#but now it's so nice just to finish up after my workout meditating for a bit...

[pendraegon]

it's unreal how much i like meditation now that im older....

[awaitingfall]

07.14.24

Wasn’t planning on posting today, but I’m starting to feel a little anxious so maybe writing it out will help.

I feel like something’s been going on with my heart. It beats so fast and so hard at random times throughout the day. Well it might not be random because I feel like it happens after I eat certain foods like carbs, and then maybe after a long day of not being too active it starts to beat like that in the evening. Or also when I’m having bad stomach cramping, which happened this morning again. But also just walking up a flight of stairs. I live on the 3rd floor of my apartment building and I walk up and down them everyday, you’d think my body would get used to it by now? But I literally have to stop before the last flight and just chill for a few seconds before I finish. And it’s not like I’m incredibly out of shape or anything.

I’ve only noticed it get this bad in the past few months, but I’ve definitely had a faster heart rate almost all my adult life. I don’t really remember the POUNDING heart ever being an issue other than after I’ve done something super active. Part of me feels like it could be from my neighbor’s cigarette smoke getting into our apartment and breathing that in whenever we’re home. Most times when we come home it REAKS of cigarettes. All I want is to have my own space away from other people’s bullshit but I don’t have enough money for a down payment on a house 😭 Anyways, I really don’t know what else it could be from. Maybe my meds are starting to affect me, but I’ve been on the same ones for years now, nothing’s changed. Although, now that I think of it, I used to take my anxiety meds at night before bed until I realized that I would get a pounding heart when I was just laying in bed trying to fall asleep. So I looked it up and that is one of the side effects of the med…shit, maybe that has a lot to do with it since switching to taking it in the morning. Damn I would’ve never thought about that if I didn’t right all this out, SEE writing out my problems DOES help sometimes! 🥲 Regardless, I could probably work on my cardio to help strengthen my heart, but I feel like that’s not fully addressing the issue. I see my doctor at the end of the month and I’m going to ask her to refer me to a cardiologist so they can run tests. I’m only worried because my grandfather died from heart related issues, although he didn’t have those problems until he was older. I just want to be careful and take care of myself as best as possible, especially while I’m still young.

I’m sure my anxiety doesn’t help with the rapid heart rate. I’m sure it just makes it worse once I start worrying about it.

I really want to be off of all of my meds. I feel like starting birth control is the reason I began having thyroid issues and made my anxiety worse. But I’ve been on birth control for 10 years now and I’m scared of how my body is going to react to stopping it 😰 If anyone has had any experience with stopping birth control can you comment or send me a message about how that went (would be even better if it was the Kariva brand). I feel like I hear so much negative stuff and I’m worried if I stop it it’s going to uproot my entire life. I did have fairly painful periods before BC and my job is very active, I feel like I’d have to ask off at least 3 days/month just to rest, but I’m also the fucking anchor holding everything down at my job and the only one who can work the press so no actual orders would get done for 3 days and my boss would not be about that 😭

Idk, just a lot to overthink about. But hopefully since I wrote it out here it won’t keep me up all night and I can have a peaceful sleep 😌

I’m just going to start fresh tomorrow. Wake up at 5am, start with a guided meditation sitting up in bed, drink some water and take my meds, then go upstairs and get a nice well-rounded workout in. My breakfast will be scrambled eggs with kimchi, spinach and feta cheese on some sourdough toast. Then I’ll prep my lunch and dinner which will both be plain Greek yogurt with some of that farm-fresh honey I just picked up today and a goji berry trail mix on top. And then I’ll spend the evening reading.

I just can’t let my boss stress me out tomorrow. The fact that he’s back in the shop for 2 months just makes me want to quit, but I know I’m stronger than that and can’t let a random human being affect my mental health like that. I shouldn’t let anything affect my mental health, unless it’s in a positive way 😤

[beisej]

It's 2:16pm and I'm sitting in the sunroom. People always complain when I go on monologues about the beauty of the weather, I never understand why. Isn't there a lot to be said about the weather? or nature? Does it not effect everyone the same? The windows are open, and the breeze keeps hitting my face. This is taking so long to write, I keep getting overwhelmed. The sound of birds chirping, the soft breeze on my face and the green trees outside are enough to make me cry. There's so much beauty in nature. Breathe in, breathe out. Close your eyes. Inhale. In this moment, I could genuinely cry. There is so much peace. How can a person be this heavy when there is so much gentleness in life? I'm so tempted to postpone writing this and just close my eyes and let the wind do what it wants with me. A romance with nature. An ode to silence, an ode to solitude, an ode to longing. A moment of purity. A cleansing of the soul, maybe not a complete cleanse; the soul is too burdened to be cleansed fully. A soothing of the soul. I wonder, does a soothed heart clear the mind? or does a clear mind soothe the heart? I think it's the latter. I don't understand why I'm so burdened. Why can't my heart let go? Why is it so heavy? What have I done wrong?

I think I need to meditate. My heart is not being too kind to me these days, or maybe it's my mind. I need to cook soon. Maybe I need a break from the external. I think time with myself would be good. There has been too much noise around me this past year. Maybe I need to let people go. I've always found that comforting. It's the bad side of me. The not very nice side. I hurt people sometimes, I don't mean to. I've convinced myself there's no other way. Anyway, I'll figure it out. I finished cooking, it's 4:15pm. There's no rhyme or reason to any of what I'm writing and I think I like it this way. Everything in my life has to make sense at all times, I want something that makes no sense. I'm trying to make sense of my heavy heart though. I have a couple of ideas as to why I am so burdened, and it's a testement to how weak I am unfortunately.

that I went back to vaping.

that i'm not praying

i'm not consistent with my workout

i wake up late

i'm not working on the project

PhD

Why are these things making me feel so burdened? So what? So what if I fuck around a bit? The instant thought after that question was "well I've been fucking around for a good while now". Ugh. I need to sort my shit out so I can enjoy the weather. I need to be better. But I'm okay now. I'll enjoy the stillness for today.

Time to go, need to check on the food.

N

[roxygenstudiesagain]

100 Days of Productivity (7/100) 12/13/2022

Above: my matcha latte smoothie w flaxseed, coconut raspado, tumeric, almond milk and cocoa nibs. Replaced my usual coffee with yerba mate shot. Very nice on the sweet tooth.

Promised myself I’d work hard coz I’m doing mostly self care activities tomorrow and reducing my concerta for a brief tolerance break till picking up on Friday for one last proactive day (Thursday is a work day too but it’s more instructor led bc of 4 hours screenwriting lessons n then therapy later).

Finished photoshop animation for class and submitted my final so it’s out of the way. Did like 3 sketches for my basic art final progress. Now I’ve just gotta do a couple more and my 2D art final on Friday and I’m free from school till spring!!

Finally turned my thumbs into a first draft set of boards for one of my comms and did like 50% of lines for another. A should be finished by early Jan and B by this weekend. Wanna get em out of the way so I can move on to new stuff after holding it back for an extra week

Did my Japanese and Spanish lessons. 60 min of exercise bike and noted down all my food on log! Also did my morning n night reflections, meditation n drank water!! Sippy sip u lil overachiever

Read more of my books (will need to start linking book tag), restarted putting YouTube videos of interest in a playlist to play while I’m in need of engagement

Ate really well!!!

Housework-dishes, tidying, cooking

Finish coursework finals and comms!!

Get back into spell work and witchy studies. Charge my objects

Ringfit for overall body health coz exercise bike doesn’t address it

Create a post workout wind down list (bath, massage chair n gun

Go to dr apt, maybe ask for supplements n get the more obscure ones when I have money

Play more Pokémon, complete post game, finish digimon cyber sleuth, make reviews

Content for tiktok

Ukulele repertoire n schedule time for music writing theory n songwriting, start guitar

Clear fridge n freezer

Technically tomorrow counts for a productive day… I’ll try to write up for it bc this has been really good for record keeping n helping me feel good about myself

[winetae]

wall to wall (m.) 02

— female reader x hoseok

— smut, porn star!au

— sex work, insecurity, jealousy, slut shaming/objectification, role played scenario that includes: d/s dynamics - dom!hoseok, anal sex, sex toys, face fucking, double penetration, erotic massages, humiliation, degradation, porn star type dirty talk, squirting, creampie, lots of cum (and oil!)

— 19.7k 

… 

Temporary popularity is the biggest threat to your career right now. Without a solid core fan base you’re doomed to be forgotten. If not now, then in a month or two, and if not then, surely by the end of the year. That’s how quickly the adult film industry cycles through their actors, especially when you’re a woman. 

Your agent comes forward with a proposition to help put you back on the map.

↳  or, my contribution to the lights, camera, action! collab : )

part 01 | part 02 | part 03

author’s note | part 2 is finally here ! ! ty to jordan who has encouraged me literally every step of the way and to ella for supplying a never ending amount of hoseok gifs and pics when i most needed it :’) i’m sorry again for cutting the chapter into two parts but seeing as this entire chunk only amounted to 1/3 of my outline for part two it’s safe to say i would have never finished this fic otherwise ;;

(!) if you are particularly sensitive to humiliation/ degradation then maybe u should skip the smut scene bc jdjffjkfkddkd cries in tears of heaux 

SCENE 03 - PULP FRICTION. TAKE 02. ROLL A.

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It’s hard to guess how a project will be perceived by the general public. Sometimes a xxx feature film everyone believed would do well sells less than expected, and with online pirating becoming such a rampant and common occurrence, it’s harder to measure the impact of your work. Views and numbers are no longer a reliable indicator of one’s popularity. You’re lucky that you’re signed under such a big talent agency because at least you’re guaranteed regular paychecks, regardless of how well you perform. But to survive in this industry you’re conscious that you need more than that.

According to Seokjin and his expert advice, fans are the ones who will keep an adult entertainer’s career afloat for longer than the average six months. It doesn’t matter how good-looking or well endowed an actor is; if fans aren’t interested and invested, there’s a slim chance that they’ll pay money from their own pockets to view your work. And in order to build such a strong and dedicated fan base, you need one of several things: regular content and an active social media account.

It’s a careful line to tread; not enough online interaction can make people lose interest, but so can overexposure.

You’re patiently waiting for what Seokjin baptizes “The Big Breakthrough” - the decisive project that will propel you into superstardom. None of your videos have ever garnered that type of traction, however, and you’ve been stuck repeating the same old recycled scenarios of plumbers/pizza delivery boys coming over to get the fuck of their life.

When your latest video is uploaded online, you do your best to steer clear from social media. As much as you want to see what people think of your performance, it’s too nerve-wracking to deal with on an empty stomach. You know that if you begin scrolling through the comments, you’ll spend all day glued to your phone, constantly refreshing the page to check for feedback.

And while you aren’t the type of person who lets negative opinions affect your morale, you are nonetheless worried that your time in the industry is about to run out. Lately, the thought lingers ominously in the corners of your mind.

In times like these, exercise is one of the best distractions, second to maybe sex.

Pia, the yoga instructor, walks you through several routines, bending your body this way and that, until your head feels pleasantly blank, devoid for once of any stress and self-doubt. The hour long hot yoga class puts your overthinking mind to rest. In that moment even the notion of time ceases to matter.

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end.

The instructor turns off his meditation playlist while the room empties out, soft chattering replacing the chirping of birds and the sound of cascading water. Slowly, mind still fuzzy around the edges, you gather your belongings and head straight to the vending machine to get a much needed dose of caffeine.

As you dig around the contents of your purse for spare change, someone comes up from behind and taps your shoulder.

“Eep!” You catch your bag before it can slip from your grasp. “What—”

“Shit, sorry!”

When you spin around, hands clutched protectively over your chest to keep your heart rate steady, you don’t expect to come face to face with Hoseok, of all people.

He grins sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “Didn’t mean to give you a scare. I, um, recognized you from afar and thought I’d come say hi.”

Now that the initial shock has faded, you’re free to admire the sight in front of you without any distractions.

As handsome as Hoseok looks under the bright studio lights with his hair styled and make-up applied, there’s something undeniably appealing about the way he appears now - with his hair mussed up and sweatpants riding dangerously low on his hips. While you normally prefer someone who puts more effort into their appearance, there’s something attractive and unpretentious about his casual demeanor that intrigues you.

Heat surges to the apple of your cheeks when you realize that you’re being too blatant with your ogling. Your eyes settle on his face - a safe zone, one that won’t cause any misunderstandings. It’s a nice sight to look at. Hoseok’s face is pretty, the absence of powder and contour not taking away from his handsomeness in the least. His skin glows in a way that can only be achieved post-workout or after an intense orgasm.

This train of thought brings you down a slippery slope. All too soon, your mind supplies images of his long cock filling you up over and over and over again, his lips whispering praise and filth in the same breath. Your gaze flits to his mouth as you recall how red and swollen they’d been after kissing you senseless, how sticky and wet they’d felt against your own, the taste of your own succulence bleeding into your mouth as your breaths intermingled.

“You’re - yes.” You clear your throat, embarrassed by the way you’d quickly let your thoughts spiral out of control. “It’s fine, you just - caught me off guard. How’ve you been?”

Since you last dicked me down, goes unsaid.

“Just finished teaching a class a few minutes ago. I’ve got a 30 minute break before the next one starts.” He checks his watch. “Well, eleven minutes now.”

“You teach here?” You raise your brows, taken aback by his revelation.  

Not that it isn’t uncommon for adult entertainers to work two jobs - or more. You’ve run into a variety of cases since joining the industry. Some do porn on the side, as a hobby or as a way to make a quick buck. They quit the moment porn becomes tedious or when they’ve made enough money to pay back their loans. For you, however, it’s not like that. What started off as amateur cam work has now become your whole life. You can’t imagine doing anything else, even if it means going against your family members’ wishes. They could go suck on a rancid cock, for all you cared.

“Yep, sure do. I teach the morning Pilates class on Wednesdays and Thursdays. Funny how I’ve never run into you before, huh?”

He takes a few coins out of his left pocket and inserts them into the vending machine. “Here, get whatever you want.”

“You don’t—”

“My treat.”

You want to argue but Hoseok’s too beguiling for his own good. It doesn’t take much for you to be won over; Hoseok’s smile widens and you’re a goner.

It’s that easy.

You’re not sure if it’s because you’ve seen each other naked before or if the earlier yoga session has successfully weakened your defenses, but you’re not as wary as you usually would be around people you don’t know well. Distrust runs in your veins yet something about Hoseok has you lowering your guard.  

Based on your observations, there’s nothing calculated behind his gestures and mannerisms. The blinding grin, the jokes, the way people easily get pulled into his magnetic field - it’s not a facade or an act or a fluke. It’s just the way he is.

Hoseok leans against the vending machine and watches you press in the numbers for your order. From the corner of your eye, you see him studying your profile with a degree of intensity that makes you self-conscious. You swallow down the urge to fidget.

And it’s - silly. He’s seen you bare and at your most exposed, has kissed and touched the entirety of your body from head to toe, but this quiet moment feels strangely intimate, more so than when he’d slid his cock inside of you for the first time. Perhaps it’s due to the absence of cameras and prying eyes or the knowledge that right now you’re both real people, stripped of your porn star persona exterior.

Your eyes meet.

There’s nothing predatory or hungry about his gaze. The passion and the love he’d expressed so naturally during your filmed scenes are no longer detectable. Right now he’s Jung Hoseok, not a character with a role to play. This is all him - the dark circles, the relaxed smile, the slight slouch in his shoulders.

“About—” He clears his throat. “About the other day. The guy that was with you...”

You know without needing clarification who and what he’s talking about. You run your tongue across your row of teeth, wiping away the cheap coffee’s aftertaste, and nod for him to continue.

“He give you a hard time?” Hoseok’s eyes don’t stray from yours. He looks concerned. Serious. “Afterwards I - I regretted leaving so soon. I didn’t want to - I wasn’t sure. But, regardless, I should have made sure you were okay before leaving you alone with him.”

“Oh.”

Realization sinks in. Your eyes widen and you splutter, flustered. “No, no. It’s nothing like that. Jimin - he’s my boyfriend.”

It’s hard to appreciate the concern when all you feel is shocked that someone could misinterpret your relationship for a perverted staff member preying on an unsuspecting porn actress. Although it’s unfortunately common practice in the industry, it’s so far removed from what you share with Jimin that you’re at a loss for words.

“Fuck, I’m sorry.” Hoseok immediately rubs his face in embarrassment. “I thought - sorry. I’m a dumbass. Ignore me.”

“It’s -”  You shake your head. “It’s fine.”

An awkward silence ensues.

You occupy the void by sipping on the bitter vending machine coffee, your eyes glued to your toenails peeking out the top of your sandals. Any other time, you’d fret over the chipping nail polish and rush to schedule an appointment at the nail salon, but your thoughts are so jumbled up that you can barely string a coherent sentence together.

Jimin - he isn’t anything like what Hoseok’s implying. Implied. You know this. But the fact that someone could mistake him as such doesn’t sit right with you. You want to defend him but at the same time you don’t know what to say.

“I just,” he sighs, breaking the silence. “I’ve seen it happen before. I’m sorry I assumed the worst. I guess I’m too paranoid for my own good. I hope I didn’t offend you too much. Or him.”

“No - I’m - I understand.” You give him a small smile to let him know you don’t harbor any ill feelings over the mistake. Hoseok seems so genuinely sorry about the entire situation that it’s impossible to hold it against him.

It’s possible, you think. To misinterpret your relationship with Jimin. The situation back then had been so tense - you remember that better than anyone. Given the context, Hoseok had every right to be mistrustful, especially when no one had bothered to set the record straight.

“I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to overstep.”

“There’s no harm done.” You hesitate before continuing, “I’m that way too, you know. I tend to think the worst of people when I probably shouldn’t. I thought - I was worried about you at first, too. When we met. Not because - it wasn’t anything against you personally. I’m just distrustful. But I’m glad - that it was you and not someone else.”

His posture relaxes. “Thank you. I’m glad that it was you, too. And that I was able to prove you wrong about me. With the shit you hear and see happening on set… I don’t blame you for being on your guard.”

“Yeah. Maybe we’ll - oh. I think someone’s calling you.”

Hoseok follows your line of sight to where a small group of his students are huddled behind the glass panel separating the Pilates classroom from the hallway leading down to the changing rooms. They’re all female and look around your age, maybe younger. The one who had been waving her arms wilts under the attention of her teacher, blush high on her cheeks, while her group of friends dissolve into a fit of giggles.

“Ah. That’s my cue.” Hoseok sighs in apology, the corner of his lips tugged downwards into a pout. “Sorry. Would’ve loved to get coffee and catch up but alas. Duty calls.”

“Next time.”

“Yeah, definitely. I’ll hold you up to that. And it’ll be proper coffee next time! Promise.”

“Okay, deal,” you agree easily. “I’ll buy.”

He looks somewhat offended. “What - no, that’s not what I meant.”

“It’s only fair.” You gesture at the half-empty plastic coffee cup still warm against your palm.

Hoseok opens his mouth to object but a short-haired woman pokes his head out the open door. “Yo, teach! Wasn’t class supposed to start five minutes ago?”

“I’m coming!” Hoseok shouts back, waving his student back inside. “Arrogant brat.”

“Go, go!” You urge, holding yourself from physically pushing him towards the classroom. His group of students look like they’re willing to jump you if you keep hogging his attention.

“We’ll Rock Paper Scissors it!” He says while jogging backwards. “Gotta run but see you around, yeah?”

Your lips pull into an amused smile as you watch him retreat back to his classroom. Through the glass panel, you can see the horde of girls flock around him, each vying for his attention in different ways. You’re especially impressed by how one almost succeeds in drowning Hoseok in her generous cleavage.

The sight of Hoseok dealing with thirsty college girls is so ridiculous you can’t help but giggle. You’re tempted to attend one of his classes just to watch them all trip over each other in an attempt to seduce him. Maybe you could even learn a thing or two.

With that thought in mind, you leave the gym center in high spirits, feeling refreshed and rejuvenated, ready to tackle on whatever hurdles the day decides to throw your way. You hum along to a top 40 hit they constantly play on the radio and decide to stop by your favorite restaurant to get take-out before heading home.

As you get into your car, you turn on your phone you’d disregarded all morning and are immediately notified of five missed calls and several unread text messages. More than half are - unsurprisingly - from your agent. You’re tempted to ignore him for an hour or two longer but you know how he gets once his patience runs thin.

“Don’t tell me you were out with Jimmy again,” Seokjin groans once you decide to call him back.

“I was with Hoseok, actually.”

“Hoseok?” Seokjin instantly perks up on the other side of the line. “As in, Jung Hoseok? J-Hope? Your baby daddy? That Hoseok?”

You contemplate ending the call.

Begrudgingly you concur, “Yes. That one.”

“Oooooh. Do tell,” he eggs, the smugness in his tone so thick that you can visualize it.

“It wasn’t - whatever scandalous thought you’re thinking. He works at the gym I go to. What are the chances, right?”

“What are the chances indeed.” Despite the lack of juicy gossip, he sounds pleased. “The news I rang you for earlier involves him.”

“How so?”

“Your video with Hoseok has been the number 1 trending video on Bang Gang’s home page since this morning!” He squeals, enthusiasm making the volume of his voice raise by a notch. “People are eating that romantic insemination stuff for breakfast and lunch. The views on this are insane! We haven’t gotten such a big reaction since the Agust D teacher-student role play and that was ages ago.”

“Wh- Are you serious?!”

Unable to contain the elation that surges through your chest, your face breaks out into a giant grin.

You’re admittedly the first to say that the number of views doesn’t equate to one’s talent or prowess in bed, but you also can’t completely disregard what this particular achievement implies...

While belonging to a reputable agency has its perks, it also entails continuous competition with big names. Your coworkers are also your competitors. Every month the most successful porn stars are rewarded and praised, whilst the ones who rake in the least amount of views are cast aside and are fated to fade into anonymity.

As much as you hate to acknowledge it, you’ve never had the support or interest it takes to contend for 1st place on any popularity polls or rankings of the sort. On Wednesdays, it so happens that the number one trending video spot is usually occupied by a popular femdom porn star who’s been in the game long enough to have secured a loyal fanbase.

Seokjin understands and empathizes with your excitement more than anybody.

“Yes, I’m serious! I think this is It, you know? Your Big Breakthrough, the moment we’ve been waiting for. You’ve been doing well so far but I think we’ll be able to go mainstream with this,” he chatters on, excitement building with every word. “Director Ryu said he’d personally call you up later to congratulate you, so don’t turn off your phone and ignore your calls, okay? I think he wants to ask you to film in his next movie but he didn’t discuss the details with me. Whatever it is - please say yes. I know the guy is a little pompous old fart but he really has an eye for this sort of thing. Casting you and Hoseok in the same film was the work of God. The chemistry between the two of you is unreal, no wonder people are jacking off to this at 10 am while they eat their cereal.”

