#my friend Ren said to use some of these tags

[r0semultiverse]

Day 1 of Finnish lessons from the owl!🦉 Please give me feedback! 💙🇫🇮🤍 (for my English friends, “minä olen” means “I am”)

[nieceeee]

smutty toxic baby daddy eren please !!!!!!!!!!!

“SHE’S NOT YOURS…”

P/C: You and Eren aren’t together. You have the right to date other people. But what happens when you actually use that right….

WC: 5.6k

A/N: okay…this one got a liiiittle bit nasty but hopefully I did it justice. It took a minute to get in the zone.

Minors DNI, smut, daddy kink, praise kink, unprotected sex, spanking, oral sex (mrecieving) if I miss any lmk. Just some nasty stuff😂

Tag list: @iloveblogging2

“Y/N!” You heard the familiar voice call behind you, sending a chill down your spine. Damn it you thought to yourself. How the hell did he even find you? You turned slowly to see your baby daddy storming up to you, nostrils flaring in anger. “Rennie.” you breath out trying to get his attention but his eyes are on the man standing next to you. His fists ball at his sides and you can see the clench in his jaw, the muscles working overtime. “Eren. Eren, you need to calm down.” you whisper, laying your hands against his hardened chest. You felt the racing of his heartbeat under the rapid rise and fall of his chest. “Looks like somebody can’t take what they dish out.” Jean’s voice teased from behind you. You roll your eyes and groan internally. Eren’s face shifted to calm as he cut his eyes down at you. “Let’s. Go.” he says, his voice coated in ice. You feel the shiver run through your veins as you give a quick nod and walk over to the bench and grab your things.

“So you just get to come and pull her away from her friends Ren?” Jean challenged. Eren stayed quiet, the muscles in his jaw clenching together. “I mean It isn’t like she is yours anyway.” Jean pushes as he shrugs his shoulders and receives a few chuckles from his friends. At that Eren’s eyes snap back to him, “What?” Eren says, eyes narrowing in and his brows furrowing together. You work quickly to stuff your things into your bag to get back over to them and control the situation. “Y/n, are you okay?” you hear your friend Mikasa call as you toss your phone and keys. You don’t answer, you heartbeat racing as you zip your bag and jog back to where the commotion was.

Anger had Eren in a vice grip, his pulse racing as he clenched and unclenched his fists. “You heard what I said.” Jean smirks at him. “I heard you. I just wanted to see if you were dumb enough to say that shit again.” Eren responds calmly. “Ren.” you say again, your voice begging him. “What did I say do, y/n?” he asks. His green eyes burned with authority. You know there is no stopping him so you silently step forward, pressing your chest into his. Jean scoffs in the background, “Awe, your girl gotta protect you Ren?” “Yeah, keep talking Jean. See what happens.” Eren says. He was trying to keep his composure but he couldn’t help it. He had found out. How? You had no clue but he definitely had found out, you could tell by the way he was reacting to you. “Eren.” you push into him again. He frowns, looking down at you. “Not here.” you say softly. People were starting to look over, whispering about the commotion.

Eren reeled his anger back in. “My car. Now.” He says to you. You intertwine your fingers with his, wrapping them tightly as you tug him towards the parking lot. One thing about Eren, was that he was protective. Especially about you. Anyone who knew him was aware of that. Jean was aware of that and unfortunately for him he didn't know when to shut the fuck up. You needed to get Eren away before any of that anger was unleashed. You pull him by his hand back towards your group of friends who were waiting near the parking lot. “Yeah that's what I thought. That's the reason she needed someone else anyway. Clearly you can't do shit for her.” Jean called out. Eren stilled completely. Fuck you thought to yourself. “Y/n.” He said. You sigh heavily as you loosen your grip on his hand. He turns, tossing his bag to Armin who had walked up to meet you. You watch as he walks forward to where Jean was standing with his friends, a dumb smirk plastered on his face. In a blink, Eren’s fist collided with Jean’s face. “Shit.” Connie and Armin said in unison as they raced across the court. Eren pushed forward, colliding his balled fist into Jean’s stomach. He slumped and hit the ground. Eren cocked back to swing again but his arm was caught. “Bro, come on. You made your point. We got to go!” His friends called out. soft sirens were wailing across town, no doubt headed this way.

They pulled him off of Jean and walked back towards you, your chest rising and falling rapidly. “Rennie.” You start. “Let’s go.” he cuts you off, throwing his arm around your shoulders and leading you to his car. “My car is over there.” you say to him. He walks around and opens the passenger side door, daring you to oppose him. “I hate it when you do this.” you roll your eyes but you get inside the car and click your seatbelt on. Eren slides in and starts the engine. The ride home was dangerously quiet, his anger still rolled off of him in waves. You look out the window, your bottom lip pulled between your teeth in nervousness. Eren was a different person when he was angry. You knew that bottled up aggression would eventually explode and you had a good feeling on what he was going to do to release it.

He pulled into the driveway of his apartment and got out, walking around to open your door. You step out on shaky legs and follow him inside. He hadn’t said anything since you both left the park. Once you stepped in the doorway, he was standing in front of you arms crossed. “Rennie…” you ask but he tilts his head towards the bedroom door. You get that familiar ball of energy in your stomach as you walk down the hall to his room. His presence behind you is like a shadow, fearful and anticipating. You quicken your pace slightly as a low chuckle follows behind you. Once inside the bedroom, you waste no time climbing in the middle of the King sized mattress, sitting crisscrossed and waiting for him to speak.

After a few heavy moments of silence he breaks it, “Is it true?” his voice carries over to you. You felt your chest drop to your stomach. “Eren.” you start. “Don't lie to me, y/n.” His anger palpable. “I- I’m not.” you whisper. “Did you or did you not fuck him?'' His voice was eerily steady. “Eren does it fucking matter? Seriously, I don't question you about the bitches you fuck when we arent talking or your girlfriend. Did you forget about her?” you say titled your head at him. “I don't understand why it's a fucking issue.” you groan. “First off, I’m not with her right now. We are…”’ he paused for a moment, taking in a deep breath. “We are on a break, okay.” he shrugged. “And for two, It's not about other people. It’s THAT one that I have a problem with.” he said, raising his voice again. “Eren. We are not together so I don't understand why you’re so pissed off about this.” you breath out. “Answer the question,” he demanded. “Yes, E. I fucked him okay. Yes, I used protection. Yes, it was one time.” you let out. Eren stilled in front of you again, his chest rising and falling rapidly. His eyes narrowed at me. “E…” you start.

His eyes glossed over, thoughts going primal at the idea of another man pleasing you. At the image of his name falling from your lips as he worked his way inside of you. “Eren…” you say again. His eyes were staring directly into you and that familiar pulsing drummed between your legs. You shouldn’t feel like this at seeing him angry but it always did something to you. You opened your mouth to speak again but he cut your sentence off, “Don’t.” He demanded, walking closer to the bed. “Rules, Don’t speak until you’re spoken to.” He says as he slowly begins to undress. You feel your energy spiking as you watch his hands move the cotton fabric over his head. “Don’t address me by anything other than my title. Do you need a reminder of what those are?” He asked, his voice raspy and thick with lust. “N-no..” you reply breathless. “No?” He lifted his brow at me. “No sir.” He hummed his approval as he walked closer to the bed, tossing his shirt to the side. “Er- Sir?” You speak . “Yes babydoll.” The nickname rolled off his tongue. “I’m sorry.” You whimper softly. “No, you’re not. Not yet. But you will be in the next 15 minutes. Now…” he started standing up straight and raising his chin up. “On your knees.” You slide off the bed onto shaking legs, your toes press down into the soft carpet underneath you. You let out a slow breath and turn to him.

Eren watches as you lower yourself to your knees in front of him. Your heart is beating in your ears as his emerald irises stare down at you. “Last rule. The only words I want to hear from you other than you begging for mercy are fuck, shit, yes and more. If you speak out of turn then you deal with the consequences. Do I make myself clear?” He said. You tremble at the command in his voice and slowly nod your head. He smirked down at me, “Good girl. Now be a good little doll and open your mouth for me.” His voice wraps around your head and trails down your spine causing you to straighten up as you part your lips and wait for your next instruction. The air between the two of you is charged as you sit, your center pulsing gently as you anticipate what he is going to do with you.

As toxic as it may seem, you loved the way he used you when he was angry. The way he would torture your body with pleasure over and over again until you were a drooling mess. How sore you would be the next morning as you look over the gentle bruises against your soft skin from his tightened grip as you tried to escape the overstimulation. It has been so long since you got to experience this side of him, way before he had found out about the baby and before that day in the mall. Your mind tried to pull up those memories but you forced them away. Now wasn't the place for that. Now was simply about sex and the aching feeling that was growing between your legs as you stared at the crotch of his pants, the thick bulge straining against the fabric of his underwear. Your fingers itched to touch him but you knew what would happen if you disobeyed the rules. You wouldn't do it, not right now.

So you waited like the good girl you were until he made his next move. “You like what you see babydoll?” He asked, brow hitched and head tilted to the side in amusement. “Yes sir.” You squeak out. A chuckle comes from his chest. “Yeah, I know. You’ve been thinking about this dick huh?” He asks you. You take a small intake of breath at his words, the deep vibrato coated with his anger and arousal. “I know. My sweet little babydoll has been dreaming about how good this dick does her. I bet when you fucked him, you could only think about me. About the way you pussy squeezed my dick as I fucked you, right?” He teases you. “Y-yes sir.” You repeat, the need building in your body. Eren works his boxers down and you hiss as his glorious length springs out from underneath the fabric. Blood rushing down in his body has him standing at attention in front of you. You take it in. The creamy smooth skin with thick veins running in different patterns all the way up to the wide head that is swollen pink and oozing with beads of his precum. It was right at your lips. You could easily slip your tongue out and let the saltiness tease your buds. Your mouth started to water with anticipation at the familiarity of it all. Your resolve was wavering with each passing second.

“Damn babydoll you drooling already and we haven’t even started yet. You’re so fucking horny for me. I know if I reach down and touch that pussy, you’ll be dripping all down my fucking hand.” He growled down at you. “It’s okay. Daddy’s going to give you just what you want.” His hands come down to grip his dick as he strokes himself softly. More of his cum leaks out and your breath quickens as he brings his tip to your mouth, smearing his mess against your lips. You release a light moan as he pushes past your lips and into the warmth of your mouth. Eren takes a sharp intake of breath to keep his eyes from rolling to the back of his head. You weren’t the only one who missed this. He takes another second, stilling himself to gain control. He wouldn’t let you off the hook that easy.

You suckle on as much as he allows you, savoring in the flavor of him. “You want some more huh? You want more of daddy’s dick down your throat. Or you still thinking about him?” He grumbled. You plead against him, leaning forward to take more of his dick between your lips. Your pleas sound more like gurgling in the back of your throat. “Maybe I shouldn’t even let you taste this dick since you can't fucking seem to keep what’s belongs to me to me. You like giving away my things babydoll?” Eren asks, increasing the speed of his strokes. You give a gentle head shake as you look up at him, hoping your pleas show through your widened eyes and the way your tongue desperately swirls against his tip.

He starts slowing, inching himself further towards your throat and you gladly accept all of him. You won’t admit how much you’d been craving him. Since that night at your house, you both had been distant from each other. He rarely stared over longer than he should and you knew something was off but he wouldn’t speak on it. You both had given each other space but you still had needs. So the one night you got some free time while your son was with his dad, you decided to let loose as a mama. Your friends had you out and about and somehow by the end of the night, you ended up in the bed with Jean. You remember everything. The drinking, sloppy kisses, and pisspoor sex. It only made you irritated that you wasted your time as you made your way back to Eren to pick up your son that Sunday afternoon.

Eren knew something had happened. He knew you better than anyone. So when you kept avoiding his gaze and being short with him, he realized that something had happened. And when he found out he was pissed. Did he have the right to be? No, of course not. He had no claim over you. You were single and had every right to be with who you wanted. I mean, he had been with someone, emphasis on ‘had been’. But that night when he laid down and his mind was plagued with the thought of you calling another man's name. Another name pushing into your juicy walls and he massages the softness of your hips. He didn't sleep for a week because he was haunted by that image. And when he pulled up to the park and saw you standing next to him, all common sense flew out the damn window. All he could see were those images and red. His anger got the best of him as he stormed up to you both and it was his anger leading you both to this moment here.

Where he looks down at you on your knees, his dick halfway in your mouth. He watches as you suck on him, desperate to please him. He knows you didn't mean anything by fucking Jean but his anger didn't care. His fingers come up and rub into your scalp, causing you to release a moan against him. “Fuck y/n.” He lets out. Eren tries to think of a comeback but you slurp at him and cause his brain to blank for a moment. Your juicy lips wrap around his girth as you suck him deeper into your mouth. Your tongue slides against the bottom of his dick as you pull your head back before taking him in again. He feels himself wanting to give in to you. To take you and stroke you slow and whisper sweet nothings to you like he loves so much. But he can’t cater to you right now. Now, you need to remember exactly who you belong to.

Eren fucks your mouth, holding your head still as he pushes his dick to the back of your throat. You gag slightly but take a deep breath through your nose and focus on breathing as his thickness continues to push towards the back of your throat. Slob spills out the corners of your lips and your eyes water but you remain still, allowing him to abuse your face how he sees fit. Eren feels himself coming closer to an orgasm. He feels the way your throat contracts slightly against him but you won’t give up. You are his good girl for a reason. “Fuck, you’re doing so good babydoll.” He grunts, the head of his dick pushing deeper into the back of your throat. He knows he is supposed to be punishing you but he can't help but give you some praise. He wouldn't be him if he didn't. Beads of sweat drip down Eren’s forehead and he holds the sides of your face, his strokes getting sloppier and more aggressive. He is so fucking close and you both know it. His eyes screw shut as he pants above you. You wanted to see him, needed to see the way his eyes glossed over when he came. That familiar soft blinking as his lips part slightly, a small ‘o’ forming on his lips as his body convulses slightly when his nut spills down your throat.

Your nails dig into your legs as you resist the urge to reach out and pull him closer, forcing him to look you in your eyes. “Fuck babydoll ‘m gone…” he groans. Eren feels the tingle of his impending orgasm. You anticipate it, hoping to feel his cum drip down your throat and you get just what you want. He jerks slightly as a ‘fuck’ falls from his lips, he spurts into your mouth, the warm thick cream filling your jaw as his saltiness washes over your taste buds. He swiped his thumbs underneath your eyes, collecting the smeared makeup and running mascara against his fingertip. You look up at him still on your knees. Lips swollen and red, his cum still sitting in the curve of your tongue. “Swallow.” Eren demands. He watches the movement of your throat as you savor him. You still kneel in front of him, heart racing and the juices from your pussy running down your inner thighs from the excitement of pleasing him. You didn't have to look to know your panties were soaking wet.

Eren hitches his head, commanding you to stand. Your knees are slightly red and small indents are in the fluff of your carpet as you rise from the position you are in. He watches as you walk to the bed, assuming his favorite and familiar position. You climb towards the middle of your mattress and turn to face the headboard. Your cheek hits the pillow as you arch your ass up into the air and wait. You feel the weight shift in the bed as Eren’s warm body comes up next to you. “Now babydoll, you care to explain to me why I had to find out you were fucking that lame?’ He questions you. “Re-..” you start but are cut off by his thick hand coming down hard on your ass. The cool air brushes against the stinging sensation as you groan into the comforter. “Rule number one…” He brings his hand down again in the same spot but slightly harder. Your pussy clenches at the pain as you feel your juices leaking out. “Look at your pussy fucking dripping. You like this shit, huh? You like making daddy mad so I can teach you a lesson, right?” He asks, dragging his fingers from your clit and back around to your opening, smearing your wetness all over your pussy and your ass.

“Yes sir.” You breath out. “Yeah, I know you do. That’s why you did that bullshit.” He slightly pouts at you. You know that wasn't the reason. The night with Jean was honestly a random one and anyone who was there would’ve known that. But there was no way in hell you would say that right now. Not while he was like this. So you kept your mouth shut as Eren rubbed lazy circles on your pussy. “Yeah. You did that. But you’re about to wish you never let him touch you.” He says before removing his hand and moving around you. You feel one hand grip your side as the other runs over your spine, leaving a trail of chills in it's place. He doesn’t warn you. Eren slips his dick all the way inside of you, spreading your walls wide with his thickness. “Fuck.” You gasp softly and clench, unintentionally leaning forward at the feeling.

You had fucked him plenty of times before but it was never enough to get use to his size. Eren was long, yes but it was the girthiness of his dick that always had your toes curling and essentially what had you letting him nut inside of you before, hence the reason he was your baby daddy to begin with. “Damn, you running already. I haven’t even fucked you yet.” He laughed sadistically. He grips both your hips and slams you back against him until his dick was sheathed deep into your core. “FUCK” you cry out as your fingers grip the cover underneath you, your toes curling into tight balls. “Yeah, that’s more like it.”Eren grunts in your ear as he holds you in place. His dick pulses between your legs as your walls release and contract against him. “You like taking dick so much, let's see how well you do with this.”

Eren is pissed. You can tell in every action he takes. He has your hips in a vice grip as he rams into you, his tip hitting that overly sensitive spot in you that makes you shiver. He fucks every ounce of frustration he has into you. Your pussy swells at the roughness but you love the sensation. “That’s right. Take daddy’s dick like a good girl.” He grunts. He pounds into you without remorse, the thoughts of you crying out to another man like you were doing now only making him push harder. “Yes daddy, so good.” Your words slur together, as he fucks your senses from you, drool slightly dripping from your lips and your eyes roll back. You couldn’t think, you could only feel the sensation of him. Eren shifts your hips back slightly, arching you pass your limits and continues to pump into you. You feel his tip brush against your cervix and you let out a yelp and your hands shoot back to press against his chest. He slaps your wrists and continues to fuck you. You’re panting underneath him trying your best not to squirm but the intensity is getting stronger. You cry out Eren’s name and you cum all over his dick but he doesn’t stop.

He continues to pump into you. The sounds of your wetness getting louder with every stroke he makes. Eren was going to fuck you until you couldn’t move. Because then you wouldn't be able to go to another man, let alone think about one. He was going to try and break you. Just the way you like him to and only him. That possessive thought puts a smile on his face and gives him another energy boost.

Once again your hands reach around and press against him to try and offer yourself some sort of relief. “Oh My God Rennie.” You call out, tears streaming down your face. “God can’t save you now princess. Now move your fucking hands and take this shit.” He growled. You feel him pushing harder as if he was trying to break through you, your walls squeeze around his dick. You can't help that you slide forward but Eren notices. “Oh you still running? Bet.” He takes both of your hands into one of his and locks them snug behind your back. Then he lifts one of his legs and presses it into the bed and fucks you into the mattress. “I bet he didn’t make you run like this. Nobody fucks this pussy like I do.” He mumbles with each stroke.

Your body starts to tremble and you feel your thighs giving out. You slide down onto the bed, your stomach dropping into the mattress but it doesn’t stop him. He lowers his leg and changes positions, slipping both of his legs between yours to spread your pussy as you rest in missionary position. He fucks you deep until you're creaming on his dick again. “Yeah, give me my shit.” He says as he drives into you. Your body loves the way he is treating you as you reach your second climax. You need to take a second to try and catch your breath but Eren doesn’t give you anytime to breath. He slips out for a moment and grips your leg, flipping you on your back. Eren grips your calves and presses your legs back, sliding his hand down to curve of your knees as he pushes them close to your ears. He slips his dick back into you with ease and begins to thrust his hips forward, fucking your walls as he spreads your thighs wider.

“Ren... I can’t please. Please, it's too much.” You scream out. “You don’t fucking say you can’t around me.” He says as he grips your throat and squeezes softly. The familiar butterflies form in your stomach. “You’re my good girl right? You don't give up on daddy, right?” He encourages you. Eren refuses to let up, his anger not being satiated. He needs more of you. All of you. And he wasn't stopping until he was for sure it was all his. “This is my pussy. Only mine. Do you understand me babydoll” his deep voice commands you. He releases your neck and spreads your legs wider “Yes.” You let out, your body starting to shake. “Yes who?” He asks. “Yes sir.” You cry literal tears. “Nah, I want you to tell me babydoll. Tell me it's mine.” he says, a light begging coating his words. He needed to hear you say it. Eren knows that although he was on top, you were the one who was controlling him. It was an irrational fear toying with his mind but still he couldn’t stop until he heard it fall from your lips. “It’s yours daddy. This pussy is yours. All yours.” you give him exactly what he wants, the truth. You both knew it. Eren lets a growl rip from him chest and he fucks you as deep as you can take it. Your thighs burn from being stretched back so far but you disregard it.

“Good fucking girl. Now show daddy how much you love this dick.” Eren says, his anger slowly starting to fade and that familiar longing in his chest taking it's place. Repositioning himself he grinds into your pussy slowing his speed but pushing deeper into your stomach. You feel yourself teetering over the edge again. You moan loudly. “Yeah that’s my girl. Talk to me babydoll.” He caresses, grabbing your chin and making you look him in the eyes. “Daddy, I’m going to cum please.” You call out. You feel the heavy wave of liquid rushing down to your core. You knew what was coming next. “Give it to me baby. Let me have it.” Eren takes his time with each stroke but makes sure that he pushes into the top of your pussy, right where that spot was. “Fuck!” You scream out over and over as your orgasm ripples through your body like a tidal wave, splashing against your thighs and Eren’s chest. Eren reaches down and rapidly rubs against your clit, making sure that you release everything and creating a bigger mess in the process. “That’s my girl, fuck I'm going to cum in you babydoll.” He groans as you feel the warmth of his nut coat your insides as you continue to squirt your wetness onto him.

Thankfully you got on birth control after your son was born…

You’re lightheaded and drunk on lust by the time you come down. His strokes slow to a halt. You both sit there for a moment. Eren’s dick still pulsing inside of you and he holds your trembling legs. He slips out of you, both of your juices spilling onto the mattress. Eren hovers over you, his breathing leveling out and his heart rate slows back down to it's regular pace. Your nerves start to get the best of you once your mind clears. You both stare at each other for a while, unsure of exactly where to go from here. “E-…” you start. “Don’t.” He interrupted. He sits back onto his knees in the bed. “Come here.” He says. You pause at first unsure of your next move. He waits patiently. “Please, y/n.” He says softly. You lift your body and slowly shuffle closer to him.

Eren pulls you into his arms by your waist. You allow him to wrap you up in his arms. He holds you close, dropping his head into your neck and inhaling your scent. You allow him the time he needs, feeding into his love language. You gently stroke your fingers from his soft hair and down his back, the tips of nails edging against his spine. He hums his thanks into your skin before planting soft kisses on you. Finally pulling back from you, he lets out a breath. “You okay now?” You ask him looking up into his eyes. He leans down and presses his lips against your temple. “I’m sorry.” He lets out. “Fuck, I- I overreacted. I just saw you standing there with him and I had just heard about you two. I-…” he fumbles over his words trying to explain himself. “Were you jealous Rennie?” You tease. “Fuck yes.” He growled at you, nipping at your bottom lip.

He knew he had no right to be. He knew he had no claim on you. But that didn't mean you weren’t his. He couldn’t help himself around you. You grab his face and turn his eyes to meet yours. “Are you sure you’re okay?” You ask softly. “I will be.” He responds. He takes the time to look over your body at the mess he made. The dried cum on your inner thigh to the bruises on your hips. His fingers slide over them gently. “Hurt?” He asks. “Not too bad.” You shrug. He nods slightly, his brows furrowing in confusion. “Rennie, you’re being a dad.” You fuss. “I am your daddy.” He smirks. “You know what I mean.” You roll your eyes and playfully smack his shoulder. “Speaking of being a dad. Is he okay?” He asks. “Yeah, he’s with my parents for the week. Being spoiled rotten.” You giggle. Eren smiles to himself. That warmth spreads through him again as he sits with you in his lap, watching the way your eyes light up when your talk about the child you share.

“Okay, well let's get you cleaned up and fed, yeah?” He says sweetly. You nod and allow him to cater to you. He wraps your legs around his waist and scoots off the bed. “Shoot let me text my mom too. Just to check in.” you say. He sits you down on your feet, making sure you are steady before going to the bathroom to run you some water. You search around for your phone and spot it on the bed tangled in the sheets. “Damn it, this isn't mine.” you say flipping the phone over and looking at the screen you smile to yourself as his lock screen comes into view. The picture of the three of you the day c/n was born pops up. You rub against the screen at the picture, but the phone opens up for you. “You still have my face in your pho-...” you start to tease but your words get caught in your throat. “You were saying something babydoll?” he asks as he walks out. You turn to Eren, your eyes wide with nerves and anxiety pulsing through your veins. “Rennie” you whisper softly. He hears the concern in your voice and comes to check on you, hands reaching out to your waist. “What’s wrong? Did I hurt you too bad?” He questioned. You shake your head slightly. Your wrist turns and shows him the screen and his face pales slightly. “Fuck.” He whispers.

On the screen was an ongoing call. Your heartbeat out of your ears as you stared at her name. The phone timer is at 20 minutes and counting. Your hand shakes as you both stare down in silence before the call ends. Your eyes met his and an uneasy wave washed over you both. She heard everything…

[frickingnerd]

beneath the mask

pairing: goro akechi x gn!reader

summary: during a masked ball you realize that the boy you're dancing with isn't your best friend, ren amamiya, but the boy you're in love with, goro akechi, who you accidentally just confessed to…

tags: accidental confession (reader to akechi), angst to wholesome fluff, happy ending (implied relationship), akechi pretends to be ren, supportive best friend!ren, masked ball/masquerade, kissing, reader (almost) tries to move on from akechi

“ren!” within the crowd of masked people, you found your best friend rather quickly. after all, he had been the one accompanying you to this masked ball and you would've recognized that outfit anywhere. “can i… dance with you for a minute?”

your friend quietly nodded, likely understanding that dancing meant that you wanted to talk somewhere nobody would listen. as you grabbed his hand, he followed you obediently onto the dancefloor, where the two of you soon began to dance closely, as you brought up the topic you wanted to talk about, while nobody could hear you two.

“akechi still hasn't even read my messages. i suppose i shouldn't have gotten my hopes up that he'd take the invitation, since he's such a popular guy. but, it still hurts a little…” you started, starring past ren and towards the door, as you spoke.

“today was the night i planned to confess to him. if he had shown up, i wanted to tell him how much he means to me. but since he isn't here…” you paused, suppressing the tears and instead forcing a smile on your lips. “i've decided to move on from him instead. i mean, what was i thinking? the detective prince dating some nobody like me…?”

“don't.” ren stated quietly, the first time he had said anything since you dragged him onto the dancefloor. his voice was a little off, but you were too focused on what he said to question it.

“no, ren, it's better this way. i know you're trying to see things positively right now, but i never had a chance with him to begin with. akechi never even showed up tonight…”

“he did show up.”

“he did…?”

as you looked around the room, searching for the detective prince, ren slowly removed his mask. you were too focused looking for akechi to see that the boy in front of you…

“then where is–” you turned back to ren, only to find that beneath the mask wasn't your best friend, but the boy you liked so much. “–akechi!?”

“i'm sorry for deceiving you” he smiled apologetically, never once pulling away from you, as he continued to hold you as close as he did when the two of you started dancing. “ren lent me his outfit, so i could talk to you. turns out they're not letting anyone in who isn't wearing a mask…”

despite akechi's explanation, a lot still wasn't making sense to you. like for example…

“why are you here…?”

“i came to see you.” you could feel your cheeks heat up at those words, hoping your mask would conceal the red. “i've had a feeling that i should be here tonight. and after hearing you confess your feelings for me to ‘ren’, i think i was right where i needed to be.”

“goro…” you whispered, struggling to find the right words to reply. but akechi gently placed a finger onto your lips, signaling that you didn't need to say anything.

“it's not fair to you at all, i know. i ignore your messages, i deceive you and make you confess to me without you even knowing who you're talking to and i ruin your plans of moving on from me. this probably wasn't the confession you were hoping for. i'm sorry, you didn't deserve this.”

akechi paused, before brushing some of your hair behind your ear and smiling softly.

“nothing went the way it should've with the two of us. if i had told you sooner how much you meant to me, maybe you would've never needed to think about moving on. but… if i had told you sooner, we wouldn't be here right now either. and i like where we are… just you and me. dancing.”

akechi's hand wandered to your waist, as he slowly began to dictate the pace that the two of you danced. you had so many more things you wanted to say to him or to ask akechi. but for now, you simply followed his lead and decided to see where this would take you.

“perhaps it's a little late to say it now…” akechi whispered, leaning in. “but you look absolutely stunning tonight.”

you shyly averted your gaze, whispering out a ‘thank you’. but when you looked back at akechi after a few seconds, he was still staring at you in awe. as if you were the most beautiful person he had ever laid eyes on.

“it makes it hard to hold back, when i have you all to myself right now too…” akechi pulled you a little closer. “may i… kiss you?”

you had imagined what it would be like to kiss akechi so many times already. yet as the opportunity was in front of you, you couldn't quite believe your luck.

