#at least I do my best to cope with my strong emotions

[haveihitanerve]

okay so i have taken many a 'what batkid are you' quizzes and honestly the end explanation just doesnt really vibe with me and iits never articulate enough, so i decided to make a list of the batkids and their personalities (all decided by me) so if you want to take a quiz and then see if my description fits you better youre welcome to, or if you just want to see which batkid describes you best feel free too

Dick- you have a lot of deep seated trauma but you’re working through it. You tend to cover it with a smile and a laugh and are usually the older sister of the group, prioritizing other people over yourself. Your anger runs deep and you don't have a short fuse but when you do finally snap it is a sight to behold. You have one person in your life who is always there for you to fall back on and lets you release your anger on them. You make them a better person and they do the same for you. You trust easily and are fiercely loyal. Just remember its okay to be loyal to yourself too. 

Babs- you are the mom friend in the group. Mad analytical, probably a whiz with technology, but you have good emotional skills too. You’re always focused on helping others out and are there for them when they need a good rant and some warm tea. You are a killer listener. You have some trauma, but instead of being overcome by it you embraced it and let it be a part of you for all to see. You worked through it and are stronger for it. Your net of people you love and trust goes far and deep, and everywhere you go you know at least someone. Thats not to say your trust is given freely, it is just more bendable. You take care of everyone but remember its okay to take care of yourself first.

Jason- your anger runs deep, but you are trying to improve. You find it hard to trust people because your trust was once shattered by someone who was supposed to always be there for you. You have a quick temper and short fuse but once your anger is out its usually over. (until of course your next temper explosion) You have a few good people in your life who you rely on and they help with the anger. Despite what people might think you are also a caretaker at heart and will help someone in need, regardless of your anger towards them. You have some issues but its okay, everyone does. Just remember its okay to let people in sometimes.

Cass- you are a badass. A little quiet, you are the observer. You notice the things others look over, like people. But don't mistake the quietness for lack of words to say. You are fiercely vocal when you wish to be, especially when it comes to defending those who cannot defend themselves or your friends. You have a knack for reading peoples emotions and know just what to say when your friend is feeling upset. The people in your life that you love and that love you sometimes have a hard time seeing that they are worthy of love, but you are there to remind them. Just remember to show yourself a little love too, and its not wrong to be quiet, so long as you are not silenced. 

Tim- you are a mad man. Probably super smart but you live off of just spite for the world and caffeine. The people in your life that you trust are all extroverts and you are actually the introvert most of the time, but unlike normal situations you actually adopted them. You would tear yourself apart for the ones you love but just remember you don't always have to. They are there to work with you, not be protected by you. 

Steph- you are a child of chaos. A gremlin. You’re the sassy, witty, snarky, confident, and funny member of your group. Despite what people may think you have a very strong moral compass and love fiercely. Those few people in your circle who you trust you would defend to the death and those who harm them better watch their backs. Something happened when you were younger who shaped that moral compass today but you don't allow the ghosts of the past to haunt you anymore. They tend to flee at the first wise crack. Humor is a bit of a coping mechanism but you also have others that are more healthy. Remember its okay to cry sometimes or let your guard down, its not weak and you have people that love you who are watching your back. 

Damian- you are short. Im sorry to say it but you probably are. You have a bit of anger inside you, but you also have impressive self control and so i doesn't come out unless you need it to. You are aggressively loyal to those who have earned your trust and respect and would do anything to make them proud. You struggle a bit with seeing your own worth but those you have surrounded yourself with are always there to remind you how amazing you are. You are a very big animal lover and never shy away from a fight. You give off little sibling vibes, but you can also be incredibly wise and are sometimes like the old uncle. (sorry that was a weird comparison but it just feels right) You need to remember that you worth is not in correlation with your accomplishments.

[wakanai]

YES GIRL. THERE ARE OTHER FISH IN THE SEA 👏👏👏 I was having my akutagawa moment of just wanting approval from someone who didn't give it and was being sad about it but then she was like "girl you can find better, there's lots of fish in the sea" and I'm like YES. this is the reassurance I needed. Let's be real, I can do better than this. I DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS. AND I CAN DO BETTER THAN THIS. So yeah. It is what it is. If someone doesn't like me back, then it's sad but so what? I like me, and I'm all that matters. So as long as I'm okay, then it's okay. 🥰❤️❤️❤️

[butch-reidentified]

I've spoken before about psychopathy, particularly my own, and the importance of recent research and demolishing the stigma and absolutely absurd past conceptions and measures of psychopathy, which were exclusively based on studies of male prisoners convicted of violent crime.

Just to reiterate - psychopathy is not being deranged and uncontrollably violent. Villanelle from Killing Eve is actually an excellent and well-researched example of high-EQ female psychopathy, and the first fictional portrayal I can genuinely see myself in. Psychopaths with high EQ are entirely capable of cognitive empathy, and many (like myself) are actually very gifted in it, and can even make excellent counselors/therapists as a result of this combined with a lack of strong internal biases and the fact that we won't be emotionally impacted/drained by patients. This presentation of psychopathy is becoming more and more recognized and studied, and is distinctly more common in women. We retain the core defining traits, obviously - boldness, deviancy, disinhibition, very high fear threshold, a tendency toward meanness (self-control is a thing, though), reduced capacity for remorse and regret*, and of course lack of affective (emotional) empathy - but are much more able to moderate ourselves and prioritize social functioning, and tend to view the sadistic behavior of low-EQ psychopathic males as wasteful. My wife calls it "prosocial psychopathy."

Anyway, I just kind of wanted to touch on this again since it's been a while and there's a fair few new followers out here. I encourage you to read the above links and check the tag - it's a pretty interesting topic, to me at least.

Edit 4/25/2024: *Regarding the reduced capacity for remorse/regret: I firmly believe this sounds worse than it is. For people like me, at least, it's not that I'm going around doing terrible things and incapable of feeling bad about any of them. The truth is that remorse & regret most frequently occur as a result of intensely emotion-driven behaviors, which as a concept is largely foreign to me - I don't tend toward remorse/regret because the way I interact with the world, analyze situations, and choose to behave in response, is inherently from the very beginning done with the acceptance of potential consequences actively held in my mind. I'm not prone to regret/remorse because I know myself extremely well and make choices as consistent with my understanding of self as possible, having already prepared myself for the possibility that things could go wrong. It's more about being prepared for what might happen and able to cope when things do go wrong, rather than being a piece of shit and not feeling anything about it.

This doesn't make me better or worse than others; it's a neutral fact that male supremacy has made seem otherwise by constantly claiming that "logic" or whatever is superior to emotions. Fuck that. Loads of the best people I've ever known have been very emotion-driven (what non-shit people identify as a form of being passionate) and some of the shittest people I've known would waste their dying breath insisting they're 100% logical creatures, as if that's even a real thing. To me it feels very simple: if I'm making the best (most internally consistent, most reflective of my personality and values, etc) decisions I possibly can with whatever information I have at the time, then I've done my best, acted with integrity, and don't need to regret my choices. This is very challenging to write/talk about bc of the stigma & connotations involved, but again, this is a completely neutral fact to me in the same way I describe being a woman as a completely neutral fact despite the stigma & connotations involved there. Does any of this make sense?

[weebsinstash]

Now don't get me wrong, I like how... calm and unbothered Alastor is, or at least tries to pass himself off as being

but like.... we know he's a drinker.... and we know certain details about him having an alcoholic abusive father who was cruel to his mother which heavily influenced his whole Dexter serial killer morality bs... and I can't help but think of a fic idea where Reader and Alastor are together and, suddenly without warning you break up with him BECAUSE YOU CHEATED ON HIM. you're like, legitimately heartbroken and missing him but you broke up for a good reason and, time passes and you dont see or hear from him, you're basically just going on with your life, and, MEANWHILE HE'S JUST SLOWLY DEVOLVING IN A PATHETIC LITTLE MEOW MEOW

His radio show comes on and he's SLURRING and people are aghast. Alastor is usually such a classy gentleman, so careful with his image??? Meanwhile he's in his radio station with several glasses of whiskey and staring at a wall lined with your photos while he's broadcasting, "ohhhh hEeeEy LiSteNers!! How-how are you all doing this.... 😡LOVELY😤 evening. Isnt..... isn't it... so nice to... spend time with loved ones when you need them? 🥴 WELL I WOULDNT KNOW HA HAH HA" *cue 30 straight uninterrupted seconds of unhinged laughing from a man clearly having an emotional crisis* "so on tonightsssshow I was-i wasszzz hoping to-to discussss-"

Like imagine tuning into his show after avoiding it because it broke your heart and it turns from him like, having an actual topic and planned structure of his show, to then, one day you overhear a broadcast and he's just occasionally slurring, saying really really vague shit about how "real men are supposed to be strong enough to protect and hold onto those they hold dear" and you can occasionally hear the THUNK of his whiskey glass hitting the table meaning he's already drunk but still drinking WHILE broadcasting and, oh honey you already sound so wasted you don't need more--

You guys don't understand. I want this man having a very PUBLIC very MESSY mental breakdown because he was CRAZY IN LOVE WITH YOU and you sat him down and told him you love him deeply but you need sex and you've cheated on him REPEATEDLY and EVEN THEN he was HARDCORE COPING, "w well as long as you promise it won't happen again-" "I cant and i won't. I love you but i cant repress this part of myself" LIKE YOU DECIMATE THIS MAN. Alastor's just beside himself because like, not without valid feelings but you're basically dumping him to fuck strangers. Like. I just. What if he literally had a ring box or was starting to realize he's demisexual on the ace spectrum and was starting to have Those Feelings for you and you're just. Breaking up with him, and all he hears is "sorry but having these disgusting men I don't even know hunch over on me grunting like disgusting animals and defiling me who is definitely way too good for them is way better than being with you my respectful funny classy charming totally-not-husband"

I want you to be walking down the streets of Hell and Vox suddenly comes on their equivalent of a jumbotron and he's visibly beside himself with excitement, "BREAKING NEWS, THE RADIO DEMON IS PISS DRUNK IN THE GUTTER LIKE A FUCKING LOSER, MORE NEWS ON THE SCENE" and it just snap cuts to him facedown in the street somewhere. Have you ever seen Intervention. You can have grown ass adults with successful careers and loving communities and when they find something that breaks them you'll be seeing shit like, children finding their mothers literally passed out in the yard because they were too drunk to get into the house or even WALK properly. So. You just. See him in this legitimately pathetic absolutely humiliating state and you can't help but feel that that's YOUR fault, meanwhile Vox is living his best fucking life, GOD FORBID VOX SEES YOU STANDING THERE CRYING ON THE SIDEWALK, he's then broadcasting your crying face all over Hell, "Hey Alastor even your EX is CRYING AT HOW PATHETIC YOU ARE, GUESS THAT'S WHY THEY LEFT YOU HUH" and like. The live feed of Alastor shows him just, struggling to even lift his head to look up to, wherever, and see your image there, looking absolutely devastated, looking at him with pity and heartbreak. oh, his sweet beloved, looking so distressed because you see him so weak...

Vox is just living it up mocking both of you but he's made several enormous mistakes by putting you on the air, especially looking like THAT, especially with Alastor in this mental state, and ESPECIALLY to mock you when you're already looking so broken. The feed cuts. All the TVs read "LOST SIGNAL" and nothing comes back on the news for the rest of the night. Less than a week later, the radios are on again, and Alastor sounds... completely back to normal? Chipper, even? And at first you're happy to hear he's all good and well, but, there's something about some of the things he's saying that are making you a little.... nervous?

"You know folks, it took me an EMBARRASSINGLY long while to realize that, a true traditional man puts the needs of others above himself, and especially the needs of his special somebody! One can't truly care for one's loved one properly if you're too boggled down with, FEELING SORRY for yourself right? How else are you going to... defend what's yours if you just lie down and take it?"

"So while I was off the air, good listeners, I was doing quite a bit of, spring cleaning, let's call it! Yes, I was... unfortunately very busy, having to wrangle up quite a few.... disgusting, insignificant, dirty, thieving PERVERTS!!!! ....but now that that's all good and done with, I'd certainly like to think these streets are a little more... respectable!"

"To end the broadcast tonight, a final word to all my fellow men out there. If you happen to discover that, for whatever reason, your beloved has run off with another? It was because you deserved it for being WEAK. You allowed another man to just, COME IN and... DESECRATE what is precious to you? Disgraceful. Pathetic. Ill-mannered. You cannot call yourself a worthy partner if you simply allow your beloved to waltz themselves into the mouth of danger, can you? So, a little piece of advice from your humble host here tonight: Take back what is yours. Take them back, do not let them go, and do not let anyone EVER soil your love ever again. ........Also hey! Don't forget that the annual Cannibal District Cook-Out is this coming weekend so be sure to--"

[ash-says]

This one is for my girlies who grew up in dysfunctional families.

