#im so exhausted and mentally ill <3 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

florida3exclamationpoints · 1 year

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#im so exhausted and mentally ill <3 #ugh i dont even celebrate Thanksgiving (or most 'normal' holidays ig) but my dad and his side of the family do #so like. Thanksgiving has always been something for me to deal with. its an annoying not very fun day to get picked on by extended family #which sucks #but my whole life we've gone to my uncles house with my dads whole family #and last year. my uncle just decided that my family specifically isn't invited anymore #still my granddad. and my aunt. and my cousins. and their s/o's and kids. but not me or my parents or my siblings #and like. its a relief to not have to deal with Thanksgiving or the comments about my school or if i have a boyfriend or why am i so quiet #etc etc #but the way i get to be relieved from that? by being singled out and excluded from my entire family?#is so unbelievably insulting and upsetting that i cant even be happy that im getting away from it #like??? whats wrong with us?????#and the fact is. my uncle really just wants to invite his daughter and her kids. he doesn't like his son('s family)#he tried to get out of inviting my granddad and aunt. but couldn't. but for some reason we're the ones he doesn't have to invite #but the funny thing is #his daughter's family (the only ones he actually wants to see) got sick and couldn't go #his son (who also has a baby that ig my uncle maybe kinda likes?) went to his girlfriend's family's house #so the only ones who were at my uncles house today were my granddad and aunt. the other ones he didn't want to invite #which! good! thats what you get for being rude!#its still just really insulating. literally who does that

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scarletiswailing347 · 6 months

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you can really tell i mellowed out about zam cause i draw him about as much as i do my other blorbos now aka never lol jk

#mine.txt #personal cw #not really a vent just me musing about my brain #i should really train myself to draw according to when *i* want rather than according to when my mental illness wants #cause like as much fun as it is it also has detrimental effects #like for example my more detailed drawings can sometimes take all night and id refuse to sleep until i finish it #cause i feel the overwhelming need to get it done #even tho i dont Want to get it done cause i want to go to sleep #also should be on tumblr less cause ngl it takes up way too much of my time #i like reading (non narrative) words and tumblr has a lot of them #honestly im never gonna solve these two specific problems until i manage to get to the root of them #aka my hatred of sleep and my want to see other ppls experiences respectively #both of which stem from my emotional negligence resulting in a weird existential kind of fomo #but til then i need to set up some temporary solutions cause this is Not sustainable #like i literally wrote this at 1 am even though ive been so sleepy for like 3 hours now #i think the best solution rn is to take up exercise that way id have no choice But to have a proper sleep schedule cause exhaustion #but i Refuse to do that when im around other ppl and unfortunately i have roommates #so gotta find something else

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cryptidyork · 7 months

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#shut up spencer #today is just #not a good day #mental illness makes literally just fucking existing a constant exhausting fight #nothing whatsoever has happened #but i cant stop thinking about badly i just dont want to fucking be here #and i want to relapse so fucking bad #im like 3 months clean from self harm #and i am so ready to throw that away for no reason #just my own fucking brain reminding me constantly that im worthless and deserve it #i genuinely want to just fucking die

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opens-up-4-nobody · 7 months