“under one condition.” you replied, much to akechi's surprise. “promise me this won't be our last kiss…”

a smile hushed over the boy's lips.

“i promise. you can have as many kisses, dances and dates as you want after this one, darling.”

[maggie-margret-blog]

Friends with Tattoo Benefits

Mingi was one of those guys you just couldn’t replicate. he had a sort of passion for life that was kinda hard to find in people.I had been seeing him as an artist for a little over a year now, slowly but surely filling my arms and mid section with ink. He was talented and enthusiastic about each new project I threw his way, may it be big or small. Mingi himself only had a handful of tattoos littering his milkish skin,but claimed he was in it for the arts, not the personal experience. I had a theory he was just a bitch about pain or needles, nevertheless I never bothered him about it during our sessions. And he couldn’t lie about the money either. It was good fucking money.

Mingi had become somewhat of a best friend, mixed in with all the other things that come with being in close contact for so long.

We had first met that one fateful morning, 2am to be exact, when I had decided that drunk tattoos would be a hilarious idea. In hindsight it was a wonderful memory and honestly I was better for the experience. My young, college ego had been inflated and a stupid decision was just what I needed to keep my head on my shoulders. The night had just begun for me and my friends, bar hopping and partying at each frat house we could bare to see the inside of. All the ones I had seen prior were rat nests, and yet I chose to place myself there. A few of my friends had tagged along one Friday in search of some of my famous shenanigans. Modesty forbid I ever keep my thrills to myself.

“C’mon let’s dip, this place sucks.” Renel quoted as she threw down a pink solo cup onto the frat house floor. We had only been there about 30 minutes and already we were feeling the effects of poor party planning. A dozen or more drunk college girls stood in a tight circle, grinding on any available guy, and in some cases other gals as Salt Shaker boomed from the shitty stereo system. Since the Ying Yang twins weren’t the vibe for the night, I wholeheartedly agreed- “Let’s get the fuck out!”

“I’m barely drunk! Give me a fucking minute!” San hollered over the loud music, grabbing onto Renel’s ponytail and stopping her from moving any further towards the door. “There’s smoke in my eyes, this drink taste like dog shit and my thong is literally splitting my asshole in half, San.” Renel growled as she swatted his hands away. “That’s your fault. Just take it off and sit down.” He laughed, knowing he was only egging her on. “Fine, here-“ Renel said smuggly as she reaches under her sequined skirt, pulling the lacey garment down her legs and stepping out of it. “Woah Ren-“ I began, on my for her to grab the thong and shove it in San’s pocket. “I’ll go sit down.”

“San you asshole.” I laugh lightly, never quiet getting over those two’s battles. “Remind me to give this back to her. If Yunho ever finds out I have his girlfriend’s thong in my pants, he’ll kill me.” He chortles. “I don’t think I will. You deserve a beating.” I joke.

“Tryna get rid of me?”

“Maybe.”

“He’s twice my size. I’m dead.”

“You’re a good guy, you’re fine.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m heading out. I’m meeting my friend downtown.” Hongjoon, another one of chipper friends, said as he pushed past us towards the exit. “Who?” I called out as the sixth drink I had been nursing finally began to hit me. Whatever this shit was was weak, and disgusting. Yet, I was still drowning my weekend stresses in it.

“Mingi. You know that tattoo guy I was talking about.” Hongjoon enthused. This guy was always so happy for some reason. “Are you getting a tattoo?” I asked again.

“Yeah why? You wanna come?”

“I’ll go. Anything to get me out of here.” I agree hastily as I set the solo cup I had been drinking from down. “I’m drunk enough I’ll go.” San called, as if he hadn’t been complaining of the opposite just minutes ago. “Go tell Renel.” I bark as I follow Hongjoon out into the yard.

Once San and Renel had caught up to us, we were already halfway downtown, passing bar after bar and collectively agreeing that we should all go to each one. “If we keep this up I’ll literally never make my appointment.” Joon whined as he threw back one last shot. “Fine, okay let’s go.” San gave a unionized answer for us all. “Mingi’s gonna kill me. He’s supposed to be closing and I’m already 20 minutes late.”

“We’re almost there Joon, calm down.” San said with a hint of a slur. With that statement we came up upon the shop. The neon light was already off, but a man sat at the counter with his head down to scroll on his phone.

“Hey Mingi! Sorry I’m so late!” Joon said sorrowfully as he brought his hands together and bowed shallowly. “Hey, no don’t worry about it. I was just chilling out.” The man spoke as he raised from the counter and reached out for Hongjoon’s hand. The whole place reminded me of a mechanic’s shop. Sort of industrial and gray, but art was strewn across the walls and a few neon light had been added to spruce up the place.

The size of this man had me speechless, though my drunken stupor may have exaggerated it. Mingi was maybe 6’0 and broad in the shoulders and chest. I could tell by the way his black compression shirt stretched over his muscles, rippling in their definition. With the buzz already prominent in my head, this man looked like a playground to me. All I wanted to do was climb him. I could feel a flush flooding my cheeks as he and Hongjoon giggled and joked over sketches and last minute ideas. I could just play it off as a liquor blush, but I knew it was because of him. Fuck he was attractive. He was just so big and handsome.

“Shouldn’t take too long. Maybe an hour.” Mingi said softly as he looked over the small design. It seemed to be just a simple spiderweb with a few intricacies.

As soon as Hongjoon laid down on the sterilized bed, he was snoring. Joon had never once been awake during a session. Either this was a result of the alcohol, or the pain was a sickening comfort for him. Either way he was out. I spent m my time, however, inspecting the artist and the way he did every little thing. His gloves were blue like they had at a doctor’s office, tight and defining over his veined hands. The tips of his thick fingers were gripping the gun firmly with a controlled pressure. His focus and precision were evident in both his work and how he carried out his task. Why was everything about him so alluring?

“Joon? Are you good buddy?” Mingi asked after working on the piece for a good hour. It was swollen and puffed, but I could already tell it would heal beautifully. “Yeah, I’m cool.” Joon said groggily.

San and Renel were sleeping across the waiting room chair at this point, San’s jacket draped over Ren’s legs. That’s small detail made me chuckle. Sure they had their differences, but if she was naked from the waist down in public, he’d protect her. “Dude sick, thank you.” Joon said as he looked over his Achilles heel, now inked and decorated. “No problem man. Now pay me and go home.” Mingi laughed lightly as he pushed Joon towards the front.

“How much?” I asked as an interception. “Hm?” Mingi cocked his head to the side as I stood from my seat, still a little wobbly from all the alcohol in my system.“How much for a small tattoo? A really little one.” I asked. I hadn’t known how I would get close to him, but this was the perfect opportunity. This way I really inspect him up close. Stare deep into his concentrated expression and analyze his eyes. Oh fuck, those eyes.

“Uh, all depends I guess. Why, do you want one?” He questioned as he handed Hongjoon a pen to sign his receipt. I nodded vigorously as I popped up from the plastic chair. I had no clue what I was doing, or why I just agreed to get a tattoo on the spot, but here I was. “Cool, give me a minute.” Mingi said with a smile, showing off his row of beautiful teeth. They weren’t straight but who cared? Not me! He was so cute!

“We’re gonna head out. I’ll get her back to Yunho.” Hongjoon said as he shook Renel awake for a minute or so. “Okay,” I said shortly as a twinge of turmoil erupted in my stomach. Sure this was kind of what I wanted, to be alone with this new hunk, but now I was alone alone? My body shivered involuntarily, spine tingling and adjusting at the thought. “Where’re you going San?” My voice was timid, a gleaming ray of hope in eye as i asked. I was praying that he could be talked into staying with me. “I’m going home so I don’t die. You know how Woo is if I’m not in before sunrise.” I only nodded at the statement as the unsettling feeling began to sober me. But I couldn’t pass this up!

“This way m’lady.” Mingi’s voice broke my illusion of loneliness as all my prior thoughts raced back in. He was the reason I stayed anyway. “Thank you.” I punctuated with a head nod as we walked back to where Hongjoon had just been napping. “Now, what’s going on? What’re we doing?” Mingi asked as he sat back against the counter, arms crossed to expose the few tattoos he had. Though not plentiful, they were big and loud. The one he sported on his left forearm was a colorful mural of what seemed to be hyper realistic squid. The body was red and luminescent with a somewhat manly aura somehow. It was an interesting choice for sure, but it was executed beautifully so I had to admire it for that reason. His right arm was detailed in black and white, a few odd and ends tattooed on his skin, probably to represent certain things. I did notice a small KQ prominent on the first knuckle of his index finger. KQ had been a music club hosted on my campus for years.

I laughed internally at the thought of this big, beefy man singing in a choir, or performing The Newsies at the campus theater. He didn’t seem the type. “Anything I guess. Maybe something coquette-ish.” I babbled, unable to tear my eyes away from Mingi’s form in front of me. I stood sheepishly in front of him, a facade of confidence saving me face, but only a little bit since I was still kind of drunk. “Coquette-ish? Like the frilly bows and Victorian shit?” His voice reverberated is low bass over the air. I watched his mouth and nose as he repeated what I had said, then nodded. He nodded along and choked down a chuckle.

Mingi drew up a tiny little design, detailed with a small, pink ribbon tied into a bow with a pearl accent. It was actually very cute and even my sober mind loved it. Something tiny and coquettish. I was so happy with it.

“You know I don’t usually do walk ins.” He said as he etched a stencil. “Oh? Why start tonight?” I asked, looking over his shoulder, feeling the heat rising from his body. “If I’m being honest I thought you were cute. And I’d rather you get a good drunk tattoo instead of one you’ll regret.” He chuckled lightly, but my face turned red at the mention of his attraction. He thought I was cute? “Now where do you want it?” Mingi asked as he turned to look at me, now just inches from my face. I had practically been his shell for the last 15 minutes as I watched him sketch, so the sudden movement surprised me. I stumbled backwards a bit, and was sure to fall of Mingi hadn’t gripped onto my belt, pulling me back to stability. His hand was nestled between our two bodies, now practically sandwiched together. I couldn’t help myself as the moment dragged on, but I looked forward at the chest I was now level with. Traveling upwards, my eyes met his. They pooled with a twinge of worry and one other emotion I couldn’t quite express. “Sorry,” I mumbled briefly as I stepped back, only for his hand to stay firm on my leather belt. “No, no it’s okay. Are you alright?” He questioned, unmoving from his position. “Y-yes I’m fine.”

The air was thick and heavy around us. The room wasn’t too big so that might have had something to do with it, but probably not. It was more likely the tension between us that simmered. His hand stayed on my belt, even going as far as to tighten his grip. “How drub are you?” He asks suddenly.

“I’m, I’m practically sober.” I answered.

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

“N-no I don’t.”

“Do you know where you are right now?”

“Tattoo shop.”

“Be more specific.” He hummed lowly as his hand pulled me closer, my hip flush against his thigh.

“Flaming Ink, downtown Astoria,” I answered again, quieter than before.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked finally, lowering himself to my level so he could see my expression clearly. My face was burning as it was, so for him to face me directly turned me to mush. And to kiss him? Oh fuck I could’ve vomited with how nervous I was!

I nodded slowly as the larger man braced my jaw in his palm, gently pulling me forward and pressing a hunger pained kiss to my lips. I was taken aback by the way he was already desperate for the contact. To be fair, so was I. The kiss only lasted about 3 seconds before he pulled away, lips parted and eyes droopy. The flecks of his dyed hair fell into his line of sight. The image in front of me was borderline erotic to say the least. I could tell by the look in his eyes that we were nowhere near finished.

Hastily, my arms found perch on his shoulders and I reconnected our lips, lapping at the pillowy petals and melting as he returned the favor. He tugged me closer, hands finally leaving my belt and landing on my waist, pulling my hips to his own. This was all too much yet I couldn’t (wouldn’t) stop myself. I had only wanted him for an hour or so, but that was an hour too long with out him.

Our lip lock progressed into something else entirely, and what that was I didn’t know. Something primal. Something languid and wet. Before I could count his teeth with my tongue, his hands were burrowed down the back of my jeans, fingers gripping at my ass haphazardly. The hum of the overhead lights was enough of a lullaby to keep us in the moment. Soft murmurs from the radio entwined around us and took the lead. “Mingi,” I said hushly, placing a hand on his chest. Oh finally I got to feel it. The muscles tensed under my touch and I watched the nipple harden from under the shirt. “Hm?” He acknowledged my plea and stopped himself. “I’m sorry it was all so fast, I-“ he began to explain himself, hands leaving my behind.

“No, no keep it there. I’m just— kinda you know, worked up.” I heaved as I kept eye contact with him. Those eyes, those honey brown eyes. Somehow the orange and yellow tendrils of hair complimented his eyes perfectly, encasing them in a warm, golden light. He was beautiful.

“Isn’t that a good thing?” His breath fans over neck slightly.

“Yeah, just not used to it.” I admit.

As far as sexual experiences went, I was dim in the subject. Yet, this was fueling a fire I never knew I had.

“Do you wanna stop?” Mingi asks as he’s pulling away.

“No! No I don’t want to!”

With that answer, Mingi was back to exploring what was exposed of my skin. Hands, finger tips, nails. I could feel everything as he lit each of my nerve endings on fire. Each swipe of his tongue left a burning trail in its path. “Fuck-“ I whispered internally, somehow finding my hands curled in his hair, entangling in the locks and pulling at the roots. The feeling of his lips on my neck made my stomach turn and twist with excitement.

How could this happen so fast? How was this really real? Was I dreaming?

No I couldn’t be dreaming. I could feel Mingi’s curious hands pushing up my shirt, folding the fabric upwards and letting it pool onto top of my breasts. Mingi pressed open mouthed kissed on my chest, tugging cheekily at the lining of my bra, teasing the nipple as he let it free. “Pretty.” Mingi’s voice vibrated against my skin, sending shivers down my entire being. Never in a hundred years could I explain myself and my behavior. I hadn’t been this kind of girl. Sure I partied and went a little crazy sometimes, but I had been strict with dating and sex. I never fucked on a first date. Hell, we had just met, never even went out. Renel would never believe me if I told her what was happening.

My brain was fuzzy as we continued in some sort of soft foreplay. His thick fingers had found their way down the front of my jeans, rubbing generously on my stiffening clit and entrance. My breath hitched as one found its way inside of me, petting at the spongy g-spot. I couldn’t keep my knees from buckling under that sort of pressure. I remembered stumbling around in an attempt to find something solid to hold onto, or at least steady myself on as he rid me of my clothes. I could remember removing his skin tight shirt and finally getting an eyeful of his sculptured physique. He was carved artfully as if by a woman with taste and experience. My hands explored his torso, slowly but surely making their way down my boxers. I ran a polished nail down the shaft of his throbbing cock, only to grab the entirety and grace it with a few passing pumps. His belt and jeans found themselves on the floor along with mine.

I had no time to feel the inevitable embarrassment. “Mingi-“ I moaned as he took the initiative to set me on the table, lips now working down my stomach and hips. A strong hand pushed gently on my chest and gestured for me to lay back and I followed with no hesitation. The icy sensation of the vinyl coating made me shiver, but I recovered as soon as his fingers hooked to the hem of my panties. My breathe caught in my throat, Mingi dragging the garment down my legs and letting them fall where they may.

“You’re sure you’re good with this?” He asked once more, looking down at me from his standing position. His eyes were soft and concerned but I could tell he was barely hanging on. His lids sat halfway across his iris, cutting off the light to his eyes. He looked dark and sexy, but alluring. The tattoos that weren’t apparent earlier were now proudly on display.

I only reeled back slightly at the sight of his miniature. Well, you could hardly call it miniature, but you know what I meant. The dick held itself proudly, the tip a dark pink and mushroomed, while the rod was stained a lighter hue, coursing with a few deliciously placed veins.

With as tender of intentions as possible, I reached to caress the decorated man’s chest and feel the heat emitting from the skin. He was as soft as satin, the feeling becoming addictive against my fingertips. His hands traveled to meet mine, bringing the appendage to his lips and leaving a few short kisses on the palm before holding it above my head. Our fingers intertwined as his other hand cradled the soft underside of my knee, pushing it upwards.

“I’m sure.” I said finally, eyes meeting his and he came closer, pressing gentle and reassuring kisses to my cheek and neck.

“Good,” he hummed.

Another blurry moment flashed as he said a few sweet things then continued to move his body. Soon enough I was in a comfortable position with a hand in his and one helping him push inside. My head fell backward as a silent sigh left my lips. Oh shit. “Oh Mingi-“ the words fell fluidly as he breached past my entrance. The stretch alone brought me back to reality, only to be pulled back into whatever sensual scene this was as he began to adjust. His breath was low but not indistinguishable, I could tell he was already feeling good. A second or so passed in silence until the pit in my stomach had grown twice it’s normal size.

“You can move.” I say, slight circling my hips. A pained hiss left Mingi’s plump lips. He takes the bottom in between his teeth and nods as his hips break their isolation

I felt as though my lungs had been palpated, deprived of air and squeezed to the brink. I felt like I was drowning but I couldn’t stop this. This was all too good. Mingi moved with a steady rhythm and intensity. His hands roamed my chest, poking and prodding at my breasts and using them for leverage for his powerful thrusts. I almost felt ridiculous as lewd noises leaked from my throat. My body shook with excitement and my voice was shaky with adrenaline.

“So cute. I can’t fucking stand it.” He growled next to my ear as he punctuated each word with a particularly sharp thrust. I couldn’t believe I had come here to accompany Hongjoon on a drunken tattoo venture, and ended up fucking the artist.

His motions grabbed me as wild, someone with experience in pleasure. Mingi’s body was following a natural progression as the bulbous head of his well endowed cock nestled against my cervix with each violent bash of our hips. A slight shake wracked my muscles and joints as the pressure and endurance of our position grew tiresome. I was exhausted but so ready to reach a peak with him. Coils tightened in my abdomen when Mingi’s voice sounded, moans and small grunts of praise echoed from him.

“Fuck-so good-“ he panted into my neck as his body curled around mine, encasing me in a lustful embrace. Mingi’s toned arms wrapped around my shoulders and waist while his forehead dropped to my collarbone. I could feel the change in angles as he hoisted my torso upwards to meet his, somewhat suspended in air. The erratic pace and movements of his hips reminded me of some crazed animal in heat. I felt the same way though. My body was craving each and every thing Mingi would give to me. His now harsh grips left marks on my skin that I wild find later; they’d bring back me memories of this night and how desperately I would be chasing a feeling like this again.

Creaks and screeches wailed from the legs of the table, yet Mingi couldn’t have cared any less. My arms gripped around his waist, in a way, propelling him forward. “Mingi!” My voice grew weaker in the moment. I was coming close.

“Mmm- fuck…” Mingi groaned against my skin, lips flattening to my chest and hair falling messily over my shoulder. I let my body speak for me as the intensity of his movements and brought me higher and higher. My walls closed around him, clenching in an effort to warn him that I was there. “Mingi! Uh! Gonna cum-“ I moan directly into the man’s ear, hoping to affect him the way I wanted to. “Mm- go ahead baby. You can cum.” His breath was hot as he lifted his head to face me, pressing a kiss to my lips as he quickened his pace. I couldn’t stop the chorus of moans, colored in shock as he pushed me over the edge.

I lay in waves of bliss. One surge after the other. If I was being honest, I had never cum first in any of my previous encounters. This was a once in a lifetime experience for me and I wasn’t going to lie, it was beautiful.

Mingi stalls briefly before sighing in satisfaction as he pulls out of me. My body immediately misses the weight of him inside of me, closing around nothing but air and slick ejaculat. My chest is heaving as I caught my breath, warm fuzzy feelings filling my body. Never had I ever had an orgasm quite like that.

It was soon interrupted at the sound of Mingi’s hand sliding over his still hard erection. I had been so caught up in my own pleasure that I forgot that he hadn’t cum yet. I peak downward at the beautiful man, his face scrunched a bit as he leans over my body. Without much thought I place my smaller hand in his. I can see a smirk forming on his lips as he allows me to help him rub his moistened dick. His eyes open slightly as we make contact, gazes holding intently as waves of pleasure flood his system. I never break eye contact as he reaches his final breath, our hands slow and a loud cry erupts from the man.

“Oh shit- oh fuck-“ Mingi mumbles quietly, forehead nudged to mine as he unloads on my stomach. I was quick to find Mingi’s jaw and yank his sight forward, our eyes meeting once again. “You’re so pretty.” I kiss him before he can answer my statement.

“Me?” He huffs confused. His string brow bone dips in concern of the comment. “Yes, you. You’re very pretty.” I reply, pulling him in for another kiss. “Thank you.” He says genuinely as heaves and tries to catch his breath.

——

“Soooo…. Do you still want that tattoo?” Mingi jokes as he holds the collar of my shirt open above me, placing it down over my head and resting it on my shoulders.

“I might have to take a rain check on that. I’m kinda tired.” My voice was hoarse and losing volume by the minute. A mix of drinking and calling his name for an hour would do the trick.

“Anytime, really. I do actually do tattoos. I swear. I’m not just a whore.” He laughs, looking down at me as I finish dressing myself and heave a sigh.

“I believe you.”

“Good. Do you think you’ll be back?” He questioned, flicking the light switch and opening the door for me. It was almost 5 am and I had no alibi for when Renel inevitably asks what kept me out so late. My cheeks flushed as I thought over the details. I might just tell her, just to see her reaction. If I knew anything about Renel, it was that she’d flip if I told her I fucked the tattoo guy.

“I’ll be back. For that tattoo and also… you know, if you ever wanna…” I led the the statement, looking down at my hands as he walked along side me towards the dorms. “I’m down. You know for tattoos… and… yeah.” He agreed. It was barely dawn, but I could tell his cheeks were as red as mine.

As soon as we reached my dormitory, I turned to face the man who had just made my night. I craned my neck upwards to face him. Gosh he was beautiful, especially in the light of the rising sun. “Thank you so much for tonight Mingi. And for walking me home.”

“Of course. Anytime, really. Have a good night.” He said gently.

“Or I guess morning. Have a Good morning.” He repeated. I chuckled slightly, placing a hand on his chest gingerly and pushing myself to stand on my tiptoes. I was hoping Mingi would get the idea and thankfully he did. His strong hands embraced me one last time as we shared a kiss. Nothing lustful or suggestive. A light, sweet, tender kiss.

“Have a good morning Mingi.” I said finally as we broke the kiss and I ran off towards the dorm doors.

“Tell me EVERYTHING!” A shrill voice echoed throughout the whole room as Renel surprised me at the door. My heart nearly burst out of my chest.

“Girl, sit down. You’re gonna love this!”

~The End~

[marvel-ous-m]

Faire Thee Well

"Love had not been kind to them in this life, but maybe love would be kind to them in another. " 🥀

WC: 9,850 | Rating: Teen and Up Audiences | Tags: Temporary Character Death, Reincarnation, AU: Renaissance Period, AU: Modern Day, Soulmates, Hurt/Comfort, Right Person Wrong Time, Platonic Stobin, Platonic Hellcheer

I attended my first Ren Faire with my best friend, @lamoabss. We saw a joust, we said "hey, that's Steddie coded", and we decided to do something about it. They have created some BREATHTAKING art for this fic, which you can view here. (Their art for this fic is quite literally one of the coolest things I've ever seen). Getting to collaborate with one of my closest friends on such an emotional story has been an absolute dream come true, and I hope that you enjoy it as much as we enjoyed creating it!

Snippet below the cut!

“You know something about today. Something that you are not telling me.” Steaphan’s shoulders tensed at the sudden accusation from an all too familiar voice. The intruder was behind him, lurking in the tent’s entryway while Steaphan readied himself in the mirror and mentally prepared himself for the day’s events. 

On a normal day, such a trespass would be welcome- celebrated, even. 

Today was not a normal day. 

“We should not be seen speaking to one another before the joust, Sir Eduardo. We may be accused of collusion.” 

“That has not been a worry you have expressed before, my knight.” Eduardo’s response was quick, spoken with a flirtatious lilt. 

Steaphan’s heart strained in mourning of what was to come. “Enter the tent you fool, lest you draw more attention than you surely already have.”

Eduardo stepped out of the entryway, letting the tent’s curtained doorway fall shut behind him as he moved towards where Steaphan was standing. “Such kind words spoken today. Pray tell, what have I done to earn this warm welcome, my heart?” 

Steaphan turned on his heel so that he could face the knight whom he had come to love so dearly. “You must drop out of the joust. Claim that you have fallen ill, feign injury, anything . You cannot fight today- we must not fight today.” 

Eduardo’s playful expression fell away, replaced by something far more worrisome. “I knew it. You know of something- what is it?” 

“Nothing that has been confirmed, my rose, but you must listen to me. I had a vision in my sleep. The crowd grew bloodthirsty, and with our kings not being on good terms… they called for a match to the death, and my king allowed it. We were made to decide which one of us would fall at the hands of the other, and-” 

Steaphan’s ramble was ceased by Eduardo, who stepped forward to place his palm on Steaphan’s bare chest, over his heart. “-but this has not been confirmed? Your king has given no sign of seeking bloodshed on this day?” 

“Nay, but it would not be the only time a vision in my dreams has manifested before mine eyes. When I was a boy, my mother told me that we have sorcery in our lineage. At the time, I thought she was weaving fantastical stories for her child, but now I fear it may be true. I cannot bear to see you befallen by my own hands, nor can I allow you to shoulder the burden of slaying me with yours.” 

Eduardo took a deep breath, then moved his hand up from Steaphan’s painted chest so that he could cup the knight’s cheek. “I cannot disobey my oath, Sir Steaphan. I dare not bring dishonor to my king. If your vision is true, I will either face combat and be killed by thy hands, or be slain for my cowardice upon my return to my country.”

“I cannot be the cause of your death, my rose.” Steaphan rested his hand atop Eduardo’s, and met his heart’s piercing gaze with his own watery glare. 

“Then let us pray that thy mother’s stories were just stories, and that thy dream was just a dream.” Eduardo took a half-step forward, crossing the distance between himself and Steaphan so that he could capture the man’s lips in a searing kiss. 

Their expression of love was broken by the sound of trumpets and a roaring crowd, their signal that they would be due to begin the joust in mere moments. 

Eduardo broke the kiss and raised his hand to trace the woven plaits of the intricate braids in Steaphan’s hair for what could very well be the final time. “Whatever happens on the field today- my love, you must not blame yourself. We are but pawns in our master’s feuds. In life and in death, I swear to hold no grudge against you for the actions you must take.” 

A tear rolled down Steaphan’s cheek, wetting the war paint brushed over his eye. “You must ready yourself for combat, my knight. I will see you on the field.” 

Eduardo nodded silently and returned to his place in the tent’s entryway. Before making his leave, however, he turned back around to face Steaphan, and gave an exaggerated bow. “May thy lance by steady, and may thine aim be true.” 

Steaphan clenched his eyes shut and took a shaky breath, then exhaled the air in a sob. “May thy lance by steady, and may thine aim be true.” 

Eduardo gave him a final sympathetic look, then exited the tent, leaving Steaphan to finish his preparations for the joust. 

Click here to continue reading, and to see the art made for this fic!

[charkie-ee]

💚💛❤️ Third Life Series in 2024 (happy 3 years of third life!!) 💚💛❤️

“This series went from being like ‘it’s hardcore with a gimmick!’ to ‘it’s like battle dome in here!’”

so because it has been 3 years since our beloved traffic series has started, i figured a good way to celebrate would be going back and watch 3rd life from the winners pov.

this post will basically contain notes from the 1st episode that my brain has entirely/somewhat forgotten.

if you have not watched 3rd life FULLY this is will contain spoilers! i feel like thats a given, but i'll put it here anyway.

(i was thinking about making this post just for funsies but then i checked the date and realized that it was actually 3rd life’s 3 year anniversary TODAY. fjdkjfkdjd I SO PLANNED THIS. TOTALLY!)

ONE MORE QUICK THING!!: did i forget anything? reply, or put it into the tags if theres something I missed!!

EPISODE ONE: Grian plays Minecraft… With a TWIST

. this is the first series Grian’s officially played using the proximity chat mod.

. mentioned briefly at 2:55, this is Grian’s first hardcore series he’s ever played in.

. the first person grian meets up with is BigB!

. Grian only sees RenDog once in his first episode.

. Grian was originally going to base somewhere in the flower forest (closer to where Scott and Jimmy eventually live) before basing with Scar in the desert. However, once he started building, Grian immediately disliked it, and called it the ugliest thing he’s ever built.

. Grian gives his flint and steel to Scar, which he uses to burn down Etho's dark oak tree.

. Grian hides two villagers, and originally wants to show them to Etho. However, Impulse, and Bdubs, follow, and the word gets out shortly after. *

. Scar and Grian were going to team up BEFORE Scar was killed. Scar first brings up having a monopoly on sand around the 12 minute mark.

