#riddle me piss batman

[jammerspyjammass]

Another doodle!

[lupicalled]

if lisa is mom!shaped for razor and lisa considers cyno a brother that means collei is his cousin when are they gonna hang out and when is uncle cyno gona teach him gi:tcg??? when are he and tightnari gonna compare regional flora facts??? HMMM???

[supportingfire]

my 9am thoughts:

yoimiya and thoma are the same spirit, just two different bodies.

childe is just spicy thoma.

so is yelan spicy yoimiya??????

🤔

[azover]

Tengo motivacion para trabajar pero solamente en lo que mi cerebro quiere o en lo que se que puedo hacer sin problemas pero el segundo que algo parece complicado se cierra todo, estoy cansado.

No ayuda tener baja autoestima relacionada a "nadie te quiere contratar/no sos lo suficientemente consistente como para llamar la atencion/ya estas grande para esto". Me vivo quejando de que nadie rebloguea nada y no se si es porque asi es tumblr hoy en dia o si es mi problema, simplemente parezco no importarle a la gente.

Ya hablé de la situacion del blog de mi novia y el masterpost. Al final 2 o 3 personas nomas rebloguearon y tuvo que comenzar a bloquear. Un amigo suyo incluso asumió que lo odiaba por no fijarse que estaba en la lista de seguidores de ese sideblog (que me parece muy raro que haya estado siguiendo pero qcyo) y le armo un lío..... eh no importa. La cosa es que este tipo, en vez de comisionar a alguien o hablarlo con ella, simplemente espero a ver si en serio bloqueaba a la gente y que "no estaba de acuerdo" con esa decision. Primermundistas asi parece que hay en todos lados

Estoy cansado de que les chupe un huevo todo.

Tengo la suerte de tener una flia que me puede bancar pero lit estoy tratando de no ocupar mucho espacio. No salgo de mi pieza, no como demasiado o como lo viejo, los problemas de higiene empeoraron por mi salud mental.... estoy tratando de comenzar a transicionar para ver si me llego a sentir mejor conmigo mismo, o por lo menos para no tener que hacer malabares con un trabajo y posiblemente posponerlo mas. No tengo ganas de nada que no sea un interes mio xq creo que estoy queridísimo. Intente volver a comenzar y siempre vuelvo al mismo lugar. Desempleado de mierda que no hace nada, no puede hacer ni terminar nada. No importa cuanto lo intente.

Y parece que nunca importa si es que termino algo, siempre va a ser lo mismo. A nadie le importa.

Volviendo a temas logisticos supongo.... tengo que actualizar el masterpost. Que yo sepa nadie consiguio comisiones de eso, y no se si tomarlo como una falla mia o si es por la indiferencia primermundista. Al final del dia soy un solo chabon haciendo la mayoria, con la ayuda de capytomamate para alivianar la carga pero nunca le quiero dar mucho xq se me hace que jodo. En fin.... mis cosas mis cosas, estoy congestionado y con garganta hecha pija, y con hambre. No importa.

[aslightaddity]

I wanted to join in on the trend of this panel redraw like @arabriddler and others have done

Original panel

[vellamare]

PAUL DANO < ?! >

"Paul Dano? Don't you mean Edward Nashton?""" Uhm actually lygma !! Ha ha !!!!!! HA !

I hope he gets turned into milk and explode (speculate on my intentions)

[anarchypumpkincowboy]

“Dick isn’t the smart Robin, that’s Tim” fuck you fuck you fuck you

[logicallyblind]

Okay okay but consider possible batfam fic idea:  

so Bruce is in an emergency justice league meeting that got called but because its taking place at night he has a comm on in his ear playing at a low volume because all of the batfam are out on patrol around gotham covering his patrol route for him and because you know B is a paranoid, overprotective fucker he just to make sure everything is going smoothly for his kids but he doesn’t plan on actually letting them know he’s tapped into their network because he can already hear the lecture from Dick about trusting them to take care of the city.  

