#emotional unstable personality disorder

[bpddiaries96]

Everyone says it gets better with time, but what if it’s been years since you’ve felt like yourself? What if feeling numb and sad is normal for me. Maybe I never will get better.

[fairymayasblog]

I’ve been trying so damn hard, to figure out how this could have happened, how you could have erased me from your life as if I never existed, when you were the one who chased me down, until I let my guard down just long enough, to hand you a few pieces of my shattered heart. Like shards of glass they cut my fingertips, as I handed them over to you. And you promised me, that you would take care of my pieces, that you would never ever leave me, that for this love you would always show up, that for me, you would always come through. But you lied, didn’t you? And you think I couldn’t see through your empty words? Your promises were already broken, the moment they left your lips. But I chose to ignore all the red flags I saw, because I wanted so much, to believe in this, in this idea of a love, that would never abandon its counterpart, of a person who could have held tightly, to the words that they’ve spoken.

I wanted so much to believe in us, to believe that our love was forever, and unbroken. And so, I kept on keeping on. And so, I kept on hoping. But here I am now, face down in the dirt; my scars all exposed, tears flowing. I’m bleeding out slowly. There is a darkness that surrounds me, as I’m beginning to discover the truth, that you were the one who chased my demons away, but in the end, I meant nothing to you. You made me cry so bad you made me question my worth, you tossed me into the trash like garbage, You’ve taken my heart and my soul in your hands, and you’ve crushed them, and severed their connection. It has led me down a path of great fear, deep heartache, and introspection

You took away my compass

now I move blindly, with no direction

You ruined me

[brokenfrombirth]

🎶 Where were you when everything was falling apart? 🎶

[transylvanilla]

The worst thing about bpd is you almost never know if you should trust your own emotions. Am I experiencing a Normal amount of sadness in response to this? Am I experiencing an Okay amount of anger in response to this? Is it okay to cry right now? Should I be experiencing This Emotion instead of That Emotion? Is this emotional response appropriate or do I look/sound crazy/manipulative? Would a non-bpd feel this intensely upset in response to this, or is the intensity of this distress a bpd symptom?

When you can't trust your own emotions you can't trust your own judgement. This person hurt me, should I stop talking to them forever or is that Too Much? Does the Punishment suit the Crime? You might ask a non-bpd person what they would do if they were in your shoes, but theres plenty of non-bpd people who honestly aren't good at making these judgements either!! Theres plenty of non-bpd people who are so emotionally unintelligent that they basically are just as incapable as you of understanding What They Feel. It sucks.

A bpd person will be lucky to find someone they can place their faith in to help them observe and decide if their feelings and actions are appropriate. Most of my family have problems like mine so I've realized I can't turn to them for this specific thing. They can and will tell me I should feel evil and guilty if my emotions/actions are Inappropriate which is Unhelpful. I can, however, depend on the most mellow, level-headed person I know; my girlfriend, whom I'm very grateful for. A good therapist is probably another good option for other bpds.

Disclaimer, *I'm* not a therapist and I dont claim to have any real education or knowledge about bpd or emotional unstability or whatever else, I just wanted to talk about maybe the most important realization I've made as someone with borderline and has had to deal with borderline family for my entire life.

[nagichi-boop]

Reminder that if you confront someone about something they’ve done wrong (eg parents being emotionally neglectful) and they say “I’m sorry you feel that way”, that’s not a real apology. That statement doesn’t acknowledge their own actions towards you and instead passively diverts the blame back to you.

[happinessinmayhem]

Does anyone else constantly feel like tiny little bugs are crawling on them??? I need to know if it’s a sensory thing or if I have 1000’s of tiny parasites taking over my body.

[kintsukuroi-babes]

Full moon tonight🫶💋✨🌝

Had a mental breakdown today so it must be

[bpdhellandtears]

I dont deserve food. I dont deserve joy.i dont deserve to live. I deserve pain, misery and bad things. I feel like my life is going to be worse and that since over a year ago. At the moment i feel like that its freezing but at the same time everythings going so fast and i'm in the middle. I feel like a lost curse. I feel like a cursed vodoo doll.

[dissociating-at-the-disco]

I feel the urge

To scream

To run

To throw something

To punch something

To tear my chest open and let this thing the fuck OUT

I feel like I’m gonna throw up, I just want it out of me

[bpddiaries96]

Numbness has taken over, I no longer feel anything. I try to make it stop, try to alleviate the pain but it only gets worse. Darkness is all around. I want to feel normal. I want to feel happy. I want light. Darkness consumes me. I can’t run away.

[tasteofcaviar]

am I manic or am I just in a good mood ?? my bpd baddies get it 🫶

[brokenfrombirth]

🎵 Maybe if I hurt myself you could be the bandage. I don’t wanna ask for help, you’d call it baggage 🎵

[dormont]

me thinking i won't have to block many tags on this account because i don't want to give a fuck but unfortunately i have the disorder that makes me give a fuck too intensely

[locallyloathed]

“This media is gay bc I’m gay and I say so” but it’s me insisting that Mariana’s Trench’s Phantoms album is a schizoid love story bc I’m a schizoid and I say so

[looking-through-bright-blue-eyes]

[nagichi-boop]

Me: I have object impermanence but with people. If they’re not with me, I forget they even exist.

Mum: So do you miss me when I’m gone?

Me: Uhm…not really?

Mum: Wow, you must hate me!

Me: That’s…that’s not how it works?