#i don’t believe it because the studies didn’t account for the fact that

[conspiring-limabean]

I would never deny science (though there are also valid reasons these studies might be dubious) but the thought of this theory is so fucking funny to me

bring back bloodletting 😍

[carrrrino]

HELLO I am very excited for this project! I wanted to express a concern though…it’s rather hard to find the any info on the project aside from what’s on the blog (which isn’t…very much information wise) I’m not sure if that’s an intentional decision…

I know when I first found the info I….kind of didn’t believe this?? That sounds odd. I suppose what I mean is, it didn’t seem the most legit. I did digging through the blog, read all the links, searched for a Twitter and YouTube accounts and had a hard time doing that as well…Simply because there is very little information on it. Which there’s nothing wrong with…I was wanting to suggest (as an outsider) that you and your team put more announcements/ marketing into this…?

I REALLY hope to see this project grow, it’s absolutely deserved, and very few people seem to know about it. I’d hate that to be something people miss out on. I don’t really expect an answer on this but I thought I should share the concern as an outside perspective. 💛

I really hope this project is going well for you and that it gets the deserved recognition as it’s coming out!!! So excited!!!

I'm so happy that people share the same excitement and concern for the series. Also, the fact that you guys think it's worthy of success Is truly inspiring! I think it's time I SAY something though about my current situation.

TL;DR - Our team basically went inactive after the summer; everyone returned to their lives and I'm the only one who can keep up with the project unconditionally. I didn't mean to dishearten you guys! It's a pain in the ass to work alone - excluding voice actors and SFX producers. The OUTBREAK blog will change entirely, it will be used for info and marketing. This blog will just be general art created by me (&no-namestuff). I will continue to work on the series independently, but I'll definitely give out more info as requested and make things more legit whenever I can!

Over the summer, a group of us began working on the project together, but as most of my friends returned to school and their regular lives, it became almost impossible to keep going. Currently, only a few are available to help, but they're too busy.

I didn't want to worry anyone by saying that it's basically just me working on the project; it's tough to balance animating, scripting, marketing, planning, publishing, AND funding by myself. Over time it (advertising and insightful communication) just became indifferent to me, I even considered going silent for a while until I had a mother-load of progress, but that's really not fair.

The project was a bit of a mess when we started. We didn't plan on making it a big deal, my animations were half-assed and incomprehensible; I barely knew how to work Adobe and could barely even pay it off, the sound was going to be recorded via iPhone, the script wasn't even halfway done, and voice actors weren't thought of until the Prologue. After more than six months of work, Verse 1-4 (or 6?) was deleted because of issues with the file.. this really drew the line for everyone.

So here I am, despite everything; I revised the script, which is barely halfway done, redesigned the characters, read more into the multiversal conundrums of AUs and UNDERTALE, built a portfolio, studied poses for the action scenes — and there’s still a lot that I have to learn. I'm working on Q&As, asks, and the teaser / test / project animations. I don't want people to be confused or hesitant, so I appreciate you a lot for reminding me of this. As requested, I will provide additional details about the project too :) !

No-Name's theme is in progress (thanks to Synth Mints), I've invested heavily in software for good quality animations, talented voice actors from this fandom (some you might even know) have agreed to voice for me - I'm extremely grateful for their help. Even if it takes years to release an episode or pilot, I'm still excited about the outcome. Who knows, I might even have a genuine team by then! :D

aw geez sorry for the whole bit-life story, I'm just trying to shed some light on the situation for you all. I do care, I want everyone to know that, it's just hard work.

Until the next teaser animation, please have these lil' pieces of teasers / lore as an apology!

SD by @/galacii ERROR by @/loverofpiggies / CrayonQueen

LASTLY today is my birthday yayyy 🥳🎂

[socialc1imb]

Sorry for being rude ig but PLEASE take more responsibility for your actions rather than calling a 14 and 15/16 year old parasoical for calling you out on not talking about a literal genocide? Also please take the abisthine drawings and etc down n rework the au at the very least! And maybe a more formal and proper apology that's more specific

Hi! Thank you, genuinely, for coming to me. Let me clarify some things, if you don’t mind?

Concerning the stuff about the genocide, I’m genuinely sorry. Unfortunately, I have pretty bad anxiety/depression, and surrounding myself with that constantly genuinely takes a toll on me, which is why I liked posts but didn’t necessarily repost them. I realize I should have done better, but also I do have to take into account that I need to care for my mental health, something that has only become more important as I have gotten older. I will do better in the future.

Also, the “parasocial” comment was not necessarily directed at the person I believe you are thinking of. That has been something that has weighed on my mind for a *while* now, and perhaps I posted it at the wrong time. However, I am still uncomfortable with the fact that someone was paying *that much* attention to how I spend my time online. This would be the case no matter *who* had done that. I would genuinely appreciate it if people didn’t study my every move online.

And lastly, Absinthe. I *genuinely* was not aware that the use of a voodoo doll-like concept would be offensive. You’ll have to forgive me, for I am not well versed in that, genuinely. I *have* deleted all of the art/explanations having to do with that specific topic, though! It is no issue at all to rework the au, and worst comes to worst and I never get around to reworking it? Then there’s one less au clogging my blog /silly. (Also!! If you do find something i forgot to delete, send it to me and I’ll delete it!)

I genuinely do hope this clears some things up. I’m sure that no matter what I say people will be upset, because that is unfortunately how the world/internet works, but it’s probably best to let people know anyways.

[dragondream-ing]

It’s kinda funny to me that even team black fans get vicious with other team black fans if they disagree with their interpretation of a character or event or rumor. Now, there are some wild or dubious claims about canon, and I get shutting those down or insisting they be treated with skepticism. But there are also genuine disagreements that, imo, don’t deserve the vitriol.

I am not talking about things we *know*, like dates and events and crucial elements of the characters’ relationships and personalities. I’m talking about the things we *cannot* know because the sources and Gyldayn simply can’t and don’t have access to every inner thought or belief of the characters. Those same sources can’t and don’t have knowledge of everything the characters did and why they did it. Those sources have their own viewpoints and bias, and so they might have witnessed or heard things that they didn’t write down because they deemed those things unimportant or counter to their bias. They might have elevated information that had little factual basis because they trusted the source it came from or it confirmed their bias (*cough* Sara Snow’s entire existence). That’s the beauty of F&B. It isn’t a novel, it isn’t a dry accounting of events, it is a history book written after the events by a maester raised in a post-Dance, post-dragons world with his own belief system, and the sources he used are limited and imperfect.

Because of the nature of the book, I would never claim my interpretation of a character is the definitive truth, only that it seems most plausible to me. I know who Rhaenyra isn’t, but I don’t know all that she is. I know who Daemon isn’t, but I don’t know all that he is. I can’t, and neither can anyone else, because the sources themselves didn’t and couldn’t. F&B is written in a way to obscure and distort at least some of the truth. GRRM isn’t an idiot, he studied journalism and history in college, he knew exactly what he was doing and he well understood the pitfalls and complications of primary sources and secondary literature. It’s not his fault that many of his fans don’t lmao (and yes, I blame HBO for the increase in stupidity, but I digress).

There are many things we know for sure (which makes the shitshow’s manipulation or removal of all the *literal facts* extra infuriating; now we have people claiming those facts are unreliable even when they are among the few things that are reliable). But I’m sorry to say, there is MUCH that is unknown.

The characters do not have their own POVs. That creates fertile ground for different interpretations of them and their motivations, even if some aspects of both are clearly defined. And entertaining those interpretations isn’t bad faith. I know we all like to think we have the One True Interpretation of our fave characters, but in F&B, even the most fleshed-out characters don’t speak in their own words with their own voice. We are reading them in the voices of other people, and those people have their own perspectives, biases, and agendas. That’s why I love the book so much, it reminds me of my days writing my history dissertation and trying to identify the societal influence and personal bias of the people I studied (sorry, I’m a bit of a nerd lol)

I know we are used to fighting team green and years of wild GOT shenanigans, but come on. I’ve seen people absolutely lose their shit because other fans disagree over the degree to which Daemon wanted a Valyrian wife. Another one I love is the fury over Valyrian customs. Some people believe the Targaryens might have continued practicing some Valyrian customs, while others believe they were true followers of the Seven (other than incest). Literally who cares?? The book doesn’t include much on this topic, but why is it so offensive that some readers think the Targaryens truly converted or that they held to their beliefs more than the maesters and septons claimed? We don’t actually KNOW because the sources wouldn’t have been privy to everything, especially things the royal family did privately, and extra especially when the conversion was for political reasons (as confirmed by GRRM) and the Targaryens would’ve had ever reason to hide customs deemed heretical by the majority religion. This, to me, is a completely inoffensive difference in interpretation, and I cannot fathom why some people view it as akin to team green stans claiming book Alicent was a child bride.

There are degrees of difference in which readers believe the sources of F&B, which I think contributes to diverging interpretations, and we should acknowledge that this is a personal choice. If you give more credence to certain sources, you’re going to come away with a different view of a character than if you don’t, and that’s okay! That’s how interpreting primary sources works, and that’s part of why historians can write books using the same bank of sources and come to different conclusions. Another reason is someone coming along that looks at those sources from a different perspective, or pays attention to sources other historians had ignored. For example, most historians pre-1970 didn’t think to check the records of the wives of politicians, so when others went back through the archives, there were tons of revelations missed by earlier scholars. This just goes to show secondary sources, aka Gyldayn, also have their limitations, viewpoints and/or bias.

A lot of people don’t even stop to question the sources. Some people put a lot more stock in Mushroom’s account than I ever would (the shitshow didn’t cast him, but it sure used his dubious claims). Some people think Eustace was pretty much a straight shooter bar a few exceptions, which I completely disagree with. Gyldayn is also a problem for me, he’s a bit of a weirdo and perv. Tbh I don’t trust any of them. Could be because I was trained to interrogate sources, not trust them, but I’d rather do that than blindly believe someone like Orwyle. It’s up to every reader to decide what seems most plausible.

And no, that doesn’t mean everything is fair game. Some things are blatantly untrue, like the bizarre metas I’ve seen claiming the character ages in the shitshow are the actual true ages lmao

Trust in a source isn’t necessary to glean facts, and from these accounts we *can* learn about the Dance, so it’s all about assessing what’s a fact, what’s propaganda, what’s exaggerated but true, what’s true but unspoken, what’s a bald-faced lie or a lie of omission, etc. And with a book like F&B with biased sources and rumors and contradictions, there will be genuine differences in interpretation that are in good faith. It isn’t fair to act like these differences are headcanons pulled out of thin air.

