#my random thoughts on aromantism

[myrandomthoughtsblog]

How did I not know that pretty much everyone headcannos luffy as aroace?????? I'm in shock and I love it

[maerhiya]

in regards to the constant dismissal of his aroace identity, i hate it when alastor 'fans' say and use the excuse: "he's fictional, he won't get offended."

like, you're right, but it can and will offend us.

when you see yourself being represented on screen, of course you'd feel enthusiastic about it — representation allows individuals to see themselves reflected in the media they consume, validating their identities and experiences. but when so many people take that representation and decide to disregard and discard it, it is so fucking frustrating. we finally have another character to be part of the tiny amount of representation we have, but then people don't even care about how much it means to us? like yeah, alastor won't get offended because he's not real, but it frustrates and annoys us. do you realize that it's also technically invalidating the aroace community? that you're invalidating our feelings? imagine feeling like you're finally being seen because your orientation is finally being represented in media, and people just decide to blatantly ignore, discard, and invalidate it.

media has such a powerful influence on real life, representation being a prevalent factor of it. there are numerous posts that dictate how people went to watch a movie/show or read a book just because a character depicts their identity in it — obviously, being represented is an incredibly uplifting and validating experience.

which is why seeing an aroace character in a popular show is so meaningful to us because we live in a world where romance and sex are literally everywhere and prioritized above all else. (and it's pretty obvious that alastor's on the repulsed end of the spectrum, but even if he wasn't, at least make an effort to acknowledge his sexuality instead of continuing to portray him as allo; aroace folks can be in relationships but it's not going to be the same thing with allos' experiences.)

any and every representation matters, but why does that seem to stop at people under the aroace spectrum? like y'all can't even let us appreciate the scraps of representation we have. we barely have any, so are we really that dramatic for being upset at how people easily disregard and dismiss our identities that are being depicted on screen just like that? is it truly wrong of us to want to defend and maintain the little representation we have?

[raavenb2619]

Does coming out lead to too much focus on labels?

(I don't really have a main thesis I'm trying to convince anyone of, I just had a thought and wondered what other people thought.)

When I had recently figured out I was ace/aro/nonbinary, I really cared about finding the right labels for me. And the aspec community in particular has so many unique perspectives and labels that you can apply to yourself. What kinds of attraction do you feel, how do you label your orientations and attractions, what model do you use to think about attraction, how do you think about relationships, how do you feel about sex/romance/relationships, etc. It was super eye opening to learn about lots of different terms, and different ways of thinking about things, and things I'd never even thought about or thought I even could think about, and I ended up applying lots of labels to myself.

But, it's been many years since then, and over time I've grown less interested in applying specific labels to myself. I'm still queer/ace/aro/trans/nonbinary/polyam, but I don't really use other labels. (And depending on the situation, I might end up omitting labels when vagaries work fine.) That's not to say that I don't have affinity with other labels, whether that's "I'm similar to what this label describes" or "this label provides an interesting perspective that I like", I just...don't use other labels to define my identity. If I'm comfortable enough talking about something that I could use a label for, I'll just describe my experiences directly, instead of saying "I'm [blank]".

And, I wonder if that shift from specificity to vagary has to do with coming out. For a young aroace like me, part of why coming out was so nerve-racking was that I felt like I had to prove that my identity was real, and having specific labels I could point to and say "look, this is real, I'm not making this up, other people are like this too" was super helpful. But, it's been many years since I've come out, and I'm more confident and know who I am, and that insecurity that I fought back with fistfuls of labels and well-rehearsed explanations is gone. (With the potential exception of QPR-related discussions, which feel kind of like coming out again; I might make a post about that some time if people are interested.)

