#dude where is the gay sex let me see the gay sex

[doberbutts]

This is such a weird take I keep seeing echo'd.

"Where are the trans women" I mean this is an attempt by trans *mascs* to band together and form a community to discuss theory and uplift each other? In a space that centers trans mascs it should be expected that trans mascs are the majority? That's not insidious that's literally just how demographics work? A space that centers trans fems should equally be dominated by, you guessed it, trans fems.

Not to mention there *are* trans women joining in our discussions, they just usually prefer to let trans men have the floor when discussing issues specifically pertaining to trans men? That's just polite? The people actually affected by a specific problem should be the ones to talk about it?

Cripplepunk to my knowledge was started by a trans masc. I say to my knowledge because despite being a physically disabled trans guy myself, I am neither part of that community nor do I really have much interaction with it. It makes sense to me that a community and movement started by a trans masc is mostly made up of trans mascs. Saying "well there aren't many trans women in this movement despite disabled trans women existing" is sort of silly, because there are communities and movements created by trans women which include very few trans men as well.

Like. You might as well say "why aren't there any lesbians at this gay nudist retreat in the woods" I'm pretty sure you've answered your own question there! It's probably because the majority of lesbians aren't interested in this space that centers constantly naked dudes having anal sex next to the poison ivy! If they want to come along and bring a friend to have their own fun with that's fine but then they have to be really okay with looking at a bunch of naked guys having public sex all the time. There's probably not going to be a lot of provisions made specifically for them and any discussion might be regarding topics they don't know much about or have much interest in. The ones that do show up are probably either really fucking chill about it or some part of the goings-on really resonates with them. There you go.

[hope-you-brought-kneepads-bitch]

Lessons in love

Chapter 1: A new professor

Summary: You’re a new professor at Avengers U and one of the first students you meet is Wanda maximoff, when you make her stay behind your class due to her friends childishness you find out she might be more than you thought, Wanda on the other hand is a huge gay mess and can’t deal with anything you do

Paring: Professor!Y/n x college!Wanda maximoff

Warnings: 18+ only Minors DNI lots of innuendos, swearing and Nat being really annoying to Wanda (let me know if I’ve missed any)

A/n: I’ve watched Bloomington again but I’ve not followed the plot for this story but it’s inspired by it, but there will be a happy ending because I can’t end things in sadness

Wanda wasn’t in the mood, she didn’t want to be in class today and didn’t know why she was here, they were getting a new professor this year, what a waste of time, you had the same teacher for the 4 years you were here and now you’ve got someone new? Ridiculous!

“Oh sorry!” Wanda wasn’t looking where she was going and bumped into a hard body nearly knocking both her and the person over, Wanda gathered herself and looked up at the person and stood stunned “woah” she blushed and you laughed “are you okay honey? You seemed to be in quite a rush”

Wanda tore her eyes away from you and dusted herself free of the imaginary dust she had gathered “sorry sorry I’m just nearly late for class and apparently we’re getting a new teacher who’s strict on time so that means she’ll probably be a bitch and I don’t have time today”

She let out a big sigh and finally looked back up to you and you had a smile on your face “a bitch huh? Interesting, I’m pretty sure it’s just called good manners if you’re on time and ready”

She shrugged “sure and I get that but still it’s annoying when they’re like that”

You laughed “yeah I get it, I had a teacher when I was younger who was a bitch, she was hot though so I made sure I was on time, most of the time anyway, she’d keep me back after lessons and gave me a stern talking too” you winked and Wanda’s heart did a flip, why was this happening

“Oh yeah I guess but those things only happen in weird porn films and fan fictions”

You chuckled “sure, but I think the world of fantasy and fan fiction is so much better than the real world, anyway go on to your class, I hope the teacher isn’t a bitch like you say”

Wanda agreed “yeah me too, okay thanks I’ll maybe see you again”

“I think it’ll be sooner than you think”

Wanda shook her head, “unless you follow me, I don’t think I will” she laughed moving past you towards her classroom, what a coincidence, that’s where you were heading for too.

**************************************************

Wanda’s mouth hung open as the door opened and you stepped through walking to the desk and writing your name on the board behind you

“Oh my fucking god” Wanda whispered and her best friend Nat perked up from her half boredom nap “what’s up Maximoff?” She looked at you then back at Wanda and smiled wide “you like the teacher? Dude she’s old enough to be your mom”

Wanda slapped Nat on the arm “shut up Nat no she’s the woman I saw outside and told her I thought the new teacher would be a bitch, god she’s going to hate me”

Nat watched your eyes search for something and land on the distressed Wanda, you smiled and turned back to the board writing the objective down and introducing yourself and talking about what everyone would be doing today

“Wands I don’t think she’s mad at you, she’s just searched for you and smiled when she found you, you’re so going to have sex with a teacher this year and I’ve never been more proud” she wrapped Wanda into a bear hug and squeezed her hard, when she finally pulled away Wanda looked to the front seeing you sorting some papers out, you were very pretty, she thought

“Are you thinking about it?” Nat giggled and Wanda swatted her away “no, no I’m thinking about the clearly illegal age gap”

Nat scoffed “oh come off it, you’re 22 and she looks about 30 something, it’s not illegal wands”

Wanda shrugged “still feels wrong though”

“Okay sure Wanda” Nat ripped up some of the paper from her notebook, scrunched it up and threw it at your head as you turned to the board forcing you to turn around quickly “and who threw that? I didn’t know I was in a class with children”

Nat put her hand up and pointed to Wanda “it was Wanda professor, she said you looked like a bit- “Nat!!”

Wanda tried but you interjected “okay! Natalia thank you for being honest and Wanda please see me after class to talk about your behaviour” you turned back around to the board and Wanda glared at Nat with fury in her eyes

“I’m going to murder you in your sleep” she whispered and Nat just laughed “you won’t be able to kill me when your face deep in the professor”

“You’re disgusting” Wanda rolled her eyes and tried to focus on the lesson, why were you so attractive Jesus Christ, she couldn’t focus, god this was going to be long year.

*****************************************************

“Miss Maximoff don’t forget to stay behind” your voice echoed in the room and Wanda sat back down in her chair flipping Nat off as she left, the whole lesson Wanda felt like she couldn’t breathe, whenever you glanced to her her breath hitched again and her face turned the same colour as her hair.

When the room emptied and all that remained were you and Wanda, Wanda started feeling sick, what was gonna happen, she couldn’t believe it she’d definitely kill Nat later

“Wanda come to the desk please I can’t talk to you if you’re sat far away from me” your voice was stern like a police officer and Wanda just wanted to run away but she dragged herself to your desk

“So, what a start to lesson hmm? First you crashed into me in the hallway, indirectly call me a bitch and now you’ve thrown paper at me why? Because you wanted too?”

Wanda shook her head “no no no I didn’t throw the paper my friend Nat did then blamed it on me because she wanted me to stay behind!”

You quirked an eyebrow in question and Wanda blushed a deep red again at her outburst, but that didn’t bother you, students would yell at you all the time, it was comical sometimes “and why did she want you to stay back?”

Wanda stepped from foot to foot keeping her face towards the floor “Idunno”

She didn’t notice you step up and round the desk coming to stand in front of her, that was until your fingers held under her chin lifting her face up to look you in the eye “I want to be looked at when being spoken too Wanda now, tell me exactly why Natalia wanted you to stay behind”

Wanda couldn’t move, or maybe she didn’t want to move, maybe she wanted you to caress her whole face they way you were rubbing her chin in a soothing way forever, wait were you moving closer? Oh god your breath was on her cheek

“I’m waiting darling” your voice broke Wanda out of her small trance “o-oh er yeah she thinks you like me and was searching for me in class so then me staying behind means it would be a good thing….”

“Do you think I like you?” You whispered and Wanda’s breath hitched “erm”

“Actually don’t tell me, I already know the answer but I won’t push you, be a good girl and go to your next class okay?”

You let go of her chin and Wanda left the room faster than she wanted to admit and it made you smile “she’s adorable”

********************************************************

“Nat!” Wanda burst into her and Nat’s shared accommodation not noticing the scrunchie on the door so you were met with Maria hill straddling her friends waist both without shirts or bras on but to be fair she didn’t care at this point she just needed to tell Nat what happened

“Wanda! There’s a scrunchie on the door you know the rules!” Nat scrambled to get Maria and herself covered with some blankets

Wanda realised it was Maria and momentarily forgot about the intimate interaction between herself and you

“Wait Maria? I’ve seen you slap Nat a few times whenever she tried flirting with you what’s going on?”

The flustered woman held the blanket close to her chest “well Wanda that’s what happens when you get worn down and have sex at a house party, turns out Nat is good enough with her tongue to keep her around”

Nat had that stupid smug look on her face that Maria wanted to smack off of her “don’t be so smug Nat, when someone better comes along I’ll move on”

Nat faked gasped “oh nooo I’m devastated”

“Whatever, anyway Wanda don’t you have another class now?”

Wanda nodded “yeah but I couldn’t go I’m too stressed and upset and I need help!”

She slumped down onto her bed and Nat quickly jumped to her side, with a hoodie thrown to her by Maria

“Tell us red, tell your parents what happened” she rubbed Wanda’s shoulders in comfort and winked at Maria who just scoffed “I’m not anyone’s daddy thanks”

Nat stopped comforting Wanda for a second “woah woah, why would you be the daddy? Why aren’t I daddy?”

“Because you’re on your knees for me more than you are in classes so that makes me a daddy”

Nat blushed hard “hey but-

“Guys! Please I need to tell your guys what happened before I combust!”

Nat and Maria’s attention quickly went back to Wanda “okay sweetheart tell us, what happened with the new teacher”

Wanda nodded “okay, well I stayed behind and she made go to her desk to be close to her so she could talk to me and then I told her it was Nat being a bitch and wanting me to stay behind because you thought she liked me and then she held me chin and forced my head up to look at her while we talked because she said she didn’t like it when people didn’t look at her when talking then she got so close I could feel her breath on my face and then she asked if I liked her then she said she already knew the answer and sent me off to my lesson but I came straight here”

The two girls were silent, extremely unsure of what to say and Wanda got nervous “Nat? Nat say something please it’s your fault I’m in this mess”

Nat shrugged “Wands, she likes you! You’re so in, unless you felt uncomfortable because obviously that’s not good, did you feel uncomfortable? I wouldn’t but I know what you’re like”

Wanda didn’t answer, was she uncomfortable? No she didn’t think so

Maria came to sit on the opposite side of Wanda now wearing a hoodie too “how do you feel Wanda, like truly feel? If she did make you uncomfortable you could go to the dean and tell him about it, innocent flirting and such is fine but if it’s truly upsetting you-

Wanda shook her head “no no I’m not uncomfortable I’m just confused and stressed because what if she’s just being really really nice? Teachers are like that and then students get in trouble for it because we misread situations”

The three girls sat in silence for a while letting everything soak in, the silence was broken when Nat got a text message from the sorority she was in “hey Wanda we’re having a party tonight, maybe it’ll get your mind off professor hot for a while”

Wanda groaned laying back on her bed “I’m not big on partying you know that”

“Yeah but I think you need it tonight, plus no classes tomorrow it’s Saturday so it’s perfect!”

Wanda knew Nat wouldn’t let up and she didn’t mike letting her best friend down “alright fine”

Nat squealed in excitement “yay! I can’t wait to get you absolutely shitfaced drunk”

Maria rolled her eyes “I can’t believe I’m sleeping with you”

Nat shrugged “At least I’m in a sorority so I’m sorta popular”

“Thank god”

******************************************************

“There’s a sorority party tonight, perfect for a new professor to get to know everyone” Tony stark had taken you under his wing, in fact he insisted on it, you had no choice but he seemed alright and his wife was fun too so that was okay

“A party at a sorority? I’m not a spring chicken anymore Stark I can’t be seen hanging around students” you laughed but the man scoffed

“Let me tell you Y/n these guys don’t care if teachers go or not, me and pepper go every few months just to show our faces, plus pepper is amazing at beer pong, it’s a little hot actually”

Pepper slapped Tony on his shoulder to stop him talking “calm down cowboy don’t scare her off yet, but he is right, going to the party could be good, plus maybe you’ll have some fun with someone” Pepper winked

“Wouldn’t that be inappropriate Mrs stark?” You smirked and the woman just laughed “not at this party, there’s a few older sorority members that go, so you may have a chance”

Pepper offered you some chocolate which you took “actually there is someone I want to ask you about”

Tony’s ears pricked up and he slid into the chair next to you “oh? Please tell me everything, your first day and something’s already happened”

You waved him off “nothing big just, what is Wanda maximoff like in lessons? Is she shy?”

Pepper smiled “Wanda is a brilliant student, I think she’ll really excel, she is a little quiet though and it’s a shame because I think she has valid questions but she’ll only ask them after class or if her friend Nat asks for her, it’s her last year this year so maybe she’ll surprise us”

“She likes being involved in my practical experiments only because I’m so flamboyant so she doesn’t have much attention on her, why do you ask? Was she bad in your lesson? That would be exciting”

You shook your head “she wasn’t bad, Nat got her in trouble and I made her stay behind and we talked for a bit”

Pepper sensed you wanted to say more “go on Y/n”

“I know she likes me and it was adorable how she was so flustered about it”

Tony jumped up from his chair and high fived his wife “I knew Wanda was gay! You owe me $50”

Pepper shoved her husband and you both laughed when he fell over “don’t start Tony it was a silly bet I’m not paying anything to you”

“Wait you guys have bets on a student’s sexuality?”

“Doesn’t matter anyway you’re going to that party tonight and we’ll come with you, pack your party clothes”

Tony jumped up from the floor and dusted himself off “we’re going partying? Hell yeah I can bust out some dance moves tonight”

Pepper kissed him on the cheek and looked at him lovingly “if you dance at any point during the night I will divorce you and go and sleep with dean Coulson”

Tony was taken aback “oh, no dancing then got it”

“You guys are wild”

******************************************************

Taglist: @mathxa

Let me know if you want to be tagged

[cryingat300kph]

Pretty Thing

Pairing: Sebastian Vettel x Boytoy!Mechanic!Reader

(Bad) Summary: When Ferrari gets a new pretty boy for a mechanic a certain 4x world champion takes notice.

Rating: M Warning(s): Mentions of sex, but no actual sex. Cursing. Use of Y/N. Allusion to homophobia in sports. F slur (but in a self-descriptive and reclaimed way) -Not Proofread-

Length: 1.4K Words

A/N: This is Seb in his chaotic flirt Ferrari era, like 1st/2nd year at Ferrari vibes. Also the ending is kinda cut off because I lost steam, but wanted to put something out. Let me know if ya’ll want this continued, I have ideas ;) <3

“Lewis look, that’s who I was talking about.” Seb says poking Lewis’s arm gesturing towards the bar. “Him?!” Lewis asks turning back to Seb. “Yeah.” Seb suppresses the urge to add Isn’t he pretty? “Damn I'm surprised they would hire a mechanic so-“ “so gay?” Sebastian supplies. “Heh-Yeah.” “Well he usually doesn’t look like that.” Seb says again gesturing towards the man.

