow Steve to make any adjustments. Once he confirms he's comfortable, you continue.

"So, she keeps him with her by attaching him to her belt."

You turn and show him you have a clip attached to the side of your belt. You look at Steve as he slowly makes the connection of what you're asking him to do.

"So, I thought, obviosuly not for the entire night, you could stay clipped to me. And it stretches too, see?" You demonstrate that the clip is on a stetchy wire. "So if you need to move around you can."

He stays quiet, an unreadable look on his face. Your face heats and stomach drops. This is not going how you thought it would. You knew Steve wanted to do a couples costume and you should've just planned it with him instead of trying to surprise him and-

Steve slides off your bed and down to his knees. He shuffles over and grips your leg, looking up at you with pleading eyes. This was somehow better than anything he could've imagined. He should've known you'd do something so thoughtful.

♡

And that's how you end up walking around a party with a large prop chainsaw in one hand and your lovesick boyfriend Steve attached at the hip, literally. His big, strong hands grabbing and groping you anytime he needs a Halloween treat (the real reason you picked this costume) and soft, wet mouth biting your ass and thighs anytime he wants a trick.

Unsurprisingly, he stays attached the entire night!! He sits on his knees while you mingle and talk to your friends, lays his head on your lap when you sit on the couch, and chooses to just stumble over his feet while you walk around --and yes, he does need to grab your ass cheek while you move, how else is he supposed to hold on???

It's safe to say Steve's favorite holiday is now Halloween...

#stranger things #st4 #steve stranger things #steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington smut #lollipop chainsaw #choccyhearts

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worriedvision · 2 years

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Here's the first ending to the poly tighnari and Cyno fic, this was the intended ending before the Zhongli discussion was a thing lol! Ill add in the link for the fic here when I can!

A few weeks later was when Cyno discovered you were no longer in Sumeru. He believed that you must have had something come up with your work, and the important thing could have waited, but there was something that didn't feel right. The first person he started dating, and this was the first time you hadn't even seen him once in weeks. It's not like he had to try too hard to see you, always finding it endearing when he saw his first love.

But then he overheard a rumour that you left for work in Liyue. He would have dismissed it if it weren't for the fact this was around the same time you had asked to talk to him and presumably Tighnari, the other part of the relationship. He didn't think you would have went to work in the chasm, solely because you were entirely unfamiliar with the area, but from a work point of view the Chasm was really good to work.

Then he finds out that Tighnari looked into it, and found out quickly that you had left.

"Why have you been lying to me?" Cyno asks, hurt evident in his voice. Tighnari winces, this sound being unpleasant. "I've been worried sick for them, and I'm sure you love them as much as I do."

Tighnari doesn't respond for a good few seconds.

"To put it simply, it looks like they must have had a change of heart." Tighnari responds, hoping Cyno would understand his perspective. From his point of view, you weren't able to keep up with him and Cyno, and you never looked happy especially when your boyfriend had changed how he was with you.

"...You saw them leave, didn't you?" Cynos voice cracks, Tighnari nodding. Cyno takes a deep breath, slowly processing the fact that you were now gone from his life, and Cyno scolds himself for treating Tighnari like an exciting new boyfriend and you like the safe lover that he 'always' had.

Tighnari watches as his boyfriend walks away, a tight feeling in his chest. He knew Cyno wouldn't be able to stay mad, but he didn't feel right about it. He should have actually tried to get to know you, past the stuff everyone knew, but he shut you out when you tried to talk to him.

You had been joining a new team of miners that were older and more experienced, and when you were first there, they did quiz you. It was nothing malicious, just for them to check you had a good enough head on your shoulders to navigate through the caves until they went too deep. Satisfied with your answers, they treat you like the 'kid' of the group.

A hobby you had back in Sumeru was stone carving. Sometimes, you had carved small patterns into stones to pass the time when a rock had to be merged with some other material for identification purposes before completing a job. One you always carved to signify where you had been was a four leaf sigil, similar to those ones that hovered. Sure, you didn't have a vision, but this allowed you to at least see the stone carving.

It's like a ritual for you - you had stones ready to deploy, and the miners you worked with found it endearing and cute so they teased you, but they left the stones where they were.

The cavern you were exploring started to show signs of instability, and everyone with exception of the oldest member of the group wanted to leave. When the others go to move back, you see that the bloke wasn't going to leave.

"I'm staying, you guys go ahead." You call out, the man turning to you and placing a hand on his hip.

"Kid, you got a long life ahead of you if you leave." He scolds you. Seeing your gaze not falter, he shakes his head. "Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you."