Girls who don't know healthy love, care and affection. Girls who grew up watching fights, in violent and stressful environments, being picked on by their peers, their own family members.

Know that it's not your job to maintain peace, people please and accommodate yourself to other people's expectations.

Take this as a BLUNT reminder for yourself:

1) Have strong boundaries. Surprise. I know you read this a thousand times but before you eyeroll read this again.

2) Stand up for yourself. It might be scary but sometimes fighting back against your family can be helpful. Do it strategically. Don't rush in blindly. The main goal is survival afterall.

3) No doing drugs, self harm, compulsive relationships, casual sex, alcohol and many destructive, addictive and escapist behavior won't help you in rebelling against your family. What are you three years old???

4) Establish your relationship with God or whatever the hell you believe in. Have a strong belief system. That's the only way you can save yourself and keep yourself on track. Even if you deter on the wrong path it will swing you back. Trust me.

5) Form strong female friendships. PLEASE. Female friendships are literally holiness in disguise. My girls are my biggest assets. The amount of emotional intelligence and support a female can provide. Chefs kiss.

What ? You can't vibe with girls?? You are more of a girl who vibe with boys?? Girls are secretly jealous of you??

Okayyyyy... I am no one to criticize but I think we need to reassess somethings.

At least one female friend. Won't cost you a fortune. Will it???

(If you think you got no one around you. My inbox + Gossip Box is always open.)

6) Academic Validation>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Male validation. Always.

7) Exercise and work out. Woahh did not see it coming right. Well it's important because it helps you in calming down your mind and expressing those repressed energies. Any anger issues babe in the house?? Guess what it's the best outlet for all your angst.

8) This is for those girls who are into toxic households please find a way to get out of there. I won't suggest permanently cause I believe in mending things and parents are a crucial part of your life. But find a way to live your college life or at least two to three years of your life out of your hometown. A lot of things you will understand by yourself then. If you know. You know.

9) Sharpen your people and survival skills. I hate to say this but we are highly susceptible to attracting people who want to take advantage of us. So listen to your gut the next time it warns you against someone.

10) Tone down your intensity. Not everyone is trying to get you or attack you. Coping mechanisms are great they kept/keep you alive but make sure they won't create trouble for you. Keep them in check. Got it??

[jester089]

If it’s ok, can you indulge my love for The Amazing Digital Circus?

I was just thinking of the gang with an s/o who’s seen as the rock of the group that is always strong willed, happy go luck, helpful and supportive. But they stumble upon their s/o just having an episode where they’re crying in frustration and punching a wall to calm down before going back to pretending like nothing happened?

I have a thing for strong willed characters hiding their perceived weakness from others.

Be strong for them

Thanks for the request! I feel for this type of character a lot. Now you didn't specify if you wanted the whole crew and you being the s/o of one. Or individual. So I'll do individual so that whoever your fav is their'll be something for them. Except Bubble though cause I just can't come up with stuff for them, sry.

Caine

Despite being an AI who doesn't really understand humans I feel he would notice your inner turmoil. He kind of has too! Cause he has to watch for and know if someone is going to abstract. Moving on he appreciates you being strong willed and a joy to be around seeing as how it makes others stick around longer. You can't have a circus without performers after all. Caine being how he is he would most likely just appear in your room while your having a breakdown multiple times because he wants something from you not even noticing you having trouble mentally. Only time he would really notice is if you were at the apex of that breakdown when he showed up. I can 100% see him just floating a few feet away from you one eyebrow raised for a minute with worried eyes before he asked if you were ok. If you said yes, despite what he think's he'll believe you. First few times. If you say no and seem to be looking for some comfort he'll do his best but he isn't exactly good at that kind of thing. More likely then not he wont really touch you but he'll give some words of encouragement and probably ask if their is anything you want (except a way out of the digital realm.) And whatever you ask for you'll have in an instant. But their is a limit. He can't be spoiling you now. He still needs your input on things and giving gifts wont be special anymore if you get whatever you want whenever you want. And after doing the bare minimum and seeing you bounce back and be how you always are he'll assume that what he did worked perfectly and your fine now. He's a little dense I'll be honest. 2.5/10 comfort

Gangle

Now Gangle isn't exactly good with emotions. She has tons sure. But handling them is another story. But you being there and always seemingly in a good mood nothing really affecting you will help her keep calm. I mean just having an anchor can make stuff you usually can't deal with seem small. (Especially if you stick up to Jax for her. Or better yet get her confident enough to do it herself.) When she walked in on you having a breakdown first thing her mind would go to is that your on the verge abstracting which causes her to panic and make the whole thing worse. She doesn't try to it's just a lot all at once. Especially considering how you don't usually show this kind of stuff. Now once the initial shock has worn off and at least she has calmed down some she'll be pretty good at helping you calm down. I mean she's a cinnamon roll. Even if her ways of comfort don't work well just knowing she's trying will definitely help. Now if you cope with more self destructive ways she'll be more worried but try her best to trust you. Though that doesn't mean she'll just let you punch things, especially things that could hurt you (I've punched a few walls in my time and I can safely say it hurts.) Now when you just snap back to how you usually are nothing expect the red eyes and dried tear streams on your face will cause a whole load of more worry in her. How long has this been going on?! Are you ok?! Can she do anything?! DO YOU STILL LOVE HER!?! If you don't accept her help she'll probably start to spiral and take that as you don't trust her enough or you don't think she can help you. So for her sake, and yours let her help. Cause if you do that'll lead to a whole lot of trust and make a very sturdy base for your relationship. It'll also help her get better with emotions as a whole. She wishes she could do more for you but she can and will do what she can with what she has. 8/10 comfort

Zooble

Oof. This probably isn't going to end well. It's basically like a angsty teen trying to comfort someone they care about. Zooble probably acts like she hates how happy and upbeat you are. But she doesn't. When she's laying in bed not wanting to get up the thought of going on an adventure and watching you be dumb on purpose makes her smile and get up. Sure every day is the same in the circus, but with you there it's a nice version of repetitiveness. Now Zooble has a lot of problems. Everyone in the circus does. But if she walked in on your having a breakdown I feel like she would honestly just turn around and leave. Not because she doesn't care. But because she feels she'll make it worse if she stays. Every 5 minutes or so she'll poke her head back in your room to see how your doing. Probably accompanied with a quiet "You uhhh. You doing ok?" if your still crying. Now if she peaked her head in and you were back to normal she might honestly think she hallucinated you crying like that. But their are some things you can't hide. Like puffy eyes or how your voice is a little wavy from crying. So knowing even less what to do now she'll just join you in your room and sit on your bed hoping that just her being around will be enough. Now if you break down again and start venting about what is worrying you she'll sit there and listen intently. If not she'll think that your still not doing ok but she doesn't really know how to bring that out. Or help with it. Overall her comfort is a little lacking but she's trying her best. 4.5/10 comfort

Kinger

Now I headcannon that Kinger is really, really, REALLY good at comfort. I mean did you see the impenetrable fortresses door, and how it was being held up. I don't think a single person ever who is good at making pillow forts is bad at comfort. I feel like overall he would be pretty indifferent to you being all happy though he would appreciate the supportive vibe you bring. He's crazy, I'll just be honest about that. But he seems to be surprisingly resilient as he never gets worse, or better. He just is. When he walks in on you freaking out he doesn't flinch or is surprised. He's been in the digital circus a long time. And he's lost many. He understands why. So he just calmly walks in gives you a light hug No idea how. He doesn't have arms. and a quick forehead kiss. He sits you two down on the floor and makes a little pillow wall around you two. Then he (in a surprisingly calm voice) asks what's troubling you. Now you don't exactly have a choice of if you do or don't tell him. He's lost to many to just leave you on your own in this. So he'll sit there a hand resting on your knee while you mentally prepare yourself. Out of everyone he's the most likely to genuinely and long term help you calm down. He's seen many things, been through many things. No matter what it is that's worrying you it wont surprise him and he can probably help. 10/10 comfort

Ragatha

Well aren't you two just the perfect duo Ragtha is pretty mentally drained having the always be the one that everyone rely on. She was the only anchor for this place the only one keeping everyone spirits high. Then you showed up and made the work 50/50. That's what initially made you catch her eye. You two have enough infection happiness and good vibes to make just about anyone have a good day. Though their are diminishing returns the digital circus wouldn't be the same without you two. When she walks in on your falling apart she reacts two ways. One she also starts freaking out (Just instinct at this point. I mean you saw her in the pilot, every time Pomni started breaking down she interrupted it.) And two a whole lot of understanding on where your coming from. She sits down with you and lets your get it all out before speaking. She asks if your ok, if she can do anything, and what caused it. Once you explain that it's just all so much. The circus, having to be strong for everyone else. It puts so much pressure on you. On hearing that Ragatha breaks into tears flipping the comfort giver and receiver. Once she has gotten most of it out and can make comprehensible sentences again she explains how she's going through the same. On hearing that you feel really bad. You've only been here what a year and your already breaking down over it. But you've always had Ragatha there to lighten the load. But she's been here so much longer doing the exact same but without anyone else to help her. So you make it a kind of personal mission from then on to not make your problems hers and help her out when and wherever you can. -3/10 Comfort. She just had a lot of stuff bottled up and ended up making you worry about even more.

Jax

Jax's first thought would probably be "Oh great, another Ragatha to deal with." But something about you isn't as annoying to him as Ragatha. He actually enjoys and appreciates all that you do for him. And the others too I guess. Now be warned Jax deals with a lot of stuff with humor. And his sense of humor is putting others through anguish mental, emotional, and physical. So when he first finds you crying will most likely make a joke about you being a cry baby or "So you finally broke huh? I always wondered how long it would take" making you feel much worse about it. When if he notices that he'll feel bad and stop maybe. He'll more likely then not just exist in your room, leaning against a wall or grabbing random items off of shelves/your desk to fiddle with. Now when you snap back to how you usually are I really feel like he'll just be like "Oh cool. You fine. Well I'm gonna go get some food." then leave you alone with your thoughts. (I'm sorry to all you Jax fans it's just I don't go for looks like most do. I'm entirely attracted to personality. And Jax's isn't great. I mean Gooseworx confirmed that he isn't like nice deep down. He's just an a$&hole. So if Jax is your fav my Tumblr ain't for you.) 0/10

Pomni

You and Ragatha keep Pomni in one piece. (I mean if Ragatha wasn't in the pilot I feel like Pomni would already be abstracted.) So she kind of clings to you. Not physically but she would fall apart pretty quickly without you there. So when you asked her to grab something for you she did without a second thought. But she wasn't expecting to come back to hearing crying followed by a loud thump in your room. She sprints over and throws the door open only for you to be completely ok and sitting at your desk. You thank her for grabbing it for you then go back to what you were doing making her think she's gone of the deep end and is hearing things. But then it happens again, and again. Leading her to believe your just hiding something from her. So next time it happens she sneaks up to your door and carefully peaks inside only to see your tugging at your hair tears streaming down your face. You punch the wall making her jump and make some noise. Your eyes lock onto the small crack in between the door and the frame you two locking eyes. She blushes heavily then slowly opens the door basically admitting to eavesdropping. She was just worried is all. You quickly clean yourself up and apologize for having her see you like that only causing her to worry more. She doesn't push it knowing from experience how that feels but from that day on she tries to not put as much pressure on you. And makes an effort to return the favor when she can. 4.5/10 comfort (I sincerely enjoyed writing this. Cause I am also a sucker for that kind of character. Hope you enjoyed it!)

xoxo, Jester

[sweetasadaisy]

Glowing up: A journey towards self-improvement

The reason I want to glow up is because I am determined to make positive changes in my life. I want to improve my health, enhance my appearance, and become a better version of myself. For as long as I can remember, I've been lazy, mediocre, self-destructive and unkind. But I refuse to be like that any longer. With hard work and dedication, I know I can transform myself into someone I'm proud of. I know it won't be easy, but I'm ready to take on the challenge and become the best possible version of myself.

Part 1:Physical wellness

Inspiration:Pink Pilates Princess and Green Juice Girl

The physical aspect of glowing up goes beyond aesthetics. Although, I won't deny that the main reason is doing it. It's about feeling strong, energized, and confident in your skin. I struggle with chronic migraines, fatigue and Self-destructive behaviours. My self-destructive behaviours are things I unconsciously do to make myself unattractive like binge eating because I want to be skinny but my brain doesn't want me to be skinny because it knows it will make me happy and unconsciously I don't want to be happy. I also cut my hair short because I love long hair and I cut my hair every time it gets long because I secretly hate myself and don't want to be happy. (This probably belongs in the mental wellness part.)My plan to improve my physical health is to lose weight gained from years of binging and become fit.

