#ooh i could go nerd alert

[felicitywilds]

when i changed my url like. six years ago when i first got into taz balance, someone else had claimed “felicitywilds”, leaving me to stick it out as just the singular “felicitywild”. but on a whim i decided to check if theyve vacated, and they DID so now its MINE

[random-writer-23]

Spoiler Alert (Peter parker x reader)

An: Hello my lovelies! So this one I wrote a couple years ago but it's my first attempt at a soulmate Au. It's pretty cheesy and stuff but y'know. Anyway, let me know what you think. I'll probably edit this one soon and change it to fit my current writing style and repost it but until then I hope you enjoy it. As always all likes, comments, reblogs, and follows are greatly appreciated to get this blog up off the ground. Happy reading!

Warnings: None, it's pretty much all fluff.

Word count: 3,411

Closing my book with a long sigh I glanced down at my wrist, and read the words 'Man I can't believe Dumbledore died' on my left wrist. Groaning, I fell back onto my bed, thinking about those words, and the book series I had just started reading. I had just started reading the first Harry Potter book and I just found out there was a character named Dumbledore. Grabbing the nearest pillow I screamed into it, slowly letting my frustration leave my body. I couldn't believe an entire book series was just spoiled for me because of one stupid sentence! Ooh, when I met my soulmate I was gonna give him an earful. But I was still going to read the series, of course, wouldn't want to waste reading a perfectly good book series. Especially because another Harry potter movie was going to be released In theaters in a few more weeks. I had around 4 more weeks to read the whole series. Although I could handle that, I wasn't too excited about reading a book that had already been spoiled. But I would cope with it, if it meant being able to finish the series before watching the movie. So here I sat in my room for the past two hours wondering who my soulmate was and how much I despised them for ruining the book series before I had even read it. Sighing again I re-opened my book and continued reading where I had left off. When Harry was about to board the train to Hogwarts.

-Time skip to a few weeks brought to you by Hermione Granger the brightest witch of her age-

A few weeks had past since I had started to read and finished reading the series and I was super excited to watch the newest movie coming out. I was going to go see the movie with one of my best friends in the whole world (b/f/n)(best friend name). She was about as big of a nerd about the series as I was. Over the course of about 3 weeks I had become such an extreme nerd about the series it was INSANE!!! I was still a little bit salty, my stupid soulmate had to go and spoil the whole thing with one sentence written on my arm for all eternity, but I coped with it, after all there was only one more week until the movie hit the theater's!!

-1 week later-

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" I screamed after realizing what day it was. I woke my best friend up, as we had had a sleepover the night before, so we could go to the earliest showing of the movie, on the day it was released. She sat up quickly hearing my scream.

"WOAH WOAH WOAH!! WHAT HAPPENED!??!?" She screeched thinking I was getting murdered or something.

"IT'S TODAY!!!!!" I screamed my reply "WE HAVE WAITED WEEKS AND MONTHS AND YEARS FOR THIS AND ITS FINALLY HERE" I continued screaming, not caring how much I exaggerated how long we had to wait.

(b/f/n)'s eyes widened as what I had just said sunk in, before she started screaming along with me "AAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAH" We screamed and screeched in unison "its here its here its finally here!" We shouted as we danced around in circles.

"WHATS WRONG WHATS HAPPENING WHO'S GETTING MURDERED!!!!" My mom screamed bursting into my room, holding a baseball bat.

"IT'S FINALLY HERE!" (b/f/n) and I screamed running up to her and spinning around her as she groaned.

"Oh dear lord, it's 8 in the morning you never wake up this energized on a school day!" She answered our joyous shouts groggily. "I need coffee" She muttered dropping the baseball bat and sluggishly exiting my room to get herself some coffee. (B/f/n) and I danced around the room, and jumped up and down cause premiere day was finally here. We ran out my room giggling like crazy, our giggles were met with another groan from my mother who was currently leaning against the counter practically chugging down her cup of coffee. (b/f/n) and I danced around her one more time before running off to fangirl/boy about the series. We quickly got dressed after about 2 hours of gushing over the new movie and the series, and went to eat the breakfast my mom had made for us. (b/f/n) and I had saved, and pooled together our money ever since the trailer for the movie was released, and we had bought tickets for the midnight premier in theaters as soon as we had enough money. So we wanted to go shopping for a new outfit to wear to the midnight premier. so we inhaled our breakfast, and walked to the mall like two blocks from my house.

"(y/n) How much farther to the mall" (b/f/n) whined as we walked to the mall.

"Not much, so quit complaining" I replied snarkily as we waited at the crosswalk while cars drove past us.

"UGH my legs hurt!" She whined again as the stoplight signaled for us to walk across the street. After walking across the street and turning the corner, we walked a few blocks further away from my house before arriving at the mall. We quickly ran to hot topic to see if they had any Harry Potter dresses in stock that we could possibly wear to the movie later. Stopping at the harry potter dresses we looked over our options and decided to get some uniforms for our houses. I obviously got (hogwarts house) robes while (b/f/n) got Hufflepuff (if your house is Hufflepuff you can change your best friends house). We quickly found our size in the uniforms and tried them on in the dressing rooms. Satisfied with how they looked we paid for all the clothes and ran out the store giggling. We walked around the mall some more stopping in different shops and store windows. In the end I ended up buying the outfit for the movie, some pins from different fandoms I obsess over, and some new clothes for school. I looked at the time on my phone, and saw we had spent about 3 hours in the store yet had 12 hours left till the movie started. Running home like we were in a marathon, we got changed into our clothes and did our makeup, and continued to fan-girl about the movie when we were finished. We ate a quick lunch at around 2:00, then decided to check out the line for the theater we were going to watch the movie to see if people were lining up yet. So we grabbed our backpacks and filled them up with water money snacks and our phones, before saying bye to my mom and leaving the house. We walked the short 20 minute walk to the movie theater filling the walk with mindless chatter about stuff we deemed unimportant, before getting to the good stuff the juicy gossip going around school. What we heard what's her name said to what's his face during math, and how the schools sweetheart couple broke up over something trivial and would be back together by the end of the week. We spilled tea the rest of the way to the theater. When we got there there was already a line starting to form and it was only around 2:30, there were only like 4 or 5 people in line right now and we assumed that they were people who hadn't bought their tickets ahead of time, so they had to be at the front of the line in order to be garenteed the first available tickets. Chuckling at those movie noobs, (b/f/n) and I decided to walk across the street to the Barnes and Noble (or another popular bookstore If you don't have barnes and Noble where you live). As we walked across the street to get to the book store we started to discuss a good amount of time to spend there before going to eat somewhere before the movie.

"I think we should spend no more than 3 hours in there, or else we are going to look like nerds" (b/f/n) declared.

"We are in a bookstore on a Saturday! We are going to look like nerds anyway" I remarked gesturing to our outfits.

"Okay that's true but still if we spend 3 hours in here and then 2 hours in the restaurant eating then it will be around 7 when we finish eating, then we could go get in line and wait the rest of the time till the movie in line." She explained doing the math in her head.

"By the time we actually agree on a time it will already be midnight!" I said chuckling, "But let's just go into the store and finish looking when we finish looking alright?" I asked

"Ok sounds good to me" She replied as we entered the store.

-another time skip brought to you by Weasley's wizard weaseys-

(probably spelled that wrong)

By the time we actually came out of the bookstore, we had mistakenly spent 4-5 hours in there, way more than we agreed on. My stomach was growling like nobody's business so we found a nearby (f/r)(favorite restaurant), and walked to it.

"Damn this is a lot of walking" (b/f/n) said as we arrived at the restaurant, we took our seats, and both already knew what we wanted to order. So when the waiter came to ask us what drinks we wanted to order, we just ordered our food as well. Checking the time on my phone I read 8:00, we assumed it would take around an hour and a half to receive our food and we would be on track for getting in line around 9:30 or 10:00 depending on how long it took us to eat. We had received our food an hour later as predicted, and then it took us around another hour to eat. Once we were done we split the bill between the two of us and left a good tip for our waiter. We half walked half jogged back to the movie theater as it was finally dark out now and stumbled our way to the back of the line that had a good amount of people waiting for it. It was around 10 to 20 people already so we got into line at the back, and started the antagonizing two-hour wait until we would get to enter the theater and watch the movie we had been thinking about all day long. We anxiously waited for the two hours to pass while (b/f/n) and I chattered to each other and watched people file into the line behind us. After the two hours that seemed to endlessly drone on and on and on were over they finally started letting people into the theater, although those who didn't buy their tickets had to go and buy them before they were allowed inside the theater. Since we had been smart and pre-ordered ours we got to go right in and get our seats before many of the people in front of us even entered the theater. (b/f/n) and I chose seats right in the middle of the theater, the same distance from front to back, and from side to side. That's when we began to unload all our goodies, we pulled out bags and bags of candy and soda we had bought from a gas station on our way here from my house, we had candy-like airheads, red licorice, sweethearts, sour patch kids, gummy bears, gummy frogs, and sharks, and tons of items covered in chocolate. (b/f/n) made a reference comparing us to harry after returning from the candy trolley on the Hogwarts Express for the first time, with all our sweets. I chuckled at her reference. Once we got settled the previews started, and since no one wants to watch the fifteen minutes of previews we talked in low whispers while the previews droned on, we could barely sit still throughout the previews as we were so excited for the movie. Then finally it was time, the music started playing, and (b/f/n) and I clutched each other's arms tightly while squealing silently. The title rolled onto the screen and the lights dimmed down. We dug into our candy and ate silently as our eyes sparkled as they were glued onto the huge screen in front of us.

-After the movie-

When the movie finished (b/f/n) and I sat and fangirled about the fabulous movie we just watched, we analyzed everything we saw, and mentioned details basically no one noticed. That's when I saw two boys in the corner of my eye get up from a few seats away from us, and start walking. I saw one of the boys turn to the other and heard him say "man I can't believe Dumbledore died" my eyes widened as I thought back to the words written on my left wrist, angrily I stood up and ran after the boys when I finally got within earshot of them almost everyone in the movie theater had left. I tapped (ok slapped) the boy I heard say the words on my wrist.

Once he had turned around with an extremely surprised expression on his face I angrily whisper/shouted "YOU YOU'RE THE ONE" I smacked him on the shoulder again, as he looked at me with pure terror in his eyes.

His eyes widened with a sort of realization as he checked the words written on his right wrist. "That was not how I expected those words to be said" He replied lowering his arm back to his side. We were soon joined by (b/f/n) who walked up stuffing (his/her) face with leftover candy and popcorn.

"So what did I miss," she asked me not noticing the boy in front of me. Soon the boy's friend walked up.

"Yo Peter what's taking so long," He said to the boy, aka my soulmate, before seeing me and (b/f/n) standing in front of him. "woah, who are they" he said nodding towards me and (b/f/n).

"Umm... well you see this one" He gestured towards me "is apparently my soulmate" he continued, "and I don't know who this one is... yet" He finished gesturing towards (b/f/n).

"Oh cool" The boy whose name I now knew was Peter's friend said.

"Wait hold up what?!" (b/f/n) said confused and shooketh.

"Yeah... (b/f/n) Meet my soulmate, Peter" I said awkwardly

"huh, well alright then Nice to mete yah Pete, can I call you Pete, Imma call you Pete" She (or he) spat out quickly while shaking his arm wildly, and grinning like the Cheshire cat.

"calm down (b/f/n)" I said quietly while elbowing her side, she flinched grabbing the sides of her stomach.

"What! I'm not even doing anything" She responded saltily

"Hate to interrupt but I think we should leave, the cleaning crew is coming in" Peters friend insisted

"y-y-yeah, l-lets go" Peter agreed as the boys turned to walk out the theater with me and my bestie trailing behind.

we entered the hallway and I squinted as I came into the bright light of the hallway. I quickly texted my mom that the movie was finished and to come pick us up. After I took the time to study my apparent soulmates facial features, and damn I liked what I saw, he has beautiful chocolate brown eyes, curly brown hair with the front swept off to the side, his eyebrows were more on fleek than mine would ever be. He was wearing a blue sweatshirt that said midtown high on it, with jeans and black vans. He looked literally perfect, like someone I would dream about.

"OH um I never introduced myself, I'm Ned... Leeds" Peters friend whose name I know knew to be Ned informed us, snapping me out of admiring my soulmate's face.

"Nice to meet you Ned" I responded shaking his hand politely "Oh yeah I'm (y/n) btw, and this is (b/f/n)" I added gesturing to (b/f/n).

"T-that's a really p-pretty n-name" Peter stuttered, Blushing like mad which caused me to blush.

"T-thx" I responded with a slight stutter, as I continued to blush, "I uh, um I l-like your f-face?" I responded as a question, mentally slapping myself for my idiotic response. My response made him blush even more, and Ned and (b/f/n) walked away leaving Peter and I alone in the Hallway.

"Imma, just be over there" Ned said quickly walking around the corner.

"y-yeah m-me too" (b/f/n) agreed, Following closely behind him.

"S-sooo" Peter said after we sat in an awkwards silence for a few minutes, "you're my soulmate" He said awkwardly

"yeahhhh" I responded even more awkward than him

"Cool" He replied looking down at his feet... "well um y-yo-you're pretty" He complimented me, while stuttering

"t-thanks" I stuttered back rocking on my feet, thats when I got a text from my mom saying she was here outside waiting for us. "Oh hey um my moms here, do you have a phone or something I can use to contact you?" I asked texting her back.

"Oh um yeah, here's my phone number, (314) 335-6740" Peter said as I typed it into my phone, I sent him a quick text saying Hi and he created a contact for me.

"Okay umm cool well I'll text or call you sometime and we can set something up I guess" I told him

"y-yeah I-I guess we can" he replied smiling a little half smile.

"Alright oh um (b/f/n)!" I yelled down the hall, "my Moms here we gotta go!" I informed her and she came running down the hall,

"COMING, BYE NED BYE PETE!" She yelled as she ran past them and with me out the door, my mom was waiting outside, pulled over to the side of the street, and we climbed into the back seats.

"So how was the movie?" She asked

"It was great!" We replied, smiling between ourselves, The rest of the car ride was short and silent, and when we arrived back to my house we ran to my room closing the door behind me and started squealing!!!!

"OH MY GOD I JUST MET MY SOULMATE" I giggled ad squealed loudly.

"AND HE"S SUPER CUTE" (b/f/n) Added.

That's when my phone dinged signalling I got a text, It was from peter, 'Hey, I miss you already and can't wait to get to know you better' The text said, I showed it to (b/f/n) and we both fell back onto my bed giggling.

"Best soulmate ever" I said sighing.

~~Fin~~

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

QOTD: Who is your favorite marvel character? and why? 

Join my discord: https://discord.gg/9bwRmtXCuB

[sailorkamino]

Heyyyyy :) I've got an idea for a one-shot that you could write~ (you don't have to write it if you don't want to, no pressure😅) I'd just love to see the moon boys be worried and bring food to the London Sanctum while the reader is too busy to go out, and the boys get entirely fascinated by the magical artifacts in there (maybe steven is geeking out 🤣) and they secretly love watching the reader do their magic spells.🤭

Delivery

relationships: moon boys x avenger!witch!reader [gn]

word count: 0.7k

warnings: reader skips meals because they're busy, protective moon boys, nerd steven, using food as a love language, nsfw joke (reader moans when eating lmao)

a/n: introducing a new character ;) i focused mostly on the food part and less on the magic so i hope you still like it, conejito = bunny, cariño = dear

chaos in us masterlist

Marc wonders if this is a good idea.

You guys aren’t even dating but here he is at your door. He hasn’t even known you for that long but fuck it, he misses you but he doesn’t know how to say that so he hopes your favorite meal will get the message across.

You have been very busy lately, spending all your time at the sanctum. Normally you were free to leave during the day, relying on multiple security measures and your powers to alert you if anything were to go wrong, but an evil sorcerer on the loose means you have to be extra cautious. You’ve been going to New York a lot lately to discuss the issue with other Avengers.

He cautiously knocks on the large door, eyes widening when it opens by itself. “So, you’re the boyfriends?” A feminine voice, that definitely isn’t yours, asks. He almost drops your food. He doesn’t see anyone inside.

“Hello? Are you one of Y/N’s friends?” He asks hesitantly.

“Kind of. I’m Cheeky Home Assistant Reliable Multipurpose, or Charm. I’m an AI that helps run the sanctum and assists Y/N. I’ve heard a lot about you, Marc.”

He freezes, not knowing how to respond to that. Meanwhile Steven is geeking out in the headspace. “Oh, uh, that’s nice.”

“Y/N is in the library, although they have some gifts for you in the kitchen.”

Marc is about to ask for directions when you’re suddenly materializing in front of him. You look adorably domestic in a cheesy ‘I heart NY’ tee shirt and sweatpants. “Isn’t this a nice surprise?” You smile tiredly.

Marc fiddles with the takeaway bag. “Sorry for just dropping by. I tried calling but I know you’ve been busy.” He shrugs dismissively, like this isn’t incredibly thoughtful. “I don’t know if you’ve had dinner yet but I was on my way home and I was going past that place you like so I decided to get you something.”

You cross the distance between you two, pressing a sweet kiss against his mouth. “Thank you honey. I’m starving.” You stroke his cheekbones fondly as Steven fronts. “Hi love. How come you never told me about Charm?”

You smile at his excitement. “I’m sorry darling. I’m so used to her, sometimes I forget that most people don’t have an AI. She was a gift from Tony.”

You start pulling him through the Sanctum. He doesn’t even ask where you’re going, too entranced by his surroundings. The fact that you didn’t teleport where you wanted to go tells him how drained you really are. “Don’t touch anything,” you warn without turning around.

“I wasn’t-”

“You were thinking about it.”

He shuts his mouth. You come to a stop in a large, modern kitchen. “I think food might be our love language,” you joke. That’s when he notices the pile of American snacks not available in the UK.

“Goldfish!” He gasps, putting your food on the counter to grab the crackers. “And snack cakes!” You smile at his reaction. You take a seat, using your powers to pull your dinner towards you. “Marc and Jake have some drinks in the fridge.”

“Ooh, I’ve never tried these,” Steven observes, looking at the unfamiliar sodas. He doesn’t even react as a beverage flies over his shoulder to rest in your hand. He’s becoming pretty accustomed to your magic by now. “Hey, these are mine,” Jake warns his alter, grabbing one of the cans of Dr. Pepper.

“Play nice, boys,” you advise, only half joking. You dig into your takeaway with an almost pornographic moan. Jake’s face reddens but you’re too busy eating to notice. “Are you sure you aren’t the telepath in this relationship? I didn’t realize how hungry I was.”

He looks at you in concern. “Have you eaten anything today?”

“I conjured some protein shakes.”

“Aren’t you the one who told me conjured food barely has any nutritional value because it’s made with magic.”

“That, uh, must’ve been another witch who told you that.”

He looks at you unimpressed. “You need to take care of yourself, conejito. How are you gonna save the world with no energy?”

“I know, I know. It won’t happen again. Promise.”

“Good. If it does I’ll have to withhold kisses.”

“You wouldn’t dare!”

“Try me, cariño.”

[ptergwen]

can’t get close | ch. one

☛ series taglist ♪ series playlist ✎ series masterlist

w/c: 5,542

warnings: explicit language, smoking, drug use, references to sexual activity, adult content throughout

summary: peter parker agrees to tutor you in physics for one reason and one reason only; you’re paying him. but, it quickly becomes about more than the money.

a/n: i’ve had this in the drafts for a long ass time and i’m so stoked i finally get to share it with y’all omg i hope you enjoy this series as much as i do bc i can’t wait for you to see what’s next! also a reminder that all characters are of age and you should only proceed if you’re 18+! feedback is appreciated, much love to you <3

“fuck.”

you’re looking over the physics test your teacher just handed back, trying to make sense of her many markings. each page is covered in streaks of red pen from top to bottom. psychics isn’t your strongest subject by any means, but you didn’t think it was this weak. your heart nearly falls out of your chest when you read your grade.

you failed.

by one point.

screw physics, and screw ms. warren, too.

“shit,” you curse, slamming the test down on your desk. harry looks back at you. “something the matter, y/l/n? what’s got your panties in a twist?” he wonders with that stupid smirk of his. “not you, that’s for sure,” you retort. “ooh, feisty today, are we?” he observes.

harry turns around in his seat to face you properly. he leans his elbows on your desk, the smirk still evident on his features. you glare at your test score written in big, red numbers.

it’s almost as if it’s taunting you.

“seriously, you good?” harry checks. “you could always talk to me, y/l/n,” he nudges your foot with his own. “i failed, harry. i fucking failed the test,” you mutter. “what? lemme see,” harry demands.

you wordlessly push your test towards him. he picks it up and examines it, frowning at the paper in his hands. you press your lips together.

“just a point off, huh? it could be worse. shit was hard, man,” harry comforts you, giving you your test. you put it face-down this time. “yeah? what’d you get?” you challenge. “that’s between me and warren,” he taps your nose with his index finger. “so what i’m hearing is, you passed,” you conclude. “barely, but i didn’t want you to feel bad,” he admits. “nothing could make me feel worse than the fatass F on my paper,” you deadpan.

your gaze lands on peter parker up at ms. warren’s desk, watching their exchange.

