#incorrect black friday

[incorrecthatchetfield]

Paul: I apologize for saying "fuck" in front of you earlier.

Tim: You just said it again.

Paul: I am not a role model.

[fourraccoonsinacoat]

Rolan: You know, if you ever get tired of adventuring, you could always come work at Sorcerous Sundries.

Durge: I don't think retail is the right career for me. My rancid blood desires nothing more than to reap death on this world. I am a vile soul, broken beyond repair.

Rolan: Sounds like an average Tuesday around here... We do have an annual employee picnic, though.

Durge: Does that help to soothe the unyielding rage within?

Rolan: *Sad sigh.* No.

- - - -

BG3 Incorrect Quotes Masterlist.

[my-castles-crumbling]

"I love you," James says at age sixteen, truth and nervousness dripping from every word. "No you don't," Regulus mumbles, disbelieving and full of self-hatred.

"I love you," James says at age seventeen, confidence and adoration clear in his tone. "No you don't," Regulus replies, a small smile dancing across his features before he says the words back.

"I love you," James says at age eighteen, desperation causing his voice to fray. "No...you don't," Regulus murmurs, hands shaking, pulling his sleeve back to reveal the skull and snake seared into his arm.

[its-short-for-jackalope]

no thoughts today, only ✨️memes✨️ (3/3)

...alrighty thats all of em!!! this has been the magic of adhd hyperfocus! my brain is fried now

[ender-of-the-sender]

@tedfagoffski

[theunholyvirginemilyprentiss]

Requested by @lazyclumzycat-blog

THE BAU ON BLACK FRIDAY

JJ: Has been ‘testing’ a Peloton bike with Elle for forty minutes, and she will be done ‘testing’ it when the U-Haul the team pitched in to hire arrives.

ELLE: Is furiously cycling whilst maniacally eyeing the lady using her stroller to boot shoppers out of the way, saying ‘try it, bitch’ with her eyes.

EMILY: Is being held hostage in the back of the store by an armed robber. Ironically, the home security section was half-off, so she currently has a Ring Doorbell stuffed down her bra—the lady with the stroller was on a mission, and she did not want to get tackled for nabbing the last one.

PENELOPE: Frantically zooming through the tech aisles with a shopping cart yelling “Out the way, FBI business!” She may or may not have flashed her badge to a twelve year old for the last Nintendo Switch…

TARA: Has been standing in the homeware section for thirty minutes eating a burrito and trying to decide between a rice cooker and an air fryer. Eventually, Rossi passes her and shakes his head, tutting.

ROSSI: “If you give that pasta maker so much as a lingering look, you are dead to me.”

MORGAN: Electric slides out of the store in full riot gear with a flatscreen TV mounted on his shoulders, and joins Gideon at the tent he’s set up in the parking lot. “You don’t want anything?”

JASON: Grilling burgers on a grill, watching the chaos unfold as shoppers fly tackle each other. “I’ll wait for the Christmas Sale.”

SPENCER: “Good call. According to sources from Gitnux, there have been 12 reported Black Friday related deaths and 117 injuries since 2006.”

LUKE: “Black Friday? I thought today was Wednesday…”

HOTCH: Emerges from the store with the robber in cuffs, Emily trailing behind him looking dishevelled.

EMILY: “Please, enjoy your burgers! Hotch just had to pull a Die Hard to save my life, but by all means, carry on.” She sighs, taking a seat. “Ooh, is that the good ketchup?”

Check out my Masterlist for more BAU scenarios!

[myheadphonesareneverloudenough]

i can’t stop. more hatchetfield incorrect quotes.

bonus TCB ones;

[teranobriss]

[mactavishenjoyer]

During a mission in the United states

Gaz:"why is soap crying?"

Price:"ghost went to the store."

Gaz:"okay and?"

Price:"it's the day after Thanksgiving."

Gaz:"my God"

[rentumblsstuff]

NPMD!Steph: I asked Pete to Pasquali’s on the first date.

AC!Steph: I asked Pete to shower with me.

YJ!Steph: Who the fuck is Pete and why are we thirsty for him? Get a grip, ladies.

NPMD!Steph: Okay, okay, imagine the biggest nerd you can think of?

YJ!Steph: Oh the bow tie kid.

NPMD!Steph: That’s him.

AC!Steph: But then also like make him funny and sarcastic.

NPMD!Steph: Yeah! And sweet.