Goals

Lose almost 30lbs by

Eating porpotioned healthily balanced meals(<1450kcals)

Taking my vitamins

Exercising at least 3hrs a week

Getting 10k steps a day

Sleep at 11pm at latest and wake up at 5/6 am

Develop a skincare routine

Grow my hair back to waist length

Part 2:Mental, Emotional and social wellness

Inspiration:That girl and Clean girl

Mental health is the cornerstone of glowing up. It involves cultivating a positive mindset, managing stress, and fostering resilience. Emotional health involves understanding and managing our emotions in a healthy way. It's about cultivating self-awareness, practicing self-compassion, and developing coping strategies for life's challenges. Social health involves building and maintaining meaningful relationships, setting boundaries, and fostering a sense of belonging. I have struggled with my mental health for a long time. I am diagnosed with depression and I have dealt with binge eating on and off for years. I have low self-esteem and self-worth. I never liked myself since I was young. (I think I know the reason but I don't want to share.)The hatred I felt for myself got externalised into hatred, envy, jealousy and unkindness towards others. I am going to change that by:

Getting a therapist

Self care

Being positive

Thinking before I speak

Practicing gratitude

Clean my room once a day

Meet with friends outside of school at least once a month

Part 3: Spiritual wellness

Inspiration: That Christian girl

Nurturing spiritual health provides a sense of purpose, connection, and inner peace. I was born catholic and went to catholic school from the age of 5 to 11(ages 7-11 were an only-girl school). I became an atheist at 11 and have been struggling with my relationship with God ever since. I was born and raised catholic but I was never properly Cathechized. That is because my parents(My mom is a cradle catholic and my dad was born catholic but became Pentecostal) are lukewarm and don't teach me and my siblings about God, the Bible and the Catholic Church. My parents have had multiple children and have not married. (I don't want them to get married to be honest because they are not right for each other and they aren't the best example of a healthy relationship.) My mom only started regularly attending church because I asked her that we start going. My parents aren't the best example of good Christians. Also, in catholic school days teach you nothing about the catholic church they just read the bible to you every morning, make you pray 3-4 times a day and bring you to church once a week. Catholic school wasn't that bad because catechizing me wasn't their job it was my parents. My goals to become strengthen my relationship with God are:

Attend mass on all Sundays and days of obligation

Pray at least twice a day and before eating

Read the Bible daily

Learn about the catholic church and catechize myself

Got to confession eventually

Do my confirmation

Become a Proverbs 31 woman

Part 4: Intellectual wellness

Inspiration:Academic weapon

Continuous learning and intellectual stimulation are essential components of glowing up. An Academic Weapon is a student who is perceived as particularly successful in academics as a whole. My grades are mediocre but i can easily fix that if i stop being lazy and study more. I am going to:

Study atleat 3hrs a day un top of homework

Have an 8-hour study session once a week.

Read one book a month

Join more clubs

Take every opportunity to learn

Conclusion

Glowing up is not a destination but a lifelong journey of self-discovery and personal growth. By nurturing physical, mental, spiritual, social, emotional, and intellectual health, we can become the best versions of ourselves. Whether you're striving to be that Christian girl, a pink Pilates princess, a green juice girl, clean girl or an academic weapon, remember that the most beautiful glow comes from within.

[beanghostprincess]

Dropping some silly Shuggy content bc it's how I cope-

Shanks was found as a baby in a treasure chest. Buggy was semi-force-adopted off the streets at about 6/7. Roger really just went "Anyone gonna parent these kids" and was already signing pretend adoption papers furiously before anyone could so much as breathe.

The Roger crew tried to teach the boys school-like things, but Shanks HATED it while Buggy was just gobbling itt up like a dehydrated horse in a desert oasis.

Buggy LOVED reading (and still does in the present), but he has a soft spot for fantasy stories and fiction. He worries the others would make fun of him for it, but Shanks is Not Having That. He offers to be the one to ask for those books on the condition that Buggy read to him before bed. He acts put out and huffy about it, but Shanks can see him blushing every time he snuggles closer or asks a question.

Roger knows damn well about the truth bc he too sometimes joined story time. Buggy has that Performer Energy down to a SCIENCE.

It gets out eventually, and the crew tries to tease Buggy for it ((even though they didn't tease Shanks, and the redhead Will Remember That)). The guys ask if Buggy likes them bc he wants to be a princess, to which Shanks goes surprisingly nuclear, going on about how if Buggy was ANYONE'S princess, he'd be HIS because the princesses are smart, brave, strong and beautiful, and their knights need someone to be the brains and drive. Buggy is the brains and Shanks is his knight. Pirate princess and pirate knight!!

A few hours later, once he has successfully calmed Buggy down and Captain has punished everyone for bullying his kids, Shanks has the BRILLIANT idea of getting "married".

"Princesses can be flashy, but the warrior queen from the last book was SO COOL and I think you'd make a better queen than a princess because queens are SUPER SMART and lovely and strong and just like you!"

"You think so...?"

"Mmhm! So we just gotta make you a queen! How do princesses become queens?"

"Don't they get married?"

"Oh yeah! Then let's be married! That way you can be MY queen and I'll be YOUR king!"

They sneak into the treasury, looking for rings. There are none - at least, none that would fit. ((Shanks stole one for Buggy when they get bigger)). So they decide to do the next best thing!

They drag Roger onto the next island, make rings out of dandelions, have him officiate, and marry each other with flower rings so they're king and queen now. Then they make a wish on the dandelions.

They consider it their Real Marriage. It was officiated and everything, and they still refer to each other as Husbands ((or Wife when Buggy's feeling more femme)), and everyone is absolutely flabbergasted when it comes up in conversation.

Shanks lost his band when he gave his arm up for Luffy, but Buggy sent an 'anonymous' gift with a replacement. He wears it on a necklace now.

Buggy wears his ring on a necklace as well, or sewn into the inside of his hat or in a jewelry box he keeps under lock and key, depending on the day.

The breakup they had post-execution was smoothed over, they have an open marriage, and they still love one another in the sweetest, most cavity inducing way imaginable.

((PS, Luffy, once crowned King, mentions to Shanks that he was the closest he had to a dad. While Shanks I'd emotional, Luffy grins at Buggy and goes "so should I call you mom or dad?"))

Shooting me would've been less painful than reading this because now I am sobbing crying and shaking on the floor and I will never forget this. The whole concept about Buggy loving to read and Shanks doing it for him always makes me go insane, but the crew making fun of Buggy and Shanks protecting him without hesitating? Not even once? And telling him that they should get married? Okay. Wow. Okay. I need a second. Because this is just,,, So sweet. And Roger and Rayleigh would literally die when they told them about the idea. Like they would probably have a tiny heart attack from how cute these kids are. Rayleigh would probably go "Isn't it a bit too soon? Think about it first you idiots-" but Roger is already planning everything because his impulsive romantic ass can't wait for his kids to get married lmfao. Also, non-binary/genderfluid Buggy my beloved because me too, Buggy, me too.

[khaire-traveler]

Avoiding Trauma Reenactment in Pagan & Polytheist Communities

***Mentions of emotional abuse***

Something I've noticed is that there's a lot of trauma within the pagan and polytheist communities. Many trauma survivors - religious or otherwise - seem to come to these religions, maybe seeking comfort or maybe not.

Unfortunately, when there is a lot of trauma within a community, there tend to be cycles of it as well. People traumatize other people because, to put it simply, hurt people hurt people. I've experienced this first-hand and done it, obviously unintentionally, myself. So here's my advice on how to avoid traumatizing the shit out of one another.

Go to therapy or counseling if you're able. If you're not able, I suggest at least looking up ways to cope with trauma (CPTSD or PTSD may be specifically helpful for some people) and identifying your personal triggers. For example, some people might be triggered by not getting an immediate response to their messages, especially if emotionally charged, and may react based on the burst of emotion that triggered trauma can cause.

Recognize whether or not you're reenacting your own trauma in unrelated situations. This happens A LOT with abuse survivors specifically. There is a tendency to reenact one's traumatic experiences which can even come in assuming the worst of a situation or staying around people who remind you of (or treat you like) past abusers. Do you find yourself reenacting past trauma with others? Do you find yourself engaging with self-fulfilling prophecies?

When you feel yourself reacting with extreme emotion to a situation, try to pause yourself for a moment and ask yourself why you're feeling such a strong reaction. This is a skill that's easier said than done, and it takes some practice, but overtime, it becomes easier and easier. I've found it to be very helpful in identifying when my trauma is causing me to react a certain way to something vs. my genuine reaction.

Remind yourself that constructive criticism is not a personal attack on you. It's healthy to receive constructive criticism from others, especially friends who may be addressing issues within your friendships. Remember that when you receive criticism, it doesn't automatically mean that someone is trying to tear you down.

You are not responsible for how others react to you. This is a very helpful reminder for survivors of emotional abuse especially, since there's a tendency to self-blame. This is a reminder that takes a lot of practice, but when someone sends you cruel and hateful words, remember that 1. you don't have to listen to them, and 2. you are not responsible for the way someone else feels about or reacts to you. Simply put, we cannot control the emotions of others, as scary as that can be, and it's best to keep reminding that to ourselves.

If someone makes you uncomfortable, you are allowed to block them. You don't need permission from anyone to block this person. It's best to keep away from people who remind you of past abusers specifically to avoid potential reenactment.

Try to assume the best of people. Most people are not out to get you; most people are trying to passively enjoy internet time just the same as you. Of course, this doesn't mean harmful and hateful people don't exist, but it's best to not make yourself riddled with anxiety over that potentiality.

Practice healthy conflict resolution skills. This is something I recommend doing with a therapist or only after extensive research. The best type of conflict resolution, in my experience, is relating your emotions calmly and maturely. Try not to go flying off the handle or reacting with repeated apologies. Take a moment to ground yourself before addressing the conflict because even though it feels extremely pressing and urgent, it can likely wait for you to ground yourself first.

Don't go looking for a fight. Don't start arguments where it's not necessary, and don't go after people's personal character just to prove your point. These situations can end horribly for all parties involved. Should go without saying, but this includes not harassing people for their "wrong" opinions. It's an opinion, not a fact; please ground yourself if it truly upsets you that much.

Try not to say things with the intention of hurting someone. This is unwise for several reasons. It can lead to long-term regret later on, you can end up traumatizing someone with your words, and you may find that you were projecting your own feelings onto someone else. All sorts of consequences can come from this, so I encourage you to think before you speak. If you're extremely upset, wait to respond, and take time to cool off first.

This is all the advice I can think of off the top of my head. I hope it helps someone! Take care, everyone. 🧡

[an-angels-fury]

My Adam Frankenstein Headcanons: You loving the Creature ❤️

Hey guys! How are you doing? I had the idea to make this post some days ago and it took me some more to finally finish it. I was also very insecure about sharing this in my blog because I'm not very used to create headcanons (specially involving interaction between character and reader) and I'm afraid those ones I wrote might sound kinda silly (or too OOC), but I still tried my best. Hope that, at least, some of you still enjoy my ideas.

P.S.: My headcanons are based on Mary Shelley's novel and the 2004 Hallmark miniseries (at least that was my intention). But you still can try to use them with any other Frankenstein version/adaptation if you prefer.

Warning: Too much fluff 🥰 (and a little bit of angst)

The Creature was never used to any little gestures of love or gentle touches (actually all his experiences involving human touch only bring him back memories of suffering and pain), so be careful and don't act hastily when you try to get closer to him phisically to not frighten him away.

He'll try to keep distance from you too at first because he's too afraid of scaring you with his appearence. The thought of you running away from him, of being rejected just like so many times before in his life, specially by someone he cares about so dearly like you, tears his heart apart.

You'll have to be patient to gain his trust. Take little steps, do little actions, showing you intend no harm towards him. Look him in the eyes to show him you're not disgusted by his looks. Walk by his side to show him you're not intimidated by his presence. Slowly, try to take his hand and hold it gently in yours, showing him you truly desire his company.

At last, when you sense he feels safe enough around you, stand in front of him and touch his face (he's a 8-foot tall dude - TALL AS HELL - so better try to do it when he's sit or laid, just a suggestion). Hold it in your hands, caress his cheeks and trace his scars with your fingertips, carefully, and, if you have courage enough, give him a kiss in the head.

Don't get worried if he doesn't show reaction at all at first or remain motionless in his place for a moment, and suddenly start to sob and cry uncontrolably. His heart's a mess of intense and conflicting emotions and he never learned any other way to cope. He just can't believe that you, the most beautiful and luminous of all living beings, is right there, touching him, by your own free will. How could he be loved? HE, a monster, a hellish soul stuck in a body built of death and rotten flesh? This wasn't happening... it couldn't be real.