So he’s listening to them quietly while also paying attention to Clark talking about some alien diplomacy issue and his kids are YAPPING away about the stupidest shit to one another cause they don’t have B telling them off for ‘unprofessional unnecessary chatter while on patrol’ and  you’re getting a mix of all the dynamics between them all and the longer the meeting is going on the more B’s eye is just TWITCHING because his Dad senses are just going hay wire and he is just here like ‘I cannot say anything in front of the league because they cannot know I have children cause I'm Batman and I work alone blah blah blah’, usual brooding, but Damian and Tim are squabbling with one another about a rescue that took place an hour ago and Dick is challenging Jason to a parkour contest and Steph is challenging the Riddler to a riddle off with riddles she made up and have no answer just to piss him off and his dad sense is just like an alarm going off and then he just cant take it anymore cause Duke (pretend he’s on nightshift to make up for the man down or smth idk shh) says something like ‘I'm going to do my book report in the morning Richard leave me be’ even though Bruce KNOWS he isn't going to do it in the morning, this has happened before they have an AGREEMENT, a CONTRACT god damn it but they don't know Bruce is listening to the comms Duke just goes something like “its fine B won't even find out!” and Bruce just LOSES it there and then and just presses his comm and goes “NO. No, stfu all of you I am taking charge here” and he just starts going off on them all for the different things they were whining about like

“No Signal, go and do your damn book report right now you are not going to be doing it in the morning you always say you will and you never wake up early enough to get it done so then you end up speed doing it in the car while nearly stress crying and I am cannot deal with that while running on 49 hours of no sleep so go and do it right this damn minute. I am TIRED, I am tired boy go. GO. I love you, goodnight.” 

“N go and unload the damn dishwasher. I asked you four. FOUR days ago to do it and A is not coming home until next week please I am begging you I have been drinking my coffee out of bowls and a straw for days now. Thank you, I love you goodnight.”  

“Red Robin. Put the coffee down. No- I know its in your hand I can feel it. I can feel it in my BONES child you cannot hide from me, down. Now. Good. Get a piece of fruit and go to bed. No I don't give a fuck if- no. I don't care if the pentagon has laughably easy security to bypass right now it has been over 72 hours since you closed your eyes I WILL call A I will, I’ll do it right now. I’m calling him right now- good okay goodnight. I’m sending Dick to check on you to make sure you’re actually sleep. I love you too goodnight”  

“Robin I know you're there. Damn right go to bed, Titus can go with you yes you don't have to ask every night baby its going to be the same answer, I love you goodnight.” 

“Hood and Spoiler stop trying to goad rogues into fighting each other and go home. Hood will you- thank you. Goodnight I love you both....no S I will not ask Ivy if she’ll make you real life lil shop of horrors plant to leave at your ex’s house please stop asking. Goodnight.”   

"C are you- I love you too."

And he just lets out this enormous, patented Dad sigh and looks up after a few moments and realizes the entire justice league is just watching him absolutely GOBSMACKED because oh my god how long has this been going on for?? because like what the fuck this was cold, calculated, ‘they think he's actually a robot’ Batman, who just all of a sudden just went BOOM father mode is activated, this is a patriARCH, you know? Daddy bats alright. And he's just like, his facial expression doesn't so much as twitch but a light blush just appears on his entire face and then Clark is just like HEART EYES and Hal is just like HEARTEYES (??!!) and Barry is suddenly having a sexuality crisis because what the fuck is this, and Diana is just like, speechless but in love and he just mumbles after a few moments “...you can continue your speech Clark I apologize for my lapse in professionalism” and Hal is just like “NAH MOTHERFUCKER YOU ARE NOT BREEZING PAST THAT WHAT THE FUCK SPOOKY??” and then the entire situation just devolves in chaos.  