If you want to argue what you believe is more likely, that’s fine, but what’s the point of shitting on other fans that read the book and made their own informed opinion? Some pieces of evidence and supposition are more compelling to me but may not be as compelling to someone else. These differences are fair and good faith and shouldn’t be reduced to “you didn’t read right” or “you didn’t read at all.” And if someone claims that of other book fans, they should have the humility to admit their interpretation might not be entirely right either. Only GRRM can know the full truth, and tbh, I’m not even sure he does because that man can be contradictory af 😂

And yes, I used this as an excuse to nerd out over analyzing primary sources. Even historians that leave the ivory tower retain their obnoxious urge to pour over and question primary sources, and that extends to fictional ones.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Joseph Figliolia

Published: Feb 1, 2024

More people are identifying as transgender and seeking medical care for gender dysphoria than ever before. Between 2018 and 2022, gender-dysphoria diagnoses increased considerably in every state in the U.S. except for South Dakota, according to Definitive Healthcare. Children’s share of dysphoria diagnoses rose from 17.5 percent to 20.4 percent in that same period. A JAMA paper noted a threefold increase in “gender-affirming” surgeries between 2016 and 2019.

The story that the “gender-affirming” camp tells itself about these developments is equal parts illuminating and frustrating. Proponents typically claim that transgender people, as we understand them today, have always existed, and that more people identify as trans because the public has become more aware and accepting of transgender identities. In other words, these activists believe that apparent increases in the trans-identifying population are not really increases at all; they merely reflect that the language, tools, and cultural climate are now in place to gauge more accurately the trans population’s size.

In a recent reported piece for The Hill, for example, Russ Toomey, a transgender professor at the University of Arizona, claimed that the alleged rise of transgender young people “is not an increase . . . we are seeing the numbers of people disclosing nonbinary and trans identity on a survey because we are asking people in more inclusive ways about their gender.” Shoshana Goldberg of the Human Rights Campaign similarly argued, “It is not that there are more people. It is that there are more people who are open and who are out. . . . The reality is that when you talk to the average person on the street, they are going to be more accepting and more affirming than they have ever been.” Of course, this observation cannot be reconciled with the pro-affirming camp’s claim that half of U.S. states are “anti-trans” and create a hostile environment for trans-identifying minors. Moreover, it seems unlikely that these explanations can solely account for the sheer size and scope of the increase in referrals over the last decade. For example, England’s Gender Identity Development Service saw a twentyfold increase in referrals for dysphoria between 2011 and 2021.

The pro-affirming side is willing to grant that social and cultural forces contribute to the documented rise in trans identification, but only in a narrow way. They allow that greater cultural visibility and acceptance leads to more people being comfortable sharing their “real” identities—but they won’t entertain the possibility that greater cultural visibility and acceptance has created cases of gender dysphoria and trans identification.

When confronted with statistical reality, this thinking yields absurd conclusions. A Williams Institute study from 2021, for example, noted the presence of 1.2 million “nonbinary” people in the United States, 75 percent of whom were below age 30. According to the pro-affirming camp, nonbinary people have always existed. But why are young people more likely than older people to adopt this identity? Why are nonbinary identities more common among girls and young women, specifically? And why didn’t this phenomenon seem to exist 30 years ago?

“You can’t identify as something if you don’t know what the word is,” counters Kay Simon, a professor who studies “queer” youth and their families. “From a very young age,” he adds, “I kind of realized I was gay . . . at the time, I probably could have told you that I felt different about my gender, but I didn’t have a word for it.”

Simon is right that discovering new terminology can sometimes help people describe elements of reality that they couldn’t previously describe. But language, and culture more broadly, can also create new social realities.

Certain material facts—our embodiment as sexed beings is one—exist independent of our cultural discourse about them. When you move beyond these natural phenomena and into the social realm, however, nature and culture can become hard to disentangle. Gender dysphoria, as a psychiatric condition, might have biological roots and in that sense be a biological phenomenon, though researchers have yet to confirm this. The idea that a person who has gender dysphoria is a different sex, however, and must be treated with hormones and surgeries is another claim altogether. It assumes that a person’s mind is the only thing that counts toward whether the individual is male or female (or something else). This is a cultural argument, not a discovery of natural fact.

Consider how our understanding of sex-reassignment surgeries has evolved. For most of the twentieth century, an adult who had surgical genital modifications would have been described as “transsexual,” not “transgender.” The popular scientific understanding of this person’s situation would be that he was suffering from a mental-health disorder and was opting to live socially as the opposite sex. Significantly, however, neither the scientific nor cultural understandings of this person’s situation would have included a metaphysical belief that the person really was the opposite sex (or another sex entirely). No shared cultural understanding existed that a male undergoing a procedure to create an artificial vagina was somehow already a female even before the procedure, though the concept of gender identity had been introduced.  

In the older paradigm, the language of sex reassignment suggests that sex can be changed through surgery. Filtered through the prism of the gender-affirming paradigm, though, sex reassignment is a misnomer, since the procedure simply confirms the patient’s true “sex” as reflected by his or her gender identity. Of course, a third possibility is that it is impossible to change sex, and that these procedures are simply cosmetic.

As the philosopher Tomas Bogardus pointed out in Quillette, our language used to maintain a sex-gender distinction that acknowledged sexual dimorphism. “Sex” referred to being biologically male or female, while “gender” stood in for qualities that we associate with the sexes —like wearing makeup for girls or playing sports for boys—that are not intrinsic, definitionally, to being male or female. These gender qualities are mostly “socially constructed,” though they may be biologically predisposed. Notably, gender was also used by feminists as a synonym for sex, while gender identity was used by sexologists to refer to a person’s perception of being male or female. “Queer theorists” would later argue that the entire sex-gender distinction was artificial and that both categories were socially constructed. In this way, the terms “man” and “woman” also came to be associated with gender, suggesting that a man or woman was a social role or position that one occupied.

According to Bogardus, the flaw in what he calls the social-role view of gender is that not every person who wants to be recognized socially as a man or woman is perceived as one. To rectify this, the social-role view of gender morphed into the self-identification view. In the process, the sex-gender distinction collapsed, and the survivor was gender, not sex. In this brave new world, men who identify as women are female, and women who identify as men are male.

Gender-identity theory, then, is a strange amalgam of ideas. The theory asserts that we are imbued with an innate gendered essence, but it defines that essence by time- and culture-bound masculine and feminine stereotypes. It divorces our sex from biology, and redefines it by how we dress, behave, and express ourselves.

Even the “queer theorists,” often credited with developing gender ideology, arguably would not understand its current incarnation. For the godmother of queer theory, Judith Butler, sex is subsumed under gender, and gender exists only as a performance made intelligible through repetition. The notion that there is a “real” gender—or gender identity—behind the performance is not only false but is the very idea that queer theory aims to challenge. Those who borrow Butler’s jargon and concepts to argue that all humans have an innate gender identity, and that this innate identity needs social and medical “affirmation,” seem scarcely aware of—or concerned with—the deep contradiction in their position.

Whether social scientists admit it or not, gender discourse has consequences. As the writer and researcher Eliza Mondegreen recently pointed out, growth in trans identification is not just fueled by interpreting various kinds of distress as gender dysphoria. Trans identification can come first, followed by the experience of gender dysphoria.

Imagine a shy, sensitive boy who likes to cook and draw, and is uninterested in sports and rough-and-tumble play. In a different time, this would be unremarkable. But now, ubiquitous cultural messaging suggests that this boy’s personality and preferences are evidence that he is a girl and always has been. The boy’s self-understanding is made increasingly unstable, and his sense of self is increasingly dependent on the opinion of others. Do I sound enough like a girl? Do I look enough like one? Do others see me as the girl I know I am inside? He becomes increasingly distressed about the reality of his male body and the ever-growing chasm between it and true female embodiment. Alternatively, a part of him may understand that he is in fact male, and yet this reality is routinely denied by the gender-affirming people in his orbit. Either way, he develops gender dysphoria.

Ironically, what some activists call “gender liberation” arguably reinforces the same pressures to conform. For example, the Gender Liberation Resource Center describes liberation as “people understand[ing] themselves free of pressures to conform or limit who they can be based on their assigned sex.” “Gender liberation” in this sense may free us from the limits imposed on us by our “assigned sex,” but significantly, it imposes new limits, pressures to conform, and understandings of who we can be based on personality, preferences, and gender expression. What the activist camp fails to grasp is that in practice they encourage the same rigid adherence to social norms, and intolerance of nonconformity, that their supposedly liberatory project rejects. Where some see liberation, others see a rainbow-colored cage.

==

Regarding:

The notion that there is a “real” gender—or gender identity—behind the performance is not only false but is the very idea that queer theory aims to challenge.

This is what Judith Butler has to say:

In this sense, gender is in no way a stable identity or locus of agency from which various acts proceede; rather, it is an identity tenuously constituted in time -an identity instituted through a stylized repetition of acts. Further, gender is instituted through the stylization of the body and, hence, must be understood as the mundane way in which bodily gestures, movements, and enactments of various kinds constitute the illusion of an abiding gendered self. This formulation moves the conception of gender off the ground of a substantial model of identity to one that requires a conception of a constituted social temporality. Significantly, if gender is instituted through acts which are internally discontinuous, then the appearance of substance is precisely that, a constructed identity, a performative accomplishment which the mundane social audience, including the actors themselves, come to believe and to perform in the mode of belief. If the ground of gender identity is the stylized repetition of acts through time, and not a seemingly seamless identity, then the possibilities of gender transformation are to be found in the arbitrary relation between such acts, in the possibility of a different sort of repeating, in the breaking or subversive repetition of that style. -- Judith Butler, "Performative Acts and Gender Constitution: An Essay in Phenomenology and Feminist Theory"

[enm-enthusiast]

The Exhibitionists Club Ch. 5 Part 1 - Thomas

Author’s Note: Time for a little doctor-themed story! Also, watch out for George, he’s bad news for Thomas… 

Thomas

It was another lecture with my new Anatomy Professor, Ethan Rivers, and unfortunately for me I was doing poorly in his class ever since I failed to study hard enough for the first exam of the semester. It was my own fault, really, I had been out late the night before trying to find my clothes when Seb had them all scattered across my dorm building as his way of welcoming me on campus. Since then I’ve toned down my adventures and I threw myself into my studies to make up for it, and I’d made good progress so far but I’d be lucky to earn a B+ because the exams in this class counted for much of our grade. I was sitting there anxiously thinking of how I could possibly earn some sort of extra credit perhaps? I didn’t want to pass with a bad grade or worse fail one of my earliest college courses.

