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New ao3 JayTim fanfic!

Golden One by mydearestbrat

Vampire Au Batman fanfic

Explicit nsfw

Premise 👇

Jason x Tim

Bruce x Clark

Jason pov, third person and spaced between paras.

More details and couples to come as it unravels. Some characters are in tags.

I’m working hard on it and too much time on this picture yall. At least please like and spread this so others can see it who might be into this!

Premise:

The Golden One.

Tim Drake. A human with a rare blood type.

Jason Todd had found him and he wont let him go. He has plans for him and his useful blood: to end his horrible POS immoral life that stretches back thousands of years. Tim has the blood to do it and Jason can take it at any moment… but he doesn’t.

Why?

Because Tim Drake might just be the love of his life too. And the cost of taking his blood and ending his immortality would be taking Tims life.

All Jason can do is hold out and hope he can find a way he can have both and to do that he turns to his own Master but with a rarity like Tim, can he even trust him? Or will he have to take drastic measures

Link

https://archiveofourown.org/works/67046419/chapters/173099608?view_adult=true

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Bonus part c (pre marriage skit)

Jason is a big pop culture enthusiast. He knows every major motion picture, every cult classic, and can quote the most iconic lines. Tim? Not so much. It leads to some interesting scenarios in their love life.

Tim sits on the edge of the bed after getting out of the shower. It’s the first time he’s let Jason stay over after a night together. Jason is trying not to intensely watch as Tim pulls out a bottle of lotion- key word trying. Tim is aware of his eyes though. Pauses. It frustrates Jason who wants to watch Tim lather up his beautiful legs. A few moments pass as Tim is waiting for Jason to look away, nervous from his anticipation.

Jason, breaking: it rubs the lotion on its skin.

Tim:

Jason, in disbelief: it rubs the lotion on the skin. It does this whenever it is told.

Tim:

Jason: it rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.

Jason stares down at one of Damians cats on the floor, swoops it up and squeezes it.

Jason: yes, it will, Precious, wont it? It will get the hose!

Tim: good god.

Jason: now it places the lotion in the basket.

Tim: … what the fuck is happening here?

Jason: it places the lotion in the basket.

Tim: what the actual fuck is happening here?!

Jason, leaping on him as he fought for the lotion: PUT THE FUCKING LOTION IN THE BASKET!

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Part 65 of dropsies?

* this may or may not be how I was dropped as a baby

Damian watched Tim struggle. He was making Mac and cheese to prove he was a good parent even though everyone had told- begged him- not to because they didn’t want to die of food poisoning. It was going great. He had been trying to open the cheese pouch for seven minutes. Had been turning it every which way, pulling and pushing on the corners and sides and trying with his teeth and gnawing.

Damian wasn’t so sure it was even usable at this point.

Tim: fuck! It’s indestructible! And they expect kids to be able to open this?

Dick scoffed in utter shock as Bruce raised a concerned brow.

Alfred, confused: no? Master Tim?

Tim dropped his arms down as he panted in frustration.

Tim: no? Well, then how do you open it?

Alfred went to rise from the end of the long light wooden table in the kitchen but Tim snapped his fingers in warning so he sat back down in disappointment. Todd was laughing in amusement at Tim’s suffering. He was very much like his mother. Tim was fuming now, not the one used to being the the point of humiliation.

Tim: Jason!

Jason: cut it love! A knife. Scissors!

Tim paused a moment. Held the package out as he just stared down at it as if it most certainly hadn’t dawned upon him not even once to use knife or scissors to cut it. He then folded his lips in as he turned back around to the utensils block.

Damian: should we trust him with that? He’s a danger to himself. It’s almost as if he had been dropped on his head as a baby.

Tim was squeezing the processed cheese into the pan now. The noodles were sticking to the bottom of the pan and they all knew they’d be ordering out but none of that mattered. Tim’s silence spoke a million words.

Damian, tilting his heads: almost as if-

Tim whipped back as he tossed the silver package into the pot along with the knife. Alfred whimpered in distress.

Tim: I had been, alright!

Damian: 🙂🙃

Tim: my aunt had been bringing me to a day care and had slipped. I’d gone flying a bit and landed in snow. She’d panicked and the daycare worker and her checked me over. I was perfectly ok. But. I’d been dropped.

