#Ideology of Death TW

[kalevalakryze]

Giggledust

Fandom: Star Wars - All Media Types, Ahsoka Series Pairings: Sabine Wren/Shin Hati, Sabine Wren & Ahsoka Tano & Ezra Bridger & Shin Hati &  Hera Syndulla & Jacen Syndulla  Characters: Sabine Wren, Shin Hati, Ahsoka Tano, Ezra Bridger, Hera Syndulla, Jacen Syndulla, Chopper Warnings: Non-Consensual Drug Use, NSFW themes (Non-explicit),  Ideology of Death, Addiction, Child Trafficking  Notes: For Whumptober Day 6, Alternative Prompt, Prompt: Drugging (Alternate Prompt) Word Count: 2,970 AO3 Link: Here!

“I guess there’s a rumor about some kind of ‘First Order’ trying to rise from the ashes of the Empire,” Sabine explained as Shin, Ezra, and herself made their way through the streets of Mon Gazza’s underworld, past old pod-racing tracks and through overcrowded markets. 

“I thought this was a New Republic allied world?” Ezra butted in, tripping over a Gungan’s outstretched foot as he caught up to Sabine and the silent wolf at her side.

Shin only turned to raise an eyebrow at the Jedi as he finally caught up, walking a beat behind Sabine, level with Shin. “Right…” Scratching the back of his neck, Ezra immediately perked up upon seeing one of the vendor’s stalls. “Hey, maybe it’ll be best to split up? Meet back in half an hour if no one finds the contact?” 

Both Shin and Sabine shared a look at the suggestion, though Sabine pinching the bridge of her nose sealed the deal. “Just don’t forget the-” He was gone before she could finish speaking. 

Sharing one last look with Sabine, Shin brushed off down a seemingly random alley, leaving the Mandalorian with her comms, and a well overused callsign. 

Half an hour passed and she hadn’t had any luck, on her way back to the rendezvous, however, she managed to get a hit. The man was covered up well enough that she couldn’t make out any identifiers, but the twisting in her gut told her this stranger was something. “Hey, It’s a long way to Hosnian,”  

Sabine wanted to sigh in relief at the curt nod of their head, watching as his hand disappeared into his robes; presumably for the data-tape, though she was met with a face full of powder. It was an absurd amount, finding its way into her system in her first breath, falling into the cracks of her armor and sticking to her suit. “Here! They’re here! The Smuggler!” He barked out, calling for New Republic security, who despite never patrolling these sections, just so happened to have a full squad standing by as Sabine was framed. 

“Karabast,” She’d know the feeling of giggledust in her veins any day, had spent a good deal of time working with Ketsu handling all kinds of spice, under the guise of ‘building an immunity’. This was at a concentration and abundance that the two Mandalorians had never even had in one place at the same time. 

The world around her came into such a razor sharp focus, she felt as if the world around her was pixelating. “Stop it right there!” A voice shouted, bringing a muffled giggle from the Mandalorian as he approached. 

“What am I holding?” Her hands squeezed into fists, lucidity failing her as the drug fast-tracked into her system. A stun shot moved towards her, seemingly in slow motion, allowing her to jump out of the way and bring it to hit a civilian. “Oh! Stormtrooper Academy, huh?” 

Scrambling to get up, The Mandalorian took off, tripping and stumbling, yet still managing to keep several paces ahead. “Ah fuck fuck fuck!” Sabine breathed, brushing past people as she ran, unrestrained laughter bringing a wheeze to her breathing as her lungs constricted. 

An invisible force yanked the Mandalorian from the side street, a tall, lithe body trapping her between the bricks as the stranger’s hand came to press into her mouth, muffling the giggling as Republic troopers rushed past. 

In the dim lighting, Sabine could make out the dyed purple of Shin’s Padawan braid, and the little glint of beskar around their throat. “Kurs’kaded!” Her voice was muffled, until she dragged the flat of her tongue across the palm of their glove, earning her a crinkled nose and a grossed out expression.

“You don’t know where that’s been,” Shin deadpanned, wiping Sabine’s slobber off onto her cape. “You were not at the rendezvous, and then we watch you run from the Republic, what’s going on?” Pressing her hands into Shin’s hips and tugging the woman closer, Sabine busied herself with trailing her lips along their throat. 

“Dunno,” She hummed against their pulse point, delighting in the way they shivered as she pressed a toothy smile against warm skin. “But there’s better stuff that could be going on,” Shin’s hand pressed into Sabine’s chest the moment the Mandalorian’s thigh slotted between their legs.

Silver met gold in a moment of terse understanding. “You were drugged,” She stated, wiping the sandy looking powder from the paint on Sabine’s armor. 

“Fulcrum, Spectre five is compromised,” 

“Copy Wolf One, moving in for pickup. Did you find the contact?”

“Bridger is engaging now,” 

Comms went silent as Sabine blinked dreamily up at Shin, lips pulling at the corners as she fisted her hands in their tunic against their hips. “Hey, Shin, psst-” She whispered, struggling to lean up with the hand on her chest. “I know what they meant when they told me to hold on,” This time, the pull of Shin’s hips was halted with the other woman’s tensing form, pressing her back into the wall harder to stop herself from giving in, and turning Sabine’s smile into a dramatic pout. 

“Shin,” A whine halted only by giggles at the sound of her own voice, somewhere in the haze that her brain had quickly turned into, Sabine had enough humility to cringe at herself. “C’mon, ‘Soka’s gonna be a minute, and you look really good-” Their brows furrowed as the Mandalorian slid back against the wall, dropping her body to her knees until her nose was brushing against the taller woman’s knee. “I’d never ask you for anything again, swear on my grave- oh! Swear on the graves of my  buire!” The smile slipped from her lips as the arousal and giddiness were swept away as the pendulum swung. 

“Though, they didn’t really get graves- They were probably hett’la , into nothing.” Tears stung at her eyes as the blonde gaped downwards at her, trying to process their best course of action with the wild change to Sabine’s mood. “Poof,”  Her voice cracked, hands grasping at the blonde’s shins to ground herself to them. 

“They died with family though- that’s good.” A sniffle as the fabric of Shin’s pants became wet with heavy tears. “The whole family, except me; that’s fine; I didn’t want to die with them anyways. They didn’t want me for so long- why should I?”

“Ahsoka,” Shin’s voice was equal parts relieved and strained as a figure joined them in the alley. “She’s been hit with spice- a decent amount of it,” Their nose crinkled again as Ahsoka joined Sabine’s position, kneeling at Shin’s feet, putting herself close enough to be in Sabine’s line of sight the next time watery golden eyes blinked open. 

“Sabine, can I pick you up?” Ahsoka’s voice was gentle, reaching out her hand to the woman’s shoulder at the same time as their force bond. 

“Yes please,” She whispered, though she refused to release her hold on the backs of Shin’s calves, still pressing her face into their knee as Ahsoka tried to work her hands away. 

“Ad’ika,” Ahsoka soothed, reaching to brush her fingers through sweat and spice infused hair, nose crinkling as she caught the smell of the drug in the air. That wasn’t going to be fun for her immune system to fight through later. “I need you to let go, Padawan,”

With continued coaxing, Sabine’s hands were finally guided from Shin’s legs to Ahsoka’s neck, allowing the Mandalorian to wrap around her just as tight as she wanted. “Shin, clear us a path that won’t trigger the patrols,” Turning her head to talk into the comm on her wrist, she addressed Ezra. “Spectre six, meet us back home, do not bring the package straight home, I need you to make a pit stop,”

“Fulcrum, I think I read your mind already,” Ezra chimed in on the other end, a smile clear in his voice. “I’ll meet everyone back home, can’t wait!” 

The push back to the ship was long and treacherous, with Sabine’s moods switching from laughing at the happenings around them, to hiding her face in Ahsoka’s neck and crying, to seeming perfectly normal the next moment, enough that she would often voice how much she hated this, until seeing something that made her laugh all over again. 

Inside the T-6, Ahsoka managed to set Sabine on a risen bench, helping the Mandalorian as she fell back. “ ‘soka? My head hurts,” 

“I bet, what did you take?” Ahsoka started pulling the woman’s armor away, holding out her hand to stop Shin when the wolf moved to help. “If she got on you, you need to change, you’ll be more sensitive to it,” They looked like they wanted to argue, looking down at the tunic, covered in the dusty brown substance. Nodding once, Shin slipped away to the crew quarters. 

“Huyang, we’ll need to clean everything, they’ll all be at risk if this gets in the vents.” 

“Of course, Lady Tano. I’ll get filter upgrades on the to-do list as well.” 

“Thank you,” Ahsoka sighed, working on setting Sabine’s armor to the side, nose crinkling from the acidic smell of the spice. “That’s been cut,” 

“Mmhmm,” Sabine grumbled below her, trying to shove her arm out of  her flight suit without unzipping it. “Giggledust, can’t recognize the other one,” A harsh bark of laughter as the Mandalorian shook her head. “Should be able to, can’t. Hilarious,” 

“Let’s go down the list, then.” Ahsoka helped ease the top of her flight suit off, stopping the spice from falling onto her underclothes. “Grab my shoulders,” Ahsoka helped Sabine stand, keeping the younger woman from spreading more of the spice as the human’s fingers dug into her shoulders. “Ryll?”

“Master, your shoulders are so-” Sabine snorted, almost doubling over were it not for the Togruta helping her out of her contaminated flight suit. A bout of giggles had the woman covering her mouth and turning her head, holding on to Ahsoka to keep herself stable. “No, I don’t think it’s any Prime Kessel strains; can’t mix them, or… I’d probably be dead.” Laughter died as quickly as it started. 

“Fuck, Ahsoka,” The hands on her shoulders trembled until Ahsoka was rising back to her full height, steadying Sabine through another swing. “I hate this,” 

“It’s glitterstim,” Shin called out as she exited the crew quarters, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed over her chest. “That is why she’s swinging so wildly, though there is another I cannot figure out…” The blonde moved to settle onto the other end of the bench, brows pulled in concentration. 

“Felucian?” Ahsoka suggested, helping Sabine back into the bench. 

“No, I remember everything… too much,” Her elbows fell heavily onto the table, hands weaving into her hair to pull on short violet strands. “Spice is expensive and risky, why would they waste it on me if it wasn’t going to kill me?”

“If they got you addicted, then you, a key player, would be out of the game; they’re hoping you’ll try to chase this to your own demise.” Shin’s shoulders shrugged nonchalantly as Sabine groaned. 

“Great, this is great,” Laughter, once again bubbled past her lips like glass in a hydraulic press. Ahsoka settled herself on Sabine’s other side, guiding the Mandalorian’s fingers from her hair before she could pull on it. “Fuck!” She shouted again, knuckles white as she grabbed Ahsoka’s hands with her own, squeezing as she tried to fight her way through the next swing as it burned in her veins. 

“Engspice, fuck, fuck, and hey, guess what? Fuck!” Sabine’s legs bounced as she forced herself to focus through the painful mix of sharp and blurry of her distorted vision. “Engspice fucks a person, they get hooked until they die, and I can’t… Ahsoka if that’s what kills me? I’ll never see them again,” 

Shin’s hand rested on the center of her back as her Moon swung, frowning at the sweat dampening her undershirt. “We won’t let that happen, me’suum’ika” “How many people get over a spice addiction on the other side?” Sabine spat hotly, resting her forehead against the table to avoid looking at either force-sensitive on her side. 

Shin’s muscles tensed unexpectedly as the woman shrugged her shoulders. “Unimportant,” their legs crossed under the table, fingertips pressing into Sabine’s back before smoothing her undershirt out again. “But you aren’t alone in it,”

“First, however, we need to remove all traces from the ship, and get you sobered up,” Ahsoka chimed in, gently squeezing Sabine’s hands before letting go and rising to grab the Mandalorian’s armor. 

