#Cassandra Solace

[hehether]

PJO x Batfam crossover because I love them to meet someday 🧎‍♂️

[secret-agent-of-bullshitery]

I'm afraid we've exhausted all possibilities for this conversation if y'all can't understand the fact that two men or two women can love each other, like shut your 'they're just friends' or 'nowadays men can't be friends with men' ass up. Ain't nobody give a shit, two men can LOVE each other, they can be in love just as two women can, just cause y'all lack the ability to understand doesn't make it less true. Y'all simply don't understand the complexity of relationships and it shows, i am so fed up spending everyday of my life arguing with the human versions of a headache, get a new hobby that doesn't involve tearing down people.

[alairroux]

Through the Veil: Shattered Sanity

And here we go with another chapter! I hope you'll enjoy it. Feel free to let me know about your opinion and thoeries.

Chapter IV

"Free Fall"

After being woken up by Logan, the rest of the day was passing as slowly as the morning. Peaceful and nice in its own way. After breakfast Alice went to rest in her room, this time without any weird dreams, while Wade and Logan decided to crash on the couch in the living room. Every now and then she could still hear them argue about some pointless things, and desperate tries of Wade to calm down Logan by calling him “Peanut”. Just like it’s going to help. Finally she managed to drift off for good. 

Her heavy steps were filling the air, along with her panting. She was running and jumping from one building to another for quite a while already. Ugh, helping Deadpool and Wolverine save the city once more wasn’t the easiest task. Certainly her suit was helpful in all that, but in a scorching sun of summer she started to consider a change of fabric as this one was’t letting as much air as she would’ve liked it to do. Once again she had sent a mental signal towards Logan, waiting for a reply. Why were they taking so long? If that guy had a gun she would’ve been long dead by now. Yet, of course, they sent a person without a healing factor to distract the attacker, perfect plan. No wonder Wade was the one who made it. Not that she had anything against Wade, just, it wasn't the best idea. It wasn’t the first time either, and she knew what was coming. Her favorite part. 

Finally she received a signal back, which meant that they were already waiting in place. She ran up to the edge of the building, stopping and turning. Even if she wanted to jump to another one, even with the help of her modified boots, it wouldn't be easy, probably wouldn't work at all. Alice slowly turned towards the guy that was chasing her. Oh lord, breathing in that mask was almost impossible and she started to feel dizzy a bit. It wasn’t exactly pleasurable. She shook her head quickly and focused her eyes on the guy with a knife in front of her. 

“Nowhere to run anymore, sweetheart.” He taunted. 

“True, nowhere to run… But that doesn’t mean I’m out of options.”

She said, with a hint of amusement in her voice. She closed her eyes and let her body tilt backwards, over the edge, losing the ground from beneath her feet. It felt so freeing, so good… To feel the air enveloping her, surrounding her body, she kept her eyes open. 

Despite the speed with which she was approaching the earth, she could almost feel the time slow down around her, the building moving slow, but stuck in a blurr. The sheer speed pushing the air out of her lungs, but who would’ve needed it? A small price for a piece of freedom that she craved more than anything else. It was almost like she could fly at any given moment now, spread the wings she didn’t know about, and approach the sky. In moments like that, she couldn’t blame those that took their life this way. It was terrifying, the first time she did this unintentionally, by tripping and just starting to fall, she could feel her soul leave her body for a moment. Right now? She craved it every now and then, only waiting for an opportunity to just jump and feel it again. 

Everything that is amazing has to come to an end after some time, unfortunately. The same rule applied to her free fall. She pushed the claws out on her gloves, as well as activating them in her boots, turning her body towards the wall and hooking it all in the concrete side of the building. She slid down a few more meters, before coming to a halt. The city for sure is grateful for claw marks every now and then. After her breath catched on with her, she jumped down onto the ground, already feeling how sore her shoulders got. First legs, then arms, but she kept forgetting about it. About the simple fact, that her boots were much better at neutralizing the impact than her gloves. 

Judging by the screams, unhinged comments and growling coming from above, Logan and Wade had their fun already. Lovely. She took off her mask, catching a normal breath that didn’t stink like metal. She has to do something about it, at least add some fabric under the metal parts? Maybe that’ll help. There was a lot of room for improvement, after all, she completed the suit not so long ago. Well, completed was a big word, more like, made it in a way that won’t kill her while she was inside it. Yes. That’s way closer to the truth. Alice pushed the button on her chest, causing the suit to retract into that weirdly shaped necklace. Easy way to store it and use it when needed. Unfortunately, it wasn’t really a pretty one. Well, you can’t have everything it seems. She stretched a bit, before going to their spot in which they planned to meet after the mission, battle or whatever you call it, will be finished. 

She waited there, on the bus stop, looking through her phone. Maybe it was a bit weird that she was leaving the battlefield as soon as possible, but she never really liked the idea of being seen by many. Even more, of being slowly forced into becoming someone famous. It wasn’t a world for her, that much was sure for her.Why a bus stop? There was a perfect place nearby to hide some spare clothes, yet it was stupid, but if those two dorks would get blood into the flat, she’d be the one cleaning it all. 

Due to lack of sleep last night, her eyes were starting to fall closed. A short nap won’t hurt, right? The sun was warm, and there weren't many people nearby, so it should be safe to actually fall asleep. After all, nobody knows when they’ll be back this time.  Slowly, she let her mind slip into the state of being half asleep, and half awake. 

When she opened her eyes once again in the dream realm, here she was again. That endless meadow. But this time, there were bees and butterflies, many of them, twirling in the air as their transparent wings reflected no existen sun. She started walking through there, feeling the urge to run, rising up in her, almost like someone or something was chasing her. Slowly, step by step, she picked up her pace, until she was sprinting somewhere ahead, feeling the warm air on her skin, slowly sink into her lungs, settling there like it was looking for a comfy place to rest in. Such a weird feeling, almost like she was drowning on land, yet she couldn’t stop her run. Faster and faster, her feet hitting the ground, causing the dust to pick up and follow after her, the urge was coursing through her veins, burning like fire. What was after her? Why was she running? Where did that fear come from? Why was it there? She could feel her mind fill with many different doubts, again and again, and again, getting loud once more. Her dreams weren’t safe anymore. The pain reached her even here. Was she running from it? From that pain of having too many voices in her head? If so, she was definitely losing that battle. There was almost an urge to scream in her, to let them all out, but she couldn’t. Her lungs were flooded with warm air, filled to the brim, her voice gone, no more ability to take yet another breath, to beg, ask or speak. It was torn away from her. 