You both walk along, him showing you the picture of his loving wife and his adorable son. The way both of them have genuine smiles, it tells you that this man had people who loved him. You ignore the pain in your heart, listening as he starts rambling about the achievements his 5 year old had done already and a hearty laugh when he finishes his chat, putting his wallet away before he looks over.

"You must have someone yourself." He pokes your side, you realising he was asking about who you had close to you.

"...Promise you won't judge?" The man nods, encouraging you to continue. "Well, back in Sumeru I did have a boyfriend. At first it was really nice, he had his work as a Ma-" you clear your throat, stopping yourself from telling this man about Cynos work. "Well, I can't exactly explain what he does. A really incredible guy."

"I'm feeling a big but in the air." The man says, you nodding your head.

"At one point, he got interested in another guy. It wasn't cheating, it was only that I saw the way he looked at Tighnari. I asked him to have the guy join the relationship, thinking maybe it would be nice." You think to yourself, unsure what else to say. "I tried to get closer to him myself, to know my 'other boyfriend' better, but he couldn't stand my job. My lover stopped giving me the affection he once did, and well I knew that I lost him the moment that man came along." You say. "And that's what brought me to the Chasm."

The man across from you nods, silently agreeing to keep this to himself. You both walk on, and he asks you to tell him when you want to start dating again. It was almost like he himself knew how painful this stuff could be. You keep placing the rocks, your mind screaming at you that these were going to be especially important.

The man falls through the ground, and you instinctively grab him, not following safety guidelines as you grab his side. He understands what you're doing, but not why, simply deciding to hold onto your side as you both fall. You close your eyes, praying that someone could figure out how to get enough elemental energy into the stones of yours to get enough four leaf clovers to get out.

Tighnari gets an urgent request to run along to the opening of the Chasm, and he rushes along with the fear in his mind that you were hurt somehow.

The sound is overwhelming for Tighnari, and he almost turns back until he realises people are calling for two names, one of which being yours. Tighnari picks up his pace, grabbing his bow as one stone in particular stands out. It does sound silly in hind sight, but Tighnari got an idea. He infused a bow with dendro, aiming and taking a shot.

His mouth falls open, gasping as he watches four leaf clovers spawning in. His ears pick up on someone using the device, and he keeps aiming and shooting at the rock as he jogs along to get to where the first leaf spawned. Chances are, neither you nor the guy had a vision, so he would have to be the elemental source. He spots the line that implies someone is using the teleporting device, and he expects to see a second one despite not hearing it. When he realises you're holding onto someone, he can't stop himself from dropping everything and sprinting towards you.

You drop to the ground the moment you see the surface, your older colleague pulling you safely away from the edge. Hearing footsteps, your eyes close out of exhaustion after the prior events, thinking it was simply your colleagues.

"Sweetheart?" Tighnari hushes out, not able to ignore how the man you had saved with you glared at him "Can you hear me?" Tighnari doesn't even realise he's just given you a pet name, simply administering the best care he could.

"You." He hears someone say. Reluctantly, his head looks up, regretting his actions when he makes direct eye contact with the guy. "So you're the one they were talking about." Tighnari's head tilts, him not understanding the question. "Haven't you done enough?"

Tighnari feels you stir in his grasp, and he turns his attention to you.

"Honey, I'm here." Tighnari hushes out, you not leaning away. "Are you feeling okay?" You groan out, clearly not wanting to stay awake for now.

"I'll be taking them back to Sumeru." Tighnari states, holding you in his arms as he stands up. "Rest assured, I willy take care of them."

"Stop playing with their heart, you twerp." The man growls, his wife reprimanding him before she gets Tighnari to stop for a moment.

"My husband told me about that stone, something about them carving those personally." His wife starts. "Please, I want to thank the both of you. Them for somehow carving those stones to be effective, and you for uh... Doing what that was." She laughs lightly, Tighnari nodding before leaving.

You wake up in Tighnaris bed, and you already knew you were back in Sumeru, specifically the region where Tighnari stayed. You get up, holding back the gasp out of the immense pain you got, before you try to sneak out.

"And where do you think youre going?" You hear Tighnari tease, before he gets up and lightly places you back onto bed. "Morning, sleepyhead."

"I need to go back to the Chasm. I have work there, and I need to move on." You explain, crossing your arms before wincing. Tighnari can't help but smirk, him handing you some medication to take for pain relief.

"No you don't." Tighnari states. "After a discussion, your boss and I came to an agreement. You'd create those stones, and I'll even let you get the stone samples from Sumeru yourself, and these would be shipped to them for their own uses." Tighnari explains.