Dramatically, Sabine let herself fall into Shin’s side, pushing her way up and under their arm to be in their personal space as Ahsoka and Huyang worked on getting the contaminated clothing out of the ship and cleaned up. 

“What do you remember about the person who dusted you?” Shin questioned, begrudgingly allowing Sabine to press up into her side as another bout of unrestrained giggles passed tired lips. 

“Kinda like you, when we first met; just a lot less pretty.” Sabine’s nose crinkled for a moment as she pressed the side of her feverish face into Shin’s shirt. “You smelled a lot better too, once I got past the burning insides thing-”

“What did he smell like?” Shin’s fingers brushed through the hair on the back of Sabine’s head, nails scratching against her scalp soothingly as the Mandalorian’s hand moved under the table to rest on the blonde’s thigh, the other supporting her head with an elbow on the table. 

“Jealous?” The tensing of their leg under her hand had the purple haired woman laughing, massaging away the flexing muscle as she examined the new fabric beneath her fingers. “Your new pants are nice; would be nice on the ground though,”

“Sabine,” There was a warning in their tone, a sharp eyebrow raised as the hand carding through her hair tightened, pulling lightly on short hair and stopping only when the Mandalorian offered a lopsided smile in response. “It may help identify him, you know.”

“Of course I know that; there’s just some more important things on my mind, like me, you, my bevagol; no one else is in the ship right now,” Her hand pressed up higher along Shin’s leg, The hand in her hair tightened again, guiding Sabine’s head back enough until she was forced to let out a soft gasp, following the direction of the pull on her head. 

“You will tell me what you recognized about this person’s smell first, then we will discuss.” 

Groaning, Sabine shook her head free from Shin’s claws, slumping into their side like an angry toddler as she crossed her arms over her chest. “They smelled like sweat, like they really needed a shower. Like the sewers on Coruscant, that specific kinda acid they’ve got down there, but dusty enough that he could have come from one of the spice mines on planet? Or was that just the dust in my nose-”

“Unless the Imperials are employing the miners, now that the New Republic has control over the trade again.” 

“The Imperial’s can’t employ anyone, the First Order can.” Sabine snorted, shaking her head as she forced her way into Shin’s lap, looping her arms around their neck and waiting until the blonde shifted to hold her Mandalorian close. 

“Sabine-” Shin grumbled unenthusiastically, arms wrapping under Sabine’s thighs and around her back as she tucked herself into them. “Yes, The First Order,” A scoff as her chin came to rest upon the crown of Sabine’s head. “Though I would put it closer to an outsider, Imperials and the like have a distinct odor, no matter how long they’ve been in the system, if you did not pick up on it, it was either someone disconnected from the mission, or a mercenary.”

“And what does my ver’verd’ika think about it?” Sabine pressed her face into their throat, smiling as she felt more than heard the heavy swallow from her teeth so close to the pulse point. 

“They’ll be connected somehow; The Empire cracked down on the spice trade to control it, and if your mark was willing to waste such an extensive amount to hit you with, they’ll have more, or the promise of another shipment.”

Ezra’s head poked into the ship as the sluggish gears in Sabine’s head started to move. “Hey guys? We’ve got a hit, black robes, vial of dust; they picked him up trying to nab a kid; Ahsoka’s running damage control, but Shin, we should keep an ear out in case he slips Republic custody,”

Sabine snorted as Ezra stepped into the ship the rest of the way, pulling off the cloak from around his shoulders as he dropped into the seat Sabine had once occupied, allowing the Mandalorian to push her legs out across his lap. “Aaand ‘soka thought you’d be hungry,” From the bag strapped to his leg, the Jedi retrieved three neatly wrapped crupa breast sandwiches. “Close to not being like, safe; but we’ve had worse,”

“Damn right,” Sabine grumbled, snatching a wrapped parcel from the table. As the Mandalorian and Jedi dug in, Shin reached out in the force, feeling for Ahsoka and any update she could get on the mission status.

The gray apprentice’s eyes opened at the tap of bread and meat against her lips. “I have a bad feeling about this,” they managed, before Sabine was urging them to take a bite. 

“It’s not that expired, Kurs’kaded,” 

Shin only hummed their response, there was no use in clarifying; Ahsoka would confirm for them if this new ‘First Order’ was dabbling on their attempts of forced child enlistment into their hidden forces; They’d have to trust that whatever was brewing, the force would see them through it. 

Translations: Kurs'kaded - Wolf Me'suum'ika - Moon Bevagol - Dick

[quillandquotation]

Sylvia Plath wrote "Lady Lazarus" in 1962, during a creative burst of energy in the months before her death by suicide in 1963. The dark poem provides insight into a suicidal mind, a glimpse at the horror of being a woman in a patriarchal world, and a critique of society's twisted fascination with suffering." Lady Lazarus is told from the perspective of a woman in a male-dominated society, and the speaker repeatedly blames her suffering on the men whom she sees as oppressing her. The poem suggests that the men mentioned are the ones—whether loved ones or doctors—who keep bringing the speaker back to life, suggesting how little autonomy women can ever hope to have in a patriarchal world. 

[pushing500]

Barghest has acquired an unfortunate new personality trait thanks to his flu but has still decided that Candlelight is his best friend despite the fact that she has the audacity to be female.

When I opened the Ancient Danger on my map, a bunch of very old and disoriented ancients were released from cryptosleep caskets. They did not elect to join my colony, which was fine, but they also didn't leave. They stuck around and annoyed my colonists by wandering into their bedrooms at night, swiping food from the freezer, and going to sleep in the gateways of the animal pens so the ducks, boomalopes, and devilsheep could escape.

I didn't do anything about it because I still held out hope that they would eventually just wander off the map. However, the short-faced bear I rescued from an animal transport pod crash had other ideas. The bear, who is named Echo, has apparently been killing and eating the ancients while I've been distracted. I guess she doesn't like kibble. Ah, well, it solved the problem, and I appreciate her efforts.

I think Kaz appreciates the effort that went into a legendary quality monument bearing his likeness, even if he pretends to be embarrassed about it.

Baby Child Andy is having the time of his life. Mum is teaching him how to shoot, he is allowed to go for "nature walks" amongst the herd of wild triceratopses at the veeeery edge of the map (it scares me every time he does it), he can ride the thrumbos around like a little king, and our honoured guests even make an effort to chat to him while he draws on the floor.

Speaking of our guests, they are from The Green Empire, the faction Connie was originally from. This means that they all believe in the "men should wear hats" ideology that Connie believes in. They have never been without a very embarrassed blush and a mood debuff for being "exposed" while they're in my colony.

They all have hats, they just take them off while they're visiting despite their own discomfort. It amuses me.

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[sea-critter]

trying to hold it together but… just read about Nex Benedict (may their memory be a blessing) who was a Native non-binary teen murdered in their high school bathroom in Oklahoma.

thinking of Akira Ross, a Black queer woman murdered in Texas, less than an hour from me.

thinking of all the queer & trans young people in the south who die at the hands of bigots.

just feeling really fucking sad and sick to my stomach.

[queerbauten]

I’ve said it before, but the way Zionists have twisted “some Gazans oppose Hamas” (an extremely normal thing to happen in any place that has any sort of political structure) into “[all] Gazans want noble Israel to destroy barbaric Hamas” is… well that IS ethnonationism for you

[marblecakemix]

Maia, a young lesbian woman talks about her experience with transness and life in Israel till recently (she moved to the US after the war). A very interesting interview to listen to.

[xxswagcorexx]

tumblr user xxswagcorexx why do you insist on hiding away half your analyses/ramblings in the tags of your posts speak ur truth!!! anyway talk mythology andor symbolism to me whats the significance behind red's cult eating honey? do either of them get any items of power mixed up sometimes but just go whoops and move on like its no big deal? what would an outsider pov on this mess look like "ah that pair of lunatic gods again" bc this is sooo funny to me to imagine

i am . scared of everyone (and plus i don't wanna make the post too long and tags let me ramble without worrying abt length/mention small things without feeling like i need to format it properly ^_^

and uh abt the honey thing. this is where u can see this is Really inspired by greek mythology but basically in greek mythology, honey was seen as food of the gods and would provide gods immortality and whatnot ^_^ anyways i was like "hmmmmmm reddoons core" but also it just really works well. aesthetically for him

(AND GET READY FOR A LONG RAMBLE UNDER THE CUT)

anyways on the topic of the honey thing, i tend to associate red with gold because 1) money and 2) red and gold are a really classic color combo that i love, so honey (sorta) resembling molten gold is just. really aesthetically pleasing to me

and also iirc red wanted to make the byzantine empire in earthbound season 2? and when i came across a video on how to make byzantine honey fritters by tasting history with max miller i was like "omg reddoons core"--and from the video it seems like honey was a bit of a special dessert? in 6:33 of the video, there's a poem about a monk complaining about how the abbots have it a lot better than the monks and they mention that the abbots had 2nd helping of honey fritters so yeah i think its safe to assume honey was a semi-special thing, even if it was common. so uh. yeah. money and reddoons. thumbs up

and for the longest time i have associated bees and honey by rina sawayama with. swagdoons in general and the entire song is about how much the singer loves money and partying even if they're broke as shit LMAO its such a good bop if you like pop i recommend it . anyways ya that just added to the aesthetic in general

(as u can tell most of it was based off of vibes and plus in biased because i like how. warm milk and honey taste and plus i really like the idea of milk being something nurturing and honey being something sweet that is representative of love bc ur being sweet and easing someone into something so. Yeah. just vibes but how i figure out vibes are so specific that its worth explaining i think <- loves romanticizing the mundane) (and there's a sick ass line from the end poem like that) (like "And the player was a new human, never alive before, made from nothing but milk and love. You are the player. The story. The program. The human. Made from nothing but milk and love." come ON that line fucks so hard how couldn't i love it)

anyways i think with all of that in mind, red's cult would eat honey as a sign of wealth and comfort/nurturing 4 those reasons ^_^ (i am so sorry for all of that for explaining that i just have lots of Reasons to why i feel something sometimes)

WILDLY OFF TOPIC but u also asked abt items of power getting mixed up, i think it would happen most during worship </3 i think they'd just go to each other and be like "REDDOONS one of your cult members sacrificed blood as a loyalty pact to their partner instead of WAR again. u want it" and red would either let ash keep it or take it so uh. insert them sharing their power with each other here even though their values are usually on increasing ur ego and being on top of the world (CONSIDERING THIS FANDOM LOVES THEMES OF LOYALTY IN A GAY GAY HOMOSEXUAL WAY) (SEE WHY I DDNT WANT THEM COMING FROM ANOTHER GOD OR MERGING INTO 1 GOD) (THE IMPLICATIONS ARENT GOOD)

anyways i think ash and red (as gods) and their cults are pretty well known (like how swagdoons r the 2nd most popular ls ship) but LORD if their myths got lost to time they'd be a nightmare to study via texts and scripts in the future. like i can imagine for the LONGEST time historians argue if they were gods that changed during the dark ages because red's name predates ash until they Finally find a myth involving them as 2 different characters and its settled that they're 2 separate gods even though they represent similar-ish things LOL anyways yeah i can imagine more myths of them being found and historians going ??? wtd were these gods <3 hope that answers ur questions anon! :D

[miramaramora]

It's not enough that Palestine be liberated

That's the minimum, Zionists need to be punished

They need to pay for forcing doctors to use war medicine , for causing the doctors to prioritise one patient over another because supplies aren't enough , for causing doctors to perform surgeries without anesthesia and watch the injured squirm in searing pain , for making it so that people need to gather the tattered remains of their families and put the body parts together like it's puzzle .