AC!Steph: And weirdly sexy and secretly jacked and you just kinda wanna break his brain so that the only thing he can think about is pinning you to the wall of the shower even though it’s nasty, so-

NPMD!Steph: Wait the other one is right. Get a grip. Please.

AC!Steph: *shaking* I’ve been stuck at Camp Idontwannabang for a month and he’s the only sane one here other than me. There’s only one thing I’m trying to ‘get a grip’ on around here, and it’s down the shorts that his ‘Virginity Rocks!’ camp tee is tucked into.

——

AC!Peter: I broke my leg trying to improvise a weapon to protect Steph and myself.

NPMD!Peter: I almost sacrificed my life for Steph!

TGWDLM!Peter: I STILL HAVEN’T GOTTEN MY HOT CHOCOLATE.

AC!Peter and NPMD!Peter: NEITHER HAVE WE!

TGWDLM!Peter: Also who is Steph and why are we willing to hurt ourselves for her?

AC!Peter and NPMD!Peter: *OFFENDED GASP*

AC!Peter: Imagine you have really low blood sugar and all you have to fix it is fuckin’ raisins�� And Steph gives you a chocolate bar. Relief, finally, you can think straight for what feels like the first time in your life. That’s Stephanie.

NPMD!Peter: Imagine an eldritch god tells you that you have to give up what you treasure above all else and you suddenly realize in the worst way possible that your Pokémon cards and comic collection mean nothing to you in comparison, and as weirdly slimy and wiggly fingers brush the hair from your neck, you realize that the girl who’s suddenly become the most important person or thing in your life thinks of you the exact same way and that one of you has to die before you’ve even worked up the nerve to admit to the coolest girl you’ve ever met how you feel. That’s Stephanie.

AC!Peter: … Are you okay?

NPMD!Pete: Better than that guy’s doing.

BF!Pete: I watched a man get kicked in the head until he died… I can still see the bomb falling through the air as I spent my last moments alive with my big brother…

——

NPMD!Grace: I can explain!

AC!Grace: YOU HAD A SEXUAL FANTASY?!

PB!Grace: NASTY!! JAIL FOR YOU.

AC!Grace: HELL EVEN.

NPMD!Grace: Wait, no no no! It’s okay, I killed the guy it was about!

AC!Grace: You better have!

NPMD!Grace: But then he came back to life and I had to sacrifice my chastity to send him back, so we had sex in the middle of a football field and five evil gods dragged him to Hell! Also by the way, Jesus isn’t real and it’s up to us to cleanse the earth of all perverts for our new gods, the Lords in Black!

AC!Grace and PB!Grace: …………… WHAT THE FU-

[watchoutpaul-hemightkickyourhead]

[incorrecthatchetfield]

Linda: I love making parties more interesting by telling strangers “I want you to know that I personally have no problem with you being here.”

[kairospy]

Barty: so are you a top or a bottom?

James:

Regulus:

Barty: ….

James: your sex life sounds so boring

[ethereal-w0lf]

Starkid incorrect quotes

—————————————————

*Steph and Pete talking*

Grace: “STOP!”

Pete: “We are just talking- calm down.”

Grace: “TALKING leads to STDs!!”

——————————————————

Emma: “I put the Bi in bitch”

Ted: “YOURE BI?????”

——————————————————

Tittymitty: “At the Grand Canyon with two of my grandkids”

*Mouthface gets kidnapped*

Tittymitty: “At the Grand Canyon with one of my grandkids”

——————————————————

Jack Bauer: “why are you still here? Go home. It’s over. Go”

——————————————————

Wiggly: “Capitalism isn’t THAT bad”

*other lords in black besides Blinky confused*

Blinky: “you know…. Maybe..” *Makes watcher world*

——————————————————

Gary Goldstine: “OBJECTION! Nuh uh!”

——————————————————

Gary Goldstine: “Hi I’m Gary Goldstine, did you know you have rights? Constitution says you do!”

——————————————————

Bill: “That’s a good argument Ted but what’s your source?”

Ted: “MY SOURCE IS I MADE IT THE FUCK UP!”

——————————————————

Wiggly: “Well Webby is a stupid bitch!”

Webby: “So are you dumbass”

——————————————————

[its-short-for-jackalope]

no thoughts today, only ✨️memes✨️ (1/3)

Bailey's stripper jacket my beloved

[inkwell-illustrations]

🍏made inevitable moodboard!🍏 All images found on Pinterest

gift for: @owchie-wowchie