"That solves one problem, but it doesn't change the fact I can't get over Cyno." You explain, Tighnari nodding.

"Well, I did shut you out." Tighnari admits, sitting next to your bed before continuing. "Let's give this a real chance, I think we have more in common that we've thought." He smiles, you nodding before starting to talk.

Cyno visits Tighnari a week after the incident, and he wasn't mentally ready to hear your voice. He hears it, and he fails to ground himself before he runs over to the source of the noise, that being laughter from Tighnaris place. Opening the door, there you both are. Tighnari looking rather happy with himself, successfully making you laugh and you leaning into his embrace.

Cyno enters the room, and the both of you look up. Cyno feels like he's in a dream, he had been trying to stop thinking of you but nothing worked. He reaches out, touching you to make sure you weren't an illusion as he stares blankly. After he pauses, he wraps his arms around Tighnari, crushing you in between the both of them. Hearing you yelp, he pulls away apologising before he holds you closely.

"You won't believe what happened" Tighnari stated, him starting to explain what happened while you held Cyno in your arms. Cyno doesn't seem to want to let go, he still think you must not actually be here, especially so close to Tighnari. It felt like he was on cloud nine, both of his lovers finally realising they were also compatible.

#gender neutral reader #genshin impact imagines #angst #tighnari #tighnari x gender neutral reader #tighnari x reader #cyno #cyno x gender neutral reader #cyno x reader #cyno x reader x tighnari #cyno x gender neutral reader x tighnari

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dykefruit · 11 months

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Fuck dude, I finally found that quote I was looking for and I read more stuff from Rabbi Tzvi Freeman and it’s just hitting me hard. Like the one I was looking for was this:

The child naively believes that everything should be fair and everyone should be honest, that only good should prevail, that everybody should have what they want and there should be no pain or sadness. The child believes the world should be perfect and is outraged to discover it is not. And the child is right.

And like, that is one of the most important moral beliefs for me personally, and I become outraged when someone insists that believing this is naïve and a result of immaturity. Like I’m sorry you became sad and bitter, but I refuse to and I work hard every day to focus on hope and compassion and it baffles me that anyone could see that as a flaw or as something I should grow out of. I will always refuse to.

A child cannot learn something without running out and screaming it to others. And so it should be with all those who have knowledge.

This is another one that hits me hard bc I feel like sharing knowledge is one of the truest forms of love. At least for me personally. Like, when we are young our parents teach us as much as they can as fast as they can to help us grow into the best people that we can be. They love us so much that they try to share as much knowledge with us as we can learn, but why does that stop when we become older? Why do so many treat correcting false information as a personal insult and belittlement? Why do so many treat someone who shares knowledge as a braggart and assume this person must think themselves superior? I know that it is because of pride, that to be corrected damages the ego and to be taught new things makes one feel inferior. But they shouldn’t. And I am baffled and upset that they do.

And then, as the child emerges to discover that the world outside is not quite the same as that sanctuary, we will explain, "Yes, this is not the way it is supposed to be. But it is only temporary. You and I and all of us, we are going to change it. We are partners in the act of creating this world, because it is our mission to perfect it. And we are doing this now, with acts of beauty and kindness, one good deed at a time."

Is this not the entire purpose of life? Community? Society? I am so earnestly begging to not feel like I am alone, screaming this out for no one to hear.

I am not (currently) religious at all, much less Jewish, so I have no idea how I came across Rabbi Freeman’s writing, but it just speaks to me so incredibly. I’ll end this way-to-long post with one final quote from him:

A child gives love for the sake of love. But even an adult can learn to do the same.

#my words #poetry #in a way #in all honesty I cried the first time I read that stuff #I just now realized that like I never understood what was meant by “a strong sense of justice” meant as an autistic trait #and like I think it means this lmao #file that under things that I thought didn’t make me autistic but actually very much did

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an-obsessed-cactus · 2 months

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I think i may be asexual?!

(okay this got longer than expected and i wanted to stop talking cuz ppl won't read it if it's so long and then i realized I'm not here to please anybody and i just wanna process some stuff so. yeah. also i come to realizations farther down that contradict some stuff from the beginning but I'll just leave my whole thought process here)

fun. um. I've realized I'm not straight two years ago and then started learning more about all things LGBT related and think myself educated enough on this topic but.