“excellent work, peter. i was very impressed,” ms. warren compliments. she even smiles at him, something she never does. “thank you, that means a lot,” peter smiles back, retrieving his test from her. “most students get stumped on the constructed response. not you, though,” she goes on.

peter is the by far brightest student at midtown. you know it, he knows it, everybody knows it. he doesn’t have to try for it, either. he’s one of those people who’s naturally smart, shit just comes to him. you swear the kid’s brain must be wired different or something.

you think it’s pretty damn cool how genius peter is. you’ve got to wonder what it’s like being such a science whizz. you don’t have enough brain cells for it, though. you’re killing them all off, fucking around and getting high.

it’s whatever. you’re more of an english kind of gal, anyway.

“nerd alert!” harry calls to peter, hands cupped over his mouth to project his voice. peter’s brows furrow as he searches for the source of it. “dude, leave him,” you smack at his chest.

the bell rings, signaling the end of the period. your classmates hurry out of their seats and file towards the door. ms. warren reminds everyone of an upcoming homework assignment on the way out. you flip her off behind her back, to which harry snickers at.

“lunchtime,” you wiggle your eyebrows. “let’s go smoke.”

“jeez, y/n. what did you get right?” liz murmurs, flipping through your physics test. “not much, as you can see,” you answer. you take a long drag from your cigarette before passing it off to harry. “hey, it’s no big deal. there’s always the next one,” harry tries.

you’re seated at your usual picnic table outside. you sit up on the tabletop with harry and liz on the bench facing you. harry inhales smoke from the cigarette and puffs it out in your face. you waft the smoke back towards him with a giggle, liz sighing at both of your childish behavior.

harry osborn and liz allan are your very best friends in the whole world. they’re your ride or dies. peter may be well known around midtown, but he’s not the only one. you three have got quite the reputations yourselves. just, for different attributes.

you’re the best fuck, got the best stash. harry is your dealer. liz has the brains, so she gets you and harry out of the trouble you get yourselves into. she’s not afraid to let loose from time to time, though. the three of you make the perfect trio.

“y/n, you’ve gotta get your grades up,” liz warns. “warren’s tough. she won’t think twice about failing you, and i mean for the year,” she sets your test down in your lap. “too bad i can’t fuck her for an A,” you say, snatching your cigarette back from harry.

harry flicks your knee over your jeans. you kick your foot at him in retaliation. he dodges you.

“i’m serious. i had her last year, remember?” liz asks, sipping her iced cofeee. “yeah, yeah. lucky you, you already took physics,” you speak with the cigarette between your teeth. “exactly, so i know what she’s like,” liz finishes. you exhale smoke and a chuckle along with it. “you wanna help me out then, lizzie?” you question.

“you mean, like, tutor you?” liz wonders, her features holding amusement. “why not? you’re smart, you know the curriculum. let’s do it,” you propose. “i’d love to, but i can’t. i’m really busy with decathlon, and yearbook, and…” she smiles apologetically. “say no more, madam president. i understand,” you assure her.

you jam your cigarette into the wooden table to put it out, tapping the ashes onto your physics test. you peer around the courtyard at the other tables. peter parker happens to be at one of them. he’s laughing about something with his friends, prompting your lips to pull up in a grin.

“you should ask parker to tutor you,” harry suggests. “are you out of your mind? he would never,” you scoff. “are you out of yours? he’s a pro at physics, and i’ve seen you checking him out,” he pokes your knee, hard.

you wave him off, although you don’t deny it.

“oh my god, you totally should!” liz chimes in. “i coach peter for decathlon, he’s awesome. i’m sure he’d be happy to do it,” she vouches for him. “you think so?” you narrow your eyes at her. “of course. he’s a sweetheart,” liz laughs out. “c’mon, ask him,” harry encourages. “right now?” you peek over at peter.

he’s munching on a carrot stick, listening intently as one of his friends rambles.

“not like he has much else going on,” harry states, stealing liz’s coffee and chugging what’s left of it.

you are in desperate need of a tutor. there’s no way you’re repeating physics. once is more than enough, so you’ll take all the help you can get to pass the godforsaken class. it’s your senior year. if you fail, you risk not graduating. besides, peter is an expert, and he seems chill. if anyone can help you, it’s him.

it’s worth a shot.

“sure, what the hell?” you decide, swinging your legs off the table. “attagirl! that’s the spirit!” harry cheers. “remind him there’s acadec practice after school. he hasn’t been showing for some reason,” liz requests. “peter parker cutting classes? i gotta give him more credit,” you joke.

you stand up on the bench before hopping down into the grass. you then make your way over to peter’s table. as you’re approaching him, you shake out your oversized t-shirt to rid it of the smell of smoke. you plaster on your sweetest smile and stride up to peter and his friends, going to the head of the table. the three of them are caught up in their conversation.

“what’s up, parker?” you speak up. peter’s head whips in your direction. “leeds, watson,” you nod at his friends, ned and mj. mj nods back. “y/l/n,” ned greets, trying to play cool. “to what do we owe the pleasure?” mj asks. peter merely stares up at you. “can i sit?” you ask him. “uh, yeah. go ahead,” he mumbles.

you take the empty spot on the bench next to peter. his eyes practically pop out of his head.

peter is shocked you’re talking to him. he can’t recall you two ever even speaking before now. there’s also the fact that you’re you, and he’s him. it’s not like you run in the same circles.

what’s your deal?

“you’re probably wondering what i’m doing here,” you read peter’s mind. “what if i told you i knew a way you could make a dollar or two?” you start. he perks up, interest piqued. “keep talking,” he replies, nibbling on another carrot. “tutoring. have you ever considered it?” you grin, proud of your idea.

“tutoring for what?” mj questions. “and who?” ned piggybacks. you lock eyes with peter. “me, for physics,” you reveal. peter is dumbfounded, and his face doesn’t hide it. “seriously?” he almost chokes on his carrot. “that hard to believe, huh?” you chuckle. “i mean, no offense, but…” he looks to ned and mj. “you’re not exactly the tutoring type,” mj grimaces.

“listen,” you sigh, glancing between the three of them. “it wasn’t my first choice either, but i’m failing, and that’s not an option,” you explain. “i really don’t wanna retake this shit. i won’t make it through another year… not alive, at least.”

your voice quiets towards the end of your sentence. you pick at your manicured nails, gaze drifting to the ground. peter’s lips twitch into a sympathetic frown.

this must be heavy on your mind. he’d hate to see you struggling when he knows he could help, or anyone for that matter. plus, you offered to pay. he could really use the money.

“why peter, though? why do you want him to tutor you?” mj inquires. “yeah, why peter?” ned gawks. “liz wasn’t available,” you honestly answer. ned and mj share a look. “no, but seriously. he’s the smartest guy in our class. hell, he’s the smartest guy at this school,” you flash peter a smile. peter finds himself returning it. “who better than him?“ you rationalize. “fair enough,” he decides.

“is that a yes? you’ll do it?” you ask. “i’ll do it,” peter confirms. you grab him by his shoulder, face lighting up. “perfect! when do we start?” you wonder. “how’s today after school, if you’re free?” he responds, laughing softly at your enthusiasm. “i am, but you’re not. decathlon practice,” you click your tongue.

“how did you…” peter trails off. “liz,” ned and mj reply in unison. you beam at them. “okay. um, after practice? we could meet up?” peter lets his eyes flit to yours. “text me your addy. looking forward to working with you, parker,” you conclude, getting up from the bench. “you too, y/l/n. see you later,” he shoots you another smile.

you wave to ned and mj before jogging back over to your table. ned claps peter on the back, who’s looking at you over his shoulder.

if he only knew what he was in for.

“nice work, everyone! don’t forget to review the topics we discussed for next practice,” liz dismisses the decathlon team.

the team stands from the table, each saying their goodbyes to one another. peter and ned pack up their things.

“i can’t believe y/n y/l/n is coming over to your apartment,” ned raves. “neither can i,” peter murmurs, shoving books in his backpack. “seriously, peter! this is a once in a lifetime opportunity! what are you gonna wear?” ned asks. “uh, this?” peter gestures to his science pun t-shirt and khakis. “dude,” ned groans.

“i mean, does it matter? i’m only tutoring her, ned,” peter reminds him. “peter, you don’t just tutor a girl like y/n,” ned refutes. peter zips his backpack, looking blankly at him. “we’re gonna study, and i’m gonna get paid. that’s all,” he brushes him off. “that’s why i’m doing it, you know. for the money,” he slips a backpack strap onto his shoulder.

“really? that’s the only reason?” ned presses. “and, because i feel bad for her. nobody should have to retake physics. it’s the spawn of satan,” peter justifies. the two of them begin to make their way out of the auditorium. “true. well, good luck. let me know how it goes,” ned pats his friend on the shoulder. “alright. thanks, man,” peter replies before ned leaves the auditorium.

“peter!” liz shouts out. “come here a sec!”

peter clutches onto his backpack strap, head tilted to the side. he walks back over to the table, where liz is tidying the space. she pauses to rip a piece of paper from her notebook. she scribbles something down on it, then hands it to him.

“y/n’s number,” liz says. “right, thanks,” peter nods, tucking the paper into his pocket. “good job today, by the way. we missed you. don’t work y/n too hard,” she winks. “missed you guys too, and i won’t,” peter chuckles, exiting the auditorium at last.

once peter is settled in at home, he retrieves your number from his pocket. he puts it into his phone, lips pursed curiously. without thinking too much of it, peter types out his address and hits send. you reply all but a second later.

peter jumps when his phone buzzes, not expecting you to answer so fast. he cracks a small smile as he reads your message.

be there soon! brace yourself parker :)

peter gathers his physics materials while you head over to his apartment. he then decides to neaten up the messy space in anticipation of your arrival. you’re his company, he supposes. besides, his aunt may will surely appreciate him cleaning up after himself for a change. she’s always saying the place is a pigsty.

he’s pushing a cereal box into the kitchen cabinets when you knock at his door. he quickly closes the cabinets and scrambles to get the door, but not without stopping to check his reflection in the toaster. he meticulously combs back his hair with his fingers before he realizes what he’s doing.

ned must have gotten in his head.

peter rolls his eyes at himself and fixes his hair the way he had it. he pads over to the door, turning the knob to reveal you on the other side. you sport a wide grin, a textbook hugged to your chest. he’s pleasantly surprised that you came prepared.

“let’s get to work, shall we?” you prompt. “we shall. come on in,” peter invites you.

you wander inside, your perfume filling the air as you pass by. peter shuts the door and meets you at his kitchen table, where you’ve already seated yourself. you get comfortable in your chair, leaning back with one leg crossed over the other. you open up your textbook. peter sits across from you and does the same.

“so, what’s on the agenda?” you question. “i figured we could start at the beginning, go back to the basics,” peter responds. “we’ll take it slow, okay?” he looks over at you. “mm, not my specialty,” you remark. peter’s eyes widen at your innuendo. “kidding. whatever you think, parker. we’re in your territory now,” you say.

“okay, cool. turn to page-“ peter cuts himself off when you plop into the seat next to him. “i’d rather look on with you, if that’s alright. i’m a visual learner,” you explain. “sure, whatever works for you,” he assures you, flipping to the first chapter.

you move in so you can see better. your shoulder squishes against peter’s, the sweet scent of your perfume smelling stronger from how close you are. your lips part, then curve into a smile. peter gets distracted by your gaze, subconsciously inching even closer to you. you nod for him to start. he snaps out of his daze and shifts to face forward.

what the hell was that?

pull it together, peter. pull it together.

“chapter one, introduction to dynamics,” peter reads aloud. you follow along with your finger on the paper. “dynamics is the study of bodies in motion. dynamics is concerned with describing motion and explaining its causes,” he begins, glancing at you. “you okay with that?” he checks. “yeah, so far so good,” you affirm. “awesome. the general field of dynamics consists of two major areas,” he continues.

“should i be taking notes or something? i, uh, don’t wanna get lost,” you confess. peter looks up from the textbook, his kind eyes meeting yours. “is that how you usually study?” he asks. “on the rare occasion i do, yeah. i take notes as i go,” you reply. “i’m not sure how well it works, though. it’s sometimes too much to understand at once,” you shrug, chewing your lower lip.

“maybe we could try a different approach,” peter speaks quietly. “how about we read through the chapter first, then go back and write down what you think is important after?” he grins. you smile back, lip still between your teeth. “that sounds good. i like that,” you agree. “great, let’s go on. stop me anytime you want me to explain something, okay?” he offers. “mhm, thanks,” you hum.

“the general field of dynamics consists of two major areas: kinematics and kinetics…”

you and peter take your time working through the first chapter of your physics textbook. he’s impressed by your positive attitude and drive to learn more, taking an active interest in everything he covers. you’re grateful for peter’s patience with you and how willing he is to answer all your questions in as many ways as you need him to. you have a lot of them.

the session goes way better than either of you were expecting. although you’ve nowhere near mastered physics yet, you’re at least putting in an effort.

“this is a good place to stop for today, but we’re making progress,” peter eventually decides. you face palm into the textbook. “thank god. there’s only so much physics i can take,” you grumble. “you and me both,” he concurs, venturing into the kitchen. “snack?” he asks you. “yes, please,” you do a thumbs up.

“how was decathlon practice?” you make conversation while peter searches his fridge. “i’ll spare you the details. i think i’ve bored you enough for one day,” peter chuckles. “i asked, didn’t i?” you reiterate. you sit back up in your chair. “uh, it was good. we just ran some drills, talked about nationals,” he elaborates, now rummaging through the cabinets.

“ah, liz told me you guys might go back this year. you’re the reigning champs,” you recall. “that’s us,” peter echoes. when he opens the cabinet, the cereal he put away earlier falls out. “you like fruit loops?” he questions, holding up the box. “dude, i fucking love them. gimme,” you command.

peter pours you each a bowl of cereal and brings them back over to the table. you dig in, earning lighthearted laughter from him.

“when’s our next session?” you ask between a mouthful of fruit loops. “i thought we could meet, like, once a week or so. so, next week?” peter answers. you drop your spoon. “that’s it?” you inquire. “you wanna meet more than that?” peter copies your incredulous tone. you give him a look, a dead-serious look. “if you think it’ll help you, sure,” he says before downing the last of his cereal.

peter carries your empty bowls to the sink to wash them out. you push in your chair, fumbling around in your jeans for your wallet.

“well, i’ve gotta run. me and harry have some… business to attend to,” you speak over the running water. “we’ll discuss more tomorrow. thank you, parker. for the tutoring and the fruit loops,” you send him another smile. “you’re welcome. glad i could be of service,” he replies, and means it. “money’s on the table. see ya!” you inform him before rushing out the door.

did that really just happen?

peter dries off his hands with a kitchen towel and goes back over to collect the money. he sorts through it, blinking wildly. you left him a couple of twenty dollar bills. they smell of sugary vanilla, your signature scent.

“this is definitely more than a dollar or two,” peter remarks, pocketing the twenties.

that really just happened.

“alright, y/l/n. what’s it gonna be?” harry questions.

he’s multitasking, rolling a blunt while he deals to you. you’re sprawled across his bed on your stomach, feet up and kicking behind you. you’d come straight to his place after leaving peter’s. you need to restock your supplies, so it was time to hit him up.

“an ounce of your finest,” you respond. harry licks and pinches the rolling paper to shape it. “weed?” he asks. “yeah. i’m not into hard stuff,” you quirk a stern brow. “and what a shame that is, y/l/n. you have no idea what you’re missing,” harry sighs, setting down the freshly formed blunt. “i’d like to keep it that way,” you mumble.

“an ounce of my finest, coming right up,” harry announces. he tosses you a small, sealed baggie, which you catch. “pleasure doing business with you, osborn,” you let out a raspy laugh. “can i get some E, too?” you wonder. “lemme see if i have any. i was almost out, last time i checked,” harry rubs his chin.

you often wonder where harry gets this shit from. his father is a big businessman with connections all over the city, so you assume it’s something to do with that. the osborn name, that is.

“what do you need ecstasy for, anyway?” harry questions. “always like to have some, just in case. it’s fun to fuck on,” you clarify, arching your back to stretch it out. “trust me, i know,” he wiggles his eyebrows. he opens up a drawer he uses to hide his stash, fishing around for the ecstasy. “who’re you fucking nowadays?” he pries. “who am i not fucking?” you counter.

his hand emerges with another baggie, this one with two pills resembling smiley faces inside.

“come and get it,” harry prompts you. you lunge forward and reach for the bag, but he pulls it away. “that’s gonna cost extra, since i’m running low,” he smiles wickedly. “whatever it is, i’ll pay it,” you concede.

harry holds out his hand for you to place your wallet in it. you give it to him, sitting up on your knees. he gathers all the cash you have and counts the bills out. he inspects the pile with his tongue out in concentration.

“you’re short,” harry tells you.

you pat your pockets to feel around for any loose money. much to your dismay, there isn’t any.

“aw, shit. i gave the rest of my cash to parker,” you remember. “spot me?” you grin hopefully. “i’ll take this for now, and you can pay me the rest some other time,” harry compromises, putting the pile down on top of his dresser. “deal,” you seize the bag of ecstasy out of his hand.

“speaking of parker, how’d your study sesh go?” harry wonders. he grabs a lighter and the blunt he just rolled. “really good, actually. he’s an awesome tutor. plus, he’s literally the nicest guy ever,” you respond. “is he now?” harry asks, lighting up his blunt. “yup. he even made me fruit loops,” you add. “wow, fruit loops. i dunno what more you could ask for,” harry quips.

“lay off him, would you? it was cute,” you defend. harry inhales a generous amount of smoke from his blunt. “careful, y/l/n,” he warns, exhaling the smoke. “if i didn’t know any better, i’d think you have a crush,” he taunts. you tsk at him. “me? a crush? never,” you proclaim, snatching the blunt from harry.

harry looks you up and down inquisitively, then retrieves more paper to roll himself another blunt.

“she wants to meet again already? dude, she likes you,” ned nudges peter’s arm.

peter is filling ned and mj in on how your tutoring session went the next day at school. the three of them walk side by side in the hallway as they chat.

“or she’s just trying to pass physics, like she said,” mj corrects. “or both,” ned levels with her. peter shakes his head, eyeing ned. “no, mj’s right. y/n worked really hard last night. she wants to do well, is all,” he says. “of course i’m right. i’m always right,” mj declares. neither peter nor ned dare to disagree with her. “i have my theories, you guys have yours,” ned murmurs.

“uh huh. anyway, i should get to class. later, dorks,” mj dismisses herself from her friends. “bye, em,” peter replies.

ned pulls peter off to the side once mj is gone. he grips at either of peter’s arms, staring into his eyes with intensity. peter looks around the hall to make sure no one else notices their odd encounter.

“the signs are right there in front of you, peter. y/n wants you!” ned says. “i bet she’d totally hook up with you if you asked her,” he convinces. peter’s mouth falls open. “ned! have some class!” he whisper yells. “relax, dude. it’s what she does,” ned justifies. “and it’s none of our business. c’mon, we’re gonna be late,” peter chastises him.

peter isn’t proud of it, but he thinks more about what ned said after their conversation. you were sort of touchy with him yesterday. he’s not oblivious to the way you look at him, either. and, hey, it’s no secret you get around. not that that gives peter a right to your body or anything. it’s just something to consider.

realistically, you’re probably only being friendly. you act like that with pretty much everyone. peter doubts he’s even your type. you’re more likely to go for someone in your own league, someone more like harry osborn. for all peter knows, you already have.

when it’s time for physics, peter slips into his usual seat at the front and center of the room. he unpacks his things and waits for ms. warren to start the class. you and harry rush in as the bell is ringing, giggling about something amongst yourselves. peter’s eyes follow you to the back of the room, where the two of you sit. you give peter a wave and a small smile. he waves back, then turns to face the board.

“good afternoon, everyone. how are we all doing?” ms. warren greets. the class mumbles their responses. “glad to hear it. today, we’ll be peer reviewing your unit test i handed back yesterday,” she paces around the room. “as long as you work diligently, you may choose your own partners.”

you and harry fist bump each other. peter sinks down in his seat.

he dreads partner work in physics. none of his friends are in his class, so he always ends up alone. it’s humiliating.

“any discrepancies, come see me. i’ll be right up here. get to work, class,” ms. warren instructs.

there’s a chorus of chairs screeching and kids chattering as everyone splits into pairs. peter remains seated, his cheeks tinting pink. he gets out his test and looks through it absentmindedly, gaze going from the test to the clock. he’s ready for physics to be over. ms. warren strides over to his desk, a knowing look on her face.

“trouble finding a partner?” ms. warren questions. “i don’t mind working alone,” peter assures her. the deep shade of pink coating his cheeks says otherwise. “unfortunately for you, peter, this is peer review,” she laughs lightly. “we’re missing a few students today, so we’re an odd number. why don’t you join another group?” she asks.

“oh. um, i’m not sure anybody would wanna…” peter starts to make an excuse. “hey, parker!” you summon him. he turns to face you. “we’re looking for a third,” you say suggestively, harry smirking. peter glances back at ms. warren for approval. “your choice,” she comments before walking over to her desk.

peter weighs his options. he could either stay up here and die of embarrassment, or join you and harry. he decides to go with the latter.

he grabs his things and makes his way over to the two of you. you drag over an empty desk for him, grinning up at him. he instantly feels more at ease as he takes the seat, until harry speaks up.