You think it’s too early to rejoice in the success of your video considering the majority of the viewers are sleeping or busy at work - but when THE SPERMINATOR retains its number one ranking for the remainder of the week, you know your achievement deserves to be properly celebrated.

True to Seokjin’s word, Director Ryu does end up calling you. He wants to work with you and Hoseok again for a new film - and possibly more.

“A multi-film contract? You want to sign one with me?”

“How could I not? You’re both naturals and work well together. More importantly, the camera loves you. And people are on board with the pairing already! I think it’s a good idea to capitalize on their interest, don’t you think?”

It doesn’t take much more to convince you — not that you need any convincing at this point.

You refuse to be a flash-in-the-pan star. Although you admittedly had your reservations at first, the unexpected success of the last film is all Ryu needs to persuade you.

And - you like Hoseok. It goes without saying that there are far worse people to be partnered up with. Besides, it’s easier to work with co-stars you’ve starred in movies with previously for multiple reasons. Your acting is much more likely to come off as natural if you’re already acquainted with the dick that’s about to split you open - at least, that’s what you tell yourself.

When you mention the possibility of working again with Hoseok, your boyfriend doesn’t seem to share your enthusiasm.

“So it’s not a one time thing?” He’s not looking at you directly, his attention fixed instead on the freshly brewed coffee he nurses in his hands.  

“I mean—” You smile tentatively. “Director Ryu hasn’t said for how long he’ll keep hiring us for his projects. Maybe - maybe he’ll keep the format and hire different actors in the future? He - he didn’t really say. I don’t think he has much of an idea himself. He’s very...peculiar.”

You force out a laugh, but your attempt to lighten up the atmosphere falls flat.

“I see.” Jimin brings the coffee cup to his mouth to hide his grimace.

You don’t need to see his dejected expression to know that he isn’t pleased with this development.

“Do you - is there something wrong with Hoseok?” You hesitate, unsure of how he’ll reply.

Jimin’s never insisted you step down from a project before or expressed his dissatisfaction with any of your ‘artistic choices’, although you always imagined that someday, somewhere down the line, he might. Compared to your past dalliances, Jimin is understanding and empathetic. You don’t expect him to be perfect, however, especially when you yourself are far from that. Everyone must have their own personal limits, right? It’s unfair to ask Jimin to be accepting all the time.

It’s just that...the timing is bad.

You want to take his feelings into consideration, but you’re also aware that this might be your last opportunity to get your name out there once and for all. Your previous works have never tanked, so to speak, but they’d mostly gone by unnoticed. While you’ve managed to make ends meet in the past, such anonymity cannot go on for much longer if you want to remain in this line of work.

Your lipstick wears off as you bite your lower lip. Silence hangs heavy in the air.

Jimin sets down his cup of coffee and averts his gaze.

“No. No, there’s nothing wrong with him.”

You breathe out in relief, only now realizing you’d been holding in your breath as you awaited his answer.  

“It’s a bit difficult,” he admits after a pause. “Watching both of you together... Not because it’s bad! You did really good last time. You always do, but - saying ‘I love you’, that kind of stuff, it’s - I don’t know. It’s not your fault, though! I just need some time to adjust. Next time shouldn’t be as strange - since I know what to expect...”

You blink slowly as your brain registers the confession. His words echo in your ears and a strong feeling of déjà-vu washes over you. He’d said something along those lines before, hadn’t he?

Jimin shrugs like it’s no big deal before continuing, “As for Hoseok... He seems like a good person, I guess. I don’t think he’s the problem. Whether it’s him or another guy...” He sighs. “I think I just need to work this out on my own. It’s not like I can ask you to turn down a job offer because of me, right?”

Guilt makes your stomach turn. He’s right. As much as you want to respect his feelings, you can’t bring yourself to turn down the job for his sake. Does that make you selfish? Does he think less of you for it?

“Alright...” When you reach out to take his hand in yours, his skin is surprisingly cold to the touch. “You’ll tell me if it ever bothers you, okay? Filming this - or anything else. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable with what I do...”

You’re not sure what you’ll do if that moment ever comes to pass. Work is your number one priority in life. Many of your relationships haven’t worked out because of that very reason but your past lovers’ dissatisfaction hadn’t been enough to change your mindset. After all, work is what helps put money on the table, not love. You shake your head, as if the action will help you get rid of your stressful thoughts.  

Jimin nods as he interlaces his fingers with yours. On normal days, holding hands together puts your mind at rest. You love the way his hand fits in yours, the different skin tones blending into one.

Right now, his pale hand feels unnaturally cold against your own. It feels like winter itself is embracing you and you repress a shiver.

Maybe as his girlfriend it’s not the right choice to make, but — you can’t falter now. It physically pains you to admit it but Seokjin’s worrying isn’t unfounded. Your career is stagnant, your projects predictable and boring. You’re not bad at your job, but you don’t stand out amidst the sea of pretty girls hoping to make a name for themselves.

There’s no guarantee that Director Ryu’s new project will be as successful as the first. You’re no stranger to false hopes; there’s a chance that Seokjin’s wishful thinking might never amount to anything. Even so, you want to give it a shot. Not trying feels too much like giving up and giving up is not an option you’re willing to consider, not when you’ve already put so much on the line.

You’re not a quitter. Seokjin had warned you from day one that it wouldn’t be easy and you’d taken his lessons and warnings to heart. You’d become an adult entertainer fully aware of the trials and tribulations you’d have to face and had been prepared to make the necessary sacrifices in order to achieve your goals.

But are the risks truly worth it? Looking at Jimin’s dejected expression, you’re not so sure anymore.

.

.

.

They’ve really gone all out this time, you muse as you cast a cursory glance at your surroundings. A small, electric waterfall fountain sits in the far right corner and crimson colored scented candles are dispersed all around the elaborate massage parlor set-up, dousing the room in a cosy, amber glow. It’s a surprising sight because porn sets are famous for never focusing on the details. Viewers are here for the sex, not the generic backdrop of a rented room or hotel suite.

Director Ryu vehemently protests.

“That’s precisely what sets apart my works from your average pornography film. I want the viewer to be completely immersed in the movie they’re watching. Porn is too constricting and underwhelming a word. What I’m creating is a feast for the eyes, one that leaves a lasting impression after consumption.”

“Ah... Yes.” You try (and fail) to sound impressed.  

“People want to believe the sex is real, even if it’s just for an hour.” He sighs deeply, sounding pained, like explicating such a simple fact isn’t worthy of his time. “They need the escape and it’s our job to make it happen. A few extra candles might not make a colossal difference at first glance. But that’s where you’re wrong! It’s never been about the candles. It’s about the ambiance! The visual experience!”

It’s a pity the new budget doesn’t extend to your wardrobe, you remark internally as your gaze drops to observe the stylists’ pick of the day.

For the upcoming scene, you’ve been instructed to squeeze into a tight, baby pink shirt that stretches obscenely over your bust like something straight out of a frat boy’s wet dream. Inwardly, you congratulate yourself for hitting the gym religiously because your clothes—or lack thereof—put everything on display. The cotton material of your shirt is so thin, you’re surprised the stitches haven’t popped out, while the denim bottoms you sport are so tiny that you could hardly qualify them as shorts. Although—you suppose that there isn’t any use debating over semantics. It’s not as if they’ll stay on long enough for it to matter.

The scenario that you’ll be acting out today is pretty straight-forward. You stop by the parlor to cash in a voucher gifted by a generous and thoughtful friend. Hoseok, who plays the role of an erotic masseuse, gives you a deep tissue body massage worthy of a five star review on Yelp.

Director Ryu is extremely proud of the pitch. His spectacles glint as he pushes them up the bridge of his long nose.

“We’re gonna call it My Bare Lady. Haha, get it?” He gloats. “It’ll be different from our last shoot - the both of you aren’t supposed to be acquainted with each other at all. In fact, there won’t be any romance. We’re aiming for something new because as artists, it’s our duty to reinvent ourselves every day. Complacency is the enemy of creativity.”

At the mention of Hoseok, your gaze flits over in his direction.

His brown hair, two shades lighter than the last time you’d run into him, is swept to the side, giving him a professional and tidy appearance. He’s swapped his workout attire for beige scrub pants and a matching shirt. The color compliments the glow of his tan and the cut of the uniform is flattering to his figure. Diretor Ryu’s speech continues despite your wavering focus.

“—visual stimulation. That’s why one shouldn’t underestimate the proper use of props. A believable setting sets the tone for the rest of the scene. If you don’t believe the role you’ve been given, then why should the audience?”

“Mhm,” you nod here and there but you’ve long stopped paying attention to his one-sided speech.

Your eyes linger on Hoseok’s arms and the dimples that appear every time he laughs. You’re not the only one who stares. A small group of admirers flock to him like bees swarming around a rare and exotic flower.

You’d noticed it before but today confirms it; Hoseok’s presence is riveting. It’s not the first time today your gaze has strayed his way. More than once, you find your eyes drawn to him like a moth to a flame only to quickly avert your gaze whenever your eyes meet. Each time, the right side of his mouth quirks into a half-smile, the beginning of a question forming on his lips.

It’s embarrassing to be caught red-handed gawking but, in your defense, you aren’t the only one who ogles him—and many of them are far less discreet than you try to be, some gazes curious, others downright lecherous.

It bothers you. What exactly do you and everyone else find so fascinating about his character? He’s good-looking, sure—but you’re no stranger to handsome and pretty co-stars with nicely shaped dicks. You can’t put a finger on what sets him apart from the rest.

The gaffer comes over and momentarily interrupts the flow of Director Ryu’s monologue with a personal inquiry. Thank God. You use the opportunity to slip away, grateful that someone has put an end to your misery. As thankful as you are to the director for the career opportunity, you could do without his long-winded speeches that never seem to end.  

“Hey, Hoseok.”

His smile widens, the corners dimpling the moment he spots you. “Hey! It’s been a while. Who would’ve thought we’d get to work again so soon, huh?”

“I didn’t think our last movie would do so well, honestly.”

Without its success, who knows what kind of movie you’d be participating in right now? Another re-hashed version of ‘BABYSITTER GETS CREAMED’ type scenario, most probably.

“I guess that’s a testament to your acting skills, right?”

You smile back, sheepish but nevertheless pleased. It always feels nice to be complimented, especially on days like today when you’re feeling less confident than usual.

“You changed up your hair.”

“Yeah! I thought I needed a change.” He threads his fingers through his locks self-consciously. “It looks fine, right?”

“It does!” you agree with an enthusiastic nod.

Jimin, who had insisted to be present on set today, hovers on the edge of your periphery. In the back of your mind you know he means well—that his presence is meant to be a source of support and security. On a typical day, you’re relieved that someone you trust is close by in case the situation escalates. While you’ve never had any horrific experiences, there have been the occasional uncomfortable encounters behind the scenes. Thankfully, Seokjin or Jimin have always stepped in before whichever entitled asshat could get too handsy.

But for the first time, his presence doesn’t comfort you the way it usually does.

Your smile becomes stiff.

The last thing you want is for Jimin to misunderstand the situation... Despite his claims of not having any problems with you shooting again with Hoseok, you can’t forget the stony expression on your boyfriend’s face as he had stared your co-star down, his grip around your waist strong and possessive.

“Are you okay?” Hoseok inquires, noticing your change in attitude. Worry creases his brow. He takes a step forward as if to check up on you.

“I’m okay!” You wave your hands around in the air, if only to maintain the distance separating your figures.

Despite your energetic reassurances, Hoseok looks unconvinced. He tilts his head to the side, his eyes narrowing in concern.

You wrack your head for an acceptable excuse. “Maybe I have pre-performance jitters? It’s nothing serious, though!”

It’s not too far from the truth, either. You feel more nervous than usual... Maybe because you’re aware that today’s shoot will most likely make or break your career. If the results prove to be disappointing, you don’t want to imagine what that means for your future.

You shake your head, refusing to accept any talks of early retirement.

But what other choice will you have, your inner voice argues. If no one is interested in viewing your works, no production company will want to book you for their movies. Even if you’re able to shoot half a dozen films after this failed attempt, the interest and support from viewers and higher-ups will soon dry up.

Hoseok’s features soften.

“Look, I know we don’t know each other that well yet, but if my opinion means anything... I think you’re really amazing.” His deep brown eyes reflect sincerity. “I haven’t had this much fun performing with anyone before and it’s not just ‘cos you’re fucking hot.” He laughs to cover up his embarrassment. “Maybe it’s a bit of a reach to compare the two, but porn is a bit like dancing in a way. There’s a choreography to follow, a certain rhythm and mood you have to get into. But the most important part is the chemistry and trust between you and your partner. And you - when I perform with you, it doesn’t feel like I’m acting at all. Not many people have that ability. For what it’s worth, I think you’re pretty special.”

“T-thanks,” you stutter in reply, taken aback by his candor. “I appreciate that.”

You’re not the only one caught off-guard by Hoseok’s frankness. He rubs the back of his neck and chuckles to fill up the momentary lapse in conversation. A bashful smile inches its way across his face, but surprisingly he doesn’t break eye contact.

You quickly change subjects, unwilling to acknowledge the slight fluttering in your stomach.

“...So, you dance?”

It’s not the smoothest transition, but Hoseok’s face instantly lights up.

“Yes! I mean,” he pauses and clears his throat. “Not professionally. I minored in dance. But it’s something I definitely enjoy, you know, to blow off some steam. Ah, wait a sec—”

He takes out his phone to show you short video clips of his dancing. He pulls up his instagram account and scrolls through an eclectic mix of mirror selfies showcasing his bold fashion choices, dog pics, and videos of him working out and dancing.

“Here’s a recent one.”

You don’t know much about dance but in spite of your little knowledge in the subject, your eyes stay transfixed on the screen in front of you. “Whoa...”

The way he moves is enthralling, for lack of a better word. You know from experience that his body is flexible and agile, lithe and strong, but seeing it in action like this leaves you speechless, momentarily robbed of coherency. You can’t even describe it. His execution of the choreography is sharp and powerful, yet his body doesn’t look rigid. On the contrary, his movements are surprisingly fluid and he never misses a single beat. You watch in astonishment as he pushes himself off of his knees after bending backwards in one fell swoop.

“Eh? Is it even possible to move your body that way?” Surely if you try to mimic him, you’ll look like a flailing chicken. “That can’t be safe...”

Hoseok laughs at your shocked expression. “It takes a lot of practice. You should come to a workshop one day! My friend teaches beginners. He’d be glad if you could join. The more the merrier, right? You don’t need to know any of the basics... And if you’re worried about people poking fun—don’t. Dancing isn’t a competition or anything.”

“I dunno.” You hand him back his phone after watching the video loop back for a second time. “I think my back would crack if I attempted any of that.”

“I think you would do really well! You’re pretty flexible and I don’t think you need to worry about stamina. Your core muscles are also really well developed. Based on what I’ve seen, you have a good sense of balance and beat awareness, so even if you’ve never danced before, you have the body and disposition for it.”

“Well... I guess I—”

“Hey.” Jimin interrupts, plump lips curved into a polite smile. You try not to let your surprise show; you hadn’t even noticed him approaching. He kisses your cheek and slides his hand into yours, clasping it between his own. “Sorry to interrupt, doll. Seokjin wanted to have a word with you before the shoot.”

“Oh.” You blink, your eyes darting back and forth between Jimin and Hoseok. “Um...if you don’t mind?”

“That’s straight,” Hoseok steps back, shoving his hands down his pockets. He shoots you a tentative smile. “I’ll catch you later.”

You feel bad for ditching him mid-conversation after he’d been so nice, but you know how annoying your agent can get when ignored for too long.

Jimin’s fingers tighten around yours. When you look up, he’s pouting, his lips pursed and brows drawn together.

“Is something on your mind?”

You can see the hesitation flicker across his face. When he finally meets your gaze, his expression is troubled.

“It’s nothing...” He looks away again and the grip he has on your hand loosens.

“Hm.” You swallow down any further inquiries, worried you’ll upset him.

“What was that about, anyway?” he asks casually, trying his best to look uninterested. “You and Hoseok look like you’re getting along well.”

“Yeah.” The memory of your previous conversation makes you smile softly despite yourself. “He’s a nice guy.”

“I can imagine.” Jimin mutters under his breath. Before you have time to question him again, he straightens his spine, his features twisting into an apologetic expression. “Look, I gotta help setting up the cameras. I’ll see you after the shoot.”

“Ah... Alright.” You fight to keep the disappointment of your face. Since you only have a few minutes before filming begins, you’d been hoping to spend it with him.

As if reading your mind, Jimin leans in and kisses you, his plush lips soft and familiar against your own. You expect him to pull away after a few seconds but his left hand slots itself behind your neck, bringing you in closer to deepen the kiss. His other hand angles your head to the side, giving him more access, and he doesn’t waste any time before brushing his tongue against the roof of your mouth.

You respond to the kiss as if on auto-pilot, but your thoughts are all jumbled in your head. Jimin’s always been a good kisser but he’s rarely kissed you quite like this. His style is more of a slow-burn, the kind that slowly creeps up on you and leaves your whole body numb with pleasure. Every press of his lips feels like a silent prayer of worship and each swipe of his tongue tastes like adoration. You like that he takes his time, like you’re not just a quick meal to curb his hunger but a delicacy worthy of being savored.

Right now, this kiss feels unfamiliar. Urgency replaces devotion. Perhaps it’s because he’s short on time, but his touch is hurried and sloppy. He bites your lower lip, hard enough for it to hurt, and licks into your mouth when you mewl out a gasp of surprise.

“I wish I could just mark you up,” he pants against your parted lips. They feel tender when you smack them closed.

“The makeup artist is going to strangle you for messing up my lipstick.” You fake a scowl. You’re not half-wrong, though. Once she sees how swollen they’ve become she’s bound to take out her frustration on the closest available victim. “If you marked me for real, she’d probably kill you. Don’t tempt her.”

He chuckles and pulls back, letting his hands fall to his side. His eyes dart to somewhere behind your shoulder, his smile curving into a smirk.

“You’re right.” He sighs, looking back at you. “But that’s easier said than done. You’re hard to resist... Anyone would agree.”

Something dark clouds his eyes but whatever it is, it’s gone in the next blink.

You laugh, pleased nonetheless by his flattery. “Didn’t you say you had to help set up? You’re going to end up in trouble because of me…”

Jimin snorts but backs up all the same. “Don’t worry about me. Besides, you’re worth getting in trouble for.”

Someone behind you gags dramatically. “Absolutely sickening.”

When you whirl around, your agent shoots you a disgusted glare. “I was wondering what was taking you so long but I should’ve known you two were out here fabricating babies. Have you no shame?”

“I’ll see you after the shoot!” Jimin says quickly, eager to get away from Seokjin and his sharp tongue.

“See you.” You smile sweetly, ignoring Seokjin’s grumbling. You feel a pang of jealousy as you watch him scurry out of sight. If only you could avoid Seokjin’s pre-performance motivational speeches...

“Anyways.” Seokjin looks noticeably less irritated once Jimin is gone. “I wanted to check up on you before filming could begin. How’s your ass doing?”

You don’t bother hiding your grimace. “Squeaky clean and stretched.”

“That’s what I like to hear.” He sounds proud. “Don’t make that face. It’s your first anal scene after all. Doesn’t hurt to be prepared, right?”

By ‘be prepared’ he means following a strict diet prior to shooting, waking up at the ass crack of dawn to get a colonic, stretching out your asshole for a good thirty minutes using a fuck ton of lube, and constantly rehydrating yourself throughout the day to the point where you’d gone to the bathroom more times than you could count on one hand.

You’re never this thorough with prep before having anal but apparently that’s the difference between fucking in the privacy of your own home and on camera.

“There’s a reason why cleanliness is one of the fundamentals of anal sex, especially when shooting porn. It’s a pain...in the ass...but this way, no one sees something they’d rather not see,” had explained Seokjin after giving you a non-exhaustive list of detailed steps to follow. You suppose there’s logic behind his reasoning. Due to the magic of 4k-quality videos, viewers can now easily see everything, down to the sweat droplets dotting your hairline and any makeup-covered skin imperfections, so you don’t want to imagine what they’ll notice once the camera zooms in on your back entrance.

“Eventually you’ll get used to squeezing water out your bum on the regular.” He shrugs. “You’ll also start to avoid certain foods on your own. The dietary restrictions aren’t that bad, all things considered, and your body will thank you for eating more spinach than you’re used to. Greens are good for your health even if they taste like yuck.”

Athough his suggestions are well-intended, you don’t need another 25 minute speech on all the know-hows of filming anal sex. The first time had been more than enough.

“Thanks for the advice!” you interject right as he opens his mouth to continue his counseling. “That reminds me I need to get this butt plug out of my ass before we start shooting.”

Seokjin sighs. “That would be preferable, yes.”

He doesn’t need to know that you’ve taken out the butt plug in the bathroom half an hour ago. Any excuse will do, as long as you’re spared from listening to his passionate discourse on the benefits of high-fibre food diets and his long list of enema tutorial video recommendations.

The fussing, you think, is unnecessary. You’re not worried about the upcoming sex scene, even if it will be the first time someone other than your partner sees you in that position. No, what troubles you is the possibility of the audience growing tired of seeing you onscreen now that they’ve witnessed you take it up the ass. Boredom is the reason why so many of your peers are forced to end their careers prematurely, after all. Why else is Seokjin so adamant about you pacing yourself and not filming everything there is to film right off the bat? You’ve always held off shooting anal, double penetration and the likes, for that very reason. Although you have no qualms with the act itself, you’re worried that you’re now one step closer to retirement.

The thoughts sit on your shoulders like a heavy weight as you get ready for the scene to come. You listen to Director Ryu’s instructions as he describes the scenario’s key points, your character’s motives, and what sex positions you should include before the scene comes to an end.

“The rest is up to you,” he says with an encouraging nod. “I want the words to come from the heart! Let yourself be a vessel, a way for your character to express their innermost desires.”

“Leave it up to us.” Hoseok’s smile radiates confidence.

“I like your enthusiasm!” Director Ryu approves, clapping his hands together. He misses the way his two leading actors exchange exasperated glances over his shoulder. “Good, then we’re all set? Remember where the cameras are positioned, please, or else we’ll have to reshoot to get the right angles.”

“Got it.” You nod, eager to get this show on the road. Between him and Seokjin, your ears are about to fall off from the incessant chattering. Even the camera men are starting to grow restless.

Speaking of... You meet Jimin’s gaze, the sides of your mouth upturning the moment you spot him. As usual, he looks slightly out of place standing between the other crew members, his white, ironed dress shirt neatly tucked into his black pants providing a stark contrast with his co-workers’ unkempt appearance.  