I've been pondering my sexuality and gender identity again more in recent days and. today i randomly stumbled across a yt video where the author (are you an author on yt? my brain is glitching rn)(also the 'author' in question is @jaidenanimationsofficial wonderful videos love the animation and the humor) talks about being aroace. few hours pass, my stomach hurts like hell so i go to lay down and sleep a bit, wake up and have a realization.

i googled again what asexuality is and read some more on this. i did this before and i guess i didn't see myself in it? so i kinda crossed it off the list of possible identities. i guess because i do want to have sex. i think. I'm not opposed to it and i get horny lmao. but that's only with fictional characters and works? like i just think: that was very sexy of you. but in a platonic way?! sex doesn't cross my mind. (also can you get aroused by music? or a good written work? or movie? like not even the characters but the work itself?) sorry i dunno I'm confused.

anyway i got a bit off track. what i wanted to say was that i suddenly remembered a convo i had with my sister a while ago where we talked about what is the difference between friendship and a romantic relationship. and she said it's that u wanna have sex with them and i was like ... i don't really think that's it...

and like. i get crushes i think. but I've never experienced this want to have sex with a particular person at least that i could remember. like a want to have sex? i guess yeah i mean not rlly sth i think about much but it's not unprecedented(see: i get horny)

honestly I'm not even sure anymore if im not aromantic as well. cuz queerplatonic sounds more like my jam?

like i felt(feel?) like omnisexual described me well because i think I'd be attracted to who the person is at their core. what if ur straight as a girl, date a boy, and then it turns out he's trans? i dunno i feel like gender isn't this fixed thing which then kinda creates problems when labeling urself with a certain sexuality. aaaa people came irl and i lost my train of thought. um. i feel like labeling myself anything other than omnisexual would feel limiting. even if i never developed a crush on a girl for example (i did), i still feel like i could potentially. like there's nothing stopping me. why shouldn't I?

OKAY SO

that was written yesterday. it is now today and i have a whole lot of new thoughts and realizations.

I had a bit of a marathon with @jaidenanimationsofficial videos and i came across an older one she mentioned in the previous one i watched about being aroace(ik it's a mess) about how she couldn't understand why when romantic feelings are not mutual people don't just continue being friends. and i was like EXACTLY WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?! and um. ahem. do u really see it as a problem? I guess if everyone does. but I'm starting to seriously consider if I'm aroace as well which woah there. this happened in a span of a day and I'm not sure it's real and it doesn't feel real? some time will have to pass for me to check out this theory cuz. ppl often say they felt like there was sth wrong with them and then they discovered these terms and were like aHA that's it! that explains everything! and I didn't... have that? and I'm not sure to what extent i identify with aroace because reasons(ill talk about some of it below). and I'm not saying that not having this realization moment or not feeling like sth is wrong with me through my life devalidates my orientation and stuff but it makes me doubt i guess?

i also came to an important discovery that aroused and horny are not the same. who would have thought?! I said above i get horny but apparently being horny means to want to have sex. and i just get the physical part aka arousal. fun. someone help pls im so confused.

okay for the last part(which prolly won't be the last part but one can hope right?)

i said i realized i wasn't straight two years ago. that was when i realized i like my best friend as more than i friend. well it wasn't exactly that simple. tbh i think Lucifer(the series i am NOT a satanist) helped a lot with that? like i knew about some lgbt stuff before because I'm alive on this planet but it kinda made me think about a lot of stuff, and between that stuff was my sexuality as well. idk. it's not like i had a crush on any of the female characters. just got me thinking for some reason. like why is having sex with people you're not romantically involved with wrong? why is prostitution wrong if u enjoy it and get money for it and it's well managed and secure? but that's beside the point.

well anyway I didn't know what i felt towards my bff(I'll say bff cuz bf also stands for boyfriend so it feels weird) but it felt like more than friendship. didn't feel like sth romantic tho. then i discovered queerplatonic relationships exist and i was like i think that's it! and then new school year came i saw her again and doubts flared up. again there was never i wanna have sex with her, but there was an occasional i wanna kiss her. and she was so important to me so it has to be romantic love right?! romance is the highest form of love one can experience afterall! nothing whatsoever can compare to it!! it feels ✨magical✨ when you find you will finally be completed!!! anyways.

it felt like romantic love was the only thing that could justify me feeling this way. i won't go deeper into this because i already have a draft where i do(i have like 16 drafts with uncompleted rambles so...) I'll try to post it but. i told her and we're still good friends! it actually made me closer to the rest of my friend group(which i was only a part of on the paper before)(i was so focused on my bff before I didn't really do group) because i felt a bit distanced from her for a while(she's a people pleaser like me and even tho i think i can read her well im paranoid and i thought she may feel weird?). anyways i got close with 3 other amazing ppl in the meantime and my friendship with my bff hasn't suffered!