I turned my attention back to Professor Ethan, who by all accounts was regarded as one of the hottest on campus and…I agreed, he was still in his late 20’s and dressed very professionally in tight-fitting clothing that accentuated his well-endowed backside and displayed a prominent bulge as well, some of my classmates had a hard time concentrating because of that. Sometimes I did, too, especially because of the rumors…

I hated listening to gossip but a few rumors had spread around before they were silenced by the University administration that Professor Ethan was spotted one evening on campus, he had been fully naked and was being dragged along at night by two others. No one could prove any of it, yet nearly everyone had heard by this point but they kept quiet around the good professor since he was genuinely well-liked and was a fair teacher. Just then, as I brought myself out of my daydreaming I heard the professor say “and by the way, those of you interested in earning some extra credit, please stop by my office after class, but be warned it is an intensive study on human anatomy so don’t take it lightly” he said. I could hardly believe my luck! Of course, I had no idea what this ‘study’ was about and could be anything from exercise, muscle mass, or even…no, I’m sure they wouldn’t want to study that. Still didn’t stop a slight flush of my cheeks at the thought, but regardless I had to see if this was for real and if it could help raise my grade.

After that, the professor wrapped up his lecture with reminders of assigned reading and warnings about the upcoming midterm, which sent a shiver up my spine at the thought. I gathered up my notebooks and textbooks and packed them into my bag as the other students began to do the same and filed out of the classroom, one by one until only me and one other student remained, a rather short red-haired fellow named George, who seemed to eye the professor a lot but the professor barely paid any heed, at least on the surface. As soon as I began my approach towards Professor Ethan’s office George turned his gaze at me and I could feel his cold piercing eyes boring holes through my clothes, skin, my very being, it was really unsettling. Thankfully, his gaze didn’t last long and he quickly gathered his things up and got up to leave, but not before sparing one last glance at the professor. That guy’s a creep, something feels wrong about him I thought to myself.

I nearly lost my train of thought as Professor Ethan noticed my approach, and he eyed me up and down. For a split second I could have sworn I saw a glint in his eye, one that seemed…familiar somehow but he greeted me with a warm, professional smile. “Ah, Thomas. I thought you might stop by after class, I know you’ve been struggling ever since the first exam, don’t worry you weren’t the only one. In fact, you weren’t the worst either, it didn’t take much convincing to let the dean give me some extra credit otherwise half the class might fail” he said.

It made perfect sense, it did seem too good to be true in my case alone but if other students were struggling as well, all the better to take the opportunity. “Ah, yes ummm…yeah, I admit I could have done better on that test, and I’m trying my best but…this could really help sort things out” I said in response, my gaze refusing to lock onto his. I couldn’t deny that Professor Ethan was one of the hottest teachers I’d ever met, he was young enough to be a student still, and he had a medium but muscled build that made his light blue dress shirt cling to his torso, but his black dress pants did his magnificent backside justice, I admit….I got lost staring at it sometimes. Not to mention, he was standing at 6 '2 with cut short dark brown hair and green eyes, and had a square jawed face that made some of his students drool during class. It was hard to ignore my cock beginning to stir in my pants as I finished speaking.

“I thought as much, it's why I already prepared the forms with your name on them just in case, all you need to do is give it a quick read and sign it” he said, and he reached inside his black carryon bag and pulled out a short stack of papers which, lo and behold, had my name stamped right on the front. I eagerly took them from his hand and started to read through it but what I was reading made both my jaw drop and my face turn red a little.

“Ah yes, that, you see the study we are conducting is on the sexual drives of young adult males and females from on campus, wherein a number of volunteers will be monitored for the duration of the study, testing various stimuli to gather data on what constitutes as ‘turn-ons’ among the...subjects” he trailed off at the end and coughed a little. I blinked in surprise as I noticed a slight blush on his own face which made him seem absolutely adorable. 

Sure enough, the forms said as much, and referred to instances like "studying the subject's full anatomy" and "subjecting the subject to invasive procedures to gauge sexual arousal response" among other things that turned my face completely red.

“Well…um, who is in charge of...studying us?” I asked, nervously.

“That would be me, actually, the dean insisted I participate since I pushed for this so badly, well…only the male subjects, my colleague Professor Whittle? she will be monitoring the female volunteers” he finished.

I turned my attention back to the document Professor Ethan gave me, most of it was the atypical agreements to ensure the University didn’t get sued in case of an accident, while others dictated that there were strict rules to be followed and if they were not…no extra credit points would be rewarded, thus it was all or nothing. 

“Thomas? Are you okay?” I heard Professor Ethan say, bringing me out of my own thoughts. It was so easy for me to get distracted, Sebastian said he found it adorable when he had to pull me back to reality, that my “shocked” face made him want to kiss me more. My heart melted at the thought of Sebastian, things were going great between us since we graduated and moved on campus, though I heard Seb had had some trouble with some of his new Fraternity brothers but nothing my precious Seb said he couldn’t handle, and I trusted him. I felt more safe and loved with him than with anyone in my entire life. We haven’t said the words yet, even though we’ve been dating for almost a full year now, but each time he ravished me, made my body writhe in pleasure and screamed his name I wanted to utter those three words, but something was holding me back, and I wanted to be sure before I said them, otherwise….I didn’t want to think about that right now, so I pushed it off to the side.

“Yeah, I’m fine, just…a little shocked to be honest” I said, giving him a sheepish smile. 

“Well, good, just get those forms signed and I will see you later tonight at 7:30 pm in Building 5, Room 1-C, alright?” he said, flashing me a full smile which sent shivers up my spine because of how much more hot it made him look. My dick twitched in agreement.

“Y-yeah, I’ll umm…see you then” I replied.

Professor Ethan turned to walk away and I took one last glance at his magnificent bubble butt before walking away myself. As soon as I had opened the door to the lecture room I felt a hand roughly grab my shoulder and another held a hand over my mouth and dragged me over to a darkened hallway nearby where the janitors kept their closets of cleaning supplies. 

“Mmph!” came out when  I tried to say ‘let me go’, and my heart pounded in my chest as I felt myself hauled against the wall and I stood face to face with those same cold, brown eyes of George from Professor Ethan’s class.

“Saw you getting cozy with hot teach Ethan, huh? What’s that he gave you?” he said and pointed to the short stack of papers still in my hand. 

“Look, i-it’s nothing, alright it's just for the extra credit he talked about in class, now come on just let me down” I said.

George only held me tighter and pressed our bodies closer to one another, and the cold fury that edged the lines of his face genuinely scared me. I felt I was about to be beaten up for even looking in Professor Ethan’s direction. 

“Extra credit, huh? You better not be lying, and you better stay as far away from teach as possible, but if I find out otherwise…”

He leaned his head towards my ear and whispered “I’ll make you my little bitch, too” he said and with that he let go of me and roughly caressed my face before walking off with a smile that chilled me to my bones. I checked to make sure I was alright and tried to calm myself down from the massive panic attack I almost had.

I managed to get my breathing under control when I felt my phone vibrating in my pants pocket, and I pulled it out to see it was Seb, and with shaking fingers I pressed the button for talk and hearing his voice sent waves of anxiety fading away in the background of my mind.

*Hey babe! You should be out of ol Ethan’s class by now, right?* he said.

“Uhm, yeah I uhm…I just left” I said in response, my hand rustling my tousled black hair which I had let grow out slightly so it dangled just above my eyebrows now. 

*Hey, what’s wrong? You sound upset? Did someone do something???? Give me names, I’ll ship their heads in boxes back to their mothers!* he said in a tone that meant he was half-serious and half-joking.

The effort of it made me smile, and as much as I wanted to talk about what happened, I didn’t want to burden him with my own problems, as long as I stayed out of George’s way…I should be fine, right? I thought to myself.

“Don’t worry babe, everything’s fine just…stressed about this extra credit that Professor Ethan talked about…” I trailed off on explaining the study and that once I met up with him at my dorm room later tonight I’d explain it more. After we got off the phone, I decided to kill time by studying until around 7, and then…then it was time to sell my soul…or my body, I suppose? I only hoped George would see I wasn’t in his way.

I wish I knew then, just how horribly wrong I was.

End of Part 1.

[nymph-ette111]

I’m happy to know you enjoy our interactions too and that you liked my little tangent there. I’m glad that you searched for accounts from actual people who have the disorder rather than pseudo-psychologists, because they are often the harshest without a shred of accuracy (just the way they talk about the narcissist’s eyes turning a demonic black is enough to make me exit the article).

To be fair, Quora is one of the worst places when it comes to accepting people with npd. So I’m glad you managed to find something that didn’t conclude in a pro-eugenics rant lead by a divorced dad who is certain his ex wife is a narcissist because she took the kids. And since I chose my first paper this school year to be about npd and gender (we could write about anything, it was to test our abilities in general), I had to go through a ton of those. They ranged from absolutely hilarious to restraining order worthy. Thankfully Google Scholar saved me from that (though I would never suggest reading studies upon studies on a topic for x reader headcanons, I’m only saying this to sort of validate where my understanding of it came from). Since, yk, it’s a relatively fresh thing (recognised since the 80s I believe) and the fact that I had a therapist who diagnosed me correctly and knew how to approach it is pure luck

Also just any dog metaphor is delightful but it fits so well with Toby too?? Like, it just feels so right when people do that. And I can genuinely see Jeff having some npd traits, good call^^

Ben is just so!!! He’s awful in the best way. I want to kiss him and also put him in a blender for fun :3 i want to drive him insane. And also hold hands maybe. Like, yeah, realistically I would lose my sanity if he liked me but he’s so fun

Also yeah, that’s why I like your blog so much. You don’t shy away from making them hard to be around, hurt, mean. All kinds of messed up but also fun to read about. That’s why I also said that they would probably have an easy time with hurting me mentally, bc if they were aware of just how paranoid I am they would absolutely do what I did in that friend example, only 10 times worse (like, specifically saying stuff they know gets a reaction out of me to force me to stay or do whatever). In all honesty, this might be just why I like creepypasta characters (especially this specific portrayal of them). I mean, it does fit into that type of ‚pleople may be nice but they are out to get you at all times so you need to act to survive’. It’s kind of a safe way to experience something that is both natural to me and also absolutely unsafe irl. Like, yeah, I would have to walk on eggshells to be with Toby but also that is the way I see any sort of relationship either way. Sometimes, I’m more uncomfortable with the pure fluff bc that feels fake and unnatural. On that note, Toby to me is so untreated-bpd coded

-⭐︎

Agreed Ben is so fucking stupid I want to gnaw on him and push him down the stairs, what a silly fella. You don't know how happy it made me when you said you liked my blog :') when I shared my first post I thought it wouldn't get any attention, and I would just end up deleting the blog all together so hearing someone actually enjoys these little headcanons I make about fictional serial killers is so nice <3

you said everything so perfectly I have nothing to add, and yes toby is fucking miserable any disorder he has is 100% untreated and yes I love him and yes I want him and—

[expectos-writings]

Hey 👋 can you also do another Bobby Hicks x female reader from the spicy list #34 and #51? Please and thank you 🙏

So it took me far to long to update again but I AM STILL HERE hahaaaa. Take that academic world!