This will be the perfect opportunity to hold him for the first time. He definitely never felt so safe in someone's arms before (I mean, this is literally the first time he shares a hug with anyone...). This is what he always wanted: someone who wasn't scared to love him, someone who accepted and embraced him, wholly and completly, even the ugliest parts of his soul, the ones he was taught by the world to hate the most about himself.

After this single special moment, he'll always search for a chance to hug you too. You can't help but find extremely adorable the way this giant man, whose stare is enough to intimidate any presence in a room, is actually just a big cat pouring against your cheek, needy for care and attention that only you can offer.

You see no problem with it, actually you love the sensation of his big, strong arms around you, making you feel warm and protected from the world outside, specially when he carries you. But sometimes you have to remember him to be careful and slow down when he gets too excited. He's absurdly stronger than a ordinary man, so it's important to put some bounderies, which he'll totally respect, since he'd never forgive himself for hurting you, even accidently.

He also loves to hold you when you both sleep together and you could never deny him such pleasure. Lying in his big, warm chest, surrounded by his arms, hearing his slow breath and feeling his heartbeat, all of this brings you such a calm and comfortable sensation to your body and mind that you secretly wish to remain like this forever.

Being pratical and useful are important aspects of his love language (remember when he tried to help the De Lacey family before everything goes to shit?) He cares deeply about your needs and is decided to do everything out of his reach to help you accomplish your goals. Your happiness makes him happy. Your thankful smile and sincere words of kindness mean the world to him.

Give him pet names ('my love', 'my darling', etc.) to demonstrate your affection. He was never given a real name by his own creator, always being refered by him and other people as 'creature' at best and as 'wretch', 'devil', 'miserable' or 'abomination' at worst. Maybe he gets kinda confused at first, but after some time, when he gets used to it, he'll smile and try to do the same with you.

Talk to him about your tastes, hobbies and interests. He'd not only have a deep desire to know more about you and understand the world you live in, but would also love to share his own past experiences with you, all the fascinating things he learned by himself about life, nature and love. You both could spend hours teaching many lessons to each other, discovering new interesting content, spending a good and calm afternoon indicating your favorite books to one another, reading them together and then debate about what you both enjoyed the most.

[marunalu]

Hi! MHA 406 is almost bad for my taste because of Bakugou. But One thing!

AFO facial expression!!! Please analyze this!!! Please!!!

From now on I will just ignore EVERYTHING related to bakugou because it makes no sense any longer to get angry about it. Bakugou is horis pet character and the only character who truly matters to him. At this point bakugou is just the most horrible written gary stu character in shonen history and its clear that hori doesnt care about how shitty his writing of him is. Most of the mha fandom kisses bakugous ass anyway so the horrible writing about bakugous fake "death", his even more horrible written resurrecction and now in this chapter bakugous pain somehow making him able to create bigger explosions and making him faster just shows that hori can write whatever he wants about bakugou and the fandom will still eat this shit out of his hands! Like... I dont care anymore. So I will just do my best and from now on ignore this character as good as I can. If it will be suscessful is the other question, because horis writing of bakugou is just SO bad 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Anyway lets look at the actuall only intetesting part in this chapter. FINALLY we get a little bit more of afos and yoichis backstory and FINALLY we know 2ths name, because I was sick of calling him 2th all the time. My question is now is kudou his first or his last name? Because I think it would be weird if afo calls him by his first name. The only way this would make sense is if kudou once worked for afo and they were friends. Also interesting that we get 2ths name reveal before 3ths 🤔

Now I have the hope that we will soon get a little flashback "arc" or at least a few chapters dedicated about afos and yoichis past. Now about afos expression. Well LOOK AT MY MAN!!!

I LOVE how vulnerable he looks here. And its a smart move of hori to only show afos eyes (which for once dont look dead) again while the rest is in shadows. He doesnt want to reveal yet the utter despair on afos face when he realizes that his brother is DEAD! But you can clearly see in the way afos eyes and eyebrows are drawn how devasted he is. He is crying! To see the great demon lord and most dangerous super villain who ever lived with such an human expression is actually quite heartbreaking. It shows and confirms that deep down his demon lord facade is simply just a mask to hide his own human heart! Its nothing but an act to look strong and untouchable, so nobody could hurt him! Hori is showing us that, yes, this horrible bastard who did so many evil things to others is still a human deep down with feelings and emotional pain and who actually suffers. Thats how hori writes his villains and to me it was always pretty obvious that he would go the same route with his main villain. Afos demon lord facade is nothing but a coping mechanism to excuss his own evil actions and trying to distance himself from his own humanity.

This chapter confirms without a doubt HOW MUCH afo loved his brother. His only family! And the most interesting part is that afo wasnt even aware that HE killed yoichi. He was SEARCHING for him. He believed him to be ALIVE! Its his enemy who gives him the news that he murdered his own brother, but afo seems to be completly taken by surprise by this! There is just no way that afo actually REALLY tried to kill yoichi with full intent and backs up my theory that yoichis death was an accident or that yoichi sacreficed himself for someone else afo wanted to kill (like kudou and 3th) and then kudou took an injured yoichi to an other place where he died shortly after. Afo believed yoichi to be fine, he had NO IDEA his brother was dead! And it explains so much why afo is so obsessed with the ofa quirk. Its his only way to get yoichi back. The only thing that is left of him. His only way to make amends with yoichi and MAYBE even telling him that he is sorry for what he did!

He clearly still believes everything is kudous fault (what he is telling himself) like I mentioned already a few times in other posts. Kudou freed yoichi from the vault, filled his head with even more heroic ideas which in return made yoichi eventually even more reckless and putting himself in harms way. In yoichis eyes kudou and 3th are his heroes. What is the opposite of the hero? The villain! Lets remember that afo never called himself a villain while yoichi was still alive and even tried to put the blame on his followers when they did something horrible to others ("they did it on their own. I never told them to do it.") He was trying to keep his hands clean. But now Afo WANTS to be a villain, because in his mind its the heroes fault that his brother is dead! And maybe its not just that he wants to be a villain, but also that he believes he cant go back anymore. He crossed the line with yoichis death so to speak. He lost the only person that mattered to him. Why should he care for anyone else now? The world took everything away from him and thats the reason why he wants to destroy everyones happiness and future in return.

And if dfo is canon it could mean that inko and izuku were the first thing after 200 years afo cared about or even loved and saw as his last chance to leave his villain life behind him (him mentioning that he wants to retire). But then all might happend and izuku got ofa. Now there is most likely really no going back anymore.

[squarebracketsmileyface]

Back at it again with a sad song to relate to these characters!!!!

This is so!!!! This is so Alex to Jay, or at least how he would want to be to him under better circumstances. Or at least that’s how I saw it.

https://youtu.be/R2zXxQHBpd8?si=-VKZo5PAshjGBfQM

Song is: will he by Joji

you're so right. This is so alex wishing he'd been able to be better to jay. (tho there's also an argument that jay also needed to be better to alex, and cos sorry its locked is all jays pov so far i haven't been able to show that he was also pretty bad for alex just like alex was bad for him. neither of them are the good guy, neither of them are purely a victim, neither of them are purely a 'villain' -can't think of the right word so villain will have to do-)

anyway, analysis thingy

I got knots all up in my chest (Up in my chest, up in my chest) Just know, I'm trying my best (I'm trying my best) 'Cause when you look (When you look) When you laugh (When you laugh) When you smile (When you smile) I'll bring you back (Bring you back) And now I'm sad (Now I'm sad) And I'm a mess (And I'm a mess) And now we high (Now we high) That's why I left (Why I left) That's why I left (Woo)

Pretty simple, just Alex thinking about Jay and how much he really did like him. But Alex was a mess and left Jay for Amy because he didn't know how to cope with his feelings (and with some other stuff I haven't written yet, but i'm ignoring that just so this song will fit with what's already actually out there for this fic)

Will your tongue still remember the taste of my lips? (My lips, my lips, my lips) Will your shadow remember the swing of my hips? (My hips, my hips, my hips) Will your lover caress you the way that I did? (I did, I did, I did) Will you notice my charm if he slips up one bit? (One bit)

Again, Alex thinking about Jay. But also, Alex realising that Tim and Jay are together now from watching the videos Jay uploads, he's watched them slowly get closer, and then one entry something changes and Alex knows that Jay has "moved on". Alex wonders whether Tim hold and kisses Jay the way he did that last night he and Jay were together, and he wonders if Jay thinks of him when Tim messes up. He calls it his 'charm' kinda sarcastically, because he's just kinda caught up in hating himself for what he had to do.

Because unlike in uni (their uni relationship was complicated, i promise I'll write it eventually, just know that Jay did some bad stuff just like Alex did), this time Alex was the only person in the wrong for hurting Jay like he did in chapter 2 of Sorry It's Locked.

'Cause I don't need to know I just wanna make sure you're okay (Okay) I don't need to know I just wanna make sure you're all safe All safe, all safe (woo)

Alex doesn't really want to know if he's left Jay with shit from everything that happened around entry 47 (in chapter 1 and 2), he doesn't want to confirm for himself that he hurt Jay so bad that he's been left with lasting emotional shit. He just wants to know that Jay's okay, that he's safe, but every entry Jay posts just confirms over and over again that Jay is not safe, every entry posted just reminds Alex that everything he did to try and drive Jay away and make him give up on finding out what's wrong with Alex and what's going on with the whole Operator thing.

Everything Alex did was for nothing. He hurt Jay for no reason, and sure, he couldn't have known it at the time, but in his little moments of clarity he realizes that he could have done something else. He could have talked to Jay, he could have asked for help, he could have explained what was going on. He didn't have to hurt him, but he did, and it didn't even achieve what he'd wanted it to. If anything, it just made everything worse because now Jay's got someone else involved.

Will he play you those songs just the way that I did? (I did, I did, I did) Will he play you so strong just the way that I did? (I did) Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Will he treat you like shit just the way that I did? (I did, I did, I did) 'Cause I don't blame you

Again, Alex thinking about their relationship, both their uni relationship and their one night stand in chapter 1. He knows Tim and Jay are together now and he can't help wondering what their relationship is like, since they keep it completely off camera except for the odd hickey just barely peeping out from under a shirt collar etc.

He can't help almost hoping that Tim treats Jay like shit, and he hates himself for it, he just wishes he could have Jay for himself but he knows he can't. Do you know what I mean. Like, he doesn't actively wish harm on Jay, and he's constantly trying to think of ways to keep Jay safe and alive, but he also can't help feeling jealous of Tim and wishing he'd treat Jay badly so that Alex could swoop in and 'save' Jay. He knows if that happened though, and Jay would shy away from him too, he wouldn't go running into Alex's arms, he'd just be angry at and scared of both of them and would probably do something stupid and get himself killed.

'Cause I don't need to know I just want to make sure you're okay (Okay) I don't need to know I just want to make sure you're all safe

Same as before, in the end, Alex just wants Jay to be okay, he want's to make up for everything he's done by finding a way to make sure Jay lives, to make sure he doesn't have to kill him.

[onlyymirknows]

The Curse of Living

Summary: Jean finds Reiner crying in his tent six months after the rumbling

CW: detailed description of suicide plan/attempt, swearing, angst, emotional hurt and comfort, implied reijean, Reiner’s pov, mostly dialogue

WC: 1.4k

• ───────────────── •

Reiner Braun is overwhelmed. It was so easy to suppress all of his built up emotions when he thought he only had a couple of years to live but now? Now he is falling apart at the seams with decades ahead of himself to endure.

At least it feels that way. But with all of the people relying on him in the wake of this disaster he has to pretend he’s strong. How has it only been 6 months?

Part of him wants to ask for help but the other part of him is terrified of the prospect. Who is he to ask someone to help him of all people? So he finds himself alone in his tent, crying from the stress. Here in the quiet of the night when he should be sleeping is the only time and place he has just for himself.

Except when he doesn’t, of course.

Like right now, when Jean Kirschtein crawls into the tent uninvited, concern clearly written on his face.

“Kirschtein, what are you doing here? Without asking, too.” Reiner wipes his face off as best as he can. He knows he’s already caught but wants to preserve some shred of his self respect.

Jean looks at a loss for words, even now that he’s fully inside, kneeling across from Reiner. Why did he come here if he didn’t have something to say? How can he have nothing to say, anyway? He’s Jean, a man who loves the sound of his own voice.

“Did you come here to stare at me?” Reiner keeps his gaze lowered and fidgets with his hands.

“No. You don’t have to be so-” the brunet cuts himself off before finishing his thought. He sighs and scratches the back of his neck. “What I meant to say is I heard you crying and I wanted to be here for you.”