[thealtoduck]

Graveyard

Tim Drake x Riddler Sidekick!Male Reader (Indirect)

Batfam x Riddler Sidekick!Male Reader

Warnings: none…

Tim Drake x Riddler Sidekick!Male Reader: Masterlist

Summary: You’re back in arkham and get a unexpected visit…

——

Arkham wasn’t that bad… Sure the food was shit… the bathrooms were shit… the people were also kind off shit… nevermind Arkham is shit. But you managed to make it work for you, somehow…

Your bedroom was kind of cool, you had decorated it using a green sharpie, it was now very much giving ”insane-person-core”. Question marks, riddles, clues, semi-threatening messages to the staff were spread all over the walls. It was cozy.

You had also made friends with Waylon Jones aka Killer Croc, your ”next bedroom neighbour”, meaning that most inmates weren’t dumb enough to mess with you knowing it could lead to them getting their skull cracked open like an egg.

You and Croc spent most days in front of the tv watching whatever crap was on. Until one day your routine was broken, one evening when the two of you were watching some dumb reality show a guard came up to you saying ”You have visitors”.

”Tell them to go fuck themselves” you told him knowing it wasn’t anyone you wanted to see. But the guard just grabbed you roughly by the arm pulling you up from the couch, making Croc growl at him. ”Don’t worry Croc, i’ll be back” you said unenthusiatically and was led away by the guard.

You were taken in to an interrogation room, where you sat down at the table as they locked you in. Then the visitors door opened and in stepped a familiar caped crusader also followed by one of his sidekicks. It was Batman and the Red Hood.

Looks like Tim didn’t want to come and see you.

Batman came and sat down by table right across from you and Red Hood leaned against the wall behind him. ”We need your help” Batman said in his deep voice. You raised your eye brows curiously.

”The Riddler has taken a hostage” he told you. ”So… what does that have to do with me? I haven’t spoken to him since i was locked up in here” you said truthfully. ”We need to know where he might have taken the hostage, do you know any more of Riddler’s secret hideouts?” Batman questioned.

You stayed silent for a while. ”Why should i help you? What do i get?” you asked. Batman then said irritated ”Clue, this isn’t a game!”. ”To me it is” you stated with a devilish smirk. Red Hood walked over and leaned against the table and spoke up saying threatiningly ”How about you answer our questions and we don’t let the name ”Y/n L/n” slip to the GCPD?”.

”Oh i think it’s in your best interest not to do that, wouldn’t you agree, Mr Wayne?” you said sneakily giving Batman a look, he was doing his best to hide his shock but you could tell he was pissed. ”Relax, i won’t tell if you don’t” you informed him, feeling satisfied with yourself.

”We’re through here” Batman said annoyed as he stood up and walked towards the door followed by Red Hood. ”Tell Tim i said ”hi”” you said teasingly after them. You expected them to keep walking but Batman turned back around and said ”Tim is the one Riddler has taken”.

This made your smirk falter and you looked up at the two vigilantes, they turned to walk away but you stopped them saying loudly ”I might have a guess where Eddie has taken him”. The two turned back around and re-entered the interrogation room. ”Where?” Batman questioned.

”Got a pen and paper?” you asked. Red Hood brought in a piece of paper and a pen and you scribbled down an adress on it. ”Don’t let Eddie know i gave this to you” you instructed them. ”Alright” Batman agreed. ”And… make sure Tim is safe… okay?” you said softly. ”We will” Batman said and he and Red Hood left.

You were then escorted back to Arkham’s common area where you re-joined Killer Croc at the tv, he was now watching a national geographic special on crocodiles. You sat down beside him on the couch and he asked ”Who was the visitor?”.

”Some true crime weirdo” you lied. Croc let out a low growl in disgust. As you both watched the documentary a thought struck you, ”Croc, can i ask you something?”. ”Yeah” Croc said in his deep raspy voice.

”How do you know you’re a crocodile and not an alligator?”