Jimin mirrors your smile and your shoulders immediately relax. A lot of people may not understand why you’d allow your boyfriend on set while you’re fucking someone else, but his presence brings you a strange sense of comfort that’s hard to put into words.

The sound of your name being called pulls you from your line of thought.

“Can you scoot over to the right? Just a little.” Director Ryu orders while glancing at the monitor. “Yes, that’s much better. And can we fix the lighting, please? My shadow’s getting picked up by the camera.”

Now that the start of the shoot is right around the corner, your stomach cramps up with a nervous kind of anticipation. Your tongue feels like cotton in your mouth and even when you swallow, the unpleasant feeling doesn’t go away.

You clasp your hands together in your lap to hide the minute trembling of your fingers. It’s strange, you think. Ever since you started working with Hoseok, you always get too wrapped in your thoughts. Not necessarily in a bad way, at least not all the time, but --

“You all good?” Hoseok asks, low enough that the mics won’t be able to pick up his questioning. “Do you need some water?”

You shake your head. “I’m good, thanks.”

He hesitates but doesn’t push. “I just wanna run this with you one last time. I know we already signed the consent forms but I’d feel better talking with you about the scene directly.”

“Oh.” You remember he’d done something similar last time, too. “Sure.”

“Anal aside, are you okay with the use of degrading names during the scene?” His eyes never leave yours, like he wants you to know how serious he is.

“I’m okay with you calling me a whore.” Your shoulders loosen up. It’s easy to relax when you’re on familiar territory. Working in this industry requires complete transparency. There’s no shame in discussing your kinks just like there’s no shame in admitting the acts you’re not comfortable performing. “As long as I can call you a slut.”

“That’s fine.” His lips quirk up, but not in a mocking or dismissing way. “I don’t really have any hard limits myself, except for what you’ve already seen on paper. Degradation is fine with me. Call my dick tiny all you want, I won’t take it to heart.”

You laugh, forgetting to keep the volume down. “I’ll keep that in mind…”

“So degradation is fine. Is humiliation okay as well? Situational and verbal?”

“I like that.” You bite your lower lip as you remember your encounter with Min Yoongi a month or so ago, how turned on you’d been from his words alone. “I’ll admit I haven’t dabbled too much in BDSM on the porn scene, but I enjoyed what I’ve done so far.”

“That’s good to know.” He raises his brow. “Ever since we received the pitch for today’s movie I’ve been trying to think of ways to make it, uh, more interesting. So to speak. But I didn’t want to take any initiatives if they made you uncomfortable. Oh, also I meant to ask if there was anything you wanted to include in the scene aside from anal sex.”

Somehow you’re not surprised he’s put thought into this. Last time you’d worked with him, he’d been overflowing with suggestions as well. Maybe because the previous filming formats aren’t as flexible, but it’s not often you meet someone so willing to exchange ideas before filming.

The change is more than welcome. For the first time, it feels like your opinion actually matters. The two of you quietly go back and forth discussing different possibilities while the filming crew finish setting up the set the way Director Ryu wants it.

“Alright,” Ryu calls, settling into the director’s chair. Somewhere in the background, the gaffer wipes off his brow. “Everyone ready to rooooollll?”

Hoseok takes a few steps back and reaches for a nearby clipboard.

Miraculously, you note distantly, the swarming of butterflies in your stomach is now gone. Your palms are no longer clammy and cold with perspiration. When you swallow, there’s no lump of nerves stuck in your throat.

Hoseok sends an encouraging smile your way right before Director Ryu yells “ACTION!” and he schools his features into a more polite, appropriate expression.

He doesn’t speak up right away, just walks over to where you’re sitting on the massage table in a leisurely manner. You open your mouth to fill the silence but he beats you to it.

“Welcome to Happy Ending Clinic, where we ensure every client leaves feeling 100% satisfied. We guarantee high quality services personally adapted to suit the needs of our every client,” Hoseok says in lieu of greeting, the lilt in his voice smooth and practiced, like he’s used to repeating this introduction multiple times throughout the day. “My name is J-Hope and today you will be in my care.”

“Nice to meet you.” You’re careful to keep your back ramrod straight, hoping the stiffness in your body will be picked up by the cameras.

The role you’re playing today is more reserved and awkward than the usual unabashed and bold characters you’re used to acting. And while it’s not your first time pretending to be coy and shy for the cameras, such behavior isn’t second nature.

His smile, whilst professional, radiates warmth. You suppose it’s meant to be reassuring.

“I will do my best to make this session unforgettable.”  

His gaze sweeps over the clipboard sitting in his hands.

“Hmmm... ______, is it?” When you nod in affirmation, he continues. “It says here it’s your first time visiting our establishment.”

You’re surprised at how naturally he adapts to the role he’s been assigned to. The words that roll off his tongue sound like his own.

“Yes... Honestly, I - I didn’t think it was necessary, but my friend insisted - I mean, she recommended I visit this place...said it would do me some good.”

You wring your hands in your lap. You’re lucky the character you’re playing today is supposed to be a little shy and rigid. Otherwise, you’re not sure Director Ryu would have let your awkward stuttering slide.

“That’s not a problem.” The lines of Hoseok’s mouth bend into a reassuring smile. “Let’s see... It says you’ve booked an hour-long session?”

“Yep.”

“Then with your permission, I’d like to take fifteen supplementary minutes to find out which massage course is best suited for a novice like you. It’ll be free of charge, of course.”

You nod, eager to get the show on the road. Given your character’s disposition, maybe you should have pretended to mull over the proposal for a few seconds more - if only for appearance’s sake - but you’re tired of all this talking. Impatience gets the best of you.

“Oh! Yes, that sounds fine.”

He pulls out several colorful mock pamphlets and hands them over for you to peruse their contents. You try not to let your astonishment show.

It’s the first time you’ve seen a prop team this devoted to their task. Although the insides of the brochures remain blank, you still can’t believe someone actually took the time to print out fake brochure covers. You appreciate the effort, even if the covers do look like they’ve been made by someone who’s looking to major in ‘graphic design is my passion.’

You hold one up at random and pretend to read through it, hoping that whoever will watch the movie later will ignore the ugly block font that spells out ‘NAUGHTY MASSAGE : FOUR HANDS EDITION.’

“Inside, you’ll find a detailed explanation on the various vegan, cruelty-free products we use. All of our treatments are oil-based and you can choose the scent of your choice. If your skin is particularly sensitive, we have essential oil-infused body butters that work just as effectively and leave the skin silky smooth to the touch. Depending on your skin type, you might be interested in testing—” He takes out several jars all while explaining the different health benefits of ylang ylang essential oil.

Once again, you’re caught off guard by his convincing performance. Even though you’ve been given several pointers by the director before filming, Hoseok is the one who ultimately calls the shots. Inwardly, you wonder how he manages to come up with such original lines on the spot. Despite not being a professional actor, Hoseok’s intuitive choices are beyond your expectations.  

The thoroughness of his explanation makes your head spin. Cruelty-free products? Body butter? You have no way of knowing whether his statements are fabricated for the sake of the vague storyline - but you suppose the credibility of his words doesn’t really matter in the end. It’s the small details he sprinkles here and there that help you immerse in the scene.  

His proficiency in acting makes all of your worries melt away. It’s hard to believe he’s only a rookie, just starting off his career, and not an acting veteran with dozens of movies under his belt.

Not wanting to be entirely overshadowed by your co-star, you furrow your eyebrows, determination set into your features.

“I’m sorry... I’ve never done this before. They all look the same to me.”

“Ah.” Still, Hoseok’s smile stays amiable and professional. “Well, let’s go about it this way - why do you think your friend insisted you visit our establishment?”

You catch your bottom lip between your teeth, your gaze dropping to the floor in order to avert his probing stare. “I - um. I haven’t had - I mean, I guess I’ve been stressed lately. More pent up than usual. I’ve tried exercising and meditating and mas- uh...well everything, honestly. But nothing seems to work. I’m snappy all the time and...frustrated.”

Today, the character you’re playing is a bit more bashful, too timid to voice her desires into spoken words. “It’s all about the tension! The build-up!” Director’s Ryu’s voice echoes in your mind as a reminder.

“I see,” Hoseok nods, taking your comments into consideration. “On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate the quality of your sleep?”

“A five...” you say after a moment’s hesitation. “I don’t wake up during the night, but it takes me a long time to fall asleep.”

“Do you feel any pain anywhere?”

“Pain? No, not really.” You roll your shoulders back, conscious of the way your perky chest juts out, nipples prominent through the cheap fabric. “My neck does feel sore from time to time but I think it’s because I work an office job. They say staying hunched over in front of a computer all day is bad for your health.”

His gaze roams your figure, quietly assessing. “It is.”

“May I?” he asks, taking a tentative step closer. “I think I’ll need to gauge your level of sensitivity for myself. We’ll adjust the intensity of the massage depending on how much pressure you can withstand and how your body reacts to different types of stimuli.”

Your brows lift. “Oh. Sure, why not.”

“Move back a little. A bit more.” You obey his instructions without second thoughts. “That’s perfect, thank you.”

Your legs dangle awkwardly over the edge of the massage table. You can probably close them if you wanted to, but you don’t miss an opportunity to expose yourself in front of the cameras. The shorts you’re wearing are more like tiny scraps of denim put together with the help of a few stitches. You’re certain that if someone were to really look, they’d see the outline of your pussy lips.

Hoseok walks around the table to stand behind you. The sensation is somewhat familiar—right away, you’re reminded of the first encounter with Hoseok, the one where he’d wrapped his arms around you and whispered words of love into your ear. You close your eyes and let the images flash by in quick succession. The memories all come rushing in at once—an artist’s lips painting your skin like a brush would canvas, a potter’s agile fingers molding your body from clay, a lyricist’s tongue composing sonnets into your weeping, open cunt. Your body remembers it all.

When he finally touches you, his hands radiate warmth the shadow of his memory does not.

A shudder runs down your spine.

Oblivious to your inner thoughts, Hoseok carefully gathers your hair into a ponytail and moves it out of the way. His mobility no longer restricted, he lets his slender digits travel down the slope of your neck, the pads of his fingers digging into the meat of your shoulders.

“You’re unusually tense here.” Concern colors his voice as he increases the pressure.

Suddenly the discomfort you’re to convey to the audience is no longer feigned. “Ow!”

The wince that mars your face is authentic. You try to wiggle out of his grasp to relieve the sharp ache in your shoulders. Hoseok’s grip is strong, however, and he keeps you exactly where he thinks you ought to be.

“Hmm...”

He massages your arms one by one. The circular movements he traces across your skin are a lot more gentle this time around, and you allow yourself to slowly relax under his touch. He manipulates your body like one would a rag doll, pulling your arm over your head.

“Can you reach behind, towards your neck? How about a little lower? You should feel a stretch here.” He taps at an arm muscle.

“Yeah… I can definitely feel it.”

You suspect that Hoseok’s stunt as a Pilates instructor is what’s helping him sound so experienced and natural.

“Good.” He lets out a pleased hum. “Hold the position for as long as you can.”

His hands reach around your body to squeeze your perky breasts. You gasp at the rather rough way he handles your tits. Perhaps it’s because you’ve been told to forgo a bra, but you’re much more conscious of his every action - from the way his fingers splay out, cupping the fullness of your breasts between them, to the way he kneads your mounds with his entire palm as he gropes you from behind.

“How often do you masturbate?” he asks in an almost offhand manner, his tone is more clinical than casual. The question is crude and direct enough to distract you from the way his fingers encircle your nipples through the cotton fabric of your shirt.

You recall Ryu’s earlier directions: unlike your first movie together, this tryst is not romantic in nature. The scenario that you’re acting out this time doesn’t involve sweet kisses and whispered declarations of love. Feelings aren’t on the table.

You pretend like the bitter taste you swallow down isn’t disappointment.

“Um.” You struggle to remember the initial question. Luckily, your mental buffering comes off as bashful and true to the character you’re playing. “I, uh, I guess masturbate often?”

“But it isn’t enough, is it?”

His question comes off as slightly patronizing. Before you can formulate a suitable answer, Hoseok’s fingers tweak your hardened nipples and your back bows under the pressure. You oscillate between the desire to thrust your chest out in offering, and the pressing need to flee the sharp sensations his skilled hands provoke.

“I - um!” You squirm helplessly as he continues playing with your breasts. “It isn’t!”

“Just as I thought.” He pinches both of your nipples and pulls at them until you cry out in half-pain, half-pleasure. The thin material of your shirt doesn’t dull the ache; if anything, the cotton scratches your skin, rubbing the nubs raw.

Despite your very visible discomfort, Hoseok doesn’t let go. You can only sit there obediently while he has his fun, knowing that if you wiggle too much it’ll only worsen the pain.

“Ah!”

Only then does he release them. You fight against the urge to cover your sore nipples. Your flimsy shirt hadn’t provided any protection against his rough onslaught, none at all.

“You’re quite sensitive,” he observes, giving your breasts one last squeeze.

Finished with his appraisal, he steps away and picks his clipboard up. He makes his way around the massage table, coming back into view, and scribbles something onto the paper with a ballpoint pen. He looks so absorbed in his work that you almost fall for the act.  

You worry your bottom lip, crossing your arms over your chest self-consciously. Without a bra, your hardened nipples are clearly visible through the thin shirt. They jut out in a distracting way; Hoseok’s eyes drop down for a split-second in appreciation before flickering back to the clipboard in his hands.

“Your body is wound up. It’s tense in places it shouldn’t be.”

“Is that...a bad thing?”

“No. Your case is not abnormal.” He shakes his head and offers you a reassuring smile. “Although... Hm. When was the last time you achieved an an orgasm?”

You look away, mumbling your answer in an embarrassed voice. “Last night.”

More scribbling. He taps the end of the pen against his chin, pretending to be lost in thought.

His eyes glint when he asks, “How many times did you cum?”

It’s not real - none of this is - and yet you can feel warmth spreading from your cheeks down to your chest. It’s a strange sensation, stuck somewhere between humiliation and arousal, and it makes your entire body heat up from the inside out.

“Just - Just once…”

“Look at me.”

Your eyes snap towards his on command. He looks relaxed, unbothered, like he’s discussing the weather forecast and not your masturbation habits. You want to look away but something in his stare pins you in place.

“You’re telling me the truth, right?”

“Yes! I’m not - I wouldn’t lie.”

“Good.” He smiles pleasantly, nodding to himself. “So. You came once. Did you use your fingers? Or, perhaps, a toy?”

He’s still staring at you, forcing you to look him straight in the eyes while you confess your sins. Your thighs clench together and you struggle to focus on the conversation at hand.

“F-fingers.” Your breathing becomes ragged as you imagine Hoseok’s fingers replacing your imaginary ones. They’d fill you up nicely, too. Compared to your own, they’re longer, capable of reaching places yours can’t. All you’d have to do is hook your arms under your knees and keep your legs spread wide open. He doesn’t even need to take your clothes off; he could pull the seam of your shorts and underwear to the side and fuck you just like that. “I only used my fingers.”

He raises an eyebrow like he doesn’t quite believe you. Somehow, that makes the fire between your legs burn hotter. It’s like - he knows you’re too cockhungry to settle for just fingers. And if a mere stranger can tell how desperate you are to get fucked, what about the rest?

“Interesting.” Hoseok’s eyes darken by the minute. “And do you prefer clitoral stimulation to penetration?”

“I-” You pause and struggle to formulate your response. Your ears feel hot. In fact - your entire face feels like it’s on fire.

The embarrassment you feel doesn’t make sense - you’ve never had any qualms discussing sex. You can talk candidly about any topic for hours on end, from the condom brands you prefer to advice on how to maintain a rash-free pussy, to the point where some people might think you’re over-sharing or being too crass. Discussing intimate topics shouldn’t be a problem.

It’s not even a real dialogue anyway, so why do you -

“Yes?” Hoseok leans forward, interrupting your train of thought. The corner of his mouth is upturned, like he can’t help but be amused by your discomfiture.

“I like, um.” You close your eyes, hoping that it’ll somehow make the admission easier. It doesn’t. The darkness makes you feel even more exposed, like all your secrets are laid bare for him to see. Your voice quivers when you answer. “I - I touch - I mean, sometimes I’ll - my fingers aren’t long enough. So just rubbing the outside is - fine.”

“Ah. You like being stuffed full, I take it?” Hoseok’s vulgar vocabulary makes your eyes snap open in shock. He smirks, not expecting you to answer. “Poor girl.”

You shake your head, your reply dying in your throat. With every word he utters, your thoughts become fuzzy, muddled.

“What did you imagine last night while you were getting off? A stranger fucking your face? Big men taking turns using your cunt? Tell me. In detail, preferably.”

“I don’t see how-” The sharp look in his eyes makes you swallow down any protest. Still. You can’t get your mouth to work correctly and you look back at him helplessly.

“Is there a reason why you can’t tell me?” He tilts his head to the side, the smirk on his face growing, canines flashing. “Oh. I see.”

You flinch, your face impossibly hot.

“Were you thinking of today’s session?” He chuckles, delighted. “That’s quite naughty of you. Although, I can’t blame you, can I? We are known to deliver the best orgasma. It’s only natural to imagine what would happen.”

That’s right, you think. You’d spent all night fantasizing about a faceless, nameless stranger’s hands all over your naked body. How long had it been since you’d felt someone’s touch? Their tongue buried deep in your cunt, fucking you until your thighs trembled? Even your best dildo couldn’t hold a candle to a hot-blooded, throbbing cock.

Hoseok taps the pen against the clipboard, the staccato sound filling the silence.

“One last question.” He makes sure he has your undivided attention before continuing. “No need to look so worried. I won’t ask you what lewd thoughts you get off to, although maybe in future sessions I’ll expect that of you.”

You don’t linger on the implication there - that you’ll undoubtedly come back for seconds - and nod your assent for him to go on.

“Did you cum hard while thinking of getting fucked by me today?”

You inhale sharply, struggling to hold his stare. “I… The sheets were so wet afterwards, I had to change them.”

“I see.” He jots something down on his clipboard but his reaction doesn’t give anything away. Nervously, you pull on a loose string hanging from the hem of your short. “Hm…”

After a few seconds of silence he speaks up again, done with his assessment.

“Well, normally for first timers such as yourself we’d recommend starting with a more soothing body massage. But I think in your case a more thorough massage is needed. It’s not a cause for concern!” He adds quickly, as if to assuage any growing fears. “But in my professional opinion, I think the massage I have in mind for you might be more beneficial than the beginner level massage.”

“Um, what does this massage entail exactly?”

“We call it the full treatment. In other words - it’s a deep tissue penetration massage,” Hoseok explains calmly. “It includes an internal massage. We’ll use a variety of methods but rest assured - all techniques are tried and tested! You’ll be in safe hands.”

You pretend to mull it over.

Hoseok waits for your nod of confirmation before instructing, “There are towels at your disposal.” He motions to the pile of fluffy white towels folded neatly on the bench. “Feel free to use them. While you change into a...less restricting outfit, I’ll go retrieve the rest of the massage equipment. See you in a bit!”

And with that he’s gone. The privacy he grants you is, of course, just an illusion. Even without looking in their direction, you know that the cameras’ lenses are all focused on you, waiting to capture the impending striptease. You’d forgotten about them but Hoseok’s absence reminds you of their presence.

Per Director Ryu’s earlier instructions, you make a show of taking off your clothes. Teasing the camera comes naturally to you thanks to your prior experience as a cam girl; you know exactly which angles are the most flattering and which ones, on the other hand, emphasize your flaws.

Your back arches as you peel off your shirt, drawing attention to the swell of your breasts and the curve of your waist. Not long after do you shimmy out of your shorts, exaggerating the swing of your hips for the audience’s viewing pleasure. You try not to show your surprise when the dampness of your crotch sticks to your folds as you pull them down your legs - you hadn’t expected how much a simple tit massage and few exchanged words would rile you up.

The denim pools around your ankles and when you bend over to retrieve the useless item of clothing, you’re acutely aware of how your wet, waxed pussy peeks out from between your thighs. You stay in position, giving the camera ample time to zoom in, and while the stretch isn’t painful (thanks to your yoga lessons!), it is a rather awkward position to maintain.

Once you straighten up, you take a few seconds to fold up the shirt and itty bitty shorts before setting them aside. Normally, you’d leave your discarded clothing strewn about but you can’t imagine your character behaving in such an uncouth way.

With that thought in mind, you wrap yourself with a short towel. Rather than covering your intimate bits, it’s so short that it emphasizes your nakedness. When you go to sit on the massage table, the towel rides up, leaving you exposed and you have to fold your hands in your lap to preserve a semblance of modesty.

It’s easy to convey nervousness while you wait for Hoseok’s return. While you’ve never attended any drama school, you have watched plenty enough Netflix dramas to know which physical cues are more or less effective - constant fidgeting, shifty eyes, audible gulping. Since it’s your first time putting your knowledge into practice, you’re not certain how convincing your acting is, but hey, isn’t it the effort that counts? You’re not here to audition for the starring role in Hollywood’s next summer blockbuster, after all.

Hoseok knocks twice before entering, stopping your self-depreciation in its tracks. He’s abandoned the earlier clipboard for a large, nondescript, white cardboard box that rattles with every step he takes. It sounds more ominous than it actually is.

If Director Ryu is truly aiming for realism, he wouldn’t make Hoseok carry back the items in a fucking box, you think privately. Who even does that? Although you suppose realism isn’t the be-all end-all, no matter how much the director insists. Sometimes viewers like to be metaphorically edged and endlessly teased, and all this guessing only adds to the build-up, making the climax more than worth it. They could, of course, fast-forward to get to the juicy sex scenes, the crux of the matter, but you’d like to believe all this extra effort is worth it.

You blink curiously back at Hoseok, feigning ignorance.

“Oh good.” He beams in your direction, his eyes drinking in your scantily-clad figure. “Now that you’re more comfortable, please lie down for me.”

He sets the box to the side, opens the lid, and takes out a bottle of oil while you settle down on your stomach and carefully rearrange your towel so that it covers your bum.

“I’ve chosen bergamot essential oil for today’s massage. It’s a nice, citrus-like scent that’s not too overwhelming because it’s been mixed in with sweet almond oil. Its many virtues include, but are not limited to, increasing the body’s energy flow and enhancing feelings of joy and freshness.”

“That sounds lovely.” You sigh dreamily. Getting massaged and getting dicked down in one go? Hell yeah. That one is a no-brainer for sure.

There’s a shadow of a smirk on Hoseok’s face when he rounds on you, like he’s somehow privy to your thoughts. That, or your eagerness is too transparent. You’re betting on the latter.

His voice lowers an octave, the low timber making shivers run down your back.

“Shall we begin?”

He moves your hair to the side, leaving your neck and back exposed. He then pulls down your towel so that it uncovers the expanse of your back and covers more of your bottom half instead.