Florida heat (Bobby Hicks x reader)

Word count: 3127

Rating: M

Summary: As an intern for Bobby he has come to appreciate everything you do for him, but when you lay there sunbathing by the pool on a sunny day off he can no longer stop the longing he has felt for you.

Two more days.

You’ve got this.

You try to talk some courage into you whilst getting the cleaning kit out of the cupboard. Some crazy lady dropped some food in the main corridor when she was refused a room. And as an intern, it was now your job to clean it up.

But only two more days.

The internship wasn’t that bad. It got you the college credits you were still missing and you got to spend the summer in Florida, who wouldn’t want that? That, and the fact that your supervisor, mr. Hicks, was very easy on the eye. Bobby usually didn’t take in any students, he was too busy keeping everything on track by himself to train another person. But when he heard how much experience you already had and how far along you were in your study, he decided to take the chance. A pair of extra arms wouldn’t hurt.

But he had not taken into account that you were stunning, clever, eager to learn and most of all… a huge distraction. He knew it was wrong to look at you like that, he was practically your boss. He just couldn’t help his eyes wandering over to you whenever you were standing behind the counter and he was on the computer. Whenever you’d catch him staring he usually comes up with a lame excuse, like ‘I was just making sure you were doing things right’. He knew damned well you were more than capable enough to handle the few people coming in and out every day.

But it never registered that the reason why you always seemed to catch him looking is because you were also constantly looking his way. Whenever he would catch you staring at him your excuse would be something along the lines of ‘I wanted to ask you a question.’, followed by the dumbest possible question you could think of. Bobby never believed that lame excuse, but he never mentioned that either.

Now you were cleaning up the mess that Karen had made. The people here never seemed to have manners. The weather in Florida was always terribly hot, and you could feel a bead of sweat running down your temple to your cheek. The Karen that had made the mess was luckily the only person that had come to the motel today, and the rest of the rooms were empty now. Your internship was due to end just after the high season and the last few days were just cleaning up and getting ready to write a report and go back to school.

Bobby was watching you work from his office. He stood up, pretending he had to fix the wires behind the computer. But really it was just an excuse to watch you mop the floor clean. Your shorts hugging your butt perfectly, your light shirt getting wet from the sweat and moist air… he shakes his head and looks back at the screen. He can’t think of you like that.

You finish cleaning up the floor and stand up. You can feel someone staring at you so you turn around, already knowing it’d be Bobby staring back at you from the doorway.

‘Y/n, working as hard as ever I see.’ He muses.

‘You know it.’ You shoot him a wink when you throw the trash in the bin. ‘Though, today has been quite relaxed. No new check ins, only people leaving. In fact, I’m not sure anyone is staying in the magic castle at the moment.’

‘You’re right, from today there are no bookings. High season is over so I don’t really expect anyone here except junkies looking for a cheep room.’ You chuckle at his words, he cracks a smile in return. You walk over to the counter to get rid of the cleaning utilities. Bobby’s eyes linger on your form for a moment too long, and you notice him staring.

‘So, you have any other tasks for me?’ you ask, your tone playful but also not inappropriate. You walk past him, making sure to brush your bare arm against his. The skin to skin contact sends sparks through your body. When you put the cleaning materials in the lower drawer your eyes move back to him. You can’t help but look at the muscles on his legs, going up into his wide shorts. When you catch yourself staring you blink rapidly to break the contact and move back to the drawer, putting everything back where you took it from.

‘Actually,’ he starts when you stand up, ‘I know tomorrow is your last day. It is also terribly hot outside and there are no guests to help at the moment. I suggest you take the rest of the day off, cool down at the pool, do whatever. If I need you tomorrow I know where to find you, but for now I think you’ve done enough. Thanks for your help.’ His tone was sincere, you had done a great deal of work around the motel in the last few weeks. And you were definitely not going to object to an afternoon off.

So you thanked Bobby an took his offer. The rest of the day went by in a haze. You wasted no time in putting on your swimming clothes and getting situated by the pool. The cool water was very welcome on a day like this. You alternated between cooling off in the water and laying on one of the poolside beds tanning and occasionally dozing off for a bit. Bobby watched you from a distance, seeing you enjoy your free time and catch up on some much needed rest reassured him he had made the right decision in giving you a day off.

 It was only when the sun started setting Bobby actually made his way towards you. You were soaking up the last rays of sunshine of the day, eyes closed and laying on your back on one of the poolside beds. It wasn’t until you head Bobby clear his throat behind you that you were alerted to his presence. Lazily you open one eye to look in his general direction. He was standing next to your seat, sitting down on the plastic bed next to you when you acknowledged his presence.

‘So, how did you enjoy your day off?’ Bobby spoke up, starting the conversation.

Your eyes gazed at the sky, the sun was already starting to set.

‘It was nice to enjoy the place a bit before having to leave’ you answer with a smile

‘So… working here wasn’t enjoyable?’ he asked with a smirk.

‘No! I mean, yes it was. I just meant that it was nice to enjoy some time off whilst here, too.’ You quickly defended. Bobby chuckled from next to you as a blush crept onto your cheeks.

‘I was just kidding, darling.’ He said. Your head snapped to look at him at this unexpected term of endearment. Of course, it was a term often used by many people for many reasons. But in your mind you couldn’t help but wonder if maybe he meant something more… The blush spreading on your cheeks becomes more of a crimson shade. Would he notice? Oh God… what if he did?

‘I… I think I’m going for a swim.’ You promptly announce.

‘You do look awfully hot.’ He says with a smirk.

You look back at him, having already crossed half the distance to the pool, in complete shock. Why would he say something like that? What is going on? You felt like you had a sunburn. Bobby clears his throat at your awkward expression.

‘From the sun… I mean.’ He adds unconvincingly with half a smile. Words caught in your throat. You wanted to ask him what he meant but at the same time you were convinced your mind was making things up now. Maybe you were still asleep on the lounge bed next to the pool and this was just a dream? You quickly turned your head back to the pool and without a second thought jumped in. the water was colder than it had been earlier that day, but it wasn’t as cold as it would be in the mornings. But one thing was clear now, this definitely was no dream. The need for air became clear after a few seconds, the cool of the water knocked half of the air out of your lungs upon entering the pool.

With your head towards the sky you resurfaces, making your hair slick against the back of your head and water drip down your back. Bobby’s eyes were still focussed on you, his stare burning in the back of your head.

Bobby couldn’t tear his eyes away from you. The way you gracefully waded through the water to cool down, the way the last sunlight illuminated your facial features is the most beautiful way… he had grown very fond of you over the time you had worked for him. Too fond maybe… but still his eyes could not look away. You had worked so hard the last weeks, and he had nothing but praise for you. That would definitely reflect in the assessment he had to fill out for you. But he felt a pull towards you. And with the way you looked right now, carelessly wading through the water… Bobby couldn’t stop himself as he took of his shirt and trousers to join you in the water. He wanted to see you like this from up close, knowing it may be one of the last days he had with you here.

Your mind had started to wander in the water. Soon you were to go back to your college, back to your ‘old’ life. Old routines… And by God you didn’t want to. You had enjoyed the work there so much that you’d rather stay here to work. But you also knew you had to get your degree first.

But your train of thought was interrupted as you heard the water splash behind you. You turned around just in time to see Bobby resurface and wipe the water from his eyes and his now wet hair from his forehead. You stifled a laugh at his expression. He looked like a drowning dog.

‘Oh that is COLD’ he exclaimed.

The laugh you held back escaped your throat anyways. Bobby smiled back at you even though he was looking miserable in the cooling water. But then again, it was his choice to jump in. He casually walked over to where you were wading through the pool, his arms crossed over his chest to find any form of warmth.

This, however, left his face exposed.

You waited until he was close enough to you. He was about to open his mouth to make small talk or something, when you caught him off guard by splashing water in his direction, hitting him square in the face.

‘Oh you little-‘ Is all Bobby got out before you did it again. It was good to let some steam off at the end of the day. He took a moment to regain his composure, but when he did it was your time to flee. He kept chasing you around the pool whilst you tried to either swim away or keep him at distance with water. The sun went down quickly and before you knew it the automatic lights of the pool went on due to lack of light. That one second distraction was enough for Bobby to finally catch up with you.

You feel two strong calloused hand grab you by the waist, and you laugh out.

‘Gotcha!’ he says playfully.

You turn around in his grip to face him, your smile meeting his.

Bobby’s eyes drop to your lips, unable to stop himself. You catch the movement and the smile on your lips falters, anticipation pooling in your chest. What was happening? You never expected your boss to feel that way. You had dreamt of it during your internship, sure. But this was different from another daydream you would have whilst lying in your bed.

You hadn’t even noticed the gap between the two of you closing, his lips almost brushing yours but not yet touching.

‘I’m afraid I can no longer remain professional.’ You hear Bobby breathe the words out softly.

‘I don’t think I want you to.’ You breathe back.

And that is all the confirmation he needs before crashing his lips to yours.

Time stands still as your hands land on his toned chest, your lips moving together as if they were meant to be. Bobby seemed to have forgotten all about the chill of the water the moment you press your body up into him. The feeling of your thinly covered body pressing against his warming him up from the inside, and some more than that.

But the cool water did affect both of your lung capacities, and the need for air became apparent more quickly than either of you had wanted. After breaking the kiss Bobby wasted no time in trailing his hands up your sides towards your chest, carefully cupping one breast in his hand and tweaking a hard nipple between his thumb and finger. Your breath catches in your throat. The adrenaline spiking in your body from the possibility of getting caught and the thrill of finally having your feelings for your almost ex-supervisor out in the open.

