#guys i think i do kin eleven

[oceanwithinsblog]

i will never process the ponds' ending (plot wise). m0ff4t you better sleep with one eye open

[rotzaprachim]

new possible aspect of extended andor-erso family Dynamics include galen and lyra’s protracted awkward divorce (it starts to happen the moment that jyn is out of the house, either age, like, 6 or 18 you can decide) where galen for whom she’s like he only real human connection to the Outside World is like *this is Fine* *opens vodka bottle* meanwhile lyra keeps talking about living her Best Life. she’s actually finishing her geology master’s degree that got put on pause by galen, galen’s career, and jyn. she’s invested in a bunch of new-age hippy sweaters and scented candles and taken up hot yoga. she’s got the space!joy of sex and assorted manuals on the female orgasm sitting up on the bookshelf with all her baking books. she goes hillwalking for weeks at a time. she keeps bringing her collection of nubile younger lovers ‘round to family events and they are all her age or younger, which is to say, at least eleven years younger than galen 

[postsfromtheportalfuture]

talkarchaeologytome:

Sometimes I forget that this isn't common knowledge but did you guys know that the digsite federation runs youtube livestreams for the broadcast channels of all their digsites?

The livestreams don't really get a lot of views since they tend to be a bit boring, given there's no visual (they just have a blue background with the DSF logo), but sometimes when a rescue or something happens, they upload the highlights as videos on their channels.

I think most people have listened to the Solar 5 rescue at this point, but here's another one that I found really interesting: [link]

Not too long before the Carrington Event, a skyscraper collapsed in New York Main and Rono Kipkibor's Cassandra 2 team were buried.

They were dug out by tag leader Jarra from Asgard 6.

Give it a listen, it's pretty fascinating.

flufflebrainedfreak:

Oh, I saw how friendly she was with Cassandra 2 during the zulu dig but I always thought it was just because her lecturer was friends with them! I didn't realize she'd helped save their lives!

It's so cool hearing how different she was during this event than she is as Commander Tell Morrath. Like, she sounds a little nervous throughout the whole thing?

But you can also tell she really knows what she's doing. I don't know a lot about archaeology, but if Earth 19 let her keep tagleading when they arrived, that must mean she was doing a good job, right?

talkarchaeologytome:

Yeah, she's kind of become a legend in the archaeology circles, and it's not even mostly about her military rank and her involvement in alien contact. Like, the more I hear about her the more wild it gets???

She started going to dig sites when she was eleven?

She learned how to fly from Valeska Orlova's husband????

She became a next of kin when she was 17?

Guys I don't know how to stress to you that Commander Tell Morrath has literally never been normal.

[kissagii]

hihihi!!! ive been waiting so long to be able to request for a matchup omg! mha please <33

someone once matched me up with hinata shoyo but i think i kin him more than simp for him, like i have made loads of friends from sports like basketball, volleyball and soccer. just built dif ig.

im a enfp and a taurus lol. i use they/she and im polysexual but i just say im bi, i am also probably on the aromantic spectrum (cupiromantic) but im tryna ignore it lol. i get described as childish and a but airheaded but i swear im not!! im like karen smith on the outside and regina george on the inside!! i also deeply kin nene yashiro from tbhk, chuuya nakahara from bsd, and bakugou katsuki from mha lmao.

i like music and obsess over a new artist every month, its taylor swift rn last time it was maneskin, then artic monkeys and then mitski. gota thing for Ms i guess. at school im a art kid too lol, i have to design flyers for a charity too. i love hot summer nights when u can just play with a ball in shorts and a tee shirt omg. i love gravity falls too!! and the owl house!! and amphibia omg, i could go on and on!! basically disney plus animations>>

i have a tendency to love characters like q from bungo stray dogs, like the cynical typa kids that are antagonists and cry a bunch get my heart sobbing.

i hate mfs that don’t respect personal space sm!! like bro get ur goofy ah hands away!! i only like it when my friends hug me but i still prefer talking or like having a arm rapped around each other. speaking of that, i play fight w my friends sm. i think i accidentally gave one a bruise from kicking him and we created the term, “a bruise for a bruise”.

i also hate guys who speak for no reason, like do not get the memo. theres a guy in my year who had to go to the hospital cuz he got hit w a cricket bat and was bleeding like shit and some eleven looking ah in my class makes some joke aboyt like omg stfu!!! im realising im talking to much so i think i just gonna send this in. tell me if u need more please!!

thank you so so so much!! i used to do matchups and it was hard work so kudos to you (idfk what a kudos is)!! have a lovely day/night!! *plays outtro”

you're welcome <3 my matchup method makes it a little easier though, so it's not all that hard of work haha

i match you with...

𝕜𝕚𝕣𝕚𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕞𝕒 𝕖𝕚𝕛𝕚𝕣𝕠

[cresentcube]

I imagine Nine must enjoy being in high places, even if he has literally fallen from the sky at least three times (if memory serves me right it was from the observatory and then from two different dragons whose names have currently slipped my mind). Do you think he can still walk off (if you ignore him being knocked unconscious each time) a fall from that height? What would the reaction to that be?

Oh yeah!! He loves being in high places. He was an airborne celestrian after all. I imagine he virtually has absolutely no fear of heights since he literally was born and raised in the observatory. Heights has never been a problem. He practically lived in a train that flies, too!

The problem is that he, due to his history of dropping down and getting hurt, the feeling of falling is not very welcome to him. The lurch of his gut dropping as gravity takes hold- that's what he dislikes. The height itself is more than fine. In fact, he likes being high up/being afloat a lot: when he had free time in cobblestone he would pack a small lunch and climb up to cobblestone cor to eat his lunch while dangling his legs on the edge of the cliff. Also he slept in a hammock hanging in the cellar! Amber offered to build him a bed but he refused, due to him genuinely being more comfortable in a hammock high up against the window.

And yes, I think he can definately walk off a high drop. This guy survived a literal stratosphere drop and only suffered unconsciousness in Angel falls. Even without the luminary's blessing Nine would have survived any fall presented in the game. (Maybe all celestrians are strong against gravity. Hollow bones...)

That being said- there was one instance that Nine fell off a cliff by accident. Not sure whether to call it an accident, here, since this would be around the time where Hendrick was still chasing them- and it goes like this. After the funeral held in duransil, Hendrick chases them down: and Nine-kin of darkspawn- is the one who immidately throws himself against the general to buy El and Jade the time to run. He holds his ground splendidly and almost overcomes him until-

-Hendrick, with his sheer power, locks his sturdy steel blade against Nine's traveler's bronze and uses the locked momentum to hurl Nine across the cliff they were fighting on. Not towards the water, but to the dry patch of land beyond it. Everything happens way too quickly. El and jade who were in the middle of escape sees Nine fall down the obviously deadly drop. Even with the rain's downpour, everyone hears the dull thud of his body hitting the dirt below.

When Jade and El return from the river and meet up with everyone safely, they make their way towards the base of the cliff. Eleven doesn't protest, but his gaze is glued to the ground. No-one says a thing until they reach the patch of land, which... Has the remains of a small campfire?

Then suddenly there's Nine, perfectly fine, running towards them with relief on his face. He looks a bit dazed but he waves excitedly when they approach him. Was looking all around for you guys, he says, eyes brightening as he spots El and Jade safe and sound. Veronica doesn't believe her eyes. Rab breathes out a sigh of relief and suggests that it's the luminary's power that saved him, and Serena agrees. Sylvando gives him a big hug while sobbing his eyes out (theatrically) Jade says nothing but she's obviously relieved. Erik gives him a big pat in the back with a grin and tells him to thank Eleven, because at this rate he's gonna set a record in dropping off cliffs.

The only person that's left confused is Eleven himself, because he's sure his mark nor his power didn't make a move throughout the entire chaos.

[archived-kin]

petty ghost haunts their murderer but doesn’t actually do anything vengeful, more at eleven

note from kin: i don’t even know what this is myself to be honest but the simple way of putting it is that you were accidentally killed by one of satan’s fits of rage and now your ghost follows him around and messes with him at any given opportunity out of pettiness

basically i came up with the prompt ‘vengeful spirit is more of a slightly miffed and extremely petty spirit who doesn’t actually do much but inconvenience their hauntee, shenanigans ensue’ and ran with it

(as a heads up, reader is not mc in this situation, and this takes place before any of the exchange program stuff, so belphie’s not in the attic and solomon and the angels aren’t in the devildom)

fandom: obey me!

character(s): gn!reader, satan, beelzebub

pairing(s): satan/reader (though it isn’t particularly romantic since you’re, y’know, dead, so it’s more of a satan & reader)

warning(s): references to death, beel eats an entire rotisserie chicken

genre: crack (with a bit of fluff i guess???)

“For the last time, [Name], put the knife down.”

“Bite me, bitch-boy.”

Satan lets out a long-suffering sigh and sets down his mug of coffee, then reaches out and carefully pushes the floating butter knife pointed directly at his jugular back down onto the table. “I don’t know why you keep trying that. You do know it wouldn’t actually get through my skin even if you did manage to hit me, right?”

“It’s the thought that counts,” comes your disembodied voice from somewhere near the ceiling. You’ve probably decided to float up there to sulk like you always do after a failed attack.

“I’d prefer you didn’t think about it at all.”

A still-wet towel pulls itself from the rack on the wall and hits him square in the face. Satan gives an exasperated groan as it slides down his face and lands on the table with a soft splat.

“That’s what you get,” You sniff indignantly, finally materialising in front of him with a scowl. You’re floating upside down in a way that makes it look like you’re standing on the ceiling. “Buttface.”

“Come on, you can come up with better material than that,” Satan shakes his head, pushing back his chair and picking up the wet towel you’ve just flung at him to hang it back up again. “Where did all your creativity from yesterday go?”

“Six feet under with the remains of my body, probably,” you reply with a scowl. Then, as an afterthought, you add, “Confounded cheese wheel.”

“Oh, that’s a new one,” He comments, mildly surprised. “Where’d you pick that up?”

“Made it up myself. Ha!” You bob past him and through the wall, most likely to go terrorise Mammon by making his lights flicker on and off again. “Guess my creativity isn’t as dead as I am after all.”

“You still haven’t gotten over that, I see.” He sighs.

Your head immediately pops back out of the wall and glares across the room at him. “Excuse me?”

“It’s been weeks now - months, even,” Satan explains carefully as he sits back down at the table, not wanting to aggravate you further. The last time he'd brought something like this up, he’d ended up making you so angry that you’d managed to become physically corporeal enough to fling him across the room. “I would have thought you’d have passed on by now, that’s all. Surely it doesn’t take this long for the gates to the Celestial Realm to open?”

You consider his words, apparently appeased by their logic. “...I guess. Maybe I’m not passing on because I can’t rest in peace yet, like the ghosts do in horror films.”

“They’re films, you can’t expect to apply what happens in them to reality,” Satan replies flatly. “Besides, even if that was the situation, you've met all the criteria to 'rest in peace’, haven't you?”

“Are you trying to tell me, the dead one here, what merits as ‘resting in peace’?” You counter, floating back through the wall so that your entire body is in the room again. “My murderer’s still walking about like he doesn’t dress in the entire green colour spectrum and think it’s a good idea. How am I supposed to rest in peace knowing that?”

Satan looks down at his outfit, a little offended. “What’s wrong with my clothes?”

“What’s right with your clothes?” You shoot back, drifting over to him and passing a ghostly hand through his shoulder, apparently too lazy to muster up the energy to make your hand physical enough to touch him. “Look at it! Your blazer doesn’t even have lapels!”

“It isn’t a blazer.”

“Jacket, then.” You make a move as if to pinch at the fabric, but your fingers just pass right through it like a hot knife through butter. “It doesn’t even fit you. The sleeves are too short.”

Satan resists the urge to roll his eyes. “I wouldn’t be able to wear it if it didn’t fit me. Besides, why does it matter to you?”

“The demon I might be doomed to be attached to for the rest of my afterlife has the worst fashion sense in all three realms is the matter,” You sigh dramatically and float up to the ceiling again. “Why do you even wear rip-off jeans if you’re going to put a belt over it?”

“First of all, they aren’t rip-off jeans,” Satan tells you as you start idly making the kitchen light flicker. He should probably tell you to stop doing that whenever you get bored, but he’s gotten so used to it at this point that he can’t really be bothered to. “And, second of all, why does it matter if I’m wearing a belt on it?”

“Rip-off jeans are meant to be ripped off,” You explain with all the patience of a mother explaining something to a curious child, completely disregarding Satan’s first point. “Putting a belt on top of it kind makes that redundant.”

Satan thinks about it for a moment and begrudgingly comes to the conclusion that your statement is correct - not that it makes a difference to him. “...they’re still not rip-off jeans.”

“Think whatever you want to think, burro verde.”

“What?”

“It means green donkey in Spanish.”

He raises an eyebrow at you. “Where’d you get that from?”

“I took Spanish for, like, three years when I was in high school,” You shrug, and the light brightens and dims slightly with the movement of your shoulders, as if it’s shrugging with you. “Failed all the exams, but at least I got something worthwhile out of it.”

“Three years of linguistic lessons and all you learn is how to string together bizarre insults,” Satan shakes his head. “You really are incorrigible.”

“That’s a big word. You sure you know what it means?”

“Of course I do,” He gives you a slightly disgruntled look. “I wouldn’t use it if I didn’t. What do you take me for?”

“Someone who doesn’t know what incorrigible means, obviously.” You pretend to aim a kick at the spider perched quietly in the corner of the ceiling, but Timothy ignores your efforts to boot him from his web. After a moment, growing tired of bothering the little guy, you ask, “...what does it mean?”

Satan snickers, then answers, sounding as if he’s reading the definition directly out of a dictionary, “In reference to a person or their behaviour, unable to be changed or reformed.”

You contemplate his words for a few seconds. “Is that a good thing?”

“Not usually when that particular word is used for it, no.”

“Oh. Bitch.”

He pauses at that, moving his mug of now marginally cooler coffee away from his mouth again, having been in the middle of taking another sip when you decided to insult him again. “Where did that come from?”

“You called me incorrigible, which you just said is not a good thing to be,” You explain as if it’s obvious, frowning down at him. “So I’m taking it as an insult and insulting you back. Bitch.”

“You didn’t have to say it again.”

“I didn’t, but it’s fun to call you names.” You snort and glide down from the ceiling to float above the table, crossing your legs and pretending to sit down on it. “It’s not as fun as it used to be, though. You never get all puffed up about it anymore.”

“That’s your own fault for doing it so much that I got used to it,” Satan reproaches. “Besides, it was pointless getting angry. It’s not like I can do anything to you in return.”

“You could ignore me and pretend I don’t exist or something.”

“Is that what you want me to do?”

“No!” You hurriedly throw up your hands in a gesture of surrender and shake your head so hard that Satan swears he actually feels a breeze - an even more impressive achievement considering that your body isn’t even tangible. “Please don’t. You’re the only being in the entire universe that I can actually interact with.”

“Sometimes I wonder if that is a good thing,” Satan mutters.

“It’s a good thing for me, and that’s all that matters,” You reply, unfazed.

No one other than Satan appears to have the ability to see you, which is an odd thing in and of itself. Ghosts aren’t a foreign thing to the Devildom - they’re so common that you could probably just walk into a convenience store and find one shelving cans of soup - but you don’t seem to follow any of the rules that they do. Sometimes Satan wonders if you’re able to actively choose to not allow his brothers to see you as you drift around the house, but then again, he’s pretty sure that, if you had the option to make Lucifer watch you pretend to fist fight that weird skeleton hanging in his room, you definitely would.

Satan doesn’t pretend to understand the laws of your otherworldly existence - he’s read so many variations on the rules behind lingering spirits like you that he can scarcely tell the difference between pure fiction and actual logical hypothesis. It’s easy enough to wrangle you into behaving for a day so that he can observe you properly by promising to leave his radio on for you while he’s out, but the observations themselves never seem to lead to anything. He knows that you’re able to pass through any physical object (as far as he knows), can make lights (of both the electronic and candle variety) flicker at will, can muster up enough physicality to move and touch things if you try, and can phase in and out of perceivable view, but he doesn’t know why you can do any of those things.

“Quit trying to come up with explanations for everything,” You’d told him wisely a month or so ago, when you’d floated in on him muttering to himself about the possibility of something called ‘ether energy’. “You’re just gonna give yourself a headache.”

Then you’d started making his candles flicker like disco lights until he stopped.

“...but I don’t think he spotted me, since he probably would’ve commented on the floating meat cleaver if he did, and— hey, big guy!”

That last exclamation is aimed at Beel, who has just walked into the kitchen and is now rummaging unceremoniously through the fridge, most likely in search of something to eat. At this point Satan’s pretty sure that you still don’t know any of his brothers’ names - at the very least, even if you do, you’ve never called them by them.