The “that” Seb is referring to is the absolute twink uniform you are wearing. You might as well be wearing a flashing sign reading “I like dick! ;)” And Sebastian thinks you look completely and utterly delectable; more than usual.

He’d had his eyes on you since you joined the team at the top of the year. At first he noticed you because were young for someone not on the PR team, and far too handsome to not be in a more front-facing role. He was glad he was known to make sure to get to know all new members of the Ferrari family, because it meant he could satisfy this curiosity; finding out you had climbed the ladder at the factory quickly and had always wanted nothing more than to be in the garage track-side.

His interest in you only grew as he got to know you better. He knew obviously that as a mechanic you weren’t just a pretty face, but he soon found out you weren’t just either of those things. But someone who was extremely funny, kind and just as much of a nerd about racing as he was.

And so, a friendship slightly-beyond coworkers started to form. Now, at halfway through the season you two could be called proper friends, but your friendship is still very tied to work. Either way, you feel comfortable around Seb, comfortable enough to speak freely of your interests and life outside of racing. However, one thing he doesn’t know about you was that you don’t mind sharing a bed with a man.

Its hard being queer in formula one. It’s 2015 and huge strides have been made, but motorsports lags behind. Especially as someone who is involved in a more “masculine” job at Ferrari you keeps your more flamboyant tendencies under wraps. European ideas of masculinity help a lot, but it’s still a bit lonely, stressful and draining, to be closeted.

Hence why you’re here.

It had been a stressful race weekend, but Seb ultimately got podium and everyone was rightfully really happy and the team planned to go for drinks with the winning Mercedes team.

Seb had protested a bit when you said you thought you’d sit this one out. “I would, trust me, but I’ve had this headache all day and I doubt a hangover will make it any better.” You lied. He had seemed to come back to himself, like his earlier protest was a slip. Laughing it off. “You’re right, go, rest. We need your brain intact!”

You had chuckled at that saying bye to him and driving back to the hotel to get changed before heading out for your real plans. You felt bad lying to Seb but after this weekend a guy needed some attention damn it! But most importantly you wanted to dress how you want and exist how you want for once even just for a couple of hours.

---

Without you at the party Sebastian is more melancholy than usual. He's cursing himself for crushing like a teenager, but without you there he’s lost interest. “Dude is this about the guy you told me about.” Lewis asks seeing Seb is obviously down about something. “what? no- it” “Where is he? Go talk to him!" “He’s not here, had a headache so he stayed back.” “Well you don’t seem to be having fun so go after him, just ask to hang out.” “But the team, i should-.” “Kimi is enough of a party for the team, he’d probably enjoy the company.” Lewis nudges him. “You know why I can’t Lewis.” Seb says seriously. “Yeah.” Lewis agrees and they’re silent for a bit before he speaks up again, mischief in his voice. “But maybe we could find some other entertainment for the night. To quell the ache?” “What are you suggesting?” Seb asks suspicious. “There’s a bar a couple blocks from here. Heard its a discreet spot, good for cruising.” He says like he’s stating the weather and not suggesting the two biggest F1 drivers at the moment go cruising for gay sex.“What if someone sees us.” “we’re in America, no one knows who we are.” And Seb is just tipsy enough, and yearning to fuck a stranger and imagine it’s you, so he agrees.

“Let’s do it!”

---

And so, Sebastian now finds himself at a loss for words, staring at you. At you, sipping a cocktail, half sitting on a bar stool, your back slightly arched. Honestly the picture is so inviting. Lewis is just looking at him with a smirk.

Sebastian sees that a couple men obviously have their eyes on you too. He watches as the bartender hands you a drink gesturing to one of the said men. You look over and the man starts to get up. Seb feels his fists tighten, but he relaxes when you hand the drink back to the bartender looking at the man apologetically. He’s glad the man gets the idea and sits back down, Seb doesn’t want to think what he would have done if the man had persisted.

Wait, so maybe you’re just out for a nice night alone, he doesn’t want to disturb that. But dressed like that? He’s having a hard time resisting.

“Lewis what do I do?” He asks. “The flirt is asking me?“ Lewis scoffs, but when Seb just looks at him annoyed, he Chuckles; he’s never seen the confident man so nervous before. “Just, go get him tiger.”

He knows it’s now or never, so Sebastian goes to the opposite end of the bar and tells the bartender to get you a drink.

-- The bartender hands you another drink. It’s top shelf which catches your eye. A couple men have bought you shots and stuff throughout the night but so far when the bartender pointed to who they all weren’t your type. Or they quickly stopped being your type the moment they opened their mouths.

When you ask who, this time, the bartender cocks his head to the end of the bar. You look over and it’s Sebastian! Your eyes go wide, unsure of what to do. What is he doing here?! Here, where you are looking like a complete faggot and nothing like you do at work. But he’s your friend right, he would’ve found out eventually and he just bought you a drink?

You tamp down the flicker of hope that tries to spark. So you just smile and raise the drink to him raising your eyebrows. It’s friendly coworker shit right? He’s just being nice. Your brain is forced to stop working overtime when he approaches you and starts speaking.

“I could barely recognize you y/n!” He says smiling and friendly, but with a hint of something? And he is blatantly looking you up and down. Tongue between his teeth. Oh. You can’t help lighting up despite being nervous. “Well let’s just say the Ferrari uniform is not my personal style.” You joke. “This definitely suits you much better.” He blatantly flirts, which catches you bit off guard, but you try not to show it, excitement now replacing your nerves. “You think the boss will let me wear a crop top to work?” “Maybe I could ask him nicely.” Sebastian says and then leans closer.

“Having something so pretty in my garage can only bring me good luck right?” “Oh, I don’t think you need luck, Seb.” You laugh because now you are definitely blushing.

“Every driver needs luck.” He says low.

The way he's looking at you. It’s almost too much. It’s everything you’ve ever wanted. In the span of a few minutes you’ve basically come out to a coworker turned friend, but also discovered that apparently Sebastian Vettel, Ferrari driver, four time world champion also likes men. And now said Ferrari driver and friend is flirting with you.

You can't wait to see where the night goes.

[cornyonmains]

Something I keep getting stuck on in terms of themes in My Stand In is the concept of contrapasso. Contrapasso is a term that basically translates to "suffer the opposite". In The Divine Comedy, this is what's used to punish the souls of Hell. The sins that got them condemned in life, become a grotesque contrast used to torture them in death. Lust is the most obvious example. Souls condemned for this cardinal sin spend eternity buffeted by an endless storm, symbolic of the loss of reason and control lust causes.

A lot of Joe's Journey reminds me of The Divine Comedy. Like Dante, Joe begins his journey lost, having strayed off the path, which is represented by the cliff's edge. And like Dante, you even see his journey begin in Hell, as the show cleverly uses flashbacks to convey Joe was living this life that mirrored Hell's contrapasso punishments.

For example, Joe wanted to come home to a lit house, which he was given, but by a boyfriend that didn't want to look at him when they had sex.

It's not fair that Joe had to start there. It never was. And the injustice of it all came to a head when Joe stayed the fundamentally good and decent human being that he was right up until he flew off that bike. In my head canon, some bearded dude with a trident just yeeted his soul up to a cloud with him and was like, "Let's try this shit again," and just stuffed him into the first available gay who'd been in a toxic relationship he could find. I know that didn't take long to find, not that I'm speaking from experience or anything.

But my point is, with contrapasso in mind, you get why Joe got his second chance. Why he's being guided to Heaven this time. Dante's journey ended up with him meeting God, which is why I'm so interested in how episode 12 plays out.

In episode 11, no matter what Joe chooses, his journey ends in meeting God, be that one of his own choosing (Ming), or his literal maker. It's no coincidence that Joe's relationship with Ming, even when healthy, is one where he serves and defers to him. It's no coincidence Joe's love almost mirrors worship, of living a life of service. There's an almost divine quality to the way Joe loves, and the actor who plays him does a fantastic job conveying that warmth and comforting presence. The casting of this show was 10/10 I'm telling you.

I think this story is most likely to end with Joe choosing Ming as his paradise. As representative of the final leg of Dante's journey where he makes it past the kingdoms of the afterlife to meet God. With Joe saying God can wait, he's got better things to do. That would be metal as fuck.

[mochathelion]

hey goopers and gunkers, here is, drumroll please

All of them council quotes from my quotebook (ft markiplier)

"Your blood is worms" -slimecicle

"Eenie meenie miney fuck you" -gillion tidestrider

"This is not the becoming of a prince. This is the becoming of a monster" -shilo bathroy

"I have a lot of opinions, none of them matter" -chip

"You must have confidence in yourself peter. Only then will you slay pussy like you slay gods" -thanatos

"IM GONNA MIGHTY BLOW YOU" -slimecicle

"PRETZEL! JUST A FEW MORE FEET PRETZEL! ITS NOT EVEN A MULTIPLE OF FIVE PRETZELLLL!" -gillion tidestrider

"I've never met God, but when I do I'll break him." -William wisp

"Great rune of the unborn? What is that, like an abortion perk?" -slimecicle

"What if you were like oh let me just check if the floor is real and you kicked it one day and it just disappeared, you'd probably be like of fuck I shouldldnt have done that" -slimecicle

"What do you really want? And just say it so I can fight for it" -gillion tidestrider

"Welp, you know what they say! When life gives you wolves, kill them. Also what? " -slimecicle

"Oh my Lord I smell estrogen" -slimecicles chat

"I'm beans mother fucker" -slmccl

"I'VE MET WAR CRIMINALS MORE DELIGHTFULL THAN YOU" -bizlybebo

"Two Mommy?"-Gillion Tidestrider

"This Jesus guy seems really cool!"-Gillion

"I can't wait to k*ll myself!" -Jay Ferin

"That girl just bit me. and I think I was into it?"-Jay Ferin

"If you zoot one more time im gonna choke you."-Rumi

"…Zoot~"-Peter

"Yippe"-Dakota Cole

"I'm just gonna kms and its gonna be your fault!" -Bizly ooc

"Ahhghduhiejbagci wa"-Kian Stone

"Julian the groomer… has a nice ring to it" -julian

"Its.. sewer ravioli!"-Dakota

"i didn't really think destiny was a thing before i met you, you know everything i had in life was just kinda a shitty hand . i really think it was you that made me feel like we were right where we were supposed to be, you're my friend you know- id drown the world for you" -chip

"CPR THREE LETTERS, WHAT DO THEY MEAN? COMBAT. PATIENT. REPEATEDLY. KICK HIM THREE TIMES GET HIM BACK UP, HE'S GOOD. CURED. Think he had cancer, not anymore" -slimecicle

"That must have been a slant rime because she seemed pretty tilted" -slimecicle

"Be the beans you wish to see in the world" -slimecicle

"A vagina with fangs? Bitchin… What? It sounds stimulating" -grizzlyplays

"Even If it was all inevitable… I'm glad we were written into the same story" -Gillion Tidestrider

"Niklaus is making a deal with russian Goku rn"-Bizly i believe ooc if not Chip

"PRIME DEFENDERS AT THE CONSTITUTIONAL CONVENTION" -William Wisp

"Fuck my fucking gay ass life" -condifiction

"SKIBOMBAY" -gillion tidestrider

"I WAS DRINKING YOU PRICK" -bizly

"He looks like a stop sign and has an ass disorder Its not my fault" -William wisp

"Dude you've GOTTA get advantage on this, dude is built like an among us" -slimecicle

"Beans. Beans. I grow my own beans. They are local and they are green. If you taste them you won't be mean. Come on now and try some beans. If you mean business, then trust my bean business. Have a legume, it won't be your doom. Have a legume, you will enjoom. I see your attitude is kind of mean, but you know what cheers me up? My beans. I grow em in the garden, they don't grow far from my home. Beans. I'm in the BEAN ZONE." -slimecicle

"WHAT THE FUCK??!!! FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY'S?!??! AEEEEEE AEEEE AE AEEE" -slimecicle

"NO NO NO NO YOUR NOT REAL GO AWAY! AMOUNGUS????!! GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD" -slimecicle

"I am weaponless but not defenceless" -slimecicle

"Don't play the game, eat the dirt, win." -slimecicle

"FATHER, SON, HOLY TROUT COME ON GET US THE FUCK OUT" -gillion tidestrider

"I WILL ABSORB THIS DEMONNNN. IT IS MY MEALLL!" -dakota cole

"You underestimate the power of SEX" -slimecicle

"aHgiA- FORTNITE" -slimecicle

Demonic rambling -slimecicle

"People will say eating chicken nuggets is bad for you, YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS BAD FOR YOU? BEING A LITTLE BITCH. WHAT ARE YOU SPONSORED BY SALAD?" -grizzlyplays

"That's right I got two extra hearts and a wooden sword what the fuck are you going to do about it god" -charlie slimecicle

"I'm grabbing bed knife and I'm grabbing bed spear and I'm duel wielding that shit" -markiplier

[morningberriesao3]

MWMD - Wake Me Up

Steve Harrington X Virgin!Eddie Munson

Summary: Eddie's too sore to bathe himself. Good thing Steve has decided to be his caregiver.

Word Count: 2.8K

Chapter: 1 of 6 CHAPTER LIST

Content Warnings: Explicit m/m sexual content including… Virgin Eddie Munson, Dry Humping, Coming Untouched, Coming in Pants, Minor Crossdressing (ahem, EDDIE WEARS A G-STRING), Oh no they’re both tops?! what will they do!!?!, Top Steve Harrington, Power Bottom Eddie Munson, Blow Jobs, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Nipple Clamps, Under-Negotiated Kink, Unsafe Sex, Creampie. Underage Drinking and Recreational Drug Use.

Tags: Eddie Munson lives, 5 + 1 Things, slow burn, POV Eddie Munson, Gay Eddie Munson, Bisexual Steve Harrington, Slow Burn, Sexual Tension, Caretaking, Massages, Sharing a Bed, House Party, Play Flighting, Bros Being Bros (JK it’s very homoerotic), Halloween, Boys in Makeup, Independence Day, New Years Eve, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending

Many Ways, Many Days, to Say ‘I Love You’

March 31st, 1986

Eddie wakes up in the hospital. He hurts everywhere. His legs, his abdomen, his neck, his lungs. An ache so deep that when he first regains consciousness his first instinct is to moan in pain. Let a tear escape his eye, and another one, and another one.

His second instinct is to run.

Eddie’s eyes fly open and his pained moans turn into gasps of fear.

What happened to me?

Where am I?

Am I still there – in Hell?

But as his frantic eyes whip around the room – the white, clean room – he realizes that he’s not in that rancid place anymore. He’s no longer in the place that tried to kill him.

At least, not the one filled with real-life monsters.

This one is filled with people like Jason Carver and his cronies – ones wielded with metaphorical pitchforks and torches – ready to set his home ablaze and send Eddie to the other Hell – permanently.

Jokes on them because Eddie isn’t a satanist. He isn’t an anything. When he dies, it’s the cold, hard ground waiting for him. And that thought is almost as terrifying as eternal fire.

