#but my brain was like This makes too much sense

[gay-dorito-dust]

Hi! Can i request for reader x batboys where they’re dating but reader doesn’t know they’re vigilantes. One day they ( as vigilantes) flirt with her then reader tells them that she’s happily taken. Thank you!

I’m only doing dick and Jason cuz my brain doesn’t know what to put for Tim or Damian. And this is probably a boat load of words that make no fucking sense when reading it, so I apologise.

Jason

‘You look lost sweetheart.’ You heard from above you only to see the silhouette of the vigilante red hood.

‘I can assure you I’m not.’ You replied straightforward, wanting nothing more to get home and cuddle up to Jason in your shared bed, after all it had been a long day and you weren’t in the mood to be chatted up by anyone, you were loyal to Jason no matter what.

‘I’m only trying to help.’ Red Hood tells you as he dropped down from the roof and landed safely in front of you before standing up to his full height.

‘I understand that but when you added sweetheart I’m naturally going to assume you’re attempting to hit on me.’ You said with your arms crossed over your chest. ‘I’m more than happily taken by the sweetheart man I’ve ever known.’ You added as a boast because it was more than the truth, and you could spend the entire week talking about how much better Jason was then any other man in existence.

Jason could feel his heart melt when you said that and was half tempted to rip his helmet off to kiss you senselessly, but he decided to be cheeky and milk this for all it’s worth if it meant hearing you speak about him in high praise. ‘Oh yeah? Does he treat you right?’ He asked as he leans against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest, reading himself to hear whatever you had to say.

‘He treats me as though I made the stars in the sky and looks at me like I did too,’ you began smiling as you remembered the fondness in Jason’s eyes whenever you did something mundane, ‘I could just be standing there in a plain shirt and a pair of his boxers, looking like absolute shit but he would still tell me I looked stunning.’ You added as you felt the smile stretch further across your lips.

God you loved that teddy bear of a man so much you didn’t know where to put it most of the time.

You noticed that Red Hood didn’t say anything but that was because beneath the helmet Jason was fighting through urge to hold you in arms and never let you go, smother your face in kisses because of how fucking cute you were being without trying, however he knew that he better get back home before you did if he ever wants to do any of that and so he clears his throat and says. ‘It’s good that he does treat you like that, you deserve it more than you know, I bet he’d be devastated if something were to happen to you, go to war even.’

You furrowed your brows as Red Hoods words before shrugging. ‘I mean…yeah I guess, he’d do anything to get me back. I hear him whispering it when he thinks I’m asleep.’ You add as you felt a sense of familiarity from the vigilante but decided to brush it off when you checked the time on your phone and winced. ‘I should get going and I’m sure you-‘ you went to look over to where you saw the vigilante last, only to be greeted with the sight of nothing. ‘-do too…’ you trailed off before shrugging your shoulders and continuing on your way home.

Unaware of the fact that Jason was still watching you from the rooftops above, knowing damn well that he would indeed go to war for you, his beloved little chipmunk.

Dick

‘What’s someone as pretty as you doing in a place like this? It’s dangerous you know.’ Nightwing practically purred.

‘I’ve walked through here multiple times before and I can tell you it’s safer than most in Gotham.’ You told him, crossing your arms, unamused.

Nightwing raised his hands in defence. ‘Just trying to look out for a cutie like you is all, no need to bite my head off.’ Dick had a feeling that something might happen on your walk home tonight and decided to keep constant tabs on you the entire night as Nightwing. He could tell you were tired and just outright done with everything but he’d rather you be safe on your journey home than not, regardless of how safe your route home was.

‘I’m pretty sure there’s other people you could be saving instead of flirting with me. I’m taken for your information, and happily so by the most prettiest and albeit goofiest man alive.’ You told him with a smile as your mind drifted to imagining Dick sitting in your shared bed with Hayley in his sleepwear, snoring loudly despite trying to stay up for your return.

‘Pretty? How so?’ Nightwing asked as he eagerly leant in forward to hear you. Dick just wanted an excuse to hear you gush about him without knowing that he was right in front of you.

You sighed at the aspect of having to spend even more time with a vigilante that seemingly didn’t take the hint. ‘He’s got a smile that could light up an entire city for future generations, a laugh so pretty and addicting that you’d be more then willing to make yourself look like an idiot just to hear it again, and he’s got a beautiful set of eyes that you could get lost in no matter what because they’re just so…enriched in colour.’ You finished, the image of Dick’s gorgeous eyes embedded into your mind that left you feeling seen and loved.

Dick couldn’t help but smile at your words, not knowing what to expect when he asked you about how pretty he was, now that he had he could feel a burst of warmth within his chest that now encased his entire body. You were too sweet and kind for your own good and Dick just wanted to keep you safe from everything that Gotham represented, whether it was out of his innate selfishness to keep you for himself, to keep a bright light of his own in a twin as dark and depressing as Gotham he wasn’t sure but all he knew was that he wanted to keep you in his life as long as he possibly could.

‘Sounds like you love him very much.’ He says after a brief period of silence.

‘I’m more than anything.’ You replied without hesitation. Your hand reaching into your coat pocket, thumb caressing the cute charm Dick had bought you to add onto your keys, it helped you calm down in certain situations because it meant that no matter how far apart you may seem you still had a piece of Dick close by. ‘Which is why I really want to get home, so I can see him and our darling dog Hayley.’ You add with a smile when the blue staffy came to mind.

Dick remember where Hayley was before he left to watch over you, fast asleep on your side of the bed, which meant that when you came home you’d have to cuddle up to him as it was proven difficult to wake Hayley up when she had made herself comfortable. However if this meant that Dick got the chance to hold you close to his chest, he’d gladly let Hayley sleep on your side of the bed more often, and he did on multiple occasions.

‘Then I best let you go, don’t wanna keep either of them waiting.’ Nightwing said and you couldn’t help but feel ecstatic at the thought of finally getting to go home to your little makeshift family. You didn’t know how much longer you were willing to stand there when you knew Hayley was waiting for you impatiently with a boat load of face licks with your name on it.

‘That’s probably for the best because both of them can tend to get a little whiny when I’m even a second late.’ You laughed to yourself as dick couldn’t help but internally pout at this, he didn’t get whiny when you were late did he? He pushed this thought aside and smiled as he watched you walk away, keeping his eyes on your for a couple seconds longer to make sure you were okay, before realising that he should better beat you home before you find him not there in bed and quickly rushed up to the rooftops and ran like his life depended on it.

He wanted to keep his secret safe for a little while longer before admitting everything to you just yet.

[suguann]

✎. he tells you they’re the problem and leaves it at that before sliding a plate of eggs and toast in front of you.

tags. fem!reader, mild dubcon, possessive and obsessive behavior, but he's also kinda sweet?? [18+ only]

You like your new roommate.

Simon’s surprisingly better to have around than the last person who lived with you—a girl you knew from college who had an affinity for stealing your clothes and conveniently never had money for rent. He’s the type to make you soup when you’re sick, acknowledge you if you’re in the same room, water your flowers while he rolls his cigarettes on the fire escape, and carry your groceries up the four flights of stairs to your floor. 

He’s attractive, too, in the not-so-conventional sense, but in a disarming way, all small smiles and knowing looks and soft hair you know he doesn’t put much effort into—that sometimes curls around his ears when he lets it get too long—yet it still manages to look better than yours on the best days. 

He never tells you what he does for work, and you’re too polite to ask. But you have a feeling he makes enough to afford a place on the less crime-infested side of town—somewhere nicer than your cramped apartment with its outdated appliances, leaky faucets, and the bright neon sign atop the building across the street that shines through your windows all times of the day—but he says he’s not ready to live alone.

Something tells you there’s more to it than him being a lonely bachelor, but again, you don’t pry.