Beel continues to sort through the various already empty boxes and containers in the fridge as you start zooming back and forth through him, marvelling over the sheer broadness of his chest and shoulders. It isn’t the first time you’ve done this to him - or indeed any of the brothers - but Satan can tell that it’s more innocent awe than any kind of objectification or intent to harm, so he doesn’t mind. As mischievous as you are, he’s pretty sure you don’t have a genuinely malicious or wanton bone in your body... well, you don’t have any bones anymore - or a body, for that matter - but the point still stands.

“Hungry?” He guesses, but it’s honestly more of a statement. It is Beel, after all.

The Avatar of Gluttony withdraws from his search briefly to offer a nod. “I didn’t get to finish all of my lunch.”

“Well, there’s a surprise,” You comment as Beel sticks his head back into the fridge, finally tiring of buffeting yourself back and forth like a pendulum and choosing to start hovering just over the second youngest’s shoulders to watch his hunt. “Wonder what he was up to that got him to stop eating.”

Satan opens his mouth to reply, then stops and closes it again. It’s not that he doesn’t trust Beel with the not-really-a-secret of your existence, but he’s sure that at some point or another, Beel will end up letting it slip to Lucifer, who would most likely want to know why your death ended up attaching your spirit to his brother, and Satan’s already gone to great lengths to make sure that the oldest won’t find out about the rampage he went on that cost you your life in the first place. It'd just be a waste of that effort for Lucifer to find out anyway. Besides, it isn’t like the information will make much difference to Beel - he can’t see or hear you, and you’re pretty harmless, so there wouldn’t be any need for him to get involved in the situation anyway.

You, meanwhile, are well aware that Satan isn’t going to be saying anything to you while one of his brothers is in the room - you don’t really understand his reasoning for it, since you like to think that you’re a pleasure of a ghost to know, but you suppose you can’t really force him to make any decisions. Besides, you’re pretty content with the way things are right now; you don’t want to complicate the situation by bringing in another demon who, as far as you know, might just smite you on the spot if they find out about your existence.

Instead, you busy yourself with watching in fascination as Beel somehow pulls what looks like a rotisserie chicken from the very back of the fridge and shove the whole thing in this mouth. You exchange slightly disturbed looks with Satan as he begins to chew - you’re pretty sure you’ve just seen him dislocate his jaw like a snake to fit it in there.

“You might want to calm down, Beel,” Satan advises after a brief moment’s stunned silence, though even he knows that it’s a fruitless warning. “You’ll end up choking.”

Beel nods, but makes absolutely no move to slow in his aggressive chewing.

“This must be what the peak of evolution looks like,” You say in bemused awe as Beel finishes eating. The entire chicken has disappeared down his throat - bones and all. “How the hell does he manage that?”

Satan doesn’t answer, but his subtle shrug says that your guess is as good as his.

Much to your surprise and Satan’s resignation, Beel immediately goes back to the fridge, apparently unsatisfied by the copious amount of fowl he’s just eaten. To be honest, you feel sorry for the guy - while the you from when you’d still been able to eat would have done some unspeakable things to be able to consume as much as he does and still remain that fit, you’re sure that the black hole he calls a stomach must be an awful thing to have to deal with. At least he gets to enjoy a lot of food because of it, though you suppose it’s a double-edged sword if he’s also constantly being scolded for it. Personally, you don’t understand the reasoning behind telling someone off for eating as much food as they need, but they are demons. You probably shouldn’t expect them to have that level of compassion.

By the time you break out of your train of thought, Beel has found something else to eat amidst the many empty boxes in the fridge. It’s much smaller than the rotisserie chicken - some kind of pastry with a dollop of snowy white cream on top, decorated with a few lines of melted chocolate to look like a cat’s face. In fact, it looks almost identical to…

“Hey, wait!” You swipe a useless hand through Beel’s arm as he raises the pastry to his mouth. “Don’t eat that—!”

Too late. The pastry disappears into Beel’s mouth, and you drift backwards again, letting out a defeated groan. Satan shoots you a curious look - you can’t eat, after all, so why are you so upset about Beel eating that pastry? Is there something special about it?

His question is answered when he actually turns to look at his younger brother. The Avatar of Gluttony has gone rigid on the spot and is blinking rapidly, his eyes the size of moons.

“Beel…?” Satan questions hesitantly. “Are you feeling alright?”

Beel takes a long moment to respond, nodding slowly. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Satan takes a closer look and realises that Beel’s pupils seem to have dilated to an almost impossible degree, resembling a cat’s eyes when it’s about to go absolutely feral. Whatever it is was in that pastry, it’s definitely hit him hard.

Now, Satan isn’t one to interrupt good fun when it’s about to happen, so instead of stepping in and performing some sort of spell that might help on his possibly-high brother like a good guy, he sits back and watches as Beel’s head swings around the room as if he's never seen anything in it before like the mischief-loving little shit he is. Beel himself doesn’t appear to be negatively affected, so it can’t be that bad, right?

You float cautiously around the giant as his hands ball into fists. His entire body is trembling slightly with pent-up energy. Then, a split second later, as if he’s been zapped by some catalystic bolt of lightning, he abruptly snaps back on his heel and positively zooms out of the room. You can practically see the cartoony cloud of dust that he’s kicking up as he disappears down the corridor.

“He’s absolutely zooted right now,” You comment, flipping upside with a resigned sigh and crossing your arms a little grumpily. “I told him not to eat it.”

“He couldn’t hear you, you know,” Satan says, moving over to the fridge and slamming it shut, since Beel has neglected to. “What was even in that thing?”

You shrug. “Don’t know. I’ve just been calling it demon-nip.”

“I suppose that it does to demons what catnip does to cats, then?” Satan doesn’t even wait for you to answer before continuing - rude. “How did you even get a hold of it? Never mind that, how did you manage to get it in a pastry and put it in the fridge?”

“I got some help from one of the poltergeists downtown to make it,” You wave your hands about dismissively. “You should pay more attention when you go out. I disappeared for, like, five hours, and you didn’t even notice.”

“When even was this?”

“Tuesday, I think. Remember when you bought that giant bag of cat paw-shaped biscuits and then accidentally dropped the bag in the hall and got them everywhere?”

You don’t miss the way that the tips of his ears go slightly pink as he coughs subtly and averts his gaze. “...why would the poltergeists help you? They hate humans.”

“I don’t know, actually…” You ponder for a moment, then decide, “...probably because I’m cute.”

“Are you?” Satan deadpans. “Cute is what you’d call a cat. You’re just… tolerable.”

“Oh, fuck you, I think I’m adorable.” You huff, flying over and poking him hard in the side of the head. Satan hisses in pain and reaches up to rub the sore spot, but he supposes he should have seen that blow coming - you’re never too humble to make yourself physical enough to hit him after an insult.

“Where did that idea even come from?” He asks quickly, not wanting to take another attack. You may be a mere imprint of a dead human, but your fingers are sharp, and he’d prefer not to provoke you further if he can avoid it.

His change of subject is so abrupt and obvious that it’s almost laughable, but you choose not to call him out on it. As much as you’d like to set him on fire or something, he hasn’t given you a really good reason to commit arson yet, and you’d just end up feeling bad for doing it. Well, to be fair, he did kill you… but still, you don’t want to keep holding that over his head.

“I read it in a book.” You answer. Satan’s eyes light up slightly.

“Do you remember the title?” He asks almost eagerly, and you disguise a snicker. His intentions are practically painted in bright red paint across his face - he’s hoping that there’ll be more schemes like the one you’ve performed that he can use against that sadist of an older brother of his.

Unfortunately for him, the book doesn’t exist. “Yeah. It’s called One Hundred Ways To Get Back At The Ass That Killed You, Free Of Murder and Actual Crimes That Might Get You Persecuted And Sent To Super Hell.”

Satan clearly isn’t thinking very hard today, because for a moment he actually looks as if he believes you - you suppose it’s because he’s grown desensitised to the oddness of such long titles after hearing so many weirdly specific anime titles from the otaku brother that you still have yet to see come out of his room. (You’ve floated in a few times to have a look around and appreciate the decor, but other than that, you’ve barely even seen his face. You’re not even sure what his name is, to be honest…)

He realises what you’re getting at after a moment, though, and immediately frowns at you in disapproval. You just grin, pleased with your small victory.

“You're insufferable,” He says, shaking his head with an long sigh.

“No, I'm cute,” You counter, frowning. “Weren't you listening to me earlier?”

He throws his hands up hastily as you drift forward with a hand brandished and a nasty glint in your eye, unwilling to get jabbed at again. “Okay, okay, I get it.”

You, however, don't relent. Eyes narrowing, you float even closer - so close that, if you'd been physical, he’d have been able to feel your breath on his face. “Say it.”

Satan may be one of the seven most powerful demons in the Devildom (below Diavolo, of course, and possibly Barbatos), but the aggression of a pissed-off ghost, especially if that ghost is you, isn't anything he wants to be on the receiving end of right now. “Fine, fine! You're adorable, you're cute, whatever. Now will you leave me alone?”

You finally pull back, beaming in a gratified fashion. “That's all I wanted to hear!”

Satan gives you an irritated look as you drift back across the kitchen, a satisfied grin on your face. “You’re insufferable.”

“You’ve said that already,” You sing back, laughing in victory when you see his eyebrow twitch slightly in annoyance. “And you had the nerve to lecture me about creativity earlier! Why don’t you come up with better material, Mr Shoes-Up-My-Ass?”

He doesn’t reply for a good moment, attempting to think of a insult to counter your admittedly slightly juvenile one. Try as he might, though, all of his good jibes seem to have evaporated. “...shut up.”

His pathetic response, of course, immediately compels you to take the piss out of him. Clutching your chest dramatically, as if Satan’s just stabbed you with the knife you’d been waving about earlier, you wail, “Oh, thy words do wound me! 'Tis like thou hath rip’d my heart out with thy own hands!”

Satan glares you for a long moment, but he doesn’t have the heart to keep it up when you’re grinning so brightly. Honestly, you’re a nuisance and a brat sometimes, sure, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t consider you his closest friend at this point. “...do you even know how to use those words?”

You drop the act faster than Asmo throws it down on a Saturday night, shrugging and floating back over to hover just above the chair across from Satan’s. “Nope. It sounded right, though, right?”

“I haven’t read enough works in Old English to know,” Satan admits with a shake of his head. “But it did, I suppose…”

It’s kind of weird that he’s agreeing so easily, you think. Has he just had enough of your bullshit and is complying with to keep you quiet? Or has he just finally seen the light of your brilliance?

...well, you suppose it doesn’t matter. You grin and move to ruffle his hair, but forget to make your hand physical and instead end up flying right through his head. Satan shudders slightly - though he doesn’t feel it, it’s still weird to have an entire hand and arm go through his cranium.

“Could you not?” He complains as you right yourself and pull your hand back again. “This feels weird.”

“Baby.”

“Pet names aren’t going to do anything,” He sighs, pulling his chair to the side so that he’s no longer half-inside your torso. “Hands to yourself.”

“No, it was an insult,” You correct him. “I was calling you a baby. Though bitch-boy works too.”

Satan lets out a long sigh. Now you’re just back where you started.

[middleearthpixie]

More Than Meets the Eye ~ Chapter Eighteen

A/N: A special thank you to @fizzyxcustard, @kibleedibleedoo @legolasbadass for helping me work out a tiny tangle! ❤️ you guys!

Summary: Afterglow - need I say more?

Pairing: Thorin Oakenshield/Arielle (Elen) Farran (female OC)

Characters: Arielle, Thorin

Rating: M

Warnings: Things are still pretty steamy for Arielle and Thorin…

Word Count: 2,884

Khuzdal Translation: Givashel - treasure of treasures

Maralmizi - I love you

Amrâlimê - my love

Tag List: @tschrist1 @i-did-not-mean-to @lathalea @bitter-sweet-farmgirl @linasofia @fizzyxcustard @legolasbadass @kibleedibleedoo @xxbyimm @ocfairygodmother @exhausted-humxn-being

If you'd like to be added to the tag list, just let me know!

Previous chapters can be found here and on AO3!

Arielle felt perfect in his arms.

Absolutely perfect.

He gazed down at her, although in the semi-darkness, he could only just barely make her out, curled against him, her head tucked against his chest, her breath as gentle as any caress as it wafted across his skin.

His eyes closed of their own. While he’d thought about this happening every now and then, his thoughts did not even come close to this reality. There was simply no way he could have ever imagined this morning to be as perfect as it played out for him. The woman he’d always envisioned himself with didn’t even come close to the beautiful woman asleep beside him now.

And Arielle was, indeed, beautiful - from her out-of-control curls to her deep blue eyes, to the dimple that showed in her cheek when she smiled, to the amazing body built for him and him alone… she was everything he’d ever dreamed of in a woman and so much more besides.

His fingers moved lightly along her hair, a wild jumble of silky soft curls that tumbled almost halfway down her back. How had he not seen she was a woman right from the beginning? It baffled him, but then again, she was no longer hiding herself, either. And having met Elen, it wasn’t nearly so difficult to believe they’d both fooled him.

She slept so peacefully, and he had as well, and now he had to contend with waking her, which he really didn’t wish to do. But, it was nearly eleven and someone was bound to have begun wondering what happened to the both of them,

He groaned softly. Much as he looked forward to telling Belle where she could go, and clearing the air with Dis, he did not look forward to the scene he was certain the former would create. Dis would understand—if not at first, she’d come around eventually—but Belle?

Arielle sighed in her sleep and he instinctively tightened his arms about her. Belle would not be so understanding and that was probably an understatement.

Still, every time his gaze alit on the bruise on Arielle’s cheek, his gut tightened. He’d never even considered hitting a woman before but this… this made him want to do just that to Belle. He knew she was spoiled—it was difficult to not know, after all—but he had no tolerance for the superiority she seemed to feel when it came to those who were in service at Erebor. He’d spent enough time homeless, wandering Middle Earth before they settled in Ered Luin, to lose any airs he might have had from his upbringing prior to Smaug’s arrival. He’d spent enough time doing whatever he had to do survive, to provide for his people, his kin, and in the end, sacrificed himself to keep them all safe. He was a king, and he didn’t think he was better than anyone.

“Thorin?” Arielle lifted her head, her eyes mere slits as she reached to rub one. “What time is it?”

“Almost eleven. People are probably gossiping.”

She smiled. “I doubt that. You returned fairly late last eve.”

“True, but Dwalin was with me, so someone knows I’m back.”

She pulled out of his arms, rolling onto her side to yawn and stretch and he almost sighed aloud at the sight. “Why did you go? What business did you have in the Iron Hills?”

“None. I just needed to get away and think.”

She rolled back toward him, draping herself across his chest. “About what?”

“How I left things when I left you that morning.” He slid an arm about her, let his fingertips trail along her back. She shivered at the touch, which made him smile. “About what would happen when I returned.”

She traced a small circle about his right nipple, looking up to meet his gaze. “And what will happen?”

“I told you how dwarves view sex, about what it means to us.” He brought his hand up to cover hers, to still it. “You are bound to me now, Arielle. And I am bound to you.”

“And what does that mean to us mere humans?”

He smiled. “It means you are stuck with me.”

Her eyes practically sparkled. “For how long?”

“At least until tomorrow. But, possibly longer.”

“I can live with that.” She stretched toward him, easing completely over him as her lips met his. He slid his arms about her, savoring the feel of her against him, of how her breasts pressed into his chest, how she just fit so perfectly against him. He’d been raised knowing there was but one soul made for him, he just never thought it would be in the form of a woman who was not even dwarven, but was half-Elf, half-Man instead.

His eyes closed as she brushed her lips over his jaw, down his neck, along his chest. She wasn’t shy or hesitant about touching him, about kissing him, but instead seemed to fully relish her exploration of him. Well, she wasn’t the only one relishing it because the sensations she sent coursing through him were ones he’d never felt before, ones no one had ever told him were even possible to feel. Her lips teased him, brought his body to life until all he could think about was treating her to the same until her back arched, her fingers twisted in his hair, and his name reached her lips.

He reached for her, let his fingers slip carefully into her tangle of dark brown curls. Those curls tumbled over her shoulders as she kissed her way down his chest, over his belly, and he held his breath as she reached the two ugly scars across the lower right side. Then, she lifted her head to murmur, “What happened? How did you get these?”

He eased his hand from her hair, trailed his fingertip along her cheek. Her skin was soft and smooth and begged to be touched, and for the first time since the Battle of the Five Armies, his gut didn’t churn when he was asked about what he’d seen or done or endured at Ravenhill.

“I confronted the Defiler at Ravenhill and paid a hefty price for it.”

With a gentle finger, she traced over them; first the top one, which was long and jagged, but not nearly as long and jagged as the one below it. “He stabbed you twice?”

“Once.”

She met his gaze. “This was from one weapon?”

“It was.”

“I cannot imagine how that must’ve hurt you.”

“I survived, as you can see.”

“Well, I know, but…” She bent to brush her lips over first the bigger scar, than the smaller one. “I am so sorry this happened to you, Thorin.”

In the nearly seven months since the battle, she was the only person to say this to him. And she said it so softly, that he didn’t doubt she meant it. And because of that, when she asked her next question, it didn’t annoy him.

