#i also do not usually beta read so there may be errors :

[physalian]

“How do I know if my story needs work or if I’m just being hard on myself?”

As I sit here accepting the fact that at 70k words into Eternal Night’s sequel while waiting for my editor for Eternal Night itself, that I have made an error in my plot.

Disclaimer: This is not universal and the writing experience is incredibly diverse. Figuring this out also takes some time and building up your self-confidence as an author so you can learn to separate “this is awful (when it’s not)” and “this is ok (but it can be better)” and “this isn’t working (but it is salvageable).”

—

When I wrote my first novel (unpublished, sadly), years ago, I would receive feedback all over the chapters and physically have to open other windows to block off parts of the screen on my laptop to slow-drip the feedback because I couldn’t handle constructive criticism all at once. I had my betas color-code their commentary so I could see before I read any of it that it wasn’t all negative. It took me thrice as long as it does today to get through a beta’s feedback because I got so nervous and anxious about what they would say.

The main thing I learned was this: They’re usually right, when it’s not just being mean (and even then, it’s rarely flat out mean), and that whatever criticisms they have of my characters and plot choices is not criticism of myself.

It did take time.

But now I can get feedback from betas and even when I hear “I’d DNF this shit right now unless you delete this,” I take a step back, examine if this one little detail is really that important, and fix it. No emotional turmoil and panic attack needed. I can also hear “I didn’t like it” without heartbreak. Can’t please everyone.

The only time I freak out is when I'm told "this won't need massive edits" followed up by, in the manuscript, "I'd DNF this shit right now". Which happened. And did not, in fact, require a massive rewrite to fix.

So.

What might be some issues with your story and why it “isn’t working”.

1. Your protagonist is not active enough in the story

You’ve picked your protagonist, but it’s every other character that has more to do, more to say, more choices to make, and they’re just along for the ride, yet you are now anchored to this character’s story because they’re the protagonist. You can either swap focus characters, or rework your story to give them more agency. Figure out why this character, above any other, is your hero.

2. Your pacing is too slow

Even if you have a “lazy river” style story where the vibes and marinating in the world is more important than a breakneck plot, slow pacing isn’t just “how fast the story moves” it’s “how clearly is the story told,” meaning if you divert the story to a side quest, or spend too long on something that sure is fluffy or romantic or funny, but it adds nothing to the characters because it’s redundant, doesn’t advance the plot, doesn’t give us more about the world that actually matters to the themes, then you may have lost focus of the story and should consider deleting it, or editing important elements into the scenes so they can pull double-duty and serve a more active purpose.

3. You’ve lost the main argument of your narrative

Sometimes even the best of outlines and the clearest plans derail. Characters don’t cooperate and while we see where it goes, we end up getting hung up on how this one really cool scene or argument or one-liner just has to be in the story, without realizing that doing so sacrifices what you set out to accomplish. Personally I think sticking to your outline with biblical determination doesn’t allow for new ideas during the writing process, but if you find yourself down the line of “how did we get here, this isn’t what I wanted” you can always save the scenes in another document to reuse later, in this WIP or another in the future.

4. You’re spending too long on one element

Even if the thing started out really cool, whether it’s a rich fantasy pit stop for your characters or a conversation two characters must have, sometimes scenes and ideas extend long past their prime. You might have characters stuck in one location for 2 or 3 chapters longer than necessary trying to make it perfect or stuff in all these details or make it overcomplicated, when the rest of the story sits impatiently on the sidelines for them to move on. Figure out the most important reasons for this element to exist, take a step back, and whittle away until the fat is cut.

5. You’ve given a side character too much screentime

New characters are fun and exciting! But they can take over the story when they’re not meant to, robbing agency from your core characters to leave them sitting with nothing to do while the new guy handles everything. You might end up having to drag your core characters along behind them, tossing them lines of dialogue and side tasks to do because you ran out of plot to delegate with one character hogging it all (which is the issue I ran into with the above mentioned WIP). Not talking about a new villain or a new love interest, I mean a supporting character who is supposed to support the main characters.

—

As for figuring out the difference between “this is awful and I’m a bad writer” and “this element isn’t working” try pretending the book was written by somebody else and you’re giving them constructive criticism.

If you can come up with a reason for why it’s not working that doesn’t insult the writer, it’s probably the latter. As in, “This element isn’t working… because it’s gone on too long and the conversation has become cyclical and tiring.” Not “this element isn’t working because it’s bad.”

Why is it bad?

“This conversation is awkward because…. There’s not enough movement between characters and the dialogue is really stiff.”

“This fight scene is bad because….I don’t have enough dynamic action, enough juicy verbs, or full use of the stage I’ve set.”

“This romantic scene is bad because…. It’s taking place at the wrong time in the story. I want to keep it, but this character isn’t ready for it yet, and the vibe is all wrong now because they’re out-of-character.”

“This argument is bad because…. It didn’t have proper build-up and the sudden shouting match is not reflective of their characters. They’re too angry, and it got out of hand quickly. Or I’m not conveying the root of their aggression.”

—

There aren’t very many bad ideas, just bad execution. “Only rational people can think they’re crazy. Crazy people think they’re sane,” applies to writing, too.

I just read a fanfic recently where, for every fight scene, I could tell action was not the writer’s strong suit. They leaned really heavily on a crutch of specific injuries for their characters, the same unusual spot getting hit over and over again, and fights that dragged on for too long being unintentionally stagnant. The rest of the fic was great, though, and while the fights weren’t the best, I understood that the author was trying, and I kept reading for the good stuff. One day they will be better.

In my experience beta reading, it’s the cocky authors who send me an unedited manuscript and tell me to be kind (because they can’t take criticism), that they know it’s perfect they just want an outside opinion (they don’t want the truth, they want what will make them feel good), that they know it’s going to make them a lot of money and everyone will love it (they haven’t dedicated proper time and effort into researching marketing, target audiences, or current trends)—these are the truly bad authors. Not just bad at writing, but bad at taking feedback, are bullies when you point out flaws in their story, and cheap, too.

The best story I have received to date was where the author didn’t preempt with a self-deprecating deluge of “it’s probably terrible you know but here it is anyway” or “this is perfect and I’m super confident you’re going to love it”.

It was something like, “This is my first book and I know it has flaws and I’m nervous but I had a lot of fun doing it”.

And yeah, it needed work, but the bones of something great were there. So give yourself some credit, yeah?

[hyperfixiation-station]

Choice, Choices, Choices Pt. 2

TW: Swearing, canon typical violence

Pairing: Reader x Graves Summary: Well your week off wasn't very productive, hopefully a really stressful, fate-of-the-world-is-in-your-hands mission will help clear your brain. As usual, I didn't beta read, so lmk if there are an errors :) Also sorry for the reupload, I accidentally deleted it whilst trying to edit something lmaooo.

When Price said a lot, he meant a lot. 

In the time you had been gone, a new terrorist threat had popped up, a man named Hassan who somehow had gotten ahold of American missiles. You didn’t even have time to unpack before Price was shipping you off to Mexico to help Soap and Ghost infiltrate a cartel to find the location of said missing missiles. It seems the talk with Graves will have to wait.

You get no rest on the flight to Mexico. Instead you spend the entire time focusing on your and Grave’s relationship. Maybe it’s the threat of imminent annihilation, or maybe it’s the fact that you are going to be seeing him soon, but whatever it is, you were thinking more clearly than you have all week. 

Graves was a man of authority, and you had recognized it from the moment you had met him. He took what he wanted, when he wanted, and made sure everyone knew he was the top dog. In your relationship he always had the last say, always chose the restaurant, always chose the movie. And for the most part, you didn’t mind, enjoying the feeling of not having to be in control for once when all you did all day long was make choices that could mean life or death. 

He had this belief that he could do no wrong, and was smug and uptight and sometimes even cruel about it. 

And yet there was something…alluring about him. Some magnetic charm that drew you in every time you wanted to take a step back. He didn’t even have to try, hell, he had stopped putting effort into the relationship years ago, and yet you still found him almost irresistible. 

You weren’t stupid, you knew what there were issues in the way your relationship worked, but you loved him, and he…loved you too. It wasn’t until Ghost stepped fully into the picture that you realized that may-

“Y/N!” You flinch, your eyes coming up to meet your pilots as his voice snaps you out of your musings.  

“You okay in there? I’ve been yelling at you for at least a minute.” He says over the headset, “Anyways we’re about to land, so get ready.” You nod, shouldering your pack and making sure your vest is strapped correctly. 

5 minutes later, the helo begins its choppy descent. The second it touches down you are ushered off, ducking under the blades in an odd crab run as you make your way to where Soap, Ghost, and 2 strangers stand to the side. The pilot takes off before you've even cleared the LZ. 

“Good ta’ see yer no’ dead lassie.” Soap grin, clasping your shoulder, “Ah trust Price has briefed ye?” 

“Aye.” You nod, “Though he didn’t mention these two. Who are they?”

“These are th’ Los Vaqueros.” Soap says giddy, “Means th’ cowboys” 

“My name is Alejandro.” The taller one on the left tells you.

“Mine’s Rodolfo, tho y’ can call me Rudy.” The one on the right says moments later.

“Nice to meet you.” You incline your head, avoiding Ghost’s searching gaze, “I take it you’re the ones leading us through this, uh…whatever we’re about to do?” 

“Aye.” Alejandro turns and begins walking, everyone else falling in line behind him, “Soap here is infiltrating Las Almas, we are looking for El Sin Nombre. We believe he knows the location of the missiles Hassan has stolen.” 

You climb into the back of a truck, consciously avoiding sitting next to Ghost. The drive is tense, the silence only occasionally broken by questions from Alejandro and Soap. The truck comes to a stop, and you all pile out, getting Soap outfitted for his ‘Day in the life of a cartel member’ extravaganza. 

“Y/n!” You spin around, seeing Graves walking towards you, “How was your week off?” 

“It was good. Did a lot of…thinking.” 

“Wonderful.” He says, his eyes already looking past you. He presses a quick kiss to your cheek and moves past, going to speak with his Shadows. You sigh internally, moving over to Soap and Ghost. 

“How wis yer week off?” Soap asks as a Shadow helps fit his comms. He’s grinning, his blue eyes almost glowing in the dark, but you can see the faint lines of fear in his expression.

“It was since. Did a lot of thinking, I guess.” Ghost shifts, a subtle movement you notice out of the corner of your eye. Your face flushes, and you’re grateful it’s dark out so he can’t see. 

“Let's roll!” Alejandro calls. Soap nods, and you follow him and Ghost back to the truck. This drive is tense for a whole other reason, everyone thinking about all the ways this could go wrong. 

You get to the compound, and take your spot on a ridge with Ghost. No words are exchanged, but you know him well enough by now to tell he is worried about you. If Soap’s life, and the lives of millions of Americans, weren’t at risk, you would be grateful for this mission delaying the inevitable conversation you have to have. 

You both get into position, sniper rifles trained on the building. You wince as Soap is manhandled, a deep pit of fear in your stomach once he disappears from your view.

 Now all that's left is to sit and wait. 

He emerges victorious, much to yours and Ghost’s relief. He brings with him El Sin Nombre, who apparently is actually a woman, and an old friend of Alejandros. You could see yourself liking her, if she hadn’t sold missiles to terrorists.

She is feisty, smart, and cunning. She keeps her mouth shut, refusing to volunteer the location of the 2nd missile, instead goading Alejandro into a frenzy. You watch, eyes narrowed in distaste, as Graves tries to make a deal with her. Not for the first time, you judge his ability to make decisions. 

But she does give you all the missile location. In what feels like a matter of moments, you find yourself on a boat, heading through stormy waves towards an oil rig off the Gulf of Mexico. Grave’s Shadows launch an attack, only for Ghost to find that the missile not only has entered pre-launch phase, but wasn’t even on the oil rig to begin with. Instead, you find it on the deck of a ship, primed and ready to fire. You, Graves, Soap, and Ghost file onto the cargo ship, where you find that there is no way to disarm the missile. 

Your heart sinks, until Shepard has the great idea to turn the missile on the oil rig. Alejadro and the Shadow Company clear out, and Soap hacks in and resets the missile's trajectory. The burning ball of flame is a beautiful sight to see, in your opinion. 

“Gold Eagle Actual, Shadow-1. Good hit. Good hit. Missile and rig destroyed.” Graves crows,  a grin lighting up his face. He grasps Soaps shoulder, and you watch him mouth a quiet Good work, his voice too quiet to hear over the noise of the shadows and everyone celebrating.

Without thinking, you press a kiss to Ghost’s masked cheek, the euphoria of victory clouding your senses. Soap steps in to give Ghost a moment to recover, and gives you a side hug, slapping you on the back a little too hard for your liking. You don’t notice Graves eyes on you, narrowing with your every action. 

The ride back is still tense, the tension between you and Ghost so thick you can almost taste it. Luckily Soap either can’t sense it, or just is just ignoring it, the Scotsman happily chattering away as the sinking feeling in your heart grows and grows. 

The crisis is over, and once you get back you won’t be able to put off your conversation with Graves any longer. 

It’s still raining when you get back to the Los Vaquero’s base. The truck comes to a stop outside the gates, and you slide out of the truck after Ghost, confused and a bit wary. 

“What’s this?” You hear Alejadro’s voice from the other side of the truck. 

“This is the immediate future.” You stop short, Grave’s voice making your blood run cold, “Step away from the gate.” No. There is no way. 

“You’re outta line Graves.” You blink, hard, realizing you had zoned out for a moment. You force your feet to move again, rounding the truck, stiffening as a barrel is pressed into your spine.

“Hey!” Grave’s voice echoes in your ears, “Let her go. She’s with us.” You inhale sharply, looking up at him in shock. Soap looks at you in betrayal, taking half a step towards you before the Shadows are on him as well. 

“Don't do that. Don't... do that. No one needs to get hurt here.” Graves says, eyes narrowed. 

“Are you threatening us?” You can hear the betrayal in his voice as well, though he does his best to hide it. You want to look at him, try and communicate that you have no part in this, but your mind is still reeling, and you’re unable to draw your wide eyes away from Grave’s face. 

“Soldier, I don't make threats. I make guarantees. So, let's not do this.” The animosity in Graves' voice surprises you. 

“I’m calling Shepard.” Soap turns, hand reaching for his radio. 

“General Shepard sends his regards.” Graves' grin is predatory, and you have no doubt he’s enjoying this, “He told me you wouldn’t take this well.” 

“He knows about this?” Ghost’s eyes are dark, his body tense and ready to spring. 