“I didn’t ask you to. You should go to your tent and sleep.”

“That’s kind of the problem, Reiner. You didn’t and haven’t asked. People are worried about you.”

“What, did everyone put together a ‘Bother Reiner’ committee and choose you as their representative? Because you sure are perfect for the job, I have to admit.”

“Oh you think so? Glad to hear you recognize my talent.” He grins, which only makes Reiner feel weird. Normally he likes bantering with Jean but this neither feels like the time nor place.

“But seriously Reiner, talk to me. I know this asshole act is your way of telling me to piss off but I’m not leaving.”

“I don’t know what you want from me. What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to tell me what’s wrong.”

“Everything.” Reiner knows that’s an unhelpful answer but it was true. Everything was wrong. He was wrong and he wasn’t sure how to cope anymore.

“Okay… Let’s try this instead. Tell me one thing that’s wrong. It doesn’t have to be the most important or most stressful.”

“I.. I was supposed to die in a year and a half.”

Jean looks at him with a mix of surprise and pity, which makes Reiner feel worse. He doesn’t deserve pity and he knows that.

“I was ready to die. So fucking ready, Jean. When Eren told me he was going to lift the curse, some part of me nearly snapped. It felt like a cruel joke. The one person in the whole world who understood how I feel gave me the last thing I wanted. He knew it, too, the asshole.” Reiner covers his face with his hands and groans in frustration.

He continues, not caring at this point about Jean’s reaction. This openness was what Kirschtein wanted, after all. “Ymir’s curse was my finish line… my way of dying without completely devastating my loved ones. To finally rest and to stop.. feeling all of this. Now there’s no end in sight and I… I don’t know how long I can do this. But I have to do everything I can. I hav—”

“Shut the hell up, Reiner.”

Now it’s Reiner’s turn to stare, looking up from his hands to look at his friend in disbelief. Tears roll down his cheeks again and his body’s shaking. He hadn’t noticed just how worked up he’s gotten. It’s difficult to keep his breath steady and his nose’s leaking just as much as his eyes.

Before he has a chance to compose himself he feels Jean pull him into a bear hug and force his head to rest on the other man’s shoulder.

“Jean.. what are you..”

“I told you to shut it, didn’t I?”

“But what—”

“Shhh. I’m hugging you, obviously,” Jean’s voice is a soft whisper now, “and you just gotta deal with that.”

Reiner nods. He could probably push Jean away if he really wanted to but he doesn’t. It feels nice and Kirschtein smells surprisingly good despite living in the post apocalypse without indoor plumbing.

“Jean, I’m really sorry for—”

“Don’t,” his voice is firm yet still low and comforting. “Don’t apologize. I swear to the walls, I don’t know what to do with you but I’ll figure something out.”

Reiner chuckles slightly to himself, his breath tickling Jean’s neck.

“Oh yeah? What’s so funny, Reiner?” Despite not seeing his face, Braun can hear the smile in his voice.

“The walls don’t exist anymore, Kirschtein, you have to find something else to swear to.” He can’t tell if he’s laughing or crying at this point. Or if he’s happy or delirious. His emotions are all jumbled as he continues shedding tears onto Jean’s shoulder.

“You’re right. I’ll have to figure that out, too. But one thing at a time and you’re my top priority.”

“Jean.. part of me wants to kill myself. But I couldn’t do it here where any of you could find me. I wouldn’t do that to you. I’d just.. um. I’d just walk into the desert one night and keep going until dehydration got me. Then the birds would turn me into just another nameless body to add to the pyre.”

“That’s… really fucked up.”

He chuckles again, this time sardonically. “I know… it really is and… I find myself thinking about it m-more and m-more as… as time g-goes on… I. I don’t k-know… I d-don’t know wh-what to do… I… I d-don’t…”

Jean’s arms squeeze him even tighter as he completely falls apart into a crying, sobbing mess. He never expected to tell anyone about this because he feels like he needs to be strong for everyone. That he needs to keep being superhuman despite being a mere mortal now.

“You don’t need to do anything except be Reiner. Just be you. I finally got you back and I want you here for a long time, even if that means you don’t do anything for anybody else for the rest of your life. I know I’m not the only one who feels that way. Your kids, for example. Gabi and Falco love you more than some kids love their parents.”

Jean holds Reiner even closer and sways him ever so slightly like a mother rocking a cradle. Reiner for his part finally wraps his arms around Jean’s waist and digs himself even deeper into his friend’s shoulder.

His voice now muffled, Jean strains slightly to understand Reiner as he says, “I… I almost killed myself before the Liberio Festival. I put a rifle into my mouth and nearly pulled the trigger. But then Falco… he just showed up outside the window. He didn’t even know I was on the other side of the wall. But hearing him out there… I c-couldn’t leave them behind, Jean…”

“Then let’s stick with that for now… You keep living for those kids and I’ll help you with the rest.”

“You really don’t—”

“I want to, Reiner. I really do. So your only job right now is keeping your will to live. Starting tomorrow I’m gonna be on you like glue, like it or not. And don’t you dare say you don’t deserve help. I don’t give a fuck what you think you deserve. I’m not giving you a choice… Okay?”

“Yeah… okay.” Reiner’s voice is hopeful, albeit shaky from sobs. Jean is the most stubborn man he knows and for once he’s completely relieved by that fact.

[collectivecloseness]

I have this angsty mess of ideas that I don't know how to put together but I'm gonna try to explain it. So like Steve has been in love with you since like forever and you become friends in season one blah blah blah you're inseparable etc, you have the tendency saving Steve's ass everytime but then you die while saving him and steve never got the chance to confess (not really that important but I guess it adds emotional damage idk) he obviously blames himself for it and everytime his phone rings he answers with the hope that for some fucked up reasons it's you and you're actually still alive but stuck in the upside down. Everyone is concerned about him bc it feels like he's slowly going crazy and is very much delusional.

Idk if that's like very long or makes no sense at all so sorry in advance, your eyes must be bleeding after reading this. :/

Robin being the one to always check on Steve after he loses you. She knew what you meant to Steve, most shifts mentioned you, and your recent interactions with Steve, most nights were him- were the both of them, talking on the phone about you. She loved the whole will they won’t they, and the puppy love gossip with Steve. Now she wished she’d pushed more, at least Steve would feel better if you’d known.

Robin’s learnt to be more open and vulnerable, since she’s been the one to look after Steve, being emotional and like a true friend, rather than snarky and quippy and teasing with him. She’s always coming in to check on him with her key to his house, pressing her hand on his shoulders each time she says hi, unless she’s rushing to comfort him again.

Robin tells him a few times “You know I said I can move in, or we could both move to our own place! I’m lonely! Besides, I love spending time with my best friend.” Robin’s been encouraging it. Her and Steve had breiefly passed the ideas before, before you, but she got the feeling back then they both badly would have liked it, living together, but neither wanted to be the first to come on too strong and vulnerable. It was different now. And Robin really didn’t want Steve to be lonely either. Besides, Robin came over to Steve’s literally every day she could anyway.

But to Steve, Robin wasn’t you. He still loves Robin, as her own person and his friend, he doesn’t compare you two at all. But Steve worried the constant company might make him go crazier than he already feels. It also wouldn’t allow for any of his unhealthier coping mechanisms. Steve would argue in his head, even crying or screaming himself to sleep, he wouldn’t be able to do anymore, but he’d done that in front of some of his friends anyways.

Robin, Nancy, Eddie, Dustin, all of his friends all worried about him. Max, Lucas and El had come over yesterday. Joyce makes sure to drop by a couple of times a week at least. Robin came every day, while the others did sometimes, varying in frequency. They knew Steve wasn’t healthy.

Sometimes, Steve whipped his head to the side, out of nowhere, or maybe with a small sound one of them picked up, from years of fear of monsters from other dimensions. But they knew it wasn’t Steve being scared of bumps in the night. It was because he thought he may have heard you. It was a glimmer of hope, just for a second, and they hated seeing it shatter each time.

Steve did worry about bumps in the night too. Steve worried about the next time he’d have to fight, no matter what it might be. Because this time, no one would come to save him.

You were always the first to come for him. You specifically sought Steve out first, checked on him first, he was always your first choice, the one you always checked on, the one you’d always save. You were with Steve for all his fuck ups. You’d seen him grow, and he knows you’d never judged him for his past once he actually got better. Not once. No one else had done that. But you also made Steve better. And he was still scared he won’t be as much now, without you.

But on the other hand, Steve wasn’t sure he really wanted anyone to save him next time. If the next time he dies saving the others, then whatever. He couldn’t save you. At least he could be with you then.

No one would be designated to check Steve first, to save him first, and that’s what he got. Steve always put himself in front of danger first, and now he’d lost you, there would be no one to save him. It was his price.

Steve wanted to go back straight after. He wanted to go back for you the next day, and the day after. To the place he’d left you. At the end of the week, he told Robin his plans, with his rucksack already on his back. And not only did she physically hold Steve to the floor, but she locked all the doors as she walkied Eddie and Nancy - not the kids, she knew when Steve was better, even now, he wouldn’t want the kids to see him like this - and Eddie had to bear hug Steve so he wouldn’t try to leave, while all of them gently tried to talk their friend down. They said it was a suicide mission! And that’s when Steve screamed “I DON’T CARE!” Trapped in his friends arms. Screaming those words not enough overemotionally, but too genuinely, that it really got them worried. Steve was still fighting to leave. He had collapsed into tears after that. He wanted to go and he meant it.

Nancy wanted to sedate him by that point, because she was too worried Steve would leave. But Robin put her foot down at that thought. It would create a super bad spiral, and Steve wouldn’t trust them, she knew they had to do something else! Luckily Robin thought of something. Mixed in with Steve’s yells at Eddie, Eddie trying to talk to Steve, and Nancy on edge and trying to not look as upset as she probably was while getting Robin to think of something else before she snapped.

Robin called the number she knew to, and soon afterwards, Joyce was entering Steve’s home with her own spare key. Joyce let Steve cry into her lap, and she stroked his back, talking when Steve wanted to, only lulling her own assurances when he didn’t, and just soothing Steve, until he fell asleep like that, in his room with her. Robin knew Steve wouldn’t fight Joyce to leave, or yell too much at her or anything. Steve had fallen asleep early in the afternoon, and Nancy didn’t even need to sedate him because he stayed asleep, luckily for the entire night. Joyce wouldn’t leave. She wanted to stay until morning, she didn’t want to leave Steve overnight, or at all right now.

Joyce even made breakfast the morning after, making sure to stay by Steve’s side because he’d always eat her cooking if she was there. And it was a sickly sweet feeling for everyone watching whenever that happened, because Steve would take a few bites and then finish his plate clean. But they knew he’d probably only had a few bites the day before, with how much he gorged on Joyce’s dishes when she was around to eat with him.

Robin stayed in bed with Steve most nights for sleepovers. That night Joyce had, which she’d done quite a few times. Nancy or Eddie had done it several times more, too. Sometimes Steve would say look, he really just wanted tonight alone. And if they trusted the way he said it, he got that. They understood sometimes he did need that. But Robin also hates leaving Steve alone, because she knows nights are worse for him (and in general as well). She didn’t want to be overbearing though, something friends when she was younger would stop being her friends for, but a trait she’d stopped shielding when she needed to be Steve’s open support. But to be honest, even if Steve couldn’t mourn as well if he wasn’t alone at night, those mostly seemed like mourning in the destructive ways.

Steve knew he was safe with Robin, or Nance, or Eddie, or Joyce there, from monsters, and from himself. Not that he was thinking of that last part, he was trying to convince them, but he wasn’t very good at stopping his brain from eating himself alive, because he didn’t feel like he wanted to stop. He wanted punishment.

At one point, after you’d died, Eddie had tried to give Steve something of yours, an item he got from your house when he went to visit your family. When he’d explored your now, forevermore, empty room. But Steve had a moment, and was mad that Eddie had ruined your shirt, forever tainting it with his smell, and his touch, and not leaving it the way you had the day you’d gone to meet Steve and the others. Steve had later apologised for freaking out on Eddie about it. Something Eddie casually waved his hand over, promising Steve never could be freaky, and saying it was okay, he was sorry too. Steve didn’t really want to think about anymore. That top still felt slightly tainted, no matter how ridiculous Steve knew it was. He just didn’t have much left of you, that was still untouched. That was yours, and had still last been touched, moved, adored, by you. So Robin didn’t bring Steve things from your house. She’d just tell him if she found something, if he wanted to look at it, or go over later. To which Steve would generally just nod at her.