but between my feelings being kinda realized and me telling her a whole year has passed and in the end i wasn't even sure what i was feeling anymore just that i didn't want her not to know. idk.

now im wondering what it was. even back then half year pre confession i was thinking if it was just because someone was finally paying attention to me. i didn't really do friends before (i kinda had them but there were no deep convos or shared secrets) and then there was suddenly this person who genuinely enjoys spending time with me! and listens to my problems! and weird obsessions! this sounds kinda sad put like this ngl lmao. but this was the first time I had that deep connection with someone. two years in my confused feelings came. geez i got off track again. point is i thought i was straight up until then and then had a crisis cuz i thought i only liked her cuz she was giving me attention cuz i was straight goddamit! ANYWAYS.

this post has lost all direction. it is a frustrated ramble of a very confused person. let us continue

i will just sum up how i feel about genders and people because I'm a chronic oversharer. oops doops.

men: find them aesthetically pleasing, all celebrity crushes are in this category (there's only one really but if i found a celebrity attractive like not objectively but to me it was a man), i would also get kinda crushes on boys my age when i spent 5 minutes with them. don't ask. i think it's dopamine mining(i suspect i have adhd). im not used to male company and i kinda don't like it that much but the the ?butterflies? are still there. tbh i don't really know what to do with men. doesn't stop me from having crushes tho. i don't have any real desire to be in a romantic relationship with men. i don't exclude the possibility but i haven't found one i would want it with. i also don't know now to interact with them. let alone flirt. actually flirt in general. it feels like it would be cringe and belongs in bad movies.

women: freaking amazing!! love them! no celebrity crushes, one irl crush which might have moved beyond crush(i suspected the L word for a while) to friends or it might have never been a crush in the first place! help! now there's another friend outside of my friend group who i may like. or i just enjoy her company? im not used to this yet. i forgot i think im aroace. this is killing me.

nonbinary/other genders: I haven't met any yet. there are some on discord servers im a part of but I don't really interact much just lurk there. i think irl experience would be different anyway.

someone please explain sth to me. you have sexual attraction okay get that(not really but that's not the point). but then there's romantic attraction. how do you separate that from friendship? just this intense feelings of wanting to be with them at all times? okay myb myb let's say u can separate them from friendship. what about queerplatonic? guys??

i am starting to dislike labels. this is confusing.

also i gotta figure this romantic thing out cuz im writing a fantasy series and there's romance involved lol.

okay so i guess i am at least asexual cuz i don't see ppl and go 'i wanna have sex with them'. i am not yet thoroughly convinced im aromantic as well but we'll see about that ig. because i still don't understand what the difference between romance and deep friendship is. aghhh

although if i can't tell the difference myb that answers the question.

also how does someone who is asexual but romantically attracted to all genders label themselves? like omnisexual ig doesn't work cuz it omnisexual.

i went to google aromantic and.

"demiromantic people have romantic attraction only after forming an emotional bond with another person."

HOW ELSE DO YOU HAVE ROMANTIC ATTRACTION??? Isn't this about who the person is?! Do you just see them and go: oh this must be such a good person. what?

like i understand sexual attraction when you see someone ig. but romantic? i really need someone to explain this to me in depth. i haven't even been asking the right questions.

"Quoiromantic people can't tell the difference between romantic and platonic attractions." Welp i guess i have a new label i can stick on myself. also the name is killing me. (quoi=what in french💀)

(edit: well this thing just posted itself. I DIDN'T HIT POST WTF. but it's out there now. ig it had enough of me adding new and new thoughts. im inclined to agree)

#lgbtqia #lgbtq #lgbtq community #queer #queerplatonic #aroace #aromantic #asexual #aromantism #asexuality #omnisexual

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bomberqueen17 · 2 months

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Must Farm musings, cont'd

As I've continued to mull over what I wrote in the last post, it strikes me that it'd be good to kind of inventory what was, and what was not, found in the settlement, so that we can more effectively speculate on what we can't know, which is: what actually happened.

Some things weren't found in the settlement because they would not have been preserved. Animal fiber textiles, for example; wool would burn differently than linen or lime fiber; the plant-based stuff was charred and preserved, but wool burns to a crumbly ash, and furthermore the ph of the mud was such that protein-based things like wool and skin would not have survived even if they were not burnt to ash. There were potentially as many bobbins of spun wool thread as linen, but the wool would not have survived at all, so we have no way to know. Likewise, certainly these people knew how to work leather, but there is no evidence of it-- but it would not have survived, and so there being no sign of it doesn't mean it wasn't there. Every bed could have had a sheepskin coverlet and we just wouldn't know.

