#i do be venting!!!!!!!!!! h

[nerice]

i MISS drawing

[necroticghost]

im so fucking useless

[insanecreetur]

I want to completely dissappear from existence.

No trace of me anywhere not even in memories.

[wannabe-skinni-qween]

tw vent

genuinely so fucking sick and tired of everything. hate myself more than anything, but so does literally everyone so what does it matter. no matter how much i struggle someone in the world has it worse. i have a perfect life, perfect family, perfect house, perfect everything. im the only problem with all of this. other ppl do so much for me and love me and take care of me but it js makes me angry. ik im an awful person for saying this and ppl r gna hate me but i js need to talk, i wish i had it worse. i tell people this shit and i always get "no u dont u dk what its like its horrible you dont want this" but i do.

i wish i'd have been SA'd, i wish i'd have been abused, i wish i did drugs, i wish my parents hated me. idk why but i just crave sickness so much. i want to be sick beyond help to the point where it consumes my life and i finally have enough motivation to kms. the only reason i cvt is because i want to get addicted to it.

its been like this for years. the only thing i want in life is attention, idc how i get it or who i get it from. i live on it. yk those coaches on here? i dont block them a lot of the time. i give them exactly what they want because they tell me i have a pretty face. ik theyre lying but its all i need to hear. i send nood pics to old men all the time. men who know im a minor and love it. they dont love me as a person tho and its fine.

i worry that people wont care abt me when im an adult. like i wont be a child anymore, i wont be taken care of. ill get a lame job and meet a lame man and have a shitty wedding and shit out ugly babies that look exactly like me, and grow up to hate themselves exactly as i do now.

i plan on dying before i turn 18. but time is moving too fast and im getting too close to my deadline, so im trying to make everything worth it before i go. its hard to do that tho, i dont have any friends irl, i dont go to school. i go to a school made for retarded kids a few hours a week. i dont do anything while im there. js stare at the words because i genuinely cnt read it properly. like ik what the words say (though it can take a minute) but i dont understand anything. all i do is sit in my room and wait until someone talks to me.

and there's no way for me to ever feel better because i dnt want to. im a terrible person because of that and i dont like it, but it wont ever change

ik probably nobody even read this (i yap sm 😭) but i js needed to get some stuff off my chest

[cvtmyhearttopieces]

I’m competing with people in my life and they don’t even know it

[ana-tothebone]

it hurts when someone else you know has an 3d and they seem to be better at it than you.

its bad i know. but it still hurts.

[pyjamacryptid]

PSA FOR MAKE-UP AND SKINCARE BRANDS: START LISTING POTENTIAL ALLERGENS AT THE END IN BOLD LIKE FOOD PRODUCTS HAVE TO BECAUSE IT IS WAY OVERDUE AS A MANDATORY REQUIREMENT AND I AM TIRED.

[stardust-sunset]

sometimes i wish my brother and i got along better.

we were pitted against each other a lot as kids. it was always ‘your brother does this so why don’t you’. he was always smarter. braver. better. and it made me resent him.

i guess it’s my own fault. i’m the one who hated him. i’m the one who pushed myself to be better. i’m the one who made sure my schedule was packed full of classes t that even he couldn’t bear and all in the case that i wanted to be better. that’s all i wanted. i was selfish. i was arrogant and i saw our relationship as a competition and the only thing that came of it was that i resented him. i resented him for going to a prestigious school. i resented him for being better. and i’m the one who tore our relationship.

maybe i am just worthless. sometimes i wonder if my brother really is more important than me. he probably is. he’ll be something. i won’t. all my teachers told me he was gonna be president and what was i going to be?

i lied to everyone. i lied to my therapist and told the, that me and my brother were inseparable because that was what i wanted. i wanted a relationship that was unbreakable while the only one who was breaking it was me and my resentment.

i think he’d be better without me. maybe he’s glad he’s going to college because he can get away from me. i want to get away from me.

i’ve been told all my life that he’s smarter than me. hell, my own mom told me this morning that my brother is more approachable than me because ‘he would make friends no matter what room he went into. you’d hide in a corner away from everyone’. and i’d be damn pressed to say that didn’t hurt like hell. maybe i’m being sensitive.

i want to hurt. i keep thinking about relapsing or trying to restrict eating since it’s the only way i feel secure and like im in control.

i know no one would miss me. i’m useless. i’m worthless. maybe my dad would miss me but that’s it. sometimes he’s the only one i stay alive for. but im too much of a coward to do anything. i’m too much of a coward.

this is all my fault. i hate myself. i can’t do anything right and i wish that i could jist end it all because i don’t want to be here anymore. and i know my parents aren’t gonna be as sad when i leave. they’ve sung my brothers praises all summer-he’ll, they had a fucking wall dedicated to him and they kept telling me that this year wasn’t gonna be abiut me which i get cause he’s going away, but i know when i go away it’s not gonna be anywhere near the same. because im not smart or good enough. im just a coward who can’t even carry through her even more cowardly ideations. and that’s all ill ever be.

please don’t worry too much. i’m not going to do anything. i’m just going through a lot of mental hell. i don’t want to keep venting because i feel bad so please ignore this. i just needed to write it down.

[bl00dyh03]

does anyone want to start/have a sh Snapchat group I can be in?

[nientedal]

wish the megawhiners would stop tagging their fucking hate. go make a "megacritical" tag or some shit and stop being so boring and annoying in the megamind one, ugh.

time to go on a blocking spree lmao.

[maescui]

me looking at my parents knowing the amount of times i've tried killing myself when they weren't home..

[putridement]

my perception of love is completely screwed and i will never be able to be romantically involved with someone ever again

[corqg]

Maybe if I'd love myself more and be actually happy with myself I wouldn't be craving for someone else's love and affection. Maybe I just don't love me enough. But do I deserve it? Do I deserve love?

[forgotten-daydreamer]

having a certified shitty immune system but not being actually immunosuppressed is fun because people are like "well but if you're not immunosuppressed then it can't be that bad, like, you're not dying!" yeah not quite, i just fall horribly sick at the speed of light, but i don't die, yeah

[sc3rcasm]

Dyeing my hair this colour the next time I decide to have a stupid mental breakdown and relapse </3 !

[deus-ex-mona]

chapter 6 is now on episode 9 of the [redacted] anime… the hallway fight scene is close