#both scenarios are hilarious in my head

[captainhysunstuff]

In a three-legged race, Light and L as a team post-handcuffs would either crush it in record time or be absolutely terrible and rushed to the hospital.

[quaranmine]

another life series four scenario: mumbo is there and he and jimmy are allied. remember how fun it was when they were silly red names causing mischief briefly in last life? now, also consider: grian desperately wants mumbo back like a wet cat with separation anxiety and the one person in the world that would piss him off the most to be allied with mumbo instead of him would be TIMMY.

[chosok-amo]

THE ONE WITH THE PRANKS : GOJO SATORU, GETO SUGURU

living with you is all fun and games. . . until you start pulling all of these harmless pranks on them.

w/c : 4,1k

warning : fluff

[☆] MASTERLIST

CRACK MY NECK, BABE?

you were sprawled on your bed, scrolling through your phone and idly passing the time. as you flipped through various videos, you stumbled upon one where a girl pulled an elaborate prank on her boyfriend by pretending he had accidentally broken her neck. the sheer shock on his face made you burst into laughter.

a mischievous idea sparked in your mind: what if you pranked suguru geto? his usual softness, gentleness, and delicate demeanor would make for a perfect reaction. the thought of him panicking over a broken neck scenario seemed both hilarious and irresistible.

feeling a rush of excitement, you decided to act on your idea. you got up from your bed and headed to the kitchen. you found some raw pasta and stuffed it into your cheeks, trying not to laugh at how ridiculous you must look. the hard pasta pieces poked uncomfortably, but the anticipation made it worth it.

with a mischievous grin on your face, you made your way to the living room. there you found geto and gojo in their usual spots— geto was engrossed in a book, while gojo was lazily watching tv. you could hardly contain your laughter as you approached them, knowing that your prank was about to unfold.

“love, can you crack my neck?” you ask him.

geto paused for a moment, looking up from the book he was reading. he studied your face for a second, noticing your slightly puffed cheeks. a mixture of confusion and concern crossed his usually calm expression. “crack your neck?” he repeated, his voice tinged with uncertainty. meanwhile, gojo, ever observant even in his lazy state, looked over at you, his eyebrow raised in curiosity.

geto closed his book, resting it in his lap as he gave you his full attention. his eyes searched yours, trying to decipher the situation. “are you sure about this?” he asked, his tone gentle yet cautionary. meanwhile, gojo's lazy interest quickly turned into intrigue. he sat up slightly on the couch, no longer paying attention to the tv show he had been watching.

you nod, “yes, my love.”

you walk over to him and sit on his lap with your back facing him. “i've been feeling pain in my neck these past few weeks,” you pretend to complain with fake pain in your voice. geto's expression softened as you settled onto his lap, facing away from him. he gently placed his hands on your hips, steadying you. “why didn't you tell me earlier?” he asked, his concern growing at your complaint. his hands move to the base of your neck, tenderly massaging the area.

“it was nothing, i just wanted you to crack my neck,” you told him, still persistent on him cracking your neck. geto's brows furrowed a bit at your insistence, but his touch remained gentle and hesitant. as his fingers continued their careful massage, he spoke in a low, slightly worried tone, “are you sure this is the best way to deal with it? i don't want to hurt you, my love.”

you hummed softly, “yes, i'm pretty sure, baby.”

despite his initial hesitation, geto sighed softly and relented. he knew you could be stubborn when you wanted something. “alright, but please tell me if it hurts, okay? i'll be careful,” he reminded you, his voice tender but firm. gojo, now fully engrossed in the unfolding scene, leaned forward on the couch, his eyes fixed on you both.

you only nodded, don't really have faith in yourself if you open your mouth. geto takes a deep breath, bracing himself for what he's about to do. with one hand still resting on your hip, he carefully encircles your neck with the other hand. “ready?” he asks, his voice laced with both concern and determination. you only give your boyfriend a gentle nod as an answer.

with your confirmation, geto's grip around your neck tightens slightly. using a well-practiced motion, he applies a controlled, yet precise pressure to your neck, attempting to crack it. meanwhile, gojo, who had been silently watching, leans even more forward, his eyes wide in anticipation.

there's a sudden, loud cracking sound as it responds to the manipulation— but instead of it from your neck, it is actually from the raw pasta you just bite inside your cheeks. your body falls on the floor with hard tud and geto gasps in horror.

gojo is stunned into silence as the loud crack rings through the room. his eyes widen even further, his mouth hanging open in shock. geto, however, is horrified. he jumps up from the couch, his eyes fixed on you lying motionless on the floor. he drops to his knees beside you, his hands trembling as he gently turns you over.

“no, no, no, no,” geto mutters under his breath, his voice filled with disbelief and panic. he frantically checks your breathing, his hands shaking as he brushes your hair away from your face.

“fuck, i'm sorry baby, fuck—”

meanwhile, gojo has leaped off the couch and rushed over to you, dripping with sheer panic. geto's touch is urgent and desperate as he searches for any sign of life. his eyes never leave your face, his own breath coming in short, ragged gasps. gojo kneels down beside geto, his usual confident demeanor nowhere to be seen. his fingers reach out to touch your wrist, searching for a pulse, any pulse.

geto and gojo's panic turns to confusion and disbelief as your laughter rings through the room. they exchange glances, their worry slowly shifting to a blend of relief and irritation. gojo speaks first, his voice a mix of relief and annoyance, “you scared us half to death!” meanwhile, geto's initial relief morphs into a mix of bewilderment and anger. he stands up, pulling you up with him, and scowls at you.

“what the hell was that all about?” he asks, his voice a mix of anger and relief. his hands grip your shoulders firmly, a mixture of frustration and bewilderment etched on his face. gojo stands up as well, his initial relief transforming into a blend of confusion, irritation, and a hint of amusement.

“i can't believe you pulled a prank like that. you could've given us a heart attack!” he exclaims, his voice a mix of relief and a hint of admiration for your audacity. with a pout kissing your lips, you look at geto who's much taller than you with a puppy's eyes, “i'm sorry, i didn't mean to..” you murmur a soft apology.

geto's stern expression softens slightly as he sees your pout. however, his irritation hasn't fully faded. he let himself fall on the couch with a sigh.

“you scared me half to death, baby,” he repeats, his voice a mix of relief and lingering anger, “i thought you were hurt—or worse.” gojo, standing beside geto, lets out another chuckle, finding some humor in the situation, “yeah, that was kind of a dick move on your part,” he says, his tone now more serious— more likely pretend to be serious.

geto shoots a sharp glare at gojo, silently telling him to shut up. he then turns his attention back to you, his eyes still holding a hint of disappointment. “i don't think it was funny at all. what possessed you to do something like that?” he asks, his tone a mix of bewilderment and lingering concern.

gojo moved to sit beside geto as you stood in front of them, pulling the now-broken pasta from your mouth. with a mischievous glint in your eye, you looked at geto and gojo, mumbling, “i saw this on tiktok and thought it was funny.” their jaws dropped in disbelief, clearly stunned by the lengths you went to for this prank.

geto gently pulled you onto his lap, and you settled there, letting your leg rest on gojo’s lap. you wrapped your arms around geto’s neck and said, “come on, baby, you know it was all in good fun.”

geto lets out a sigh, his irritation gradually melting away as you snuggle onto his lap and wrap your arms around his neck. he can't stay mad at you for too long— especially not with your legs now across gojo's lap. “it was ridiculous, that's what it was,” he mutters, his tone a mix of stubbornness and affection.

meanwhile, gojo leans back into the couch, a smirk on his face as he rest his arm on your legs. “yeah, it was pretty entertaining,” he admits, his eyes flicking between you and geto. geto swats at him again, “don't encourage her. we almost had a heart attack, for crying out loud.”

gojo dodges geto’s swat with his lightning reflexes, chuckling all the while. “oh come on, you gotta admit, it was a pretty impressive prank, though. she had us going.” meanwhile, you continue to cling to geto, shamelessly playing the cute card to win him over. “yeah man,” you grin happily and raise your hand to give gojo a high five, knowing fully that he always has your back for something like this. “oh great, now you're high-five him,” he looks at you in disbelief before turning to gojo, “encourage her more, why don't you?”

gojo high-fives your raised hand, a large smirk plastered on his face. “what can i say? i respect the dedication.” he turns his smirk towards Geto, clearly enjoying teasing him. “and come on, it was a helluva prank. you have to give her credit for that.” geto rolls his eyes at gojo's response. He knows better than to argue when gojo is siding with you. “oh, yeah, a 'helluva prank',” he mocks, a hint of sarcasm in his voice. he turns to look at you, his expression softening a fraction. “next time, maybe pick something less heart-stopping, okay?”

geto's resistance seems to soften under your affectionate display. despite his annoyance, he can't stay mad at you when you're clinging to him so adorably. he lets out another sigh, this one more resigned than stern. “you're lucky you're cute,” he mutters, his tone now laced more with fond resignation than lingering irritation.