“what’d you get on the test, parker? i’ll show you mine if you show me yours,” harry offers. “uh, i don’t think we’re actually supposed to share our grades-“ peter is interrupted by harry taking his test off his desk. “okay, sure,” he says instead. harry hums to himself at peter’s almost perfect score. “not bad, not bad,” he understates. “thanks,” peter nods. “you said it, y/l/n. parker here is brilliant,” harry concludes.

“you think i’m brilliant?” peter gives you a shy smile. “c’mon, parker. you are brilliant,” you push his shoulder playfully. “you two can compare grades later. let’s get to it, gentlemen,” you boss. “yes, ma’am,” harry salutes you, handing peter his test. “where did you guys wanna start?” peter wonders.

“from the top. i’d already fucked up on question one,” you show peter your test. there’s a big red X on the first question. “me, too,” harry sighs. “no worries, it was a hard one,” peter tells you both. “can i see your test again?” he asks you. you give it to him, brows raised. “for multiple choice, i recommend using process of elimination,” he begins. “good strategy,” harry acknowledges.

“let’s read through the choices. are there any you know right off the bat are wrong?” peter questions you. “uh, hold on,” you mumble.

you push the eraser of your pencil against your lips, reading the question to yourself. peter’s eyes can’t help but to trail down to your lips. you pout your bottom one out and turn the test towards you. peter sucks in a breath. your arm rests on his desk, head ever so slightly leaned against his.

“what about A?” you catch his attention. peter’s eyes move back up to yours. “huh?” he splutters. “choice A. that’s wrong, right?” you repeat. “right, yeah,” he laughs awkwardly. “so it’s wrong?“ you squint. “this is getting confusing. let me just,” peter chuckles again, crossing out A on your test. “there, process of elimination. you wanna do the rest?” he wonders.

“could i try, or is three a crowd?” harry buts in. “chill, harry. don’t act like you give a fuck about this stuff,” you tease, leaning further into peter. more color paints his cheeks just as they were paling. “you didn’t either ‘til yesterday,” harry reminds you. “yeah, well, a certain someone showed me i could,” you nudge peter’s arm.

a toothy grin creeps onto peter’s face.

“how about y/n finishes up question one, and harry, you take the next one,” peter suggests. “alrighty, then. i’ll get started,” harry agrees, picking up his pencil and beginning question two.

peter waits while the two of you redo the questions. you stay close to his side as you solve yours, using process of elimination to choose what you believe to be the correct answer. you elbow him gently once you’re finished.

“could you check this?” you ask peter. “sure, one sec,” he says, sliding your paper over to himself. you search for his eyes as they roam your paper. “how’d i do?” you bite into your lower lip. “um, you didn’t get it,” peter tells you. “seriously? shit, man. i’m a lost cause... i’m no good at this,” you complain.

“hey, don’t say that. you’re trying. that matters more than anything else,” peter reassures you. “you’ve got a long way to go, but you’ll get there. i’m here to help you,” he smiles. “thanks. i know i’m kinda slow at this shit, so thank you for being patient,” you reply. “thanks for being so understanding, too,” you place one of your hands atop his.

“you don’t have to thank me. i am your tutor, after all,” peter breathes out a laugh. “not right now, you’re not. you’re off the clock,” you point out. “i’m also your friend,” he toys with your fingers. “i mean, if you want me to be,” he hastily adds. “i do, yeah. friends it is,” you grin at him.

even though you’ve only known peter about a day, you could feel a fast friendship blooming. he’s not like harry or liz. he’s a teacher’s pet, he’s constantly tripping over his words. but, he’s also sweeter to you than anyone else is, guys especially. although, it’s not like the bar is set very high. the point is, you like that peter treats you differently than the other students at midtown do. it’s refreshing.

you don’t mind expanding your circle for him one bit.

“aye yo, parker,” harry taps peter on the shoulder. “this look right to you?”

he flashes peter his answer sheet, snorting. rather than doing question two like he was supposed to, he colored the empty bubbles in the shape of a dick. peter sports a pained expression. you give him a pat on the back.

“welcome to my world.”

tags: @sunshinehollandd @babyspiders @harbingerofheartbreak @moonsock @holland-styles @lowkey-holland​ @bi-lmg07 @rafeyybabyy @aayaissaa @explosiveholland @crybaby-culture @euphoricholland @jallerentrags​ @belovedholland @nocturnalms @mostdefinitelyhasissues @mayal0pez @hopeless-romantic-baby @cutetomholland @daddytasha @yeetedandoboi @curlyfriesthings @mclafm05 @minimarkive @hollandsangel @peterficrecs​ @inthegetawaycarwithtaylah @peterparkeeh0le @walkintheprk @sleepingdancer @lilostif16 @cubedtriangle @sillykankam

[anothertimdrakestan]

How DARE You Go And Die On Me???  - Jason Todd x Reader Soulmate AU -

Words: 2.1k

Requested? Yes! From a lovely anon!

“Jason Todd x reader soulmate AU pleasssse where when you touch them with skin for the first time there’s sparkly lights that only you and your soulmate see or something and you feel really warm and your soulmate glows or something? Thank you ❤️”

LINK TO PROMPTS  -> REQUESTS ARE STILL OPEN!

I love this request. So much. I hope y’all enjoy this one because I really got to live out my famous science nerd dream. Thank you for the amazing request! I secretly love soulmate AU’s hehehe so please send more! Y’all are so creative with them too :)))

Soulmates were a sore subject for you. At a young age you glowed bright red, and it was the most crushing moment of your life. Soulmate glows only occurred when you touched your soulmate for the first time or when they died. Knowing this meant you would never meet your person was hard, but you hoped maybe you’d be one of the lucky ones who got a new soulmate, seeing as you were so young. But years later nothing had happened even though you stayed hopeful. Unlike so many who go off the rails once they realize there’s no one for them, you dedicated your life to researching soulmates, and it was incredibly fulfilling. As a high school intern working under a group of molecular biochemists, world renowned computer scientists, and psychiatrists you were worked towards creating a drug that made you glow in your soulmate color, it would make finding soulmates much easier and from there you could maybe make a sensor and go international with your research. Who wouldn’t want a drug that finds the person you’re meant to be with?

You’d been tracking soulmates to see if there’s any tell before they find out they are soulmates besides the glowing. It was painful to watch thousands find their life long partner but part of you hoped that by finishing this research you would be able to figure out if your soulmate was really gone, or get filthy rich trying. As just a teenager you planned on working for the company for the rest of your life, staying involved as you pursue your degree then returning, this project was growing up with you. 

As far as you knew, soulmates were drawn together. That was the only explanation as to why so many people in your tests were soulmates. There was something almost magnetic about finding your other half, and you were convinced it was chartable. There was a scientific explanation for everything. 

Finally the drug was ready, after months of blind trials and high highs and low lows it was time for the first wave of real life test runs. Grouping a couple thousand eager participants together, your team split into groups. Taking each participant into a room you gave them the drug and filled the color they glowed, and if anyone matched you’d bring them together. Of course all the interns on your team wanted to try too. 

Stepping up you couldn’t hold in excitement. Since you were only newly a teenager you hoped your soulmate color would be cool. You’d seen some amazing colors and meetings all throughout the day. It couldn’t get more exciting.

Stepping up, you took the drug and waited. 

And waited.

And waited.

But you didn’t glow. “Hey uh Y/N you did say you glowed when you were little right? Sorry to break it to yah kid but yours is gone, we’ve got a couple hundred more tests why don’t yah go home?” a voice came over the intercom, and your heart sunk. Sure some people didn’t glow either, and they all had flashed at some point. Your hope was clearly misplaced. And with a broken soul, quite literally, you went home.

Years later you’d kept with the team. The drug was almost ready to be released officially, and the public was beyond excited. You were 25 now, a huge public face for the soulmate finder, you’d stuck with the program and it had made you practically famous. Doing PR you’d brought the drug on talk shows, finding strangers their soulmate on live TV, you made special appearances to celebrities to find and log their soulmate color. Everyone that took your test had their specific color logged in a huge database, so when you tested if your perfect color matched somewhere your soulmate would get alerted. It was perfection.

Tonight you were going on television to do another round of soulmate finding with a late night host. Nothing new.

“And please welcome, Cupid Herself, Y/N!” The crowd was always full wherever you went, everyone wanted a chance at love as soon as possible. “Now I’m very sorry to disappoint the crowd but we’re bringing out some celebrities who’ve requested a chance at love... I bring you THE WAYNES!” You were a little shocked, you probably should’ve read the brief but no difference, you had enough for about ten people. Standing up you shook Bruce Wayne’s hand, moving onto the chair at the side while Bruce and three of his children walked in. “Hello! Mr. Grayson, Todd, and Ms. Brown right?” the host greeted the three and shook Bruce’s hand, no need for his introduction. 

“These three couldn’t pass up on the opportunity. As you know Mr. Drake-Wayne has found his soulmate and now husband so we couldn’t bring him! And my son Damian was erm- busy.” You saw Jason Todd snort, slightly taken aback by his actions on live television. “Can I just say, I am super excited to be here! It’s a huge honor Ms. Y/L/N this is too cool!” Stephanie got up, giving you a quick hug, you smiled, happy that she was so kind. 

“Well lets get this show on the road! I’m sure millions want to know if any of the Wayne’s are their soulmate!” the host waggled an eyebrow as the crowd cooed. This was basically a chance at the lottery, a Wayne was a ticket to riches for life. Taking the lead you gave your pitch about the drug, taking consent before grabbing a serving for four. Walking up you handed a glass to each boy, finishing with Bruce, but he refused. “Oh no, I don’t want to know” he said softly. The crowd booed, and in a bit of a panic the host said “well then how about the lovely Y/N takes a drink? We all want to know if the creator has a soulmate!” you politely told him and the crowd you’d tried before, but there was no light, explaining how you lost is when you were younger. As you saw the crowd looking upset you decided it was better than nothing.

“How about I try it guys! Maybe something’s changed - find out live here on Late Night!” you pitched into the camera and the host nodded, cutting to an ad-break.

“Does this shit actually work?” Jason turned to you, swirling the liquid around cautiously. “Yes! We’ve been error free for five years!” you said proudly, this was your life's work after all. “And we’re back! How ‘bout we get this show on the road! Grayson you first?” 

With a shrug Dick threw the little up back, and in a few seconds a cerulean blue glowed around him. The crowd oohed and ahhed as Dick smiled. “Any matches?�� He looked to you. Glancing over at your guy who had snapped the exact color he shook his head. “Not yet! Dick Grayson-Wayne’s soulmate is still out there!” the crowd rumbled in excitement, everyone wanted a test now.

“Ms. Brown! Care to drink?” Stephanie drank eagerly, and quickly shone a deep royal purple and the crowd cheered. “No match!” you let everyone know and there was another cheer.

“Mr. Todd, you next?” Jason didn’t waste a moment, drinking the liquid he shone the brightest red you’d seen in a while. For a moment it reminded you of your red all those years ago. Looking over it was another no, and the crowd was almost losing it, many girls in the audience begged for a drink to see if they were his lover. 

“And lastly Ms. Y/N! Ready to see the creator try her own drug?!” You corrected him, taking a moment to shout out all the amazing scientists, interns, and volunteers you’d worked with over the years. The crowd cut you off, chanting “DRINK DRINK DRINK” urging you to throw the cup back, the liquid tasted way better than the last time you’d tried it in the trial run. You help out your hand to show the lack of coloration and the audience sighed. Smiling sweetly you began to talk about the drop date.

“Thank you all so much! I’m so excited to release this with my team in just a month. I’d like to once again thank my tea-” you heard a shriek “OH MY GOD THAT’S JASON’S COLOR!!!” and the audience lost it. Confused you saw Jason’s jaw drop, and you looked at your hands that now radiated the same deep red from all those years ago. 

“UM WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK!” the host shouted over the chaos. You immediately got up, rushing to the color scanner. “Holy shit Y/N it’s really Jason’s color.” he confirmed your suspicions and without thinking you sprinted back up to the sofa. Connecting your hand to Jason’s cheek the two of you began glowing the same color. Locking eyes with Jason, you couldn’t help but start crying. The aura radiated between the two of you and Jason pulled you into his chest. 

The camera came on after the 20 second impromptu break. And what they saw made the news that night. “JASON TODD FOUND SOULMATE LIVE ON LATE NIGHT” “CAMERAS TURN ON AND JASON IS HOLDING HIS GIRL - TOO CUTE! CLICK FOR PICS” “JASON TODD CUFFED! SEE THE PICS HERE!” In just the few seconds before they could cut the cameras, millions of viewers saw Jason holding you, the bright red shining around the two of you while you clung to him. And the pictures were everywhere. Pulling you off stage you couldn’t wrap your mind around what had just happened. 

“My- my soulmate died years ago. When I was a kid I took the drug and didn’t shine! This doesn’t make any sense!” you looked up a Jason and practically saw a lightbulb go off. “Well um, were you around 13 when your soulmate died? [ you nodded ] And you were about 14-15 when you tried the drug? [ again he was right ] Okay well long story I died and came back to life. And you must’ve tested when I was still gone” he finished and you almost passed out. “YOU DIED?” you screeched. And he clamped a hand over your mouth. 

“Shh princess that’s valuable knowledge for family and soulmates only” it was slowly starting to register that you were in fact his soulmate. “Soulmates” you whispered, leaning in to hug him again. “Soulmates.” he confirmed. 

“God I have never seen Jaybird this sappy in my life, you might be magical” Dick came up to you, shaking your hand and pulling you in for a hug. “You got a good soulmate Jay. By the way, can I have a couple servings early I’ve got a bet with Timbers that Damian’s soulmate is Jon and I need some soulmate help for myself?” you rolled your eyes and Jason tugged you back to his side. “Back off Grayson she doesn’t even know you!” 

“A little protective already Jay? Poor Y/N get used to this sweetheart” Dick winked at you and you felt Jason tighten his grip around your waist. Dick backed off and Stephanie bounded up to you. “Oh my god Tim’s gonna die he’d totally wanna be here! Plus I bet Bruce is gonna have to do all sorts of interviews now hahaha. How are you doing girl? This is a lot! Welcome to the Waynes!” she said, pulling you in for another tight hug, and the seriousness of finding your soulmate hit you. “Oh my god I’m gonna have to do so much press. How did I not think of this. What are the odds oh no this is gonna be a shitstorm fuck fuck fuck” Jason interrupted you by squeezing your hand. “Uh I really hate press too, I mean Bruce owes me patrol for like a week for just tonight but, if you like, need me for something I can go... does that help?” he looked lost, but it was clear that he wanted to help, and it was adorable. 

“I would like that. And it’s late. I’m exhausted. Maybe we can meet up tomorrow somewhere private? We’re gonna get stalked so maybe you can come over to my place?” you realized you just had to take it step by step, and finding a soulmate was the best first step ever. “Yeah, that seems easier.” Jason sighed, and the two of you exchanged numbers.

“By the way, what does patrol mean? And does the color red mean anything to you cuz it doesn’t to me and usually the color means something but it could not?” You saw Jason’s eyes widen.

“Erm, I’ll tell you tomorrow. It’s another one of those ‘family and soulmates only’ facts. If that’s okay?” you nodded, just happy to have a soulmate.

“Of course Jason, but just know I’m gonna give you a hard time for going and dying on me. Idiot” you stuck your tongue out as he winked.

“Only to make a perfect love story for you princess” and you groaned, but he wasn’t wrong. This one truly one for the books. 

[junosartsthetic]

Flustered

Remember that old edited fic I promised yesterday? I finally got around to finishing it. Happy late birthday to number one gremlin. 

Wordcount: 1406

Character(s): Bakugou Katsuki, (Y/N)

Warning(s): Innuendos. Swearing. 

Note: This is an updated version of a one-shot I originally posted on my Quotev account.

     The first time you had seen your soon-to-be classmates was on tv. Apparently your new school, UA, was popular enough to broadcast its sports festival on ESPN. This alone alerted you that this would be an interesting next few years.

        A sudden conversation reached your ears as you passed by a group of students meandering down the hallway, seemingly on their way to the class 1-A door, as well.

        “I’ll fuckin’ kill that damn nerd if he steals my moves again,” a very disgruntled blond growled, his hands shoved in his pockets as he leaned forward, looking very much like a gremlin. You recognized him as the first place winner of the festival—Katsuki Bakugou. 

        A spiky-haired redhead let out a nervous laugh. You vaguely remembered him—Kirishima. “Don’t be like that, dude! Midoriya is just bein’ like you because he knows you’re one of the best!”

        The blond smirked. “Damn right I am. I’ll kick his ass once and for all when I become number one hero.”

        You let out a snort loud enough to catch the attention of the aforementioned gremlin. Oops.

        “The fuck you laughin’ at, bitch?” he spat, stopping his trudge to glare at you. His friends looked ready to hold him back. They shot worried looks your way. 

        “You—” you took in a breath to stop yourself from laughing—”you sound—” you snorted— “You sound so sure of yourself! Love that confidence! Good for you!”

        He narrowed his eyes at you to the point where only a sliver of bright red remained. “The fuck is that supposed to mean, you fuckin’ moron!”

        You scrunched your nose mockingly. “Oh, I’m sorry. My mistake. I wasn’t aware every pro in a hundred kilometer radius is set to self-destruct once you graduate. Well, if you graduate.”

        Kirishima, a blond with a black bolt of lighting in his hair, a black-haired dude who looked rather stoned, and a pink girl with yellow horns all struggled to contain their laughter.

        You noticed Bakugou’s eye twitch and opened your mouth to comment, but the words were taken out of you when he suddenly charged at you, a murderous expression on his face. Death on your first day. Great.

        “Bakugou, wait!” Kirishima yelled, but it was too late. 

        Your back met a wall harshly, and two arms caged your body in, making it impossible to get away without a fight. You heard your back crack. Free chiropractic services at least?

        “If you ever say that about me again, I’ll fuckin’ rip your face off, bitch!” he barked, his face only a hair away from yours as his eye bore into yours. You squinted. Was that a vine reference?

     A twinge of fear gripped you, but instead of showing it, you did the next best thing. “Ooh~, feisty~!” You let out a flirty growl, winking at him. This was, in fact, not the next best thing. It was, however, hilarious to your goldfish brain. 

        A dash of pink spread across his cheeks, but his expression remained pissed and he kept eye contact. “Shut the fuck up!”

        You raised an eyebrow, keeping your cool. “Oh, why don’t you make me, pretty boy~?” Good job, (Y/N). Good social skills. You are nailing this. This is definitely the way to get out of the situation. There is no other possible option. 

        “Pretty-” he paused, glaring daggers as his face flushed pinker- “the fuck are you getting at, bitch!”

        You brushed off the growing apprehension of knowing he was going to snap at any moment and pursed your lips. “I don’t know, what do you want me to be getting at?” you replied, shrugging as you did so. You resisted the urge to bite your lip like a moron. What the fuck were you doing? Flirting? Fighting? Who knows. Certainly not you. 

        “The only thing you’re getting on now is my last goddamn nerve!” You felt a rumbling of the wall, and assumed he was using his quirk slightly, succumbing to anger. Would you have to pay for any wall damage he caused? You didn’t have wall insurance. Yikes. Maybe you could write it off on your taxes later. Just kidding. You don’t do taxes.

        “Well maybe if you’re lucky I can get on something more personal later,” you purred, giving a wink. (Y/N), no. Stop. You wanted to bash your head against the wall. What was this word vomit? You’re embarrassing yourself. 

        His face went bright red faster than you’d ever witnessed, and he finally broke eye contact to look sideways, his breaths coming out heavy. Oh shit. 

        You smiled, proud of yourself for winning whatever wild staring contest was happening, but that smile quickly left your face when he turned back towards you, a smirk on his lips. Ohhhhhh shit.

        His expression radiated cockiness, and you gulped. It was the same face he made throughout the sports festival- the one he put on when he knew he was going to win. You sucked in a breath, smiling awkwardly. Maybe if you just… apologize? Leave somehow? 

        The others knew what was happening; they could feel the tension in the air. Kirishima gestured to the classroom door some ways down the hall, and the others nodded, beginning to walk towards it with Ashido being pulled away by Kaminari. What the fuck? They were just gonna leave you here? Rude. You did deserve it, though. This was all your fault. 

        There was now an unspoken war between you two, but you refused to surrender. Whoever made the other so flustered they couldn’t take it won. And you wanted to win.

        Taking in a breath, you copied his expression. Okay, (Y/N). Just fake it ‘til you make it. Be cocky. Be the hoe you always claimed to be. “So, firecracker, you gonna say anything? Finally shut me up? Prove just how good you are at being number one at absolutely everything?” You mentally patted yourself on the back. Good quip? Good quip. Nice. You were nailing this. 

        “I know a way to shut you the fuck up-” he moved closer, now leaning over you with his forearm resting above your head- “but you might moan a little.” 

Sir, this is a Wendy’s drive-through.

        You bit your cheek in a vain attempt to stop yourself from blushing. 'Fuck, that was hot.' Regardless of your reddened state, you pressed on. “Oh yeah? Moan in irritation, maybe. You may have the looks but I doubt you got the touch. Of course, feel free to prove me wrong~.” You winced. They make it look so much easier in the movies. You could feel your confidence crumbling.

