The older I get the more I realize these things about dating.
I have been trying to have deep connections and stimulating conversations for some time.
This doesn't seem to work. Especially on dating apps for I guess obvious reasons.
But as an observant, shy, lonely and somewhat intelligent person ( who happens to be gay) I have unfortunately never found love or relationships myself.. I have only seen it through other people
It's pretty apparent that dating is for simple people. I don't mean this in an arrogant way but a majority of individuals seem to not take the question asking part of dating seriously. Idk if this is due to them not being attracted, busy, simple minded or a more narcissistic culture but it is apparent to me that the closer these people are to my location, the less they are willing to learn more about me.
I wonder why that is? 🤔 I've had plenty of engaging online, non dating app conversations with people all over the world.
So part of me thinks that this is due to our new emotionless, soulless culture. Because this problem only exists when I engage with potential matches that can turn into reality.
The need for connection is still there. Fear is holding us back.
Why are people so afraid of reality? What are they running from? Themselves? Other people? Is the world in such a bad place right now that we feel like if we make a connection we know it will probably end up broken like the society we live in? 💔
The more I observe dating and other people's love lives the more it is apparent to me that deep, intellectual, stimulating conversations are not a part of the game AT ALL.
( take it as a grain of salt but from my observations dating goes like this)
One, attraction is the 1# thing! Because if you don't have it there is no fuel to get anything going. The car won't even get out of the lot. Especially off apps.
Secondly, the man usually takes action by getting the girl on the date as fast as possible..he has to woo her by showing her a fun, spontaneous, adventurous, humorous, and flirtatious time.
It is usually filled with banter, funny nostalgic stories, flirting and none of that would even matter if the two ( especially the man who usually carries the convo) was not attracted.
You can seriously make anything work with mutual sexual attraction. I've seen two plain and boring people talk for hours about nothing but because they had those saucer eyes for eachother it just worked! They definitely don't talk about work or deep concepts.
So the man drains his ( or if hes in his 20s) his daddy's resources on the girl to have a "fun" time..meanwhile his sexual motivation is keeping it going because she obviously has many other options.
The girl then looks pretty and vets if he is worthy for a LTR.
If so, she gets brought into this new, advantageous, silly, successful man's life and uses him as a tool to get away from her boring and domesticated life. She uses him for fun, community, hobbies and eventually family.
She uses his resources as a way to post on tiktok, fb and ig to show off to all of her friends " look at the amazing, good looking and successful guy I am able to get" mostly to show status as a woman and to make her friends jealous..because they were mean to her in the past.
None of her *connection* to her man has pretty much anything to do with conversation. ( sounds harsh I know but hear me out)
If you doubt this why do men and women immediately separate at Christmas parties and work events?
Have you ever observed a straight guy talking to a straight girl before? At any age?
It's usually a girl talking with her friends about things that doesn't interest him and his eyes roll over astrology and the girl eye rolling about video games or sports banter. Exc...
It's pretty obvious how for 95% of the population..male and female worlds have NOTHING to do with eachother. And want NOTHING to do with eachother except for what each gender lacks...
Emotional support from the woman and financial stability from the man. What binds them is sex and what keeps them together is family.
This is why my nerdy lesbian ass has such a hard time with dating. Lol
In the typical female way I am relying too much on talking, not much action. And in a very unfair lesbian way I can't seem to find my opposite.
I am trying to find an intellectual match when I should just be finding my feminine opposite. I'm treating dating like lunch dates with friends, Like men discussing politics on the Titanic while smoking cigars.
Unless I want to talk to a mirror long conversation isn't the way to go.
Because it never was to begin with. This is the code I finally cracked. Lol 😆
I'll leave the cerebral banter and philosophical insights to the lonely, individualistic writer side of me..the side of many great minds in history...But even a great writer will drop his work like a hot potato as soon as he finds a woman he is undeniably in love with. 🥰
My point is to find my opposite not my reflection. And my opposite might surprise me with what they can give or know...even if it's not deep or extremely interesting to me. This goes for any gender. Love doesn't work that way.
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