Steve had had a few moments, but luckily, he’d had friends there every single time. No matter how different the moments were. If it was him spiralling, down dangerous paths for himself. Him accidentally spooking someone, maybe by lashing out, or just not having the energy to look after someone else, even if they were upset because of his crumbling. Including the ones, where Steve would adamantly deny the facts in front of him. It was like the first two days, Steve knew you were dead. And he always did, of course. The fact never left his soul. But after that things changed, and became slightly more of a purgatory, Steve always seemed even just a fraction hazy.

One time Robin had come back to Nancy crying, and Steve sobbing loud like a broken child on the floor. Steve had sworn it was you who had called. But he’d missed the call, running and slipping since he’d been in the shower when it rang. Nancy and Robin guessed he’d been thinking about you. And with a hand to his forehead between his wails on the floor, Robin knew he’d made the water too hot, again. Steve had tried to call back, but it wouldn’t work. And he yelled at Nancy for not picking up the phone, but that was only after she’d tried to gently remind him that it couldn’t be you. And then Steve had done everything to try and call back, almost breaking his phone till Nancy had wrestled it away from him. And when he realised he couldn’t, either call back, or call you, Robin hadn’t quite gotten through to him about it, Steve had collapsed into pained sobs, so distraught, and so unable to be taken out of his pain, that Nancy was sobbing too.

El had left inconsolable once, because Steve had asked multiples times if she could somehow contact you in the upside down. No one had realised, Steve had gotten El to agree one time, until she called Joyce crying because she couldn’t find you, and now she couldn’t get Steve to talk, he just had his head in his hands. But the next day, when El came to visit, with chocolates she always liked to give Steve since she heard they were good for making people happy, he’d apologised and she was herself quite easily again. Something Robin was very relieved with, knowing it would have wrecked Steve if he thought he’d hurt one of the kids.

Dustin had been turned away by Eddie before, on days Steve said he didn’t want to see anyone, which if he said that exactly, made people come over to check if he was okay. And on a day Steve wasn’t doing very well, and had Nancy and Robin bandaging his hands up because he’d punched a mirror, swearing he saw you in the reflection in a blink of his eye, and thinking for that split second maybe it was a gateway to the upside down. Although they were pretty relieved he realised that wasn’t the case straight away, no one wanted Dustin to see Steve like that, least of all Steve. But even Dustin’s visits, as the encouraging little brother, didn’t always bring a smile to Steve’s face, even a fake one he couldn’t muster. Some days, there was just little that could help.

Robin thought maybe Steve only sometimes thought this, even if there was a 0.5% chance always in the back of his head, that maybe, somehow, you were still alive somewhere. It wouldn’t matter where, because then Steve would find you. Robin wished more than anything they had your body, mostly for you, but also for Steve, and for all your friends and family. But she wasn’t going to risk anyone, to go on a suicide mission. And she didn’t want anyone else to leave Steve either. Steve wouldn’t always bring it up. But occasionally there’d be flare ups, where Steve would go on about how you could be out there. Robin was the one who’d decided she’d never flat out disagree with Steve if he got like that. He always needed one person he felt like he could always trust. So even though she never encouraged it, even if for the first week, and now she still had that 0.4% chance in the back of her mind, she’d more try to go through why Steve thought that, and be by his side as the others tried to explain.

But Robin felt at least slightly successful with every little breakthrough she and Steve had together. She was normally there for his, even if she wasn’t the one helping him get to that point anyways. But the biggest breakthrough came a night, where the day leading up to it had been pretty normal.

Keith had actually been very generous with bereavement leave for Steve, even indulging Robin every time Steve called the store in tears, panicking, and needing Robin back immediately. Today had been okay. None of them were good. But she’d come over about 9am, Eddie calling right before he knew she’d leave, to say he was dropping off McDonald’s breakfast for them both just before ten, because he had to go help his uncle with some errands today.

Robin had helped set out a fresh set of clothes for Steve, ones Nancy had left in a pile in his room yesterday afternoon when she’d been with him. Robin smiled at her little post it notes Nancy left around, for Steve, and for his friends around the house. But Robin setting out Steve’s clothes always helped kick him up just a notch enough to get out of bed and go shower. Eddie had stayed for fifteen minutes, and Steve had even watched this time as he and Robin threw hash browns off each other’s faces. Steve sometimes found it hard to watch, when other people were smiling. Robin had been really proud of him today.

Then Steve even picked out what they should have for lunch, and although Robin wasn’t sure Steve could exactly be craving a salad, she was still really happy he’d suggested something, and got to work on Nancy’s refrigerated Tupperware boxes and groceries. Nancy liked to cut things up when she had the time. Robin was pretty slow no matter what she had to cook, because otherwise she was clumsy, and no one liked to focus on something and leave Steve alone. Nancy probably chopped things up yesterday when Joyce came to visit Steve as well.

The one time Robin cut her finger when cooking for Steve with Eddie, Steve had had a full blown panic attack, but he also either thought it was your blood he was seeing, or remembered yours. Steve threw the knife to the side, grabbing Robin’s wrists and panicking, until she soothed him into remembering where he was, and who he was with, and that she was unharmed, and when Steve was back, Eddie could take him away for a second while Robin found the newly restocked first aid kit. The other times she’d hurt herself since, she’d hidden them from Steve’s sight very quickly.

Steve had picked between a variety of activities Robin suggested after lunch, and two person board and card games it had been. Everyone had been buying or donating games to the Harrington household, even the kids had been giving theirs over. So Steve never was bored of any of the games, and he could play them.

Hopper and Karen had actually both taught Steve how to play solitaire, when Mike and El had dropped off some more game to donate. A joke even Steve gave a breathy chuckle at when Eddie said there two people to explain the most famous one player game. But Robin was glad Steve might have something to do to take his mind off things when alone. She knew focusing could be hard sometimes right now for him, so she got that they both tried to explain the game. Also, Karen and Hopper did talk over each other quite a bit in explanation.

But after that, Robin had whipped something quick together for dinner, and Steve had stayed to talk with her in the kitchen the entire time. He even got out glasses and some soda. Even though Robin did most of the talking, Steve took part, which was good. But also, Steve liked talking with Robin. Because she’d talk so much, and be so passionate about what she was saying, he didn’t even need to say much to be part of the conversation, and it was something about his best friend he really appreciated at the moment, even though he used to joke about never getting a word in edgeways. Eddie was a bit the same.

Steve held the remote as they channel surfed, sitting on the couch together with their meals on their laps, since neither of them really liked the silence while eating, and Robin was pretty talked out after finishing her story in the kitchen.

But when Steve had flicked through two news channels, he froze as he immediately recognised the scene in front of him. It was from a romance film you loved, about two thirds of the way through. Steve recognised it from the first frame, from the first note of its score, as he turned over the channel.

Robin recognised it too, although she hadn’t watched it fully, and she hadn’t watched it nearly as many times as Steve had with you. She tried to keep her face blank as she looked to Steve, only a light questioning, curious expression, to see how he was feeling, before she let any of her own thoughts and feelings make him spiral. But Steve simply said “Gotta put something on, the food.” and picked up his fork, turning the volume up enough to cover any chewing sounds, like he’d done for Robin since the first time they watched tv and ate together. That had been long before he lost you.

Steve had finished quickly, but that was just a few scenes before the most important part of the romance film. The confession scene. And Steve was crying before it had even started.

Tears streamed down his face, the two leads finally starting to open up, and explain how they were really feeling. His eyes not even brown, but looking black, so big and red ridden, his cheeks drowned. Robin felt her heart hammering watching Steve crushed again, but she tried to be the best friend she possibly could, as she was always learning to now. Robin reached just a little for the remote on the coffee table, eyes questioning on Steve. But he turned to her and shook his head, so she leaned back and kept the movie on. Steve watched the film, as Robin watched both it and him. Scooting even closer, so their sides were pressed together, as Steve continued to cry. And then, even Robin was tearing up. Especially as the scene continued. And Robin wrapped her arm around Steve’s waist, her other holding his closest hip, and they both quietly sobbed watching the love confession scene, of your favourite romantic movie you’d watched a thousand times.

Just a scene you never got to live out in your young life. A scene Steve never gave you.

Steve turned to Robin as the couple shared their first kiss, the happy score coming on as the confession was over, it all goes well, and with the way Steve’s shoulders are shaking and his chest is heaving, Robin knows he needs her. She immediately opens her arms, pulling Steve in who sobs heartily into her shoulder, all her shirts used to having snot and tears and spit on them now. And she cries too, quieter than Steve, but still all the same, as she rocks him, holding him close through his heart break, through his loss, through his pain, as Steve cries loud into his best friend.

Steve mumbles everything he’s said a thousand times over. How he’s lost you. How he needs you. How you can’t be gone. That Steve wants you. That you’re dead. And that word hits hard. That word took him a while to say, after the second day of screaming it.

And when Steve pulls back, and Robin holds him still, Steve looks deep into his best friends eyes, and he shakes as he tells her the one thing he still hasn’t said yet. “I loved them.”

And Robin rubs her hands up and down Steve’s arms, as she smiled so sadly, and wept so dearly. “I know.”

Steve hiccuped, and a small groan left him. Robin still smiling sadly, still stroking him. Steve looks down, but not a lot, and Robin can always tell Steve’s thoughts, even if it’s gotten harder now. Steve just wants to think.

“How did you?” He asks, sniffling, and swallowing.

Did you know too? Maybe if Robin knew... maybe you did too. Steve just wanted you to know. He should have given you that. But maybe if you knew... even if you didn’t feel the same way, maybe you knew somebody loved you, maybe you knew he saw you just like you did him, before you were stolen.

“Well first of all, you were very romantic, lover boy, always talking about them, always filling the world with your golden thoughts about them.”

Steve liked the way Robin spoke. He thought maybe she’d picked some stuff up from Eddie too. Even knowing his loving thoughts about you had been spoken into the world you’d been living in... even if it wasn’t the one your body was in now, it gave him just a flicker of hope. A bite less of guilt.

“And...” Robin faltered now. He hands falling to Steve’s wrists, and he looked up more inquisitive now.

“And they talked about their crush on you. It’d only been a couple of days before... into the whole upside down thing. Otherwise I’d have manoeuvred you two into each other as soon as I knew, even if I had to trick you and lock you dinguses in a room or something. But that’s all y/n talked about those days.

Steve sucked in air. People didn’t say your name much anymore. Probably scared of his reaction, but Steve missed it. He needed people to bring you up, to remember you, to say your name.

“All they talked about was how they’d been in love with you for years, but recently it was too much to bear, and they just had to tell you. I told them to go for it, that I thought you might realllly like them back! But, y/n wanted to wait to tell you after we saved the world.”

Robin looked up at Steve. He was still crying, and she was joining him again. Her hands squeezed his wrists, and Steve’s knees turned to face Robin those few centimetres more, leaning warmly against her own. “And I agreed. And I wanted to wait until you brought it up again. Until you said again, that you loved them, like you used to tell me every day.”

Robin had hoped it would be less painful that way. While Steve wished it had been you he’d been telling it to every day instead.

“And... was it the right thing to do?” Robin gasps for air with her sob, shaking under Steve now.

And his breaths were gasping, his best friends starting to mirror, as his head shook up and down. “Yeah... it was.”

Robin threw her arms around Steve again, and he moaned as he held her back, so so tightly. Gripping onto Robin’s shoulders like he’d never have to let go again, as Robin nearly scrambled on top of his legs. Both of them crying open mouthed into each others shoulders. Teeth and spit and tears latched on. Neither of the best friends caring about being any semblance of perfect, and not wrecked, not when they were with each other. And they held each other so tight, so hard, as if the grief in their hearts was a magnet, pushing them even closer, but Steve and Robin never wanted to let go of each other, to help the burden of that grief.

Steve and Robin missed you, so much.

[system-of-a-feather]

Before I go to the gym I did want to ramble a bit on this since I usually talk about it in a very "haha ego" tone, but honestly, having very intense and strong violent fantasies and urges and a trauma-centered/functioned thirst, joy, and high in violence in a world where that isn't good or okay and there are Laws because it is a Society honestly is really annoying and sucks.

Like its easy to paint those as "owo evil psychopath" and its easy (I guess) with the radical valid uwu-ness fo the internet to write that off "uwu poor violent meow wow" but imo neither of them really are right.

Cause I'm not so stuck in my trauma that I don't realize that the world I was made for is an outlier and not representative of what it really is; and I'm not so stuck that I don't realize that following that trauma-driven need and high is only going to get me in places that my trauma would have wanted me to be in. I'm not gonna do it because I know that is "what my trauma would have wanted" and because its not going to help me; but I'm also not this innocent bun for having this either nor am I bluffing how intensely I want to go run off on them sometimes.