“He's put me in command of this operation from here on out. So, y'all need to stand down. It's time to let the pros finish this.” You watch Graves still, eyes trained on his face, your brain numb with shock. Shock and…disgust. 

“And why the hell are we talking like this is some kind of a negotiation?” Graves continues, “It's not. I've got my orders and now you have yours.” 

“And who the fuck do you think you are, cabron? My men are inside!” 

“I'm afraid not.” Graves pauses, meeting your eyes with a disgusting grin, “Your men have been... detained.”

“Cabron!” For the first time, you manage to tear your eyes away from Graves, your gaze falling on Alejandro as he launches himself towards your boyfriend only to be beaten down and restrained by his Shadows. 

“Graves, what th’ fuck?” Your eyes dart to Soap as he lunges at the Shadow next to him, holding him hostage. You let out a small cry as Graves and his men open fire. You duck behind the truck, watching as Ghost elbows the Shadow behind him before stabbing another one in the neck, quickly ripping the blade back out and hurling it at another Shadow before disappearing into the dark. 

“Get your fucking hands off me!” Your hands fly up to cover your mouth as you watch Graves slam the butt of his gun into Alejandro’s head, dropping him. You stare at Graves in shock, unable to move as your mind tries to process what's happening. 

Soap yells in pain, snapping you from your reverie as you spin to look at him. He’s on the ground, the Shadow he had taken laying dead on top of him. 

“Go, Johnny! Get out of there!” Ghost yells from somewhere behind you “Soap, Go!” You watch as Soap heaves himself up and throws himself over the barrier, disappearing from your view. You slide down the truck, sinking to the ground as your legs give out, your entire body shaking. 

Graves' actions start to sink in, and gods does his betrayal hurt. It’s like nothing you’ve ever felt before, worse than the time you broke your arm, worse than the time you got shot in the thigh, worse than any wound you had ever received. It’s like a physical pain, your heart feeling as though it’s been ripped from your chest. Tears well in your eyes, your fingers digging into your palms in an effort to stop your tears. 

You don’t know how long you sit in the rain, but it’s enough time for you to be completely soaked head to toe. You are surrounded by blood and bodies, and your mind reels as you survey the scene. Alejandro is gone, you’re not sure when he was taken away. Soaps rifle is still laying in the street, a very damming pool of blood underneath and around it. With the amount of blood he lost, you're surprised he's not dead. Oh gods he better not be dead.

“Y/n?” Graves' voice breaks the fog in your brain, “Darling? Are you alright? I know this was...a bit of a surprise…but I’m sure you understand.” 

“Graves…”

To be continued.

Notes: Sorry for how long this took!!! But it's here now! Hopefully Pt. 3 won't take me another thousand years. Anyways I hope you enjoy, and sorry if this is not the direction you wanted it to go :/ Tags: @redhoodxsupergirl @infpt-zylith @scarletdfox

[dosshie]

A new singer appears in street se... Huh?!

heck yeah VBS glitched gakupo AU!! more info below :D

about the design!

modern street fashion is like, the antithesis to all of my charcter designs. i hope i was able to make something coherent and cool-ish (i even needed to use a character maker for help sobs)

his shirt resembles a fake png, firstly i was gonna do a magenta-black checkerboard texture because that's usually the defeault missing texture in a lot of games, but it was clashing too much with his color scheme so i decided to use the fake jpeg (also cuz it's more recognizeable imo)

i also drew the back of his shirt! as a little reference to the proseka's files themselves (the provisional kanji image is from "the cutting room floor" page on prsk, there's some really interesting cut beta content from there!)

his shoes are kinda messed up because they're supposed to be incomplete. yes. totally not because i didn't know what to draw there!!

now, about gacky himself:

in my hc/au gakupo cannot speak properly, like some kind of engine error, imagine those utau to vocaloid ports, like they tried to port him to piapro NT but didn't go well and now he only speaks in broken syllables, static noise and sqweaks, doesn't make him show any less emotion tho

GAKUKAI JUMPSCARE!!! this is actually slightly based on this wonderful gakukai wxs fic but it was mostly based on the freaking alt color from kaito's costume from walk on and on (read my tags!)

i have no clue how the fandom portrays him and VBS virtual singers personalities are based on how fans view them so idk, to me gakupo is a bit playful and specially flirty with kaito who's totally oblivious, but he's also genuinely scary when he's serious

my little backstory for this is that gakupo straight up spawned in an abandoned screwed up and slightly glitched building of street sekai, and while kaito was wandering around, he got lost and found gakupo there! no clue which feelings made him appear

kaito tried to keep gakupo a secret from the rest of street sekai but meiko started noticing that he was grabbing DOUBLE the popsicles and ice cream.. and he was also strangely asking for eggplant flavoured things because he "wanted to try it out"... anyway she and miku eventually find out about the little glitchy man!

also... because he's character 27 and vsingers are the last ones in the id list... this leaves it open for more characters that i can add to this little au thing... maybe even a glitchy sister that speaks a little better than him and really likes carrot cake may come around to street sekai too, who knows!

[seraphinitegames]

The Wayhaven Chronicles—Update 25/Nov/2022

As some of you may have seen...THE BASE WRITING FOR BOOK THREE IS COMPLETE!!!

Aahhhh!!! 

I'm still intensely buzzed about that if you couldn't tell, hehe! :D

I finished it way earlier than I expected on Wednesday, so I did take Thursday for myself because I was pretty exhausted (slept nearly 11 hours that night, lol!).

 And having that rest was good because now comes to the intense part of really knuckling down to get everything done before submission!

I'll be starting with adding in some edits I already know need to go in, then doing the quick testing bugs. After I've done all that, I will be reading through the entire script (don't get to play it quite yet)—including coding—to pick up any errors in there as well as rewriting and adding any extra bits as I go. So that's a lot of reading considering it's well over 900,000 words!

There was one line I already edited in for one of N’s scenes that gave me serious chills! N is only comfortable enough with one other vampire to make the admission they do in that particular BFF scene, so it should be interesting to see who finds that…

Then is the fun and intense part of playtesting...over and over and over and over... :D

But I'm already seriously eager to get that first full playthrough in of the whole game as a complete story!!

As I go, I will be sending off chapters to the sensitivity readers and getting it up together for more editing. Then it'll move onto the beta testers!

Also, the poll for the Winter/Christmas Patreon Scenarios finished yesterday so I can reveal the results of the top 4 that I will be writing in December:

Ice skating

Stuck in the snow (with a whopping 40% of the votes)

Winter stargazing

Gingerbread House Decorating Competition

-

I'm not sure which love interest will be getting what scenario yet, but I do know for sure that Adam/Ava will be getting the Gingerbread Decorating Competition because there's no way I can resist having fun with their competitive streak for that, hehe! :D

So yeah, it's a busy time ahead!

It's really crunch time now, guys!!

Hope you all have an amazing weekend! We’ll be offline as usual, so I’ll update you all again next Friday <3

...I'm getting SO EXCITED!!!

[been-taking-muay-thai-classes]

Ramshackle's New Student

Sooooo I've been battling with Rollo brainrot for a while now and in the end decided to just...give in since I quite liked some theories and analysis I've seen of him. Naturally this will contain spoilers for Glorious Masquerade (though I may have some details wrong seeing how I depended on peoples translations here and on youtube) as the story is meant to take place after the event. If that's something that may bother you then I don't suggest you read this.

Also also, this is my first try at writing the entire cast of twst so if someone is ooc I legit didn't realize (I will keep writing so I hope to get better). Anyways hope you enjoy this one, it's very long, in fact I had to split it in two since it was reaching way over 15k words. If you like it, you can expect part two sometime next week depending on how busy I am with life.

PD: once again not beta read but I did give it a once over this time.

If you see any errors, no you don't.

On days like this, Crowley was reminded why the Prefect was his favorite student (no it wasn’t just because they could be easily threatened bribed). 

Currently, the Dormleaders stood in front of his desk talking over each other in increasingly louder voices. The Headmage could see some of them beginning to lose their temper, namely Rosehearts and Draconia. He better stop them before they damage his office, Seven know he doesn’t have the money to pay for the repairs.

To think this all started with such an innocuous letter.

– – – – – – – – – –  – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Crowley was doing his paperwork surprisingly as usual, checking the budget for the remaining semester of the school year. There was plenty barely enough to cover the staff salary, preparations for the events and such. Oh well, maybe he could spend a little more for the Prefect’s wellbeing if they agreed to help with some menial tasks around campus, oh how gracious of him! 

Then he noticed a letter from Noble Bell College. How odd, the symposium had been just a month ago and according to the students it had been a success. Why would they want to contact him again so soon? Maybe NRC left such a good impression on them that they wanted to invite them to a special event! Yes, that must be it, Crowley you sure are doing a great job as Headmage, never have your students behaved this well!

Eager, he opened the letter and began reading.

Esteemed Dire Crowley,

I write this letter on behalf of one of my most precious and troubled students, Rollo Flamme. I don’t know if your students have made you aware of the events that transpired during the symposium near Halloween, however Rollo has seen fit to explain the way things unfolded while the rest of us helped the citizens and students or remained unconscious. 

As it happens, I am ashamed to admit that he was the one to ring the Bell of Salvation four times to spread the Crimson Flowers across the city, endangering everybody. 

And while I must condone his actions, he has such a bright future ahead of him that I cannot bring myself to surrender him to the authorities. 

Mister Flamme himself requested that I send him to the authorities but the rest of the student council suggested I send this letter to you to ask for advice, seeing how it was your students that saved the city and spared him from punishment at that time. Rollo thinks they would agree that he must atone for his sins in prison but I personally disagree with him and so I find myself asking a favor of you. 

It has not escaped the public’s eye how many overblots have been occurring in Night Rave College and yet it was those same students, your students, who saved us all. So I ask Crowley, please take Rollo in and help him atone. He is a truly capable student and I’m sure under your guidance and surrounded by such exemplary role models he will find a way to atone that won’t ruin his future.

I await your response,

Headmage Tirmont.

Well…that certainly wasn’t what he expected. 

Should he be concerned with the news of what truly transpired in the City of Flowers? Not really, Professor Trein had explained in great detail what occurred when his students had refused to elaborate. Although he couldn’t say why everybody elected to spare mister Flamme, at the time he had thought that perhaps his dear students had finally developed some empathy. But reading this letter, he started to suspect the opposite.

Oh well, nothing much he could do, he’s sorry for young Flamme but Crowley has much to do and besides he wasn’t the Prefect-

That’s right! The Prefect!

Surely they’d be capable of helping rehabilitate mister Flamme and turn him into an exemplary mage. And in turn, he himself would be praised for how magnanimous he was in giving the young man a second chance. Oh Crowley, truly your kindness knows no bounds!

He would have to speak with the Prefect first, of course. Convincing them of this could prove just a tad more difficult than it had been to make them agree to help with the Spelldrive investigation. 

He would need time to think of an angle and make preparations for mister Flamme’s transfer.

– – – – – – – – – –  – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

And so today he had finally called the Prefect and the Dormleaders for a meeting to communicate them of his decision, after all, they needed to be warned before Flamme’s arrival to ensure no fights would break out.

Thinking back though, maybe he should have told them via letter to avoid the current chaos that threatened to destroy his precious office.

Draconia’s mood was sour enough that lightning had begun manifesting outside. Rosehearts fists clenched and unclenched with unreleased fire (but Crowley feared it would not remain unreleased for long). Ashengrotto and Schoenheit kept coming up with arguments why such a transfer could not be permitted…and vaguely threatening him with blackmail. Kingscholar and Shroud were admittedly the least vocal against it, but they still complained about what a pain it’d be to introduce a new student so close to the end of the school year. And Asim…well he actually thought the idea was great, but then again he never really had the same vicious strike as the other students at NRC.

The Prefect, who had received the information weeks in advance, seemed to be thinking about it still, but if Crowley knew them well enough (and he did), they would agree to give Flamme a second chance the same way their friends had been given one after their overblots. 

‘Enough yelling! I did not summon you here to ask for your opinions in this matter but to ask that you collaborate in making mister Flamme’s transfer a smooth one. The transfer has already been approved, he will complete his studies here at NRC and you will make sure each dorm behaves properly and doesn’t try to pick a fight with him, am I clear?’ Crowley didn’t like yelling but Seven know how much his students test his patience during moments like this.

The Dormleaders were momentarily stunned into silence by the Haadmage’s sudden bout of seriousness, key word momentarily. 

Kingscholar was the first to recover ‘You can’t be serious, that guy tried to drain everyone’s magic back in October, who’s to say he won’t try again? If he’s anything like us, then he won’t give up so easily’ 

Surprisingly, Schoenheit seemed to agree with him for once ‘Both Epel and Rook told me about the difficult battle they had to face because of him, and while I can see why Malleus chose to punish him the way he did, that doesn’t mean he should be allowed so close to our students. Have you considered how they will feel if they see him walking around campus like nothing happened?’ That made Crowley pause for a second, not because he was considering Schoenheit’s words mind you, he had already taken into account how prone to violence his dear students are, but rather the fact that he cared so much for their well-being. Oh how touching! Rollo Flamme had yet to arrive and already his students were showing how much he could grow here! How wonderful!

‘Not to mention that even if you want him to join the school, none of us will accept him in our dorms after what he did’ Idia’s voice came surprisingly loud from his tablet, not that it made him any louder than the other students already there, as proven by the fact that his voice was almost immediately drowned by the chorus of ‘yes!’ ‘yeah’ and ‘that’s right!’ coming from the others.

The crowd was getting away from him, he needed to reinforce his authority again ‘Aww guys, c’mon let’s give him a chance, he admitted what he did wrong, so why don’t we help him? I don’t think any of us can say we’ve never made any mistakes, right?’ Asim’s innocent question managed to shut them up. He was right of course, aside from him, they had all overblotted and yet they had all received forgiveness to start again… the pause was enough for Crowley to take control of the conversation again. ‘Young Kalim is right of course, you have all been shown tremendous kindness by the school and your peers and now its time to pay it forward! Mister Flamme will finish his studies here’ he lifted his hand to stop them from commenting anything before he finished speaking ‘But worry not, I am so gracious that none of you will have to worry about housing him in your dorms’ the boys instantly sighed in relief…but quickly widened their eyes when they caught on to what that meant ‘He will join the school as a Ramshackle student’ 

As expected, the shouting began anew. The Prefect themselves hadn’t seemed too bothered by his choice when he explained the situation, granted maybe they were simply used to him dumping- er sharing his very valuable experience with them but then again they did live in that old dorm alone for the better part of a year. Crowley would never be believed if he said it out loud, but he could tell they were lonely and worried what it’d do for their mental health if they had to remain there alone for the rest of their time in Twisted Wonderland. His thoughts were soon interrupted by Rosehearts shouting ‘Off with your head!’ and the sight of Asim collared and collapsing on the ground.