[narrynukezankielover]

I love that in this scene (ep 9) Dean once again defends Cas to Ezekiel/Gadriel. Ezekiel/Gadriel asking Dean what he’s going to do about Cas being around them and Dean gets pissed off. He says that Cas is the one that the angels are after and yet he’s fighting. He wonders what Ezekiel/Gadriel is afraid of. Cas has been on earth for like 6 years and I’m happy to see him understanding human things. He could tell that every time Sam brought up Cas leaving the bunker Dean changed the subject and Cas waited until he was alone with Dean to ask him about that. He understands that Dean changing the subject meant there was something Dean didn’t want to talk about with Sam in the room. Back in season 4 Cas wouldn’t have understood that and probably would’ve said something at the wrong time. Then the fact that Cas knew that Dean is in a tough situation and even though he wants to be around Dean he knew he had to listen to Dean.

I’m pretty much just adding this part because Cas looks amazing. I don’t like that he’s being tortured and that he has blood on him but I love seeing him half naked. I will say there was soooo many missed opportunities with human Cas. I would’ve loved to seen Dean teaching Cas to cook or to shave or even something stupid like tieing his shoelaces. In my opinion they didn’t think this storyline completely out. There’s a few things that happened that don’t make sense. Like how did that angel (April I think her name was) find Cas since he had the tattoo?

In ep 9 Dean tells Cas they have to stay away from each other and at the end of that ep Cas says he should stay away from Dean and the very next ep (ep 10) Dean calls Cas for help and Cas comes right away. I would love to know what happened to Cas tie. He obviously magics up his suit and trench coat considering when he got out of purgatory he was still wearing the clothes he got from the mental hospital then when he came out of the bathroom he had his suit on so where is his tie now? I also love how Dean is looking at Cas here. He obviously loves looking at Cas in his suit (the ep where Cas gets out of purgatory proves that) and Cas is letting Dean look.

This scene is hilarious. There’s an angel, a human and the king of hell and the human takes over. It’s Cas car (I’d love to know how Cas learned to drive) yet Dean just goes directly to the drivers side and tells Crowley to get in the back which he listens to Dean (at that point Crowley is handcuffed so he doesn’t have powers) and tells Cas to get in the back with Crowley and Cas listens to him. Cas and Dean will literally do anything the other asks them to do. Another cute thing I noticed Crowley said to Cas riddle me this boy wonder. Riddle me this is what the Riddler says and he is a villain so obviously Crowley is calling himself a villain (he’s the king of hell obviously he’s a villain) but Dean is in the scene and Jensen has voiced Batman a few times. Boy wonder is Robin which is Batmans sidekick so Crowley is calling Cas Deans sidekick.

Dean finally apologizes to Cas for not telling him about Gadriel possessing Sam snd kicking Cas out of the bunker and I love that Cas completely understood what was going on and that Dean really thought Sams life was in danger. This scene also had my second favourite quote so far in the show Dean says we’re dumbasses and Cas says I prefer the word trusting less dumb less ass.

This scene is interesting. Pretty much since Cas and Dean have known each other Dean says whatever he wants to to Cas without any fear that Cas will hurt him because he knows he’s the one person Cas won’t hurt. Cas gets pissed off when he finds out the angel possessing Sam is Gadriel and that Gadriel is the reason for all the bad stuff that has happened to earth and Dean clearly knows that Cas is pissed off because he puts his hands up. To me he is showing Cas that he knows that Cas is an extremely strong angel even with his stolen grace (at this point at least) and can kill anyone if he wants to and right now Cas wants to kill Gadriel but Dean knows he has to calm Cas down so they can get Gadriel out of Sam.