She had fallen, tripping over some stone that wasn;t there. She could hear and feel it, but couldn’t see it. When Alice finally managed to pull herself up, pushing her hair back, away from her face, she was just on the edge of some crack in the earth. She moved closer and leaned over her. It looked like a rift to some different place. It was dark, only specks of some blue light barely visible for her eyes. A shiver ran down her spine, yet she couldn't stop herself from trying to reach into it. 

Cold surrounded her hand quickly, seeping through her skin and her bones, but it wasn’t unpleasant for some reason. She watched it almost like in a trance, as the darkness started to crawl up her arm, overfill and bubble above the edges of the rift, staining the meadow with something that wasn’t exactly black, neither blue, navy or deep green. It was like liquid darkness, felt sinister and so comforting at the same time, she didn’t move an inch, observing it all. Then she felt the cold from within yet again, this time it was sharp, almost like it stabbed her right into her heart in just seconds. 

“No! NO! NO! NOO!!!”

It was the same voice as the last time, but this time it was more frantic and angry. So loud that it immediately filled her mind, waking up all the thoughts that got silenced by the runny darkness. Sharp pain shot through her brain, Alice immediately moved her hands to her temples, squeezing them in a need of relief. With a sharp breath that she took, she woke up. 

The sun hit her eyes as soon as she opened them, trying to get up, only after a second realizing that Wade was carrying her, well, right now, looking like he was trying to catch a feral cat and lift it without pissing it off even more. 

“ Jesus Christ, princess, calm down, what got you feral so quick?” He asked before setting her down on the pavement. 

“Nothing… Nothing, just a nightmare. Where are we?” 

“Almost home, we’ve found you asleep. And papa bear insisted on not waking you up, but he didn’t want to carry you, to not stain you with blood.”

He let out a quiet “ow” when Logan hit the back of his head on the nickname. Really this man had no restraints when it came to calling the mighty Wolverine completely ridiculous things. Alice chuckled at that sight, fixing her clothes and making sure she still has her phone with her. Everything in place. 

“ If he’s the papa bear, are you a mama one?”

“Sure, and you're our little cub. One of them, as Peanut has insane drive and sta-”

“Okay! Enough. I don’t need to know how many times you tried to give me even more siblings. Jesus.” 

Sometimes she wasn’t ready for Wade’s words. Most of the time honestly. But again, she wouldn’t change it for anything else, that’s for sure. Life would be so boring without those two around, certainly less laughs, maybe less troubles, but… She couldn’t really care for any troubles that came around the corner at this point, just the comfort of belonging somewhere was paying it off easily. 

After going back home and getting ready for the evening they decided on yet another movie night. Quickly it ended with Wade sprawled out over hers and Logan's lap, muttering about different things in his sleep. Maaaany time repeating possibly every nickname he has given Logan up until now. Alice didn’t even want to know what he was dreaming about, it was one of the rare moments when she wasn’t tempted to read his mind. Besides, her headache was enough, she didn’t need to add any of the chaos that was in his head. After a while of pondering her options, she turned to Logan. 

“When  you two were in the Void… Did you possibly see something underneath it? Like, a hole in the Void and something weird in the hole?” How else could she explain what she saw in her dream? 

“I don’t recall anything like that, but honestly we were a bit busy, bub. Why?”

“No reason, just curious…”

“You’re a horrible liar, but I won’t pry. You should sleep, you have work tomorrow.” 

She nodded her head at that, leaning a bit on the back of the couch and closing her eyes for a moment. She was working from home anyway, so she could sleep here, she showered already so it was only a matter of waking up on time. 

“And bub.”

“Hm?”

“Stop jumping from the building. I don’t want you to slip. Especially when you’re like, you know, right now. With all that mess in your head, it’s like begging for death. Don’t even try to roll your eyes at me.”

“I won’t.”

“Full sentence.” His voice was really stern. Better to not piss off him without a reason. 

“I won’t jump again. I promise.”

“Atta girl. Goodnight.” This time much softer, maybe he had a soft spot for her, after all?

“Goodnight, Logan.” 

[ash-draws-occasionally]

lil Cass sketch that i decided to colour.

the pose is by kaosdisabledsupport on tiktok!

[caputvulpinum]

lmao the obesity article from huffpo you reblogged is so insanely incorrect

First off, the whole "Your body is just doing what it's supposed to do, you're fat because you're MEANT to be fat!" while also saying "about 40 years ago, Americans started getting much larger" hmm... Why only Americans? Why only 40 years ago?

That seems odd, that Americans, specifically, would suddenly change to being naturally fat. Even today America has a much higher rate of obesity than other places like Japan. How is that? Wonder what would be discovered if we looked at when things like beet sugar, corn syrup, etc. started to be commonly added to foods 🤔

And then the "diets don't work!" spiel, along with emotionally charged reports of people starving themselves until they passed out.

What diets specifically doesn't work? Were the people getting enough calories? Did they stop the diet, and then the weight came back? Did they start with small, gradual changes or completely overhaul their entire meal plan right away?

They say "95% to 98% of research shows diets fail" what research? What studies? What was the sample size? What were people eating? Were they given any help to maintain their diet or encourage any other healthy habits, or were they just given a list of foods to eat and sent on their way?

It sounds like ALL the diets they talk about in the article are shitty. People starving themselves, people doing useless fad diets, etc. and presenting it as if weight loss is IMPOSSIBLE. Which is crazy, considering all the people I've seen who lose weight, maintain the loss, and feel insanely better than they did when they were obese.

Maybe it's not that "diets" don't work, but that the diet industry doesn't work? After all, what would happen if they encouraged people to change their relationship with food completely, starting with small, gradual changes, and work on fixing their gut microbiome and cutting out unnecessary things from their diet like processed sugars, corn syrup, etc? Then people would lose weight. Then they wouldn't need expensive diet plans anymore.

And then the industry has no more customers. Just like if Apple makes phones that actually work and aren't pieces of trash, then they wouldn't be making money from people buying new iPhones every other year. Same with the clothing industry, and the pharmaceutical industry, and every other industry.