“Is this alright?” he inquires. As if testing the waters, his fingers trace down the line of your spine, stopping right before your lower back dips into a curve.

You moan your assent. “More than.”

Hoseok takes the bottle of oil and drizzles its contents over your skin like a painter splattering ink onto a blank canvas. He spreads the lubricant all over your back, rubbing your skin in circular motions until you’re coated with it. You let out a few pleased sounds here and there that are not entirely faked or exaggerated. He definitely knows what he’s doing with his hands.

Honestly, you feel sorry towards your co-star who’s stuck doing most of the work while you’re splayed out like a starfish. It feels a bit unfair that you’re getting paid more than him when he’s the one putting in most of the effort. Had you any shame, you’d give him half of your pay for his services. Alas.

“Tell me if it hurts anywhere,” he warns, not unkindly.

Your back stiffens. You expect Hoseok to replicate the rough treatment he’d inflicted to your breasts, but contrary to your expectations, he kneads your body gently, almost tenderly. The contrast between this touch and his earlier ministrations messes with your head. When his hands outline your flank, his fingers prodding the sides of your breasts, you swallow a hopeful sigh as you wait for him to envelop your soft mounds and roll your sensitive nipples between his skilled fingers.

Betrayal brews in your gut when he fails to indulge your fantasies. You’re tempted to grab his wrist and guide his hand to where you need it the most but you miraculously hold yourself back. Since the scene doesn’t call for that much impatience and desperation on your part, you’d hate to be the reason why Director Ryu asks for a re-take.

Thankfully, he soon puts you out of your misery. Hoseok retreats, done teasing the sides of your breasts for the time being. You’re not sure it’s relief or disappointment that swims in your lower belly, but Hoseok doesn’t give you time to dwell on the question. Almost as soon as he retracts his hands from your back, he redirects his attention to your legs. His hands, warm and slick from the oil, glide over the back of your calves and thighs with ease. His thumbs rub circular shapes into your flesh as he slowly works his way up, the pleasant sensations leaving your whole body boneless.

“You loosen up well.”

Hoseok’s fingers skirt the hem of the towel. Your breath gets caught in your throat as he toys with the fabric.

“Will you open up for me, pretty? You look tense right here.” He flips the towel up, revealing your bare lower half. He wastes no time before gripping the meat of your ass cheeks, fingers digging into the supple flesh. He spreads your cheeks apart, cool air blowing against your exposed holes, and lets them jiggle back into place after giving the camera ample time to capture the view. “Hm. Looks like you haven’t been properly stretched out in a long time... We’ll fix that today.”

Bolts of pleasure run through your body. The whole situation is ludicrous and yet, for whatever reason you cannot pinpoint, moisture gathers between your thighs with every passing second, adding to the mess dripping from your folds.

“Um, like this?” You part your legs open slightly, as if unsure. In situations like these, the biggest challenge is to act diffident and coy when all you want is for your co-star to blow your back out.

He tsks, the sound sharp and reproving. It goes straight to your core and makes your belly clench with unspeakable need.

“How am I supposed to fuck your holes open in that position?” He has the audacity to sound impatient. “Work with me here.”

He grabs your ankles and separates them himself, ignoring your yelp of surprise. Unaccustomed to the stretch, the muscles in your thighs strain with the effort to hold the position.

A whine slips out your mouth. He’s so mean.

While you expect Hoseok to act somewhat distant and objective because of the role he’s playing, his fluctuating behavior gives you nothing but whiplash. One moment he’s cordial and friendly, the epitome of what a  professional should be, the next he’s treating you like you’re his plaything, not his client.

His grip around your ankles is firm and unyielding. He’s got you spread impossibly wide, your legs dangling dangerously off the edge of the table with your waxed holes exposed for inspection.

“That’s good, just like that.” His hands let go of your ankles when he’s sure you won’t move from the position he’s steered you into. He strokes up your legs, the touch feather-light and fleeting. “Keep your legs spread wide. I want to see your cute little holes on display.”

His crude remarks make your body flush with heat.

Even if this is the sort of place that offers sexual gratification, Hoseok’s wording toes several lines. As his client, he should be focused on giving you pleasure, so why do his comments make it sound like you’re here for his entertainment instead?

Despite your character being fully aware of what type of establishment she’s visiting, you reckon Hoseok’s words are enough to make her squirm in embarrassment. There’s something filthy about the way he orders you around and bends you to his will. Even you’re not indifferent to the impersonal way he handles your body like a doll. Flickers of arousal lick up your spine, and with your legs extended so far apart, it’s not difficult for Hoseok to notice how much you’re wound up.

The position is far from proper. Hot streaks of humiliation burn through you when you imagine how easy and slutty you must seem to whoever is watching. You don’t dare move from the pose he’s maneuvered you into, not because you’re scared of the consequences, but because his presence demands obedience. Even without explicitly saying so, he’s made it clear that for the next hour or so, you’re his to toy with.

“Good girl. You open up so nicely.” Hoseok purrs, satisfied with your compliance. “Now let me see what I’m working with here.”

He swipes his index finger through your glossy folds, the action forcing you to stifle a startled gasp. It’s nothing like the erotic oil massage you’d experienced minutes prior. The touch is inquisitive, clinical, assessing. Like he’s testing out a new product before purchase.

You want to stay still but you’re so wound up from his incessant teasing. The slightest caress makes the hairs on the back of your nape stand straight. Hoseok is all too aware of this fact. The tip of his pointer finger comes in contact with your clit, the touch more delicate than a feather's caress. Hoseok watches with thinly veiled amusement as you jerk against the table.

“You really are sensitive,” he all but coos. “What a treat. Don’t need any oil when you’re leaking all over the table like a faucet. How long has it been since someone touched you here, hm?”

The teasing lilt in his voice borders on condescending. Heat simmers under the surface of your skin as you struggle to collect your thoughts.

“Eight months,” you squeak just as two of his fingers dip into your slicked up entrance.

“No wonder you’re all worked up.” He slides his digits right up to the knuckle, the glide so easy it’s embarrassing. “Needy holes like yours should be used more often.”

He fucks his fingers into your pussy one, two, three times, before pulling away, chuckling under his breath when your hips push back, greedy and desperate for more. Using the same hand he’d used to test out your cunt Hoseok slaps your ass once, the sharp sting making you still at once.

The damp mark on your ass is a testament to how fucking soaked you are. You can’t imagine what kind of mess the cameras are picking up on - but maybe you don’t have to.

Hoseok wipes his fingers off on you, using you to clean himself off. Although you can’t see anything because of the way you’re laying down, everything feels wet and filthy. He rubs your own juices onto your skin, reminding you of the intensity of your need.

And just when you don’t think his mouth can get any filthier, he proves you wrong.

“I can tell you haven’t been stretched recently,” he sighs, almost disappointed. “You’re just gagging for a pounding, aren’t you? It’s a shame your fuck-hole is too tight to take a big cock or I would have given it to you right away.”

Your lower body clenches as his words wash over you.

The idea sounds downright delicious. Hoseok is right. Even if it’s just for the sake of the storyline, there’s nothing more you want right now than a good, hard fucking. It would take him less than ten seconds for him to pull his hard cock out from his scrubs and make a home for himself between your thighs. Images flash through your mind of Hoseok’s hands on your breasts, in your hair, around your throat. You want him to cover you, smother you, as he forces you down against the table and takes his fill. You want his lips on your skin, hot and possessive, as he uses you like the cocksleeve he needs you to be.

God, you want that. You want to be used hard, to be fucked full until you break. You need this - your character needs this.

You whimper, high-pitched and needy. “Please. Please, I want it. I want - I want your cock.”

“I’m sure you do.” Hoseok all but scoffs. “Why don’t you just sit still and relax for me? I’m going to massage you until you’re nice and loose, alright? First-timers like you could get hurt if they’re not prepped properly but I’ll get you ready, don’t worry. By the end of this, you’ll be able to take big cocks in all your holes like a pro.”

“Shit.”

You bite back a moan, startled at how much you’re turned on.

Porn dialogue is rarely arousing. You’re the first to tune out your partner whenever they talk for longer than a minute. It’s because you hear the same exact shitty lines repeated so often that you’re half-convinced there’s a porn acting for dummies handbook being circulated around.

Although… Maybe if Hoseok’s lines had been delivered by someone else, they wouldn’t have the same effect on you. That’s the difference, you think to yourself. Hoseok’s delivery. The cockiness that infuses his every word, the way he confidently carries himself… He does it all so convincingly - nothing like the wooden and awkward memorized performances you’ve witnessed from fellow actors.

While you’re lost in thought, Hoseok rummages inside the cardboard box. Without his touch or words to distract you, it’s harder to ignore the building arousal between your legs. As the seconds tick by, your shameful desire only worsens.

Before you can crane your neck or voice your confusion, Hoseok returns, humming under his breath.

“We’re gonna try a different massage technique now. This method will help with lubrication,” he explains evenly. “I’ll use a special vibrating tool that will massage hard to reach areas.”

“Um…” You swallow, blinking rapidly. “Okay.”

“It’s not as scary as it sounds. We’ll start off slow and I’ll gradually up the intensity once I deem you ready for the next stage. How does that sound?”

A click, followed by a low buzzing, fills the room.

You gasp when the vibrating object comes in contact with the back of your knee. Hoseok’s free hand settles on your leg - a nonverbal reminder to keep your legs wide open for him as well as the cameras.

“See? Nice and easy. Nothing to be scared of.”

He rotates the tool in slow, even circles. You force yourself to relax and accept the foreign massage, disregarding how strange it feels to have small vibrations travel up and down your leg. After a few minutes of him repeating the same motions on your other leg, he slowly makes his way up your thighs, the rounded tip of the tool dangerously close to your drenched pussy.

A pleading whine reverberates in your chest. The electric whirring of the vibrator is not enough to soothe the burning between your thighs. If anything, it makes it worse. You need more, you think urgently.

Hoseok moves to the side of the table so that the cameras can get an unobstructed view of your clenching hole. It’s the first time you’ve seen his face since he made you lie down. From his voice alone, it’s impossible to tell how affected he is. More than once you’d caught yourself wondering… Does he like what he sees? Is he enjoying himself?

A dark streak of satisfaction crosses over you when you notice the hunger in his gaze, his pupils blown so wide his brown eyes look black. Drool pools in your mouth when you spot the sizable tent in his scrubs.

The fact that you’re at the perfect height to suck his dick doesn’t slip by you. He could flip you over onto your back, your head hanging off the table, and use your mouth to his heart’s content. You whimper at the thought of him fucking your face, your mouth reduced to a fleshlight for him to get off. You could probably cum like that - his cock buried deep in your throat, his fingers pressed against the side of your neck to you struggle around his length, while his other hand reaches down to grab at your breast, using it as an anchor to fuck into you harder.

“Shit, you’re really making a mess of my work table.”

Hoseok’s gaze is trained between your legs. He wets his lips and adjusts his hold on the vibrator. The sudden movement changes the angle, positioning the tool right over your dripping entrance, closer than ever to your swollen clit. The vibrations suddenly feel louder and stronger than before. If this keeps up, you reckon that it won’t be long before you’re hurtling towards the edge of a precipice.

A moan slips past your parted lips, loud and wanton. Embarrassed by the sheer need that colors your voice, you quickly shut your mouth closed, hoping that your desperation goes by unnoticed.

Hoseok chuckles, the sound sharp and mean. He comments on your obscene behavior, how you’re acting so slutty it’s a wonder you’d kept this side of you locked away for this long without people suspecting your love for cock. Every word infiltrates your mind, leaves no corners untainted, until all you can think and breathe and smell is him.

“Over the years, I’ve seen a lot of sluts parade in here and pay for my time,” he says, his dulcet tone making the degradation sweeter. You hang onto each and every word, letting yourself fall deeper into a haze of arousal and submission. “But it’s been a while since someone like you showed up. Just look at this… Your little fuck-hole can’t even take a bit of teasing without getting me dirty.”

The buzzing between your thighs switches back and forth between strong pulses and rapid, little vibrations. You keen, shaking from head to toe in pleasure. Your thighs are wet, sticky with your juices, and your clit is hard and aching for attention.

You don’t even want to know what state your sopping pussy is in. Every time your body jerks and trembles, you feel the pool of arousal that’s gathered underneath you. It’s - embarrassing. That you’re this soaked and close to cumming when he hasn’t even touched your clit or fucked you with his cock.  

In the midst of your pleasure-induced haze, your eyes meet his. The lines of his face are drawn into a smug expression, his gaze smoldering. Embers of arousal light up his dark eyes, and you can only stare back at him, clit throbbing, as he ups the intensity of the vibrations.

“Fuck! Oh God, oh I’m-” Your legs thrash, hips lifting off the table in an effort to escape the shocks of pleasure zapping throughout your body. Mercifully - or not, depending on how you looked at it - Hoseok brought the vibrations down a few settings, until the whirring had quieted down to a low thrum.

“Feeling good, huh?” The grin he sends your way is positively wicked. “I think you’re ready to take more.”

More? you think weakly. Any more and you’ll explode, like popcorn kernels in a microwave.

For a second you think he’ll bring the vibrator up to your clit. Maybe even slide the long, phallic-shaped vibrator inside your pussy so that it’ll stretch you out like he’d promised. What you don’t expect is for him to bring it down to your other hole, the powerful vibrations rattling you to the core.

Your surprised gasp is so loud, not even the buzzing of the toy drowns it out. Hoseok places his available hand on your left hip and pins you to the table, the gentle weight keeping you steady.

“That’s right,” he soothes, voice smooth like silk. It sounds patronizing, almost like he’s calming down a dog startled by thunder or explaining right from wrong to a small child.

“Um.” You let trepidation inch its way into your voice. “You - what are you doing? That’s not - that’s dirty.”

“What is?”

“My,” you pause, humiliation coiling tightly around your spine. Hoseok presses the toy harder around your rim, its coat of arousal making the tip slide over your sensitive skin. You’re tempted not to answer but you know Hoseok wants you to voice the dirty words. “My asshole. It’s - dirty. Please - I… I don’t think you should touch it. It’s not right.”

You mumble the end of your sentence like you’re embarrassed to say such a scandalous thing out loud.

Hoseok laughs, sounding both mocking and endeared. “Oh, sweetheart. Didn’t you hear what I said earlier? I’m going to loosen up all your holes. Because that’s what you’ve always wanted deep down, isn’t it? To service cock. Even if it means letting me play with this dirty hole of yours.”

The vibrations intensify with the click of a button. Your whole body spasms, limbs flailing pathetically as the sensations run down your back all the way to the tip of your toes.

You bite down a whimper. How does he know? How can he tell? All you want right now is a nice, hard cock buried inside of you - and at this point you don’t care which orifice he sticks in it. You’re just so - empty. So empty it physically aches.

Hoseok dials down the intensity of the vibrator and with his free hand, squeezes a copious amount of oil onto the toy, slicking it up.

Surprisingly he doesn’t bother prepping you with his fingers before easing the toy into your back entrance. From your position, you can’t tell if Director Ryu signaled to hurry things along or if his own impatience played a part. Either way, your sharp intake of breath is genuine.

You try your best to relax your muscles but the toy is thicker than expected, its sides bumpy and ribbed. Even though you’d stretched yourself out beforehand with a sizable dildo, the girth of the toy still makes your breath hitch. Your bottom lip hurts as you scrape your teeth over it.

“Relax for me. That’s it.” Hoseok whispers soft words of encouragement. “You’re doing such a good job.”

Finally, after what seems like light years, the toy is fully inserted, only the base of it peeking out from between your parted cheeks. You feel full, deliciously so. It’s only now with the weight of the toy inside of you that you realize how much you’d missed being stuffed to the brim.

“There you go.” Hoseok smacks your right ass cheek hard enough for the sting to go straight to your clit. “How does that feel?”

“Full.” You smack your lips together. Eloquence is not your strongest suit in the present moment and your lack of coherency only humiliates you further. It’s like he’s rendered you cock-dumb. Reduced you to a lust-driven creature that only has dick on the brain. “I feel good.”

“Of course you’d enjoy that.” The cockiness in his voice is undeniable, like he’s drunk off the power he has over you. “Needy sluts like you only care about getting filled up, huh?”

It sounds like a rhetorical question but you answer it anyway, just in case he wanted an answer.

“Yes! I’m a needy slut. Please - could you…?” You wriggle your hips, trying to entice him into action. The rocking motion jostles the toy nestled inside of you, causing you to choke out a moan. “Hng! Use my pussy this time, please?”

Hoseok clucks his tongue and slaps your ass again to keep you still. It moves the lodged vibrator, knocking it against a spot inside of you that makes you gush. Your pussy clenches up in an imitation of an orgasm - but you know from experience that you haven’t cum just yet.

Fuck. You’re so fucked and he hasn’t even given you his cock.

Your head thumps down against the table as you take in deep, steadying breaths. You can’t think straight; every thought seems clouded by a dense smog of lust. Your body feels like a live wire, all your nerve endings crackling with electricity. How much more can you endure before you shatter beyond repair?

Hoseok takes pity on you. “The vibrating massage should have helped your muscles relax. Your tight cunt should be able to fit this in by now.”

He slides another silicone toy into your pussy, this one wider and longer than the first. Your hands grapple for purchase as your body accommodates both toys, one in each hole. You’re so wet that there’s no resistance despite its impressive size and you suck in a breath as Hoseok keeps pushing it in, inch by interminable inch.

If you thought you felt full before, it’s nothing compared to how stretched you feel now. The wall separating the two toys is stretched thin and when you tense your abdomen, you can feel both of them nudge against one another. Your stomach feels - bloated. As if there’s a bulge where the toys are nestled deep inside of you.

It’s quite frankly obscene.

You’ve never felt more turned on.

“Whoa.” He grips both of your legs and widens them even further, displaying your stuffed holes for the cameras. “Your hungry cunt ate up my biggest dildo like it was nothing.”

The fact that he admitted it was a dildo - and not some vibrating tool - just adds to your mortification.

“Okay. Two holes down, one to go.”

He releases his hold on your legs and raises a brow at you. The smirk is back on his face and that, paired with the ravenous look in his eyes, makes you want to run and hide. He looks like he’s two seconds away from devouring you whole for dinner. “Why don’t you turn around for me? It wouldn’t be a full body massage if I didn’t rub down the other side, right?”

His chuckle spurs you into action. It’s not that you’re not embarrassed by the idea of baring yourself completely for him like some sort of cult offering, but the need to get dicked down trumps all.

Your mind feels fuzzy and your body sluggish. There’s a fire inside of you that not even double penetration has managed to extinguish and it roars to life as you manœuvre into the position he’s ordered you to get into. The toys jostle inside of you, reminding you of the depraved lengths you’d go to because you’re starving for cock.

He’s right about you, you think as you settle onto your back. You’re a needy slut. All you want is for your holes to be filled. And when they’re empty, your body aches with the need to fill them back up again. Toys will do but they’re a poor substitute for what you really want.

Thankfully, Hoseok’s own patience is running out. You’ve barely gotten into a comfortable position when he’s fishing out his cock from his scrubs, not even bothering to remove his clothes.

Drool pools into your mouth at the sight. He’s just as long as you remembered him to be. Not too thick or veiny, but prettily flushed and glistening with translucent precum. How long has he been hard? The erection looks painful. Distantly, you’re comforted by the knowledge that you haven’t been the only one suffering from this prolonged foreplay. God is fair, you rejoice internally. 

Your mouth opens of its own accord and your tongue lolls out, hungry.

Hoseok doesn’t comment on your pathetic state -  a testament to how worked up he probably is. He guides his cock into your waiting mouth with barely repressed urgency.

His cock is heavy on your tongue, the perfect weight. He pushes in until he can’t go any further, the position you’re in giving him better access to your throat. You fucking love it.

When you swallow around his length, he hisses between his teeth. “Shit.”

He gives you little time to adjust. As soon as he’s certain you can take it, he starts to thrust his hips. His cock drags across the rough surface of your tongue as it’s pushed and pulled out of your mouth at a rapid pace. Each thrust of his hips makes you gag, drool running down the sides of your face, and the obscene sounds of your choking echo in your ears.

The rough treatment should revolt you, make you squirm or shy away, but you’ve never felt more alive. Your mind feels pleasantly blank - like your sole purpose in life is to be a glorified cum bucket, a receptacle for his cock and cum. Even when he buries himself all the way to the hilt, so far down your throat it feels like he’s reached your stomach, you’re eager for more. Logically speaking you don’t even know if you can handle more, don’t have the mental faculty to figure out if more is physically possible, but your body knows that it’ll never be sated, not fully, not until he cums inside you.

“Greedy girl,” he rasps between heavy breaths. “Look at you… I’ve plugged up three of your holes but you’re still gagging for it, aren’t you? Filthy slut.”

His words are meant to degrade and humiliate you. Instead of disgust, you can hear the admiration ring in his voice. His awe satisfies you and you hollow your cheeks, suctioning around his girth just to hear him curse under his breath. You live for the way his hips stutter and how his deep breathing is interspersed by the occasional grunt or moan. It feels good to know that you’re bringing him pleasure, that your hole is satisfactory.

Hoseok reaches over your body and grabs something from the discarded cardboard box you can’t see. You soon find out what it is though - the oil is drizzled over your torso and chest, liquid spilling down the sides of your body. He throws the bottle to the side, more interested in spreading the lubricant over your tits until they’re slick and shiny.

It soon becomes clear that he’s abandoned his earlier massage techniques in favor of a more rushed treatment. Gone is the slow build-up. He rubs your breasts, grabbing and squeezing them like stress balls, and pinches your hard nipples tightly between his fingers, pulling them out until your back arches.

The next time he slams his erect length into your mouth, your breasts bounce from the force of the thrust. Hoseok’s eyes remain transfixed on the lewd way your breasts jiggle; because he keeps your nipples clamped tightly between his fingers, your tits have no other choice but to swing around every time he rocks his hips back and forth.

Every time you gag and choke on his cock, tears prickling your eyes, you feel the fire between your legs grow stronger. Shame and arousal course through you, your head dizzy with lust. You can’t move, can’t scream, all of your moans of pleasure muffled by the cock buried in your throat.

He laughs derisively, pulling out after a particularly hard thrust. A string of saliva connects your mouth to his cock and your eyes zero in on it, finding it impossible to look away.

“You slut.”

He makes a disapproving noise low in his throat before slapping you across the face with his cock.

It doesn’t hurt anywhere as much as a real slap but it’s so unexpected you gasp, your jaw throbbing in pain. The imprint of his cock is wet and dirty against your cheek. He keeps his cock hanging a few centimeters above your face. It taunts you, beckons you closer. The seam of your mouth stays wide open, your appetite evidently knowing no limits.  