. (not really notes but) Scar takes his shirt off for the first time at 15 minutes exactly. (i can’t believe im writing this smh)

. * Grian is invited to go back to the village after venturing to the sand biome with Scar, and trades his villagers. (he trades them for 3 diamonds, a dark oak sapling, a lava bucket, a juke box and disc, a bed, and some other lint)

. Grian explodes Scar at the 21:25 minute mark. There were 6 witnesses to his 'prank'. Impulse, Etho, Cleo, Bdubs, Tango, and Martyn. (my favorite thing about this is that Ren puts in the chat "Enchanting would have helped with that")

. Grian pledges his 1st life to Scar(didn't really forget that part, but i did forget that Grian loses his first life near the end of the series

. Pizza is first seen at the 25 minute mark exactly! (i think Pizza spawned in during a cut in Grian’s video. because i am only watching his pov, i do not know where Pizza originally cane from, this is the best estimate.)

. Grian abandons his first base in the flower forest at 26:15. This hole-in-the wall base didn’t last an episode.

. Grian and Scar originally wanted to have a monopoly over sand AND dark oak, and successfully chopped down the ‘only’ forest they saw. However, there was another not too far away from their base which ultimately ruined that monopoly. That being said, if the second dark oak forest had not been there, they might’ve had a chance at monopolizing dark oak saplings.

.💚💛❤️.

I will be doing more posts like this for all of the episodes of Grian’s pov. that being said, if i miss something that was said/a scene in a different pov, i will not include that in this post.

for now, i hope you’ve enjoyed this little forgotten-info post, and i encourage you to watch the series for yourself!

I remember watching 3rd life for the first time when the episodes were still coming out, and i’ve loved the series ever since. It was, and still is a comfort series i watch when going through tough times. I’ve met lots of people, and made lots of friends through this series, and although i don’t post a lot about it on my blog, i’m grateful to have found a community who feels the same.

thanks for reading!

.💚💛❤️.

[askbensolo]

Ask Ben Solo

What’s up, HoloNet! The name’s Ben. Currently 23 years old. I’m the only son of an Alderaanian princess and a Corellian scoundrel, and I have an adopted sister named Rey.

I started this blog when I was fifteen and afraid of becoming a Jedi. To make things worse, I started hearing voices in my head…voices that turned out to be someone who wanted to control me. Luckily, my friends and family got involved, and Snoke seems to have backed off.

I did make friends with some of Uncle Luke’s Jedi students, but I ended up attending the University of Naboo (Go Shaaks!) and got my degree in Journalism, since I’ve always been interested in writing, history, and politics. (Scroll back enough, and you’ll see my cringe pro-Imperial phase from back in the day. Yikes.)

I stayed on Naboo after graduation, and now I write for The Chommell Sector Daily. In my free time I lift weights, write poetry, and fight with people online.

Ask me a question!

—Ben

All Posts in Chronological Order

------

Run by @luke-shywalker Est. 2016

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Fannie’s Blog: @fanniepentarra

Amalia’s Blog: @mal-is-tall

(Their blogs are dead because they're lame, but maybe if we bother them enough they'll come back)

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Inktober 2016

Posts by Character

Family

Mom: My mother, also known as Senator Leia Organa, also known as Space Mom, also known as Don't Mess With Her. Tough as nails. Also has nice nails.

Dad: My father, also known as Han Solo (or scruffy-looking nerfherder). Isn’t as cool as you think he is, but makes up for it with heart.

Rey: My adopted sister, also known as "Kid". Ten years younger than me. Originally from Jakku. Eats faster than anyone I’ve ever seen.

Uncle Luke: My uncle, also known as Jedi Master Luke Skywalker. Is a cinnamon roll.

Ren the Bantha of Indeterminate Gender or Origin: My stuffed bantha friend. Not much can be known about this humble beast, but they are fiercely loyal.

Threepio: My mom's protocol droid. Has foregone enough memory wipes to pass as sentient. Best ignored.

Artoo: Luke’s beeping trash can. Extremely rude.

Chewie: My dad’s best pal. Gives great hugs. Don’t play holochess with him.

Lumpy: Chewie’s son. About my age in Wookiee years.

Darth Vader: My grandfather. It's complicated.

Friends

Fannie: One of Luke's Jedi students, who has since graduated. Twi'lek. My bestie when we were teens. Mom friend.

Amalia: One of Luke's Jedi students, who has since dropped out. Massive Togruta girl. Frenemy.

Treeso: My roommate from college. Gungan. Solid dude.

Sweeper: My archnemesis: the cleaning droid at work that keeps eating my paper notes.

Ugly Raisin Men Who Have Invaded My Mind With the Force

Snoke: Enough said.

Story Events

The Long Night: (2/25/16 - 4/2/16) In which I woke up from a nightmare and couldn’t sleep.

Space Braces: (5/16/16 - 12/7/2017) In which I got braces.

Get Out of My Head: (8/4/16 - 8/28/16) In which Mom left for a diplomatic mission and left me at home with my dad, and I was consumed by fear and darkness.

The Visit: (10/6/16 - 11/5/16) In which Uncle Luke came to visit us.

Sixteen!: (12/3/16 - 12/11/16) In which I turned sixteen.

Life Day 21 ABY: (12/25/16 - 12/26/16) Life Day!

The Impending Future: (9/10/17 - 9/29/17) In which I had an existential crisis about Mom wanting me to become a Jedi, and I discovered Snoke.

Seventeen!: (12/3/17 - 12/11/17) In which I turned seventeen.

Life Day 22 ABY: (12/25/17 - 12/26/17) Life Day!

A Week With Luke: (12/21/17 - 1/7/18) In which my mom made me spend a week at Luke’s Jedi school.

An Awkward Situation: (4/26/18 - 7/15/18) In which I thought my best friend Fannie was going to ask me out. Like, on a date.

About Amalia: (7/16/18 - 8/7/18) In which I accidentally started a chain of rumors about Amalia, Luke’s mysterious and hardest-to-get-along-with student.

The New Roommate: (4/24/24 - current) In which my roommate Treeso moves out and I have to find someone to take over his lease.

Recurring Tags Below

[coruscqte]

what is xiayu’s relationship with the stellaron hunters? how do they feel about her? i’d love to hear! ur thoughts are always intriguing :3

to preface this, while i do enjoy the hunters im not actually particularly familiar with most of them :0! with the very narrow exception of firefly, i did have to go poking around on the wikia for interactions and such to find somewhere to start.

+ secondly you left a couple questions in the tags of her last post so i'll try and answer those too! <3 (i would kill for your tags btw i hope you know that /pos)

also tagging @sundays-wing-piercing + @lesbianbootheng as per usual <3

kafka:

this is a weird one because kafka, besides firefly and blade, is likely the one that interacts with xiayu the most. pops up whenever she’s least expected, just looking to see what she might be up to every few years. depending upon how you see the relationship she has with the trailblazer, she probably feels as if she has some … vague responsibility to look out for her. keep her out of trouble at least.

its not like her parents need her to, with three trailblazers someone would be lucky to walk away with all their fingers if they touched a hair on her head, but it never hurt to just. check on her if she was on planet. then message her. then meet up with her. of course not. kafka’s the furthest thing from maternal, but she fits neatly into a rich aunt slot. sort of. if that rich aunt had a gun.

though i dont think kafka would want her to be a hunter. as much as she preaches that xiayu should be equally fearless (“a vidyadhara with magic at her fingertips and a half decent shot with an axe? tell me, what is it that one little dragon has to be afraid of?”), its not like approves of her putting herself in unnecessary danger. not without her present, at least.

appreciates the finer things in life. sends ahead these dubiously earned things in the space mail for xiayu to wear or use. most of these things are packed away in her closet, but sometimes she wears this pearl bracelet kafka bought her for her fifteenth birthday (“oh hush, trailblazer. she could use something a little womanly, don’t you think?”).

occasionally, if they do run into each other, they get dinner. discuss nothing of any true importance, its off script usually between scenes, and having someone new around — young, fresh — its invigorating to kafka.

what xiayu thinks of her is equally a mystery. i think she considered becoming a hunter shortly after march’s death and still rides the fence on the topic today, but before kafka died, she’d said elio had no place for her in the script. that she was never going to be a true actor in any of their scenes.

of course, necessary redirection. whether xiayu continues to take this as proper advice is truly up to time. whether it was fate that she eventually loses everyone but her father (and that she will lose him someday), she’s not sure if she wants to be a slave to destiny. really, she doesnt know if she already is or not.

blade:

i. am not sure. i am incredibly xing/yue pilled, im ren//heng pilled only because a beloved mutual of mine is, so xiayu just appearing in canon probably throws blade for a loop. a) *how* and b) why.

(in my uber perfect world its just one big polycule. jinghengren / danstellemarch / stellefly. this is not my uber perfect world)

but i like to imagine a canon where blade and dan heng are able to reconcile their past lives and at least become amicable towards each other again. maybe not friends, but also not stab-on-sight.

xiayu is so small and innocent to him that hes just not really sure what to make of her. this ankle biting child that clings onto his pants is not exactly easily understood and he does not want to be left alone with her. at all. so much joy in a tiny person good god. he’d sooner pawn her off to kafka or firefly before she stays with him.

though i dont think she’s scared of him. fascinated by him maybe, esp as a child she likes his eyes. its bit terrifying to turn a little and see a baby staring you down though.

but an older xiayu, if blade lives long enough to see her mature into a young adult ... is probably not all that different from firefly. amped to 11. hes not sure where she gets the energy (read: its from march). surely he comes to care about her just a smidge. a little even. maybe has one of the hunters send a message for him if theyre both on the same planet (though kafka will usually message her first). she gets exactly one (1, singular) sword-wielding lesson from him, and thats about it. to him, she has potential, if she just matures a little.

seeing someone so ready to throw their life away when she’s so young and full of life is … disorienting. his time has been up for quite a long time now, but her’s is just beginning. he cant make heads or tails of why shes like this.

i wonder if he sees dan heng in her, in her face, wonder if hes seeing his old friend in three separate ways -- through dan feng, dan heng and now his daughter. terrible facade she puts up after march and stelle are gone, but should he live long enough to see them pass, i think blade of all people might be the one to rationalize their deaths to her. after all, its finality at work. you cant escape fate, you can only use it. life goes on, and even if you don’t wan it, people will stay you with long after they’ve left this plane.

though blade’s good ending to me is him dying long before xiayu is born at all. this is just a hypothetical.

silver wolf:

im not sure silver wolf knows what to make of the trailblaze baby. and im not sure that xiayu knows what to make of her either. unlike her and firefly they relate on less things and are closer in age as well. begrudgingly, silver wolf probably offers to play games with her when she gets old enough.

though, i do think she keeps an eye out for her in public channels. nothing too fancy, silver wolf wouldnt be caught dead risking her neck for a kid that didn’t even care about her all that much — but she figures its the least she can do if kafka likes her. she’ll remove a record here, tip the scales in her favor there, other than that theyre simply gaming partners and not much else.

silver wolf is still the better gamer. just because xiayu lives longer doesn’t mean she’ll ever win. after all, silver wolf has never pulled her punches.

firefly:

firefly was at the baby shower. for sure. she brought a little gift, it was xiayu's first mobile. i like to think it had butterflies patterned like her dress over it. looking out for her, in a way lol

also, the only stellaron hunter allowed to babysit. not that the three of them tend to use babysitters very often, but if firefly isn't on a script, stelle sometimes calls her.

i dont think xiayu has ever seen sam for herself 🤔 even if we’re particularly optimistic im not actually sure how long firefly will live for in canon. she might not even live long enough into xiayu’s “normal” adulthood at 20ish. given she may discover her “aunt’s” altered form on her own, but its not incredibly likely and thats okay. firefly wants to be known as herself to xiayu, rather than what she was made to be.

flair for the dramatics though. is the one sending all the (watered down) stories for xiayu to read. cultivates her thrill seeking, and she thinks being a stellaron hunter is SO cool for a little while.

firefly (?) maybe have been the first time she experienced true loss, if himeko + welt didnt go first. i think that was a bit of a shell shock, but thats also probably how she figured out she could keep sending messages to dead people’s ids. she misses her aunt too.

i think out of all of the hunters, firefly is the one she was closest with. someone she could really talk to if she got into an argument with her parents or if she just wanted to do something silly or girly or mundane with a non family member.

i do think that firefly inspired her to be just who she was though. not stelle or march or dan heng. just that she herself was enough, that she herself was at her best no matter what. it was a rather sweet parting gift that firefly left for her, and i think it must be one of her accessories that she also wears.

-

and then i'll do my very best to address these!

xiayu's catcake is named dragonfruit creamcake <3 munyamunyamunyamunyamunya, that poor cat will meow your ear off until you get sick of it or it manages to tire itself out. then itll plop itself in your lap and youre not allowed to move unless you want it to yap at you even more.

it does seem particularly fond of rice dumpling, trashcake and ice cake. it likes to "chat" whenever anyone unlucky enough to enter the lab interacts with it, and has routinely managed to escape the little catcaketopia in ruan mei’s lab. truly, it has asta stumped -- ruan mei didn't create it, the trailblazer didn't make it, where did this creation come from?

like any good mother with their rambunctious toddler, stelle of course took xiayu out to teach her baseball. now, this did mean pompom lost a vase or two whenever xiayu swung a little too hard on the express, but by the time she's a little older she has decent technique. because she doesn't carry the traditional bat, shes not known as the galactic baseballer, but it worries yanqing that she doesn't wield the axe like an axe -- its distinctly as if she treats it like a bludgeoning object.

(classically trained swordsman v gung-ho axe wielder, who wins?)

interestingly enough, xiayu sees yanqing as an estranged elder brother almost. he often wonders if he was this irresponsible as a child, and then thanks jing yuan for raising him. multiple times.

she is decent at video games! she prefers a handheld console that stelle bought for her compared to the phone that she owns, she and stelle are 1-4 right now on one of the newer games, she’s just waiting for her mom to get back to do a proper rematch. until then, she plays other games on her console.

extra fact i thought of while writing this: do you think dan heng is the one that sees his partners in his daughter? like, has a deja vu moment everytime she smiles a certain way or says something just the way one of them would? he knows he isn't dan feng, he never wanted to be treated as such, but to acknowledge the same of xiayu, that she isn't her mothers, that is so much more difficult.

[rstarsims3]

Get to know you - Sims Style

Thank your for tagging me, @daniel-fortesque & @bast-sims

What’s your favorite Sims death?

None (hate it when it happens); the most frequent one in my gameplays is the old age one.

Alpha CC or Maxis Match?   A mix between the two, it depends how well the CC matches the game's art style.

Do you cheat your sims weight? Not really; what I cheat is how muscular my female sims are as I play a lot the Acrobat career in TS3 Showtime and my girls bulk up too fast and too much.

Do you move objects? Ever since I learned about this particular (and very useful) cheat, yes.

Favorite Mod? Most of the Nraas mods, all of @thesweetsimmer111 fabulous baby/toddler mods and also small ones to correct some stuff in the game (like No Mascot Camera Zoom, No Autonomous Gaming, Autonomous Wash Hands After Toilet Use, Zoom-In CaS Camera, etc)

First Expansion/Game Pack/Stuff Pack? World Adventures.

Do you pronounce live mode like aLIVE or LIVing?   aLIVE  

Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? A lot of them, for different reasons.

Selena Noble - a ballerina (now an acrobat) with no moral compass. But I think she's cute so she's my muse for the balletcore collection.

Lin Young - my fearless adventurer.

Riley Preston - my talented artist.

Hope London - my dedicated gardener.

These three: Mel Hada, Ren Akiba & Jace White (aka Yasu Sato). They are the MCs from "Uncertainty".

I don't have pics of them right now, but I also have to mention: Sasha Azarov, Daichi & Rei Sato, Ayanna Sato, Sebastian DeLuca.

Have you made a simself? The first sim I ever made was a simself. It did not go well.

Which is your favorite EA hair color? None; since it's TS3 I mix them according to my characters.

Favorite EA hair? Not really using the EA hairs usually, but I'd choose the Playful Updo from Late Night.

Favorite life stage? I play a lot the YA & A life stages, but also enjoy all the other ones.

Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay?  I'm in for everything the game has to offer: gameplay, building, CAW, CC creation.

Are you a CC creator? Yup.

Do you have any Simblr friends or a Sim Squad? I wouldn't say a squad, but I do have people here that I admire and like to interact with.

Do you have any sims merch? Nope.

Do you have a  YouTube for sims? Yes (as I'm an ex-machinima creator), but these days I'm only using it when I have animations to share.

How has your “Sims style” changed throughout your years of playing? In every possible way. I put a lot more thought into my builds (and worlds), my sims no longer look like aliens (I used to make them have these big anime eyes) and my gameplays are more wish-based than ever.

Who’s your favorite CC creator? So many of them since I'm a big CC hoarder. As Daniel said, everyone who brings something to this game is a champion and deserves accolades.

But to mention only a few, I'd say @simtanico for their high quality items, @enable--llamas for the awesome furniture, ArtVitalex & Onyxium over at TSR who both still create furniture for TS3, Bill-Sims also at TSR, @sim-songs here on Tumblr for their conversions, @technicallyswagpizza for their amazing plants (and tutorials that taught me a lot), @yorithesims and @bmit04 for poses; @maryjanesims3 & @agnelid for hair default replacements, and so many more. Sorry, I can't remember everyone right now.

How long have you had Simblr? Since January 2019.

How do you edit your pictures? For more aesthetic pics I use Reshade and PS (although I don't remember ever posting these types of pics), but I usually just slightly adjust the brightness, contrast, saturation and exposure in PS as I love the TS3's default art style (I'm just spicing it up a little).

What expansion/ gamepack is your favorite? Kinda all of the expansion packs?! Mainly Seasons, World Adventures, Late Night, Island Paradise, Generations. Also love all the functional store content and worlds.

Tagging:  @technicallyswagpizza @chojrak-making-things @agnelid @murfeelee @simtanico @puffkins2000 @yorithesims @enable–llamas @solori @pudding-parade @faerielandsims @jazzysimlife @tiaamorosa @lordressdragoonbear @thesweetsimmer111 @bmit04 @maryjanesims3 @nornities

Feel free to ignore if not interested or have done this before! 😁😘

[fisticuffs-bee]

Favorite Character Poll (:

I'll even get Into It i have Reasons

Have you seen sonic. he's so cool. i literally keep getting the reputation of being The Sonic Guy because i do NOT shut up about that series when given the chance.

I simply have a tendency to love protagonists and watanuki is the protagonist of what is my favorite manga ever

You guys have no idea how much I think about vanitas. It's incredible I haven't posted more about kingdom hearts in general actually. but i think that's mostly because the only kh thing i think about is a massive au that is Such an undertaking that i dont really want to have to bother explaining it more than once akshfalksda

unfortunately, persona 5 left a huge impact on me when i was in high school. i wish that game was actually good for the hold that it still has over me.

i experienced twewy when i was an edgy middle schooler (hes a bit older, granted, but. lol just like neku) and it changed me forever. (i only said "and neo" bc i really like his design in neo it inspired me to use my adult money to go out and buy clothes that i actually like and not just wear whatever i still had of stuff my mom got me when i was in high school)

my favorite character of all time ever is my own blorbo salem jastres who is my oc ive had for nearly over a decade at this point. i have literally considered changing my last name to his whenever i get it legally changed. he is the guy i absentmindedly doodle in notebook margins. because i used him for a dnd campaign, i've got two versions of him running around and im equally obsessed with both. my friends jokingly accused me of kinning him. i literally never stop thinking about him. i HAD to give him some sort of mention here. but he's not a real option hes just the "i dont know these guys / i dont care / i just want to see the results" option

some honorable (or not so honorable, depending) mentions include: chai from hi-fi rush, zangetsu from bleach (hollow zangetsu), junpei tenmyouji from zero escape, and jak from jak and daxter (fun fact: zangetsu is the dishonorable mention i have a love/hate relationship with bleach)

[howlingday]

Jaune, Ren, & Oscar must stop their greatest threat yet: Nora on a pancake induced sugar high. Will the trio of intrepid Hunters be able to keep their teammate from causing untold destruction? Or will Nora's new-found power and speed be too much for them? Find out now!

Jaune: Hey, there's a lot of commotion going on down there.

Oscar: Is it the Grimm?

Ren: (Looking through binoculars) It is... Not! It's Nora! We should see what's going on.

Jaune: Is she alone?

Oscar: If she is, I'm sure we can handle her. Besides, if she attacks, it'll only be three vs on, right?

Jaune: Yeah, that's a fair point.

---------------------------------------------------

Ren: No problem.

Jaune: GG, EZ.

Oscar: Uh... Guys?

Nora: (Climbs out, Pink lightning crackling)

Jaune: Wait, we just took care of vanilla Nora, and now we're fighting against Charged Nora?!

---------------------------------------------------

Ren: Oh... Shit...

Jaune: Just jumping straight to fucking Sugar High Nora, huh?

Oscar: W-What are the other four fights?

---------------------------------------------------

Ren: We have the relic! Time to bring Jaune back!

Jaune: Or make you immortal.

Oscar: Pfft! Or...!

Jaune: What's the plan? Do we beat her, or back off and restore our aura?

Ren: Can you try Oscar?

Oscar: I can try! I can-

Jaune: Nope! You're dead! Fuck! What do we-

Ren: Jaune, tag me in!

Jaune: You got it!

Ren: Let's goAAAAAAAAAGH!

Jaune: (Wheezing)

Oscar: (Cackling)

Ren: I died...

---------------------------------------------------

Oscar: I don't care- OW! Okay, I care. I care a whole lot! Go get her, Jaune!

Jaune: Huh, what?! OH GOD! OH FUCK! NONONO! LEAVE ME ALO- GHK!

Ren: What the fuck... You could have said, "Hey, I'm not here here."

Jaune: I'm not here! I'm never here!

Oscar: So... This is where it all ends.

Ren: Not yet! (Fires Storm Flower)

Nora: (Walks through the gunfire past Ren)

Ren: What the-?! (Swings tethered blades)

Nora: (Backflips over blades, Grabs Ren)

Oscar: ...

Jaune: Okay, THAT was the coolest shit I had ever seen!

---------------------------------------------------

Jaune: Nora, what the fuck?! What the fuck are you doing?!

Nora: Nora isn't here right now, there is only Joe...

Jaune: Joe who?

Nora: Joe Momma~!

Jaune: OH, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT! AGH!

---------------------------------------------------

Ozpin: Let me fight her.

Jaune: Are... Are you sure?

Ren: You're not looking well, sir.

Ozpin: I can take her.

Jaune: I mean, your arm is out of it's socket.

Ozpin: I can push it back it. Let me fight.

Ren: Okay...

Jaune: This is a load of bull crap...

Ozpin: I... I... I must... fight you until... until you...

Ren: Oh my god, he's as good as dead.

---------------------------------------------------

Ren: I can revive my friends!

Ren: But power, though...

Ren: I'm just kidding... kind of.

Oscar: Ren, no!

Ren: I'm tired of everyone else getting my fucking screen time!

---------------------------------------------------

Jaune: I... I think she's slowing down. Gonna get some water in me.

Nora: Good idea, Jaune! (Clack! Clack! Clack! Clack! Clack! Clack! Clack! Clack!)

Ren: Nora! What are you going to do with all eight of those coffee cans?!

Nora: I'M GOING TO OPEN SOME MORE! (Clack! Clack! Clack! Clack! Clack! Clack! Clack! Clack! Clack! Clack! Clack! Clack! Clack! Clack! Clack! Clack! Clack! Clack!)

Oscar: NO, NORA, STOP!

Nora: Okay~! There's already so many fucking coffee cans! (Chugging cans)

Jaune: FUCKFUCKFUCKNOOOOOOOOO!

---------------------------------------------------

Ozpin: Let me show you how it's done.

Jaune: Please, do.

Ozpin: (Crawls out of the rubble) Let me show you how- Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Let me show you how it's done.

Ren: When is the part where he shows us?

Ozpin: (Climbing out of the crater) Let me show you how it'd done.

Ren: Did he show us yet, or...?

Jaune: I think he's still trying.

Ozpin: Let me show how it's done- I didn't mean to do that! Get me out! Get me out!

---------------------------------------------------

Jaune: (Grabs Nora) Big Dunk!

Nora: (Slammed into ground, Aura shatters)

Jaune: BIG! FUCKING! DUNK!

Ren: WE DID IT!

Oscar: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Jaune: Huh? (Looks at his scroll) We- Ha ha... We got 50,000 lien. (Looks around, Chuckle) Considering Nora caused 5 million lien in property damage, this is, technically, fucking worthless.

Ozpin: Remember, this is called hard work.

Ren: ...

Jaune: ...I fucking hate you.

[foxymoxynoona]

Tell Me What Changed Pt. 8

Banner and lines by the talented @awrkive

Summary: Alex and Jungkook have been best friends since childhood –actual best friends. She is NOT in love with him, for real, and wishes people would stop assuming that. Why does no one question if he’s in love with her? Huh? But it might have to do with his successful fuckboy status, while Alex is very much… not that. Which is fine and doesn’t matter! Until Jimin’s impending wedding leaves her eager for a date and willing to put herself out there, and Jungkook can’t believe what happens next.

Fuckboy Best Friend JK x OC

CW and tags: fuckboy behavior, jealousy, pining, heartbreak, angst, bad language, explicit sex, sexy photos, alcohol, f2l, who knows what else

Read on AO3 here or below

Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Next Chapter

“Hey Hobi, can you grab my hair?” Alex called, arm deep in ground beef and spices she was hand folding. She hadn’t thought about her hair when she started but it kept swinging down in front of her face and it was long enough now to land in the bowl. Maybe it was time for a haircut… but she’d never been good at styling hair and the shorter it was, the more she felt like she needed to do things with it. 

In seconds Hoseok was behind her, a ponytail holder from her purse stretched around his fingers. The gentle way he dragged her hair back, sliding his fingers through it to get the last strands, gave her goosebumps in spite of the gross wet feel of fatty meat caked between her fingers. Very disorienting combination. 

He twisted it one too few times so it was loose and low on her back but at least it was out of the beef.  

“It looks… it smells good,” he corrected himself. She grinned at his eagerness to praise and support her. She had admitted it was daunting to cook for them with Seokjin’s culinary skill on display so often. But Alex had wanted to cook for Hoseok for a while and finally had the time and energy to buy the things she needed.

“What is it?” Seokjin asked, leaning against the counter. 

“It’s meatballs,” Milena insisted, to which Seokjin gave an incredulous look until Alex confirmed, “We’re doing American and Chinese fusion tonight…”

“It’s really meatballs?” Hoseok asked, eyes wide with disbelief.

“They’re fancy meatballs,” Alex defended. 

“I didn’t mean anything bad! Are they Chinese meatballs?”

“I don’t know,” Alex sulked. “Not really… but usually zha jiang mian has pork or beef in it but you said Ren and Samantha don’t eat meat so I left the pork out of the sauce and the rest of us can add them meatballs–”

Hoseok laughed and touched her hips, “Alex, I didn’t mean to offend you. I’m sure it will be great.”

“It will be great,” she said, but stopped herself before adding Jungkook loves my meatballs!

A cold chill slid across her shoulders but she ignored it and leaned into Hoseok’s warm hands with a hip wiggle before chasing him away so she could continue. Seokjin hovered a bit longer, until she yelled that he was making her nervous, and he laughed and yelled back that she better not poison them, and Hoseok yelled at Seokjin for insulting her, and they went off to set the table. 

Even with pressure to cook well, Alex felt more relaxed than she had in weeks. Not that everything was perfect and easy. Living at home again was taking some transitioning. Her whole daily routine and social life felt like it had been tossed into a salad shaker. And also she missed her best friend like fuck. 

But she didn’t feel like she was juggling knives. She didn’t walk on eggshells around anyone or feel like she was hiding things or keeping secrets. Her fears that Hoseok would have enough and dumb her for the drama subsided. She didn’t have to worry herself sick trying to figure out what to do because hey, the arm was gone! Just the whole damn arm! She had to learn to live without the arm but people did that all the time! She couldn’t slam her fingers in the kitchen drawer now or something something.

Things were simpler and easier and she took that to be a sign she had done the right thing. Probably living at home was going to drive her crazy before too long, even though she loved her parents, but if all went well, maybe in a year or two she’d be moving in with Hoseok anyway! Oh god. Or if that was too soon, maybe she could jump into a roommate space with Rebekah or Minxi if that freed up. Or if she got too miserable she’d just look for a new roommate on craigslist or whatever. She had options. Tomorrow was a new day. The sky was her oyster or something like that.

Yes, this was the right thing to do. She hummed along to music Milena put on in the living room even though she wasn’t familiar with it and focused on cooking so she wouldn’t accidentally burn it. The meatballs were easy but the zha jiang mian was easy to fuck up if she forgot to pay attention and burned the sauce. One time she and Jungkook had smoked themselves out of the kitchen trying to get it just right– ok, maybe that actually got distracted by videos on his phone– 

She hummed louder, and cleared her mind of anything that wasn’t cooking, and smiled at the easy laughter of her friends and the overly loud joke told by her boyfriend that set them off. The doorbell rang, their last two vegetarian guests arriving, and Hoseok went running to answer it like an overexcited puppy. She thought Hoseok was happier too. It was a sad turn of events but everything would be better in the long run, that was the truth. 