They need to pay for making Arab countries send coffins to Palestine to preserve the dignity of the dead who are otherwise placed in food trucks .

Even after Palestine is freed , the zionists need to pay , not just the Israelis but the American politicians and soldiers who armed them AND the rich cowardly Arabs who encouraged them .

[spacebabe51]

Now do you believe, in the one big sign?

[sparrowsage]

For the five sentence fic!

"Regret burns in Sparrow's chest. A tear falling down his sunken in cheeks."

TW: mentions of death and very heavily implied suicidal ideology

Regret burns in Sparrow’s chest, a tear falling down his sunken cheeks. His body goes lax in his restraints and all he can do is stare in Logan’s general direction, his eyes slightly glossed over. 

He should’ve been there with him, he should have fought harder to stay. But despite everything he did, he had still been dragged away, kept from the one thing he cared about. 

“Aw, are you upset that you didn’t get to say goodbye?” Logan asked, mock sympathy clear in his tone, “That in his last moments on this Earth, you weren’t there to comfort your little friend? That you let him die alone and afraid?” 

Logan is more than delighted that he had struck several nerves in the slave and the fact that all it took to break him was killing the one thing that had kept him fighting. 

“Now you’re stuck here, without him. It’s better that he died, now that I think about it,” Logan started, walking out from behind his desk to stand in front of Sparrow, who didn’t even look up at him as he spoke, “because now you have no ties to anything in this world, which leaves you in a state of vulnerability which I’m sure every Keeper would love to exploit. Maybe if you can’t hack it here, you’ll be able to join the runt, but for now, you’re stuck with me.” 

Logan was right, Sparrow had no ties to anything anymore. Ever since he had been brought here, he kept to himself, determined to get through this hell all by himself. But the kid was something different. The kid had given him hope, had given him a reason to keep fighting and to not give up. The kid had given him a reason to live, and now he had none. 

Sparrow had tried before, but he had always been caught. There weren’t many ways to do it, and the few times he had attempted before had been too slow; easy for the Keeper’s to intervene and right before it was too late. He’d have to find a quicker way if he finally wanted to be free from all of this. 

[marchlione]

ok, but like, why do christians romanticize suffering and subservience so much 🤨

[hisui-dreamer]

Hi, congratulations on 1k followers! I love your writing a lot and I was hoping you could do Villainess AUs with Malleus? Like isekai manhwa style? Thank you!!

the gazelle's sweet briar

Pairing: Malleus Draconia x f!reader

Synopsis: your first objective was to avoid the main characters, but it's not easy when you only have the memories of your friend's ramblings to work off of

Tags: cliché isekai plot, reincarnation, fluff, arranged marriage, tw (mentioned): bad parenting, patriarchal society, death

Word count: 1.6k+

Notes: @coralinnii has an amazing series based on isekai villainesses, so i definitely recommend you check out her work too! im so in love with it (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)

Masterlist

Once upon a time, there lived a villainess of exceptional allure, her visage as enchanting as a moonlit night. However, this bewitching beauty concealed a heart blackened by a singular obsession with appearances.

From the earliest days of her upbringing, her mother, a woman who had managed to step into aristocracy by charming a noble, had instilled in her a cruel belief: that those who were not blessed with physical perfection were destined for lives of relentless mockery and eternal solitude. This twisted ideology consumed the villainess' every thought, blinding her to the virtues of education and morality. She became nothing more than a porcelain doll, admired solely for her aesthetic charm.

The King arranged a marriage between her and Duke Draconia, the enigmatic descendant of the dragons who ruled the northern lands, believing that such a striking bride would surely please the reclusive Duke.

However, the King remained oblivious to the swirling rumours that pervaded the courtly circles. Whispers spoke of the Duke as a hideous man who had never once revealed his face, perpetually concealed behind a forbidding black mask. When the rumours reached the villainess' ears, she threw tantrum after tantrum, vehemently refusing to wed a man whose appearance couldn't possibly match her own.

Yet, a royal decree could not be denied. Reluctantly, the villainess embarked on her journey to the northern realm in bitter acceptance. It had rained the moment she arrived, the castle dark and uninviting, with thorns crawling onto the obsidian walls. The Duke, an oblivious and shy man, did not greet her at the grand entrance. Instead, she was met by the Duke's advisor, a man with a curiously boyish features.

Humiliation welled up within the villainess' heart, for she felt as if she were being played the fool by the entire duchy. On the eve of her arrival, anxiety gnawed at her like a relentless spectre.

As night descended, the Duke, mustering his courage, attempted to approach the vexed lady.

But when the villainess beheld his masked face, terror seized her like a vice. "Stay back! You hideous beast!" she cried out, her voice trembling with fear, and she recoiled, her steps faltering as she retreated from him.

The Duke, wounded by her cruel words, attempted to console her, his outstretched hand beseeching understanding. Yet, her irrational dread overcame her, and she continued her backward retreat until, with a heart-stopping scream, she slipped from an open window.

That was how the villainess' life ended.

you hadn't actually read the book, but it wasn't difficult identifying who you got reincarnated as

especially with how your best friend obsessed over this villainess because, and i quote, "if pretty, why evil, huh???"

you woke up a week before the villainess would depart for the North, but that week alone was enough to make you understand the way she acted

every day, you were fed portions fitting of a child, had your skin rubbed raw as you were bathed, and not a moment of your mother's nitpicking about a sudden imperfection she found in you

in truth, you were more than glad to leave for the North, even if that's where your life would be on the line

the survival plan was simple: maintain an amicable relationship with the duchy until the night the heroine stumbles in to ask for a night of shelter, to which the heroine would heal the emotional wounds of the Duke, and share with him the beauty of love, bringing warmth into his heart

and so, you arrived at the estate, the castle tall and intimidating with the clouds dark and foreboding

still, you stepped out of your carriage (with wobbly legs) and met the advisor (your friend's favourite character, in fact)

the advisor, lilia, though seemed young, was actually the very man who raised the duke in the absence of his parents

he welcomed you as the lady of the duchy, and led you to your quarters

by nightfall, you were quite comfortable with living in the estate

everyone was polite, the food was delicious (and properly sized), and you had no doubt you'd settle nicely here

as a precaution to the death sequence, you decided to take a stroll in the rose garden after dinner

if you were already on the ground floor, you couldn't fall to your death, right?

but unexpectedly, you encountered a lone figure in the centre of the garden

he was incredibly tall, dressed simply, his emerald eyes fixated on the estate

upon closer inspection, you noticed he had long horns as well, perhaps he was a gazelle beastman?

either way, you were curious about what it was that held his attention so strongly that he couldn't notice your presence

"Excuse me, sir? May I ask what is so interesting about the building?" you timidly break the silence of the night.

The man turns to you, his eyes widening in surprise. "... Do you not know who I am?"

You blinked in confusion at his words. His words filled you with a sense of foreboding. You wondered if this person matched any of the characters your friend had so fervently described, but all you could recall was the beautiful villainess and the enigmatic advisor to the Duke.

"My apologies, I'm afraid I do not... May I know your name, sir?"

A faint smile tugged at the corners of his lips as he considered your question. "No... If that is the case, you may call me whatever you wish."

Perplexed by his response, you tried to come up with a suitable name. "Then... May I call you Mr. Gazelle?"

Upon hearing your words, he burst out in laughter. "Hahaha! What an interesting choice. Very well, I accept the name," he said. "In response to your first question, I was observing the gargoyles of the building."

on that night, not only did you learn more about the fascinating functions gargoyles serve, you also made your first friend in this life

strangely enough, you didn't meet the duke at all unlike the novel, which though strange, you greatly welcomed

if you didn't have any ties with him, then it'd be so much easier to just divorce him, get the money, and live a comfortable luxurious life far away from the main characters

though as you say that, you find yourself wanting to spend more and more time with "Mr Gazelle"

despite his intimidating appearance, he turned out to be a very generous person, frequently gifting you little trinkets he's made or bouquets he's arranged

he's started calling you "Briar", after the roses in the garden where he met you

you greatly appreciated the nickname, it felt better to be called that than the name of the villainess, that you could just be yourself and not play the role of a villainess avoiding ruin

you also find that whatever musings you've mentioned to him, they somehow manifest themselves

oh? you wish you could learn about embroidery? the next day there's a basket full of the highest quality threads and fabrics, with a gentle tutor to help you learn

(you still remember how cute "Mr Gazelle" looked when you gave him your first finished product, a handkerchief with an embroidered gargoyle)

what's this? you'd like to try more desserts from the capital you were never allowed to try? say no more! the next day the chef presents you with 10 different choices!

so you assumed he was an advisor of sorts to the Duke, because how else could your requests be granted so easily?

but one day, around two months after you started living in the duchy, "Mr Gazelle" asked you questions about the duke, whether you were afraid of him, would you prefer to meet him, curious questions like that

though surprised by the topic, you answered honestly, saying you don't really believe in the rumours (because you know from your friend he's an ethereal beauty) and yes, you would like to meet your husband

and what do you know? lilia informs you the duke wants to share dinner with you. what a coincidence!! :)

Nervousness held you in its grasp as you stepped into the room. Your gaze remained fixed on the carpet beneath your feet, and your knees bent gracefully as you executed the perfect curtsey.

"Your Grace."

You could hear sounds of shuffling, and then a pair of black boots entered your field of vision. Familiar hands found yours, guiding you to rise and stand upright. "Rise, my Briar," he murmured gently.

With hesitant anticipation, you finally looked up, taking in the obsidian mask that concealed his face. That voice, that nickname, and those enchanting eyes—it was all too familiar.

"Mr Gazelle..." you whispered in disbelief.

His eyes narrowed in mirth as he chuckled. "Although I hold great fondness for that name, I do wish you could call your husband by his name," he said as he began to remove his mask.

"Malleus..." you breathed.

A tender smile graced his lips, and his eyes sparkled with affection as he delicately brushed a stray lock of hair from your face—a gesture he had done countless times before. "My sweet Briar, I implore you to forgive me for deceiving you. I wished nothing more but to know you," he pleaded.

Oh, with how loud your heart was pounding in your chest, you realized that you were irrevocably and hopelessly ensnared in a love story that had deviated far from the original story.

But you didn't feel a single ounce of regret.

Masterlist

if you liked this post, don't forget to reblog!

[ifyouknowmenahyoudontt]

ranting about the fandom ( TW: opinions)

- remus is so badly mischaracterized, the shift from him being a soft sensitive kid despite the violent nature of his condition was so so important but now he is turned into this mean angry alpha male. i feel like the point of him being so sensitive was to contrast w him being a werewolf ya know. bring back weird and awkward remus

- gay ships that are just there because they’re gay is pretty strange. i’m speaking of the whole jegulus/pandalily/whatever new thing ppl come up with i don’t really understand the point of just thinking that making a couple gay makes them more interesting. seems a little counterproductive .

-jily loosing its popularity is killing me. bring back my 7 year slow burn prophecy beautiful love story they are the most important ship

-sirius being a feminine dramatic gay twink. this man was a motorcycle owning rebel strong guy. and believe it or not he CAN be gay and still be that. him being gay ( in our head canons) doesn’t mean he’s a woman

- turning gay ships into basically a straight relationship by making them so stereotypical ( wolfstar w feminine af sirius and strong man remus)

- shipping character that died and fought against a certain ideology and people that were actively apart of the problem is kinda crazy. like jegulily? my brother in christ regulus wanted her dead.

-fanon regulus. he was a strong willed DEATH EATER he wasn’t forced into it or abused by his family. it.is.stated.in.the.book.

-deatheaters are interesting characters BUT don’t tell me people are babying and glorifying them in a effort to explore their complexity.