To me (ep11) this shows how much Dean trusts Cas. Crowley is trying to look at the journal but Dean pulls it away from him. Back in season 8 Cas was picking through Deans stuff and looking through the journal and Dean didn’t care. Even in the scene when Naomi comes to Dean and Dean says he doesn’t trust angels which means I don’t trust you. Obviously that scene was about Dean not putting the signs on the boat so Cas would be able to come back to him but it does show Cas is the exception to that rule. Plus in the ep before this Dean was willing to let Cas possess Sam to get Gadriel out. He knows how much trouble letting Gadriel possess Sam made but Cas is the one angel he trusts would get Gadriel out and wouldn’t hurt Sam in the process.

I love that here Cas is trying to defend Dean to Sam. I don’t think Sam understands that Dean lied to Cas too but Cas got over it.

I love how honest Cas is. He’s always been truthful about how much he doesn’t like Sam. Cas has said that he doesn’t like the sound of Sams voice and other such things. I found it interesting that Cas said that before he became human he would’ve pushed the needle into Sams neck and killed him because the ends always justifies the means but now that he’s had human emotions he no longer feels that way. I find it interesting because even before Cas was human Cas would never do something like that to Dean. He didn’t need human emotions to feel like that for Dean. I personally don’t see Cas and Sam as friends I see them as putting up with each other for Dean. I do think that them spending that time together did help them not to become friends but to understand each other better and be able to be around each other if Deans not around.

[distort-opia]

Tort can I bother with something? Like, I don't know how you feel about people asking your opinion about batman stuff a lot but I since you have read much more comics and for a longer time I always think "well, she must know more about it" 😂 I hope it's not annoying.

So the ask in question is: what's the difference between Joker and Riddler? And not the thing they two had about the difference between a joke and a riddle but in batman's perspective, kinda? What Joker have that Riddler don't? Because this pattern of Batman being "nicer" (as nice batman can be with a criminal lol) with Joker and hating (I don't if he hates him but anyways) Riddler keeps repeating in a lot of media now. It was in the comics with Tom King, in the movie with Batman 2022 and we have the games and books with Batman: Arkham knight and Batman: Arkham knight: The Riddler's Gambit. What's the difference they have to batman? It's especially ironic since also in a lot of media they kinda of two side of a coin (don't know if this sentence apply to these two. What I meant now it's the joke vs riddle thing now jajaja. People sometimes mistake a joke for a riddle and vise versa. So it's like people thinking they're the "same", when actually, there is a difference between a joke and a riddle.) (and when I say "people" I'm talking actually about the people in the DC universe not people actually people)

Hey! I don't mind the question, no worries. I'll say this though, it is a bit of a funny ask because I've had this sort of discussion with people before, and I hope I'm able to find the posts, because it's still funny to me. Here's one of them, with a lot of comic recs and everything. Essentially, how are Joker and Riddler different to Batman in the comics? Bruce is obsessed with Joker, but Riddler... pisses him off.

As you mention yourself, Riddler pisses Bruce off so badly Tom King wrote two comics in which he attempts to kill Edward (The War of Jokes and Riddles, Batman: One Bad Day -- The Riddler). He's similarly peeved with Riddler in the Arkhamverse, especially after Edward tries to fill the vacuum left behind by Joker's death and replace him. And well, I'm not gonna delve into The Batman (2022) because the Riddler of that movie is much different to the comics version... as is Barry Keoghan's Joker. I'm not a fan of the way Matt Reeves took these characters and then mixed their backstories around because he wanted to "put his own spin" on them or come up with a "novel approach". Riddler in The Batman (2022) is quite different to the comics version, so I feel any discussion of dynamics within that movieverse has to be its own thing, and acknowledged as such. I'll put the rest of the answer under the cut though, because things have gotten long enough as it is.

