redsray · 8 months ago
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the funniest part of any Robin meeting the JL is that every Robin is so distinctly different from the previous one in terms of personality and vibes that the league literally gets backlash. and like, I don't blame them. not to mention that they are non-meta children that dress as a traffic light and fight crime alongside batman in gotham on a nightly basis. i'd also be a bit concerned. Batman, literally The Night of Gotham personified in the League's eyes, coming into a JL meeting: This is Robin, my crime-fighting partner. 11-year-old Dick Grayson, dressed in the brightest primary colours possible, vaguely hidden murder behind those eyes, never stops moving even for a moment: Hi! Superman: That's a child. That's-- Bats that is a child. You let a child--? Batman, deadpan: You try to stop him. Would you rather he try and murder a grown man with a wire?
Batman: This is Robin. 12-year-old Jason Todd, with the biggest grin on his face, about 3 books in his hand, stars in his eyes and a distinct street-kid drawl: Hey!!! Green Lantern: That's ... that's a different child. What?? Jason: I stole his tires :) Batman: Tried to. Jason, stage whispering to the League: basically did. Green Lantern: that is a different kid, right?? I'm not seeing shit??
Batman: This is Robin. 14-year-old Tim Drake, bo staff clutched in his hand, a wary and tired expression on his face, more on the quiet side, the literal walking definition of don't judge a book by it's cover: hello Flash: Where do you even find these-- Tim: I found myself.
Batman: This is Robin. 17-year-old Stephanie Brown, literally blonde, with a shit-eating grin, eyes full of nothing but mischief and the most explosive personality you've ever seen: hiya!! Superman: I give up. Stephanie: I know, I have that amazing effect on people.
Batman: This is Robin. 13-year-old Damian Wayne, a literal wet cat that will hiss at you, has a sword, the most judgemental stare you'll get from a teenager, ready to jump anyone there: Green Lantern: WHY DOES HE HAVE A SWORD?! Batman: ... he came with the sword.
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waveoftheocean · 2 months ago
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wahoo finished this in time for superbat week day 5: tired dads!!
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itsdabatt · 2 months ago
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happy national impersonate your favorite vigilante day to those who celebrate
Part 2
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p1nkshield · 1 month ago
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Damian: Todd prepare. I’m going to kill you!
Jason: you can try but it probably won’t stick!
Bruce: what is this about?
Jason: I sent baby pictures of knife child to the robins group chat.
Damian: WHY DO YOU EVEN HAVE THOSE TODD?!?
Jason: If I wanted something I would bribe Talia with them.
Damian: what? LIES! NEITHER OF MY PARENTS WOULD STOOP TO SUCH A LEVEL RIGHT FATHER?
Bruce: …
Damian: father?
Bruce:… how much?
Damian: FATHER?!?
Bruce: name your price!
Damian: NO!
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luca-is-a-pengu · 3 months ago
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The real reason why none of the bat-boys are allowed in the kitchen
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stickyvoidpaper · 3 months ago
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Dick : Jasons been more, relaxed lately. It's unsettling.
Tim : Yeah, I've started spiking his water with mood stabilizers.
Dick : What
Tim : I've been thinking of doing it to the wider gotham water supply. Think about the crime rates.
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redactedrem · 7 months ago
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Headcanon where after so many arguments between the batkids and Bruce over his paranoia and complete disregard for his kids privacy, the entire family had compromised with (in the healthiest way possible) downloading life360 on their phones and that's how they all keep track of each other.
Now Bruce knew that this is mostly for his benefit and is supposed to be a healthy alternative for his unhealthy paranoia and helicopter parenting, but what he wasn't expecting was for his kids to start keeping track of him.
He's putting gas in his car and Dick calls him because apparently Dick has been watching him drive around on the app? And Bruce is currently at a gas station thats right around the corner from a Taco Bell and now Dick wants him to get food for everyone since he's already there.
He's driving home from a meeting and Steph calls him because her and Duke were shopping in the area and wants to know if he can pick them up, when he asks how she knew he was on the same street, he gets a "Oh I just like to stalk everyone on the app for funsies." as an answer.
Jason calls him and he can barely get out a hello before Jason cuts him off, "Bruce why the fuck is your phone battery on 5%, charge your damn phone" which completely stuns him because why does he know that. He clears his throat before answering. "Jason, what?"
"Everyone can see each others phone batteries on '360, now charge your phone." Is all he gets before Jason hangs up on him.
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abisalli · 5 months ago
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A Robin lineup of sorts :) (sorry for no Carrie, Maps or Matthew... I was tired)
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neuro-psyche · 6 months ago
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I think Dick and Jason would have multiple “what the actual fuck are you saying right now” with Tim and Damian when it comes to quality of life/monetary differences. Sure, Dick and Jason got used to Bruce’s “is $100 a good enough tip on a $30 bill?” shit, but hearing Tim talking about a new laptop he bought for $5000 literally is like a punch in the gut.
If they ever went on a cruise (which they totally wouldn’t because cruises are floating death traps), Jason and Dick would be in awe of the fancy amenities, where as Damian would be unsatisfied with the quality, since he grew up with every single amenity known to man. Tim would just feel like it’s all normal since the Drake’s were extravagant and travelled all over the planet.
Jason : My bedroom is bigger than my fucking apartment.
