#toddler quote

[redadidassneakers]

Wolfstar raising Harry

Harry: *watching Remus pour Coca-Cola down the sink* what are you doing?

Remus: I’m using this to dissolve whatever gunk is clogging the drain

Harry: cool, do you think it will dissolve the screwdriver that’s down there?

Remus: the fucking what?

[cowboysandpilots]

Iceman: why are there little handprints all over the walls?

Mav, whispering: why are there little handprints all over the walls?

Bradley, whispering: because I have little hands.

Maverick: because he has little hands

[marionluth]

Tony coaching 3-yo-Morgan how to handle her big feelings after a tantrum, while Peter watches.

Tony: It’s okay to feel angry, Morgan. We all feel angry sometimes. But do we smash our water bottles on the item or person that made us angry? No, we don’t! Now, remember how we spoke about blowing out our finger-candles when we feel mad to help us feel calmer?

Morgan: Daddy, that’s stupid

Harley: Yo, tell him, girl. We're not blowing out finger-candles when we're angry. We flip off fingers!

Tony: * death glare at Harley before turning back to Morgan *

Baby, we don't say stupid! Stupid is a Harley word. Can you think of a mommy word to use instead?

Morgan: *scrunching up her nose in thought* The one mommy uses when you and Petey and Harley make something essplode in the lab…

Harley:

Tony:

Peter:

Morgan: Uhm… Mo… Mormonic!

Peter: *snickers*

Harley: * spurts out his red bull laughing *

Tony: *fighting to keep a straight face* “I think it’s Bluey time!”

Morgan: Yaaaay! Bluey!

Peter: I think you handled that very well!

Tony: And I think you’ll end up on manual dishwashing duty, if you don’t fix your face!

Peter: Nuh, I gotta go. Take it out on Harley.

Harley: *flips Peter off, still coughing*

Tony: I'm too old for this sh...poo.

Peter: See you later. And don’t let the kid’s brain entirely melt with the blue horror show. You know it only gives her torture ideas!

Tony: Beat it, webhead!

Harley: *still coughing up his lungs*

Tony: * to Morgan, sitting next to her to watch Bluey * What is your brother talking about, nano-hulk? Bluey rocks!

Morgan: * evil toothy grin * I wanna play mount mumanddad!

Harley: Yaaaay!

Tony: * whimpers *

[noyzinerd]

Smol Eli: Dada? Can I watch Funny Man again?

Derek: Funny Man?

Stiles: Sure, kiddo. *Puts on a Friday The 13th movie*

Smol Eli: Yay! Funny Man!

Derek: Um???

Stiles: Don't freak out. I haven't turned him into a sociopath, if that's what you're worried about. He's far too innocent to be corrupted that easily.

Derek: Okay, then do you mind telling me what he finds so funny abou-?!

Smol Eli: HAHAHA! Silly lady! Not s'pose ta fall 'sleep on da stairs!

Derek :...Ah. I see.

Smol Eli: Funny Man, you're so bad at hockey! 🤣

[restingdomface]

Wei Wuxian: Day three-hundred and forty-seven of Put Your Fierce Corpse To Work Day

Wen Ning: *selling radishes in the background*

Wei Wuxian: We on that struggle bus. Next week I’m gonna teach my four year old to pick pocket and how to tell if someone’s got money.

Jiang Cheng: …this is why I hate visiting you.

Wei Wuxian: Fair!

[redadidassneakers]

Wolfstar raising Harry

Sirius: I’ll have two chocolate chip cookies please

Harry: *who’s playing in his plastic kitchen* that’ll be £10. Or you can get four chocolate chip cookies for £20!

Sirius: that doesn’t sound like a deal to me

Harry: *yelling* NO ONE SAID IT WAS

Sirius: . . . Four chocolate chip cookies would be great

Remus: it’s okay, I payed £50 for a hamburger without the fries

Harry: *shrugging* the dog ate them

[fruittarts-with-rosepetals]

Mai:what's mommy's name? toddler izumi: Mommy Zuko:what's daddy's name? Toddler Izumi(imitating mai): ZUKOO

[padawansuggest]

Cody: -and that’s why I think you and me work together, okay! I love you and I’m tired of pretending I don’t, the war is over and the Jedi are clearly allowed to have partners-

Obi-Wan: *gently places a finger on Cody’s lips* babe. You already got my prostate throbbing when you asked me to raise a kid with you, yes. I love you too.

Cody: *blushy blushy* Oh, um, okay, well, that’s good, I think I’ll just go put the kids to bed, I think Reva and Boba are hitting growth spurts, they’ve been more violent than normal today.

Obi-Wan: Okay, I’ll go put Boga back in her cavern, she’ll hopefully sleep through the night. I know I don’t intend to.

Cody: *freaking tripping over himself as he tries to act normal*

[skydaemon]

the Mithraeum during Nona the Ninth: a summary

[redadidassneakers]

Wolfstar raising Harry

Harry: *doing homework* is there a word that’s a mix between mad and sad?

Remus: there’s disgruntled, miserable, desolated, malcontented-

Sirius: smad

[padawansuggest]

Obi-Wan: *hangover drunk but not blackout drunk in an elevator* Hey, did you know I can do a standing split?

Cody: *has tapped that before, has had 15 cups of caff and is vibrating into a new reality* Haven’t seen it but I assumed.

Rex: People ask why I don’t wanna go to the bar with you two.

Anakin: *filming Obi-Wan trying to crawl the wall like an exorcist scene* We’ve been stuck in this elevator since the last gymnastics you did, Obi-Wan, maybe stick to the floor?

Obi-Wan: Okay. Cody get on the floor with me.

Cody: Why??

Obi-Wan: I don’t wanna float away.

Cody: Noah Fence. But if I sit down right now I might implode.

Rex: I’m so embarrassed to know them. I would actually rather die than be rescued from the same elevator with these two.

Anakin: *holds up his saber* I mean, at this point it might be worth Padme paying for the damages-

Obi-Wan: *starting to cry cause Cody won’t cuddle*

Cody: *humming at an alarming volume In overstimulation*

Rex: I don’t even care anymore, get us out of here so I can bleach my brain. Now.

Anakin: On it, boss!

[gaylactic-fire]

Constantly fighting between "children are so much smarter than we give them credit for, and if I have to read another fic where a five year old does goo goo ga ga speak I'm going to crush my skull with a comically large hammer" and "a five year old would not fucking say that. How are you all falling for this??"

[nightwalker6200]

I feel like Gojo would definitely be the type of “dad” to argue with a 6-year-old Megumi. Tsumiki would have to calm them both down in the end… or Gojo getting drunk with Shoko and Nanami one night, crying over his argument with Megumi like, “… and then he called me an idiotic brat! But I’m right… I was right! Right?!” And Nanami would just stare at him as Shoko took a drag on her cigarette like, “… He’s 6, Gojo. Why would you argue with a 6-year-old?”

Gojo: “Because he said Power Rangers were dumb, Ieiri!!”

[redadidassneakers]

Lily: *handing Harry an etch-a-sketch* this is what mummy and daddy used to play with before the internet

Harry: it’s a caveman iPad!

James: wait, he’s into something there

[criminalmindsgonewrong]

emily: if you get in trouble for this, I'm gonna be like... a lawyer to you. ok?

morgan: ok ok

*later*

hotch: morgan, sit down on the chair, you're in trouble.

emily, whispering: deny everything.

morgan, loudly: that isn't a chair.