It sucks that something I have formed such an intense joy and positive emotional relationship to - something that brings me such fun an excitement from my childhood - is something that is both illegal, self destructive and forbidden. It's not needed anymore so the very thing I was formed to do and favorite joy in life is Not Allowed Anymore because it would be harmful to our life.

Violence, life-death crisis, and coming out on top of all of those is a childhood high of mine - arguably the majority of what I as a part remember growing up with. It's a huge part of my identity and an original large part of what brought me joy "in my childhood" and to be a functioning human out of a trauma environment and to do the best by my system and myself I've had to agree to swear off and leave all the plans I had growing up as "fantasies and ideation" and while I am MORE than willing and glad to sign up on it - that doesn't remove how much it sucks to throw a lot of the shit that brought you joy and excitement growing up and stuff that has become such a large part of your identity and life aside and start from scratch.

I'm already throwing away like 20 years of identity shaping life experiences aside to learn to live a better life for myself and my parts. I'm already exhibiting such restraint and mature growth and honestly thats why its a large reason about why I am so loudly honest about those fantasies and feelings.

If I am not allowed to act on it and I have to forfeit what was my childhood happiness and joy - then the very least I should be allowed to do is be honest and free to talk about them.

If anyone wants to tell me that I can't say that shit or I have to hide it or whatever, they are officially asking too much from me and I think they're overstepping boundaries because I am ALREADY doing a lot to be an acceptable human being and to recover. If someone wants me to still do that and hide and pretend to be better than I am, then I often just feel like I should jsut throw out ALL that Ive been giving up and just go have fun cause people will keep asking for more than I naturally can provide. Of course, even when I feel like that, I still can't and won't cause I owe it to my system more than I owe it to myself and more than I find myself annoyed and pissed with the boundary being crossed - and instead I tend to just block and remove said person from my life but ya know.

Like yes I am intensely loud about this and it might look like Im overplaying it because no one who actually thinks and has those would be so loud and obvious about it - but thats the whole point. I'm saying it to cope with the fact I won't do it. It's an alternative.

But anyways, I digress.

Evil Alter Rights matter too, man. Evil Alter Rights matter too. /mostly joking

-XIV

[maikingsenseofit]

The Grand Maiko Defense Post

Okay so I originally meant this to be a reblog for a post referencing my post - but I decided it would be better standalone - and in order to avoid controversy (something I attract a lot of) it would be better to try and not invoke any direct mentions - considering the last time I did I was flooded with troll posts shipping Mai and her infant brother.

That being said - this is long and juicy. This is the reference post:

I made my original post debunking common anti Maiko arguments off of this premise, right here:

“If Mai truly knew Zuko, she’d know that he wouldn’t be comforted by ordering servants around.”

I concede that the hot towel part wasn’t the best evidence. However, like OP admits -

“and also because yes, like any normal person, he does enjoy having people do things for him. Hence the little smile, the reassurance that it’s okay for him to be pampered, which assuages some of the guilt he’s been feeling since Ba Sing Se. He’s the prince, he can tell himself, he deserves it. That’s also why he takes the time to show off to his girlfriend a little a scene later by offering her anything she wants.”

Mai’s immediate thought to cheer up Zuko is to offer him the same things that cheered him up - or at least made him smile , which we explicitly see in both scenes-five minutes before. Mai obviously knows that Zuko is unhappy and is experiencing emotional turmoil. That is once again covered in The Beach episode. But despite all his emotional anguish, discomfort, and guilty conscious- he does eventually accept and revel in some of the comforts associated with being fire nation royalty. We explicitly see him smiling, accepting, and taking the palanquin ride or happily ordering fruit tarts for Mai. His guilty conscious here, no matter how powerful, wasn’t strong enough for him to completely disavow every and all of the comforts he was offered as a product of trying to be the perfect fire nation prince.

But let’s try and understand my main point here and something else I thought of while writing this. Zuko’s emotional turmoil isn’t meant to be assuaged by a palanquin ride or fruit tarts. Mai initially offers it because her immediate thought is to cheer Zuko up. Mai, as a character, is taught to be restrained with her emotions and there is an explicit parallel between what her mom says to her in Omashu “Mai your father was appointed Governor here. Be happy and enjoy it.” And what Mai says on the ship is “Stop Worrying.” As a product of her environment, she never learned how to sit with her emotions and truly understand the root of her issues. So yes, her immediate thought is to cheer Zuko up at least in a superficial way, because that is what she’s conditioned to believe all along - that emotions can simply be willed away.

Except it doesn’t work. And Mai doesn’t force it to work or become angry or frustrated at Zuko when he doesn’t listen to her. She lets him go. I cannot emphasize the importance of this enough. To say that Mai fundamentally doesnt understand Zuko - and in the same vein failing to acknowledge that after her attempt at cheering him up didnt work, Mai doesn’t get angry or frustrated. She realizes that this is a problem fruit tarts cannot solve and that what Zuko is going through is much deeper and he needs time and space to process this. So she does exactly that - she gives him the time and space to process his emotional turmoil.

She knows Zuko is experiencing difficulty, and although she is not privy to why he is experiencing it (unlike Iroh, she wasn’t there in Ba Sing Se and we never see Zuko explaining his entire journey to her (and yes I will address the life story part)) she offers him care and company - despite her limitations. Something we see was never offered to her - by her parents or her best friends, especially Azula. And to emphasize for what feels like the millionth time, Zuko and Mai are both products of emotionally abusive, unhappy families and childhoods. They never learned the right way to cope with emotions or to help others cope with their emotions. What we see here is Mai undoing what she learned by sticking with Zuko instead of shutting him down or attempting to Will away his emotions after her first offer.

To reiterate- She might not know the full reason why he’s feeling the way he is - but she knows he’s hurting, needs a shoulder to lean on, someone to accompany him during this difficult time. She knows he has had a troubled past and isn’t fully accepted or loved by his own family. It’s not easy being the girlfriend of one of the most complex people in the story. She’s a teenager - there are plenty of other Fire Nation nobles who she could sit and bitch with and order fruit tarts all day long. But she loves Zuko and she tries her best to be there for him. That is undeniable and canonically evidenced.

Part 2: regarding Mai’s purpose. Let’s analyze Mai’s purpose and relation to Zuko’s arc through a different lens, one in which she represents the hero’s goddess in the hero’s journey. For this, I’m going to reference another brilliant author, jill_rg on Live Journal, who states the following:

“Zuko knows what he has to do: join the Avatar and prepare him to defeat Fire Lord Ozai once and for all. It should be an easy decision. After all, what will he miss? Not his father, not the pomp and pleasure of palace life, not the glory and respect of his people; he believes ending the war and bringing about peace is what is best for his own country as well as the world. He knows he is doing the right thing, and he won’t miss anything he leaves behind. No, it would be too easy if there wasn’t one thing he regretted leaving behind, one thing he would miss, one thing he cared about: Mai.”

In short, Mai is the one tie to the fire nation that Zuko, our hero, has to narratively sacrifice to fulfill his journey. He can’t attain happiness or true enlightenment until he fully realizes his destiny, and in order to do that he must leave Mai behind.His sacrifice of their relationship makes his decision all the more heroic and poignant. The pain he suffers from making this decision makes it all the more meaningful - showing that it wasn’t easy for him to embark on the journey to teach Aang and a personal sacrifice had to be made for the greater good. Mai matches this sacrifice in the narrative by jeopardizing her life, her personal relationship with Zuko - for the greater good.

This makes Mai Zuko’s goddess, a trope and characterization that has been explored multiple times throughout popular hero’s journeys from The Odyssey to Star Wars. According to Jill-rg, who quotes Joseph Campbell from A Hero With a Thousand Faces,

“The role of the Goddess is more than a love interest; she is a powerful force in the hero's life and represents the fulfillment of all his desires. She can be a protective force who holds the power he needs to achieve his quest. When he falls, she will save him. When he succeeds, she will reward him. According to Campbell, she represents the totality of what can known, and "the hero is the one who comes to know."

What I see many anti-Maiko/pro Zutara people do is confuse Mai being Zuko’s goddess with Mai being Zuko’s temptress - a character in the hero’s journey who represents the fulfillment of all the hero’s desires at a cost. The temptress leads the hero down a self destructive path - and it’s little wonder who I’m talking about : Azula. Azula promises Zuko everything he ever wanted - to come back to the fire nation a crown prince with the respect of his father that he fought so hard to earn. But there are malicious intentions behind this promise - and if Zuko doesn’t comply with Azula’s expectations, it will lead to dire consequences.

“Mai further lives up to her role when she opposes the Temptress. Azula wants to destroy Zuko, but Mai does not let that happen. Zuko and Azula battle in The Boiling Rock, and she thinks he will be killed, but he is saved by Mai. Mai's protective force proves to be more powerful than Azula's destructive force. Azula brings Zuko the curse of spiritual death; Mai gives him the gift of life.”

The main point here is Zuko needs Mai in the narrative - she saves his life. She eventually realizes her position of fulfilling Zuko’s destiny, instead of leading it astray like Azula does. She represents a tangible, personal sacrifice that Zuko has to give up in order to fulfill his destiny - and she matches it by doing the exact same thing. We have two people here who love each other so deeply but cannot truly end up together UNTIL they fulfill their own responsibilities and roles. If this isn’t the bedrock for a beautiful relationship, I don’t know what is. Also - please refer to this link if you’re wondering why Katara doesn’t serve as Zuko’s narrative goddess:

This next part is something that I disagree with so much that I’m just going to state my piece and go. Part of online discourse is recognizing when nothing will change how someone views a character - so I’m just going to state my piece and leave it be.

Zuko was angry, irritable, and emotionally disregulated the entire beach trip. From the very first scene

Zuko [Cut to closer view of Zuko and Mai. Angrily.] Doing nothing is a waste of time. [Rises from his seat next to Mai.] We're being sent away on a forced vacation. [Walks over and grips the railing of the boat.] I feel like a child.

Then, as I mention in my other meta, despite Mai explicitly saying she doesn’t like sea shells, Zuko offers her the first thing he sees and erupts when she rejects it. Zuko accuses Mai of being attracted to another guy - when she barely even looked at him - and then erupts in a jealous fit of anger when Mai is simply having a conversation with another guy. Yet despite all his unjust behavior towards her - Mai is the one to offer the olive branch for Zuko by reaching out to him first in an attempt to offer support. Yet she is spurned again by Zuko.

Mai [Side-view. Hesitating at first.] Hey.

Zuko [View of both from behind. Turning to Mai.] Where's your new boyfriend?

Now to address the most ridiculous thing in this whole post - that “Mai only shows she cares for Zuko when she doesn’t have to support him emotionally” let’s look at this scene, where Mai, along with Ty Lee and Azula, helps Zuko divulge the root of his pain and why he’s so angry at himself - instead of shutting him down or feigning disinterest, like you allege she does throughout the show. She genuinely cares. She puts in the work to help him - at the height of him externalizing his emotion, symbolized literally and figuratively when the flames erupt around him.

Also, internalizing emotions means to keep emotions bottled up. Externalizing emotions means to vocalize them and act on them, btw :)

Zuko [Close-up.] No one. I'm just angry.

Mai [Side-view of the three girls.] Yeah, who are you angry at, Zuko?

Which is in direct contrast to what you claimed here:

“At no point does Mai dig into the root of why he is angry.”

“At no point did she offer him emotional support when he was in turmoil.”

But Wait - here she is quite literally providing him emotional support when he’s in turmoil, because despite him revealing that he’s angry at himself, it still does not pacify his feelings of turmoil and how his moral compass has gone awry. Yet despite all his anger, Mai takes a stand next to Zuko - showing she truly cares for him when no one else does. And it is exemplified by the small expression of relief on his face.

Now to counter this point:

“ That also means Mai can get Zuko back without having to do any of the hard emotional or ethical work herself.”

Im not going into the ethics or morality of Mai because I believe she falls under the ideology of putting herself and the people she cares about above ideals and morals. Explained in another meta, but basically she’s the Avatar version of Katniss Everdeen. And I answered why that doesn’t make her incompatible with Zuko in my “Yin and Yang” meta. But to claim that Mai is never introspective or doesn’t do any hard emotional work or is just wrong. And heres why:

Zuko [Aerial view of campsite. Walking up to the campfire.] I'm sorry, too. I wish you would be high-strung and crazy for once instead of keeping all your feeling bottled up inside. [Frontal view.] She just called your aura dingy. Are you gonna take that?

Mai [Aerial view of campsite. Leaning back.] What do you want from me? You want a teary confession about how hard my childhood was? Well, it wasn't. [Close-up.] I was a rich only child who got anything I wanted ... as long as I behaved [Cut to shot of the sky.] and sat still, and didn't speak unless spoken to. [Close-up of Zuko.] My mother said I had to keep out of trouble. We had my dad's political career to think about.