HIDING SOMEONE IN THERE?

you heard the front door close and the familiar voices of gojo and geto echoing through the hallway. when you realized they were close enough to see you, you quickly shut the door behind you and pretended to hide someone in the room. you made sure to act like you were trying to keep a secret, adding a playful air to your hiding game as you waited for their reaction.

“h-hy, babe, how's work?” you ask, standing in front of the door and pretending to be nervous.

gojo was the first one to notice your demeanor. he couldn't help but raise his eyebrow at your unusually jumpy behavior and your nervous tone. he studied you carefully, narrowing his eyes as he tried to discern what was going on.

“it was fine,” he replies, his voice laced with curiosity. “but something seems off with you. is there something you're hiding from us? who's in there?” he questions. you shook your head, “n-no, i'm not hiding anything, nobody in there,” you tell them, holding tightly to the door handle.

geto chuckled at your attempt to be innocent. he leaned against the wall, his arms crossed as he observed the way you were guarding the door so vehemently.

“oh really?” he says with a knowing smirk. “why are you being so secretive then?”

gojo took a step closer to you, his eyes scanning your face for any hint of a lie. he could tell you were hiding something, and he was determined to find out what it was. “come on, babe,” gojo said, his voice gentle but firm. "tell us what's going on."

he reached for your hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. he could feel the tension in your grip, and he knew you were feeling nervous about something.

geto leaned forward, his expression now slightly serious. he knew how stubborn you could be when you were trying to keep a secret, and he was growing more curious by the second. gojo stepped even closer to you, towering over you as he looked down into your eyes. “open the door,” he commanded, his voice leaving no room for argument.

“it was nothing,” you persist, gently pushing gojo. with your curse, you make a sound inside the room, trying to make it more believable that you actually hiding someone inside.

gojo's eyes widened as he heard the sound coming from behind the door. he knew you were trying to distract him, but that only made him more suspicious. he quickly grabbed your shoulders, gently but firmly pinning you against the wall.

geto's smirk faded, replaced by a more concerned expression. he looked between you and the door, his mind racing with possibilities. he was getting impatient, “stop trying to hide from us. just tell us what's really behind that door.” you rolled your eyes— purposely knowing how much they hate when you do so and shook your shoulders to get hojo’s hands off you. “it’s nothing,” you said with a dismissive tone. “nobody’s in there. just go on.” you gave them a gentle push, urging them to move along.

gojo's grip on you didn’t loosen. in fact, it tightened a bit more as he leaned in closer, his eyes fixed on yours. “we know you're lying, babe,” he said, his voice laced with a hint of frustration. “there's clearly someone behind that door, and we deserve to know who it is.” geto moved to stand next to gojo, his arms crossed over his chest as he studied you intently. he was starting to get annoyed by your stubbornness.

you look up to them, take a step back as you glue your back to the door. you shrug your shoulders, “i told you nobody's in there,” you casually said, acting nonchalantly.

gojo's expression darkened, his patience starting to wear thin. he took a step closer, his body towering over you once again.

“cut the act,” he said, his voice taking on a more authoritative tone. “you're only making yourself look more suspicious. just tell us who's behind that door already.” geto's gaze flicked between you and the door, his curiosity growing even more. he took a step closer, blocking any escape route. when you just stare at them without saying anything, gojo rolls his eyes and looks at geto. the black-haired man nodded his head and held you while he opened the door.

as the door swung open, the room was surprisingly...well, empty.

gojo's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

“what the hell...” he mutters.

geto, still holding onto you firmly from behind, also seemed surprised by the lack of anything in the room. “did you really make us think you were hiding something, just to play with us?” he asks, the irritation evident in his voice. you laugh a little, “i told you it was nothing.”

gojo's annoyance started to turn into a mix of irritation and amusement. he shook his head, his lips slightly tugged into a smirk. “you're insufferable, you know that?” he says, his voice now laced with a hint of affection.

geto released his grip on you and let out a sigh, but his eyes were now filled with curiosity. “so, you really weren't hiding anything?” he asks, genuinely baffled. you push gojo inside the room and close the door before looking at geto. “oh, i'm in there, hehe, it's me!” gojo voice could be heard from inside the room. geto just laughs as you wrap your arms around his waist and pull him away to leave gojo alone.

“ah! who are you?” gojo screamed to nothing from the inside before he opened the door and saw you leave with geto. geto chuckled as he glanced at gojo's confused expression. he wrapped an arm around your shoulders and led you away from the room, giving a nonchalant wave to gojo.

“see you later, love,” he called out, his voice filled with a hint of mischief.

meanwhile, gojo stood there dumbfounded, processing what had just happened. he couldn't believe you had tricked him into thinking you were hiding a person in there all this time. as you and geto walked down the hallway, geto couldn't help but laugh heartily, impressed by your sneaky ploy.

“i can't believe you made us think you had someone in there just to pull one over gojo,” he said, still chuckling. “you're something else, you know that?” you just giggle when he kisses your cheek. gojo caught up with you and geto, a mixture of amusement and disbelief on his face.

“i swear, you're going to drive me crazy one of these days with your pranks,” he said, shaking his head. “but i guess i should've known better than to fall for your schemes.” you glanced behind you and saw gojo already removing his blindfold. “so much for those six eyes,” you remarked, “and all for nothing.”

gojo chuckled and rolled his eyes. “yeah yeah, rub it in why don't you,” he replied, a hint of playfulness in his voice. “i guess even with six eyes, i can still be tricked by my own girlfriend,” he added, his eyes landing on you. geto couldn't help but laugh again at the whole situation.

GIRLS' NIGHT

you are giggling to yourself as you put on a dress that shows too much skin for your comfort and for your two boyfriends' liking. it was already past midnight, and the three of you were ready to go to bed, but you decided to prank your boyfriend before going to sleep.

you can hear their voice talking in your shared bed. so with your make-up on and dress hugging your body, you walk out of the bedroom. as you walked out of the bedroom, gojo and geto suddenly went silent. their conversation stopped abruptly as their eyes locked on you, both gazes traveling up and down your body, taking in the sight of your exposed skin.

gojos breath hitched, his eyes widening slightly. he swallowed hard, trying to keep his composure as his eyes lingered just for a moment too long on your curves. geto's gaze darkened, his eyes scanning every inch of you. his jaw tensed as he tried to hold back his urges.

“where are you going? it's past midnight,” gojo asks, his possessiveness echoes through the room. his silver eyebrows knit together.

“i'm going out with a friend,” you tell them while standing in front of the mirror, giving them your back. both gojo and geto's expressions darkened at your reply. gojo's jaw clenched and geto's eyes narrowed. their possessiveness flared as you stated that you were going out with a friend.

“at this hour?” gojo's voice was laced with a hint of irritation. “who exactly are you going out with?” his eyes flicked over your skimpy outfit, his mind already filled with thoughts of other men seeing you like this. “i’m going out with the girls,” you said, trying to hide your smile. “babe, could you send me some money?” you turned around to face your boyfriends, who were now sitting on the bed.

gojo and geto exchanged glances, their expressions still guarded and possessive. “the girls, huh?” geto repeated, his voice betraying skepticism, “which girls?” gojo's eyes flicked to the clock on the wall before looking back at you. he nodded slightly. “i'll send you the money, but where are you going exactly?” he asks, trying to hide the unease in his voice. “shoko, utahime, and i are going to check out this new club that just opened,” you explained, giving them a ‘duh’ expression as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

gojo and geto's expressions softened slightly, but their suspicion still lingered in their eyes. they knew you weren't telling them the full truth, “that new club in shibuya?” gojo's eyes narrowed slightly. “the one that's all the rave right now?”

geto folded his arms, his jaw clenched. “that place is filled with all kinds of people,” he said, his voice wary. “are you sure its safe for you to be going there?” gojo couldn't help but feel uneasy about the thought of you being surrounded by a bunch of drunk men in a crowded and dimly lit club. he knew how protective and possessive he was, and the thought of other men looking at you sent a pang of jealousy through his chest.

geto, too, shared the same concern. his mind was filled with thoughts of some random guy trying to hit on you or touching you in ways only he and gojo were allowed to do. he clenched his fists, trying to rein in his anger.