Bruce:😅

Dick:🥹

Jason:☺️

Damian:😂

Alfred: 😱

Baby Todd: 👶🍼🤱🏼😛😍

Tim: 😒

Bruce: it’s ok bud. Kids are often accidentally-

Tim: hmm?

Bruce: well, it’s normal-

Tim: what?

Dick: you don’t have to-

Tim: huh

Jason: it’s kinda cute-

Tim: what is?

Damian: don’t know what they mean.

Tim complacently grinned and clapped his hands.

Tim: whose idea was it to make this shit, tastes awful? Let’s get some seafood and Todd his bottle.

Jason, sneering as he watched Todd eye up Tim’s chest: I think he wants some milk.

Tim: you explain to him he has too dads. If he’s smart like me he’ll catch on. Unless he has your genes.

Jason: or he’s been-

——

Tim exhaustedly leaned on the counter as he waited for the bottle to cool down. Behind them, Jason was passed out across the table, Todd preoccupied as he full on slobbered Jason’s cheek. Moved onto his earlobe as he played with it tugging and yanking. Must be nice to be able to sleep through that. Tim rolled his eyes. Beside him, Alfred stared at his pot in solidarity.

Alfred: you know. I dropped him.

Tim shot his eyes to him.

Alfred: master Bruce that is. I dropped him. Twice. And even Bruce dropped Damian once.

A pop exploded behind them. Tim hissed a shriek as he curled in avoiding it but Alfred just stood there taking it full force. Damian stood there in shock, his jaw dropped.

Damian: who?

Tim widely and all too wickedly grinned.

Jason finally shot up in alarm, as delayed as it was. As he did, he brought his hand along his cheek in grogginess and felt the slobber. He groaned in disgust and began to wipe it up. Followed it along up to his ear but lit up for whatever stupid reason.

Jason: wet willy! My boy gave his first wet willy!

Tim turned bringing his head forward but Alfred placed his hand between it and the cupboard to spare the wood.

Alfred: careful young master. Your heads had enough damage.

Damian:

Damian: bwahahahahahahaha!

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I want more fan art of Jim Hopper just being trolled by Steve, Billy, and Eddie.

Don’t ask why.

It may or may not be inspiration for my fan fiction but more importantly because I love it.

Just Hopper having to listen to Steve blabbing endlessly about shit he has no clue what it’s even about nor cares.

Or Eddie’s stupid explanations on why he was caught selling again even though he didn’t even really ask.

Or Billy asking if he works out when he’s caught speeding. What’s the routine? What’s he eat? Gotta be that Atkins.

When Steve and Billy fight and Eddie’s rooting them on, enticing a crowd? Hopper just loves that.

He really loves being the shoulder through the break ups. He can handle that awkwardness great and offers amazing pats on the back.

What about Jon? He’s enthralled by all of those pictures of Nancy’s latest haircut. Worries about borderline obsession.

And Robin and Nancy? Hopper loves being a girl dad. He enjoys watching paint dry as he hears Nancy discuss the world’s events. Almost as much as Steve’s blabbing.

And Robin? Boy, Robin. He doesn’t even know what the fuck is going on with her but he’s pretty sure she was dropped at least three times as a child.

Hopper really does love these moments though. As much as he loves the usual brats like El and Will (not Mike), he loves the older kids too.

I want fan art of these moments more.

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Part 64 of extensions?

The boys were cleaning up Tim’s room since Alfred had given him the last warning. They weren’t sure what awaited after that warning but they weren’t stupid enough to find out.

As Tim dragged out the cleaning by going through his clothes, Damian was pulling things out of his closet to make space for his many things he hoarded. He spotted something the floor that made him pause. Crumpled, rectangle, a tell tale shape of a photo.

Snoopy, he lifted it up and turned it around. He then snorted. Tim shot his head up alarmed.

Dick: what you got?

Damian, holding it out between his fingers: a pick of your long haired days.

Dick, excitedly grabbing it: ooh, I miss those days-

He paused. As he did, Tim was blushing, his hand gripping a shirt tightly. Jason was eyeing him down, growing excited by the tension.

Dick: this isn’t me.

Jason was bubbling as Tim was tensing.

Damian: no?