“Does this place have wi-fi?” is all he’d said the first time you meet, in a voice so smooth and only slightly broken up by his accent, clad in a shirt that looked two sizes too small around his arms and clutching a duffle bag in one big hand. 

Your brain was this shaken-up box of words and syllables that when you answered him, it came out in a nervous stutter. “Y-yeah, I’ll, er…I’ll give it to you—the password, I mean—once you've moved in. If that’s okay.”

He’d dropped his duffle bag in front of the room that would be his. “Consider me moved in.”

The smile he gave you, crinkling eyes and chuckling lightly, only made the stutter worse. 

You let his charm roll off you; you always figured it came naturally to him, a characteristic that comes with being attractive and good.

A handful of months later—of finding a routine around each other and lazy smiles in the morning—something changes the night you go out with a guy Mary from work eagerly sets you up with. 

His name’s Robb, he’s a doctor, and you both love cats; he has a house in Spain. Did I mention he's my cousin?

(A dull no way concealed behind your teeth.

If you hadn’t said yes, you feared your entire lunch break would consist of her waxing poetic over a man you're unsure about meeting.)

For a flicker of a moment, there’s an unreadable expression on Simon’s face as he watches you touch up your makeup in the hallway mirror and slip your hand into the crook of your date’s elbow at the door. There’s a slight glint of something uncharacteristically cold behind the mask of indifference before a small smile replaces it.

“Have a nice night,” you throw over your shoulder, except you don’t notice that he never says it back.

You mope around the apartment when Robb—who surprisingly exceeded your expectations of mediocre dates, not that you ever plan on admitting that to Mary—doesn’t reach out to you for three days. Then a week. You’re at that age to understand when people get busy, and a nice night doesn’t always mean it’s mutually reciprocated. But you liked him, and it felt promising after he’d kissed you goodnight against your front door. 

It had to have been the kiss that turned him off. Maybe he realized it was too much too soon.

When Simon finds you curled up in a ball under your comforter, one thumb gently wiping away your tears, he doesn’t even bring up your date. Instead, he orders your favorite take-out and puts on a sitcom you’d mentioned to him once—somewhat surprised that he remembers—the dreamy doctor who’d ghosted you blissfully forgotten with greasy food and a warm, comforting chest to rest your head on.

Simon’s there again—sweets in hand and a soft voice to soothe you—when another date (Rin from finance on your floor) a month later is a no-show, and a few weeks after that when Rin tells you without context that he can’t see you anymore. 

The third time of let downs feels worse. It’s worse because maybe there’s something wrong with you, and when you ask Simon, he’s too nice to rub salt in your wounds. He tells you they’re the problem and leaves it at that before sliding a plate of eggs and toast in front of you.

You've been Simon's roommate for a year, and he doesn't take it well when you tell him you're looking for a new place.

It’s after he comes home from a three-month work trip. The shadow that crosses over his face should’ve been your first hint that something is wrong.

Had you noticed the signs sooner, you wonder if you’d be less like prey caught by the softness of your underbelly, kept in place by the scruff, and sharp teeth at your neck.

"Beg me. Beg me not to cum in you."

"S-Simon," you whimper wetly, "don't cum in—ah—me."

His fingers hold your chin with an unyielding grip, ensuring your gaze doesn’t stray from his in the cracked mirror. You’re embarrassed by what you see, how spread open you are to his dark, inkwell eyes hungrily watching as you twitch when his other hand slides between your thighs.

"Don’t stop begging, love,” he growls, squeezing you tighter, “or I might forget."

There’s that dark look again, the one that sends a shivery feeling up your spine, possessive almost with how he traces every inch of you as if burning the image of you into his memory, the softness washed away by something more sinister. 

A little voice in the back of your head tells you to flee, but another knows he'd find joy in catching you. 

No one would ever think your sweet, attractive roommate would be the same man staring at you now—everything you thought you knew about him stripped away to reveal a new canvas, bare for splashes of paint to fill in the cracks—teeth marks imprinted along the curve of your jaw, on the inside of your thighs.

He hides it well. His humble personality doing the trick of being the impenetrable mask for what he’s concealing underneath: a raw obsession, an addict finally getting his hands on his favorite drug, someone who can’t recognize defeat and knows how to take.

“What do they have that I don’t? Hm? Must be a desperate little thing. My pretty slut,” Simon’s voice rumbles low against your ear, shy of unhinged. “They won’t treat you as good as I do. Don’t I treat you good?”

You whimper when his grip grows tighter, but he doesn’t seem to notice—like he’s not fully here with you. No trace of the soft, gentle man who keeps the freezer full of your favorite ice cream, who runs to the store when you run out of tampons and comes back with chocolate and a new pair of fuzzy socks. A few words have turned him into someone you don’t know. Perhaps you never did.

“Answer me.”

An indiscernible  squeak is the only sound you make. 

He chuckles darkly, his head dipping down to rest his lips against the fluttering pulse in your neck, a finger slipping through the alarming amount of wetness between your thighs where his cock rends you down the middle, and begins rubbing firm, tight circles over your clit, pulling a moan from your throat. 

“It’s okay, love,” he mumbles, words barely audible above your heartbeat swimming in your ears. “I’ll be everything for you. Everything you need. I’ll show you why I’m better.”

[ao3commentoftheday]

Hiiii i love this blog and its such a joy to have you on my dash again!

Im sure you get a lot of questions, but in a recent post you said people tend to sort by kudos when new to a fandom, and I'm curious both why you say that, and what other/better ways of finding fics might be?

I default to sorting by kudos, and always have, but ive found i struggle to find fics i actually enjoy that way but dont know how to change my searching technique. 😔

Sorting by kudos lets you know that other people liked a fic, but I've never found popularity to be a big factor in whether I like a thing or not. I do see a lot of people recommending that method, though, even though to me it makes no sense.

My way may or may not work for you (I've never done that much reading in mega fandoms, for instance), but I sort by Date Posted or Date Created most of the time.

If I'm new to a fandom and the fandom has existed for a while, I'll dip back into older works. You can specify a date range for when a work last updated. It's at the bottom of the Filters menu, in the More Options section:

If a show is currently in season 5 and I'm only on season 2, then I want to read the fics that were written in season 2. It makes my brain happy in a way that might or might not be logical, but hey - it works for me.

Since the fandoms and pairings I have historically enjoyed are not huge, I don't really filter for (or remove) tags all that much. I just scroll through the works list and skim summaries until something sounds interesting. Then I look at the associated tags and decide if it's a work that I want to try out or if it looks like something I wouldn't enjoy.

If there are a lot of works and I'm having a hard time narrowing things down, then I look to the Word Count filter to help me out. I know that I love fics under 10K pretty much all the time, so I can use that as a way to reduce the number of results I'm sorting through if I find that there are too many.

That's it, really. And if I'm all caught up in the fandom? Then I just go with the default sorting of Date Posted and start in on the summaries. I'll either go through the fandom tag or, if I ship something, the ship tag(s). I find that to be the best way for me to find something interesting - and I run into tons of stuff I never would have seen if I'd been looking at other stats.

If you have a preferred way of finding good stuff (that isn't the tried-and-true asking a friend for recs), feel free to share it in the notes!