“Heh. You’re really something… Never seen a whore so cock-hungry in my life. And trust me when I say I’ve seen plenty.” He sneers, walking away.

For a long second, you fear he’s gone and left you high and dry and that the scene will end like that. Except - no. He’s positioned himself at the other side of the massage table. You shudder as you realize that can only mean one thing : he’s going to grant you the fucking your body craves. 

Hoseok’s lips twitch into a knowing half-smile. He grips his stiff cock in one hand, the length of it soaked with your spit and precum.

You gulp, suddenly intimidated. Perhaps it’s the angle, but he looks taller than you remember him to be, bigger, his shoulders slightly broader. His cock looks more imposing, too. Despite just having choked on it, it’s long; his hand sits loosely at the base of his cock, leaving a few good inches poking out of his fist. Your mouth goes dry, your insatiable hunger reawakened. 

The impatience marring your features is probably disgustingly obvious because Hoseok makes another comment about how desperate and pathetic you look once you’re deprived of cock.

Using his left hand, he slowly removes the toy from your ass. The slide is painful because you’re clenching so hard down on it, unwilling for your hole to become empty once again.

A whimper escapes your parted lips. Hoseok laughs at the betrayed look that crosses your face at the loss of the thick dildo.

“So fuckin’ greedy.” He slaps your entrance with his cock, his grin wolfish as you wail in reply. “Stay still if you want my cock.”

Immediately you freeze, taking his words to heart. Deep down, you know that he won’t be that cruel but you’re so exhausted from the never-ending teasing, that you’re not willing to take any chances.

Hoseok holds up one of your legs and pushes it over his shoulder.

“Good girl.” He breaches your ass, both of you moaning as his cock works its way inside of you. It’s a tight fit; you can feel his cock bump into the vibrating dildo in your pussy, the feeling overwhelming you. He grunts, fingertips bruising your skin as he hold back from cumming too quickly. 

His hips work up a steady rhythm, the both of you already so close to finishing. You know that a lesser man would have cum ages ago, but Hoseok troops on, eyebrows creased in concentration. He looks - hot. Ridiculously hot, even in that dumb fake masseuse uniform.

His once perfectly combed hair is now disheveled, strands of hair falling over his eyes and dripping brow. There’s something about all of it - the wild glint in his eyes, the rough way he’s fucking you, the domineering aura that he exudes - that makes you absolutely lose it.

You clench up on his cock without warning, your insides squeezing around him even more tightly because of the toy still lodged in your dripping cunt. The orgasm rips through you, fast and hard, leaving your thighs soaking. Hoseok fucks you through it, his cock relentless, drawing your pleasure out until your body goes limp. 

It’s the kind of orgasm that on a normal day you could only hope to achieve.

Except Hoseok doesn’t stop to let you rest or take a breather. He brings your other leg over his shoulder, testing the limits of your flexibility, and uses the new angle to plow into you with renewed force.

“Ah - ah fuck wait!” You cry out, overwhelmed by the onslaught of sensations traveling through your body. “Oh my God, oh shit! You’re so fucking deep, ah!”

Hoseok chooses that moment to turn on the vibrating dildo. He doesn’t even start at the lowest setting, sets it straight to one of the higher level ones, and your whole body jumps. Both of you moan as the toy comes to life. The vibrations rattle your insides - and that, coupled with the fat cock that’s splitting you open relentlessly, threaten to rearrange your insides.

Arousal builds again quickly inside of you, pulsing steadily alongside your heartbeat.

You feel so fucking full you think it’s possible you’ll burst. Before, when you had both toys buried inside of you, the stretch and the fullness had been pleasant. You had even been able to tune it out for the most part once you’d got used to it.

But with the way Hoseok is now fucking into you with reckless abandon, it’s impossible not to be reminded of how stuffed your holes are. Every thrust of his cock in your ass bumps against the vibrator, pushing it harder against your bundle of nerves. 

“I knew the minute I saw you,” he growls, his pace punishing. “No bra, pussy ripe for the picking. Whores like you could never be satisfied with the beginner massage. No, I knew exactly what you needed.”

He adjusts his grip on your ankles and the change in angle keeps the vibrator pressed directly the sensitive bundle of nerves inside of you.

“Fuck! Oh God, there there! Please, keep going. It’s so good. Fuck me!” You chant, out of your mind with pleasure.Your words are raw, unrefined, and in any other circumstance, you’d laugh at how ridiculous you sound.

“You’re so fucking loud,” he hisses between grunts of pleasure. “Why don’t you go ahead and cum for me. Make yourself useful and tighten up this hole of yours so I can feel good.”

He reaches down between your legs and fiddles with the switch.

You scream. Your eyes roll back and your entire body locks up. Intense pleasure that you’ve never experienced before thunders through your body. If your previous orgasm was like a building wave crashing to the shore at long last, this one is a fucking tornado determined to rip you to pieces.

Maybe you might’ve passed out. You don’t know. But when you regain consciousness, Hoseok’s cock is pulsing jet after jet of hot cum inside of your pussy. You feel it spurt inside of you, coating your already slick walls with his essence. 

He pulls out quickly so that the camera can zoom in on the way the cum oozes out of you in thick globs. Instinctively you clench your walls to keep more from leaking out, but it only pushes more of the mess out, painting your inner thighs white.

When you glance up at him you notice his shirt is soaked. There’s a huge dark spot that starts from his chest to his pants. He doesn’t seem to mind the stain.

“You came so hard you passed out,” he informs you while tucking his spent cock back inside his scrubs. “I came inside of you while you were out of it but I figured you wouldn’t mind. That’s what you came here for, right?”

The smile he shoots your way looks more like a smirk. You bite your lip. He must’ve taken out the dildo - or it might’ve gotten pushed out during your orgasm, you don’t know - and you feel your holes gape a little after being stretched and used for so long. You’re tempted to snap your legs shut but you know the cameras need to record your debauchery.

“I’ll let you change. You can meet me out front to schedule your next appointment. Hm let’s see… Considering how well you reacted during this session I think we’ll have to take more, hm, drastic measures next time. I’m curious to see how far your greedy cunt is able to stretch with enough incentive. I’m positive that with you anything is possible. We’ll try fitting two cocks insides for starters and maybe - ah. I’m getting carried away.” He chuckles. “Anyways, meet me at the counter in ten minutes and we can go over the details then.”

“I…” You wet your lips. “I’d like that.”

A silence ensues and for a second you think your acting was bad or you’d said the wrong thing.

“CUT! And that, my friends, is what you call art!” yells Director Ryu, clapping his hands like a seal.

You breathe out a sigh of relief and sit up despite your muscles protesting loudly. God, your ass feels sore. Hoseok had really done a number on you.

“Hey, are you all good?” He asks, drawing closer to you in concern. He must have seen your grimace.

“Oh! Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks for asking. It’s just - it was kind of intense. In a good way! I’ll probably be sore later but that’s because I’m not used to these kind of scenes yet.”

“You were really hot. I couldn’t tell this was your first anal scene at all.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Really.” Hoseok sighs dreamily. “I think I saw Jesus when I came.”

“What?” You bring a hand to your mouth to muffle your laughter. “It was a good nut, I take it?”

“The best.” He looks over at you, dimples on his cheek as he returns your smile. “I blacked out for a second and went to heaven.”

You bask in the afterglow for a few minutes longer than you usually would. Hoseok makes no move to leave either, even if logic dictates that you’re both better off washing up instead of letting the mixture of sweat, cum, and oil dry on your skin. You know from experience that it’s hard as fuck to clean up once it hardens - not to mention it stinks.

“Babe!”

You’re roused from your peaceful state of mind as your boyfriend approaches. He’s smiling but one side of his mouth looks stiff. He hands you a towel, eyes trailing down your figure, and suddenly you feel self-conscious. You hurriedly wrap the fluffy material around you, eager to hide the cum still dripping out of your swollen cunt and the red marks littered over your body from Hoseok’s rough treatment.

It’s not - you’re not ashamed. You never are. It’s just - you don’t want to hurt Jimin. Even if it does come with the job, it can’t be easy for him to see his girlfriend getting fucked by someone else.

“That was so good! You did great. The camera really loves you. I can’t wait to see how the final cut turns out,” Jimin compliments and you preen despite yourself, conditioned to suck up praise. “Are you hungry?”

Just on cue your stomach lets out a grumble.

Jimin’s eyes crease into crescents as he smiles. “I knew it. You’re always famished after a scene. It’s a good thing I booked a reservation at our favorite restaurant, right?”

You nod, thankful yet again that you have such a caring and thoughtful boyfriend. “I’m famished now that you mention it.”

Hoseok observes the exchange silently and his presence makes you embarrassed for some reason. Maybe not embarrassed but - something. You can’t put a name to the emotion.

“Um, I’ll see you around?” You say as you gather to your feet. Jimin is instantly by your side, his hand wrapping around yours tightly. “It was nice working with you again! Thank you for your hard work.”

Hoseok’s lips quirk into a half-smile. He’s still eyeing the both of you in a strange, intense kind of way and the scrutiny makes you fidgety. You try not to make your desire to flee the scene too transparent.

“It’s always a pleasure. I look forward to working with you again.”

The words he utters are tactful and diplomatic - nothing like the carefree familiarity he’d showcased minutes prior. You don’t blame him, given the circumstances.

You shoot him an apologetic look as you turn away to leave. To your relief, Hoseok doesn’t appear dejected or offended. Just - curious, maybe? Pensive? Like he’s in the middle of solving a complicated and intricate puzzle and that puzzle involves you.

The idea scares you. Mostly because you yourself don’t know what he’ll find.

As soon as you’ve rounded the corner, Jimin excuses himself. “I have to finish helping the guys. There’s still some equipment to put away. But we’ll meet out in the back like last time?”

“Sure.”

He kisses your cheek and scampers away.

Seokjin is waiting for you in the next room over. He’s holding a water bottle, your favorite silk robe, and a dark chocolate energy bar. You’re so sweaty that it feels silly to wear the robe but you shrug it on anyway, knowing that Jimin will feel better if you’re not parading around the set naked.

Your stomach rumbles loudly and it’s only then that you realize the extent of how fucking hungry you are. Non-stop sex sure is tiring, you note while ripping open the energy bar with your teeth. Seokjin calls you a savage under his breath but those types of comments are so commonplace that it’s easy to tune him out.

“God, I could kiss you right now,” you say after swallowing down a mouthful of granola. After eating spinach exclusively for the past three days, the sweetness on your tongue tastes like a slice of heaven.

“Not with that mouth, you won’t.” Seokjin narrows his eyes. “I know where it’s been.”

Still high from your mind-shattering orgasm, you giggle and pretend to kiss him just to watch him squirm. It’s not until much later, after you’d washed up as best you could with the help of baby wipes, that you check your phone. You respond to a text or two before finally checking your social media page out of habit more so than anything else.

.

(2) new notifications

JHOPE94 has followed you!

JHOPE94 has mentioned you in their story.

.

It’s the same account Hoseok had shown you earlier in the day. You follow him without much thought, grinning to yourself when you read his bio “hope on streets and in the sheets ;)”, and click on his Instagram story.

You’re surprised to learn he’s one of those people who uploads multiple pictures about just about anything - his Starbucks’ coffee cup with JAY written in black sharpie, several mirror selfies, a snapshot of his shoes, pictures of the film crew setting up the scene. You click through the pictures, a little flummoxed by the random collage, and pause when you get to the picture you’d been tagged in.

It’s you. Squinting, you realize that he must have taken the candid picture in passing. You’re sitting in the hair and makeup chair, the makeup artist applying a layer of gloss on your lips. The row of lights that border all around the vanity mirror give your figure a halo spotlight effect.

JHOPE94 : not in heaven but i saw an angel today :))

.

.

[karasuno-chaos]

Morning Runs (Ushijima x Reader)

I had so many little scenes that I wanted to include in this but it was already becoming longer than I wanted it to be, so I’ll save those scenes for some other time. 😉-Giz

Word count:  1,481

Fluffvember masterlist

You leaned to the side, stretching and urging your tired muscles to wake up.  Normally you’d let yourself sleep another hour before setting out on your daily run, but your fiancé liked to get an early start.  On your days off, you’d rather skip the exercise and treat yourself to a lazy morning, but you’d learned long ago that Ushijima had his own way of doing things.

“What route do you want to take?” he asked, stretching beside you.

“Well, how far are we going?” you responded with some trepidation.  Normally he ran much faster and farther than you so you pursued your exercise separately.  But as it was his day off, he was allowing himself an easier run, which meant you could run together.

“I was thinking a few miles,” he said, and you grimaced a little as you stretched your calf muscles.

“Okay,” you grunted, “but only if the pace is moderate and we avoid any major hills.”

You discussed the details of your route while you finished stretching.  Then you put your earbuds in and stepped to the sidewalk.

“Ready?” you asked, and he nodded.  You started your running playlist, and then you were moving.

You settled into a comfortable pace that matched the beat of the music, and Ushijima fell into step beside you.  You didn’t know how he could run without listening to anything.  You needed the music to distract your mind from the physical effort or overly introspective thoughts.  Running in silence sounded like madness, but you wouldn’t be surprised if your fiancé found it peaceful.  He probably had some meditative exercises to think through during his workouts, or maybe he just let his mind go blank while his body went through the motions.  Even after two years of being in a relationship, the rhythm of his thoughts could still be a mystery to you.

As you fell into your groove, you begrudgingly allowed yourself to appreciate the experience of running this early in the day.  Few other people were awake, and there was a special camaraderie you felt with them as you passed.  Everyone had a specific purpose for being up and about at this hour, and the intentionality was invigorating in a way.  You also appreciated the peace of your neighborhood as the sun just began to creep through the streets.  The calm itself felt productive and full of potential.  You had to admit that experiencing this feeling was a good way to start the day.

Despite matching your pace, Ushijima’s longer legs meant he was gradually pulling ahead, but you didn’t mind.  He outperformed you in nearly all physical activities, so you refused to consider this a competition.  Besides, letting him pull ahead gave you yet another pleasant sight while you ran.  You wondered how he’d gotten such good posture.  Even while running, he towered tall and proud and confident.

That self-assurance had been what first caught your eye.  You’d seen him out running a few times, and it baffled you how he could look so calm while maintaining such a fast pace.  You wanted to know the secret to his energy, but you weren’t confident enough to approach him and ask.

Your introductory encounter happened early one morning a month and a half after you’d started taking an interest in him.  You’d gotten up a little earlier than usual for your morning run (admittedly to have a better chance to see him, but he never needed to know that).  You hadn’t been particularly excited about cutting your sleep short, so you hadn’t been as thorough in your pre-workout stretches as you should have been.  Sure enough, about a third of the way through your route, you had a stitch in your side and an incredibly painful cramp in your calf.

You were doubled over trying to massage the pain out of your rebelling muscle when a deep voice asked if you were okay.  When you realized it was the guy you’d been hoping to see but were unprepared to talk to, you were temporarily tongue-tied.

“Um,” you stammered, then winced as your nerves reacted to your fingers pressing on your leg.  “Yeah, I’m okay.  It’s just a cramp.”

“Ah.”  You couldn’t read his expression as he looked at you.  “Stretching is good for that.”

“So I’ve heard,” you grunted.  “I just didn’t give myself enough time this morning to properly warm up.”

“That was negligent.”

“And now, as you can see, I am paying the price.”  You had the impression that he hadn’t meant to offend with his last comment, just that he was observing your predicament and stating the facts.  You wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, especially as your conversation continued to pique your interest.  He spoke with the same confidence he exuded while running.  Where did that assurance come from?

“Where exactly is the pain?” he asked.  His interest was strange, but you described the area of your leg currently causing problems.

“May I?”  He gestured toward you.

“Uh,” you stuttered, perplexed why someone who, for all intents and purposes, was a stranger had taken such an interest.

“My father is a physical trainer, and I have a lot of personal experience overcoming cramps,” he explained as though responding in a job interview.  The longer you interacted, the more he surprised you, and the more curious you became.

“Sure,” you decided.  He told you to sit and extend your leg.  Squatting in front of you, he elevated your leg slightly and gently but firmly pushed your toes back toward you.  Your breath hissed between your teeth at the stretch.

“The pain is temporary,” he said, and you couldn’t tell if he was attempting to encourage you or pose a philosophical truth, but you were too busy trying to control your reaction to the pain to really consider it.  Luckily it did begin to ease after a moment, and you sighed in relief.  Noticing the grimace leave your face, he took the heel of his hand and rubbed it along your calf to help work out the rest of the cramp.

“Thank you,” you said when you felt you had enough control over your limbs again.  You were also becoming aware of how intimate this contact was, and how you were still technically strangers.

“You’re welcome,” he replied.  He dropped your leg and stood before offering you his hand.

“I’m L/N Y/N, by the way.”  You figured you ought to actually introduce yourself before parting ways.

“Ushijima Wakatoshi.”

“It’s nice to meet you.  Thanks again for your help.”

“You should probably stretch again after your run.”

“I’ll be sure to do that,” you reassured him.  There was an awkward moment where you just stared at each other before he turned.

“Have a good day,” he said before continuing with his run.

“You too!” you called cheerfully.  You allowed yourself a few moments to feel the full embarrassment of the encounter before forcing yourself to start running again.  At least you’d finally met him, though your brief interactions had only made you more curious to know more about him.

You ran into each other more often on your runs after that.  Those encounters led to brief conversations and then to longer conversations, and eventually he asked you on a date.  Now here you were two years later, engaged and still using morning runs to bond.  It was funny how the situation was the same and different all at once, and you were learning to enjoy that duality in every experience with your fiancé.

Ushijima had lengthened his lead to half a block when you saw him pause at the next corner.  You thought he was waiting for the morning traffic before crossing, but he turned back to you.  Even after a mile and a half, he still looked remarkably composed.

“What’s up?” you asked, turning down the volume of your music.

“We’re getting married in three months.”

“Yes,” you said slowly, wondering where this was going.

“We’ll get to do this all of the time.”

“Maybe not all of the time.  I still can’t keep up with you.”

“I mean we’ll get to spend every morning together.”  He met your eyes with warmth and love.  “I’m really looking forward to it Y/N.”

“Me too,” you agreed, a pleasant blush rising in your cheeks.  Ushijima didn’t feel the need to stop and share his feelings very often, so you treasured these little moments when they came.  He bent down to press a kiss to your lips, and you didn’t mind that he was a little sweaty because you loved him.  Then he was turning away to continue the run as though nothing had interrupted it in the first place.  You chuckled breathlessly as you followed.  If running with him would include more of these moments, you might not mind getting up so early more often.

[theperfectlifestyle]

2021 Manifestation Morning Routine

6.00AM - Wake up and refresh

Brush teeth with electric toothbrush and natural toothpaste - with fluoride + use waterpik (It’s seriously such a game changer, especially if you’ve had braces and now have a retainer and therefore can’t floss ‘normally’!).  This is when I also quickly make the bed. 

6.05 - 6.10AM - Meditate

A moment of still before the day starts so I can manifest, pray, practise gratitude and finally empty my mind before it needs to go into full gear.

6.10 - 6.45AM - Workout

A 20-30 min. workout where I get my heartrate up and preferably sweat quite a bit, it always feels so much better! I practise either cardio, HIIT, strength training of different muscle groups, aerobics (my absolute fave!), dance workouts, barre/ballet classes, whatever I might like that I can do from home (Gym will be a much nicer option once that is a reality again).

Find it much nicer for a boost throughout my day and I don’t have to think about it after work, which is another reason why I wake up so early. Tackle “hard” priorities first thing, so they can’t bite me in the butt after a hard day of work too.

6.45 - 7.15AM Yoga + split training

My goal for 2021 is to get the splits - never, in my entire life, is that something I have been able to do. I also want to severely improve my flexibility as well as using yoga to keep my body going for years to come, and to prevent injuries and back pain that runs in the family.

7.15 - 7.45 AM Breakfast

Start the day off strong with proper nutrition. I can’t do straight sugar for breakfast anymore, my gut will punish me with cramps. However my fave breakfast (all vegan) are:

Veggie smoothies or smoothie bowls, plant based breakfast skillet, coconut yogurt with granola and superfoods, breakfast burritos, chia pudding, porridge with cashew butter and superfoods, avocado on rye bread (elevated avocado toast).

As well as drinking herbal teas, white and green tea are excellent morning teas, but I’m also caffeine sensitive, so I go with naturally caffeine teas or decaf coffee. Favorites include

Peppermint (good for bloating and gas too)

Ginger tea (anti inflammatory and good for nausea)

Cinnamon tea

Raspberry Leaf

Not to forget taking my supplements (Omega 3 from Vegan algal oil, Vit D2 spray and probiotics)

7.45 - 8.00AM Clean up

I won’t leave the house knowing it’s a mess. Doing the dishes, wiping down the table, just the bare minimum so the kitchen is as I received it in the morning and ready if guests suddenly come uninvited. Don’t ever want to be caught with my pants down (or rather, my kitchen a gross mess).

8.00 - 8.15AM Shower + Get ready

A quick shower in the mornings do me plenty, as I like to shower again before bed. I just make sure I get the sweat off, use a natural unscented soap as I’m hypoallergenic, put on my uniform and get to work - then spray my uniform with Miss Dior. Love smelling nice and elegant without the burns!

8:15 - 8.30AM Skincare

Lastly I finish off with my skincare. As stated above, I’m hypoallergenic so I don’t use a ton of products, and all but one are scent free (which is a cleanser and therefore removed before I react to it). All my products also have few (1-5) ingredients usually, to keep the risk of my skin reacting low.

1. Double cleansing (first with oil, then with a gel cleanser)

2. Hyaluronic acid (however I’m currently looking for a new scent free, potassium sorbitol 20 formula)

3. Squalane (not always though) followed by 100% pure shea nut butter.

Lastly, a natural, scent free, non-nano, zinc-based, uva and uvb sunscreen with high SPF. Always wait at least 15 mins before going outside after applying sunscreen, and also reapply throughout the day if you’re outside/near windows.

I don’t wear makeup on the day-to-day to protect my skin and let it breathe. I’m also on a hair growth journey, so I don’t ‘do’ my hair, I put it in a protective hairstyle and use jojoba, castor or argan oil on the ends from time to time. I never use heating tools on it either.

That’s me manifesting my morning routine for 2021. I can, I will, I shall.

[beauregardlionett]

morning begins with your lips

AO3 Link

The Mighty Nein was a group that one could describe as existing in a constant state of flux. Sometimes they appeared competent and sometimes...well. Precious little in their lives remained as a fixed constant, including themselves. They were always changing and shifting one way or another, and it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. It did, however, make it rather difficult for allies and enemies alike to keep up.

There was, however, one consistent constant - even if it was a minuscule detail. Beauregard Lionett always woke first in the morning.