In comics, Joker and Riddler are obviously different individuals, although they've got similarities too. Sometimes writers don't know how to write Riddler well and kind of have him as this bad copy of Joker (because how different are riddles and jokes, right). But the two characters have different goals, different backstories, different dynamics with Batman. Bruce is obsessed with Joker for many reasons: he sees himself in him, he projects onto him, he feels guilty for his existence and also relies on it. Joker is a villain Batman had a direct hand in creating. Joker is Batman's equal and the one to actually want all his anger and his violence. Joker is about making the world realize that it's all a big joke, that nothing matters, which is his ultimate point. He likes fighting Batman and getting beat up... while that's not really Edward's case, who isn't really portrayed as a masochist:

Batman (2016) #32

Meanwhile, Joker:

Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #61

Edward's much more focused on intellect-- that's the facet of Batman's psyche that he, as a Rogue, is meant to address. He's meant to challenge Batman's detective brain, his high IQ. One could say Edward is just as obsessed with Batman as Joker is, but it's a different flavor: while attention-seeking is a big component for both of them, it's much more pervasive for Edward. And that's one of the reasons Bruce is so annoyed with him; the fact that he chooses to get people killed over his selfish need to prove he's the smartest guy in the room. That's what probably activates Bruce's mean streak with Edward more than with the others too-- the need for attention and validation, mixed with fear of him. Because the thing is, Bruce requires things to make sense almost pathologically. So many times, the question he poses to individuals wreaking destruction is "What is the point of this?". And he can understand them, when there's a grander purpose he can even remotely relate to, no matter how dark and twisted. He's related to Poison Ivy, to Joker, to Ra's al Ghul... he even gets Scarecrow, because he knows what it's like to be obsessed with fear and the goal of conquering it. Or maybe it's not accurate to say he doesn't get Edward, because he can relate to having a compulsion, but it's that Edward's compulsion is uncontrolled and about himself. I literally just said that Bruce needs things to make sense, and Edward needs answers, so clearly they're similar in that. But Bruce puts his own in the service of something bigger than himself (in his mind), while what Edward is doing is simply indulging his compulsive need to assert intellectual dominance and get attention, making Batman the target of it and getting people killed along the way.

As to the difference between a joke and a riddle... sigh. I fully think Tom King brought that up in The War of Jokes and Riddles as something that sounds cool, but not something that actually means anything:

Batman (2016) #32

If it does mean something, to me this is more Joker saying "Do you know what the difference between me and Edward is?"... which is connected to the abstract difference between jokes and riddles too, in a sense. What does a joke want? A joke wants to make people laugh. But what does a riddle want? A riddle wants to be solved. A joke is about the laugh it gets; a joke, ultimately, is an attempt to connect with other people. But a riddle is an intellectual pursuit centred around the answer hidden within; a riddle needs someone to make the effort and chase it and solve it, unlike a joke which is the one to make the effort. A riddle is about itself. In my opinion, Joker is saying that he saved Batman from killing someone and destroying himself, because Joker needs someone to make laugh... he needs an audience for the jokes he's trying to tell, and that audience is Batman. Riddler isn't the same; Riddler needs someone to solve him.

Anyway, can't say I'm an expert on the dynamics between Batman and Riddler, this is just my personal opinion. But I hope this helped with understanding the differences a bit more! Or maybe don't take it from me, take it from Joker's own pep-talk to Edward in Death of the Family:

[boiledbirdy]

Brad Wayne vs….. Gotham Rogues!!!!

We must preface this by saying Brad Wayne has only ever rolled either nat20s or nat1s in charisma, 80% for nat 20s and the other 20% being nat 1s.

The Riddler to no surprise hates him, Brad doesn’t even care, he still is waiting for the Riddler to tell him the answer like it’s a joke. He infamously was on live tv with Riddler holding him hostage, the catch?

He was just let go, like he himbo’s himself outta there. So the thing is Brad Wayne doesn’t even realize that he gets kidnapped or held hostage, and it drives the rogues nuts™️. Because it’s hit or miss as to whether he plays into their gimmick, on this occasion he missed by a mile.

So the Riddler doin his thing, giving riddles and was pulling out a long-ass riddle for the live broadcast. But Brad just keeps interrupting his riddle.