For someone who always talks about people researching things and checking out the sources on information before automatically believing it ya'll don't seem very good at it lmao

I'd like to start off with saying that I definitely agree with you in that the way the diet industry is structured exists to predate upon invented insecurities, just like nearly any cosmetics aimed at body alteration to some degree (makeup included). We also agree that it is fundamentally built to ensure failure and ongoing failure as a norm, in the same way that we're never going to get a proper cure for cancer when the cancer industry is so insanely prevalent and profitable.

That said, I understand your...frustration, let's call it, sure, about the fact that no, I did not do any further digging into this and took it at its word. You have my apologies for that.

However. I'd like to use this as a tool for transparency and assuming best intent. Your tone and treatment of me in this is rather hostile and I don't see the purpose that it serves. If I'm someone who claims to find accuracy in reporting important, then yes, accuracy needs to be had. And it was as simple as just Googling "95% diets fail". First result is an article from the NYT debunking it and explaining why it's a myth and bad statistics.

But that same article gets me to the heart of why I'm writing things out this way: you brought it up yourself, in fact, though in deciding to get petty you probably missed the subtext. For over forty years now these numbers have been used and spread around to the point where countless literal professional doctors don't have any idea that it's false. After all, we live in a society where diet industries have for pretty much ever been able to operate with nearly no regulation, fat people aren't actually given a shit about from medical professionals and are just told to get GPS, etc...you could even say this is a systemic issue which started long before I and likely you (and most reading this) were born.

Nobody learns these things on accident. You're absolutely right that if I looked it up and researched the claims I could easily have found out their validity to be nonexistent. But why would I? This isn't new research. This isn't anything that goes against anything I was ever taught. It's just a fact of life, just the way things are. People thought the universe was geocentric.

So with that said, I have to admit that while I've done my best to not vent my irritation at you or anyone else, it is deeply frustating, sure, we'll call it, to have you walk up to me and act in this way. It would be one thing if this wasn't a case of unlearning systemic bias and normativity. That'd be on me, absolutely.

But instead of thinking things through like an emotionally mature individual and going "Hm, this dude who says it finds research/accuracy important posted some stuff which was wrong, which I'm aware has a history going back multiple decades and is still going strong. Maybe the reason they didn't do any followup research was because they've lived their entire life hearing this same statistic over and over again and therefore thought that their systemic biases were accurate and saw nothing wrong because they couldn't,"

you decided to be a cunt for no fucking reason and you knew it because you had to go on Anonymous to hide any possible consequences coming your way for your actions. So thanks for informing me about this, I'm genuinely grateful and we, again, completely fucking agree ideologically, but/so fuck you for thinking that acting like a fucking 10th grader with a gotcha was a better use of anyone's time than just typing out "Hey that diet thing you reblogged is actually completely false if you look it up" to which I would have gone "Oh shit you're right, here's some followup research I did about this thing and how it's a systemic bias that needs to be unlearned".

[im-fostering-it292]

Being a Percy Jackson fan is silently laughing when someone says tartar sauce

[camillahex]

big episode for "the house is alive and trying to kill you" fans

[thetimetraveler24]

Blacked out, woke up $200 poorer, and there’s an e-mail from Illumicrate confirming a purchase for the Percy Jackson box set? 🤔

[chronomally]

Something else I find interesting is that it seems like Helen is the only one who can hear Cassandra's prophecies for the truths that they are and I like the layer of inscrutability it adds to Helen's character (how does she know?) and the anchor it provides both Cassandra and the reader during Cassandra's POV (someone who believes her!)

[ribbittrobbit]

The Litany of Saint Kristen Applebees

St. Kristen Applebees, Prophet of Cassandra, The Seeker of Truth, The Ever-Changing, Patron of the Lonely, Solace of the Forgotten The Resurrected The god-saviour The god-killer

(being catholic means very rigid liturgical structures embedded into your brain, great for poetic reasons)

I am not normal about them at all

[polarspaz]

Knowing Too Much AU

While Tim was the first of the Bat-family to learn of their eldritch fate, Cassandra was the unfortunate second.

Despite Tim's best efforts to keep his family in the dark, he was unaware that Cassandra had been secretly keeping a close eye on him. She knew something was bothering him, something so heavy that he was unwilling to let anyone ease his burden.

If she wanted to help him she would have to be sneaky about. Sneaking into his room and reading his research has been surprisingly easy, but what found was anything but.

In the beginning, she had zero inkling on what he was researching. The books and papers he collected were way too advanced for her, but she was stubborn. She wanted to prove to him that she could do this, so she studiously studied. While she didn't quite grasp the depth of what she learning, it still affected her, and she learned her purpose.

Tim has no idea that Cassandra is doing this, despite his Eldritch state of being as Cassandra's main power is that of Concealment. If she doesn't want to be found or suspected, she never will be seen or thought of again until she desires it.

So when she comes to him one day and shows him her Eldritch form, he both utterly horrified and confused. She admits to him that she is afraid, that she's not sure what to do, and Tim is devested. He failed her.

However it is not all doom and gloom. With Cassandra's help, Tim is able to hide crazy stuff from the rest of the family. The two also find solace with their current state of being, and Tim can't help but feel relieved that he is not the only one going through this nightmare.

In fact, Cassandra is handling the whole thing WAY better than him and is already way more proficient and skilled with her powers than he is.

[alairroux]

So hello again! I'm trying to be consisted on writting, but soon I'm going back to school, so I won't have as much time as now, so I'll be updating probaby every two weeks instead of every week. I hope that's still fine. And yay, another chapter! Get cozy and enjoy!

ALSO TW: mentions of suicide/suicidal thoughts

PS. Authors music pick "Flawed Mangoes - Killswitch Lullaby"

Chapter V

"Broken bones"

Office job is fine as long as it stays in the office. That’s why working from home sucked. Or at least Alice was sure it sucked, mostly, because despite being at home for the whole day she still hadn't eaten anything, was only dressed up from waist up and for the past hour was an e-mail writing machine. Why do people from higher positions always have so many problems towards the ones on the lower positions? It was starting to look like a damn slavery, do everything for them while they logged off to drink wine on their yacht. Yes, Alice was pissed about this, but unfortunately couldn't do much about it. Mutants still have difficulty when it comes to finding a good job and a workplace that accepts mutations among them. It was even worse when you were a telepath. Everyone was scared of getting their mind read like an open book. Just like she didn’t have anything better to do than that. Sure. 