“What happened at Ravenhill? We knew Azog and Balog had pinned you down, but nothing beyond that.” Her eyes softened as she traced lightly around those scars. Each touch was so light, he barely felt it while at the same time, he felt them clear through to the center of his being. “The rumor was the Defiler had killed you and your nephews.”

“He did. But, Gandalf had us brought to Rivendell and the Elves worked their magic.”

She smiled then, her finger going still. “I’m glad.”

“So am I.”

She shifted then, and to his surprise, came up over him. He bit back a groan as her firm breasts pressed into his chest. She’d said she did not have much in the way of curves, but she was perfect as far as he was concerned. Perhaps not as curvy as some women, but it hardly mattered to him. Her breasts fit perfectly in his hands, her body fit perfectly against his, they meshed together as if Mahal created one specifically for the other. Perhaps she was the woman he was meant to find, the one he was meant to bind himself to after all.

She bent to sweep her lips along the side of his neck, moving up toward his ear, where she whispered, “Do they still pain you?”

“From time to time,” he managed to whisper back, his eyelids growing heavier by the moment. His thoughts were slow to form, fat and lazy as she moved back down along his neck, up over his chin, to find his lips and teased them with hers. Her kiss was sweet and tempting, fired his blood unlike anything else had ever done so before. Desire coursed through him with every beat of his heart and he thanked Mahal for the stamina bestowed upon the dwarves. He’d disappointed their first time, he would never disappoint her again.

Now she crept lower, across his chest. His breath hitched at the damp warmth of her tongue swirling about his left nipple. He let his fingertips sweep against her back, while he twisted his fingers in the linens beneath him with his other hand. Everything seemed to tingle— softly at first, but as she moved lower, they grew sharper, hotter, and he was fairly certain he was about to go completely to mush beneath her. If she asked him for something at that moment, he would give it to her, no matter how extravagant, no matter how insane. She could ask for the throne of Erebor itself, and he would give it to her.

Her lips came soft against his hip, she flicked the tip of her tongue over where she’d just kissed. A shiver rippled through him as she moved to his left, kissing her way across his lower stomach.

“Oh…” He couldn’t hold back his low moan, nor could he keep from shuddering as her lips closed about him slowly. Nothing could have prepared him for this, for the feel of her soft lips, of her wet heat, around him in one of, if not the, most intimate ways possible. The tip of her tongue slid along him, flicked ever so gently against him. Forget heat—fire blazed through him, the flames roaring and hot as everything inside him tensed, his climax bearing down on him with ferocious speed as she bent over him.

“Arielle…” He sank his fingers into her hair, twisted, held on, and when she found a particularly sensitive spot, tightened to hold her there. She obliged, teasing and torturing him in the most sensual way. Tension wound through him. The need for release practically choked him. He arched hard against her, the pleasure spiky and hot and unlike anything he’d ever felt.

She moved faster, her fingers grazed his inner thighs to make the already nearly-unbearable ecstasy even sweeter. She brought him to the edge. Held him there until he thought he’d go mad.

“Arielle!” His voice bounced off the walls, his fingers tugged her hair, as she sent him over that edge and into the abyss. Pleasure, white-hot and scorching, tore through him as he tensed beneath her, as he shuddered and moaned her name again, as it all became too much and he had to pull away from her.

He sank into the bed, fighting for air, his body shuddering and trembling from the force of his release. “Mahal,” he managed to grit, squeezing his eyes shut as dots danced before them and he thought he might pass out as he struggled to fill his lungs, “maralmizu… Arielle… amrâlimê…”

She covered him again, her breath soft along his neck as she whispered, “I have no idea what you just said, but,” she swept a kiss over his jaw, “it sounded beautiful.”

A low growl rose in his throat as he flipped her over and pinned her beneath him. “I love you, Arielle. That is what I said. And I do… mahal help me, I do…”

She skimmed her hands along his back, her fingernails against his skin almost too sensual to be tolerated. “I like how that sounds, Thorin. In both languages.”

He smiled, fighting to keep his eyes open as he bent to her. Sweeping his lips along her neck, up toward her ear, he whispered, “You didn’t mind swallowing that?”

“Why would I? It’s you.” Her words sent a shiver along his spine. “And I love you, Thorin. All of you.”

“Mahal…” He moved down, kissing his way to the soft thatch of dark brown curls between her thighs. Those curls were damp, her scent sweet and heady and as he bent to her, she went slick beneath his tongue. Instinct guided him, her soft pleas guided him, and when he found her sweet spot, her hands tangled in his hair, held him there, and he brought her to that same precipice, held her there as she pleaded with him in a breathless, husky whisper to send her over the edge.

Then he shattered her.

“Thorin!” Her hips rose, her fingers tightened in his hair, her thighs clamped against his ears as he drew out her climax, teased her until she sank into the bed once more, almost whimpering as she pleaded with him to stop with a breathless, “I can’t… it’s too sensitive…”

He brushed her inner thigh with a kiss, came up over those damp curls to kiss his way back to her lips. He had never seen a woman as beautiful as the one gazing up at him now. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes sparkled, her lips were full from the force of his kisses. In such a short time, Arielle Farran had become everything to him.

“I love you,” he murmured, brushing her lips with his. “Marry me, Arielle… I have no need for a valet, but I have every need for you.”

“Thorin,” she reached up to curve her hand against his cheek, “you have to get out of having to marry another woman first.”

“I will, worry not.” He shifted to catch her by the wrist, and turned to press a kiss into her palm. “But remember, I am not bound to her, nor have I made her any promises, so I really have nothing to get out of. And your brother is welcome to come here, if he wishes. If not, I’ll see to it he’s taken care of. I will do so for the rest of his days if I must and I don’t want you to worry about him and I don’t want him to worry about finding work if his hand isn’t healed yet and—”

“Dwarf,” she grinned and covered his mouth with her free hand, “you’re babbling.”

He couldn’t hold back his laugh. “You’ve rubbed off on me, givashel. I cannot help myself.”

“Givashel? What does that mean?”

“Treasure of treasures. And you are, you know.”

Her smile faded, her eyes soft. “I like this side of you,” she murmured, curving the hand that had been over his mouth against his cheek. “I mean, I like the scarier side of you, too, but there’s something about seeing you not so scary…”

“Scary?”

“At times.” She let her thumb brush through his beard, along his cheek above it, in a caress that made his eyelids heavy all over again. “But this side of you… I like hearing you laugh and seeing you smile, and when you look at me the way you are now… I melt on the inside.”

He didn’t know how to respond in any way that didn’t sound simple or foolish. And since the last thing he wanted was for her to think him a fool, he just bent to cover her lips with his once more.

****

“We really do need to emerge,” he murmured, smiling as she snuggled closer to him and brushed his neck with a kiss.

“I don’t want to.”

“Well, neither do I, but…” He gently untangled himself from her and sat up. The ache in his shoulder was worse now and he couldn’t hold back his wince as he rubbed it. “I do need to see Narnerra.”

She also sat up, and he had to fight back a groan as she grabbed his tunic to slip into. Offering up a winsome smile over her shoulder, she said, “You don’t mind, do you?”

“Not at all.” He shook his head.

Arielle slid to the edge of the bed and when she rose, he almost groaned again at the sight of the cotton floated down about her, the laces loose enough that he could see the inner curves of her breasts, the hem slipping over the curve of her hips—thank Mahal—and when she faced him, she offered up an angelic smile. “Should I run your bath?”

“I think it will keep for now.” He rose and padded around to her, easing his arms about her waist to pull her close. “But, then again… I’m curious if my tub has room for two.”

She winked. “Only one way to find out.”

And with that, she pulled free and left the room. A moment later, the sound of running water filled the silence and he grinned.

There was only one way to find out.

[abbatoirablaze]

SDAU, Artificial Alpha, Den Brothers

Word Count:  1k

“Come on Bobby!”

“Get him.”

“Gotta be tougher, boy!”

“I’m trying,” the smaller, more lithe little boy yelled back to his older brothers, “I’m trying, Kyle.  I’m trying, Zeke.”

“Leave him alone,” Curtis, his best friend, rumbled from the outside of the circle.  The crowd seemed to break up around him, and the other shifter children backed up, seeing the large nine-year-old with his other best friend, a chubby freshly turned nine-year-old named Lee, “Bobby, get up!”

Bobby pushed himself off the ground, huffing in anger that the other bear had managed to beat him up. 

“Didn’t yer momma ever tell you to pick on kids your own size?”

The bully backed up, “I don’t want no trouble from you Curtis,” the kid said nervously, “Bobby took my-“

“I don’t care what Bobby did,” Curtis growled, pushing the other boy, “Don’t go beating on no little fox because he was smarter than you and outgunned you.”

The cub looked around the circle of other bear cubs, but no one stood up for him. 

“Get outta here, before we kick your butt!” Lee warned threateningly.  He took a step forward and the little cub didn’t take a second to think over the offer.  He just ran.  Kyle and Zeke rolled their eyes as they joined Lee and Curtis to check on Bobby.

“You can’t always keep saving him Curtis,” Kyle warned in a low tone, “he ain’t ever gonna learn to protect himself if-“

“Jake is a jerk,” the young cub proclaimed, “if you two spent half as much time around Bobby you’d know he tries to pick on him all the time because he’s smaller and a kit, not a cub.”

“Some pack you are!”

Zeke glared at Lee, “our momma may have adopted him, but he ain’t kin.”

Bobby frowned, tears pricking his eyes as he looked away from his older brothers.

“Yer right.  You ain’t no kin to him.  Because kin wouldn’t do that and watch him get whipped around like that.  He don’t need you,” Lee growled, glaring at Zeke and Kyle, “come on, Bobby.  Get up.  We’re yer kin, not those stupid jerks.”

“You’re part of our pack,” Curtis said, shooting another glare to Bobby’s brothers.  The youngest of the trio took Lee’s hand and he helped dust the boy off, “I’m telling your momma you guys almost let Bobby get his brains beat out by Jake.”

“Come on, Curtis…we checked on him.”

“After I cut in.”

“Jerk…”

“What was that?” the young cub glared. 

“You heard me, Curtis.”

“You’re lucky I haven’t presented yet,” Curtis growled, “I’d having your ass bow to me so quick.”

Bobby’s eyes went wide, “Curtis...you can’t swear.”

“I just did,” the cub proclaimed.  He looked back to Kyle, “you’re twelve and Zeke’s eleven and neither one of you presented yet…I bet you’re both gross little omegas!  I’m almost ten, and Lee just turned nine, and we’re almost bigger than you!”

“Shut up, Curtis!” Zeke growled, “I bet you and Lee are probably just big betas.”

“My family ain’t never had no beta…our men are alphas, and our women are omegas!  Like it should be!  We don’t got no beta daddy.  Just like Lee’s momma and daddy.  Our pack lines are clean.”

“Whatever, Curtis!”

“Knot head.”

“I DID IT!  I DID IT”

Lee and Bobby smiled as they looked to their best friend when they came over.  Both of them had gotten a phone call that they had to come over to Curtis’ house immediately.  Only for him to meet them at the door, proclaiming how he’d finally presented, just days before his tenth birthday. 

And both boys were proud. 

They knew that of their little trio, Curtis was the leader.  So, it was only right that he was the first one to present.  But there was a slight twinge of jealousy that ran through Bobby’s veins when he got home. 

He could feel it.

Something was off. 

He felt himself becoming drawn closer to Curtis.  And he couldn’t explain why.  So, he’d made a mental note to keep an eye on it. 

A few days later, he’d noticed it again, when Curtis had broken up yet another fight between himself and another kid.  He nearly clung to Curtis. 

He just seemed to radiate power and security.  And while he hadn’t felt the need before, he felt it now, more than ever. 

“Momma…”

“Yes baby?” she asked softly as he sat his bag down on the table.

“You know Curtis presented, right?”

“Yeah of course,” she smiled, “I just dropped off some cookies to Mrs. Everett while you were at school.  It’s so amazing that he presented this young.  Most alphas present closer to their eleventh or twelfth birthdays.”

“Momma, can I ask you something?”

She stopped working as she looked at her son.  She could tell that something was wrong.  Something felt off with him, “What is it baby?”

“I been feeling things,” he admitted, “is it a fox thing that I want to be close to Curtis now that he presented?”

She sighed and gave her son a soft smile, “did you notice Lee become a little closer to Curtis too?  Or is it just you?”

Bobby pursed his lips and thought back on it.  He had noticed that Lee was a little closer to Curtis as well, “Lee’s there.”

“Baby…you three were always close,” she smiled, joining him at the table.  She ran her hands over his hair, “you three are just creating a pack…and since Curtis was the first to present, the two of you are looking at him as the dominant alpha and seeking protection under him…it’s a survival technique from ages ago when there was a looser pack formation.”

“So, I’m like the other bears?”

“Yes, my little kit…you’re like the other bears,” she sighed softly, pressing a kiss to his temple as she pulled him close, “you’re just creating a pack with your den brothers, baby.”

“I’m like the bears,” he said dreamily as he looked at his momma.  She gave him a sad frown, not entirely able to tell him that she knew he wasn’t an alpha, “momma, do you think I’ll present when I’m eleven or twelve.”

“Maybe baby,” she lied, “anything is possible, Bobby.”

[fisherrprince]

ask dump (big long)

1) ABDBHTDND YEAH THEY DID UM, they did the ”no THANK you..! etc etc BUT IM WEAK” song too! Wild how that is now. points at them hey I know those guys

2) OHHH….. THIS HITS……….. I like missio sometimes but this is a nice chorus also: Vanitas… yeah I, like, always love music recs. they can be hit or miss but it’s only fair with how much music I find and then immediately go what if I showed everyone

3) how many does he have in there now, eleven? Twelve??? He signed up for one mouse and he got eleven human children or at least nine to ten human children, two young adults, and two regular adults who aren’t going to be helpful—

4) aaaaaaaaa thank you!!! 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

5) MMM I haven’t thought extensively about cowboys for a while… it’s been mostly space up here for now, haha. I like my space murder. But that’s not to say I haven’t given them some fond passing thoughts! Two bros sitting in a river 5 feet apart cos they’re covered in mud and smell awful and one of them is very loudly blaming the other for the plan that involved hiding behind a barn (actually the last thing I wrote in my notes is a mini totally unfinished drabble of hiding in Lea’s bar but the “great hiding place” Lea has is in his floor)

6) gosh I Have to wonder if it’s a case of destiny/universal “the nature of humanity is that every so often someone invents homestuck again” or if we just, like, had common knowledge of the book of prophecies. Or not even the Book, maybe, I have to assume that knowledge/observance of the Foretellers phased out pretty quickly, but prophecies left unfulfilled would linger for generations probably. Or maybe they’re even old stories, a tale of seven masters of the past drawn in to a chess game, or the game based on the old fairytales, or the numbers 7 and 13 are ingrained in local culture … see, because obviously Xehanort implies that this prophecy/old masters stuff ISNT common knowledge, but Eraqus CERTAINLY knows about it and it’s in all the architecture/local myths… ok but then also, if we’re to take the opening chess game as more than just clever symbolic narrative bookends, everyone’s symbols ARE right there. I just kind of registered that’s probably what you were talking about. In which case our questions are still there, how much did the common populace know and how much did eraqus know? Did he like, end up with three apprentices who had very distinct chess symbols as keychains and go uh oh john or what—

hey why’d you do this to me. I’m a tired college student in scala on my sixth response paper about the prophetic legitimacy of foreordained keybearers versus the self-imposed creation of destiny as following common legend and I’m arguing with some guy named Einar about how you can’t just fake a prophetic fulfillment by claiming to be the Crown piece in chess. You can’t just KIN A CHESSPIECE, Einar.