“come here first,” gojo called you, waving his hands for you to walk closer. the moment you were close enough for him to hold, he wrapped his arm around you and gently threw you effortlessly onto the bed as you let out a small gasp and geto fast enough to cover your body with a blanket and sandwiches you in the middle, enveloping you in their warmth. “you're not going anywhere,” he hugged you tightly as your laughter mingling with surprise.

gojo's arms encircled your waist tightly, pulling you closer until your body was pressed against his chest. he buried his face in the crook of your neck, a possessive growl escaping his lips.

geto leaned in, adding an extra layer of protection by covering you with his own body. he wrapped an arm around you, his fingers gently tracing small circles on your skin. the room was filled with a mix of laughter and the sound of your heartbeat. gojo's hold on you was almost crushing, as he wrapped his long limbs around you, pinning you down on the bed.

geto's body was pressed against your back, his steady breaths fanning your hair. his fingers continued to lightly trace your skin, his touch gentle but possessive. “you're not going anywhere,” gojo's voice soft as he looks at you, “you're stuck here with us tonight.”

“why can't i go?” you laugh, still trying to wiggle your way out.

gojo's arms tightened around you, his grip almost bruising. “because we said so,” he replies, his voice stern, “those clubs are filled with drunk idiots and creeps. we're not letting you out of our sight.” geto nods in agreement, his chin resting on your shoulder. “besides, we think you look better with less clothing anyway,” he mutters into your ear, his voice low and filled with desire. “pervert, you just want to keep me for yourself,” you hit his arm lightly.

gojo chuckles against your neck, his hot breath sending shivers down your spine. “guilty as charged,” he murmurs, his lips barely tracing the sensitive skin of your shoulder. geto chuckles as well, his hand sneaking under your dress to caress your thigh. “can you blame us?” he asks, his voice dripping with lust. “look at how perfect you are. why would we ever want to share you with anyone else?”

let's just say nobody slept that night.

HEIMLICH

you and your two boyfriends are in the kitchen, preparing dinner together. you were standing by the counter eating some chips and just talking with your boyfriends. as you munched on your chips, gojo and geto were busy working on dinner, trying to outdo each other with their cooking skills.

gojo was cutting vegetables with a determined expression, his knife moving deftly and precisely.

geto was standing by the stove, stirring a pot of sauce with a spatula. every now and then, he would taste the sauce and make slight adjustments to the seasonings. the kitchen was filled with the clanking of pots and pans, the sound of sizzling oil, and the occasional banter from your boyfriends.

gojo and geto immediately turn their attention towards you as you start choking. they both rush over to your side, their eyes filled with concern.

“babe, are you okay?” gojo asks, frantically patting your back to help you breathe. geto grabs a glass of water from the counter and hands it to you, his own panic evident in his voice. “just breathe, take it easy,” he says, gently rubbing your back. you pointing at your throat, still coughing silently telling them that there is something stuck in your throat.

you pointing at your throat, still coughing while silently telling them that there is something stuck in your throat.

gojo and geto's eyes widen in realization as they see you gesturing to your throat, still coughing. “something's stuck?” gojo asks, his voice laced with worry. geto quickly moves behind you, positioning himself to perform the heimlich maneuver if necessary. “just try to breathe and stay calm,” he says, his hands ready to help.

he makes a fist with one hand and grabs it with the other. place his hands just above your belly button and below the ribcage. the moment he is ready to pull inward and upward on the diaphragm to force air out of the lungs to expel the blockage and feel your rear touching his crotch, you moan sensually.

geto quickly pull himself away and his face turns red as he realizes what just happened. gojo, on the other hand, can't help but burst into laughter. “did you just...?” geto mutters, his eyes still wide from surprise. gojo is practically howling with laughter now.

geto's face turns even redder, his mind clearly playing out a different scenario than what had just happened. you continue to burst out in laughter, enjoying his stunned expressions.

gojo can barely contain his laughter as he watches geto's flustered expression, still clutching his stomach from laughing so hard. “i can't believe you actually moaned,” he sputters between fits of laughter. geto tries to regain his composure, still blushing deeply as he looks at you. “you did that on purpose,” he mutters, his voice a mixture of embarrassment and frustration.

you continue to laugh uncontrollably, finding the whole situation hilarious. gojo finally catches his breath and wipes away tears of laughter. “oh my god, that was priceless,” gojo says, still shaking with laughter. geto, still quite red and flustered, crosses his arms and pouts playfully. “you're never going to let me live this down, are you?” he asks, his voice laced with humor. you shake your head as you hold geto arm for support while you still laughing.

geto rolls his eyes, but he can't help but smile at your endearing behavior. he playfully pulls you closer to him, his arms wrapping around your waist. “you're enjoying this too much, brat,” he mutters, his voice filled with affection.

gojo grins widely, clearly still amused by the situation. “that was the best heimlich maneuver i've ever seen,” he says, chuckling. geto just groans, burying his face in his hands as he tries to hide his embarrassment. “i cannot believe you just did that,” he mutters, his voice muffled.

“i think you broke him,” he teases, nodding towards geto, who is still trying to hide his face. geto groans even louder, still mortified by the whole situation.

“i'm never performing the heimlich on you again,” he mutters, his voice filled with mock annoyance.

[diejager]

bro make a fanfic about the reader and the ghost/konig WHEN THE READER WAS SHOT IN THE BUN ON THE MISSION AHAHAHHHAH LMAO (in the military helicopter when they were supposed to return, the reader was holding her butt, moaning, writhing in pain and trying to hide the pain)

That is a funny thought…

Shots Cw: gun violence, bb shots, tell me if I missed any.

You yelped when you were hit is the ass, flinching forward and raising your arm just as you turned to glare at whoever landed the shot. Your right cheek exploded in soreness, tingling from the sharp pain of a BB shot.

“Hit!” You called it, letting your rifle hang from your shoulder as you rubbed your right cheek, grumbling about the bastard, “On my fucking ass of all places.”

You walk towards the respawn with your arm up, still cussing out whoever shot you in the ass. You had a hunch about the shooter: Soap, who else had enough courage to shoot you in the ass. You doubted Gaz did it, he might’ve been tempted, but he preferred other type of pranks, more mischievous ones like tampering with the washer or drinks, harmless but hilarious. Soap, however, rarely knew the limit, going as far as stealing and hiding your stuff, tapping you in the ass or messing up your head while he cackled away, speeding off to Ghost or Price to escape your wrath.

You reasoned that this was a staged scenario, a small group activity Laswell came up with that landed your Task Force somewhere in France for game of airsoft, a Free for all in the reserved location. No one had complained, thinking it a good activity mixing fun, training and awareness —everyone agreed to it enthusiastically once Ghost had voiced his grumpy acceptance, seeing this as a moment to be able to training without the prying eyes of others or the presence of strangers. Once you reached the spawn point, your jump back in to land a few shots at Soap to see whether or not he liked getting his ass bruised by a BB. You walked off determined, mind narrowed down to a single goal, your retaliation—

Until you yipped a second time, a pellet bouncing off your second cheek. You whipped around, yelling as your eyes scoured the tree line and the openings in the buildings behind you, the windows, the roof and behind pillars. You couldn’t find Soap anywhere, he wasn’t hiding behind the trees or in the buildings, but you did catch the glint of a scope —a familiar sniper scope.

“Ghost, you son of a bitch!” You screamed in outrage, feeling how both cheeks throbbed with pain. You bared your teeth, hissing at your Lieutenant who seemed smug and comfortable in his high perch on the roof of the building, “Why’d you do that?! I was already out!”

”Big target, luv,” his amused voice cracked in your comm, the low rumble of sadistic pleasure ringing out in your headgear. He cocked his scope, his white mask standing starkly in his dark gear and broad figure, “Impossible to miss. Quit moaning.”

“Big target? Are you-!” Huffing at his continued laughter, you glared his way before you turned to hurry back to the respawn, “Let’s see who’s laughing later, you ass.”

“Fuck- Hit!”

Your shoulders shook with restrained laughter, admiring the way Ghost jumped from your perch, hidden in the darkness given by the cement wall. You listened to him hiss and swear, massaging the place you aimed for: the pronounced curve of his ass, his jeans rarely doing him the pleasure of hiding what he had.

“Quit moaning, Ghost,” you cackled as you parroted his words, telling him the same thing as he told you, but you had more to add, more to taunt and tease him as revenge, “Couldn’t miss it, Lt, it was a big fucking target.”

You watched him stomp off, retreating to the tree line for his spawn point. It filled with a sense of elation and ugly smugness, and all that was left now, was to find Soap.

“Steamin’ Jesus!” Johnny’s yelp felt more exciting than Ghost, something you could devour over and ove without regret.

“Not so fun, is it, Johnny?” You smirked, replying with a gleeful tone.

He looked red-faced, the tip of his ears turning a bright shade of red from the way you spoke to him, utilising his known weakness and playing him to watch him stutter and flush brightly.