*

“Ah those were some damn good meatballs,” Hoseok said once the food had been eaten, dishes cleared away, leftovers stored, and Tate, Milena, Ren, and Samantha had said their farewells. Seokjin was already holed up in his room, the noise of him mumbling to himself as he played his game audible if you lingered near his door, which Alex did not ever, being well acquainted with other noises one might accidentally overhear doing so.

Hoseok and Alex weren’t there for long though. He sexily threw the dishtowel over his shoulder and Alex’s grin must have revealed the appeal because he laughed and gestured her closer.

“Thank you for cooking,” he said, sliding his arms over her shoulders. “It’s cool to show off my girlfriend.”

“Yeah? I’m glad it turned out well.”

He kissed her forehead, which was sweet. Then he hunched further and she leaned up so he could kiss her for real. That easy warm feeling wrapped around her. The fact that kissing Hoseok was normal to her now was in itself still remarkable. She felt like they’d really gone through something together, even if the stress and suffering had been primarily hers, and the fact everything was still so good soothed her soul. She saw so many stories about toxic or messy relationships, it was like the basis of every romantic movie, but her relationship with Hoseok was just easy once she’d cut off the arm that was Jungkook! Was it supposed to be this easy? Was she just really lucky?! That seemed unlikely and yet the proof was there.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked her, arms comfortably wrapped around. Hoseok’s hugs were just something else, they’d made a hugger out of her when she never thought of herself as one before. Being hugged by Hoseok recharged your batteries straight to full.  

She wasn’t about to tell him the embarrassing truth: I’m thinking about how the future with you looks so peaceful and steady. A calm, flat horizon with blue skies. Surely something would go wrong at some point but she had a hard time picturing what. Couldn’t they be supportive and kind and just always be ok? Short of one of them doing something wildly out of character, was this it now? Were they just going to be happy forever? Someday they’d move in together and get married and have a baby or something? Or maybe just adopt dogs. But they both had jobs that were good and liked living in this area so probably no major moves. Could life really be as easy as that? No, right?

“Alex,” he murmured, rustling her hair. “You’re quiet. Are you ok?”

“Just digesting,” she assured him. “And thinking about how nice this is.”

“Yeah. It is nice. Oh, I meant to tell you– you know I started going by my old dance school?”

“Mm-hm.”

“I signed up to start taking a few classes again. I miss dancing and I figured why wait? I’m only getting older.”

She pulled away and beamed, “Yeah, you should! I want to watch you dance!”

“Ok, good, I want you there. There’s usually a showcase later in the fall… ah, I’m rusty but I’ll get it back.”

“Yeah! Oh my god, yeah, I can’t wait to see you!”

“Ok ok,” he grinned. “Good then. That’s nice.”

“Yes, that’s nice,” she giggled, and pressed her face back to his chest. 

“You know what would be nicer?” he asked after another minute of swaying.

“Um… what?”

“If we got naked,” he whispered. “You, me, my freshly made bed? The meatballs were really good and they gave me a lot of energy. Do you think…”

“Do I think what?”

“Do you want to? We don’t have to if you don’t feel like it–”

“Why wouldn’t I feel like it? Yeah, let’s go! Let me run to the restroom first but…”

“Ok, I don’t want to pressure you though. I know it’s been a few weeks and you haven’t been feeling well…”

Alex paused at the edge of the kitchen, only now realizing he was right. It had been a few weeks since they’d had sex. Their sex life was steady and stable so she didn’t exactly track how often they did the deed, but she happened to know that he was right, they hadn’t had sex since right after she’d moved out of her apartment. She’d been desperate for sex but afterwards wound up feeling like she’d over-exherted herself and had been too distracted to be any real good for Hoseok, though he hadn’t said that. She hadn’t avoided sex on purpose since but it just hadn’t happened again...

“Sorry,” she said. “I didn’t realize that– but you’re right! I swear I’m not avoiding sex or anything, I guess I just wasn’t feeling great for a little bit.”

“Yeah, that’s what I said, it’s fine! That happens. You don’t have to apologize,” he insisted, running his hands up to cradle her face. “If you still don’t feel like it–”

“No, I do. Let’s get back in the sack, let’s go,” she assured him. She didn’t know how to explain to him that without understanding it, she’d felt like she was waiting for something… But what? Waiting for something to point out she wanted to and ought to have sex with her boyfriend? Waiting for permission to be normal? It made no sense. She didn’t know anything yet about the ebb and flow of sex in a relationship, just that things were good and she wanted to feel good in that department too. 

Fortunately, it was easy to get right back into rhythm together. Alex finished with a happy, satisfied sigh after just the right amount of time fucking, and curled up comfortably, blankets clutched to her chest as she admired Hoseok’s body stretched beside her, unabashedly naked. 

“Good?” she asked with a wide grin to show her own answer.

Hoseok matched hers, “Yeah, good. Very good. Always good. Are you staying the night?”

“Uh… I want to but…” She grabbed her phone, which had buzzed right in the middle. She’d had a suspicion that proved to be true: her mom wanted to know when she’d be home. “Well this is going to be annoying…”

“What is?”

“Talking to my mom about the fact I spend the night at my boyfriend’s house sometimes…”

“Oh.” He grimaced. “I didn’t think about that. Is that going to be a problem?”

“It better not be. I’m a grown up!”

“Yeah and you used to live with a guy,” Hoseok pointed out.

“Sure but I wasn’t having sex with him,” she giggled right over the shock that Hoseok would casually mention that sore spot right now. “I’d better go home tonight so I can clarify boundaries before it’s a fight… besides, you work tomorrow don’t you?”

“Not until eight.”

“I don’t want to wake up alone in your bed,” she playfully pouted.

“Yeah it would be hard to leave you alone and naked in my bed,” he agreed, reaching down to kiss her shoulder. 

She let out a deep sigh. 

“Ok, here I go.”

It still took her fifteen minutes to pull herself from the warmth of his bed, and pee, and dress. She dreaded this talk with her parents even though it had to happen. She couldn’t never spend the night with her boyfriend again just because she was living at home. She was twenty-six now!

Shuffling to her car in the chilly September air to go back to her childhood bedroom after great sex felt all kinds of wrong, but she was happy despite that. This inconvenience would only be temporary. The future had never looked happier and calmer than when she was around Hoseok. She felt more confident in herself, like she was really growing up, making major decisions in her own self-interest, facing any troubles head on, doing what was best. Now, since she didn’t pay rent, she could even build up a savings account! So mature! So adult! 

When she left though, and sat in her car, and drove home, that feeling of temporary crept back up. That sense she was waiting for something nudged her in the spine again. Waiting for what? This was it! This was her new normal! She thought maybe her brain was still adjusting to that truth, that being away from her apartment and Jungkook was not just a temporary state but a permanent one. That the arm was really gone, not just asleep. 

There might be a shock when that finally set in. But ok. She’d get through that too. Alex 2.0 was on top of her shit and ready to face the world with Hoseok by her side! 

Too bad he couldn’t be by her side as she explained to her parents she was twenty-six and sometimes wanted to sleep overnight with her boyfriend after they fucked. Obviously in very very different words than that…

Jungkook craned his neck to watch for the first step as he carried his last box of shit up to the second bedroom in Namjoon’s house. The movers had hauled his stuff over yesterday but since he’d rolled to a monthly lease that went to the end of the month, he still had a week to get the last of his things out. Not that he was dragging his feet or anything because he’d already spent too long alone in that crappy empty apartment. He’d hand-carried the last of his things today. He would schedule the final walkthrough and turn over the key next week. Moving was a pain in the dick, that was all. 

He chucked the last box into the pile against the wall, patted Doggo’s head, and then went downstairs where Namjoon stood at the kitchen counter waiting.

“Ok, here’s your key and your garage door opener,” Namjoon said, tapping the counter beside them. “Um… what else…”

“Any more ground rules?” Jungkook asked with a grin. There had been no shortage of discussion once the hangovers after Jungkook’s party wore off and they both recalled that Namjoon had said Jungkook could move in with him. Shockingly, Namjoon didn’t take it back. Though there had been many subsequent conversations about “what was fair” as roommates –what the bills were, when to be quiet, how to clean. “What’s important to you as a roommate?” Namjoon had asked him and Jungkook had just stared at him blankly, no answer in mind. He’d just figured it out with Alex. Back in college, he’d figured it out with Taehyung and Jimin. He wasn’t really a premeditated kind of guy.

Jungkook had braced himself for Namjoon to say something about “visitor policy” or something but it hadn’t come up. The house had two full bathrooms and their rooms were at separate ends of the hall so maybe it wouldn’t be an issue, if Jungkook starting bring girls over all the time or whatever. Which he was totally, absolutely going to do. 

“No,” Namjoon said. “No no. I’m sure we can talk through anything that comes up.”

“Yeah, so what were you thinking about the housewarming rager?” Jungkook asked with a playful grin. “I work Friday and Saturday so I was thinking Sunday night–”

“Yeah ok you can do that after you mow the lawn.”

“Ya, did you just let me move in to be your manservant?” Jungkook laughed.

Namjoon was all grins too and Jungkook felt his moving-day tension ease as Namjoon assured him, “No no, you’re helping me out a lot actually.”

“I am?”

“What, you thought I’m just doing this to be a good friend?” 

“Well… yeah…”

“Damn, really? You think that highly of me?” Namjoon laughed. He pulled two beers out of the fridge, offering them with a gesture; Jungkook accepted with a nod and made a mental note to buy the next case. 

“I know we’re both kind of nervous about how our uh, different styles will mesh,” Namjoon admitted. “But we’re friends, we can figure it out. It’s hard to go from living with someone to then living alone –I had to do that too. And uh… I don’t know, it’s kind of lonely being alone for the first time. I don’t like it as much as I expected to. It’s depressing having to do everything on my own around here. And also way more expensive than I expected.”

“Yeah, I can see that…” His own monthly bills would be a bit higher now; savings in some areas since Namjoon owned, losses in others since this place was bigger and nicer than what he’d been living in with Alex. He could afford it but, well, it was probably good he didn’t need that Europe trip fund anymore.

“So yeah, make yourself at home. If something comes up, I don’t know, just bring it up with me and we’ll talk through it like grown ass adults.”

“Yeah No problem. And seriously, dude, thanks for letting me move in here. The thought of trying to get used to a new roommate I don’t know shit about…”

“Yeah, I remember. I know. Hey, if we’d made different choices in life, maybe this is where we would have been starting after college!”

“Yeah, that’s a way to think about it,” Jungkook agreed.

What Jungkook had appreciated about Namjoon from the start was that he’d never once said anything like dude you’re making too big of a deal, she’s just your friend who moved out. After drunkenly blabbing his bullshit to waaaay too many people at his birthday party until basically everyone knew the whole sob story, he’d braced himself for the teasing, even if his friends meant it lovingly. Instead he could see the careful way his close friends tried to be helpful, and he was really touched by it. Whether that was Namjoon letting him move in, Taehyung scheduling more frequent game sessions, Jimin inviting him over for dinner more often and only asking him to cook half the time. Yes, it all made him feel a little pathetic, but he appreciated their intentions. He didn’t need them to go so out of their way to avoid mentioning Alex but he was also a little grateful for it.

But outside his core circle of friends, he found the “support” a little harder to endure. He thought going out with people a lot would keep him distracted instead of counting the days. It looked good on his Instagram too, in case she happened to be watching; she hadn’t unfollowed him, though she wasn’t posting lately either. But he’d quickly discovered that at the whiff of heartbreak, most people became absolutely well-intentioned assholes. He didn’t just volunteer the information but if it got (easily) dragged out of him (because sometimes talking about it felt like a string still connected them and this was all just a temporary bump), they would inevitably say something like Oh hey, I’ve got a friend I can introduce you to or geez she sounds like a bitch, you’re better off or better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

“Hey, do you think it’s true, that saying about ‘it’s better to have loved and lost–’”

“Nah, it’s bullshit,” Namjoon chuckled as he led the way to the living room. With nothing better to do, Jungkook followed. He sank into one of the two chairs, both positioned so they could look out the windows on either side of the fireplace. Namjoon had a bird feed out there and some little brown things were hopping around chowing down.

“Yeah…”

“I just think it’s trying to stack-rank two things that both suck. Why do people get so competitive about establishing this is better or worse than that? It’s lemons to oranges, they aren’t the same thing even though they’re related. Being lonely sucks but so does having your heart fucked. Not convincing anyone you’re a catch sucks but so does someone thinking you are and then changing their mind, you aren’t worth learning to compromise or whatever… I don’t know. It all sucks.”

“Yeah,” Jungkook agreed. It sucked a little bit less though to hear Namjoon say that. “People keep telling me time heals all wounds, shit like that.”

“Oh yeah. I got uh, ‘there’s more fish in the sea’ so many fucking times.”

“Yeah! But I don’t want time to heal the wound, I want the girl to heal the wound,” Jungkook argued.

“Yeah I didn’t want another fish, I liked the fish I had…. At least for a while. Now I’m over it. But it’s hard when you’re hurting; it feels like no one has ever hurt like you before. So I understand what people mean, they mean well. No one invents heartbreak and it’s hard to watch people hurting so you try to find something to say to make it hurt a little less when the truth is that it just takes time. But we’re conditioned not to want to see people suffer.”

“You think that part’s conditioned or natural?”

“God I’m so glad you moved in,” Namjoon laughed and let his head fall back and kicked his feet up on a little ottoman

“I’m just curious what you think…”

“I don’t think you get enough credit– well probably it’s your own fault. Your instagram doesn’t scream intellectual.”

Jungkook laughed, “Don’t slutshame me, man! I don’t know that I’m an intellectual, I just think sometimes… maybe not enough…” He thought of late night conversations with Alex –drunk, high, or maybe just sleepy. He’d felt understood. With her gone, he worried he’d never feel understood again. One night stands weren’t usually trying to.

But Namjoon understood some of him. Jimin understood some other parts. Taehyung too. 

“Oh hey you know what else you can help me with, I just got that record player working again –Yoongi helped me. Ah, is he a bad topic…”

“Nah, it’s fine. What can I help you with?”

“My vinyl collection is small. I want to go thrift store hunting for more, fill up a whole one of those bookcases. You’ve got good music taste, you can help me out, yeah?”

To say Jungkook was flattered was a massive understatement.

“Yeah, that sounds great.”

And it did! It genuinely did sound great. Life with Namjoon in his nice house with his minimal but simple and mature decor would be different than his starter home with Alex, but this could be ok. Hopefully eventually he would feel more like he fit in here. Right now he couldn’t imagine any of his stuff spreading throughout the house or what it was going to actually be like when he was in and out or how Namjoon was going to handle it if Jungkook didn’t keep things exactly the way he wanted him to but he’d figure it out. Of course he felt like a guest right now, he hadn’t even spent his first night here yet. Namjoon was clearly going out of his way to make him feel welcome.

He had really good friends. Maybe Alex wasn’t the only one he hadn’t verbalized enough appreciation for.

“I really appreciate you letting me move in here, man.”

“Stop saying that,” Namjoon laughed. “You’re welcome here. Mi casa es su casa. Just relax and watch the birds.”

“What’s that little black and white one?” he asked. There were a lot of them and it reminded him of Alex.

He had to stop thinking of Alex all the time. It had been almost a month since she moved out. He was still seeing her in a fucking bird, that couldn’t be healthy, right? Time to stop.

He couldn’t stop thinking of Alex. He still thought about her every single day. He didn’t want that to stop so he needed to learn to live with it, that’s what Namjoon had just said and he trusted Namjoon’s advice more than anyone’s. Time, it would just take time, that’s what Namjoon had said. 

“That’s a chickadee,” Namjoon snickered. “It’s the most common bird. You don’t know what a chickadee is? God I have so much to teach you about domestic suburban life…”

“Sorry man, I was too busy catching other kinds of chicks.”

“Uh huh.”

“But yeah, teach me about the backyard birds. What’s that black and white one with the red head?”

“You’re trolling me, right? You…everyone knows what a woodpecker is…”

“Pecker? Damn whoever named these birds was kind of horny, huh?”

“Ornithologists.”

“Horny-thologists?”

Namjoon grabbed the small decorative pillow from his chair and launched it at Jungkook; he barely had time to move his beer so it wouldn’t spill, barking out a complaint. 

“Isn’t your dick what got you into trouble in the first place?” Namjoon insisted.

“Actually no, my lack of self awareness did.”

Namjoon spluttered with laughter and it made Jungkook laugh too. 

“Lack of self-aware– My ex-wife said the same damn thing about me,” Namjoon admitted. “We’ll be all right, JK.

“Yeah I mean there are plenty of birds in the yard,” Jungkook agreed. “Better to have fed and flown away than never to have shat on the feeder that fed you–”

“Stop stop, where is this coming from?”

“Oh shit did heartbreak actually break me? Am I poetic now?”

“You might be poetic now,” Namjoon laughed. “You should write these down!”

“No I shouldn’t, they’re really bad jokes.”

“They’re funny to me.”

“Namjoon, man, you may not be as smart as everyone thinks you are.”

Namjoon was really squirming, he was laughing so hard. The birds in the yard startled and a bunch flew away –but not the chickadees. They just kept going about their business, snarfing down the birdseed while all the scaredy-birds scattered. But within a few minutes, when nothing else startled them, the other birds came back. Ok, maybe Alex looked like a chickadee but she acted more like whatever those other things were. And if he didn’t scare her and just waited very still and patient, maybe she’d come back. And if she didn’t ever, maybe by then he’d have learned to live without her.

“What are those other ones?” he asked Namjoon. “The ones that came back?”

“White-breasted nuthatch–”

“Are you fucking kidding me? Ok how do I sign up to name birds, since any idiot can come up with this shit. I’m going to name that one a Cockenspiel–”

“That’s a grackle.”

“GRACKLE.”

Someday he was going to have Alex in stitches laughing at these bird names. Right now, Namjoon would do.

“Ok let’s see what records you've got so far, what are you missing? We should go to garage sales too, I bet old people sell good shit like that.”

“Yeah, I bet you’re right.”

But they didn’t rush to look at the records. It was nice, just sitting and watching the birds. Not needing to think or feel or do a single thing, just watching the little fluffs eat. 

“Ok what about that cute fluffy gray one?”

“I really don’t want to answer that.”

“Joon…”

“It’s a um… it’s a tit. It’s a titmouse…”

“You’re fucking with me.”

“Look these are just backyard birds, they don’t even have the horniest names! Look it up on your phone, I think there are even worse ones– hold on, I’ll look it up…”

Ok. Time was passing and maybe he could do this, one dumb bird at a time.

For two people who had not been married, the deep links of their life continued to surface in unexpected and incredibly annoying ways over time. At first, every few days she noticed something she’d left behind, or something of Jungkook’s she had accidentally thrown in the box –she’d found three of his shirts but the thought of returning them was mortifying in case he thought she’d taken them on purpose, but also she wanted her ceiling projector back which was probably still in his bedroom. They shared streaming services which were all in his name because he’d gotten a discount through work and she spent an afternoon writing down what episode she was on in everything and then couldn’t bring herself to sign up fresh for her own accounts on anything yet. They shared a Google calendar which she had to uninstall from all of her devices so she wouldn’t get reminders of his work shifts because apparently he was still using it and she dreaded the day “Jungkook Pussy Appointment” would pop up on her phone. Several times she accidentally sent packages to the old address and had to sneak into the mailroom to get them; after about two weeks she went to Jimin and In’am’s for dinner and they delivered her a stack of mail Jungkook had passed along. That one hurt a lot because couldn’t he just text her that he had a stack and she could swing by–

But maybe he wasn’t comfortable. Maybe he was making a point of giving her the space she’d asked for. Maybe he was sulking. He’d never responded to her happy birthday message so it was possible he just hated her too.

Of all the bills, the one she dragged her feet on the most though was the phone bill. Alex had been on Jungkook’s phone plan for the last three years, once her parents kicked her off and she and Jungkook realized a family plan would be cheaper, especially with his Verizon employee discount. She wasn’t sure what it would take to roll her number off to its own plan and she dreaded the monthly increase and also doing phone things was just annoying. It had been awesome to just roll into the store last time she needed one and Jungkook did all the things and handed her the phone with the best deals and off she went. 

In September, she just Venmoed him her half of the monthly bill like she always did with the note: sorry I’ll get off your plan quick!

She did not get off his plan quick. He accepted the money without comment, no response back, though did transfer her $30 back with for the groceries you left. She thought about trying to return the security deposit again, because she felt guilty she’d left him with so little time to find a roommate. She didn’t know if he’d found one yet. She wasn’t totally avoiding their friends, but she’s only seen Rebekah and Minxi on their own and texted a little with Jimin, and she felt like everyone made a point of not saying anything, not asking anything.

Then she started feeling guilty in case he didn’t realize he was suddenly going to have to pay for the streaming services on his own, so she transferred him half of that too: hey I’m rolling off now, make your new roommate help pay but didn’t want to leave you in a lurch.

He sent it back: it’s $7. I’ll be fine.

She thought his tone was kind of salty and decided that maybe it wasn’t cute to send him these little things. Maybe she wasn’t the only one who needed space. She had, after all, possibly broken his heart. Possibly not. But possibly? It was a major factor in moving out, after all. It was hard to watch someone you loved be with someone else and if he loved her so much that he couldn’t keep it to himself while she had a happy relationship, she didn’t want to put him through watching her be happy.

So she didn’t send him any money for anything else, but also just kind of forgot about it until October when she suddenly remembered the bill would be due again soon and she had not rolled onto her own account. Probably she would have put it off another month and just sent him the money, lazy because he hadn’t demanded she get off or kicked her off himself yet. But then at work she spilled a whole carafe of milk on her pants, and then when trying to clean it up with the case off, she’d kind of accidentally thrown it –look, it was a panicked clumsy mistake, but the screen protector had already been shattered and didn’t save it now, so the screen itself shattered. Plus no matter how well she cleaned it, the whole thing smelled like sour milk within hours. And since she had to transfer off his account anyway, she realized she needed to just go into the store and hope the folks there would recognize her and not press her for account authorization information she didn’t have.

But obviously she wasn’t going to go alone, just in case she did run into Jungkook. She was going to take Hoseok but realized that would turn the mall trip into many hours and anyway he was working the afternoon shift on her free day. She used Siri on her phone to call Rebekah, the one friend she knew would pick up the phone and not just demand to know why she was calling instead of texting. Even though she’d had to endure Rebekah’s teasing, “Does the Sabbath mean nothing to you? You’re lucky I’ll still go shopping… just don’t tell my parents.”

Alex felt like an asshole to not have thought about it, though Rebekah was sometimes loose with which traditions she kept. In this instance, Alex was infinitely grateful for the flexibility. Rebekah’s presence with her at the mall was just what she’d needed. 

“We went on three dates but..”

“Oh, not good?” Alex asked as Rebekah caught her up on the things she’d missed in the last five weeks, starting with her own life. Somehow that five weeks felt both very long and like no time at all. 

“No he was just kind of… just nothing to him. He had no personality,” Rebekah lamented. “Everything I asked him about, his answer was just ‘well what kind of dessert do you like?’ Look I do not want to make 98% of the decisions in a relationship, I need someone with opinions, and with preferences, and needs.”

“Yeah, I get it.” Alex nodded along, trying not to accidentally make eye contact with anyone as she held the ball of a lollipop in her cheek. She felt like a small child but when they’d passed the candy store right by the front entrance, she’d felt an undeniable need for a cotton candy flavored blue lollipop. There was something about being in a mall when she hadn’t been in it for several months that made her want to do all sorts of stupid mall things. She almost asked Rebekah if she wanted to get soft pretzels too but stopped herself in time because not only did it give her stomach a painful twist thinking of Jungkook, she also remembered the mall ones weren’t kosher, which Rebekah had already mentioned she was keeping more strictly again, motivated by so many recent Jewish holidays with her family. 

Honestly, Alex admired her faith and her dedication to it. She wished she was that dedicated to anything. Sure she felt her Chinese heritage threaded through many parts of her life, and she enjoyed a lot of traditional holidays and customs with her family, but it wasn’t quite the same, she thought, as embodying a practice daily the way Rebekah did. There wasn’t really anything she embodied daily: not even drinking water and eating healthy, though she’d started going on Baba’s daily walks with him if she was around. Mostly to get her parents off her back because if she wasn’t with Hoseok, she was basically just hanging around the house which they were far more judgmental about than her previous roommate.

“How’s living at home?” Rebekah asked her once she seemed adequately vented about her disappointing dating life.

“Eh…”

“Sorry, should I not have asked–”

“No, it’s fine, don’t make that part of it awkward. It just feels like moving out was this big step into adulthood and going home is a step backwards and my parents don’t know how to treat me because am I an adult or am I not? If I’m not paying rent or bills, aren’t I just their daughter again? And it’s hard to put my foot down when I’m living off them, you know?”

“What don’t they like?”

“I expected it but… it’s awkward if I stay over at Hoseok’s. The first time it happened I let them know I was staying out and my mom basically didn’t talk to me the next day.”

“But… you used to live with a guy… I thought they were all progressive–”

“They are! I don’t think my mom was disgusted, I think she was just awkward. Like she felt like she ought to say I can’t do that but I’m a grown up. I mean, what’s the worst that happens, Hobi knocks me up and I get married? They love him, I don’t think they’d be mad about that,” Alex laughed. 

“Wow, really? Already?”

“Wait, I’m not saying that’ll happen! We’ve only been dating for like… coming up on six months soon, yikes. Anyway, it’s just that, it’s awkward. They don’t know how to ask if I’m going to be home or not and I try to be funny about ‘hey don’t wait up for me’ but then I’ll get text messages at midnight still asking when I’ll be home. And my mom doesn’t like how much time I spend sitting around watching TV.”

“What does she want you doing? It’s not like you aren’t doing anything. You have a good job and a good boyfriend.”

“I know!” Alex cried, throwing her hands up. “I wish you were my mom,” she joked.

“I don’t but thanks, I guess?”

“She thinks I’m getting too fat and she’s worried I don’t have any friends anymore because of breaking up with Jungkook.”

“Well that’s not true, you have me!”

“That’s what I said. You should come to dinner soon. Um… we’ll order food, our kitchen is definitely not kosher… but hey I think it would be great to introduce my parents to other food–”

Rebekah literally patted her head, “Thanks. I’d be happy to come visit and prove to your parents you aren’t a complete loner freak and that you’re actually a moderately capable adult.”

“Ugh.” 

“Speaking of which, are you ready for me to hold your hand while we talk to a scary employee about how to fix your phone? Do I need to be ready to cause a distraction in case we run into Jungkook? Both very mature fears, I assure you–”

“You’ve gotten so mean in five weeks,” Alex laughed. “Wasn’t one of those holidays about penance?” 

Rebekah laughed and nudged her into the Verizon store.

And honestly, Alex did not feel like a mature, capable adult. She was glad Rebekah was with her. The sight of smarmy dudes in denim button ups and black slacks made her instantly aware she had entered his territory, even though he’d still been wearing the polo and khakis when she moved out. Seasonal uniform change, maybe? Actually it was a little less douchey looking, but she avoided picturing him in it and he wouldn’t be here to give a visual anyway. He was still using the Google calendar, which was kind of soft to her even though it just meant he either hadn’t thought of making his own calendar or was too lazy, so she’d been able to confirm he wasn’t working today. Still, she glanced around every employee to make sure he wasn’t one of them.

She startled when a woman approached, nametag Geneva, and asked what she could help them with.

“I busted my phone so I need the screen fixed. Probably I need a whole new phone. And I need to roll off the family plan I’m on right now to my own.”

“Ok, we can definitely help you with all that! Nate… Yes, Nate will help you.”

Alex was handed off to this other guy who she was pretty sure was the stupid guy Jungkook had always complained about. She did not mention that. Instead she answered more questions like that she needed the cheapest good phone possible, that she needed the cheapest solo plan possible, and that the name on the account was Jungkook Jeon.

“Wait, wha?” Nate asked, eyes going wide.

“Yeah, I know he works here–”

“Well then why did you come in now? He’s not on right now, he could hook you up with all of this.”

Geneva had walked away but doubled back at Jungkook’s name and now Alex realized maybe she should have gone to literally any other Verizon store in the world. Why had she come here?! 

“Wait, you’re Jungkook’s roommate?” Geneva asked.

“Um… yeah, I was, but I’m living somewhere else now so I need to get off his family plan.”

Nate was typing into his little employee tablet thing and said, “Well… you’re due for an upgrade on the device, that’s the best deal you’ll get but that’s only if you extend the current plan.”

“I… no, I need to get onto my own plan.”