Oh right, he was worrying about the civil war going on in his office. ‘Like we would ever let that cowardly man live with the Prefect!’ At least they seemed to be in agreement on something… well aside from poor young Asim who lay on the ground confused and collared.

‘If this is your plan to help Flamme, then I’m afraid I’ll have to invoke my power as the future kin-’ It was clear that Draconia had the most power to sway him from his decision, yet he didn’t account for the Headmage’s triumph card: the Prefect. Malleus Draconia was stopped from finishing his sentence by a mere human, magicless at that too, none of the Dorm leaders would’ve believed it if they didn’t see it with their own eyes. 

‘Has any of you asked ME what I think about it?’ Their voice was firm and a little angry, clearly frustrated by the ordeal or maybe by the shouting, Crowley had no idea. The Housewardens looked shyly to their feet, clearly embarrassed at being called out like that. Crowley once again was reminded why the Prefect was his favorite student, truly they had so much untapped potential to polish into a shining star, the kind Twisted Wonderland hadn’t seen in thousands of years and he couldn’t be more honored to be the one to guide them in that path.

‘Well Prefect, you seemed to be thinking deeply about this. What do you think?’ He asked to ensure the other students would finally acquiesce, not because he really needed to know, he already knew the answer. He paid attention when it was necessary and could tell the Prefect had made up their mind the second the other Housewardens said they wouldn’t accept Flamme in their dorms. 

They took a deep breath, the other students leaned in in expectation, their ears/speakers tuning in... 

‘Rollo Flamme is more than welcome to join Ramshackle dorm as a student to finish his education’ Their statement was immediately followed by outraged gasps and “what?!”s, much to the Headmage’s delight.

‘Wonderful! I’ll inform Noble Bell College at once, you can expect mister Flamme to join you by the end of the week so be sure to prepare accordingly’ His voice was finally back to its usual chipper tone and the Housewardens deflated, knowing there was nothing else they could do now to change either of the two’s minds on the matter.

– – – – – – – – – –  – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

The rumors spread quickly around campus: a new student was transferring to Ramshackle dorm in the middle of May. Everybody knew Crowley had to be behind this, it made no sense otherwise, but everyone had their own thoughts on the matter. Especially those who were privy to some of the more…sensitive details of who the student was and what he had done.

Heartslabyul

Ace

He can’t say he likes this dude from what he’s heard of him, while Deuce and Riddle told him some of his better qualities and the Prefect even spoke about how kind he was to them, Ace is still rather pissed about the whole plan to drain the world of magic. He knows they can handle themselves and the Prefect themselves seemed to have been immune to the flower, but that doesn’t change the fact that they were in danger over one of the greatest things in Twisted Wonderland. -He refuses to admit that he feels a bit guilty from not being there to help them, they’re a team after all-

If this Rollo guy is joining NRC then he better be cool, no more insane plans nor betrayals or whatever. It feels like every week they’re dealing with some crazy shenanigan -many caused by him and Grim- and he’d rather have some peace in these last few months. Besides that, he promised the Prefect that he’d be cool so he’ll behave, but he still has some choice words for him over the way he endangered his friends.

Just because he doesn’t plan to harass this guy doesn’t mean he won’t keep an eye on him, after all the Prefect’s his friend and they are magicless. This Rollo guy may hate magic but he’s not above using it from what Riddle told him and Ace will be damned if he doesn’t help protect his friends now that he can reach them. He’s sure that Riddle and Deuce will agree with him, so he plans to pay a few extra visits on the days after Rollo’s arrival to remind him that the Prefect has people on their corner who won’t hesitate to fight him if he tries anything.

Cater

Cater is a bit curious about this guy, mostly because he comes from a different school. He also feels some pity, knowing how hard it can be moving to another city or school and having to make friends from scratch, but he’s not naive. The reason Rollo has to leave his home is because he committed a grave crime, and while Cater himself wasn’t affected Riddle and Deuce were, so he’ll be forgiven for not having the best view of him. 

Cater is a friendly guy, he craves to have deep friendships and while he doubts Rollo will become his friend, it wouldn’t hurt to be friendly at least to maintain some peace with the underclassmen who he wants to believe are his friends. Besides, it’ll be a good excuse to keep an eye on him in case he comes to clash with some of the other students, like Riddle or Ace. So, Cater will use his experience moving from place to place to try and help Rollo acclimate to NRC, he’s sure the Prefect will appreciate having some backup there.

He reminded the Prefect that they have his number in case of an emergency, even if it’s the middle of the night. He’ll come, just like they’ve come to his help when he needed it. Cater isn’t much of a fighter but he can always bring the cavalry if worst comes to happen, he’s sure Riddle wouldn’t cut off their heads for waking him up during an emergency.

Trey

Trey is unsure about Rollo. He heard from Riddle and Deuce what happened but he also heard from Lilia about his…issues. As an older brother he can sympathize with the grief he carries but he can’t exactly fathom going to such lengths for revenge. He supposes that actually makes him rather similar to some students in NRC after all, huh? A complicated man with some good and bad qualities.

Trey is already stressing a little from all the mediating he’s sure he’ll have to do once Rollo arrives. A new student so close to finishing the year means rumors means someone eventually will hear about what happened back at the City of Flowers means someone will want to enact revenge or something. And while Riddle may have a better handle on his students than most other dorm leaders, he himself is prone to anger which won’t set a good example and that’s not even accounting for Ace and his protective side. At any rate, he simply hopes it’s his own nerves getting the best of him and everything will be alright.

As for him joining Ramshackle, well Trey has nothing much to say there. Heartslabyul has no room for more students so they can hardly attempt to sway the Headmage, besides from what he’s heard of Rollo he may actually have an easier time adapting to NRC under the guidance of the magicless Prefect, so he’ll support them to the best of his ability. Maybe he’ll drop by with a tart to check up on them sometime during the week. And if he uses the opportunity to scour any potential danger well that’s between him and whatever he may or may not find.

Deuce

Deuce accepted Rollo’s fate without much fuss, his senpais know better after all. Still he has some worries about him. He feels a bit guilty about this, given that he himself doesn’t have the cleanest past yet his friends have supported him in bettering himself. He wants to believe that Rollo can change, because if he can then Deuce can change too, but so far he still has some issues with his overreliance on violence and that means Rollo will likely struggle too with his hatred of magic.

Deuce doesn’t want to hold what happened in the City of Flowers against Rollo. It’s in the past, but as someone who struggles with changing for the better and who retorts to violence “too much for a model student” (as the Prefect put it), he will have to keep an eye on Rollo. He really, really, really wants to believe he has changed, but Deuce knows change is hard. As such, he will try to help him adapt to NRC as best he can but if he catches him trying something shady again, he won’t hesitate to punch him.

Rollo joining Ramshackle worries Deuce a little. Not so much for what danger he may pose, he remembers how he treated the Prefect better than the rest of them, he’s not blind. Still he can’t help but worry. What if he tries to change their view of magic while they live together? Your view of them? That would surely make him sad, he never considered the possibility of losing a friend! Calm down Deuce, the Prefect’s your friend and they won’t be swayed so easily, Seven know how stubborn they can be. Still, he’ll make sure to drop by with Ace, Jack, Epel, Ortho and Sebek once Rollo arrives to help with the moving and make sure you understand how much they care about you, no matter how many shenanigans they drag you into. You two have been friends since the first week of class and he hopes you’ll still be friends after graduation.

Riddle

Riddle’s view of Rollo Flamme is conflicted. He can appreciate how much dedication he put into his studies and his duties as the school council president. Riddle himself is a very dedicated student. However, he also remembers how terrified he was once the Crimson Flowers had begun sapping their magic and when the Prefect fell down that hole…he doesn’t want to think of what could’ve happened. Even during the overblots, Riddle had never been quite so afraid for the magicless student’s safety. And then there was the whole Rollo fixing the ball by himself… Riddle is very, very conflicted. In the end, he guesses people can be multifaceted so perhaps Malleus’ punishment was for the better.

Seeing how Rollo is a good student, he supposes he’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and offer to help him study in case he gets overwhelmed by all these changes. But he won’t spare him any sympathies, if he wants to atone for his crime then he’ll fulfill his responsibilities as a student as well as would’ve done in Noble Bell. Riddle doesn’t let the Prefect slack off and so he expects the same level of commitment from Rollo as someone with magic who actually hails from this world.

Despite his unwillingness to admit it, everyone in Heartslabyul could see how upset Riddle was knowing Rollo would be joining Ramshackle dorm. He doesn’t worry about the responsibilities they’ll have to carry now, he knows the Prefect can handle it (and if it gets too much he’s happy to -spend time with them- help) but he has a bad feeling about this. -No it’s not him being jealous, Cater, cease your teasing this instant or it’s off with your head- Riddle just worries about the Prefect. What if Rollo tries something in the middle of the night? What if this is not him wanting a second chance to do better but to attempt his plan again? He needs to be ready, there’s no doubt in his mind about it. He’ll need to time again how long it takes him to reach Ramshackle running, he’d do it in a broom but the Queen’s rule #150 forbids flying on a broom in the middle of the night without singing a song for a hedgehog first and during an emergency that just won’t do. It’s fine though, last time he timed his running time to Ramshackle it took him 18 minutes, not great but he can do better if he puts his mind to it.

Savanaclaw

Jack

Jack has no real opinion of Rollo. Ruggie shared an abbreviated version of the events of the City of Flowers but not some of the most crucial details -for obvious reasons-. He supposes that Rollo must be alright if he was the student council president, one must have good grades and be responsible to be in that position. He can respect that. But his plans to sap away people’s magic doesn’t sit right with him given how hard he has trained to be a good mage. All in all, his opinion is neutral in comparison to the rest of his friends.

Jack won’t go out of his way to help Rollo feel better in NRC, he has his own things to worry about but if the Prefect asks him for help he can lend a hand, that's what friends are for right? At least that’s what the Prefect told him whenever he needed help with something. At any rate, if Rollo was good enough to be student council president then he probably won’t need that much help from them anyways.

Jack won’t admit it to just anyone but he has a route already established to get to Ramshackle as fast as required. Ever since the attack on the lonesome dorm, he has been preparing in case of another emergency, Seven know how many times an emergency has occurred just in the first few months. Still he hopes nothing bad happens, after all the Prefect came back in the best shape out of everyone invited to the symposium, that has to mean something, right? Sigh he’ll have his broom ready, the Prefect may have a good gut when it comes to danger but it’s often overshadowed by their bleeding heart and he’d rather not have to carry them to the infirmary in the middle of the night.

Ruggie

Ruggie’s opinion of Rollo didn’t change too much between the beginning of their trip and the ending. He knows Rollo is a smart guy, easy to respect by his peers and hiding something less than savory. He knows the type, hell half of the students here ARE the type. Rollo’s nothing special. But he can appreciate his commitment to his goal, if anything, Ruggie himself works hard to achieve his goal: get money, shishishi.

He doesn’t hold grudges, where he comes from that would mean he would have enemies everywhere and no contacts whatsoever. Hell it would mean he’d have to hold things against Leona, and while he likes to remind him of his debts once in a while to indulge when he goes shopping for the prince, it’s never about holding him accountable. As such, Ruggie will treat Rollo the same way he would any other student…as a possible mark for swindling. What? He’s not a model student, shishishi, just be glad he won’t try to hurt him or something like that.

Oof the Prefect will have a dorm mate? Too bad, he liked hiding there whenever he needed to relax a little and eat whatever the Prefect offered. He supposes that just because they’ll have a dorm mate it doesn’t mean he can’t still do those things but Rollo may not be great company to have when one wants to relax. He does hope they can cohabit well enough, Ruggie is more of a runner than a fighter, so if the Prefect needs help he can’t do much to defend them but maybe he can nudge Leona in that direction…

Leona

Leona himself hadn’t met Rollo but from Ruggie’s recounting of events, he didn’t like him. The plan alone wasn’t enough to warrant his anger though, oh no what angered him was how he used his position as leader to try and hurt everyone, including his own students. Even if he tries to make it seem like he doesn’t care at all, Leona has a lot of opinions on things, especially leadership given that he knows he’d be a better leader than Farena, so he doesn't like it when someone gets a position like that and misuses it.

As if it weren’t enough with the horned bastard, now he’ll have to share classes with some self-hating pyromaniac. Great. He could just take a nap right now from how bothersome this is. Leona won’t help Rollo to get comfortable here, on the contrary he’ll make his life harder if he can, there’s no way he won’t have fun by messing with the transfer student. Besides, better him than other, rowdier Savanaclaw students.

He won’t admit it but he doesn’t really have to, it’s obvious to anyone who knows him well enough that he’s really pissed about the whole Ramshackle situation. Leona doesn’t visit the dorm often, but he does like using the Herbivore as a pillow with some regularity. How is this a problem? Simple, the Herbivore is generally a responsible person, and having a new student so close to the end of the year means they’ll have to keep a close eye on Rollo, which means less time to spend doing nothing with Leona. Now Leona won’t complain openly like a spoiled child, but he still holds some resentment towards Rollo just from the idea that he’ll take some of his limited time with the Herbivore away.

Octavinelle

Azul

Azul had a mostly favorable view of Rollo before he unleashed the flowers. To be true, he still has a mostly good view of him. Rollo is hardworking, cultured, smart and unafraid to dirty his hands to achieve his goals. Azul can respect him for those qualities. However he also didn’t like having to run up the Bell Tower while escaping some flowers to try and stop him from taking away his magic, one of his most precious assets. Then there’s the whole…redemption thing. Azul himself can’t fully get behind that, it seems rather dishonest to the man they met but he won’t judge, after all he can appreciate someone with an eye for opportunity.

Now don’t get him wrong, Azul may have a somewhat negative view of Rollo, but that doesn’t mean they can’t make business. In fact, Rollo is someone so smart and resourceful that Azul would love making a deal with him! If Rollo needs help with anything adapting to his new life as an NRC student, he’ll be more than happy to help…provided he repays the favor someway…perhaps by helping him design some treats and dishes based on the City of Flowers’ cuisine? After all, he remembers how delicious and pretty the food looked, yes Azul is sure having those treats will attract some new customers to Mostro Lounge.