“Awa’ a bile yer heid! That hurt, lass!” His voice had taken a whinier tone, face screwed in embarrassment and something that you couldn’t put your finger on at this distance.

“I know, shouldn’t have shot me in the ass then.”

Gaz tapped you on the shoulder, a smile threatening to break into chuckles. He’d known what happened to you and knew what you did in retaliation, finding amusement after siding with you, sitting beside you and peering at two frowning and mumbling men.

“Heard you had a lot of fun.”

“Not enough.”

You thought you heard Price sigh tiredly.

taglist: @sae1kie @yeoldedumbslut @bvxygriimes @distracteddragoness @konigsblog @im-making-an-effort @daisychainsinknots @0alk0msan @danielle143 @dont-mind-me-just-existing-sadly @tuttifuckinfruttifriday @notspiders @brokenpieces-72 @petwifed @aldis-nuts @randominstake @cassiecasluciluce @hayleybarnesx

[wondersinwaynemanor]

imagine some Gothamites pretending to be in trouble or hurt and calling for a specific bat just because they have a crush on them, but the batkids purposely mess it up by sending another bat.

they also do this because they're little shits.

[i told myself i won't make this too long, but oh well]

scenario 1:

a woman, who's not even in trouble, she mostly wants to see Nightwing's new suit because.. oh.. the new suit causes his behind to form well.

Woman: Nightwing, Nightwing! Where are you? I need help.

Robin! Tim, hops down from the tall building and mind you, his skateboard tucked under his arm: Hi, Ma'am! Sorry, Nightwing is unavailable tonight. I, Robin, will help you.

Woman, judges the skateboard before looking at Tim: Uh. Thank you, Robin, but I was specifically asking for Nightwing. Is he- he around?

Robin! Tim, cheeks red from the cold, shakes his head: No, Ma'am. Sorry.

Woman: That's... That's okay. I'll figure out my problem on my own. Thank you again, kid.

Robin! Tim nods at her way before climbing back up the building.

Nightwing appears from the darkness, laughing his ass off. Tim joins his older brother until their stomach ache from the laughing session.

--

scenerio 2:

young teenage girl with pink highlights on her hair bikes through the neighborhood and out of nowhere, just falls down on the side of the road, on the grass. but gently. purposely.

Teenager, holds her ankle: Ow, ow. Is The-The Signal around? I kind of.. Uh... Fell.

Robin, comes out from the trees and he looks even brighter than ever with the sun still out: That was kind of careless of you.

Teenager, a bit annoyed: Robin? Don't you only patrol at night? Where's The Signal?

Robin, adjusts his katana and shrugs: You'd be surprised that I happen to do this at morning too. Well. Occasionally.

Teenager, skeptical: Uhuh.

Robin just stares at her, not even answering about The Signal. it makes the teenager a bit uncomfortable.

Teenager, manages to stand: Anyways... I think I feel better now. I'll head home.

Robin, lips twitching to a smirk: Stay safe.

behind the trees, Duke and Tim giggle like little children.

Robin: I must admit.. That was quite hilarious.

--

scenario 3:

two loud men exit the bar. they've been talking about Spoiler and Black Bat inside, fangirling like teenagers about their crushes.

little did they know, Red Hood was inside that bar as well.

Man 1: Fuck, I'm too drunk. Is Spoiler there? I need help to go home.

they are not even drunk.

Man 2, hides a smile behind his hand: How about Black Bat? We poor men need some saving.

before they can even lift their mouths to laugh, Red Hood apprears from the alley, gun on his hand.

Red Hood, voice so deep from the helmet: Need a lift, boys? There's enough room for both of you on my bike.

Man 1 gulps and Man 2 nearly passes out.

Red Hood, smirks: Not the person you wanted to see, huh?

Man 1: Uh.... You are a sight to see, Red Hood. Uh, Sir.

Man 2: But no, tha-thank you.

Man 1: We can manage. Right, dude?

Man 2: Right. Of course.

Red Hood, wants to laugh so bad but he has to keep this persona first: Well, let me know if you need anything.

both men run to the other direction. one of them even trips.

Red Hood hears Steph and Cass' lively laughs through the comms.

--

scenario 4:

a young adult man steps outside his building, doesn't mind the drizzle from the Gotham sky.

Man: Shit. I forgot my keys.

Man, looks up at the building: Is Red Robin out there? I need help in finding the keys to my apartment.

there's no sign of the vigilante so the man decides to just re enter his building.

out of nowhere, a sound of someone landing behind him makes him turn around and he is faced with Black Bat, holding his keys around her gloved hand.

Man, shocked: Um.. Hey. You found- you found my keys.

Black Bat doesn't respond, just lifts the keys higher.

Man: Tha-thank you.

Black Bat nods before grappling to the darkness.

the young man feels stupid for doing what he did, which is throw his keys behind the dumpster. and he didn't even get to see Red Robin.

somewhere, Black Bat joins Spoiler and Red Robin on top of a building to share some laughs and enjoy some Batburgers.

--

scenario 5:

a couple of bestfriends, woman and man, stop by at the side of the road. they were gossiping about Red Hood's arms, modulated voice and height, saying how sexy he looks.

out of stupidity, the man stabs his switchblade on one of the wheels of his car.

Woman, nods at him before calling for help: Someone help us! We don't have a spare tire.

Man, heart beating so fast: Red Hood, can you please help us? Red Hood!

after a few minutes of longing, Nightwing, Spoiler and The Signal appear from behind their car, startling the two of them.

Nightwing, grins cheekily: Good evening.

Signal, smiles: You called for help?

Spoiler, huge smile on her face with a spare tire on her hand: Glad we saw this lying around.

it's actually a spare tire at the back of the man's car.

the woman and man exchange glances, slightly nervous.

Man, touches his chest: Oh, thank goodness.

Woman, pretends to be in relief as well: Thank God for you, guys. We appreciate it.

Signal and Spoiler help each other in putting the tire.

Nightwing, grin hasn't faded: Sorry, the Red Hood is a bit busy tonight.

Signal: Maybe try calling out for him some other time?

Spoiler: We would give his number to you, but he's kind of a private person.

both the woman and man blush, embarassment creeping on them.

by the alley, Red Hood watches the rest of the batkids, a low chuckle on his lips.

--

a bonus:

a bunch of teenagers play around under the rain, splashing mud on their clothes. one of the blonde girls call out, "Robin, come play with us!" then the rest of her playmates giggle at that. they idolize the young hero.

and who comes out of the darkness? the rest of the batkids except for Robin. they make sure that the children are able to go home and are safe.

meanwhile, Damian is at the Manor with a stuffy nose as he is sick due to playing with his pets under the rain last weekend.

[signedkoko]

Hi! I’ve absolutely loved all of your headcannons-

I was wondering if I could request a: vox/mammon x reader where when they (the reader) gets frightened they literally jump into vox/mammons arms?

Could the characters be separate? Idk how to request it’s sorta my first time doing it

Mammon | Vox [Romantic]

In which when frightened, you opt to get as close to your significant other as possible.

Both of you are easily frightened people

You are way easier to scare, but still, you really would think Mammon could take a jumpscare

If something ever sneaks up on the two of you, you aren't just jumping into his arms; no, he's sweeping you off your feet and turning tail

Probably makes it worse for you

Because yeah, you, the small demon are scared, but a sin? The prince of greed? Scared? Then it must be really bad

There is no scenario where he would leave you behind; even with a real threat, he opts to run even if he could overtake them

Any risk to your life is too great a risk; he can hire whoever the fuck he wants to handle the people later

Vox has seen it all

Snuff films, brought the knife down on someone himself, terrified hellborns and sinners into his whim

Not scared of anything, maybe something niche, but hes way more likely to hate and be angry at something than to be scared of it

He is the fight to your flight

The first time someone jumps at you two, he already has guards shredding them into a pulp

More surprising is that he has to register that you are literally clinging to him, and hes rushing to support you with his arms so you dont slide down him

He laughs at you

Sorry not sorry! But that is absolutely hilarious to him, he will tease and prod at you over and over until you threaten to let go

Then he shuts up real quick, because no, he likes what this does for his ego

" Tch. Don't worry, angel; we all know you need the big and powerful Vox to protect you. "

Just wait until you find out what hes scared of and he jumps so high that his head slams into the four-metre cieling

Author's Note - A small little smth smth, which was nice to cleanse my palette,,, sorry for the delay and thank you for requesting!!

[insanityisfine]

Ohhh while Jesse is with Delilah she and Ash are kind of awkward around each other and Jesse tries not to act too much like a mom cause she knows that'd be weird and besides Delilah is the kids mom not her....