7) ABGDJGD TY..!!! To be honest they also live in my head rent-free! Some of them need to start paying rent because I’m supposed to be in school getting Better at storyboarding—

8) hard same hey thats just bc magnet is uhhhh. The best spell? Aside from mine spells

9) SEE AGAIN I DONT KNOW bc for one Sora obviously isn’t ENTIRELY unique, if he’s able to be diagnosed so quickly, but this “holding your nobody and two to four other people in there” kind of thing probably has never been seen before. But for another, Roxas and Xion have copied a keyblade. Just like — a keyblade? Copied entirely? Wild.

anyways keyblade manifestation is a mystery to me and I’d love to see it explored because what we know the Lore is, is this: they were fashioned after the likeness of the x-blade. They can be bequeathed to others (shown to not necessarily mean that exact keyblade is passed down, probably this means the ability to wield can be bequeathed). They can be WILLFULLY given. They come from the heart, they are not welded out of steel. They are…. questionably sentient, or maybe just sapient, or somehow are picky about who holds them. Side note khwiki is telling me things I Did not know about the whereabouts of Ven’s heart during 358 and also the ability to wield two which requires more than one heart obvi but which is named synch blade??? always question the wiki but these have sources. Anyways. Keychains can swap their forms so they have a Base and Custom Skins mode. There are three kinds, Light (common), Darkness (Michael mouse??? Not his bbs one the rod one which I GUESS is a counterpa Iiiiii am getting off trackaaaaa), and Heart (which I’m guessing is just the x-blade, maybe the gayblade, and the kh1 keyblade of heart??). Um. What was my point here. OH yeah I was just gonna say Bro Wild. This is completely a mystery to me. Does every keykid’s base form keyblade look different, and we were all just given cool keychains? Are there some kids who melded unique keychains? If I were connecting dots wildly and with reckless abandon I’d say yeah and also you cannot just suddenly one day wield one, you HAVE to be bequeathed, but as soon as that happens it sparks the creation of your own personal heart sword. Every keyblade is manifested independently — those wielding a family keyblade have the ability to summon their own, if necessary, but the family sword is taking up that space in their heart and theyd have to get used to making their own. since, it seems, keyblades (summoned) will die and solidify if their bearer dies, but keyblades (unsummoned) will either disappear or summon themselves somewhere else and retain a small piece of your… essence. A legacy keyblade, I feel, would be a little something like feeling every past Avatar and you are the avatar, but you can’t talk to them. They’re there tho. Also I think that having an exceptionally strong heart would be not only a moral requirement for ensuring the keyblade’s duty is upheld, but also a physical requirement! youre carving out a bit of your heart to make room for a sword. Weak hearts should not do that even if they want to.

aye… how was that longer than the scala answer? You got me on tangents again in these essays I

10 (submission from licilou22)

NGDBFDBFSHGDHFDHGDA 😎👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼👉🏼 WHEEZING

[thran-duils]

Dubious Representation (P.4, Final)

Title: Dubious Representation (Part Four, Final) Summary: Fem!Reader x soft Dark!Hank Palmer. Reader’s husband is facing jail time and although Hank Palmer entered the counsel for pro bono, he is still going to get a form of payment. Recently single, he’s been lonely and he’s looking for some comfort. Even if it means obtaining it from less than savory means. Words: 3,110 Warnings (for entire fic): Eventual smut, sexual coercion, infidelity, mention of past domestic violence, verbal abuse

Part Three || Masterpost (mobile) || Fanfic masterpost

Hank came downstairs, buttoning up his dress shirt. You looked over your shoulder from where you were making breakfast, something you had gotten accustomed to when you stayed over. It was relaxing. He was right about one thing; you did love to cook. And it was nice you had someone who actually seemed to appreciate it rather than taking it for granted. Not to mention, his kitchen was top notch, and his fridge was always stocked cause he gave you the money to do so.

He caused you to pause for a second as he grabbed your shoulders to hold you while he kissed your temple.

“Morning, doll,” he spoke against your skin before he pulled away. “Did you sleep well?”

“Mhm.” You always did on his expensive mattress. Especially after he wore you out.

You finished up and made up two plates. Turning around you found him at the island, clicking away on his phone. You placed his plate in front of him, him thanking you, and slid onto the stool next to him.

He swore under his breath and tossed his phone down before he started eating.

“What’s wrong?” you asked.

“Lisa is being a bitch as usual.” He held a lot of contempt for his ex-wife.

“I’m sorry.”

“Nothing for you to be sorry about.” He took another bite and eyed you. “I’ve got Lauren this weekend again.”

You made sure you were away when she was there. He never made you feel like you had to be but the few weekends he had with her since you had started seeing him, you made yourself scarce.

“Good. You haven’t seen her in a while,” you told him, and you meant it. It had been a couple weeks. “I need to clean my apartment too, so this is good.”

“You don’t gotta go home.”

You shot him a look at that and saw he was staring at you with purpose. You swallowed your bite and forced a shrug. “It’s okay. It’s good you guys have time alone together.”

“We don’t have to always be alone together,” Hank said, taking another bite. He shrugged in turn now, fixing you with another intense look. “I’ve thought about you moving in.”

That was unexpected. And all you could muster was, “Oh.”

“‘Oh’ what?” He sounded like he was going to get on a combative route.

You rested your hand on the counter, meeting his eyes. “That… I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not? Explain it to me.”

You blinked. How did you explain how wrong you felt about falling into another man’s bed so soon? The same day Rich had left, you were back with Hank. Not that you had not slept with him before then but… and how guilty you felt about your feelings for him? His relationship had already been done and had been for a while. You were moving on without a consensual party who had no idea what was happening outside their jail cell. No matter how free you felt since you were not afraid of what kind of mood Rich was going to be in when you got home, there was still history.

“It seems too quick.”

“It’s been six months.” Hank grabbed the jug of iced tea you had placed on the counter and began pouring you and him glasses.

“A lot of people would say too quick.”

“Rich is refusing to see you when you have gone to visit. I don’t think it’s quick enough we make this more serious.”

He sounded bitter about the Rich comment. When you had told him you were going to visit Rich in prison the first time, Hank had been frigid. And then the next two times, he was still bristled. And he had had a “told you so” attitude about it when you came back mopey because he was right about that: Rich refused to see you. He would walk in and see it was you at the table and turn around and walk back through the door.

“Don’t you think?” Hank continued as he finished pouring the iced tea. “You are already sleeping here half the week. It’s a waste of money for you to keep the apartment.”

You chewed on your bottom lip. The apartment was yours now. Something you had not had to yourself for years. But you felt more comfortable here.

“I guess when you put it that way,” you said.

He saw your resolve crumbling and he capitalized, leaning on his arm to come closer to you. “Then what’s the issue?”

“My apartment—"

“You know. I brought it up to come to the point to just tell you: Don’t worry about it. I’ve already contacted your building manager about paying off the rest of the lease. You had only four more months left so that wasn’t a huge expense. You need to sign the paperwork though.”

“Hank!”

“What?”

“You didn’t even ask me. And they just spoke to you about my lease when you’re not even on it?”

Hank waved you off, “You’re getting distracted. Did you wanna keep living there with no AC in the summer and then shitty heating in the winter? And that carpet was atrocious in the halls. Do you not like my house?”

“I like it. A lot.”

“Then again, let me ask, what’s the issue?” You had nothing to say, and he grasped your hand. “Doll, all you need to do is go pack up the things you want to bring here — I’ll get you boxes — and then the rest of it we can send to the thrift shop. AND—" he rose his voice as soon as he saw you were going to protest, and you closed your mouth. “The other stuff — you know things of his — we can ship to his next of kin.”

“His parents.”

“Good. They can inherit it. Just like they’ll inherit him when he’s out.”

You let that sink in for a couple moments before you realized a way out of being here while Lauren was here. “Well, then I should go to my apartment this weekend to do that��”

Hank looked impressed for a split second before he agreed, “I suppose so. But I want you available on Saturday morning. You don’t have to stay here but we are going to the botanical gardens and then getting lunch. I want you there. Is that fair?”

It was a type of compromise, a rarity.

“Yes.”

He had still gotten his way. As usual.

<><><>

Lauren was a sweet girl, eleven years old. She was headstrong just like Hank, and you had to smile watching them go back and forth about their opinions. She was going to be a force to be reckoned with.

When she got you alone for a moment, she was watching you closely.

“What’s up?” you asked, trying to hide your unease.

“I told my dad that daddies don’t get lonely when he asked me who I wanted to live with when they were getting divorced.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. They move on quick.” Your stomach clenched, worried where this conversation was going. “But my mom was dating someone before he was. Like almost immediately. It’s just weird. But I’m glad he has someone now.”

You relaxed and nodded before you told her, “Me too. He makes me happy.”

<><><>

A week and a half later, there was a voicemail on your cell phone. You did not recognize the number.

You pressed on it and your blood chilled hearing Rich’s voice.

“Y/N, what the fuck is this about all these boxes of my shit showing up at my parent’s house? You know they don’t have the space in their two bedroom. And what the fuck are you sending it away for in the first place? If you’re even thinking about kicking me out, you’ve got another thing coming, you little bitch. Do you understand me? Moving on like a fucking hussy now that I’m in here and you’ve got space in the bed? I know you’re helpless when it comes to providing for yourself but if you think I’m gonna let it slide that you are spreading your legs for some other fucking guy cause you can’t hack it on your own, you are sorely mistaken! I—”

The voicemail cut off. He must have run out of time.

Your lip was warbling as you stared down at your phone.

“What is it?”

Hank’s voice startled you. He was rubbing his hair with a towel, another one wrapped around his waist, straight from the shower.

“Nothing,” you said wiping at your eyes.

Hank’s arm dropped from his head, and he stalked over. He reached his hand out, gesturing for you to hand over your phone. He did not buy it when you said nothing. You slowly relented and he took it from you. Pressing play, he replayed the button and you flinched, the words hurting just as much if not more than the first time you heard them.

Snorting, Hank deleted the message. “Fuck him. And his condescension. You’re doing what’s best for you, and you are hacking it on your own. I say it’s about time you got a new number, Hmm? To avoid that bullshit.” Your lips parted in surprise, and he held your phone back out to you. You took it as he said, “I’ll add you to my plan, baby. We can go tomorrow. I don’t have meetings in the afternoon.”

With that, he turned and walked back towards the bathroom. He had not waited for you to respond.

<><><>

As soon as you were two weeks late, Hank brought home a test. He had stopped using condoms months ago when things had progressed. That same night, he had taken you out to a fancy restaurant to celebrate. He had taken you there before and you had adored it. That time though it was like a fog was clouding the room. You were happy, you had wanted to be a mother, and he was happy. But you were still married.

Hank had obviously been thinking about that too because a couple days later, he brought it up bluntly as he was watering his flowers.

“You should get a divorce.”

Pushing your sunglasses up, you stared at him in shock. You were reclining on a lawn chair, reading a magazine.

When you did not respond, he looked over his shoulder. You knew this conversation was coming but the knowledge of that did nothing to soften the blow.

“That seems heartless.”

“What? Fully leaving? Or are you telling me you’re planning to go back to him?” He was using that challenging tone.

“No!” you blurted. “That’s not what I’m saying.”

He turned the hose off and dropped it turning to face you.

“Y/N, he’s been in jail for over a year. You’ve already sent his shit away, he’s gotten mad about it, you don’t know if his family cares cause you aren’t at the apartment, you’re living with me. And you’re not at your old job. So, they can’t find you there. And you got a new number so no one can contact you. I think the writing has been on the wall where this is going. So what’s with dragging your feet?”

“It’s… hard.”

“A lot of things are hard, but we deal with them. Look, you’ll feel better once it’s over and done with and so will I. I don’t like knowing you’re still legally tied to that bastard. Can you understand that? Not just as the man you’re with but from an attorney’s viewpoint. It’s not good news. I’d sleep easier at night knowing he’s not gonna try to pull some shit.”

“Isn’t that a conflict of interest if you initiate and oversee this?”

Hank gave a brief chuckle, “No. I’m allowed to represent blood family even. I’m supposed to be unbiased of course but it’s legal to do it. I’m allowed to represent anyone.” He came closer, looking down at you on the chair. “And honestly, if I have it under my belt I represented him — that is if the bastard decides to take it to court, which I’m doubtful he will — and ‘saw the errors of my choice’ and now I’m trying to help you out, that’ll help in court.” He saw the look on your face and shrugged sheepishly. “I don’t mean to be insensitive but that’s how juries are swayed. Sob stories. And I could hit that shit out of the park.”

Swallowing, you contemplated. You had been thinking about divorce for a while. Even more so now that you knew you were carrying Hank’s baby.

You had taken too long to respond again, and Hank added, “Free of charge for you of course.”

You gave a small smile and said, “Hank… yeah, fine. I know.”

“‘Fine’? ‘You know’? Doll, you know I like you to elaborate your firm feelings.”

“I’ve been thinking about it. And I need to take a plunge. I wanna be invested in us. Fully.”

Hank nodded, “That’s better.” He nodded once more. “I’ll get them drafted up tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow is Sunday.”

“And?”

“Don’t you wanna enjoy the weekend?”

Hank simpered, “What’s a weekend?”

<><><>

Hank strolled past the security gate and swooped his briefcase up. The visiting room in the prison was bare and beat up. He was seated at the table, waiting, reading emails. As soon as the prisoners were trickling into the room, he kept an eye on the door.

The moment Rich walked in, he hesitated seeing Hank. Unlike with Y/N, he ventured into the room and pulled the chair back, sitting across the table from Hank.

“Surprised you haven’t found yourself in max yet. I was expecting to talk to you through glass. Whatever works though,” Hank clipped, sitting up straight.

“What are you doing here?” Rich asked, his tone tight. He ignored Hank’s jab.

“Thought you’d never ask,” Hank said, opening his briefcase and pulling out the pile of papers. He tossed them onto the table and leaned back, waiting for Rich to respond.

Rich stared at them for a few moments and shrugged, “What are these? Early release? I thought I made it clear I didn’t want you representing me anymore.”

“Ah, no,” Hank laughed. He was unable to hold it back. “Divorce papers actually. And I’m not representing you. I’m representing Y/N.”

Rich’s face darkened and he snapped, “What?”

“She’s divorcing you now that she’s not afraid you’re gonna bash her in with a monkey wrench. You’re right here, my man. And she’s free out there.” He leaned in closer and said, “Seriously, you fucking up the way you did worked out best for everyone. She’s positively glowing.” He tapped the papers and said, “So, it’s all in here. Just need you to read it over, get your signature, and it’ll be solid.”

Rich was staring harshly at Hank and Hank could pinpoint the moment the realization washed over him. He looked murderous. “You.”

“Yeah, me.”

“You son of a bitch. Just swooping in when you saw weakness,” Rich growled, slamming his hand on the table. The guards took notice and he immediately reeled it in, much to Hank’s amusement who had not even flinched. Through gritted teeth, Rich vowed, “You’re not going to get away with this. She’s my wife—"

“Yeah, a wife you have refused to see for over a year because what? You’re mad you had to come to her rescue because you were rolling too hard to pay proper attention as she almost got assaulted? Great. Husband of the year award right for you. I’ll make sure it’s delivered.”

“I’m not going to roll over on this!”

Hank waved him off, quipping. “Take it to court then. We know how well that worked out for you last time.” He smiled cruelly, “Do you understand how even more easy it would be for me this time to get them to turn against you than the DA did last time? I could easily paint myself as the white knight and yeah, sure, you would get a day out of the prison to come to court, which might seem worth it to you, but it is worth the cost for good representation? I don’t think so. You will get the floor mopped with you and the end result would be the same.”

Rich looked furious and Hank threw his hands out. “Think about it this way. Once you’re out, you can find another woman who was just as naïve and young as Y/N and do what you will. It’s wiping the slate clean for you, fresh start. Plus, Y/N’s already pregnant, so she’s pretty settled in already with me. Don’t wanna go messing that up cause trust me, motherfucker, I will make that hell for you. I’ve got the resources to do so. And man, do I have a vendetta against your ass. So, do you really want to try me?” If Rich could look more furious. His fists were clenched on the table, shaking, but he was keeping himself from lunging across the table. Hank was even impressed; the bastard really did not want to go to max.

Clearing his throat, Hank leaned over and grabbed his briefcase, standing up. “Anyways, you can wipe your ass with that if you want, but it’s still going to go forward. And I have more copies. Just let me know what you wanna do.” He pulled a business card out of his pocket and carelessly tossed it onto the table. “In case you forgot my number, champ.”

<><><>

Hank came up behind you and kissed at the nape of your neck. “You didn’t need to do this.”

“You weren’t home when you normally do it,” you told him, running the water from the hose over the hydrangeas that he cherished so much.

“I’m only thirty minutes late,” Hank chuckled.

“But you are particular.”

“That I am,” he breathed, kissing you again on your shoulder. He nuzzled in and nipped at your ear, drawing a smile out of you. “I got the papers back today.”