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

Do you have any extra prompts/perspective for shutdown trauma responses? So far I have a few related to freeze but I know they’re different in their own ways (I have some unrelated to freeze too, I just rather ask a professional in case there’s more)

disclaimer that while I have written about the topic in my own fics before, I only consider myself a fanfic writer who’s done some research, not a professional, and these are supposed to be prompts for writers to use and tweak however they see fits for their fanfics / original works for entertainment purposes. please don’t treat these following prompts as a 100% accurate psychological information that can be applied in real life situations without doing your own research and consulting with a licensed professional.

trigger warnings: PTSD, depression, implied suicide, eating disorder

whumpee not being able to feel the pain that should have been haunting them, be it physical or mental. and that is not a good thing, because they’re not processing what happened, and they can’t heal as long as they cannot process or acknowledge what happened to them.

numb, however, is all whumpee can feel. and the numbness is so much worse and more dangerous than pain.

depression, prolonged stress, anxiety and procrastination are also possibilities. if whumpee only feels numb all the time, there’re chances of them developing other mental disorders that may cause them to believe that their entire life is now without any purpose.

whumpee feeling hopeless and wanting to give up all the time. any personal interest they had prior to the traumatic incident is now gone.

loss of appetite. an eating disorder where food tastes like ashes, and panic sends them into having an episode whenever caretaker tries making them eat — because it feels like someone was forcing ashes down their throat and they could not breathe. their body would not accept the food, and their gag reflex made them feel like throwing up. it is as much physical as it is psychological.

confusion and/or hallucinations may occur — whumpee struggling to distinguish between what’s real and what’s in their head. denial may trick their mind into believing that the tragedy that’s happened to them didn’t actually happen, and denying is certainly not the read toward recovery.

whumpee stopped talking altogether. doesn’t matter if they’re safe with caretaker now. they would not talk to anybody about anything at all, not just what happened. (they physically could, but they’re so traumatized that speaking is too much for them.)

the needs to hide from everything and everyone all the time are there. doesn’t matter if it’s caretaker, whumpee simply does not wish to be seen.

they keep mostly silent and mostly to themself, in the sense that they avoid everybody and spend most of their time locked in their room where no one can see them.

they may be too afraid to make any decisions for themself, no matter how small the decision is.

appearing disengaged in any social interaction and limiting the way they express any emotion at all; in other cases where they’re not numb, they may be scared or upset in some situations, but their brain tells them to keep their guard up by not letting others see how they actually feel. whumpee believe they’re shielding and protecting themself this way, and they will always need to “play safe”, since it’s best not to let anyone know how they feel, even if it’s caretaker.

[babymochibeargyu]

Game On, Gyu

pairing: jealous gamerbf!gyu x gamer!reader(reader is really down bad in love w gyu)

genre:fluff

requested by :✏️anon

prompt: Can u do a crybaby jealous beomgyu getting jealous at reader and reader comforts him, beomgyu cries on readers shoulders while cuddling? 🥹 just pure fluff ( a bit Angst ) 🥹

warnings: mention of kills in game sense, other than that nothing!!

a/n: btw I was wrecking my brain a bit when you said “getting jealous at reader”, my mind pretty much went blank on what Gyu could get jealous of reader(bcos it seemed like he has everything in life😭), and was playing around with the idea of maybe having a member involved which would make Gyu jealous instead(maybe a fic for another time hehe)

either way, I hope you enjoy this!!

wc:2.4k

You frequently visited the PC cafe near your house as you couldn’t stand your mother’s nagging about you being too loud whenever you were playing games, hence it became your second home.

What made it even better was the in-house food ordering service; you could simply place an order and have it delivered right to your seat. It was like having everything you needed at your fingertips.

You weren’t sure what happened that particular day, maybe the worker was having a bad day and so it was probably an accident.

But the server who served your food had mixed it up with the person who was seated beside you.

Let’s just say you were the type of person who didn’t care for relationships, but after you laid eyes on the guy seated beside you, something went off in your brain.

As the screen light shined against his face, you thought that there was no way he could be real. How could he be so effortlessly handsome? Needless to say, you were in awe. And this was only his side profile?

With the mix-up of getting the wrong food, you guys had no choice but to interact and look at each other(which you were silently thanking the server for).

Now you can say that you finally fell in love at first sight.

There was no way a guy could be this handsome and cute at the same time.

The way his boba-like eyes met yours with that clueless yet endearing expression, accompanied by a slight head tilt.

Oh, bless your fucking heart.

When he received his food from you, he offered a shy yet charming smile, his eyes resembling crescent moons.

It took all your willpower to resist the urge to pinch his adorable cheeks as he turned back to his computer monitor.

Please you were so ready for him to be yours.

A gamer boyfriend? Yes, please.

Call it what you will, but you’re calling it fate.

You’ve been to this PC cafe more than your fingers can count and you’ve never seen him around before, maybe he was new.

And in your mind, you had already come up with scenarios of you and this hot, cute random stranger.

And while you guys were switching your food, you couldn’t help but look over at the guy’s screen, which you noticed was the same game you were playing.

And well the rest was history.

Ever since then you and Gyu never had a day where you guys didn’t play computer games without each other.

You had a competitive spirit and so did Gyu. You can't recall who brought it up but you guys decided to compete for the title of the better gamer by playing PubG.

There was no other reward for it, just a title but oh you guys were dead serious about it.

You guys never had any serious fights, only teasing ones which in your relationship was how you both showed your love for each other.

There wasn’t a day that was filled with silence between you two and you loved it. All the playful banter being thrown around.

Oh how you adored this man.

“Baby… I’m sorry to say this but you’re going down. No hard feelings. You are still the no.1 female gamer in my heart even if you don’t win okay?” Gyu said confidently while still reassuring you.

“Pfft…Please if anyone is going down, it’s gonna be you my Gyutie patootie, I’m winning this.”

In all honesty, you were the better gamer(from the way of how Gyu’s friends act).

But of course you’ve never said it out loud in front of Gyu.

You would notice when his friends came over for game nights(to play Switch), they would always be fighting against one another just so that they can be on your team.

And since Gyu is the better player among his friends(excluding you)by default, he would end up becoming the other team’s captain, even though he always wanted to team up with you. And he would always give in to them because he loves his friends so much and wants them to have fun.

But you would always see your baby pouting when it happens. He was a literal angel.

Oh how you would literally just drop everything and give him all the love, showering him with kisses if his friends weren’t there. (Which you always end up doing anyways after his friends leave because you can’t help yourself)

He got you wrapped around his little finger.

For those who are not familiar with how Pubg goes:

Basically, the objective is to be the last man standing(in this case with your team of 4 players).

While trying not to get killed, you need to equip yourself with weapons that are best suited to your ability.

You would also have to occasionally check the map, making sure you are within the safe zone at all times. Failure to do so will result in your health bar decreasing, causing your character to die outside the safe zone.

In the event of being shot, but not fully hurt until your teammate have to press the recover button, you are able to heal yourself with items like bandages, health aid kids, painkillers and drinks you find when you loot(search) the houses.(based on the actual game as i actually play it🤭)

with that let the games begin~

Whoever has the most kills wins, bonus if they are the last man standing and kill the other in the game.

Y’all were playing in a team (against each other)with three other random queues that the game had assigned for you, so you weren’t sure how your team would fair.

But you didn’t worry that much because you knew that you were bout to eat this shit up.

When a character kills in the game, their user ID will be shown on the screen. And yours showed up mostly on both your screens throughout the game.

‘_________🔫 by ScarletShooter’ your ID appeared multiple times.

Your team was literally so impressed that they typed into the world chat for all the other players to see.

“Dang Scarlet let’s goooo🤙🏻”

“We bout to win this match.”

“How are you so good?”

What could you say? You were the jack of all trades.

If you thought you were great at close combat shooting, you were even better at sniping.

Once you find a Sniper 🤝🏻 4x/8x scope, that was it for your enemies. No one could escape your sight.

Gyu on the other hand was reading all these messages appearing on his screen and started to get even more fired up.

When the game first started he was being laid back, thinking that he had a lot of time to catch up and get more kills in the middle of the game.

But with every passing moment he delayed, the number for the survivor count was going down quickly…

You were taking everyone out 🤙🏻

Now the survivor count was at 45, meaning that there were 41 left for him to kill(excluding him and his teammates)

He wanted to win you in the game so badly, wanting the title of better gamer between you both.

Honestly, he was doing better than expected(it must be thanks to you that he was feeling motivated.)

‘________🔫 by ScarletGyu’ yes… yall matched your IDs. Scarlet was the clan name because yall’s favourite Marvel character was Scarlet Witch.