-some of you are blinded by the fancasts and forgot all about what the characters are.

- the new fan casts are meeeh. they’re not all supposed to be supermodels…

- jegulus taking over the fandom is insane.

-andromeda should be getting the regulus treatement she is what you made regulus into.

-frank and alice should be more loved.

- the romantization of that whole pureblood supremacist squad is NOT cute.

-james potter my beloved.

- i don’t really like the idea of the casanova being remus. i feel like it would james or sirius based on how remus talked about his high school years

- jily is way too important to the universe to be discredited.

-lily evans being put behind regulus is CRAZY. my girl did not die for this bs

-sirius being criticized for leaving is wild. regulus was not abused and didn’t even want to leave. sirius was mistreated.

- i kind of like the idea of the developed character of walburga. sirius said she wasn’t a deatheater. and i like people writing her as a more complex character.

- as much as i love wolfstar, james and sirius’s relationship stays the central point of the gang.

-ships have taken way too much importance over the friendships of the group.

-i feel like a people make female characters into lesbians ( like lily ) just because they are strong characters and it’s weird.

- yes once she got married to james she was lily POTTER and she was a mother just like james was FATHER they’re is nothing wrong with that.

- jegulus/ any ship between a member of the order and a deatheater is just plain stupid sorry but if your head canons goes completely against the core of a character it’s just a wrong statement.

before you start “LEt pEoPle dO whAT thEy WaNt” these are MY opinions

please share yours i love to debate

[animeyanderelover]

Anon: How would yan chuuya, jouno, light, megumi and gojo react to a darling that just doesn't care that they're yanderes?

I already did a similar concept with Chuuya before but I added him nonetheless because I wrote this with a darling in mind that is even fine with the Yandere killing

Tw: Yandere themes, possessive behavior, obsession, delusional mindset, clinginess, isolation, murder

Tags: @maggiequinn59 @shumidehiro @leveyani @izanami78 @lovley-valentine7

Darling doesn't care that they are obsessed

Yagami Light

✍️Light takes the information very well, a pleased grin on his lips when he realises that none of the things that he does seem to bother you. It’s a sign of submission from your side, something that could only ever please a man with a god complex like he has. This is how it should be after all. You should know your place and love him utterly and completely for the perfect being that he is. Light has done some terrible things in the name of his proclaimed love for you, things that he believes he has the right to do as no one is allowed to steal the person away from him that he plans to keep by his side after he has become the New God. Stealing what belongs to a deity is nothing short of a sin. A sin that has to be punished with death itself. After having confirmed that his feelings for you haven’t scared you nor have some of the actions that he has committed which you were aware of, Light starts truly testing how far your adoration and your dedication go for him. He reveals his ideologies, his mission, his identity to you as well as the future he plans to have with you all whilst you remain loving and loyal. Oh, you are indeed worthy of ruling this world alongside with him. He chose wisely.

Nakahara Chuuya

🟠Chuuya tends to let his delusional side get the better of him yet upon initial discovery that you truly don’t care about his behavior as long as he keeps on loving you and treating you well, the Executive is a tad bit concerned. Are you sure? You’re really fine with all of this? He’s in the Port Mafia, he’s killed people for you even. It’s just hard to believe that you accept all of it as gracious as you do to the point where Chuuya wonders if you’re trying to trick him. That distrust remains for a while even if you give him no reason to doubt you. Paranoia is rarely soothed by logic after all. Once Chuuya has been convinced that you truly mean it when you say that you don’t care about his obsession he gets undeniably more delusional though. If you don’t mind his obsession after all he can’t possibly be as bad as he thought he was. He starts indulging in his obsession for you more and more as you basically give him a free pass, asks of you to move in with him so that he can protect you better all whilst spoiling the living shit out of you. He doesn’t really have to hold himself back as much anymore which leads the Executive to turn his possessive behavior up quite a bit. You won’t mind after all.

Jouno Saigiku

♦️For Jouno this knowledge is a bit of a double-edged sword. On the one hand you are easier to deal with, don’t throw any tantrums which could get on his nerves and show quite a level of obedience that deeply satisfies his possessive side. The composed sound of your heart doesn’t overwhelm him but sometimes he also finds himself getting bored. Don’t forget that this Hunting Dog is still an utter sadist after all who would love to listen to the melody of your frantic heartbeat once in a while. After all it’s quite unspectacular for you to be so monotonous with your behavior and your acceptance all of the time. As much obedience and acceptance you may give him after all, it is all for naught if Saigiku doesn’t have control over you by having you fear him. Loyalty and love are not enough in his mind, not if there isn’t fear that weights you down and has you carefully thinking about every stupid decision you might make. The sadist inside of him is truly talking out of him with this desire yet Jouno never attempts to restrain his actions. Since you’ve already taken so well to everything that he’s done so far he’s sure you won’t mind learning how to be a bit scared of him~

Fushiguro Megumi

💙Megumi’s silent paranoia has led him to justify his overprotective and somewhat overbearing behavior most of the time yet there is a shred of awareness still left somewhere inside of him. It is this last shred of sanity that is the only thing letting him know that you shouldn’t think this way, that you should be scared of him. Perhaps you’re trying to trick him? Something holds Megumi back from believing you when you first admit it to him, almost accusing you of trying to fool him so that he lets his guard down. The moment you manage to convince him though that you are speaking the truth the last shard of awareness shatters and leaves him thoroughly led by his paranoid and overprotective instincts. Of course he trusts you. It’s everyone else that he doesn’t trust though. So you two better spend time alone with each other where others won’t be able to bother the two of you. When he isn’t with you, try not to leave the house. If you do, please contact him and let him know where you are, what you are doing and when you are back home again. No, he isn’t overbearing and overprotective. He only wants to ensure your safety, wants to know you’re safe.

Gojo Satoru

🩵Gojo totally eats your behavior up as soon as he knows that you really don’t mind his overbearing, clingy and paranoid attitude. This man has no restrains to begin with as he never holds his affection back but everything becomes even more gross for the people forced to watch as soon as you indirectly give him the free pass. The man is thrilled, constantly smothers you in love and presents and he quickly pushes this relationship to move in the direction he wants it to go. You quickly find yourself moving in with him as it takes him little to no time to convince you, you find yourself spending an almost overwhelming amount of time with him as he gets quickly jealous when you pay attention to others as his possessive and needy nature quickly cages you in. You’re compliant, you’re sweet and you love him for the person that he is which only pushes Gojo to cling tigthter and tighter to you. He finds comfort in you, he finds his peace when he’s with you and he only confines his pain and his feelings to you. You know him. You understand him. You love him. For those reasons he will never let you leave him nor will he ever let anyone lay a finger on you.

[dead-boys-club]

†  the hero : shigaraki.

❥ scenario: tomura dealing with emotions for the enemy. ❥ uuuuuuhhhh... tw for death. technically multiple but you only read about one. ❥ i don't have any beta readers - you get what you get. ❥ half requested.

❥ this post has five parts to it and it's a shit show. if you have issues with tomura actually feeling human things - please leave my inbox out of it.

❥ the timeline here is fucked. the ending has tomura with red eyes, bite me. it's a fucking shit show. enjoy.

❥ hate me, please. even if you can't hate me more than i hate myself. this is 8651 words.

✧*̥˚ the feelings *̥˚✧

it's no shock that tomura would be confused and very much in denial. not only would he not understand his own feelings or the fact he could feel such a way but falling for a hero? he's supposed to despise them; it goes against his entire belief system. he would have trouble navigating such feelings, mostly because he wouldn't. he wouldn't want to deal with them. he would go the route of bullshitting his way through it and brush them off as fascination or curiosity, telling himself it was entirely about their quirk - yes, that's all it is. he couldn't possibly feel genuine affection towards a hero.

he wouldn't handle it very well. he'd be frustrated beyond belief. pro heroes are obstacles, enemies - the bane of his existence, actually. not romantic interests. the ingrained hatred would be significant to his frustration. he would barely be able to comprehend his own level of agitation. it would just continue to grow and gnaw at his thoughts.

the one thing he wouldn't expect was the sudden self doubt that bubbled up. was he going insane? he would feel as if he couldn't trust his own judgement. was he becoming weak? to tomura, emotions just get in the way and make someone too vulnerable. it felt like parts of him were exposed and raw. he would struggle with the uncertainty and the internal conflict would have him collapsing in on himself.

internalizing everything and trying to rationalize would only make things worse. he would become obsessed with them. he would find some way to learn more about them - he wouldn't go as far as stalking them but he needed to know more. he would analyze every action, movement, word - it would prove to be a distraction more than once. this would lead to more interactions, making sure he was part of any scene they were. he wouldn't admit it but he had a strong desire to be near them.

of course, he'd wonder why. what made them so.. interesting? was it the pseudo untouchable hero shit? he couldn't say they weren't attractive but he also wasn't sure when he started noticing those things. the way they spoke, fought, even the way they walked - he couldn't take it.

despite everything, seeing them injured would just add on to the rage he already felt, bringing it to a level he didn't even know he could feel. he would feel some weird, uncharacteristic protectiveness towards them, one he wouldn't even fully understand. he was getting sick of not understanding his own feelings. the problem started when he began going out of his way to make sure they weren't getting harmed by other villains. he'd be lowkey about it but unbeknownst to him, the hero wouldn't be as oblivious as the villains.

jealous. tomura doesn't exactly have the best hold of grasping his emotions, so seeing you with other heroes, even interacting with your fans - it all made his skin crawl in such a disgusting manner. it would only fuel his anger and confusion. his view of the world would also feel disrupted. how was he supposed to feel?

tomura wasn't built to handle moral dilemma - he simply wasn't. the hatred he felt towards heroes was deeply imbedded in his past, his goals and his ideology. having feelings for someone on the other side of the court, that he was supposed to loathe, would force him to reevaluate his thoughts and beliefs - he would have to face a lot of painful memories. he briefly wondered if his brain and feelings were pulling some sick, twisted hero version of 'daddy issues'. was there a part of him seeking something? he ignored the idea that something was looking and pleading to be healed.

why was he even thinking about it? they would simply reject him, anyway. he feared that rejection - the rejection of allegiances and of him as a human being. did they even see him as such? or, was he simply another monster? it would weight heavily on him, feeling as thought he could never make a move. that thought would lead him to his next problem: acceptance.

he would eventually accept his feelings and affections, somewhat begrudgingly. it would be slow and he wouldn't like it one bit. succumbing to his need to be accepted by them. it would have a sudden moment of clarity and being honest, he might vomit at the wave of overwhelming emotions. but, he would finally acknowledge as what they are.

slowly and subtly, he'd begin changing the way he acted towards them. to everyone's surprise and distaste, he would be less hostile, not wanting them involved in conflict. the notable change, however, wouldn't be good. as the other villains noticed, it would cause a rift and considerable tension among them. this would add only more to his plate.

drabble.

sitting in the dimly lit hideout, tomura was doing everything he could top stop the racing thoughts in his mind. the images of the pro were making a mess of his thoughts and he couldn't get any of it to go away. he hated how his heart race quickened and his hands shook just because of them. he was going mad.

'damn it,' he hissed to himself, agitated beyond comprehension. 'why them?'

their last encounter haunted him, playing on loop and reminding him of the way he was looked at. they looked at him as if they saw more than just a villain. their gaze held understanding, concern.. compassion. it made something in him flutter, something that shouldn't exist. something he so desperately wanted to ignore.

his thoughts were disrupted when toga bounded into the room. 'hey!' she chimed, eyes twinkling with mischief. everyone else may have had a problem but he didn't want to admit that she understood. 'thinking about your little hero again?'

his gaze shifted to glare at her, jaw clenching briefly. 'shut up. it's none of your business.'

despite knowing his temper wasn't one to mess with, she decided to comment anyway. 'don't be so upset! i love a hero, too!' she giggled, making her way out of the room. he did his best to ignore her but he couldn't. he was so in love and it terrified him to no end.