“Is he paying your phone bill now?” Geneva asked, head tilting. It was such a weird and personal question that Alex also tilted her head and found herself wondering if Jungkook had fucked this woman. Which annoyed her. Because how gross, to have her first thought be did Jungkook fuck this woman and that’s why she’s asking me this weird question because she developed some sort of an attachment to him even if they only had a fling and she wants to know what my business is with him? Or hey, for all she knew, Jungkook had done other shocking things since then and was dating this chick now!

Alex tried to sound like a competent adult and answered, “He is and he shouldn’t be since we live separately now. What’s the best deal I can get for rolling onto my own account?”

“Hm, well… there’s a…” Nate trailed off, scrolling through things. “There is a new account discount with a new device but the discount isn’t as big.”

“Isn’t that kind of weird? Why would I get a bigger discount for staying than as a new customer?”

“Because if we only gave good deals to new customers, people would just bounce,” Geneva pointed out. Was it snippy? It felt snippy to Alex. She looked around for confirmation from Rebekah, but her dear friend who was supposed to support her here had wandered over to watch parents wrangling a toddler throwing a tantrum outside the shop.

“Ok well will I get a better deal than this if I go over to T-mobile?”

“Doubtful and your service will suck,” Nate said. 

With a deep sigh because she knew he was right and it had been a reason she’d moved to Jungkook’s Verizon account in the first place, she said, “OK, whatever. Just give me the best deal you can. Make sure it’s something Jungkook would be ok with you doing to me.”

“Are you moving in with that new guy?” Nate asked. Alex laughed at the shock of the question, at first certain she’d misheard him.

“I don’t think you’re supposed to ask a customer about their private life and also what the hell was he telling you about it?!”

Apparently Nate thought they were buddies now though, because he grinned, “Yeah, I got to hear all about it.”

Geneva scowled at Nate, “Make sure you get the right permissions to make changes to the account though.” Then she walked off. Alex felt like she was missing half of the conversation but it didn’t matter. Probably the woman was in love with Jungkook; who wasn’t? She just needed her phone changed.

Nate nodded, “Yeah, if you want to keep your number I’ll need permission from the primary account holder. Looks like he didn’t give you permission to make changes to the account.”

“That ass,” she tried to joke. “It’s because he just dealt with all the phone stuff.”

“If you can answer security questions it might let me bypass, or we can just call him.”

“What are the security questions?” Alex sighed.

“Uh… where did you and your spouse first meet? He doesn’t have a spouse,” Nate snickered.

Alex ignored the painful cramp in her chest as she guessed, “Ashborne. With an ‘e’ on the end.”

“Uh… yep. Ok, now I need– do you know the pin he put on the account?”

Alex didn’t answer at first, hearing delayed as she tried to not shut down at what was stupid and casual and didn’t mean anything: Ashborne was their hometown. She was the fake spouse. It didn’t mean anything, it was just a joke; maybe they had even joked about it at the time. They made jokes like that sometimes, back in the day, that they were an old married couple. At some point it had stopped being funny, maybe once Alex got tired of being his wife only in jokes, never in any real way– Not that she wanted to be his wife! But the idea of her being his wife as the butt of a joke constantly just got old, especially when part of the joke was that obviously she wasn’t ever going to be his actual wife because she wasn’t romantic or sexual or whatever, she was just the one at home doing the cooking and cleaning while he ran around fucking mistresses or whatever.

But he’d set this phone account up longer ago than that. He’d been on his own plan since he turned eighteen because his parents didn’t want to pay for the data he needed for all the mobile gaming he used to do. How long ago had he set this security question? 

It didn’t matter. What it meant could be anything. He had claimed to be in love with her a month and a half ago so some random security question referencing a casual joke shouldn’t fluster her like this.

“I don’t know the pin,” she admitted. “So I guess um… what are my options? I just buy a new phone with a new number and he’ll have to close this one down?”

Nate waved her frustration off, because she didn’t want to change her number, “We can just call him and he can give me permission to free up the number and I can roll it over to the new account. Ok, do you know what phone you want? Let’s get that done first.”

He had to walk her through a bunch. Actually he was pretty nice about it considering she didn’t know anything about phones. He seemed to take it seriously that she was a friend of Jungkook’s and steered her away from unnecessary features. Jungkook had talked about this guy like he was a total idiot but he seemed nice to her. He even managed to find the teal blue version of the phone she wanted, the last one, in the back.

“Ok, why don’t you call him and he can just tell me the PIN and permission over the phone,” Nate suggested. “He has to release the number first and then I can set you up.”

“Uh…” Alex froze. Rebekah had wandered closer and she looked at Rebekah and asked, “Could you, um… call Jungkook?”

“Me?!”

“I can’t, my phone doesn’t work,” she pointed out, holding her hands up.

“You can call him on my phone,” Rebekah suggested.

“Wait, I don’t want to talk to–”

“I’m not explaining this to him,” Rebekah argued.

Nate looked between them and asked, “What’s uh… the problem? You can call him with our phone…”

“Why don’t you call him?” Alex suggested, smiling and resting her arms on the table, which was a little too low to do elegantly, even for her. “I don’t know all the things you’re needing so you can just ask him yourself.”

“Why, are you avoiding him or something?” Nate asked. With a neutral smile that was either totally fake or totally brainless. 

Alex’s eyes narrowed, “What did he tell you?”

“Nothing. We don’t talk about customers, ma’am.”

“Oh my god,” she gasped. “What did he tell you?!”

But Nate had pulled up his own phone and held it to his ear and held a finger up that he was on a call. Surely Jungkook hadn’t told a random co-worker about the whole confession and space thing… surely he’d just said that Alex was moving out or something because she had her boyfriend? Nate said Jungkook had told him that, but surely not everything. Not that it mattered in the grand scheme of things but… but maybe Nate wasn’t giving her a good deal! 

“Hey JK, listen, I’ve got a customer here who’s on your account and she’s wanting to roll over to her own but she doesn’t have permission to– yep. Yeah, her. How many ladies you got on your account, bro? I’m joking,” Nate grinned at her, “I see it’s only the two lines.”

Rebekah and Alex shared a look; Rebekah covered her mouth not to laugh and Alex glared at the traitor. 

Suddenly he hung up and said, “He said he’ll be right here.”

“Wait what?”

“Yeah apparently he’s on his way in–”

“He’s not supposed to be working today,” she said to Rebekah, grabbing her arm.

And her dear friend rolled her eyes, “Come on, be an adult.”

And that hurt! Because Alex was being an adult! She’d come here to do her own phone thing and figure that out, she just had hoped not to run into Jungkook because… for reasons…

He walked in right as she looked at the door, wearing a white t shirt tucked into the black slacks, his denim button up slung over his arm and a coffee in the other hand. First time Alex had seen him since she moved out. Same face, same hair, same big dark eyes, same nose, same familiar Jungkook who she’d seen most days of her life until five weeks ago. Six? Something?

Truth be told, which she would never admit, her stomach did a very painful twisty thing and her chest felt like it inflated and relief melted her and shock put her on edge and she just felt like that was maybe not a normal way to react to seeing your old friend again. Like that was not how she’d felt after seeing Rebekah again after a few years apart. That wasn’t how she’d felt seeing her parents when she’d come home from college the first time.

Honestly, the thing it felt closest to was the first time she’d seen Yoongi after they broke up. That same twist of pain and regret and anger and distress and impossible longing. For friendship! Friend longing!

“Hey,” he said, and the smile was in his eyes before it reached his mouth. “Heard you’re bailing on our family plan?”

“Trying to,” she forced out. 

“Uh… ok…” He pursed his lips and then admitted, “It’s going to be more expensive for each of us but I get it.”

“I know but I need a new phone.”

“What happened to it? It’s not that old.”

She gestured to it on the counter and explained, “Took a swim in milk and then I uh, kind of threw it on accident and the screen shattered and it smells real funky…”

“You’re up for a renewal and she could get a new one,” Nate tattled, “I told her it’s cheaper to stay than to go.”

Jungkook actually laughed, a sort of below the breath snort, and then greeted, “Hey Rebekah, should have known you were an accomplice.”

“What? Me?! I’m just here for moral support!”

“Oh, am I that scary?” he joked.

Alex intervened, “No, I just don’t know shit about phones, you always handled it.”

“Yeah. What are you getting?” He glanced at the box and seemed to deem it fine, then said, “I really don’t care if you stay on the plan and you can keep venmoing me money but I get it if you want to roll off. Up to you.”

“That’s weird though. If I stayed on.”

“It’s a $10 difference a month, it’s not a big deal either way,” Jungkook told her. “Hundred twenty bucks a year… renewing will save you like… does it work out to $200 savings on the new phone? Fifty buck difference to just getting your own plan.” Jungkook asked Nate, who looked impressed. Clearly Jungkook knew his shit at work. But obviously he did, Alex knew that, he was a really good employee.

“Ok but I still should do it.”

“Ok, that’s fine, I just wanted you to know if you want to save the money you don’t have to– You need me to release the number?” Jungkook asked Nate, not waiting for her to confirm it again. He recited a pin number for Nate –0901, which she should have been able to guess–, looked over Nate’s shoulder, then nodded.

“Ok I’ve got a bunch of questions I’ll need to ask you now,” Nate warned her. “And I’ll have to run a quick credit check and–”

“Wait, what? A credit check?”

“Yeah, it’s not a big deal, it won’t ding your credit or anything.”

“Ok…”

Jungkook patted Nate’s arm, “I’m going to clock in, I’ll be back in case you need anything else from me–”

“Wait a minute,” Alex said without thinking. Then, to cover that she didn’t know why she’d said that, she added, “Why are you even working today? I thought you, uh–”

“Ah, you checked so you could try to avoid me.”

“No! I… maybe…” His crooked grin was annoying. She worried she was hurting him by doing this even though it was the right thing to do. She worried he was hurt rather than understanding about her trying to avoid him. She worried she had lost some of her immunity to that smile; she felt a space between them that had never existed before and she didn’t like it, even though she knew it was right. 

“I just didn’t want you to be upset about the uh, phone thing…”

“Nah, it’s fine, I get it. Uh… how are you doing otherwise? Both of you?” he asked between the two of them.

Rebekah nodded and smiled, “Mm-hm! Great!”

“Yeah. Yeah, things are um, good. How are you doing?”

“Really good,” he told her, and smiled from the other side of the canyon. “Living with your parents going ok?”

“Yeah, mostly… I mean, you know, it’s kinda weird but kinda nice. I see your parents a lot.”

“Yeah, I know, more than I do,” he laughed. “They told me you’re a more dutiful son right now.”

“You don’t have to stay away from family dinners or anything.”

“Yeah, you either. Or friend gatherings or anything,” he insisted. “I hope you aren’t just to avoid me.”

“No, of course not,” she lied. “Things aren’t like that.”

“Yeah, I mean you can’t just give me everyone in the divorce, I did not agree to that.”

She laughed but hated the sound of it and stopped as she assured him, “Right, sorry, I’ll stop being such an absent parent. Support payments must not be clearing… I’ve just been busy, that’s all, we’ll be at a thing together again soon. I mean at the same time.”

“I knew what you meant,” he assured her. Nose scrunch. “I’ve gotta clock in, I’m covering for someone. Didn’t put it on the calendar since I didn’t realize you were still checking–”

“No, I’m really not, I just–”

“It’s cool. I get it. It’s not like I go to your coffee shop either. K, I gotta go. Nate, hook her up or I’m stealing your customers.”

“I am!” Nate complained. “You’re the one keeping me from getting her account set up right now.” 

“Good to see you!” Jungkook called over his shoulder with a weird sort of over-the-shoulder salute, thumb and first two fingers extended, something between a wave and a peace sign and a thumb’s up. She’d seen him do that before. A casual goodbye to guy friends, that was how he used that. 

Fuck she sighed under her breath and turned her full attention to Nate so they could wrap up.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes,” Rebekah said and abandoned her. 

Alex felt like she might shit her pants for the rest of the appointment that now felt like it was taking a thousand years. Jungkook’s shift started while she was still stuck there, which meant she could hear his voice and sense his presence as he greeted a young couple and worked with them at a nearby counter. He sounded so professional, so charming in a non-skeevy way. She’d never actually just heard him working before and wondered if he was laying it on thick because she was there, and realized he probably was not and did not care that she was there. From what she could see, the whole thing was behind him. He was so unbothered, he didn’t mind if she stayed on his phone plan. If he loved her, wouldn’t that be excruciating?

She lit out of there without even a wave as soon as her new phone was set up, and was just about to call Rebekah and demand evacuation rescue when her friend sidled up to her again and handed her a soft pretzel.

“They aren’t kosher!” Alex gasped and Rebekah assured her, “I just wanted a coke, thought you could use a snack.”

“Thank you, I forgive you for abandoning me.”

“Abandoning you! I thought you were doing fine! Nate had you taken care of, Jungkook made sure of it. New phone all set?”

Alex started to walk so no one in Verizon store could watch the way she was about to deep throat this pretzel. No cheese but that was fine, cheese would slow her down. 

“Yes and I survived talking to Jungkook.”

“Why wouldn’t you?”

“No, I know,” Alex said, instantly flushed at feeling like Rebekah was saying she was dramatic and stupid. “I just meant… it’s kind of awkward and I hadn’t seen him in a long time, that’s all. Since…”

“I don’t think you need to feel awkward about anything,” Rebekah assured her.

“I just feel bad, you know?” 

“Because he told you he was in love with you and you don’t feel the same?” Rebekah bluntly demanded. Alex had not directly said that to anyone but apparently Jungkook had blabbed some details about it at the birthday party while drunk. According to Minxi, the common knowledge was that he had admitted he thought he had feelings for Alex but she wasn’t interested and didn't feel comfortable living with him anymore so she moved out. Which was harsh, but mostly true… just like it was kind of true what Jungkook had said, that maybe she was avoiding more than just him. She just felt like some of them were more Jungkook’s friends than hers, or that they wouldn’t understand why she didn’t just ditch the outsider and give a relationship with Jungkook a shot. Would they? She was afraid to ask. But she’d always felt like they doted on him, like he was their baby brother, like he could get away with murder, and now she was someone not giving him what he allegedly wanted. She’d rather not set herself up to get kicked out.

“Yeah….”

“I don’t think you need to feel bad about that, you should just make sure you aren’t making a bigger deal out of it than you need to.”

“You mean– what do you mean?” Alex asked skeptically and then shoved pretzel into her mouth.

“I mean ok you moved out, that’s fine, if you weren’t comfortable. But if you’re avoiding everyone–”

“I’m not,” she lied, mouth full of lying pretzel.

“Ok, well don’t. Especially since…”

Alex choked the bite down and asked, “Especially since what?”

“I don’t know… ok I didn’t know whether I should say anything because I don’t know if it’s true but I don’t know if I’m a better friend to tell you or not to tell you… but since you aren’t in love with him back, maybe I should tell you because maybe it’ll help you not feel bad and–”

“Uh you definitely have to tell me whatever you’re now being incredibly cryptic about,” Alex interjected. She felt the pretzel rising back up her throat. “What are you talking about right now?”

“It’s not something I know for sure so I don’t want to gossip but I especially don’t want to hurt you…”

“You’re not, but it’s a bad friend thing to keep secrets–”

“Ok…” 

Alex grabbed her arm and plopped down on a mall bench and stared into her soul while chewing furiously on the pretzel. “You got gossip? I love gossip. Lay it on me,” she said, hoping casual would do the trick.

“I just think… he might be dating someone…”

Alex was pretty sure the next three seconds were an out of body experience.

“Oh?” she asked with a voice that was not hers. “Why do you think that? He’s bringing someone around? Like just a new roommate or–”

“Well, you know he’s living with Namjoon now and–”

“Wait, what?! He moved out of the apartment?!”

“Um…”

“Sorry, sorry go on,” Alex insisted. It was shocking that her plan to cut herself out of the loop and disengage with information her friends might share meant she was out of the loop and unaware of the information her friends might have shared. 

“Yeah he moved in with Namjoon a few weeks ago. He was introducing this woman around at your joint birthday party, the one you missed, but I didn’t know if they came together, but then I definitely saw them leave together and also– well he might have left with two girls? But he was really drunk, I don’t know… Anyway, I guess he’s hanging out with this one girl a lot though and it just was interesting to me because usually he doesn’t hang out with the same woman right? I wasn’t at Namjoon’s party so I don’t know if he brought her to that. I noticed you didn’t go–.”

“Two women!?”

“Ok I don’t know if he took two home, maybe they were just helping him walk? I wouldn’t have thought about it except that he’s still hanging out with one of them… I don’t know! You would know better, if he’s the kind of guy who would do something like that…”

“How do you know they’ve been hanging out?” Alex asked before she could decide the question sounded too nosy. Two girls?! No. No way. Jungkook hadn’t ever had a threesome though he’d made plenty of longing comments about it so if he did for his birthday, like, good for him, but it shouldn’t happen while he was super drunk, that was shady. Oh god that made her feel kind of sick to her stomach… no, that hadn’t happened, she decided. Women were always handsy with him, it didn’t mean he’d fucked two women at the same time in their apartment right after.

God, if two women were willing to fuck Jungkook in a threesome, there was no way in hell he’d turn that down. It may have happened. He may have been having a threesome while she was sick at home, feeling sorry for herself.

“Uh well he’s been on her instagram a few times –please don’t ask me how I know that,” Rebekah flinched.  

“Oh my god you’re such a busybody!” Alex gasped as if she wasn’t fighting the urge to whip out her phone and redownload the app right now. Her voice was too loud. Oops.  

“I know,” Rebekah wailed. “I want to say I’m just a good friend but also he’s hot and I just spend a lot of time on instagram, ok? I know he fucks around and leaving with someone from the birthday party if he’s heartbroken over you, that makes sense to me. She may just be a rebound… I thought the way he was introducing her was weirder than him leaving with her but I don’t know, maybe it was nothing! They could just be friends!”

Rebekah was watching her with transparent concern.

Alex laughed. And rolled her eyes. And swallowed the last bite of her pretzel and insisted,

“Come on, don’t be all weird and worried. I told you a thousand times, I have no romantic feelings for him. If he’s seeing someone that is shocking because this is Jungkook but… great! That’s great! Good for– If he’s seeing someone– maybe he was just finally ready to start settling down I guess!”

“Yeah, maybe. I don’t know. Is it right that I told you that?” 

Alex nodded, “Yes, thank you. It does make me feel better. Maybe his feelings for me weren’t even that serious– what did you say the woman’s name is? Someone I know?”

“Anita? Do you–”

“Ah! Anita. Yes.”

“Yes?”

“We had a double date together to the arcade–”

“Oh! I didn’t realize that was the same– oh. Ok. Maybe they are then…”

“Yeah, maybe they are,” Alex agreed. “That’s great.”

So great. Really great. Really fucking great for Jungkook to already be over her. Already replaced. No wonder he could be so magnanimous about the phone thing. Maybe he had a new girlfriend.  

That was great!

“Thanks for telling me, Bek. And thanks for coming. And thanks for watching out for me. Sounds like I can stop beating myself up about breaking his heart,” Alex said. “I’ll venmo you for the pretzel.”

“Now I feel like I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“What?! Why? I’m glad you did! I deleted instagram from my phone so I wouldn’t even know and no one says anything to me. I wish you’d told me earlier!”

“Ok. Ok good then, I’m glad I told you if you’re glad! Do you have to go home right away or can we wander over to Primark?”

“Yeah, let’s shop,” Alex agreed even though she really just wanted to go home and think about this and instagram stalk.

Jungkook dating?

No way.

But yes way? Anita was nice. She’d handled his tantrum on the arcade date well. If he was going to date someone, Alex could maybe almost give approval for her…

But really? Didn’t this mean he hadn’t really loved her? You didn’t just–

Unless you were rebounding–

She was thinking about this too much. It didn’t matter. She’d made her choice! That was great for him! He could do whatever he wanted –dating, threesomes, orgies, whatever!

And Alex could pretend to be really glad to hear this!

Jungkook fidgeted with the rings on his fingers and checked his watch again. Anita was supposed to have met him here fifteen minutes ago and now wasn’t answering her phone. He hated that. Yes, he did that sometimes, but he disliked it in other people. Almost as much as he disliked being called, which was the next thing she did.

“Yello?”

“Hey I’m running late–”

“No shit.”

“I’ll be there soon, you can go in and have a drink, I’ll meet you inside.”

“If I go in here alone I might get mobbed.”

“Great, you’ll enjoy the attention.”

“Not the kind of attention I’m looking for,” he grumbled, annoyed that she was right, he would be flattered. He pocketed his phone and decided to head inside, noting the rainbow glow of the sign on his shirt as he showed the doorman his ID and passed through. The bright colors just made him feel already tired, like he was stepping into a rave past his bedtime. 

To be clear, Jungkook was perfectly fine in a gay bar. He didn’t frequent them often, but he’d been before, no big deal. And literally no one had hit on him, which he suspected would be the case this time as well. Sure, he didn’t really feel like talking to anyone right now or declining attention, but he also wasn’t feeling up to the blow to his ego of being completely ignored. It still hadn’t recovered from losing out Employee of the month to fucking Nate. What the fuck happened there?!

He tried to look unavailable as he went to the bar and ordered a drink so at least he wouldn’t be empty handed. The place was sort of embarrassingly quiet on a Tuesday night; the Halloween decorations strung around the place looked tacky with only half a dozen well-behaved people circling around high tops. The music felt too quiet for a bar but louder would have been annoying. 

Ok, Jungkook was just cranky lately. He’d try to not subject Anita to that. He settled in at a stool on the end of the bar and pulled out his phone to look for something to amuse himself. Cats weren’t doing it for him but some parrots screaming into bowls and cups were good even though he couldn’t really hear the audio over the music.

Hairs on the back of his neck prickled as if someone was watching him and he felt the heaviness of someone drawing close. Assuming it was Anita finally here, he looked up to tease her, but it wasn’t her so he looked back down.

And then looked back.

And then, “Uh… May?”

“Oh my god.”

“You–”

“Hey tian xin,” Minxi sidled up to May with a drink extended and then actually yelped at the sight of Jungkook.

“Holy shit!” Jungkook gasped.

“Holy shit you!” May cried. “Are you–”

“No wait are you– are you two dating?!” he gestured rapidly between them even though obviously they were because there was definitely something in Minxi’s voice when she’d said whatever that was in Chinese and–

“Are you gay?!” May shrieked. “What are you doing in a gay bar?!”

“You’re gay,” Jungkook said, wide eyed. Then, “Holy shit, nobody knows. Does Alex know?”

“No she doesn’t know!” May hissed as Minxi shirked her shoulders and grimaced at Jungkook, looking like she’d pay good money to be literally anywhere but here.

“And dating her friend?!”

“Well does she know you’re–”

“Hey sorry I’m so fucking late,” Anita gasped, stumbling directly into the little scene and then stopping short. “Oh, um.”

“Ok I am so fucking confused. Is this your girlfriend? Are you gay? What the fuck is going on?” May demanded.

“Yeah, Minxi, May, I could say the same fucking thing–”

“Oh boy what did I just walk into,” Anita mumbled and took a dramatic step backwards.

“Why don’t we uh… go to a table,” Minxi suggested. When nobody moved, she just turned and walked away. May and Jungkook stared at each other a moment longer, then Jungkook followed, grabbing Anita’s arm and dragging her along. 

“Wait, let me get a drink!”

“There’s table service,” May called over her shoulder.

“Oh, really? I’ve never been here before…”

At the table, May whipped around with the same interrogative energy her sister so easily displayed and demanded, “Explain yourself.”

“Well that’s just not something you can demand–”

“Wait, is the whole fuckboy thing a lie? Or you’re bi–”

“I’m not bi,” Jungkook sighed, “Just… straight. Which I feel really awkward admitting right now in a gay bar… thanks for outing me…”

“So you are dating though,” Minxi said, gesturing between him and Anita.

Immediately Jungkook frowned, “Who says we’re dating?”

“Uh… it’s what everyone thinks?” Minxi answered. She seemed started by Jungkook’s response.

“Who thinks that? Alex thinks that?” He was already sweating but felt a shade of cold added to it. “Why? Who said that?”

“So you’re not dating?” May clarified.

“No, we aren’t dating.”

“I mean we fucked for a while,” Anita helpfully offered. “But I think I might be a lesbian? Or bi? I don’t really know…”

“Oh! Welcome,” Minxi grinned.

“Welcome to… being gay?” Jungkook repeated, head spinning, just confused. “Ok, but wait… fuck, I have so many questions right now.”

May sighed and set her drink down. She closed her eyes, then slowly opened them while Minxi just looked at her with concern. Her hand was on May’s lower back.

“I know what you are,” he mumbled under his breath, memes always on hand at a moment like this.

“Yeah,” May said. “I’m a lesbian. That’s my secret, there you go.”

“But…” He trailed off. “But the banker dude you were dating…”

“Uh, I do social media for a bank,” Minxi said with a laugh.

“Yeah, ok, I haven’t felt comfortable yet coming out to my family,” May admitted. “But I needed my mom to stop trying to introduce me to guys or thinking I couldn’t meet someone on my own, so…”

“But they won’t care,” Jungkook said. “Do you think they will? They’ve never seemed…” He trailed off, realizing maybe he didn’t really know about their parents. Sometimes parents could seem perfectly open-minded and supportive as long as it wasn’t their own child pushing the envelope. “Alex and Edgar won’t care. You think your parents will?”

“I don’t know! They’re not crazy strict but they have an idea about how our lives will go and this was never part of that so… I don’t know. And now you know so I guess it’s time to–”

“Woah,” Jungkook cut her off, “I don’t matter. I’m not saying a word to anyone, that’s your business to share.”

“Even Alex?”

Jungkook made a face and lifted his beer before muttering, “Well, you must be out of the loop…”

“Obviously I’m not, she’s living with my parents again, moping around like a teenager that got dumped even though she’s got a perfectly good boyfriend who’s obsessed with her for some reason I sure can’t figure out.”

Jungkook’s teeth clicked as he bit down on the bottle. It was a stupid thing to do, he hadn’t meant to do that. It was an automatic dumb thing his brain did at this unexpected information chucked at him in the void of any other knowledge. He had no fucking clue how Alex was doing. She’d said she was doing great at the phone store so why wouldn’t he believe her? She’d gotten everything she wanted.

“She um… she’s not doing ok?”

“Would you be if you moved back home?”

“Oh, yeah, right. Right, that’s what you meant…”

“Why, what did you think I meant?” May asked with obvious glee. Only then did Jungkook realize that even May must know about his confession –and that it wasn’t even because Alex had told her, it had probably been Minxi. Her secret girlfriend.

“Let’s talk about how you’re dating Alex’s sister and didn’t tell anyone,” he shifted and pointed at Minxi. “For how long?”

“About six months,” Minxi mumbled into her drink. “But hey, I couldn’t say anything without outing May!”

“We didn’t even know you’re a lesbian. Does Alex know?”

“Look, let’s just all take a moment and embrace the fact that Alex never knows shit about anything,” May insisted. “She didn’t know we’re gay and dating. She didn’t know you’re in love with her. She sure as fuck doesn’t know she’s in love with you. The only thing she does know–”

“Wait what did you say–”

“--is that you two are dating? She might think that? Couldn’t say, Minxi’s the one who told me that gossip but Alex has been extra prickly lately so. Dunno.”

“Yeah, who started the rumor I have a girlfriend? What, days after I confessed to Alex?!” Jungkook asked, but Minxi shrugged. He didn’t think she was the likely source anyway. He tried to think through each friend… but it was so absurd, he couldn’t figure out who would make that assumption and not just ask him about it.

“Could she be fighting with Hoseok? Is that why she’s mopey?” Anita asked, leaning forward on the table with enough interest you would think she was already intimately connected to the friend group. In several ways she was, though not the way Jungkook was now being accused of.

“Ok ok we don’t know, no one here knows, that’s Alex’s business,” Jungkook interrupted before Minxi or May could say anything. Because suddenly this was too much, what May was dumping on the table in front of him. And she had no proof. May had always been kind of a bitch who liked to stir up trouble for Alex, so for all he knew, she was just saying these things to be a bitch. She might take a little too much joy in her sister’s suffering right now but there was no actual reason to believe that suffering was anything more than a sadness at the loss of his friendship. Or like a normal not-relationship-ending fight with her boyfriend. Or a bad day at work.

Besides, she’s said something else much more important, so he scratched his neck and asked casually, “Why um… but why did you say that thing about…”

May sighed and rolled her eyes, “Just ask the question. This is a safe space.”

She could say that, but May wasn’t safe the way Alex was. She’d say whatever she wanted even if it hurt. Maybe that part had been made up to, just to stir up shit. He didn’t want to be vulnerable in front of her. She’d use it against him, she’d never let it go, she’d–

She kept glancing at Minxi, and clicking her nails on her glass, and her leg bouncing was what kept shaking the table. Suddenly he felt like she was offering him information as a trade, which he didn’t like at all. Did she think she could trade Alex’s personal business for a promise Jungkook would keep his mouth closed? Well that sucked in both directions if so. It wasn’t necessary at all. He’d never betray someone’s privacy like that, ever.