        He scoffed. “You wanna fuckin’ bet?”

        “Oh, I kinda wanna be fuckin’ something, but it’s not a bet,” you quipped, moving one of your hands from the wall to grab his messily-knotted tie. You smiled smugly.

        He remained speechless for a moment, his crimson eyes peering into yours. Then his gaze moved lower down your face. 'Is he looking at my lips? Is he going as far as to actually kiss me?' Oh fuck. Abort mission! Abort mission! Call it quits, moron!

        You tugged on his tie, tilting your head. “Oh? Did I break the future number one hero? Did I win against the Katsuki Bakugou?” Jesus Christ, (Y/N), you stupid hoe! Stop it!

        “Remember what I said about shutting you the fuck up?” he angrily whispered, teeth grit in irritation.

        You nodded. Oh no. 

        “Well, if you say another goddamn word I swear to God I fucking will.”

        You clicked your tongue before pressing it against the roof of your mouth, morbidly curious about what he would do. Luckily for him, you drank your full dose of dumb-bitch juice. Finally, you leaned forward and tugged him by his tie so you were nose to nose. “Bet.”

        You felt the roughness of lips on yours, but only temporarily, as Bakugou was suddenly flung away from you and into a mess of grey scarf.

        “Get to class,” Aizawa muttered, glaring at both of you, “NOW.” Yikes. Busted.

        You gave a swift nod and bow before skipping down the hallway, but not before turning behind you to wink at the caught blond and mouth 'later.’ 

        His face went red and he turned away. You felt you were in the lead in whatever competition you’d just started, and from here on out, it was going to remain that way. At least, you hoped so.

[shyvioletcat]

ooh could we get a rowaelin somehow unhappily married so they decide to have a kid to try make things better au?

*awkward smile* please... enjoy?

~~~~~

It was like they were standing on two sides of a ravine, the rickety bridge between them rotted and frayed away to nothing.

Aelin hated it. She hated that Rowan, her husband, the man she loved, was so far away from her. But she didn’t know what to do. The two of them were career driven, something they had admired in each other all those years ago. Who knew it would be the thing to tear them apart. Neither would relent, they were both as stubborn as each other; it was a stand off to see who would break first.

It had started as nothing. Missing dinners, conflicting schedules. Aelin was getting big case after big case at her law firm, her skill and valued position evident. She was thriving on it. Then Rowan had been appointed head surgeon at the hospital. He was good at his job and threw just about everything he had into making sure the patients received the best care from the best staff. Their dedication to helping others seemed to be their downfall.

Aelin sat up in bed, waiting for Rowan to come home. This was her relenting, with the idea she was about to propose to him. A way for them to reconnect and be together. Something that she hoped would save the two of them from the heartbreaking position they found themselves in. Their marriage was turning to ash before her eyes.

Rowan didn’t bother turning on the light as stepped into the bedroom, loosening his tie. He physically startled when he saw that Aelin was awake and alert.

“Hey,” he said. “You’re still up.”

“Yep,” Aelin said back, heavy silence filling the room. So much silence all the time. “How was work?”

“Busy.”

Aelin didn’t pry any further because she knew she would get nothing back. Rowan continued to undress but took his pyjamas with him to change in the bathroom. She heard him brush his teeth and get ready for bed. When he left the bathroom he didn’t say anything before he slipped into bed beside her.

“I want to talk to you,” Aelin said into the darkness. She heard Rowan roll over to face her.

“About what?” Rowan’s gruff voice enquired.

Aelin blew out a heavy breath. “I think we should have a baby.”

Deafening silence.

Rowan sat up. “Why?”

The feeling of her throat tightening had Aelin swallowing against the sensation. “I think it’s what we need. To reconnect. To try and be us again. I don’t want to lose you, Rowan. I want to save us.”

“You think a baby will fix it?” Rowan asked, his voice quiet in a way Aelin hadn’t heard in a long time.

“I don’t know,” Aelin said with equal quiet. “I’m willing to try though.”

“Okay. Yeah, let’s have a baby,” Rowan said.

Aelin took his hand. “Let’s have a baby.”

~~~~~

Their sex life had once been like a raging wildfire, consuming them both over and over again. But what they had now was mere embers of that. When they had decided to start trying for a baby there had been excitement and echos of that burning passion. But as the months went by and still nothing happened, the tests came back negative again and again, sex started to become like a chore — something they did out of obligation, a means to an end.

Rowan was losing all hope that they would find their way back to each other. This was only confirmed when he saw Aelin at a bar. By some twisted turn of fate they had both ended up here after work. He saw her at the bar talking with a man laughing at something he said. It was blatantly obvious to anyone with a speck of common sense that they were flirting. But what struck Rowan harder than seeing his wife flirt with another man was the realisation that it made him feel nothing.

Aelin looked up and saw him, her face faltering. She grabbed her things and fled out the front door. Rowan just let her go.

When he got home she was curled up in bed but he knew she was awake. Rowan changed, the shedding of his clothes the only sound.

“Nothing was going to happen,” Aelin said finally. “It was harmless flirting. I just…”

Needed to feel something were the words left unsaid.

“I think,” Rowan paused under the weight of his next words. “If we’re looking for fulfilment elsewhere it’s time to call it. I think this is beyond fixing.”

Aelin's voice was resigned when she said, “I think you’re right.”

It only took Rowan about a week to find somewhere to live. When he wasn’t sleeping between shifts he was packing up his things into boxes. He was just returning for his last load of things from his new apartment across town when he saw Aelin’s car in the driveway. He was a bit surprised to see her home so early. Not bothering to think too much of it he went inside to grab the last of his boxes. Aelin was lying on the couch watching TV, but they didn’t bother to say anything to each other.

It wasn’t until Rowan had his last box that he stopped in the entryway of the living room. This felt momentous, something should be said.

“This is the last of it. I’m leaving,” Rowan said. Aelin said nothing, she wasn’t even looking at the TV, she was staring at the ceiling. Rowan put his box on the floor and stepped into the room. “Aelin?”

He could hear the concern in his voice. Even though their marriage was at an end he still cared for her.

Aelin didn’t look at him as she spoke, her voice carrying no inflection as she said two words. “I’m pregnant.”

The words were like a blow to the chest and Rowan practically stumbled back into the armchair behind him. Aelin was pregnant. After everything they’d gone through these lasts months some cruel god had dealt them this mocking hand.

Rowan ran a hand over his face, words evaded him. “Well…Shit.”

He didn’t know what else to say and Aelin’s answering laugh was all bitterness.