‘Wait…’ you moan out but make no move to remove his hand from your chest, actually pushing yourself into him even more craving his touch. The voice of reason in the back of your head telling you this was risky, unprofessional and the chance of getting caught was high out here becoming softer and softer. ‘Right here?’ you ask Bobby looking up at him with puppy eyes.

‘We could, of course, go up to one of the rooms, but the motel is empty. No one will be around here anytime soon’. He smirks down at you. ‘Or is that just what you wanted? Doing this here? You’ve thought about this before haven’t you.’ He stated with a smirk. He could read you like a freaking book. You start to blush and the words to deny his statement get caught in your throat. Of course you have thought about this happening, but never in your wildest dreams did you dare to imagine it coming true.

Your silence is confirmation enough for Bobby to know he’s right. He leans down again to capture your lips with his and you return the kiss enthusiastically. You feel his hand move down from your waist to your thigh, grabbing the soft flesh there. You get the hint and jump up wrapping your thighs around him. Bobby walks both of you over to the side of the pool, your back now pressed against the impossibly cold stone wall. At the cold hitting your back you let out a moan, the burning fire in your body clashing with the contrast of temperature.

Bobby pushed you against the side of the pool tightly, harshly rutting his hard cock into your pussy. Your head falls back in a moan when you finally felt some friction where you needed him most.

‘Look at you, so desperate for me.’ He says. You move your head back forwards, kissing him deeply, all teeth and tongue. His hand moves down to more the bottom of your swimming attire to the side, his fingers brushing along your folds along the way. You break the contact between your lips so suck in a sharp breath.

‘I’ve never done this before.’ You whisper against his lips as he starts playing with your clit, exposed to the cool water now. He looks at you questioningly. ‘In a pool, I mean.’ You clarify.

‘Well, There is a first time for everything right?’ he says moving his fingers from your clit to your entrance, feeling how wet you were already for him. His fingers slid into you with ease. You were so wet he could add a third finger without much resistance. ‘So ready for me… do you want my cock?’

‘Yes’ is all you can moan out when he adds friction to your clit by pressing his palm into you.

‘You have to use your words, darling. What do you want?’ he asks again. Your eyes bore into his, both of your pupils dilated with lust.

‘I want you to fuck me, right here right now.’ Your say grinding your pussy up into him. You push just hard enough to brush against his cock and he lets out a surprised gasp at the unexpected friction.

‘You think you can take me?’ he asks, pulling down his trousers and pulling out his cock. He was now retracing the movements he did earlier with his fingers with his cock, sliding the blunt tip over your clit for a while and the moving it to your aching cunt.

‘Pleaaseee’ is all you get out.

‘Ever so eager’ Bobby laughs and moves to push himself inside you. The water of the pool splashes around you as he sets a relentless pace. He also had to hold back for a while, his thoughts about you during your internship were not all that innocent either. Now that he is finally buried inside you his mind completely fogs over, just taking whatever he needs from you in the pool.

You see his brows furrow in concentration as he pounds into you roughly, taking whatever he needs from you, and it is the hottest thing you had ever seen. You feel the heat in your belly start to spread to all parts of your body and you knew you were getting close. Bobby could feel it too, the way your cunt tightens around his cock, dragging along his shaft in the most perfect way.

‘Cum for me, baby.’ He whispers in your ear, accentuating each word with a thrust of his hips. The sound of his laboured breath in your ear in combination with his words was enough to push you over the edge. The fire now burning in your entire being, eyes closing as the feeling of your orgasm washed over you. The way it made you clench down on his cock was enough to send Bobby over his tipping point too, finishing with a few stuttering thrusts.

As you both came down from your high the cold of the water and evening air really hit. Bobby felt it when you started shuddering, still in his embrace.

‘Maybe…’ you started in a whisper, ‘we could go inside, it is still early.’

Bobby quickly redid his and your swimming attires and wasted no time carrying you out of the pool and back to his room.

[nuri148]

Distances in AoT

Or: Yams has no idea of geography and the relationship between distance and travel times in AOT makes no sense.

PART THREE: CASE STUDIES

Part 1 Part 2

There are a lot of rides and expeditions in the story that may or may not look like insta-travel, but we really can’t tell because we’re not shown or informed of the travel times.

So I’m going to focus in the two instances that we do have enough info to infer the time spent getting from A to B: The holding of Utgard Castle and the expedition to retake Wall Maria. I’m going to do it in reverse order, too, because I, like Levi, like to save the best for last.

Return to Shiganshina

The SC leave Trost as the sun sets, aiming to cover the 100 km that separate them from Wall Maria during night time, when titans are typically inactive. The idea that travelling by night “might allow” the SC to make it to Shiganshina before dawn was first proposed by Armin in chapter 37, “even if we cannot get there at full speed.”

The RtS expedition takes place only 3 months after the cadets graduation (Connie, chapter 72). We know the winters are harsh in Paradis (chapter 40) and in all the things that went down during that time we haven’t seen any snow or very heavy clothes, so it’s safe to assume that the main action took place during the summer, and the RtS events happen somewhere from late summer to mid-fall. That means 12-16 hours of night-time (fun fact: day and night duration through the year is very similar in Tokyo and in Nördlingen).

It is stated in chapter 9.5 that, during the 5 years since the fall of Wall Maria the SC has stationed supplies in the lands between this and Wall Rose¹, but this supply chain would likely be just storage of goods, horse tack and food and tinned food; there would be no change of horses as these would need the stations to be manned and this is titan territory. Each soldier needs to ride the same horse all the way. And we know the terrain wasn’t flat and that they didn’t even ride the whole time:

So we’re supposed to believe that a group of 100 people covered 100 km on horseback in 12–16 hours, at night. It’s not entirely in the realm of impossibility—if we take that expedition as an endurance race and assume horses have been trained and prepared as for one—but it is a big stretch and a huge gamble if any of the horses becomes unable to go on. Remember, both horses and riders need to stop for food, water, toilet and rest. And if you’ve ever been on holidays with a group, you know that the bigger the group, the longer it takes to do anything.

Still, taking into account all we’ve seen, and with all the assumptions and supositions skewing to the most favourable scenarios, I could give this one a pass.

Utgard Castle

This is all taken from Manga Chapters 35-40, in case you want to read along. A quick summary of the story:

Most of the 104th are isolated in a safehouse near wall Rose under the ward of veteran soldiers, pending investigation on their affiliation, or not, with the female titan. Meanwhile, Zeke transforms the people of Ragako Village into titans. When these are first spotted “500 m south” of the safehouse’s tower, they ofc don’t know about Zeke, so they assume the wall has been breached.

An urgent dispatch (Thomas) is sent with the news to Stohess where Erwin is dealing with the aftermath of Annie SNAFU. At the same time, cadets and veterans split into groups to go alert the people in neighbouring villages so they can evacuate.

The South team does a clockwise sweep of the area, passing by Ragako (where Reiner totally tells Connie that that titan’s not his mum) and then riding along the wall looking for the breach². At night, they meet the West team, who did a similar sweep but counterclockwise.

They take refuge in Utgard Castle, very close to the wall—The soldiers spot it clearly from the wall, at night, so I’m guessing 500 m tops. It is also supposed to be more or less midway between Trost and Klorva. The safehouse is probably somewhere between Ragako and Utgard. Titans attack, and they hold the castle all night until Hange’s squad arrive at dawn and rescue them.

Because Yams had the great idea of putting timestamps in all these developments, this is where things get... interesting. And by interesting, I mean incoherent. 

I’ve adapted my previous wall map showing the places and shortest possible routes in this arc. We don’t know the exact location of any of the relevant places, so while I had to eyeball it, I assure you it’s less eyeballing than Yams did. Kind reminder, too, that IRL, actual travel distance would be at least 10–20% longer than the straight line distances used here.

Assuming Utgard is at the midpoint between Trost and Krolva, that would put it about 290 km in a straight line to Trost, and a similar distance to Ehrmich. Assuming Ragako is more or less in the midpoint between those two, that would make it about 140-150 km away from both Trost and Ehrmich. The safehouse from where the dispatch departs is supposed to be somewhere between Ragako and Utgard (orange area). So it could be anything from 140 to 250 km to Ehrmich—Thomas’ first stop. I’m going to pick 150 because it’s a nice round number.

Thomas leaves as soon as the titans are sighted. It takes him 8 hours to arrive to Ehrmich... and he arrives in Stohess 4 hours after that. I’ll let you look at the map above and let that sink in. I could say “I rest my case, your honour” and end this report here as we mourn geometry together.

The 8 hours to Ehrmich are already a huge stretch. As we’ve seen in the previous section, the Pony Express could cover only 100 km in that time (I’m going to be gracious and assume the roads between the town nearest to the safehouse and Stohess are as well equipped as the PE was.)

But then we’re told it took Thomas only 4 hours to ride the 352 km between Ehrmich and Stohess. On horseback. That’s basically what it takes nowadays by car, on the highway.

But it gets better! (and by better I mean worse). After Thomas gets to Stohess, EMA, Hange, Levi, and pastor Nick travel in a 2-horse carriage (driven by Moblit) to Ehrmich... Where they arrive 4 hours later. So we’re expected to believe that in a mere span of 4 hours, a decision was made, people was gathered, a carriage was tacked and loaded, and 7 people on said carriage covered a distance of 352 km.

From there, EMA, Hange and Moblit continue to Utgard (another 290 km) on horseback, where they get 3-4 hours later, just in time to save their comrades. Half of what it took Thomas. 1/6 of what it would have taken the Pony Express. And since the people between Utgard and Ehrmich would have likely evacuated, there might be fewer to no chances of changing horses along the way.

So either the horses of the SC possess the magical power of moving at plot speed anytime, or Yams does not even know what size he made his world, or he doesn’t give af.

Or all of the above.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I know AoT is “just a story”, like many others, and that not everything has to check out exactly to the real world. But while AoT has some supernatural and steampunk elements, these are framed in a world so heavily inspired in our own that it’s not a stretch to expect everything but the VM gear to behave according to basic geometry and physics rules.

In that sense, I believe Yams made a mistake in assigning exact sizes to the walls without taking the time to calculate how big a world would that really result in, or how long does travel take without our modern machines, or without giving a fuck that his numbers made no sense. But while he may not care about the numbers, and many reader also won’t care, some will, and call him out for it. And I’m not talking about splitting hairs, I’m talking miscalculations the size of Texas. So it really baffles me that none of his editors or publishers seem to have given a shit about it either. So much for the stereotype of Asians being good at math.