He decided to reiterate, “I meant what I said. I’m not going to tell anyone you’re gay or that you’re dating Minxi. I don’t think anyone will care but that’s your private business– ohhh wait, that’s why you went to the Kings of Leon concert with us! I wondered why you came. Damn, no one thought anything about that. You really kept your secret right under our noses.”

“Yeah, I’m good at that and you’re oblivious,” May snapped.

“Ha. Well. You got me there…”

He shared a look with Anita and sipped his beer. Damn Alex was so much cooler than her sister.

“Well,” Anita tried, “I just think if I could make it to twenty-nine and not realize I like fucking women, then I can understand why it would take someone a while to realize they’re in love with their best friend.”

Minxi eagerly nodded, “Yeah, I understand it too. I mean we aren’t that different, I’ve known May for a long time through Alex–”

“Yeah but you kind of always wanted to fuck me,” May grinned at her. It was truly wild to hear her talk like that and to Minxi! Jungkook desperately wanted Alex here seeing this. Thank fuck he didn’t live with her actually because he obviously couldn’t reveal May’s secret but this was quite a thing to have to keep secret from his (previously) best friend. Easy peasy when she wasn’t talking to him anyway.

“I did,” Minxi admitted. Then huffed and elbowed her. “Stop it, don’t embarrass me… and don’t think that’s the only reason I was friends with Alex because it’s not,” she quickly added, pointing at Jungkook. He held his hand up and made a face, gesturing he did not accuse her of that.

Anita was clearly glad to turn the conversation more towards her own reason for being here though and mused, “I always thought I’d be down, but I just thought I was just curious… isn’t everyone curious what it’s like to have sex with women? And I’ve had fun sex with men so…”

Minxi’s smile was so wise and sisterly as she encouraged, “You don’t have to choose, you know.” Jungkook felt like he was definitely seeing a new side to her. He’d always just thought of her as Alex’s nice but kind of quiet, nerdy friend.

“Yeah… I don’t really know where I am for real but I am definitely not straight. Right?” She glanced at Jungkook for confirmation.

Jungkook snickered, “That’s not my decision!” Good. This was good. Go along with the detour and then steer it back and it would keep him from looking too desperate to figure out if May was talking shit or if she knew something.

“I had sex with a woman,” she explained suddenly to May and Minxi. Her new lesbian friends. Jungkook began to wonder if maybe he was no longer needed here but he stayed anyway because fuck if he was leaving without finding out what May had meant. 

“And you liked it?” May guessed. “There’s not a test you have to pass. If you think you’re gay, you’re gay, congrats.”

“Yeah. Thanks. I think? I don’t know, maybe it’s just her… I thought maybe if I met another woman I like, it would help me understand myself more and whether it’s just that woman or all women or what. I don’t think it’s that woman though. I mean, she was great but I don’t really want to date her…”

“That’s why you two are here on a Tuesday night? You’re wingmanning for her?” May laughed.

“Yeah. Believe it or not I am a great ally.”

“Yeah, yeah, I believe it actually,” May waved her hand at him. 

“We thought it might be too busy and stressful on the weekend,” Anita admitted, but looked shy about it now. “Like maybe on a Tuesday night, I could meet someone more, um, serious or something? I don’t know…”

“Well Anita who I don’t know, you want some sage lesbian advice from the girl who’s too chicken to come out to her own family?”

“Sure.”

“Don’t worry about whether it’s one woman or lots of women or what. It doesn’t matter. Once you know you want someone, just shoot your shot and see where it gets you. For instance, don’t wait until she’s in love with your replacement before you–”

“Ok ok,” Jungkook sighed, and leaned away and motioned towards himself, “Fine. Let’s have it.”

“Did you really really really tell my sister you’re in love with her?” May demanded. “LIke that’s not just a rumor, that’s actually a thing that happened that apparently exploded your entire friend group.”

Jungkook let out a deep sigh and then admitted for a laugh, “I drunkenly kissed her first and then I said it. And then I said it again and we had a fight about it. And then I said it again but real mature, and she moved out the next day.”

“Fuck,” May laughed. “That is the saddest and funniest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Yeah, well…” He laughed too. He wanted to laugh about it. That made it feel a little less raw. 

“And you meant it?”

The question brought him up short. His brow scrunched together, whole face briefly serious as he insisted to May, “Yeah, I meant it. Why would I say it if I didn’t?”

“I don’t know–”

“Why would I do something that made my best friend cry her eyeballs out, move out of our home, cut me completely out of her life–”

“Ok ok geez, I get it. Well what took you so long to figure it out? Because honestly you guys have been disgustingly obvious–”

“We haven’t been though,” he argued. “We were just easy with each other. It was always so easy, I just didn’t question it, and it’s not like she was flirting with intentions or anything–”

May growled low in her throat, “I’ve never been a very good sister so I’ll just be a shitty one now too and say it: if you really couldn’t tell she’s been in love with you since like forever, you’re literally the dumbest person I have ever met in my life.”

“I…” He didn’t know what to say to that. Hope and doubt warred in his chest. He couldn't trust anyone saying anything with such confidence when Alex herself had told him the opposite, and yet her own sister said it so confidently! But Alex didn’t know May was gay (haha, it rhymed!) so how could May possibly have any real insight into feelings that Alex herself may or may not have, may or may not realize, may or may not want to admit, and definitely didn’t want to act on.

“Wow,” May mused. “You’re really that dumb. I can see every thought on your face–”

“How can you know that? You two aren’t exactly close.”

“I’m just telling you what I see.”

“Well she said the opposite pretty clearly.”

“I’ll be honest,” Anita butted in, “if I’d been in love with you for years and had to watch you move through women like water and not even consider me, I’d hate you too–”

“But it wasn’t about not considering her! It was just that she was… not like that… untouchable–”

“Fuck,” all three women said at the same time.

“NO not like that! Not interested, not available, not– just too good for someone like me and–”

“Calm down, will you? You’re shouting. We only do that on Wednesdays and Fridays in here.”

But Jungkook’s head was spinning because honestly that was even worse than believing she just didn’t return his feelings. Not that it was the first time someone had suggested it but Alex had always so loudly, vocally shut it down, and he’d believed her. Now, May speaking so confidently terrified him, because what if it was true? What if Alex didn’t hate him because he’d confessed feelings and been all clingy once she had a boyfriend, but because she’d actually always wanted to be that woman for him and he’d–

Fuck. He’d fucked around for years. He’d made no secret of how often he slept with women. He’d flaunted it. It was a point of pride for him, a running joke with their friends. He’d told Alex shit about it all the time to make her laugh because she was so unbothered by it but what if she wasn’t so unbothered by it and instead she was dying inside the way he’d died inside every time she told him about Hoseok?!

Jungkook groaned and slumped forward on the table, pressing his face right down on the sticky top. He deserved it. The brief flicker of hope May had given him fizzled out into abject despair. That was worse. The thought he might have been hurting Alex for years was worse than anything.

“She never cared,” he mumbled into his elbow. Then before anyone could say anything, he beat them to it, “I’m the biggest idiot who ever lived.”

“Yeah pretty much–”

“May,” Minxi scolded. “Come on, you’re being too mean.”

“He’s the one who said it!”

“You’re not the biggest idiot,” Minxi argued. “Just a medium idiot. I don’t know if May’s right but I wouldn’t be surprised either. You two were always something special and it was really sweet but it did seem like she had started to resent your behavior more. But no one could say anything about it either, she was so protective of you and your lifestyle and everything, like you could do no wrong. I was glad when she met Hoseok because she seems so happy with him.”

“Oh yeah, Minx, that was way better,” May laughed. 

Jungkook sat up with a sigh. Looking back, he couldn’t pinpoint times, but yeah, Minxi might be right about that too. Not that he and Alex fought a lot but it seemed like they argued more –like about the wedding.

“It’s ok,” Jungkook assured her. “I get it. I fucked up.”

“Ok then my last question is, what are you doing about it? Why did you give up so easily?”

“Because I was being an asshole,” he immediately answered. “I wanted her to break up with Hoseok but –yeah, it was a bad look. I didn’t give up, but I told her how I feel and now I’m giving her the space she wants. She knows where to find me if she changes her mind.”

“Good boy,” Anita smiled and patted his hand. He rolled his eyes.

“Ok well I can’t argue with Minxi, she does seem pretty happy with Hoseok and you were an idiot, but I think you’ve proven by now that making her jealous doesn’t motivate her so if that’s what you were trying to do with people thinking you’re dating–”

“That’s not it,” Jungkook insisted. “I’m not playing a game. I don’t know why anyone thinks I’m suddenly dating. I can have a friend I don’t want to date!”

“Like Alex?” Anita suggested, then covered her mouth and laughed, “Sorry! It was too perfect not to say.”

“Shut up…”

“I’m not saying hound her. I don’t know why my sister does the things she does or makes the choices she makes, maybe she’s made her choice and she’s happy with it,” May admitted, with a shrug. “She’s always been weird, I don’t know. I just mean, she’s really stubborn and you put her in a bad situation to have to change her mind, so just make it easy. I don’t know, she’s grumpy this week, maybe just send her a nice no-pressure thing to remind her you exist…”

“Is she fighting with Hoseok?” Jungkook asked, trying not to sound eager.

“Ok I really don’t know. You are the person she talked to most about anything going on in her life. Who’s replaced you? I don’t think anyone has,” May admitted. “Hoseok? I don’t know. I don’t know what to make of that guy. He’s nice but…”

“Ooh are you going to trash talk the boyfriend?” Anita gasped.

“No, don’t do that,” Jungkook insisted. “I don’t want to hear it. Forget I asked.”

“All right.”

They sipped drinks for a minute. Jungkook’s mind was humming but also completely tripped up. Don’t harass her but make it easy on her… to change her mind? To choose him instead of Hoseok? That’s what he was trying to do, but she was avoiding him! The only time he’d seen her at all was when he just happened to be at the phone store –granted, he was avoiding any friend gathering she might go to after she missed the birthday party because he didn’t want her to feel like she couldn’t go. But there hadn’t been much. 

Ok. He’d think about this… once he was past the shock of it. Of May saying Alex might have been in love with him while he just brutalized her heart basically –not about May being gay and dating Minxi, he was already over that, that was so much less important. 

May laughed again and shook her head, “Can’t believe you’re just dumb… gay would have been a better explanation.”

“Ok, May, thanks.”

“Look everyone else might be dancing around this whole thing but I’ll always give it to you straight.”

“Speaking of giving it–”

“Don’t make a crude joke–”

“I think you should give your sister a chance,” Jungkook suggested. “Even if you aren’t ready to be totally out, you know she’ll love and support you, yeah? And she’s good to have in your corner, if you’re really worried about your parents.”

“Yeah. She is. I know.”

“That was unusually nice for you to admit–”

Minxi interrupted, “Ok Anita, it's your turn, let’s hear what’s going on with you and this woman who opened your eyes. She was really that good?”

“Ok she’s not that good,” Jungkook snorted.

“You already knew you were straight so how do you know?”

“Ok ok sorry, carry on.”

“Wait, you fucked this woman too?” May asked, suddenly looking more interested. “Minxi, did you fuck her?! Who owns this magical pussy?”

Minxi just closed her eyes and shook her head which Jungkook thought summed up this Tuesday night very well.

In a pure coincidence, Alex had already heard the news, because she followed a link to a funny tweet from a Buzzfeed article and it refreshed her Twitter feed that she didn’t check ever anymore and one of the top Tweets in her timeline was from the arcade with the big announcement: We will be closing our doors on November 5. Come redeem your tickets while you can!

It was like a lightning bolt to the face from the gods. She was struck dumb by this tweet and the combined knowledge that Jungkook had tickets to spend, that he wouldn’t have enough to get the prizes he wanted because they’d stopped going to the arcade, that he had bought a dog and then she’d promptly friend-dumped him, and that after November 5th the opportunity to ever reconcile and finish earning those tickets together and buy the Slushee machine for their shared apartment would be truly and completely lost forever. This felt decidedly more final than the fact that neither of them lived in that apartment anymore. For all she knew, he’d junked the dog. 

The tweet left her immobilized in bed for some time. Should she text him? Should she let it go? Maybe he hadn’t seen. Maybe he didn’t care. Maybe the arcade wasn’t anything important to him now. If he was dating Anita, maybe he didn’t even play games– ok, no, he definitely still played games. She could see him dating Anita and living life without Alex but video games were in his deep heart, he’d never give those up completely. But it didn’t mean he cared about the arcade. Or maybe he just didn’t know. Maybe she’d text him about it and he’d be like yeah we should go and say goodbye. But was that bad? 

Alex sat up in bed. Should they do that? Go say goodbye to the arcade? No, because it was an important thing about their friendship but yes, too, right? She didn’t hate Jungkook. He didn’t hate her. Their friendship was a precious thing to her and this was the death of a mutual friend and they should be able to bid that friend farewell without it being an issue. She’d just text him. She’d see what he said and if he didn’t care maybe she’d still just, like, drive by on her own or something and wave at the building.

Oh god that was so sad. It was so sad that the arcade was closing. Even though she hadn’t been in months now, that was so fucking sad for it to be done.

She pressed her phone to her mouth and debated. What if Jungkook read into it too much? How could she say they should say farewell without making it sound like she was looking for something more? Or what if he wanted to bring Anita? She’d be hurt. She wasn’t going to bring Hoseok. Wait, should she take Hoseok? Double date repeat?

Her phone buzzed against her mouth.

[JK]: hey arcade is closing down on the 5th

He beat her to it! Alex’s heart leapt into her throat as she jerked backwards against the pillows and texted back, thumbs tapping furiously against her phone.

[Alex]: I just saw the news!! How sad!!!

[Alex]: guess they couldn’t stay afloat when hot girl [me] stopped going

[JK]: the fact you clarified 

[JK]: you barely spent any money there

[JK]: I was funding that place!

[Alex]: hope you can live with the blood on your hands

As soon as she sent it, she realized the fucked up implications though. He stopped going because she left. It wasn’t really his fault, it was hers, and the fact he hadn’t simply been taking Anita or some other girl instead of her barely soothed the awkward thing she’d just poked her finger in.

[JK]: actually I want to return to the scene of the crime one last time and get my fucking slushee machine

[Alex]: 😱

[Alex]: do you even have enough tickets? Sure Namjoon is stoked for a slushee machine

Ok. Ok fine she was fishing. A nauseating fear seized her chest as she found herself deadlocked. She should ask. She should be the one to suggest it. But suggesting it… was it a bad idea? How would she explain to Hoseok that actually she was going to go hang out with Jungkook after all… just this one time… 

[JK]: I’m close on tickets

[JK]: I’m going there that night to earn the rest and get it 

Oh my god just ask me… should I ask?... I should just ask it’s not a big deal…

[JK]: let me know if you want to meet up for one last arcade night 

[JK]: if not it’s cool maybe I’ll still let you have a slushee next time you’re at Namjoon’s

[Alex]: Namjoon’s? Isn’t it your place too now that you live there?

[Alex]: but yeah, ok I’ll go

He put a thumbs up on her message but didn’t respond, which was fine with her because her heart was hammering in her chest like she was doing something wrong. But she wasn’t! This was a unique thing! Going to play games with him and say goodbye to the arcade would just be a temporary break in the space, like a truce between warring mob families because the pizza place they both loved and warred over burned to the ground. 

Oh god, she couldn’t make it make sense. She had to just lay there in bed and breathe for a moment because a weird clashing of excitement and terror seized her. And it made no sense! It was just going to the arcade with Jungkook! Her friend of forever! The guy she’d practically pissed herself over running into at the mall and now she was already figuring out what to wear that would make her look happy and cool but not too cool that he’d think she changed into a different person or had thought too much about what to wear.

Ok. No, this was fine. It was normal to be relieved and happy to get to hang out with a friend you’d had a major falling out with but hoped to have a low key friendship again with someday! And she had loved going to the arcade with him so it would be fun. And maybe once they could re-establish contact, she wouldn’t have to miss him so damn much, because she could just check in when she needed to. It was cool. Everything was cool.

Everything was not cool. Alex stood by the counter, arms crossed, simmering with annoyance as Hoseok stood by the oven, looking exactly the same.

“I told you about this party weeks ago,” Hoseok argued. 

“But you didn’t tell me what day it was,” Alex argued. 

“I did, I told you the fifth and you said you’d go–”

“No, you just said in November,” Alex insisted. “And I do want to go with you but I didn’t know it was that day and I have other plans now– you have to tell me the date and then I put it on my calendar immediately.”

But he hadn’t told her the date, she was so sure. Like 95% sure! She would have put it on her calendar. She did remember him telling her about the housewarming party in general –for a college friend of his who was moving to the area, but not quite this area, about an hour away. They’d bought a whole farmhouse or something because that’s what you could do when you inherited money. 

But he hadn’t told her the date and so the only thing she had planned for the fifth was the last night of the arcade with Jungkook. But now, three days out, Hoseok had mentioned he bought wine and flowers for them to take, and she had asked “to what?” and now they were all tangled up.

“I did tell you.”

“You didn’t! But– ok but whether you did or didn’t, I still have these other plans that night.” She presented that in the futile hopes he’d just be like ah ok yes I understand, we shall convene another night!

Instead he asked the question she had hoped to gracefully avoid, “What other plans? Can you move them?”

“No, it has to be that night, I don’t control it–”

“Ok but… Alex, this is really important to me. What’s this other thing that’s so much more important?”

“I know you want me there but what’s so important about your thing?” she demanded. “It’s just a housewarming, right? You can go without me and I’ll meet your friends another time!”

“But you told me you’d go!” Hoseok frowned. “I told them you’d go. It’s all my friends from college in one place, that never happens.”

“I get it but it’s just a party.”

“But it’s important to me and you told me you’d go and you won’t even tell me this other thing that’s more important to you.”

Well shit. She definitely couldn’t tell him now that this other thing was going to the arcade for an evening with Jungkook. Not only would it reveal she’d planned this without telling him (she shouldn’t have to! …right?) but also that she was avoiding telling him and that it was more important to her than meeting his college friends.

It just was! She shouldn’t have to explain that. The arcade had been a really constant fun part of her friendship and it was going away and sure maybe they could go on the 4th or the 3rd or something but Jungkook had asked her to go on the 5th. It was the last night. It was meaningful! It was important to her! 

“Well?” he demanded. 

“I’m sorry,” she said. “It’s a family thing…”

“A family thing?”

“Yeah like a private thing to honor the anniversary of my grandmother dying…”

Oh shit. She was going to hell. But the lie slid off her tongue without anything to grab onto to hold it back.

“So I can’t move it.”

Hoseok looked crestfallen and she realized she’d won. Obviously he couldn’t insist that a housewarming party for his friends was more important than a private memorial service for her dead grandmother.

She hated herself a little in that moment but she couldn’t take it back. She couldn’t think about the ramifications of when that lie would come out. She just stood there with panic trapped behind her teeth as he mulled this over. Victory didn’t feel good.

“Well… ok what if we went to my friends’ house earlier in the day?” he asked. “What time is your family thing?”

“Seven.” She made that up. Maybe she should have said earlier. How long did Jungkook need to earn his tickets? “But I have to get ready too.”

Suddenly Hoseok reanimated, “Oh, not until the evening though? Ok well they’re doing an all day thing because it’s a whole barn and stuff. We can just go earlier!”

“Isn’t it a party?”

“Yeah but it’s kind of a reunion thing, it’s not just a drinking party like your friends have.”

Alex choked on a bit of a saliva. Just a drinking party.

Hoseok didn’t notice and continued, “They have horses we can ride and like a bunch of animals, and they converted the barn into an art gallery–”

“I thought they just bought this place?”

“No no they bought it and paid to have it restored and they’re just now moving in. Ah, ok, this can still work. Is that ok?”

“It’s an hour away, isn’t it? I have to be back in time.”

“Yeah, no problem. We can go– I’ll check with them but we can go for lunch and the afternoon and then I’ll bring you home in time to get ready for your family thing.”

Realizing he might fish for an invitation to a thing that wasn’t happening, and also because she felt guiltier by the second about her lie, she suggested, “Ok but I feel bad for you to miss the evening. I could just drive myself and come back early.”

“No no I can use you as an excuse, I’m sure I’ll be ready to go too, and I’d rather leave together.”

She didn’t understand why. She didn’t understand why this was so important, but trapped now by her own lies, she felt consumed with guilt and didn’t want to argue with him further. Her conscience could rest easier with a compromise like this.

“Ok. Sure. As long as I’m back in time– yeah, we can make this work,” she said. “Ok?”

He nodded slowly. She felt that. It was uncomfortable to argue. They didn’t do that often. And part of her wondered if that was because usually she just went along with whatever. Now that her life had slimmed down, it wasn’t like their schedules were at odds. She rarely had anything going on. She was so eager to be part of his life and world and it pissed her off a little that the one time she had a schedule conflict he wanted to press her for details, as if she ought to defer to his judgment about her priorities!

“Yeah. Ok. Sorry I got spicy about it,” he said and shuffled close. “It’s just really important to me to have you there. I want you to meet all my friends.”

Usually Alex would have purred under the insinuation that he wanted to show her off. But when she already felt pissy and prickly, it didn’t quite hit the same. She had to force the smile. It was uncomfortable to swallow as she forced herself to reciprocate the hug she didn’t want. Maybe the pill wasn’t resentment or anger though, maybe it was guilt. Maybe she needed him to be the bad guy right now because holy shit she was hiding from her boyfriend that she was going to spend the evening with Jungkook and that was an asshole thing to do, wasn’t it?

And yet Alex did it.

Alex had definitely worn the wrong shoes for the farm but Hoseok had too. She loud laughed at the way he cringed every time they picked their way across the muddy farmyard to get to the barn or the firepit or the main house where food and music lured them as much as the shelter from the cold gray day.

But Hoseok’s college friends, it turned out, were made of sterner stuff. They teased Hoseok when he asked for wipes to clean his shoes off. They teased him when he didn’t want to drink. They teased him when he didn’t want to ride a horse. Every time Alex and Hoseok would start to get comfy inside, his friends would beckon them out again to feed the chickens or because everyone was talking about the new roof on the barn and they wanted Hoseok to see it too or because a new friend had arrived and they wanted everyone to return to the barn so that person could talk about the pieces of their art that hung there.

It was fun in the beginning. Alex felt special as the new girlfriend no one knew, and Hoseok was apparently very proud to have her with him, which felt good. She held onto his arm and stomped all over the place and giggle-whispered with Hoseok about the baby goats. She felt like she’d stepped into a different class of people, touristing with Hoseok, and there was camaraderie in that. She got a little prickly about the way they teased him but he didn’t seem to mind so she just squeezed his hand and went along with it.

“Are you going to open this place like a museum?” Alex had foolishly asked while trying to sound really interested and knowledgeable while staring at avant garde art (was that the right word?) hung on the walls of the barn so modernized on the inside she wasn’t sure you could really call it a barn anymore. The question set off a cavalcade of information about non-profits and working farms and private versus public art. Alex had been shocked by the way this group of people seemed all so closely woven. She’d been relieved when Hoseok wrapped his arms around her shoulders from behind, but also confused as to how exactly Hoseok fit in with these people.

“So how did you all know each other in school?” she asked Hoseok later as they huddled close by the fire. It was a little too cold for the fire to be fun, but Hoseok had asked if she wanted to and she thought that meant he did so there they were with a few others. By now there were several dozen people roaming the place and she had hoped it would be a little less intense than the hours of acting as a welcoming party that had started the day.

She meant the question just for him but wound up with another earful from the other people around the fire who had apparently eavesdropped and eagerly dumped overlapping stories out as Hoseok tried to get a word in edgewise. Eventually she teased out that Hoseok had been roommates with a few of them, and danced with a few others.

“You quit though after college, right?” one guy asked Hoseok. Alex had given up on remembering their names because most of them had nicknames too so it was impossible to know who anyone was talking about. Also she was cold. And also the sun was starting to go down and that vague antsy feeling she’d had all afternoon about making it home in time was starting to get louder.

She wasn’t too distracted to miss the way another guy kind of scoffed, “Yeah you know it’s not a life that most people are cut out for.”

“Oh, did you tell them you’ve been dancing again?” she asked.

Hoseok shifted uncomfortably in the chair they were wedged into together and grinned, “Oh well that’s not really anything– just starting to get back into it. I miss it, you know? I’m very out of shape…” There was something in his voice Alex found curious but she didn’t press it because one of the girls had just asked her a question.

“How did you two meet again?”

“Work.”

“Where do you work?”

“Starbucks,” Alex answered.

“Oh. Corporate?”

“I was for a while but now I’m an assistant manager. I like being more hands on with a coffee shop,” Hoseok answered. “What about you, what are you doing?”

Alex butted in to clarify, “I’m just a barista.”

Hoseok looked surprised by her defensive tone, but she felt like he’d just tried to hide that she was nothing very ambitious.

“Yeah, you’re great at your job. She’s a shift supervisor. One of the best we’ve got –not at my store though, unfortunately. Then we wouldn’t be able to date so I took the hit professionally,” he chuckled.

Ok, maybe he hadn’t tried to hide it.

“It’s cold, can we go inside and warm up for a little bit?”

“Just sit closer to the fire,” one of the other girls suggested. But the smoke was way too thick for that and all the fire really did was make her face burn and leave her ass cold. 

“You’re a city kid, huh?” another unimportant person joked and Alex didn’t appreciate the laugh, or the way Hoseok squeezed her shoulders and agreed, “Yeah.” As if he wasn’t?!

“It’s great to see Hobi in his natural element,” Alex smiled brightly at him. Hoseok’s eyes narrowed and he leaned in and kissed her cheek, laughing as if she’d just meant it as a playful joke. Maybe it would have been playful half an hour ago when she could still feel her nose. “We should probably get going soon though,” she commented, checking her phone. She’d asked to be home by six and it was four now but they could hit traffic.

“Soon,” Hoseok agreed. “Hey, Chris, whatever happened to that dance startup you were so excited about? Is that a sore subject?”

“Soon” apparently meant different things to Hoseok and Alex. Or maybe it was just that every minute seemed to drag worse for her. She wanted to think the stories from college were funny because this was a glimpse into Hoseok’s history she’d never had before, but the stories actually weren’t very funny. Hoseok cleaning a shared suite where it was obvious no one else had helped or appreciated his efforts. Hoseok drunk too quick at parties and left passed out various places as if that was some funny joke. Hoseok failing a test because he’d spent all night designated driving friends and then been such a “good friend” he didn’t rat them out to the professor. Hoseok working his ass off to fill in last minute for a space in their dance crew at a competition, and there was just something in the way they talked about it that made her uncomfortable, “yeah you were crazy motivated, we knew we could give you anything and you’d learn it or die trying.” He was an incredibly motivated person!

And honestly these people were kinda assholes! Whatever novelty had existed in the beginning wore off completely and Alex realized that these college friends of Hoseok’s were nothing more than bullying assholes. It was easy to see now how eager he had probably been in college to maintain these friendships, and how eager he was now to still impress these people who didn’t deserve his effort to impress. 

Something to talk about another day, though, because it was time to go.

“Hey, we should head out in case we hit traffic,” Alex said at 4:30. Hoseok checked his watch and nodded, “Ok yeah after this story.”

At 4:45 she went to the bathroom and grabbed Hoseok’s arm and insisted, “Ok, time to go.”

“Sure one sec, let me help –hey, do you need help carrying that inside before it rains?” he called and darted forward to help Madelynn, one of the women who owned the farm. Alex was not actually sure how many people lived here.

Holy shit, was this a cult?

The question still lingered on her tongue when at five she tried to pull Hoseok away again, reminding him, “I need to be back by six to get ready. Can we leave the compound now?”

“The compound? What?”

“Let’s say goodbye, we need to go.”

“Hey Hobi, come look, Riley brought a video of Regionals and you’re in it, we’re putting it on now!’

“Wah, let’s look,” Hoseok pleaded, grabbing her arm. “I want you to see the way I danced in college.”

“Can’t we just watch it another time?”

“I don’t have it, come on, it’ll only take a minute!” He grabbed her arm and dragged her to the house.

Twenty minutes.

Now Alex was starting to get pissed, and pulled him aside to point out, “We need to get going. You don’t even have your coat on. I’m already late to get ready and if we run into traffic–”

“We won’t, there’s not traffic back to the city this time of night.”

“But I’m already going to have less time to get ready.”

“Ok, I know, I’m sorry,” he said, and kissed her forehead. “Let me say bye and we’ll go.”

He meant bye to everyone. It meant stomping back out to the barn and the campfire and through the living room again and getting distracted by the video on the TV.

“Hoseok,” she hissed. “Let’s go.”

It had been too loud. People looked over, and Hoseok got red in the face as he frowned, “Ok, sorry, we’re going. You’re ready?”

“Yes,” she murmured, embarrassed. She didn’t bother waving as they found their way out to the car. But Hoseok stepped in dog shit on the way and had to go back for wipes so he could clean it off before he’d get in the car, while Alex sat in the passenger’s seat fuming.