You couldn’t help but feel proud when you saw his name on screen but had to occasionally remind yourself that you guys were currently fighting for the title of the better gamer.

Honestly you didn’t even want the title, you just wanted to see Gyu work hard for something he was passionate about.

But what fun would it be if he win so easily? Plus you would rather see a pouty Gyu. He was literally the cutest when he pouted. So that was your driving force now.

Title literally meant nothing.

Total number of survivors: 7

You were now at 20 kills while Gyu had 15. There were 3 left on your team(including you) and Gyu had one more teammate alive(you guys didn’t know how many players each other had left).

In Gyu’s mind, he was assuming that you still had all 4 players alive and 1 single player who was roaming out there. Which he thought was enough to beat you if he were to take down all 5 of you(not knowing how many you have already killed).

While for you, you just wanted the game to end already. It has been about 30 minutes. You could say it was a slow game.

And it’s like your prayers were answered. One of your teammates had taken out two of the roaming enemies, not knowing that they weren’t from Gyu’s team.

But it finally seemed that the game would end.

With that, you took out your sniper and started scanning through the field. And there you saw someone familiar(you knew how Gyu’s character look like) peeking out from behind the tree (literally 2 kilometers away from you but you could see him clearly thanks to your scope).

You were thinking of teasing him a little. So you typed in your team chat to ask one of them to look for the other enemy to see whether the last two enemies were on the same team.

And well, your team was quick. They found the other enemy and knocked him out. You suddenly saw Gyu’s character running towards where the enemy got shot and that was it.

As Gyu tried to revive his teammate, you took the final shot. Claiming the chicken dinner and winning the title.

When Gyu died in game, he turned and looked at you with a sad pout. Stop he literally was about to cry.

He rose from his gaming station and made his way to the shared bed, where he sat down, pulling his knees to his chest and burying his face into his folded arms.

Without hesitation, you rushed to the bed, dropping to your knees in front of him as if pleading for forgiveness. Your arms reached out, gently touching his shoulders, ready to pull him into a comforting embrace.

Initially, he remained motionless, unmoved from his stance. However, as you tenderly began to give him head pats and apologize for causing his tears, he relented, surrendering to your embrace. Nuzzling his face into the curve of your neck, he enveloped you in a hug, holding on tightly as if he were a koala clinging to a tree.

Feeling uncomfortable with the current setup(you were literally still in the kneeling position), you decided to shift. You gently pulled Gyu down, maneuvering into a more comfortable arrangement where you could cuddle together. As he snuggled even closer to you, seeking warmth and comfort in your embrace.

As his sniffles softened, you debated whether to stop the gentle head pats. But when he didn't feel the next one, he pulled back slightly from the cuddle position, his teary eyes meeting yours.

"No stopping," he insisted, his voice tender.

"Gyu still wants head pwats." How could you refuse your baby?

You couldn't resist, he was too adorable. Your heart was melting. So you resumed giving him those comforting head pats.

In the quiet stillness that enveloped you both, time seemed to stretch on for what felt like a good five minutes. It was a rare occurrence, considering that when the two of you were together, silence was usually a stranger.

As the last sniffles from Gyu faded away, his arms still wrapped around your waist, you gently pulled him back so that now, you were face to face.

With a soft smile, you planted a kiss on his lips, causing him to jump a bit in surprise, clearly not expecting the affectionate gesture.

"So, can we talk about why you cried?" you asked Gyu gently, your voice filled with concern.

He hesitated for a moment before finally admitting“Gyu was jeawous."

Fuck why he gotta be so cute.

"Oh, my baby, what were you jealous about?" you cooed.

"You were playing so well, weren't you? I noticed your name popping up so many times during our game," your voice was gentle and reassuring, aiming to comfort him and prompt him to open up about his feelings.

“B…but your name appeared more, and you even killed me. Now you got the title of the better gamer between us,” he said, his voice tinged with sadness.

Your heart sank at the sight of your baby's sadness; you initially thought it would just end with him being pouty, but it seemed that winning to earn the title meant a lot more to him.

"I don't even care about the title, Gyu. I just wanted to see you play with passion. If it would make you happy, you can have the title," you said, sincerely hoping to lift his spirits.

"I didn't mean for you to cry, you know? I'm sorry," you said softly, genuine remorse evident in your tone.

Gyu looked up, meeting your gaze with understanding eyes. "I know," he replied softly, his hands now gently cupping your cheeks, his touch warm and reassuring.

"So..., to make it up to me for making me cry, the next time the guys come over, I'm on your team. I'm never on your team when they're here." He said shyly while looking at you with his boba eyes.

"Aww is that all my baby wanted? Sure we can do that. Anything for my Gyutie patootie, bugaboo,snoogums." you replied with a chuckle, adding some playful pet names to lighten the mood.

"God, you know I love you so much? My heart feels like it's about to burst out of my chest. I just needed to let you know how much I love you, Gyu," you whispered, your voice filled with tenderness and affection.

Gyu's cheeks flushed with a rosy hue as he gazed at you lovingly. "I love you too, more than words can express," he replied softly, his heart overflowing with warmth and adoration for you.

"Thank you for loving me, Gyu," you whispered, pulling him close as you both drifted into a peaceful slumber, wrapped in the warmth of each other's embrace.

masterlist

Please tell me I did good(I want some praises pwease🥹), I hope I did >_< and I hope this is up to your expectations. I had such a fun time writing this ahh, was super cute to write too. Missed writing fluff content so much😭.

Once again if you enjoyed this please give it a like/reblog/follow if you wanna see more fluff content from me. See you in the next one lovelies🥹🫶🏻🤍

taglist - @moagyuu @heyanonymous123 @yelshin @inkigayocamman

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© babymochibeargyu - all rights reserved. please do not copy/repost/translate

[nicodrawings]

I based this Illustration off of a Japanese ad and photo collages of cites.

I’m sure some of you are already aware of this if you’ve been seeing my art for my Ganke and the Spiders AU but in my AU there is no separation of universes between spiders I never really liked this idea personally, NYC is way too big for there to just be ONE fucking spider like come on now. All of them (the ones I’m including in my AU) live together in NYC and are a group of hero’s all affected by the same spider experiment dating back to the 70s, Valarie would be the first “test”, Anya would be the last known “test” (Eddie and Hobie would be excluded from the test list as Venom is a symbiote and Hobie has no spider powers in my AU). Community is one of many themes that I love exploring when I do AU’s and I thought it would be an interesting and fun idea to explore this when it comes to the spiders. How would they learn from each other? How do the younger spiders change from the older spiders? How does hero scheduling work, especially with the younger spiders being in school?

Even exploring the ethics of using kids to fight crime, maybe it would make the older spiders a bit more reflective, seeing a version of their former self in the young spiders (Peter feels that way particularly when it comes to Miles) and wanting to help guide them to making better decisions than what they did, especially while being under SHEILD. Ganke and The Spiders is about The Spiders just as much as it is about Ganke.

Sorry if this ramble makes no sense lol but I just had to get this out of my brain.

[d1gitald0ggy]

Hello! Can you do a headcannons dump? Say headcannons you want and honestly make it as long as you want! It can even be majority about a ship or a creep

I love having free reign to just talk about whatever I like. Here’s a few random headcanons for my fav creeps and my fave ship :3

-

Ticci Toby

- Had BPD, I’m not going to elaborate, he just does.

- Aside from his verbal tics he also has a stutter, it’s gotten better since he’s grown up with the help of Tim but some things like getting nervous or having an episode make it flare up again.

- This guy plays fortnite and tries to rope everyone into it, he plays it religiously with Nina and Ben.

- I feel like because he was homeschooled he had a lot of times to learn about random things and develop skills in different aspects. For example helpful things like fixing car parts or more useless knowledge about animals.