Dick: this person looks like me but is way too small. In fact, it looks like…

Dicks eyes wandered to Tim, Damian’s following.

Jason dove for the photo, Tim for Jason. Jason shoved his hand down holding him back as he snatched the photo. He felt Tim hug his leg tightly.

He was in awe. Tim, his beautiful lean body in one of Dicks older suits. He was glancing back with such sultry eyes peering behind bangs of long flawless flat hair with a straight cut that Jason guessed was a wig or extensions. He was gorgeous; sort of really did look eerily like Dick but much more softer.

Dick: you dressed like me.

Tim: no!

Dick: is it because you admire me?

Tim: no!

Dick: you do! You really secretly admire me!

Tim was blushing hard now as his eyes were closed. Jason was now smitten with the real one before him.

Tim: not just you! I did it for all of you-

He blinked. Dick blinked. Jason blinked. Damian gagged.

Jason then slyly sneered.

Jason: like me, you say?

Tim gulped.

Damian stared at the ground as Jason and Dick dove into the closet looking for the rest of the photos, Tim trying to fight them for it.

Damian: even Bruce?

Previous post

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Part 63 of the Waynes/Kents as Spencer’s tshirts?

They’re shirts from Spencer’s. That sums it up. Based on my au.

Damian:

Tim:

Clark:

Dick:

Conner:

Jon:

Jason:

Bruce:

Bonus, Alfred:

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Bonus part B (pre marriage skits)

Mild nsfw

Jason yawned as Tim and him sat on top of a building out looking Gotham at the beginning of a Patrol. Tim kicked his legs back and forth.

Tim: you ever wonder what it’s like to fuck the guy who voices Optimus Prime?

Jason raised a brow as he glanced at him. Tim’s tips of his ears were bright pink, his fingers clutched tight in against the cement brick block he was on.

Ohh.

He faced back forward with a sly grin; well the best one he could manage with his excitement.

Jason: you mean that gravelly, deep, Canadian voice.

Tim bit his lip as he was starting to hover in. Jason withdrew a deep breath.

Jason: fuck, never thought I’d say that.

Tim: that a guys voice is sexy?

Jason chuckled as neared in for that kiss, felt that static building from the anticipation.

Jason, scoffing: fuck no. That a Canadian is.

Tim rolled his eyes as he shoved him back inwards onto the building.

——

Batman: Nightwing. Comms check.

Nightwing: here.

Batman, sighing: of course you are.

Nightwing: ?

Batman: Robin?

Robin: unfortunately I’m still in this shameful tight suit that no man our size should wear.

Batman: and you’ll always wear the damn thing if you want the job.

Damian: I think I’ve got a wedgie in my dick?

Damian: yeah, you do. I’m plucking it out now.

Batman: fuck my life, I never should have adopted.

Batman: Red Robin?

Silence.

Batman: Red Robin?

Silence.

Batman: again. fuck my life.

——

A males voice. Gruffy but also velvety, Canadian. Sexy. Never thought he’d think that. A Canadian, sexy.

Also, little moans, thumps.

Dick squeaked as he caught his brother defiling their pure littlest baby bird.

(Like home alone) Dick: Timmmmmmy!

Jason jumped but Tim clung to him as he growled like a possessive cat. Damian landed behind as he strode forward.

Dick: Damian! He’s fucking my son!

Damian: they’ve been dating, and not your son.

Dick: what?

Damian crossed his arms: B is coming.

Tim growled as he released Jason. Damian furrowed his brows as he heard the voice, followed it to the phone beside them.

Damian: are you guys fucking to the voice of Optimus Prime?

The Canadian thing is a joke guys. Canadians are sexy too.

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Part 62 of late baby shower?

Dick loosely held baby Todd in his lap as the little one tried rolling around to escape. The tv was on, kids cartoons blaring, but only Dick was watching as the others were prepping for the very late and long over due baby shower. He furrowed his brow as he watched a yellow puppet donkey.

Some reason it triggered something in him, something to do with hugs and puppets… something bad, but he couldn’t figure why…

He started a bit as he shrugged it off. Glanced down at the baby who was still trying at his escape as he’d nearly crawled out of his diaper at this point. Dick took him under his arms, pulling him back into his lap.

Dick: you guys ever notice that kid shows are extremely terrifying?