(I personally think, if they built this site over the winter, and were there through high summer, but it burned in late summer or early autumn-- see the flax processing debris from late July, emmer wheat spikelets from July or August, but no hazelnuts or berry seeds?-- they didn't have much wool from their flock in storage. They'd've sheared them in the spring, though I'd have to look up Bronze Age sheep to be sure-- they might be the kind you roo rather than shearing? i don't know if we know, but it seems reasonable that the wool would be a springtime product, and so would all have been spun/woven by now, and they'd recently switched over to linen because the flax had come ripe. So there were likely many finished items of wool lost in the fire-- bedding, clothing, wall hangings??-- but not bobbins or in-progress weavings, that was all likely flax.)

Some things were not found in the settlement that absolutely would have been preserved-- buckles, pins, clothing accessories. Things we know from other Bronze Age artifact assemblages, preserved in other contexts-- often as grave goods. They would be there, if they'd been left behind.

So it's safe to assume that the people left wearing most of their clothing and normal accessories. Even a wealthy person of this era would likely not have multiples of accessories like belt buckles and shawl pins, so we can assume they'd have worn them more or less daily. This doesn't necessarily mean anything, except that the fire did not happen at night. They weren't rousted out in their pajamas. But that goes with my earlier conclusion, that they weren't home at all when the fire began.

(Why were beads left behind? Well, evidently, they weren't worn daily. Possibly they were part of the decor of the houses, or were incorporated into protective amulets over the door, or incorporated into some kind of altar-like area within the house, or something along those lines. Possibly these people had even more beads than what were left here, and did wear necklaces as part of their daily adornment! Possibly the other beads we've found as jewelry in grave offerings from the period are not representational of what people actually would wear, and they're ceremonial adornments! Maybe the necklace needed restringing and was hung up waiting for someone to take it apart and get to it. There are many things that we cannot know.)

And likewise, swords and other weapons. (There's a bronze knife, among the discovered artifacts, but it is for various reasons likely not to have belonged to anyone in the settlement. The older Middle Bronze Age causeway that runs straight through the site was a place where offerings were deposited, and the sole knife was one such offering.) But this could either mean that there weren't warriors living in this settlement, OR that the warriors had taken their weapons with them when they walked out for the last time and never came back.

As far as religion/spiritual beliefs, we know very little of course. But we do know a couple of things from the wider context. One is that culture-wide, there were complicated beliefs about death. We know that some bodies in that era were enbalmed or in other ways given ritualistic treatments immediately after death-- put in bogs and then later recovered, or defleshed with knives, or exposed to birds to be defleshed. There's evidence that some people were eviscerated soon after death, to slow decay-- a person's gut flora sort of digests them after death, to an extent (which leaves traces in the bones), and the people of this era clearly knew that and for their own reasons, sought to prevent it in some cases (which we know, from the absence of those traces). Fragments of bone were then curated, kept among people's possessions, and later deposited in other contexts. (A paper about this, mentioned in the Must Farm report, is here, from Cambridge University Press, published in Antiquity in 2020.)

The Must Farm settlement was no exception: the only human remains found in the site are just such curated bits of bone, most of them likely deposited during the construction of the site, or possibly even during its brief occupation. (This is discussed in chapter 27 of Vol II.) A near-entire human skull with extensive wear-handling was deposited near what we think was the gate of the site. The bones were radiocarbon dated and are roughly contemporaneous with the site. They also had been handled in ways that to us seem disrespectful-- one fragment of tibia had been gnawed by dogs, and had wear as if it had been trampled. Like it had been kept on the floor of an occupied house for a time. The near-complete skull was that of a youngish person, probably in her twenties, likely female, and she'd had her jaw and part of her cheekbone cut off right around the time of death, and had also had the base of her skull chopped around the same time to make it sit flat on a surface, as if for display. She was not a venerated ancestor-- at least not as we'd understand it. She likely had been dead less than twenty years when the settlement was built, though the radiocarbon dating isn't precise. And there's part of a human femur from just outside the palisade, worn and much-handled, that seems to have been deposited after the site was abandoned, which is really interesting.