He’s not safe anywhere. And that makes him cry out once more.

“It’s okay. It’s okay, man. Hey – calm down.”

The voice comes from beside him. A voice he recognizes at Steve Harrington. The man he’s had a crush on since junior year. The man who’d barely spoken a word to him until recently and – somehow – has become someone Eddie considers a friend.

Fighting interdimensional monsters together has a way of bonding people, he supposes.

“Steve?” he asks, even though he knows, yes, Steve.

“Good morning,” Steve says, and Eddie turns himself towards his voice. Steve is sitting beside him on a beige plastic chair with thin metal legs. Despite his puffy, dark under-eyes and unkempt hair, he’s smiling. He’s handsome.

Eddie doubts Steve could ever not be handsome.

“What are you doing here?” Eddie asks, because it doesn’t make any sense to him. Waking up in a hospital and Steve Harrington being the first person he sees by his side? No way, man. Friends or not, Steve Harrington has better things to do. More important people to tend to. Eddie might be, like, twelfth on the list of important people to tend to, if he’s lucky.

Steve says, “I haven’t left your side since you got here, man,” like that’s the most normal sentence to ever leave his mouth. Tacks on, “I’m so glad you’re awake. I was worried sick,” for good measure.

“What the fuck?” Eddie huffs. Because what the fuck? What the fuck for so many reasons. He can’t wrap his head around any one of them. He doesn’t even try to.

“Dustin is gonna be so fucking happy, dude,” Steve gushes like they’re old pals. He squeezes Eddie’s hand, and that’s when Eddie notices that Harrington is holding his hand. One that is bound by handcuffs to the bedpost. Two more what the fucks to add to the pile.

Honestly, the handcuffs make more sense than the hand holding. He is still a wanted man, after all.

He and Steve talk for at least an hour that day. The next they talk for two. The next – Steve stays with Eddie from lunch until dinner. And so on and so forth until Steve makes a home at the hospital. Until he has as many things stored there as Eddie does – pyjamas and a toothbrush and Farrah Fawcett hairspray. The only time he leaves is for his shifts at Family Video and to sleep. Sometimes even then he slumps over in that plastic chair and nods off for a few hours before heading home to finish his rest in his own bed.

Five days after Eddie wakes up, a middle-aged man in a white coat walks in with two police officers. One of them is Jim Hopper – who as far as Eddie knows ‘died in a mall fire’ (was killed by evil Russians in a military base below that very mall), but here he is, living and breathing and removing the cuffs that bind Eddie to the bed.

“You’re a free man,” says the man in the white coat – Owens, he introduces himself as. “Jason Carver, who tragically died in the earthquake – was found guilty of the murders of Chrissy Cunningham, Patrick McKinney, and Fred Benson, and the attempted murder of Maxine Mayfield. There were several witnesses who contest to it, including Mayfield herself.”

Eddie cries tears of relief. He won’t be heading to prison when he’s healed. His name is cleared. He’s regular old Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson and can live his life in torment in his shitty, homey trailer.

Steve spends the day with Eddie, as always, while Owens makes him sign a stack of papers thicker than his dick is long. Which is, like, above average, but not ginormous. Steve tells Eddie about Hopper – how he’d been in a Russian prison all this time. That El – the little girl with the superpowers – has her dad back. Eddie can’t help but feel happiness even though he was never fond of Jim Hopper (after being escorted home one too many times in his cruiser) and even though he doesn’t personally know El.

It all relates back to that damn Upside Down bond.

Eddie leaves the hospital not even two weeks later.

He gets discharged early because he insists (begs) that he can take care of himself. But his sides burn when he stands, they ache in places so deep that Eddie thinks he might be missing the muscles that feel like they’re on fire. Still Steve drives him back to his trailer. Helps him slide himself onto his shitty mattress. Makes him a can of tomato soup and toasts him some bread and butter.

Eddie should have stayed at the hospital longer, he thinks, but he couldn’t fork the hospital bill.

That changes when Owens covers it and cuts Eddie a large cheque telling him to keep his fucking mouth shut. Not in so many words, but that was the gist.

Eddie gives half of it to Wayne, who asks a million and one questions about where all that money came from. Of course he can’t tell him the truth, so he blurts some bullshit lie about defamation of his name blah blah blah Jason Carver was rich so Eddie got paid by his family as a sorry for dragging him through Hell. It doesn’t seem like a great lie to Eddie, but Wayne nods his head and grumbles something akin to “whatever you say”. Wayne takes the money and puts it in a bank account. He goes back to work even though now he could afford to take a day or two off. Or a year or two. Or even retire.

Eddie also hoards his half. He knows what he’s going to spend his money on, and none of it belongs in Hawkins, Indiana.

He just needs to heal, and he’ll be out of there faster than a bat out of Hell. Or an Eddie out of the Upside Down.

When Eddie tells Steve that Wayne is back to working his nightshifts, it takes him about five seconds to make himself comfortable in Eddie’s trailer as his new roommate.

“No way are you gonna be alone, man,” Steve says, shucking off his shoes and opening the cupboard that he now knows contains the coffee. “What if your stitches pop? What if you fall? You need somebody around, Munson, and it’s going to be me.”

“Fuck off, Steve.” Eddie rolls his eyes. Mostly to hide how red his face is going from the thought of Steve Harrington staying in his home, using his shower, sleeping… where exactly? “I’m not some damsel in distress.”

But Eddie knows it’s a lost cause arguing because Steve is already hands on hips, eyebrows raised, shaking his head like a chastising mother.

“No? How long had it been since you last showered, dude?” Steve asks, trailing his eyes over Eddie’s body like he already knows his answer.

It’s not that Eddie hasn’t gotten under a stream of water, but he can’t move his arms enough to actually clean himself or wash his hair. He didn’t think it was that bad, but obviously he was wrong.

“I’m not sure I’m loving your tone, Harrington.” He pretends not to be as embarrassed as he feels. Out of anyone in the world to point out that he looks dirty, why does it have to be Steve?

“C’mon, man.” Steve grabs Eddie’s arm as gently as he can muster. He starts dragging him towards the bathroom in the trailer. The one that’s so small that barely one person can maneuver within its walls, let alone two.

“You trying to get me naked, Steve?” Eddie asks, heart in throat because he has a creeping suspicion that Steve is actually about to get him naked. He suddenly wishes it hasn’t been months since he last trimmed his pubes, because it’s already been a week since his last proper washing at the hospital. No, it couldn’t just be one or the other.

What a dumpster fire.

“You bet your ass,” says Steve, closing the door to the bathroom behind him even though it’s just him and Eddie inside the trailer. Out of habit, Eddie guesses. “You gonna strip for me, or do you want me to undress you?”

Eddie’s dick chubs up in his sweats.

The bad news is, he doesn’t have time to get it under control before Steve is stepping towards him to peel off his Iron Maiden t-shirt. In fact, it adds fuel to the fire, and Eddie’s dick is now almost at full attention.

There is no good news.

“Woah, woah, woah.” Eddie’s voice breaks through his protests and he barks out a nervous laugh. His hands fly down to cover his crotch because, fuck. How embarrassing. He doesn’t know if it’s worse that Steve got him hard or that he did it by one half-flirted sentence and barely touching the hem of his shirt.

Or maybe the worst part is that he just drew attention to his boner and Steve is looking down to his hands that can’t quite reach to cover it all.

“Calm down, dude,” Steve says nonchalantly. But even through his casual words, Eddie notices his cheeks flushing with his own embarrassment. And that makes Eddie wish he literally died in the Upside Down instead of having to be here, in this moment. “It’s, uh, all cool, right? It’s natural –”

“Jesus fuck,” Eddie cries. He covers his face with his hands, because at least he can pretend that hides all of him. “Please tell me you did not just say that.”

“I mean, I popped a boner one time when Mrs. Turner made me answer a question at the front of the class.”

“That’s literally nothing like this,” Eddie protests.

“That was in front of a teacher and the whole class, dude! How is this worse?”

“Because I’m not contained inside a pair of painted-on Levi’s, Harrington.”

“I won’t look,” Steve promises. It doesn’t make Eddie feel any better about his predicament, but all of the arguing has already made him start deflating.

Eddie focuses on his embarrassment, and the pain pulling at his stitches, and his sharp intake of breath as Steve helps him out of his shirt. He tells Steve he can get his own pants, and he only struggles a little to pull them over his hips and off of his ankles. Steve keeps his back turned as Eddie steps into the hot water.

He kind of wishes it was cold.

His dick is mostly soft when he tells Steve it’s okay to turn around. But still, he faces the shower wall. Steve doesn’t say anything before pressing the pads of his fingers into Eddie’s hair. The suds from the shampoo gathers around Eddie’s shoulders and fall to the floor of the tub.

He moans at the feeling (it’s so much fucking better than those stupid sponge baths at the hospital, okay?), and Steve’s fingers still for a second before starting up again.

For a while, Eddie thinks he’s going to make it through the whole shower experience without getting hard again. But of course when he turns around for the first time to face Steve, sees how his shirt is soaked from the water running down his arms, as Steve lathers a washcloth and starts rubbing down the unscarred portion Eddie’s chest, it happens again.

His traitorous cock fills and fills as Steve washes him.

“Sorry,” Eddie mumbles, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Eddie,” Steve says. “Seriously. It’s fine, dude.”

Still, Eddie feels he needs to justify himself.

“It’s just ‘cause it’s been so long since I’ve – you know.” Now that he thinks of it, he isn’t sure continuing down this path of conversation is a great idea. In fact, it’s not making the situation better at all, but it’s too late now. So he keeps babbling. “I mean, try going for this long without being able to touch your dick, man –”

“Eddie, I get it.”

“It’s like I’m constantly edging myself –”

“Eddie.”

“And a pair of warm hands all over my body is noooottt helping the situation –”

Steve fumbles with the bar of soap, dropping it on the floor of the small tub. Out of reflex, he bends forward to try to grab it as it skates around the slopes of porcelain beneath Eddie’s feet. Which brings his head dangerously close to Eddie’s crotch. So close, in fact, that he can feel the stands of Steve’s hair tickle his erection.

“Ah – fuck,” he says before he’s able to stop himself, because even if it hasn’t been weeks since he’s been able to get himself off, he’d never be able to stop himself from having a reaction to Steve touching him there. Even if it was purely by accident. Even if it was feather light.

“Sorry! Sorry, dude,” Steve pulls away, leaves the soap on the shower floor. He holds his hands in front of him like he’s saying, ‘I won’t touch you again,’ and, well, since Eddie’s already in such a demeaning situation and there’s no going back, he just can’t have that. Might as well prolong Steve’s fingers on him for as long as possible, right?

“Don’t – just –” he sighs. “Can we start over and pretend this isn’t as awkward as I’ve just made it, Harrington?”

Steve nods.

“Good. Good.” Eddie grins, pretending he’s a lot more comfortable with the situation than he really is. “Now suds me up, big boy.”

Steve continues to clean him. A lot more thoroughly than Eddie expects, swiping over his skin with sure movements and a confidence that Eddie has always lacked when it came to touching someone else. Not that he's done much of that.

Steve's fingers are deft. Warm. Smooth, unlike Eddie's own from years of playing guitar. They tease over his skin, tickling. And if they happen to graze his crotch once or twice, Eddie isn't going to be the one to say anything about it, and obviously Steve isn't, either.

Eventually the shower ends, Steve's hands leave Eddie's body, which he's really thankful for. Because he was nearing the point of no return for a while there. It's Hell - literal agony - to not be able to touch himself once he's shrouded in the darkness and comfort of his own room, a sleeping Steve only feet away on the living room couch. Despite the pain shooting in his abs, his arms, even his neck, he tries.

He tries, and he tries again until he gives up altogether, moaning a sound of discouragement to himself, bringing his hands up to his face to rub it. But even that hurts too much, so he lets them go limp next to his over-eager body.

It wouldn't have been all that bad to endure just the once, but it becomes somewhat of a routine. Steve insisting he bathe Eddie. Eddie allowing it, his body reacting to Steve's hands, wet and soapy, his face, serious and handsome and covered in stubble that he shaves in the evenings rather than the mornings. He always gets excited, and eventually he stops apologizing. Steve starts to expect it.

They continue like that for the following weeks - fueling Eddie with enough spank-bank material to last at least a year - as he slowly but surely, starts to heal.

NEXT CHAPTER

MASTERLIST

SOCIALS

[neonscandal]

Okay, if you were asked who are in JJK & BNHA that you can see based on canon that are gay/bi/pan/demi, which characters are they?

For me satoaugu and bakudeku are definitely not straight (yes, I ship them but I don't think they "must be into women only" like a post I just saw). Also, kaminari, jirou, toga, nobara, megumi, kenjaku....

Ah yes, a person with discerning tastes. ✨ While this feels like a sure fire way to get me into some hot water, let's dive right in.

✨🌈 Happy pride to the queer people in my phone 🌈✨

But especially these

Megumi "Only Interested in Compassion" Fushiguro - pansexual (very much choosing to overlook very subtle implications of siscon as a red herring to, of course, further contextualize ItaFushi). See also Gojo and the uncharacteristic Miwa agenda.

Satoru Gojo - Let's be so for real. Man is down astronomical for Suguru but I think there's still evidence/reason to believe he could be ace or demisexual. Can strength be conflated with love?

Kinji Hakari - waving the white flag on this one considering I'm 4 weeks behind and I don't know if there's been further clarification that might swing this verdict one way or another but support Hikari's love regardless of Kirara's gender expression/identity. Also, given current events, it'd be pretty weird if Gege slipped that in out of nowhere.

Kenjaku - 🗣️ IF GIVEN ENOUGH TIME, DO WE NOT ALL BECOME A LIL GAY!? I understand straight people probably don't have such realizations so I'm just going to sit with that reflection.

Nobara Kugisaki - be so for real. I think she had a misplaced crush in her idolization of Saori that made more sense when she left the bumble fuck countryside and could live her best life, out and proud with her muscle mommy girlfriend, Maki. Also explains, a bit, why Saori was ostracized where Nobara may have lacked understanding/context.

Maki - Plenty of gay icons without last names, queen. This one just happens to also be gay.

Eijirou Kirishima is almost so straight that he unintentionally makes a hard U-turn into flirting with queerness. His phrasing is baffling as he tends to pop up in those threads frequently with assumingly unintended innuendos but it is also reminiscent about how no one third wheels harder than a dude's girlfriend when he's with his best friend? I don't know if that makes sense but I'm throwing him in the mix as someone who maybe just needs some time ✨ regardless of the BakuDeku to KiriMina parallels.

Denki Kaminari - This kid has eyes and he uses them, gender be damned. A bi-disaster if I've ever seen one.

Minoru Mineta - IDK if his Deku confession was a translation faux pas or if Mineta, too, has fallen for the male lead's quintessential charm that wins over hearts and minds. While the Council on Bisexuality would fight me on this one... his membership is still pending.

Izuku Midoriya - I have it on good authority that Izuku is Bakusexual. Flustered by girls in the same way that any awkward and bullied kid might when encountering the opposite sex but his heart has always had its allegiance to one person. Whether that makes him gay, demi or even bi, I think it tracks.