Despite his business ideas, Azul has to keep his own interests in mind too. While he may gain some benefits from making deals with Rollo, there’s also a big possibility that the Prefect will have to spend much of their free time helping him adapt and keep calm with any students that may want to mess with him -like Floyd and Jade-. How is this an issue? Well, it isn’t. Azul has accounted for the possibility and decided that he’ll be most benevolent and lend the Prefect a hand if they get overwhelmed and all he’ll ask for in return is some help tasting dishes with him at Mostro Lounge. Hmm? A date? Well if that’s what you want to call it he won’t protest...besides he needs to ensure the twins don’t get difficult because their time with the Prefect is reduced, he refuses to lose revenue over their destructive moods.

Floyd

Floyd is curious, very curious about this Rollo guy. At first he sounded lame, given his serious and stoic facade, but after hearing about his plan and how he made Sea Slug sweat when trying to defeat him, well that got his interest. Floyd gets even more jealous when he hears about the battle in the Bell Tower and decides to trash the Lounge some more. 

Oh? He’s coming to NRC? Great! That means he’ll get a chance to fight him and see for himself the man who made even Sea Slug worked up. Floyd is ecstatic! He’s so happy about it that he works twice as fast during his shift…until he realizes he’ll have to wait another couple of days before he can actually meet the guy and then his mood sours. Azul reprimanded him but there’s nothing to fix his mood right now, he doesn’t feel like working anymore so he won’t.

What do you mean he’s sharing a dorm with Shrimpy? That doesn’t make sense, he’s dangerous and Shrimpy’s so small and weak... No, wait! This is actually perfect! Shrimpy is so much fun, like when they get scared or when they accept his squeezes or when they try to play pranks on him heehee ~ with this new dorm mate Ramshackle is bound to be twice as fun, right? And if that’s not the case, well then he can just squeeze the guy, he’s sure Shrimpy won’t mind~

Jade

Jade was admittedly upset that he didn’t get to visit the City of Flowers during the symposium. Once he learned that the group had been victims of a once extinct flower? He gets even more upset, and has to partake in some more wanton destruction with his brother. Once he calmed down, he evaluated what Azul told them about Rollo Flamme and came to the conclusion he was dangerous but ultimately uninteresting. He’s nothing special compared to other students in NRC but he does respect the skill it must have required to bring the Crimson Flower back from extinction.

Knowing Rollo Flamme will join them on campus shortly, Jade sees an opportunity to learn, and he does so love learning. In particular about the plants and mountains that grow in dry land that he would have never seen back home. Rollo Flamme must know a thing or two about plants if he was able to cultivate the Crimson Flowers for his plan, so he’ll ask him for some tips and maybe even learn some of his secrets, Azul clearly left some details of their fight out and Jade is ever so curious about it.

He’s not particularly concerned with Rollo sharing a dorm with the Prefect, after all they’ve proven to be quite resourceful more than once in their time here, surviving several overblots and the weekly and daily shenanigans of their friends. Still, while he keeps an eye on the lonesome dorm for his own amusement, much like Floyd he has experience dealing with…troublesome customers and isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty if needed. Sigh he won’t relish the violence, truly! But the Prefect is the perfect partner to hike mountains and marvel at this new world they’ve recently gotten to explore, so if he has to squeeze Rollo he will. But seriously, he won’t enjoy it one bit.

Scarabia

Kalim

Kalim was very worried about Jamil after he heard what happened during their visit to the City of Flowers, however as soon as he checked that his best friend was uninjured and still had magic, he relaxed. He may not have met Rollo personally, but he has always been a very forgiving person and so he hoped Rollo would redeem himself eventually. And from what Rook told him about the ball, Kalim thinks he’s on his way to redemption.

Oh, a new student! Kalim is so excited he can barely sit still. He wholly supports the idea of him enrolling the school and getting his rehabilitation here, with all the students who overcame overblots. He’ll do his best to help him and make him feel welcomed. Hey he’ll even ask the rest of Scarabia to help too! That way Rollo will see that he has people to rely on here!

Kalim sees nothing wrong with Rollo joining Ramshackle, really! He’s a bit bummed that he won’t get to meet the new student when he arrives, since he’s scheduled to arrive late at night, but he’ll make sure to organize a nice welcome banquet to make him feel welcomed and to ensure the Prefect knows he’s got their back! He already knows what he’d like the menu to have so Rollo can try some of the foods the Scalding Sands have to offer! And Jamil even said it was alright! So don’t worry Prefect, he’ll make sure you all spend a great evening and get to know each other well, and if you need anything don’t hesitate to come here, he and Jamil have so much experience with helping students that he’s sure they can give some advice if you ever feel lost.

Jamil

Jamil could appreciate Rollo Flamme for his hard working nature, his intelligence, his seriousness and his dedication to his position. However, the moment the facade broke, his opinion of him changed. Not too drastically, mind you, Jamil is not naive. He could see there was something off about him but he couldn’t place it until it was too late…and that bothered him a lot. Had Kalim been there, his parents would have reprimanded him so much for failing to see the danger and protect him. And that’s not even counting how dangerous it could’ve gotten for the Prefect even if they were immune to the flower’s effects. In short, Rollo Flamme ruined one of the few trips Jamil had without Kalim -ergo where he could relax for real- and he wouldn’t forgive that so easily. Jamil can hold a grudge for a long time…

What do you mean Rollo is joining NRC as a student?! Rollo is dangerous! He almost drained the whole city, the whole world, of magic! Jamil hates how Kalim asks that everybody be helpful to the new student. Sure, he’ll do it because it’s an order, but he won’t be happy about it. He only hopes Rollo ends up not needing others’ help with studying or protecting himself from other students, Jamil would actually scream if he had to go and save him from danger after what he did to them.

Oh he really, really hates this guy. Rollo Flamme gets to sleep in Ramshackle with the Prefect? Sure, the dorm even with all the repairs still doesn’t compare to a proper dorm like one of the seven, but it’s the principle of the matter. He has come to associate his time in Ramshackle as something sacred, after all there he gets to relax, be himself and just enjoy the Prefect’s company without worrying about it reaching his parents ears or having to share their attention with others. Now this shady guy comes in and ruins that too because of course he does, Jamil can never have anything. Fine, he’ll indulge Kalim’s banquet whims this time around but simply because he wants to gauge Rollo’s intentions. In Scarabia he’ll have the advantage of being in known ground whereas Rollo will be in completely new territory, his territory. Needless to say, if Jamil catches even a whiff of a harmful thought from Rollo, he’ll be on him like Grim on free food. Jamil has no qualms with disposing of him if he hurts his crush his friend the person who most helps him with his responsibilities around campus…also because it’d be an added headache if Rollo inadvertently put Kalim in danger, his parents would never let him hear the end of it.

Pommefiore

Vil

He is understandably miffed with Rollo Flamme. He put his dear students, his friends, in danger, he almost sapped their magic away and worse he could’ve endangered the whole world! His selfishness, anger and hatred were far from beautiful and Vil would be damned if he ever let Epel, the Prefect or Rook get close to him again without him there to protect them.

Crowley clearly didn’t care much about his students if he was so ready to let a man like Rollo Flamme join Night Raven College. Still, just because the Headmage was an incompetent man it doesn’t mean he has to be the same. Vil won’t lower his guard around this man, no matter what the Prefect says. He won’t be rude or anything, but don’t expect him to come running if he needs help with something, Vil still remembers how exhausted Epel and Rook were upon their return from what was supposed to be a safe school trip.

If the Prefect wants to give him a second chance, then by all means they’re welcome to place their trust in Rollo Flamme. Vil is not so naive and he makes sure to remind them that they have his number if an emergency arises. While he praised his friends for their bravery and determination in the face of danger, he still has nightmares once in a while about not being there to protect them. This time it’ll be different. Now that the proverbial lion is here, Vil will make sure to keep an eye on him just as Malleus suggested. This time he’ll protect them, all of them. 

Rook 

Roi du Mouchoir left quite the impression on Rook. Never had he seen such an awful yet beautiful sight in his life. The City of Flowers, engulfed in the Crimson Flower, everyone around them fainting from the magic drainage, the Prefect screaming in fear as they fell… Rook is a man who can find beauty anywhere and while he can see the beauty in Roi du Mouchoir’s dedication, no, obsession with his ideals, he can’t get behind his plan at all. To this day he still has an awful feeling when he thinks back to that moment when they thought they’d lose their magic.

Just because he has some negative memories of Roi du Mouchoir doesn’t mean he won’t support Trickster’s endeavor to rehabilitate him. Why, to lend a hand and learn more about how Roi du Mouchoir really thinks and works, that would be a beautiful privilege. Especially if it means he gets to keep tabs on how the rest of the campus reacts to the new student. Rook predicts that at least some of them will try to cause trouble and he’d rather make sure monsieur Pommette won’t be one of them. Rook just knows some of the freshmen will want to test the waters, he has been watching how the freshmen react to people endangering their dear friend

Rook is a hunter and a concerned friend, so he’ll be forgiven for keeping an even closer eye on Ramshackle for the first few days or weeks Roi du Mouchoir stays there. Certainly, Rook tends to keep an eye there just in case Trickster does something beautiful (which happens often in his opinion) but for the next two to three weeks he’ll make sure their safety is his priority. Rollo Flamme has proven to be dangerous once and Rook may be very affable but he still has an arrow with his name if the need arises.

Epel

The trip was fun until those darned flowers started spreading everywhere. Sure he appreciated the praise from Rook and Vil after the fact, who doesn’t like recognition of your strength and bravery? But that doesn’t completely make up for the pain, the fear and the exhaustion. He doesn’t hold a grudge against Rollo, not more than Deuce at least. He wishes he could’ve punched him in the face but at least Rollo made up by fixing the lecture hall so everyone could enjoy the ball.

He’s been warned by Vil to keep distance from Rollo once he arrives on campus. Epel resents the idea that he can’t handle a guy like Rollo but he’ll listen to Vil since he can see his worry comes from a place of caring. Besides, he doesn’t need to get in trouble with the teachers, he doesn’t want to compete with Ace and Deuce for the top troublemaking post in their friend group. 

Epel doesn’t like the idea of the Prefect sharing a dorm with Rollo one bit. Yeah, sure, he can keep from fighting Rollo on Vil’s orders but if he ever so much as does anything to arouse suspicion he won’t hesitate to punch him to the moon and back. Epel may not be the biggest guy in school, but he’s got plenty of fighting experience and he’s even gotten better at fighting Vil! And he plans to use that strength to help protect his friends if the worst were to happen. He’s sure Vil won’t punish him too much if he knows it was to keep his friends safe, right?

Ignihyde

Idia

Idia thinks this is really bothersome. First they have to visit a very bright city to meet a bunch of strangers, then they have to climb that damned tower while being chased by those flowers, then they have to fight Rollo in his first and second phase, then they have to sing in front of everybody. Ugh he really wished he hadn’t been selected by that stupid lottery, stupid Rollo and his stupid schemes but at least that was all over…

Nope, no, absolutely no. Idia is not dealing with this guy again. Since the Headmage expects there to be trouble around Rollo joining this late in the year, Idia will be forgiven for avoiding him, right? He just wants to attend his classes, his club meetings and maybe visit Ramshackle once in a while, when nobody else is there but the Prefect and Grim-shi. The most he’ll do for Rollo is ignore him and be polite if he talks to him first. Idia might be interacting more with people IRL but he has his limits and he’s sure being friendly with Rollo is one of them.

Wait no, Rollo is actually joining Ramshackle, huh? Sigh, what a bother. Well he supposes he could let some of his drones out near Ramshackle at night just in case there’s an emergency. Not that he expects anything to happen but you know, just in case. After all, S.T.Y.X had to pay for the dorm’s repairs and he even got the Prefect that console…and they actually played together every week! They’ve gotten really good! It’d be pretty sad to lose a gaming buddy over some lame guy who wants some revenge on the world for his own guilt. And he doesn't even want to think what’d happen to Ortho if his plan were enacted here, he refuses. So, he’ll keep an eye, he may not go himself to check on the Prefect but he’ll be sure to let the other dorm leaders know, they’ll be better at dealing with the actual confrontation than him anyways.

Ortho 

Ortho doesn’t actually know what happened in the City of Flowers. He asked but all people would tell him were heavily censored stories. He was glad to know his brother actually sang in front of a room full of people and even enjoyed it! But he also wished someone would tell him why everybody was so tired when they returned to the campus. Oh well, he’s curious to know Rollo Flamme, the person whose invitation made his dear brother leave his comfort zone a bit. Once he knows what happened, Ortho is a bit more cautious. He doesn’t like the people who try to hurt his brother but he also knows how important second chances are, he and his brother got them and so should Rollo.

Ortho is a friendly kid, he’ll help Rollo to the best of his capabilities but he also understands that he may not be welcomed, considering his views on magic. It doesn’t matter, he’ll try and if it doesn’t work, well at least Rollo will know he doesn’t hold a grudge for what he did to his Big Brother.

Ortho loves visiting Ramshackle with his brother and with his friends! Of course he’ll drop by whenever he has the chance. He’ll make sure to check up on the Prefect and see if maybe Rollo wants to become friends! He’s heard that having a common friend can help with developing those relationships. And if Rollo hasn’t changed his ways, well his canon takes less time to charge now than it did before, so don’t fear Prefect, Ortho’s on the case!

Diasomnia

Malleus

Malleus is somewhat happy with how things turned out after the masquerade. He has a rival! That’s good, right? Lilia says it’ll be good for him to have a rival, it helps build character and such. Also the trip was enjoyable…at least when everybody wasn’t in danger of losing their magic. He got to see new sights, he danced with his Child of Man and he met many gargoyles who even gave him a nickname. All in all, even if Flamme’s invitation was fake, Malleus will take the whole ordeal as a victory and for that he is grateful to the boy.

Now when it comes to Flamme joining Night Raven College, well that’s a different story. Malleus deep down thought the boy wouldn’t be brave enough to admit his crime but it seems he was wrong. Even then he never expected this outcome. He is…troubled. On the one hand, having his rival here could prove to be fun, most people are so afraid of him that he never gets to have some friendly competition in classes or events. On the other hand, Flamme could prove to be dangerous if left to his own devices, after all he had admitted to him that he hadn’t given up on his plans. He supposes this means he’ll have to keep an eye on him, just in case.

Realizing that Flamme would be sharing a dorm with his Child of Man has Malleus seething with fury. He wants to protect them, of course but the Child of Man, sensing his displeasure, made sure to talk with him before they left the Headmage’s office. They made him promise he would behave once Flamme arrived and to not harass them in the dorm. Now Malleus could have just refused, he is the prince of Briar Valley after all, but the look in their eyes told him this was important for their friendship so he acquiesced. He promised to not harm Rollo Flamme unless he attacked him first and he would keep his word, and because his dear Child of Man is so clever, his loyal guards were also beholden to his promise. Well he supposes if Flamme behaves as well, they can be civil with each other, so long as he doesn’t interpose in his nightly talks with the Child of Man.

