#questioning demiromantic

[avenpt]

Romantic Orienations

We realize there are an infinite number of romantic orientations, so we apologize if we've left yours off! Please select Other and let us know how you identify. :)

[thegyusorcerer]

I think many people online (especially exclusionists) make it seem as if the lgbtqia+ community is going to come to your house and interrogate you to ask you +1000 questions to confirm you really are a _insert queer identity_ when you decide to use that label. I know it sounds like an exaggeration but many people do believe this is like something you have to be approved of. let me remind you today: you don't need anyone's permission to use a specific label! If you feel like X label fits you: GO AHEAD AND EMBRACE IT! maybe more than one label feel like you: PERFECT! use as many as you want. no labels feel right and queer is enough for now? ASTOUNDING! I promise you, you are more than welcome to use any, all and no labels. No one can decide what suits you better. Only yourself! This has been a psa...

[aroaceconfessions]

(genuinely looking for answers) how is demi not the norm? you mean people just…have romantic attraction? to people they don’t even know? how does that even work? am I demiromantic? (im asexual) I just can’t believe that that happens it doesn’t make any sense

Submitted May 21, 2023

[parsleysparlor]

if you’re gay then you’re gay don’t pretend that you’re straight

[our-aroace-experience]

can i still identify as aroace/aromantic?

i'm asexual and demiromantic, and feel pretty comfortable with aroace (to avoid long descriptions or explanations, also to have one word for my identity) and im pretty comfortable with aromantic (can be shortened to aro! also due to demiro communities harder to come by, it's easier to go with an aro label)

i still use ace/demiro as my main labels, but im just wondering if its offensive or not allowed in any way

you are absolutely allowed to use aroace/ aromantic as a label!

i don’t usually like to tell people what they can or can’t identify as, since i’m not any sort of authority on that, but i will say: using broader labels to help explain your identity is perfectly fine!

i saw a good post about it recently, and though i can’t find it, it said something to the effect of “it’s like telling people you live in a big city, even though you’re from a small town, because most people won’t have heard of that small town, but they will know the city” labels are just tools to help people explain how they feel (or don’t feel) they aren’t boxes with rigid edges you have to fit neatly in! use whatever helps you!

[mewcrew]

You can never be late for Pride! 

[bitchfitch]

I have the general rule that I just, don't let myself give a shit about other people's dumbass opinions but I have one pet peeve that I just. Can Not let go of. and it's posts that go

How to write [Minority Group]!

Step 1: Make sure all your characters are exactly like me the op, or are exactly what I like to see in media.

Aside: Anything else is impossible, unrealistic, bigoted and you'll go to hell forever.

Step 2: They also have to use the exact language I do to describe themselves btw, no matter the time period or setting. See the above aside for further explanation.

Step 3: you should never ever even think about the actual mechanics of what makes a trope problematic in its impact in the real world. J ust memorize this list of things that should be banned in all fiction (for being problematic because I don't like them/someone else I agree with said they should be banned)

Step 4: Nuances in identity don't exist <3

[raineofthedragons]

So I made one of those LGBallT comics.

[moo9395]

If you’re aroace spec

or you think you’re aroace spec

or even if you’re not

and you have questions

please

put them in my asks

or private message me

I would love to answer them

[mitch4tune]

My Aroace Journey

Teacher during Sex Ed: You'll all feel sexual attraction at some point. Me, years later, still waiting and panicking: Where is it? *manic chuckle* Wh... Where the hell is it...??

I've only really celebrated Valentine's Day once (aside from exchanging cards with my class in elementary school), so I'll contribute to the aromantic awareness that's been trending on Tumblr by sharing my experience of how I found out I'm aroace.

I first heard of the term "asexual" in an LGBTQ context in September or October of 2020 because of Alastor's sexuality being officially confirmed. "Very interesting! Can't be me," I thought.

I got into researching and asking reddit anyway. I think I determined that I'm ace later that year in October.

In April of 2021, the thought of me possibly being aromantic as well struck me. I hated that thought, telling myself, "I've already had one thing taken away; why do I have to lack something else?!"

(I want to clarify that lacking sexual and romantic attraction doesn't make someone any less of a person.)

Once I accepted that I'd probably never fall in love, I ironically got into a romantic relationship in July and determined that I'm demiromantic. During that relationship, I experienced waking up looking forward to messaging them each day, seeing the world in more saturated colours, and even properly enjoyed my first Valentine's Day date. I'm forever grateful for all of that.