✧*̥˚ the hero is immune *̥˚✧

his instant reaction would be pure shock. he's never known someone to be immune to his quirk and that was his biggest weapon; what use was he against you? he would be powerless. having an immunity to his quirk sounded impossible. he would be almost like a child, having to test it multiple times, being unable to believe his eyes. you shouldn't still be standing in from of him. he was back to that disgusting, exposed feeling. he was... useless.

if he wasn't curious about your quirk previously, he was fully invested in figuring it out. he needed to understand how it worked. he would be relieved for a little while, thinking about how he actually had a sliver of a chance.. someone he could touch without worry but it would be quickly overshadowed by fear. what did this mean for him? he had no control, no power - no walls put up.

he would be even more confused at this point. tomura has a sense of superiority that seemed to suddenly be dissipated. he would get angry with the way he questioned his own power. his growing feelings for you would cause his thoughts to clash even more violently. his desire to destroy heroes would be shaken by his inability to harm one, not to mention not wanting to. the idea of hurting you made him sick to his stomach. however, that growing desire to learn more would just lead him to want to be even closer. he was spilling himself apart between fear and uncertainty against love and need.

something that would make this conflict worse would be not knowing if anything was real. the way you looked at him and seemed to not want to hurt him in return.. was it a ploy to get closer? was your immunity a threat and you were just.. a plan. a fake. he would struggle severely with paranoia. would you use this against him? his growing love for you was already a weakness but now, you could easily become his downfall.

but.. he could touch you. he could hold you. and, he kind of hated that.

drabble

shigaraki was pacing around in the abandoned building, lit only by streaks of moonlight, trying to get his thoughts straight as he battled fascination and frustration. you just watched, arms folded and hip cocked. you couldn't count the amount of times he'd taken your hand or touched your arm, expecting you to crumble but there you stood, unscathed. he couldn't read your expression.

'how?' he finally asked, stopping in his tracks. his voice was low, something anyone else would consider dangerous but you were confident nothing could really happen. 'how are you immune?' "why did you come? why do you keep meeting me?' he didn't voice the questions in his head.

'my quirk makes me resistant to certain types of physical damage. usually it's against things like fire damage, ice.. surface poisons. i'm guessing your decay falls under that category.' you brushed it off as casually as you could because in reality, you hadn't known the extent of your own quirk.

he took a deep breath, a whirlwind of emotions racing through him. 'why didn't you tell me? this isn't the first time we've met.' he hoped it wouldn't be the last.

you frowned a little to yourself before your gaze softened and your arms fell, shrugging. 'i knew you would see me as a threat,' you answered, 'i liked the idea of you getting to know me as a person. not a threat, not a hero.'

you had to be taunting him, right?

'you.. you're.. different.' it was mostly said to himself but not quiet enough to not be heard. he wanted to stop closer to you, to reach for you, but he stopped himself, hands trembling at his sides.

you, on the other hand, took a step towards him. 'tomura.. there's a lot more to you than just decay. the day i took your hand and we both learned i was immune? you realize i did that not knowing what would happen? you don't have to be defined by.. all of this alone.'

his breath caught in his throat and he looked away. the way you said his name with such gentleness, it made his heart ache. his eyes closed to attempt calming himself and he found himself imagining a world where you were right. a world where he wasn't a villain, where he could be with you without all of the complications. that wasn't possible.

but, those thoughts had to come to an end and reality was a harsh thing. 'this changes nothing,' he muttered, voice a bit shaky and lacking it's usual conviction. fuck.

you just nodded. 'it's a start.'

unable to shake the feeling he had, he knew it was best to say nothing more and turned to leave. he couldn't allow himself to show such a vulnerable side to you.. not when he still didn't know your motives. your immunity to decay could be something much more than a quirk, it was painting itself out to be a symbol of hope that maybe there was more to life, to his life, than fear and destruction.

✧*̥˚ the confession *̥˚✧

the atmosphere felt heavy and thick with the tension of unspoken feelings. you stood across from tomura once more, tucked away from the world in your usual meeting spot, one that shouldn't exist to begin with. you wanted to say it was worth it, unable to deny the growing bond between you, but was it? it was nice to have a place away from the prying, judgmental eyes of society, of heroes and villains. but, what would the cost be if you were found?

'we.. can't keep meeting like this, tomura. it's dangerous.' you began, knowing that both of you would face horrible consequences.

he shifted his weight, uncomfortable and awkward, eyes narrowing as he tried to hide as much as he could. 'you think i don't know that?' he hissed out, hands clenching, 'but i.. i can't just stay away. i..'

you furrowed your brow, trying to figure something out. you searched his features for some type of answer, even a sign of the person beneath the villain standing before you but it was useless. 'why do you keep coming back to me? what is it you want?'

a long pause followed your question, your desperate attempt for something, anything to ease the curiosity. his fingers twitched, palms burning with how his desire to destroy everything around him was clashing with his own desperate need to hold something - someone - and feel human for even a moment.

'i don't understand it. you make me.. question everything and i hate it. i don't know what any of this is or how to handle it. you've made me feel things that i've kept buried for so long.'

listening to him, you took a few steps towards him, leaving only about two feet of space. 'then tell me what they are and i can figure them out with you. i've said it before, tomura, you're so much more than you're giving yourself credit for. you're not just.. a vil--'

you were cut off. 'i don't need your pity, so stop. i'm not a lost cause that you can save. i'm not just another badge for your hero bullshit.' he spoke the words through gritted teeth, angry and confused about.. everything.

'if it was pity and i thought you were just a lost cause, we wouldn't be standing here. you'd be in custody,' you pointed out firmly, straightening your shoulders, 'it's not pity. pity doesn't make me meet up with a villain who is trying to kill everyone around me. this is.. this is something else.'

he didn't know how to respond for a moment, your words echoing in his head. his heart began to pound, his confidence shattering and his mask nonexistent under the weight of his feelings. 'i don't know how to say this.. i've spent so long hating, destroying.. being angry. i didn't know i was capable of feeling something like this.'

you knew things were bleeding into a territory they shouldn't and you should have stopped the moment you fully began to understand what he meant. but, heroes have their faults, too. instead, you moved closer and gently collected one of his hands. 'it's okay. just say it, whatever it is, say it. i'm here.'

his nerves were eased by your touch, gripping onto it carefully as it grounded him to reality, one that was becoming far too overwhelming. he couldn't remember the last time he felt the warmth of someone beneath his fingertips for so long and it broke him even further.

taking a deep breath, he let it out and met your gaze. 'i.. i think.. no. no, i know. i've fallen for you,' his voice grew quieter with each word, no longer trusting or confident in his own voice, 'it scares me.. but, it's the truth.'

you knew what was coming but your eyes still widened upon hearing it. you moved on your own, even closer, your free hand coming up to settle over his cheek. 'tomura,' you whispered and God, his knees threatened to give out every single time you said his name. 'i've fallen for you, too.' you knew the deep shit you'd be in if anyone found out but in the moment, in that place, labels didn't exist.

his eyes fell shut as he leaned into your touch, breath shaky. for the first time in such a long time, he felt a sliver of hope. he felt, even if for the briefest of seconds, some type of peace. 'but.. what does this mean for us..? what can we even do.. how can we make it work?' he couldn't believe he was asking such things.

you just smiled, attempting to reassure him as you thumb moved over his cheek. 'we'll figure it okay, okay? one step at a time.'

standing there in silence, you held onto each other tightly, both lost in thought of how you were going to navigate the world from both sides without losing yourselves. for the first time, tomura felt like had had something, someone, worth the fighting. this time, not out of hate.

✧*̥˚ the first date *̥˚✧

a couple of weeks after the confession was the day neither of you expected to come. the sun was beginning to set over the abandoned park, painting it gold and making it seem so surreal; it was the perfect spot to meet up away from the city. it offered peace.

tomura showed up first, hands in his pockets and trying not to press his nails against thighs shielded only by thin material. never in a million years did he think he would be waiting to meet up with a pro for anything other than conflict. the confession had been intense and overwhelming and agreeing to go on a date, well.. it was uncharted, somewhat scary territory.

as you approached, you managed to catch his gaze as it lifted. he couldn't help but think of how different you looked in casual attire, bringing the tiniest of smiles to his lips.

'you're here,' he mumbled, the mix of relief and nervousness making him want to curse under his breath. he still wasn't wanting to be so open with how his head was working.

'where else would i be?' you mused, offering a warm smile in return. 'come on, let's go.'

as you began to walk, he fell into step beside you, flinching when your arm looked with his own. it was quiet for the most part, the occasional crunch of leaves and rustle of wind breaking into the silence. it was comfortable, just roaming along. it felt normal.

'so,' you began, looking over to him, 'what do you like to do, hm?'

being interesting was something he wasn't and the question made him shrug a little. 'i.. don't really know. it's been a while since i've thought about those things or had the time to.. do anything outside of, you know, the villain stuff.'

'"the villain stuff"', you snickered, finding the answer amusing though not trying to mock him. 'i understand that.. i haven't had many hobbies myself since, well, the hero stuff, i guess.'

the walk lead to a small bench, surrounded by overgrown grass and little flowers, offering an odd sense of welcoming. you sat down first, followed by him, though he was hesitant. it all felt so domestic to him, like his normal life was so distant. he wasn't sure how to relax and accept how at ease he felt.

'what about.. any favorite places?' you asked, this time a little more quiet, attempting to draw him out of his thoughts.

he thought a second 'oh.. there was a place i used to go, some years back. an arcade.. i liked the games, all the lights.. the ugly carpet. i felt like i could be normal there.'

feeling the urge to frown at the last part, you shook it off and gently nudged him. 'arcade? maybe we can go find one someday.. play some games, be normal people.' you understood the struggle with being normal, even if it had two different reasonings.

he couldn't fight the smile that appeared, looking down to hide it from you. 'yeah.. maybe.' he felt like he was trying to fool himself, like he was playing a silly game. he thought back to how little kids would play house and it quickly turned his smile into a frown, realizing he was just playing the grown up version.

noticing the change, you leaned to rest your head on his shoulder. 'we'll get there.. i promise.'

you both sat there for a while, letting the sun go down and leaving you to look up at the night sky, content to pretend nothing else mattered. you talked about little things, even going as far as to share stories from your childhood that garnered your most favorite sound; tomura laughing. it was foreign but you found yourself just falling deeper.

sighing, you both leaned back, relaxing against each other. 'it's beautiful, isn't it?' you mumbled, referring to the sky.

tomura's gaze never left your face, not bothering to look up or even figure out what you meant. 'yeah,' he answered softly. a warmth spread through him that he'd never felt before, finally understanding that the connection.. you, in general, was something he'd been missing. it was so much more than breaking rules, lying, defying labels' he was finding a piece of himself that he'd thought dead and gone.

when you turned to find his gaze on you, your own softened and you leaned just enough to bump the tips of your noses together. he still wasn't used to the affection. 'thank you for tonight. i know.. this isn't easy.. and, i don't know where it's going to go but i'm glad we're here. trying.'

with a deep breath, he shifted around to sit sideways and face you, hesitantly taking your hand along the way. 'me too.'

you laced your fingers with his own, head tipped back against the bench to look at him in the new position, gaze full of nothing but warmth. that's how you both stayed for a while, well into the early morning, just talking. both of you felt a glimmer of hope, the promise of some type of breakthrough. something real. that could possibly make sense one day.