That caused you to stall, your hand dropping every so slightly, the water not arching as high. It had been a couple weeks since Hank had gone to the prison and all he had told you was that he had left the papers with Rich. You had not heard anything since. Hearing that he had actually sent them back signed…

He noticed your demeanor and his hands came around you, coming to your stomach. He held you protectively there and breathed reassuringly, “Looks like our family is going to be okay.”

~~~

Marvel tags: @coconutqueen21 @undecidedsworld @holl2712 @agustdowney  @biiskuitx

[luminous-shifting-vibes]

*sequel* to actual fucking quotes from the shiftblr coffeehouse discord server

once again, it's out of context because x1000 funnier

also x1000 longer than previous post

"ur satan is gnc af"

"Bestie I’m already having gender envy over a fucking demon please"

"O_O ODEPIJHFbavevisdpvfhzdcnjawedsidjksjdkoeirjfmkdsoeirujdksodifjndmksoidfjdksidfj ITS" NOT IN MY FRAFTS IS SPEDNT 1 hour PN THAT SHIT"

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"ohoho sexy"

"I am very proud of myself"

"himbo x edgy fuck"

"YOU COULD SQUISH HES CHEECKS"

"he has teefs"

"SQUASH"

"good for biting 📷"

"he's a himbo basically"

"B͂̒̄iͫ̍̈tͧ̓ͯè̄̇"

"bifth"

"i havent watched blue exorcist in years but mr okumura my beloved </3"

"MY LIFE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED"

"is it important information to mention that the person i put up for my turn is the son of satan" "I know like 1 thing about everyone who isnt ranboo lmfao"

"crimes"

"tumblr sexyman"

"idk why but my first thought was cowboy onceler"

"I vibe with him but he is very long and twisty"

"steampunk e-girl"

"steampunk tumblr sexyman"

"Canonically bi crimelord I agree!!"

"OOO FRIEND SHAPED"

"ARTIST SIGHTED"

"they look like someone i would want to be friends with but is way cooler than me so i'd never actually talk to them"

"babby..... would die for him"

"honestly i probably kin him"

"i'm sure he's lovely but he looks way too much like my ex i'm sorry-"

"i'd be down for another rotation! i have another twink to show y'all"

"Also :00 blonde friend"

"Let us all infodhmo"

"Hsjagdvbs shhh im on phone"

"Nix woukd you like to joon?

"skitters away"

"I have two braincells and they both drink dumb bitch juice"

"oof wait whats the order again i have 0 memory"

"i want to bond with him over cosplay-"

"Awkwardly watches in band kid"

"One day I'm gonna a broadway star"

"which isnt to say they were bad. they were just fortnite dancing during rehersals"

"I threw it so hard my glasses flew off and slid under the stage right divider"

"anyway heres my boi"

"emo"

"haha emo"

"virgil sanders kinnie"

"he looks like he listens to my chemical panic at the fallout boy"

"Bro I bet he'd kick my ass with his deck"

"bird man my beloved"

"fuck i had so much to say and then i forgot it all"

"Birds!!"

"guiguhuh"

"crabrave"

"She sounds like someone I would end up stealing her personality"

"yess name collector gang"

"alias glass aiden haven absinthe fish brick rice"

"But I have Cypress, Remure, Genesis, Lemres, and Comet"

"And she's named after a mars candy bar bc alien"

"Hey, if plato went by plato, you can be king thief"

"im not dissing my gramma like that shfojd"

"My dad has seven legal names" "bitches be like *looks at fictional character* *steals their name* it's us we're bithces"

"coraline lowkey traumatized me but i adore it regardless"

"mmmmmm magic man :]"

"°0° green man"

"criminal (affectionate)"

"he would shoplift a candy bar from walmart and then brag to all of his friends about the sick stealing he did"

"despite the fact he's canonically been capable of overpowering a minor deity"

"i would commit so many crimes for him"

"Very babey"

"Yes please tell green man he is very pog"

"he also keeps a lot of dumb secrets"

"but I will sorely miss the chaos and energy of this here chat until I wake again" (by request XD)

"i just say words and if they're funny then they're funny"

"* or extremly chaotic either works"

"at this point we are just taking turns rambling"

"oH--"

"bc my brain has a schedule"

"Hopefully they have gyoza there or I will lose my mind"

"hehe yes spooky man"

"my ghost glucose guardian"

"the head of the undead group that lives there, and we end up dating. (yes I date a ghost, no I will not be taking constructive criticism /lh)"

"ghosts r just inherently sexy"

"i mean im becoming a squid thing so"

"Raven quirk raven quirk!!"

"ł â m p"

"łæmp"

"mothman: ooh lamp you look very nice today! do you come here often? mothman: wait shit no"

"I'd date a ghost"

"mine is still accurate, i am still sobbing (/j)"

"p e e p e e"

""@nick wilde is a tumblr sexyman" is the best thing i have ever seen"

"im sorry im cackling like a dying hyena"

"you're all 12 year olds"

"PEENIE"

"He once caused global warming on accident so he could get a tan"

"god, what a himbo. i love him"

"that reminds me of my friends kin assigned me jesus"

"Man outside of battle be like: princely crying but then in battle hes like: "CATACLYSM! DISASTER! DEVASTATION!" Chill out man"

"Every time I talk about satan it never fails to shock people it's my favorite thing to do"

"im kin assigning him roman sanders" ""Oh yeah he caused global warming because he wanted to get girls" "he what""

"oh damn i forgot satan was straight"

"twink appreciation club"

"give us the twinks"

"my first thought was bottom-"

"so many people to try and get his dad to love him"

"daddy issued"

"OH MY GOD ITS WILBUR"

"Big boy but"

"anyways janus is swagggg"

"........................."

"gib twink"

"give twink then i will share"

"holds him gentle like hamburger"

"This dumb bitch opened a book that said "do not open" and got possessed by a little bastard"

"he is. fragile creachur"

"klug is beauty klug is grace i would let him step on my face"

"If I'm playing swap and I have to hear one more "Pwanet Powew" Im gonna lose it"

"Who is to blame? Pandora or the box?"

"Bakugo isnt my type but I respect the drip"

"i say like my type isnt long-haired pretty boys and girls that look so gnc that people have a history of confusing them for men"

"hes a gremlin and i can appreciate a pretty gremlin"

"that is to say i am attracted to VFlower vocaloid. This is a confession."

"note i am a lesbian"

"You may like Schezo wegey"

"why does he have one single expression"

"soul soul eater passes the vibe check"

"magic wand"

"I Want To Hold His Hand"

"i would commit a war crime for him any war crime idc which one"

"my favorite one is when he sounded rlly gay because he said "Muscular bodies keep me satisfied""

"p e a n u t"

"Klug is a homophobic homosexual its just facts"

"grug from the croods is peak male performance"

"jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair Ahem, you look very lovely."

"tag yourself im the fireworks shooting from the top of the head"

"i like essays"

"central time gang"

"11:11 pog-" (wait... is that a suprise angel number?? yes it is lovelies just for you <3)

"Then again im also a dumbass bitch who wonders what the souls in soul eater taste like. SERIOUSLY THOUGH. THEY LOOK TASTY AS HELL!!!! LIKE GODDAMN BRO YOU'RE MAKING ME FUCKING HUNGRY. Like. that shit- it's Bone Apple motherfucking Teeth. hell yea my guy. Im hongy now.... shlorp I'm seriously considering this. Like. They seem kinda like a liquid? But a solid? Are they like jello? The fuck they taste like my guy???? I keep imagining they're like sour, like sour candy maybe? Or do they taste salty? Sweet? Maybe some combo of two? Do they even have a taste or is it about the texture? The sensation? God my mouth is watering what the hell. I am starving. I think I need to go get a cookie. I'm gonna go get a cookie. Brb. I'm better. I'm still craving souls though. Which is a weird-ass cringey thing to say but I'm being dead-ass rn. They just.... look tasty???? And I wanna eat one. Thus. I am shifting to Soul Eater for the express purpose of satisfying my fucking cravings. enjoy"

"points were made"

"jello? more like helloooo schloooAHFJDSDAIDWNALDHSJKDAIDANDM"

"WAIT I THINK I HAVE AN ANIME GIRL BITING VIDEO TOO"

"anime girl voice: mmm! mm... ahhhhmp!! mmm, mmm... aaahmp!"

"i think it sounds great i'm going to start eating like that"

"several people are typing"

"do these look edible to you"

"forbidden gummies"

"when I was on lsd I couldn't eat my fruit gummies because I thought they were alive because they had little faces on them"

"oh shit yeah don't do drugs"

"anyways general consensus is puyos are edible, ty for your input everyone"

"everypony is a word so powerful it can bring nations to its knees"

"pls the self control it's taking me not to say "hewwo everypony" in gen chat when someone new joins-"

"hewwo evewrypony uwu deaw cewestia i hopwe it doewsnt wain owo"

"ive cooked up a sowution wiwth the knowwege ive acwued. they say a kitcwen time saves niwne, but im just savwing two. Ive gathewwed the inwedients to make a time sowbet. Thewe's hawdly woom fow seconds when the seconds mewt away."

"I had a ten year old sister... you know what happened to her??? very sad, very tragic... she turned eleven....."

"NIIICE"

"Guts dont say the secks word :( /j"

"watch your fucking language in front of the president"

"im so sorry lumi"

"i think you're like ehhhh 8/10 funny"

"now me???? 10/10. Hilarious"

"sometimes i have to take a step back and remember that this is the same guts i follow on tumblr /lh"

""ok every here's some good shifting advice!!! uwu have a good day" "yeah i did lsd and ate fruit gummies""

"i have one setting and it's whatever this is"

"my bitch ass cat just pushed the door open with his fuzzy face and now my sleeping dad is being lulled into dreams by Cosmo Sheldrake's 'Pliocine'."

"me on discord: nick wilde"

"me on tumblr: shifting water! haha funne! me on here: my hermit crabs are cannibals also i want to eat souls."

"im sorry yOUR VIBESA RE JUST SO DIFFERNT"

"u give off older cousin ive never spoken to but always admire at the family gatherings vibes"

"what the fuck"

"BC I HAVE LIBERTU"

"If you adopt me then yes"

"am I qualified for dad jokes???"

"we're all a lot smarter on tumblr"

"I'm like "awww... sweet... sweet little shiftlings... posting such sweet shiftling content... so pure, so wholesome... does not even know abcs....""

"can't think before you speak if you never think B)"

"I'm not responsible enough to be a mom"

"cat pet"

"show us pictures of the cat or i will do Crime"

"maybe thats me being a coward tho"

"MOTH!!!! MOTH MY BELOVED"

if y'all want I can make this a series bc shiftblr keeps giving me more content

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

Responses from the Opera Screencaps Captioning Quiz

Hello, everyone, and thank you for taking my quiz! I had SO MUCH fun reading your captions-- there were several times I literally started crying from laughing so hard at the amazingness of your work! With that in mind, the captions (which I will continue to add onto as more people take it):

(also, thank you to @dichterfuerstin​ for translating the German captions I got)

originally taken from: the Wiener Staatsoper’s 2020 production of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s Die Entführung aus dem Serail, featuring Regula Mühlemann (center) as Blonde, Michael Laurenz (right) as Pedrillo, and an unnamed extra (left) as the Grim Reaper

Responses:

(Backstage warm-up) “ok so someone dropped the pulse”

me and my friends watching the fire burn after doing arson

Introducing the polycule to the parents

*boom* ... did...you guys hear that too?

Ma Signor !

Knight in whinging armour gone wrong, look at how he holds the egg. Polyamory with weird knight and death.

the father, son and the holy ghost are very gay

the gays meeting for brunch, 2021, colorized

chicken lady forces death and a very flamboyantly homosexual anthropomorphized pink bird to be parents of her egg (they dont want to be)

That’s just me and my friends on our night out (before covid rip)-- closest

A Good Friday night

good omens (2019)

["the pocket guide to boy/girl/mischief" meme] who's the boy and who's the mischief though????

Papageno and Papagena take their first-born egg trick-or-treating

Angry Birds - The Musical. A pig stole an egg and the bird unites with death to take revenge.

I love my bird wife

Someone got murdered during the funky chicken dance

throuple murders child and steals sibling of said child

When you and your friends have widely different tastes in literature

angel leading twink to his rightful place (hell)

draco malfoy from a very potter musical and a death eater are very much in the wrong show

What have I gotten myself into

Mlm/wlw solidarity but I’m not telling who is who

A woman stands with a pink dipshit with an egg and a reaper.

A bird-couple makes a pact with Death, sacrificing their first-born bird-child in order to bring good luck upon their unborn bird-baby

There are three types of people on Halloween:

Uh oh, I don’t think the mother hen is very happy about this...

oh god, they’ve invented seussical. It’s too early!

gay brunch

Three little maids from school are we

guys maybe if we dress gay enough we can distract everyone from the dead flapper bee in the back

those three killed a duck for her egg and are facing the conswquences.

Duck has egg with human, shocked and upset due to biological impossibility

When you bout to make a banging omelet so you invite your fellow queers

"No mortal man could pass that egg, but heaven shall repair your rectum."

originally taken from: the Salzburg Festival’s 2007 production of Hector Berlioz’s Benvenuto Cellini, featuring Maija Kovalevska (left) as Teresa Balducci, Laurent Naouri (center, in chimney) as Fieramosca, and Burkhard Fritz (right) as Benvenuto Cellini

Responses:

“In this same interlude it doth befall That I, one Snout by name, present a wall; And such a wall, as I would have you think, That had in it a crannied hole or chink, Through which the lovers, Pyramus and Thisby, Did whisper often very secretly. This loam, this rough-cast and this stone doth show That I am that same wall; the truth is so: And this the cranny is, right and sinister, Through which the fearful lovers are to whisper.” - a midsummer night’s dream, act v scene 1

"ah yes a prime specimen. see here, right in this box is our one of a kind hob goblin that can be all yours for the low low price of your soul"

what, YOU don't have a special eavesdropping chimney window?

Hänsel und Gretel plotting against the witch

man takes a wrong turn and ends up in a chimney, catches his girlfriend cheating-- closest

when you end up third wheeling the straight couple

lady cheats on her leather jacket wearing scummy boyfriend and when he unexpectedly comes home she hides the lover in the chimney

A straight girl and her gay best friend gossip about stuff idk

Idk Shakespeare?

experimental couples therapy feat. the chimney mf from mary poppins

Area Couple Inadvertently Traps Santa-in-Training in Chimney as they Attempt Rooftop Flirting

Landlords laugh over student renter's misfortune

I never asked for this

Ay yo lil mama lemme whisper in your ear

voyeurist listens to sandy and Danny from grease

Psssst! Did you hear about Susan? You won’t believe it!

lady and the tramp meets beauty and the beast?

human trafficking

And for just $30 you too could have your own tiny brick cage!

Psst I’m wearing assless chaps under this dress

A couple tortures a man in a box.

It's all fun and games being stuck in a chimney until your greasy uncle steals your crush from right above you-- okay ngl this could actually be a great Don Pasquale concept

Taking eavesdropping to the next level

Will you two stop being lovey dovey and let me out? SUMMER LOVIN, HAPPENED SO FAST— 

overhearing how people talk about you when they think they're alone puts you in the shithouse 

Does he know we can see him?

dear god, i am so fucking hungry, yall please just do whatever heterosexuals do so i can go eat a popsicle 

the human version of the trash man from sesame street is realizing that those two are going to fuck on his trash can 

Tmw you capture an angry short dude and start trashtalking him where he can hear 

Omg what if we kissed but we actually kissed the lil goblin man under us

"Remember, don't feed him after midnight"

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Leonardo Estevez (right, on fake horse) as Le Comte d’Oberthal

Responses:

“When I said we needed to drain the swamp I didn’t think there were people actually living there”

horse? what horse? no sir i dont know what horse youre referring to.

definitely don't have a napoleon complex going on

King stole La Scala‘s Lohengrin set

king breaks all his horses, has to use statue dragged by servants as transportation because he’s too kingly too walk

Emperor Söder and his subjects on a carnival procession

man on horse makes a big deal out of being on a horse

That’s not Zeffirelli because the horse is not alive

Who the fuck put a horse on the stage

isn't this that picture of napoleon on the horse

Area Count Thinks Citizens will be Intimidated by his Extremely Fake-looking Horse Statue-- closest

Everyone wants their turn on the giant plaster horse. Police are there to make sure everyone waits their turn.

Night out with the lads

Local royalty horrified at the state of his own damn kingdom

gay army fights different gay aesthetics-- hi author how does it feel to be the funniest fucking person on this quiz

Well at least I LOOK badass

ceasar if he hadn't gotten stabbed (colourised)

some soldiers jumped out of my kindergarten fairytale collection book to burn the don carlos flemish deputies at the stake

It’s just a model

Is that how you feel pulling up in your Honda Civic, Madge?

Someone rides a horse statue in public.

Just a normal party with the bros.

what is this, some kind of crossover episode? 

Terribly sorry for all the fuss, it’s just, that is, my horse is afraid of neck ruffles. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he’s—whoaaa there—he said he was a french courtier in a past life and he’s allergic to English fashion 

Horse seller, listen to me! I am riding into battle. I need your strongest horse. - We have horses at home. - The horses at home: 

All hail Incitatus the king 

we are not ripping off shakespeare’s henry viii. what the fuck. this is about lenny xi you uncultured swine, go drown in a pit of your own farts 

oh god is that hamilton 

Guy Removed From Art Museum For Sitting On Statue, more at eleven 

Gay <3

Officer: This horse... is a virgin! Crowd: *cheers*

originally taken from: the Parma Verdi Festival’s 2017 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Stiffelio, featuring Maria Katzarava (left) as Lina and Luciano Ganci (right) as Stiffelio

Responses:

That One kid in class

its a mEntAL BreAkDowN *final countdown but kazoo*

*record scratch* yeah, that's me. you're probably wondering how I got here-- closest

Dad keeps monologuing, teenager is done