Every time I've ever come out, or seen someone come out in real life or in media, it's always been "I'm [blank]", but I've never seen someone come out as "I'm not cis/straight". It's always a declaration that you are a specific thing, never a statement that you aren't something someone thought you were. I remember really wanting to make sure I knew exactly what I was and didn't come out as one thing and then change my labels later, because it would mean I'd have to come out again and it would be embarrassing that I got things wrong and maybe people would start to doubt me and not believe me when I said I was something in the future. But, people don't have to be a fixed, immutable set of labels forever; I'm comfortable with using vague labels for myself and letting myself be vague and nebulous and fluid without frantically trying to label every single part of myself. (And, in fact, I did technically get my labels slightly wrong the very first time I came out, and everything turned out okay in the end.)

So, maybe coming out puts an undue pressure on finding specific labels and making sure they're exactly right; maybe coming out should also be able to be "I'm not cis/straight". What do people think?

(This is not to say that specific labels are bad, because they can often be very helpful! Specific labels were helpful for me when I used them, and their existence can spark conversations and lead to new perspectives and learning. Even as I'm finding vagueness and nebulousness to be better for me right now than specific detailed labels, other people can be finding that specific detailed labels give them a sense of belonging and community and identity. But, I still wonder if coming out placed an undue burden on younger me to find all the right labels when vagueness could have worked just as well.)

[braidedhades]

just found out that non-aromantics actually have feelings towards the people they decide to have a crush on. Apparently it’s not like, “hmmm should I consider this person for dating? what are the pros and cons here?” Or like, “I want to be really close friends with that person” But it’s like an actual emotional response or something? An emotion that is different from the “I wanna be really close friends” emotion??

also I just figured out that I’m aromantic

[1ntrvrt-shdw]

i love living valentines day as both an aromantic and asexual person... it's rather amusing how crazy people behave today

[lostinbooks14]

Tomboys are not always lesbian/trans.

Single people are not always aro/ace.

There should be a word for feminine guys who are not gay/trans (if it's not shameful to be a tomboy, why should it be shameful to be a straight feminine man. P.S. I dont mean men who wear dresses but rather men who like stuff that are considered feminine like cooking, pink, sewing, expressing their emotions etc.)

Changing genders should be illegal for kids below 18 (they are way too young to make such life changing decisions).

[explodingstarlight]

Thank you for drawing Aro mikey- I kin mikey and im aro, we don't get much rep so thank you!

awww no prob! i’m honestly honored by how many people got a lot of joy from aro Mikey--based on the reblog tags at least haha ( yeah i read all of them :3). from one aspec to another, i totally agree and i will gladly smack all of my faves with the aspec stick <3

bonus Mikey doodle, just for you 💚

[thearomanticcactus]

Reading romance is like 'it's beautiful and lovely and I don't understand it'

[lizardwizard2000]

OK, time for something different from me. I wanna yell into the void about a web comic I've been reading, it's a good series and I wanna talk about it!

The series is called "Not Even Bones" that's dark and mildly fucked up (at least what the characters do, welcome to the black market tho) but it blends multiple elements.....go read it if you got time.

Anyway, some spoilers if you decide to go read it, Nita and Kovit are the main characters and have been though a LOT together and through the series. The thing I want to talk about specifically though is THEIR RELATIONSHIP! HOLY FUCK IS IT GOOD! Fucked up in a few ways but it's actually really interesting. They go from convenient allys to a nice relationship but not in any dating way it feels, like their both ace and aro but still care deeply about one another and in a somewhat dating relationship. Like they will do a bunch of couple shit but theirs always the air of light romance instead of full romance.....if that makes any sense.

I like how it's developed and it is honestly goals for me in same ways.....but anyway. My shout into the void is done!

[saebaragi]

i have thoughts about friendship and amatonormativity. they're not very organized but they are here. I just wanted to warn anyone that might randomly see my posts sometimes that sometime I might show up with a long post about friendship and amatonormativity.

[wanderingmind867]

I don't really understand the difference between platonic and romantic attraction, but I can still sometimes like romance between fictional characters and I can ship things and stuff. I can't always understand it, like the fact that Nico has a crush on Percy when he was 10 still really shocks me, cause I've never had anything like that happen to me.