Then one of other rockets like Cassidy or Bitch try to attack the kid while Jesse is there (maybe he's hurt or something from a stunt he pulled and she came to check on him?) And she just goes full protective mama bear mode and kicks their asses barehanded because how *dare* they attack her kid?!?

James and Meowth are recording and eating popcorn on the side.

Following Kiana's (head)canon, Cassidy and Butch also left Team Rocket, and I personally like that path for them. I see them being ~fancy~ thieves myself, so robbing museums and jewlery and such, so, leaving Ash and his friends behind. (also love the typo of you calling Butch Bitch, because, well, he is one lmaooo).

I definitely see Jessie being agressively protective over Ash when he's injured/in trouble (or she thinks he is), but I think it would be hilarious if it came out randomly, and during the period of time where they're still getting used to each other.

My version of this perfect scenario would be Ash training some of his Pokémon, and everyone gets a bit too excited, and Ash ends up falling to the ground. Cue Jessie, who was keeping an eye on things, both because she knows Delia would want her to, and she's a Pokémon nerd herself, running in, guns and eyes blazing, flipping a grown ass Torterra on his back with her bare hands, yelling at it to not hurt her kid.

James and Meowth are stuck in place, because their brains can't decide between laughing, helping Torterra, thinking it's kinda cute, and teasing Jessie over her parental instincts. They're just there like

Both Delia and Professor Oak are at work, and both sent James and Meowth respectively to keep an eye on Jessie keeping an eye on Ash. Both almost get heart attacks when they take too long to come back.

In the end, Jessie gets over James' and Meowth's teasing because Delia is even cuddlier than usual, and Ash starts wanting to train his Pokémon by making them fight Jessie. They don't like that idea and go on strike, with Meowth as their spokesmon.

[no-phrogs-in-hats]

Addison Montgomery x fem! Reader

Could I please have an imagine where the reader is Meredith’s childhood best friend that came to work at Seattle Grace with her. While Meredith is pining for McDreamy her best friend wants McDreamy’s wife. (Imagine all of the hilarious and awkward moments this would result in).

Hi! I couldn't figure out how to turn this into a oneshot, so I just gave you a shit ton few scenarios!!

Sitting at lunch and getting the whole McDreamy situation out of Meredith and Cristina and Izzie spilling more to you than Meredith

Standing at the nurses station with MAGIC and Addison is on the other side of the station filling out a chart

She has her glasses on.

And her white coat.

And she's wearing black heels with a nice professional dress.

Mommy.

And you can't take your eyes off of her and you lean into Meredith and ask, "Who is that?"

She responds, "McDreamy's wife."

"So, is she into the whole adultery thing too?"

Cristina chimes in, "Considering that's why they seperated, I'd say so."

You can't stop thinking about McMommy Addison for weeks

Then, you're assigned to a case with her.

You get incredibly involved with your patients

Addison admires you so much for it.

"The world needs more doctors like you," she says after a crash C-section.

You ask, "And what do I have?"

"Empathy. You don't see very many doctors who want to get to know their patients. Most of them just see them as something they can cut into."

You're on her service almost every day for the next few months.

Asking Dr. Bailey, "Can't I have another assignment?"

Her responding, "Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd asked for you specifically, take it up with her."

But you didn't want to take it up with her.

At lunch, George brings it up and you say, "Meh, I don't really mind it."

But you start blushing.

And Cristina and Meredith start teasing you.

"Oh, she's got a crush on McDreamy's wife."

"George says, You can't have a crush on her, she's married."

"So is Derek and I still slept with him."

Cristina grins, "No wonder she has you on her service every day. You're her little bitch."

You insist that it's not true.

They continue teasing you until your pager goes off.

"Aw, is it Addison?"

"Give her a kiss for us!"

They continue making kissy faces the entire time you leave.

The first time you two kiss it's after you lost an OB patient.

Both of your emotions are running high.

You're trying to calm yourself down in an on-call room

She comes in and tries to comfort you

"It'll be okay."

"How are you so calm about this?"

"Well, eventually, you learn how to cope. You'll never get used to it, but you'll learn how to cope."

You lift your head off her shoulder and look at her in the eyes

Then your eyes flicker to her lips

And hers do the same

You finally give in and press your lips to hers

She returns the kiss and suddenly both of your scrubs are on the floor

Months of longing looks and pining and private moments in the elevator, you want to make your relationship official, but you know you can't

You're both in an on-call room once again making out

You pull away quickly and stop her

"Addison we shouldn't be doing this"

"What do you mean?"

"You...Addison, you're still married. And until you file for divorce, I can't see you."

She's speechless.

You, Addison, Derek, and Meredith all end up in an elevator together.

But weeks later, she presents divorce papers to Derek

And just a week after that, she shows you the signed papers

You don't know what to say.

"You actually did it? You filed for divorce?"

"I've made a lot of mistakes in my life...but you...you're not one of them."

This is the first time she says 'I love you'.

She gets a nice hotel room for you two that night.

Meredith asks why you aren't going home with them and then it dawns on her

You see that shit eating grin

Izzie and George and Cristina start cooing at you

"Awww, you're officially Addison's bitch."

"I am not Addison's bitch!"

"You so are!

"You'd do anything for her!"

"...Okay, fine, so I'm her bitch."

And it turned out to be a very lovely night.

[prettyoatmeal]

Staring Problem (Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Fem!Reader)

A/N: In NO WAY do I condone taking advantage of someone while they're under the influence or public sex. They are both crimes. This is a fake scenario purely for sexual gratification and entertainment.

GENRE: Smut!

Summary: Going out for dinner, you find yourself a little more tipsy than you'd like and in turn you become quite enamoured with Simon's larger, more protective hands. Not proof read x33

Warnings: Heavy on the hand-kink, drunk sex and alcohol use, semi-public sex, size difference, light choking, light humiliation.

Names Used: Lovie, sweetheart, babe, filthy minded girl, pathetic, gorgeous, baby, good girl.

Word Count: 1216

NSFW UNDER CUT

Masterlist here!

***************

It all started when you two wanted to go out for dinner at your local pub. Innocent, just a nice dinner out with your husband and his friends along with maybe a drink or two. Your drink or two turned into three or four, then the three or four turned into maybe a few too many, finding yourself a little too tipsy to fend for yourself.

Simon found it hilarious. Your drinks weren't strong, how lightweight could you be? Every word you muttered out made him chuckle under his breath.

"You feeling okay, lovie? I think someone's a bit buzzed." he whispered to you, taking your attention away from the conversations around you. Your head leaned against his shoulder as he took your hand and place a kiss on your palm through the fabric of his mask, causing your heart to warm up.

"Yeah, I'm okay,"

You watched as his thumb moving against your hand, observing how much larger they are compared to yours. You didn't feel too hot yourself, a few hiccups leaving your throat as you finished your food in an attempt to sober yourself up.

"I reckon you've had enough to drink tonight," he told you, standing up from his seat and saying his goodbyes to your peers. You smiled, waving to the table as Simon helped you from your seat, wrapping his arm around your waist to help you keep balance as you two walked out into the chilly air of the night.

You told him that you were still capable of walking on your ow but his grip only tightened. Another round of butterflies in your tummy, you couldn't help but feel a little giddy as he gripped at the soft flesh. Simon made you feel so safe, protected, in turn leaning into his touch.

As you two walked through the streets in the suburbs of Manchester, you couldn't help but keep glancing down at the hand firmly attached to your waist, letting out a small breath at how big they were compared to you. The very man that could crush you in his grasp instantly had wrapped a protective arm around you instead.

It made you weak to your knees.

"Got a staring problem with my hands, sweetheart?" His gruff voice should've pulled you out of your thoughts, but with your mind clouded from both alcohol and infatuation with him, your only response was your hand sliding over his and squeezing at them. His hands made your mind wonder to all sorts of filthy thoughts, the heat beginning to pool between your legs.

He scoffed playfully at your antics and lack of reply, "looks like someone's getting a bit touchy tonight," he smirked, "y' like my hands, don't ya? So big compared to you, aren't they? I can tell you're loving this."

Another shaky sigh left your mouth. He could practically feel your arousal beginning to pump through your veins as his grasp tightened once again at your waist, caressing the flesh. The effect he had on you was too great to ignore. He knew exactly what you wanted, and before you knew it, he checked if the coast was clear and you were pulled into the dark alleyway just a few blocks down from your shared flat.

"I'll give you two options, sweetheart." He whispered to you as the fabric of his balaclava just barely brushed against your ear.

"I can either take you home, work you open nice and slowly, treat you like the goddess you are," being backed up against the concrete wall, he used a finger to tilt your chin up towards him, "or I fuck you with my fingers right here, right now. But, you've got to be real quiet, can you do that?"