Katsuki Bakugo - bi, pan or gay, the consensus is he is Not Straight.

Kyoka Jiro - in Smash, Jiro is a total fujoshi (she just like us fr). If you'll allow submitting MHA Smash into evidence, coupled with the canon main story, I say bi. A girl who knows Momo is stacked but also reasonably wants the attention and company of a Class 1A boy as a girl would at that age.

Himiko Toga - one thing about Toga. She is going to know and live her truth. Confidently bi ✨

Ochaco Uraraka - SPEAKING OF LIVING TRUTHS. She a little late but she has the right spirit.

Bonus, if including Kirishima didn't some how get me booed, I was going to add Yuta Okkotsu too but I thought better of it. 👉🏾👈🏾

[queermania]

Ok so I have a real question not trying to start discourse or any thing. If Dean knew how he felt about Cas slash knew he liked men why was he always so weird about gay people. I can see a reading where Dean knew how he felt about Cas but not one where he knew he was bi

this is totally a fair question and i don't think there's any one True reading or interpretation of the show/characters so it really just depends on what version of events resonates the most with you. the way the picture makes the most sense to me is that dean is a guy who was raised in the 80s-90s in a hyper-masculine environment with zero stability. i think all of those puzzle pieces slotted into place in his brain in a way that said "sex with men is okay, feelings are not." a furtive hookup with a dude in a seedy bar bathroom is fine. going on a date with a guy is prohibited.

and the thing is that this is kind of true for dean when it comes to women as well. a one night stand is a-okay. falling in love and settling down is not. so, you take that sort of mentality and then apply all the homophobia of growing up in the eighties and the nineties and a life lived out of a car bouncing between truck stops and, well, you get a dean who is absolutely flabbergasted when confronted with the fact that not only are you allowed to want something romantic with a man, you're allowed to say it out loud to other people. you're allowed to have it.

dean wasn't weird about gay people, necessarily. he was weird about people who were able to just be themselves. he didn't know that was an option. also, i don't know about y'all but as a queer person who doesn't necessarily read as queer at a glance, i too get Very Awkward when confronted with another queer person in the wild and it's not because i'm homophobic. it's because oh! new friend! must send telepathic signals that me queer too! my behavior around other queer people in queer spaces does not match my behavior around other queer people in random public spaces. i'm embarrassing and i see that part of myself in dean lol.

and dean being weird about other people making comments about his perceived queerness, to me, is a very normal reaction for a closeted person (or even someone who is selectively and/or quietly out). you can be perfectly at peace with who you are and still not want to be clocked. like???? homophobia is not a thing of the past. dean grew up during the AIDS crisis. he was, what? nineteen years old when matthew sheppard was killed? his reactions to people insinuating he might be anything even close to queer make perfect sense for someone his age, living the life that he did.

also, like, here's the thing: i realized i was queer when i was about eleven and i freaked out about it for about a day and then promptly suppressed the whole thing because of a deeply traumatizing childhood. being queer was the least of my worries and there was never any time to unpack it and deal with it so i just didn't. and then when i was about nineteen i started to have queer sexual/romantic relationships but continued to suppress the fact that EYE was in fact queer because, again, i didn't really have the space to unpack it. it wasn't until i was about twenty-three and surrounded by other queer people (in a platonic way) that i finally felt safe to fully admit to myself and to other people that i was in fact queer. and then i never really did a whole coming out thing. i just... lived my life openly as a queer person and let other people figure it out.

my point in all this is that i feel like my general experience/trajectory lines up really well with how i view dean's. he had a very traumatic upbringing so while he knew he was attracted to men, he had no time or space to deal with it. that didn't stop him from having sex with men, but he never really unpacked what it actually meant. it wasn't until he was older and had openly queer friends that he felt safe enough to fully acknowledge that part of himself. and then.. that was it. he just lived his life as a queer man. like, i feel like we actually watched that happen over the course of the show???

most importantly, i cannot handle any reading where everyone else knows dean is queer but dean does not know himself. i especially loathe the idea that sam Knows and has to explain dean's own sexuality to himself. that is so ugly. dean is a very self-aware person. you could even argue he is perhaps too self-aware at times.

anyway, this is all obviously just a watsonian explanation of dean's relationship to his queerness. it doesn't even touch on the doylist stuff but that's a whole can of worms i'm not really interested in opening on tumblr dot edu right now.

so, yeah. that's my personal reading.

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

hii. if you're taking requests, how about a whumper who really sucks at Actually Doing The Whumping. they have noo clue what theyre doing. maybe a big strong handsome man could help guide them. /silly.

thank yoouuu 👍

tw: mention of murder

because whumper’s cluelessness makes them unstable and unpredictable, they are actually more dangerous than those who do know what they’re doing.

does whumper suck at whumping? yes, but just because they’re clueless and a dork, doesn’t mean they can’t ever go “too far” whether or not it’s on purpose.

in the sense that whumper is like a child who has a toy, but doesn’t quite know how to play with it; and the thing about a Child With a Toy It Doesn’t Know How to Play With is that most of the times, the child ended up maiming that toy.

❝ Oops, I didn’t really mean for that girl to die. who would’ve thought that that would kill her? not me. but oh well. good thing there’re always more lovely whumpees to play with! 🤭🥰 ❞

then comes this guy who’s ridiculously hot and painfully annoying.

it irritates whumper because this dude sees the bloody mess whumper made and starts laughing.

❝ is this the best you can do? a plain old stabbing? how boring, ❞

whumper tries to stab him. but the next thing they know, they’re on the ground with the guy holding them down, keeping them still.

they hate that this guy sees them as a feisty cat rather than an actual threat. but he promises he will help them get better at killing and creating art out of the crime scenes.

so…

whumper agrees to let him help. not because he’s hot, of course not!!!!!

the guy teaches whumper everything, how to hold a knife, where to make the cut, and basically just how to haunt.

hot gay sex

they’re unstoppable.

[broken-glass-puppet]

Helloooooooooooo, how are you doing today? (Btw love your blog ^^ It's amazing!)

Saw that you write about South Park and just really wanted to request 👏👏👏

How about the main four with a taller male reader who looks intimidating (and attractive), but is actually nice? But tho he can fight and ain't afraid to throw hands. He is a sporty guy who is into boxing. He is affectionate and caring, and he has a grunge style. ^^ (romantic)

Hope It's not too much!  😭

OMG YES, also thanks for the compliments, i appreciate it a lot

Im to lazy to write about separate

Headcanons

Kenny: orange

Stan:blue

Kyle: green

Eric:red

The main four

(TW: violence, mentioned sex, blood, homophobia)

Let's say they didn't like you too much at first, I mean yeah you look fine and you turn Heads when you walk but you look like a bully

Well that changed when you were in class, at some point Stan was having problems understanding the work so you asked if you could help him out

"find the x? The fuck? Is right there" "hey dude, you need help ?" You said in a sweet tone of voice, leaning in to see his eyes "...y-yeah sure"

The mother fucker wouldn't stop thinking about you the rest of school

"what's your problem dude, are you gay or some shit?" "You are gay too, c'mon we all know how you check out his butt during PE" "THAT'S NOT FUCKING TRUE!"

Well the most normal two are Kyle and Stan, they do get nervous and all but hey you are nice

Cartman is well...

"i identify as a horse now guys" "wtf Cartman, that's not how it works" "yo guys what are you talking about?" "Cartman identify as a horse" "what?" "Stupid right" "then I just have something to say" you took a moment "yehaw!" Hehe joke

The three are like: 🧍‍♂️

And Cartman is like: 🚶

So yeah a lots of flirting, specially with Kenny

He's the most obvious, he doesn't even try to hide it

And damn you are muscular, no you don't look like a Jojo but you have abs, a little waist and strong arms

"why you as a man have such a little waist? For us men to grab? Are you gay?" "And you as a man why do you have a mouth? To suck dick? Whore" "ew guys, go to a motel or something "

And after some days you start to get a long with them very well

You help them out when they need and you hang out with them a lot but at some point they development a crush on you

Let's say, they fell first and you fell harder

And the moment you started dating them was funny

Some idiot was making fun of Kenny and he was like "okay idgaf"

But you where super angry

"hey, stop bullying my boyfriend or else" "ow what are you going to do huh? You are just a fag, I'm Soo scared" "oh you want to see?" "Of course" and the moment after the idiot in question fell onto the floor with a bloody nose and one his friends punch you in the face leaving you with wounds but you managed to beat him up "who's the next one" silent "i figured out, c'mon Kenny, let's go"

When you get to your home, Kenny called the others and they came super fast

"WHAT WHERE YOU THINKING" yelled Kyle while healing your wounds "i don't know they just...maked me fell angry...and they were insulting Kenny and..." "Y/n i don't give a shit about what were they saying" "i know but...i don't want nobody to hurt you, or you four for that matter" "you called me your boyfriend" "i did?" "Yeah, and I don't mind it, I'm okay but I'm going to be your boyfriend fr" "heh okay " "..." "We all can be boyfriends?" "I'm not gay" "you are" "just for y/n" "then we are boyfriends"

It's a strange relationship, nothing changed to much, you still have that relationship like bros but the physical touch increase a lot, holding hands with them or just little pecks on the check

Kenny is more flirty, grabbing your butt and saying that he didn't do anything or just shoving his head onto your chest and mumbling how he loves your man boobs

And we'll yeah, Cartman is less of a dick but he sure loves you in a strange way

And Stan and Kyle they love you so much

Kenny's parents hate you, they are super homophobic (i hate his parents omg) so when he introduced you to them, they yelled at him, you just looked at them with a death glear and walked away from them

Cuddles ALL.THE.TIME GOD

[sharpth1ng]

Okay random thought but if Billy and Tatum were okay with the idea of fucking Stu at the same time do you think they would? I bet Stuart thinks about it a lot(especially Tatum pegging and giving Billy head— sorry for being a freak)

UUh sorry let me just wipe the drool off my face, I'm normal. Everything is normal.

Stu definitely thinks about this a lot yeah, it's exactly what he's thinking about in chapter 8 when Billy and Tatum are ganging up on him for being "insensitive" about Maureen.

So like, Billy would never do this, even if I wasn't writing him gay I think any threesome would have to be with someone who hadn't already had a relationship with Stu, like it would have to be a stranger. I don't see Billy having fun if he's at all feeling insecure. Maybe when they're older and have been together longer.

But fuck it's a really hot idea.

If Billy was a more secure and less antisocial and closed off I could see him teaming up with her against Stu. I think Billy already finds it entertaining when she puts Stu in his place, and I think he'd enjoy seeing Stu overwhelmed in that way, getting used by both of them. Weirdly think this would be like one of those straight mmf threesomes where the two men don't have sex with each other and just both fuck the girl but in this case its Billy and Tatum not having sex with each other and just fucking Stu. At most anything they do together would be to mess with Stu, equivalent to two straight girls making out to excite a dude.

so yeah, tl;dr I think it's pretty ooc with the way I see the characters but god damn its a hot idea

[ughtyrell]

Felix learns Oliver sleeps with guys

Felix dealing with learning Oliver sleeps with boys and with the fact he's the only one surprised. Apparently everyone knew. Oliver dealing with the fact his bestfriend apparently didn't know he slept with boys and having to deal with that.

Imagine Oliver who when once after Felix ditched him to go get laid, gets approached by a dude bro and things lead to them messing around. This is when Oliver learns he likes to get straight boys to sleep or mess around with him because it's fun to see them panic when they realize they're not as straight as they like to claim. He starts to let other boys come to him after Felix has left for the night, because still his first priority is Felix and he's not going to play around with boys when Felix is right there to admire. Still he doesn't hide it but doesn't bring it up, if Felix knows then he knows and he should know because Oliver is getting a reputation.

He's the one to go to if you want to try a night with a boy who won't go blabbing around about it. And Oliver is fine with this because it means he gets more Oxford boys or random guys at parties that he gets to crush their heterosexual view of themselves. Another thing though, he won't go sleep around with someone twice unless they want to try a date. He only wants to mess with their minds and get the boys confused with themselves, not be used as a secret gay outlet, if they want more go to someone else or confront their own homosexuality.

That hasn't happened yet. Until it does and Oliver is surprised but intrigued enough to go. So when Felix texts him about going out one Friday night Oliver has to regretfully turn him down.

'Sorry Felix. Got a date tonight.'

'What? A date??? Olls!!!!'

'Yes. So I'll text you later. Sorry again invite me next time?'

'WAIT!!!! OLLS U CANT JUS SAY THAT N THEN NOT TELL ME WHOS THE LUCKY LADY IS!!!!'

'Hm. It's a lad from the last party. One finally decided to man up and I'm going to go see how it turns out.'

Felix is, flabbergasted. A lad? Since when was Ollie into lads and how is he so open with it? Why didn't he tell Felix before now? He takes a few minutes to reply.

'A lad?'

'Yeah.'

'Oh'

'Felix??? What's wrong???'

'Nothing

Just surprised is all

Didn't know you were into lads'

'You didn't know?'

Felix.

What do you mean you didn't know. '

'I mean!!! First time I'm hearing about this Olls!!!

Why didn't you tell me before!!!!

I'm hurt'

'Wait.

I'm sorry I thought you knew.

Do we need to talk about this?'

When Felix doesn't reply for a few minutes Oliver sends more texts.

'Okay.

I'm canceling the date.

Felix call me or something.'

'What?! Y cancel?'

'Because apparently my bestfriend didn't know I have interests in the same sex and I think I should talk to you about that before I start going on dates with other lads.

I didn't mean to just blindside you Felix.

I really thought you already knew.'

'Don't cancel.'

'Already did.

Can we talk? I'll come to your dorm.'

And he goes to Felix's dorm even after he doesn't get a reply. Felix at the same time is wondering what to say until he hears the knock, sits there panicking because his best mate who is apparently gay is at his door and wants to talk about it. He answers after the third time Ollie knocks start up.

Oliver waits to be invited in and when he isn't he asks if could come in and Felix sheepishly moves aside so Ollie could. Moving to the desk chair that Oliver isn't sure Felix even uses he sits and waits for Felix to move to the bed and get comfortable before getting into it.

"So. You didn't know I liked men?"

Don't know where to go from this or if I'll ever continue. But it's been sitting in my notes for a long while. Might post some more things from my notes that I have sitting around but they might be shite. Hence why they've been sitting in my notes LOL

[knchins]

Wrapped - Wakasa I. & Shinichiro S.

Summary:  Wakasa decides to give his best friend the thing he wants most for Christmas: a threesome with you.