Zuko wants Mai to express herself and her emotions instead of keeping it all bottled up inside, something that we’ve seen she’s been trained to do not only from her mom (like you yourself acknowledge) but from her own account. Instead of resorting to her apathetic demure, she takes the second to consider what Zuko says - and decides to not take what Ty Lee said and move on - she addresses it. She reveals why she keeps up the “I don’t care about anything” facade. She does the emotional work. But it that wasn’t prove enough, Zuko still wants her to express her emotions and to break free from that facade. And what does she do?

Zuko: “I like it when you express yourself.”

Mai: “you want me to express myself? LEAVE ME ALONE.”

Mai: “I love Zuko, more than I fear you.”

So to claim that Mai never had character development, or that she, Like Zuko, didnt learn or grow from her past self is a deliberate and malicious interpretation of canon to support another ship or character. And what better to exemplify then the very next part of your argument?

“She’s the only one other than Iroh because she helped put Iroh in prison. You can argue about how loyal she is to Azula and whether she had a choice, but the fact of the matter is that the reason Iroh ain’t around, and Mai is the only one Zuko has to rely on, is because Iroh is in prison and Mai and Zuko would not have a relationship otherwise.”

W. H. A. T. What WHAT WHATTTTTTTT?

Are you forgetting that Zuko literally betrayed Iroh moments before? That his decision to join his sister meant rejecting his uncle and that Zuko knew that by doing this Iroh would suffer the consequences? Since I guess we all need a refresher let’s look at the Avatar wiki:

Mai was on Azula’s team, but Zuko made the deliberate choice to betray Iroh - knowing that it would brand Iroh as a traitor and result in his imprisonment. So what is the argument here? That Mai imprisoned Iroh? So she could continue a relationship with Zuko? That Mai would have imprisoned Zuko too? This is genuinely misogynistic. This entire paragraph reeks of making a woman culpable for something she literally didn’t even do - literally ignoring Zuko’s éxplicit and deliberate decision - to thereby prove some sort of point that I don’t even quite understand.

The real fact of the matter is that “the reason Iroh ain’t around, and Mai is the only one Zuko has to rely on” is because of ZUKO’s decisions and choices. He chose this. And yes relationships are all borne out of conditional necessity. Let’s look at Zuko and Katara. The only reason why Zuko makes amends to Katara and had to be introspective and evaluate his own decisions is because she was the only person in the Gaang who wouldn’t accept him. If Katara didn’t verbalize how upset she was in front of Zuko and the Gaang, he would have never asked “Why is your sister so mad at me?” And even then didn’t understand or remember the extent of his betrayal until Katara explicitly stated that she was the first person to trust Zuko.

Again, ship who you want to ship. But if you’re going to, in good faith I presume, evaluate a relationship based on its conditional necessity - let’s look at one where if it wasn’t for a mission and Zuko’s decision to enter the Gaang again - Zuko would have never apologized or reflected on how he deeply hurt a person who offered to heal his scar, despite being enemies.

Now why do I point out Mai being concerned for Zuko’s safety or Mai listening to Zuko when he talks - despite you considering it to be “low bars?” Because time and time again - this is how anti Maiko/pro Zutaras characterize Mai. They conveniently ignore the times where she a) actually listens to Zuko instead of shutting him down or b) shows genuine care for him or his safety. Let’s make something else clear here. It might be a low bar for Aang, or Katara, or Suki - all of which are characters who have loving parents, mostly happy families, and were loved or cared for by their community. Mai - like Zuko, Azula, or Ty Lee - did not have that. She had a mom who shut her down instead of allowing her to express her emotions. She had to put on a facade of apathy and not caring for anything or anyone because she was conditioned to behave or face the consequences - both by her parents and Azula. In the same way Azula fans especially cherish and mention moments where she expresses empathy - even though it’s a low bar for any other character- we do for Mai because it represents growing from her past instead of regressing back to coping mechanisms.

I have again wrote another meta where Mai learns how to cope with others emotions from her mom. In the same way her mom shuts her down when Mai explains “her life story” she does the same thing to Zuko. There’s no denying that. But to characterize her WHOLE arc or her WHOLE relationship based on her actions in the beginning instead of how she learns and grows in the end. It’s like taking the fact that Zuko called Katara a “water peasant” at the beginning of the show and saying Zuko never changed or their relationship never changed from the beginning. It’s discounting the times where Mai ASKS Zuko for his life story “Yeah Zuko who are you really angry at?” Or “How did the war meeting go?” And sits there and listens to it. Yes the scenes are cut off - but not because Mai cuts Zuko off or shuts him down. So to say that -“it was enough to convince Zuko that he couldn’t confide in her in person about his realization that he needed to leave and join the Avatar and restore honor to the Fire Nation” is in direct contradiction to when he says “I’m angry at myself because I don’t know the difference from right or wrong” and “I was the perfect prince but I wasn’t me” or “Im doing this to save my country” where Zuko DOES confide in her in person ABOUT his realization. He attempts to reason with her because some core aspect of him believes he can confide in her. Also the last thing Mai does in the Boiling Rock is turn her head. For me it shows she’s frustrated, but yeah, I don’t see her refusing to listen to him. But I guess THATS up to interpretation? Lol?

But does Mai really understand why Zuko did what he did?

Let’s see - she puts her own life on the line and risks facing the wrath of Azula to ensure Zuko and his friends arrive safely. Straight from your words - Why would she stand up to Azula unless she had a realization that Zuko’s life and mission were more important than selfishly clinging to her relationship with him?

But she did that just to save his life! She still doesn’t understand his values or his mission!

Yet when Zuko returns to the fire nation - Mai helps him get dressed. She’s not angry that he dumped her to run off with his friends. She knows that he had to do that because it was the right thing to do and his destiny. That’s why when Zuko asks Mai “does this mean you don’t hate me anymore” Mai answers “It means I actually kind of like you.” If she didn’t understand why he did what he did and that he truly never meant to hurt her and that this mission was more important than his own life - why would she reconcile with him at the end? The answer is right there - and you yourself said it.

Both Mai and Zuko, along with every other character in the series, had to sacrifice something personally for the greater good.

But she demands Zuko stay in a relationship with her!

And the inevitable next step - which is Mai “was abusing Zuko and threatening him into staying with her.” Cracks knuckles.

The difference between one statement and an actual, credible threat is intent. The viewer needs to critically think at junctions like these and determine authoral and character intent.

Throughout the season, we never see Mai control or demand Zuko into staying in a relationship with her. Her intent is not to make and force Zuko into being her boyfriend. The evidence?

1. During The Beach - Mai breaks up with Zuko when he’s acting like an ass. She is willing to walk away from a relationship. She doesn’t force herself to stay or for Zuko to stay.

2. At The Boiling Rock, Mai is willing to die for Zuko to live. She betrays Azula - knowing that it means Zuko makes it safely and she’ll face death. Mai made This decision knowing she couldn’t be in a relationship with Zuko or that they would be together after that.

Not once do I see in any of Mai’s actions or interactions an attempt to control or possess or force Zuko into staying with her. To be frank, I see it in Zuko given his actions on The Beach and also how he literally orders Mai to stay in the comics (that’s beside the point).

But I’m not someone to say how a character should feel about something they interpret as potentially abusive or threatening - cause most times it’s a reflection of their own personal history. But I’m simply describing what the authors intended, what 99% of the people who watched the show saw, and what Mai and Zuko fans see. I think @attackfish did a really great job explaining this here:

“she clearly expects to die for it. Again, there is no vindictiveness here, no attempt to punish Zuko for leaving her, in spite of the fact that she is obviously hurt. Instead she performs an act of profound love and sacrifice.”

“And this is why her joke in the finale works, because when she tells Zuko “Don’t ever break up with me again,” she is reminding him, and the audience of the last time he did, when she “sav[ed] the jerk who dumped [her].” Zuko, it’s also clear understands the joke for what it is, since after giving her a nervous, guilty, little smile, he relaxes happily into her arms.”

both of the times Zuko left her - he put his own life at risk. And given that Mai cares about Zuko’s safety and has quite literally saved his life - this means that she doesn’t want him to die again but if he were to put himself in a compromising position (she would begrudgingly save his life, again).

The real reason why he left her - someone who we see disobey Azula and joins random missions for fun is because in CANON he says he does it to protect her.

“Everyone in the fire nation thinks I’m a traitor. I couldn’t drag her into it.”

Above all, Zuko loves Mai. He wants to protect her. And if it meant protecting her physically but hurting her emotionally in order to save her from Azula’s wrath - he does it. But little does he know that Mai is willing to face the consequences of being a traitor to protect Zuko. That’s why I love Maiko everyone.

Now that most of the exposition is done, here are bullet proof points to refute the rest of your arguments:

1. “Zuko doesn’t pick up on this because he’s desperate for his father’s approval, but he will after the meeting. Mai doesn’t pick up on it because she doesn’t really know Zuko or his inner turmoil, nor does she really understand the depth of how evil the Fire Nation really is.”

Zuko HIMSELF doesn’t know the depth or extent of his inner turmoil at this point. Mai understands that he’s feeling confused and angry, Zuko understands that he’s feeling confused and angry, yet neither of them fully know or have the solution to assuage his problems. He comes to this realization at the end of the episode. Mai understands that Zuko is an emotionally complex teenager who was raised in a less than loving environment. He’s experiencing difficulties right now and moral and emotional conflict - she doesn’t understand the full extent of it, but neither does Zuko:

Because I'm confused. Because I'm not sure I know the difference between right and wrong anymore.

So what does she do in the mean time? She listens to him - an effective and safe sound board for him to come to terms with his emotions, tries to rationalize with him, and when that doesn’t work a provides him company, and trusts him and believes him.

2. “Nor do I think she really understands the very real danger he is in, otherwise she wouldn’t be happy when Zuko does go to the meeting, knowing what happened to him the last time he attended one. Because Zuko is not safe any time Ozai has access to him.”

Except wouldn’t Zuko also face the consequences of refusing to attend a war meeting he was specifically asked to attend by his abusive and overwhelmingly powerful? ISNT that why Mai waits outside of the war meeting the whole time so she can ensure that Ozai didn’t do anything to Zuko, moreover that Zuko wasn’t harmed - unlike the last war meeting he attended?

3. “How did she hold him accountable? By deciding that she cares about him after he internalizes his anger and the conversation is over?”

Right here:

Zuko [Side-view of Mai.] My life hasn't been that easy either, Mai.

Mai Whatever. That doesn't excuse the way you've been acting.

And Shit on Bryke as much as you want but they do an incredible and powerful job of conveying something that all children need to hear:

And that's a great line [Laughs.] from Mai. [Katie laughs.] Like she's, she's like she knows, [Katie affirms.] you know, [Katie gives affirming murmurs intermittently.] she knows, she's li-Z-Zuko her-her whole life, she knows his life's been intense, but, that's a good line that it doesn't excuse the way you've been acting, and at a certain point everyone has to take responsibility for... the choices they're making and rise above the things that happen to them. And, you know, that's, everybody's dealt a different deck of cards, but that's the-ultimately the challenge, is can you... rise above your sit-your situation, and-and kind of solidify your own identity.

4. “Morality and redeemable actions, as it happens, absolutely are two of those conditions that love depends on. if person you love doesn’t have morals that align to yours and doesn’t have redeeming qualities in your eyes, then there’s nothing to base the relationship on”

I concede - I could have done a better job explaining this. So I’m going to explain what I was referencing here.

For Zuko and Katara - morality and redeemable actions are the ONLY pillars on which a relationship would work. Katara makes this very clear when she makes a tangible (and extremely well justified) threat to Zuko:

“So let me tell you something right now... you make one step backward, one slip up, give me one reason to think you might hurt Aang, and you won't have to worry about your destiny anymore, because I will make sure your destiny ends... right then and there... permanently.”

Conditional in the sense Zuko had to prove himself worthy to Katara - and Katara only fucks with Zuko as long as he doesn’t hurt Aang and pays for his actions. A relationship solely condition on morality and redeemable actions. Because if Zuko were to ever hurt Aang in the future even after the show ended- there would be no relationship between him and Katara. And if Zuko never redeemed himself for his actions - there would never be a relationship between him and Katara.

Sure all relationships require people to be morally aligned and have redeemable qualities - but if those are the ONLY pillars for the core of your relationship - it’s a much more tenuous bedrock - not even bedrock actually- for a solid relationship. Something to consider before launching into dissertations about why the canon relationships won’t work.

Oof my fingers are tired. Also I’m tired. Of explaining why Mai fulfills Zuko’s needs yadayadayada. My next post will be about how Zuko fulfills Mai’s needs. Cause let’s make this shit equal.