I understand AoT was a serialised manga, so maybe when you realise you’ve fucked up in chapter 2, that’s in last year magazine, but things like the wall size and how many hours it takes to go from A to B could have been easily fixed or retconned in any of the collection manga books (tankobon, omnibus, colossal) and/or the anime adaptation.

The ridiculously big size of the Walls also means that all the talk about people being cramped inside wall Rose after the fall of Wall Maria and needing to “cull” some of the refugees makes no sense whatsoever. Also, there are two or three simple solutions that Yams and his editors might have used to solve the problems that the wall size create. I might address some or all of that in another post (I need to crunch more numbers). One blunder at a time.

I guess what bugs me more about this kind of stuff is the realization that a work published traditionally, one that makes enough money to maintain a whole team of editors (both artistic and commercial) behind, turns out to be more poorly researched than many a fanfiction that someone wrote just for fun in the scarce free time their actual job, studies and/or household leave them.

Notes:

¹ I would interpret this as rather a re-establishment of supplies, as it makes no sense that there wasn’t such a set up before, at least between the main districts and towns.

² I’m going to ignore the fact that, despite both saying their villages are “nearby”, Sasha and Connie only reach them 5 and 9 hours after the sighting, as their mission was to warn all villages in the area, so they didn’t go straight home. Even with that, the area covered would mean their horses are supersonic lol.

[adventuringblind]

New to your account, but love your neorodivergent/autistic reader with Oscar!! Just wondering, are you one, or do you know someone who is? I'm just curious cause you are nailing it down even to the small stuff, and I love it. If your uncomfortable sharing, I'd understand. I'm not autistic but I am part of the neurodivergent side, so thank you for the representation cause not many write about autistic or neurodivergents as a whole.

Also, sorry for this long ass message, and the floor is the best!! I really wanna know which motor home and track feels good enough to sleep in after one of the posts you did 😅

Yes! At least… most likely. I’ve been trying to get diagnosed with something even if it’s not autism. My doctor and therapist both thing that I am and I’ve been referred to a psychologist in hopes of getting a diagnosis.

I am a teacher (when I’m not writing). I’ve had to study a lot of the criteria for anything covered under the IDEA act because it’s important as an educator and for me personally to be able get a student the help they need as soon as possible.

I’ve been able to help both students and adults get answers they needed and get students the tools to help them be successful. I also just like learning about the brain in general. Anyone who knows me personally knows not to bring up the brain unless they want me to talk about for hours.

I actually didn’t think anything about it at first. Nobody had ever said anything to me and I had accepted the fact that I was a weird kid. Like… really weird.

Too old for my age. I hated the feeling of makeup (still do) and nobody understood why. Conversations were always difficult because I didn’t get majority of the jokes or I was ‘to deep’ or obnoxiously blunt. I’m a picky eater and have always been obsessed with specific things. My sensory issues are ridiculous and I was always shushing people who talked loud next to me. People purchased me clothes that I never wear because I hate the feeling. I was either disrespectful or extremely polite. I never changed even though my friends liked different things then I did. The list goes one…

Recently I encouraged my boyfriend if four years to get tested for ADHD. No shocker to anyone that he is and is now diagnosed. He also has practice with early intervention because he worked in early childhood. His own diagnosis, research, and speculations made him bring up the idea to me.

I pushed it off because I’m overly empathetic not apathetic. Basically I didn’t feel that I met the diagnosis criteria that I’d been studying in my college courses.

Actual research about how autism is more then the diagnostic criteria led me to believe maybe I’m neurodivergent in some way.

My boyfriend love to tell me ‘I told you so.’

I also know that self-diagnosis in the autistic community is welcomes usually. The only reason I say that I am is because of that and my doctor and therapist agree. I just don’t have a formal diagnosis yet.

It has explained a lot and it makes me look back on my childhood with more sympathy for myself.

Sorry for this long winded answer. The answer is yes which is why I write for neurodivergent readers.

If you want to see something specific or maybe a different type neurodivergent reader please let me know! :)

Definitely the Redbull ring and the Mercedes garage floor because it looks cold and shiny

[destinygoldenstar]

TEN. THOUSAND. VIEWS.

On TDDRI. Ten thousand. And Chapter 5 isn’t even out yet.

Guys… I…

I’m speechless. Idk what to say.

Something I wrote is now in the realm of being popular?!

I…

I can’t even type. Wow. You guys have butchered my ability to write and now I am unable to continue TDDRI.

(That was a joke)

This is a HUGE New Years Present for me.

I’ve been writing since I was six. My work was shit. As you’d imagine for a six year old.

But I loved doing it so I kept doing it. It was where my child imagination lied. I wrote a ton of knock offs. I would have journals and write fictional characters instead of diaries of myself. I would draw characters of a narrative.

Now I study creative writing. For a hobby. I was an A+ student in my class. I had a book released when I was 11. I was a runner up in a city contest and was interviewed by the mayor of where I lived. At 13. I’m writing whenever I have free time. I’m writing analytics on social media. I didn’t even have an account in high school. I’m giving writing advice to people on the internet. Writing is basically my life at this point.

So you’d think that I would be someone well known for writing, right?

No.

There’s a lot that don’t know or care that I exist.

Because, I have a fear of what people think of me.

I’m constantly worrying that I say the slightest things wrong, and then I become a cancelled figure. Loathed for a mistake. For the rest of my life. Where everyone constantly harasses you that you’re some evil person and the world is better without you.

Because of that I’ve been incredibly phobic with showing people my writing. I would write, but I would never show it to anyone unless I was forced to. Even after getting praised like the examples I gave of ‘achievements’. I felt like shit for even getting them in the first place. Like deep down, I was some hack who didn’t deserve it.

And it goes FAR beyond a basic phobia.

I do feel comfortable to at least share it now. Cause I would never three years ago. Believe me, don’t, it’s fine by me. You don’t have to believe anyone online.

I was in the fifth grade. I was freshly moved out of my state that I grew up in before that, the world I loved to live in so much. Gone. And I was forced and expected by my peers to accept the changes and ‘get used to it’. So I lied. When I didn’t lie, people got upset. They would try to hide how I felt.

I didn’t learn I had Asperger’s syndrome until I was 13, so this was before that. But my parents knew. Didn’t tell me till I was a teen. I was definitely ‘the weird kid’ for it. They played rough and ran with soccer balls. I played in the fields running around imaging I was a bunny. Kids my age told me to stop it.

Sure, I was at least known, as that same year I was elected out of the entire school to be the soloist of the end of the year concert. But everyone told me I didnt deserve it. Shy, timid, anxious me who jumped at anything.

I only ever became confident whenever I was in my little writing corner. Which, at first, was just another ‘weird’ thing.

Hell, my blog username, ‘GoldenStar’ is literally the name of my self insert character. Fun fact.

But I had a friend group.

And that friend group was the main culprit of bullying.

It was two girls. One of them was really sarcastic and hard to read, and a compulsive liar. The other was the one who invited me to be a friend, and a focus on this story.

She took advantage of me since the beginning. Both of them did cause they both stole my stuff and passed it off as ‘friend lending a friend’. She saw a naive innocent overly sweet and kind girl who would freak out and believe and scream at anything.

Because I am exactly that. I am EXACTLY that.

Constantly lied to me to see my overly dramatic reactions and laugh at them. Guilt tripped me whenever I hanged out with anyone else. Stole from me. Whenever I achieved something, she would say “Don’t worry. I know you don’t deserve it. Your secret is safe with me.”

It was mental abuse. And considering how horribly wrong bullies are portrayed in guidance class videos (and Dhar Mann), I never picked up on it until three years later. I never had a clue that this friend was actually a bully. Because she didn’t show any of the signs of a fictional one. The kind that manipulated you into thinking they were on your side.

And then the THING happened.

The reason why I cut off my writing from the world for so long.

There was a writing project. We all had to write a fictional book.

This was my time to shine and I went full force l on this project. In my element. In the moment every single step of the way.

The other kids wrote a Minecraft story. I wrote a solely original fantasy about fairies and colonialism that dealt with equality issues through magic.

I distinctly remember being the last one to present to the class. I put up this dramatic narration while doing it. Be being wholeheartedly confident for the first time in front of my classmates. And everyone seemed to love it to pieces.

It was so loved that my teacher elected me as a representative in the school to have the story presented in a citywide fair.

Next to no one got something like that from what I heard.

I was even elected ‘best writer’ at the end of the year. When we were giving out rewards on who was the most of what.

It would’ve been great. I had never been that popular before. I was getting rewarded for something I loved and was proud of. My parents thought I was going to become successful with my writing.

And then my ‘friend’ had something to say about it.

Recess. Right after I got the reward news.

What did she do? Did she say what she always said? “I know you don’t deserve it” Some quiet gaslight like that?

No.

She strangled me.

Grabbed me by the neck and shoved me into a tree, screaming in my face “WHY ARE YOU SUCH A HACK?!?” “YOU DONT DESERVE THIS AT ALL!!” “EVERYONES A MORON FOR NOT SEEING THROUGH YOUR EVIL TRICKS! I DO THOUGH!!” “YOURE A HORRIBLE PERSON FOR WRITING THAT!” “YOU WILL BE HATED BY EVERYONE IF YOU KEEP WRITING SO STOP WRITING!!”

Having it hard to breathe was one thing. My mental state was the real thing that got strangled out. So yeah, I got beaten up.

NOBODY did anything about it btw. They all ignored us. No one said anything to the teachers. They did nothing. She completely got away with it.

She drilled it into my head, by force, that I was a hack of a writer who would never have an original idea in her life, and everyone would despise me if I became a writer.

I believed it.

I still don’t know why I put up with her after that. I didn’t catch on till three years later that she was the one in the wrong. Gosh I’m stupid.

I shut down after that. I stopped showing anyone my writing. I avoided writing in public at all costs. I tried avoiding showing anyone my writing ever again. Even if it meant I got a failing grade. I would fail writing classes on purpose just to avoid the humiliation she lied about.

As for the reward? I don’t have the medal anymore. Or the book. That’s why it’s not published in stores from my knowledge. I threw both of them away after the ceremony. Ashamed. Disgusted by myself.

Not kidding, I spent that whole Christmas Break rewriting the entire story from shame alone.

My parents were so confused because I never told them what happened. I mean, I could’ve been successful at something I was proud of, go on to bigger things and achievements. But instead I threw it all away.