Dick : I could do a full gymnastics routine with the space in my room.
Tim :
Dick :
Tim : My room is normal sized…
Jason : You grew up in a mega mansion. I hardly think you’re the benchmark of a normal room-
Damian : I must agree with Drake. This room is frankly underwhelming.
Dick, staring wildly at him : What do you mean underwhelming- Dames there’s an aquarium wall in your room.
Damian : Yes. Underwhelming.
Jason :
Dick :
Jason : Do you want to-
Dick : Jump off the boat? Yes.
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galaxymagitech · 6 months ago
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Bruce: Congratulations, Jason! You’re the first of my kids to graduate college!
Dick: Yeah, first and only one for all eternity!
Bruce: *Ignoring Dick by sheer willpower* Anyway, what are you planning to do next?
Jason: I think I’m going to continue my education in English Lit.
Bruce: *nervously* Great. You’ll get a Master’s Degree, right?
Jason: …
Bruce: …right?
Jason: Actually, I’m going for a PhD.
Bruce: This is a terrible joke. You’re over the supervillainy, right, Jay?
Jason: Look, my application to GothamU’s PhD program was accepted!
Bruce: No child! Of mine! Will get! A PhD!!!
Jason: I’m hoping to be a literature professor at GothamU, if I survive long enough.
Bruce: *screams incoherently*
Dick: I think you broke him.
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emotional-piece-of-meat · 7 months ago
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I'm golden-child!Jason and not-even-a-silver-egg!Dick truther for life, and that's so funny.
Bruce is used to the chaos he calls his son, so when Jason actually behave, Bruce is soooo confused.
Like, what do you mean Bruce can tell him to not do something and Jason will??? Obey??? The order??? Dick would never.
Bruce, fully prepared for scandal: You are not allowed to jump from one wardrobe to another, it's dangerous for you.
Little Jason, who has no idea why he should: Ok? I wasn't planning to anyway.
Confused Bruce: You wasn't?
Little Jason who are scared to touch anything here, because it probably costs more than his life: I don't want to ruin the mansion...
More Confused Bruce: You don't?!
Or 
Bruce: so, you are saying that if I tell you to sit in your room and read books, you will really sit in your room and read books?
Little Jason, who has no idea why he shouldn't: Yeah?
Bruce, whispering to Alfred: I didn't know they could do that.
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sreppub · 6 months ago
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jason ignored the clearly labeled tupperware and ate tim’s leftover garlic chicken pasta
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violent138 · 6 months ago
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The idea of the Batkids doing normal people things while suited up is hilarious to me, you know, like Red Robin and Spoiler making the 9 o'clock news while racing through a grocery store because they totally forgot to get the things Alfred asked them to bring for the family dinner. Or Damian and Dick swinging into the Bludhaven Zoo mid-patrol because Dami really wanted to see the new baby tiger. Red Hood buying lemonade from a kid's stand and then standing there awkwardly messing with his helmet, trying not to hurt the kid's feelings. Black Bat, on a particularly tiring day randomly appeared in the nosebleeds of the ballet hall and started sniping phones out of people's hands. Or Signal and a deeply irritated Batman changing out a blown-out tyre in some back alley, earning amused looks.
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violet-catsarelife · 10 months ago
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Leather jackets are cool okay 🥺
also Dick has unknowingly opened the door to little birds stealing his clothes from him lol. It's a love language 😌
Inspired by ↓↓
that time Discowing wore a leather jacket:
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and this precious panel of baby Jay:
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p1nkshield · 6 months ago
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Damian: I trust the judgement of cats where it comes to character. Alfred the cat has never steered me wrong with the lick test of integrity.
Duke: Do you trust the judgement of bees?
Damian:… What does that have to do with anything I am currently talking about?
Duke: I had a bee lick me once and I’m wondering if it counts.
Damian: …
Duke: … felt like a little straw on my finger lol
Damian:…
Duke: … uh-
Damian: how did you get the bee to lick you?
Duke: what?
Damian: how did you get the bee to lick you?
Duke: oh! I was eating strawberries on patrol and the juice attracted it.
Later
Jason: gross dude! Why are your hands sticky?!?
Damian: bee licks.
Jason: wha?
Damian: bee licks.
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bruciemilf · 1 month ago
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Bruce being so smiley and happy around Robin! Jason shatters me so intimately. Soft as hell if this continues when Jason’s red hood, too.
“Robin,” Bruce calls him that out of habit and isn’t at all surprised when Jason swiftly punches his arm, only to rub the place a moment later, even if Bruce barely notices. “This is not the time for jokes.”
“ Three o’clock is always the time for jokes. You scheduled it.”
“Nightwing was turned into a rabbit. And you’re laughing.”
“Have you seen the guy’s Tik Toks? This is as dignified as he’ll ever be.”
Jason is very sure Dick can understand them, because he’s biting hard through his boots. Even harder when Bruce snorts and presses his lips in a white line.
Don’t get me wrong, thought, it’s vice versa.
“I think we’re gonna have to kill this guy, B.” Talking about a guy who cut the line in Batburger while Cass was trying to order.
Bruce, in his Batman voice, “fuck!”
Jason has one of those laughing fits where you get on the floor, breathless and limp. “This brings up memories.”
“ROBIN.”
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