✧*̥˚ breaking point *̥˚✧

as the numbers on your clock switched to shine back at you just how late it was, you took a deep breath and decided it was finally time to try and sleep. it was normal for you to be awake past midnight but you just felt so drained. as you rose to head for bed, you were stopped by the faint sound of a knock at the front door. the sound put you on edge and you moved to check through the security screen, eyes widening at what you saw.

tomura was at your door, hood pulled low to mostly shield his features. something about it made your stomach twist, feeling like something was wrong and you were quick to open the door, pulling him inside. the last thing you needed was for him to get caught.

'tomura, what are you doing here?' you asked, concern evident in your voice. out of pure instinct, you began checking to see if he was hurt, heart racing.

he caught your wrists carefully to stop you, shaking his head. you took notice of how he was trembling, how his eyes flickered around the unfamiliar setting of your apartment as if someone was going to jump out and end your little game.

'i didn't know where to go,' he finally answered, voice raw and broken. 'everything.. everything is.. it's too much. i don't even know what to believe anymore.'

you were confused and worried. the man before you most definitely wasn't the one who was trying to kill you almost two years ago but he also wasn't the one who had spent several nights on a park bench laughing with you. you gently got your wrists free and guided him to the couch. 'talk to me, what happened?'

as he sat down, he held his hands in front of him, arms resting on his knees. he stared at them as if they were foreign to him, gaze filled with desperation and fear. 'do you know how long i've spent being told what to do.. who to hate, what's good, what's bad.. and now there's you. everything is different and it's.. it's terrifying.'

you weren't going to begin to say you understood because you didn't. your struggles were on a completely different playing field. that didn't stop you from reaching out to take his hands. 'you're not alone and you're not going to ever face any of this alone. it's okay to be scared.. you're human. i don't care what anyone else has ever told you - you are human. all of this.. it's new for both of us and while i can't say i can see from your view, i will be here and we will figure it out together.'

he flinched, watching the way your hands went around his, almost like he was waiting for what would always come. he still wasn't used to it and he was so scared the one day, all it would take was the brush of his hand to lose you. 'i don't know how to do this,' he whispered with a weak, broken chuckle. 'i don't know how to be anything other than what i am. what i've been. i've barely ever been seen as human.'

it broke your heart to listen to him, wishing you could go back and change something - anything - so that he didn't have to experience what put him in such a mindset. 'i wish i could give you all the answers.. but i can't. just.. breathe, okay? i'm right here.' you shifted closer to pull him into your arms, hugging him as close as you could.

tomura didn't hesitate to hide against you, face pressed into your shoulder as he began to shake with silent sobs. he clung to you, fingers curled into your shirt, relishing in the miracle of being able to touch someone and doing his best not to think of the fact it was also a curse. maybe.. just maybe, had you not been immune, you'd both be better off.

'i've been so angry for so long,' he finally spoke again, muffled against your shoulder. 'angry at everything.. heroes, the world, myself, all of it. but you, i can't even explain.. you make me feel so much more and i don't know what to do with it. are we supposed to just.. hide for the rest of our lives..? be.. ashamed..?'

'ashamed..' you repeated, tightening your hold on him, 'i'm not ashamed.' or, were you? you told yourself you could never be ashamed to be with him but he was right, you were both hiding. you'd both be traitors, untrusted.. unwanted. 'i.. i don't know. it's not easy and.. i just don't know.'

he didn't respond and you didn't expect him to, your answer giving him next to no relief and only giving yourself more to think about. but, you stayed put for a while, holding him as he cried, letting out years of pent up emotions, the weight of fear and doubt becoming too much. slowly, his sobs began to slow and his breathing evened out. he wasn't anywhere near done but his body really had nothing left.

'thank you,' he muttered, voice hoarse as he turned his head, coughing a little. 'i.. i really don't know what i'd do without you.. how i made it this far, even.'

'you never have to worry about that,' you promised, gently brushing his hair aside. you hoped your own worry wasn't noticeable.

leaning up to press a kiss to his forehead, you pulled back slowly to get to your feet, holding out your hand. 'stay, let's go to bed. you need the rest.. away from everything.'

✧*̥˚ golden gaze *̥˚✧

off for the afternoon, you sat on your couch, head in your hands as you reflected on the events of three nights ago. seeing tomura so broken and not being able to give any answers - it put you in a place of wondering just what was going to happen. was your quirk such an unfortunate thing to put you in such a place? you didn't ask to fall in love but you knew walking away wasn't an option. you were startled out of your thoughts by a knock and honestly, you were getting nervous about visitors and upon getting up to check, you had every right to be. behind your door was hawks, his usual relaxed expression replaced with something serious. something.. dangerous.

'hey,' he greeted when you finally opened the door, his tone telling you this wasn't just a friendly visit. 'we need to talk.'

fuck.

you nodded and let him in, door closed and locked behind him. hawks made his way into the living room, golden eyes scanning out of habit and to search for something - for someone. once you were both seated, he eyed you for a moment.

'They've got me watching you. It's been two weeks now,' he said bluntly, clenching and unclenching his jaw. 'They know something's up. Suspicious as always.'

your heart sank and you knew the way you flexed your fingers and looked away said all that he needed. 'i see,' you whispered. you knew it could happen, even being so careful, and the confirmation felt like a punch to the gut. no matter how hard you tried, lying to him wasn't possible.

hawks sighed and leaned back, pushing a hand through his hair. 'Look.. we're friends, have been for a while. So, I'm gonna be straight with you and ask. Who is it? What have you been sneaking around for and do I need to put an end to it?'

you knew that fighting your best friend wasn't something impossible and as much as you'd both be against it.. you shook your head. the weight of your friendship made you tell the truth, knowing your secrets were at least in good hands. 'Tomura Shigaraki,' you confessed, looking down as your fingers gripped at your sweatpants, 'we.. we've been seeing each other. i know, i know how it sounds and it's complicated but it's real, Kei. you know i wouldn't risk so much if it wasn't.'

hawks' eyes widened before he let out a low whistle, head shaking as he let your words sink it. 'Shigaraki.. that's.. damn, that's big.' he was still processing the information, genuinely at a head with how he was supposed to react. when he was called in, he expected it to be something small. 'Can't say I'm a fan, for obvious reasons. He's dangerous, and everything he stands for goes against what all of us are fighting for.'

you didn't need to be reminded and it brought tears to your eyes, unable to stop them. 'i know, kei. but.. please, try to understand, he's different when it's just us. he's trying.. i- i feel like he could change. i believe in him.' it sounded pathetic, betting your career on love and hope.

hawks was silent for a second, analyzing you before he scooted closer, a hand settling on your shoulder. 'i won't tell anyone. the commission won't hear it from me. as far as i'm concerned, you've just been sneaking out to catch a break.'

your head snapped up, looking at him through the blur of your tears. 'thank you.. but why? you.. why would you take such a big risk..?'

he didn't want to make things morbid but it was something you'd already heard from him. he gave a sad smile, squeezing your shoulder. 'I can't take something away from someone that i've always wanted. a real connection, real love.. someone to come home to. it's rare. and if you really think he could change, maybe there's hope for you guys. i can't.. get in the way of that. you wouldn't be here, like this, if it wasn't real.'

his words only made more tears fall, the stress and anxiety of the last several days finally hitting their breaking point. 'i.. i don't know what to do, kei. h-he's scared and doesn't know what to do.. fate is s-so fucking cruel to do this to us,' you sobbed, lifting your hands slightly in a gesture, 'to put us against each o-other.. the opposite sides of a full blown w-war.. and make us love each other? why..'

shifting around, hawks pulled you into a hug, wings folding around you in a protective manner. 'it is fucked up.. but, i'm sure you're going to figure it out. you're not alone in this.'

you clung to him, sobbing against his shoulder and letting out the tears you couldn't, wanting to be strong for tomura. hawks just let you be, whispering what he could of reassurances and offering comfort that it seemed you desperately needed. as you began to gradually calm down, finding it difficult to breathe, you pulled back slightly, beyond thankful to have the blond as such a close friend.

'thank you, kei,' you whispered, wiping and rubbing at your eyes.

he shrugged, wiping away a tear from your cheek with a small smile. 'hey, what are friends for? i'll do what i can to help.. just, be careful, alright? one step at a time.'

you sat together for a while, telling him more and getting his comments. you were thankful for the support, feeling a little less suffocated by everything. the future was uncertain but you would find a way.

✧*̥˚ confrontation *̥˚✧

tomura sat at the worn out table of the hide out, one arm crossed with his forehead resting on it, lost in thought. he seemed to be going over the same thoughts as you. what he hadn't expected was the door to swing open with a harsh bang against the wall and dabi to enter, eyes bright with anger.

'it is true?' he ask, voice dripping with contempt. 'you've got to be kidding me. you're involved with a pro hero?'

he was too tired to fight. 'what if i am?' he asked, head lifting to look at him, expression unreadable. 'it's none of your business.'

his brow furrowed when the latter slammed his hand on the table, the rattle making him groan. as dabi leaned closer, eyes flickering, he knew the conversation wasn't going to end well. 'what the hell are you thinking? they're the enemy - our enemy! you're the leader of the league of villains, for fucks sake!'

he'd never exactly seen the other show that much of a reaction to something and honestly, a tiny part of him was amused. 'you're talking like you do anything but chase after your pro hero father for acknoweldgement. you're going to lecture me?'

before dabi could respond, toga had slipped into the room, a look of concern on her features. 'i think you should calm down,' she said, stepping between them. 'do you really think it's that simple? come on.'

turquoise eyes rolled and a laugh sounded, echoing in the most empty room. 'not that simple? he's fraternizing with the enemy, toga. this could destroy everything we've ever worked for.'

toga shook her head, glancing back to tomura before speaking, her tone soft but firm. 'no, it won't. shigaraki knows what he's doing. besides.. maybe this could be a good thing?'

getting up from his seat, tomura stood up, meeting dabi's gaze. 'i'm not betraying the league. i know what's at stake but.. i won't give up on them. it's making me question things, sure, but maybe toga's right.'

looking between the two of them, the oldest scoffed. 'why are either of you even here? you both sound like lovesick morons. what's next? are you going to go and beg to join them next?'

toga frowned at the words, knowing her own interaction with heroes was just as complicated. 'he's right.. we've all questioned things but we're all still here. maybe.. it'll be a push to a better path.'

his anger wavered as he looked between them once more, feeling uncertain but he was aware no one was changing their minds. 'and what happens when your precious hero betrays us? what happens when they betray you, shigaraki?'

it wasn't a thought that tomura wanted bouncing around his head, not again. his gaze hardened and his fists clenched but he had nothing to say. he trusted you but no one was going to listen. toga just looked up to him, feeling sympathy for his dilemma. he was thankful at least one person was on his side.

dabi sighed, frustrated, and just threw his hands up. 'whatever. when this backfires, don't expect me to clean up the mess.' and with that, he was already stomping off out of the room, head shaking.

'don't worry, we'll handle it together,' toga said, regaining some of her usual playfulness as she turned to face tomura. 'we always do. i'm here for you, too.'

tomura felt a slight sense of relief that it hadn't escalated any further, humming at the girl's attempt to comfort him. '..thanks, toga.. i appreciate it.'

she winked, showing off a toothy grin. 'anytime! now, let's figure out our next move, yeah?'

✧*̥˚ the delusion of a happy ending *̥˚✧

the night was quiet, eerily so as you patrolled the outskirts of town. but something felt off and you couldn't put a finger on it. the darkness felt heavy, almost suffocating as your stomach began to twist with an overwhelming sense of dread. you couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong but what? everything seemed normal. nothing seemed out of place. not a soul was even in the streets.

and suddenly, the air began to thicken, crackling with what could only be a sinister energy. you shouldn't have turned around. you should have flagged the others and done your best to run but you didn't. you turned on your heel to face the one person you knew you couldn't defend yourself against. All For One stood before you, his presence felt like it was crushing you and he radiated malice.