- I feel like Toby would be a little shorter than a lot of people portray him, maybe 5ft 6? His neglectful childhood plus his inability to feel hunger would definitely be the cause of this.

- Only wears one pair of shoes and that’s black high top converse, he will absolutely refuse to put on anything else. Odd socks too.

- As he got older he stopped wearing his mouth guard as much around the other creeps.

-

Nina The Killer

- Nina has a very mixed fashion sense the only way I can describe it is a mix of Scene, McBling and old school emo. She doesn’t care much for sticking to one aesthetic.

- Despite what a lot of people think at first glance this girl is smart. I’d like to imagine that before she started obsessing over Jeff she was very gifted in school.

- Nina and Ben are responsible for most of the creeps having phones or other devices behind slenders back.

- She most definitely has the most over the top bedroom at the manor, posters everywhere, dramatic pink animal print bedsheets, the works.

- I feel like she’d have some sort of dart board with a picture of Jeff on it, probably with his eyes crossed out.

- She bakes! She loves to bake different breads and challenging pastries for the other creeps that she’s close with, it’s how she shows she cares.

- Her love language is definitely gift giving, she’s just a sweet girl honestly.

- Weed enjoyer.

-

Clockwork

- I can’t believe I’ve never written anything about clocky.

- She tends to be very reserved when she meets new people and only keeps a small circle of “friends”

- Even then she can’t fully bring herself to trust them, she struggles a lot with letting people close.

- Surprisingly good friends with Jane. I’ve got no reasoning for this it just feels right.

- Jane teaches Clockwork a lot about the other creeps and how to be a bit more friendly towards them.

- Your honour she plays bass and drums.

- Always dressed like she’s ready to run away at any given point (she is).

- Prefers to stay outside of the manor, she spends most of her time travelling around the forest wishing for freedom She’s rarely ever seen these days

- Definitely has a very short but intense relationship with Toby back when she used to spend time at the manor before disappearing into the woods in attempt to cut off any ties she had to bring a creep. (I’m working on a whole storyline about this)

-

BEN Drowned

- I feel like Ben would spend a lot of his time trying to scare other creeps.

- Oh you’ve got a phone? Guess who’s possessing it to scare you.

- He’s just a little guy.

- Ben and Toby are both banned from using the kitchen at the same time, they tend to get carried away.

- I feel like he used to be friends with Jeff before growing up and realising how cringe the guy actually is.

- He likes Nina though, those two could talk for hours about absolutely nothing.

- Despite being a trouble maker and absolutely brain rotted he’s super smart.

- Not only with technology but I feel like he’d be really good at math, I’d even go as far to say he enjoys math.

- He just likes using his brain to figure out a challenge.

-

NinaToby

- Can you tell this is my fave ship?

- Nina likes Toby to pick out her outfits, she struggles a little with her self image after Jeff so she values a second opinion.

- Rarely ever seen apart, either always in Ninas room or out in the woods doing stupid shit like lighting things on fire or getting stuck in trees.

- Nina bakes for Toby, Toby carves Nina little creatures out of wood or makes her little drawings.

- She always sticks those little drawing up on the side of her bedroom mirror.

- Took Toby a while to get used to physical touch, not only because of trauma but also because he’d get nervous if a girl even talked to him.

- I mean despite having exs in the past this guy is a nervous wreck when it comes to a pretty girl. Especially when Nina so much as holds his hand.

- Speaking of physical touch Nina is all over him at any given moment, holding his arm, hand, leaning on him the works.

- Toby doesn’t really like PDA, mostly because it makes him nervous, he prefers to hold Ninas hand or put an arm around her.

- They’re stupid and in love, I have so much to write about them.

-

[teecupangel]

Hi teecup, I hope ur having a great day/noon/night!

Forgive me if the things i'm about to say don't make much sense. It's been a vey, very, very, difficult time for me and my countrymen here, and my ability to make coherent sentences have declined drastically. So, yeah... BUT! That doesn't matter haha.

Anyways, I had a thought. And i'm not even sure how or why i got it but.... hear me out now...

Our boy, Desmond, gets thrown back in time as usual, same old same old, right? Exept, this time he doesn't end up in the Big Three™'s time-line. He ends up in Al-Mualim's time. *insert mind-blown emoji here cuz i can't find it rn*

And ik that i'm not a certified AC Expert like u and many others, and i haven't really finished any of the AC games yet (i've only seen bits of AC III and have only started AC 2, I also haven't finished AC 1)

But I do know that he wasn't really that creepy and evil in his youth/ b4 he became The Old Man of the Moutain, so i was thinking maybe Desmond ends up in that era of Al Mualim or is it Rashid al-Din Sinan? I know that he's based on a real historical figure but i'm not so sure if he's called that in-game?

And knowing Desmond, he'd probably get the urge to kill Rashid (i hope i'm using the name correctly) the time he figures shit out and connect that dots. But he would end up not doing that, cuz u know, it might fuck up the time-line and Altaïr might end up not being born, creating a domino-effect.

I want Desmond to meet Rashid before he starts to becom the Al Mualim we know today, so that Desmond can see how he was b4 the evants of AC 1.

Maybe Rashid's an arrogant ass, or a nerdy loser, or a popular assassin- who knows! The possibilites are endless!! (or maybe he's an obsessive bastard who gets obsessed with Desmond cuz he's just full of mysteries and wonders :Dc )

And blah blah blah, plot here, plot there, Isu-bullshit this, time shenanigans that, and BOOM they meet.

And romance ensues? :3 (romace wil absolutely ensue :}}} )

NOW, BEFORE- BEFORE YOU TIE ME TO A STAKE AND BURN ME ALIVE FOR THIS- i think it'd be a cute idea, and who knows? maybe Rashid was hot in his prime *insert lenny face cuz even after all these years i still don't know how to type it and is too lazy to cop paste it* and maybe he liked to solve mysteries and had a thing for the unexplainable. And Desmond is the most unexplainable, most bizarre thing to have graced the earth :33333.

Now that i've got this idea out of my system i'm gonna go pray for the down fall of my coutry's shit for brain, good for nothing military government/hj.

bye! *evaporates*

I hope you’re doing alright and I’m sorry that it took two months before I could answer your ask TTATT

As far as I know, he was only called Al Mualim because of legal reasons but Rashid ad-Din Sinan was the leader of the Assassins in Masyaf during 1191 so it’s safe to assume Al Mualim is AC’s version of Rashid (historically he died in 1193, not 1191.

.

Okay. We can make this work.

We put Desmond at around the same time he’s the recruit and we make it hard for him to realize he’s Al Mualim until it’s too late by doing one simple thing:

Desmond doesn’t know Al Mualim’s real name.

He always knew it as Al Mualim. As far as he knew, Al Mualim was his actual name.

Then he remembered that Al Mualim can mean mentor and bangs his head on the nearest flat surface.

His mission has been clear from the start.

Become an Assassin, take out Al Mualim before he does shit, find Umar and adopt him then play matchmaker so Altaïr would be born.

And no.

Desmond wasn’t going to think about the whole “can you truly be sure that the person who will be born will be Altaïr if you change the circumstances of his conception?”

Yeah.

His head hurts just thinking about it so he won’t.

For now, he’ll focus on his training while keeping a look out for anyone who gives of Al Mualim vibes.

What’s the Al Mualim vibes?

Manipulative old man vibes.

The problem is…

Rashid is one of the recruits in the same batch as Desmond and he becomes Desmond’s closest friend.

And there was no way Desmond would ever be friends with a future power hungry asshole like Al Mualim.

No way.

.

The way their relationship becomes romantic really depends on the kind of personality young Rashid would have.