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#just turning over the idea of executive functioning issues in my head part by part. impulse control. im extremely tightly controlled. im the #best at control. the only times im impulsive is when someone asks me something and my brain doesn't work well in the moment so i tend to b #like fuck it: says something that might fuck me over later bc im like whatever itll prob b fine lol. but mostly not an issue. emotional #control. i dont lash out at ppl except myself i guess. ill sometimes have freak out meltdowns bc i get so frustrated with myself plus mood #weirdness. so not great. flexible thinking. im pretty rigid. if plans randomly change theres like a 1 in 3 chance ill freak out and start #crying and it takes me a long time to adjust to the idea that i have to chsnge something. and things tend to have to b a certain way #not for any reason in particular. thats just how it has to b. i have to eat the same foods. operate at the same times. do thr same things.#thats just how it is. and i find it difficult in social situations to adapt to the flow of convention bc its like but we're talking abt thi #now but something just interrupted and we aren't going abck to that thing. i dont make it other ppls problem but its uncomfortable for me.#working memory. my memory is pretty fucked. self monitoring. im good at that. too good. im pathologically self reflective. planning &#prioritizing. i can plan but i cant prioritize for shit. i will spiral for hours doing nothing bc i can't decide what comes 1st.#task initation. im good at torturing myself into getting things done but i anxiously avoid a lot of things but once i start its like: im in #this mode now. no i cant fucking stop i need this to b done. i need to sit here and finish it otherwise i wont come back to it. i cant do #moderation its all or nothing. all school and nothing outside of that. cant send mail. cant clean sink. i see it and kno i need to do it an #then i just walk away from the disaster area. organization. is ok. it looks a disaster but i only exist in like 3 places so i dont lose #things often but i dont remember where i put things once i put them down i have to deduce where i would have put it. does that paint the #picture of executive functioning issues or rigid and restrictive compulsive behavior paired with self destructive impulses leading to #absolute mental exhaustion which is y things arent getting done? could b either or both. idk my ability to do things 95% of the way and wal #away leaving a mess that ill never come back to strikes me more as the former but what do i #still its worth considering bc i do have an amazing to control myself in a way that's completely out of my control. maybr my start/stop #switch is just fucked idk. slow down and reorient says my counselor u never stop to rest. shes right but also im a grad student stopping #would mean death u gotta keep swimming and doing more than u should. thats how it is #but im so tired and i only get more and more tired. so somethings gotta give eventually #unrelated #i forgot focus. my focus is good sometimes and sometimes my brain is moving too fast and i cant focus at all. its static #but focus is not a thing i cna control

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apricote · 8 months

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hi guys, how are you

#this week i get to find out what new pills they're going to give me to fight my mental illness <3 #im telling you bipolar is no joke #sometimes you feel like the happiest boy in the world!!!! and you have so much energy and you feel on top of the world #you feel amazing even though you're sleeping 5 hours every night and nothing can hurt you!!!#then after a few weeks you crash down and the depression hits. and it hits hard #this fall has been really bad for me #hopefully ill start feeling better soon #im just so fucking tired!!!!#im so exhausted that i can barely take care of myself #anyway yeah sorry #how are you!!!! /genuine question #negative #💬 chatter

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diegoshargrieves · 8 months

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listening to my parents talk about me is so fucking funny. "she's dealt with us for so long that at this point she's done. she's mentally checked out from having to give a shit about anyone. can you believe how corruptible she is just because she's almost an adult and she thinks that we're not her problem anymore?"

like man you are literally so close. so fucking close.

#no it's not that ive dealt with everyone for my whole life and now im selfish and dont want to give a shit about anyone anymore #its that ive dealt with everyone my entire life ive been an emotional support pillar ive been rotting in this toxic dysfunctional household #ive been a third parent ive stepped in for my dad when he spontaneously decides to be a deadbeat ive supported my mom without fail #whenever shes needed it for years. ive dealt with everyones fits of mania & psychosis & breakdowns & chronic pain & depressive episodes #ive had my mental illness trivialized and belitted and downplayed. im exhausted and traumatized and so fucking burned out #of course it looks like ive given up on everyone from the outside because im struggling !! im struggling mentally and emotionally #and its spilling out in all the wrong ways and they just see it as me letting my anger ruin my character and everyone else around me #they dont care if theres something wrong with me even though im throwing out signs and cries for help literally wherever i can #they just care that theyre affected by it and inconvenienced by my deteriorating mental condition #they think this mentally ill freak is just what i am at this point and they cant stop emotionally blackmailing me #by reminiscing about how i used to be so kind and optimistic. i wish they would just fucking see me for once #ive played the role of the good emotional support eldest daughter my entire life. why didnt they think it would blow up at some point #and when i have tried opening up in moments of severe emotional vulnerability they just throw it back in my face later on #while simultaneously telling me i just need to change my outlook on life because im still young and cant define myself by childish problems #mom you are depressed and anxious you should recognize it better than anyone. you should be able to see it for what it is #instead of telling me to go spend a week volunteering at a cancer hospital so i can go see what real problems exist for people in the world #and what other people are going through and maybe ill come out with a new appreciation for life #mom just bc people are dying of cancer doesnt mean i can't be depressed just bc other people have it worse doesnt mean i cant have it bad #im so fucking tired!#3 am vent post yippee i am going to regret oversharing on the internet so badly when i wake up tmrw