Biting your lip, you quickly nodded at the second option. Despite your heightened senses from the alcohol, you were willing to do everything you could to get what you craved in the moment. The ache between your legs was becoming too much to endure, you yearned to have that tension released.

"Attagirl."

Without a second word, his warm hand was running up the outside of your thigh and under your dress. Whining softly as he tugged at your panties, you instinctively spread your legs further for you. His fingers slipped under the fabric and sliding them between your slick folds, earning whine that slipped through your lips at the sensation.

"So fucking wet already, just from those dirty fucking thoughts you've had about my hands. You filthy minded girl." His husky voice echoed in your ears as you moaned at him in response, "shh, shh, shh, quiet, babe."

Wasting no more time, he slowly pushed his middle finger inside you with little resistance, the thickness of it filling you nicely. Letting out a long sigh, your eyes fluttered closed as you tightened around him. Pumping his finger inside you, he whispered soft praises into your ear, talking you through it as your tummy churned from the feeling. It was only after you let out a rather risky whine after he brushed against that sensitive spot inside you his fingers moved quicker and rougher inside you.

"Nuh-uh, you can fucking stay right there." His free hand firmly pressing over your mouth as you gripped onto his wrist to ground yourself.

Looking up at him through your half lidded eyes, they rolled back as he kept slamming his fingers up against that same spot, "Quiet, I said. If you can't do it yourself, then I'll make you."

Digging your nails into his wrist, he pressed his thumb against your clit and applied the perfect amount of pleasure. You tightened around his fingers as you teetered on that heavenly edge, your eyebrows furrowing as his palm moved down to your neck and his fingers squeezed just enough to make you gasp. The small noises you choked out were strained and guttural. He had built you up so nicely, and now it was about to come crumbling down.

"Going to cum already? God, you're pathetic."

His forehead pressed against yours as his fingers moved against you in a feverish manner that made you lose your mind, wet and sloppy noises echoing through the concrete walls of the alley way. "Taking my fingers so fucking well. Cum for me, lovie. Fuck, that's it. Let go on my fingers, gorgeous."

Your clit pulsing and throbbing as your walls squeezed around him so tightly, you felt your release washing over you through his words, creaming and sopping over his fingers. You let out a strained whine as your vision went burry at the intensity of your orgasm.

"That's it, baby." He cooed at you with a small chuckle as you slowly came down from your heavenly high.

Pulling his dripping fingers out of you, he pulled you in for a kiss over his balaclava as his grip on the sides of your throat loosened. You let out a heavy sigh against him as he finally let you breathe properly.

"Such a good girl. You feeling alright, lovie? Ready to go back home?"

With a quick nod, he helped you pull your dress back down to its correct position as his arm wrapped tightly around your torso, making sure to squeeze your waist just the way you liked it.

***************

Sorry this took so long, exam time is breaking me

[jay-m3]

Soul Contract

Scenario: How will the Hazbin Hotel react to meeting a reader who has a subservient called Sebastian Michaelis

Male reader insert!

Characters: Charlie, Vaggie, Angel, Husk, Niffty, and Alastor

*Warning: Cursing, suggestive language

Part 1

When you were alive, you made a deal with a demon. A demon so powerful that he can shift through realms of Human and Hell. He was your servant, your dog who followed orders that brought great satisfaction.

Until it was time to eat your soul. Unfortunately for Sebastian, it got interrupted by Angels who rebuked him back down to Hell. What they didn't account for is that the contract between you two was different, sending you down with him.

In Hell, Sebastian was furious as he quickly found out that now since you're both in the underworld, he can't eat your soul.

The contract you made with him put him in a low level of power underneath you. Meaning, you have a bigger collar around his neck.

It's hilarious really. You laugh at his face, arrogance and pride falling upon yourself. You quickly find out that Sebastian was a Overlord. 'Was' as that title went to you automatically. It's quite interesting to see the politics of the underworld but you have no use in it. You're motive now is to get into Heaven and kill those naive Angels who interrupted You're sweet death of white.

So, when you hear about a hotel that's about rehabilitating sinners, you knew this was your chance. If sinners can go up to heaven, then by all means you can get up there, kill those that wronged you, go back to the Human realm to end this suffering.

This is what got Sebastian to make that contract with you. He craved your pathetic twisted soul. Wanted to devour it whole. And you... you loved that attention.

Charlie

When the knock of the front door sounds out through the hotel, Charlie looks at it in surprise before opening it right up. Seeing who's there, a big smile breaks her face at the male standing perfectly straight behind you.

His butler outfit pressed and clean as he bows to her. "Your highness, it's a great pleasure to see you once again." Sebastian smiles at her, eyes closed as he puts his hand on his chest.

A sound of a throat clearing, Sebastian straightens up immediately.

"Pardon me. Let me introduce you to my young master, Overlord (M/n). Young master, this is the princess of Hell, Charlotte Morningstar."

Charlie finally sets her eyes at you. So this is the person that has stole the attention of the demon. She remembers her mother looking distraught when she found out about Sebastian, making a deal with a human once more. She remembers her mother waiting, for a report about the human realm from him but he hasn't returned yet.

Years go by, Charlie watches her mother hiss out his name in disdain. She never knew why but she knows that Sebastian was a big deal to her. And to herself also, seeing him a lot when she was younger.

"Hi! Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel, please come in. It's great to see you again. Sebastian!"

Charlie was interested in you, seeing as how Sebastian followed your orders without falt, except when he will tease you a little.

She loved how you wanted to help out the hotel (not knowing of your true attentions)

She will listen closely as you teach her about the importance of keeping a hotel alive as you have explained you had a business running up when you were human.

She would also drag you in the exercise of trust and the such, making Sebastian cover his chuckles behind his gloved hand.

Vaggie

"Vaggie! Come here please!" Vaggie lets a small smile when she hears her girlfriend call out to her. She turns the corner to be met with two unfamiliar male faces. Her smile quickly gets wiped off as her eyes narrow down at the newcomers.

"Vaggie, meet Sebastian! Remember when I told you about him. Oh, and this is (M/n). Guys, this is my girlfriend Vaggie."

Vaggie's eyes widen as the name Sebastian rings around her head. This is the guy that baby sat her girlfriend? And (M/n)? She looks at him, an unsettling feeling settling in her stomach when he gestures for them to sit down like he was the host of the hotel and ordering Sebastian to bring them tea.

She watches as Sebastian bows to him before walking off. Instantly she knew that you two have made a deal. On what is the big question.

How did you manage to make Sebastian a servant?

She doesn't let her gaurd down when you're around. Unlike Alastor who explained that he was only here helping out for the entertainment, you were vague.

Chuckling or dismissing the questions before Sebastian stands by his side with dead eyes.

But she has to admit, she was glad for your help with the hotel. Managing a lot of the paperwork and advertising it.

And there are moments where she shivers when Sebastian looks at her in disgust at the corner of her eyes before replacing it with a fake smile.

Angel

When he entered the Hotel, he didn't expect to be met with two very attractive men. He was exhausted from work but the sight of them has him perking up.

"Well, hello boys~ I see you didn't start the party without me." Angel struts to them, sitting down beside you.

You chuckle before turning your attention to the sinner. How bold of him to just sit down next to you like that.

"You must be the patron, Angel Dust." You point out, not missing the worry furrow of Vaggie.

Of course, you already know who Angel Dust is, not by watching porn but from sending out Sebastian for information. You wanted to make sure that you know who your dealing with.

"The one and only. You watch some of my stuff because I can tell you, I can make it into reality. I can take both of ya." Angel seductively leans forward, taking a glance at the butler.

"Okay~, Angel. How about we... put a pen on that. (M/n) here is offering us help on gaining more patrons in the hotel." Charlie informs, stopping Angels attempt on bedding the two.

Angel likes you both a lot as eye candy. He likes to see you blush slightly before Sebastian steps with a backhand insult.

Also, who the hell was Grell?

As much as he flirts with you both, he becomes warry of you on how you command Sebastian around.

It's not how Valentino treats him but more of you saying an impossible command to the demon who surprisingly succeeds in accomplishment. But still.

All in all, Angel doesn't go near Sebastian unless you're around. He doesn't like how Sebastian pops out of no where.

Husk

He glares at the demon butler. His presence makes his hair stand up as he gracefully enters the kitchen.

"Ah, apologies for intruding. I'm just here to make some tea." Is all the stranger says as he starts to make tea like it was his own house.

"Who the hell are ya?" Husk hisses, walking out behind the male with the butler outfit on. He gets introduced to you two. His glare turns curious as he watches Sebastian serve everyone tea.

What made him stare is how the demon steps back, standing tall, not next to you but a little bit behind you, ready to do whatever you commanded. He stares for a while before going behind the safety of the bar's counter.