How were they supposed to fix this?

~~~~~

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[dragoqueen]

Whoops! Wrong Way 3/8

Summary: Peter has been living at Avengers Tower for 2 years, known to the workers and Avengers as Peter Parker-Stark-Rogers.  When his teacher announces that they're going on a field trip to Avengers Tower, or SI,  he's going to have to attempt to survive a day of embarrassment and keeping a secret identity.

Words: 2023

And here it was, the day of his death. The day of his misery. The day all his worst nightmares would come true. Friday... the field trip.

He had done all he could to convince each and every avenger to not mess with him. He got positive answers from Bruce, Steve, and Thor. However, he was going to have to deal with the rest in any way he could. He had tried to figure out their plan, knowing that they stayed up at night to plan his demise. However, he couldn't figure out a single thing. He had the bright idea to try and figure out what they were doing when he arrived by asking FRIDAY but until then he was doomed.

Tony woke him up an extra 30 minutes earlier than he usually did, not wanting Peter to be late for the field trip. The only good thing he had gotten out of it was that Bucky and Steve had gotten up early too to cook him a smorgasbord of food. He quickly scarfed down enough food to last him the beginning of the day before changing into his outfit and meeting Happy downstairs to get a ride to school.

Somehow, despite getting up early and getting a ride with Happy instead of walking, he was almost late. Almost. He made sure to spend extra long eating his food in hope that he would miss the bus and the school would just make him attend normal classes. Unfortunately, he was just in time to get on the bus and clamber to the back where Ned and MJ were sitting. Sadly, Flash wasn't too far from them either which made the ride to the tower, which he had planned on spending sulking and dying inside, worse.

Flash spent the entirety of the bus ride making jokes of Peter and insulting him. Most of them were intern-related, reminding Peter how he "didn't have an actual internship at Stark Industries" and "wasn't even smart enough to get an internship even at McDonalds". Luckily, before Peter knew it, they had arrived at the tower and the teacher was trying to keep them quiet so he could go check them in and make sure everything was ready.

Then, he got them out of the bus and lined them up in the lobby of the tower for their tour guide to explain the rules to them and hand out their badges. "Alright everyone. I'm Mars and I'm going to be your tour guide today. First, I know you all signed NDA's so please remember anything that happens in this tower that could be secretive you will be forced not to tell anyone or risk getting sued and, let me tell you, we have some very good lawyers. Speaking of the NDA, we are also going to have to confiscate your phones so we don't have you taking pictures or recording things. So I'm going to come by and hold out a basket I expect you to all place your phones in." Mars began walking down the row of children, having them all drop their phones in. when he got to the back where Ned, Peter, and MJ were, he just smiled at them and walked away, having already recognized them and knew that they were authorized to have their phones. Then, he returned to the front of the line where he placed the basket on the counter of the security desk and resumed his place at the front of the line.

"Now, first up on our tour is the Avengers museum. There are all of the first, fails, and worthy achievements of the Avengers. Everything from suits to fun facts can be found there. You will have 45 minutes to wander around before we head up to the intern labs so no dilly-dallying. However, first you're going to have to go through these scanners and scan your badge. For example..." Mars walks to the metal archway and scans his lanyard on the scanner before stepping through. The voice of FRIDAY spooks everyone except for Mars, Peter, MJ, and Ned, "Mars Bars, level 4, access limited."

"What the heck was that?" Cindy asks.

"That was FRIDAY. She's an AI that Tony built, she basically runs this building. But, back on track. Who's next?"

"Me!" Flash shouts, pushing his way to the front and scanning his lanyard before walking through, smug and confident that he was first.

"Eugene Thompson, Level 1, access very limited."

Flash smirks at his name being said by something that Tony Stark created. He walks forward to stand next to Mars while his next classmate goes. One by one, each of the students scan and walk through for Friday to announce their name and the same level and access type. Up until it was MJ's turn. She did the same as all of her other classmates, scanning her lanyard and then stepping through the metal archway but this time FRIDAY announces, "Michelle Jones, "Boss Girl" level 9, full access. Should I alert Scary Girl or Ms. Potts of your arrival?"

"No, that's okay FRIDAY. I'm on a field trip."

"Okay, have a good time." FRIDAY responds, causing everyone to stare at MJ in surprise. She just smirked before returning to her normal glare and stepped into the cluster of kids. Next was Ned, "Ned Leeds, "that one annoying hacker kid" level 9, full access. Shall I alert Science Bro #2 of your arrival?"

"No, FRIDAY. Bruce knows I'm on a field trip. Thanks though."

"Enjoy your time." FRIDAY answers.

Same procedure. The entire class stares at Ned in wonder and confusion. He blushes in response to the sudden attention and takes his spot in the cluster next to MJ. Last in line was Peter. He had been fearing this moment, knowing that he had the highest level in the tower, next to the other Avengers. Plus his nickname from Tony and Clint was sure to cause some questions to arise. However, dutifully, he stepped up and scanned his lanyard and stepped through. "Peter Parker, "Mini-Stark" level 10, full access. Would you like me to alert Mr. Stark of your arrival?"

"No! I mean... no that's alright FRIDAY. He probably knows I'm here anyways."

"Enjoy your trip, Peter."

He inwardly groans at the fact that she called him Mini-Stark, but was happy she had called him Peter Parker, rather than Peter Parker-Stark-Rogers. Tony must have cared somewhat of Peter's confidentiality if he changed that. He ignores the stares from his classmates and the smirk from Mars as he joins MJ and Ned in the middle of the group. "Alright, continuing with the tour if you will all join me in this elevator we will go up to the Avengers museum,"

While they all walk over to the elevator and begin piling into the cramped space. When Peter's in, Mars asks FRIDAY to take them up to the 12th floor where the Avengers museum was. Flash leans over and whispers into Peter's ear, "hey, Penis, how'd you manage to hack the AI to make it seem like you and your nerd friends have such a high access? We all know you're lying so just give up." Peter sighs and doesn't say anything, opting to move out of reach of Flash so that MJ is blocking them.

A/N:

For the sake of my sanity let's assume it's a big and strong elevator that holds all like 25-30 of his class okay? Thanks y'all

The door opens to the museum and the class spills out and begins exploring all of the corners of the museum. Each section was dedicated to a specific Avenger. The kids who wanted a more in depth explanation of things stayed by Mars who was walking around and giving his little "tour guide spiel" about the museum. Peter, MJ, and Ned, who had already explored the museum many times, walked around leisurely to explore different things that appeared to have been updated since the last time they were here.

At one point, Ned dragged Peter excitedly to a new section where Tony had added in a Spider-Man section. Peter observed the information happily...

" 1. Spider-Man prefers hanging from the wall than standing on the floor

2. Spider-Man's favorite snack is gummies.

3. Spider-Man is deathly afraid of spiders. "

"Dude, you're afraid of spiders? How?"

"First of all, shut it. Second, just because I have spider-like powers doesn't mean I like the creature. They're freaky."

Ned just laughs and continues to explore the exhibit. Peter looks over the things and makes a mental note to thank his dads later. The things included in it were incredible, a plaque with the phrase, "with great power comes great responsibility." And referencing his Uncle Ben. His first suit was also in a display case along with some of his old web fluid and a physical design of his webs that wouldn't disintegrate.

Suddenly, he felt an eerie presence provided by his Spidey Sense. He looked around the room, trying to detect where the threat warning could be coming from. Flash and his goons were all in a different section so it definitely wasn't them. And no one else was really around that could be threatening. Just then, he got a warning that someone was going to be coming out of the vents in 3... 2... 1... he stepped out of the way just in time to watch Clint fall out of the vents and crumple onto the ground. Then he jumps right up as if nothing had happened and smiles at Peter. (A/N: Clint was the imposter)

"Clint what are you doing here?"

"I'm here to embarrass you. But also Bucky made cookies this morning and Morgan threatened to take away my venting privileges if I didn't bring any to you."

"And you got scared of a 6 year old because... why?"

"She's scary. Also she has Wanda and Pepper on her side."

"Ooh, yeah. You'd better watch out for that. But, Bucky made cookies? Gimme."

Clint grins and reaches into his pocket to grab a cookie that's wrapped in a plastic bag. It's a triple chocolate cookie with extra chocolate chunks. The cookie is still warm so Peter can only assume it came out of the oven moments before. He takes a bite into it and it almost melts in his mouth. He lets out a sigh of comfort and tucks the cookie, in the plastic bag, into his pocket.

By this time someone had noticed that The Hawkeye was here and had shouted to the rest of the group. A crowd had gathered around him and were all shouting questions.

"What's your favorite thing about being an Avenger?"

"Whos' the scariest Avenger?"

"How do you know Pen- Peter?"

Peter cringes at the last one. He's sure Clint hears it and his suspicions are only confirmed when Clint's casual smile disappears and he turns to glare at Flash. "What did you call Peter?"

"I- uh.. I called him Peter, sir."

"Is that right? Mmh... you better watch yourself kid. And you'll have time to ask questions at the Q & A at the end of the tour with some of the other Avengers."

"Uh... Q & A? That's not on the list of things to do." Mars comments, having migrated over to where the crowd of kids had formed.

"One of your co-workers will inform you of the change in schedule during lunch. Don't worry, it was pre-approved by Tony."

"Mr. Stark? Oh, well... okay cool. Anyways, I think it's time Mr. Barton has to go. After all, we have to continue on with our tour as our 45 minutes are up. Everyone say bye to him."

A majority of goodbyes are shouted out, along with quite a few phone numbers. Clint gives them a mock salute before jumping back in the vents and crawling off to who knows where. Peter only calms down when his heightened senses are no-longer able to hear Clint clambering through the vents. Mars leads them all into the elevator and the doors slide shut, taking them up to their next destination, the intern labs. 

[thedreadvampy]

OOOH OOH I KNOW DO YOU HAVE ANY BASIRA OR GERTRUDE HCS?

Basira:

She's gay but has never had a serious girlfriend.

She hates dressing up and spends 90% of her down time in hoodies, baggy shirts and jogger bottoms. One of the fringe benefits for her of working for the police was never having to think about what she wears

she also says the best thing about being hijabi is not having to care how your hair looks. she gets her hair braided every six weeks and then does nothing else with it.

She's secretly wearing earbuds under her hijab 50% of the time. she's not even a little bit listening to you.

She got into the habit of going for drinks as a survival mechanism as part of the Met because it helps to be socially flexible. but she has never tried alcohol or felt any particular desire to, her drink of choice is Diet Coke with lemon. she likes to crunch ice.

Her mum moved from Somalia in the mid 80s with her dad and older brother, and had Basira and her little sister in the UK.

Her dad died when she was 6

Grew up in a kind of rough tower block in Camden and was a total nerd as a kid, she basically lived at the library and would fist fight kids at school to get to the computer.

when she was a kid she wanted to be a lawyer but it seemed unattainable so she went to the Met straight out of school instead

She still lives at home with her mum and youngest sister who's training to be a doctor

She saw a lot of shit as a kid and that's what made her want to be a cop, she thought she could make the world a better place (spoiler alert: nah)

She likes garage music, 90s pop and punk. she has American Idiot on vinyl because she's just that sort of dork. also big into Gnarls Barkley

She's a big FPS person, she unwinds after work with CoD

wore braces until she was 15

She doesn't believe in astrology but does check her horoscope daily

She does really good voices and doesn't pretend to like people so she's just. A great person to chat shit with.

neverending playlist of true crime podcasts

cheeky nandos with the lads

Gertrude

Went to grammar school or to public school on scholarship. Either way she aced her 11+ like crazy good

She was always kind of intimidating at school. She played hockey and just went through the opposition like wet tissue. She was never particularly fast or strong but she made up for it by being unafraid to hack a shin or ten.

As a teenager she was big on birdwatching and nature walks. She would climb up a hill and wait until she saw something good even if it took all day.

She hasn't ever had much interest in romantic relationships, and she's probably interested in women if anything, but she's had relationships out of convenience and only dated men.

She's been terminally spiteful since birth. when she was bullied at school or had a teacher she disliked or was cheated on she would make that person's life absolutely miserable in a thousand subtle ways that you can't exactly pull her up on.

She's always liked animals better than people because they don't expect anything more than a transactional relationship

She wore a lot of Sensible Tweed Skirts in the 70s and has been a wearer of Sensible Canvas Trousers since 1990. She owns three pairs of Birkenstocks and darns her own cardis. she's worn a lot of her blouses and trousers for 15+ years.

I headcanon her with short hair. I recognise that canonical she has long hair in a bun but I Simply Cannot Picture Her without the Sensible Old Lady Haircut™

Her sleeves and pockets are full of tissues, notebooks and spare pens.

She wore glasses for most of her early life but found her eyesight got better rather than worse over time (fringe benefit of the Eye)

In college she chain smoked, she got a lot out of the ritual of lighting up. She still smokes when she's thinking but less and less over time

When she drinks, she drinks gin or good whisky

She doesn't really actively listen to music much but she is a lifelong Radio 4 listener and she actively tunes into the shipping forecast

She sleeps like 6 hours a night, she goes to bed at midnight and gets into work at 7am

[dreaming-of-assclass]

UwU would like to hear your thoughts on Irina civil war

Nao! (I’m so sorry, this is so late. It got buried in my drafts ihhhhh)

Ah yes: one of my favorite Civil War concepts 😤

So basically the class would be split in:

A) Allow Irina to stay in the class. She’s young, has lived a very traumatized life...she deserves a second chance.

B) Hell no. She tried to kill us, she betrayed us. I don’t feel comfortable being around her.

I mean, those are the basics. All of this is way more nuanced than that.

Side A would bring up the argument that Irina was stuck in a tough position herself. She was heartbroken, vulnerable, and you can’t exactly say no to the Reaper. He would have killed her immediately. She was trying to protect herself too.

Side B would say to keep in mind that things had gone well for few months...like Irina was getting adjusted to the class and truly seemed like she cared for them. And then she betrayed them...they almost died. That 180 switch in how she treated them...how can they trust her again?? How do they know this won’t happen again no matter what she says??

Both sides have understandable views on the matter. Unfortunately they both feel that the other is either invalidating their feelings...or being plain cruel.

THE SNIPERS ARE SPLIT UP FOR ONCE OOOOOOOOHHHHH. Yeah I bet y’all weren’t expecting that hehehe.

Side A: Irina, stay with us!

Her trusted students: Yada and Kurahashi. They both are fiercely protective of her return to the class and are the most vocal in their opinions.

Terasaka...he was the first one to forgive her in canon and I think that’s very true to his character. After his redemption, he wants to give others a chance...just like how everyone gave him one.

In a similar vein to him, Kayano also knows that she’s far from being a perfect person...in fact the guilt from the tentacles is always in the back of her mind, even if her desire for revenge far outweighs it. She believes it’s only fair to give Irina another chance.

Also similar to both of them is Itona, who also feels weighed down at times by his past actions. He knows he had a rocky start to the class...and so he feels it’s not really his place to just write Irina off. He feels a bit of solidarity between their experiences as well: they’re pretty similar ngl.

Okano, Kataoka, and Nakamura also were some of Irina’s fave students. And although they don’t feel as strongly as Yada and Kurahashi, they are attached to her...and want her to stay as their teacher in the family they’ve built in 3-E.

With Kanzaki...she’s naturally an open-minded person. And in regards to this, I think she could easily find it in herself to forgive Irina and understand why it all happened. She’s good at including every detail, analyzing situations and seeing things from Irina’s point of view. (Haha our literature nerd cutie)

Takebayashi has a similar case to many above: he’s betrayed the class himself (although on a way lesser scale). But he gets it: and he thinks Irina deserves the same kindness that was shown to him.

Maehara and Okajima are both pretty lighthearted and forgiving guys. This situation hits them both hard and they have a difficult time deciding...but ultimately they believe Irina really does care for the class. And that the last months they spent with her meant something.

Kimura...has a somewhat skewed sense of justice, due to personal things (cough his dad cough). And he does A LOT of reflection after everything. And as scary as it was...he decides that Irina can redeem herself. Even though he hates her boob lessons...she’s still his teacher who’s taught their class so much and was apart of their family.

Chiba is a naturally kind and empathetic person. I think once he really sits down and processes what Irina went through, the logistics of the situation, just so many nuances...he can find it in himself to give her a second chance.

Side B: Irina, get out of here!

Ooh, this is gonna catch you off guard. But yes, Nagisa, Sugino, and Hara are anti-Irina. The latter two are kind and empathetic people yes...but they’re also both fiercely protective of their classmates/friends. And in this situation, the safety of their friends would definitely be more important than Irina’s feelings. They’d see her as a threat.

For Nagisa...I think the experience of dealing with 2.0 hit him harder in a different way. He saw how Reaper tried to break Kayano’s ribs. That’s his best friend...he felt so angry and hurt in this situation, WE SAW. That’s why I truly believe Nagisa would be less than forgiving towards Irina, who aided in hurting him and his friends.

Hayami gets hurt in a different way in this situation...she’s gotten taken advantage of and never allowed to express her dissent in anything for SO LONG. And now after finally building confidence in 3-E...she’s supposed to just let their traitor teacher come back?? And act like she’s totally fine?? Hell no, she’s not.

Karma is pretty self-explanatory lmao. He really has a near-impossible time trying to forgive her and feel comfortable in the class again. He’s on high-alert all the time and feels protective over his friends... Like this kid has bad trust issues in general, there’s no way he can ever feel totally fine with Irina again let’s be real.

Okuda was legitimately terrified for her life that night with Reaper. And she never ever wants to feel that paralyzing sense of fear again. She also has a hard time being around Irina again.

Isogai! Surprise haha. There’s lots of angst with this one. The class could’ve died that night partly because of Irina’s actions. And he can’t forgive that easily. Like he has an impoverished family to think about. His sick mom and siblings need him. He’s the main provider at home. If he died that night because of Irina...his family would just break apart. And thinking about such awful possibilities cements Isogai’s opinion that she needs to leave. They’ll be fine without her.

Sugaya, Muramatsu, and Mimura all have pretty much the same view. They were terrified for their lives, are pissed that she did that, etc. They’re slightly torn since they’d like the class to go back to normal but...it needs to be addressed.

Fuwa kinda was brought back down to reality after all that. Like yes it was kind of a cool experience to talk about, like action-packed. But once the adrenaline left, it hit her how much danger she was truly in. Fuwa wants adventure, but not at the cost of her safety or others.

Hazama and Yoshida are on the same wavelength...they’re partly there to support Muramatsu and Hara, and also because Irina leaving is the safe way out. Like logically speaking...the woman is an assassin. She’ll just move on with her life, they’ll be safer, etc. So much more good to come out of it.

Ritsu remains neutral, just like she does in canon.

Korosensei and Karasuma both step back and decide to let the students figure it out, having trust in their decisions...and because it’s ultimately an experience that only the students have shared. It’s not their place to dictate how the kids feel. They both push aside their personal feelings about Irina to focus on the kids, who are top priority.

Irina is...trying her best to keep a cool face. A small deep part of her is on the defensive, wanting to continue to prove herself as a teacher and assassin. But the majority of her understands how they feel and respects that completely. She mentally prepares herself to leave the class and forget the kids forever...even though it’ll be so hard.

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Girls Just Want to Have Fun

It’s always fun jumping into a movie I know next to nothing about, and this requested review for Wes will be no exception. All I know is that Girls Just Want to Have Fun is an 80s teen romp with the worst photoshopped cover photo I’ve ever seen. It looks like Michael Scott put it together. I know it stars girls, AND I know what those girls want. That’s half your narrative battle right there. So do they achieve the fun they seek? Well...

They do! A lot of weird shit happens along the way, but yeah, fun is had and that’s all that really matters. God, 1985 was a simpler time. I mean, I know everyone was living in constant fear that the Russians were going to invade Kansas and we’d be faced with a neverending nuclear winter, but in the face of all that existential terror you also get movies where the entire pitch is “So there’s this girl (Sarah Jessica Parker) who wants to be a dancer on tv, but her parents don’t want to let her. But she does it anyway! And her partner is chosen for her and, boy, they do not see eye to eye. But then they do! And they have to practice a lot. And then they win the dance contest!” 

You know some studio exec heard that and screamed at his secretary to hold his calls for the day so he could sign the contracts and then do a mountain of blow off them. 

Some thoughts:

It’s so weird to see Sarah Jessica Parker without curly hair! I was never a Sex and the City fan, so my exposure to SJP is purely Hocus Pocus based.

This dance sequence over the credits is incredible. Why do we not have shows anymore that are just a large group of young attractive people dancing in sync? No host, no dialogue, just the power of dance. I was born in the wrong decade. I would have appreciated the shit out of the 80s when I was alive.

Poor Helen Hunt - she must be one of those people who always looked like she was 35, even in high school. Granted, she was 22 when this was filmed and she’s playing a teenager, but still. 

Helen Hunt is wearing dinosaurs in her hair. 80s fashion was on a wavelength that I don’t think any of us living will ever see again.

Omg this rich bitch (Natalie, I guess? She’s not named for at least the first 30 min of the movie) had Claire’s closet from Clueless 10 years before the movie existed! This is already groundbreaking.

NOW SHE HAS A BUG ON HER HAT. A big plastic green grasshopper. This review is mainly going to be about the insane things Lynne (Helen Hunt) wears.

Speaking of - I’m getting big lesbian vibes from Lynne Stone and I am so here for it. The homoerotic tension when she acts like she’s gonna fight the rich bitch? Delicious. The immediate intimate connection she makes with SJP? Practically U-Hauling. 

I love an 80s dance montage, and this movie promises to contain basically nothing but that tied loosely together with some nonsensical dialogue in between. This is gonna be my new favorite movie. 

Ooh Nestle Quik syrup! I forgot about Nestle Quik. 

Favorite line: “There is a time and a place for calypso music, young lady.”

Ohhh I see what this is gonna be - Janey (SJP) is a classically trained dancer and gymnast, and Jeff (Lee Montgomery) is more of a rough and tumble music video kinda guy from the streets. You can tell cause he’s got a motorcycle and a leather jacket. And he wears cutoff sleeves! He’s a white guy in Chicago, who could be more street than that? And they’re butting heads! How will they ever be able to make it work for the big dance contest??

How did Natalie know Janey’s phone number? She specifically said it was unlisted. Unless she remembers it from overhearing it offhand after the dance tryouts...? That’s insane, I can’t even remember what I wore yesterday let alone a 7-digit number someone shouted in a crowd.

Lynne Fashion Alert: Is she wearing a belt made out of bullets? And a Davy Crocket hat. This is galaxy brain lesbian fashion. If the costume designer for this movie didn’t win 10 Oscars...

The music director on the other hand...not sure what is up with all these weird KidzBop covers of excellent songs like “Dancing in the Street” or the titular “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” but if you’re gonna include them, you gotta spring for the originals. This is just sad. 

I’ve never been at a party with an ice sculpture. I think that’s how you know you’re among the rich. 

Whatever happened to Jonathan Silverman? I miss when he was the nebbishy sidekick in every 80s movie. 

Who enters a party by catapulting through the damn window?? Punk does not mean that you no longer know how to use doors, sir! 

Who serves a full roasted turkey at a party? Is this how rich people live? This feels like the equivalent of using Google translate to identify rich people food in another language, then translating it back to English. 

Lynne Fashion Alert: Now I think she has space shuttles in her hair.

Wow we got a real 1-2 punch of sexual harassment in this club. Who wrote this Tune in Tokyo gag and was like “You know what would be hilarious? If this shitty little nerd convinced this girl to raise her arms so he can just grab her boobs full on, front and center. And then she gets upset and runs away. God I’m good at this *snorts another line*”

Lynne Fashion Alert: Now it’s two globes (like, two Earths) with crab claws on them? This is a choice that I don’t understand, but I think I may just not be seeing what it is clearly. I am digging her mirror sunglasses though. 

I know Janey is smart but when did she learn how to hotwire a security system? It’s not like Google or Youtube existed, and I doubt there was a library book about how to dismantle that specific system. MYTH BUSTED.