Pairing: Wakasa x Reader x Shinichiro; Wakasa x Shinichiro

Reader Type: AFAB - they/them

Rating: E+

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: MAJOR MANGA SPOILERS for the final chapter, Cuckolding (sorta), Shin is a virgin, Waka is openly bisexual, some not-so-unrequited love, light shibari/bondage, this gets very gay very fast, anxiety mention, oral sex (M receiving), nipple play, vaginal sex, anal fingering, anal sex, condom usage, overstimulation, slight orgasm delay/denial, unsafe sex, cream pie, some light degradation, praise, aftercare

Notes: This was written for @dark-mnjiro for @mekiza 's kinkmas collab event! I was so excited to get Lee's name and I immediately knew what I wanted to write for them! I hope you enjoy it, wifey! <3

“Isn’t this all you’ve ever wanted?” Waka’s words floated through Shinichiro’s hazy memory. At the time he hadn’t known how to respond. He stood with his mouth agape, wondering if his best friend was being serious or if he was just being cruel. Would you do it? Would you really let him finally lose his virginity to the pussy he’d dreamt about for years now? 

Even after the timeline had been fixed, even after Takemichi managed to save everyone, Shin wondered if it were possible for the two of you could finally work things out. You seemed to always end up with Wakasa no matter what he did, no matter how hard he fought for you. Even now the two of you were inseparable so again was Wakasa being serious in his proposal? 

He was a clumsy, awkward twenty-year-old again. He’d crashed and burned many times in trying to pick up people, including yourself. He just didn’t have the charisma that his best friend had. He didn’t exude coolness or power or money. By all accounts, he was perfectly normal, especially now that he was no longer a time leaper. 

Currently, he was on the way to Wakasa’s place where you would hopefully be waiting for him. He wondered why his friend had suddenly decided to share. What was in it for him? Did he secretly like being cucked? Shin had never known Imaushi to be into that sort of thing, but he supposed there was a first time for everything. 

He pulled up to the apartment complex and parked his bike before going to the door. The smell of rain hung heavily in the air as thunder rumbled somewhere in the distance. He paused, listening to it before opening the door and walking inside. Waka didn’t care if he knocked or not, Shin knew he was always welcome. 

“Shin? We’re back here!” Wakasa called from the bedroom. He could tell his friend was excited by his tone of voice. While Waka typically kept a calm and cool demeanor, there were times when he’d let his feelings slip. Times like this when he was practically bouncing as he waited or Shin to see you. 

It had been Wakasa’s idea, but you had instantly gone along with it. He had wrapped your body with a wide satin ribbon so that it intricately covered your intimate areas. He used his knowledge of shibari to do it, and it made you look even more beautiful than usual. He ended the tie with a big bow on your chest. 

You were the perfect Christmas present for him, Wakasa had decided. But this was a two-part gift. Shin wasn’t the only one that would get to fulfill a fantasy tonight. 

The man in question stood in the doorway, his eyes practically bulging out of his skull as he took in your mostly nude form. He licked his dry lips, trying to think of what to say. So this wasn’t some big joke, he thought to himself. He swallowed hard, cock twitching in his pants as you blinked slowly, dainty lashes fluttering at him. 

“Don’t cum in your pants, dude,” Waka said, clearly joking as a tossed a condom to Shin. “Do you need me to show you how to use it?” He asked and Shin raised his middle finger to him in protest. 

Shinichiro shot him a look, “I know how to put on a condom.” He said flatly, watching as Wakasa pulled out a second one. “What do you need that for?” 

Wakasa gave him a curious look, “I thought I was clear on the phone.” He replied lazily, eyes staying in their half-lidded state. 

“You asked me if I wanted to finally get fucked.” Shin replied, confusion evident on his face. “Then you said you two decided to….” Realization washed over his features, “you want to have sex with me too?” 

“Think you can handle it?” Wakasa asked, quirking an eyebrow at him. “I’ve seen the way you look at the two of us, but one thing we can never decide on is who you’re most jealous of.” 

You let out a small giggle at the surprise on his face. “So you want to settle the score here and now?” He asked, having never considered that Wakasa had unearthed his deepest fantasy. The thing he dreamt of only when he had had too much to drink. Of course, he had no real understanding of what these thoughts meant. He tucked them away as quickly as they came and tried not to drift back to them. 

It wasn’t that Shinichiro had any issues with people being gay, he just didn’t think he was. Those were just some silly inebriated thoughts, right? They didn’t really mean anything. He was attracted to women. Homosexuality was natural, he knew that, but he didn’t think it was natural for him.

What he never considered (mainly thanks to the media's erasure of their existence) was that it was entirely possible to be attracted to both. Shinichiro was, without a doubt, the most closeted bisexual in all of Japan.

Wakasa Imaushi, on the other hand, was fully upfront with himself on who he was attracted to. You knew this about him from the start and while he had expected you to turn your nose up or feign away from him after he opened up about himself, you accepted him with open arms. That was the night he knew he had fallen in love with you. 

Shinichiro's eyes moved from you to Wakasa and back to you, still wrapped up pretty like the perfect present under the tree. "How do you want me?" He asked with a small defeated sigh. It wasn't that he didn't want this to happen, he was feeling defeated by his own self-doubt. 

What if his best friend in the entire world didn't have enough room in his heart for both of you? Wakasa was well versed in sex, what if he didn't like sex with him? What if he was so bad at it that you and him never wanted to talk to Shin again? 

His worry showed on his face as plain as day. A soft smile played upon your lips as you got up from the bed and placed your hands on his shoulders, "relax, Shin." You cooed as you began to take off his clothes, the ribbon wrapped around your torso was slightly restricting but not enough that you couldn't strip him down. 

Shin stood there, a little awkwardly as you pulled down his boxers while getting down on your knees before him. Your eyes flickered up connecting with his as you took his already-hardened cock into your mouth. 

Shinichiro groaned as you bobbed your head, sucking just the right amount as one hand held onto his thigh and then played with his heavy balls. He couldn't take his eyes off you, a feeling of disbelief washing over him once more as you pulled away to lick at his shaft and tip as to tease him. 

"Now, lay down on the bed," Wakasa said as you sat back on the balls of your feet. "On your back." He further instructed as he began to take off his own clothes. 

Shin laid back on the bed as he was told before fumbling with the condom Wakasa had given him earlier. You took it from him with steady hands and opened it before rolling it onto his stiff cock. "Ready to unwrap your gift?" You teased as he nodded his head like an eager child about to get his favorite treat. 

You tugged at the ends of the ribbon, untying it slowly until it was a heap on the ground and your naked form was bare to both men. Even though Wakasa had seen you naked plenty of times, he was still breathtaken with how beautiful you were every time. 

He smacked your ass playfully, "show him a good time, baby." He said as you let out an excited giggle. Despite your love for Imaushi, you had always had a soft spot for Shinichiro as well. Always wondered what his virgin cock would feel like and how fun it may be to teach him how to properly fuck someone. Though it seemed like Wakasa was the one that wanted to play teacher tonight. 

You moved onto the bed before straddling Shin. You reached down to hold the base of his cock to hold him steady as you guided yourself down, letting him slowly penetrate your slick folds and then wet pussy. 

Shin tried to stay still as his eyes stayed glued to your chest. It wasn't that he'd never seen tits before, but these were yours. Something special, something to be coveted. He reached up and grabbed them, one in each hand as he squeezed, nearly cumming already when your walls squeezed around him in response. 

You felt a kiss on your shoulder as Waka stood behind you with a bottle of lube in hand. He coated his fingers, noticing that Shin was too lost in the new sensation of you being wrapped around him to notice what he was doing. 

As you started to move on top of him, Wakasa nudged his legs apart. Shinichiro wasn't sure what he was up to until he felt the sticky fingers against the cheeks of his ass. A red hot blush formed on his entire face, once that you didn't notice as you were too busy concentrating on his fingers teasing your nipples and the head of his penis that kept kissing the sweet spot in the back of your cunt. 

"Waka-" He started, sounding unsure until he felt one of his commander's fingers slip into his tight asshole. The new sensation had him bucking his hips up into you in a way that made you cry out with surprise. 

You placed your hands on his chest for added balance, panting slightly as he settled back down once he got used to the feeling of Waka's index finger inside of him. That's when you noticed how flushed he was, which prompted you to lean down and kiss him gently.

 "Do you want to stop?" You asked him, not a shred of judgment or disappointment in your tone. Your eyes with pupils blown wide with lust and adoration had him shaking his head no. As new as this all was, he didn't want it to stop. 

"You sure? I can just fuck their asshole instead." Waka replied and you shot him a look that told him he needed to be more gentle. He shrugged halfheartedly before wiggling his finger until he found Shin's prostate, pressing against it. Shin gasped out and bucked again, needing to feel more. 

As soon as he felt Shin's ring of muscle relax more against his finger, he added a second. He noticed Shin hesitating before moving his hips more, enjoying the dual sensation of being inside of someone with something inside of him. 

Wakasa matched the rhythm of his hips to help maximize his pleasure while you stayed still on top of him, letting him go at his own pace as you licked playfully at his pert nipples. 

Shinichiro moaned a sound that seemed to intensify the atmosphere of the room. The air was now heavy with the smell of sex as the sounds of skin against skin began to reverberate off the walls. 

Waka kept his wrist locked in place as he started to slowly scissor his fingers until he knew Shin was used to the sensation. Then he added a third and while the other man let out a small groan of protest, it quickly turned into a needy whine as you nipped at his chest.

"F-Fuck," Shin gasped, trying to concentrate on pleasuring you but truly failing at being able to focus with Waka being knuckle deep inside of him. 

"Are you ready?" You asked, keen eyes flicking to look at his face as you noticed his pace was slowing down considerably and becoming slightly erratic. "You can't cum yet, Shin, you have to wait for Imaushi." 

He looked almost annoyed with you, though it was more because this was vastly different than anything he had ever imagined. There was nothing more he wanted in the world right now than to cum, but it would seem that you were more in control than he thought. 

"Yeah, he's ready," Waka said as he pulled his fingers out and wiped them off on the bedspread before rolling on the condom. You shot him a look over your shoulder at the action which just made him smirk in response. "I'll wash it later, calm down. Now kiss your new plaything before his face gets stuck in that pout." 

Shin rolled his eyes but didn't stop you from kissing him. He allowed Waka to guide his ankles so that they were situated over his tattooed shoulders. Waka pumped himself a few times before pressing his tip against Shin's asshole and slowly pushing in while you keep your lips locked with his. 

You bit at his lower lip, trying to take his mind off of any discomfort he was bound to feel from anal for the first time. The slow stretch burned but he hardly felt it as he throbbed inside of you in a silent beg for stimulation. You squeezed down around him, an effort that caused him to shudder. 

Before he even knew it, Waka was fully sheathed inside of him, making Shin feel incredibly full almost awkwardly so. “Fuck it’s tight,” Waka hissed as Shin clamped down on him tightly, “Keeps suckin’ in me.” 

Shin threw an arm over his eyes to try and hide the embarrassed look on his face. He couldn’t mask the small whimper that came out when Waka began to rut into him slowly. You took this opportunity to begin to move your hips again, letting him feel the dual stimulation once more. 

You pried his arm away from his face, “Let me see that handsome face,” You said seductively. He repositioned his hands on your thighs, squeezing them as he tried to thrust, only to find himself unable to in the position he was currently in. “We’ll take care of you, Shin, you don’t need to move.” 

A frustrated look crossed his face before his eyes rolled back as Waka adjusted the angle of his hips, his thrusts becoming harder and more deliberate as you matched pace with him the best you could. Shin felt so big inside of you, so impossibly hard as he whimpered again a silent plea. His mind buzzed with overstimulation already and he found himself edging along the line of orgasm. 

Waka was lost in his own thoughts, making sure to not be too rough (less he wanted you to be upset with him later) but also going hard and fast enough to suit his own needs. He could feel every twitch every time his head brushed against his prostrate or every time you sunk down completely onto his cock. Of course, he had done threesomes before but they had never been quite like this. 

Meanwhile, you were throwing your head back as you rode him as fast as you could. Your hips move at the perfect place to stimulate your clit and g-spot at the same time. His name passed your lips more times than you could count, a sound that sent him over the edge so that he was accidentally cumming into the condom before you had a chance to. “S-Sorry,” He gasped out, still unable to catch a break as Waka rammed into him so that he was cumming again but in an entirely new and different way. 

He was feeling too much ecstasy to feel guilty for not getting you off. His vision was hazy as he looked at your soft smile and light giggle as you lifted off of him enough so he’d slip out of you. “Imaushi,” You said in a sing-song voice, “Finish with me?” 

Waka chuckled as he pulled out of Shin’s still-spasming hole. He quickly took off the condom before shoving his cock into your now gaping pussy. Shin was helpless as he watched Wakasa fuck you at a pace that he had only seen in hardcore porn before. 

He grabbed one of your wrists and pulled it behind your back as he thrust as roughly as he possibly could, abusing your poor cunt. You keened as he tugged on your arm to force you back against him, his balls smacking into your clit repeatedly so that you were quaking on top of Shinichiro. 

Shin’s eyes were like saucers as he watched your form bounce and shake above him. “Play with their tits,” Wakasa ordered and he happily obliged, taking his hands and petting them on your chest to squeeze and fondle your breasts. The loudest moan yet erupted from you as you finally came, unable to squirm too much as Waka still had a vice grip on the arm pinned behind your back. 

“That’s a good whore,” Waka spat, momently later he was painting your walls white with his seed, making sure to fuck it in as deeply as he could. “You both took me so well.” He said as he released you, letting you fall on top of Shin unceremoniously. He kissed the top of your head as Waka grabbed a towel to clean up the two of you. 

He tended to Shin first, throwing away his condom and wiping him down. Shin twitched, still sensitive from before and whimpering as you clung to him. Waka had a small smile of contentment on his face as he then wiped you clean, though you were actively dripping a mixture of his and your cum onto poor Shin. 

Shin didn’t mind, he could hardly even feel it as he wrapped his arms around your waist and rubbed your back as you started to fall asleep. The same doubts from earlier started to well up in him, self-doubt eating him alive as he wondered if you’d never want to do this again because he didn’t make you cum. 

Sensing his troubles, you gave his bare chest a few feather-light kisses, “next time, I’ll teach you how to make me cum.” You said and you felt his cock twitching beneath you at the thought. The feeling of it made you laugh lightly, ”or maybe I’ll teach you now.”

[sixhours]

i know you by heart - chapter 5

Series Chapter Index | Read on AO3 | Complete

Rating: Explicit, 18+, here be smut Series tags: The Last of Us, The Last of Us (HBO), Prospect, Joel Miller x Ezra, Joel & Ellie, Ezra & Cee, Joel is bad at feelings and relationships, Ellie is a little shit (affectionate), mostly follows canon after season 1, SMUT, gay sex, bisexual!Joel, period-typical homophobia, light angst, angst with a happy ending, romance, age gap (~10ish years), I've probably forgotten some so please let me know <3

Chapter notes: You guessed it, there's more smut here! It's easy to skip.

You may have noticed the number of chapters has decreased, but the word count continues to go up. I'm not as verbose as our dear Ezra, but I think this will be around 35k when all is said and done.

“Hey, kiddo. Can we talk?”

He’s sitting at the kitchen table when she comes downstairs at a run. He’s going to tell her, he’s decided. It’s been months of sneaking around. He’s gotta do it.