Tim paused from organizing Todd’s playpen for the day. He had become unusually serious ever since the baby had joined their lives, and anything that delt with their child was taken extremely seriously.

They’d learned that the hard way.

Clark was still recovering from holding him up too high when playing with him.

He glanced at the TV with his exhausted eyes. They hadn’t changed, looked as tired as ever with their bags; but they had a new layer of emptiness about them as if he wasn’t exactly there looking past them. Dick wondered if he hadn’t momentarily fallen asleep.

He abruptly returned back to diving into the play pen though.

Tim: it’s just how it is, Dick. Kids like weird shit. Find it funny. They like bright things, cute things, things that make weird noises, smelly things. It’s why he likes you so much.

… thanks?

Dick turned back to the TV. Lifted the remote to turn it to a throw back station. The Teletubbies came on and it excited him. He was quickly just as disgruntled though.

Dick: but, is it though, normal I mean?

Tim glanced back up. Jason had finally paused behind him, had that protective dad look that Dick never thought he’d seen on him.

Huh, exhausted mom and then overbearing dad.

Jason glanced to the TV, seemed to be fondly remembering it in a much different light.

Dick: babies shows are actually really scary. It’s almost as if-

Tims fingers gripped the edge of the crib. Dick narrowed in on them as Jason was swiping his throat from behind.

Tim: dick. Give me my baby. You’ve lost privileges for today.

Dick tucked Todd in, abhorred. He sniffled, lost baby privileges? No! That’s worse than being beaten by a crow bar to death and having to come back and find you’re replaced by a caffeine deprived twink that you’re hard for.

Dick, lip puckered: no.

Tim: no?

Dick:…

——

Diana: he’s so cute!

Barry: yeah. How’d you manage to mix your twos DNA again?

Tim blankly stared forward.

Tim: we don’t talk about that.

Barry just slowly nodded: right, right.

As Tim readjusted his grip on Todd and began to carry him away, Barry leaned into Diana.

Barry: do you think one of them cheat-

Diana: you disgust me.

The lights suddenly went out in the room. Jason heaved a sigh. The TV screen flashed on, Dicks silhouette at center.

Dick: media is using kids shows to traumatize us from an early age.

Jason: Bruce. Get your child before Tim does.

Bruce: Tim can have him.

Dick: he took my baby time!

Hal: Tim’s asleep on the couch.

They all ducked low, saw Tim slooped on the couch snoring, Todd playing in the pen in front of him.

Dick: here’s my chance!

He hit a button.

Dick: shows that caused generations of the world’s population to be fucked up.

Bruce: Dick!

Diana: no, no, he has a point. Our children do have some serious mental issues and look at some of that shit. Plenty of children are scared of these characters.

Dick: exactly! Media is subliminaly fucking your children up inside from behind and you don’t even know it.

Jason pinched his nose: good god make him stop.

Damian retrieved his blade: on it.

Dick, heading to pick up Todd: I’m serious! I will not let this baby get the same conditions we have-

His fingers made it just a hairs width from the play pen when he fell, landing in the chair behind him taking a nice nappy. Todd giggled as the TV resumed playing his donkey show, his eyes glued to it now that Dick was out of the way.

Tim never moved.

Diana: he makes a good mom.

Damian: mom? He’s the dad too. Jasons the inconvenient mother-in-law who always questions everything he does.

Jason:

Jason: thanks for noticing. I try.

No hate on all of these. I loved Rolie Polie Olie.

As a baby I loved Teletubies but now it kind of creeps me out.

There is a bunch of good ones though like dragon tales, Maggie and the ferocious beast, wonder pets and little on Bubble Guppies was kind of catchy.

Bubble bubble bubble, guppy guppy guppies.

Line up line up line up, bubble guppies.

Oh, backyardigains. Them songs lit.

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Raccoon Tim.

The ears are huge lol. But I still think they’re cute.

He’s just a small depressed, mop.

He deserves a hug.

Imma go do the ball pit art next, humor things up. I wanted this to be funny but some reason it went in this direction…. Be prepared to see Dick and Damian ko’d by toddlers with plastic balls. They don’t stand a chance.

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My sister really should have thought about it before sending me this if she didn’t want some sort of dad joke.

She didn’t even reply. Just kept mowing, how mean.