She finally emerged from her room, pulling on some hoodie that she found laying on her bed. Good enough for a food hunt in the kitchen. She wasn’t even hungry anymore, but the headache combined with the voices yelling one over another were really driving her insane and to take any painkillers she needed to eat something first. She didn’t want stomach issues on top of it all. Oh to be in pain every day because your genes decided to pull a move like a virus and mutate. What an unfortunate soul to be. She scrunched her face at those thoughts. She was supposed to outgrow them a long time ago, not let them in anymore for the past few good years. They won’t change anything anyway, so there’s no use to pity herself like that. 

She went into the kitchen, watching long, golden rays dance on the floor of the living room, painting images that’ll change in seconds and remain only in her mind. Alice shook her head, trying to keep her mind from distracting itself every few seconds. It wasn’t an easy task, especially after such a challenging day, when she only craved specifically picked stimulants to soothe this poor jelly that ran on electricity. Food first. It’s important and needed. Also water. When was the last time she drank something other than a coffee? She passed by the mirror and stopped for a moment. Unsure.. 

Unsure if the person looking back at her was actually her. It’s been a few days since she sat down in front of the mirror, but for sure she didn’t look like this. Sure, her hair was perfect, neatly tied back, but she could pull that off even half asleep. Her lips were chapped, dark circles under her eyes and her skin lost that glow that she fought so hard for. She raised her hand, to prove herself it’s the same one in the mirror, that it’s not yet another one of her illusions backfiring at her. The scabbed skin around her fingers. A habit she couldn’t get rid off. Getting rid of stress by inflicting some pain to herself. Just like the pain was meant to help. So many doctors wouldn’t agree with her, and so many doctors would put her on the same medication that made it all worse. Not as bad as now, but certainly worse than she felt back then. She was pulled away from her mind by familiar steps and then a voice. It seemed so distant, like she was in some other dimension, behind a wall, thin wall. Maybe made out of paper?

“You okay there? Oh…”  Wade’s smile fell as he stepped closer. “ For sure you’re not.”

He wiped her cheek with his thumbs. Why? Was she crying? She didn’t even feel that. Blinking a few times, only now feeling the familiar sting and warmth of her own tears. 

“What happened? Need me to take care of some jerk at work? I can do that for free, but just for you. Well, maybe for your lemon tart, I’d definitely kill for that.”

She smiled, wiping any leftover tears with the sleeves of her hoodie. What happened? She’d love to know on her own. 

“No, it’s not work. At least I think it’s not that. I didn’t even realize I’m crying… Sorry for worrying you. “

“Hey, don’t apologize. Your mind getting loud again?”

“Still. It’s been like that for a few days already and it’s only getting worse. Also I’m tired after work, hungry and dehydrated. Maybe I’ll get better after eating.”

She moved away, walking back to the kitchen and opening the fridge. Now, the cold air hit her face and she could actually feel the tear streaks on her face. Unpleasant, definitely. She reached inside the fridge and pulled out a yogurt for herself. Sure, it wasn’t much, but she wasn’t that hungry either. Was she hungry at all? Ugh, everything was so blurry, like she was just beside this reality again. She winced at another sharp strike of pain through her mind, clenching her teeth and putting the slightly cold fingers to her temple. Maybe that’ll help for a moment. Stupid telepathy, horrendous mutation and awful world! She just wanted to scream at everything and everyone around, but remained quiet. Took her yogurt bottle and went to slump down onto the couch. Her mind was elsewhere and she couldn’t catch on to it either. Racing ahead, loud, overwhelming, pulling at her like some vicious beast that was killing for fun. However it was invisible from the outside, on the surface she was just numb, staring at one point with those blank expression in her eyes. 

“Doll, meet me on the roof in a while, ‘k?” 

It was unusual for Wade to make that proposition. It’s been a good while since they’ve talked about anything deeper than weapons, fights and food for the next day. Only now she realized that she hadn't seen Logan this entire day. They didn’t get in a fight, right? Hopefully not. Not them. Not now and not ever. Not them as well… 

Her mind immediately went into the darkest scenario of yet another one of her families falling apart, for her to only watch from the sidelines, unable to fix this. Why was life so complicated? Why was it so hard to make it all work? And why was it so easy to give up sometimes?

She just chugged down the whole bottle, threw the empty one into the trash and took the pill to ease at least the physical pain. Should help in a moment. She looked down at herself. Dirty hoodie, pajama shorts and mismatched socks. She’s definitely not going out like that. Even if it was just to sit on the roof and talk with Wade. Talk with Wade.  It sounded almost surreal. He wanted to talk, he initiated a real conversation that probably won’t be shallow anymore. It’ll have a meaning. Something in this whole messed up day will finally have a meaning. Even if she feared what the meaning would be. She went to her room to change into something clean but still comfortable, well aware of the fact that she didn’t need to dress up. She wasn’t at work anymore, no one would bother about her sweatpants and a favorite sweater instead of white button down. Dressed up with sneakers on her feet she still hesitated a moment while her hand touched the door knob. Was it really a good idea? What if it only adds to the mess in her head? That’d be horrifying, but on the other hand, it’s Wade. He is not harmful to those he loves. Loves… Does he love her in any possible way? Alice quickly shook her head, putting it all away and leaving the flat. Running away won’t cause it all to disappear after all. 

“ I’m here…” She muttered, stopping a few steps behind him. Soft wind caressed her skin, pushing the hair out of her face, letting sun to rest there with few last rays. 

“ Come on, sit down. We’re not in a rush.” He patted the space by his side. 

She sat down, silence falling in between of them again. It wasn’t heavy or unpleasant, just, almost tangible. Like it started to be its own being, that sat there with them, enjoying the evening and setting sun. 

“ I haven’t seen Logan today, haven’t heard him either… Did you two…?” She decided to start, maybe it’ll go naturally from that. 

“ We’re good. Just Laura called in the morning with some issue, so he wanted to help her. Why do you ask? Wanted to talk to him about something?” 

Suddenly she was struck by a heavy weight of shame. She always talked with Logan, not sharing much with Wade even when she knew he cared. She started to bite down at the skin on her thumb, overwhelmed a bit by her emotions yet again. All this time, she acted wrong towards him and didn’t even realize. After a few seconds she felt Wade’s hand on her own, pulling it away from her mouth, before she’ll start to bleed again. 