Oh god oh no I’m so gay for these Dixon sisters from Kansas City, these two gorgeous black women in tuxes and spandex leotards. They 100% should have won this dance contest. 

Why did guys stop wearing crop tops? Can we bring back slutty quarterback as a fashion trend for dudes? Seriously, the costume design here is everything. 

I really love Jeff and his little family - his sister and his dad are so proud of him and supportive. You never see that in dance narratives featuring guys. I like the reversal here of gendered expectations.

Did I Cry? No, but my heart was warmed at various moments. 

Honestly, why can’t more narrative arcs in movies be solved via dance battle? 

Lynne Fashion Alert: She’s now dressed as...Cleopatra? Wait why the fuck is there a horse here? 

Oh that’s it that’s the end! Man, you can’t be mad at a tight 90 min film like this - it gets in, it gets out, bing bang boom you’re done with enough time to read before bed. 

Is this a cinematic masterpiece? No. But is it good clean fun? Absolutely. Barring the brief [obligatory 80s] sexual harassment scene, there’s very little to be upset with here. Kids wanna dance, they’re told they can’t dance, they dance anyway! It’s the power of dance! You’re either into it or you’re not, but if you’re not, I ask that you search your heart and try to find one teeny tiny sliver of joy inside it. You’re gonna need to feed that joy if you wanna make it through 2021, and watching this movie is a darn good place to start. 

If you liked this review, please consider reblogging or subscribing to my Patreon! For as low as $1, you can access bonus content and movie reviews, or even request that I review any movie of your choice.

[did-he-just-hiss-at-me]

"They'll forget."

warnings: implied suicide attempt(non-specific about who), long with no cut cuz mobile, angst, hurt/comfort

summary: "Remus cackled. 'Don't say that! They're definitely going to try to rescue you, and they'll fall for our trap!' Logan sighed, and his head drooped. 'No.' he said in a hollowed tone. 'They'll forget.'" (not an excerpt)

ships: implied dukeceit(beginning), implied intruloceit(end)

au: super au(my au)

notes: based off this post. sorry if you guys didn't want an au tied to it hgdjfjs. lmk if you want a sequel

-----

(Logan's POV)

Day 1

I woke up with a massive headache, and lacking the ability to see. I couldn't move any part of my body except my head. Where am I? What happened? I questioned internally. I didn't want to alert whoever put me here to the fact that I am awake.

My memory is a foggy mess. I can't remember much. There was... yelling. Or rather, fighting. I wasn't participating in said fight. I don't even think I was allowed to.

Then I was walking home. I remember having my hands in my pockets, staring at the ground. Not caring about the world ahead of me, just below. Maybe a tear or two slipped out, it's hard to remember.

Then I remember someone grabbing me. Pulling me into an alley, and kicking me to the ground. I saw two familiar faces. I got a baseball bat to the face, then darkness.

I coughed, loud. It wasn't intentional, my throat was really dry. How long was I unconscious? It felt like a whole day. Not good for my sleep schedule. Speaking of schedules, I'm worried that my boss has fired me from work by now. He has no patience.

"Hey, L's awake!" a familiar voice called out to another, the sound echoing down the hall. A chill went down my spine, trouble was coming. Footsteps came after the echoing voice. They got louder and louder, fast.

"Heh, You sure that wasn't the other guy?" another voice appeared. It sounded sinister. "Dee, what other guy...? Did you proceed with a kidnapping without me?!" The first voice again. "No no, I'm kidding, Logan's the only one we got right now."

I tried my hardest to appear unconscious, but hearing what was supposedly my name caught me off guard. Logan. That's who I am, right.

It comes back to me now. I am Logan Everton. Natural-born Super with technologic-based abilities. I go by the codename Digit. I am a Super with good intentions.

I remember what happened before I got here. My common allies(though they would refer to us as "friends"), Patton 'Heartbeat' Harper, Roman 'Magma' Aveyard, & Virgil 'Specter' Deckett, were at Roman's place, having a fight. Our team ethic was going awry and it was making everything harder, our successful missions being smaller than our unsuccessful ones.

I had remained quiet most of the conversation, but that's because nobody would let me speak. I'd try to pitch in, steer everyone to a positive outcome, but they'd either yell over me or tell me to stop.

11. I counted. That's how many times I had been shut down. After that, I had enough. I grabbed my backpack, and left without a sound. Nobody called out for me, telling me not to leave, that they would listen to me now. Not at all.

As I shut Roman's front door, I had let out a big sigh. Hands in my pockets, I walked down the sidewalk to my house. It was just a couple blocks away, I would've made it. But back then I didn't care. I started to cry, but I didn't care.

But suddenly I was pulled into an alleyway. I was so caught off guard that I was unable to resist being kicked to the ground and knocked out with a baseball bat. I remember seeing the faces of the two men who grabbed me; Roman's ostracized brother, Remus 'Psycho' Aveyard, and Ethan 'Deceit' Helquist. A common enemy of ours. I now was able to match the voices I just heard to the faces. They got me, and now I'm doomed.

Somebody pulled whatever was over my eyes off my face. Regardless I still tried to look unconscious, but they weren't having it. "Open your eyes Logan, that's not going to work on us." Ethan sneered. I opened my eyes and glared at Ethan. "What do you want from me." I wanted answers.

"Ooh, straightforward now, aren't we nerd? You usually want to know details first, haha!" cackled Remus. "Shut it Rem, this is my turn." snapped Ethan. "We don't want anything from you... yet. For now, you have one, simple purpose... heh..." he chuckled. This could not be good. This guy is a expert manipulator; which is boosted by his powers of deception, hypnosis, and "glamour"(which according to Lo's research, meant you can disguise yourself). Ethan's powers didn't last long, but they were effective.

"I said it once. And I'll say it again." I started to demand. "What. Do. You. Want. What is your plan." I needed to contact the others and let them know what is happening. They wouldn't know otherwise.

Ethan put his hands down on the arms of the chair I was strapped to, his hands just barely touching mine. His face was 1/2 of a foot from mine. "I know your tricks, Lo~. I confiscated your technology, you cannot contact your little 'pals'. Anyways, until your teammates get here, you're just bait. You will lure them here. After all, what will your team be without their smart team member?" Ethan explained with an evil smirk. Right, how did I not realize that? My head still hurts, it's making it hard to think clearly.

"And yet, your plan is still flawed." I dead-panned. "What. Did you. Say?" Ethan growled back, moving his head back a little and grabbing me by my shirt.

"I told you, your plan has a loophole, and it's being exploited right now whether my friends know it or not." "What are you talking about, dork? Our plan is perfect!" Remus cackled once more.

"They're not coming."

Silence settled upon the room. A stunned Ethan gently let go of my shirt, & took a couple steps back. He let out a laugh of disbelief. "You must be joking! Seriously?! Why wouldn't they come for YOU?!"

"Because they don't know I'm missing. And they never will, because they don't want to know." I paused for a moment, tearing up a little. Not enough for them to notice, but it's there. "They don't care about me."

Remus started laughing, killing the sad moment. "HAH, I don't believe that for a second, four-eyes!" His face was filled with disbelief and mania. "You...Your friends need you, why wouldn't they come for you! You're so valuable to them, which is why we chose you in the first place!" he cackled once more.

"Well, you made a poor choice then. Anyone would have been better than me..."

Ethan snapped out of his stunned state. "Don't think that you can fool us so easily, Digit." he glared, putting emphasis on my nickname. "Remus?" he called for the male's attention.

"Yes, Double Dee~?" he responded with a wink.

"I told you, stop calling me that. Now, go get our prisoner food. Probably McDonalds or something."

"Will do, ya snake-charmer!" Remus winked again. Remus ran out.

"Oh, and one more thing, dear prisoner." The words felt like acid on Logan's skin. "They have 7 days to get here. Whether you say they'll come or not, they have a time limit before there's... consequences" Ethan warned, with a hiss at the end. He presented an evil smile before leaving Logan alone in the dark.

---

(No POV)

Day 2

Ethan & Remus returned to their prisoner early that morning, and hung around. Eventually they transferred Logan from being tied to a chair to a window-less bedroom with a locked door. It was actually a nice room to be in. The bed was super comfy, there was a TV with a DVD player(plus many dvds), a table and chair, and a bookshelf. On the table, Remus left him a notepad and pencil to write on if Logan needed anything, as there was enough room under the door to slip paper through. Logan never used it that day though, he just sat around in his room and sulked, knowing how this wasn't going to turn out for his enemies. The only time he got up was for food, which was always fast food. At least they were generous enough to give him nice(ish) things. They could've just gave him a burger and left, But Logan didn't care either way.

Ethan & Remus never stuck around in the room, just checked up on him. But seeing Logan just laying there on the bed filled the two with an emotion they could not identify yet.

---

Day 3

Almost the same as yesterday. Today was a Monday, so surely someone from his job would wonder where Logan went, right? Nope. Ethan kept Logan's phone with him at all times and there were no texts, no calls, not even a message on any social media.

Logan hesitantly got out of bed to do stuff aside from eating meals. None of the movies available were ones he was interested in, so he got Remus to bring him some documentaries, as well as Logan's personal notebook from his bag.

In fact, the little maniac decided to hang around Logan a bit. Some of the documentaries Remus grabbed were unintentionally ones he liked, so he decided to watch them with his prisoner.

Ethan still didn't like Logan. That's what he says, at least.

---

Day 4

Not much happened, just the usual. Except Remus had brought Logan a cookie with his dinner, a nice change.

---

(Ethan's POV)

I was sitting at my kitchen table, just staring out the window. I had my arm supporting my head while I thought about things.

Logan's proving himself right and I don't like it. But I don't get why. I should be upset because my plans are going wrong, but... I'm not.

Suddenly I felt hands covering my eyes. "Guess who~?" a voice asked in a sing-songy tone. I chuckled. "Obviously it's Remus. There's nobody else it could be."

Remus uncovered my eyes and pulled me into a hug, causing me to yelp. "You got me, babe!" he confessed, kissing me on the cheek. "Sorry for the hug, I forgot you don't like large, sudden moments of physical contact." Remus pulled away slowly and apologized, looking a bit embarrassed. Overstepping my boundaries is the only time he ever seems embarrassed.

"It's ok, Rem." I unintentionally sighed. Logan's still on my mind. My expression became a but more sad as I continued to think about the situation.

"Something wrong, Double Dee~?" Remus flirtatiously chuckled. He then noticed my facial expression and his smile fell. "...Seriously. Is everything ok? You usually let this kind of thing slide, Ethan." he queried worriedly. You could see the concern in his eyes. He only uses my full name when he's genuinely troubled.

"No no, it's not that." I reassured with a smile, as I grabbed his hand and held it with both of mine. Then the frown of mine returned right after. "It's Logan."

"Oh... is it because of you-know-what?" he questioned again.

"If "you-know-what" is the fact that his "friends" still haven't come for him? Yeah. It is..." I responded once again. Remus's face said everything. He recognized that Logan had told the truth.

"What's more, they haven't even shown a sign that they're planning to come get him. I tracked their movements across the city, not even a little bit of time was spent doing any sort of planning." I added on. Remus & I looked into each other's eyes. We saw the pain within ourselves. A familar feeling. An experience we remember all too well.

Seconds that felt like hours passed by. We wanted to cry. We were abandoned by those we trusted so dearly. Cast aside, all because of mistakes. Look what it did to us. We know the feelings experience during that time of loneliness. I don't want Logan to feel what we did, and I know Remus agrees.

"He... Logan's just like how we once were."

"Indeed, he is. And we're not going to let it remain like that."

---

(No POV)

Day 5

Remus & Deceit, to Logan's suspicion, made an effort to slowly welcome him. Remus was already doing so but only out of "sheer pity for the nerd". At first, Logan was hesitant. He had a bias against them due to them being villains.

Day 6

But by mid-day Wednesday, Logan had opened up more. He didn't understand it, but he just let it happen. He didn't care anymore. They're probably earning his trust so they can manipulate him against the others later.

Logan just wanted it to be over. During this past week, he had a lot of time to think. Enough time to lose hope in humanity. Nobody was going to rescue him. He was going to be forced to kill those he once loved.

He didn't want to admit it, but Logan was actually looking forward to his revenge. Not towards his kidnappers, no. They've actually shown him more acceptance than he's felt in a long time.

He wanted revenge on his former team.

---

(Logan's POV)

Day 7 - The last day.

Remus returned to check on me right on schedule. We talked a bit, watched a movie, he even brought a few puzzles for us to do.

Ethan, however, did not return until the evening. I had forgotten today was the "deadline" until the sinister man entered the room and dropped his backpack beside the now closed door with a glare towards Remus.

"It's time." he snapped. "Do you want to leave the room, Remus? I do not want to upset you, after all."

Remus gulped. "No... I want to stay. This is important for the three of us." he shook his head.

Important for the three of us? My body stiffened up and I squeezed my lower right arm. That cannot be good. Remus & I were previously sitting on my bed, angled right across from the door. The now terrified man got up and stepped beside his partner, who was now in the middle of the room, a few feet away from me.

"Should I hold him back, to make sure he cooperates...?" Remus questioned worriedly.

"No. You'll scare him." said Ethan as he stared into my eyes, never moving his attention. "But you already are, look at him." Ethan's previously tense stance had instantly loosened, realization dawning on him. Remus was right, I had now realized I was shaking, sweat was dripping down my back.

"Oh... Oh! I-i'm so sorry, Logan. It wasn't my intention." He bent down to my level and apologized. I was still stiffened up, though, and I turned my head away. "I'll let it pass." I finally let out as he waited for my response. His expression became sad.

"Logan, look at me. You need to listen." I hesitated for a second, but then turned to look him in his heterochromatic eyes. He seemed genuine.

"Today marks almost exactly a whole week of your friends not coming to save you. I originally had one plan, which you had no choice." I glared at him, moving back slightly. "But now that it hasn't worked, you have three choices." My eyebrows raised at the sudden proposal. I still remained like a statue, but now i'm truly listening.

"Number one. We let you go free, but... under one condition." Ethan paused for a moment. "You either give up all your technology-period-or, you let us keep track of what you do with any technology you use. We know your powers rely on having a gadget with you, Logan. We can't let you continue being a threat, but we also no longer want to see you hurt. You're a good man, you know." he confessed solemnly.

My expression softened. In the end, I didn't want to give up being a hero. The world needs me. But if this ends up being my best option, then I will agree.

"Option two, our backup plan in case you refuse option 1 & 3. In the situation where you refuse the before mentioned options, we will proceed with our original intentions. We hypnotize you with the intention to use you against your friends. We no longer want to do this to you, but if you refuse to cooperate we will do this." once more, his offer came solemnly.

I tightened up again, prepared to defend myself. I didn't want to know option 3, I just wanted to be as free as I can get. But before I could open my mouth, Remus spoke up.

"Why didn't you save that for last? I thought that would've made a better ending."

"Trust me, this one is a better closer in my opinion, Remus." he sighed.

"Finally, option 3." Ethan took a deep breath. This sounded like nerve wrecking answer for him to say. I wasn't sure whether to care or not. I just remained defensive.

At last, he let it out. "You join us. Leave your troubling life as a hero behind. Get payback for what the world has done to you. Or if you want to remain 'heroic', the three of us can become anti-heroes. Whatever it takes to make you happy." Ethan sounded serious.

Remus chimed in again, to Ethan's frustration. "Don't you want to show those losers how you feel about them now?! Smash their heads in?! Make them regret even wronging you once?!"

"No!" I lied, curling up into a ball on the bed. I didn't know what I want one bit. My morals are split in front of me, forcing me to choose one half and discard the other permanently.

The more serious of the two grabbed me by the shoulders, remaining at my eye level. "Look. I know you're hesitant to leave it all behind. You're used to one path in life. But we want what's best for you in the end. I know that anger is going to fester within you until you can no longer handle it, and end it all because there's nothing you can do about it." In that moment. Remus started shaking, crossing his arms and trying to calm himself. Ethan didn't notice, he was too focused on reassuring me.

"We were exactly like you once. Abandoned, by those we trusted most!" Ethan too, was now breaking down. "Cast away, all because of some mistakes! We had never known better! The problems built up within us, and corrupted us! And all the painful emotions of loneliness and betrayal along the way..." he choked out that last bit with a sob. "We want to help you avoid that part. We've turned out to want to care for you... W-we want-" the manipulator was now crying. Remus came up to him and slowly pulled him into a hug to comfort him, crying too.

"Shh, it's ok, Eth. It's ok, deep breaths." the maniacal one said in a way that seemed out of character for him. As Remus cried too, he rubbed Ethan's back.

I, Logan, have now come to a realization. They're serious. They genuinely care about me. Unlike anyone currently alive and in my life. I decided in that moment that my heart is right. I want what will satisfy my fury.

I got down to the ground with them and grabbed Ethan's hand, squeezing it periodically. "Ethan, listen. I'm here. Do as I say. Breathe in for 4 seconds..." As I began to help calm him down, he followed along. "Hold it for 7 seconds... And now let go for 8, and repeat." After about a minute Ethan was calm.

"I'm so sorry you had to see that side of me. You didn't deserve to know all that." he tried to confess. "Eth-..." Remus began to reassure, but cut himself off.

"I'll do it." I agreed, catching their attention. "I'm going to join you. You're right." I said as I stood up. I was going to say more, but I was stopped by the both of them getting up, and Remus pulling me into a tight hug.

"Don't worry, you'll fit right in with us. Everything will be just fine. We will never forget about you."

And in that moment, I knew they were right.

[muffintonic]

MY CATU LIVEBLOG

I did it for the crossover, so I thought i’d do it for the new movie (Phineas and Ferb the Movie: Candace Against the Universe, for those unaware of the acronym)! 

TLDR: 8/10 not canon, but surprisingly good nevertheless.

Good: character interactions, dialogue (hilarious), everyone was involved, nice use of Chekhov's guns, absolutely EPIC background music

Bad: off-model issues, animation kind of flash-esque at times, the color palette was more like MML than PnF (more saturated and oddly shaded with clashing colors), overly long gags/pacing problems, immersion-breaking/stereotypical sound effects sometimes, some OOC

Ahh, i've missed Candace's singing.

WAIT A SECOND, WHY DOES HER CHARACTER MODEL LOOK SO MEATY (her head shape is blobby, too)

Oh my god, the entire Hirano family a minute in....i'm living.

Hmmm, the pyramid sports thing was from "Thanks But No Thanks," which is a Season 4 episode. In that episode, Vanessa is dating Monty, which only happened after "Minor Monogram" in Season 3. We know that Phineas and Ferb the Movie: Across the 2nd Dimension takes place in July after "Candace Loses Her Head" (since Doof's Drill-inator from that episode is scene in ATSD), but also before or around "Great Balls of Water" (since it's July in that episode) and definitely before "This is Your Backstory" (2D!Doof's advice to Doof is referenced)/"Road to Danville" (Phineas' trust gesture is referenced)/"Fly on the Wall" (the summer song gets referenced). LONG STORY SHORT: if ATSD took place in July, when the fridge does CATU take place if we're considering it canon?

Seriously, her off-modelness is super distracting to me. It was fine that she essentially had a triangle silhouette because she also had stick limbs, but giving her realistically meaty limbs makes me question why the rest of her is shaped like that. Bad.

That is some EPIC opening music!

Okay, the weird shading on that clown is also super distracting. PnF's design aesthetic is light and bright....I wonder if the MML people worked on this movie or something (which would also explain Candace's odd meatiness).

Why are all the lines so thick????? It looks like one of those low-budget toonboom or whatever animations Disney posts to YouTube.

Hmmmmm, Doof did the "evenly matched" thing in "Doofapus," too.

OH MY GOD, THE SATURATED COLORS + DARKNESS + THICK LINES ARE SOOOOOOOOO UGLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

Bwahahahahaha, that pause when Candace is like "Actually, yes, WTF is it now?" is hilarious.

I like the detail of how all the kids' bikes are lying there in the driveway.

I would've just grabbed Linda's head and turned it at that point, honestly.

Linda is telling Candace calmly that she's exhausted...WHEN DOES THIS MOVIE TAKE PLACE?!!!!

Candace learns by "Sci-Fi Pie Fly" that she can take a break from busting to the betterment of her mental health sometimes....and that's a Season 3 episode. WHEN. DOES. THIS. MOVIE. TAKE. PLACE.

Ahh, i've missed Baljeet and Buford's banter. #oldmarriedcouple

Phineas is like "Candace wasn't having fun this summer? D:" but, like, if this movie takes place in the middle....they sure as heck didn't acknowledge it for the entire rest of the summer. HRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, THIS IS WHY YOU CAN'T JUST RETROACTIVELY INSERT EVENTS IN THE MIDDLE OF A SERIES: WE KNOW HOW THE REST OF THE SUMMER/THEIR LIVES TURNED OUT.

Why is Perry's wrist communicator a square. It's a circle throughout the entire series.

Does Vanessa have a scooter license? Do you need a license to ride a scooter? She was complaining in "Vanessassary Roughness" that she was always riding on the back of Doof's scooter, so I assumed she didn't. We did learn in "Finding Mary McGuffin" that she knows how to drive/has her license in "This is Your Backstory," does that count?

WAIT, WHY IS VANESSA SO PINK???? SHE AND DOOF ARE SUPPOSED TO BE A DIFFERENT SHADE OF WHITE (more coffee-toned) FROM THE FLYNN-FLETCHERS. Goddang, I had always appreciated how even the white characters were all different shades from each other in PnF....what a letdown.

Mmmm, characters either willingly engage in diegetic music in this show ("Where's Pinky?"), or it's just an imagine spot/non-diegetic. "Why do I have a guitar?" is not something that should be said.

Hmmmmmmmm, Candace is faulting the universe.......in ATSD she's talking about the Mysterious Force.....HMMMMMMMMM.....

Sounds like that was what Vanessa used to stop her Evil Busting phase...nice. Also, i'm only ~7 minutes into this movie, but i've spent the last 30 minutes watching it.

Hey, astute observation! That's what I always say: Candace wants to bust her brothers both because their projects can get dangerous ("Happy Birthday Isabella"/"Picture This"/"The Great Indoors"/ATSD/etc), and because she feels overshadowed by them/that they can get away with more than her ("Gi-Ants"/"For Your Ice Only"/"Love at First Byte")!

OH MY GOD, SHE ACTUALLY SAID "...completely overshadowed by Phineas and Ferb?" HOLY VALIDATION BATMAN

Man, i've said it before about Vanessa's deconstruction of Doof's motivations in "Last Day of Summer," but she would make a great therapist or something. I hope she goes into Psychology in the future.

HMmmm, I do kind of wish it was with Stacy that she had this breakthrough with, considering how Stacy's been her best friend since they were 5 years old ("Phineas and Ferb Save Summer")/she's only known Vanessa since "Phineas and Ferb: Summer Belongs to You!" somewhere in June. Like, I get that Vanessa is more in-tune with psychological stuff like this and it makes sense, but i’m just a Stacy fan at heart

Oooh, she's even saying "breakthrough" and "healing!"

UGLY SHADING/SATURATION YET AGAIN (did I mention that the D.E.I. scooter is also the wrong color from how we've seen it before? because it is)

Bwuh, "What Do it Do?" all over again.

Okay, seriously, it looks like the giant thing is floating...where's the shadow under it?? THERE IS NONE.

BRO, THERE HAD BETTER BE MORE STACY IN THIS MOVIE. DON'T TELL ME SHE JUST GETS A CAMEO AT THE BEGINNING.

What did they make her? I want to know!

Ooooh, Candace's hands are way too small in that window shot. The off-modelness is so distracting.

AUGH, PHINEAS HAS A BABY HAND, TOO.

Haha, I love it when debris falls in with Perry when he goes to his lair.

Bwahaha, he's so done with Monogram

They use landlines ("Sipping with the Enemy") and physical files...don't try to tell me that PnF takes place later than 2012 I won't hear it.

NICE FILE PHOTO, CANDY

Wait, they have a whole alert-protocol thing about a host family member getting kidnapped by aliens, but it says to send the assigned agent on the mission??? In "Undercover Carl" and "Bullseye!" Monogram specifically didn't want Perry to get involved (in ATSD Perry was acting on his own), so ????????? Is it because he's their best agent or what?????

Some stuff is missing from Phineas and Ferb's room (on the walls).

GALACTIC WEB???? My first thought was the Galactic Kids Next Door

Haha, oh, these kids. Love little moments like these.

Why do characters always play with a ball when in jail/trapped? 2D!Candace did it in ATSD, too.

Why is that CGI so conspicuous. PnF used CGI sometimes, and it didn't look like butt. We're in 2020, people.

BWAHAHA, Vanessa!!

Ooh, they're bringing back Space Adventure! Now, we know that after "Not Phineas and Ferb" in Season 2 they say they're over it, but also that 9 episodes later in "Nerds of a Feather," Phineas and Ferb go to a convention/dress up from it. WHEN DOES THIS MOVIE TAKE PLACE.

Hmmm, cutaway gags like I remember MML doing...still too Family Guy for my tastes, especially with it being overly long. (I'm also not pleased with how Baljeet's half-lidded eyes goes straight across instead of bending over the curvature of his eye like what PnF usually does....the straight thing is also Family Guy/South Park's style. This does not bode well.)

WHOA, OFF-MODEL BALJEET ALERT!!!!! WHY IS HE SHORTER THAN PHINEAS AND WHY IS HIS ARM BENDING LIKE THAT!!!!

Bruh, Phineas thinking it's dangerous and not asking his friends to go seems OOC. Where was this attitude in "Meapless to Seattle?" In "Night of the Living Pharmacists?" In ANY OTHER dangerous scenario?

