#chronic PTSD

[the-firefly-jar-system]

Let’s clarify something here:

Acute trauma: results from a single traumatic event

Chronic trauma: results from prolonged and repeated trauma(s)

Complex trauma: results from multiple and different traumas

These are all valid and real forms of trauma, but it’s valuable to understand that there are important distinctions between the typical responses to each of them- we are all affected the way we are for a reason, and we will all recover differently

[lunarwildrose]

So, health updates:

I had my MRI on October 18th, it was the wrong scan, so I had to redo it on the 21st. What's strange is the 1st scan showed something on my left hippocampus, so I wondered if it was possibly from epilepsy? Uncle Dave had looked up the possibilities, and said aside from stroke, all were treatable. Then stranger still, the second scan showed nothing was there!

The following week I hallucinated in distress that my SO Karasu had heart problems and told me he had a heart attack the past Thursday (the 19th) I would later learn the same night that my muse for Karasu, Atsushi Sakurai of BUCK-TICK, had passed away the SAME past Thursday of a brainstem hemorrhage … which stunned me when I realised later that could've been me, if the strange abnormality on my left hippocampus had been dangerous. I'm saddened to lose a role model, but somehow more grateful to be alive.

I went to my IOP intake yesterday. I was early, thus was seen by another than the person I was supposed to. The lady who did my intake was gracious enough to help me get a refill with a psychiatrist there who came in, and evaluated me which will be continued on Monday when I start groups (3 groups a day x 3 a week).I have to squeeze in seeing my social worker each week, so I will be busy going out four times a week … and hopefully start back at church on Sundays, and one of their life groups during the week as well. That will all be new for me, as I rarely go out by myself.

The lady who did my intake also let me have some of the chocolate in her heart shaped glass bowl, and let me take photographs through the window of the bird sculptures and gnomes. She related to my daydreaming saying she believes everyone has done this at some point in their life.

Other things I liked: the plants in the waiting room, the painting on the wall, the desk lady's grandchild's drawing of a cat, and the fake tattoo of a glittery pizza on my psychiatrist's arm she said her toddler stuck on her the night before, hehe. :3

[crippledpunks]

my heart goes out to you if you're a disabled person who has a complicated or negative relationship with sleep. if you need to sleep a lot but can't due to life circumstances, or sleeping extra causing other symptoms to flare up. if you can't sleep enough due to pain, or nightmares, or psychosis, or bipolar, or depression. if you sleep way too much and find it hard to stay awake. if you can't fall or stay asleep. if you need medication in order to be able to sleep. if you don't feel rested from sleep. if you wake up a lot in the night. if you have bladder or bowel accidents while asleep. if you twitch or convulse or move too or get injured in your sleep. if you can't control your sleep schedule no matter what. if you can't sleep during "normal" sleeping hours. if you can't sleep for 8+ hours straight but can sleep for shorter amounts of time. if sleep is what you need but for one reason or another you just can't or refuse to do it.

i care about you. your disabilities deserve to be seen and acknowledged

[chronic-lesbianism]

you are not a bad person because of your memory loss. you are not less intelligent because of your memory loss. you are not less caring because of your memory loss.

memory loss isn’t your fault and you don’t deserve to feel ashamed.

[mothcain]

Nah but let’s talk abt how ppl use disability terms/harmful stereotypes/ derogatory words so casually this disabled pride month (tw ableism below)

The new terms are “sch*zoposting” and “delulu” but shit like this has been around for years and it’s so incredibly frustrating.

Another example is those TikTok POVS about “the weird kid in class” but they are all stereotypes of autistic ppl.

Or the misuse of the word triggered, the misuse of the word OCD, the misuse of gaslighting, of cr*pple, “are you deaf?” “Are you blind?” “Hellen Keller isn’t real.” I could go on and on but I will simply say this.

Disabled people are real people with feelings, emotions and lives. We deserve to use the terms that we need to COMFORTABLY. We deserve to exist without people taking the language used in the context of ourselves and putting it in a negative light.

We deserve to exist.

We deserve happiness.

Check in on your disabled friends.

Don’t assume things about people you don’t know.

[uncanny-tranny]

I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.

It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.

[annasellheim]

next part

[psychiatricwarfare]

crazy how every mentally ill/disabled person i know, knows more about psychology than most psychologists i know

absolutely wild how every physically disabled person i know, knows more about them than almost every professional i know

its almost like they should listen to us or something

[seppukart]

Me: I don't like when evil characters in movies redeem themselves by losing an arm, becoming paralithic or disabled in general. Disabilities are not a punishment: anyone, good, bad or anything in between can have them. They are just like any other trait. Stop treating them any different

Also me, explaining my disability: I'm Cursed

[snurtle]

I've been thinking about the templars lately. they were promised honor, virtue, told that they would be charged with protection of the innocent... And then those same people are systemically exploited and abused, abuse others because they're taught to regard everyone else as either sheep who need to be lead or potential threats. Never equals, except in their brothers/sisters-in-arms. They act as the guard-dogs and military arm of an entirely different organization that they're only a functionary member of but have no governing say in. Even the chantry aren't their equals- they function as the templar order's supervisors! And all this isolation and closing of ranks ends in disability, addiction, death, and abandonment by the system they spent their bodies in service of.