"Ah, you have a good selection of poison but I do prefer wine." You comment, looking behind him at the wide variety.

"As long as I get shit faced." Husk replies with a shrug.

He doesn't like you or Sebastian one bit.

It kind of reminds him of his own deal with Alastor but the dynamic between you is more, intense.

He sees you. The real you. The arrogant, calculated, sadistic piece of shit you are when you take a seat at his bar, taking light sips of wine.

Pressing on his own deal with Alastor, a mocking tone to your voice before shifting to a cheerful laugh like it was all a joke.

Then there was Sebastian. That bastard is all up in his business. Pointing out his lack of exertion. Sometimes even pushing him off to the side when guests arrive and he serves them himself.

Niffty

"Die!" Niffty cries out, pouncing on the roach that made it's way to the main area.

"Ah, this is Niffty, I presume." She looks up to see you watching her in interest.

She stares back, eye wide as she takes you and Sebastian in.

You don't look like a bad boy. What a bummer. But still, they are men. Great looking men, she might add.

"Yes! Please call me that." She giggles out, a little bit too long as she rubs her hands together.

She gets introduced to you both, nodding along to words that went in one ear and out the other as she stares.

And stares.

Running off after a few minutes when a roach passes by.

She thinks you're both attractive, but not too much because you're not bad boys.

Both of you so proper with your charming smiles.

She likes when you ask her about these pesty roaches. She loves dearly when you pay attention. Even if you don't laugh at the funny parts, you still nod along.

Sad when she isn't allowed to enter your room to clean.

Stupid Sebastian.

And don't get her started on Sebastian. She can talk to him for hours if he lets her.

But he redirects her.

Too bad, he seems to really know how to properly destroy Jackson the stain.

Alastor

"Oh? And who might you two be?" Alastor questions as he examines the two.

Once Charlie explained who you are and why you're here, he grips his cane a little harder, smile shrinking slightly in a grimace.

Sebastian has worked for Lilith?

You're the Overlord that Rosie has gossiped over about not attending to not even one of the Overlord meetings since you got here?

This won't work.

"Hmm, it seems like your help isn't required. Thank you for dropping by though!"

Charlie waves her hands around, telling you that he was just joking. As if.

If he was joking, one would know by the soundtrack of recorded laughter. No laughing is heard right now.

"Seeing as you only have one patron, I figured you don't know what your doing." You looked at him right in the eyes while saying that.

His eye twitches at the sheer audacity.

"Young master, please refrain from pointing out his incompetence. It's quite rude for an Overlord to say to another."

His teeth grinds together at Sebastian words. His calm, light tone trying to 'disguise' the insult.

He hates you.

Hates how you steal Charlie’s attention, running the hotel, and how you speak to him. Like he's just a bug under your shoe.

But he is also warry.

Warry about your hold of the leash of Sebastian Michaelis. The one that had contact with Lilith over the past years.

He, himself wasn't even in hell yet.

How cruel, really. Another reminder of his own leash to that bitch is here in front of him.

Yet he can't help but chuckle.

Watching in fascination how Sebastian would bark if you told him too.

He can feel the rage exuding out of the butler everytime when your mocking expression turns to him and there is nothing the powerful demon can do.

If only he can make a deal for your soul to gain Sebastian's own.

[qqueenofhades]

I'm watching the results come in for the French legislatives first round, and I have been following American presidential race and supreme court from afar. I am depressed. Please say something wise that will give me hope. I never thought to live through times like this.

Anonymous asked: Hey I know you said you’re avoiding posting about politics so absolutely feel free not to reply, but any tips about not getting hopeless? Especially when the fellow young people in your life are all clamoring to talk about how both parties are the same, they won’t vote, etc, etc (😑)?

Welp. It seems that what the people want to hear at this point is some Wise Words From Internet Grandmother Hilary, so... I will do my best to see what I can come up with. It bears repeating, as I have said many times before and will do so again, that I still have heard no better advice for living through The Horrors than the Gandalf: "So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." Because, yeah. That, in its simplest essence, is it. We cannot control The Horrors. Individual people have never been able to control The Horrors, and five thousand-odd years after the invention of documented human history, here we still are, making the same stupid fucking mistakes. That is pretty maddening to deal with, and if you try to think of it like that, it is impossible to wrap your head around and it will only drive you crazy. So, then. What?

I will freely admit that I am scared too. Despite my best efforts, the post-debate furor wigged me out, I had to log off all social media and news sites for most of the weekend, not look at anything aside from one site I trust for two minutes, and try to get myself back in an okay headspace. So yes, rule number one: STOP DOOMSCROLLING. Please get a muzzle on that little voice in your head that says you HAVE to look, you HAVE to read everything, you have to KNOW JUST IN CASE HOW BAD IT COULD POSSIBLY BE. Then you look at stuff that makes you upset, and that leads to other stuff that makes you more upset, and then there you are in a stew of anxiety and anger and everything else that doesn't help. Do not look at the Bird Site Formerly Known as Twitter or news sites or anything else that is liable to have stuff that upsets you, especially in Panic!!! moments like this. It is designed to make you feel worse and it obscures the fact that nobody actually knows. Like, I devoutly hope that the anonymous "adviser to a prominent Democrat" and the NYT editorial board and everyone else screaming about how Biden should drop out right now step on ten Legos a day for the rest of their lives, but they also DO NOT KNOW (and given the NYT nakedly admitting to a personal vendetta against Biden for not giving them an interview, everyone can see exactly what this crass and unbelievably stupid sabotage attempt is, but yeah). Even if they get quoted in prominent publications, they do not know what is going to happen. They are not prophets. The NYT has, as noted, showed its ass 800 times before and keeps coming up with polls that are so ludicrously pro-Trump that it's becoming a cottage industry to debunk them. They are crass and cynical and trash and all that, they have vested interests, they have a platform, but repeat after me: WE DO NOT KNOW "FOR A FACT" THAT EVERYTHING IS DOOMED AND WILL NEVER BE OKAY AGAIN IF WE DO NOT LISTEN TO THE ALMIGHTY NEW YORK TIMES. In fact, the NYT has been so fucking wrong so fucking many times that at this point, I would bet on it being the other way around.

As part of my Bad Headspace Night on Friday night, I did picture the worst-case scenario of Trump winning, American democracy being overthrown, fascists around the world being emboldened, etc. It was a nasty mental picture and I didn't like anything that would come about if it did, but I had to remind myself that even if it did happen, well, the world would still be here, and good people who care about its future would have to do something to make that future happen. It would be ten times harder and it would be the result of another unimaginably evil and cynical fascist sabotage campaign, but... those are not exactly unprecedented in human history. (See: making all those mistakes over and over again.) People in the past were faced with those same exact moments where everything seemed monumentally hopeless and doomed for a generation, and they fought back, and they won. That's the thing. Fascists are evil and awful and terribly unnecessarily destructive, but they are not unbeatable, and they never have been. If we make the choice to resist them, then, well, they can be resisted. It will not happen by posting vaporous screeds on social media, or sitting on your ass and waiting for some miraculous savior/revolution/whatever to swoop in and save you, but it can happen, and it can work. That's what is very hard to remember in the current Horrors, but it's the way it's been for as long as there has been evil. It is not the be-all and end-all of the human experience and never will be.

Likewise: if a la the second anon you're being surrounded with people who are saying stupid things and making you feel worse: just don't be around them any more. It's that simple and you should do it. You can unfollow people who are posting defeatist rubbish, or you can avoid spending time with people railing about how everything is already doomed and voting is useless, etc. You may feel guilty because these people are your friends or you don't want to cut off contact, but you need to do what is best for your mental health, and if all you hear is BS, then, yeah. Pull the plug, cut the cord, do whatever you want. You do not owe anyone else your headspace, your attention, your mental health, or anything else, especially if it is demonstrably idiotic and incorrect. Find ways to do something. Go out and volunteer. Put down the phone (again, this cannot be overemphasized) and stop looking at doomerists on Twitter who get their engagement fix from making you upset and angry. Read a book, watch a TV show, visit a friend in real life, take a walk outside (if you don't live in a furnace, which unfortunately a lot of us do right now). Just sit and close your eyes and meditate. Stretch or move your body. Drink water. Super basic ordinary things that get you away from the increasingly frantic death spiral mindset and put you back in the reminder that things are never over and there is still a lot of time for everything.

As I said: I am doing this myself right now. It is not easy. I know it is not. I wish that we lived in a kinder timeline where this was not necessary, but as Gandalf says, nobody ever wishes for this and yet it happens nonetheless. But we can still control how we react to it and identify the things that are doing their best to make us feel terrible and doomed and hopeless, and make a choice to move away from them. We do not know what's going to happen, no. But we also do not know that everything is doomed, and you know what, it usually ends up not being that way. So that's what I can offer for now. Courage.