“I’m late, I’ve got patrol training,” she says, grabbing an apple off the bowl on the counter and holding it in her mouth while trying to shoulder her pack and put on her shoes at the same time. “Mermer?”

“Whats’at?”

“Remember?” she says, pulling the apple from her teeth, taking a big bite in the process. “I told you last–”

“Yeah, last night. It can wait. Y’all be back for dinner?”

“Uh-huh sure. But I really gotta go, dude, Jesse’ll have my head if I’m not at the stables, like, ten minutes ago.”

“Alright, I’ll see you tonight,” he says, and then she’s out the door with a wave and a muffled “bye”.

She’d been on him to start patrol training the day after her birthday and he’d obliged despite a million reservations. But Tommy reassured him it was safe; they took the kids on training exercises through areas recently cleared by regular patrols and she’d be partnered with an older, more experienced patroller. She’d been more than capable on the road, and that was before she’d known how to shoot a rifle or ride a horse.

But that was also before he’d cared enough to worry about her like his own.

She’ll be fine , he reminds himself, finishing his coffee. And tonight he’ll tell her about Ezra.

Today he’s at a construction site on the west side of Jackson, working alongside Tommy and a handful of others to repair and restore a cluster of homes for the expanding community. It’s familiar work, the kind that keeps his hands occupied and his mind quiet–just what he needs.

They’re wrapping up leveling the front porch on one of the houses when he spots Maria lingering on the sidewalk. Something in the gravity of her expression has Joel’s hackles up before she can open her mouth.

“There was a…situation.”

He catches fragments of what happened through a haze of barely contained panic.

Patrol training came back with one less kid. The last group had swept the area, believing it to be clear. Trainees were sent out in pairs. A stray infected caught two of the boys by surprise.

One was bit.

“Ellie’s fine, Joel, she’s–”

“Where is she?” he barks.

“She went home, but–”

Joel storms off without waiting for her to finish, without gathering his tools, heart beating Ellie’s name in his throat.

He finds her in her room, whole and unharmed, but his relief is short-lived.

She sits on her bed in a t-shirt, holding out her right arm and staring at her scar. It’s unbandaged, unwrapped, on display. She’s normally meticulous about keeping it covered; the sight of her bare skin and the vining, twisting threads underneath sets a pit of dread to root in his stomach.

“Ellie…?”

She looks up at him, eyes two dark pools of hurt. She doesn’t have to speak the words for him to know that’s what she’s thinking.

I could have prevented this.

It should have been me.

“Hey…”

He steps into the room on tentative feet. She barely acknowledges his presence when he sits beside her, puts an arm around her shoulders, and pulls her to his side. She doesn’t cry, doesn’t say a word, just presses herself against his ribs and lets him hold on.

The town holds a funeral and she insists on attending, watching as they lower the boy’s roughshod wood casket down. Joel puts a heavy hand on Ellie’s shoulder in sympathy, feels only a flicker of shame when all he can think is that he’s glad it’s not her body going into the ground.

She’s withdrawn in the days following, and it feels like the aftermath of Silver Lake all over again. Instead of stomping around the house in a huff, the place is eerily quiet. There’s no loud music, no swearing, no questions or conversations beyond a simple yes or no, or telling him where she’ll be during the day. Her new guitar gathers dust in the corner of her room, never played.

She goes back to patrol training after four short days. They have a big fight about it, but in the end, Joel doesn’t have the strength to tell her no. She seems determined to make herself useful, though he suspects it’s more a self-imposed penance.

This is the world you wanted , she seems to say with every look, every stilted word. This is the choice you made.

More than once, he catches her staring at her scar.

Now it’s he who can’t sleep at night. He stays awake in a vain effort to keep the bad dreams at bay. He paces the halls of their home and lingers in her bedroom doorway. He takes solace in her sleeping form, her face relaxed, no longer pinched and drawn by the weight of their secrets.

He dreams he’s in a hospital holding Ellie’s bloody corpse, the back of her head cut open and gleaming and horribly empty. It thunks hollowly, sickeningly against his shoulder as he runs through endless hallways from a faceless, nameless thing. He’s never fast enough, never strong enough, never has enough time. Sometimes Sarah is there, mocking him, shaming him, and sometimes he just runs until he wakes, breathing hard, sweating through his bedsheets.

If she has nightmares, she doesn’t tell him.

It’s been over a week since the boy’s death. Ellie is stony and withdrawn, and Joel is running out of ideas, sleep-deprived and desperate.

He’s headed to see Ezra, surprised to see her coming down the porch steps with her head hung low and hands stuffed in her pockets. She jumps a little when she sees him coming.

“Hey, what’re you–”

“Hey,” she mumbles.

“Thought you had kitchen duty.”

“I do. And I’m gonna be late, so…I’ll see you tonight,” she says, bypassing him and veering up the street toward the caf.

“Ellie, wait–”

She doesn’t answer. He catches motion out of the corner of his eye; Ezra, watching from the door. 

“What was that about?” Joel asks. It comes out accusatory, almost mean.

Ezra bites his lip. “I believe we have what we in the profession call a conflict of interest. I…can’t in good conscience tell you.”

He doesn’t know whether to be relieved or angry as he watches the back of Ellie’s hoodie disappear around the corner.

“Guess I should be grateful,” he sighs finally. “‘Cause she sure as hell ain’t talkin’ to me.”

Ezra bites his lip, steps aside wordlessly and gestures him inside.

“I’m fuckin’ this up, Ez,” he whispers as the door closes behind him, surprised to find his throat thick with tears. “I’m…I dunno what to do.”

A pause, and then Ezra’s arm comes around him wordlessly. Joel ducks his head into the crook of his neck, breathing in the familiar, comforting scent of him, oaky and warm like his favorite whiskey.

He places a chaste kiss on the edge of his collarbone as Ezra’s hand comes up to cradle the back of his head. He mouths at the skin there, drags his lips against the stubble under his jaw, feeling a desperate need to sate something, seeking a kind of comfort he’s only recently become reacquainted with.

“Songbird,” Ezra whispers hesitantly.

“Please,” Joel growls low in his throat.

Ezra takes him by the hand and leads them upstairs.

+++++++++++++++++++++SMUT+CUT++++++++++++++++++++++

Minutes later and he’s buried in Ezra to the hilt, dragging his cock slowly in and out as the shower pelts them with lukewarm water. Ezra braces himself on the tile with his forearm as Joel tries to control his pace, hands on his hips with an iron-tight grip.

“Take what you…need, cher . I like my pleasure…with a little…pain.”

That whittles down the last of Joel’s resolve. He leans forward, braces one hand on the wall while the other grabs at Ezra’s ass, driving his hips again and again, rutting hard until they’re both panting with the effort. Ezra’s grunts and moans reverberate throughout the tiny bathroom, and Joel hopes like hell Cee isn’t home, or at least wearing her headphones, because there’s no way they’re being quiet enough.

His hand finds Ezra’s on the cool tile wall, interlacing their fingers as he hurtles toward his release, pleasure already gathering, licking tendrils of heat up the base of his spine. His other hand slides around to stroke Ezra, to try to bring him along, but he’s too far gone now. The angle and the sweet slick clench around him has him toppling over the edge, spilling into him with a sharp cry.

He wraps one arm around Ezra’s shoulders and hauls him up, front flush to his back, sagging sideways against the wall for support when his legs threaten to give out. He presses a kiss to Ezra’s nape as he comes down, licks the dappled water from the base of his neck.

“Bed, mon cœur ,” Ezra pants, still rock hard in Joel’s palm.

Ezra lies down and Joel crawls over him, settling on top with one thigh nestled firmly between both of his. He’s entranced by the slick slide of Ezra’s tongue between his lips, focused on slow, tender kisses that have Ezra arching his back, rutting his unsatisfied length against Joel’s thick, muscled thigh, seeking friction.

“Alright, alright,” he soothes, nipping at his plush lower lip, swallowing his moans as he grinds down, adding pressure as Ezra’s cock slicks his thigh with precome. If he were fifteen years younger he’d probably be ready to go again, but he’ll settle for taking his time, drawing out every meeting of their lips until Ezra’s wriggling beneath him becomes too insistent.

“ Cher , please, for the love of all that is good and holy, this is torture and I must insist you–ah–give me something more to work–ohhh fuck–work with.”

“Behave,” Joel growls, and he feels the kick of Ezra’s arousal against him in response, the sound of a whimper that makes him feel heady and drunk with power.

He slides down his body, feels the clench of Ezra’s fist in his hair as he takes him in. Watches the other man’s expression, all heavy-lidded eyes and parted lips, when his tongue traces his frenulum, dragging it flat along the head before enveloping his cock completely.

Ezra’s eyes roll back and his head drops to the pillow, the elegant arch of his throat bared with a vulnerability that makes Joel’s heart clench with something like love.

“Songbird, I–Christ, man–“

“I got you,” Joel whispers, taking him as deep as he can, clenching his throat around him until Ezra’s fist tightens its grip. Joel lets out an involuntary moan at the sensation, feels Ezra’s cock throb against his lips, the hot rush of come at the back of his throat.

+++++++++++++++++++END+SMUT+CUT++++++++++++++++++++

In the aftermath, he’s exhausted. The release and the physical exertion coupled with lack of sleep has his eyes threatening to slip shut with his head pillowed on Ezra’s thigh. He feels a hand come around his back, urging him up, and his limbs cooperate long enough for him to settle in the crook of Ezra’s good arm.

He must drift off for a while because the light has changed when he opens his eyes; it’s warmer, richer. Ezra is still there, absently twirling his fingers in the damp curls at the base of Joel’s neck.

Really should cut my hair , he thinks groggily. Gettin’ worse than Tommy.

“Hello, songbird.”

Ezra’s voice is soft.

“Hey,” he rasps. “Sorry. Haven’t…been sleepin’ much.”

“It’s no trouble,” he murmurs. 

“You got any more, uh, clients today?”

“Not a one,” his voice is low and smooth. “I’m all yours.”

Joel is too blurry around the edges to consider the deeper implications there.

He doesn’t know what prompts him to speak, but skin-to-skin in the soft light of the dwindling afternoon, the words come easier.

“Ellie’s immune.”

Ezra raises an eyebrow, but there’s no surprise in his expression.

Joel considers him, makes the connection. “But she told you that already, huh.”

For a man who loves to hear himself talk, Ezra remains infuriatingly quiet.

Joel nods. “Alright then. She tell you anythin’ else? About Salt Lake City?”

Ezra takes a deep breath, lets it out in a rush. “I wouldn’t betray her trust–”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Joel, as much as I–”

The use of his first name sounds foreign, almost like an admonishment, a warning.

“I know ,” he snaps, then softens. “I get it. I’m just…she’s fadin’, Ez. I don’t know how to get her back.”

An awkward quiet settles between them.

“How ‘bout…I’ll tell you,” Joel sighs finally. “Maybe it’ll help you help her. Like…before.”

Ezra bites his lip. “Alright. I’m listening.”

“I used to do a certain kinda…trading back in the QZ. Mostly pills and cigs, booze, sometimes weapons, ammo. Tommy was part of that for a while, then he left on some dumb crusade with the Fireflies. We lost touch an’ I got worried he’d bit off more than he could spit.

“So my, uh, partner an’ I took a job. We were supposed to take this kid to the Fireflies in exchange for a payment, supplies an’ shit, to get us out here to find Tommy. But everythin’ went wrong. Partner got bit first day out. Shit happened. By the end, it was just me an’ Ellie.

“She was a little shit,” he says, chuckling at the thought. “Kept beggin’ me for a gun, askin’ questions about stuff. Never had a minute’s peace. But she…she was smart, too. Saved my ass more than once. Had my back. We figured it out. An’ I guess…after all those months on the road…she wasn’t just a job.”

He swallows hard, suddenly wishing for a stiff drink.

“I had a kid before, y’know,” he murmurs, looking at his wrist, the tan line where his watch would be if it wasn’t sitting on the nightstand. “Didn’t, uh…didn’t think I’d ever have that again. Ellie…she did for me what Cee did for you, I guess. Made me better. Gave me back my life.”

The thought brings tears to his eyes and he pauses to wipe them away.

“Anyway. I got her to the Fireflies like I promised. But the cure they were lookin’ for came at a price. They were gonna kill her, Ez. They were gonna take out her brain and…I don’t fuckin’ know what they had planned, but she wouldn’t survive it. She was just a fuckin’ kid . I couldn’t let that happen.

“So I killed the lot of ‘em. There’s a fuckin’ river of blood on my hands,” he says drily, tilting his head up to gauge Ezra’s reaction.

A fingertip lightly traces the line of Joel’s jaw and his voice is gentle. “Terrible things have been done for less, songbird.”

“Don’t I know it,” Joel sniffs. “But Ellie…she ate it up. She believed it, all that cure bullshit. Now she’s out there thinkin’ she could have saved the damn world, and I’m the bastard who took that away. I got her out. Told her…told her there was no cure. Broke her fuckin’ heart and brought her here, and now…”

“She suspects?” Ezra prompts.

Joel snorts. “You know how she is, Ez. She knows . She knows…even if she won’t admit it. An’ I’m too much of a coward to tell her.”

“Hmm.”

“What would you do?” he asks, looking at him with red-rimmed eyes. “If it was Cee?”

Ezra grimaces, creases pooling between his eyebrows. “It’s not a fair comparison. Cee isn’t my daughter, and–”

“Bullshit,” Joel says flatly. “She’s as much your kid as Ellie is mine.”

A sharp look. “In your position…I suppose I would be reticent. But the truth will out.”

Joel goes quiet.

“Do you want my opinion?” he offers more gently.

“Wouldn’t be tellin’ you this if I didn’t.”

“If I may be blunt…your girl has endured far worse than words. The truth can’t hurt her any more than the world already has. It’s time to come clean, gut the fencer. Tell her.”

“Yeah, an’ what then?” he says.

“She makes a choice. Maybe it surprises you.”

“Are you tellin’ me this as her therapist, or as a…a friend?”

A deep sigh. “Both, I suppose.”

He considers him, then. The long line of his nose, the jut of his chin, so familiar, and yet…there’s a distance in his eyes. He wonders how much Ellie has told him, how much he inferred and intuited.

“I can’t lose her, Ez,” he says roughly. “I won’t survive it.”

“I know,” he whispers. Ezra’s hand finds his back, rubbing slow, careful circles.

“Look, I know you can’t talk about it. I know…she needs her space. But can you…can you just promise me…if she’s gonna do somethin’ stupid, you’ll tell me? Can you do that?”

Ezra meets his eyes, then his gaze darts away. It’s a split second, barely perceptible, but Joel recognizes it as a tell. “If I thought she was in particularly dire straits…yes, I would tell you.”

Joel shifts in the bed and the silence draws out. 

“I should…”

Ezra nods, pulls his hand away, lets him go.

Joel reaches for his jeans and tugs them on, then sits on the edge of the bed. The pit of dread he’s carried for the last week has resettled in his stomach.

“Look…maybe we should, uh…back off a little,” he says, throat tight. “‘Til she’s feelin’ alright again. Ain’t fair to her…or you…”

“I didn’t want to be the one to say it,” Ezra says softly. “Truth be told, I don’t want to do so, but…I understand…needs must.”

