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Hey oh, my shitty Star Trek themed blog.

Ok, this looks Star Wars but I promise it’s Star Trek.

If you want to see Star Trek everywhere but where it should be, plus some, and you have crap humor like me, you’ll like it!

When you’re beamed up to the wrong ship:

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Part 44 of Dots?

No one steals Jason’s Dots.

This is just another typical night at the Wayne/Kent family game night. BYOD(ots). Who stole them?

Tim of course.

He doesn’t even like them.

He put them in Jon’s bag which Jay discovered during his thorough, very important investigation. War broke between Dami and Jason. Sides were picked. Alfred wasted everyone when a glass was dropped straining the white carpet.

And it was all a distraction for Tim to get the last piece of Martha’s apple pie.

I can’t really say it’s a catchphrase because he isn’t really saying it I guess but if you’ve been following along, Jay is eating them a lot and in my hc I consider it his thing.

And if you haven’t been reading them, this is still something Jason would a hundred percent do.

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*snaps glove on* bend over and…

They would totally do this, can’t tell me else wise, nope.

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Part 43 of the war of tire skids?

Tim, fresh out of the shower and glowing, took his seat in Jason’s lap and reclined back to enjoy the rest of his evening.

Life was good.

He gave a big exhale to let loose and, for once in his life, worked towards having a good nights sle-

Tim started as it hit him. It hit him smack dab in the middle of his face. He instantly grabbed it tearing it down because he didn’t know what it was but in this household it was probably nothing good. Cloth gathered in his fingers as he pulled it to his lap. As his head fell to catch a glimpse at it, his eyes narrowed. Jason felt Tim’s chest rising, his breath quickening, his ticking time bomb ever nearing.

Tim: why the actual FUCK was poop stained underwear thrown at my face?!

The room was silent. It started with Damian. He pointed at Dick. Dick was already pointing at Jon before Damian’s hand could fully rise as he had predicted the betrayal. Jon, having heard his movement, had flashed his accusing finger out at Jason. Jason, who loved to instigate and would jump at a chance to embarrass his old man, jabbed a finger at Bruce. Bruce widened his eyes, his hand sideways as he was blaming Kon. Kon, eating it up, was waving both fingers over his dad’s head. Clark, the only honest and trustworthy worthy man in the room, was timidly gesturing his fat finger down in a little wave to Oliver the pig.

Tim’s eyes widened.

Tim: Damian! Your pig threw underwear at me!

Damian, ducking down as he glared at Clark in shock: tsk! As if! He’s far better mannered than these idiots!

That is true, Tim realized. Then if the pig didn’t do it, who would? Clark wasn’t one too lie. It was suspicious, but he also wasn’t one to be childish and throw nasty ass undies. He was covering for someone. Either his children…

Tim: Bruce! How could you.

Bruce, choking: you think I’d touch those things! I don’t even go near my own laundry!

True, true. Sometimes Alfred had to wipe that man’s ass because he’s so fragile. It’s a good thing Talia raised Damian.

Tim pinched the band of the underwear out exposing the tire skid in the whities. Everyone scrunched their faces in disgust but he was searching for who had a different type of uncomfortable.

Jon shifted into Damian.

Tim: Jon!

Damian: no.

Tim: it was!

Damian: ew, no, I’d dump him.

Tim: so then Kon!

Kon: bro, you’re better than this.

Tim screamed, flung the underwear out into the middle of the air. Everyone ran, shoved each other aside as they tried to avoid it. It was a war, a free for all. Clark sacrificed Jon as his shoved him down into the couch which knocked Damian over the arm. Bruce hopped over the edge, found Dick in the way struggling to get around the pig and kicked him so he folded in half over it allowing him to jump over them. Jason snatched Tim’s waist as he threw his arm over the couch and tucked and rolled saving Tim from a similar fate to what he’s already experienced. Kon leaned against the wall as he videotaped the glorious wonder live.

Then it landed.

**:aaaaaeeeghhhhhhh!

Later

Clark slipped into bed as he pulled the covers back. Bruce lowered his tablet as he faced forward while Clark laid down.