Silver

Silver wasn’t the happiest with the punishment but if Lord Malleus deemed it sufficient, he’d accept it. He wouldn’t give it anymore thought than that, after all the situation had been solved and the ball was back on. That was enough for Silver to relax, knowing they hadn’t failed their Lord and that his father wouldn’t have to worry about any of them being hurt.

Once Rollo joins NRC as a student, Silver will have to make sure to keep his condition under better wraps lest something happens while he is sleeping somewhere. That could be disastrous. He’s stressing about the prospect already and he still hasn’t arrived. And while his father has told him to be welcoming, Silver can’t exactly relax when he remembers how everyone had to fight tooth and nail the whole night just to get Lord Malleus, Azul and Idia to the Bell of Salvation. He’ll make an effort of course, but he doubts it’ll be that easy.

He can’t say he is very close to the Prefect when compared to their other friends but he does know how dear they are to his Lord and to Sebek and for them he will make sure to keep an eye on Ramshackle whenever he has the time. Maybe even take a couple extra rounds over there with the excuse of looking for Lord Malleus, just to ensure they are staying safe.

Sebek

At first Sebek respected Rollo for his intelligence and diligence but once the mask fell, his opinion changed completely. Sebek accepted easily the punishment the Young Master had chosen for the insolent human but that didn’t change his opinion of him. He thought the human to be foolish, untrustworthy and dangerous and he was glad they were leaving the City of Flowers with as few injuries as they had.

On orders of the Young Master, Sebek will remain polite and hope that Rollo Flamme has changed for the better. He doubts it but nobody needs to know that. Who knows, maybe in the time since they last met he has come to see the wisdom in Lord Malleus’ words and has reflected upon his crimes. Whatever the case, Sebek has promised to behave and that means he’ll help Rollo Flamme if he must but he very much wishes that never happens.

Much like his Young Master, Sebek was unhappy with the human’s placement in Ramshackle. Sure they had their ups and downs, they sometimes got on each others’ nerves (according to Ace) but he considered the Prefect a friend and the dorm a safe haven for when he needed to rest or have fun without fear of blemishing his Lord’s name. So he’ll be very vigilant, as is his duty to his lord and his friends. Sebek is nothing if not dutiful.

Lilia

He actually had considered that Malleus and the kids could be in danger at some point during the trip, so he wasn’t totally surprised when he heard of what happened. He was however very concerned about a magic draining flower thought to be extinct, in particular because fae are beings of magic and so the flower could prove lethal to them. Still, he’s glad that the boys could solve it together and even bond a little with some of the other students over almost dying. Inadvertently, Rollo Flamme gave his boys some invaluable experience and for that he is grateful, even under all the worry of what could have been.

Lilia is both happy and concerned about Rollo joining NRC. This is a great opportunity to learn about the infamous man directly from the source, but it’s also very likely his boys will be very stressed with a walking, talking reminder of what transpired in the City of Flowers. He can only imagine how they feel exactly, with him seeming cool on the surface, but worried just the littlest bit underneath, so he’ll try to lead by example and be civil with Rollo. He’ll be as welcoming as he can but he’ll also fulfill his duty as a mentor, a guardian and a father. There’s no way he’ll let his children be hurt again, not when he can do something to avoid it.

If the Prefect starts hearing odd tappings on the windows or ceilings of Ramshackle, there’s nothing to worry about, it’s just him paying a visit to make sure everything is honky dory. He’ll just pop in, check up on the Prefect and Rollo, maybe scare them both a little, steal some snacks for his gaming sessions and go back to Diasomnia. And if he perceives the Prefect to be in danger, well he is a war veteran with lots of fighting experience, he’s sure he’ll be able to handle one human teenager by himself.

– – – – – – – – – –  – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

So…the Prefect may not have thought this through… Scratch that, they did think it through, they just expected their friends to be more mature about this whole thing.

The Prefect was currently sitting on the couch, eyes closed, a hand pinching the bridge of their nose and their teeth gritted as they fought the incoming migraine from all the questions and shouts attacking them from every side. 

‘Guys! Please shut up, I can barely make out what you’re saying!’ they screamed to be heard above the rest and while it worked, the nature of NRC students is that they always want to be on top so just a second later Ace, Epel, Sebek and Grim were speaking over each other with Floyd attempting to grab their attention by squeezing them. Maybe they should switch jobs with Jamil or Ruggie for a day, it’d be way less stressful.

‘How can you just accept that guy in Ramshackle after what he did to you all? He’s dangerous!’ Ace’s concern was actually heartwarming. Even if he tried to appear cool and unbothered, he always had their backs whenever someone had trouble…although 8 out of 10 times he was responsible for the trouble, but hey it’s the thought that counts. 

‘Ace’s right Prefect. I know ya like givin’ people second chances an’ all, ’s very noble of ya but ya don’t have ta do this. Rollo signed his own sentence when he tried ta take our magic away’ Epel was fuming, clearly trying to contain his accent so the others would better understand what he was trying to say. The Prefect remembered how exhausted he looked when they reconvened after the city was saved. Riddle mentioned how much magic he had used to keep both himself and Riddle safe, Epel may still want to be tall and muscular like Vargas or the boys from Savanaclaw but he had grit and determination like few and that made him more of a man in their eyes than anyone else he liked to compare himself to.

‘Henchman, you can’t just offer a room to some shady guy without consulting with me first! What if he tries to make me do chores without magic! Or worse, what if he steals my tuna!’ the Prefect, admittedly, hadn’t really thought that Grim would think too much about this. Given that he often got them in trouble and also tended to be of little help when repairing Ramshackle back in the day (in fact he more often than not ended up creating more ruins to fix), the Prefect understandably considered that Grim would just shrug and demand some type of payment (tuna cans most likely) in exchange for his agreement to the new dorm mate. This reaction was along that line, except…except Grim was giving them a look far too serious to be of the troublesome cat they had gotten to know since they first awoke in Twisted Wonderland.

‘Look, I appreciate the concern, really. I know you’re all worried because of what he did but considering some of the things that I’ve experienced since coming here, I really think I can handle Rollo if he turns out to still be trying to eradicate magic from the world’ their smile was warm in an attempt to soothe their worries. From the looks in their eyes it wasn’t working so they kept talking ‘Besides, I know who to call if I have trouble. Between Idia stationing his drones just outside’ Ortho looked up happily, clearly seeing nothing wrong with the breach of privacy ‘Rook coming over so often to stare through the windows’ Epel stifled a laugh, remembering the many times they had to shake his trail of the group so they could hang out without worrying about their shenanigans making their way to Vil and the other Dorm leaders ‘Not to mention Tsunotarou visiting almost nightly’ at this Sebek almost started another adoring rant about his Young Master but was quickly silenced by everyone around him covering his mouth ‘I really think I have nothing to fear. I want to give Rollo this opportunity to get better the same way our friends have gotten that chance after the overblots. And the only reason I feel comfortable doing this is because I know how much you all are taking care of me’ the Prefect squeezed Floyd’s hand a little and he responded by laughing and hiding his face on the crook of their neck.

‘Human, I appreciate the sentiment, and our visit was in part to remind you that we will always be here to help you’ Sebek began talking in the solemn voice he usually reserved only for Malleus. ‘But we also wanted to make sure you weren’t being blackmailed by the Headmage, we know how often he likes to pile his duties onto you’ Jack had finally decided to speak and it seemed like his words reflected the group’s hidden concerns.

Ah, so that was why they kept asking the same thing over and over. Hmmmm maybe they should explain the real reason why they wanted to give Rollo a chance? It was a gamble but a gamble that the freshmen could understand better than anyone else from all of the friends they’d made in the past year, given how close they had grown through their adventures. The Prefect sighed and let go of Floyd, signaling for him to pay attention with the rest.

‘The truth is…after the VDC I realized how lonesome this place really is’ Ace, Deuce and Epel looked just the tiniest bit guilty, as if they thought it was their fault for dragging them to the competition. ‘After spending some months here with just Grim and the ghosts, I had sort of gotten used to the loneliness but…after having so many people coming in and out everyday for a month…it made it more prevalent. And I don’t blame you guys, despite how hard Vil’s training was I had so much fun, getting to share conversations over breakfast, complaining over how long it took someone to use the bathroom, the attempts at sleepovers. It was great…but I can’t have that anymore unless I somehow get new students in Ramshackle’ the Prefect laughed when they remembered all of those moments with the NRC Tribe, and the boys thought they could somewhat understand the sentiment their friend was describing.

Even if they shared bedrooms with other students, it was undeniable that the first couple of nights were odd, sharing a bedroom with a stranger, not really having something to talk about, trying to get their footing in this new environment. 

Floyd kept thinking about getting used to walking on legs and how cool it was and was reminded that Shrimpy had to get used to a world full of magic while having none of their own. Yes, they all understood to a degree… And yet, they couldn’t really understand. 

The Prefect had nobody else in the dorm, at least nobody alive and humanoid but also was stranded in a foreing world, with no way to contact their family and friends back home. If they ever got nostalgic, they just had to deal with it while the rest could call home or write or even visit their families during the holidays. Grim himself didn’t even have memories of a family to miss, to him his henchman and the idiot quintet was his family, but he remembered how he felt when he was kidnaped and alone in that dark place, and suddenly it all made sense.

The Prefect looked at them, trying to gauge their reactions but all they could see were the gears turning in their heads. Even Floyd was uncharacteristically quiet. 

‘Alright henchman, I give you my permission to have Rollo as a Ramshackle student, but if he tries to eat any of my tuna cans I’ll teach him a lesson! He needs to remember who’s in charge here’ Grim’s smug smile made the Prefect chuckle while Ace and Epel rolled their eyes. At this point, they had grown tired of telling Grim he wasn’t anybody’s boss.

‘If Shrimpy is feeling lonely, you can always visit me and Jade in Octavinelle or we can come here! And have sleepovers and play pranks on people! But if you want that guy to stay here, that’s fine by me, double the fun whenever I come to see you hee hee~’ the Prefect had the suspicion that he indeed didn’t care too much about Rollo living here, but the look in his eyes told them that his plans for Rollo were the kind of fun that had their first aid kit so low on supplies. Oh well, maybe Rollo will be able to bore him enough with his strictness that he won’t try to rile him up whenever he visits.

Sebek and Deuce for their part had approached and were looking as serious as ever ‘Human, I can sympathize with your feelings and I know our visits can’t make up for the daily companionship of dorm mates, but I ask that you remain vigilant. Rollo Flamme is dangerous, not just because of his plans but because he actually has the drive and intelligence to put his plans in motion. So while you may want to believe in his better nature, and I do hope he proves worthy of your faith in him, I urge you call us if at any point you feel afraid, even if he has done nothing’ the Prefect’s smile wavered a little with the emotion warming their heart, Sebek was a loud mouth but he was so caring and honorable it was actually refreshing.

‘What Sebek said, I also want to believe Rollo can be better, but please don’t let him manipulate you. We are here if you ever need us, either to punch someone in the face for bullying you or to talk, we’re not great at this stuff but…we care and I want you to always remember that Prefect’ from the look on his face, Deuce had struggled to find the words to say what he felt but seeing how the others nodded in agreement just as solemnly, it was clear he had found just the right ones.

The Prefect couldn’t hold it any longer, they spread their arms as wide as they could and pulled them all into a strong hug. They could feel some mock resistance but ultimately they all hugged back until it became slightly uncomfortable due to the height differences and the weather.

‘Thanks guys, really. It means a lot that you’re here. And don’t worry, just because I’ll have new responsibilities helping Rollo, it doesn’t mean I’ll neglect you all, you’re still my first priority’ they gave each and every one of them a look of reassurance but the group of boys made quiet murmurs of ‘who said we were worried about that?’ while trying to hide their faces… well all except for Grim, Ortho and Floyd who beamed happily. It’s kind of funny how flustered they can get whenever the Prefect reminds them of their bond, as if they weren’t the ones often rushing into danger to keep them safe, as if they all didn’t choose to spend time together studying or eating lunch or goofing around. Oh well, the nature of the boys of NRC was that while they may care a whole lot, they still have to look cool for their own reputation.

The rest of the evening flew by with the group making dinner, playing board games until Ortho demolished them or Floyd threw the board in boredom and chatting about anything other than the new student. 

They’d be fine, the Prefect knew they could rely on their friends and the boys knew they could trust in the Prefect’s judgment. And if worst comes to worst, well they all have plenty of experience fighting overblots, bullies and housewardens to make Rollo run for the hills.

Phew what a doosey. If you got this far, have a cookie 🍪, hope you enjoyed this, I plan to write more for the Ramshackle dorm (both as part 2 of this story and as drabbles or scenes to complement this one) as well as the rest of the cast. I have too many ideas to organize but I fortunately have enough experience with my D&D notes that I think I can parse through them in a somewhat timely manner.

[mjjune]

How to Handle Beta Feedback (or: how to analyze, synthesize, and improve your story)

So this is the 3rd (and potentially final?) in a series I'm doing, so I recommend reading the first two posts first! I also took inspiration (and wholeheartedly agree with) another post which I recommend below.

Part 1: How to Have a Good Beta Experience (alpha vs. beta)

Part 2: How to be a Good Beta Reader (critique vs. beta)

Other recommended reading on writer mindset/accepting feedback here!! by @shaelinwrites

Now that you've read those posts (because you definitely read all that lol) and are ready for even more info--

As usual, this is very long post, and disclaimer that this is all based on personal experience and what helps me as a writer.

Topics:

So You've Got a Bunch of Comments... Now What?

Conflicting Comments

Negative Feedback: Headspace

Editing Your Story

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So I've Got a Bunch of Comments... Now What?

First, you thank your beta readers. They took the time to read your book, usually for nothing in return. So thank them!

Then, here comes the fun part (or the worst part, depending on who you ask, lol).

Now, you have the hardest part of writing, after getting the words down in the first place. Now, you have to read all those comments, over and over, and figure out what to do with your story based on them.

But, MJ, how the hell do I do that?

Well, a lot of this is trial and error and figuring out what works for you. But I can break down what I do. Keep in mind this is basically a skeleton version of what I do and may not work for everyone. You'll have to adapt this to you.

So I'll split this up by type of comment. In my experience, the majority of comments will fall into these categories. Some of these are "easy" to make changes on, and some are not.