I don't know if it's good to give irl examples too, but there's a kid in my social skills class in grade 8 who's got a significant other. Again, I can't understand that. I never had anything like that. It shocks me others have had that.

[myrandomthoughtsblog]

A very big list of characters from different fandons that I headcannon as being aro or in the aro spectrum with no explanation at all

Some of them are even cannon :)

Dc comics -

Selina kyle

Damian wayne

Cassandra cain

Blue beetle

Zatanna

Raven

Harry potter -

Charlie Weasley

Neville longbottom

Marvel -

Yelena belova

Gweenpool

Bucky barnes

Nick fury

Nebula

One piece -

Luffy

Ordem paranormal-

Kaiser

Thiago fritz

Sherlock Holmes -

Sherlock Holmes

Mycroft Holmes

Teen wolf -

Stiles

Malia Tate

Cora Hale

Truly devious -

Nate fisher

Stevie bell

Haikyuu -

Kageyama

Kenma

Yaku

Akaashi

I wish the world would end tomorrow -

Carson

Monster high -

Cleo de Nile

Operetta

Spectra

Cupid

Heath burns

Ever after high -

Briar beauty

Lizzie hearts

Sparrow wood

Ladybug -

Alix

Luka

Boku no hero -

Mina

Todoroki

Jiro

Hatsumo

Addams family -

Wednesday

Stranger things -

Will

Max

Alice in boarderland -

Chishyia

The order -

Lilith

The umbrella academy -

Ben

Hunger games -

Katniss everdeen

Percy jackson -

Artemis

Disney -

Elsa

Isabella

Rosetta

Zarina

High school musical -

Sharpay evans

Violetta -

Camila

The walking dead -

Michonne

Carl grimes

My babysitter is a vampire -

Erica

Gossip girl -

Luna la

The Loud house -

Lynn loud

Your headcannons?

[midnightmystical]

My most recent post also just reminded me of the time where I was at work(currently only work at a grocery store) when a buff guy(with blonde hair, blue eyes& a casual-formal outfit) came through one of my coworkers line while I was bagging. So we finish his stuff& he goes on his way. The older lady behind us(I honestly don't think she meant this in a weird way) asked both of us if we thought he was cute/attractive. We were like "uuhhh........". She said "It's okay I think he's cute to". We finish her stuff& she leaves. I'm like [good lord that was awkward] in my head thinking there wasn't a way I could explain why I couldn't say anything. My coworker said something along the lines(if this counts as her coming out to me than i guess thats the 3rd person irl that has) of "I didn't feel comfortable saying anything about someone being cute because I'm aroace". I was like "OH THANK GOD IM JUST ACE I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN" 😭😭😭

[hummingbooks]

Can my person please come knock on my door please?

[silver-ink-iron-words-reblogs]

Sometimes I think about how, if I had been born roughly 100 - 200 years earlier, I would still have been just as aroace, but I probably would have gone my whole life without knowing it

I would have married a man without loving him. But arranged marriages were pretty common back then, and people married without love all the time. I would have seen the novels and plays about star-crossed lovers, and just thought "well that's nice, but it doesn't reflect reality"

And I would have submitted myself to sex, and probably not really enjoyed it. But women aren't supposed to enjoy sex, right? Sexual pleasure is for men. For women, it's just another job we have to do. I might have even assumed that being uninterested in sex was a universal female experience

If I'd been born in a different time, I could have gone my whole life without ever realizing that I was supposed to actually want what was happening to me

It's strange to think about. And a bit saddening, when I realize that this is probably exactly what happened to countless people throughout history. It makes me grateful to live in a time where we not only have words for this stuff, but an entire community for it

[1ntrvrt-shdw]

I don't have anything against love. I love reading about love or hearing about people fight for their love. the best stories are those that came from two people falling in love or falling out of love.

but never force me into love. and that's why I fucking hate today. cause too many people try to force others into the commercial and ideal of san Valentine's day. so fuck love today