The relationship lasted a little more than a year before I fell out of love (that doesn't mean I don't still love them; I'm just not in love anymore). A year after the breakup, a friend suggested that I could be cupioromantic. I joined the subreddit and described my situation, to which someone recommended I check out r/lithromantic.

I spent a long time feeling like I'd gotten robbed of something again ("Why can I even fall in love if that's going to be taken away after it's returned?"), but I eventually accepted my orientation despite still getting sad about it every now and then.

I speculated on another part of my identity from January to February of 2024. I'm not comfortable saying what it is yet, but I will say that a big part of that ordeal was spent worrying about how my identity would affect other people, which is ridiculous; your identity is part of you; not anyone else.

I only told two people because I felt disgusting for the thought even having crossed my mind randomly. I don't know why, since I'll always speak in favor of people who identify that way. But I still felt that way, no matter how much I reassured myself. No matter how much those two friends reassured me.

I came to the conclusion that it doesn't apply to me (though I'm not putting it completely off the table).

That brings us to now. I'm exhausted. (^ ^ ;) I'll end this off with some memes I saved up while I was still in the closet. Happy Valentine's Day!

[guiltyidealist]

Am I demiromantic or am I an aromantic codependent who thinks codependency feelings are romantic feelings because of amatonormativity and the romanticization (lmao) of codependent relationships, behaviors, and attachments in media

[questioning-aspec-culture-is]

Questioning aspec culture is reducing "sex-neutral asexual aromantic, demiromantic, biromantic, sex-positive graysexual blah blah blah" into "AROACE". I'm an aroace (sometimes sex/romance repulsed/positive/neutral, aego/cupio sexual, apothiromantic, probably demiromantic, sapiosexual and romantic, considerably straight, but probably bi romantic, I probably have much more to discover etc etc etc). Can't be bothered to introduce all this even to myself, so imma just make it short, aroace.

<2

[our-demian-experience]

Hey there! I have a question!

So! My partner (and bestie) is demirose (doesn't label himself personally but he also doesn't mind being called that). As a gift, I got him a white aro ring and a black ace ring. He told me that he loved the rings but he couldn't wear them. I asked him why. He said, and I quote, "I'm neither aromantic nor asexual. By wearing this, I'd be invading."

Onto my question. Are the black and white rings for anyone on the a-spec or just for people who are 100% aromantic and/or 100% asexual. I feel like demirose and grayrose people often get ignored within the aro/ace community or worse yet, they get alienated. I've seen so much gatekeeping recently that I just want to make my partner feel good about who he is. Nobody deserves to feel isolated, especially within their own community.

well I can't speak on the intentions of who started the black/white ring thing, I don't think it was intended to only be used by those who are exclusively ace or aro, nor does it exactly matter since the entire thing has been completely separated from the person/people who came up with it. they're for asexuals and aromantics, which in their definitions is little to none. people largely consider demisexuals and demiromantics under the ace/aro umbrellas, so by definition yes. people who are ace-spec and/or aro-spec are allowed to wear the rings

I'm demisexual and largely consider myself asexual, but not aromantic, since I experience romantic attraction more easily and frequently and have identified as asexual for some time beforehand. that is my personal experience that I use the ace flag and identify myself under asexual, but don't feel like aro its me, despite also being demiromantic. if he truly doesn't think of himself as under those labels and that wearing the rings wouldn't be accurate to him, then he doesn't have to. but he certainly is not invading if he does

[archiethemilkman]

Ace spectrum people,

Do we have a word for h0rny but in the platonic sense? Like, the intense desire for a platonic relationship? Please lmk if you have one, I am very curious!!

[artflameball]

Happy pri demon th

[our-aroace-experience]

I’m not completely aromantic but I’m definitely somewhere on that spectrum. I’m wondering how often it’s normal to have a crush — and maybe I’m asking the wrong person here — but like I’m 21 and I have had like 3 crushes ever, and definitely never more than one at the same time.

I’ve been playing with the idea of being demiromantic for a few months now, since all of my crushes have been people I’m already friends with, but I haven’t decided for sure either way.

demiromantic could be a good label, or perhaps greyromantic, if that’s something that sounds good!

as for how often allos have crushes, i don’t know for sure, but based on my allo friends, i would say pretty often. i know some people who almost always have someone they like, but others won’t like someone for months. it’s definitely a spectrum, even for allos!

i wish you luck in figuring out a good label!