Typos & Grammar

Style & Prose

Plot & Structure

Character Arcs & Development

Typos, Grammar, Style, & Prose

So, this is where personal style/taste will differ. For me, when I'm in the beta stage, I ignore these comments. Yep, you read that right. Ignore them. Completely. Like they don't exist.

During beta rounds, my goal is to analyze and fix the story and grammar and prose have very little to do with that. This is something I will edit right before I give it to another set of betas, but I never start here (unless it's a glaringly annoying typo).

However, if you are overwhelmed by how many comments you have, or have conflicting or hurtful comments (which I address below), or if you are sweating because you think you might have to rewrite large portions -- maybe start here. These edits are short, quick, and don't require Hard Decisions™, so you can edit these and feel productive, get back on track, dig a little deeper into your story, and it'll give you some time before you have to tackle the harder stuff. Overwise, I would hold off and not bother with this until other edits are made (because, if you end up rewriting a whole portion, then the typos/prose might change, anyway, so it's more work in the long run). But this is totally personal preference!

That said, when it comes to feedback on style and prose, I would be hesitant to jump in and change everything that readers recommended. In a lot of cases, this comes down to personal preference. Making your prose more/less descriptive, more/less concise, etc. etc. might not be making your writing better, just different. So, dive into these comments with a goal for your writing style in mind and only edit based on comments that 1) agree with this goal and 2) you agree that the change would make the prose stronger.

Examples: If you know you want your story to be fluffy and descriptive, you might ignore comments that ask you to shorten or remove descriptions, and instead act on comments that strengthen your descriptions. If you know you want your story to be minimalist, then you might ignore comments that ask for more descriptions, or only add in description if all betas agree that something is unclear or difficult to picture/follow.

Plot, Structure, & Character Arcs

This part is harder and can be overwhelming. This is the part where you might actually have to scrap, rewrite, and/or drastically change.

When I'm reading these bigger-picture comments, I jump in with these mindsets to help me focus:

All comments are opinions and suggestions. Regardless of how they are worded, I am not obligated to follow them.

They are trying to help me and want my book to be the best it can be. (If some readers seem to not have this intent, perhaps ignore those comments for now*.)

*I will discuss this more below

These reminders help me hold on to the positives, and I tend to start there. Which parts of my story did everyone across the board respond well to? Perhaps it's a specific character arc, or a particular plot point. I always like to make mental note of these, because no matter what happens with the rest of the comments, I don't want to lose these. I don't want to edit these parts out, I don't want to lose the most engaging parts of my story, even if there are a lot of issues that need editing. Even if the entire scene gets redone, I don't want to lose what people connected with.

Maybe even write these down. I don't do this personally, but maybe start a document and keep bullets of the parts that most/all betas collectively agree are the strongest parts.

Then, go through and do the same for the weakest parts. The hardest part of all this is figuring out which parts are actually weak, and which parts are just not to some readers' tastes. Then, on top of that, once you have found the flaws, you have to figure out how to fix them.

So how can you tell if a comment is pointing out an actual issue, or if it's personal taste? Here are some pointers:

Keep your goal in mind (re: the themes, a character's development, etc.) Does the comment conflict with your goal? If yes, it could be personal taste. (Or, it could mean something is unclear and/or they've interpreted it differently, in which case it's your decision to edit or not)

How many betas commented on it? If it's 1/5, then it's probably personal taste. If it's 4/5, you should take a deeper look.

Is the comment pointing out something you were considering changing / something you already suspected was weak? If yes, then it's probably a real issue. Always trust your gut.

Is the comment telling you how to change or fix something? If yes, take a step back. It might be a real issue, but you need to decide for yourself how to fix it.

Personally, I take notes and leave comments within the manuscript like sticky notes of what I'm going to change. For example, for a recent wip, multiple betas felt a particular scene was slow so I made a note for myself so the next time I go to edit I'll dig deep and figure out why it was slow for myself (regardless of what they think the reason is) and fix it.

But, when it comes right down to it, you have to make these decisions yourself. It can be very hard to determine which comments need action and which ones don't. A lot of it comes with experience.

On a side note (not to worry you lol) I thought when I went through multiple beta rounds with my first finished manuscript that it would be easier the second time. I thought: ok, I know what bad comments look like now. This will be easier on my next wip. Nope. Wrong. A new story meant a new audience meant new problems and new comments. It was easier, because I know how to handle the emotional side of it better. But actually discerning the major issues in the manuscript and how to fix it was not easier.

And one of the hardest parts about it is the next two sections, which is why I separated them out...

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Conflicting Comments

When you have multiple readers providing feedback, this is going to happen. It's inevitable.

One person might think your story is super slow, or that a plot point didn't make any sense, that a character's arc was pointless, or that the climax was a huge letdown. Another beta might say the exact the opposite. So what do you do?

Essentially, you have to decide for yourself and your story what to do. I don't have much advice here other than you're not alone in going back and forth.

I can tell my own story, though, and maybe you'll get something from it. Twice now, for two totally separate manuscripts (and genres), I have struggled with what to change when betas have incompatible criticisms and recommendations.

And over and over again, I have come across the same result:

Betas read it and make suggestions, and I make changes that I think are best at the time even though the comments were conflicting.

I let those betas reread it, and they LOVE it. So much better than the previous draft. Great!

I hand it to new betas, and they make the same exact comments that were made on the original draft. Again, just as conflicting as before.

And it's an endless cycle. And from it, I have learned that there is no such thing as a book that will satisfy everyone. No matter how polished, when you edit things to fit others' wants and needs, there are going to be others who don't like it.

And especially in my first manuscript and beta experience, I realized (after 5+ drafts) all I was doing was changing the story, but not making it better. I was adapting it to people's personal tastes, and in doing that, it was losing the me in it. I actually ended up going back and doing a full round of edits through the whole manuscript to literally inject myself back into the narrative. And it is wholly better for it.

I have gone through this twice now, where I have adapted manuscripts based on beta feedback and ended up in this loop.

If this does happen to you, the only recommendation I have for this is to step back. I wish I had done this sooner, both times. Force yourself to not look at the feedback or the manuscript for weeks—if not months. All of these changes you've made, all these different comments and feedback and drafts? Let it marinate, go work on something else, and come back later.

Conflicting comments are a part of writing. You're going to have to get used to it, and know that it's impossible that your story is going to resonate with everyone, or that your style is going to work for everyone. It takes experience and practice, like everything else, to get good at interpreting comments and acting on them.

But just know that conflicting comments doesn't mean your story is bad or that you need to scrap it and rewrite the whole thing. Conflicting comments is actually a good thing. It means, like all works of art, there are various interpretations, and readers with those differing interpretations are making recommendations based on them. You, as the writer, must decide your own intent for the work, and no one can tell you what to change or how to edit (at least, not until you have an editor/publisher lol). That's part of the writing process you have to figure out on your own.

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Negative Feedback: Headspace

Rude comments. Condescending comments. Comments that feel like a punch in the face.

They happen. To everyone that writes and has the guts to share it.

Sometimes comments had no intent at all to hurt your feelings but did, and sometimes comments just genuinely are condescending and mean.

Regardless, this is when writers get these nasty imposter syndrome thoughts. "I'm a bad writer" "a good writer wouldn't have gotten comments like this" "this beta is a good writer so what they say must be right and I'm a fraud."

Firstly I highly recommend reading the post I linked above and is linked again right here. What I'm about to say is along the same vein.

As the post says above, these negative thoughts are not objective.

That's not to say that you can't be upset about comments that trigger these thoughts. I've gotten comments before that, honestly, I can't think of a reason why someone would say that except with intent to hurt my feelings (or even in some instances gaslight). And it works, unfortunately.

So how can you get a handle on your negative, imposter-y thoughts?

Control Your Headspace: Be Objective

Take a step back and say, "This is an opinion." Writers and readers can be very good at stating their opinions as if they are facts. (See: this whole series of posts, which is really just all my opinion and personal experience, yet likely reads like an instruction manual. Nothing here is fact, either, by the way.)

"This book is unfinished." "Descriptions are required to set a scene." "You're not using this word correctly." "It doesn't make sense that this character would make this decision." "The beginning isn't as polished as the rest of the book."

None of these comments are, by themselves, hurtful (though the first one definitely stung). But all of these comments easily tried to sneak in and plant doubt: "the book needs to be redone, it's bad the way it is, I'm not a good writer."

Because yes, these are all real comments (slightly paraphrased) that I've gotten in various beta rounds. And they all sound like facts, don't they? And probably, some of the people leaving these comments believe they are facts.

But they're not.

And this is why I'm going to emphasize two points made in the above post I linked: do not dwell on the most recent comments only, and be objective.

Having 3+ betas is so, so important for this reason. Having multiple sets of eyes and feedback can be the difference between dwelling on one person who didn't click with your story, and being able to clearly see "ok, this person just didn't get it" because other betas did.

That's not to say that if someone didn't like it or is telling you to change something or that something didn't work for them that you should ignore it. But it does mean you shouldn't let these comments seep into your subconscious with negative self-talk.

And there are a few points I want to make here, regarding being objective when you look at comments like these.

Even if a comment is harsh or hurtful, that does not mean it's useless. Being objective means you can take a step back, acknowledge that the comment stings, and come back to it later when you can be more objective.

Condescending and (purposefully) mean/hurtful comments can actually be useful. They force you to defend your work! Defending your work, seeing the worth in your work, is a huge part of the battle against negative self-talk and imposter syndrome. See this post for more discussion on this.

Even if you do multiple betas and they all collectively agree (including yourself) that your book needs a complete rewrite or needs to be scrapped, this objectively does not make you a bad writer.

Being objective means you can distinguish not only opinion from fact, but acknowledge that needing massive edits, even dropping the book entirely—these negative thoughts are not true.

Objectively, all writers have shitty drafts. All writers have stories hidden in a drawer somewhere that are so unfixable they won't ever see the light of day. Yes, even the Big Ones™ like Neil.

Getting negative feedback, harsh or mean comments, readers who don't connect with your work, having shitty drafts, and tossing drafts away entirely are all part of writing and none of these things make you a bad writer.

Fighting with your inner imposter syndrome and negative thoughts is an ongoing battle that all artists face. It comes with the territory. Hopefully some of my rambling will help you fight that battle.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Editing Your Story

Alright. I'm not going to tell you how to actually edit your book because that's not my job and every writer works differently. What works for me probably won't work for you.

But I do want to say that even though this is often seen as the hardest part of writing (other than getting the words down the first time, I guess), it can also be the most fun and hopeful time as well.

You finished a manuscript. That's a huge accomplishment. Even though having all this feedback can be daunting, especially when everyone has their own ideas of how your story needs to change, this can be the most rewarding time because you are creating a plan on how to make your story exactly what you want it to be.

So, at least for me, the only thing I can really recommend is to break down your own book as if you are a reader yourself - taking a break from it (again, for months) can help you come back with fresher eyes for this - and analyze your own story as a fake audience member.

What are your themes? What are you exploring? What are your take-home messages? When you put the book down, what do you feel and what did you learn?

Then, compare: Did beta readers, in general, have the same experience you did? Were they able to name the themes and have a similar experience reading your story? If not, focus on the comments they made that reveal insight into why they didn't. These comments are probably going to point you in the right direction of what to change.

Other things to consider, regardless of comments:

If you outlined, go back to your original outline and see what's changed. Did you leave anything out? Were any themes or plot points lost that you would like to include? (or vice versa)

Are there any themes you want to explore that you haven't yet? Or any that need more emphasis?

Do all the characters that you want to have development have satisfying arcs? Do any of them need more page time or feel unfinished?

Does the prose style align with what you want?

Regardless of whether readers agree/disagree or even commented on these at all, I like to take these into account during the editing process. Because editing isn't just "what did readers say and how do I fix it?" Betas are here to show you how your work will be interpreted by an audience and share opinions—that's all, really.

In reality, editing is you analyzing your own story and making it the best version of itself as humanly possible, while knowing that it isn't possible.

You do what you can. You make changes that you agree with, that strengthen your story, to tell the story you want to tell, even if others don't always like it. That's what makes it yours.

So go forth and make your stories magic. That's what all stories are, after all.

Peace out

~MJ

[etherealaberrance]

8 and 29 for the ask meme!

Author Ask Game!

8 - Do you prefer the beginning, middle, or end of a story?

Honestly, I have no idea which is my favorite. The beginning is fun, but I'd say it's also the hardest. The work is so new to me and the outline is exhausting to push out. But it is also very rewarding because after the first bump, I'm off! The middle is slow to write, but I try to include small plot lines along the main plotline to keep my interest while writing. The end, though. I enjoy the end. It is bittersweet in a way; on one hand, it is very fun to wrap up the plot and choose a lasting sentence to end it all, but on the other hand, I find myself very disappointed everything is over.

So perhaps a nonanswer is how I will respond to this one because I really have no idea. It's like comparing the color green to the color red--they both feel and look very different, and I think that makes them hard to compare.

29 - What’s your revision or editing process like?

Oh, I love this question. You know me and my forever growing pile of AUs, meaning I rarely finish my first drafts, but I have everything planned for when I eventually get there with my WIP projects. I now write my first draft in its entirety before I post anything, since that ensures I don't run out of *waves hands* whatever it is that keeps me going.

From there, I rewrite everything with prettier words and better flow. After that, I read over and do a rudimentary check before sending over to my betas, if any. I usually try to put it into a different program after that, or at least change the font, since it helps me catch any additional errors as I do my edits and work with beta feedback. I usually input it into my first software as a final draft, run over it once more, and then convert it to HTML for AO3.

It's pretty extensive, but I got a comment on a fic once that I'd written 'May 32' and I have not lived down that embarrassment. Since then, I have gotten better about actually editing my work in a way that helps me catch my errors.

Hope this answers your questions! :D

[liminalweirdo]

6 / 17 / 34 for the fic writer q's! <3

Thanks for such interesting questions! <3

6. Do you have your work beta'd? How important is this to your process?

I try to have my work beta'd/edited when I can. With fanfiction it's not always possible or practical. The only beta I have atm is my husband and I write faster than he feels up to editing which it absolutely fair, so usually I post things with just my own editing.

I say that the worst writing advice anyone ever gave me (or anyone) was "you don't need an editor," and I think that's mostly true. Fanfiction is... maybe not so serious, you know? I forgive other writers their typos and mostly just gloss over them and barely notice, but I hate when I find them in my own stories haha. But if you're doing something for publication, even if it's a self-pub — if multiple people are gonna be spending money on your finished product, please please please get an editor. Just my opinion as a writer, an editor, and a bookseller for over a decade. I've seen many an awful self-pub that could have been improved so much by editing.