'good evening, hero,' he began, voice mocking. 'i've been waiting to meet you.'

you hesitated before taking a defensive stance, deciding if you were going out, you'd at least try. 'what do you want?'

his response was to chuckle and it made your heart pound, skin crawling at the sound. 'you see, there's been something of a.. complication recently. shigaraki seems to have taken a liking to you and.. well, that simply won't do.'

your eyes widened, realization dawning on you. 'you.. how do you..?'

'i know everything,' he answered, tone laced with disdain, 'i cannot allow this distraction to continue. he must remained focused on our goals.'

before you could react, his hand raised and a malevolent energy began swirling about his fingers. moving didn't seem to be an option, feeling as if the air itself was keeping you glued to your spot. this was it - you were going to die and didn't even have a fighting chance. you almost laughed at how pathetic it was.

'this is for the greater good, you see?' he began coldly, 'your quirk has become quite the nuisance and i think it's time to get rid of such a pesky thing. you don't need it, right?'

reality was a cruel thing. he wasn't going to kill you. he was going to make you miserable. before you could speak, a sudden searing pain spread through your frame. it felt as if every fiber of your being was being torn apart, atom by atom and you screamed, the sound echoing through the streets.. or maybe not? no one seemed to hear it. your visioned was blurry by the time you were dropped to your knees, feeling empty and weak.

All For One stepped closer, his expression one of mild curiosity. 'it's fascinating how easily power can be taken away, isn't it,' he mused.'

as the pain subdued, you felt hollow.. a disgusting, heavy emptiness flooding you. you'd never fully understood your quirk but it had given you something so meaningful and it was gone. looking up to the man, your eyes filled with angry tears. 'you won't win,' you hissed out, nearly choking on the words, 'h-he'll see through your bullshit.'

'perhaps.'

with that, he was gone, disappearing into the shadows in which he came, leaving you broken on the ground. you tried to stand but your legs gave out, leaving you on the concrete to let reality fully sink in on what had happened. you were quirkless. and there was nothing you could do about it.

desperation build as you thought of tomura and you knew you needed to find him, to tell him. it took several minutes to summon any strength you had left to get to your feet, mind racing as you thought of where you could go. your secret meeting spot.. surely if he didn't hear from you, like he was supposed to, he'd look for you, right?

you stumbled through the streets, body aching and heart heavy. the cruel words of that evil man echoed through your thoughts, making you even more determined to keep going. his sick idea to not kill you but to use you against tomura made your insides burn with hatred. she felt vulnerable without her quirk but there was nothing she could do. she needed to find him.

it felt like hours before you reached the familiar spot, the bench from your first day, and collapsed onto it. your breathing was ragged and you were exhausted, pain still throbbing through your limbs. 'tomura, please..' you whispered to yourself.

it took an hour for him to appear, frantically looking for you after you didn't show up. his eyes grew wide with concern upon seeing the state you were in. 'what happened to you?' he asked, rushing to your side and instinctively reaching for you, his worry overriding his usual caution and hesitancy.

you were too slow. too slow to move, too slow to speak. before you had the chance to explain, his fingertips brushed against your arm. 'tomura, wait-!' you tried to get out, words having been caught in your throat as confusion, pain and fear filled you, overwhelming your senses. the sensation of decay was something your mind didn't even have time to describe to yourself. your eyes widened in pure horror and before he could even register what was happening, you were gone.

tomura's own eyes widened, watching his biggest fear unfolding right in front of him and it brought up too many flashbacks. 'no.. no, this.. this can't be happening,' he couldn't speak above a whisper, watching as you disintegrated and slipped through his fingers like sand. before he could fully comprehend what was happening, he fell to his knees, hands clutching the remnants of the person he'd grown to care for and love so deeply. the weight of his actions crashed down on him like a tidal wave and he could only think of one way you'd suddenly have no immunity to him.

'no!' he cried out, voice echoing through the empty alleyway, 'no, no, no..'

as he knelt there, surrounded by the dust that once had been you, someone he was willing to change so much for, he was back to the racing thoughts of conflicting emotions. the person who had made him question everything, had healed so much, that gave him hope for something better, was gone. and it was his fault. it was always his fault. he heard your voice in his head, telling him he wasn't a monster and it brought tears to his eyes.

'i am a monster,' he managed to get out, voice breaking, 'but him.. i..i trusted him.. and now.. he promised to help , to give me power.. a-all he's done it take e-everything away.. what little i had.' he didn't know how to come to terms with the new revelation, feeling like he was tearing apart at the seems. 'everything i believed in.. everything he taught me.. it was all a lie..'

'why.. why did this have to happen?' he asked himself, shaking with grief and rage. it was his fault. had he never approached you, it wouldn't have happened. the self blame hit but he was still far too angry to fully take the blame.

the reality of All For One's manipulation hit him with a harsh case of clarity. the mentor he had trusted, the one who took him in and cared for him, shaped his future.. the same man who orchestrated such a cruel fate. he felt such a burning hatred in his gut that he couldn't move. on top of his anger pressed the soul shattering guilt for what had happened, all because he was stupid enough to believe he deserved better.

as he sat their in the darkness for hours, hands stained, and weeping over the hero he loved, he no longer had any sense of purpose. who could he trust? who was right anymore..? as he let his thoughts wander, he thought back to the moment you spoke of change.. of understanding. he would carry the memory of you with him and make sure your loss wouldn't be in vain. it would be the catalyst for a new path.

as he got to his feet, elbow against the brick wall for support, he looked up to the night sky and took a deep, shaky breath. the path he was about to take was uncertain and the fight he would find himself in wasn't going to be easy - he even hoped it ended with being reconnected with you. but he would fight for a future that could honor your memory and he would find his own way, free from anyone else's control.

✧*̥˚ a tiny little bonus *̥˚✧

the sun was shining brightly over the campus, casting a warm glow over the students wandering across the grass, most likely trying to get to classes. among them, you walked between your two friends - toya and himiko. the group was chatting, laughing away as they discussed what they would get up to once all of their classes were over.

you were just starting your second year of college along with himiko, following behind toya who was in his third. the small blond girl added an bright, infectious energy to the conversation as she talked with her hands, excitedly talking about a project she was working on. toya on the other hand, while being interested, complained about his own project that he wasn't even sure would be finished in time. the day felt like quite an adventure to you, just nodded along and commenting when there was an opening.

as they walked, your attention was caught by a passing group of students - one in particular. a young man with disheveled black hair and soft red eyes, licking over his lips when one of his friends made a comment about them being dry. you bit back a chuckle when hearing a rebuttal about seasonal allergies. she couldn't ignore the way something tugged at her mind.

tenko was a transfer student who'd spent the past week unpacking and getting his schedule squared away, had somehow already made a small group of friends despite his seemingly introverted manner. as he walked, nudging one of the guys teasing him, he couldn't help but feel a strange sensation, feeling eyes on him and he stopped, turning around to catch your's gaze.

for a moment, time seemed to stand still. the world faded out and all they saw was each other, a familiar tug pulling at each other their hearts.

in your head, an familiar scene played, showing them in a pro hero costume, standing beside shigaraki in the dark alley. his gaze held fear and longing and you were brushing over his cheek, whispering that it would be okay. the memory seemed to bring tears to your eyes.

tenko, on the other hand, could see the moment he'd finally understood his quirk wasn't going to work. his hand was on your cheek, relief flooding him at the smallest touch. the raven was confused but it felt so.. familiar.

'hey, you okay?' himiko's voice broke through the spell and you blinked, head tipping towards her.

'oh.. sorry, i..' you began, pursing your lips, 'i thought i saw someone i knew..'

toya's eyebrow went up, glancing towards the young man then back. 'you know him?'

you shook your head with a frown. 'no but.. it feels like i should..? i just.. i just saw.. you know what, forget it? i sound crazy.'

tenko felt a familiar pull and as he kept walking, something told in to stop. he couldn't shake the feeling that he knew you, seemingly in another life, and he couldn't get himself to keep moving. the sensation was so unbelievably strong, he turned around and looked for you once more.

he didn't have a choice as he began moving towards you, heart beating harsh in his chest. 'excuse me,' he called, '..y/n?' he wasn't sure where the name came from but as he looked in your eyes, he felt an overwhelming wave of emotions, too many pictures rolling through his thoughts.

hearing the name, you looked up at him. 'tomura..?' you whispered.

himiko and toya had stepped back, exchanging curious glances but staying silent, not wanting to ruin the moment.

as you went to offer a hand to him, another student bumped him into you and the touch alone brought everything back. both of your memories from your past life flooding back like a dam had broken. both of you were shown the final moments of your relationship. and something in you broke, even dropping your bag.

'you.. you went against.. him..?' you asked, already throwing your arms around him as tears welled up in your eyes. you knew you shouldn't be upset but he wouldn't be standing in front of you had he not passed soon after.

'for you.' was his only answer, arms going around you tightly.

as the two of you stood, clinging to each other, whispering and sniffling, toya nudged himiko. 'did we just witness some reincarnation soulmate shit..?' he whispered, though he couldn't help but smile.

himiko nodded, offering him a toothy grin in return. 'fate really is weird, huh?' she asked, nudging him back. 'wonder if either of us have soulmates out there.'

the white haired male shrugged, tossing his bag over his shoulder. 'who knows.. wonder what kinda people we were, though.'

when the two of you pulled back, hands laced and prepared to face a whole new life together, you turned to face your friends. 'i'm sure we were friends in our past lives, too,' you chimed, being at least a little hopeful. none of your memories with each other showed them. soulmate stuff was weird, you decided.

himiko leaned down to pick up your discarded back. 'i'm sure we were all friends in all of our past lives.. just like we'll be in the next.'

everyone smiled and fell into step. tenko had waved back to his friends to go on without him and you resumed your conversation about plans, automatically pulling the raven into the middle of them.

'my dad's throwing some weird party for my brother.. you guys want to just hang out at my place?' toya asked, looking over the group. 'you can bring your new boyfriend.'

you rolled your eyes. 'wonder if your dad is this.. creepily.. attached to you and your siblings in another life. i'm pretty sure most of your house is covered in family portraits.'

'you realize i moved to a dorm just so i could breathe, right? he's like.. i don't even know how to explain it. he's like those t.v dad's that are so.. perfect? it's annoying.'

himiko laughed. 'you're upset because you have a loving family? that's soooo weird.'

toya clicked his tongue and reached to pinch her arm. 'you live on campus too, you know?'

you listened to them bicker, content to lean into tomura's side, peeking up at him as you walked. he glanced down at you, leaning to press a kiss against your forehead.

maybe, you thought, this life would treat you better.

[peculiaritty]

Sunday character study/trauma study

Again! before i start this ramble there is tw for religious themes, abuse, mental illnesses (ocd especially) and grooming so please if you have any triggers regarding those please don't read ^^ 2.2 Penacony spoilers so please be warned and future leaks and/or theorys may be involved. NO future storyline leaks though. This might be split into parts- not sure! Things might be hyperlinked and these will count as my reference/evidence, theres no need to read them unless you're curious!! There might be a part two on this when Sunday does come out ! Edited 18/05 to correct mistakes/add things i forgot about it OK. Lets begin: GOD. Poor Sunday, i think a lot of people has seen Sunday's abuse unnoticed, and i honestly can't blame some people because sometimes we don't automatically pick up everything unless we are actively looking for something. Sunday is a very interesting character, and i don't necessarily think he is 'evil-evil' per say, he is more of a morally grey character rather than being right up evil. Some major pointers i want to bring up and will be discussed: -> neglect, emotional abuse and the grooming of Sunday by Gopher Wood AKA dreammaster. -> The 'family' dynamics and attitudes -> Sunday/robins ideologies -> headcanons, character design choices and religious imagery (Not a deepdive into the imagery!)