Another thing we know is that pile-dwelling settlements like this were, in Central mainland Europe where they were quite common, frequently deliberately burned. The inhabitants would remove all their belongings, then they'd set fires in a number of places, piling fuel near the walls to make the fire burn hotter. They'd wait until it died down entirely, then come clean up the site, and rebuild over it. This was possibly a spiritual practice, but it was also practical: these kinds of dwellings are not terribly durable and are very hard to repair. It was just more economical to destroy them and start fresh, about every ten to twenty years-- much more labor-intensive to pull down the old buildings, and if it was a good site then the inhabitants would want to stay in the same place, so burning was the quick easy way to do it. (Interesting echoes of the southeastern European Neolithic phenomenon of the Burned House Horizon, but much more straightforward actually.) Must Farm's settlement was built in a similar way to those European ones, clearly not designed for long-term use-- many of the pilings were ash, which doesn't hold up all that well to alternately wet and dry conditions. The buildings would have decayed, would have needed repair within five years, would have needed major repairs in ten, would have possibly been beyond repair in fifteen. And the builders were experienced enough to surely know that.

But it made no sense to burn it down after less than a year, the wood still green and completely free of insects, and it certainly made no sense to leave so much in them, including the live animals. And there are no signs of the kind of deliberate burning found in those European sites, the extra fuel and multiple ignition points, so it's highly unlikely this settlement was burned intentionally. I really do think it was abandoned, and then immediately accidentally burned from an improperly-extinguished cooking fire. If this was done because of some spiritual or other belief, it was an unusual example. Perhaps there was something dramatic, perhaps some event the inhabitants interpreted as supernatural.

Maybe there was a really big spider.

#must farm #archaeology #bronze age #british history #bronze age history

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themistressdomme · 2 months

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Hi! I'm messaging because I was reading your blog and i saw you mention you were ace! I'm curious as to what your experience is on the ace spectrum in terms of intimacy and how you discovered your identity (if you don't mind my asking, completely understandable if you dont wish to answer)

I ask as I myself am Acespec and I ADORE reading smut but don't particularly care for actual intimacy and I'm curious for another perspective , especially from someone who's writing is so captivating :)

Thank you!

(A silly gal who likes your blog)

Hello my love!

First off, thank you so much for your compliment for my words! 🥰 I'm flattered and I appreciate that so much! 🤗

I'd absolutely love to answer this question! I love meeting fellow acespecs and learning their experiences, because it's not very talked-about and it can feel devastating and so lonely when you're first trying to figure things out!

For anyone wondering what "acespec" is, it's shortened for the asexual spectrum! Someone who is asexual may not experience sexual attraction/desire, but that's very broad and we're all different! :))

For me, I discovered my identity when I realized that I didn't like receiving in any sort of way. Really, the first clues, looking back, were that I never did find myself that curious about sex at that teenage age where all my friends were. I also didn't find myself fantasizing about anyone, when again, all my peers were. I just thought I'd "grow out of it", and that I'd be "normal" when I was older.

News flash, that's not the way it went.

I realized that receiving during sex for me on my actual body (i.e., the strap is not a part of my anatomical body and so I love using it/receiving on it) made me feel... "gross"? That might not be the right word, but it's the best word I can find for now. It doesn't make me feel good.

For a long time, I thought it was because I wasn't ever really comfortable (in terms of being vulnerable) with the people that I was hooking up with. Now imagine my surprise when I found out that it's not just me - there's a term for it! "Ace"! Or rather, "acespec"!!! It was a eureka moment for me, and everything started to make sense. I finally didn't have to be so uncomfortable and just receive (to be "normal"), because it is normal to be on the acespec for some people! Before realizing this, I was very bad with boundaries and just let myself dissociate while receiving because I thought that was the proper way to do things, as to not upset my partners, whether it be relationships or randoms. But once I found that there's a word for that, it made me almost cry from knowing that I'm not alone in feeling that way.

In terms of intimacy in the sense of giving, I love giving. I love it so damn much. I love being a Domme. I learnt that there is a word for this too! "Stone top"!!! Again with the happiness when I realized that this was a feeling that had a label!!!! Whilst I know that labels aren't everything, and that some people don't like them, it really helped me in that moment, knowing that there was a label for someone like me.

For me, being acespec also includes not having a very high libido on a day-to-day basis, so I don't ever really initiate sex, if that makes sense? But once it's initiated by a partner, I can be absolutely down to pleasure them. This can also be difficult because multiple partners in the past have thought that I don't initiate because I "don't find them attractive anymore" and stuff like that, but that is absolutely not the case.

We're all goofy lil things, and we're all different!

Thank you for telling me your experience as an acespec! It was very interesting to see that you love reading smut but don't really care for physical intimacy!!! :))

Thank you, darling!