Her training was a hard thing to shake, and life on the road did not lend to sleeping late most days. Beau also wasn’t in the market for changing her sleeping habits. So she woke moments before the dawn each morning and went through her usual workout.

That morning found them in a tavern, Caleb having used up too many spells the day before to cast their tower. It was a fairly nice tavern, so none of them minded. Beau sat herself at a circular table in the corner with coffee and some food (thankfully they had bacon here), and waited for everyone else to arrive.

The rest of the Nein arrived in a particular pattern - one Beau kept intricate familiarity with. About twenty minutes after she got back from her workouts, Caleb would show his face, slightly haggard, but awake. His inner alarm clock benefited him in waking up on time. Veth often followed close on his heels, especially since they frequently shared a room.

Fjord came next, no more than ten minutes after Veth. Beau suspected his life at the docks had ingrained the habit into him over the years of work. Jester and Caduceus were a toss up because sometimes Jester arrived first, others it was Caduceus, and sometimes both appeared at the same time. No matter what the order, the clerics always arrived to breakfast looking perky and put together.

Yasha always woke last, and Beau knew it was because the Aasimar always struggled to fall asleep at night. She slept late every morning, and usually just rolled out of bed, straightened out her clothing, and came down to breakfast.

A consistent morning routine that Beau knew by heart, a practice in a punctual routine that soothed like meditation. A promise kept the same way the sun rose every morning.

Sure enough, Beau sat in her seat, nursing her coffee and savoring her bacon as Caleb trudged down to the tavern. His tired blue eyes scanned for her, his feet carrying him her way once he located her. Beau watched as he gave the barmaid his quiet request for breakfast on his way over. The wizard dropped into his seat beside her and yawned a greeting.

Beau slid what remained of her coffee his way in silent commiseration. His fingertips were ink stained, which meant he probably had gotten little sleep, the fool.

Veth came bounding over minutes later, cheerful and sleep rumpled as she perched on Caleb’s other side. Stretching up on her tip-toes, the Halfling planted a sweet kiss to his cheek (a practice only done occasionally) before hollering an order to the barmaid that hollered back.

“Morning,” Beau said as she tugged a piece of bacon into two, trying to make it last longer.

“Morning,” Veth returned, fiddling with her crossbow already. Beau didn’t ask what she was attempting this time, just monitored the mechanism in case it misfired.

Their conversation didn’t extend much past that as Veth continued fiddling and Caleb tried to keep his eyes open. Beau was content with the familiarity.

They had barely finished exchanging pleasantries when Fjord arrived, yawning but alert. The half-Orc caught Beau’s eye with a nod before he wandered over to the bar. She watched him exchange pleasant conversation with the barkeep for a few minutes, probably gleaning some information about the town or surrounding area. He did this sometimes when they got to new towns none of them had heard of or been to before, and it almost always helped.

Beau tracked Fjord’s movements as he left the bar with a coffee, making his way to their table. The barmaid arrived with Caleb and Veth’s plates as Fjord sat down on Veth’s free side.

“Whatever you’ve got works for me,” Fjord said pleasantly, his effortless charm pulling a smile to the woman’s face. She bustled away, and Fjord suppressed another yawn as he turned to the table.

“Barkeep says the town’s been calm ever since the war was called to truce. Decreased presence of guard, not as many brawls in the streets and bars, and trade has been up. I don’t think there’s much going on here if we want to move on later. We might have some luck in the market for rations, but beyond that,” Fjord ended with a shrug.

Beau appreciated his forethought in matters like these, because she sometimes got caught up in the bigger picture. Her mind worked in ways better attuned to connecting threads and digging up nuanced details. Sometimes she could ground herself enough to get shit done in the present, but it was hardly ever regarding mundane day-to-day plans.

“So, shopping and hit the road?” Beau said, tearing her bacon into smaller pieces again.

“Sounds like a plan,” Fjord nodded, sipping at his coffee. The barmaid arrived then with the half-Orc’s food before she bustled off again.

Beau settled into her seat, one leg thrown over Caleb’s lap as he chipped away at his plate. Veth began needling at Fjord in teasing conversation, the half-Orc indulging her with fond exasperation. Beau watched on and chuckled now and then, thoroughly entertained.

Veth had just convinced Fjord to play a game of boulder parchment shears for his last piece of sausage when Caduceus and Jester arrived. The clerics were discussing the benefits of talking to the massive oak tree they saw on their way into town as they took their seats. Jester flounced into the seat beside Fjord, Caduceus sitting on her other side as they kept talking. The pair paused long enough to greet the table before getting back into it.

“I’m just saying - morning guys! - we should try it,” Jester said, eyes boring imploringly into Caduceus’. “Maybe the oak will be friendly!”

“Of course we can try,” Caduceus agreed, setting his staff to lean against the table. “But in my experience, oak trees are always rather stuck up.”

Beau decided not to question how many oak trees Caduceus spoke to in his free time. The barmaid swept up to their table again, distracting the clerics momentarily.

“I’ll have some potatoes and tea, please,” Caduceus drawled with a pleasant smile.

“Do you have any pastries?” Jester asked predictably, violet eyes wide as she twisted in her seat.

“We’ve got muffins?” The barmaid said, eyeing Jester’s bright, eager eyes warily.

“I’ll take three!” The Tiefling chirped. “And a glass of milk, please!”

“Sure,” the barmaid nodded before sweeping off.

Beau gnawed on her bacon as Jester and Caduceus resumed their conversation, Fjord dejectedly losing his sausage to Veth’s victorious crow. Caleb started tapping an absent rhythm against Beau’s knee, and she let him. All was as it should be thus far, Beau’s eyes wandering to the stair as she waited for the last piece of the puzzle to fall into place.

Yasha’s absence when she had been under Obann’s control was a jarring discontinuity to Beau’s routine. She had been off kilter for more than one reason the entire time Yasha had been away. Beau hated to remember those days. As much fun as they had on some of their adventures, there was always that missing piece, that quiet snark that never piped up in conversation. There was no one at her back in those fights, no familiar battle cry, no unyielding support that Beau could fall back on with absolute trust.

She knew Yasha was last to rise, but the passing minutes never failed to pulse in Beau’s veins with anxiety. An irrational yet rational fear that she would never show.

Beau counted the minutes, tuning out conversation, absently aware of Caleb’s pattern against her kneecap.

Yasha stumbled down the stairs, tugging her tunic into order as she made her way over to their table. A surprising amount of tension bled from Beau’s shoulders with every step closer Yasha took. Jester came up from devouring her muffins long enough to greet Yasha, crumbs falling out of her mouth as she did.

“Mornin’ Yafa!” Jester managed through her food. The Aasimar offered the Tiefling a sleepy smile as she headed for the only empty seat between Caduceus and Beau.

“Good morning,” Yasha murmured as she rounded the table. Her eyelids still drooped with exhaustion she had yet to shake off. But she smiled small and warm at them all, her eyes landing on Beau as she stepped up beside the monk. Fondness made Beau feel like her heart was melting in her chest as she grinned up at Yasha, tipping her head back to catch her eye.

Yasha bent down and planted a quick, sweet peck on Beau’s lips, the monk’s smile curling wider as Yasha pulled away with a murmured, “morning Beau.”

The Aasimar wandered off to the bar a moment later to get a drink, yawning as she did. Beau happily went back to her bacon, picking it into pieces and popping them in her mouth. It took her a few moments to realize that something had changed.

Looking up, Beau froze with bacon halfway to her mouth when she found everyone at the table staring at her in stunned silence. Caleb’s tapping against her knee had ceased, Veth’s mouth was hanging open with sausage half-chewed. Fjord and Caduceus were giving her matching stares that were somehow both knowing and awed. Jester looked as if she were two seconds away from combusting into glitter.

“What?” Beau asked, somewhat defensively.

“Beau!” Jester exploded, squealing loudly. “You didn’t tell me you and Yasha finally talked!”

Beau’s cheeks grew hot, and she put her bacon down slowly. “Talked about what?”

“You kissed Yasha like it was a normal, everyday thing!” Veth said, thankfully swallowing her mouthful of food beforehand. “When did that happen?”

Beau froze, eyes going wide.

Oh.

“Uh...just now.”

“What?” Fjord said, brows furrowing.

“It happened just now,” Beau said, quiet and struck.

“Oh my gosh,” Jester gushed, practically vibrating in her seat. “That was your first kiss with Yasha? And it was that easy? And we all got to see it? That’s so romantic, Beau!”

Beau’s eyes flit to where Yasha stood at the bar. The Aasimar had twisted around to look back at the table, eyes wide and mouth agape. Clearly, she had come to the same realization as Beau. That same fondness from before softened everything in Beau’s countenance near instantly, and she smiled across the tavern at Yasha. She watched the Aasimar blush as she grinned back, turning to the barkeep to order when they came up to Yasha.

“I guess it is pretty romantic,” Beau whispered.

Veth and Jester squealed with each other as Fjord and Caduceus went back to their breakfasts. Caleb gently pinched the inside of Beau’s knee where her leg was still across his lap. He smiled when she looked at him and squeezed her ankle.

Beau’s chest felt full to bursting when she realized that her happiness could spread so easily among this family she had cultivated. She settled into her seat as Yasha came back and held her hand under the table for the duration of their meal.

This was something new Beau wouldn’t mind adding to their routine.

[doodles-arts]

The ‘Tik Tok’ Challenge

Pairing: TMNT x Reader

Type?: Request

Word count?: 1314

Rating: Pg-T

Request: Hey! Just found you're account and I love it💙💙💙,if I may ask for a request. If you have heard of the nakey challenge could you do a reaction for the four? If not that's cool,love ya anyways💙🐢~razzy 

Summary: You play the very popular game with the turtles from tik tok, Let’s dive in to see their reactions!

A/N: This was low key rushed because I spent more than two weeks on a request that was supposed to be for like a few days. Kinda sucks, wish I had worked on this a little harder. But ya girl that she was bougie and put on some LONG nails, and couldn’t type. I cut them and finally found some time to dedicate to my blog again. Thanks again, for the request, it was fun! @rasputins-spaghetti

Leonardo:

You’d have to call him a couple of times to get his attention. But once you use that voice, the blue turtle breaks his trance from meditation in a second.

The type to smile and blush slowly put everything away with the biggest smile

his totally going to K.O. you

Would try to be as quiet as possible when he tells you to go to the room.

He isn’t running but he’s got a new pep in his step.

Thanks the guy upstairs for your goofy behavior

Totally bashful, but SOOOO thankful

He was meditating when he heard the shower turn off and you walked out. He was alone at the lair, it was a day off and some meditating was in order. He brushed off the giggling he could hear as you walked into his room. And almost a second later he heard his door open and your wet feet could be heard pitter-pattering across the lair.

He heard all of this but didn’t register it, deeming it unnecessary for his much needed relaxing meditating session. It wasn’t until the feet were heard in front of him that his meditation scenery changed. Once a field filled with tall grass, which swayed at the same pace of each breath, changed into a lake and ahead was a very familiar shadow.

“Leo”. Ignored.

“Leo”. Smirked at, but ignored.

You Smiled as he stood closer and leaned down to his face, “oh Daddy~”, his eyes shot up in an instant and as you recorded his reaction, you laughed. Pulling the towel off your body and howling as his open mouth. The sound of your laugh pulled him back to reality and he looked away bashfully. “Babe!” He looked over to where his father stayed and smiled, playing with fire and you liked it.

You weren’t too phased though, you liked making him nervous or bashful. You turned sideways to show off your assests and smiled when he couldn’t help but watch you. His flustered face alittle more rock hard and a new smug look to it. You liked this part!

He pointed towards the next room, signaling you towards his room, while he stood from his seat. His meditation session is long forgotten. And you on his bed was the only thing on his mind. Gosh, he loved you. Rushing you towards his room, picking the towel on the way. He smiled as he closed and locked the door. 

Raphael:

Instant tent

Is not ashamed or surprised by his own arousal

Will lick his lips and ask you to sit on his lap

Could take you right there, but will admire the view and your chuckles

Will tease you for getting straight-up naked

DIRT y TAlk

Loves to rub your bare butt as he backs you up to his room

Asks you to do this more often

You doooo

You saw the brute in red scrolling through his phone. After finishing an intense workout. His muscles were bulging after the bein put under so

You were glad for some much needed alone time. As you walked out, still sopping wet and covered in a warm towel you walked over towards him. Stopping right behind him, you didn’t even have to announce your presence because he had felt you walk right behind him. Your phone already out to record.

“Heya shawty, how was the shower?” You hummed, keeping quiet until you were sure he’d turn around. As he turned, you let go of the towel and rested a hand on your bare hip. He looked you up and down, making sure he wasn’t seeing things. When he was sure he wasn’t he was very happy with the sight infront of him

“Guess it was pretty good,” An instant smirk played on his lips almost making your confidence cave, his suggestive eyes causing a chuckle to erupt from your lips. His phone slipped from his hands and he jumped forward in a split second. His grin was unparalleled as he picked you up and placed you over his shoulder. “I’m gonna clap you red, toots’. Watch.”

You turned off the phone, just in time for him to slap your behind. “Raph!” He laughed and dragged your over to the bedroom. “You started it shorty, now it’s time we get to business.” You smiled as he pushed the door to his room closed behind him with his foot. In a hurry to close the door and lay you down on the bed.

It was a very loud night. 

Donatello:

Nose bleed on the spot

Can’t look away but can’t keep eye contact

Goofy grin

Looking up at whoever- ‘up there’ is listening, to thank them for the magnificent person they gifted him

‘God, you’re magnificent’

He’s in so much shock and awe that he can’t move

You walk over to please him

NO OBJECTIONS THERE

He asks for you to send him that video.

The phone isn’t turned off for the rest of the night.

As you walked into the empty living room and stop right outside the doorway of his lab, you turn on the camera on your phone. As you walk in, he isn’t really paying much attention, and it takes you standing at his side point of vision for him to even acknowledge you. You’re pretty much used to it because he was a pretty busy guy, the phone in your hand calls for his full attention, distracting him from the work on the computer screen.

“Hey, darling, what’s up with the phone?” You giggle and drop the towel right in front of him. His little gasp and instant nose bleed, almost made you howl. Donnie couldn’t blush as you could, so you knew he was extremely flustered when his nose bleed. He quickly looked away and reached for a tissue, as he reached over, you sat right on his lap. “B-baby, dar-*gulps* darling, hold on just a second.” He cleaned up, giving panicked looks as he looked down at you. The phone was put down a long time ago though.

You placed hot little kisses on his neck while trying to calm down, it wasn’t exactly helpful. At some point, he had placed two shaky hands on your shoulders, and you looked up innocently at him, “That’s enough foreplay darling, I think it’s time for the main event.”

As he shook his shy demeanor for the lust that indulged him, you smirk, this night would be eventful. He carried you off to his bedroom, making sure to grab your phone in order to remember this night for many to come.

Michelangelo

Almost drools at the sight of your TIDDIES

‘Oh, so you alil freaky~”

He’s okay with that

To distracted with all of you to actually do anything

But does actually come up to you to grab you

Grabs you ALL OVER

Can’t keep his hands too himself

You like this

You get a little too hot for comfort and the tent in his pants only agrees with you

You pull him towards the room

He also okay with that

He’s playing a little Nintendo while you shower, phone on, and already recording as you walk towards him. You are very smug about how this will go and you can’t wait. Walking away, a few feet away from him and you whistle to get his attention. There’s an instant smile on his lips before he turns towards you, not knowing what’s coming next, but knowing it’s you, he’s happy.

“What’s up baby- WOw”, There’s an instant pause as he takes you in, jaw slacked. Mouth still open as he looks you over, you twirl and pose, just for the fun of it. His mouth still open, and you swear there’s almost drool coming out before he smiles and jumps over the three steps separating you both, and bumps into you. Instantly grabbing on to your bottoms. “This is nice, very nice~”

You laugh as he rubs his face on your soft skin. awning at your bare skin, groping anything he can get his hands on. At some point, you can’t bear the need for him as your were naked in the cold lair and his wandering hands had you tense. Looking down at his own form of arousal, you took that as your cue to grab his arms and lead him towards his room.

“Maybe it’s time to take this somewhere else?” You suggested as you pointed down to his pants and smiled devilishly, he smirked back and trapped you in a kiss as he made you walk backwards to his room. You knew you wouldn’t trip because he’d never let you fall.

[bad-days-are-ok]

4/4/2021 (94 / 365 )

Took my medicine!! I need to go to the pharmacy today and pick up more of my antidepressants cuz I ran out 🤷‍♀️ anyways if you haven’t taken your meds yet here’s a quick reminder!! 💕 have a lovely day everyone

Just did my meditation for this morning 😌 if anyone wants to do the same one as me the video is below. I’m grateful for everything in my life and for whatever today has in store for me. I’m grateful to be alive, to have family and friends who care about me, to be experiencing new things everyday, to be able to listen to music, and just everything life has to offer I’m grateful for. 💕

Brain Dump 🧠

Just finished meditating it’s still early it’s only 6:22am so I’m starting my day the way I want too. I’m gonna try my absolute best to do my routine to it’s entirety today. I always end up missing a few things but I really want to get everything today. If I don’t it’s okay I know I tried my best too at least. I’m feeling alright this morning I was a little anxious during my meditation but I’m feeling a little better now. The birds are outside making noise so that’s nice to listen too. I have all my fur babies around me so idk it’s a nice morning and I’m trying to be more present and enjoy the little moments. I’m gonna plan my week in my journal today and I’m gonna do better at sticking to it then I was last week I was good the first few days but trailed off toward the end. I got depressed and stopped checking my journal to see what needed to be done and ended up sleeping a lot. I was sick on Friday and was throwing up and feeling like shit so that day was definitely a rest day but idk I definitely gave into feeling bad and being tired and wanting to sleep off the depressed feeling. I notice thats something I do when I’m feeling meh, my brain automatically goes to sleep mode but I guess it makes sense I’ve always done that to cope just sleep it off type of thing. I’m working on it though I’m always trying to not smoke as frequently I feel like that’s been making me tired too I’m only smoking as a reward after getting my tasks done. I took a morning hit but I’m not smoking anymore until I’m done with my morning routine 🤷‍♀️ and then I’ll let myself do another hit in the afternoon if I get everything done and then before bed. I like smoking pot but I definitely don’t need to smoke it every hour or so a few times a day sounds good to me and if I don’t get my shit done I don’t smoke. I’m gonna get back into working out again too I need to move my body more and I wanna work on toning and finally getting below 200 I’m so fucking close but I keep slacking off but it’s fine all I can do is do better and I’m gonna not eat out this week I ate out a lot last week so I’m only gonna eat at home and not spend money on DoorDash or postmates or anything like that 😪😪 I need to make sure I start budgeting and paying more attention to how much I’m spending on shit. It’s alright it’s a process I’ll figure it out. I’m gonna clean my room today I need to vacuum the floor again because Willow is a menace and is trying to murder my pet mouse. Willow is my cat by the way. I had her up on my table in my room and willow went behind her cage and literally kicked that bitch off onto the floor to break her cage open. My pet mouse is fine but now there’s a giant mess on the floor that I need to clean up but oh well shit happens 🤷‍♀️ anyways my timers done time to keep moving with my routine. Thanks for reading my daily ramblings ✨

So I brushed my teeth, I couldn’t brush my hair because I’ve been depressed the past few days and genuinely haven’t brushed it and have just been putting it up in a bun so my shit is superrrrr tangled so I’m gonna have to brush it out later in the shower 🤷‍♀️ I got dressed into what I’m gonna workout in, I took the dogs potty and fed all the fur babies breakfast. I also made myself a bowl of fruit for breakfast I put apples, strawberries, blueberries and grapes in it. I’m 10 pounds away from my weight goal :)

Did an upper body and abs workout it was about 20 minutes, my arms fucking hurt but I feel good I’m proud of myself for doing it. I took a shower afterwards and washed my hair and brushed out all my tangles, I used lotion afterwards and did my makeup! I put on some fresh pajamas to clean the house in today. I’m gonna work on my journal and then get started on the rest of my routine :)

[yiannalianos]

ALL IN: “You will get there. But for now, you are here (and here is wonderful)”.

I usually write in my journal every morning, but today I decided to just make a blog post about how I’m feeling. I’m okay... actually, I think I’m good today. I just read another chapter of “No Period, Now What?” and it helped confirm that I’m doing the right thing. I mean, I know I am but sometimes it’s nice to hear the success stories of other women who have gone through the same thing I’m currently going through. I guess today, I’m grieving my old body. The super lean, veiny, muscular body that everyone is do used to. The body that I am used too. For so long my entire identity was wrapped up in this physique. My entire life depended on how lean I was or how I would exercise to achieve that look. As much as this All In journey has been for me to regain my cycle, there is SO much more coming out of it. The self-realizations I’ve had over the last 2 weeks have been intense. The amount of stress and anxiety I would have regarding food, what people thought of me, maintaining that image, and when I’d get in my workout was quite honestly debilitating. Why couldn’t I just have been NORMAL? What’s crazy to me is that now, food gives me NO stress or anxiety. I can go to a friends house for dinner and have her choose what to eat (see below for the delicious meal we made last night), I can allow my boyfriend to choose what to have for dinner, I can say yes to icecream dates, I can eat the SECOND I start to feel a hunger ping, I can order the full fat latte from Starbucks, and I can eat an entire avocado in one day. As much as this process has been difficult, there have been so many blessings that have come from it. I’m so happy I started this process NOW because I can’t imagine still having a disordered relationship with food and exercise when I become a mom. If I did, I would pass those behaviors along to my children and I REFUSE to let them go through what I’ve gone through. It’s crazy because this “healthy eating” dieting, and restricting food groups has become so NORMAL to people now a days... and 8/10 the converastions I have with people revolve around body, weight, or food. I’ve FINALLY taken off my diet culture goggles after 8 years of being a slave to it. One thing I’ve noticed since removing those lenses is how DEEP people are into diet culture. It’s tough because there are many people around me that are STILL focused on their appearance, body, etc... as much as I love those people, in order to fully heal and set boundaries for myself, I have to distance myself and although it may sound selfish, it’s actually self CARE. 