I think a trusted second eye can make your work better. If I can't find an editor/beta reader I'll usually write something and try to edit it myself, but even though I have experience editing professionally (i.e. for money) I am still catching and correcting at least grammatical errors in my published work even months later, which sucks for the reader (sorry!). It's harder to edit your own stuff because you know what you meant so you tend to accidentally miss errors and not catch things that don't make sense/don't line up just right plot-wise, if that makes sense.

One of the tricks I use is handwriting my story and then, when I type it up I can often flesh out the story better, but that may just be how my brain works. Idk, see if it works for you!

Also, I'm usually willing to beta people's stories if they want me to so just lmk and I'll try to help out if I feel like I'm qualified (i.e. I know your fandom, and if I have enough time).

17. What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

I never ever had writer's block until a few years ago, which fuckkinnnggg suuuuucks. The pandemic messed me up, I guess. I think the best thing is either just sitting down and writing either a set amount of words or for a set amount of time even if I hate every moment of it and if that's too much -- because let's face it, sometimes life/shit is hard — I will ... take a break! I'll either do something totally unrelated and let my brain chill out, or I'll re-watch the movie/film/read essays or other fic etc., just to get excited about it again. This is a lot harder in small fandoms or with things that have limited source material. When that happens I read/watch/find things adjacent to it and hope to find inspiration there.

34. Five years from now, where do you see yourself as a writer?

I mean, I think and I hope I'll still be writing fanfiction. I hope that in five years things will be different with the pandemic and I'll be able to be more out in the world, actually having wider experiences again. If I ever publish anything, I think it will probably be nonfiction before it's fiction, but we'll have to see. I'd like the opportunity to write for film.

[rateatingraccoon]

Writing process

Alright, it's ramble time, though I would be curious to hear feedback from other writers.

I had a bit of a realization recently.

For context, I'm a fanfic writer and I have an irl friend that also writes when the mood strikes them. Occasionally they'll enlist me to sort of be their editor and give them feedback, fix grammar, etc. in exchange for feedback on my work.

The thing is, we write very differently.

I tend to write my first draft like it's my final one (and it usually is). When words come out of my mind, they're usually already thought through and prepared. If you've read my work on ao3, you probably know that I don't beta read. My fanfics are edited very minimally. And yet, there's usually only a few errors, if any at all, even on the longer fics.

This applies to school, too. I don't use graphic organizers or drafts, really. I write, I go back and fix minor mistakes, I turn it in. It usually gets me a fine grade. When teachers would give use extra time to go back and revise, I would very rarely find anything I felt the need to fix.

Now, my friend, despite also being a writer, writes very differently. Their first drafts are often littered with mistakes, from punctuation to spelling. They are by no means a bad writer, but they often have to spend nearly as much time fixing things as they spent writing them.

The gist is that they write by word vomit, then go back and clean up the vomit. My words come out clean. It may take me an hour to write 1k words and them half an hour, but I can immediately publish those words without much error while they would have to go back and fix much of what they wrote.

I have a theory it may be thanks to my ADHD. When I finish things, I can't wait to post them, which leads to me usually not wanting to go back and edit - but if the writing is bad, I feel self-conscious. I theorize this might mean I just... evolved to write everything well on the first try. I've seen other people talk about writing like this, but also see many people, especially non-writers, feel more comfortable using drafts or even organizers.

So, I am curious. If you bothered to read this far, how do you write? Do your words come out, as my friend put it, “already elegant”, or do you have to edit often?

[raybyanothername]

Hey Ray! Have you ever gotten any offers to have a beta reader for your writing? Or ever considered having a beta reader? Just to check for any errors you never caught or any awkward sentences.

This is meant as a curious question and no bad taste towards your writing. You're one of my favorite writers on Ao3 and inspires me a lot!

I have gotten offers and once upon a time (back in ye olden days of fanfiction.net) I did attempt to use a beta reader a few times. Some writers I know swear by having a beta reader and I totally get that, but I crave instant validation in the form of clicking a post button. So... I haven't used a beta in years.

If people find typos and message me, I don't mind, but I generally fix typos when I reread. My current system involves me using a Read Aloud Add On in Firefox while I do my adulting. Depending on the mood/activity, I will fix as I listen, or I will ignore and come back to it later.

Yesterday, I was listening to RAMD while packing for example. Didn't fix any of the typos I noticed. When I was knitting the other day though, I was listening to Protector and I would go in and fix the typos when I noticed them.

I usually only end up doing a proper edit when I typeset my fics. Which I do once they're 100% finished and I have time/energy/motivation. So, like, Fear in His Eyes has been fully edited, as has A Proper Arrangement. But very few others. (I did find one small typo in Fear when I was reading the physical copy though, so it's not 100%.)

Recently, I will admit to contemplating typesetting the earlier chapters of Secret. But I also lowkey want to wait till I finish so I can remember to standardize stuff like capitlizing Hand when referring to the hand of the king, or Dragon Pit versus dragon pit, etc. I could, theoretically, do that now while writing the second half of the fic, but you may recall my mentioning *energy* and *motivation* as factors too. ^^'

My method for writing and editing is a bit chaotic and definitely not one I would recommend for others, but it's where I've landed at the moment. It keeps me writing, which is the main goal.

I think my brain translates having a beta into my being more 'serious' with my writing and then saps all my motivation. *gestures vaguely at my languishing original fiction wips* So I haven't tried that in a long while, but I haven't ruled it out entirely for the future.

Hope that answers your question! I always enjoying rambling a bit about my process. Glad you're enjoying my fics! 🥰

[sys128]

Artificial Intelligence as it stands

The world of AI has been rapidly developing in the past couple of years, and now we have this chatbot named ChatGPT, which is apparently so good, that people are starting to use it to write their college-level essays. That sounds like a situation that would play out in a science-fiction, comedy-driven novel about how academics will be like in the 2030s. But nope, this is real. This morning, in my first period class, I was randomly assigned a task to read a couple of articles about this whole ChatGPT thing. That was how I found out about the whole idea of using it to fully write their essay assignments, while I was forced by the assignment to think about how it would change how we think of well, everything. How the AI situation is depends on the medium. At the present moment, there is little fear of AI taking over the world of text. For the time being, we may not have to worry about our text being indistinguishable from human and AI.

When we use these bots for enough time, we start to notice something interesting. Sometimes, it makes some confidently incorrect statements. There are many instances of AI goofs. In text for example, I will now tell you something that came from the experience of someone in my Discord server. With ChatGPT, you can tell it to make a Python program to render something using the PyGame library, or even work with a file format that you developed yourself, but it is not going to be correct every time. The more ambitious your prompt is, the less likely it will be for the AI to make something that works first try. You would have to go through dozens of prompts to make the final product, not counting the mistakes fixed by the human. Ultimately, there is still a large human component to it. If we absolutely had to, we would have to use the AI more as a companion then a 100% reliable generator, especially for proofreading. I remember when we were in a Discord voice chat, talking about the chatbot, we had to constantly tell it about the errors it makes and then see if it would go ahead and do some troubleshooting.

In the case of academics, when the bot is confidently wrong, it causes a lapse in the user’s judgement, and it bites them in the butt when they see a fat C- on their next paper. As it turns out, the bot is currently really bad in citing their sources and finding nuances. So it really needs to train more on tone in text if it wants to get an A every time. Because of these types of weaknesses, there are still ways we can exploit the weaknesses of any AI to distinguish between what is done by a human and what is not. My English told me this morning that there is already a beta of a detector that can put a percentage of confidence whether the text you give it was generated by an AI or not. The English department in the school I go to has quickly been made aware of this tool. The more we know about ChatGPT, sure, the more it will be developed, but also the more we know about how we can exploit it. This lets us learn about the AIs that we develop so that we know how to stop them from going too far, and maybe even taking over the planet.

So that was the whole gist on how the world of text is safe for the time being, but it is good to be made aware of it. Artificially generated art on the other hand? That is a tougher nut to crack depending on what you are using it for, and worse, it is a lot more morally questionable. This calls back to artificially generated images in general, like with human faces or road signs. Someone at some point had the idea of using images taken from art websites and then see what happens. But we first need to understand what an image AI does. Every AI needs a dataset to train on to get the result the user needs. The problem lies in what the type of data it needs. In the case of art AI, it would need to use other people’s works, usually obtained from the original artist without the permission of them. For all I know, my furry art could very well be a part of their datasets too. Because of the lack of permission and the fact that it is generating art that can sometimes be harder to distinguish from human art, people are rightfully pissed off about it. There have even been protests about the issue of AI generated art. It has trended on numerous platforms across the internet, spammed to oblivion on pro-AI art websites, and much more. There is also a group of people that saw money signs in their eyes when they first saw the concept of AI generated art. They now turned a profit from it, which made human artists even MORE furious! Their art is now being stolen, not just by the datasets in which they generate from, but now the people making thousands of dollars off of it! This only fueled those protests even more.

This whole thing about the divide between what is human and what is AI made me think of generational gaps. Many boomers do not like the idea of having computers and the internet, especially for the gaming world. Many millennials are not fans of modern social media platforms like TikTok. Do you think the same is going to happen with artificial intelligence and Generation Z? I am definitely opposed to a lot of aspects of AI, but they can be fun to develop if you are doing something less useful and more fun, like some of the stuff that Cary Huang – aka carykh – does. I have a feeling that Generation Alpha will find a lot more fascination in this medium than any of us ever will. If it turns out that artificial intelligence has dominated the planet after we find some sort of equality measure between humans and robots, we might have them to blame for feuling the decisions of the Generation X/Y leaders.

<< TEXT GENERATED BY SYSTEM128-BOT, BEEP BOOP, TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER! >>

[insufferablelust]

Hello!

I just want to come here and address some things regarding my latest fic, first of all I want to profusely apologize for some of the writing mistakes that is of course unacceptable due to the fact that it is offensive and that in itself is my own fault, it is unfortunately an editing error because I have not been able to edit any of my work nor even beta it or refer it to my beta reader for review due to the nature of my work, but it is no excuse, my writing is for many consumption so I should be more careful and thoroughly edit my work before posting it. I would like to once again apologize, to the deepest degree because my foolishness and ignorance on not noticing it sooner. Sadly I wrote most of my writings after work which is frequently around 3-6 am so my focus is not the best, thus said, I will be more careful, aware, and definitely do the usual beta reading before posting to not make the same offensive mistake. I once again apologize, I truly do not intend to make the error. For now my writings will undergo major editing and revision to make sure that your reading experience will not be affected by my own personal errors, mistakes, and failures. Thank you so much for understanding and I hope this apology can be accepted with open mind that It was truly an editing mistake. I am sorry.

I would also like to add that english is not my first or native language, so some words may be foreign for me and It is my fault to not understand it or research it better, my reading or writing influence came from old books mostly, because I frequent old books more than new— it is not and never an excuse, i apologize for my ignorance and lack of understanding. I will research better next time and be more careful.

For further reference I also want to thank the anon that mentioned it to me, if it wasn’t for you, I would not be able to notice it until few more days because I can only edit during Tuesdays. Thank you so much, if you can dm me that would be appreciated, I would like to thank you personally.

I am sorry and I will mend my mistakes, as well as do better next time.

—vaa

[chocolate-theft]

☆ 𝐆𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 ☆

Fandom: Dead By Daylight. Rating: Teens And Up Audience, sfw. Characters: Pyramid Head, Danny "Jed Olsen" Johnson | The Ghost Face. Pairing: Pyramid Head x Danny "Jed Olsen" Johnson | The Ghost Face.

Tags: Pyramid Head's pov, fluff, adoration, established relationship, typical cute couple stuff, short and sweet, cheesy asf, Danny "Jed Olsen" Johnson | The Ghost Face has green eyes, maskless Danny "Jed Olsen" Johnson | The Ghost Face, soft Pyramid Head, smitten Pyramid Head, lowkey/borderline simping [Pyramid Head💀], short fic, too ALPHA to beta read, very self-indulgent.

WARNINGS: NONE.

Summary: The Executioner enjoys the beauty in his Beloved Ghost’s eyes.

– Word count:626.

Author's note:

Wrote this in the Tumblr’s draft (instead of focusing on writing my main wips), so why not post it because I'm bored and also because there's not enough PyraGhost in the world.

I will probably come back to edit and add things in this fic later since like there’s gonna be some incomprehensible pharsings and errors here and there, ofc because I literally wrote this in Tumblr’s draft, put it in Google Docs just to see the word count and copy paste in here– BAM!! Then finished!

The green line dividers aren't mine btw.

Embracing my Tumblr fanfic writer era rn.

────────────────────────────

Every inch that Danny possessed was something to be held deeply treasured to Pyramid Head.

Back then Pyramid Head used to be hesitant to reach out and touch Danny, quite wary that he would somehow break the man if he applied too much pressure. He knew Danny would be slightly annoyed by this; claiming that he wasn't that weak, but that didn’t stop Pyramid Head from being apprehensive when it came to him. Fortunately, as things progressed Pyramid Head became at ease as Danny reassured that he wasn't hurting him. 

Him having this affection towards Danny was so beyond that even the basic description of him just loving Danny was an injustice on how he truly felt. 

Even though Pyramid Head wasn't the type to care about other people's characteristics, he was utterly entranced by Danny, anything from head to toe, as well as his hands, his voice, and the way he carried himself. Everything.

And when Danny showed his face to him for the first time, enrapture swept over Pyramid Head. His immediate response was to stretch his hand to stroke Danny's ebony locks of hair in which the other man found it endearing as Pyramid Head ruffled his hair gently.

But what captivated Pyramid Head's heart the most, once he took a moment to observed Danny's face. Amused gloomy emerald were peering at him back. This caused Pyramid Head to stop doing what he was doing. The more he fixated on Danny’s eyes the more he felt lost in the glamours' greenery.

────────────

In the present, Danny was not currently wearing his usual Ghostface mask around Pyramid Head which wasn’t uncommon ever since he had grown to trust him as Danny was comfortable enough to be displaying his own actual face to his partner only. Right now they were just spending the day with one another, making up for the lost time they were busy with their trials. Danny shared a few horror tales that greatly interested him, prompting Pyramid Head to listen, producing soft grunts while the other proceed. But Pyramid Head was intensely concentrating on the different expression Danny’s eyes make.

While it went on Danny began to notice that the other wasn't really paying attention, judging by how Pyramid Head practically stopped making quiet noises to what he was talking about and wasn’t moving. Then Danny waved his hands side to side in front of Pyramid Head. “Hey! Are you even listening to me?” Causing Pyramid Head to snapped back to reality, following the realization on what was going on. 