So much love for you, fellow acespec, silly gal 🥰🥰

P.S. If my explanation is a little all over the place, please do forgive me! I've never really said all this out loud before! :))

#bd/sm blog #sapphic nsft #wlw ns/fw #wlw bd/sm #wlw nsft #lesbian #bd/sm community #bd/sm domme #lesbian nsft #acespec #asexual spectrum #answered #stone top

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katyspersonal · 3 months

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Ayyyy 3 years of Bloodborneing! I am old now xD 🎉

I checked my @katyahina main, that existed many months before this blog, and.. damn, I really HAVE been into Bloodborne for 3 years! Not just that, but I've kept missing the proper day because I misremembering joining in Spring and not Winter. But.. yeah!

^ This meme was how my Bloodborne fan era technically started. It was the first thing I've posted on it, after about a month of passionate discussions with my friends who played it.. and then fishbowlcarnage, a super based Soulsborne blog that unfortunately deactivated year later, liked it and followed me instantly. I've just started to take first steps towards being "properly" online in social media after a seriously horrible and long period in my life, and having that sense of 'a cool person' giving me attention again, after all that time? Yeah, I felt like I could not pull the 'it was just a joke, I do not intend to post more Bloodborne!!' after something so significant. Look, I was very sad, and in shards from after leaving abusive relationship that were a huge part of my "isolation" from sane people. Still, I think it is funny that I might not even have stayed around in this fandom, had it not been a single person giving me a hand at the most important time. She never knew how meaningful it was for me, and never will now (genuinely hope she is fine, wherever she is..)

But afterwards I started drawing and loredigging more! This aesthetic and this type of storytelling was absolutely nothing like what I was used to, so it was very hard to whip my art into a more "serious" shape after years of round, cute and cartooney stuff. And even harder to connect so many vague hints and scattered lore scraps! I thought I was losing my mind upon discovering my first theories. Heck, I swear I learned what growing eyes on the inside felt like XD @val-of-the-north was there for me on every step on the way, he remembers me screaming at how bad it hurt my brain and how I was losing sanity dsfhjdfs In the end, my brain did get completely rewired in terms of media analysis and how I create things. I think I will never be the same. Admittedly, I am so, so, SO thankful to my former self for discovering all theories on my own, instead of instantly socialising and taking hot takes, theories and designs in the fandom as a reference. Talking with other fans significantly improved my interpretations and theories, but the best way to go is to first have your own version, so it can be refined upon interactions. Rather than just letting what's already there decide for you, you feel?

Granted, it's been painful 3 years for at least 5 significant reasons, and time flew really fast. Sometimes I regret having joined the fandom instead of being the 'unreachable' fan (the one that just posts theories and fanart without ever actually interacting with other fans). Watching the best, the most level-headed and interesting fandom in my life rot into a clown mess of 'cool kids' cliques, hierarchies and division, discourse, passive aggression, toxicity, gospel headcanons, snobbish treatment of any fan that didn't grab a beer with an "influencer" at the Discord and resentment towards fans who are actually passionate was PAIN. I hoped this kind of rot that kills every other small fandom could never touch US, but alas.

On the other hand, accepting that all good things should rot one day is important part of any engagement. Resisting what's natural end only makes things worse. ...that sounded like a very Soulsborne-moment. Besides, all pain (personal one or 'on behalf of my community' one) was worth the knowledge and insights on nature of people I've gotten! I understand so much more, it is only fair that the price was so heavy. ....and that also sounded like a very Soulsborne-moment. And at the same time, while I was raving like a grumpy old man about "better simpler times", even older fans came towards me to admit that actually this is not a novelty but just a more annoying form of it, and the community knew at least two previous 'cycles' of rising and then rotting like this. So in the end it doesn't matter, and some day things will improve again, only to get ruined again. ..... *sighs* and is not it a fucking Soulsborne-moment yet AGAIN.

I am still glad that I was able to find the interest in these awesome stories, and that I've found such good friends. I think in the end, the biggest reason why these games have such unreal grip on me is that they understand me like no other piece of media did. With all previous things I've been into, I was the one trying to understand them, but here, ironically considering my lore essays, it is understanding me. The despair, the endless existential crisis, the traumas, the doubts, the struggle to remember what's the reason to even live and hope is, observations on society I've had on instinctive level despite intellectual disabilities but could never articulate... the nightmares, too. But this is even better that I've found people who can understand me through how I understand it. I can't go back to how I used to socialise before the nightmare everything has been spiralling as for several years, the trust issues run far too deep and control me far too much, but I feel as alive as someone in my position could be here. And this matters.

#personal #thoughts #memories #it feels bittersweet

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