Honestly this process makes me ME so excited. Getting my period is something I can look forward too. OMG the day that it comes, I told my bf that we’re literally having a PP-PARTY. He’s on board- of course. He’s been the most supportive person throughout this entire thing, encouraging me to eat everything, asking me how I feel, telling me I’m beautiful... I mean, what’s a better test than seeing how your boyfriend responds to PURPOSEFUL weight gain??? He keeps reminding me that this is temporary and although 6 months seems like a really long time, in a year from now I’ll be able to FULLY live my life. Workout again, eat in a more moderate way (and never restrict, so treats will definitely still be apart of my everyday life), feel confident as hell in my abilities as a woman and in my body, and the list goes on. The mental STRENGTH it takes for someone like me to go through this process is unheard of. Some days I can’t even believe I’m doing it. But honestly, today... I am SO fucking proud of myself. I have come so far in 1 year it’s almost mind blowing. My mom told me how much she likes being around me now, because I’m funny, full of life, and H A P P Y. What else would my mom want? She doesn’t CARE if her daughter has a six pack, she cares about cooking dinner with her daughter, getting icecream together, sharing laughs, and spending time RELAXING together. And for my dad? Well, dads are dads... but he���s been just as supportive. I’m lucky to have my favoruite people in my corner. 

Today is Saturday so my plan is to finish my coffee (currently sippin, don’t worry I ate before), do a 25-40 minute meditation/restorative yoga flow, shower, curl my hair and make myself FEEL GOOD, and then sit by the pool all day. Luckily I get to see my man tonight and I can’t wait. Life is just so much better when all I have to worry about it relaxing, resting, and nourishing my body. I love this little break... but trust me I can’t WAIT to start training again. One day at a time. 

Talk soon,

Yianna xxxo

[orilea]

Let’s talk about: Bath spells

Bath spells are very common for witches today, and with good reason.  Who doesn’t love a nice relaxing bath, and using candles and herbs to set the mood has been done for years.  Like a lot of magic the main difference between a bath spell and a bath with candles and good smells is intent.  I’ve heard of a dozen ways to do bath spells, mostly involving putting different herbs in the bath to enhance it.  This is something you can either do loose in the bath, as a sachet, or as an incense burned nearby; I’m a fan of the sachet method for myself, just for the ease of clean up.

Adding candles and stones around the edge of the bath can also be a great way to bring magic to your soak, but of course if you’re doing anything with fire always put your safety first.  If you can’t place a candle safely on the edge of your bath, a nearby counter top with line of sight can work just as well.

Now you’re probably saying, “Hey! You promised us a masculine witch blog, baths aren’t very manly”.  To which I can only say, “So?”  While it’s true that baths don’t fall under the typical view of masculinity that doesn’t mean they should be avoided,  I like to use baths to loosen my muscles up after tough workouts, or meditate in a relaxing environment.  

That being said, here’s a few ways to make your bath spells more manly:

1. Take a shower instead of a bath, you won’t be able to enjoy it for nearly as long, but if you put your herbs in a sachet and hang it from the shower head you’ll get a similar experience.

2. Use scents that you consider more masculine, I don’t use scented candles often but when I do my favorite scent is tobacco; basically what I’m saying is you don’t have to come out of a bath smelling like flowers if you don’t want to.

3. Drink beer or whiskey while you bathe, obviously don’t do this one if you’re underage, but I find a nice rye while I’m soaking is a wonderful way to get me to relax and let the spell do its job.

4. Listen to a podcast, a lot of people recommend music to relax in a bath, but I always find I don’t like any of the usual “relaxing” music because it’s too slow; instead I’ll listen to gaming podcasts.

5. If none of those are masculine enough for you then I recommend this: Don’t bathe alone, you won’t get much magic done, but a soak with a partner never fails to relax me.

That finishes up my ramble on bath magic.  Practice safe and Ret'urcye mhi!  

[soysaucevictim]

Final week (both for program and the year, proper)!

-

Dec. 26

I woke up after 11AM, today. And one of the first things I got done today was some exercise.

First, yesterday’s DD. 2′ meditation with EC. Kinda had no good reason to miss doing this yesterday. Was also a bit fidgety, since it’s been awhile since I last meditated. One of these days, I’m going to make that a habit.

Second, today’s DD. 3′ high knees with EC. I counted 406 reps by the time was up. Happy I managed to stay above 2/sec. Definitely got harder to lift the knees as high by the last half or so.

(After grabbing some iced coffee and updating some logs...)

Last, Day 25 of the FhP. Level 3, no rest. After the first 3, I was wondering about taking more time to rest. Arms started feeling a bit noodle-y, but I just kept the train rolling. A very fun workout - loved all the combos and the moments I could smoothly execute them and the transitions. (Still opting for 50/50 approach rather than bounce-switching.)

Most of my day was spent on the usual and doing some writing research of a medical nature (zombies are weird and great).

I was back on my BS, staying up well into the red zone again.

-

Dec. 27

I woke up around noon.

After a bit of browsing and more note-taking, I did today’s exercise early.

First, today’s DD. 40 squat + step backs with EC. Got a bit winded and fatigued here, but I could manage well enough.

Last, Day 26 of the FhP. Level 3, 1′ rest. Oi, I feel like I badly strained my neck when I playing so much Pokemon on Christmas. Made stuff like the plank rotations particularly uncomfortable/awkward. Push-up form was a bit sloppy too - but yeah, neck wasn’t really having it. :/

Spent some time chatting and watching some movies with a friend. We watched the movie version of “Into the Woods“ (now I have a bit more context for SaSi referencing it) and “Life of Brian“.

I went to bed a bit later than yesterday.

-

Dec. 28

I woke up barely before 1PM.

After a bit of the usual, I did my exercise.

First, today’s DD. 50 prone reverse flies with EC. This felt pretty nice to help limber up my neck some more. Mostly a mild annoyance to get into a position on floor with enough clearance.

Last, Day 27 of the FhP. Level 3, no rest. This was altogether very doable without rest. I still love sit-up punches a lot. I rather enjoy how my abs have been performing for this exercise/load! =w=

Spent pretty much the rest of my night on the usual stuff.

I went to bed obscenely late again. I had a pretty bad episode fussing with my nails again...

-

Dec. 29

I woke up after noon, I think

First, today’s DD. 40 bridge taps with EC. Still a fun exercise, all told.

Last, Day 28 of the FhP. Level 3, no rest. Decided to watch LNTAO again as background noise (Roman shouting “AN ARM!” will always make me laugh). Fun sequence to get through, too.

I then set out to making today’s Hello Fresh Meal. Chicken over garlic Parmesan spaghetti. This was pretty good, but still hard for Dad to deal with.

After some of the usual and some dishes, I got back to writing some more for the iZ!AU.

Went to bed event later than yesterday.

-

Dec. 30

I woke up after 1PM.

Watched some YouTube before doing today’s exercise.

First, today’s DD. 1′ toe tap hops with EC. I counted 118 reps by the end of it - very close to 2/sec. That pace was pretty intense though, did start to feel a bit of fatigue near the end.

Last, Day 29 of the FhP. Level 3, 1′ rest. I admit my push-ups got pretty sloppy as I went along. But It was still fairly intense.

Spent much of the night chatting and doing a bit more writing on that iZ!Prinxiety date intermission (mostly finishing the rough draft).

I went to bed a few hours earlier than yesterday, still in the red zone.

-

Dec. 31

I woke up after 11AM.

After a bit of the usual, I did today’s exercise.

First, today’s DD. 5′ punches with EC. I swapped stances at 2′30″ and counted a total of 632 punches thrown by the end of it. Happy I stayed over 2/sec pace. A fun way to end this shit year too. :P

Last, Day 30 of the Fireheart Program. Level 3, 1′ rest. That was a lot of sit-ups and definitely took some digging in. But a good test for the final day of the program! I enjoyed it!

I did some dishes and made tonight’s Hello Fresh Meal. Cheesy quinoa-stuffed peppers. Everyone enjoyed this one.

Then got back to updating some logs. And chatting about things.

I spent some time topping up fandom blog queue and then stayed up till like 11AM or so writing up a masterpost for my fandom blog to pin. Was that a great idea? Probably not, but I did it anyways.

-

Jan. 1

I woke up proper around 3PM.

First, today’s DD. 2′ jumping Ts with EC. I had one false start, realizing I set my timer wrong (for 1′). I wondered why that was a bit too easy. Second go was set properly and I counted 152 reps by the end of it. It was pretty enjoyable.

Last, I decided to chase the bliss from that with a few rounds of half jacks. Tucked out my calves there, but I had fun.

Spent much of my day chatting and thinking more about the physiology of zombies in that iZ!AU. :,D

I got to bed far earlier than yesterday, because tired. But still in my red zone.

-

Summary of Experience:

I finished the Fireheart Program on Dec. 31. I rather enjoyed this program, but then again I’ve always enjoyed combat exercises. I noted that pretty much the entire way through - I didn’t go for the Combat HIIT approach (alternately bounce-switching sides.) Did try to clean up my push-up form for most of it and I’m rather happy about meeting the demands of all those sit-up punches!

I did manage to hit Level 3 for all 30 days, and as for resting times between sets:

No Rest: 7

30″ Rest: 2

1′  Rest: 21

[makabunni]

The Maka Albarn Challenge

I’ve watched Soul Eater around 13 times, read it multiple, and have been an avid fan for years now. Maka Albarn has been one of the biggest inspirations since I came across the anime. I know the characters like the back of my hand. 

Since I look up to some of her qualities as a character a lot, I figured I’d turn it into a challenge. If you’re reading this, then I’m already starting.

Here’s a quick overview as to what we’re focusing on:  Physical fitness & health, flexibility, studying, language learning, advocacy and generally being put together.  You can add or remove things if you want, edit it to your needs. If you don’t like the sound of that, make your way to the exit.

This challenge is not tiny and will expand as i get more ideas and time goes on. This means I’ll edit things occasionally. In true Maka fashion, this is not slow in pace. I’m building a carrd  so check it occasionally to see when it’s finished.  We’re going week by week with daily things to add. I made it customizable but I’ll be posting my own updates.

WEEK 01:

Reorganize closet & bathroom

Do five workouts

Drink 8 glasses of water per day

Study a language for 1 hour every day

Stretch for 10 minutes every day

Build a morning routine and a night routine

If you want your weekly tasks to be easier, add one or two into one of the routines.

Suggestions for morning/night routines: 2-3 self care items, 1 motivational item, 1 habit, 1 productivity item, 1 planning item, breakfast, stretching, clean 1 area

No phone for 7 hours this week (try a phone addiction app)

Pick a subject, study it for 3 hours

Fold clothes as soon as they finish drying

WEEK 02:

Stick with the morning and night routines, do not skip

Do five workouts

Drink 8 glasses of water per day

Stretch for 10 minutes every day

Do dishes as soon as you make them

Pick a subject, study it for 4 hours

Study a language for 1 hour every day

Eat veggies/fruit every day this week

No phone for 8 hours this week 

Watch a documentary

Read one book/fanfiction

Spend an hour doing something you really enjoy, even if it’s netflix.

Practice improving something four times

WEEK 03:

Keep going with the routines! If you need to, add things to them.

Go on one run/jog/walk

Drink 8 glasses of water per day

Stretch for 15 minutes every day

If it takes less than 2 minutes to do, do it then and there.

Watch two documentaries 

Read one book/fanfiction (if you’re a writer, write one!)

Do something you miss doing for 20 minutes per day

No phone for 10 hours this week

Study a language for 1.5 hours every day

Cook a new meal!

Do five workouts

Affirm yourself of one thing positive every day

Practice improving something five times

WEEK 04:

No procrastination! Try to get things done without procrastinating.

Make a to-do list for this week with all of your tasks and every morning, try to get as many of them done as you can.

Don’t forget your routines :D

Go on two runs/jogs/walks

Drink 8+ glasses of water per day

Stretch for 15 minutes every day

Read two books/fanfictions

Do something you miss doing for 30 minutes a day

No phone for 10 hours this week

Study a language for 1 hour every day

Do five workouts

Keep affirming yourself once per day!

Practice improving something 20 minutes a day

Prepare a bento/lunch box 

Find something to invest in! Whether it be knowledge or stocks. 

MONTH TWO

Entering month two, we’re going to carry over a few things (i just won’t write them into each week so that there’s less reading involved) Starting this month, carry the following into each week:

8+ glasses of water/day

Morning & Night routines

No phone for 10 hours every week

3-5 workouts

Stretch for 15 minutes every day

Do something you miss/enjoy for 20 minutes a day (even if it’s tv)

Learn one new fact every week

WEEK 01:

Read four books/fanfictions

Go on two run/jog/walks

If it takes less than two minutes, do it then and THERE.

No procrastination week! Avoid procrastination like the plague

Indulge in a hobby three times

Study a language for 3 hours every day

Study something new this week

Try a smoothie bowl

Watch two documentaries

Organize the rest of the house

Complete your to-do list

Sign up for something new to try

If you haven’t already, start a skincare routine. And follow it the best you can!

Set up a bed time! This is important! Set a wake-up time too and put your phone across the room.

Add a good habit into your life this week

Practice something once this week

Advocate for something you care about/do research on that subject

WEEK 02:

Read four books/fanfictions

Go on three runs/jogs/walks

Complete to do list

Create a schedule to fit your routine and daily needs, add in your tasks and look at how much time you have left over in the day, fill it in!

Study a language for 1 hour every day

Make a bento/lunch box

Practice improving something this week

Do all dishes after you’re finished with them and keep up with laundry

Spend an hour every day doing something relaxing/nice

Try to get as far as you can on a duolingo tree

Study a subject for 5 hours this week

Eliminate one bad habit this week

Try meditation or just relaxing with music for an hour this week

Make a chart/etc on something you care about

WEEK 03:

Read five books/fanfictions

Go on three runs/jogs/walks

Complete to do list

Follow your schedule three days this week

Study a language for 1 hour every day

Keep up with laundry this week

Spend an hour every day doing something relaxing/nice

Continue the duolingo tree! Every day! Even if it’s five minutes.

Watch a new movie/show/anime/etc

Do something you’ve always wanted to but were too unmotivated

Eat something healthy each day

Stick ! to ! your ! wakeup ! time !

Study a subject for 5 hours this week

Eliminate another bad habit

Make a cleaning schedule and try to follow it!

Affirm! Yourself! Daily! You got this

WEEK 04:

Read four books/fanfictions

Go on four runs/jogs/walks

Complete to do list

Follow the schedule for 5 days this week

Study a language for 4 hours every day

Spend an hour every day doing something relaxing/nice

Continue on the duolingo journey!

Eat something healthy each day

Listen to some new music this week

Study another topic every day this week

Try a hair mask/face mask

Don’t forget to keep up with laundry and dishes this week

Watch a new show/movie/anime/etc

Add two new good habits to your life this week

Tell yourself something affirming every day

Okay that’s all I have for now, this is a personal challenge and i haven’t added everything to it because then this would be a massive post full of insane goals. I’m an overachiever and will be posting weekly or daily updates to this blog.  Anyways enjoy uwu

[is-it-madness]

My Glorious Purpose | Loki x OC Chapter 6

A/N: I’m so in love with the mood board for this story! Thank you @wowjeena​ for helping me with it and for being an amazing beta! Love you, darling! 💜😘

Pairing: Loki x OC  (Tera Digitalis)

Word Count: 3.7k+

Warnings: Touching without consent

Chapter 6: Mission

(Tera’s POV)

Three months have passed by. Tony and Pepper rebuilt Stark Tower from the inside. Tony made sure that every Avenger has their own floor if they ever happen to stay over—Nat and Clint already rearranged their rooms to suit their style. They had come back about a week after they had vanished. Everything is back to normal after Loki’s attempted invasion failed. I still have a light mark from where I was cut on my forehead, other than that, everything is great. Tony designed my room, but unlike Clint and Nat, I kept the original layout and decor. I don’t really have that many possessions to decorate with. When Fury had dropped off a backpack that contained all my stuff, Tony freaked.

“Hey! Where’s this bag from kid? It has your name on it.”

I walk over to where Tony is standing. There’s a backpack next to the elevator and sure enough, my name is on it. I pick it up and unzip it.

“Oh! This is my stuff. Fury must’ve finally had time to clear out my room on the ship,” I tell Tony.

He looks at the bag, then at me, then back down to the bag.

“So-o-o, when is he going to bring the rest of your stuff over?”

“This is all my stuff Tony,” I laugh while shaking my head.

He takes the bag from my hands.

“Hey!”

He starts to ruffle around inside.

“Wait, wait. So you’re telling me all you own is three shirts and two pairs of pants?!”

“Not true!” I retaliate.

“Oh excuse me, so rude of me to forget about your toiletries,” he says sarcastically.

“Yeah, so?” I rip my belongings out of his grasp.

“Okay. JARVIS.”

“Yes, Mr. Stark?”

“Remind me to ask Ms. Potts to take the kid shopping later.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Tony! You really don’t need to do that! I’m absolutely fine with what I have!”

“Look kid. You might be okay living like this, but I’m not. You are a teenager! You should have more shoes that you can count! Jeans, shorts, t-shirts, sweaters, dresses, pajamas!. Not some S.H.I.E.L.D. authorized uniforms! And I’m not going to keep arguing with you about this! End of discussion.”

I huff in frustration. “Fine.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I look into my huge walk-in closet that Tony had built for me. I’ve been able to fill a rack after Ms. Potts had taken me shopping. I honestly don’t mind having a few items. I’ve lived so long with so little, that I’m used to not owning as many things as most girls my age would.

I quickly change into some workout clothes we bought and head down to the training room. Nat is already down there meditating, and I join her. We sit there for about ten minutes before we start to stretch.

“You ready to continue your training?” she asks me.

I nod at her enthusiastically. She had begun to train me in karate before Loki came to Earth.

“Okay, so I decided that today, we are going to start incorporating weapons into your techniques.”

She walks to the cabinet where we store all our practice weapons, and pulls out a staff that’s roughly her height. She reaches in again and pulls out another one that is smaller by several inches and hands it to me.

“Now, when you work with a staff, you need one about your height. That makes it easier to work with. And since you’re so short, you get the smallest staff.”

“Hey! Just because I’m five inches shorter than you does NOT mean I’m short!”

It’s the whole “kid” fiasco all over again. 

Nat just laughs. “Yeah, because being 5’2” isn’t short at all. Not in the slightest.”

“Whatever. Can we just start already?”

“Okay, first, we’ll begin with learning how to do a basic spin.”

She begins spinning her staff with both her hands, then switching between hands. I begin to bounce on my heels. I can’t wait; it looks so cool. When she’s done showing off, she stands in front of me.

“Now the first thing you want to do is place your left foot in front of you and extend your left hand while holding your staff. Make sure your hand is in the middle of the staff. Good. Next place your right hand on your chest, just to move it out of your way, for the time being.”

I complied.

“Okay now follow what I do.”

She begins to turn the staff in front of her, then bringing it towards her back.

“See how I’m leading the staff with my thumb? It’s directing the staff where I want it to go.”

We practice that move for a few minutes before turning to use our right hand. After we do that, it starts to get a little tricky. Nat tells me to reverse the way I am turning my staff, so that I start with my palm downward instead of up. It takes me several tries and a few hits to my arm before I finally catch on.

“Not bad. Now let’s try incorporating both hands.”

I watch Nat do it first before I give myself any more bruises. She starts slowly, with her left hand, turning the staff in front of her. When she reaches the right side of her body, she places her right hand behind her left, and turns it back towards the left side of her. She starts speeding up and taking steps as she twirls her staff. It’s a beautifully deadly sight. I start mimicking her movement and soon we were side by side, furiously spinning our staffs in front of us, dancing around each other. Lethal, dangerous, a force to be reckoned with. And I love it.

After practicing for a few hours, I head upstairs to take a shower. Tony had built an en suite in everyone’s rooms. At first, I thought it was a bit much, but I had admittedly grown to love it. When I finish showering and changing into regular clothes, I make my way to the kitchen for food. I take out some ice cream, milk, and frozen strawberries and dump them into a blender. Nat walks in when I’m adding the bananas.

“Mmmm. Make me a cup too.”

“I don’t know if I should,” I respond teasingly. “After all, I seem to recall a certain redhead making fun of my height.”

“Please кроли!” she pouts.

“Okay, fine, fine.”

I blend the smoothie together and pour us each a cup.

We’re making small talk, when her phone buzzes. She picks it up and reads the message. She smiles and looks at me.

“What’s up Nat?”

“Clint and I have another mission tonight.”

“Another one?” I ask nonchalantly, trying to not sound whiny. You just came back from one two days ago! I think to myself.

She must’ve seen the disappointment on my face, however, because she says, “Don’t worry, it’s only for tonight.”

“Good. Otherwise I would have had to practice spinning a staff with Tony.”

Nat laughs at that. When we finish our smoothies, Nat leaves to look for Clint to fill him in on the mission they received. I head out on my own, roaming the tower. I could join Tony and Bruce in the lab, since I’ve been acting as peacemaker since we first settled in. Tony gets a kick out of trying to get Bruce to hulk out. We haven’t had an accident yet, but with Tony around, who knows when Bruce will reach the end of his tether. But I just don’t want to deal with that headache right now. After Tony had finished rebuilding the tower, and whenever Clint and Nat are gone, I go exploring. It’s unbelievable how many rooms the tower has. Lately I stopped exploring because I found a library. It’s magnificent. Rows of shelves that reach the ceiling are stacked with books. The room is circular, so that you can’t see the other end of the room when you enter, just books. It’s kinda like a maze, with all the shelves curving to fit the shape of the room. Someone else could be in here and you would never know. Thankfully Tony took my advice when building this room. He added a mini kitchen, several sofas and armchairs, and a huge fireplace, that I requested. I go to my favorite sofa and grab the book I’ve been reading. 

I read for several hours before I hear JARVIS speak to me. 

“Miss Tera, Miss Romanoff has asked me to inform you that she is looking for you. She is currently in your room.”

“Okay, thanks JARVIS.”

I jog to the elevator and head up to mine and Nat’s floor. I enter my room to see Nat wearing a black cocktail dress with red accents and black heels. Clint is there too and wearing a suit.

“Hey Nat. JARVIS said you were looking for me?”

“Yeah, why aren’t you dressed yet?!”

“For what?”

“Oh shit, did I forget to tell you? You’re coming with us on our mission.”

“Really? Seriously?”

“Yeah, c’mon, get ready. Here’s your dress,” she says, gesturing to my bed.

I take one look at it.

“Wait, what is it that I’ll be doing exactly?” I ask anxiously.

Clint answers, “Don’t worry, you’re backup. Which means you get to sit with me and let Nat do everything.”

“Well if I’m just backup, why do I need this dress?”

“Cause we're going to a party,” Nat tells me.

Nat has to force me out of my hoodie and jeans and into the dress. She threatened to make me workout with Tony. I changed real fast when she said that. When I finish, I slip into the heels that Nat set aside for me. Clint then sat me down in front of my mirror and did my makeup while Nat worked on my hair.

I’m glad when we went to the garage no one saw me in my dress. I manage to avoid everyone. Except for Nat and Clint of course. Now don’t get me wrong. I like the dress. I really like it, in fact. But I struggle with accepting my appearance, not to mention self-esteem. I don’t like anything about any of my features, my insecurities always consume my every waking minute. And this dress is a little revealing. I feel exposed in the lace sleeves, knee length skirt, and low neckline. Plus with the black and gold heels? It’s a nice outfit, just not for me. 