“Ok,” he finally said, overly cheerful. It thudded to the ground. “Time to go.”

“It was time to go an hour ago,” she pointed out.

“We’ll get home quick–”

“It’s already almost six! We still have an hour to drive!” she pointed out. 

“Ok, sorry, you can tell your family it was my fault–”

“Just drive, please,” she said, and pulled out her phone and texted.

[Alex]: hey may be running late, got stuck at another thing

[JK]: k I’m already here

What! She scrolled up to check but they hadn’t ever agreed on a time. She’d assumed seven because… because why?

[Alex]: I’m like an hour away

[JK]: it’s cool I wanted to make sure I have time to get enough tickets so I got here early 

Alex appreciated his chill. It was fine. It was fine if she was late to meet Jungkook, there wasn’t a hard timeline, they were just going to play some games and buy a slushie machine and wave goodbye to a building. It was annoying Hoseok had dragged his feet about leaving but she didn’t actually need an hour to get ready to meet Jungkook. She planned to just change clothes and go and she’d already laid everything out. Worst case scenario she could just wear what she was wearing and go right to the arcade. Yeah, maybe she’d do that, because the knowledge that Jungkook was already there made her twitch impatiently in her seat like she was already late.

“Ah, is your family going to be mad at me?” Hoseok asked. “Sorry. Sorry. Do you want me just to drive you straight home and you can get your car later?”

“No, it’s fine. Just focus on driving please.”

An awkward silence ballooned.

“Hey, um… thanks for going with me. I know it’s a big day for you. I’m sorry I kind of lost track of time.”

“How could you lose track of time while I kept harassing you about it?”

He laughed, maybe a little forced, “You know I’m just social. I thought you liked that about me!” 

She frowned harder. She did. Usually. 

“I do but you knew I had to leave at a certain time.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I just get carried away with– I haven’t seen these people in so long. It’s so strange, I feel like I’m right back in college with them.”

“Yeah but is that a good thing?” Alex asked. “They’re assholes.”

“Uh… huh?”

Fuck.

Her bad temper was making her too blunt, so she tried to explain, “I just didn’t think they treated you very well. All their stories were about you working really hard and them not appreciating it.”

“No no, that’s just how they were in college, you know? I was kind of odd. I’m still kind of odd!” he laughed.

“No, you’re great,” she insisted, even while secretly angry with him. Or, well, not so secretly. “I just don’t think they talked very nice to you. You drove all this way and they didn’t seem genuinely interested in you at all, they just wanted to show off their art.”

“They were interested in me…”

“And I think they were judgy about me just being a barista–”

“They weren’t, Alex. Why would they be? Your job is fine!”

“Yeah, ‘fine’ is probably what they thought– why is traffic so slow?” she demanded and began to take her coat off because it was too hot in the car. The slow down had been obvious though, a sea of red brake lights blocking them to a stop.

“Must be an accident,” Hoseok mumbled. His mouth curved downwards. Alex resisted saying anything about it, just looked nervously at the red lights and tried to crane her neck to see how much further it stretched.

For a few minutes the car was painfully tense. Alex’s stomach hurt with the restless frustration. Late. Late late late. Jungkook was already at the arcade and she still had to get her car and get there to meet him. And there would be no rain check. It was tonight or never.

Finally the cars started to move again. Alex let out a sigh of relief and settled back in her chair.

“I’m sorry you didn’t like my college friends,” Hoseok said, cracking the thin peace wide open. “They liked you.”

“I don’t think they did but I’m surprised… you really don’t have an issue with how they treated you?”

“No, Alex, they’re just old friends.”

“That doesn’t give them the right. You just see the good in people too much I guess.”

“Yeah well you too,” he retorted. 

She wasn’t used to retorts from Hoseok.

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing,” he sighed.

“What are you talking about?”

“Nothing. Forget I said anything. I appreciate that you came all the way out here with me today and I’m sorry you didn’t have fun.”

The way he said it made her feel guilty, like she’d only half done what she was supposed to do, like she ought to have just relished the way these college friends were kind of judgmental and rude.

“I thought you’d appreciate that I’m protective of you,” she huffed at him and turned away to chew on her thumbnail which she did not usually do. 

“There’s a difference between being protective of me and not wanting to be there.”

“I obviously wanted to be there or I wouldn’t have gone even though it’s making me late for my own plans. I don’t think it’s fair that you’re mad at me that I didn’t like watching college friends bully you for six hours–”

“It wasn’t six hours.”

“We got there at one–”

“Yeah that’s not–”

“And we left at nearly six–”

“That’s only five–”

“Does that one hour really make a difference?!” she cried. She covered her face. “Just… drive…”

“I am driving, as fast as I can, but I’m not going to get into a wreck. Your family would rather you be late and safe, I’m sure.”

“They would have preferred I be on time,” she argued. And felt the defensive rage prickled further because he kept mentioning her family like he knew she had told a lie and wanted to see how many times he could get her to tell it again. 

“Is this because I forgot to tell you I dated Angela for a little while–”

“No,” Alex assured him. “I don’t care at all about that, it was years ago.”

“I didn’t realize she’d even be here or I would have told you, but it really wasn’t anything important. We only dated for a few months and now she’s married.”

“I’m not bothered by it,” Alex said again and sincerely meant it. “What, you think I’m just being a jealous bitch right now? I really don’t care about meeting your ex-girlfriend. I’m proud of you for not marrying into that group–”

“You’re being mean–”

“You’re making me late!”

“So call your family! Put them on speaker phone right now and I’ll tell them it’s my fault and–”

“I don’t want my family to be mad at you!”

“I’ll make it up to them.”

“Just drive!” she pleaded and looked at her phone. 7:15.

Her stomach twisted with nausea. Her whole body was bouncing in the seat. She couldn’t look at the clock anymore, she couldn’t get there any faster, and she felt the wires inside her twisting almost to the point of breaking. She was supposed to be at the arcade with Jungkook fifteen minutes ago but Hoseok had made her go to that stupid cold dirty farm party with his asshole friends and now she was already late.

[Alex]: sorry traffic

[JK]: it’s cool

[JK]: they close at 9 tonight they just said

[Alex]: fuck

[Alex]: I’m hurrying

It was a lie. There was nothing she could do to hurry. She gritted her teeth before realizing she was chewing a hole in her cheek. She stopped that and tried to find a position in the seat that would make the car move faster. 

“Fuck.”

“What.”

Hoseok didn’t answer at first. He mumbled curses under his breath and pulled onto the exit ramp. 

“Hobi?”

“We’re um.. I’m going the wrong way–”

“What?!”

The rage and frustration left her incapable of speech at first. Probably that was for the best. He pulled over and checked directions on his phone and Alex seethed in her seat. He didn’t like to drive with his phone GPS on because he felt like it was distracting. He preferred to just memorize the route. He had a good memory. Usually that worked. 

But not fucking today!

He pulled back onto the highway going the other way and Alex thought she might vomit from the stress. She was going to miss it. She was going to miss the whole thing.

She pulled out her phone and did the math.

“How far in the wrong way did we go?” she demanded. 

“I’m going to drive faster. Make sure you’re buckled.”

“Hobi…”

The drive became very quiet after that. Alex had nothing to say. Occasionally she looked at her phone. Sometimes only two minutes had passed and that gave her hope. Other times it was longer. 

And then.

And then.

A loud popping sound made the car jerk and rattle. The cartoonish explosion of the tire was so obvious in an instant. Hoseok immediately pulled over to the shoulder and put the hazards on. Alex immediately burst into tears. And Hoseok did too.

“I’m sorry,” he cried. “I’m trying to get you home fast, I’m sorry I lost track of time.”

Alex just covered her face with her hands and cried, the stress rushing out on trembling breaths. She was going to miss the whole fucking thing. It was eight. They closed at nine. And now they had a flat tire. And her boyfriend was literally in tears, he felt so bad about it and she was literally a liar. 

Her tears actually helped though. They vented the anger that had been bubbling up higher and higher. They washed away the pressure because she’d missed it. It was over. There was no point trying to get there anymore and no need to try. The surrender took all the fight out of her.

“Do you have roadside assistance?” she managed to choke out through her tears. She sniffled. Hoseok nodded. She reached out and squeezed his hand. “Ok.”

She listened to the tremble in Hoseok’s voice as he made the call. She kept hold of his hand, trying to pull herself back to sanity. Ok. She’d missed it. That’s all there was to it. All this did was prove she had been right two months ago that she couldn’t do it all. She couldn’t have both. She’d had to choose and she’d made her choice and trying to go back wasn’t possible. 

“I lied to you,” she admitted quietly as they sat there waiting. “I don’t have a family thing tonight.”

“What?”

“The arcade I used to go to with Jungkook is closing. Tonight is the last night and I was supposed to meet him so we could finally cash in his tickets and say goodbye to the place.”

He didn’t respond at first. She was afraid to look at him but then curiosity overpowered her shame and she saw he just stared at the steering wheel. She waited for the yelling and the accusations and the anger.

Instead he asked, “Why didn’t you just tell me that in the first place?”

“Because I didn’t want you to get upset I was going to see him again.”

“Alex… I never told you that you couldn’t see him. You’re the one who decided that.”

“Yeah but… it’s not that I really meant to hide it from you or anything but then you had this other party and I figured you wouldn’t understand why this was so important to me. Maybe you would just think I was going back on my word or something but it’s not about him, it’s about… it’s just that this arcade was really important to me for such a long time and…”

“I understand.”

Silence.

“I’m sorry you’re missing it. Tonight is the last night?”

“Yep.”

“What time does it close?”

“Nine.”

They looked the clock on the dash. 8:35. 

“Shit,” he muttered. “I’m sorry, Alex.”

What else could either of them say? He hadn’t reacted badly even though she’d lied, which didn't give her any reason to puff up again. Instead it left her feeling stupid for not having been honest in the first place. 

“Can I ask you a question and you’ll tell me the truth?”

“Sure,” he agreed.

“If I had told you I wanted to skip the party to go to the arcade with Jungkook, would it have hurt your feelings?”

Hoseok’s mouth twitched was enough of an answer for her. He hesitated before turning to her in the dark car and admitting,

“Yeah. But that doesn’t mean I would have told you not to do it or anything.”

“Now you can just be relieved that my family isn’t upset. Just me.”

“Sorry.” But she knew he wasn’t really. Sorry she was upset, sure. But probably not sorry that he’d gotten to take her to the party and she wasn’t spending the evening with Jungkook after all. 

“It’s hard to lose things and people you really cared about,” she told him. 

“Even when they’re not what’s best for you anymore?” Hoseok asked.

“Didn’t you still want to impress your college friends?”

“Ah.” He sighed. “Yeah.”

They didn’t have to talk about it more because roadside assistance pulled up then. Instead Hoseok stood outside holding the flashlight while the man put the spare tire on. Hoseok made Alex stand over on the sidewalk under a streetlight because he was worried she’d get hit. In the meantime, she texted Jungkook.

[Alex]: flat tire I’m not going to make it

He didn’t respond. For all she knew, he didn’t even believe her. Jungkook was someone separate from her now. Maybe he thought she just had too much fun at the party with Hoseok and flaked. She hadn’t even told him she was at a party with Hoseok but she wasn’t thinking logically right now about things. She felt exhausted and disappointed by everything.

[Alex]: I’m really sorry I really wanted to be there

When he still didn’t respond, she gave up.

With the spare tire on, Hoseok had to drive extra slow. It was a blessing Alex had already called it because this would definitely have had her scratching holes in the roof of the car. Instead they were both very soft and quiet as Hoseok drove back to his apartment. He thanked her again and apologized again. 

“I’m sorry I lied to you,” she said. “And I’m sorry I was a brat about the thing today.”

“I understand. I hope you don’t feel like you have to lie to me ever again though.” Leave it to Hoseok to give her the easy way out. It didn’t make her feel any less shitty. As a punishment, she wasn’t getting her evening with Jungkook anyway. Maybe she would have if she’d told the truth. Or maybe Hoseok was overestimating himself right now and it would have been a fight a few days ago instead. But maybe if they’d fought a few days ago, she could have made it to the arcade, she could have just sped over when Jungkook admitted he was already there. 

Was that a shitty thing to think?

They hugged but it was an awkward goodbye. The night buzzed in her ears when she got into her own car to drive home. But the arcade drew her. Even though she’d missed the night, she felt the loss settle deep in her belly, and knew she at least wanted to drive by one more time and peer in the windows and wave. She felt like she deserved at least that.

The emotions of everything still had her overheated so she cracked her window to get some cool air in and stripped her coat off as she drove. Wouldn’t it be ironic to get into a wreck now? She felt wrecked by the day. Probably she was going to cry at the sight of the stupid building.

At 9:23 she pulled up in front of the closed arcade in the emptying parking lot. She grabbed her coat but just carried it over her arm and walked quickly through the parking lot. The cold air felt good, hopefully it was settling her flush. She knew her eyes were swollen.

Jungkook sat on the curb under the street lamp like a delinquent, a box and a bag beside him.

“Oh hey,” he greeted and pushed up, like he’d been waiting for her.

“What are you still doing here!?” she demanded. “I told you I couldn’t make it! We got a flat tire–”

“Phone died,” he admitted with a crooked grin. “I thought you might not be going to make it but figured I’d wait a while, just in case– woooah, hey.”

She started to cry.

“I tried really hard to make it,” she sobbed, crumbling under the weight of the day. “We were at a house party like an hour away and Hobi took forever to leave and then there was traffic and we went the wrong way probably because I kept yelling at him and then we got a flat tire and–”

“Yeah but you still made it,” Jungkook said stupidly as he pulled her into a hug. Or maybe he hadn’t been doing that, and just reacted to her collapsing against him. She couldn’t tell. She didn’t care. His arms were around her and for a moment it really did feel like it was ok, or at least over, she could just vent about it now. The worst was passed.

She whined, “I didn’t make it. We didn’t get to play anything or eat mall pizza and I didn’t even get to see you finally buy your shit. Did you get it?”

“Ah, yeah, come look,” he said, dragging her over with his arm around her shoulder. “I got the Slushie maker! And I had enough to get all this little shit. Figured I’ll pull something out when I need to pretend I was just here,” he joked, opening the plastic bag so she could peer in. It was all foam dice, sparkly pens, plastic topics, finger puppets, and Tootsie Rolls. “They were generous with the ticket costs,” he laughed. “Here.” He pulled out a slap bracelet and smacked it down on her wrist. The sharp edges hurt the exposed skin.

“Ouch,” she said calmly and then laughed at his surprised look.

“It hurt?!”

“I think it slit my wrist. Now we know why they’re closing. Slap bracelet lawsuits.”

He laughed, then saw something over her shoulder and shoved the bag at her, “Here, wait. Hey!” He ran to the door and leaned against it and knocked. She could tell from afar that he’d just cranked his charm up to a hundred, she could recognize it just in his posture. 

The lights from inside illuminated the cracked door, but she couldn’t see who was through it. 

He came running back, motioning, “Ok, let’s go. We get one game.”

“What?”

“One game of air hockey.”

“What? They’ll let us play–”

“Yeah, one game.” He yanked up the box and her coat she’d let drop, leaving her only the bag of goodies and an expression of confusion as she turned to follow him in.

“Tylerrrr,” Jungkook grinned at their favorite tired employee as he let them in. “I owe you.”

“Yeah a hundred bucks.”

“Dude let us play our game first.”

“Thanks Tyler,” Alex beamed at him, wishing her smile was nearly powerful enough to convey her gratitude.

It was eerie being inside with most of the machines already turned off and the overhead lights on instead of the muted wall lights The prize wall was already stripped down after the last night of trades. The carpet looked dirtier than ever under the bright lights, and the lack of people definitely made it feel like a ghost town.

Jungkook led her right over to the air hockey table, which still had lights on. 

“I don’t have my card,” Alex realized.

“I think I’ve got enough.”

He did. The sound of the air whirring to life made Alex’s stomach flip. She sniffled.

“I haven’t even wiped the dirt with you and you’re already in tears?” Jungkook taunted. Alex held her hand over the tiny prickles of air and laughed.

“You fucking wish.”

Alex had the puck to start with but Jungkook blocked her shot.

“You’re rusty.”

He tried to hit the puck but managed to somehow just slide his mallet across it. They both laughed.

“I think you have us confused,” she teased.

He hit it and it bounced to the side. She hit it back, but not full force. He bounced it back. The arhythmic clicks of the mallets and the tink of the puck hitting the walls worked a magic in Alex. She felt herself finally thawing from the long day. The noise, the feeling, the smell of this place was all so achingly familiar. 

Jungkook’s empty-eyed concentration, the way his mouth hung open slightly as he tried to time his mallet right to intercept the puck, also achingly familiar. It distracted her long enough he managed to slide the puck into her goal with a poor defense from her.

“Really rusty.”

“Shut up, I’m just warming up.”

“Only one game!” Tyler shouted from somewhere out of sight.

“Shut up, Tyler!” Alex shouted back. 

Jungkook laughed, “He’s so excited to never be bullied by you again.”

“I’ve never bullied him! Tyler is a national treasure!”

Jungkook squashed the puck against the wall and it went flipping through the air. They laughed about it like small delighted children.

The tear tracks evaporated as the taunting picked up. Never quite to what it once was, but enough that Alex felt the disappointment of the day slide away. They shouted as they sent the puck soaring again. Jungkook whined when she shot it straight into his goal because he’d bought the fake out and gone the wrong way. She relished in his tiny noise of frustration.

But Alex held back from prompting it again. She didn’t want the game to end so quickly. And when they came to the last tie-breaking goal way longer than it should have taken, she realized he had been too. They bounced the puck back and forth, the click of it taking on a more melancholy pace. 

“Sorry I cried on you earlier,” she mumbled over the whir of the machine. “It was a long day.”

“Yeah, sounds like it. Everything ok in general?”

“Yep. Fine. I mean… I miss you, don’t take that the wrong way.”

“Yeah I know,” he snorted. “What’s not to miss?”

“What about you? Are you doing ok? Namjoon treating you well?”

He laughed with his nod, “Yeah. His place is pretty fucking sweet but he’s got a lot of rules.”

“So do my parents.”

“I’m going to start calling him Eomma Kim, I wonder how that will go–”

“Oh my god please don’t be homeless.”

“Ok I do have parents too, Alex,” he scoffed. “But I figured I shouldn’t move in with them right down the street when you were trying to get away from me.” He started really laughing, like he’d thought about it before but now it was suddenly the funniest thing he’d ever considered.

“What? No…. no,” she frowned. “Don’t say it like that!”

His laughter faded out with, “Ok.”

The puck had slowed down with neither of them exerting effort. It came to a stop in the middle of the table.

And then the air stopped.

“Tyler!” they both shouted, looking over where he’d stepped on the extension cord button.

“I gave you the game, you can’t stay here all night. I want to go home!”

“But it’s your last night! Won’t you miss this place?” Alex teased.

“Like a foot in my ass. Who won the last game?”

“It was a draw,” Jungkook said.

“But I would have won,” Alex added. “If I was trying.”

“Only if I let you win.”

“Uh, big talk for the dude who can’t score without my help.”

“I have scored plenty without your help.”

“Wait, what are we talking about?” she demanded, eyes narrowing. And for a moment she was transported backwards to a time where Jungkook scored all the time with every woman in sight and Alex laughed and teased because it sure beat crying about it. Eventually you got used to that kind of hurt, it turned out. Especially when you were funny and good at papering over your feelings with really funny jokes about your manwhore friend.

Except this time his eyes went wide as he cried, “I meant in air hockey!”

“Sure you did!”

“I did!”

“Take it outside, folks,” Tyler wearily sighed and gestured towards the door. It felt good to laugh their way out, bickering again whether Alex would have won or not. She was better at the game, but tired from a long day, and Jungkook suggested maybe he’d been hiding his true skills this time and Alex did not make the easy joke about “where were you hiding skills? With your alleged love?”

“Wait, let’s take a photo. I promise not to post it,” Jungkook said before they got very far away, lifting his phone. Alex agreed to it, stretching high while Jungkook crouched to be in the photo, the air hockey table and empty arcade behind them.

“Nice. Jungkook meets his Air Hockey Idol, that’s what that photo looks like.”

“You have no reason to let me win, you’re just masking,” Jungkook insisted as they walked.

“Uh, because I feel bad.”

“About breaking my heart?”

“About being late!” she screeched. “Jungkook! I did not!”

“Ok ok no, I know, it’s not your fault you were late,” he said, quickly changing the topic and she wondered if he regretted making that joke. It was very Jungkook to make a joke and then have to walk it back. He always took jokes too far. She did it too. Especially about things that were serious and scary. No wonder they never had a serious conversation about things until it was too late.

“It’s not,” she insisted. “It’s never my fault. I’ve never done anything wrong in my life.”

“I know. I know. Ok, here have another slap bracelet,” he said, digging one out of the bag and slapping it onto her other wrist.

“Ouch. That hurt again.”

“But you kinda liked it?”

“I didn’t kinda like it!” she insisted and tried half-heartedly to kick the back of his leg. Just like she used to.

Damn she missed this.

Maybe he thought it at the same time, because his expression shifted and they both got quiet for a moment.

“I’ll walk you to your car,” he offered.

“You don’t have to.”

“Yeah, I do.”

She didn’t argue again. He walked her to the car. She accepted a fistful of candy and tossed her things into the passenger’s seat and congratulated him on the Slushie machine. 

“And thanks for messaging me about this. Sorry I missed most of it but I’m glad we got to say goodbye.”

“To the arcade,” he said quickly. “I didn’t go anywhere.”

“Ok well you literally moved out of our apartment–” she joked.

“After you did! And I live with Namjoon, you know where to find me.”

She nodded and pursed her lips, then said, “Yeah, I know.”

“Ok. Well. Night, Alex. Thanks for one last game. Let me know if you ever want a Slushie.”

He waved, like they were friends in passing. She waved back but made it awkward and he laughed. His car wasn’t far and she watched from her driver’s seat to make sure he made it safely before she remembered to start her own car.

She hated that he’d said that. One last game. It wasn’t the last game of anything they’d ever play. It couldn’t be! She wouldn’t let it be. So what if they couldn’t go back to the way it was before? Could this really be enough? Just running into each other every couple of months? Making excuses to keep apart until something major happened?

But it had to be enough. That was the way a normal friendship worked anyway, right? You just saw each other sometimes and it was cool. And she had to be careful about it. Strict. She couldn’t let herself get carried away and try to read too much into why her heart was racing and it took her a few minutes to compose herself to drive because for a brief second the ugly too-bright parking lot lights had felt romantic. Or why the whole rotten day had ceased to matter when she found him sitting there on the curb, still waiting for her. Or why she had never wanted the hockey game to end. 

It was just missing a friend. She just missed her friend. She couldn’t go back to feeling more than that. She’d grown up and out of that. She could be normal about him again soon. This had been normal. Clearly he could be normal too.

She adjusted the slap bracelets on her wrists, kind of ok with the way they bit into her skin, and drove back to her parents’ house.

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[ice-cap-k]

Glassy Eyes

This is where I start getting carried away.

Fanfic of a fanfic. Based on Sixteenthdays' "From the Archives" series. Supposedly takes place after their story Immersive Story Telling.

Their tumblr

Seriously, their stuff is good. It puts this story to shame. I highly recommend you go check them out.

Cross-posted on AO3 here: Glassy Eyes

____________________________________

[Click]

[GRIAN]

Huh. Would you look at that? Did someone drop off another statement last night? Scar? Scar!

[Sound of door opening.]

[Scar]

What’s happening?

[Grian]

Did you leave this on my desk?

[Crinkling of paper.]

[Scar]

Hm? Oh, that wasn’t me. That was Impulse. He said Ren came in yesterday and dropped it off in a box at the front desk

[Grian]

(Indignantly) I was here yesterday too. Why didn’t he just come on in for an in-person statement like last time? It’s so much more satisfying when it’s in person. 

[Scar]

He showed up after you left. And even then, it sounded like he was in a rush. Impulse seemed worried about him. It was like he just dropped off the box and ran out the door.

[Grian]

(Scoffs) Fine. Fine. I’ll have to talk to him about it later. Thank you for telling me.

[Scar]

Any time!

[Door squeaks closed]

[Grian]

I suppose a new statement is still better than a stale one. Statement of Ren D. Dog regarding an escape room experience. Original statement recorded yesterday, apparently, October 5, 2023. Statement begins.

[GRIAN (STATEMENT)]

Before I get to the important bits, I just want to apologize at the beginning for the handwriting ‘cause I’m going to write this in a rush. I probably shouldn’t be taking the time to write this at all, but you people listened and believed me when I told you about my escapades in the sewer and you’re the only ones I can think of who might know something about what I saw or have some sort of connection. I really hope so. I could really use some direction here.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. You’re going to want to know everything, so I’m going to start with the group chat. Er, ok not exactly the chat, but there’s a group I’m in where a bunch of friends plan out fun little outings. I’ve known most of them for years. Good people. We’ve had lots of fun times together.  Sometimes we make a day of fun little games. Simple stuff like tag with Nerf guns and extra steps. Other times it’s a huge event that takes a lot of planning,  organizing, and a venue. 

Two days ago was our last meet-up. It was one of the bigger events we had planned for the year. Some of the fellas in our group had never been to an escape room before, so I figured we had to do something about that. I’ve been to a handful myself. Escape rooms are just good fun, honestly, and are great for big parties. The best places know how to break up big groups of people into littler groups and space them out so they can work through each room without catching up to the people who went first. 

I took it upon myself to take charge of the planning. Nobody seemed to have any issue with me handling it this time around so as far as I was concerned it was up to me to throw the grooviest get-together of the year. 

I found the place immediately. There was an ad that popped up in my “recommended” section on the forum I use to do research for my podcast. It was for a brand new escape room about to open up on the edge of town. There wasn’t much information available, but that made sense. It was a brand new business. There wouldn’t be any history on the company that a quick Google search would be able to provide. But there was a phone number on the ad, so I made a few calls. Talked to the owners about renting the place out for the day. It sounded like a good one. Cool concept. They were more than happy to set it up and stagger us out in groups as we went through the challenges. They sounded so excited to have so much interest this early into their launch. We got everything all squared away, and I let the fellas in the chat know the date and the time.

Everyone else seemed really into it, too. They pitched in their share of money to cover the costs. It didn’t come out to be that much per person since there were a lot of us and the company only charged a single lump sum for renting the place out for a day. 

But the day before we were supposed to go, one of my friends had to back out of the arrangement. Poor thing fell sick and didn’t want to expose us to something nasty. I felt bad for the dude. The least I could do was offer them their money back. I could have covered their share on my own but they didn’t want it back. They just told me, “go ahead and take someone else in my place. I don’t mind.” At that point, everyone in our group chat who wanted to go was already going. Then someone suggested that, since I planned this one out, I should ask a friend of mine who wasn’t already part of the group to join in on the fun. Everyone was cool with it. Excited at the idea of a possible new addition to the group, even.

So I called up my good friend BigB. We used to hang out a lot back in university, but I hadn’t seen him in a while. This felt like a good opportunity to catch up. BigB said, “sure thing, man,” and we were set for fun times ahead. 

So the big day rolls around and we get to this place and meet up with the others. Greetings and introductions go around, and we get ready to rumble. The host comes out to meet us. She explained the game and what we could expect. Our whole party would be divided up into groups of two. There would be timers running for pairs to try to solve all the puzzles in a room. Either they passed in the time limit, or the time limit would run out and they would be ushered to the next room. Either way, it would free the place up for the next pair to come in and try their hand at the reset puzzles. Then they walked us through the safety measures. Each room had a buzzer by the door that could be hit to let the workers know that you needed to get out. It would unlock the door and deactivate any machinery or whatever fancy doohickies they had in the place. Sometimes people get claustrophobic or anxious in a confined place. Especially when put under pressure.

It was all super chill and fun at first. A bunch of us hung out in the lobby while we waited for the first few pairs to go. When it was me and BigB’s turn, the host waved us over and we went in the door together. 

BigB might not have been to an escape room before, but the man was absolutely brilliant. We made it through the first two rooms at lightning speed. The challenges weren’t too difficult, in retrospect, but they weren’t super easy either. It seemed like every time I got stuck in a rut, too caught up on a detail to figure things out, B would pat me on the shoulder and point out something I missed. We never went past the time limit. He was always a pretty observant guy when we hung out at the theater, but I never really stopped to appreciate it until now.

 I kept marveling at how different it was compared to other places you see nowadays. It was honestly pretty clever. They modeled the inside like some big dollhouse. Fancy decorations and plastic furniture and all. There were mannequins set up to look like a setting with people. A few of the figures that were supposed to be little kids even had dolls of their own in their plastic arms. 

It was in one of these rooms that B first pulled me aside. I had been trying to puzzle over a lock on the fake kitchen’s fridge. I’d assumed it would be like before, and that he’d blow my mind with some silly detail I had missed, but instead, he told me that the doll was looking at us. He pointed to this little glass doll in the lap of a mannequin kid. Its head was sort of tilted towards us. The glassy eyes glittered.