“ Relax, I’m not going to bite your head off. Just wanted to talk. I see something is bothering  you quite  a lot. You’re not you lately. You’re way too quiet and I’m starting to miss the constant yapping about cosmos, stones and all that stuff. Or about bees. You know so much about bees.” 

“ I’m sorry… It’s. It’s not that I don’t trust you or anything, it's just that… I don’t know. I just always went to Logan and I guess that after some time he became the option for when I don’t feel good about something. I didn’t mean to skip you or anything. I-I’m really glad to have you too in my life, and I know you care, I care as well, just don’t know how to show it… I-I’m sorry for being so horrible..” Her voice just cut off, getting stuck in her throat. 

She took a deep, shaky breath, feeling the tears well up again in her eyes. She hated to cry in front of someone, anyone. It just felt wrong each and every time, to be vulnerable. To be human. Mutants were heartless monsters after all, or at least that’s what many people thought about them, about her , but she was just a person as well. Hurting, living, breathing, feeling, existing just like each and everyone of them, and that wasn;t easy. To keep up a facade of a poker face. Of a monster that is unable to feel. 

“ Hey, doll. Calm down. I’m not mad, never was, and you’re not horrible. You’re hurting.” He slowly moved his arm to pull her closer, keeping his arm around her shoulders. “ Don’t get mad at me, but you’re like a dog. Loyal, forgiving, soft and just like a dog, you bare your teeth only when the pain gets too much.” 

She just leaned on him, letting the tears fall. Why oh why was he comforting her? Why was he showing pity for her case?! WHY!? She took another deep breath, trying to get it inside her head, that he wasn’t mad, that he was fine with her words and behaviors. With everything that made her, her. 

“ So, speak up. I can listen as well. What is bothering you so much? The voices?” 

“ Mhm. They don’t shut up at all. And I’m having weird dreams on top of that. I feel like I’m going insane. It’s worse than ever. And when Logan wasn’t there I was scared you two were fighting again, this time for real, something happened, that I’ll lose my family again. That I’ll lose everything I care for once more. And I doubt I’d ever be able to take that, let alone now. And everything in my mind is so loud, voices screaming one over another, I can’t catch anything,  I feel detached from reality and don’t know what to do anymore..” 

“ We’re fine with Logan. Don’t worry. That old man can sometimes get on my nerves but we have our own ways of settling things like that between us, y’know? It works magic, everytime.” 

“ Wade…” 

“ What?” 

“ I really don’t need to know some things. But I’m glad everything is okay between you two. And… I’m glad you two found each other.” She looked away at the orange sun, it was still slightly painful for her eyes, but it was so pretty that not looking at it would be a sin. 

“ You have us both as well y’know? I’m glad that we found you, I bet Logan as well. Well, technically, you found us. With that mind trick of yours. I was pretty sure I’m tripping when I heard that ‘Hi’ in my head.” They both chuckled at that fond memory. 

“ Yeah… But it’s not the same. I know I have you. I know I have Logan. Laura, Althea and Yukio, and Ellie… I know. But it’s not the same. Each one of you has their own person, and I’m just here. Without the person. The one meant for me. The one I am meant for as well. Soulmate as one would call them. I know they’re somewhere out there, but I don’t know where.” There was a soft pause between her words. “ And I don’t know for how long I'll  have the strength to look for them. I’m tired Wade… So tired.” 

Silence fell between them again. He understood. He really did, but he didn’t know how to react to that. What to say, to take some of the weight off of her shoulders. Sometimes, even he felt like she was carrying the whole world out there, without a single complaint, always smiling and bringing hope to others, but who’ll bring comfort to her? 

“ I hate being a telepath…”

“ Why?” Simple question, that seemed almost stupid. Why, why, because it’s horrible, that’s why. 

“ People think it’s so fun to be one. You can read any mind you want anytime you want, control people, become whatever you want, just use your power, they say. But they don’t understand that it comes with a cost. Once you connect to someone, it stays in your mind forever. It’s loud all the time, only getting louder and louder, and when you complain they put you on some psych meds that only make it worse. Make you a monster, and you believe them. You’re scared of your own mind. Why wouldn’t they be, right? I was never a monster… I was a kid. A child. I still am to some extent. Am I not? But I have to grow up and live when all I want is to be at peace.” 

He was surprised by her speech, he looked slightly to the side. Again, those empty eyes, she wasn’t fully there. She was somewhere far away with her mind, probably reliving some of her memories. Wade knew as much as she was willing to share, which wasn’t that much. He knew only that she was abandoned by her family, suddenly, when all the medication for probably every possible mental issue, failed. 

“ You wanted to end it… When they’ve left you.”

Those words fell from his lips faster than he could catch them, stopping them from spilling around and staining this evening with the deep dark grief and sadness. She only smiled a bit, still looking somewhere distant, a moment passing, before she got up and walked over to the roofs edge, watching over the city below their feet. 

“ Sure did. Seemed like a nice escape from being lost and alone. Then I saw you two. Honestly, I was terrified, but both options were good. You’d either kill me or help me. At that moment I was ready for anything, so I risked it all, by letting you know about my presence.” 

She stood there, sun barely reaching her anymore and the wind playing with her messy, red hair. Wade slowly got up. Just in case he’ll have to react quickly. 

“ I was always jealous about your healing factor. You get to live for no one knows how long. You’ve found Logan who can do the same. Even if you fail you have unlimited time to fix that, to fix your mistakes and try again. I got only one life that I already mostly wasted on trying to be normal when I’m cursed with this so-called gift.” He could tell that she was really speaking from her heart yet again. “ I’m jealous of your ability to heal yourself. It gives you so many options. Just imagine the mental pain being too much, to just jump down the building, free fall like that, hit the ground and let the physical pain eat up the mental one when you heal all those broken bones, get up and just leave, lighter by some of the pain. To die without consequences of death, and yet I was stripped of even that, while that’s all I need to manage this mess in my mind.” 

She took a deep breath, looking down before stepping back from the edge, turning to face him and forcing another smile on her face. 

“ But I guess I was meant to accept it. To sink into it like a castaway giving up in the ocean. Sinking in and watching the spectacle of light from beneath the water surface.” 

He pulled her in immediately, feeling how her body first shivered and then started shaking with choked sobs. Oh how badly the world hurts some of the people. And how badly he wanted to find a way to fix this for her. To fix her mind. But that’s not possible. You can be a hero and save the world, but that doesn’t guarantee saving your closest ones.