Joel leans over and kisses him long and slow, pressing his forehead to Ezra’s, letting himself stay in the moment just a little longer.

“She’ll come around,” he whispers, more to himself than to Ezra. “She’ll come around.”

But she doesn’t.

By the start of August, it’s clear she’s lost weight. The dark circles under her eyes grow deeper. She sees Ezra every week, and he and Joel pause their regular trysts. They keep things friendly but chaste, sometimes meeting for lunch or dinner, sometimes conversing on the porch while Joel plays music and Ezra rambles. The physical absence hurts like a splinter, like a persistent low-level itch under his skin, but the ache of Ellie’s slow and deliberate withdrawal cuts deeper.

And then, Joel finds himself in possession of a single can of Chef Boyardee ravioli and a sliver of hope. He trades an obscene amount of precious coffee crystals for the cheap canned pasta without batting an eye, happy to have some kind of leverage, tenuous as it is.

When Ellie comes home after her shift at the stables that evening, he’s ready with a plan.

“Hey, kiddo.”

She eyes him warily. “Hey.”

“Thought we could, uh, do dinner at home tonight.”

“I’m not that hungry.”

“Even for your favorite?” he says, holding up the can of Chef Boyardee.

Her eyebrows lift with mild interest; it’s not quite the reaction he hoped for, but it’s a hook.

“I dunno,” she sighs. “Think I’m just gonna–”

“It comes with a surprise,” he tries. “Y’don’t have to eat, just…come see?”

She sighs. “Fine.”

She trudges behind him to the backyard, where he’s set up a shallow fire pit with a bunch of old paving stones he found under the porch. An open fire is already crackling and popping and he’s dragged a big log from the edge of the yard over to use as a seat. On top of the ring of stones, he’s settled an old oven rack, upon which he places the open can of ravioli.

Hands on his hips, he turns to gauge her reaction. Her smile is tight-lipped and forced. “A fire, huh?”

“Yeah. Thought we could eat out here tonight. Kinda like old times,” he says. “‘Cept…”

He holds out a large wax bag, watches her eyes light up as she opens it and looks inside.

“Didn’t have these on the road.”

He’d traded Dina’s sister a week’s worth of work on her kitchen for a batch of homemade marshmallow squares.

“Oh, nice,” she breathes, something a little closer to her usual self. She’s already popped one into her mouth when he sits down.

“Don’t spoil your dinner,” he says, all false admonishment as she takes a seat next to him, handing him a marshmallow of his own. It’s sweet and soft and melts like pure sugar on his tongue as they wait for their canned pasta to heat over the flames.

When the food is warm, they pass the can back and forth, sharing bites of ravioli until it’s gone. He’s heartened when she eats her share and more, if not with the same gusto from before.

Then Joel pulls out two sticks he’s whittled to points and uses one to spear a fresh marshmallow, handing it to her. Her treat catches on fire almost immediately, too close to the flames, burning the outside to a blackened crisp. She eats it anyway, traces of charred goo sticking at the corner of her lips, to the tips of her fingers.

He finally hears her laugh a little when he gets some stuck in his beard. Then she starts a jousting match, trying to knock his second marshmallow into the fire and almost succeeds, leaving him with a dangling gooey mess that he smears into the arm of her sweatshirt.

“You asshole!” she says, giggling. “That’s my favorite one!”

“Yeah, yeah, it’ll wash,” he says, too eager to hear her laughter to care about the laundry.

She wrinkles her nose, pokes at him with her bare stick. “It better, old man.”

She doesn’t eat ten marshmallows, but that doesn’t matter. He hasn’t seen her smile this much in weeks. Her laughter feels like cool water poured over the scorched desert earth.

“Fire pit was a good idea,” she says after a while, arms crossed over her knees.

“Still have those occasionally,” he agrees, then gets to his feet. “Not done yet, though. One more thing.”

“I hope it’s a fucking dinosaur,” she calls, and the levity in her voice could sustain him for a month.

He goes to the back porch and pulls out their sleeping bags from under the bench. He tosses hers over.

“Might be meteor showers.”

“Really? How’d you know?”

“Some space almanac thing. Cee was tellin’ us about ‘em, thought maybe we’d try and see what we can see.”

“‘Us’, huh?”

“Oh, uh, I mean Ezra,” he says, shaking out the sleeping bag and spreading it on the ground. “She told him, he told me.”

“Hmm,” she says, lips quirked in a smile. “Sounds cool.”

He eases down, quietly pleased when she spreads her sleeping bag next to his. She plops down and stretches out with a sigh.

“The sky feels so much bigger out here,” she says.

“Reckon it does,” he agrees.

They watch the navy blue backdrop above them grow dark, stars slowly blinking into existence as the sun dips below the horizon. A bat swoops and dips overhead, black wings barely visible against the darkening sky.

“Oh! See that?”

 “What?”

“You missed it,” she huffs, pointing to their right. “Shooting star.”

“Did you make a wish?”

She looks over at him with a mix of exasperation and amusement. “No, because I’m not five, Joel.”

He shrugs nonchalantly. “Never get your wish with that attitude.”

“Can you even see anything? Don’t you need, like, glasses?”

“Can see just fine, brat. Only need ‘em for reading.”

Another star streaks across the sky; Joel catches it this time and points it out, but she’s already looking elsewhere. She traces and names the constellations she recognizes, more than Joel ever knew. In school, they’re learning how to use the sky and the stars to navigate without a working compass.

After a while he tips his head, subtly trying to watch her, more entranced by Ellie’s expression than the night. Her eyes shine, reflecting all the wonders of space.

On impulse, he inches his hand over to take hers, nudging her arm in the dark. She hisses and jerks away at the contact.

“Whoa, easy…”

“It’s fine,” she says quickly. “Hurt it at the stables.”

“What happened?”

“It’s nothing.”

But now he’s sitting up, a nagging, twisting feeling in his gut. 

“Kiddo, if you’re hurt–”

“C’mon, dude, drop it. It’s not that bad,” she says. He can practically hear her eye roll.

“But–“

“Fucking hell, Joel, it’s fine,” she snaps.

“Kiddo, I’m not tryin’ to–”

She’s on her feet with a growl, kicking the blanket aside. He gets up as fast as his knees will let him and follows her into the house. He reaches out to grab her forearm. It’s a light touch, not meant to hold, just to get her attention, but she hisses again at the contact, gives a little moan.

“Don’t!”

“Hey, if somethin’s wrong–”

“It’s nothing,” she says, but there’s a frantic edge to her words now. Something fearful. “Just don’t touch me!”

“Ellie, baby–”

“No!”

She’s almost crying, he realizes, her voice reedy and threaded with panic. His resolve hardens to a fine point.

“Show me your arm,” he says firmly. “Ellie.”

Defiant, chin trembling, she groans and pulls up her sleeve revealing her usual scar covered by a thick piece of gauze.

“What happened?” he tries again. “Did someone–did someone do this?”

She doesn’t answer. When he reaches out, she flinches away as if in fear, and that hurts worse than any silence or lassitude. He takes her firmly but gently by the wrist and holds her arm steady while he peels back the gauze. The skin where her scar used to be is bright red, blistered, and oozing.

“Jesus,” he breathes, brow furrowed. “How’d this happen?”

No answer.

“C’mon, kid. I’m not mad, but you gotta tell me–”

“Lye,” she says flatly. “From the soap place.”

“Lye,” he repeats. “So…so you did this? But why would you–”

She groans and rolls her eyes, yanking her arm back. “You still don’t fucking get it.”

“No, I don’t,” he says, trying not to raise his voice. “I’m tryin’ to understand, but you won’t…you won’t talk to me. You gotta help me out here.”

“I’m tired of hiding,” she grits out. “I’m tired of…of being a fucking freak.”

“You’re not–”

“Oh, fuck off,” she growls. “You said it yourself; they see this, they shoot me. Now they won’t fucking shoot me, right?”

“Yeah, but…you hurtin’ yourself was never the plan, kid. I never woulda–I mean I wish you’d just–why didn’t you–damnit,” he growls. 

“Well, I did it, so it’s done now, okay? You don’t need to worry about it anymore.”

“Ellie, I will always worry about you,” he snaps, pinching the bridge of his nose. “That’s my goddamn job.”

She’s fumbling to put the bandage back on, re-sticking the medical tape, tugging her sleeve back down.

Then an idea occurs to him; a horrible thought that latches like a leech, ugly and writhing on his conscience. “Did Ezra know about this?”

Her eyes tell the truth even as she spits at him. “Why the fuck does that matter?”

Joel closes his eyes, clenching his jaw. “Because…he’s supposed to look out for you. The same way I’m supposed to look out for you, and he–”

He promised.

“‘The way you look out for me?’ What, by fucking lying to me? How the fuck is that supposed to help me?”

“I didn’t–“

“Then tell me the truth,” she snarls.

“I…did,” he swallows, tasting the bitter swirl of the lie on his tongue.

“Whatever. I have homework. Going to bed.”

“Ellie–”

She doesn’t give him a chance to answer, just stomps up the stairs and slams her bedroom door.

Ezra is startled from his work when Joel storms into the greenhouse the next morning, door banging harshly against the frame.

“Did you know?” he fires off before Ezra can open his mouth. “Did you know she was goin’ to…to do that to herself?”

A pair of women look up from their conversation, frozen and watching. Ezra eyes them, then Joel, holding up his hand.

“Joel–”

“Answer the fuckin’ question, Ez.”

He doesn’t, and his silence is all the confirmation Joel needs. Red floods his field of vision. His fists clench at his sides.

“Let’s take this conversation somewhere more private shall we?” Ezra grits out, grabbing Joel by the arm and marching them outside, around the corner, until they’re tucked between the two greenhouses and out of sight.

“You were s’posed to tell me,” Joel hisses when they’re alone.

“I tried–”

“You should have said somethin’,” he continues, feeling like a live wire, ready to snap. He pushes in closer, crowding him until he can almost feel the other man’s breath on his face.

Something flashes in Ezra’s eyes, something cold and alien that sends a trickle of unease down Joel’s spine. A subtle reminder that, underneath all the pretense of their domestic lives, they are still two dangerous men.

“Back up, Joel, or I will be forced to make you do so myself,” he says through gritted teeth, calm and cold. His eyes have narrowed to flinty points.

Joel takes a measured step back, jaw working, shame and rage roiling beneath his skin.

“Tell me,” he grits out.

“If I thought she was in any immediate peril…if I had any qualms whatsoever about her intentions…you would have been the first to know. But it was her choice, Joel, made of sound mind and body. And a clever one, too, if I must be frank. She went to the clinic as soon as it was done, saw to it the burn was treated with utmost care.”

“So you were there ?”

“No, but she relayed her plans to me and I simply–”

“So she fuckin’ planned this, is what you’re tellin’ me? An’ you didn’t think I had a right to know my kid was gonna burn off her own fuckin’ arm?”

“She specifically requested I not tell you…for reasons that have just now made themselves apparent,” he grits out.

“Damnit, Ezra,” he spits. “What the fuck kinda therapist are you?”

“The kind that’s trying to keep her safe in a world that would rather see her dead,” he says sharply. “And I believe we share a common goal in that regard, so I’d kindly ask that you refrain from the insinuation that I have anything but her best interests at heart.”

“What about my interests, huh?”

He knows he sounds petty, but he’s no longer fully in control of his mouth. There’s a venomous creature in his chest trying to claw its way out, a panicked thrashing between his ribs that tells him she’s hurt, he needs to protect her, but he can’t, he’s failing again , and Ezra’s found himself in the crossfire.

“The welfare of a child takes precedence over your bruised ego.”

“Fuck you,” he spits out. He means for it to hurt, but the words come out sounding hollow. For his part, Ezra doesn’t fire back, merely glares at him from beneath dark lashes, radiating hurt.

Joel paces like an animal, wipes the back of one shaking hand over his lips. 

“I can’t…this…this ain’t workin’,” he huffs finally, voice breaking. He can’t bring himself to meet the other man’s eyes.

“Then it would appear we’ve reached a certain…conclusion,” Ezra murmurs.

“Yeah,” he whispers, breath hitching in his throat. “Yeah, I guess we have.”

Joel brushes past him none too carefully and stalks off. Ten steps down the road and he wants to take it all back, but Ezra wasn’t wrong about his ego. It keeps him firmly, painfully pointed in the opposite direction.

[theoldlesbianwithcats]

Please tell about your trip to Japan! Did you get to visit any lesbian events/spaces?

Hi anon :D

It was the best!! People are super kind and respectful, I ate delicious food and bought so much stuff haha (though mostly souvenirs for my family and friends)

I made a lot of research about lesbian spaces in Japan before the trip so I'd have an idea of where to go... There are SO MANY lesbian bars! I mean dozens of them just in the three cities I looked up! I went to one in Kyoto, one in Osaka and five in Tokyo, can't believe I'm able to say that I didn't have enough time to visit all the lesbian bars in the capital city, first country where it happens haha

(Mind you, you can basically only go to one in Tokyo if you don't speak Japanese at all (Goldfinger) so it's very crowded on women-only night, mostly with tourists, and you'll occasionally see a white US trans-identified dude because years ago they bullied the owners into letting them in... I still made friends with some foreign women and a Japanese woman there though, so it can be worth a try!)

Like I mentioned in an earlier post, the lesbian community seems so much better than in France and western countries in general because it's basically Normie Land :

For lesbian spaces, their social media are only about their news (at what time it opens that day, selfies of the bartenders, some food and drinks photos, etc.), no political stuff at all

Same for the decorations, it's all photos/drawings of very feminine women and lesbian positivity, sometimes bras too lol

The bars tend to be tiny and cosy (sometimes it's just a ten-seat counter and that's it!) and Japanese women are very kind, so I ended up talking to the bartender and other clients every night I went out and I had a great time. Once, I was alone with the bartender so we did karaoke, I sang a quite popular jpop song from the 90s and some gay dudes who could hear me from the street barged in to scream the chorus 😂

Because there's no political atmosphere, I felt like the conversations were more open and we weren't walking on eggshells around each other, we talked about our childhoods, anime and video games we like, our type of woman, about sex, etc.

Also I think they actually know what lesbian means (met several women who seemed like gold stars, didn't hear anything about ~sexual fluidity~ or political lesbianism, those who were bi with a preference for women just said so), which was refreshing! 😅

Anyway, I can't wait to go back hehe (currently daydreaming about opening a Japanese-style lesbian snack-bar in Paris with a little shelf full of (actually) lesbian books and maybe a women-only public bath/spa next to it... 💭)

[welcometothejianghu]

Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching. Today's choice: 心宅猎人/Psych-Hunter.

Psych-Hunter is a 2020 drama about a hot young amnesiac who, accompanied by a rich psychiatrist with major daddy issues and a rich girl who cosplays as a cop, uses his Inception-style psychic powers to solve crimes that are part of a shadowy conspiracy orchestrated by a mysterious figure.