left: all of my concerned friends, right: my emo ass having a very public mental breakdown

the demons in the corner of my room when im just trying to sleep

lady gets mansplained to (do i need to say more, we've all been there)

It’s probably an area baritone telling off an area soprano-- sorry; it’s a tenor. soprano is right though.

That was a fake horse in the last photo right?

child comes out as gay to father at a particularly bad time

dissociation solves everything

I can't believe it's not butter

Honey we talked about this

My sleep paralysis demon is Crowley from supernatural

child has nightmare of boring job

When you start dating a singer but he won’t stop practicing at night

just an average day in a hetero marriage

what do i do my wife's having period cramps again

Stop having an existential crisis. It’s time to sing!

“No son of mine will kin Gomez Addams under MY roof”

Crowley stares into space while a teen has post nut clarity.

When he wont stop reciting jordan peterson monologues!!

Do you realize how effed you are?

Ugh, not this lecture again! Dad’s Practicing For His Experimental Indie Band Again 

asking your parents for help with your own personal situation and them just ranting off about what they went through instead of helping in any way 

Will he shut up already!

no one tell him he’s yelling in the wrong direction, no one tell him plnsbdjddhdj 

this kid is tired of his dad listening to rush limbaugh (a man who claimed to be pro life but died anyway) 

Me internally vs externally 

Daddy issues

originally taken from: the Grand Théâtre de Genève’s 2020 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Les Huguenots, featuring several chorus members

Responses:

It’s the deadly eye Of Poogley-pie. Look away, look away, As you walk by, ‘Cause whoever looks right at it Surely will die. It’s a good thing you didn’t … You did? … Good-bye. - shel Silverstein

why the fuckith? my good sir, i beg of you to put your pants back on

I hate this itchy hat

Titanic Extras hear that they have to do extra hours

people waiting to board the titanic watch someone fall off the plank

pov: you’re a time traveler

guy in the flatcap is embarrassed by patriotism and pathos

No idea. For some reason Le Marseillaise comes to mind

Is this from Harry Potter?

disneyland main street usa workers on strike

local tries to hide behind Newsies cap to avoid unpleasant but inevitable conversations. meanwhile, some very fashionable ladies look on.

"Thank fuck, 2020 was just a dream after all"

“We gather here today because this bitch got exactly what she deserved” “heaven!” “Stfu Stephanie she’s going to hell and we all know it”-- not quite but this basically happens later on in the opera (and act) so yeah (except the person in question very much Did Not Deserve It)

dc movie filter on bridgerton

america?

looks like my history teacher paused the prohibition documentary again

Who still wears page boy hats bro?

Coming out to a room of people who Already Knew That

Bitches are relieved at some party.

Several drunk people exiting getting off the subway attempting to seem sober and rational but realizing they have somehow lost all of their possessions

How tf do I act natural in this situation-- closest

“do you think any of them noticed that I don’t know the pledge of allegiance” 

It's too fucking hot outside for this outfit 

?

when hyyh yoonkook ending just hits different 

pedestrians watch in horror as the triangle shirtwaist factory burns and the workers throw themselves out of the windows from a dozen stories up 

Starting the pledge of allegiance be like 

He's having a heart attack oh no oh god oh fuck

originally taken from: if I remember correctly, the Semperoper Dresden’s 2018 semi-staging of Johann Strauss II’s Die Fledermaus, with Jonas Kaufmann as Gabriel von Eisenstein

Responses:

“William Shakespeare wrote: "To thine own self be true And it must follow, as the night the day Thou canst not then be false to any man" I believe this wise statement best applies to a woman A blonde woman Over the past three years she taught me And showed us all That being true to yourself never goes out of style Ladies and gentlemen Our valedictorian: Elle Woods!” - legally blonde the musical

eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs

woooooorrrrd

Finally Jonas has graduated! It’s about time, considering he’s an international star.

what my professors think they look like

Prof. Dr. Dr. When someone tells him there are more than two genders

'and since you've now graduated high school, you'll be entering college etc. blablabla' .........meanwhile, there's a whole row of graduates daring each other to chug the cheap vodka one of them has brought in gallons (yes that happened at my graduation, lol)

Jonas darling baby <3-- can’t argue with that

I just realized I have no idea what the actual fuck happens in an opera

ok this one is just what jonas kaufmann always wears you can't fool me.

"as valedictorian i will share with you the importance of loving the floor"

"Yes, mother, my art degree will make me money!"

Graduation speakers are out, singers are in

Senior year takes a new meaninbg

mansplainer professor explains the concept of feminism to women

Your Prof when you finally turn in that missing assignment be like

younger boris johnson (derogatory)

jonas kaufmann retires from opera and takes up motivational speaking

What a fine graduation evening we’re having today

-70 points for slytherin you all have no swag

A man with a college hat sings.

An obviously greying actor trying to play a university student in a low-budget porn parody

How it feels to graduate high school after being held back for years

East High is a place where teachers encouraged us to break the status quo and define ourselves as we choose. Where a jock can cook up a mean crème brûlée, and a brainiac can break it down on the dance floor-

I may not have been "cool" in high school, but in ten years you will all be working for me!

I finally got my GED!

that one guy in ur intro to cultural anthropology class who mansplains to the professor somehow fucking graduated

he;s just graduating and taking his speech too serously idk

Graduation speeches with that one dude who got held back 3 times

Smrt

originally taken from: the Metropolitan Opera’s 2011 staging of Gioachino Rossini’s Le Comte Ory with Joyce DiDonato (left) as Isolier, Diana Damrau (center) as Countess Adèle, and Juan Diego Florez (right) as Le Comte Ory (disguised as a hermit)

Responses:

There is something very [disturbing grunts] About polyamorous couples - polyamorous, Chris Fleming

jinkies

femme fatale (including to herself)

I’ll have a threesome soon !

Hot guy walks by, everyone swoons.

thirdwheeling friend does not realize the other two are having sex

When your girlfriend had „just two beers“ again

jesus is exasperated about having to drag the two ladies towards doing what he needs them to do instead of purple dramatically declaring suicidal intent over the smallest trivial matters and red being equally dramatic about declaring that it's not the way! stay alive! i love you!!

The throuple is thriving

Get off the milf

orgy

my last three braincells because im a horny slut

countess receives too much love and is confused on how to react

Rasputin's lesser known romp with a much older czarina of russia

Woman's soul leaves body

Jesus and co. are worried after another woman gets pregnant without having sex

bisexual looks at photos of celebrity couples

When you go to the party to socialize with new people but your weirdo friend group starts getting clingy

Jesus cumming

one of those weird church christmas pageants but everybody's drunk

What have I done

Hozier??????????

Jesus assfucks some purple lady being hugged.

This time, the chick IS the magnet

An affair/threesome gone awry (2019 colorized)

What do you mean they canceled GLOW?

“I TOLD you it was cashmere!”

Are you wearing the - - The Gucci dress? Yes I am.

It's not what it looks like!

jesus is fucking that one cheerleader who grew up to be a suburban mom with one (1) super cool dress she stole from her kid who is desperately hugging her middle begging for it back because the spring fling is coming up and jason might actually make eye contact with her for more than three seconds.

jesus and mary magdaline and some other bitch

I’m at a bar and these drunk girls are flirting with me, do I lOOK GAY?!

Shrek 5, jesus's return

c. 2025 First attempt of an Officer and his Wife with a Handmaiden (colourized)

just about all of these are close lol

originally taken from: the Bolshoi Theater’s 1993 staging of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s The Maid of Orléans, featuring Nina Rautio (left) as Joan of Arc and Vyacheslav Pochapsky (right) as Thibaut d’Arc

Responses:

Don’t look, I’m still pooping

yall, the audacity of this man. he fuckin talked to me

*i can't even tell you how wrong you are* *it would be insulting to ME*-- closest

Cospeto!

„No I’m not talking to you, you keep cracking bad jokes!“ - „But I got another!“

when you’re mad at him but he says he’ll buy you food if you cheer up

When I’m wallowing in self-pity but my friends won’t comfort me

right: wanna fuck ;) left: yeah, fuck OFF lmao

Her face is screaming “don’t tell me what to do”

Yeah I got nothing

gay man tries to hit on a lesbian bc he thinks she's a twink. she's not amused but she's watching this happen anyway

me tired of MET's bullshit and them organising a Netrebko, known blackface apologist, a recital during Black History Month. (sorry im still fucking salty lol)

"stop smiling at me like that I'm trying to pout over here"

"I got fleas, you got fleas... wanna fuck?"

I have the best idea!

Haha nooooo don’t hit me with that bat you’re so sexxyy

lesbian is bothered by dilf

Me trying to flirt

if call me by your name was hetero and set in america

how many more dad jokes can i take before i explode

So. You’ve gotten yourself in a little pickle again.

What if we fought in the Russian revolution together ✨???????... unless??

Two people flirt in a poor place of town/

"If you ask me what I've got under this dirty, shapeless tunic one more time I swear to god I will kick your rotting teeth in"

You look like ur gonna kill me but ok

Really? You again?

Okay, I’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes, do you think it’s safe to—oh god, he’s still there.

Have you seen Godot?

she is tired of everyone’s shit. she has done so many derivatives it physically pains her to see a variable. dont test her. ur icarus rn.

idk pick better pictures-- I HAVE DIED THE SHEER AUDACITY AND HUBRIS I LOVE THIS

200% done with your crap 

Homeless man has fucking legs of steel n is gonna show off his Russian dance moves

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2019 staging of Paul Dukas’ Ariane et Barbe-bleue, featuring Sophie Koch (right) as Ariane and I don’t remember who the person on the left is rip me

Responses:

The knight who wore this into battle sure was swaggy

dear god its hiddeous

Capitalism

Knight in shining armour gone even more wrong.

ghost contemplates the safety of spiky motorcycle helmet

„Stop! He feels bullied!“

'this is my newest take for jesus's crucifixion crown ...... what do you mean they already put him up'

That’s probably a really expensive magic helmet idk. IDK-- closest

Omg I love the adventure zone!

minesweeper (windows xp)

"Okay whatever you do don't touch the shiny spiky ball" "It's so shiny I wanna touch it"

Taking down the trash way too late

IT'S NOT A PHASE MOM

Darth Vader got stuck in the freezer.... again. Leia isn’t happy

Star Wars 2030

“And here is the very latest in motorcycle helmet trends” “Look, I only came to the mall for a pair of socks “

futuristic kkk

long-suffering jewelry store attendant really wants to retire

Put it down put it down put it down

“Hmm no you should see a doctor about that”

A weird ass crown is presented

The creation of sars-cov-2: an experimental Eurotrance nightclub art piece gone horribly wrong

How it feels to want something that u cant have

AND WE WILL CALL IT—SPIKE MAN actually do you think that’s too obvious?? Because of the—yeah, because of the spikes?? See, that��s what I’m worried about. I want it to be SCARY

I know it's risky but... lube me up

?

use the force luke.

that is a weird fleshlight

When you get an ugly gift and need to find a way to get rid of it, so your family member/friend offers to smash it

Touch the orb

originally taken from: the Opera Vlaanderen’s 2019 staging of Fromental Halévy’s La Juive, with Nicole Chevalier (left, with bottle) as Princess Eudoxie, Enea Scala (center, under table) as Prince Léopold, and Roy Cornelius Smith (right) as Éléazar

Responses:

When no one comes to your birthday party :(

fantastic, day 487 of mischief and they have yet to find my masterful hiding spot

i really wonder who he thinks he's playing footsie with

Marriage crisis. Reason sits under the table-- closest but not in the way you think (after all, the man under the table IS a tenor).

the last supper afterparty after jesus left

When you order the last supper on wish

espionage at the Politischer Rosenmontag

Probably the wrong opera but is that Leporello under the table

Now THIS is a Good Friday night

this was every birthday party i went to between the ages of 5 and 11

that awkward moment when you drop your fork under the table but when you re-emerge everyone else has left except one drunk lady and the guy trying to deal with her

After the last supper

Tfw you arrive to the dinner party too early and have to hide until a more fashionable hour

When the cishets aren’t home

waiter hides from customers

Nobody: My dog every time I’m eating:

what's left of the homies Jesus had dinner with

university chem lab experiment gone terribly wrong

I’ve been under the table FOR 30 MINUTES

Set your friends up by tossing them off under the table, they’ll think it’s each other n fall in luv

Someone hids under a table

"You're about to see an surreptitious-under-the-table-dick-sucking master at work"

5 yr old me trying to eat the desert under the table without my parents finding out be like:

They never invite me to their parties!

Just another girl’s night in

Oops! Didn’t notice you the table.

dionysus - bts (2019, colorized)

just a normal episode of eric andre (eric is the one under the table)

Just a normal day with the boys

Thievery

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Kate Aldrich (left, surrounded by women in white) as Fidès and John Osborn (center, looking like a Jesus doppelganger) as Jean de Leyde

Responses:

Hold up, is that Eggman above Jesus?

holy disco

Looks like Tannhäuser. Our lord and saviour Richard Wagner. Now I need to be saved from that.

catholicism

me defending pineapple on pizza (THANK YOU)

jesus but hes about to be abducted by the alien ufo above him

Emmmmmmm Heaven? Idk

Lord of the rings?

ewww christianity gross

"behold, I am Important"

"Seriously?? It's not ACTUALLY pyjama day? Fuck you guys!"

Jesus at the Disco

Jesus Finds The Molerat People Who Live Under Bethlehem

disco is heaven

Want to join my new religion?

the kkk

church christmas pageant where everyone's sober but it's based on the director's fever dream

Am I the only one who sees the giant demon? Just me? Okay...

“Oh god I think I’m starting my period”

A party is held with a priest in the middle

"Let's get this secret Vatican sex party rolling!"

The new avengers endgame set is looking great!!

You know, guys, I try not to be a bother but...I can’t help but feel like I missed a dress code memo for this wedding??? It’s cocktail, right??”

Jesus visits Hogwarts

I must really stink if no one will even come close to me

the extra ass funeral i DESERVE

star wars life day

A cult at it’s best-- closest

Shrek 5, Jesus is still there I guess

originally taken from: the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden’s 2013 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Les vêpres siciliennes, featuring Bryan Hymel (left, standing) as Henri, Lianna Haroutounian (center, kneeling in the black gown) as Duchess Hélène, and Erwin Schrott (kneeling to her right) as Jean Procida

Responses:

When the director’s like “great rehearsal guys, just a few notes before I let you go” but it’s already 9:13 and your mom’s waiting in the parking lot

loyalist of subjects

bow before your queen

They forgot to take down the stage boxes after the Vienna opera ball but the show must go on.

somebody forgot to book chairs for this funeral

Me sharing God’s (Hayley koyoko) word on the discord server

mass execution bc the oboe solo sucked ass-- closest

That’s too many black suits I can’t see shit

I can’t even tell what’s going on here

8th grade school assembly about how it's uncool to shit on the walls at school

let's all get fancy so we can go to the opera and sit on the stage (idk this one's hard lol)

"Yes i am a time traveller, now don't freak out"

Tfw you forget to pay your lighting bills

White guys make decisions that will benefit them and screw someone that’s not a white guy over-- OUCH but that is too real (although not really in context here)

dead man gives speech at his own funeral

brotus and the boys ??? last meeting before the stabbing

high society social function ends in mass murder-- right opera, wrong scene

Someone walks into the talent show stage with a dog

Black-dressed bitches worship a man.

Worst school assembly of all time

POV:You're the window in the classroom and someone said "its snowing"

When the conductor shows up fashionably late to the orchestra concert

That's what you get for choosing the cheapest ticket option, get back in the mud where you belong

?

theyre just trying to jump into a grave at a funeral leabe them alone this is normal

oh my god he really whipped his dick out in front of everyone, this is just like in 1776 guys, except some women are actually in the room this time,

A funeral, stop wearing so much black

I want to slap their bald heads like rice

originally taken from: the Teatro Real Madrid’s 2018 staging of Gaetano Donizetti’s Lucia di Lammermoor, featuring Roberto Tagliavini (right) as Raimondo

Responses:

Crowd “haha!! Looks like someone missed the all-black memo!! Now it’s laugh-in-your-face time! / Guy on the floor (whispering to guy against wall): go, save yourself! I’ll hold them off...”

if i leave now i wont be a witness and can tell the police i had no idea

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Guy in the back pretends to help but is to far away to even know what’s going on.

priest walks in on beginning of an orgy, contemplated joining but is too scared-

when someone brings up capitalism but you’re just trying to play minecraft

lol lets trample this guy while the judge isnt looking

Again. Too many black costumes

Loved this Dostoevsky novel

i would know if opera directors were more creative with clothing choices ngl

me on parties lol

"imma just sneak out of here while everyone else is distracted"