“Bro a ghast can’t walk backwards man???”

and

“DUDE, that reminds me of a my bro from this party, that tried to do a flip-”

Best part you ask? Batman, Robin, and Nightwing are in the background of the cast as it happens. The Riddler loses the hat, he just is pissed 😤

He’s all like: “SHuT uP! Just be a normal fucking *mic peak* hostaaaagggeeeeee!”

Brad is so fucking confused like, why was this dude losing his ball sack???

[lesbiantriphosphate]

ok i was so pissed at the tiny detail of eddie’s sister in riddler: secrets in the dark having originally had the last name nygma. and also the implication that edward nygma is his real name.

LIKE YEAH dc villains have silly names (julian day… etc) but also names and identity r a Big Theme in batman and i feel like especially in this podcast??? like eddie knowing that bruce is bruce et cetera. and it’s way more meaningful to me for him to have chosen the name edward nygma.

mostly this is because he is trans though. dc you can’t change my mind. he is trans and he likes riddles and he got to pick his own name and went wouldn’t it be sick if my name was e. nygma.

[theonceandfuturequeenoftarts]

I'll preface this by saying it's been a hot minute since I read the books, so there might be an easy answer and I'll be mildly ashamed but better informed.

But I don't see how Tom Riddle could have publicly (but covertly) announced the Heir of Slytherin was the one siccing the basilisk on muggleborns back in the 1940s and also claimed his heritage as a descendant of Slytherin, even if only within Slytherin house.

You're telling me that there wasn't a single Slytherin who wasn't under Tom's thumb or enamoured of him -- even for two consecutive hours -- who wouldn't have immediately ratted him out as part of a power play? Or who wouldn't have used it as blackmail at some point?

(And maybe it's fanon that he told the Knights of Walpurgis that he was the Heir of Slytherin? But I believe the implication was that Tom's change of status in his house is in large part because of the discovery of his ancestry.)

I know there's probably a "what happens in Slytherin stays in Slytherin" mentality at play, and the Heir of Slytherin means something significant to this group in particular, and that this is far from the only inconsistency regarding Tom's adolescence, and we've got a couple pretty unreliable narrators/interpreters presenting Tom's past.

But I simply cannot fathom that every single stuffy, bigoted pureblood in that house cowtowed to Tom, that upstart, no-name mudblood (well, halfblood) for the more than two years before he graduated. They all had two months away from Hogwarts shortly after Myrtle's death, too, during which they could have spread the information and made it more difficult for Tom to pin down who tattled. They have the power, due to their names and wealth -- with the correct pressure on the right person, Tom might have had his wand snapped and never returned to Hogwarts to take vengeance on them.

If he's ruling through fear while maintaining the perfect reputation facade, that's bound to create friction with whichever knight is on the outs at any particular time. Piss off enough people and at least one of them is bound to try to bite back, no matter how powerful Tom is nor how ill-advised the course of action.

If they're all so in awe of him that they wouldn't think to move against him, then why not assist him with a job or support after Hogwarts? It must pinch the purebloods to worship a lord who's working retail in the shady part of town for a pittance.

I dunno. I have issues with Tom's intelligence being very "told to the reader" rather than "shown." Whether as Tom or as Voldemort, he makes plenty of bad plans and decisions and sets up a lot of Batman gambits that work out for plot convenience as much as (or more than) the characters acting in-character. But this point in particular rankles because it could -- and should, based on the players -- fall apart so easily.

[crybaby-magic]

Hang out

duke x bestie reader

You and Duke have been close since a young age.It was to the point that y'all were mistaken as siblings.But after the incident with the joker and his parents he went totally M.I.A only for you to see him on the tv with bruce wayne.Lets just say you were rightfully pissed and he now owes you for disappearing and not relying on you as emotional support from his parent’s death.(and totally not because you went to the wayne manor,threatening his existence,then attacking him when given the chance.And then totally not threatening him to take you out on his dime.All while in front of the wayne family.You were never one for first impressions anyway.)After the whole fiasco and the dust started to settle y’all went out.Not only for your enjoyment but so Duke can have a sense of normality into his life.