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Part 61 of snakes?🐍 👃

Damian stared down at a decent shed of his reptile. He had been examining it for quite a while, feeling the bumps and scales in it.

Dick: 🤮

Damian: shut the fuck up. Don’t act like I don’t see you and Bruce stare at your Biore strips at least once a week for far longer than you should.

Dick: that- that’s different.

Damian: yeah, since staring at your giant ass black heads isn’t gross.

Jason snorted.

Damian: you’re no better. I always catch you looking at your snot rags.

Jason: hey! Gotta check the color! Just like your shits.

Tim: ok, that’s gross.

Damian: you, oh you, Timmy boy. You’re the worst.

Tim and him had a stare down. Damian just gave a smirk; he didn’t have to say it because they both knew what it was that Tim does.

Jason: what.

Damian returned to the shed.

Dick: what? What does he do?!

Tim shoved off of the couch, his hands shoving in his pockets as he began to leave.

Tim: he’s studying the snake skin because he found it by the couch you’re sitting on and is trying to figure which of them is missing.

Jason: Snakes?

Dick: the snakes he stole from the pet store to ‘save’ them? That Bruce made him return? One escaped?

Both Dick and Jason went pale.

Damian gave a sly smirk as they were then shrieking and climbing on each other to try and get off of the ground.

He did nothing. Tim, he did nothing gross. And Damian never returned the snakes, as if he would. He complained until Bruce bought them. This was a shed he’d pulled from one of their terrariums.

It was all a game to fuck with the other two. And they would never know.

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Part 12(.5) of I’m sorry, but you can’t go wrong with fart jokes?⛽️🙇🏻

So I just found this in my drafts. Seeing as I’m in the sixties now, ik it’s past its expiration but I thought someone might enjoy it. Wonder why I forgot it.. hm.

The Flying Fox. The Justice League’s air transportation because a certain Bat can’t really fly.

The Robins had tagged along. They were heading to 30°58′48.26″N 97°46′15.94″W.

They had tracked Lux Luther there.

It’s quiet. Unusually quiet.

A stink filled the hull of the ship. Dick scrunched his nose. He knew this scent… it’s familiar.

Damian: ewww! What is that?

Jason: smells like someone’s taken a shit.

Damian curled his lips in disgust. Hal side glanced at Barry with a funny grin. It’s never a dull day with these boys.

Jason sat in the middle behind Hal, lifted his crossed leg as he flipped through Batman comic, and all too shamelessly… let one rip.

Damian behind him snapped his head up.

Damian: you did not.

Jason: don’t know what you’re talking about.

Dick: I knew it. I knew that scent.

Damian, lip snarled back: you would.

The stink began to concentrate, Damian coughing.

Damian: god! What’d you eat? A fucking tub of hot sauce?

Jason: close. About thirty buffalo wings in blue cheese.

That’d do it.

Damian, eyes watering: open a window Todd.

Jason: nah, I like to sit and stew.

Damian: this is innappropriate behavior for a man of your age. There is a woman on this ship!

Jason: Diana? As if she’s never ripped one. She’s a real woman.

Diana: thank you Jason.

Hal: oh lord.

That’s the og. Imma finish it.

Jason felt something creeping on him. An overwhelming aura. Combined with Damian’s smug silence, he knew his clock was ticking.

As Tim went to attack him, most likely to toss him out of the plane to his demise, Jason’s fight or flight kicked in. He did something more instinctual. As he turned to flee, he lifted his rear right up to use it to keep a distance between him and his manic husband. His nerves had him in such a wreck, matched with his already upset belly and, well.., he let probably the most foul fart rip in self defense, just like a skunk would.

He couldn’t even move after that. Didn’t have to. Tim was frozen in a cloud of stink. Damian was behind gagging.

Nothing was said after that, as Damian took Tins shoulders leading him away to console him while giving Jason the purest look of disgust that said Jason had lost all of his dignity.

And he had.

No one talked about it.

But after that day, he most definitely heard everyone refer to him as skunk boy after that. He never farted outside of the bathroom again.

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What should I draw? Need some inspiration. Based on the incorrect quotes I wrote.

If you don’t know what any of these are, you don’t even have to read them.

Just choose what appeals to you.