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saudadite · 2 years

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I hate class I hate uni I hate academia I hate specialised language I hate due dates I hate readings I hate lectures I hate homework I hate studying I hate structured learning

#my mental illnesses shockingly do not mix well w uni #i am Trying but it is so difficult #and so exhausting #and so demeaning #thought for the longest time this was bc im irredeemably a bad and lazy and dumb person #but then i got a job and i love working and its so much easier #okay love is an overstatement maybe im just relieved #and this is RETAIL and i have customers who are nightmares <3 and its still so much better

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nebulouswaters · 9 months

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I'm havin a rough go at it folks

#rae.post #like. im fine. ill be fine #but shit sucks rn. my family situation is all fucked up. and i can't get treatment for my disordered sleep #or my mental health for that matter. pretty sure the antidepressants im on are fucking me up but i am on a legacy prescription #so i would have to find a whole new doctor and shit to change it #which. is not readily available in my location #ive slept 14 hours today and it's 3 pm and I'm heading back to bed bcs im exhausted and don't have the energy to even just. play genshin

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tmpttion · 1 year

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#ok so i wanted to make something for today but i've been mentally exhausted these past few days 💔💔#i pretty much forced myself to design two posters for my friends' bday and my brain doesnt work well when it's pushed(?#so i wanted to let a few days pass before trying to make something for today and last night i realized it was already the 3rd here #and since i know wouldn't be able to finish what i had in mind in a day i pretty much gave up before trying #knew*(?#also i have 3 days left of summer break and im trying to enjoy them as much as i can by doing nothing so i dont even know if ill do #something for beomgyu's bday </3 #because once the semester starts i wont have much free time #ill still try to make something from time to time like i did last year but i probably wont be as active as i was #.txt #.. i think that's all i had to say #if you read it ty and ily 💗💗

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bogmachine · 1 year

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erm hehe whah huh

#z #i cant even say i want to lie down and never get up because i honestly could lol!!!! lol!!!!!!!!!#i literally havent been able to sleep i keep thinking im so exhausted but it just turns into like brain haze instead of sleep #i pulled an all nighter sunday night and slept for >3 hours monday morning probably >10 since waking up sunday at 4 pm #i can barely eat anything it takes so much effort #im so exhausted i just want it to stop but 1. if i let my finals fall by the wayside itll fuck up my mental health worse 2. if i just stop #putting in effort i wont eat either and ill quite literally starve to death

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ryanthel0ser · 2 years

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Okay but in my head I'm holding the big corporate companies of the things I like at gunpoint so they give me more good stuff

#this is how i cope guys #rottmnt #sonic the hedgehog #im looking at you Nickelodean and Sega #especially you Nickelodean you better give us season 3 #save rottmnt #ive given up on disney though ill just mentally exhaust myself before they give me anything #sega is doing good so im just expecting them to do better

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sunflowerthiefsunny · 2 years

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I have never been happier to wake up in excruciating pain. I thought I was having a depression episode but turns out it's just a pain flare, which sucks so bad but is so much more manageable for me right now.

#i will hopefully be back to my regular happy self soon #it was concerning #because i was in a really good mood but beyond mentally/physically exhausted #but there was no pain for like the first 3 days #every muscle hurts but im still so happy #things have been going so well lately #being depressed would have surely fucked it all up #op #chronic pain #chronic illness #fibromyalgia #i havent been in this much pain in so long though #i forgot just how bad my pain flares can get

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drowning-faith · 17 days

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I've been holding my breath

I've been counting to ten

Over something you said.

I've been holding back tears

While you're throwing back beers

I'm alone in bed.

You know I, I'm afraid of change,

Guess that's why we stay the same.

So tell me to leave,

I'll pack my bags, get on the road.

Find someone that loves you

Better than I do, darling, I know.