The Zoo

He had picked you up from your apartment to head to the zoo because you kept talking about a new exhibit.Once arrival you dragged him towards the new exhibit.

“I don’t think it's supposed to look like that…”

“What do you mean?It looks fine to me.”

“I don’t think snakes are supposed to have popping out gumball eyes that are really cross eyed.”

As y’alls head tilted looking through the glass at the derpy looking snake watching it blink its eyes slowly at separate times.Duke became physically repulsed at the action.

“That's gross!”

“You don’t have a taste for the nice things in life.”

“We really need to talk about your taste in general.”

Y’alls attention was grasped when the back door of the exhibit opened letting a rat in.Next thing that happened was the snake quickly grabbed the rat in its mouth eating it whole.Soon both of your faces riddled with disgust.

“Your right I really don’t have taste,I think i wanna leave now”

“At least you admitted it this time.”

Y’all walked away with a sense of violation at what y’all saw.

The Library

After the zoo fiasco you decide to head to the library.Nothing can go wrong at the library.You just want to buy some new books that came in.

“Ok I'll call you guys up here to pay once I collect all the books you wanted from the back.”

The librarian said as she wandered to the back.Ya’ll headed to a table as he sat on his phone as you readed a recent magazine.

“Hey Duke.”

“Hmm”

“Your kids want a dog. Your husband wants a dog.But you hate dogs. To compromise do you?A. Get a dog.B. Get an angry, but friendly, rabbit.C. Mount a deer head above your bed and sleep more.D. Study for your doctorate in philosophy.”

“What?”

“Just answer the question”

“Kinda hard to answer when I like dogs”

“Just answer or i'll hit you”

“Well I suppose I have to answer if you're threatening me.I’ll pick A and just find a way to cope.”

“Boring.”

“What would you pick then?”

“D so i can slowly terrorize them on why you shouldn’t get a dog.If that doesn’t work just throw them all away.”

“In your world it really is your way or the highway huh.”

As y'all laughed you slowly heard noise.Quickly you stopped laughing and looked around the area.Duke picking up on your silence noticed the noise too.After a moment y’all looked at eachother fixing to shrug it off seeing as it went quiet.

Next think you know you hear the loudest moan and sex noises that followed throughout the library.Yall quickly got up and exited the library passing by the librarian that came back with your book orders.

“Wait, what about your books!!”

“Just mail it,I'll pay online!!”

Your Apartment

By now it had gone dark out and you guys decided to have a sleepover movie night.You changed into the batman logo pants and forced him to wear the hello kitty pants with a top of y'all choice.Duke instied on picking a movie(no doubt a horror) while you got the facemasks,Nails supplies,and takeout with small snacks.

“Don’t move your hands, you're going to mess up the nail polish.”

“But i'm hungry”

“Calm down, it's almost dry.Jeez you're more dramatic than me.”

“*sigh* Then can I take off the face mask? I already hit my quota for the amount of photos you took.”

“Fine.Hold still while I do it.”

“Ow!That hurt woman!”

“Calm down you tiddy baby.I’m almost done peeling it off.”

“Why me”

“Stop talking shit.”

“But i was-nevermind…”

After you painfully pulled off the mask yall sat to watch the movie.You decided to take pity on him and hand fed him(totally not because you hate horror movies)despite it making a mess.

Soon y'all heard a disturbance outside.Not to surprising seeing as you live in Gotham.You both get up from the couch to open the window to look at the commotion.You see Green Ivy pass by your window causing destruction again for world peace or something.With Batman and Robin following close after.You face showed a blank expression as you closed the window,dragging Duke back to the couch to continue y’alls hang out.

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

"medical debt can't be used to determine your credit"

Cool. Riddle me piss, batman. Why is there still medical debt? Answer quickly. If you bring up Republican obstruction I'll remind you you had two years before that was a problem.