[casscainmainly]

Race and Perception in Batgirl (2000)

This is a companion piece to my two gender posts on Batgirl (2000). There are many interesting takes on race and Cassandra Cain, but most focus on whether she is a 'racist' character or not. This post is not about that, though I think my stance is fairly clear given what my blog is about. Rather than retreading the same ground of whether the conception of Cass is racist (something I might tackle later, because some arguments are flat-out wrong), I want to look at how race actually plays out in Batgirl (2000).

This post focuses on how Cass' Asian identity influences her views on perception, beauty, and agency. As usual, feel free to disagree as I'm not an ethnic or Asian studies expert.

Mask of the Batgirl

We all know and love Cass' iconic Batgirl costume. Besides its distinctive total-blackness, the most interesting aspect is the full-face mask. She is the only Batgirl to cover her face completely - when Stephanie takes over, one of the first things she does is rip the bottom half off.

Skin and external perceptions don't mean the same things to Barbara and Steph as they do to Cass. Cass' entire life is fraught with not just the male gaze, but the White male gaze - her father, David Cain, films her on video tapes, and Bruce later views these tapes (importantly, Cass herself does not get to). These tapes symbolise how her appearance does not belong to herself, but to external White perceptions.

In issue #1, Batman says the following:

"You... are me." Here, Bruce posits that the full-face mask makes Cass more like Bruce. It functions to hide their racial and gendered differences. By covering her face completely, Bruce (and Cass) tacitly suppress her race. Once again, White men are controlling the way she is perceived, something that began with David Cain and continues with Bruce.

Interiority and Exteriority

A common Asian stereotype is that Asians are mechanical - they have no interiority. The common conceptions of Asians as STEM majors and being emotion-deficient all come from this core belief, that Asians are utilities for White people. For Cass, this belief manifests from Babs, Bruce, and David Cain:

Babs says it's hard to care without knowing what's "going on in her head." She cannot connect with Cass' exterior, and finds it hard to imagine what her interior is like. Even worse, Bruce and Cain both argue that Cass belongs to/is like them, almost treating her as property- they reject Cass' own interiority and project theirs onto her, using her as a tool to extend their own identities.

In the early issues, Cass doesn't have an internal monologue. This somewhat reinforces what Babs, Bruce, and Cain all believe about her interiority. However, in issue #5 a White man gifts her the ability to think in language:

This plot point serves to demonstrate Cass' interiority to the reader, but it is another example of a White person choosing for Cass. She didn't get a choice to be raised without language, and she doesn't make the decision to receive it. Both externally and internally, White people control her narrative.

The Shiva Solution

After her newfound language skills impact her ability to fight, Cass encounters Lady Shiva, her future surprise mother. Shiva is the first one to ever acknowledge Cass' race.

Unlike Cain or Bruce, Shiva doesn't say 'you're like me'; she says, "we're a lot alike." She doesn't map herself onto Cass, but finds something they both have in common. By naming Cass' race ("in terms of our coloring") and framing their similarities in this way, Shiva affirms Cass' difference from White people, while providing an alternative solace: Asian solidarity.

Shiva gives Cass her first real choice. It's not exactly a good choice, and it's somewhat coloured by White perceptions (the idea of 'perfection'), but it's still the first major thing Cass gets to decide for herself. She even frames Shiva's path as opposing "Batman's method;" it's the beginning of her path away from White control, towards racialised agency.

It's no surprise, then, that Shiva is the one that helps Cass over her death wish. Not Bruce, not Babs, but Shiva - a literal and metaphorical link to her heritage.

Another Stephanie Brown Segment

As an integral part of Cass' sexual and gendered awakening, Stephanie of course plays a role in Cass' understanding of race. Moving from Puckett's run into issue #38, Stephanie and Cass have this iconic conversation on the rooftop:

I've written before about how this marks the beginning of Cass' foray into gender and sexuality, but this scene has a different meaning when viewed from a race angle. Stephanie is the quintessential American girl, with blonde hair and blue eyes; additionally, she's sexually and romantically experienced. Cass' own Asian appearance, then, may be causally linked to her lack of experience.

When Stephanie comes back as Robin, we have this moment:

Cass is unable to be perceived as non-threatening, helpful, or friendly, while Steph achieves all this with ease. Beyond the differences in temperament (Cass is definitely the spooky scary type), it's also the difference in costuming - Robin's bright colours and majority-unmasked face make for a friendlier appearance than Batgirl. Once again, Cass is unable to control other people's perceptions of her.

It's notable that the majority of Steph's appearances throughout Batgirl end with her leaving Cass on a rooftop. This happens in issues #38, #53, #54, and of course War Games. Their relationship is consistently tenuous, and I think this contributes to Cass feeling like she'll never belong in Steph's world.

Tai'Darshan Turns the Tide

At this point Cass is in pretty bad straits: no one has ever shown romantic attraction to her, Steph is mad at her, and she still doesn't have a full understanding of her race (bar Shiva, she's encountered no other Asians). This feeling of disenfranchisement from both the White and Asian worlds is a very common experience among third culture Asian kids, particularly mixed-race Asians.

Then comes Tai'Darshan, the second major Asian person Cass interacts with.

He is the first person to show romantic interest in her, and asks to "see [her] face." He wants to see her interiority and her skin - Cass' Asian features are now described as something attractive, something worth seeing.

Where Cass is creeped out by Conner's gaze on the boat, she's not similarly affected by Tai'Darshan. She's beginning to understand racialised dynamics, and finding comfort within other Asians rather than her majority-White friends and family.

Both during the fight with Tai'Darshan and the later fight with Bruce, Cass wears these eye-cut-out masks. The eyes are both the site of perception and the site of Asian racialisation, as the most identifiably 'Asian' part of people's faces. By wearing these kind of masks, she's allowing others to perceive her race, reclaiming racialised perception as an act of choice rather than something imposed onto her.

Choosing

In the final arc of Batgirl (2000), Cass sets out to find Shiva. The decision is spurred by this conversation, where Brenda explicitly asks about Cass' race. Everything has been building up to this acknowledgment of Cass' fuzzy origins, a recognition that the uncertainty around her race impacts her ability to achieve full self-actualisation.