'Cause you remind me every day

I'm not enough, but I still stay.

Feels like a lifetime

Just trying to get by while we're dying inside.

I've done a lot of things wrong

Loving you being one.

But I can't move on…

- July // Leon Bridges & Noah Cyrus

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theethlezprincez · 1 month

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i feel like absoluut shit.

my childhood friend doesn’t give a shit and it makes me so sad

im listening to a song she send me a couple of weeks ago and it makes me cry so hard

i really miss the way we were.

we were always so silly.

she has a busy life and i don’t.

she goes to school and i haven’t been there for years.

i wish i could tell her how much i care about her and love her.

i miss her being my active bestfriend.

i don’t think i can fully do it without her all of the time.

she probably sees me as an annoying bug.

i miss her. i miss us.

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years

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#today in things that stress me out. my academic interests have diverged significant from what i do in the lab #which is nice on one hand bc i am v passionately interested in something sciency again and it feels like its been a while since that #happened. but on the other hand it means that my workaholic tendencies are no longer being applied to my actual job #like im kind of just doing normal hours for like actual job stuff. which stresses me tf out bc i never feel like im doing enough #and my overdoing it has transfered over to drawing way too much in one sitting while listening to paleo podcasts and trying #to memorize the geologic time scale #so im still overextending bc im focused all the time and i dont sleep enough but its not applied to my job #and part of my brain cant handle that so it forces me to suffer no matter what. sigh. stupid exhausting brain #and i know im being irrational about it which somehow makes it worse #but idk i guess maybe its a little more healthy bc im trying to do something i like in my free time. even if im still overdoing it #like idk if i can express how exhausting it is to like something but ur brain forces u to think abt it all the time and feel guilty abt #thst being ur focus but u cant help it. and its like grinding chalk into the sidewalk. i just burn out on the things i like so fast #bc i cant regulate. im astounded that ive been on this narut0 kick for like 7months bc so often my obsession makes me so tired #but here i am. still staying strong dattebayo hahaha. nah it has been nice not to find anything new tho lol #sigh... idk i just got way way too close to like full on mental collapse with my photosynthesis measurements so im trying to get the #warmth back into my body before i have to jump back into that frozen water #i think i have at least another month before the machines get back and then ill have at least 3 or 4 projects to run samples for #was it wise of me to agree to doing all that? no absolutely not. but the data will be interesting #and itll be helpful. and literally no one else wants to do it so here i am. damaging myself for science. ay ay ay #whatever. im going off to do field work next week with my boss so maybe thatll get me out of my head #unrelated

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29121996 · 6 months

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#the fact thwt like .i csnnot Not lead w the fact that i have bpd .#like i am a Walking hazard sign. no matter how u look at me #i am Mentally Ill. in some shaoe or fucking form there is always some lose wire causing electric shocms to my fucking system #so i gotts lead w it . like it is sgo i am and i ki #idk i probably Shouldnt but .#anysay called mysekf crazy infront of him AND his father so thst is So Cool Too #i served them beer akl night and then . drop that like yes alirght. Perfect wbat the fuckc !!!!!!!!!!#im :( hm . gotta get drunk w a friend on sunday i yhink .#am ginna take the $100 i saved and (unforrnuately) put it towards getting my cello fixed .#i also . gotta figure iut how in booking my flights to swift in the next few weeks #and i 100% should. but im Stressing Out abt the idea actually . so . will bave ti pick my dads brain abt this too #him being my Advisor on literally everything has git to be exhausting for him :(#and i do feelcbsd vut akso . consider it . i soent so mucb time dealing w my sgit Alone he csn . have his earful #i also dont tslk to my mother so cant get her afvicd #not that i fucking WOULD shes more insane than i am #i truly . anyway .#its 3:30am . emotions n shit ars heightened bht AHDHEJFJDJDEJDJ #i eanna be grippy socked fr . am gonna mention it to my therapist i tbibk .#i . dawg my nrxt thdrapy session is supposed to b designated to my ed bht it mught just . loop back to him n my mother Again #annhour rlky isnt enough . i gotta find another way fr

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