As we drive to the hotel, where the party is at, I admire my smokey makeup look Clint did. I never would have guessed that a skilled archer would know how to apply eye shadow.

“So what are we dealing with Nat?”

She turns to face me from the front. Next to her, driving, is Clint.

“We’re dealing with a major illegal arms dealer named James Foyer. He’s made millions selling illegal weapons to the worst kind of people imaginable.”

“I’m guessing you’re gonna flirt with him to get him to tell you who his buyers are?”

She winks. “Exactly.”

I run my hands through my long, brunette hair. “So what’s he celebrating?”

“I don’t think he needs a reason to celebrate. Just wants to show the world he’s got money—and lots of it,” Clint says.

A few minutes later, we pull up in front of a huge hotel. We step out of the Ferrari and Clint gives the keys to the valet.

“Not a scratch.”

Nat and I hold on to Clint’s arm, on either side of him.

“Earpieces in?”

“Check,” we tell him.

“Alright then Nat, off you go.”

She slips away from us and heads through the crowd, keeping an eye out for our target. Clint heads toward the stairs, and I make my way to the back of the party, smiling, keeping watch.

“Target located Nat. He’s coming out of the elevator.”

Of course Clint would see him first, looking for his prey from above.

“Heading that way now,” Nat reports back.

I turn towards the elevator, where a tall, skinny, dark haired man is exiting. He has a cigar dangling from his lips and is wearing an expensive looking suit. As soon as he steps out of the elevator, hordes of women try to come near him, to touch him, to claim him as their own. He gives each of them attention, but he grows bored of them and moves on to the next set of breasts he sees.

“Disgusting,” I want to look away, but I can’t. I’m Nat’s backup. If something happens to her, I have to jump in and take her spot. I see James’ eyes latch on to Nat and her body. I shake my head. No decent man can look at Nat without looking down every few seconds. But she takes it, she starts chatting with him, laughing flirtatiously, placing her hand on his arm. It seems to be working. I figure Nat would get him to crack in the next ten minutes. I start to notice something wrong. Foyer is getting bored of her. I’ve never seen a man become bored so quickly when Natasha Romanoff is around. He begins scanning the crowd, looking for another female to interest him, when his eyes land on me. I’m about to bolt out of the hotel, when I hear Clint.

“Wait! Stay there. Nat’s losing him, so you might have to go in. Act interested in him.”

I do as Clint says and flash a smile at Foyer. He immediately begins to make his way towards me.

Through my clenched smile, I tell Clint, “I don’t think I can do this! Nat hasn’t trained me in this yet!”

“Don’t worry Tera, you can do this. Just make him think you’re into him. Flirt. Laugh. Play dumb.”

“But Clint-”

“This is my sister Savannah. Savannah, this is Mr. James Foyer.”

“There you are Cleo!” I say to Nat. “I’ve been looking for you!” I turn to face the man. “It’s lovely to meet you Mr. Foyer.”

I extend my hand to shake, but he takes it and brings it to his lips.

“Please, call me James.”

I smile back at him, trying to restrain my look of disgust.

“Cleo, why didn’t you tell me your sister is a doll?”

Nat laughs and says, “You think every new girl you meet is a doll.”

I find myself very relieved that Nat and I came up with fake names for each other. I suddenly notice Nat tapping her thigh. It isn’t out of nervousness, rather, it’s a code—Morse code.

Not me, he wants you.

I groan internally after I decode her message. Of course the only person to ever find me attractive is a sleazeball.

Okay. I tap back. I have to do this, this is why I’m here, for backup. Also because I don’t think Clint would be able to seduce Foyer.

At my response, Nat makes up an excuse to leave, leaving me with Foyer.

“I don’t believe you two are sisters,” he says evenly.

I raise an eyebrow. KEEP CALM!

“Really?”

He takes a step closer to me and takes my face in his hand. It takes all I have to not bite his hand.

“No. You’re much more… appealing,” he says, eyes darting towards my body, lingering in places that make me want to put him in a choke hold. 

DON’T SLAP HIM, DO NOT SLAP HIM! THINK OF THE MISSION! THINK. OF. THE. MISSION.

“You’re not like other girls,” he continues. 

“How so?” I ask, in what I hope is a seductive voice, batting my lashes at him.

He drops his hand and chuckles. “As soon as I entered the room, they all threw themselves at me. You didn’t. I like women who play hard to get.” He suddenly grabs my waist and pulls me flush against him, now whispering in my ear. “Cause once I get them, they taste the sweetest,” I feel him place a soft kiss on my neck, lingering before pulling away.

I see Clint aiming his gun from the balcony and Nat pulling out her knives. They heard what he said and saw what he did. I place my arms around Foyer’s neck, making a shooing motion with my hand to tell them to stand down. I smile at the man in front of me, an idea forming.

“If we taste the sweetest, what do you taste like?”

He smiles an even larger one and leans forward, attempting to kiss me. I put a finger to his lips and a hand to his chest, holding him back. I might have to seduce him, but I refuse to let my first kiss be with this sexist.

“Why don’t we go somewhere a little more private?” I whisper, trailing my fingers down his chest, stopping at his belt.

He takes my hand and heads towards the elevator. He pushes the button for the third floor and as soon as the doors close, he tries kissing me again and again I place a finger to his lips.

“I don’t give kisses very easily, so if you want one, you must do as I say. Understand?”

He places both his hands on my waist. Never have I felt so violated in my life, but I hold back all my anger and emotions. 

I can’t back out of his iron-like grasp. He bends over to whisper into my ear again. “But you taste divine babe.” He places his lips at the base of my neck and I begin to feel him trail his tongue upward towards my jaw.

“So good,” I hear him whisper, before he catches my earlobe between his teeth, tugging gently.

Correction. NOW I have never been more violated. I grab his tie. I momentarily think about how if I choked him here and now, no one would know. Unfortunately though, we need that information from him, otherwise I would have to explain to Fury why the only man that can give us the information is dead. I quickly begin to care less about the mission and more about my own dignity, but before I can tighten the tie and choke the life out of him, the doors open to the third floor. Foyer removes his lips from my skin, takes my hand and leads me to his door. I look at the number, memorizing it for later. Foyer opens the door and pulls me inside. He tries kissing me a third time and again I stop him with a finger.

“You had your fun in the elevator,” I tell him. “Now it's my turn.”

He bits his lower lip and I see the lust in his eyes, but thankfully, he doesn’t argue.

Thank god!

I push him into a chair by the dresser, and I reach inside my clutch that I brought with me and pull out a pair of handcuffs.

I dangle them in front of him. 

“You brought cuffs with you?” he asks, unbuttoning his shirt.

I wink, “I thought I might get lucky tonight. Turns out I did.”

I cuff his hands and attach them to the chair, so not only is he cuffed, he also can’t walk around without the chair dragging with him.

I take his tie off. 

“Open.”

He opens his mouth immediately and I tie the cloth around his mouth forming a gag.

“Good. Now you wait here, and I’ll be back with a surprise for you.” I whisper in his ear, with a hand on his chest. I turn and head into the bathroom. I wink at him before closing the door.

I whip out my phone and text Nat.

Nat I got him. He’s cuffed and gagged. 

Hurry, call Fury quick. 

I only have a few minutes before he gets suspicious.

Where are you?

Third floor.

Room 394

This isn't a joke. Please hurry.

There‘s no response and it’s quiet for two minutes before I hear a loud thud. Probably Fury. I hear someone loading a gun.

“Where is she!?!”

I walk out of the bathroom.

“Hey sis,” I say.

I see Clint holding a loaded gun pointed at Foyer’s head, Nat with her widow’s bite charged up and ready to pounce, and the door laying on the ground. Yup. It was Fury.

“Alright boys, tie him up. Nice work you three. You’re done for the night, go and head on home.”

“Thanks, Director.”

“Don’t forget to turn your report into me. Otherwise I’ll put you on desk duty.”

“Yes sir,” we all say.

We turn to leave but I think of something

I walk back to Foyer. “Did you like my surprise?”

 He glares and growls through the gag.

I feign shock. “You didn’t?! Well I have some advice for you. Never touch a lady without her consent, otherwise they’ll bring hell down on you.” I smile and walk out of the room with Nat and Clint by my side.

As we walk through the lobby, S.H.I.E.L.D agents run past us, up the stairs and into the elevator. 

“You did amazing Tera. I’m so proud of you!”

I smile at the praise. “Thanks Nat.” I pause before asking, “Do you have any wipes? I feel contaminated.”

She smiles at me. “I always have some during my missions. They’re in the car. C’mon.”

When we walk out of the hotel, our Ferrari is parked right up front. We get in and Clint takes off, back towards Stark Tower. 

“Here you go.”

Nat passes me a pack of wet wipes. I immediately pull out three and begin scrubbing my hands and neck. I start telling them exactly what happened, not leaving out a single detail. I’m telling them how I was able to gag and cuff him, when Nat gets a call on her phone. She answers and puts it on speaker.

“Hey Tony. What’s up?”

“Sorry Nat, I know you guys are on your mission, but something came up.”

“Don’t worry, we finished. We’re on our way home right now.”

“Good, because I need you three here now.”

“Is that Lady Natasha?” We hear a voice ask in the background. “I wish to speak with her as well!”

The three of us look at each other.

“Tony?” I ask. “Is that Thor?”

“Lady Tera! You are in this device as well? Splendid!”

“No, wait Thor! That button hangs-”

The line goes dead. I laugh at the thought of Thor and Tony wrestling with the phone.

“I wonder why Thor is back?” Clint wonders aloud. 

Clint pulls into the garage of the tower and we make our way towards the elevator.

“At least we have another member on the team,” I say as we head up.

Part 7

[knightowl725]

Healing in a Graveyard, Ch. 6

Fandom: Critical Role

A continuation of my work for Fjorclay Week 2020′s modern au prompt. It’s official. Jester is the one making the chapter title cards. I have no part in this.

In this chapter: Fjord and Caduceus deal with intruders. Intruders? In my graveyard? 

Read on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23828932/chapters/57491902

Caduceus looked around the kitchen, then pointed to the stove. A few pans and the pot used for soup were still there. The pot had a decent amount left. Fjord nodded, and they moved cautiously over to the stove. Each with an improvised weapon in hand, they eased back until they stood on either side of the curtained doorway.

“Found his room!” called the second person from upstairs.

“Grab his laptop, his books, all that crap.”

The first man lifted the curtain and stepped through as he spoke, distracted.

Fjord moved first, flinging the pot’s contents towards the man with a little prayer to the Wildmother.

He cried out in pain as the hot soup seared his neck and arms. Not his face, like Fjord had planned, but close enough.

With a single swing of a still-hot pan, Caduceus brought The Champion to the floor. The resounding clang of its impact echoed through the house.

“What was that?” called the man upstairs. Fjord dropped the pot and dragged the unconscious Champion into the kitchen. Still breathing, but definitely out cold. Caduceus strode into the entry room.

“Cad--!” Fjord bit off the word, dropping the man and hurrying after him. Drawing back the curtain, Fjord saw Caduceus drop his pan to take up the shovel leaning against the stairs. He glanced at Fjord and put out a hand to stop him. He mouthed, “Trust me.”

Fjord stepped back into the kitchen as footsteps came down the stairs, ripping his phone from his back pocket. His hands shook as he typed in his password.

“Who-who the fuck are you?” the other Champion asked.

“I’m the gravekeeper,” Caduceus said, his voice lower and darker than it’d gone before.

“Wh-Where’s Daniel?”

“Daniel isn’t with us anymore.”

“You kill--” The Champion stopped himself. “Look, I don’t want any trouble. I was just told to come here and pick up a guy that pissed off my boss.”

“Did Daniel have a surname? I’ll need it for the stone.”

He just stuttered a reply.

“Why don’t you give me your name, while we’re at it,” Caduceus drawled. “I have a couple of nice plots I’ve been meaning to fill. What better fodder for my garden than trespassers?”

Several soft thuds followed as The Champion ran for the door. When he yanked it open, he screamed.

“I believe the man asked for your name, champion,” came Yasha’s voice.

“Fjord, bring out the body,” Caduceus called. Fjord complied, dragging the unconscious Champion by his upper body. “Now, Yasha. Let’s have the nice man take his companion and tell all his friends not to tread on the Wildmother’s domain again, including our dear friend Fjord. Well, not unless they’re ready to be laid to rest.”

The man tried to flee, but Yasha did not move. “Take your friend.”

Slowly, awkwardly, the standing Champion dragged his friend out the door and down the path out of the Blooming Grove.

The rest of the Nein were on their way, jogging until they saw the man. Fjord couldn’t hear what they said, but he heard the laughter as his friends parted around the shamed Champion.

“I’m so sorry,” Fjord said.

Caduceus looked at him, confused. “What for?”

“I left the door unlocked. They came here because of me. This is my--”

“We all leave the door unlocked,” Yasha said, finally coming inside.

“This wasn’t your fault Fjord,” Caduceus said. “And this wasn’t the first time someone tried to cross these lands unwelcome. We have ways of dealing with them. Usually more hostile than what I tried today.”

Smiling, Caduceus said, “I think I did a rather good job, looking intimidating.”

“Yeah, you were fucking terrifying,” Yasha agreed.

“You both nearly sent me running, and I know you,” Fjord told them.

The three laughed, breaking the tension and fear that hovered over Fjord. His hands still shook, but he did that well.

“We’re so sorry Fjord,” Jester said as the rest of the Nein caught up. “We all wanted to run to help, but we were carrying your things, so Yasha went ahead.”

“Fjord texted us,” Yasha explained to Caduceus.

“Thank you,” Fjord said.

“We got your stuff, though!” Nott exclaimed. “You were right. They were all out doing some cult shit. Except for those two, I guess.”

“Isn’t it funny?” Jester giggled. “They came here to try and steal Fjord or something while we had just stolen his stuff back.”

“Most of it, I think,” Caleb said. “We did our best.”

“Thank you all, really,” Fjord said. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“Shut up,” Beau said.

One by one the Nein headed up the stairs to dump what they’d collected in Fjord’s room.

“Is my laptop still up there?” Fjord called. “And my books?”

“Yeah?” Beau called back.

“That’s good,” Caduceus said. “But, uh, Fjord. Why’d they go and pick up your things?”

“I’m sorry Caduceus,” he said for the second time. “I meant to ask earlier, but I wanted to make sure I had a chance to afford it. And I forgot you weren’t there when we talked about it this morning.”

“Are you going to stay, Fjord?”

His heart started beating again, but for a different kind of fear. “I...hoped to.”

Caduceus smiled. His face lit up, pink eyes suddenly several shades lighter. Everything around him seemed to glow a little more vibrantly, and the countless plants in the room seemed to lean a little towards him.

“You did all that cooking for me to leave,” Fjord muttered.

“I was happy to do it,” Caduceus said, stepping closer to Fjord. “It’s still yours. I know finals are in a few weeks, so they might help still.”

“Of course.”

“Honestly, Fjord, I’ve been struggling all day thinking about you leaving and going back to that place,” he confessed. “Look at how I reacted to them. Well, it was obvious they weren’t here to walk you back, but still.”

He went on, “But I know better than most that you can’t force someone to stay, even if it’s good for them. So I wanted to send you off with a smile.”

“And a shitton of food.”

He laughed. “That was the idea.”

“Thank you,” Fjord said, and he wondered if he would ever stop thanking Caduceus. Every day that passed, and he only fell deeper into an unspoken debt to this man. But it was a debt he was glad to repay. Whatever was needed.

~~

Fjord spent most of the evening putting away his things. There were items missing, including his favorite band t-shirt, but it was a small price to pay. They’d managed to find the little wood carving Vandren had taught him to make in his early days as a sailor. Even if Vandren was not the man Fjord had believed for so long, it was still something irreplaceable. At least he had that

He set it on the dresser next to books and the houseplant.

Caduceus flitted by constantly, helping Fjord fold shirts or making notes about furniture he’d need, now that he was staying. Just generally fussing, practically throwing out little flowers in his joy. Every time he disappeared back downstairs to do some work, Fjord felt a familiar warmth in his face.

Okay, so he had a little crush on Caduceus. Maybe. But it made sense, didn’t it? Caduceus had been a pillar this past week, at a time in Fjord’s like when a week felt like a year. And he had literally saved him that day. An innocent little admiration crush was fine. Natural, even. It would pass, and he could go back to enjoying Caduceus’s company platonically. Even moreso, now that they’d grown closer.

He looked up, thinking of the Wildmother, and sighed.

~~

He accepted the job at the Arbor Exemplar by the end of the night, promising to come in that week for training with Reani.

Over the next few weeks, he devoted his time to study, class, and his new job. He took an early start to his day, waking up in time to join Caduceus and Beau for morning meditation. Caduceus began changing up his guided, nature-based meditations to include ocean themes now and then, which did nothing for Fjord’s crush.

Sometimes there was time after for him and Caduceus to meditate on the Wildmother, to commune under the large tree to seek Her wisdom and guidance. Then, it was off to work for a few hours. Fjord opened the gym, greeted by groggy patrons often trying to guzzle some caffeine before their barely-after-sunrise workout.

Reani took over just in time for him to make it to his classes. He had about an hour to study and work on assignments before returning to the gym a few days a week. Sometimes, he spent that time actually at the gym, working out rather than studying. While the gym was often busy, during the week there were plenty of opportunities for him to do schoolwork and study. Far more than at the cafe.

He had days off here and there, and he and Reani agreed to split the weekends so each of them always had one day off. Some of the trainers, and occasionally Calliope herself, filled in their gaps.

And in the evenings, he spent time with his friends and neighbors. Caduceus trusted him enough to let him help cook. On the nights Caduceus didn’t cook, they ordered food or ate leftovers, or someone else in the Nein gave cooking a try.

When he’d lived with The Champions, Fjord had spent every spare moment studying. For all the good it did him. He’d been constantly distracted, pulled away, put to work for a last-minute need at the cafe or a sudden meeting or event. For all the hours he poured into school, it meant nothing.

But now, he had dedicated times in his schedule purely for study. No one at the Xhorhaus gave him shit if he spent “too long” at the library. The gym was another opportunity to get in some work. Even if there were more distractions and interruptions, he could finish most of his schoolwork in the gaps. And being surrounded by another sort of temple to the Wildmother felt right. Inspiring, in a sense.

By the time Fjord made it home, he could spend those precious few hours relaxing. Cleaning up his room, playing boards games with his friends, watching some ridiculous detective film with Nott and Jester, helping Caleb attempt some experiment he didn’t understand, playing wingman to Beau when she needed to pretend like she didn’t have her own crush to deal with, chatting with Yasha, and drinking tea on the porch with Caduceus.

Finals came, and with them, significantly less panic than he was accustomed to. The entire house fell into an almost dormant state as the students focused, Nott and Caduceus happily watching on with no remorse. Nott’s maternal energy, compiled across months of chaos, seemed to unleash around midterms and finals. Between her and Caduceus, no one was ever hungry long enough to notice.

The night before Fjord’s last final, the one he needed to do well on the most to keep his grades and scholarship alive, he took some time before bed to sit beneath the large tree. The pink flowers were long gone, and their petals with them, but the memory remained crystal-sharp in his mind’s eye.

He meditated. It’d become more natural to him as he practiced each morning. Now, even if he was in the middle of the day, he found himself running through some of those techniques to calm his nerves or keep his focus.

He slipped into the calm state after a few moments, and he spoke to Her.

Thank you for your guidance, he began. Thank you for the focus you granted me this week. Thank you for the home you welcomed me into, and this life that you made more. I hope that you can continue to offer me guidance with my last test. I am open to your wisdom, and I am honored to serve.

It was a Caduceus-style prayer, but Fjord had not yet felt confident enough to create his own structure. He hadn’t had the most success with outright asking questions either. The confidence his firbolg guide had in interpreting the wind, the leaves, the sudden scent in the air, was one he lacked. But he could get there, someday.

When he came out of his meditation, he noticed a body beside him. Tall and familiar, folded into his own meditation, was Caduceus. He opened his eyes shortly after Fjord and smiled.

“Hello Caduceus.”

“Did you speak to Her?” he asked.

Fjord nodded. “Just a little. I thanked Her, and I asked for Her help tomorrow. It’s my last test of the week. I really need to do well to keep that grade up. My scholarship depends on it.”

He let out a shaky breath, and Caduceus reached out to put a comforting hand on his knee. “She would not have guided you this far to abandon you now. Trust in the outcome. Trust in Her.”

Fjord took a deep breath, then nodded. “Thank you, Caduceus.”

“Of course.”

“No, really,” he insisted. “I owe so much to you. You’ve been a wonderful friend and ally and mentor at a time when I needed it most.”

There was a long pause as Caduceus glanced away, distantly looking at the house.

“I am your sign from the Wildmother,” he said simply. “You called for help, and I appeared. Someday someone else will pray for a miracle, and you will appear.”

Fjord searched his face in the darkness, lit only by the light from the house and the moon overhead. Caduceus looked contemplative, calm. “Did someone appear when you needed a miracle? At some point?”

Caduceus met his eyes, slowly smiling. “Yes.”

He wanted to ask, but Caduceus would have told him if he were prepared to share. Instead, Fjord nodded. He turned the words over his mind, imagining. Someday, he might be the miracle someone needed. The idea that he could be to someone what Caduceus was to him, even if just for a moment, was overwhelming in its warmth and humility.

Well, maybe he didn’t want to be exactly what Caduceus was to him to someone else, but that was different.

Caduceus pulled back his hand, content to sit in silence while Fjord tried not to blush and give himself away.

“I think I should get to bed,” Fjord said suddenly, when it was clear he was losing that battle. “Up early and all that.”

“Of course.”

Fjord stood, and seeing Caduceus start to get up offered his hand. He helped lift the firbolg to his feet, enjoying the closeness for just a moment. Just a quick breath. Then, they were off into the house.

Fjord climbed the steps, then went to his door. He looked back to see Caduceus continue to the third floor. He hoped this crush might end soon. He understood now why Beau was so dramatic about her own feelings, on the rare occasion when she would confide in Fjord. There was something about having feelings for a friend that was different. Deeper, warmer, and also more frightening. A greater risk. A deeper hurt.

He tried to shake the thoughts from his mind as he readied for bed. He had one, last test tomorrow. Then it would be summer, and he would have two uninterrupted months without school. Which meant more time for work, if he wanted to save money, or more time to work on his bond with the Wildmother.

Or more time to hang around the house with Caduceus. Which was not in the plan at all, and had no bearing on his expectations for the next two months.

With a deep sigh and a little prayer to the Wildmother, Fjord tried to avoid his problems with sleep.