And my classmates too turned on me when I decided not to write anymore. Bully target.

From then on I stayed with the ‘friend’. I stayed her right hand. I would constantly tell everyone,

“I can’t write” “I can’t write”

Over and over again.

I still wrote. But it was a secret.

It got to the point where I just decided ‘I’d rather embrace the anxious shy weird girl than be confident’, and just embraced the full stereotype. Someone who would react to anything and scream at anything. Then when I got sick of that around my adolescence I decided I couldn’t cry anymore, those screams were anxiety AND anger towards anyone who pushed my buttons. I was the bully target till Covid. And few helped me because they all hated me. I was a very hot tempered hypocritical person who never shut up or stopped and only could when attacked by panic. On the last day before quarantine, everyone was joking about Covid and saying it was the best thing to ever happen, even the teacher, and I got mad, and everyone else kicked me out of class early. “Good riddance. No one will miss you.”

I was the nasty person. I was someone who couldn’t be sympathized. I was the bully. Not her.

And no one there does. Because I ended up moving again and never seeing them again.

As for what happened to that ‘friend’? It was kind of a distance thing that broke us apart rather than me ever standing up for myself in any way. So technically, she won.

From what I heard now she’s hooked on drugs. And my only reaction when I heard it was ‘Sad. Not my problem though.’

I don’t know if that’s heartless to not bring myself to care or not.

I can’t tell you if any of this classifies as PTSD or just classic trauma. Im not a therapist.

Then in my sophomore year of high school, I accidentally got one of my books leaked to my English teacher. Technology.

It was a book I wrote during quarantine, where I could just be myself and no one to harass me. (It’s also rewritten on Ao3 on my account if you’re curious)

I was ready to apologize for the error, but instead my teacher said that she loved it. And she questioned why I never mentioned I was ‘quite the talented writer’. We had a meeting and I told her the truth and why I kept it a secret. I even went on and on about how I believed I was a hack. Then she opened my eyes that I was not the one in the wrong in that situation. That I was not a hack and there was definition proof that I wasn’t. So I got booked to creative writing class when I went back to school, which I hesitantly accepted.

A few years later I would start my social media presence to try and get my writing off the ground. As I was trying hard to overcome my trauma and get my confidence back.

It didn’t work out. Cause no one reads original stuff anymore. And no one knew me. So yeah, I got nothing. So I tried joining fandoms instead, of shows I watched during quarantine, one of them being Total Drama. I tried making essays about my thoughts on stuff and slowly I got around to a hundred followers. Over that at the time of this post.

Then I got the crazy idea to try fanfiction for the first time. (Yes. Straight up. I never wrote fanfiction before that.) So I took a popular fanfic premise from the Total Drama community and decided ‘I’m going to try that. No one will read it though, so it’s fine if it’s bad.’

And well, look at where the fic is now. I was wrong. SO WRONG.

This is my most popular work ever. It’s very rare that I see any fanfic get over ten thousand views, let alone before it’s finished. Not only that, but I see many people online sharing their thoughts on the story and saying ‘this is no contest the best version of this fanfic premise and people need to see it’ ‘please see this it’s so good’ ‘when is it going to get updated’?!

And just… I NEVER imagined. I never imagined anyone would even CARE. Let alone to THIS height. I just… I can’t…

My parents still think I threw my writing passions away. They don’t support it anymore unless it’s a ‘positive happy go lucky story’. “You can’t be a writer. You can’t make a career out of fine arts. Or theater arts. Be a scientist. Be a meteorologist. Write facts for news.”

I can’t express enough how much this milestone truly means to me. Like, I actually did it. I can write something and have it get peoples attention, and people CARE. They actually CARE. And I’m so sorry I can’t live up to your standards and finish it faster and you have to wait another year for it to be completed-

I’m not editing this. I’m just rambling with text. It’s what I do. Those who follow me know this is who I am.

So just…

This has been a huge year for me. I graduated this year. I got a job. I’m working now. And I got this as icing on the cake for this year.

Seriously. Thank you for 10,000 views on Total Drama Danganronpa Island

[eeblouissant]

I know you share a lot about your headcanons for Dorothy, but I love them all and want to know more of your ideas so for the character game, could you tell more about your thoughts on her?👀

Side note: it’s wonderful to see you active again, I love all your artworks!🖤

How I feel about this character

oh, where do I even begin … Dorothy is my second favourite character from the show (shocker I know. With how much I talk about her I wouldn’t blame anyone for thinking otherwise! Rose holds the number one spot but I’ll hold off on that ramble for now). Her earlier story & the affects of it that we see in current canon hits incredibly close to home for me. I’ve been obsessed with trying to piece her life together since I rewatched! I also remember her face and voice most vividly from childhood, it was always her and Blanche 😂.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

obviously Blanche and Rose. Those three are married your honour !!!!!!! But I like to pass her around between them both as isolated ships occasionally too. I’m a big Blanche/Dorothy fan & even bigger Rose/Dorothy fan because they have some seriously untapped potential!!!!!! (pspspsps tgg fandom get into Rose & Dorothy!!!!!!!!). I don’t know if this counts as something separate but I’ve also created an au where young!blanche/young!dorothy exist and are together, before Blanche finds George and where Dorothy never has the displeasure of meeting stanley. I didn’t have the heart to separate Rose and Charlie :’) so they meet at the same time as they do in canon!! Otherwise, I have had a few college!dorothy & Jean brainworms in the past … I just think that. well …. you know ……. 🚶🏻‍♀️🚶🏻‍♀️. I’m very selective with my Dorothy ships because I’m like fiercely protective of her so I don’t have much else to say here unfortunately <\3 no men though. You’ll never catch me shipping her with men they’ve disappointed her enough!!!! No men!!!!!!!!! Just the fact that That One ended up with Dorothy in the final made me hate his character completely. Like violently, I can’t even explain I probably sound insane rn it’s fine (when the autism I guess 😭)

My non-romantic OTP for this character

JEAN!!! Also Ted before The Thing happened. I have a few sweet thoughts about them being close while Dorothy was struggling through her marriage. hhhmmmmm this one’s gonna be short … I headcanon her being a major recluse by choice (she’d much rather sit in and write/read/dance alone in the kitchen/sit with Sophia/etc) - not to say that she doesn’t have best friends but I think that she becomes content with being kind of a loser and I say that VERY affectionately. I promise to expand on this sometime! She’s my favourite loser!! She enjoys going out with the girls and mingling with their friends lots though. I would put the girls here but I don’t think I can see them being platonic atp honestly 😭😭 OH and of course Sophia. Obviously. Do I even need to explain? I think that one goes without saying.

My unpopular opinion about this character

I think I only have one unpopular opinion about her, & I won’t get too into it because I’m supposed to be keeping this account sfw 🤞🏻 (however I do plan to make an in-depth character study sort of post on why I headcanon this, on my side account) - I’ve noticed that lots of people headcanon her being this dominant masculine type in a relationship, and I personally believe she’s the exact opposite once she’s comfortable!! (let me be clear though: she’s only this way with women, Stanley was a different story but I also headcanon her being a lesbian, so?!!) Whether that’s with a partner in the way that’s kind of implied here, (trying to watch my wording 💀) or in every aspect of that relationship in general. She feels the need to be in control of everything around her so often that I think letting someone else do the decision making & guiding her for once is a need for her. Not one she’d necessarily know about at first of course, but something that her partner(s - Blanche and rose) would experiment with and pick up on. Maybe Dorothy needs to feel protected sometimes too, you know? To have someone stand up in front of her and let her sit back, instead of always feeling the need to do that for others based on the way she presents herself or comes across. Can you imagine how draining it must be to put up that front all the time? She needs a space to let everything go!! Anyway - for the record this isn’t to bash anyone’s headcanons because I know the opposite is a popular one, just my personal thought that I have yet to see in fics & things :)

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

obviously …. marrying the right hollingsworth. I’ve made a post on this before so I won’t go crazy again but dorothyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy 😭😭😭 DOROTHYYYYYY 😭!!!!! I’m surprised this isn’t essay length like my last responses but I really don’t have much to say here other than that I think!!! (One other thing, that’s just as short but I’ll add it in here anyways - I really liked the way she developed into a much more confident person, but I wish she had leaned more into that softer side we see sometimes as well. Felt like she had her walks up more than ever at the end of the show imo. Maybe I’m nuts 😭)

[ruminate88]

Healing Journal ❤️‍🩹 04/17/23

I started this account over a year ago.. I had JUST learned about emotional abuse. I was trapped on TikTok watching video after video and it was very draining. At some point, I couldn’t watch another one becuase it was sucking me dry. Yes, I gained great clarity and insight for my past but it sucked. ALL OF IT SUCKED!

I realized I had all these emotional wounds from the past and had suppressed so much. I had physically blocked two of my exes Jake and Andrew, accept for Cody, who actually blocked me and ghosted me. 🥺 I knew Cody ghosting was a burden inside of me for years but I just didn’t understand it or know what to do with it. I decided to start a blog to jot down my past and see if there’s anything there I needed to work on or heal… BOY OH BOY!! I found a boat load of junk to deal with. I opened up the door in my heart to ALL the unresolved feelings, issues and the fact I never got closure from Cody or Andrew!! (I’ve been working on that stil. I’m still grieving)

I have learned sooo much about “emotional abuse” and it does make a lot of sense to my past. I even found a guy on TikTok who says he’s a “diagnosed narcissist” and everything he says seems to explain words and actions from my ex Andrew that I couldn’t explain before. The truth is, not enough information takes away the pain or changes the past. Also, each person is different so I have to keep in mind how just because one person is a certain way, doesn’t mean all people with similar traits are the same way. I’m just trying to understand… (some people have different circumstances or life experiences)

Why would I need to understand my ex Andrew so much??? Well obviously, I believed at one point I was falling so madly deeply in love with him but he was also my most confusing breakup I ever had and treated me like “no big deal” and it hurt so much! 😭😭The way he moved on so quick when I spent 3 months hating myself and thinking about suicide all time.

LOVE is sooo powerful and so is lust. A part of me knew all along andrew was “too good to be true” and wouldn’t actually ever “love me” but he said he loved me at first, so I wanted it to be very true and told myself “I was so happy with him” but he bread crumbed me most of our relationship and manipulated me with “intermittent reinforcement” for MONTHS! I was super anxious and on edge the whole time with him because I never knew when he was going to leave me again for days or when he would come back and “be with me”. 😢😓 He kept disappointing me and making me feel bad for wanting to be in his presence… I felt bad for even telling him I loved him. I NEVER felt good enough for him!