Cass rejects Batman's help on the matter, instead going to Onyx:

By going with Onyx, a Black woman, instead of Bruce, Cass is starting on her journey towards racial solidarity beyond Asian communities.

The abrupt ending to Batgirl (2000) kinda cuts off any definitive arc, but I actually think what we have already paints a solid picture. There definitely is a lot more room for explorations into Chinese culture (Spirit World kinda covers this), Cass' relationship to White proximity, interactions with other Asian characters and more. I think her Asian identity deserves more of a spotlight, and I'm hoping more comics in the future delve into it.

[mulligans-tavern]

https://www.tumblr.com/doomed-to-wanda/747617028751474688?source=share

Inspiration above

TW death, grief

---

Five Funerals

They lose Fig first.

Comes with the territory when you're an archdevil - somebody's always looking to take your spot. "Don't worry about it," she says, opening a Planeshift to the recording studio. "It's just the usual rebellious fiends. Icythorz and Bolhondrus and the rest. I'll be back before you know it." She looks resplendent in black leather, the Unfaithable Bass slung across her back, riding the fiery Daymare surrounded in jagged red shards.

Adaine knows before everyone else, but can't believe the vision to be true until she learns that Ayda is gone, too. She scratched every memory of Fig out of her notes before starting over - it was too much pain to bear. The five of them know how it feels.

---5---

It's a few years before they take another hit. Another mission to the Mountains of Chaos, another world-ending calamity to be stopped because Who Else Is Going To Save The World? A small misstep, a miscalculation (six where there should be five, they're only five now) and suddenly the routine becomes deadly.

Riz takes the fall. "It's easier this way," he says, in his last moments. "I'll still see you." And he does. Agent Gukgak Jr., now, with some extra responsibility. But he still comes by. Sometimes. Every so often. Often enough.

---4---

Kristen is next. Only one thing could bring down the most gifted cleric of the age - sacrificing herself for her friends. Third time's the charm when it comes to death, it turns out.

Gorgug is the most hopeful that she'll come back, that she'll find a way again, like in the Nightmare Forest. But Adaine knows this is the end. Even Arthur Aguefort agrees. He quotes Alanis Morissette at her funeral. The followers of Cassandra pull out all the stops.

Adaine, Fabian, and Gorgug have their own ceremony at Ashgrove, next to the Gukgak family plot. It's quiet. Bucky cries into Ragh's shoulder. Aelwyn, Jawbone, and Gertie collect flowers. Tracker stays for a few minutes to say goodbye.

---3---

They quit adventuring after Kristen's funeral. And they don't lose anyone else for a long time. Riz still visits, every few years. They talk about the good old days, how silly it was that Baron was so terrifying when at the end of the day it was an honest conversation that finally did him in. There's rumours that Kristen has ascended to goddesshood herself - Adaine doesn't buy it. She's not the type to be revered.

They come out of retirement for the only reason they would - to bring back one of their own. They finally found Fig's soul, trapped in a ruby in the darkest levels of the Abyss. They can't ask anyone to come with them - it's too dangerous, it's too personal. It's missions like this that kill people.

And when it's all over, when Adaine carries Fabian's burnt, unconscious body back to Morded Manor, they have another funeral to plan.

Gorbag and Roz have already passed, and Wilma and Digby are too old to make preparations, so it falls to Jawbone to organize it. He knows they don't want a lot of fanfare. It's at Ashgrove again, just Adaine and Fabian and the Thistlesprings, and Aelwyn and Ragh. Sandra-Lynn is back in Solace - she sends Adaine a heartfelt text saying she appreciates the invitation, but she can't bring herself to come.

Riz doesn't show for the ceremony - he's desperately scouring the heavenly realms, trying to make sure Gorgug ended up somewhere he wasn't afraid of. Orcish heaven doesn't have him, he reports, and neither does Cassandra.

If he's trapped in the Abyss with Fig, at least they have each other.

---2---

Adaine sees Fabian's death the night of Gorgug's funeral. She needs to prepare, she tells herself. She knows it's going to be hard. She needs all the time she can get, and she needs to know which goodbye will be their last.

They grow old together. Not romantically, although some speculate. Fabian becomes a multiclass advisor at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy. Adaine works in Bastion City as an archivist, with occasional trips to Fallinel for Oracle services. They go for vacations sometimes, but never for too long. The memories find them no matter where they go. Sometimes Adaine wishes she could be Ayda, scrape off the old wounds and start fresh. Arthur talks about her sometimes. She's never had the same spark as that one lifetime, he says.

Adaine watches the wrinkles grow beside Fabian's eye, watches his hair turn grey, watches the Future of Dance become its Mentor. He trades his Battlesheet for a cane-sword, then a regular cane. He takes to wearing the Gregorian necktie to classes, no matter how much it clashes with his outfit. They both wonder how many of their own teachers lost party members.

Adaine holds Fabian's wrinkled hand on his deathbed, in his old room at Seacaster Manor. He grins, flashes the same perfect teeth as on the first day of Freshman Year. "Bet you didn't see this one coming, did you?"

"I did," she whispers, tears streaming down her young elven face. "I knew it would end like this. But I always hoped it would last forever."

They're the last words he hears.

It's not the first funeral Adaine organizes. All the Bad Kids held one for Buddy Dawn, back in high school. She and Fabian worked together on the services for Jawbone, Ragh, and Chungledown Bim - who finally caught up to Fabian in both of their old ages. It is the first funeral she has to organize alone.

Some of Fabian's students attend. Arthur Aguefort gives a short speech, and a few students hear the story of Kalvaxus' return for the first time. Adaine sits with Aelwyn in the front row, a few seats down from Hallariel. Gilear records the service to show Telemaine later. Riz is somewhere deep undercover - he maybe hasn't even heard yet.

She always knew she'd be the last. She didn't expect it to hurt so much.

---1---

Adaine stumbles through a few years before she finds herself again. They pass so fast without a mortal lifespan to hold up against them. She drifts between Fallinel and Bastion City for the most part, with occasional return trips to Elmville. Aelwyn always has a place for her to stay. Seacaster Manor was turned into a dormitory for Aguefort students who needed a place to study, or sleep, or stay away from home for a while. Tracker converted Morded Manor into a temple/bed-and-breakfast for worshipers of Galicaea. Strongtower Luxury Apartments was demolished soon after Fabian started teaching at Aguefort. It seems like everything is different now.