-> neglect, emotional abuse and the grooming of Sunday by Gopher Wood AKA Dreammaster.

The most clear thing we can see as of right now without any reading between lines- Robin and Sundays bond. They care for eachother very much, we know that Sunday is the eldest brother, we already know that from right off the bat, that he is indeed the protector of Robin. Such as any older sibling usually feels towards those born after them. Sunday in no doubt in my mind has firstborn syndrome, basically the main 'burden-holder' between the two. This is the first fact we need to understand before we delve in. Due to Sundays natural-protectiveness of his sister that leaves Sunday at the face/brunt of Gophers ideals, which means sacrificing himself at any cost. Which may be why Robin remains currently unaffected or/not as self-destructive as Sunday. One thing that is easily skipped over and not noticed, Gopher and Sunday share a completely transactional-non-familial bond as they seem to not have the common father-son bond what so ever, Sunday only refers to Gopher as master which hints at the wedge between them. Gopher has ever only inspired and encouraged Sundays pessimistic behavior, such as when the Charmony Dove fell, we can assume that both Sunday and robin are extremely young at the time, i position them to be around 6-8, while at this age children do start to grasp that death in permanent, in no way should a child i quote be saying anything along the lines of "i think people believe birds are meant to fly...because they've never seen those birds crashing to their death." while this 'kind voice' (Gopher) does seem unbiased and passive, there is no reason unless you have actively convinced and taught a child to think that way. While children do come to gain their own beliefs, and ideals, siblings usually remain with the same ideas and beliefs until they reach around 10-12 where puberty starts. The belief gap at such a young age between Robin and Sunday is too big for it to be just "growing up" most if not all children take joy in being naïve- and cheerful. it is only when we come to abused, groomed, depressed and neglected children we start to see such pessimistic behavior. Sunday does have first-born child syndrome, it is also a bit of a worry of how stoic and 'unfeeling' he is. He doesn't confine in anyone, and while yes, we could say this is normal- but in normal, healthy environments people always have someone to confine in. Sunday doesn't have that. This could purely be just his personality- as some people are simply coded that way. It just strikes differently when we compare Child Sunday unto his adult self, as seen in Robins trailer BOTH of them had artistic aspirations, and even though there is no 'heavy' implication, that one tear indicates to me that Sunday was indeed the more emotional one. Growing out of hobbies is normal, but Sunday is lacking of life, he generally looks lifeless. He could've grown out of them, but what I read between the lines is extreme shaming and guilt. The need to be 'perfect'. Just so he could be the 'sun' in the sky and maybe even please Gopher.

Another thing to point out- his OCD yes. This is another thing that is hidden but only few people have found. In this scenario i am not fond of actually just saying its because of his connection to Ena. i am more fond- and find it much more reasonable that it has impacted and grown from his trauma. While i will not clarify which i believe he has since thats leaning more into headcanon territory. Unhealthy childhood environments and events predispose and increase the risk of various psychiatric disorders and OCD is one of them. It is clear that Sunday has been indoctrinated and been taught to think the way he does now. The family is cultish and it doesn't seem to act as one, everyone has their own ideals- and motives, including Gopher. Grooming does not have to be sexual in order for it to be considered grooming, grooming is defined as when someone builds a relationship, trust and emotional connection with a child or young person so they can manipulate, exploit and abuse them. In this scenario, Gopher has essentially groomed Sunday to exploit him and use him as a sacrifice. Groomed and abused, religious abuse seems to be a big one in this especially considering the huge religious imagery in Penacony, but it is important to point out some common symptoms of religious abuse is doubtful faith and compulsive perfectionism which resemble in Sunday. Most times, religious abuse is often paired with other forms of abuse, most commonly being sexual grooming and emotional abuse. This does not leave other forms of abuse out such as physical however. Gopher has 'trained' Sunday to think this way (Sundays ideaology), and indoctrinated him for his own use, and you can see it in Sundays extreme ways of dealing with his belief. there is clear there's an external force in his thinking- Gopher.

-> The 'family' dynamics and attitudes To continue, the family- as again, all have very different ideals, and motivations in Penacony. They act as completely separate entities yet still collaborate with each other. One thing remains crystal clear to me, that this family- follows a royal family sort of dynamic, where everything is hushed, you mustn't be too emotional, or too illogical. Basically coming to the point where Sunday has directly been told to not worry about Robin. He was never allowed to grieve. He is not allowed to grieve which is a horrid thing to be put through. Even when Gopher does deliver the news of Robin being shot there is a lack of care, and concern, he sounds non-chalant, going on to mention, "once you've attended to your outstanding tasks…" In any family emergency of sorts, that's the last thing you want to be told, you want to be there as soon as possible. Gopher wood simply does not have enough care, or concern for both of his 'children.' While this is my pure assumption, i do have reason to believe that the Family does share a rather cold dynamic, such as any other usual dynamic that is seen in stories where there is a political, rich, or royal family.

lack of care towards children, and moreso encouraging less 'child-like' traits

Parental figures primarily not being involved in the childs care, it is most likely that both Robin and Sunday were raised by the servants of the house, while Gopher remained some sort of mentor towards the both of them.

Isolation from other children in different life scenarios/circumstances

- Most often, children in these scenarios get put into a protective bubble, unaware of the outside. henceforth, another reasoning why Sunday might be so scared of the outside world. -> Sunday/Robins ideologies Both of them are entirely separate eachother belief wise, but they have one goal in mind. Helping people. I would describe Robins ideals as being quite idealistic and soft, that has come to her naturally, and its quite sweet. she wants world where people can live how they want. Even if its a bad one. Sunday on the otherhand quite thinks the opposite, i would describe his as: 'To protect everyone, keep them safe from pain, and suffering, their freedom of choice must be taken so they will suffer no longer, even if that means sacrificing all that i have.' This comes on very intense, as he does you know. send an entire star system to sleep!! But, His idea isn't exactly wrong. As in those questions he posed to us- we would've done the same if we were in the same scenario. Of course- if one of our siblings we knew were going to get shot in the future because of the path they chose- we would do our best to do that. It makes sense. But logically, and emotionally speaking, it is not in our best interest to control other lives and what they wish for, and what they dream for. What does Sunday want? Nothing. he is entirely swallowed with trying to help other people. He has no dream for himself. His dream- is others peoples dreams. What Sunday wanted, out of the goodness of his own heart, and the unfortunate abuse he has been put through, essentially what we call a utopia/dystopia. IT IS utopian to think of a world without pain, with harmony, where everyone is happy. But because of our nature as people, we want choice. so to us IT IS dystopian to think of a world were we have no choice, were we live on autopilot always content. He seeks escape, and he's not ashamed of it. The most common reason people seek escape, is because they're scared. They are scared of facing what they need to face. He is scared, he does not wish to see pain and suffering, he knows and purely thinks things are doomed from the start. Its almost nihilistic. And i understand it. paired with his childhood, Gopher and how he gets stuck in the confessional box hearing the most horrendous things, i would be like him too. "is this apart of your plan?" It is Gopher who brought the order to Penacony. That line above, implies that this wasn't Sunday's plan at all. Gopher was going to use Robin in the first place, but Sunday, again, being the oldest took the forefront of the indoctrination and abuse- thats how he now blindly believes in it. Gophers plans and his reason why hasn't been revealed. but i doubt it was because he genuinely cared for his people. It is depressing to see who Sunday is as a person, purely pessimistic, and so lost but obsessed with his belief, but to me and other people he is relatable; to him, things don't get better. he wants to stay in the moment. Suspended in a dream that is too perfect to be true. He seeks escape, escape for everyone. Things do get better, whether that is now, or later. We just need to keep trying and continuing on, no matter how tiring it is. -> headcanons, character design choices and religious imagery (Not a deepdive into the imagery!) UP TO MY FAVOURITE BIT!! ok, heres something that genuinely makes me want to explode, because if this is on purpose it is brilliant. Pointed out by Matchua and i actually think the first to notice it. his wings look clipped.

They don't seem very oval and/or similar to how normal bird wings would look. This can also be seen in Harmony MC's splash art too, the Raven being Sunday, and of course, the Charmony dove, Robin.

While the birdcage imagery is used on Robin, i think it is so damn powerful that if this is a deliberate design choice, that Sunday has been clipped. Depending on the clipping, it renders birds unable to fly until they grow back, and even then there is horrendous people out there who permanently injure the bird by clipping it wrong so its never able to fly again. A birdcage has a key. But once you take away a birds wings like that, it cant fly. It represents how Sunday can never seemingly become his normal self again, he will always be consumed by his pessimism and fear for the world around him. how there is seemingly 'no hope' We know that Robin is not clipped because in her skill her full wings pop out (even if this is just an effect...still) It also represents how damaging abuse is, how it takes away someones dignity and freedom. Religious imagery!! i'm sure you can find some super deep dives into it but i think one of the main things is how Sunday represents Jesus from the Christian bible. The thorns across his coat tie in deeply with the fact that on the crucifix, Jesus was given a thorn crown which was used to belittle and mock him. Sunday falls back in the crucifix pose. He is the sacrifice. Not exactly to purge them of sin, but to give them an Eternal paradise. (which in Christianity, is what the purging of sin does, it gives us an eternal paradise next to God.) Headcanons: -> i believe Sundays OCD to either be of the Religious, Harm or Order OCD. i see all three occurring, but rather more on the Order/Religious side. -> Sunday is a people pleaser, no buts!! -> He has alot of shame and self hatred towards himself for wanting things, as he believes it doesn't make him 'perfect' -> He strikes me to have some form of anxiety, again this can tie in with the OCD -> His small/awkward chuckles are just him trying to cope, i feel like he does it alot more when he is anxious though, towards the end of the quest he doesn't chuckle, which officially means hes lost it (lmao poor guy) -> Very scared of making mistakes. Really small ones too. (as you find in some abuse victims.) -> jealous of his sister but he could never come to hate her, he just wishes he was able to participate in being creative too but i do think he was shamed for that, for being 'childish'. Robin was the 'jewel' of the family. Sunday never was. -> as some abuse victims do, he probably never understood or came to understand that Gopher was abusive to him, maybe after 2.2 possibly. And when he does come to understand God. He's got a lot of healing to do in himself. A lot of anger, grief, sadness- tons of processing. -> He doesn't like hugs at first because he was really not hugged as a child, but when he does get hugged it absolutely destroys him because he really really loves being validated and being held. Something that he lacked so much as a child. -> As birds do when their stressed, Sunday plucks the feathers out of his wings, which leads to him being insecure about them so he never really shows them, which is why he keeps them neatly folded Infront of his waist and hides the back part of his wings with his coat. -> Forgets to eat, drink and bathe due to working so much. He gets so lost in his work he's probably stayed up for more than 48 hours. (ok like i know its the dreamscape but listen.) -> I didn't add this into the first part, but including all of the other things i mentioned, Sunday was alot more quiet/introverted as a child as i interpret him to be, while Robin was more of a blabbermouth. So thats why Gopher decided on Sunday instead, lesser chance of anyone finding out about what he was teaching. -> Never had a day of rest in his life. He needs a break. That's pretty much all i've got to say though (i'm going to spare you from my headcanons i have on his behaviors. that list is LONG.), i just think Sunday is a really interesting yet heartbreaking character at the same time. Very relatable to alot of people. He's not genuinely evil. Just severely misguided and hurt. Thx for reading <3