"Where did he get this flooring!? Amazing!"

Everyone act normal!

The tell tale heart but they got REALLY drunk

man tposes to ward off vampires after being caught undercover

boys ???? night

the priest really shouldn't have visited the insane asylum-- closest

He’s FINE everyone’s been hit by a car before

Something happens in a room.

Perks of being a wallflower

There's always that one person in the fight whos trying not to get involved when they really wanna

Oh good, they’re all posing for a Rembrandt painting, I can just sneeeeaaak out the back here...

The gamer livestreaming Resident Evil + everyone watching the stream ? waiting for him to open the door just knowing it will trigger a chase scene

Quick!

the guy t posing in the back is regretting his every decision.-- also accurate

the us senate jumps ted cruz, some other wack ass gop senator is trying to sneak away

...I spoke too soon, however this is a James Bond mission

Queers help fellow queer do math but it's a struggle

[nooowestayandgetcaught]

you know what,,, I never get to be that guy!! but I wanna be that guy!! here's a collective list of Halloweeny and/or spoopy feeling fics I've done that I think y’all might really enjoy!! 🎃🖤🧡

Chills & Thrills  (Yuri!!! On Ice, Mila Babicheva & Yuri Plisetsky, Mila Babicheva/Sara Crispino, T-rating, 1348 words)

After getting pranked by Yuri for weeks, Mila decides to get a little revenge around Halloween. He hasn't heard yet about the legend of the eretica: a woman who sold her soul to the devil and visits in the form of an old, vampiric woman in rags.

Simply Meant To Be (Nightmare Before Christmas, Sally/Jack Skellington, E-rating, 314 words)

Jack has no memories of his time being alive. But they exist. He loved a woman once, and she has never left his side since.

thriller night (IT Movies, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, No Rating, 1161 words)

Halloween is supposed to be about trick or treating. Eddie finds himself instead fearfully wandering a graveyard with Richie.

Take Me And Do As You Will (Godfather Death - Fairy Tale, Death/Morrigan | The Physician, E-rating, 1159 words)

"Watch over my son Morrigan," the father begged, wheezing. "He has no mother. No kin. I do not have long if you are here."

Death agreed, patiently waiting for his heart to cease, soothing his brow — for in the eyes of Death, all souls are fair and equal.

My Body Is A Cage (Junji Ito’s Tomie, Kawakami Tomie/Original Female Character(s), E-rating, 1007 words)

"You didn't do it right."

Tomie leans over her shoulder, embracing Mori and nuzzling her blood-splattered cheek to Mori's face. Her pearly teeth gape from her jaws carved to the bone. Her voice fades in and out of girlishly high to a monstrous rumble. Tomie's glow-eyes blink.

"Make me pretty. Make me pretty like I really am."

A Long Way Away (Halloweentown, Marnie Piper/Kal, No Rating, 930 words)

She wants to kiss him, and that's confusing and frightening. She wants him to want to kiss her. Even after what Kal did, terrorizing the mortal world and Halloweentown, she remembers how he made her feel.

(MORE FICS UNDER THE CUT)

Let The Dead Things Go (VLD, Keith/Lance/Shiro, E-rating, 5896 words)

On Halloween night, Shiro and Lance get brutally attacked by an intruder in their home and survive. Three years later, after packing up from Massachusetts to Texas, they carry the physical and mental scars. Shiro can still feel himself struggling to grasp reality. He and Lance eventually befriend Keith who lives in the area and teaches self-defense to Shiro at the rec center.

They invite Keith into their lives, only to discover Keith has his own secrets left behind in the past.

Kiss (Peter Pan, Wendy Darling/Peter Pan, No Rating, 302 words)

Wendy believes for many, many years. Neverland had been real, and so had been her adventures.

Nothing Of The Heart Remains (The Umbrella Academy, Ben/Klaus, T-rating, 1025 words)

Medieval AU. Ben as The Horror Living In The Forest and Klaus as The Man Who Brings The Sacrifices.

Long, Long Ago (The VVitch & The Autopsy of Jane Doe crossover, Jane Doe/Thomasin, E-rating, 532 words)

Jane Doe recalls another name — hers — and of Thomasin preaching shame and misery in her life. How everlasting hellfire would keep her warm. Jane Doe never thought of such fancies, nor of conjuring or worship or admiration. But she did for Thomasin.

More Than Enough (Stranger Things, Mike Wheeler/Eleven, G-rating, 1085 words)

El frowns to herself and stubbornly pulls the bed-sheet over her head, adjusting her eye-holes. The only thing stupid is assuming the bad men would see her in her Halloween costume — and they won't. It's one night. Hopper won't even know she left.

Splatter (Hellsing, Alucard/Walter Dornez, M-rating, 243 words)

Walter lurches forward, Girlycard’s icy-cold fingers clenching around his face and pulling him up. “You may want to be careful with that silvered tongue of yours,” she murmurs, almost giggly. “It doesn’t flatter you at this tender age.”

Forever With Me (BBC Merlin, Freya/Merlin, E-rating, 849 words)

The dead whisper, and they are often never heard.

At Your Own Risk (Riverdale, Cheryl Blossom/Toni Topaz, E-rating, 300 words)

Toni and Cheryl work on Riverdale’s haunted house attraction, getting a little distracted with each other while alone.

Monsters On Parade (Yuri!!! On Ice, Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, T-rating, 1109 words)

Viktor and Yuuri are persuaded into dressing up and chaperoning Lilia's grandkids for trick or treating.

Sweet as Candy (Original Work, Girl/Her Straight Slutty Roommate, E-rating, 1000 words)

There's a couple of important things to remember about Candy: her full name is Candice Marie Peterson. Phone number 555-8193. She's a sophomore undergrad majoring in Communications, after dropping out of a Nursing degree. Something about negligence and a severe lack of empathy. Her height is 5'7 in heels.

She's not Candy though. Candy shares a bedroom with her, decorating it entirely with sparkly, pink twinkle-lights and silvery ribbons, and never hears a complaint.

She doesn't remember much beyond Candy.

Tower, Tower, Burning Bright (Rapunzel - Fairy Tale, Königssohn | Prince/Rapunzel, E-rating, 1330 words)

Rapunzel, after years of marrying to the Prince and escaping the witch, returns to her tower. She discovers a girl inside.

Unforgiven (Harry Potter, Godric Gryffindor/Helga Hufflepuff/Rowena Ravenclaw/Salazar Slytherin, No Rating, 1130 words)

"We cannot allow you to harm one of the students," Rowena murmurs. 

Salazar glares in her direction. "I would never," he vows.

Dead By Now (Halloween Movies, Laurie Strode/Annie Brackett/Lynda Van der Klok, M-rating, 597 words)

Annie and Lynda end up surviving Halloween night. Laurie would give anything to forget what happened.

Nothing But Sweet Dreams (Dracula, Count Dracula/Jonathan Harker, No Rating, 443 words)

In the gloominess of his bedchambers, Jonathan awakens from a deep, restless sleep to The Count watching him. Jonathan tries to call out to him, but his mind feels soft. Damp like lumpy, foul rags.

That's What Fiends Are For (Scooby Doo and The Ghoul School, Elsa Frankenteen/Phantasma/Sibella, Tanis/Winnie Werewolf, G-rating, 525 words)

Sibella gets hurt from playing the Halloween volleyball tournament. Phantasma and Elsa Frankenteen insists she rests.

[voidstilesplease]

Attractions

Demigod AU Ficlet [3]

Stiles

"Stiles?"

Stiles turns around to the source of the call. He finds himself facing the new Ares camper. The boy gives him a tentative but wide, slanted smile, stepping closer. Stiles is not going to lie; the excessive gushing he hears from the Aphrodite cabin about the guy are well-founded. But he's not going to say that out loud. He replies, "Hey,"

"Chiron said to look for you," the boy tells him, looking far brighter and good-natured than what Stiles anticipates from an Ares kid speaking to a child of Athena.

"Give me a sec, will you?" At the boy's nod, Stiles rushes inside the cabin to retrieve the materials he prepared for their brief session today. He assigns one of his half-siblings to take over the cabin clean-up while he's out. When he returns outside, the Ares boy is standing patiently, hands in his pockets, watching the flurry of activities inside.

"Your cabin looks like a library," the boy comments when Stiles is near enough to hear. He doesn't sound mocking and what he said isn't in particular insulting, but Stiles gets defensive all the same. From his time at camp, he gets this automatic response to the Ares bunch.

"And yours look like," he pauses, and they both turn to look at cabin five right across from Athena. Its blood-red paint job is giving Stiles goosebumps. Not to mention the stuffed boar's head on the doorway with soulless eyes that seem to be following everyone's movements, and the ugly barbed wires on the roof. It's an angry-looking cabin that's very fitting to its aggressive and violent occupants. "-a nightmare."

Stiles expects the boy to sneer, but he gets a different reaction. The new Ares kid laughs. "You think it looks bad outside? It's absolute chaos inside." The boy turns to him, smiling cheekily. "You should come and visit sometimes."

Stiles stops short and takes a moment to consider the boy. He's never made an Ares kid laugh before, at least not that isn't derisive. They all think Stiles is stuck up even when he was only new to the camp. Only Fred, the head counselor, tolerates him, and he only does so because Stiles handed his ass to him in capture-the-flag last summer. His grudging respect is because he got beat by a rookie. Typical. This boy, though, doesn't seem to be corrupted - yet. It's only been a few days. Stiles replies with a serious, "I will," the boy's face lights up in return, probably mistaking it as Stiles flirting back. So he adds, "When it's my turn for cabin inspection. I give decent scores."

The quick shooting up of his eyebrows means he doesn't quite believe that.

But Stiles does. Last summer, he gave them 1/5. It would have been zero, but Fred had made an effort to upturn the bunk beds back in their upright position and shove all strewn underwear inside a box. He only hopes those were burned after and not distributed back to their owners. Stiles is a saint, considering.

He moves them forward, tracing the steps to the Big House. They walk side-by-side in surprisingly companionable silence for a moment, then Stiles begins introduction. "So, as your official welcome wagon, albeit a few days late," Stiles spreads his arms in an all-encompassing gesture. "Welcome to Camp Half-Blood!"

The boy laughs a little and regards him with amusement. He looks pleasant, but it's disconcerting and just a tad suspicious. An Ares kid is not supposed to be a charmer, newcomer, or otherwise.

"My name is Stiles," he says, pausing in his tracks to politely offer his hand to the boy. "I'm Athena cabin's junior counselor."

The boy smiles and takes Stiles's hand in a firm grip. He mentally registers that the boy's hand is mildly calloused and only slightly bigger than his. And the boy's eyes are blue, like the sky and ocean on a fine day. 

"I'm Theo."

Theo is a nice name, too, his brain whispers kindly. Probably short for Theodore. Stiles knows another Theodore from his previous school. That Theodore is bland; this one is far from it. But he's not going to admit that out loud, either. 

Stiles clears his throat, breaking their contact. His mind runs on him sometimes (all the time); he hates when that happens. The last time it did, Stiles got humiliated by his crush in front of the others during combat training. What a fun memory. He really shouldn't be thinking about that right now. So he picks up his steps, and Theo follows dutifully, not losing the open expression.

"I'm supposed to give you a starter kit today: the camp's map, our camp brochure, and your study guide for our next sessions." Stiles holds up the book and papers on his other hand. "As much as I'd like to tour you around, we don't have that much time."

Stiles waves a hand to one of the Hermes kids, who's carrying a trunk-load of garbage for disposal. The boy smiles back brightly despite the strain on his face from the weight of the junk. Ever since day one, everyone from cabin eleven has been friendly to Stiles, most especially the head counselor, Kira. So, Stiles always makes a way to return their kindness.

He shifts back to Theo to find him observing the interaction with attention. It's not malicious, though, which still baffles Stiles. He didn't know there could be nice ones from his cabin. 

He continues as they near the Big House. "There's a meeting with Chiron and the cabins' head counselors in an hour. Haley, our head, went with Demeter and Dionysus' cabin leaders to Manhattan to deliver strawberries. You know, the camp's source of funds? You'll see that in the brochure," he says, raising the object in question. "I'll have to attend as a proxy."

They arrive at the porch, and Stiles motions for Theo to sit on a bench. He passes the materials to him, "I'll let you check these, and if you have questions, you can ask me."

Theo shuffles the papers absently before lifting his head, "I do."

Stiles is pretty sure he hasn't read a thing yet, but he gestures for him to proceed.

"How did you manage it?" He asks, a genuinely curious look on his face. "You're here for one summer, but you're already second-in-command."

Stiles searches his face and tone for ridicule. He doesn't find it, still suspects it, so he schools his expression to its neutral - not friendly, but also not dismissive. It's a sensible question, anyway. It's not every day that he gets one from an Ares child. "It's not all about tenure here at camp," he starts, gauging.

Theo leans forward to indicate he's listening.

Stiles takes a seat adjacent to his position. If this kid is civil to him, there's no reason not to act the same - even if Stiles still thinks their cabin is the worst. "The eldest or the longest camper automatically gets the head counselor post, and they assign their seconds. Usually, they pick from the next eldest campers, but they can also base on achievements disregarding age or length of stay."

Theo inclines his head, eyes level on Stiles. "Achievements?"

"Yes. Like winning in the camp's games, or successfully returning from a quest."

His eyes flash in thought, and it is with revere when he says, "And you did both."

Stiles blushes embarrassingly. He tries to mask it by ducking his head and rubbing at his cheeks. Stiles is suddenly self-conscious when he is usually gloating. Stiles never passes up an opportunity to rub it in an Ares kid's face how he's defeated them in capture-the-flag like he's born for it.

When Stiles looks up again, the boy is smirking at him, blue eyes darting around his face in a thorough examination. Stiles's guard kicks in again, feeling measured. 

He straightens in his perch, lifting his chin haughtily. "Yes," he makes sure that his tone is sharp. "I led my team to victory against yours. If you have any doubt to the legitimacy of that claim, you can remind Fred how he uselessly hung upside-down like a wet market chicken while I plucked the flag from his hands."

Stiles waits for the offended snarl and stream of profanities, but once again, he's knocked off his careful balance. Theo's face splits in a wide grin, and he laughs. "So, that's why he doesn't share details, the loser."

Stiles goggles, starting to feel annoyed by the unusual behavior. "Aren't you going to mock me and defend his honor?"

Theo snorts, "What honor?" He snickers for a few more and then puts his attention to the reading materials when he recovers.

Stiles finds the situation peculiar, so he stays quiet and allows Theo to read, answering when he has more questions and volunteering information that isn't in print.

Later, when they adjourn, he prepares to leave when Theo leans to tell him, "I'm not like my siblings. I don't hate clever people." He pauses, and with an easy grin, adds: "Fred might even be right. I think I'm attracted to one of them."

He doesn't wait for Stiles's reply - not that Stiles has one to that statement. He only stands there, taken aback, and red as a startled tomato.

Theo, finally displaying the familiar audacity comparable to his kins, winks. "I'll see you later, Stiles."

And well, it's impossible not to notice him everywhere now.

~•~

[1][2][companion]

[goatbi]

We know literally nothing about bleach but we know it's a special interest of yours so gimme bleach hcs legend

Uhhh let's have some fun lil six hearts sexuality/gender headcanons

Alright so, first off, Uryu is autistic and asexual, so jot that down. I'm also getting the vibes of aromantic from him, tbh, though maybe demiromantic. Not really sure on that front. He figured himself out very very quickly, simply because he likes to read so much, and just kinda vibes all the time, and figured 'hm something about me is different from everyone else around me' and then like. Figured it out. Was very open about it the SECOND he moved out of Ryuken's house, like, he doesn't ever talk to Ryuken, but Uryu was open about who he was at school enough that word got around to Ryuken very quickly. The reaction there was exactly what Uryu had expected. A fuck ton of passive aggressive bullshit! Also uses Ve/Ver He/Him and Phi/Phim pronouns cause Why Not ! I say so ! I bounce back and forth on if he's trans or not, because A) how obvious am I gonna be that I kin him, and B) just in general I dunno if I fully get The Vibes from him. Maybe he's trans sometimes because kinnie moments.

Ichigo gives me the vibes of like, a guy whose very very comfortable in who he is, but also has no clue exactly what that is, and whenever someone makes a dumb joke like 'oh what are you, gay?' Ichigo just kinda looks at them and then shrugs a shoulder like 'i don't fuckin know, I know I'm a teen and thats when you start figuring that shit out usually, but I'm busy, y'know, saving the universe and shit.' His level in comfort with himself does not change ever, I think, no matter where in the process of figured himself out he is, he's just like 'i'm chillin' cause at least he's not looking down the barrel of a gun with Yhwach or Aizen on the other side ! No clue anything about him other than that. He/Him

Orihime feels like a lesbian who was told all her life that she should just find a nice boy to settle down with, so she's like comp-hetting her crush on Ichigo hella hard, because he's like! The perfect boy to do that with! He's super powerful, he cares a lot, he's saved her when she was kidnapped, it was perfect and fun. They tried to date, the summer after high school, because despite what people think, Ichigo is not that dense all the time. They attempted it, lasted like two weeks, then very amicably broke up, because Orihime was like 'hey I think I'm actually a lesbian' and Ichigo was like 'sick, because I'm really not feeling romance here' and they were both just kinda like. Alright then. Back to friendship! She's also SUPER ADHD. Probably uses fae/faer pronouns too, and giggles cause her powers include fairies.

