#Or set a boundary?

[litnerdwrites]

Why do the IC of Feyre expect Nesta to play house with them when they can't respect her boundary with Solstice? She told Feyre it wasn't 'their holiday', which already makes it clear that she's uninterested in adapting to fae traditions. It's not a personal insult, it's a boundary that makes complete sense.

Solstice is a religious holiday, where you thank the mother, or whatever. Given that The Mother seems to come in tandem with The Cauldron, not wanting to celebrate it after what they went through makes complete sense. Now that I think about it, Feyre spends ACOMAF being mad that Tamlin and Ianthe did this to her; Forced her into uncomfortable social situations with people she didn't want to be around.

To Nesta, it's Feyre's birthday but nothing more, in which case, Feyre could've invited Nesta to a brunch with her and Elain. Nesta literally invited them to eat with her, but Feyre said no. If they had a conversation, I'm sure that they would've found a place to eat together that suited all of the, even if it was just at Nesta's apartment, or a day when the town house was empty. Or maybe one of Rhysand's other six houses.

There were so many work arounds that would respect Nesta's boundaries, probably go farther to helping her heal, and been fun for all of them. A win win situation.

Besides, if you invited someone to your celebration of a religious holiday, and they said 'no' out of respect for their own culture, religion, traditions, or just because they didn't want to, wouldn't you just accept the answer and move on?

On top of all this, Cassian through a temper tantrum the moment Nesta rejected his gift. Dude, if you used all that intelligence you supposedly have as a General, you'd realise what the issue is.

[vikingfunerals]

the commodification of friendship is the most annoying thing to come out of the internet in ages. like actually i love to break this to you but you're supposed to help your friends move even if it's hard work. or stay up with them when they're sad even if you're gonna lose sleep. you're supposed to listen to their fears and sorrows even if it means your own mind takes on a little bit of that weight. that's how you know that you care. they will drive you to the airport and then you will make them soup when they're sick. you're supposed to make small sacrifices for them and they are supposed to do that for you. and there's actually gonna be rough patches for both of you where the balance will be uneven and you will still be friends and it will not be unhealthy and they will not be abusive. life is not meant to be an endless prioritization of our own comfort if it was we would literally never get anywhere ever. jesus.

[inkskinned]

there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)

i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.

i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.

and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.

HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.

now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.

my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.

i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.

by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!

keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"

similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."

the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"

if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.

the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.

godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.

the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.

[itsaspectrumcomic]

I've been trying to get better at knowing my limits and following my instincts instead of always trying to keep up with everyone else

[luxuryandlilacs]

Suffering is not a virtue.

[aardvaark]

Beth Riesgraf: I just had thought before we did that take, I was like "Oh I should- she would think [kissing him] is the right thing to to do, but wait, I don't do that" and then she leaves him hanging.

— episode commentary from The Inside Job

[edorazzi]

Page 30 of my Miraculous Mentor AU comic A Matter of Trust! In which Bri decides to reach out to the two weirdest guys in her life (and I get to adapt my all-time favourite PV scene)! ❄️❤️

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[ceaseless-watchers-special-girl]

i'm... *inhales* happy you're happy

bullshit detector: BEEP

[galatariel]

Long live all the mountains we moved, I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you. THE ERAS TOUR x SEVENTEEN Official Colours (Rose Quartz & Serenity)

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

How to say no

Positively DBT - BDD, Autism, ADHD Peer Support

[l0st-files]

[apollos-boyfriend]

i hope minecraft youtubers are still lying. i hope in like 2-6 years we’ll get reveals that some major belief about a creator was a complete and total lie. i want another fake cousins or 6’7 or eddington solicitors. i hope i not only actively learn less about things but actively retire old information due to it being fully fabricated

[inkskinned]

something bad happened to you, and you died, and you came back wrong.

not wrong all the way. the little ways. you forget important dates, stopped going out with friends. it's harder to make you smile. you're apathetic towards things you used to love, afraid of places you used to go to cheer up. quieter. flinching. different.

you came back for love. you're still here for love. what pulled you back was a brightness so loud that even death couldn't outshout it. death heard the call and smiled at you and said okay. go home. somebody is waiting for you.

but you came back different. like lot's wife; you've turned into salt. you used to chirp through life in hops and skips; but now you lose skin just standing up. you have to move slower, skimming across this world without-touching-it. most things feel dull - until they're suddenly all-too-much. life, and being alive just rushes up and over you and you get hopelessly crushed.

you try to explain it to them: it is ugly, but this is what you are, now. the huge golden hoop of your halo now a little bronze ring. you are still watering your plants and wearing the same clothes. after all, you worked hard to come home. this life; so odd and off-color, now that you are wrong.

but they waited for you - it's just that they wanted the "you" that happened before this. the "you" that could sing in the show and hug people tight and look at a blade without breaking down to cry. the you with a smile in pictures. god, holyshit, it's like looking at a completely different person, isn't it. that other-you; the one they actually wanted.

you are the consolation prize. you are the body that forgot the ghost. you are the memory of the bad thing, and the death after; like you are wearing that memory as a banner. you are a fragment, an assembly. simulacrum. you don't make eye contact in mirrors, afraid the light will glance off and your true nature will flash back at you.

you hear them talk about it in their hushed, desperate whispers. sometimes they even admit it to your face; harsh and violent, acid thrown at christmas dinner. god, can you just fucking be normal again. you do not remember what normal is. you had to climb so far to get back here; you are far too exhausted. you want to open the glass door of your heart and show all the gears. can you help resolve whatever got messed up?

you try so, so hard. you came back for them. because you believed they would love you, even when you were so horribly broken. because you believed they would be patient. because you believed unconditional meant "without exception." you cannot do things the same way. you just get tired too quickly these days.

you want to put them on a couch and pour them the tea with hands that shake more than they remember. you want to line them up and draw them a map of where you have had to wander. you want to show every bruise in a backsplash; the little helpless ant of your soul carrying all that weight, over and over. you want to say: yes! it is different! but i did it for love!

you want to say: "i'm not the same, but i'm yours and i'm here. can that be enough?"

[chronicpaingirlie]

something i struggle with a lot is like. the idea that im allowed to rest even when im not in so much pain that i physically have no other option. im allowed to rest even if i can still walk. im allowed to rest even if my pain is not the worst it’s ever been. im allowed to say no to doing things that will make my pain worse, even if i technically Could do those things.

idk it’s just like. i guess i have a hard time with internalizing that i deserve rest and gentleness for Any pain, not just The Worst Pain. there’s not a bar !!! u don’t have to be in This Much Pain to reach a point where u deserve gentleness!!! aaaaaaaaa

[thepeacefulgarden]

[respectthepetty]

Wut and Sol said they could give Joe some money out of kindness, and Joe could pay them back whenever.

Ming said he would give Joe whatever he wanted in exchange for Joe's body because Ming is selfish.

Joe taking Ming's deal is the most relatable moment I've had with Joe because I, too, would pick the devil I already know. Mixing finances with friends is always dicey, and he would still owe them. With Ming, it's business and he doesn't have to worry about ruining a friendship. He can hate Ming, but as long as Ming runs him his money, he'll continue to do his job because this is just another stand-in job.

Joe is really saying "sex work is work"

And I respect that.