A nerdy loser who starts making a name for himself because of his intelligence and tactical mind would start off as the kid Desmond sorta looks after. When he starts to show that his strength lies in making plans and quick judgments, he becomes the man whispering on Desmond’s ear. Providing plans and suggestions while giving Desmond a heads up on the less savory words people say about him. Desmond would never think this Rashid is Al Mualim because he’s nice and truly do want to help Desmond. This is also how Rashid would show his love for Desmond and, really, Desmond would think they’re bros and when he realizes that Rashid actually loves him, he’d think “oh, I am Ezio’s descendant”

An arrogant ass Rashid would butt heads with Desmond but Desmond would find himself fond of the man because he reminds him of AC1 Altaïr. This is the Rashid who would definitely be counted as a tsundere and their relationship would start when Rashid just flatout tells Desmond that he wants to do unspeakable things to him while they’re arguing. Desmond is offended because “tugging on my pigtails doesn’t work in real life, dumbass!” and Rashid is just “???” because what the fuck are pigtails??? Lots of awkwardness until Desmond realize that butting heads with Rashid is really how they flirt.

Now. Popular Assassin Rashid is more on the side of polite but is absolutely Desmond’s rival. Whatever it is, the two of them are always competing. Unlike the arrogant ass version, this Rashid is always nice to Desmond. The whole “no hard feelings” and pure competitiveness are what drives their relationship. This is the one where the two of them spar privately one time and things happen. They would try to distant themselves from one another for a bit until they finally talk it out. Rashid honestly didn’t think he loved Desmond until the whole ‘after-sparring’ thing.

Whichever you pick as Rashid’s background, he will become obsessed with Desmond but it’s more on the side of “I will do everything to make Desmond happy” which is good for Desmond but not really good for anyone against him.

.

Desmond is the one who adopts Umar in this one and Umar imprints on him like a baby duckling to a mama duckling. Everyone actually assumed Umar is his bastard son. Desmond ignores it even though he’s only like… a decade and a half older than Umar.

Rashid definitely treats him like Desmond’s son. He’s Umar’s favorite of all of Desmond’s friends.

And really, Desmond should have seen that as a hint of Rashid’s ‘future’.

Speaking of the future.

He’s been looking for Al Mualim this entire time and he has his suspects (Rashid, however, is not on the list) but honestly?

He’s just waiting for the person who would be picked as the one to lead the expansion to Masyaf since that would be Al Mualim.

Desmond has, unfortunately, fucked up the timeline so badly that the person chosen to lead the expansion?

It was Desmond.

.

Sidebar: Faheem would be that cute younger brother who turns grumpy when he grows up. Desmond will forever grieve the lost of little cute Faheem. Faheem is always embarrassed when Desmond talked about his ‘past’.

[bellafragolina]

May I request insecurities for submas and warden Ingo? What are they insecure about, and how/when do they tell their partner? How do they respond to comfort once they do?

You got it for sure for sure I love my boys

Also, for context, submas in my headcanons have big noses cause I find that very handsome

🍓🍓🍓

Ingo:

Ingo has his fair share of insecurities regarding who he is as a person as well as how he looks. He’s too loud, he’s strange, he has a big nose, he’s bossy, he’s overly attached but also standoffish, he doesn’t smile. It’s easy to list such things, not that he ever really brings them up unless you either ask or something happens related to one of his insecurities and he feels the need to explain.

Ingo doesn’t really seek out comfort in regard to his insecurities. He’s very much an Older Sibling in the sense where he feels he has to be strong, never faltering, never showing weakness. He also tries to be a strong partner, so him talking about what makes him upset takes some time to whittle out of him.

He only doesn’t hesitate when you admit your own insecurities to him. Ingo doesn’t want you to feel alone, so he sympathizes by admitting some things he worries about too, thus you two can comfort one another together. Brains are strange and can be so mean sometimes, but they don’t know everything. Ingo knows everything about you, though, and he loves every part

When you turn it around on him, cradling his face and swooning over how handsome and amazing he is, Ingo finds it hard to deny you. He blushes and sputters some refutes, but you easily disproven them with kisses to his big nose and ever present frown, with compliments over how reliable and kind he is to his loved ones. Doubts linger, and they never fully go away, but you make Ingo feel good about himself and his idiosyncrasies, and that’s enough

Emmet:

Emmet is a lockbox, never letting slip the things he doesn’t like about himself. He refuses to talk about them because he refuses to really think about them. He ignores his insecurities most of the time, and you only ever get a hint that they’re there when he wrinkles his nose at himself in the mirror or falls silent when someone comments on his strange way of speaking

Emmet is hard to coax into talking about what bothers him. He thinks it doesn’t really matter, cause he likes himself and you and Ingo like him, so there’s no problem. Or there should be no problem. He gets frustrated for still being insecure when he knows he shouldn’t be, but sadly you can’t always just whim away these things. So Emmet ignores them instead.

Where Ingo is Older Sibling, Emmet is Younger Sibling in the sense that he keeps his issues to himself to not overburden Ingo, who already has so many responsibilities as the eldest. They’re twins, but they have their dynamics, and Emmet knows this, so he brushes off any concerns and tries to focus on being happy. And it works somewhat, until the bottle finally shatters from the pressure

When Emmet shatters, he falls into you as a pit of despair. He hates himself, he shouldn’t, he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t, but why does he have to talk this way and walk that way and look like this? Why is he off putting and why do people assume he’s so mean? You cradle his broken pieces, soft comforts and exclamations of love a glue to help him go back together again. He’s nothing short of perfect in your eyes, because Emmet is Emmet, and you love him. And Emmet learns to love that too.

Warden Ingo:

Surprisingly, Warden Ingo is more open to talking about his insecurities than Subway Boss Ingo. Maybe it’s because of his amnesia, or maybe it’s because he’s so lonely that he’s desperate to talk about anything to keep your company that much longer, or maybe it’s a mix of both. But Ingo brings up his worries about himself to you at seemingly random times, confiding in you to hopefully find either comfort or a way to fix whatever it is he doesn’t like (you never fix him, there’s nothing to fix)

Ingo admits to you concerns about his appearance, his big nose and sour expression. He worries about people fearing him, he worries about hurting people because he is naturally too loud. He’s also an outsider, and it makes him very insecure when he can’t act the “correct” way. You also being an outsider makes it easier to feel okay about his weirdness.

When things grow romantic, Ingo starts admitting more worries, concerning his age, if he’s a good partner to have, if you don’t deserve someone better. Luckily it’s easy to drown out these worries with plenty of kisses and loving affection. It’s hard to talk when your head is red as can be, after all.

Now if only he could understand why he feels so uncomfortable by himself, like he should be with someone else, guiding and protecting them. . .

🍓🍓🍓

I hope these are believable! They’re what I think the boys worry about concerning themselves. If only I could kiss those big noses <3

Have a good day!

~Renee

[mister-eames]

how do you think arthur and eames would take in other slowly growing old.. I don’t see either of them as characters being insecure about themselves but how the other person would see it is kinda a mystery and exciting.. so how do you think it would go? hugs xx

Oh my goodness I love this question. I agree on them not being overly insecure in themselves - not much, or too seriously, at least. They may lament a thing here or there but nothing that would take up too much mental space.

I know it sounds a bit cliche, but overall I think they'd fall more in love with each other, tbh. Growing older is a sign of survival against an often unkind world. Of experience. It's the sexiest fucking thing in the world to see your SO earn those signs of age alongside you, to say you made it, you keep making it, despite everything life has thrown at you, you are strong enough to survive.

Though, at first, I can see Arthur having a sort of existential crisis about it.

Not because he finds Eames any less attractive. On the contrary, he loves Eames extra padding, the changes in him; the very real markers that signify that they both have survived and they are experiencing this very real privilege to get older and to do it together; that they get to share a life, full of good and bad memories - to trust someone with who you were, who you are, and who you are going to be.

But in that same regard, I can see it finally hitting Arthur in a very real way (kind of the way it hits all of us); oh... our time here is actually limited... isn't it.