Chad is just kinda. There. He just identifies himself as queer, and that's about as deep into he's going. The intricacies of his sexuality and gender are a mystery to everyone, including himself, so. There's that. His grandfather was similar in that regard, which is why Chad is just so chill about it. He doesn't really care, he just knows he's not cishet. Other than that? Not really important to him. He's happy. He/They/Thon pronouns for this large man!

Rukia and Renji are really fun in this regard. Starting with Rukia, she spent a good amount of her life in Rukongai just existing and being whoever the fuck she was, not really caring who she was because who cares when you don't know if you're gonna be alive tomorrow to keep being that person, and then suddenly she was thrown into being a noble and having to fit that, so she spent so long constantly being like 'gotta be perfect for the clan' that she really didn't think about herself for ages! And then, when she finally got the chance, she started realizing things that would have upset the Clan Elders, and she was like 'Fuck! Time For Repression!' which worked, up until her execution fiasco, and then she was like 'fuck! I can't just die not knowing who I am and being happy with who I am! Fuck you people, the clan elders can't fucking stop me from doing shit!' and she had Ichigo's really chill ass right next to her like 'alright have fun!' Which lead down the road of her discovering that she was a bisexual, with a preference for women (and Renji's muscles specifically), and used any pronouns. She came out to Byakuya about this one day, and Byakuya, who was trying to be a good brother, told her that he would handle the clan elders. She didn't hear a thing about it from them, and Byakuya only smiled when he saw her later.

Renji, on the other hand, was in the same sort of thing, but never had to worry about disappointing anybody. Renji has always lived for himself and only himself. He got his tattoos because he wanted them and no one could tell him no. He's exists as he is because he fucking wants to. He's been like this since he's a kid, so in the Soul Reaper Academy, he was experimenting with everybody, just for the hell of it. He was gonna be proud of who he is, no matter who he found himself out to be, so it didn't matter how long it took him to figure it out. So, honestly, when he finally sat down next to the GAYEST MARRIED COUPLE OF SQUAD ELEVEN (Ikkaku and Yumichika) and finally went 'huh... I'm pansexual' it wasn't like, a big thing, he just kinda said it, and then Yumi was like 'are you like... nervous about coming out to us or something?' and Renji just kinda shrugged and went 'I don't give a shit, I'm happy with it' and Ikkaku was like 'right fuckin answer my man' so. The same sort of process with his gender happened, but that one's an ongoing thing, since again, no matter where he is, he's comfortable with who he is, but he hasn't really like, sat down to ask himself any questions about it. So he's kinda nebulous. Just uses he/him for now, but it's also like, that's just cause how everyone else sees him, very masc. If people used other pronouns for him, he wouldn't object to it.

[thebluenebula]

So I totally intended to finish up week 1 before anything else but I'm totally struggling with the last day so here's this. It's set maybe three-ish months after Ashleigh arrived. Enjoy :)

Masterlist

Week 1

WonderBats

"Hey Bruce?" Tim said, as he entered the living room. Bruce was sitting on a  nearby armchair reading a book. Out of the corner of his eye he also spotted Dick and Jay, sitting on the couch watching TV.

Bruce looked up from his book. "What's up Tim?"

"I was wondering can Cassie come over on Saturday?"

Bruce looked at him curiously. "You've never asked before, usually I just come home and the house is filled with children I don't think are mine."

"Well I didn't want to just bring people over in case... I don't know, it bothered Ashleigh or anything."

"That's very... considerate of you." Bruce eyed him suspiciously. "Where's my real child?"

"I'm not the Demon Spawn, Bruce. I consider how others may be affected by my decisions."

"Hey!" Damien shouted from a nearby room. Jay chuckled.

Bruce sighed. "I can't see why Cassie can't come over."

Dick turned away from the TV. "What about Donna? I've been meaning to catch up for ages." He nudged Jay. "And they could bring Artemis."

"I'll talk to Diana and see if we can do a get together." Bruce said.

"Yes!" The boys cheered.

"You should still run it by Ashleigh." Tim suggested. "Just in case."

"She'll be totally okay with it." Bruce insisted.

"You should check just in case." Dick agreed.

"I'll ask her," Bruce gave in. "But I'm telling you it's unnecessary."

"Doesn't hurt ask."

Bruce sighed and jumped up from his seat, and headed upstairs to my room.

I looked up from my phone at the sound of a knock at my door. "Hey Ashleigh." Bruce greeted me as he entered.

"Hiya Bruce."

"Some friends of ours might be coming over one of the days."

"Okay?" I looked at him quizzingly.

"The boys just wanted for me to make sure you were okay with it before we invited them over."

"Why?"

"Well they know your not comfortable around groups of strangers."

"Yeah but that shouldn't stop them from having friends over."

Bruce smiled. "That's what I told them, but they insisted I run it by you."

"I'm totally okay with it."

"I knew you would be."

"Tell them thanks for the consideration but it's unnecessary."

"Will do." Bruce said as he left.

The boys basically spent the whole week telling me about the Wonders. Before I knew it Saturday was here.

I woke a little before eleven, groggily walked towards the bathroom. I stopped at the top of the staircase as I spotted Bruce, Alfred, and the Wonders standing by the door. I recognised Wonder Woman of course, but i only recognized the other three from the dozens of photos the boys had insisted on showing me.

Wonder Woman, Bruce and Alfred headed for the kitchen, as the three girls started up the stairs. I quickly ducked into the nearest room to avoid them.

"Hello?" Carrie looked confused.

"Hi." I awkwardly smiled.

"You've never bust in unannounced before Ash."

"Yeeeah."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm just... hiding for a second." I admitted.

"From?"

"The Wonderkids."

"They're here?" Carrie looked at her clock, 10:57. "I thought they weren't coming till twelve."

"So did I."

"Why are you hiding from them? I thought you promised Tim you'd at least say hello to Cassie.".

"I did. I will. I just need to..." I rubbed my chin. I could feel my face redden as I felt the stubble. "Clean up."

"Hold on." Carrie stood up, walked over and peeked out the door. "They're gone."

"Thanks Carrie." I walked out the door past her.

"The Wonders won't judge Ash." She comforted me.

I nodded and quickly scuttled away to the bathroom.

After shaving and doing what else I needed to do, my phone buzzed. A message from Tim. "Hey Ashleigh, if you're not busy, Cassie's here. You wanna meet her?"

"Sure Tim. Where are you?" Best just get the whole meeting her thing over with.

"My room."

"Be there in 2 mins."

I popped out of the bathroom and headed to Tim's room. Meeting people was always one of my least favourite thing. Sure I might like them but I never was great at getting to know people. Wouldn't it be wonderful to read minds like that girl Dick talks about. What was her name? Megan? M'gann.

I stopped outside Tim's door, and knocked. "Come in." Tim said.

I opened the door. Steph was leaning against a dresser, while Tim was sitting on the bed beside Cassie.

"Hey." Tim greeted me.

"Hi."

"Ashleigh, this is Cassie." Tim said pointing to the girl who had a beaming smile on her face.

Cassie jumped up. "You're Ashleigh, Tim and your sisters never shut up about you. It's great to finally meet you."

"It's nice to meet you to, Cassie." I smiled at her. She was pretty, and built like a tank.

""And now you're introduced." Steph cheerily commented.

"That they are." Tim agreed. "So now what?"

"I'll... go." I said, heading for the door. I'd promised Tim I'd say hello. I had fulfilled my part of the bargain, time for me to skedaddle.

"What? Why?" Steph asked, blocking the door.

"Well you guys are doing your thing. I don't want to get in the way."

"Hardly Ash." Steph smiled.

"You can stay." Tim said. "If you want."

"Before you answer that." Cassie interrupted. "What is it were doing?"

"I don't know." Tim admitted.

"We thought we'd let you decide Cassie." Steph said gesturing to her.

Cassie thought, and then her face lit up. "I've got to show you what I've done to my village." She reached into her bag and pulled out a Switch. "Ashleigh do you play?"

"Oh yeah." I quickly replied. Thats not entirely true, I had the game. I never played it before though.

"Come on Ashleigh. Let's go grab ours." Steph said. I followed her out to the hall. "I didn't know you played Animal Crossing."

"I don't," I admitted. "But now seems as good a time as any to start."

Steph laughed. "So what do you think of Cassie?"

"She seems... excited."

"She's always like that." Steph explained. "She was extra excited though to meet you."

"Why?" I asked as we stopped outside my room.

"I guess curiosity. We talk about you from time to time in the Watchtower. I'll be back in a second," Steph said ending the previous topic. "I'll grab my Switch."

Steph ran off as I went in to my room and fished out my Switch. It's not something I used to often, sometimes I played Pokémon, but not much else. I grabbed Animal Crossing off  the shelf and walked back out into the hallway.

"Heya Ashleigh." Tim said. He and Cassie were standing just outside my door.

I jumped slightly. "Hi. You startled me." I admitted. "I was coming back."

"We know." Cassie said.

"We figured we'd head downstairs and wanted to grab you and Steph." Tim explained. "Where is she?"

"Here." Steph came running down the hall holding her Switch.

We headed downstairs to the living room. Dick and Donna were sitting on the couch, Babs sat in her wheelchair beside them.

"Hey you guys." Babs said as she spotted us enter.

"Heya Babs." Cassie excitedly said.

"Hey Cassie." Dick smiled at her. "I see you met Ashleigh."

"So your Ashleigh." Donna said. "Dick told me so much about you. All good things. Even Damien says nice things about you."

Cassie gasped. "Only ever heard him compliment Dick, and Rachel before."

"So what brings you guys down here?" Dick asked.

"Just going to lie up and play Animal Crossing." Steph said, holding up her Switch.

Steph and Tim snuggled up to each other on one of the armchairs, while Cassie sat in beside Donna. I took a seat nearby on another armchair. I'd played the old Animal Crossing game and warmed up to this one pretty quickly.

After a while of playing and bantering, I kept silent for most of it but it still felt nice to be around the chatter, Carrie and Harper came into the living room. "What's going on in here?" Harper asked.

"It's called social interaction. You two should try it sometime." Steph remarked.

"Sounds overrated." Carrie replied walking behind the seat I was in. She leaned over my shoulder. "Whatcha playing?"

"Animal Crossing."

"Nice island."

"It's Cassie's." I pointed over to Cassie, who was now lying in Donna's lap. She flashed a smile at me.

"So you did say hello." Carrie whispered. "Good job."

I smiled at her. "Thanks."

"Carrie, come on." Harper said as she headed for the door.

"Nice seeing you two again." Carrie said.

"Later nerds." Harper shouted as she left.

We went back to our banter. A little while later I looked up from my Switch and Cassie caught my eye. She appeared to be staring behind me. I turned around but couldn't see anything out of place. When I turned back Cassie was looking back at her Switch. 

I yawned. "Not get enough sleep?" Dick asked.

"Something like that."

"Grab some coffee." Tim suggested.

"You and coffee." Cassie sighed, sitting up from Donna's lap.

"There's healthier alternatives to coffee." Dick commented.

"Don't talk to me about healthy," Tim stated. "I've read the ingredients on your cereal boxes."

"Your cereals are basically pure sugar." Donna agreed.

I stood up and left to get coffee while they were distracted arguing over healthy food. "Where are you off to?" Cassie asked from behind me in the hall.

"I need some coffee."

"Mind if I join you?"

"Uhh... sure"

"So Tim's got you hooked on coffee?" She asked as we took off towards the kitchen.

"I was addicted to coffee long before I came here." I explained.

We walked into the kitchen. Alfred, and Bruce sat at the table talking to Wonder Woman. I immediately stepped back behind Cassie who gave me a curious look.

"Hello children." Wonder Woman said.

"Diana. This is Ashleigh." Bruce said pointing to me. Diana, right, I should probably refer to her as that.

I stood out from behind Cassie. "Hi."

"Hello Ashleigh. It's nice to meet you."

"You to."

"So what brings you two to the kitchen?" Alfred asked.

"Coffee." Cassie quickly replied.

"I'll boil the kettle." Alfred stated turning to the counter.

"Come. Sit." Bruce gestured to the table. I took a seat beside Bruce, while Cassie sat beside Diana.

"So Ashleigh, how are you finding living with Bruce?" Diana asked.

"Its... good."

"Bruce is kind hearted." She stated. "He's a good parent."

"He is." I agreed, smiling at Bruce. He smiled back.

"Your coffee is ready Miss's." Alfred interrupted.

We stood up and grabbed out coffee, and I quickly headed for the exit, in hopes of avoiding any further social interaction.

"What was that about?" Cassie asked, following behind me.

"What was what?"

"That." She gestured back to the kitchen door. "First you hid behind me and then you basically ran out the door."

My face reddened. "I can be a tad... socially awkward at times."

"You were fine with me, and even Donna, but when it came to Diana you basically went into a shell. Wh-" It was clear that Cassie had just figure at the reason. She smirked. "It's because she's Wonder Woman."

"Yes it's because she's Wonder Woman." I stated. "I literally just met one of my childhood heroes, of course I'm going to be a tad awkward."

"Diana's just like anyone else." Cassie assured me.

I took a deep breath. "Im not involved too much in the whole hero thing. Sometimes it just skips my brain but then a sudden reminder will hit me and... and..." I took a deep breath. "I don't know where I was going with that."

"No. Go on finish." Cassie insisted.

"It's alright. Just forget it."

"Alright." Cassie said. "Let's get back to the others."

"Ashleigh. Cassie." Jay said as he appeared from a room, followed by Artemis. "Do you know where Diana is?"

"Kitchen." We said.

"Thanks." Jay headed for the kitchen.

Artemis grabbed his hood and dragged him back. "Introductions." She said.

"Artemis, this is Ashleigh. Ashleigh, this is Artemis. Done. Can I go now?"

Artemis sighed and let go of his hood. "Go."

"Thanks." He shouted as he ran off to the kitchen.

"What was that about?" Cassie asked.

"Don't worry about." Artemis said. Then she turned to me. "Nice to meet you Ashleigh."

"It's nice to... meet you to." I said, still a little confused over what had just happened.

"Perhaps we can talk more at a later date but right now I need to make sure Jay doesn't make an ass of himself, or more importantly me." Artemis said as she turned and headed for the kitchen. "Goodbye."

"See yah." Cassie said. "Now shall we get back to others?"

"Yeah." We headed towards the living room. "That was strange, even for Jay."

Cassie giggled. "That's a high bar."

We rejoined the others, who by now had stopped arguing. "Where'd you two go?" Dick asked.

"Coffee." We said in unison, holding up our mugs.

Tim smirked at Dick. "Told you."

"May I make a suggestion?" Donna asked, as we sat down.

"You may." Babs said.

"How about a game of soccer?"

"I'm down." Dick agreed.

"I can ref." Babs said.

"We're in." Tim and Steph agreed.

"Me to." Cassie agreed.

I nodded. "Yeah."

"Let's grab Jay and Artemis." Dick suggested.

"I'll grab them." Tim said, running off.

"I'll come to." Cassie said, running after him.

I followed the rest of them out the back, I began to feel more and more nervous. Sure I know how to play soccer but knowing me I'd somehow make an ass of myself. I could feel that weird feeling in my stomach. I was at the back of the pack, no-one would ever notice if I disappeared. As everyone walked out the back door, I turned and walked back towards the house.

"Ashleigh," Steph said. "Where are you off to?"

"Just going to use the bathroom." I lied. "I'll be back in a couple minutes."

I ran off and headed up the stairs. "Ashleigh." Jay shouted up after me. I turned. Jay, Tim, Artemis, and Cassie were looking up at me. "You not coming out to play some soccer?"

"No thanks, I'm just going to... Go up here."

"Okay sure." Jay gave me a puzzled look but the four headed outside.

I continued up to my room and locked the door behind me. I sat on the bed and took a deep breath. "Fuck." I muttered to myself. About ten minutes later I glanced put the window. Bruce and Diana had joined the kids outside and they appeared to be picking teams.

A knock at the door drew my attention back to the room. "Yeah?"

"Ashleigh, it's Steph."

I hopped up and unlocked the door. "What's up?"

"Are you not coming out to play soccer?"

"Yeah no. Sorry."

"No need to be," She said. "But you can just say so next time instead of just disappearing. It reminds me of Bruce."

I laughed. "Is that a bad thing?"

"It's not a good thing." She joked. "You coming outside to watch at least. You don't have to play."

"Sure." I smiled and followed Steph back down the stairs. I had manage to get my head together a little bit."So you came in just to find me?"

"That and," Steph held up a notepad. "Cassie wanted a pen and paper."

"Why?" I asked curiously.

"She didn't say."

I took a seat on the garden wall by Babs as Steph joined the on going game of soccer. Babs was the ref, it only took her about five minutes before she sent Jay and Artemis off for rough housing.

The game finished up with both teamed tied and all players exhausted.

"As nice as it been Bruce," Diana said. "We must be going."

"Of course Diana." Bruce said. "I'll show you out."

"It was nice meeting you Ashleigh." Diana said as they walked past me.

I smiled at her. "Yeah, it was nice meeting all of you.

As Cassie walked past me she handed me a piece of paper. "What's this?"

"My number, and socials and stuff, so we can keep in touch. If you want to." She said.

"Of course." I quickly replied.

"Goodbye Ashleigh." Cassie smiled and walked away.

"Goodbye Cassie." I watched as she disappeared into the house.

I watched as the door shut behind them. "Well Ash, you and Cassie seem to have gotten on well." Babs commented.

"Yeah we did."

"I'm glad." She said placing a hand on my shoulder.

I unfolded the sheet. On it was a phone number and Pixtagram account, along with Cassie's signature and a little smiley face.