I do like how the kids are getting to go with them this time after missing out on ATSD.

NORM?!!!!!!!!!!!

PBBBFFFT, WHY DO YOU THINK GIVING THEM BUFORD WOULD APPEASE THEM

Hey, yeah, they've never made mistakes like this! What's going on?

Okay, seriously, in ATSD and NOTLP the kids don't know who Doof is. WHEN. MOVIE. Also, Doof's lab interior does have the correct items in it, but they're colored + shaded weirdly.

DOOF IS A VIRGO?!! Okay, that tracks with him being incompatible with Sagittarius people from "Love at First Byte."

Mmmm, the animation is definitely more on the "low budget YouTube shorts" level. The way Doof moves....

Yeah, gotta stick to your brand, bwaha!

OKAY, SERIOUSLY, THAT IS NOT THE SAME CHICKEN-REPLACE INATOR FROM "What a Croc!" GET THE GODDANG COLORS RIGHT JEEZ DID THESE PEOPLE NOT LOOK AT A SINGLE MODEL SHEET BEFORE MAKING THIS MOVIE

Bwahahahahahahaha, I missed Buford and Isabella's banter (and Buford is right: they might need a canoe...or maybe that's just my over-preparedness talking)!

Again: "Undercover Carl"/"Bullseye!"

Ah, Buford.

Wait a second, they didn't even have an introduction scene between Doof and the kids like they did in ATSD. *insert thinking emoji here*

Meh, D.E.I.'s been blown up worse before (the "Ask a Foolish Question" time comes to mind)

DOOF YOU ARE THE ADULT SUPERVISION!!!! GAH!!

Wait, what are you talking about Candace? I don't remember a voice automated translator being a thing in the Flynn-Fletcher household. If this is a crack at Alexa/Google Home or whatever, THEY HAVE NEVER BEEN SHOWN TO HAVE ONE OF THOSE IN ALL OF THE EPISODES OF PNF

They could have done a fireman slide, I guess...though maybe the friction would've made that a bad idea.

Okay, is everyone going to get mind-wiped at the end of this or what? Candace didn't even know Vanessa's last name or where she lived in "It's No Picnic," and they definitely didn't seem friendly enough in NOTLP considering all of these interactions. I'm going to count up all the "WHEN MOVIE" comments i've made by the end of this liveblog, and if it's 10+ i'm just going to say the movie is non-canon/just an OVA. I am enjoying it more than the MML crossover so far, so that's good, though.

Haha, oh, Candace. See, this is why she and Stacy are BFFs: same braincell (AKA Stacy's "Elementary My Dear Stacy"/"Put That Putter Away" moments).

OH, CANDACE. XD

OH, SNAP!!!

Ugh, okay, the "WHEN MOVIE" doesn't even matter anymore. Officially non-canon due to irreconcilable timeline a la MML post-2016 reference.

Yay, Isabella showing off her skills again! People tend to forget that she's also smart.

Go, Perry!!

Oh my god, the "unsung hero" being technically sung....good stuff

Oh my god, Perry, nooooo!! Someone save him!

Wait, did Doof purposefully put that platypus-sized spacesuit on the ship for Perry?!! Awwwwwwwww!!

HAHA, BUFORD

Oh my god, Vanessa, noooo!!! D: I bet the pods were sent back to where they came from/Vanessa should've been in the Earth pod.

Goddang, good thing that planet's got breathable air (not that that ever really gets addressed in PnF, haha).

Ah, okay, it took her to the planet the aliens are from. Weird.

Wait, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, these aliens are weirdly humanoid!! What!! PnF was so good about that ("Out to Lauch"/"The Chronicles of Meap"/"Escape from Phineas Tower"/"Sci-Fi Pie Fly")!!

So they were sending out pods looking for a leader? Weird. Also, they already had Candace be the leader in "Gi-Ants"/"Unfair Science Fair Redux (Another Story)."

Wait, they're doing show-tunes, and pretty much only people who are Evil in PnF do that ("Phineas and Ferb Save Summer"/"The Klimpaloon Ultimatum"/most of Doof's songs). I bet they're going to sacrifice her because of a prophecy or something.

Okay, -1000 points for the Floss. I hate it so much. You know what you'd be flossing if you did that with real rope? POOP. GROSS. Bring back Baljeet dabbing if you're going to make a reference like that, dabbing is fun.

Okay, this song is officially going on for too long. I know the overly long gag thing is a Family Guy staple, too. U G H, leave that horribleness out of my wholesome cartoons, please. Goddang, the influence was even in WBB's movie, too (Panda's dead pose). The Horribleness Lovers are infiltrating the animation industry. (How do I know about the Horribleness if I don't watch Family Guy/South Park? From people making infoposts about how horrible they are + reading up on their wikias/watching YouTube analyses of them, of course. Knowledge is power, and you must know your enemy.)

Seriously, open the freaking door. All of these overly long gags are not only unfunny, they eat up the runtime. PnF has great pacing where it's not too fast (Wander Over Yonder was sometimes too fast), but spends enough time on the things that need it. Opening a door is not something that needs time, especially when it's following up an overly long song.

I bet they're going to extract the element from her or something.

I'M PARANOID, TOO

Wait, this lady (I didn't catch her name) seems to be their leader?? Is she abdicating?

So the aliens have a gender binary, too? Is that necessary? Would that be necessary?

Hmm, I know that Doof didn't realize how futile rotating the moon was in "The Doof Side of the Moon" and what a boat was in "Are You My Mummy?" but he tends to be smart about intricate science stuff. Like, the problem with his inators (he even says it himself in "Phineas and Ferb Save Summer") is that he executes them poorly, not that he's failing in other aspects. Like, is this is the same scientist that built a Re-Good inator solely from plane parts in "Where's Perry?"

That cutaway was not necessary.

BALJEET, NO. Also, is it in character for him to be so gung-ho about trying out this unprecedented maneuver? I know he does have a wild side, but it's not usually about science things/throwing things that require this much caution to the wind.

Wouldn't they pass out from the G-forces or whatever?

Wait, what was the point of that alien mammoth getting flung? I mean, I figured that was going to happen to their ship by the way it landed on the mushroom.

Haha, oh, Doof.

XDDDD Buford had better save the day, since he's the only one that doesn't register the ominous tone. If he doesn't that'd be such a waste of the gag.

Haha, Buford. Still my favorite kid. :')

Okay, I seriously can't hear anything this alien leader lady says. It's like she's whispering all her lines with a hoarse throat or half-mumbling parts of her sentences or something. I have my volume turned up, and it's not helping.

Gross. WAIT, ISN'T THAT LIKE WHAT THE CITIZENS OF THE CANDY KINGDOM DO FROM ADVENTURE TIME?

Wait, do they have a farming culture? They were doing something in a field right now.

Hmm, yeah, lots of non-humanoid alien species on this planet alone....did they NEED to make the kidnapper ones so humanoid?

Doof, you even said that there was no adult supervision earlier. XD Isabella's definitely more qualified to lead, considering she's a Fireside Girl Troop leader/her vast array of badges compared to Doof absolutely ruining the Tri-State Area in "Phineas and Ferb's Quantum Boogaloo" and not knowing what leadership entails in "The Beak"/"Last Day of Summer."

Haha, yeah, see! Whip out those badges.

HAHAHAHA, Oh, Doof. I can see him facing front in the card's photo, ahhh, frontal Doof.

DOOF!!! XDD

Oh my god, he took her hat. She looks like she's starting to get pissed....you never want to get on Isabella's bad side. XDD (She knows hapkido/jujitsu from NOTLP)

Oh my god, this song is amazing.

See, songs are okay to be long if they're dynamic: lots of movement between locations, varying camera angles, engaging lyrics, moves the plot forward, etc. Now this is PnF!

Baljeet, please. XD

Oh my god, poor Doof. Yowch! I hope his leg's not broken. D: He's certainly dragging it around like it is.

HAHA, I love how he just calmly zaps it!!! Nice (and a good example of the experience thing he was talking about earlier).

That chicken looks uncomfortably realistic for PnF's style (we've seen Agent C in "Traffic Cam Caper" before and a rooster in "Cheer Up Candace").

They got the farmer's hair color wrong. Interesting that they brought him and his wife back, though!

What's with the sudden cartoony sound effects for Doof falling??????? Bad.

Hmm, the audience seems like they're being mind-controlled.

It can't be the first time ever, since she was a star in "Flop Starz"/"Run Away Runway"/"Lights, Candace, Action!"/"Unfair Science Fair Redxux (Another Story)"/"Gi-Ants."

For a hot second I thought she was going to ask Candace to marry her or join her family or something.

I bet Vanessa is going to tame that alien dragon! Also, I hope they realize she's not on earth soon.

I bet the gift they made Candace at the beginning is going to change her mind about living it up on the alien planet.

Oh my GOD, Candace has shown repeatedly that she loves and cares about her little brothers. WELP, GOOD THING THIS MOVIE AIN'T CANON.

Like, seriously, if this movie was canon, there's no way the boys would ever drop the "Candace is unhappy" thing for the rest of the summer.

HAHA, LIKE I SAID: ISABELLA IS TO BE FEARED. XD Also, wasn't it Candace's fault since she sent them away?

"While I love ominous patch-related threats more than anyone--" *AHEM* "Right, apart from Ferb" BOYS, PLEASE. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I'm getting flashbacks to Horde Prime inviting Glimmer to dinner. Also, I almost typed "Glitter" instead of Glimmer right now.

I bet she killed her brothers or had them mind-controlled or something.

Ooooooof, that's ominous.

Aw, Baljeet's so interested in joining Buford's gang.

Bwahaha, Doof looks so interested! I bet he's going to remember the stuff they're listing for later or something.

DID MONOGRAM JUST SAY DO NOT ENGAGE THE ALIENS BECAUSE OF AN INTER-GALACTIC TREATY?? IS THAT A LILO AND STITCH REFERENCE???? (probably not, but i've been getting into L&S again lately)

Meh, Buford and Baljeet survived being eaten by the worm from "One Good Turn." Those aliens will be fiiiiiiiiiiiiine. :P

Were those alien prisoners rebels or something? They have a hidden city, but they also seemed too scared to be rebels.

Oh my god, cubism.

Okay, so they're not rebels, per se, but they resist by....hiding and cowering. Sort of?

MMmmmyep, the show tunes tipped me off. So these guys got invaded by another alien species, huh? OOF, cordyceps vibes

So she needs Candace to be food for the spores or something?

Yep, she's using Candace as plant food.

Overly long gag again. :\\\\\\\\

Okay, so she didn't kill/mind-control them, but she did lock them up. I was right!

I don't know how their alien biology works, but humans can't eternally walk. Candace's legs would eventually get tired/become not able to move until the lactic acid she builds up wears off. She could also develop varicose veins or blood clots from all that standing. Bad move, aliens.

Yeah, Candace would never do something like that! Also, see: it was her fault they ended up on the prison shuttle, not Doof or Isabella's.

Bruh, the rest of the earth gang breathes CO2...did your scanners not pick up on that?

Oh my god, Candace, don't reveal information that could get earth invaded.

Wait, how was she keeping the mushroom alive before? Where did it come from?

Also, WHAT ABOUT VANESSA!!! SOMEONE SAVE VANESSA!!!

Wait, why was the alien lady holding onto the smaller alien's long moustache? Is he her pet?? CONFUSION

Ugh, they don't have to make every single thing a gag. PnF knew when to make moments real/dramatic. Grow a spine and live with the weight of emotional tension, movie.

ANOTHER OVERLY LONG GAG? No wonder this movie is so long.

Wait, is Shego the VA for the alien lady? The way she yelled sounded like Marlene, who has Shego's VA. I'm going to look this up later.

BWAHA, Vanessa hears the ominous tone, too!

I don't doubt that Doof will be able to cobble something together to get them back, but that honestly has nothing to do with "adulting" since Phineas and Ferb could probably do the same, and they're kids.

I absolutely love how Buford's still carrying that canoe everywhere.

YES!!! Haha, yes, Doof, Perry is your guardian angel (and emotional support animal). :')

I KNEW Vanessa was going to tame that dragon!!

Yeah, see, she never has that dragon again, so this movie is totally just an OVA.

OH MY GOD, PULLING A Chowder HERE, I SEE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Yeah, you can see how off-model/pink Vanessa is right here where she's standing next to Doof. She's supposed to have his brown-tinged coloring (just look at any other time she’s next to him--”Finding Mary McGuffin”/”Minor Monogram”/NOTLP/”Hail Doofania!”/”A Real Boy”/etc).

Bwahahahaha, chicken selfie

Oh, yeah, that makes sense. What would happen if they killed the chicken? Does it only switch with alive chickens?

BWEHEHEHEHEHE

Though I don't like the particular scare chord they used when Doof holds up the Axe inator--very stereotypical/they could've composed a new version, like how Candace's leitmotif is technically Ring Around the Rosie, but different.

Aww, why not, Vanessa? It's your best bet home! Although, I guess it would be awkward considering Perry's right there....

I need to see a photo of the Lieutenant Baljeet's talking about here, for....reasons.

See, Baljeet's recklessness in this movie seems more like something Buford-i'm going to randomly mess with this ("Fly on the Wall")-Van Stomm would do

In "Nerds of a Feather" Baljeet cosplays as a Space Adventure character, so....

"You made another boat?! What've I been lugging this one around for?!" NICE, BUFORD, BWAHA

Wait, how on earth did that work? Can hunks of metal just allow something to fly like that? I admit to not knowing how planes work, but at least those have, like, engines and whatever.

WAIT A SECOND, I SPY MISHTI IN THAT MCFREAKING STADIUM CROWD!!! WHAT IS SHE DOING THERE!!! SHE'S NOT A NORMAL FILLER BACKGROUND CHARACTER!!

Stacy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wonder if they meant to put her mom on the bleacher seat behind her, or if it's another Mishti case.

They spelled his name wrong: we saw in "Doof 101" that it's John P. Trystate (the elementary school is named after him)

Beh, nothing bad is ever supposed to happen to Roger, that's the whole point of his character. Bad.

Ah, Bujeet banter.

WHY IS ISABELLA'S ROBOT A CAT THING

They should've made something to kill the mushroom instead.

OH, JEREMY XD Wait, that didn't sound like Mitchel Musso. 

Was he just making those weapons because it's his hobby? Stacy did suggest a compound bow as a gift for him in "Vanessassary Roughness," and there's a bow on the counter

Buford and Isabella banter!

I like the detail of Candace's hair being disheveled and her socks drooping after walking all this time

Aww, does she feel guilty? :(

She does. Again, this movie can't be canon, because they don't acknowledge what she's saying for the rest of the summer and this kind of breakdown would definitely leave a mark on her.

AHA, I knew that gift would come into play!

Aww, that's a cute mug! Also, good on Candace for not drinking coffee!

HMMM, OKAY, SO THE SIBLING HUG FROM "Phineas and Ferb Get Busted," WHICH WAS PERRY'S DREAM, IS ON THAT PROJECTION OF THEIR NICE MOMENTS. TOLD YA: NOT CANON.

Haha, nice @ the new gelatin memory. It aligns nicely with the various things Candace has done offscreen that Phineas and Ferb get a kick out of (getting her face caught in the dishwasher, getting tangled in the clothesline, etc)

The exploding thing is technically a step forward, but, again, the real issue is killing that mushroom. Also, are Doof and Co. still stuck??

"Why does that sound like her name?" "I dunno." BOYS

STACY...JEREMY...LARPING.....Aww, don't be ashamed, Jeremy! Candace does Ducky Momo cosplay, and she accepted your dance deficiency in "Nerdy Dancin'!" I have to say, I love it when Stacy and Jeremy are on the same side, since Candace was sidelining Stacy in favor of spending time with Jeremy for a while (to the point where "Canderemy" happened).

Mmm, I notice a trend in cartoons lately about applying psychology to things. Amphibia, SPOP, Steven Universe...it's nice to get kids used to the idea that introspection is healthy.

DID SHE JUST DIE

Okay, did they just...fly from another planet? The gang went beyond light speed to get back home....there's atmosphere issues....they didn't even bother to try and have them salvage the space suits from the inator even though characters in PnF can't survive in space/always have to wear a space suit (Doof even puffed up in "Out to Launch" when he stuck his head outside without a helmet on, and Perry made sure to put a helmet on him when he was going spaceward in "The Doof Side of the Moon")?

Oooh, okay, furthest chicken. Nice.

Aww, the dragon's shielding them! Reminds me of How to Train Your Dragon when Toothless was protecting Hiccup from the flames

WOW, that is an EPIC remix of Perry's theme music!!! Holy crud, there's not as much background music as usual in this movie, but the music that is there goes HARD.

Bwahaha, to quote Maui: "The chicken lives!"

Oh my god, Baljeet really likes petting zoos? Also, I guess the farmer's last name is McDonald??

Beverly Hills + Beverly Hills adjacent...why XD

The chicken still lives!!

Okay, so she's alive.

Ah, so that’s why the mammoth got flung.

Aw, I wish Jeremy and Stacy had had more of an action scene after gearing up.

Okay, see, this lesson she's learned? How if this movie was canon, none of the rest of the summer would have been possible? MMmmmmmmmyeah.

Wait, so the American police are just taking the aliens?? No special forces or anything?? They're ALIENS.

LAWRENCE, DON'T TOUCH THAT!!

OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!! I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Welp, it took me 5 hours to watch this 1 hr 24 min movie...wowza. I forgot to write it when they occurred, but I didn’t like that the alien lady’s blinking had a sound effect in that one scene or that they used the Wilhelm scream during the final battle. I do wish there’d been more Perry and Doof interactions + some more Stacy, but what we did get was good. There were some pacing problems (too much alien screentime), but the excellent interactions between the PnF gang made up for them. Also, I genuinely laughed at at least two handfuls of moments! Anyway: a good movie!! I'm shocked--i'm so picky, and I haven't liked anything since "Last Day of Summer!" I mean, it's definitely an OVA/not canon, but still!! Solid 8/10.

[deathstakes]

How to be Buffy Summers — A Slayer How-To Guide: Tips, tricks and wood chips.

PREFACE: So you want to be the Slayer, huh? Well, newsflash. Everyone wants to be the hero. In the movies, it is flashy and cool. Well, here is a newsflash. Slaying isn’t exactly glam-o-rama. The movies really pump up the whole what it is like to be a hero, and let me tell you, it isn’t as cute.

Disclaimer: You might have heard a lot from the fang-population. They like to spread their gossip faster than a bunch of ladies sipping their afternoon tea. I’m here to clear the rumours and give you the insiders scoop.

I am more than just the Slayer. I am also Buffy. They go hand in hand like…. Hands going in hand. I like my weapons as much as I love a good sale. There’s nothing wrong with liking pink, dressing cute and also being able to kick some major ass, and trust me, if you ever doubt it, I can show you what a Slayer really is.

TIPS, TRICKS AND WOODCHIPS

1. There is nothing fashionable about eye bags. Concealer is your best friend.

Patrol usually ends around 3 a.m, if the vampires aren’t biting much. If I am lucky, I get about four hours of sleep a night, and if I am even luckier those four hours are free of nightmares or weird, cryptic-y apocalyptic messages. Most of the time, I am not, and my dreams aren’t steamy with Swayze but the uglies, but we never go past second base because they always seem to die when they try to handle my stake.

Those sleepless nights are going to make you want to wear a caffeine drip. Speaking of, coffee will be your other best friend. Thank me later.

Oh, and you’re also going to need a concealer for the bruises. Trust me on this, you’re going to find bruises in places you didn’t even know you could have bruises. Those rough tumbles aren’t without consequence. Sure, they’ll go away in a bit, but in the meantime, do what Elsa said. Conceal, don’t feel. Cover it with translucent powder to really set it in and don’t forget to colour correct! This works for both bruises and for those vampire bites. Totally hickey-proof.

2. Sisterly duties.

Make sure Dawn is up for the school day. I used to get up much easier, in my opinion. Also, remember to pack a stake in her lunch and some holy water, just in case. You never know when she is going to need them considering she has a habit of getting kidnapped every other Tuesday. Replenish the supply every so often and get your witchy best friend to put in protection trinkets that you can slip into her backpack.

IMPORTANT: When it comes to her safety, nothing is off limits, at all. Monsters will play dirty if they have to, and the ones closest to you are the most susceptible. It’s a hard knock life.

3. Because this gig isn’t really big on the paying front, you also need a day job. Glamorous.

Remember that thing about how being a superhero isn’t like how it is in the movies. I was being dead serious about that. There isn’t a batmobile or really cool headquarters, unless you want to count the Magic Shop, and oh, that thing about getting paid? Hah. Yeah, you’re not really going to be rolling in the dough unless it is cookie dough. It is a whole, long-winded thing, so just make sure you have some resistance to temptation when you see a really, really good shoe sale. I am talkin’ goes with everything, cute but also practical heel. Don’t do it.

You might have to play pool shark, might need to flip some burgers and learn how to give your Buffy best smile while being dead inside, or you might need to bust an undercover demon black market. Get creative. Just don’t rob a bank. Morals still apply, you know.

TIP: Having a boyfriend who is good at forging credit cards is really helpful. Though, sometimes, he gets too crafty with the aliases.

4. Unchipped manicures? Puh-lease.

I’m going to give it to you straight, so it doesn’t get hard later on. You know that feeling of freshly painted nails? Don’t get used to it. There has yet to be a patrol that I go on that doesn’t end up with me chipping my polish.You’d think someone would get into the market for this stuff and break the bank, but nope. Well, considering I would probably be their only customer... Don’t even think about acrylics, who has the time and also, not great for grip. Gel? You’d think it would hold, but let me tell you, not even the best formula can stand against the roughest of tumbles.

Having pretty, polished nails was nice while it lasted. That isn’t to say I don’t do my nails, now, because I do. I’m not letting fangs take that away from me. They already took away my sleep.

5. Healing.

So, right about now, you might be starting to realize that being a superhero isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. So, let me throw in a decent thing. This isn’t to get recruits or anything. This job position is filled until further notice (or until I get the axe.) One of the good things about the gig is that you heal faster. That isn’t to say you don’t get hurt, because oh boy, do you get hurt. The pain aspect is still there, but you’ll heal a broken bone in days compared to weeks only to break it again. I’ve made with the stabby, and gotten out of the hospital the same night because I was healing quickly. Other than the limping, the bruises that go away in a day or two and the scars are barely there scars, you’re golden.

But that doesn’t mean that I am invincible.

If Slayers were invincible, I wouldn’t be here.

I still have my scars (the ones that can be seen) on my neck. From the Master, from Angel and those couple rounds with Dracula that I went, but that’s for another time. The naked eye can’t really see them, but get me under some great selfie taking lighting and it's there, just a sheen paler than my skin tone.

TIP: If you are trying to hide fresh ones, try scarves. Fashionable, but practical. Ascots if you’re into looking like Fred Jones, hubba hubba.

6. The weapon of the tongue. No, not that weapon.

Anyone can learn high kicks and how to throw a punch. Well, most anyone, anyways. But if you really want to know the inner workings of how to be Buffy, try me on for size. I only come in a small, though. When I do my rounds, I like to provide a double feature slayer combo, you know? Throw in a pun or two between my punches, give them a real show. You know why? It gets them going. It drives them crazy, and they get angry. That anger helps fuel the whole show. Also, I am great at talking circles, so sometimes, you just keep going and going and watch their undead brains try to scramble it together, and while they are doing that?

PRESTO-POOF-O.

It really is a Buffy skill, even if Giles doesn’t think so.

Well, except when it gets me in trouble because part of being me is realizing that my mouth speaks faster than my brain tends to comprehend and then it just becomes a whole intangible tangent that really shouldn’t even be called a tangent, because really, who---

7. Sacrificing fashion for slayage.

This one hurts me to write. This one hurts me because it is still something I struggle with, but what can I say? I’m a lifelong learner, dedicated to becoming the best. Nerd alert. There was a time when I used to dress cute. You know, the minis and the halters? The to-die-for booties? Well, guess what? Long gone are those days. Now, I aim for pr… for… prac… for practical. Sorry, it is still a touchy thing.

That doesn’t mean you still can’t dress cute, because you totally can. Have I given up my style? Nope, not a chance, and hey, sometimes my halters still see the life of patrol because I believe when we look and feel our best, we slay the best (Can I get an amen?) I wear booties all the time, but it’s because I know how to run in heels.

Body con dresses and tight skirts? Save them for a day you aren’t slaying, because otherwise, you’ll be sitting in a bank and suddenly be faced with a bank-robbing demon and you’ll have to slit your favorite pencil skirt with shears so you have enough leg room to fly-kick that ugly.

That was a nice skirt, it was.

8. Accessorizing is important.

It is no secret that accessorizing can make an outfit go from nay to yay. Come on, that is a given. But, being the Slayer, there are some accessories I have to make sure that I am wearing at all times. Keeping a cross on you all the time would be too bulky, and it isn’t for the religious aspect of things, so what do I do? Cross necklaces, chokers, rings or little dangly earrings can be the perfect way of making a vampire weak in the knees. Also, punching with rings really hits differently. For them, not me.

Keep some scarves on you, too, because well, it isn’t any of my business what happens to your necks, fangy or not.

TIP: Scrunchies? Make great face flingers if you need a real quick distraction to get out of a fangy situation. Just some tricks of the trade, you are welcome.

9. That appetite.

Let’s get personal, here. You think that you’re going to do all that cardio and vamp-ass slayage and not feel like you could eat a horse? Oh, it’s bad. Sometimes, the first thing I do when I am done patrol is hit whatever place is open or go straight for the fridge. It’s never cravings for a salad, either, nope. It’s 3 a.m, and all you want is a stack of double chocolate chip pancakes, some sunny side up eggs, hash and extra greased up bacon, maybe even some triple scoop chocolate shakes.

Dawn says she always feels like she is interrupting the fridge and I when she walks in on us, because my head is just always sticking inside it, but what do kids know, huh?

Also… there is another kind of appetite. This is why this book isn’t in the kids section. We’re all grown ups here. Sometimes, all you need is to get rid of that tickle that seems to always find a place. It’s explosive until you give in and have to do something about it. It’s kind of why I prefer solo-slaying, it gets real intimate.

A low-fat yogurt does the trick, too.

10. Weapons, ooh.

So, we talked about the power of words, but here comes the good stuff. Let me tell you, nothing feels good as the first poof after a freshly shaven stake. I never thought I would ever admit to that, but here we are. It is important to always keep your weapons ready to fight like it was the end of the world, because most times? It is.