True story: Once I couldn't remember the English name of the drama, so I called it "House Haunters," and now my brain insists that's the real English title. If only!

Do not, under any circumstances, labor under the impression that this show is good. It's not. It's incoherent. The writing is bad. The villain is absurd. The vibe is comically melodramatic. People make inexplicable and out-of-character decisions all the time. Countless complex mysteries get set up with no way to resolve them. There's a thin lampshade hanging over it that blurs the line between bad decisions made on accident and bad decisions made on purpose, but the net result is largely the same. This is the show that first inspired my wife to declare something dumb as a guinea pig in a roller skate.

But it's fun. It's a sea of colorful chaos with brilliant pieces that shine through like strange gems. It knows how to work an atmosphere and does so to create some legitimately creepy moments. It spins a wild yarn filled with bizarre and loveable characters. And it has some twists that truly have to be seen to be believed. In the mood for some beautiful nonsense? Here's five reasons that despite everything I warned you about in the previous paragraph, I think this one's worth watching.

1. Psychonauts for Jazz Age homosexuals

Honestly, that phrase alone should let you know if this is the thing for you. But just in case, let me explain the basic premise of the show:

Jiang Shuo, a man who has lost his memory and been adopted by circus folk, is capable of jingling his keys and diving full-body into someone else's subconscious, represented by lovely and thematic dreamscapes. He does this to solve crimes. Sometimes he takes along a handsome doctor who seems like he might know more than he's letting on, by literally tying their hands together with a red string.

Also, when they do this, they get gorgeous steampunk magical girl costume changes, complete with the cutest little pony nub you've ever seen.

This show can be stunningly beautiful. It knows how to manifest dream logic eerily well. Most of these cognitions are gorgeous, and many are done with primarily practical effects, like it's a stage play. ...And it's good it relies on that so much, because the CG it has is kinda cheap and terrible! So, yeah.

(Side note for the DMBJ fans: This is directed by the same guy who directed Sand Sea, which I assume is related to how this both is a visual treat and completely falls apart on the back end.)

The reason I'm a bit surprised that this hasn't taken off more among the creative set is what a great piece of worldbuilding this Psych-diving is. These boys (and, once, the girl) get to short-term manifest bodily in someone else's materialized mental state, where the person whose brain they’re in neither controls the experience nor remembers what happened after it’s done. Were you writing weird Arthur/Eames fic a decade ago? I got a new best thing for you. Can you say freaky dream sex? Because I can.

The base premise should be more than enough to get your gears going. Come ready to get weird with it. There's so much potential here, and so much of that potential is incredibly gay and wearing impeccably tailored suits.

2. Your friendly neighborhood circus family

As I mentioned before, Jiang Shuo lucks into the best possible fate that can befall an amnesiac: being picked up by carnies.

The troupe includes Ventriloquist Man, Really Big Dude, One-Eyed Acrobat, Other Acrobat, Cheerful Fat Girl, Boy Who Looks Like A Kid But Is Actually Played By An Adult So I'm Not Exactly Sure How Old The Character Himself Is Supposed To Be, and Silver Fox Circus Dad, who manages the whole crew. They're a ragtag bunch of performers who all live together in this cute little compound in some very nice slums, and sometimes they open the gates to their lavish compound and put on a circus show for all the common people!

Now: You know this is not going to be the wokest, most sensitive portrayal of body differences, because of course it isn't. But damn, it's pretty not-bad. The show treats all the circus members as valuable people worthy of affection, whose (occasionally exasperating) quirks are no more or less exhausting than those of the non-circus weirdos in the rest of the supporting cast.

I was half-expecting them to disappear after the first arc, but no! They’re a constant fixture through the show! They’re mostly there to support the show’s more comedic moments, but some of them get wrapped up in more emotional plotlines as well. And every now and then you get to see them actually do their circus shit, which is great.

I will admit that my fondness for them is related to how much I generally love fictional Freaks — you know, misfits who have banded together because society considers them unacceptably weird, but together their weirdnesses make them strong. When you find them, they’re usually the bad guys (e.g., the Gung-Ho Guns from Trigun, the Scorpion crew from Word of Honor) whose freak statuses make them formidable and occasionally sympathetic antagonists. But not so here! The Psych-Hunter Family Circus is good guy support all the way through to the final episode.

I know "found family" is a term that suffers from overuse, but that's the best way to describe what's happening here -- really, it's a family that's already found itself even before the show starts, and now they all live together as an unconventional collective of astonishingly flexible people. How did they find one another? Doesn't matter! What matters is that they all love and would do anything for their newest member, and they think it's great when he comes home with his attractive rich friends, who often arrive bringing snacks, which is really the best use for rich people, if you think about it.

3. Two hands, one ring

Now, if you've seen the series already, you know the moment I'm talking about. But if you haven't (and, statistically, you haven't), know that what I mean is the relationship between these two losers.

Together, Qin Yiheng and Jiang Shuo form the emotional core of the series. They're both drawn to one another because of mysterious circumstances that have started to align. Jiang Shuo's memory is missing, Qin Yiheng's dad has vanished, and all signs point to those absences as having something to do with one another.

Very early in the show, we see Qin Yiheng pull a "come with me if you want to live" on Jiang Shuo, giving the impression that he knows just what's going on in this crazy city. Except, no, he doesn't. Or does he? No, we're pretty sure he doesn't. Or he does, but he's forgotten what he knows, if he ever even knew it in the first place. Anyway, time to tie their hands together and jump into someone else's brain!

I'd say they're in love, but that's not quite it. Dr. Qin Yiheng, high-class homosexual, is in love with Jiang Shuo to the point where he's about to murder someone (possibly Jiang Shuo himself) out of frustration about it. Jiang Shuo, on the other hand, is much more sticking his fingers in his ears and going LA LA LA YOU CAN'T CATCH ME GAY THOUGHTS while trying get a girlfriend in an effort to pretend that all the shit they get up to together isn't tremendously romantic.

That is, until the scene that leads to the which-hand ring guessing game, at which point the burden of their relationship falls on Jiang Shuo (and the Inception parallels get unignorable) for exactly as long as the show will allow it to, before it freaks out and has to add another girl love interest just to make sure all the homos got no'd.

It's not textually gay, because seriously, have you met Chinese television? But it's pretty gay. Or, rather, I think Liu Dongqin (Qin Yiheng) is playing his character as a dedicated homosexual on purpose, and Hou Minghao (Jiang Shuo) is just ... kinda like that? I mean, everything I’ve seen him in, he gets real dreamy-eyed around strong men who pay close attention to him. Maybe it's just his thing as an actor. I'm not judging.

However, the main cast isn't just the two of them. One of the things that led me to this show was the promise of an OT3. And does it deliver on that promise?

Well ... sorta.

Qin Yiheng, Jiang Shuo, and Yuan Muqing are a pretty standard MFM not-love-triangle trio of Male Bestie, Main Guy, and Girlfriend (respectively). There's about five seconds at the beginning of the series where it looks like Yuan Muqing might be into Qin Yiheng, but no, that evaporates almost instantly and is never spoken of again -- and with it disappears most of their interactions with one another, period. So it's less an OT3, and more a case of bisexual cutiepie Jiang Shuo getting both a boyfriend and a girlfriend in a world where censorship will only let the latter relationship exist textually.

But damn if these boys aren't made for one another. Sure, there's a level of conscious comical queerbaiting to it -- I mean, there's straight-up an "only one bed" moment, so you know the show isn't stumbling into rainbow territory on accident. No matter how sexual or nonsexual or whatever you read it as, though, their dynamic is the spine that holds the story together. Really, it's almost sad how often the relationships are set parallel to one another, because when you do that, it becomes obvious how intense Jiang Shuo's bond with Qin Yiheng is, and how largely lackluster and comphet most of his canon romance with Yuan Muqing is by comparison.

Like so.

sidebar: The Girl

I am not going to go into a full-throated defense of The Girl this time, as I am wont to do, mostly because I think Yuan Muqing is full of potential in concept but so badly executed that there's really no hope for her. Her entire personality is whatever they need her to be in any particular scene. It's just that once in a while, what they need her to be is completely insane -- like, seeing-things-that-aren't-there insane -- and it's so great that it makes me mad! She could have been like this all the time! But noooooo

As it is, she has a perfunctory canonical romance with Jiang Shuo that's about as endgame as anything is capable of being (see point 5), and it actually gets pretty cute when it finally gets to the point where it's not just awkward obligation! But alas, it only does that so late in the series that it's not even worth it getting invested in it.

She is a creation of the show. She has no novel counterpart. Her entire function in the drama is to un-gay the dynamic between the boys. You can tell that she was initially supposed to have a different role -- to be the muscle of this trio -- but the narrative forgets pretty quickly that she's got that skill set, and she regresses to being The Girl. She makes dumb decisions that forward the plot. She gets put into danger whenever it's convenient. She demands Jiang Shuo do manly things for her because that’s what a girl is supposed to do, I guess? And then there are moments where she’s cool and crazy and it’s awesome! But they never last.

So if you are going to watch this, be prepared for the fact that the female lead is badly written to the point of frustration. I feel her actor is doing the absolutely best with what she's got; the problem is that what she's got is pretty crappy. Still, Muqing gets some pretty charming moments here and there, and I think it's worth hanging onto those and imagining the character she could have been, if the writers had cared just a little more, or even at all.

4. Powerfully surreal worldbuilding

I'm not even talking about the way people's psyches are structured according to dream logic -- the "normal" waking world is almost equally bizarre. The story takes place in sort of the real world c. 1930, except that a lot of things are off. For example, Japan and England are real locations, but China kinda isn't -- instead, the show takes place in a Shanghai-like city-state run by this moustachioed generalissimo with a faux Latin American dictator aesthetic. The place has its own flag and government and police force (where all the cops have coordinating surnames) and diplomatic relationships with other countries, so it’s clearly its own thing. But what that thing is? What it’s even called? Look, don’t worry about it. Nobody else is worried, so you shouldn’t be either.

You will, at every point in the series, be wondering if the show is trying to telegraph to you that Something's Not Quite Right Here, or if it's just making weird decisions for the sake of artsy weirdness. But don't worry -- there's absolutely no way to tell the difference between the two! Just roll with it.

There's a weird mix of universe rules happening throughout, where everything is mostly period-appropriate for a while, and then somebody builds a clock with levitating parts, or causes someone else to have very specific memory loss — or, again, swings some coins in front of a person’s face and gains the ability to treat their subconscious like a VR amusement park.

You can sort of reconstruct the evolution of this weirdness: The book has actual factual ghosts in it. Well, that’s fine for books, but TV isn’t allowed to have ghosts. But TV can have people who imagine ghosts, so long as it’s all in their heads. Okay, but you know jumping bodily into those imaginations isn’t actually a thing real people can do, right? Well, then let’s make it scientific. How can that be scientific? I don't know, it’s psychiatry. I don’t think that’s psychiatry. Look, it could be. Well, it’s definitely not psychiatry in 1930s Shanghai, and that’s the set we’re allowed to film on. Okay, what if it weren’t actually Shanghai? What if it weren’t actually 1930? What if all of this were at best a weird approximation of the period that adheres to no rules except the ones we want?

Once you’ve thought that, the sky’s the limit.

The show has a very inconsistent grasp on reality, and I am listing that as a pro instead of a con because I am choosing to embrace it as a deliberate choice rather than assume it’s the result of craven incompetence. There's something to be said, though, for how pervasively inconsistent it is. It'd be one thing if there were just a few plot holes here and there (and there are), but this is more along the lines of: We woke up in a mysterious boat and got taken to an island with a giant sea monster skeleton on the shore! What's that all about? Couldn't say! Was it real? Maybe! Moving on!

Let the number of "it's fine! who knows!" comments I've made throughout this rec indicate how much this is the kind of show you just have to roll with. If you are a nitpicker or someone who is troubled by unexplained nonsense, this is not the thing for you. If you love artistic magical realism and high strangeness, you will eat this up with a spoon.

And the lampshade that hangs over all of this worldbuilding is...

5. THE STUPIDEST POSSIBLE ENDING EVER

Okay, usually I am coy about when I think an ending has problems. I am going to drag this one out front and center: Psych-Hunter has an ending so jaw-droppingly, head-clutchingly stupid that I'm actually listing it as a selling point, because it has to be seen to be believed.

When I first watched it, I suspected the show ran out of time or money or something and just had to slap together the quickest possible ending ever. But no! This is the ending they meant! If you go back to the rest of the series, you can see that this is what they were (kinda) setting up the whole time! They just set it up so poorly and decided to make the twist hit at such a late point that not only is it complete nonsense, it actually renders moot the entire emotional stakes of the show! Absolutely incredible!

Now, as I've said before in other places, I don't begrudge the actual twist itself. I mean, it's stupid on its face, but I think they could have done something with it — if they'd had it happen halfway through the series, when the characters would have had time to adjust to the new knowledge. Instead, they slap it on at the last possible moment, when there's no time to have any reaction to it. It's just jarring and baffling, and then the whole thing's over.

I've seen lots of people say "season 2 when???" Season 2 never, friends. There was never going to be a season 2. The only reason you think this was an even remotely acceptable narrative move was that you were assuming that this would be the midpoint, not the end. You're having the same reaction I did, only I can tell this was always meant to be their spectacular dismount.

(To me, it's clear what happened: They J.J. Abramsed themselves into a cool premise for a mystery with no idea how to solve it, hoping they'd figure it out along the way. When they got to the end and still hadn't figured it out, they simply ... opted out of solving it.)

Now, if you want a normal viewing experience out of this show, watch to the end of the next-to-last episode, close your browser window, and have imagination adventures about how you think all the mysteries should resolve. But you're not going to. You are going to continue on to that last episode, and you are going to realize that nothing I could have said here could possibly have prepared you for this. And somewhere, I am going to feel the urge to cackle wickedly and not even know why. Except I'll know why. We'll both know why.

Want to watch this hot mess?

That baby's an iQiyi exclusive! But you can watch the first episode on YouTube, if you feel like getting a taste that way.

Look, I know I may have spoiled my pitch somewhat with that last selling point. After all, why would you bother watching a series if you know it has a shit ending?

I refute your objection thus: Knowing it has a shit ending changes the whole game, because it removes the feeling of betrayal that hits upon your discovering that the ending isn’t what you wanted. You know that already now, so there can be no betrayal. The ending goes from being an unpleasant surprise to being exactly the unexpected thing that you expected. With that in mind, you can dive right in (ha ha) knowing that you’ll never get the closure you crave, and therefore whatever you make up along the way is perfectly valid.

This is obviously a turnoff if you prefer shows that are like seeing someone start a magic trick, perform it without breaking a sweat, and walk off calmly, leaving you wondering how on earth they accomplished such an amazing thing. Think of this more as someone starting a magic trick, accidentally letting the rabbit fall out of their hat, saying “I meant to do that!” like thirty times, and suddenly vanishing through a trapdoor, leaving you wondering what the trick was even supposed to be in the first place — but they were really good-looking and well-dressed, so at least whatever they were doing was nice to look at while it was happening.

See? They're having fun.