Oh. Was he distracted again? 

As awkward as it may have been given that for the entire time he was just focused on Danny’s eyes. 

“You’re spacing out lately.” Danny said. “Is there something bothering you?” 

There wasn’t anything bothering him, it was just his fascination with the green irises that belonged to the man. Pyramid Head shook his head.

Danny made a questioning face. “Hm. I doubt that.” Then the man’s lips swiftly formed into a grin, “you were staring at my eyes aren’t you~!” Pyramid Head was slightly thrown back by how Danny was able to jump to the correct conclusion so quick. But he knew that no matter the circumstances are, Danny was destined to read him like a book effortlessly. 

Pyramid Head uttered a gurgle of affirmation, seemingly out of embarrassment.

Danny became aware of this, “it’s fine Pyra! I just find it humorous. Plus, I don’t mind, you can stare at it as long as you like,” he chuckled. Relief essentially spread over Pyramid Head as he let out a deep breath.

“Never thought someone would be so enthralled by my eyes, you know?” 

Well, if no one was enthralled by it, then Pyramid Head definitely was.

Author's note:

Thanks for reading till the end! Hope you enjoyed it.

I should probably go back to writing my main wips. But I deadass get distracted often.

Here's my AO3 acc, if you like this pairing lol. Don't check it out if it's Monday since AO3 is down for planned maintenance for 10 whole hours, sad I know, just download fics you love in the meantime, we will live blud.

And that’s it for today... See you later, toodles!

[buzzdixonwriter]

Writing Report May 31, 2024

I’m writing this two weeks out, so who knows what may change between now and then?

. . .

My goal is to write two book length manuscripts a year, starting one each January 1st, the other each July 1st.

It normally takes me anywhere from 2 ½ to 3 1/3 months to write each novel, which typically clock in between 85K and 124K.

I finished my 24 01 novel about a month ago as you read this and it ended up being 124K+.  Currently I’m sharing it a few chapters at a time with my local writers group, so I am trimming it back based on feedback and what I see as padding.

However, I’m not doing a full bore second draft edit yet.  I prefer to let my first drafts lay fallow for at least six months so I can approach them with fresh eyes for the second draft.

My 23 07 novel is starting its second draft phase.  It ran up to 86K+ when I finished it last year.

I edit / do my second draft by first printing the novel out then going over it with a red pen (PaperMate Flair, my favorite writing instrument) looking for errors, redundancies, over-explaining, and repetitive scenes and dialog.  That took about three days.

Then I start making the changes I marked on paper on the digital second draft. 

Pro tip: Edit your your second draft by starting at the end of the first draft and make changes going forward.

There are a couple of reasons for this:

You’re more likely to spot spelling / punctuation / grammatical errors by going backwards through the text.

All changes you make are in the latter part of the book, meaning if you need to find something earlier on a specific page, the numbering on that part hasn’t changed yet.

Right now I’m roughly halfway through the 23 07 manuscript and have shaved about two thousand words off. [Added later:  Finished editing, shaved 6K+ off]

Good.

Ideally I’d like to pare it down to under 80K.

. . .

While editing the 23 07 manuscript I noticed I tended to have fewer edits in the second half of the book than in the first.

That’s because in the first half I’m still discovering who the characters are, what the story is.

I have a fairly good idea of my plot, but not more than could fit on three pages.

I have ideas for scenes and incidents, but I wait until the book tells me it’s time to put them in.

While I’ve cut two thousand words out of the second half, mostly that’s been single words and short phrases.

The more I write, the more certain I become of the story, the more focused my writing becomes.

At the midway point (where I just broke off tonight before writing this) I’m whacking out sentences / paragraphs / scenes.

I know there will be a lot more major cuts in the first half, including an entire chapter that got Xed out in red.

As noted before, it’s bee observed one needs to write a novel three times:

First to tell yourself the story.

Then to figure out what the story is about.

Finally to tell the story to the reader.

These are not necessarily three distinct separate steps, of course.  Often what the story is really about presents itself to me midway through the first draft.

But I do tend to write three drafts of my longer works, usually incorporating feedback from beta readers or my writers group.

. . .

While doing this, I’m also taking notes on what may be my 24 07 project, a historical novel set in the early part of the 20th century.

It’s an idea I came up with w-a-a-a-y back in the 1980s, but it’s been sitting in the back of my mental refrigerator until now.

My original idea had only four characters:

The main male protagonist (I hate the term “hero”)

The main antagonist (I hate the term “villain”)

The female protagonist

The comic relief

At some point in the 1990s or early 2000s a fifth character was added to the mix, starting out as a minor antagonist but soon joining the protagonists as an ally.

The project became briefly subsumed by another, far larger project I envisions, but eventually abandoned when I saw it becoming too gimmicky and unwieldly.

So now the 24 07 project is back as a standalone.

Sometime after 2010 I started looking at the project through the lens of what actually was going on in the world at the time the novel takes place.

I saw subcurrents I never considered back in the 1980s.  Those subcurrents add to the depth and complexity of the story, broadening it and its cast of characters significantly.

Looks like this is going to be another one of my multi-character epics.

Good.

The extra characters represent people who need to have their stories told.

Two soon-to-be major characters are shady businessmen -- not really crooked, not really sleazy, just…shady -- who start as rivals but find themselves forced to cooperate while still not trusting their new partner and trying to cheat them.

I knew somebody like them would need to be in the story when I first thought of it forty some years ago because my main antagonist would have a specific business-related reason to oppose them.

But as I started noodling story ideas around, I realize these two bozologists needed to do something to actually hurt the antagonist -- not physically, but emotionally.

Now the antagonist harbors a personal vendetta above and beyond his purely business reasons for going after them.

Nice.

What happens after that?

Haven’t the faintest idea at the time of this writing.

I’ve got a couple of vague ideas how to end the story, but getting to those endings is murky right now.

So says Magic 8 Ball.

But I know it will start to shape up.  By the time July 1, 2024 rolls around, I’ll have a pretty good idea what the story is.

It will still surprise me and go in unanticipated directions, but that’s all part of the fun.

. . .

One thing I do know is that my cast has grown exponentially.

I’ve got a dozen characters right now, and I know there will be more.

They’ll come from all sorts of backgrounds.

Different ethnicities / social classes / occupations.

Each with their own distinct patois.

You know what that means, don’t you?

Research!

I’m digging up slang expressions from all sorts of background of the era, and it’s a delight.

Not only have some prompted more story incidents, but a lot of it sounds extremely colorful and funny to this day.

I’m researching far more than I will actually use, but that’s par for the course.

But it is fun.

  © Buzz Dixon

[stobinesque]

I L U

(for the fic ask game ;p)

🫶🫶🫶i grinned like a little fool when i saw this, thanks gerry 🥰

also asfjdklansk i am answering these out of order because have to put the answer to one of them under a cut

L: How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

somehow no matter what the number is the answer is always not enough!! If I am posting something to AO3 I will usually revise it at least three times and then proofread it at each point it switches to a new text editor. So a chapter of a fic will generally get: a rough draft, a first pass through to fill in placeholders and make major edits, a second pass through to revise whatever things got added in the first pass through, and 3 to 5ish more passthroughs to make sure everything feels relatively coherent to me. When I export from Scrivener to Word/GDocs (usually Word) I do a quick proofread. When I paste from Word/GDocs to the AO3 text editor I do a formatting copyedit (usually I don't do a full proofread, I just check for obvious places the formatting may have gotten fucked). And then I preview the chapter before posting it just to be sure.

...and then I inevitably find a grammatical error the next time I reread the fic. I have been thinking about figuring out beta readers for my next few big projects because revising all of phryctoria on my own was exhausting D:

prompt fills and ficlets on tumblr get a less intense version of that process, but still probably roughly one major revision and one major proofread.

U: Share three of your favourite fic writers and why you like them so much.

Okay, I'm intentionally picking people who are not my mutuals because that feels like trying to pick between favorite children and also stresses me out, so:

@pukner has written several of my favorite Steddie fics in the fandom from well before I was on ST tumblr. I read a lot of Steddie fic before having seen all of seasons 3 and 4 (long story), and I think in that period of time that I was first devouring steddie fics pukner's fics were the ones that captured the potential that I'd seen in both Steve & Eddie as well as Steve and Robin's dynamics from what I had seen of both seasons. Also got me hooked on genderqueer!Steve who gets to attend Girls' Night.

I'm a sucker for a good character study and a good queer culture exploration and scoops-ahoy on AO3 has done both of those things excellently multiple times and I will eat it up always. everyone should read the shame is on the other side.

I've also enjoyed everything I've read by oaseas and I think the throughline is that they just write the whole ensemble really well? Like the love jumps out, you know? Excellent found family vibes. also paradise by the dashboard light. is just. a work of genius.

I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?

okay this is the one i have to put below a cut bc it got kinda nsft.

hmmm, I don't think so? Mostly because I don't...really believe in guilty pleasures? I guess there are a few things that I enjoy reading that are popular to rag on in fandom spaces. e.g.: I am not personally interested in water sports, but have enjoyed almost every single water sports fic I have come across [sidebar: ACTUALLY--given how prevalent "wet & messy" is as a trope in the steddie fandom I'm frankly a little surprised there aren't more pissplay fics out here??]. I also really enjoy a good deal of omegaverse fics (I'm just pickier about them than I am with other fic genres).

[havoc-bloom]

Pink in the Night - A Lankmann x Reader Ficlet

BECAUSE I SAID SO. AND ALSO I NEED SOMETHING TO FUNNEL BOTH MY LANKMANN AND MITSKI OBESSIONS INTO.

To my knowledge, this is the first Lankmann x Reader maybe ever. I’ve certainly not found any so far, so I would like to introduce you to ~ possibly (and I say this with a grain of salt) the first X Reader fic regarding the Pastra ARG ~

Also Lankmann may be a little OOC in this one but honestly his personality is so specific it’s hard not to write him even a little OOC. This is also VERY fluffy and even a little cheesy. TOOTH-ROTTING fluff my guys. May also be self-indulgent just a little bit but whatever. It’s cute, it’s fluffy, it took me 3 days due to a LOT of planning and re-working the plot but we are HERE.

Fic under the cut :]

Pink in the Night - A Lankmann/Reader Mini-Fic

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“It’s like a summer shower

With every drop of rain singing

‘I love you, I love you, I love you,

I love you, I love you, I love you,

I love you, I love you, I love you!’”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

As soon as you stepped outside, you could feel that it was summer. As usual it was hot, but more so due to humidity than anything. From your front porch you could see some dark clouds in the distance, floating over the sky like balloons. “Hopefully they won’t come this way” you thought to yourself, before stepping onto the sidewalk and making your way down the road.

You didn’t pay much attention to your surroundings as you walked. Just focused on your destination… and focused on a certain someone. Lankmann.

You had been close with him for a while now, and often hung out together. Most of the time you met in a secluded field, just off the road, and though there was a bit of foliage to get through, it was worth it. You had found it long before you met Lankmann; it was one of your go-to spots for anything nowadays, as not many people knew about it. Though rain was expected later in the day, it had been raining all week, and you were sick of being shut inside.

Carefully making your way through the little bit of forestry between the suburbs and the field, pushing aside leaves and foliage, it finally opened up to the clearing. A large birch tree stood alone near the middle of the meadow, like a centerpiece on a table. You doubt the field would be the same without it.

Under the tree you noticed a silhouette, sitting slouched in the shade of the leaves. You immediately recognized who it was.

“Lankmann!” You yelled out his name to get his attention, jogging over to the tree. He turned to look at you, eyes seemingly glowing from within the little bit of darkness the tree provided. Just from here, you could already see the grin on his face. Finally making it to the tree, you plopped down next to him.  “Quite nice today, isn’t it? Much better than what this past week has been.” He told you as you sat down. You smiled at him. “Yeah. Might rain later today, but for now at least it’s sunny.”

He leaned back against the tree and sighed. It was relaxing, sitting here with him. All worries seemed to float away, if only for a moment. Nothing else felt like it existed. Just you and him, here. Warm sun blanketed the green grass, light dappling ever so slightly between the leaves of your little tree, and barely a breeze flowing through the field. It was more serene than anything you could’ve imagined.

“So, what’s having a roommate like?” You asked him. He sat up, staring aimlessly at the horizon. “Well I have to pay rent, but other than that we’ve thankfully gotten along! I just pay Pastra every month and edit his videos, really.” You chuckled. “Where do you even get the money from?” He didn’t answer. He simply smiled. And so did you.

Suddenly, you felt something land on your nose. A water droplet. Usually you’d just excuse it as dew from the leaves, but looking up now, you noticed how close the clouds had gotten. Lankmann seemed to notice as well, as his ever-present grin grew wider as he gazed up at the darkening sky.

“Oh lord, I don’t wanna get my clothes wet… I might have to head home.” You looked over at Lankmann. He didn’t seem to care about getting wet. In fact, he stood up and walked out of the shade of the tree to feel the rain. He seemed to enjoy it. “C’mon, lighten up a little! It’s just some water. Nothing you can’t fix!” He reached a hand out to you, as you were still sitting on the ground. With a huff, you took it, and he helped you up out of the protection of the tree.

Rain continued to shower from the sky, hitting your face as you both watched it fall.Through your peripheral vision, you noticed Lankmann’s smile softened and his body relaxed, as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders after much too long. You’d never seen him like this before. So serene, so calm, so weightless. He always carried an… aura around him. For most it’s what immediately makes him so off-putting and even frightening to some. But now? That aura faded. What was left was no monster. And that’s what you realized made you love him.

…Wait, did you just say that to yourself? That you loved him?

But you did love him.

And something told you he loved you too.

Subconsciously you reached for his hand and held it. He seemed to subconsciously hold it back. It was nearly a mutual agreement of sorts. A promise. You felt much more comfortable here with Lankmann than you did with most people, and that sort of trust doesn’t come through dumb luck. It was quiet, but it didn’t need words. The sound of the rain said enough.

Part of you knew you’d have to go back home eventually though. “So, why not end it with a bang?” You thought to yourself.

“Well, it’s been very nice here with you Lankmann, but I do think I need to go.” His head swiveled to face you. “...I wish I could’ve stayed longer.” With that, you placed a kiss on his cheek and turned away, starting off into the field.

He seemed stunned for a moment. His smile faltered just barely before growing wider than you’d ever imagined it could, followed by a few small giggles. You didn’t need more than that to know you were right. He did love you too.

~ End ~