Perhaps it's when they're no longer in dreamshare, risking their lives, but it occurs to Arthur in a strange, sudden sense that some day the world will go on without them. That they are in fact, mortal, despite cheating death so often in their dreams and in real life too.

Arthur might be having this crisis at 35 or 45 (probably has it every ten years after his mid-thirties tbh) and he has literal decades ahead of him, but their own own mortality really hits him. He knew, intellectually, and with Mal and Dom, and with others in his life, that nothing is guaranteed. It's just... he feels like he has earned this life with Eames, after all they've been through together and personally, and it's not even that they're geriatric or "old" by any means, but the signs are there - they are not getting younger. They are visibly growing older. There's the greys, and the aches, and the weight gain here, the fat loss there.

The fact is plain and simple with life: there is no turning this car around.

Time is a real thing. One day it starts tick-tick-ticking away very loudly in Arthur's brain, like a bomb about to go off, setting off the same kind of panic in Arthur that says do something about it -- but there is nothing to be done about it. That's the worst part. It's just life, and not even Arthur, point man extraordinaire can mitigate it or stop it.

So Eames unearths the source of Arthur's panic after Arthur takes up three new languages, asks Eames for the fiftieth time if he's sure he won't regret not having kids, dyes his hair to get rid of the greys, takes up trumpet lessons and books them a cruise or seven - and then Eames is utterly bewildered by Arthur's heightened state of existential panic because he's not even fucking old, they've never been better or happier.

At first, Eames is like, "Calm down, dear. Complain to me when we have liver spots and we're both using walkers to get around. Old is just a state of mind."

Arthur, in the midst of frantically planning a new diet for them both sans-alcohol, is not amused.

So Eames asks him, "What are you so afraid of?"

"I don't know... losing time, I guess." Arthur replies. "Or... not making the most of it."

To which Eames asks plainly, fondly, "Aside from spending your days panicking, what are you gonna do about that? What do you need to do, at the end of it all, on your final day, to look back and say 'I regret nothing'?"

"I..."

"Ask yourself: what does your life without regrets look like?"

Arthur thinks, and after a long pause says:

"I... need us to live... exactly as we are now."

"That's good."

"Maybe tell you I love you more."

"And I will do the same."

Arthur takes the deepest breath he's had in days.

Then Eames adds, "By the by, I hear that not being on your husbands back about folding laundry is the key to a long, happy life."

"Nice try," Arthur rolls his eyes, taking his beloveds face in his hand and kissing that cheeky smile. "Speaking of which. I hear helping your husband fold the laundry does wonders for longevity."

--

The press of his lips against Eames and the quiet laughter between them in that moment, is one he never forgets.

--

Later, once all the laundry is folded and they're enjoying a glass of wine, Eames will Arthur that he is wrong. They are not losing time - that every day is more time they gain together.

Arthur will concede that Eames is right, sometimes.

--

As for Eames, well. He has all the pride, heart growing with love, etc etc, but you best believe he has several canvases and sketches and papers with a timeline of every iteration of Arthur, a visual chronicle of a beautiful man, drawn by Eames, over time, in varying mediums.

Not to say Eames has never felt strange about growing older, or Arthur growing older. But he's very much at peace with it, and earned the ability to be at peace with life - and himself. He's not afraid, not when there is so much to look forward to, and so much to learn.

And so many more versions of Arthur to appreciate and adore; on paper, and in person.

--

They both take the other ageing as something wonderful, something to be cherished. We only get one chance to get old, after all, but we get near endless chances to grow older. They don't get it right every day -- that is to say that sometimes life is an alarm clock that you get up and get on with on first ring, and sometimes in life you just press snooze and both is okay -- but they get it right often enough that they can call theirs 'a life, lived'.

So, yeah, they fall deeper and deeper in love with all the signs of age on each other -- it's all the time they've had, and all the incredible time they still have to gain.

[miradelletarot]

Sad brain hours are stupid

Personal post alert. Just me kinda mumbling my random sad brain thoughts into the void, and hope something make sense (or at least helps me get this shit out of my head idk).

*note: this is all over the fucking place so...sorry.* My confidence is pretty low lately. I mean, it always has been honestly. I was raised to have a low self-esteem (just like my mother, who also had self-esteem issues, and projected a lot of her shit onto me). So, I have never ever really been confident. In my marriage, I can't recall a time when my husband truly made me feel sexy/desirable (unless he wanted something from me...you know what I'm talking about). Even mentally and emotionally, I'm really not that smart. I'm not witty, or quick, or brilliant in any way, and my anxiety and depression and ADHD make shit hard enough to cope with as it is. I struggled in school. Mostly an A & B student, but I had to bust my ass for those grades. Not to mention my horrible memory...I'm lucky I know basic grade school shit. I have no illusions that there is anything remotely spectacular about me. I think that's why I love supporting and helping others. Especially with tarot. It's my way of trying to help lift people up, and make them feel good about themselves, and their prospects because *someone* needs to be in your corner (general "you"). It's just easier to give my love to others, because I'd rather use my energy to celebrate the people I care about. Lately, I am really just feeling so down about my body. More than I have in a while. I think I've ignored it for so long because I was married. He stopped putting in effort and so did I. I had no one to impress anymore. But, despite him completely letting himself go (he's well over 400lbs now, and does NOT take care of himself in the slightest,) he said he was no longer attracted to me. (this will make sense in a moment...promise).

in 2018, I had a weird ass health scare that landed me in the hospital for a week, and the nurse said I nearly died of sepsis. Her words were (and I'll never fucking forget it...) "if you had waited even until tonight to come to the ER, there's a good chance you wouldn't have made it." Drs still dunno what the fuck happened to me. Ever since that happened, my thyroid went stupid (thanks again, MOTHER...) and I gained a ton of weight. I have always been on the heavier side (180lbs when I got married 16 yrs ago. I'm 5 ft tall for context). Now, I'm 243 lbs. I was 265, but I lost a lot of that stress weight after I left my husband. So, that's certainly something.

But...I just don't see the improvement. i don't feel any better. I have such a horrible relationship with exercise, and i am working so fucking much I don't even want to even though I know I should. I hate wearing makeup b/c of how it makes my face feel, and in the Florida, soul-sucking heat? I could never. But, I still have breakouts like a fucking teenager going through puberty. and my hair? fuck. i hate it. it's a poofy, frizzy mop. ALSO...fucking hell. I have had a slight lisp since i was a kid. I worked really hard to correct it b/c i was in choir and shit and my music teacher helped me with it, but recently i find that it's a lot more prominent than it used to be, and it sticks out to me SO fucking much, and i feel so insecure about it lately.

It's time's like these when something my ex said to me before i left really sticks in my head (he apologized for saying this btw, but it doesn't make the pain go away). He said "you'll never find anyone as good as me." I really want to believe he's wrong, but sometimes? It feels like he's right. Like I'll never be pretty or thin enough to be desirable to anyone. Too much depression and anxiety. Too weird. Too vulgar. Just...Too much, and oddly not enough at the same time. Even though it's only been 6 months since I left him I am fucking lonely. I won't lie, I miss having a partner (and all that entails). I'm so afraid I'll be alone forever. If I lower my standards, I'll just get some shitty asshole again. Someone just like my ex. I'm too fucking old to date around like I'm in my 20s. I'm pushing 40. I'm either going to find the man of my dreams (the Gale of my heart, a real one lol) or I'll be forever alone.

I'm in hell...and it looks like a pixelated paradise.

[pixelyssa]

Bye I am acc desperate atp I need helpppp

Basically I go on holidays mid July and I just know the food will be so tempting (and I’m so scared of letting myself go) and my family will obvs notice if I don’t have anything but I also want to have a nice time 😭 what do I doooo??!!