They sat in silence a moment.

Bruce: are we ever going to tell him?

Clark: that it was my underwear I was trying to get back from the dog and I pulled to hard flinging it in his face?

Clark:

Clark: no. No we are not.

Tim fell from a duct in the ceiling making Clark scream. He latched to Clark rolling him off of the bed as he tried attacking him with a pair of Dicks nasty socks. As Clark was screeching, Bruce returned to his tablet.

Clark reached his hand up, it grasped to the bed.

Clark: Bruce! Help.

Bruce had a quick flashback to Dick snatching his ankle, effectively tripping him allowing the pair of underwear to fall on his head.

Bruce: nah. I don’t think I will. In fact.

Bruce reached to his left across the bed, opened a drawer pulling out a little kryptonite ring. He then stretched the other way across the bed and slipped the ring onto Clark’s middle finger. Clark cried as he fell limp. Detecting it, Tim shot up snatching his arm tearing him back down.

Bruce: do me proud Timmy boy.

Clark: ahhh- eeekkk- ah, isshh in mah mawth! I cahn taeth dick! Ith fawl.

Bruce: that’s what she said.

The next day dick was grounded for betraying Bruce, and Damian left a piece of pig poop in Clark’s shoe for betraying his pig when he’d covered for him. The video went viral and everyone was put to shame, Kon was never seen again.

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Part 42 of Fatherwifeleatherbabygirl ?

The night when Bruce and RB’s Bruce switched places.

Og post:

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Kirk wooing Bones

This. This is my peak humor. And it isn’t even funny. In fact it’s awful.

I could have made it longer and easier to understand but I didn’t. I just didn’t. Bones wouldn’t let me.

You’re welcome.

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If the last season of Hazbin Hotel isn’t a cross over with Helluva Boss and they aren’t trying to rehabilitate Blitzo and the others imma be so let down. The promising plot you could have throwing these characters together, Charlie trying to get Blitzo to be good, Alastor and Blitz’s behaviors conflicting, I mean it’d be gold handed to them.

Plus I heard Amazon picked up Helluva Boss? I just hope that it doesn’t mean it’ll water it down. I feel like YouTube lets it have more free rein with the humor and all.

But Stolas and Charlie would so get along and Millie and Moxie would have such antics with the others.

I need this yall, even for one episode, PLEASE!

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Part 41 of I bought it, it’s mine?

Dick rummaged through the fridge. For a house where Alfred did all of the shopping only, some reason everything was claimed. There were yogurts sharpied by Jason, fruits sticky noted by Damian, cheese sticks individually named by Bruce. There wasn’t a damn thing without a claim on it!

And the shopping had just been done seventeen minutes ago!

Grumbling, Dick considered who he could take on best and what was most worth the fight. As he rummaged around, he noticed one thing- not one item had Tim’s name on it. They didn’t need Tim’s name, of course. Tim could take anyone’s item and no one would dare say a thing if they wanted to on continue living.

Dick wished he could inflict that kind of impact on others… he shivered.

Dick tucked his lips in, reached to the back of the fridge. His hands grasped a plastic jug, pulled it out. As he held it up, he realized that it had a whole heavy ass steel dead bolt lock on it.

Who- who even, what?

Dick, calling into the house: who the fuck dead bolt locks the handle of a jug of orange juice?

Bruce, calling from the parlor next door: it’s Alfred’s for his mimosas! Put it right back where you found it if you don’t want all of us to suffer; because if we suffer, I’ll magically appear whenever you and Kon are together effectively cock blocking you for a month.

Dick shoved the jug back into the fridge as he mimicked Bruce’s words. He tapped the handle of the fridge door with resentment. Then he snatched a handful of cheese sticks and stormed away.

(Seriously, if someone could tell me how to link the parts together and rename them as previous part, next part, I’d love you. I can’t find a video and I need like the most simple step by step directions cus apparently google is useless. (people don’t wanna be going through my whole page looking for parts either.) and stop stealing my cheese sticks dick).

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Merbros in chibi form

Timmy giving Jason a starfish to breathe underwater… he better do it soon, bros losing air.