Why talk about Andrew so much??? I mean, I was trauma bonded to him and obsessed with him. I’ve been trying to understand and also kill the feelings. I broke up with Andrew becuase he acted like he was put out by me and bothered. Plus he cheated. I KNEW I couldn’t trust him but it didn’t mean I stopped caring about “him” or feeling for him… I understand now I don’t know the real him but I still had strong feelings attached. 🥺❤️‍🩹

I don’t hate him and I am trying so hard to keep forgiving him as much as I can. I don’t wish any “karma” or “harm” on him. I don’t want him to get “justice”. I just want him to be real, honest and know that I was real with him always. My intentions were always to cherish him and care about whatever he goes through. He was in college whenever we were talking together and he would tell me how hard school was, how much studying he had to do and say his parents were being so strict on him to “get good grades” 😝 (maybe he was truthful or maybe he lied to me) but I would ALWAYS try to give him encouragement and tell him how I believed in him and wanted the best for him always… 😔 It’s okay if he never wants good for me or the best for me. I mean, you can’t MAKE people love you or force them to fit into your life. You can’t change people to make them be what you want. 🥺🙏🏻❤️‍🩹 (I’m sorry Andrew)

My BIGGEST take aways from this healing journal so far is: Forgiveness, not judging yourself or anyone around you, healing can take time and patience! Knowing who to trust is important AND just because people hurt you, DOES NOT mean you have the right to hurt others. That’s all ❤️‍🩹

[frostcorpsclub]

I saw you mention that Belial is the reason his twin brother lost an eye. Could you explain more about how that happened? Also, how is their relationship now? Does Birsha resent him for the loss of his eye or does he not really care? They both sound like they have a near total disregard for others even though they present in very different ways

I love you so much bestie thank you, I don’t have a lot on the grandkids rn but it means the world to me that you want to see them developed more! I’m starting with this one because I think it’s the simplest to answer but also a dynamic I really love.

So first thing to consider is that Belial and Birsha are only half winterbeing, we see that Santa can be temporarily dispatched and elves can be permanently dispatched so I imagine hybridization means injuries for fleshy ones like Birsha are more likely to be permanent. Growing up in the Frost house injuring your siblings is just a right of passage, now combine that with being part DEMON and you can see the series of events that follows.

It happened when they were very young, Belial was testing his trap skills and seeing who he could catch up with some marbles. He planned for whatever frostbitten, elf, etc. came down the steps of Nana and Pop Pops house to trip on the marbles and impale themselves on the ass, in the spikes. Just a “””flesh wound”””

What he didn’t account for was for it being his twin brother, always book in hand and not particularly paying attention to his surroundings. Birsha slipped on the marbles but dropping his book and slipping on that too made him fall forward instead of backwards. One of the spikes went right through his right eye and a chunk of his brain.

He was in the hospital at the North Pole for some time while different doctors and satanic priests studied his condition. Their grandparents weren’t very concerned but their parents and some of their aunts and uncles were. Birsha would be fine but they had no way of knowing what “fine” would entail exactly.

Belial didn’t feel guilty about it but he did miss his brother, those few weeks felt like forever. He chose to remove one of his coals and replace it with part of a sigil wall decoration. Showing his brother solidarity in a few ways. Plus, it was rather cute and distracted the adults.

Birsha, for his part in it, actually wasn’t as upset as one would expect. Belial got the “mostly negative” emotion apathy but Birsha got the “mostly neutral” apathy, he sees things consistently and logically. Besides the fact that it wasn’t a surprising event in their family, Birsha and Belial both feel like they need each other.

Even more so after this, believe it or not.

Impacted worst of all was Birsha’s creative faculties. Just like all of his aunts, uncles, siblings, and cousins (on the Frost side) he was required to take on some different hobbies for the sake of becoming a cultured young gentleman. He dabbled in an instrument, but after the accident he could no longer carry a tune. Not only that, but he found that while he could expand on and improve ideas he struggled to create them. These were both things that Belial excelled at.

(Yes Suzy loves dressing up Belial in little suits and making him practice violin for her it’s precious, that’s for another day)

They were going to need each other in the long run if either wanted to get anywhere without their hubris getting the best of them. The way Birsha sees it Belial is the necessary devil on his shoulder who he doesn’t want to get rid of. Think Jafar from Aladdin and that fuckass evil bird always whispering in his ear.

Ok this ended up being not simple at all I’m sorry lol

[vizthedatum]

I feel gross for being in love with my most recent ex-partner. I let a lot of things slide because I was smitten. I told them they were the best partner I had because I thought that the attention they gave me was the attention I wanted.

They didn’t seek to understand me, and when they were upset - they made accusatory “you” statements upon my character.

They also thought that my chronic illness’s effect of me getting tired or needing to change plans was an example of my actions not matching with my words (or “over promising but underdelivering”).

They did a lot for me but I thought they wanted to? I didn’t realize there was an emotional power play thing going on - and I don’t think they understood how I was trying to do stuff for them or show my love.

The first couple months of the relationship (before we became partners) were weird - it seemed like we had intense chemistry and feelings, but I also felt studied. And I also felt like I was just a fantasy to them - I didn’t meet their other partner until the day we became partners (we are poly). They told me they would have no hesitation being partners with me in late June (I remember because my ears started ringing, and there was a party in their backyard that day), they told me they loved me back in early July, and then in mid-July, they clarified saying they “weren’t in love with me.” I freaked out. It was so completely rude.

They played semantic games the whole time.

—

There were weird poly things that I didn’t really like or appreciate, and THE WHOLE POINT OF WHY I DO POLYAMORY IS SO WE CAN ALL BE HONEST WITH EACH OTHER. I would only find out about big poly things after the fact (like the method and timing of which they were going to get their best friend pregnant via unprotected sex and not during her ovulation period (wtf?!), the very valid health reason why they and their other partner were fluid bonded (which they broke with me - and to be frank, I don’t think they understand the health toll of how they perform sex with other people on the concept of fluid-bonding - I think they like to stay ignorant about a lot of things, and more).

And well, the disrespect with regards to my potential pregnancy (still awaiting ultrasound to confirm either way) was just the stupidest thing. It completely wore me down, and it was the penultimate breaking point of the relationship.

I was in agony, and they just kept emotionally invalidating me while saying they did everything right.

To top it off, their other partner suddenly changed the poly dynamic, I broke up with them, and they started telling people that my breakup with them was a “loss of their autonomy.” What?!

Before I blocked them, they lashed out at me with hateful messages - fully knowing that I could be pregnant (well they never thought/felt I was anyway - and this was confirmed) and I was having massive physical symptoms and I was scared of miscarrying. It didn’t matter to them. It didn’t matter to them that I have been through trauma or that I’ve been through lots of abusive partners and parents yelling at me - they did it anyway because they felt like they had a right to. I blocked them soon after.

—

Was I faultless? No, but I took accountability as much as I could - I tried to understand their point of view, while they really couldn’t for me.

—

After I told them I was blocking them and blocked them, they sent me random creepy calendar invites, messaged my girlfriend, and tried to offer “caretaking” if I would teach them violin.

Why the fuck would I want their caretaking if we weren’t partners AND if I didn’t want to be friends?

Yeah I’m disabled but I’m not desperate to get help by someone like that. Believe it or not, I’ve made it this far in life - and I’ve been able to manage, with or without help. Yes, I’ve had help from friends but that’s part of life.

—

Wtf was I thinking?

Why did I get so swept up?

I gave them a lot of benefit of the doubt. I praised them constantly.

I really loved them.

It’s not like I couldn’t get laid by someone else or date someone else.

I guess I thought they could step up.

I really really really CRAVED spending time with them - I think it was unhealthy. I think it was because of my previous trauma-wiring: I find emotionally unavailable people attractive.

—

I deserved a lot more respect. I deserved empathy. I deserved to be prioritized.

[evansbby]

In march it’s going to be two years since I started following your blog it doesn’t even feel like one year honestly , outside of the fact that your writing is so good you created such amazing characters thanks to your involvement you’re always engaging with us and saying the most funny and random shit creating funny scenarios daily but also sad ones about poyt steve and omega , that makes so much the difference it made me really attached to the characters and story , it’s truly my fav in all ways (quality , emotionally ) on Tumblr but also I’m really attached to you like I truly feel like you’re my friend , it’s kind of a weird dynamic but like I just don’t see you as some random writer that I just like but really some friend that’s always kind of there , even though I don’t interact a lot especially recently because of my studies I still see you interact with others and I have fun and feel like in a way it’s an interaction with you … I hope I don’t seem weird I swear it’s not my point .

The first fic of yours that I read was the one with Chris evans being a toxic asshole making a girl believe he was going to marry her but she was just his sad chick … it struck me so much like what it made me feel .

And then summer 2022 came and it was the best !

I think there was poyt 2 or 3 ? It was so good and the evans fandom was at its peak wich made me stay so much on Tumblr on your account ( I discovered the fandom and marvel like couple months before this era I came at the best time 💀).it’s not the same honestly the fandom yk people are less there wether it’s blog owners or even fans in general so I don’t really stay for ce i don’t really follow him honestly sometimes if there’s something I look it up but I’m not the crazy obsessed of like 1 year ago (that was fun tho 🤣 ) but your account is still amazing and you’re active and you provide us with such good content honestly the last poyt chapter was 😘I have such great memories about it , I’m thinking about reareading poyt entirely btw I started the first yesterday and it’s HARD Steve’s so mean and he’s going to be more like I can’t believe the same guy who humiliated and bullied her was the same nice and compassionate guy that married her it’s crazy that it’s only a couple of months apart .

Sorry I talk too much but I felt the need to say all that it’s been so long since I didn’t interact really with your blog I missed it

🐙

Awww bestie this made me emotional! What a throwback to all the different eras on my blog and thank you for following my throughout it all! I think we got into this fandom at the same time aka just in the for the cevans summer of 2022 which was iconic and everyone was so happy and active and it was just perfect!

We still have fun now but i get you, it’s not the same vibe as back then! But thank you so much for following my blog throughout it all! It was really touching to me 🥹🥹 and I don’t find you weird at all and I totally understand your point! That’s the best part of this fandom, genuinely creating connections with people over similar interests! Bestieee ily ily ily 🥹🩷

And ahhhhh not you reading poyt again from the beginning! Early poyt Steve is so mean bahahahaha good luck bestie!! 🥹🥹🥹🩷🩷