Adaine visits Leviathan once, on a whim. The Compass Points hasn't changed a bit. On a chance meeting in the stacks, Ayda looks at her with a spark of familiarity.

"Adaine Abernant?"

"Yes... you remember me?"

Ayda shakes her head. "There are mentions of you in my journals. I leave journals for when I regenerate-"

"I know. I remember."

Ayda looks intrigued. "I wrote that you were a great wizard, and a good friend. I hear from other sources that you are the Elven Oracle. Perhaps you can shed some light on why the pages around yours are torn to shreds or redacted to the point of unreadability?"

Adaine places a gentle hand on Ayda's shoulder. "I don't know if you'd want that. You lost someone you cared about, so much that you thought it was better to forget her than to bear the pain of losing her."

Ayda considers this. "Is it better to forget?" she asks. "Would you give up the memories of those you lost, in order to keep a logical mind?"

"No. Not for anything."

"Then we should talk."

Adaine smiles. "I'd like that."

---2---

*end

Thanks for reading all the way through! I wrote most of this at 2am and the conclusion the next morning. Please take a reblog to share with your friends or drop a like to let me know you enjoyed - or hated - the story!

Ask me anything about it, please, I love discussing these kinds of theories!!!

[rellsingsovern]

In my notes during this whole season I’ve kept track of loose ends and just other plot points I think could make for a great senior year (which now seems likely that we will get down the line in the future) and this finale gave me almost everything I wanted and more so here’s what I think we’re gonna see (plus things that I just rly want to see lol)

-first and foremost, BARON IS STILL IN RIZ’S BRIEFCASE!!! the spectral mordred manor probably is not there as that was a haven sent out by cassandra during all the divine interventions in falinell and the bad kids dove in as a last second decision, but baron is still definitely there. ‘I am somewhere always close to Riz Gukgak’ and while everyone’s journey with their sexuality happens on their own time and Riz shouldn’t have to come out if he doesn’t want to yet, now that he’s coming to terms that his friends might not always be together in the way he wants to I think it would be healing for him to fully confront and accept his aro aceness and have support with that and realize that even if they can’t be physically together his friends won’t leave him for other relationships

-Fabian is getting a new baby sibling, but that is not the only sibling he’s ever had. James Whitlaw made references to his half siblings from Bill that he killed and ate, I am POSITIVE that at least one is still out there and probably has it out for Fabian (as Bill married Hallariel, raised Fabian, and dragged his ship into solace to give him a new life) and an arc where Fabian has to defend himself against an older sibling while growing to love his younger would be amazing to see

-kalina, bakarath, bobby, and buddy ofc, I’ve been wondering where kalina has been this whole time, and I want to see more of bobby getting what he deserves. Cassandra’s been through a fucking lot this season but her familiar apparently might be a big bad along with arianwen again so sorry cass but the cat’s gotta go. she still directly got pok killed riz deserves to hunt her down and avenge him a second time

-speaking of, Arianwens been making moves in sylvaire! Adaine and aelwyn will surely kill her but from the looks of it even though she got her magic taken away she may have some sort of power. Cant wait for these sisters to be able to live immortal lives without their parents looming over them

-BUCKY APPLEBEES!! bucky, a paladin of cassandra, gathering the courage to ask Kristin for help getting bricker and cork out of the Applebees residence, maybe moving into mordred and everyone immediately being enamored with these cute little boys who honestly might turn out to be mumple instead of wanting to attend the adventuring academy and Kristin being so happy they aren’t being raised in a pressure cooker anymore and affected like she and bucky were affected, happy that they can be normal kids (and in being around Kristin’s other sisters, adaine and fig, Kristin ends up getting that sister she always wanted in bucky too)

-I’m so happy Fig is getting what she wants and realizing she doesn’t want to finish Aguefort, and it would be awesome if she got a new character and the bad kids took on a new party member for the year played by Emily so all the intrepid heroes are still together, but Fig could be hanging out between mordred and Seacaster and leviathan and Hell, writing music and helping Kristin spread word of the cassandra/Ankarna pantheon through it, and since in sophomore year we saw Penelope dayne daybreak and Johnny spells all kicking it in hell maybe Jace (who ik was a minion mostly but hey he could be evil on his own) is down there with some other bad kid nemeses

-more Galicea and Sol. Sol canonically was all for bringing Ankarna into the pantheon of himself, his sister galicea, his other sister cassandra, and his son helio. It was Sol’s followers who saw Ankarna brought in as another god of the sun and brought about the ruin and corruption of Ankarna alongside the house of sunstone in order to get more power for themselves with just the one solar deity existing. Both Sol and Galicea (and maybe helio) have been hardcore shaped by their followers, Galiceas wolfish side being repressed by the high elf state of falinell and being brought back through wolfsong, and Sol with the human clerics of highcourt scheming to make him the only god with a sun domain despite him officiating and welcoming Ankarna as his sister in law through the marriage. Plus if we get galicea arcs we defo get Kristin and tracker messy lesbians arcs

-Gorgug perfecting his new subclass he invented and Kristin enjoying being student body president! She deserves it, I hc that the only academic sort of thing Kristin cared about before this year was the lgbtq+ club and now she’s extending that energy into everything with the help of Riz, who cannot get off of coffee someone help this poor boy. And since Ragh and shellford have graduated I want more Torek Railgrinder, she’s so cool let’s flesh her out more. Gorgug thinking about how to teach other multiclass barbarian/artificers and perfecting all his awesome inventions (and dating both Unit and Mary Ann bc it’s what his poly ass deserves)

Basically the potential plot I see for senior year is almost a mirror of sophomore year: baron getting out and fighting Riz and the bad kids defeating him for good, the bad kids heading to leviathan after hearing rumors of a pirate calling themselves a child of Bill Seacaster looking for Fabian, heading to falinell to see what’s new with wolfsong and tracker and maybe seeing some changes in Galicea or Sol, heading to hell and meeting up with Fig for a portion (she doesn’t go to their school anymore! she ain’t gotta go on this senior year spring break quest!) who’s been hanging out in hell, tracking Jace and other enemies, establishing her power as an archdevil of the first layer of hell, writing awesome music, and finally back to sylvaire to figure out what the fuck is up with kalina and arianwen and this weird new god buddy has and they all graduate and head their separate ways but they still love each other and see each other all the time they’re family and they’re badass and they’re perfect