Anyways,

I don’t have any sort of digital device to draw on and I wanted something to add color to my art.

If you’ve been following my art journey, you know I can’t color worth shit.

This is my first time water coloring since like, high school? I realize I need to paint a lot thinner, the skin ended up dark on Tim, but that was also the first thing I painted on the picture.

I also haven’t drawn chibi’s in a long while.

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McSpirk.

I drew this imagining them cross dressing, but Spock having naturally long hair here. Having a secret pampering session as they share gossip and do face masks and all.

I previously posted this but took it down because I want feeling my story with it.

Just gunna skip my story this time.

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The reason people can’t look at my phone is because if they go into my photos, one will be hamsters fighting and the next will be Mel pegging Jayce as he’s fucking his twink Viktor.

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I am the Mastermind!

The original:

With a few extra characters:

The background is the pilot hotel.

Anyways, a merge of my two favorite shows with, if you cant tell, Alastor was the center muse. Apparently some characters can duplicate which is terrifying for hell. It happens like gremlins too, you add water to them and poof- more Alastors, more Vox’s, Moxxie’s and Luci’s . Just don’t feed the radio demon raw meat after midnight.

He’ll become a cannibal.

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Part 40 of daily interactions of pets?

Things overhead by the Kent’s that Damian tells his animals (quoted by my family to our actual animals).

Clark passed Damian’s bathroom.

Damian: and here we have the majestic emperor penguin!

Clark peaked in. He wouldn’t have held it against the boy to have kidnapped a penguin for the zoo (or the Antarctic). It was indeed not an emperor penguin. It was a tuxedo cat getting a bath.

—-

Jon sat in the kitchen with Damian as they waited for Alfred to make cake. Cats, hoards of cats were brushing up along Damian’s legs like the crazy cat teenager he was.

Damian ignored them as the kittens climbed up his sweats and shirt up his back as he stayed focused on his phone.

Damian: you guys are coming to me like you want something.

Oh, so he was paying attention-

Damian: and the only thing I can give you is bad advice.

Jon: ?

—-

Kon saw Damian stare at a parakeet in the corner of the manors library. Parakeet was staring back.

Parakeet: tweet.

Damian: le twitter has spoken.

—-

Clark was walking to Bruce’s room passing Damian’s.

Damian: keep your penis off my bed!

Clark, internally: that better not be to my son.

Dog: bark!

Clark sighed in relief.

—-

Jon and Kon excitedly held Damian’s bearded dragon as he cleaned his home.

Damian: alright, you can put him back!

Jon gently set him on a flat rock. The Beardie then ensued to run forward and leapt up off over the edge of the sun bathing platform down into his little sofa.

Damian: I think he’s forgotten how to dragon.

—-

Kon, hearing snorts, had to get a gander at the newest addition to the Wayne family. As he came into the home theatre he saw a giant pot belly pig. It was on a seat next to Damian as they watched Charlottes Web.

Damian picked up a piece of popcorn handing it over but the pig dove down and lapped up his drink. Damian froze.

Damian: not again! Dammit Oliver! he’s a serial straw licker!

—-

Clark now hesitantly avoided Damian’s room as he went by, wishing very much Bruce’s room was in the different direction. He clung to the wall as he passed.

Damian: Stop being gay!

Clark paused. That seemed a bit biased coming from someone who is joyriding his son’s wand.

Tim: fuck you Damian! You let your animals be queer!

Damian: they are cute! You arent. You and Jason are obnoxious-

Clark sighed with relief again. Ah, he’s talking to them. That, sadly, makes so much more sense.

Clark continued on, wondering what would happen when Damian had a child.

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part 39 of wheeze?🍆👂

Jason, slipping a ring pop on Tim’s finger at the candy store: marry me.

Tim, bawling: yes, a thousand times yes!

Damian: can they get a divorce yet?

Clark: Damian, that’s not nice. You should be happy those two are in such love.

Damian, watching Jason shove Tim aside into a wall as he saw a giant box of dots: who?

Clark, sighing fondly: some times I want to marry.