To top that off, retaliations against them just confirm the paranoia they were taught to embrace. It's probably a long hard road to get out of that hole.

Like, listen. the dichotomy of mage vs templars is a satisfying and easy one, but the system is tearing them apart too. have you ever heard of a retired templar?

at the end of it, mages and templars need to unite against the real threat. the chantry.

[imtheecrybaby27]

Yallllllllll

Its convention season and I’m STRUGGLING

So I’m in the process of getting disability and I had to quit my job because my chronic pain just couldn’t handle the type of work even though I loved it; my spine said “no”

Anyway, my beanies are my biggest seller at conventions but I currently do not have the money to restock.

I have like ten left of this design:

And I think if I sell out I can afford to restock all 4 of my designs

Here’s a few more of my popular designs that I know my girls, gays, theys, and disabled people will love.

I really need some support here because I love my art and the community I’ve built around it. So if you can’t afford to shop that’s okay. I’d really appreciate a reblog and I’d love to shitpost with you in my discord server.

[monachopsis-11]

[lunarwildrose]

Merci Micky @octobernocturne for bringing me to my new neurology appointment. Dude had two medical students there; I gave consent, as I'm used to being studied by med students.

I have PNES, psychogenic non-epileptic seizures. Basically ...

"Psychogenic nonepileptic seizure (PNES) involves attacks that resemble epilepsy-related seizures in symptoms and signs, but abnormal electrical activity in your brain doesn’t cause them. Instead, the seizures are a physical reaction to underlying psychological distress.

The psychiatric diagnosis for PNES is conversion disorder, as a mental stress is being converted into a physical symptom. Conversion disorder is also known as functional neurological symptom disorder. Many people with PNES have experienced trauma.

People who have PNES aren’t faking the seizures. They have no conscious or voluntary control over them."

So ... just ... learn more coping skills, become comfortable with emotions, my body, talk therapy, heal from trauma, etc ... what I've been doing ... and ... if I still have seizures in six months when I see the neurologist again, I'll start a new specialized therapy for PNES. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[littlecrittereli]

I don't usually post my sketches but I really like how this one turned out.

What's the point of angst without some good aftermath healing?

[crippledpunks]

shoutout to disabled people who are too sick to take care of their teeth. here's to you if you have to get frequent fillings, root canals, teeth extracted, implants, or dentures because taking care of your teeth is to difficult or impossible with your disabilities. here's to you if you forget to brush, can't afford tooth brushes, toothpaste, mouth wash, etc., if you are or have been homeless and struggled to access dental care, if you're too poor or don't have insurance to see the dentist, if you dissociate, if you are psychotic and don't trust dentists, if your chronic fatigue prevents you from daily maintenance, or whatever it is that holds you back, shoutout to you.

dental care is a nightmare to keep up with given the amount of sugars, acids and harmful additives that are put into just about everything in our modern diet. many of the sugars and acids alone damage our teeth in substantial ways that are difficult to keep up with even if you are abled, let alone the cost, time and transportation it takes to get access to dentistry. if you have to get teeth extracted or replaced, you are not failing. that is also part of your care. you are still doing your best.

[chronicallyuniconic]

"You were fine as a child/teen"-Was I though?

I've been told countless times that it's unfathomable, that it doesn't make sense, that I am chronically ill now, because I was "healthy" growing up, I was "active" and "normal."

"you were fine" they say

Frustratingly, they are wrong. I was not "fine" and I masked my symptoms heavily. In a lot of cases I didn't know that what I was going through was abnormal.

I remember the many times a year (every month/every other month) I was ill with cold & flu, tonsillitis, chickenpox, rashes, broken bones, sprains, stomach problems, pain and exhaustion.

I remember the 2 years in my teens where I had chronic knee and leg pain that was blamed on growing pains. It affected me so much my attendance in school dropped to 62% & irritated my mum so much that I failed to continue finding medical care for it and "carried on" as if I was fine.

Growing up, being ill was a burden, almost not allowed. If you were ill, you were an annoyance, a nuisance, forced to get on with it. It irritated the people around you, if you were ill with a n y t h i n g in my childhood home.

I remember throughout my whole childhood that at least one week out of the month, I'd get so exhausted I would come home from school and go straight to sleep until shouted down for dinner and I'd go back to bed.

Many times I remember coming home from school and college absolutely depleted of everything and faceplanting on my bed for 2 to 3 hours.

I remember how much I wanted to be involved in some activities but didn't have the energy and was accused of being lazy, anti social or ungrateful of opportunities.

I remember being hospitalised with chronic stomach pains, they suspected appendicitis, but when they could find nothing I was released home with nothing further done for another 15 years. I was accused of attention seeking or just wanting to skip out school.

I remember being unable to tell anybody how I felt whether it was physical or mental. When I did reach out I was told I'm too soft, I'm being dramatic, I'm just making it all up. When I did say "I'm in pain" I was told its not that bad, I'm not dying and that I "won't get any sympathy" from them.

When I went to University & got freshers flu, I was bed-bound for 9 weeks but told it was depression.

Eventually, I couldn't carry on from all the above. Now I'm bed-bound/housebound for life.

Please, tell me again, that I was "fine"