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Kirk’s yearly scrapbook:

Kirk just finished his yearly scrapbook. He adds precious moments he doesn’t want to forget from their five year journey. This is one of his favorite ones.

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These Superhero’s are often compared to each other based on powers or morals… loosely.

So I want to know, if they were all to face off, toss them into a battle and let’s say there are no other ways out, someone has to win in order for the earth to be saved… who would it be?

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Tim never officially moved into the Wayne House.

One day, Dick had forgotten the shut the door.

Tim had just slipped in like a raccoon.

He’d been attracted to their mysterious life as Batman/Robins but stayed for the good food in the fridge.

He moved into the rafters. They didn’t know for weeks. When they discovered, they couldn’t get him out because he was always one step ahead. When Bruce threw out the food in a desperate measure, he fed off of scraps that Alfred left out for him.

At some point they just gave up.

Then he started talking to them from the rafters. The boys found they liked him. He slowly started getting closer until he found he trusted them enough to come out. His cautious, feral side became tamed and he became more house guest. He was even starting to eat out of the fridge again, Alfred had given him a room, and he even passed Bruce and talked to him.

After watching them train for so long, he proved he could fight and joined them. And he knew their lives so well, he could help with their daily problems and even their superhero cases.

Tim had been an unintentional pest that had just sort of integrated his way into their lives until he was one of the family.

Sometimes they can hear snoring echoing in the manor and still find him sleeping in the rafters and know he’s had a hard day and leave him be.

Because Tim Drake is a wild animal.

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Part 60 of I can’t believe I’m still making these fucking things, won’t stop til I get 500 likes either?

It took too long to put quotes together. Honestly the first part was good enough. Choose if you want to continue.

Conner, Dick, Jason and Tim stood on a roof waiting for their dads on patrol.

Conner stretched his arms out quickly in a yawn, whacking Tim who had been on his phone off of the roof.

Conner: oh my good! I just killed Timmy!

Jason, shaking his head in horror and disgust: you bastard!

Conner, crying and in panic: I didn’t mean too!

Dick and Jason, backing away.

Dick: I’ll make your funeral lovely. And I promise too always remember you, love.

Conner, sobbing: no- wait, please, ack-

As Conner disappeared off of the roof, the two glanced at each other.

Jason: you going to help him?

Dick, valuing his own life: screw him, I’m going home.

Later

Conner, suit torn to rags and sickly colored from kryptonite poisoning, slumped into the Justice League conference room. Everyone was shocked except for, suspiciously, two brothers who resumed munching on Cheetos at the table.

Clark eyed them down cautiously, Bruce sharply.

That is as until Tim followed in behind, a scrape on his forehead.

Bruce was immediately on him.

Bruce: oh my god, what happened?

Tim peered at Conner: without evil there could be no good. So it must be good to be evil sometimes.

Bruce hugged Tim close as he went to scold Conner, Clark had his hands on his hips as he did the same. Jason snorted as he saw the devilish little sneer on Timmy.

Dick, disappointed: they do realize he was talking about himself and not Conner, right?

Jason: of course not. Tim’s a sinnamon roll. He looks so cute, he can’t be evil. To them, Conner is the bad guy.

Conner, fuming: I didn’t do it on purpose! You can ask Dick and Jason!

As the dads heads turned to Dick and Jason, the two immediately shot it down as they shook their heads.

Jason: he had just gone rogue.

Dick: never seen him like that.

Jason: down right terrifying, throwing Tim off the roof like that.

Bruce was close to murder now.

Dick: I had to see it to believe it.

Jason, shaking his head: Jesus Christ! I had to see it to believe it!

Conner: I’m not saying I hate you guys, but I hate you guys.

Bruce locked Tim in by the neck who was trying to tug free from behind. It was obvious he was having a mental breakdown.

Bruce: that’s it! That’s it! I can’t handle your fucking kids!

Bruce: first, yesterday you pure one suddenly decided to steal my babies virginity-

Jon, shalantly in the corner by the water jug, staring at a cup as he had to slyly throw this in: oh, he wasn’t a virgin.

Clark clenched his hands in a fist, Jon’s eyes widening as he took the sign to step off and back down. It wasn’t aimed at him, but that his dad might actually have to fight off a rabid bat.