That creeped me right out. Sent a shiver right up my spine. But I also figured it was just a prop. Maybe even part of the puzzle. So I took what he said pretty seriously. I think that might have surprised him that I believed him so easily.

I tried waving my hand in front of the doll, moving around the room, I even picked the thing up. It didn’t seem to follow me as I moved, and there was nothing I could find that was off about the doll, so I shrugged it off and said maybe it was just a red herring. He didn’t look too convinced, but he didn’t argue. We ended up finding the key in a cake and moved on to the next room. 

It was a bathroom. It was kind of small for the two of us, but we searched the place for the next set of clues. At some point, I opened a cupboard under the sink and nearly jumped out of my skin. There was another doll, sitting pretty on the shelf facing outwards to smile at some unsuspecting fool like me who opened the door. It spooked me so bad, that I bumped into the full-body mirror hanging against the wall and it came crashing down. 

Broken glass got everywhere. I was ok. No cuts or anything. BigB was spooked something fierce. He looked me over to make sure I was ok. I mostly just felt bad about damaging the place's property. I was already rehearsing an apology and coming up with a payment plan to present the owners with when BigB got distracted. I asked him what was up, and he turned me around. 

Behind where the mirror was hanging was a small door. Only a few feet wide. Maybe two feet tall. It reminded me of the house I grew up in, where my bedroom closet had a little door for easy access to the plumbing in the bathroom on the other side of the wall. It looked like those tiny maintenance doors. You couldn’t walk through it, but it was big enough for someone around our size to crawl through. There were no cobwebs like the one back in my old closet. This one looked nice and clean. Almost like it was well-used.

BigB thought we should hit the button near the last door. We could contact the hosts, let them know we broke the mirror. Our round would be forfeited, though. I wasn’t ready for that. We were only halfway through, and up until then, our rounds had been fantastic. The stuff of legends.

If I’m going to be honest, the little door also got me curious. We were in an escape room. How was I supposed to know it wasn’t part of the game? For all we knew, we had accidentally skipped a bunch of steps that would have eventually told us to move the mirror. I said as much to BigB. He seemed hesitant, but then I said that if the door ended up leading to nothing more than a bunch of pipes, we’d move on. I was at least hoping we could finish up with this room or go until our timer ran out before we contacted the hosts. Just to make things go a little bit longer. Beat one more riddle for the sake of my own satisfaction.

He actually agreed. So I kneeled down, brushed some of the broken glass bits out of the way, and he opened the door. 

There was a whole tiny corridor on the other side! Like a mini hallway. BigB saw that and elbowed me in the side. “Looks like you were right. We just skipped an entire room.” He crawled in first, and I followed. 

The hallway ceiling sloped upward almost immediately so we could stand back up and start walking again. This part of the building was noticeably different from the rest. Up until then, the rooms had been homely and tacky. Plastic and overstuffed. Full of dolls and cheap props. The walls and floor of this hall were grey concrete and hard edges. 

The dolls were still around, though. Mostly the smaller ones. None of the mannequins. A mix of plastic and porcelain faces stared blankly out at the wall from lines of shelves. 

The further we went, the less put-together the dolls seemed to be. There would be a cracked cheek here and a few missing strands of hair there, but before long entire swathes of shelves were full of doll bits. Not even entire dolls. Just their arms and legs and heads all lined up.

I had also noticed that the hallway seemed less well kept than the rest of the building. The door had seemed clean, and I suppose the hard floor did too, but clear strands of what looked like spider silk were hanging from the ceiling. Memories of what I saw with Doc were still pretty fresh in my mind, so when I started noticing doll parts tangled and left hanging in thicker knots of strands, I could feel myself losing my nerve. 

I tried suggesting to BigB that we turn back. I’m pretty sure I made some excuse about how we must have accidentally found the storage rooms. We hadn’t seen anything that looked like a clue or puzzle since we came through the door. But by now BigB seemed hooked. He begged me to go just a little further with him. He just wanted to check the place out. If it was just storage, then as long as we didn’t mess with anything there was no harm in being there. We could always go back once we got to the end. 

I couldn’t say no to him. I just couldn’t. His reasoning was sound, sure, but there was a spark in his eye that I just didn’t have it in me to douse. He was really curious about this place for some reason I could no longer fathom. But I was the one who suggested going through the door in the first place. I could ride this thing out a little longer. 

I tried. I really did try. 

We didn’t go very far when BigB took the lead. He mumbled something I didn’t hear. When I asked him to repeat, he called back a little louder, “The dolls are watching us again.” 

Every hair on my body stood on end. I looked at the dolls hanging from the ceiling and at the ones lined up against the wall, and rows upon rows of eyes stared down at us. The plastic faces remained unchanged, but this time I could visibly see the painted marbles in the eye sockets moving to keep pace with us. Disembodied doll heads turned in place to continue staring.

But BigB kept going. Even as I tugged on his arm. I asked, no, demanded to know how he wasn’t freaked out, but he just shook me off. “We’re almost to the end of the hall,” he said. And he took my hand. “There’s something there. I can see it. Can’t you? Don’t you want to know what it is?”

I don’t know what came over me, but it was almost like the moment his hand touched mine his excitement sort of rubbed off on me. I don’t know how to fully explain it. It was like I was feeling what he was feeling. My fear was still there, but now there was also a burning curiosity. I couldn’t see what was at the end of the hall like he could. I didn’t see the end at all, but I didn’t run away. I let him drag me forward until we passed the threshold of another doorway. This one was normal-sized. There was no door, just the opening. I couldn’t see anything past the doorframe, but I trusted BigB. He seemed to be able to see ahead of us. So it came as a complete shock when I took a step forward and the ground was just gone!

The place had no floor. Both me and B dropped screaming into the black. I don’t know how deep it was or how far we fell, but if there wasn’t a bottom, there at least had to be a ceiling because a lot of those cobwebby strands hung down deep in clumps. They caught at us like vines, dragging at our limbs. My arms are still littered with tiny little crisscrossed cuts from falling through them and having them break across my skin, but they did manage to slow our fall. The two of us hit a point where there were so many little strings that they wrapped around us like a net and kept us from going any further. 

I just hung there for a moment, catching my breath, trying to figure out what the hell had happened. BigB was hanging next to me, struggling for a handhold on the strings holding him up. And I think it was right then that I realized that this stuff wasn’t spider silk at all. It was too thick. Not stretchy enough. I think it might have been fishing line. It felt like that. Like thick, clear, plastic lines. They felt about as comfortable as you’d expect a fishing net to be.

We couldn’t see the bottom from where we hung. Couldn’t see the top where we came from either. I could see other things hanging above us and below us. Caught in suspension by the hanging strands. There were a few more dolls. And some rocks, curiously enough. Big rocks, little rocks, literal statues. I didn’t try to make sense of it. What was happening didn’t make sense. I also didn’t spot the human skeleton until BigB gasped and pointed it out.

It was hanging in front of him, maybe two yards away from him and even further from me. It had to have been there for years. The flesh had long rotten off its bones, making it impossible to tell if it was once a man or a woman. Only a few scraps of cloth hung from their arms and legs. It hung splayed out, supported by the plastic wires looped around its wrists and ankles. Another loop wrapped under its chin and around its neck like a noose. It kept the skull upright. Almost like it would be looking directly at BigB if it could, but there were no eyes in those sockets.

As silly as it sounds, the skeleton almost looked laughable hanging there. Sure, it probably spelled doom and gloom for the two of us if we stopped to think about how long they had been down here without anyone noticing. But the way it hung there suspended by its arms and legs, it was like a kid’s puppet. Tossed aside, limp and small and waiting. 

“This is it. We’re going to die down here,” B wailed. 

I tried to calm him down. Talk it out and come up with some sort of plan for both our sakes. I needed to believe it as much as he did. I started struggling. Some of the strings shifted as I pulled on them, which wasn’t very comforting. Still, the lines were sturdy enough to hold us. Maybe we could climb them? We could go back up and out the way we came. Or if we couldn’t get up, we could work our way down. There had to be a bottom. Once we got down there we could figure something else out. 

BigB didn’t really like that second idea. “Don’t go down,” he begged. “Down is so much worse.” Frankly, I was inclined to believe him.

I managed to convince him to try climbing up. I was starting to make some progress myself. The strands weren’t the most sturdy things. I could feel some of them snap or give way above me as I dragged myself up a few inches, but there were tons of them. Even with a few breakages, I was still able to hold myself relatively steady. I think seeing that helped him calm down. He started pulling himself up after me. As he moved, the strings swung a little. He found himself shifting back and forth, swinging closer and closer to the skeleton. He didn’t seem too enthused about it. I tried suggesting he shift his weight a little to the other side. He did, but by then he already had momentum. He swung really close to the skeleton. Within a foot or two, and my stomach dropped as the strings holding its right hand began to quiver.

I thought maybe BigB had shifted something loose above us, and it was hitting the strings holding the skeleton, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. To my horror, the thing moved forward. It hung limp, but its limbs moved independently like a marionette under the skillful hand of a puppeteer. One dead hand lurched forward, wrapping around a clump of the strings holding BigB in a way that would have been downright painful if the thing had had any muscle or nerves left. And then the strings holding the skeleton’s other arm aloft twitched and swung forward to wrap around BigB’s shoulders. The head leaned in, the jaw opened, and somewhere above us a voice said, “What good timing. I’m always looking for good replacement parts.”

BigB screamed. I’m pretty sure I screamed too. Bones rattled as B tried to throw the skeleton away from him, but I could only watch in horror as the puppet strings controlling its arms twisted around B and wrapped him tight. He thrashed. I screamed at him to hang on. I wasn’t sure what I would do, just that I had to do something. The only thing I could think of was getting to BigB, so I climbed. I grabbed at strings and clumps and whatever else I could to drag myself over to him.

In my desperate desire to help, I stopped paying attention to how sturdy the strings were. They were giving out like crazy in my hands. Things above me shifted. I remember reaching out to BigB, but then B shoved the skeleton back and screamed at me to look out. I looked up and saw one of the sharp rocks that had been hanging above us start to fall. I watched as it came down at me. I felt it slam into my skull, and that was the last thing I remembered. It all went black after that. 

When I opened my eyes, I was back in the fake little bathroom. I was lying on the tiled floor next to the broken bits of mirror with some dudes’ faces blocking out the light. My head hurt something crazy. 

My friends and the hosts had come to get me and BigB when we didn’t respond to the buzzer signaling time had run out. They saw me on the ground next to some broken glass and a gash on my head and panicked. I felt bad. I must have been a sorry sight. They picked me up and started patching me up. And I was grateful for the help. But then one of them asked where BigB went.

I freaked out. I started to point at the wall, shouting that he was still behind the little door, but everyone just looked at me like they were confused. I tried explaining what had happened, how we went through the little door behind the mirror in the storage room, but as I started describing the hall, the owners of the establishment cut me off and told me there was no door there.

The really freaky thing was that there wasn’t. I went back to that bathroom and the space on the wall was empty. I even ran my hand along it, but there were no seams or edges that I could feel. The one owner was even nice enough to peel back the wall paper after we searched for BigB for an hour with no luck. There was nothing there. It was like the door had never been there. Maybe I had just hit my head when I broke the mirror and dreamed it all. But dream or not, we never did find BigB. 

Everyone, me, my friends, even the owners, we all practically tore that place apart looking for him. And when we ran out of places to look inside the building, we started combing the area outside for him. We weren’t able to find anything. When it started to get dark, someone called the police. A few officers came out to check the place out. They asked us a few questions and took our numbers, but it’s not like they came up with anything we hadn’t already found. It was like B vanished without a trace.

I’ve been at my wit's end trying to track him down since then. I don’t think I’ve gotten any sleep these past two days. I’ve even started putting up posters asking if anyone’s seen him. Everyone else is pitching in, but I can’t help but feel responsible. I’m the one who asked him to come along on this trip, and I lost him when we were partnered up. If there’s a chance that my dream wasn’t actually a dream, then I even convinced him to go down that creepy hall with me. If anyone should have gotten got, it should have been me.

I know what you’re probably thinking. Doc already left because of something freaky we saw. And now BigB’s gone too. This is different from when Doc left. Doc can handle himself. He’s crazy strong and smart. Doc avoided me, but he didn’t completely vanish. People still saw him. 

This isn’t Doc we’re talking about here. It’s BigB. BigB wouldn’t hurt a fly. BigB can stick to himself sometimes, but he doesn’t get lost in projects and vanish like Doc can. He’s just gone.

Well, most of him is. While we waited for the police to arrive, I stuck my hand in my pocket and found something that hadn’t been there before.

I didn’t know what to do with it or how they got there. It makes no sense. The police didn’t bother with them, so I’m leaving them with you on the off chance they might be some sort of clue.

I think they’re BigB’s eyes.

[Grian]

Statement ends.

[Increasingly panicked breathing.]

[Grian]

I… I can’t. I just- I have to go call-

[Click]

[Click]

[Grian]

I tried calling BigB. I tried a lot. He’s not picking up. Despite Ren’s questionable honesty about his own name, he’s proven to provide accurate statements. At least as far as we have been able to tell. And as much as I wish it wasn’t true, much of what appears in this statement has been backed up with follow-up research. 

An inquiry to the police station confirmed that Ren and a handful of others had reported BigB missing two days ago, and considering BigB is a fully grown adult with the right to come and go as he pleases without telling anyone, I wouldn’t be surprised if they continue to drag their feet on an investigation. 

As for the escape room establishment, Ren had left an address and printout of the ad he had found online in the box he left at the front desk. I asked Scar to look into it and he managed to contact the owners. They claimed they have no clue how Ren and BigB managed to find the room with the dolls. The walls have been inspected, but no traces of a “small door” are to be found. The wall is solid. There’s no possible way they could have gone through, or that BigB might have ended up in the walls, though they have since reviewed the blueprints they received upon purchasing the building. Upon further inspection, they found that on the opposite side of the same wall where Ren described the door is an empty space. No room is indicated. Or anything, really. Just empty space. They’re currently looking into having a contractor take a look for signs of a boarded-up room. The sooner, the better.

They also provided a little information on the building’s history as it was told to them upon purchase of the premises. This information we later confirmed after searching through public records. Apparently, the building used to house the production of doll parts, which would explain a lot. It wasn’t a full production plant. Too small for that. Rather, it was a hub for touch up work and assembling the doll pieces before they could be sold to local toy shops. The new owners took it upon themselves to use some of the leftover products they found lying around as props in their escape rooms. 

Pearl dug through a few newspaper articles in the archives and found that the previous owner had died in a very peculiar accident. I’ll, uh, spare you the details, but it appears they were caught in the wires used for assembling puppets. The place had been left to rot for almost twenty years before the current owners bought the property.

Oh yeah! As for the other gift Ren left for us in the box… 

[Dull rattling]

He wasn’t lying. There were a pair of eyes in there.

They’re not really BigB’s eyes. They can’t be. They’re made of glass. They’re those freaky kinds of weighted marbles they use in porcelain dolls. The ones that are made to blink at you when you tilt the things back and forth. I can see why he said they were BigB’s eyes, though. They’re the same shade of brown as his. And have that same gradient effect at the edges where it gets a little darker all the way around his irises. The resemblance is kind of uncanny. 

They were definitely made to look just like BigB’s. 

I can’t find it in me to have Impulse take them to storage. I don’t like them looking at me, but it feels wrong, somehow, to have them locked away in a dark room. I’ll probably just keep them in one of my desk drawers until we find him.

[Sighs]

I’ll call Ren later if he can stop his search long enough to let me help.

Heh. We should keep a nickel jar for whenever one of us goes missing. Between me and my friends, we’d make a fortune. 

[Click]

[fullscoreshenanigans]

(from here)

@questiontocertaintyofreality @whywoulditho ooo lemme do a little promo post to put in the REN tag because the fic makes me happy

Fair warning that as of writing this post, the fic is currently unfinished. I know some people are hesitant to start fics in light of that, but even if a fic remains unfinished my general perspective is to proceed forward and appreciate what an author did share of their work and play around with the little plot bunnies that spring forth in my head.

With that said, some snippets and ramblings (spoilers, natch):

I've said this numerous times before how I'll give more leeway to individual short comics with the hyperbole being used to quickly and clearly deliver a punchline with a limited amount of time and space (like in the chapter 91 "Hayflick Effect" → "Hey! Flick!" bonus comic), but I hate when Emma is stripped of all her nuance to facilitate familiar shipping formulas. I understand how this snowballs from innocuous offhand jokes in the fandom, but it's unfortunate when these things overtake popular perception of her. She's emotionally intelligent and cunning (we see this early on when she's brazen enough to muse what Conny's up during her confrontation with Isabella in the hallway, all while keeping up the most cheerful front), so I always enjoy reading fic that keeps that balance in mind.

Beautiful, a simply beautiful exchange of greetings.

The preestablished Noremma is absolutely delightful. Another thing thing I've mentioned before is my dislike of Norman being extremely uncharacteristically nebbish or aggressively confident and suave when pursuing relationships that' works in tandem's usually packaged with Emma becoming bizarrely demure. Again, I understand the appeal of stock scenarios, but it's not something I enjoy reading for them. I adore when they reach this level of knowing, playful banter with an underlying thrum of challenge, bred of familiarity at which boundaries can be teasingly skirted and which are low blows and off-limits, and founded on them being equals (after both of them, to different degrees, placed each other on pedestals).

I generally have two default outlines for how I see REN getting together: all together at once, or NE getting together first before roping Ray into the relationship. Here it's clearly the latter, though with a bit of a twist in that NE isn't as intimately familiar with Ray stemming from a shared childhood, but there is an awareness of him being out there. There's also the layer of longing that I personally vibe with for him and incorporate into my interpretation of the ship that can be summed up as "Ray is first to know, last to go, and Emma is last to know, first to go." (Because when there’s something she wants and believes it’s correct to do so, she just goes for it. There might be some delay in trying to find the correct timing, but the progress on it dramatically picks up when she realizes, "wait, why aren’t we together? We should fix that." lfjldj adore that respectful tenacity and ambition.)

With Ray, there's a denial born from years of steeling away his heart so he would have the mental fortitude to see off multiple children on their shipment days and a bone-deep belief that after everything he's done, he doesn't deserve such love. He is committed to the vow he makes to Emma in chapter 38 about living on to protect their family, and multiple times he's at the center of discussions what's the best path forward to secure the safety of his friends and family. He can be in the spotlight for that, but when it comes to advocating for his own wants, he falters; accepts that internal strife born of self-loathing as penance for everything he's done to reach this point, prostrates himself to the idea that Emma and Norman are beyond him when it comes to matters of the heart, and attempts to twist and contort to himself he's content to live the remainder of his days with this secret if it means they'll be happy together. (I'll also do a quick shoutout to @salsae's vowsverse for the ultimate breaking down of this wall; simply spectacular culmination of all the build-up over the years.) But all this is underlined by a desperate clinging to the hope that a future with them is possible, a hope that he would never dare put to words but still subconsciously lingers as he tries to extinguish it.

Tying that long tangent back around to this AU, again, Ray doesn't know the two as intimately as he does in canon, but there's a spark of hope at the thought of a different future for himself that he wrestles with, griping over the ludicrousness at the pair's goal and fighting them tooth and nail with each step of their approach, yet he's still the one to initiate their game and can't help but want to meet them to see if there's a foundation where his hope can bloom.

Finally, I am going to McFuckin' Lose It™ if the reveal that Ray is the son of the kingdom's enemy happens in the middle of Norman holding court (either with Emma and Norman knowing beforehand or it being a surprise for them, too; both have delicious potential.)

[fang-revives]

Syb Reviews G1 Climax 33 July 15

Hey all! We’ll see how much I keep up with this but here’s some thoughts on the matches I did watch on the first night of the G1 card! This weekend is free to watch on NJPW World so get on that especially for the matches that are must-watch :D 

I’ll keep these brief and spoiler-free so that you can use them as a match guide if you’re strapped for time and want to just watch the highlights. Crossed out matches I skipped so you’ll have to decide for yourself.

*

1. Yoshi-Hashi vs. El Phantasmo

- Good!! Not a must-watch but it’s really fun to see Yoshi-Hashi’s swagger as IWGP Tag champ, and I’ll be keeping one eye on how El Phantasmo finds a new faction (or doesn’t!) this G1.

2. Chase Owens vs. Gabe Kidd 

- pass. You couldn’t pay me to watch a Chase Owens match.

3. Tanga Loa vs. Kenta

- I was only so so on watching this to begin with and my friend said it was nothing special.

4. Ren Narita vs. Shota Umino

- ABSOLUTE MUST WATCH!!!! The Reiwa three muskateers were *the* thing I wanted to watch on this card and BOY did this deliver. They’re really building the chemistry of their rivalry wonderfully. I’d watch this a second time. I can’t wait for the backstage comments on this.

5. Kazuchika Okada vs. Great-O-Khan

- sorry to okada I just don’t find great-o-khan that interesting.

6. Kaito Kiyomiya vs. Yota Tsuji

- ANOTHER ABSOLUTE MUST WATCH!!! God Tsuji is so insanely talented, he has me rooting for him to win A-block. Just a star. And it’s great to see Kiyomiya up there kicking ass. I want him to get his rematch with Okada...

7. Tachi vs. Will Ospreay

- I watched this match for Taichi hometown crowd and I regretted it. It’s not very good I’m sorry to say. I have no idea if Ospreay is working hurt (very dumb) or if that spot he missed in the middle was part of a worked shoot working hurt (also very dumb) but this match dragged so much at the start that we skipped to the last 5 minutes. I do not recommend it.

8. Sanada vs. Hikuleo

- skipped. There will be other matches with Sanada that seem more interesting.

[abysskeeper]

Writing Interview Tag Game!

This was fun! Thanks for the tag @dr-demi-bee :D!

If I tagged you in an answer and you want to steal it from me, please do. Otherwise...hey friend @captain-castaway // @scrawlingmouse! And open tagging anyone else. There's only a select few I feel I can annoy these days.

Under a readmore because I, per usual, am long winded and do not want to ruin people's dashes.

When did you start writing?

Oh I was quite little, probably 6 or 7? I have a distinct memory of standing in my grandparents' kitchen, showing my step-grandmother a little flip-book I made about a frog when I was around that age. I had some of my poetry published in a children's anthology too. Unfortunately, at that time most of my family were more interested in my math and science scores than anything creative I did.

I got into forum-based roleplay when I was 10 (joined a Warrior Cats guild on Neopets) and from there really, the rest was history. That's why I say that I'm truly an rper at heart, to this day rp and collaboration are still where I have the most fun writing. But otherwise, I got into writing solo stuff when I was 10 or 11 and met friends who actually enjoyed creating as much as I did and didn't treat writing like some weird interest that got in the way of school. And I started writing and posting fanfiction when I was around 14 or 15.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I'm pretty much in the boat of what you see is what you get. I enjoy sci-fi and fantasy and primarily write sci-fi and fantasy. Specifically, my subgenres could be specified as 'post-apocalypse' and 'urban fantasy' in such a way that they're pretty indistinguishable from each other. High fantasy counts as my guilty pleasure. My reading picks usually follow suit.

I guess the one place where I do split is romance. I tend to write a lot more romance than I read. Honestly, I'm not really a huge fan of reading romance...but I think that's a combination of me being incredibly picky on what I want in a romance and an over-saturation of the market that I'm not willing to put the work into to find exactly what I'm looking for.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I'm not really trying to emulate any one style or author. I believe it is important to read multiple authors and get an idea of what's out there--both classic and contemporary--but at the end of the day, I do want my own, distinct voice in my works.

That said, I was compared to Gaiman a few times in my creative writing courses in college. Current scandal aside, I still consider it to be a compliment. Funny too, given I've never read any of his works. Also, I list Ray Bradbury as my favorite author...so I'm sure that influences something.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

"Space" is a generous term.

I have a small Asus laptop that I use as a writing computer. It's tiny and portable and can go wherever, thus I write wherever. Primarily at home, I'm either in the living room sitting in the 15-to-20-year-old rocking chair I inherited from my parents or up in my bedroom, which has access to both a gray loveseat and my bed. There's nothing remarkable about either of these places really. My bedroom has some figures and odd knick-knacks, as well as the stuffed penguin and Eeyore pillow I hug or use as lap pillows.

I've also been known to break out the laptop in the break room at work, at my work desk, and at various Paneras/Starbucks/local cafes throughout the city. I like being malleable.

My home desk is currently in a large room filled with boxes, as we're still unpacking from buying a house. I imagine that once it's a little more filled, I'll be more likely to start writing at my desk again. I want to, it does have all of my fun things (figures, charms, the switchblade I bought at the Ren faire, the standee @gothamcityneedsme got of our OCs together), but for now the desktop is used for gaming almost exclusively.

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Music 100%. Want me to write something? Give me a song, explain to me why it fits what you want me to write, and let me go for 2-3 days. I'll come back to you with something.

Also, not being able to write. Catch me daydreaming and plotting while I'm super busy at work. Nothing brings out a muse faster than 2 hours of mouse colony maintenance that I absolutely do not want to be doing.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Hello, yes, I think way too much about this all the time. My answer to this could be a 5k essay on its own. I am restraining myself.

In late high school/early college, I did a turn-heel on all of the angsty and dark stuff I was roleplaying with my group at the time, and instead got really really into the concept of 'hope as spite.' Hope in the face of all the violence. Hope spitting on the cycles that came before you and promising to do better. That's remained true over the years since, and I think it's where I'm going to be remaining for the rest of my time.

My other biggest thing is probably themes regarding identity. I told my AP English teacher in high school my favorite rhetorical device was mirrors/reflections, and that's still true. Primarily, I really like the concepts of lost and rediscovered identities. Rebuilding yourself after a crisis and discovering what parts of you remain, what parts are gone, and what parts are new and forged in the fire that built you.

Other, more common themes include: intergenerational/familial tensions and trauma, martyr complexes, explorations of death, explorations on love (what is selfish vs selfless and how both are necessary), interplay of light and dark dynamics, and I could probably give a whole Ted Talk on why magical healing is terrifying, actually. Lately, chronic illnesses have been creeping into a lot of my characters as well.

Which is all to say, I think about my favored themes and rhetorical devices a lot. None of them really surprise me anymore. A part of you goes into every bit you write, I think, and those all are surely a part of me in some way, shape, or form.

What is your reason for writing?

If I do not, the urge will eat me alive. I'm mostly kidding, I write for fun and as an outlet and escape from day to day life. However, I have tried to quit multiple times and I always only felt worse at the prospect of never writing again.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

Anything. Anything at all. Writing is an incredibly lonely venture most of the time, and as I said, I'm an rper at heart. If I get anything that signifies there is someone on the other side of the screen enjoying what I'm throwing into the void, it means the world.

That said, I guess the comments that motivate me the most are the ones that actually look and engage with what I've written. Ones that notice little thematics or rhetorical devices that I put into my work, or ones that like the characterizations that I've done (or the real way to my heart, like my OCs). It's something @gothamcityneedsme and I have been doing with each other with our own original stuff for years...so I kinda got used to that and completely forgot that it isn't the norm.

Also, I entered a zine server once after getting accepted and @aevallare informed me one of my application pieces made her feel things. Of course, she had something nice to say to every writer by way of being a sweet human, but it still floored my ass and, quite frankly, I've been chasing that high ever since. It helps on the bad days to remember someone of Alex's caliber found worth in my work...really puts the final nail in the coffin of the imposter syndrome. (And really, please go read her stuff. She's incredible.)

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

Approachable and honest and genuine. The former is the rper again. I want to talk, I do! I'm just a severely socially anxious mess who can't start a conversation and gets far too nervous about being a bother.

The latter is...well. Look, I'm well aware my writing isn't for everyone, and I don't necessarily want it to be. But I do want it to be honest and something I genuinely wanted to write and put into the world. I also want it to be honest in the sense that I fully believe the messages and emotions I'm trying to convey. A little piece of you goes into everything you write. I don't need everyone to accept or like what I write, but I hope the ones that do know that I mean it.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Dogged perseverance. Outside forces, chronic illness, depression, and imposter syndrome have all attempted to get me to give up writing multiple times in my life. They've nearly succeeded more than once...but nothing has actually succeeded yet.

Also weird, philosophical character studies that no one actually wants, if we're going on a more technical "what's your best form of writing" route.

How do you feel about your own writing?

On the days where I'm trying to build confidence? It's the best thing ever. On the worst of the worst days? I'm one click away from deleting everything I've ever publicly posted.

In general, I'm in the middle. I'm a tiny fandom writer with minimal engagement and no intentions of publishing anytime soon (if ever). But I'm also having fun and I like what I write. That's enough...that's all it needs to be. It can be incredibly frustrating and demotivating at times for any number of reasons, but it's also some of the most fun I've ever had, and at this point I think it's safe to say that I'm never trading that in.

Love what kills you, and when it doesn't it'll make you stronger. Or something.