#wizards are dumb

[chunkymilk96]

I feel like if a Muggle born that went to Hogwarts would say abracadabra while waving their Wand as a joke or something, and the bunch of purebloods And half bloods raised in the Wizarding world would freak out since it sounds so similar to Avada Kedavra

[starr-angelofnarnia]

HOW WERE THE DURSLEYS NEVER INVESTIGATED FOR CHILD ABUSE?!?!

WHY DID NOBODY BOTHER TO CHECK IN ON HARRY FOR 10 BLOODY YEARS?!?!

IF SO MANY PEOPLE THOUGHT VOLDEMORT WOULD COME BACK, WHY DIDN'T THEY DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT?!?!

Alright, I'm done. But seriously. Wtf man? He wizarding world lacks a lot of common sense

[crowreys-wormstache]

Happy skeleton war 2022!

*casts spell of Maggots In Your Bone Marrow, And You Can Feel Them Wriggle*

Victory for wizard-kind!

HAHA FOOLISH WIZARD DUMB DUMB

I had ADHD before joining the ranks of the (superior) skeleton army! I always felt worms wriggling in my bones! This is nothing new and will not stop me or slow me down.

*throws a tooth grenade at you. instead of shrapnel you are showered with sharp teeth*

Skeletons will prevail!

[ruushes]

sleeping arrangements (not sure tara would ever actually deign to sleep in the same 20ft radius as shovel but who can resist those big shiny insectoid black eyes 🥺)

plus:

[precariouswizardry]

[http-wolfstar]

Moony got a widdle flustered

[the-gnomish-bastard]

Some of you didn’t seem to understand how magic works in the sense of how you can access it. I’ll explain again.

If you gain magical power from making a deal with a more powerful being, you are a warlock. Sneaky lawyer.

If you gain magical power through teachings and studies, you are a wizard/artificer. (Artificers usually gain power through experimentation.)

If you gain magical power by pledging yourself to a cause, being, or idea, you are a paladin. Pretentious bitch.

If you gain magical power by praising a higher deity (and not making a deal), you are a cleric. Heal someone.

If you have magical power and you didn’t do anything to gain it, you are a sorcerer. Fuck you. Seriously, fuck you. The rest of us had to work for our shit.

If you gain magical power by protecting nature and caring for plants and animals, you are a Druid. Fucking hippie.

If you gain magical power from your desire to entertain and also fuck, you are a bard. Stop trying to seduce my dad.

[bowelfly]

a wizard offers you a hit. wyd

[benevolenterrancy]

(Unseen Academicals, Terry Pratchett) I think Shang Qinghua and Ponder Stibbons should have tea and compare notes about somehow accumulating so much behind-the-scenes power by doing menial jobs no one else wants that they could basically run the show if they wanted...

meanwhile we have Shen "meh good enough" Qingqiu

[100percentwoollenbreasts]

Me when people misgender a He/Him Friend

[adharastarlight]

The James Oblivious Potter Chronicles Pt1

James: people are so stuipd

Sirius: whats up prongs?

James: someone in potions just said you and moony were dating! Just because he's into dudes and youre gay doesnt mean youre dating?!

Sirius: James-

James: that would be like saying Marls and Cas are dating just because theyre lesbians

Sirius: uhm, James-

James: dont worry, i told them you're just friends

Sirius: WHAT!?

Remus walks in and he looks so hurt and a little pissed: we're... friends now are we?

Sirius: no- no, mon amour- no, james is just a fucking moron

James: what... wait are you two...?

Sirius and Remus: yes!?!

Sirius: for like five months!?!

James: WHAT

Remus: we kiss in front of you all the time???

Sirius: we're constantly holding hands???

Remus: we go on dates like constantly???

Sirius: I told you I want to marry him!?!

James: I thought that was in a best friend way!!!

Sirius:

Remus:

James: wait so are marls and cas...?

Sirius: Yes!!!

Remus: james who the- what- how-

James: WHO ELSE!?!

Sirius: crouch and rosier, pandora and emmeline, lily and mary???

James: ohhhh... what about Regulus?

Remus, grinning: no one, why?

James:

Sirius:

James: so you guys are dating, should i... buy you a plant?

[chunkymilk96]

Small muggle child with a stick: abracadabra

A random wizard: DEAR MERLIN THAT CHILDS TRYING TO CAST THE KILLING CURSE

[ecstarry]

@jegulus-microfic / more / 272 words / @fromagony @star4daisy

Sirius had been standing for five minutes outside his own dorm trying to figure out if opening the door would be something he would regret for the rest of his life. He could hear James and Regulus talking, he could even understand what they were saying.

“James, I want more,” his brother insisted with a pouting voice.

“Regulus, you’re getting greedy,” James said and Sirius could hear his best friend smirking. 

“I will let you know when it’s enough, Jamie.” 

“Last time you couldn’t even move after you finished.” Sirius felt sick.

“I don’t care about that. I want more now.”

Sirius couldn’t take it anymore and opened the door at once.

“Stop!” Sirius demanded loudly with one hand covering his eyes. 

“Pads, what are you doing?” James said, laughing at him. 

Slowly, Sirius opened his eyes and saw through his finger. 

“Oh.”

Regulus and James were sitting on the floor over a blanket, each with a plate full of pasta in front of them. James was holding a cheese grater over Regulus’ dish. 

“Everything okay, brother?” 

“I thought- What were you guys talking about?” Sirius asked, still trying to ground himself. 

“My boyfriend over here conveniently forgets he’s lactose intolerant when it comes to parmesan cheese.”

“Oh! That’s why he couldn’t move after he finished…” Sirius muttered to himself. However, not quietly enough to keep Regulus from hearing him and burst out in laughter. 

“You’re a perv! Now leave, because I do have plans to do exactly what you were thinking about.” Regulus stood up and pushed him out the door. 

Sirius did not wait to listen to them this time.

[standingappa]

headcannon that albus is a math genius he just never knew because they don’t teach fucking math at hogwarts

[wizardbusinesscomic]

[jellyjamheadobb]