Clark, trying to deesculate the situation: Bruce, calm down. We just got done with the celebration. You might have just had too much wine-

Damian: oof

Bruce, vein popping now: you wanna talk about wine? wine?! I’m not have a glass of wine! I’m having six because of you fuckers!

Conner: isn’t that a normal hour?

Clark whacked him in the chest.

Jon: I like to be wined and dined.

He was panting. Bruce had released Tim at this point and was most definitely ready to attack. Even the other members of the league were ready to help mitigate the scene.

Bruce: that’s it! Kent’s are gone!

Dick: what?!

Damian: Hell no!

Conner: try to keep us away.

Jon: I’m just getting him to open up about us having sex!

Clark: even me?!

Bruce: especially you! You and your delinquent sons!

Clark twitched. As he did, Conner began to slowly disappear back as he hovered across the floor. Even Tim was long gone.

Clark: delinquents?!

Bruce was shocked at the loudness and boldness from him but didn’t back down.

Clark: the only reason they act that way is because of your boys! They are fucking wild animals Bruce! They don’t respect you, you can’t keep track of them, and I’m pretty sure the little one is a tiny villain.

Tim, hollering from somewhere in the room: you can’t prove that!

Clark: your children are out of control! I had to explain to Jon, when he was seven, that muppets weren’t going to take over the world! Because a proud dad said his wonderful child could handle babysitting! When Jason was watching him he told him that the world is run by puppets and would kill everyone! And went into excruciating detail on how while playing with said FUCKING TOY MUPPET PUPPETS! He reenaacted a damn war with fozzie and Mrs Piggie. I saw the ketchup on them as blood stains. I had to fucking burn those things! The boys still can’t look at Kermit the frog!

Dick: wow.

Jason: it’s a cold hard world. He needed to know young.

Clark: he was seven! He didn’t need to see Animals stuffing guts ripped out by Kermit!

Jason: Kermit is a capitalist pig! He is the regime!

Bruce pinched his nose.

Clark: you know what?! The Wayne’s are banned.

Jon: what?!

Conner: no, I need that plump ass!!

Dick: I’m starting to think a break is ok.

Damian: maybe a vacation.

Bruce: fine! If that’s what you want! From now on, we will no longer see each other except for on missions!

Clark turned sweeping Conner up.

Conner: no!

Clark: it’s for the best. They are a bad influence.

Conner: what- whateva! I do what I want! I’ll see him.

He snatched Jon now. Jon whacked him in his gut. Clark recaught the squirmy boy by his waist.

Clark: Jon! Respect my authoritarah-

Another gut kick.

Jon: I’m going to tell my mom!

Clark, a little less confident: please don’t. Everything will be ok.

With that they are were dragged down off into the headquarters. The room was silent. Jason brought a Cheeto to his mouth.

Dick: wow.

Bruce snapped his head to him.

Damian: did our dads break up with our boyfriends for us?

Tim: yeah… sorry.

Jason snorted as he grinned at Tim. Dick shot up at Jason jabbing a finger at him.

Damian: Hell no! If we’re all single, you guys are too.

Jason: we are the only two actually married here. And we have a son. We can’t just break up like that.

Bruce: vetoed.

Tim: yeah, you can’t do that.

Damian: you homosexuals will have the same exact rights as married couples, but, instead of referring to you as ‘married’, you can be…. Butt buddies!

They all stared at him. Tim was dumbfounded, Jason seeing red.

Bruce gave a nod of approval.

Bruce: alright! Now that you’ve all fucked up our relationships, let’s go home! Dick, Damian, butt Buddies!

As he walked away, Tim pulled out a gun aiming it at him. Jason set his hand on it, lowering it down.

Jason: not yet babe, not yet.

Tim grumbled as he returned it, the group following.

Diana blinked, her hands waiving out.

Diana: I’m not sure what the hell just happened here-

Hal: they broke up Diana, catch the fuck up.

Diana, gleaming at him: I was going to say, but I think we should put Tim on our watchlist. Can’t believe he got hurt.

Barry: yeah, he’s so dainty.

Oliver: someone? You mean he’ll take someone out. Him! He had his gun pointed ar Bruce!

Diana: don’t lie Oliver, lying makes you sterile. Tim’s too cute to do that. Too pure.