Damian shot his eyes up to Clark. Saw him eyeing Bruce who was looking down through a pair of readers at a bag of hard caramel granny candies.

Damian: yeah, no. I don’t want to be a Kent.

Clark sighed again, this time knowingly about to lay down the most traumatic thing he’d ever tell one of the Wayne kids.

Clark: you have a Kent in you everytime you visit, Damian. It’s only a matter of time you become one of us.

Damian: what.

Clark: I do have superhearing bud. Unfortunately, I know things some fathers don’t want to know.

Damian:

Dick:

Tim: …sluts.

Damian: aaAaaAaaAAAAhhhhHHHhh I am never coming over again! I am vowing celibacy! I am becoming a man of faith.

Jon, popping up beside him: hey, wanna come over tonight?

Damian:… yeah, ok.

Clark pulled out his phone and opened up his shopping list. He added two things to the things to pick up on the way home. A box of condoms that his idiot son thinks magically appear in his bathrooms closet and a pair of ear plugs.

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They just did a McCoy question on Jeopardy!

He’s worth 2000 in my opinion, but he’s made it, he’s really made it!

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Wayne family portrait!

It’s hard to get the Wayne’s together for a family photo and this time Alfred had to use some help- the Kent’s. It didn’t hurt that they were practically family anyways. The objective of their mission: gather the Wayne’s for the portrait- even if it means they look like shit- when they’re at their weakest before they go to bed.

Jason, in on the plan, was the first to show. He brought a sleeping Tim along who refused to wake. When it was time to take the photo Tim didn’t want down and he’s reaching for upsies (and may or may not be burrowing his face into Jason’s man titties).

Dick arrives next. He flirts with Kon so sickingly much it makes Jason want to hurl. Kon is so babygirl.

Clark drags Bruce along. Like Tim, Bruce has been inconveniently woken from bed but he’s exhausted from back to back night patrols and staying up days on end taking care of toddler men. He is not enthused to have to now entertain a puppy Clark and will not be picking up after his messes nor amuse his leg humping.

Last minute, Jon comes flying in with Damian who had gotten wind of the family picture and had cuffed himself to his bed and clung to the frame. When Jon began taking it with them, Damian had to last minute bail. Yes, his sweats are tucked into his socks.

Will there ever be a family photo again? Not like this one.

This took me stupidly long to make. I did the outlines one day then got back pain. Like crippling back pain. I pushed through and did the first couple. Jon was done in like thirty seconds but Damian took a bit longer. Next day was Tim and Jason. Tim. Timmy, Tim, Tim. Couldn’t get his waist to leg ratio right because I drew it wrong to begin and I was too lazy to redo it. And his heads big. But I’m lazy. If I’d do a second draft I’d fix it but I probably won’t. Tim’s got a big head anyways. Oh, and don’t look at any of their hands, none of them, don’t! No! But the next day I got to dick, kon, Bruce and Clark and I was feeling so much better. I think you can tell too because my art is better. I mean, I think at least. Their faces look nicer. Except for Bruce, he looks like shit. Bruce is a poor teenage dad with grown men sons.

Edit: dammit, this is a first draft. I’m seeing a bajillion things I don’t like about it… but still please like and support so I don’t give up because I have low self esteem and each like supports (it doesn’t) my mentality (it’s already gone).

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Part 38 of is that French? 🐽🩹

(I spent forever on this one to not end up anywhere but with Damian’s pants down. It’s really bad haha)

Tim trudged into the bathroom. It was ten in the morning, there was far too much noise and commotion coming from in there, and he had a bag ready to throw over his boyfriend’s head to help him go back to sleep.

Just for a little bit. A few hours. Days. Weeks. He’d come back. He’s always talking about wanting to die again anyways.

As he shuffled past the threshold yawning with his heavy eyes closed, he raised the bag over his head and whipped it down creating a balloon. It caught and he felt that fight. Fell against his idiots back.

Tim: shh, shh. It’s ok. It’ll all be over soon. Then we can both go sweepy-

Jason: Tim?