And even if i eat small amounts of things I’ve no clue how many c@ls would be in them

I will be so so grateful for any tips or advice u have!! 💓

ily stay safe bb 🩵

hey! if i was in this situation i would just heavily r3strict for the week before. that way the vacation will be like a reward. ofc thats probably not good to advise you to do 😭

maybe instead of that, you can up your workouts and make sure all of ur meals/snacks are nutritional (get ur proteins and ur veggies) vs f00ds with just sugar and sodium. and that can help u have the energy to up ur workouts too.

u said you might “let urself go” no honey, its not a choice… its brain chemistry. if ur thinking about the f00d ur gonna be having over a month from now… youre in deep. you won’t “let yourself go”. youll be anxious either way. youre not gonns get used to e@ting normal and then just stick with it, even if h do youll slowly become obsessed with ur image again soon and go back to ur ways.. thats the fuck of it all… might as well ENJOY ur vacay.

it would rlly suck to go in vacation and be trying to guess the c4lories in everything, and ordering what u think is the lightest option. you should e@t what you want.

you can still r3strict certain f00d groups. if i was going on vacay with my family theyd buy snacks for the hotel or wherever we’d be staying. i would avoid those, bc i would normally avoid them at home.

going out to restaurants id do the same thing i do at home when i go to restaurants, order something that sounds good so i can enjoy myself, whether its a salad or a big mf burger lol. and i eat till im full. (if u dont have that sense, leaving 1/2 or 1/4 of the meal on the plate is a good measurement.)

if theres an appetizer, i have maybe a bite of each one and say im saving room for dinner, (my family and friends know i get full easily) & same goes with dessert. if it looks rlly good ill have a bite, but since i ordered what i WANTED for dinner, im satisfied before a dessert comes out and i play it off that im full.

i would probably figure out what we’re doing for food and decide what is most worth it to me and save my c4ls for that.

id also make a list of things i wanna enjoy. for example: my trip to nyc i wanted to try

-new york pizza

-a pastry and latte from the cafe next to my hotel

-a martini

-something fried from a food truck

-any non american food restaurant (italian, french, idk)

-a croissant from this popular cafe in times square

and i just kinda rationed it out. i remember my bf wanted to go for a walk, i new we’d pass the bakery, so i pointed it out and indulged there. got a matcha tea and a macaroon & then played off being full until dinner and chose something light (i think i made us get sushi that night which is pretty low in c4l) another day, we took the metro to soho and we walked around ALL day, so by the time we got back to the hotel it was late. we ordered the pizza i wanted to try… and i didnt care bc i had 20k steps done. i was still able to have everything i wanted the whole time, i just r3strictied the things that werent on my list.

idk what kind of vacation ur going on but a lot of them call for lots of walking, so thats a plus. you will not g4in that much. thats why i said id go crazy a week before, so that i dont feel like im g4ining it just feels like its fluctuating normally.

either way if u let urself enjoy it atleast ur metabolism will get faster! (im toxic) lol metab week(s?) ❕

me and my bf are planning a 2 week trip to europe. 2 weeks before we go i would push myself to burn way more c4l than normal. and i wouldn’t w3igh myself in that time. in 2 weeks i could lose like 4Ibs and not even know, that way when i get back from vacation and ive g4ined 3Ibs i wouldnt even notice. then life goes back to normal!

i hope that makes sense, and i hope its not too much. i really hope u enjoy ur vacation & can allow urself to enjoy a few of the f00ds wherever ur going. 🩷

[theskeletoninthegarden]

Every time my brain comes up with a story idea that doesn't involve me doing some serious mental gymnastics to get it to work I have no motivation to bother.

[juniemunie]

[Abandoned by the Lightners, his heart became cracked with hatred.]

Hitting a lil' too close to home?

[bicheetopuff]

(Ch. 336)

You know, this panel has always made me a little curious. Every other time we saw Izuku sparring with Katsuki (before the war started at least), he’d use blackwhip to defend himself, hence ‘catch-a-kacchan’ so I found it weird how Izuku didn’t even try to grab Katsuki. For like 100 chapters prior to this, he used blackwhip for everything and would eventually just leave it out incase he needed it quickly kinda like how Hawks utilized his feathers (when he had them) so I kinda just made a mental note about how weird it was that Izuku chose to evade instead of defend when he easily could’ve.

I also found it weird how quickly Izuku wanted to change the topic along with the distress on his face. I thought it was just a cheap and ooc way of explaining Todoroki’s new power quickly but, since it’s now confirmed that Izuku has PTSD about Katsuki’s sacrifice, what if Katsuki’s cluster move triggers that trauma response too?

The next time we see cluster used with Izuku present, Izuku actually does respond with blackwhip.

(Ch. 404)

He doesn’t use it in defense though, he uses it in almost possessive way by securing their hands together with it. But also, he doesn’t speak for this entire chapter. It could be explained away by the side effect of using gearshift and him not being able to breath but before now, he’s been more focused while in distress and was also speaking just fine before. Though, in these panels, and through the entire chapter, he seems almost delirious and in shock. He’s not even reacting to the lack of oxygen anymore.

He even starts ignoring Shigaraki in these moments. He’s stunned and mesmerized but now I’m starting to question whether he’s amazed or scared out of his mind for what might happen. With that uncertainty, all that I can say confidently is that he’s distracted.

(Season 7 ep. 4)

Arguably after chapter 404, he stops thinking straight and, honestly, gets a little sloppy. A few chapters after this, is when gets danger sense stolen and starts getting truly injured. He makes the decision to give away OFA and loses his arms. He reverts right back into his “I don’t care what happens to me” mentality that his class has been trying to get him to grow out of for a while.

He wasn’t mentally prepared for something to go wrong in this fight. He wasn’t mentally prepared to be pulled away, leaving Katsuki with Shigaraki. I thought it was just iffy writing that he’d mentally regress after Katsuki woke up instead of before but, it honestly makes a lot more sense now. He cared about what happened to himself because he needed to stay alive to ensure Katsuki’s revival. Once Katsuki woke up and he watched him fight AFO, he started being reckless again. He went back to viewing himself as nothing but a vessel for OFA because he believes OFA is the only thing that can beat AFO, hence why he trusted the vestiges when they said “we can fight him from the inside” (which I think was a silly decision. It’s noble in theory but it amounted to nothing because Izuku can’t win in this regressive state of self sacrifice anymore. Or at least, he shouldn’t since it’s such a big part of his arc.).

And now, with the most recent chapter with most of his classmates present it seems like he’s regretting that decision because he’s being reminded that people care about him. They showed up to support him regardless of already being hurt because he can’t win on his own. Eri mutilated herself to help him and if that doesn’t tell him that fighting without the intent of not dying is stupid, idk what will.

(Ch. 421)

He was about to just throw himself back into the fight with the same mindset as before if Aizawa didn’t stop him. He looks frustrated because he realizes the weight of what he’s been doing and how looking up to AM and the previous vestiges shouldn’t be his role models right now considering all of their fates. He’d just be continuing OFAs curse like Katsuki’s been worried about for a hundred something chapters.

In conclusion, this post was very unfocused but I can’t wait to see Izuku kick ass and for Katsuki to show back up because with the impact he’s had on Izuku, I DESPERATELY need them to talk. Most of this post may have very well been a stretch but, let me be delusional please.

[turtleblogatlast]

One of the biggest things that makes me see Leo as trans is absolutely the size of his carapace in comparison to his brothers’.

And I’m not talking about height! I’m specifically looking at his shell here, because when you compare him to the others, particularly Donnie who is nearly the same height as Leo, it’s very clear that Leo’s carapace is much longer in proportion to the rest of his body.

Like - standing side by side, even though Donnie is shorter his carapace ends noticeably higher up than Leo’s does. And I like this not only because it really helps push the idea that Leo could very likely be trans (or intersex!), but it’s also just a fun design difference between them.

(It also lends way to future scenarios of Donnie eventually getting taller than Leo, but sitting down still has Leo being the taller one haha.)