Try to keep a knife in your boots. Pockets are important because you can slip in stakes discreetly enough, but don’t make them too bulky. Keep important spells on your phone because you’re not carrying around books everywhere you go. Never forget your phone, your gloss, crosses and holy water. You know, the essentials.

My favourite weapon? My precious baby. My scythe. It looks sweet and is just as killer. I like it for its double functionality because it does both the beheading mucho smoothly and the point of the stake? Talk about hot.

…. Yes, we all get attached to our weapons.

As for guns, they are still pointless.

Keep your weapons hidden. Somewhere they won’t be found. I went through storing them in places I knew my mom wouldn’t bother looking (crosses and holy water vials between the bookshelves, stakes in the closet…) Maybe build a trunk for it, for all your storage needs. This is where I plug Xander Harris. He built me a beautiful trunk on my 21st birthday. Give him a call.

11. Do NOT sleep with vampires.

So, here’s the thing. I don’t want to be a hypocrite but, sometimes, I just have to say it. Do not sleep with the enemy. Here’s the thing. I get it. I know. There’s this whole mysterious aspect to it, and sometimes at the end of it all, you just want to knock your boots with someone, BUT DO NOT SLEEP WITH THE UNDEAD. It never works out good for anyone. There are too many complications, like the loss of souls and dignity. The only shaft they should be getting worked is the stake.

There are plenty of living, breathing, normal human fish in the sea.

Seriously, screw vampires. By that, I mean don’t.

This message was brought to you in part by the Learn from Buffy’s Mistakes Association, because clearly she never did.

12. Don’t let it turn you into stone.

I’m going to get real with you. Being the Slayer… it is so easy to cut yourself off. From the world and everyone around you, because you think that it is easier that way. That it’ll hurt less if you keep this unbudging wall between you and the people you care about. Somewhere along the way, the hard heartens from all the losses that turn you into a ghost of who you were. Somewhere along the way, you stop wearing your heart on your sleeve because you’re not that innocent or naive girl anymore.

Being the slayer… it makes me different. It makes me different in a way that I don’t think anyone will ever truly understand, even when they say they do. I’m not saying that because I think highly of myself or I am trying to keep people at bay. It is just the way it is. This is a fight that belongs to the Chosen One, even when she didn’t ask to be Chosen.

It is about trying to find that balance. For a long time, I cut myself off, and sometimes I still find myself having a hard time letting other people in because I tend to swallow in myself when things get hard. I don’t like putting that on other people… they deal with enough just by slayer association. Now, I try.

I try to embrace the way my emotions give me power, the way they make me feel, even when I feel the most vulnerable - even more than I am mid-battle.

13. Don’t fight it, just accept it. - stop being so hard on yourself, you’re one girl.

One girl in all the world...

I used to hate it. I used to despise Destiny and wanted to give it the finger. For a long time, I hated this life. Hell, there are still times when I wish I wasn’t ‘the One.’ Being the one sucks, sometimes. The losses, the sacrifices, the constant worrying about everyone around you?

It hits harder when I think about the ones I couldn’t save. Yeah, I saved a bunch of people, but what about the ones I couldn’t? That is on me and only me. This is the heavy, so-not-star spangled stuff that sleeps with me every night. The guilt. The could-haves, the should-haves…

I have grown from not accepting this role to embracing what I bring as the Slayer. I know I am damn good at it, total humble-brag. Hey, longest lived for a reason, okay. My stats are impressive.

Sure, there are days where my bones are downright tired. There’s an ache I can’t really explain, and hurt that never goes away and sits in my chest. I have to remind myself that if it is not me, then it is some other girl and I want to save that girl and have her live a normal life for just a little bit longer, you know? She might have something important to get to. She might be Dawn’s age. I could never do that to her.

Every day, I am doing the best I can. There’s only me, and sometimes, only me needs to cut herself a break. Just like most everyone needs to cut themselves a break, sometimes. Have a break, have a Kit-Kat.

*** BONUS TIP: Practice safe necks. Just, please, people. We live in Sunnydale, this should be obvious. Don’t give into Sunnydale Syndrome, have a little awareness.*

CONCLUSION: There you have it, folks. A little intel about the oh so (not) glamorous life of a Slayer. Not coming to a theatre nowhere near you because books on my life are enough, thank you very much. If you have any questions, please contact your local library or that idiot named Carver Edlund. Spam him, spam him good, maybe even send him some hate-mail while you are at it.

END NOTE: If Giles finds this, I repeat, I did not write this. This was written by someone else who knows way too much about me. Probably Dawn because she reads my diary all the time.

                                                                      A Buffy Summers Publication ™

[teacherimagines]

My Tc Diary

Hey y’all. This is my tc diary from 2018 and I decided to post this now in 2020 since I don’t think my identity will be revealed from anyone I know possibly reading this. It was sooooo weird rereading this, seeing what my thought process used to be, and the silly things I thought were important. So much has changed in my life since this phase of my life, but I hope you enjoy!

M/N stands for my name. I am not gender specific in the anecdotes. I am bisexual, and I talk about having three different tcs in here. I just use they/them to talk about them. And when I refer to ‘my tc’ I am talking about my first tc (the one I am crushing on the most). The other two I only talk about in one divided section for each.

*ONE FINAL VERY IMPORTANT NOTE* My teacher crushes were always professional when I was around them, they did absolutely nothing to suggest that they liked me as anything more than just a student. I started writing this because I was crushing on them badly, and I needed a way that I could share the times I was around them that made me happy. I hold a very high respect for my teachers, and I am so grateful that I got to have them in class. I never did/would never try to do anything that would harm/intrude on their careers, relationships, happiness, and personal lives. My relationships with teachers are the way they should be, the fact that I was crushing on them did not get in the way of that.

My Masterlist

-

I was walking out of school today, and my tc was walking behind me. I heard footsteps but I didn’t know it was them! Anyway I walked out the door, and held the door for them, and they thanked me. Their ‘thank you’ sounded so genuine and nice, I nearly had a heart attack.

-

I had my first class with my tc at the beginning of the semester. During the first week of class my tc had to shout out names for attendance because they didn’t know everyone yet. But they knew me. They never said my name during attendance. It just felt good, to have them remember me after meeting them only a couple of times before. Especially because I’m crushing on them super hard.

-

My tc got really excited today in class omg. We are doing a project and we get to pick our topics. So my tc comes up to me like “What is your topic?” And then I told them, my tc got so excited. Their eyes widened a little, and they went into this little rant about how fascinating my topic was. I like to see them being so passionate about something.

-

Someone in my class has a pet snail, and they keep it in a jar and bring it to school. So they go and ask my tc if they want to hold the snail. My tc (seriously) asks ‘does it bite?’ I WAS LIKE ARE YOU FOR REAL RN? I think it was cute because it was such a little snail.

-

My tc helped me write an essay today. They were super helpful, like, I was stuggling so bad, and they just helped me without making me feel like a complete idiot :)

-

OKAY IM SORRY OKAY TEMPTATIONS. I watched my tc put on chapstick today. Trust me, I wouldn’t watch it if they were looking directly at me. They were just staring off into space. *Note from future, I watch them do this quite often lol.

-

My tc said “good morning, M/N.” today! I said good morning back and was really happy. My tc also made a lot of eye contact with me today :o

-

I walk into my classroom today, and there were only two other students sitting at the desks. The class has about twenty students in it, and the bell was about to ring. One of the people in the room says “ooh, there’s a third one.” as I walk in. And my tc laughed and smiled and looked at me.

-

My tc was passing back papers and their arm accidentally bumped mine. Lol I’m dying inside.

-

When my tc lectures, they are very active with and linger their eye contact with every student. And I mean like that’s a good thing, but it makes me nervous when they look at me lol. OKAY BUT LIKE EYE CONTACT IS NOT OKAY. It is okay. But it makes me not okay. Especially when I’m trying to concentrate on the lesson, I just keep thinking back to five minutes ago when their eyes met mine and I felt all gooey in my tummy.

-

Got a paper back and on the top it said ‘good work M/N!’ in my tc’s handwriting. Felt good lol. I literally stared at my name written in their handwriting for like ten minutes. I need to stop. *not from future- I kept ALL of the papers from their class.

-

My tc will always ask the class something opinionated, and they will always make sure that everyone answers the question. And if it is regarding something that has to do with us being comfortable (ex: someone making a joke that is slightly controversial), they just make sure that everyone is really okay, no bs. OMG I FOUND A TEACHER WHO ACTUALLY CARES ABOUT THEIR STUDENTS WELL BEINGS. And I may or may not have a massively obvious crush on them.

-

I saw someone (a student) flirting with my tc today. This person is a MAJOR flirt. I know that they would never actually date my tc so I am not really worried about it. But they interrupt class a lot and flirt with them. IT IS SO OBVIOUS OMG.

-

I was walking in the hall today, and I saw my tc. They looked at me really quickly but as they walked closer they just stared at the floor lol. They do that a lot. Also, on another day, I was standing in the hall talking with my friend and my tc walked passed us. I know they looked at me- even if it was only for a second- I could feel it.

-

How can someone be so alert, friendly, and attractive at the beginning of the school day?

-

Today I was sitting doing my work and my tc comes over to my desk. They ask me how I am doing on the assignment and I said I’m doing okay. They stand by my desk, looking at my paper for what felt like a minute. I felt so awkward so I looked up at them with a face that said ‘need something’? Then they nodded and walked away. Like okayyyyyyy I’m not okay.

-

Every damn time I say ‘thank you’ to my tc they say ‘of course ‘my name.’ AND I AM LITERALLY MELTING RN MELTING

-

My tc learned a few fun facts about me today! Also, almost no one in my class believes in sasquatches (even me), but my tc does. And they got so frustrated because they said that sasquatches are ‘tangible’. Plus, they asked me where I see myself in ten years and I said I have no clue, and they were like ‘okay so you have like what, two years left to figure the rest of your life out?’ THANKS TC THANKS A LOT

-

My tc asked me if I had anything to share with the class today, and I said no lol. They asked another student and they said no too. Lol. Then my tc said ‘I shouldn’t let you all say no to me.’ Haha I’m dead.

-

I saw my tc with their significant other today. I feel really sad, and I really do care about my tc’s happiness, it just makes me sad that I can’t be that kind of special to them.

-

I saw my tc run today. I feel so blessed.

-

My tc said I did really good on writing my essays, and thanked me for handing them in. also—MY TC SMILED AT ME TODAY AND THEY ARE SO CUTE AND THEIR SMILE IS SO CUTE IMMMM DEADDDDD. Their smile was literally like this :)) They don’t usually smile at me, Idk why, but like I am also wondering what put them in such a good mood.

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My tc gave me a letter today. At first I was like- woah?. Then they told me it was an invitation (from another teacher) for taking a AP course in their subject next school year. I was like ‘ah thank you’ but inside I was screeching (THE LETTER WASNT EVEN PERSONALLY FROM THEM WHY AM I FREAKING OUT??). Even though they won’t be teaching the course (they are moving schools), I want to make them remember me as someone who wants to excel in their subject (so I will take the course, plus I was planning on it already with my guidance counselor). Also, this means that they had a conversation with another teacher about me. So they probably thought of me recommended for me to take AP? This makes me happyyyy :)

So today my tc asked me if I read the letter they gave me. I said yes. They asked if I signed up for AP and I said yes. They got so happy omg- I was like trying to be chill (so were they). They said “that is so good ‘M/N’, you would make a really good fit in that class.” Then they kept smiling at me- I couldn’t concentrate! IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY THAT MY HARD WORK IS STARTING TO PAY OFF, AND MY TC IS RECOGNIZING THAT.

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My tc gave my class a free work period and I was caught up on my work. Usually every night I try to read at least one news article before I go to bed, so I stay up to date on things (ya know, like nerds do). I didn’t get to read last night so I read some news in class. My tc comes over to see what I am doing and asks me “M/N, are you reading the news?” I nodded. Then they said “that is a very good use of your time.” Lol I wasn’t even doing the work they assigned. Then they come over later in class and ask me if I read from The Atlantic. I told them no, and they were like “I think you’d like them, they have very in depth articles. There’s this one a teacher showed me this morning about Donald Trump, and how he won the election, it was really good. You can let me know later if you’re interested in reading it.” I was like OKAY with a big splash of happiness. I want to read the article they suggested, but I was like hesitant to ask them for it, so I am just going to try and find it on my own lol. *NOTE from future, I read this website a lot now because it makes me think of them and it’s like, what if they read this article too?

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MY TC SNEEZED TODAY AND I WAS LIKE AHHHH

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I saw my tc in the hallway this morning and they said “good morning M/N.” They were carrying a cup of coffee, and that’s when I got to see how they drink their coffee-with a lot of creamer.

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OKAY WHAT IS GOING ON? There’s this other teacher I have. My friend says she likes them. I thought I didn’t like them that much, and I expressed that to her. BUT THEN they start giving me this eye contact, and joking during class. And one day they try helping me on an assignment and LITERALLY THEIR ARM WAS TOUCHING MINE. I didn’t want to be rude and move it, and THEY JUST LEFT IT THERE. I have little physical contact with humans- I’m weird like that- I don’t usually like it when people touch me, there’s really no reason for it besides it is what it is. But I was fine in this situation. They also make a lot of conversation with me. Then I saw them in the library and they looked at me and smiled- they are gorgeous. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO THINK ABOUT LIFE ANYMORE. I thought I was only crushing on my original tc, but that’s changing now?¿ I think I take simple situations and go crazy with them, but STILL. So much more has happened between me and this teacher than me and my tc, but I still like my first tc more. ALSO, they bite their lip when they are concentrating on something difficult- I am swooning. *NOTE- I had a dream (rated R) about this teacher. WHATWHATWHAT? Today, I walked passed this tc and it LITERALLY felt like slow motion- and they kept eye contact with me as they walked by.

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I’m hormonal. There’s this other tc I might have now. They are a different gender than my other two tcs. I like them a lot and I had them in a class before but I never thought of them like this. I realized that I have a lil crush on them today when I passed them in the hall and had some small talk. I thought wow, they’re a good person, they teach really good, they just talked to me like a normal person, and they’re attractive. MY BRAIN IS EXPLODING I HAVE LIKE THREE TCS NOW AND NO ONE IN MY LIFE KNOWS?

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Today was my last day with my tc :(( it was kind of bittersweet though. They never really gave anyone a formal goodbye, but we did have a good conversation (which is the longest one I have ever had with them). I was on the computer doing a research project for a vacation to Italy. I was exploring around on google maps and they come over and ask me ‘where are you looking at?’ And I say Venice. So I zoom out and show them Italy from a map view, they talked about Italy, and just Europe in general. I then told them that I have been to Paris and London before, and they thought it was cool. Then they told me about their significant other who has traveled to London for a semester at college. Then they told me about their dream vacation to southern France, to see the lilac fields. They said ‘That would be my picturesque vacation.’ I WAS LIKE AWWWW (internally lol). I like flowers a lot, and I am pretty sure my tc knows that bc I wear clothes that have flower print, my backpack and pencil case is flower print too. And now that they told me that they like flowers too- I am just so happy! I have a lot in common with this tc, and it saddens me that this was our last interaction :((

[musicallynerdy]

hey ryn long time no see that d&d ask meme is insanely cool (frankly I love all of them so I tried to choose but there are still a lot, feel free not to answer all of these), so: 2, 3, 7, 9, 11, 12, 15, 16, 20, 23, 24, 26, 27, 31, 33, 35, 44, 60, 72, 77, 87, 93, 94, 97!

Hi Taylor! Long time no see! I hope you’re hanging in there! @hoot-h00t So, Hannah sent me a few of these last night on my D&D sideblog (@gmsguild) so I’ll skip those ones but I’m gonna do the rest! I’m gonna focus on my primary character, Sahar, my tiefling wizard in my home Tal’Dorei game.  2. Who in the party would your character trust the most with their life? I think our party rogue most likely. A few weeks ago (in game time) the rogue saved her life (literally- failed death save, would have been dead if that shadow hit me again), and Sahar returned the favor in a fight with a succubus, so there’s some trust there. 

3. What are your character’s core moral beliefs? I think she’s redeveloping her morals for the first time in a decade. She’s becoming a better person and it’s interesting really interesting to play. She never hurts kids, she’s willing to do whatever it takes to protect those she loves, and she’s devoted to the pursuit of knowledge. She’s got a dark side and isn’t afraid to hurt or kill to get what she needs, but she’s starting to try not to cause more harm. I think she feels the need to make up for what she’s done in the past. 

7. Describe your character’s current appearance: clothes, armor, scars they’ve picked up along the journey, etc? Sahar Tel’Urdyn is a deep purple-skinned tiefling with these stormy grey eyes with catlike pupils and a light blue nictitating membrane that she can flick over them. Her horns come from her forehead and then curl back forward similar to but not the same as a bighorn sheep (I don’t really know how to describe them?), and she has a thin pointed tail that flicks like a cat’s when she’s excited. Her hair is a darker purple, close to black, and is pulled back in a single french braid. She has a number of piercings, earlobes and cartilage. One of her cartilage piercings has a thin chain that connects to a band around one of her horns. She also has a belly button piercing, a nose stud, and a ring in her tail, all in silver tones. With the exception of the chain, she wears almost entirely studs, bars, or rings. Nothing that could catch on something or make noise. She has a number of scars and tattoos from the Tragic Backstory, but the most interesting is probably a lot of blackwork on her left arm that extends from her hand up to her elbow, almost like she dipped her arm in ink (although there is a triangular design on the hand, almost looking like a bit of that type of glove that only attaches to the middle finger?)-- or more accurately it looks like blackwork but it’s actually a lot of really intricate work, lots of script and sigils.  She wears a white, v-necked, with lacing in the V, like a flowy pirate shirt sorta thing, with black pants and brown leather boots, and a dark blue almost black sash around her waist. She has a dagger at her waist and her spellbook sort of sits in a bit of a holster thing in the small of her back. She hasn’t actually picked up much over the journey... she’s got a really nice dark gray traveling cloak she took off of... some dead body somewhere. She’s also got a wand of magic missiles tucked into a leather thigh sheath. She’s probably got a scar or two from the one battle I’ll detail below in number 15.  9. What deity, if any, does your character worship? What’s their opinion on other people’s worship? She grew up worshiping the Moonweaver but sort of lost a lot of her faith during the Tragic Backstory period. As a wizard she also prays occasionally to Ioun. She doesn’t really have opinions on other people’s worship so long as it doesn’t start causing her problems.  

11. Describe your character’s current relationship with the player character sitting to your right. So my group is a crew of old friends from my hometown, so we haven’t played in person in a while. 

12. What is your character’s current goal, summed up in one sentence? To crack this puzzle cube and learn more about conjuration and transmutation magic in the process. 

15. What battle in the campaign has been most memorable to your character? Oof so we broke this girl out of prison, she’s the daughter of a crime lord, but in the process we sort of... alerted the entire town to what we were doing and our barbarian punched the guard captain in the face? So we were burnt and tried to get out of town and hide, but they sent guards after us and we had no spells left and our barbarian had one rage and our rogue, our warlock, and our druid all went in with like low health and Sahar ended up having to be a tank for the battle and was just casting shocking grasp and somehow we still won? We killed six guards coming after us and somehow got away. That was the moment it was like ok we’re a team and we have each other’s backs even when shit royally hits the fan. 

16. If your character wasn’t whatever class they are, what would they be instead? Probably a bard or a warlock. Magic is just like, ingrained in her and she’s a curious motherfucker so like, if her troupe had lived she probably would have become a bard, or she would have stumbled into something deep and dark and made a pact with something for knowledge. If she had focused in her Tragic Backstory more on the sneaking bit of being an assassin rather than the “i will kill people creatively with magic” bit, possibly a rogue too. 

23. If your character could go back in time and change one thing about their life, what would it be? To not get kidnapped by the crew of the Talon’s Breath because that just started a decade of bad things. On the other hand, without that she probably would never have gotten to Tal’Dorei from Marquet and would never have found the party, which she’s starting to count as the best experience in her life. But it doesn’t erase the previous decade. 

24. Which other player character does your character find themselves having the most in common with? Definitely our party rogue. Tragic Backstory Buddies

26. What would your character say their best trait would be? “My Wit, of course” (her virtue name she used for years was Wit, so that’s a pun)

27. What is your character’s greatest fear? Deep, irrational? Ooh tough one. She’s afraid of losing her powers, I think. Her magic has been what has kept her alive and allowed her to become who she is and I think she’s wrapped up so much of her identity into the magic she wouldn’t know who she is without it. She uses minor illusion like people in the real world use a fidget spinner. I think she’d have a hard time functioning without her magic. It was a source of trauma and now it’s the way she’s helped herself through that trauma. She’s definitely going to need to deal with that at some point but therapists are hard to come by in Tal’Dorei. 

31. What stereotypical group role does your character play in the party? (The Mom, the Mess, the Comic Relief, etc. Optionally: What role would your character play in the “Five Man Band” structure?) Ya know I’m not sure. She’s sort of the brains (her intelligence is like a full 4 points above anyone else’s in the party) but really our party is six dumbasses held together by spit and a prayer and the fact that they keep stumbling on sketchy shit in every small town they come to (literally, they’ve had one town that hasn’t had sketchy shit going on in it) (well, and one city. So two stops on their entire journey). 

33. What person does your character admire most? In our party? Tough choice. Probably Thea, our warlock. She’s a 16 year old human girl and Sahar just thinks the world of this kid. She also has this huge Big Sister drive to keep this girl safe and also teach her about magic. 

35. Why is your character’s lowest stat their lowest (the in-character reason, not “because there’s no reason for a wizard to have 16 strength, duh”)? 10 in strength (I rolled well) but in character, she never really had a chance to develop it. She was the prisoner of a cartel for years and just didn’t have the space or the means to build up her strength. 

44. Does your character think more with their heart or their brain? Brain. 18 intelligence. She’s a wizard. Everything is logic. 

60. What decision would the party have to make in order for your character to consider splitting off from the group? Answered over at @gmsguild with number 20!

72. Who in the party would your character trust the most to keep an important secret? Oof yikes... honestly? Probably Mire, our barbarian. 

77. If your character had to multiclass into a class they currently aren’t the next time they level up, what would it be and what reason would they have for doing so? hmmm..... Something with spells. She’s such a magic nerd she would do something stupid for knowledge. 

87. What major arcana tarot card best represents your character? I’m only skipping this one because I’m not really familiar with tarot

93. Who in the party does your character trust the least? All of them. We all have flaws that make us untrustworthy in particular circumstances. But also she knows all of them have her back if she needs it. She just needs to know their weaknesses so she can help protect them. 

94. What is your character’s biggest flaw? She always has to be in control. It comes from years of not being in control and now she’s a bit of a control freak. 

97. What is most important to your character: health, wealth, or happiness? Happiness. I don’t think she knows what that means yet, but she left employment with a crime lord that could have made her very rich because she knew it wasn’t making her happy.  Thanks, Taylor, that was fun! Took me like 2 hours, but whatev. Hope you’re hanging in there!  Also I’m reading back through this and realizing like, folks trying to piece together her Tragic Backstory from this and my post on @gmsguild are going to have a rough time Much love to my party yall are amazing and I love you (@geekoz87, @skirtsandbattleaxes, @miniaturetanks, @vaguelyconcerning, @tenebris-felidae)