Tim shot up. Kept his hands tight around whoever he’d caught as he stared at his husband who was sitting on their vanity’s counter. Jason had a face of horror.

Jason: we’re- were you going to suffocate me to sleep?

Tim, shrugging it off as he shook his head dismissively: huh, psh! No, of course not! I was sleep walking! …No? I was catching an intruder!

The person elbowed him. He grunted, released them and they whipped the bag off. He sneered at them then covered his mouth to hide the smirk as he realize he’d bagged Bruce.

Tim: I was practicing one of my new moves! What do you two think?

Jason narrowed his eyes on him. He was one hundred percent positive Tim had been trying to take him out but couldn’t prove it.

Jason: with a plastic bag?

Tim: yeah? Gothams riddled with them? It helps the recycling issue. Win-win.

Jason crossed his arms shaking his head.

Bruce:… I like it.

Jason tilted his head at Bruce in disbelief, his brows furrowed. Jason was generally the gullible one when it came to the family but when he was next to Bruce, he looked like a damn genius.

Jason: you do?

Bruce, rubbing his chin: I do. Using items we find on the street definitely it tactical.

Bruce tussled Tim’s hair as he began to leave. Tim blushed, his mouth forming this weird wiggling half smile half frown. Jason paused in confusion.

Bruce: very good Timmy. Always coming up with such good ideas. And not bad getting the better of me. Your skills are improving.

As he left and Tim lowered his head, Jason sighed. Why’d Tim have to be so cute when getting appraisal like that and worse, why’d it have to make Jason into a pervert and turn him on?

Tim: I was going to knock you out.

Jason: I know.

Tim: what were you two doing?

Jason: he’d taken all of my biore strips and bought me new ones.

Tim, sniffling: is that French?

Jason snorted as he reached out plucking Tim’s collar and dragging him in.

Jason: cmon, let’s give you a pampering.

Tim: I’m allergic to croissants.

Jason: no you’re not.

Bonus (if you are satisfied with the above don’t read because the below is pure crack)

Jason ran into Dicks room. It was a matter of seconds before he’d be caught up to. Dick, who was face timing Kon, waved his hands confused.

Dick: hello? I’m busy here.

Jason: busy being a bitch.

Dicks jaw dropped but he didn’t have time to respond as something small was tossed onto his bed. It was light, like paper, in fact it was paper, a corner torn off in a hurry. He heard a thud. His eyes lifted from it just in time to see Jason being dragged out the door, a shadow with glowing eyes dragging his legs.

Jason: make sure Damian gets to see it!

Eery silence pursued. Dick didn’t want to look. He didn’t want that fate. He stared down at that piece of paper on the corner of his bed. He didn’t want to look-

-

Dick: Damian!

Damian started, yanked his comforter up as Dick slammed his rooms door open.

Damian, blushing: knock!

Dick: there are no boundaries in this house Damian! If you want to do unholy things you’re better off in the Kent’s house! They might hear it but they’ll respect your privacy.

Damian: what the actual fuck! Get out!

Dick only neared further. Damian tucked into a ball. Dick tossed a small piece of paper on the bed. Damian clenched his jaw.

Damian: you did not come in here for this.

Dick: I did. I did break into your room catching you with your pants down for this. And Damian. It’s important. It’s so important. Give it to-

Dick fell to the floor with a thump. Damian didn’t even sit up as he heard nails scraping against the wood as he was being dragged out. He knew who had him and whatever the reason was he wanted no part of.

Except that piece of paper. Why was it so important?

Dammit.

Damian ducked down snatching it up. As he held it up he gave it a quick scan. It had three words. Tim was crying. Tim was crying? It sounded mean, but, Tim was crying? The man that made Clark Kent bawl over that hang in there cat poster because he told him the cat did, indeed, not hang in there? The man who sent Joker pissing in his pants because he’d taunted him playing Rebecca Blacks Friday on repeat for thirteen hours, that Tim?

Tim actually cried.

Bull.

What could possibly break a man like that? Who?

Fingers clasped around Damian’s ankles and in that moment he had one sole thought.

He really wished he’d pulled his pants up.