[lilislegacy]

my little headcanons (pjo) - part 5

percy and annabeth are often very unapproachable, and not very likable at first impression

first of all, they are both tall, tan, and attractive, both with strikingly beautiful eyes and in amazing shape. some people might assume they are snobby and cocky. but they also seem very standoffish. they act like they are ready to be attacked at any minute - always watching the doors and windows, heads snapping towards loud sounds and movements, giving everyone critical looks - like i feel like people might assume they are some kind of undercover spies or something. and sure in some scenarios, if they are out with friends/family and in a relaxed state, if you meet them then, they are great! but most of the time when they are in the mortal world, they are constantly on the lookout. they are paranoid and don’t trust people easily, in fear someone is a monster or enemy in disguise. imagine just trying to kindly introduce yourself, and percy gives you a very intimidating and uncertain look. something about him just feels dangerous. and then there’s annabeth, whose fierce grey eyes are staring into your soul with unsettling intensity, and you feel like she is extracting every piece of information about you. no subtlety whatsoever. and you’re not sure if they are police officers or ex-military or what, but something about them tells you that these two have been through some shit. i’d be like “who the fuck are these people?” but once they trust you, you would see that percy is a hilarious sweet goofball and annabeth is super warm and loving. they are both very witty and sarcastic, and head-over-heels in love with each other. they are a blast to be around, but only if and when they trust you.

[alornights]

⟢ habits

➜ in which ! they pick up your habits.

💌 ﹫i. midoriya, s. todoroki, k. bakguou, h. sero n. monoma, y. shindo, h shinso.

✩ 🎸 warnings﹗none.

🍓 ⟡ notes — my first ever tumblr post. woah.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ IZUKU MIDORIYA — walking around in circles while listening to music.

found you in your dorm walking in circles with headphones in, eyes staring off into space, and your arms moving every so often.

he doesn't know what to think at first so he leaves you alone (he takes a video though for blackmail.)

next day he enters your dorm your doing it again right after an hour-long training session. and all he could think was 'what the fuck' and proceeds to start giggling like a madman.

after lots of laughs on one end and fake crying on the other, he finds out that you think better when walking around, and pair that with music, you're unstoppable.

after this you freely do this in his company and tbh, he finds it both hilarious but adorable especially with your hand movements.

he decided to try out for funsies and the amount of things that were solved and created in that hour of him walking around with music is unbelievable. so he continues.

and before he knew it, he was walking around the entire dorm for an hour straight listening to music while imagining himself in a multitude of scenarios that he'd never tell a soul.

has also embarrassed himself doing that. now he has to do multiple people favors so that shit isn't leaked.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ SHOUTO TODOROKI — using hands to speak

when he first started talking to you he was overwhelmed whenever you talked because of your hand motions.

but as time when on he found it pretty cool because it just emphasized how you felt, and he liked that.

for example, the day you were ranting to him about some girl who bitched about you being fake and your hands were everywhere demonstrating how you could beat her up.

or when you're singing and would make all sorts of gestures that match the lyrics (he especially liked it when it was towards him)

he realizes that this could maybe help him express his emotions i little more after he had picked up your habit randomly one day.

used it on endeavor, the man was so confused and he was more focused on the hand motions than what the poor boy was saying.

also started using it around his friends, which went as well as it could've. because apparently, they had been using it a bit. he finally understands what they're trying to say now.

now you two have such fun ranting about things.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ KATSUKI BAKUGOU — blankly staring at people.

i mean, it's not like he didn't do this already. but it intensified after getting with you and spending way to much time with you.

whenever someone said something that made you cringe, angry, or stunned, you would slowly turn to them with the blankest stare ever, unable to form any words.

it happened to him and he was so uncomfortable.

but when it happened to others it was the funniest thing to him.

would purposely make people say dumb shit and DO dumb shit just to see you stare and your victim's reactions.

and as time went on, he unconsciously started picking it up.

you thought people were uncomfortable or scared when you did it? now imagine you AND bakugou doing it together.

he doesn't know when or how he picked it up, all he knows is that he loves using it.

midoriya starts going on a rant about heroes? he shuts up the minute bakugou starts turning his head. denki is about to say yet another dumb thing? halfway he stops knowing the look he's gonna get.

he knows better to do it to you though. tried to doing a stare off but felt even more uncomfortable that before he got the habit.

he thanks you every day for making it one of his habits.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ HANTA SERO — dancing to songs but the dance is from another song.

started when you were in his dorm and he was playing beyonce and out of nowhere you start doing the "tell me" dance. and it kept going. for every song. the same part of the dance on repeat.

it happens again during class when the class was practicing their dance skills for the festival and you just started doing a tiktok dance that somehow fits way too well with the song.

when asked all you could answer was "the beat matches."

so every time he watches you dance he somehow manages to remember the steps and unconsciously started doing the same thing as you.

got called out by his friends for doing a random kpop dance to a pitbull song when they were just hanging out.

he wants to cry and you cheer.

but he continues doing it anyways because its fun.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ NEITO MONOMA — cheeking food before eating it.

whether you're a picky eater or have allergies or just don't like certain foods, you decide to check your food always.

and monoma found that weird but interesting.

started checking your food for you whenever you couldn't and unconsciously checking his own food for both things he didn't like and things you didn't like.

was totally oblivious to this until his friends got annoyed every time he wanted to eat something of theirs.

hates but loves you for this now.

actually saved him one time at a restaurant where he checked his food and found something he was allergic to.

he thanked you so much after that !

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ YO SHINDO — mumbling but making sure others hear.

when he first met you were mumbling a lot, and most of the time you weren't even trying to hide what you were saying.

"if you couldn't get into yuuei and had to go to a no-name hero school, no room to speak. at all."

everyone around wanted to beat the shit out of you, but shindo, he found it so funny that he started laughing like a maniac.

he found you so funny that he actively sought you out afterward and started hanging out with you. yes because your funny, but mostly to see people's reactions to your mumblings

especially loves it when you shit-talk people right to their face.

he's so very conscious that he picked up your habit and takes it with glee now that he can piss people off in a funnier way.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ HITOSHI SHINSO — playing with hands.

the day after you two became friends you randomly grabbed his hands and started playing with it and cracking his knuckles.

bro was star struck, never having been one to be affectionate.

was kind of uncomfortable with it at first but didn't really say anything because he didn't really care.

but then he started enjoying the way you played with his hands and then actively started playing with your hands.

then drawing on your hand, waving your hand around, using your fingers to type on his phone, almost bit your finger once...

he got so used to it that he forgets he's in public / in front of friends and will do whatever with your hands because he's bored.

almost did it to one of his classmates and he wanted to die.

hates you for that, but loves you for introducing it to him.

[jamjaemin]

𝘿𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢𝙞𝙚𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙨 𝙄 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙮'𝙧𝙚 𝙨𝙤 𝙖𝙘𝙘𝙪𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙚 pt2

Pairing:bf!dreamies × gf!reader

Genre:+18 obviously nsfw mdi, , I see you

Summary:here we go again since y'all loved the pt1, dreamies thoughts I think they're accurate bc I'm a sex therapist and whenever I see their faces I know exactly what's going on trust me (this is not a summary anymore XD)

Author’s note: I'll turn some of these thoughts into smuts when I find time bc my college won't let me now.

Now playing: wine pon you slowed | doja cat

- one day, he'll surprise you with a date on a private yatch, after a drink and in the middle of the day, you made your way to the couch and before you knew it, he had his head between your legs. it wasn’t long before you were coming on his face, whimpering his name like a prayer.

Chenle, chenle,ZHONG CHENLE (the amount of times I think about this scenario is insane, in a white sundress looking so gorgeous for him..he want nothing but to eat you out)

- you were staying the night at a motel when you asked him to spank you. at first, he completely refused but after a lot of puppy eyes and pouty lips, then he enjoyed it as much as you did or maybe more.

Mark, Jeno (when they're super turned on they'll make you cry "im giving you what you asked for" is their motto, spank you harder if you don't answer them) Jaemin, Jisung (the exact opposite, they're the type to check on you with every spank, light spanking but if you asked for more they'll do it harder, still check on you tho)

- record you both getting at it to watch at a later date. A lot of hissing, humming and moaning, especially when he’s close.

Heavy on Haechan (he's not the main vocalist for nothing, so vocal in bed istg. when watching them again, The probability of having sex after is 100%)

- he would love to fuck you near a large mirror and tell you how pretty you look taking all of his cock, squeezing every inche of him and cum over and over again until you're can't take it anymore.

Super heavy on Jaemin (praising you all the time, hands touching all of your body with some shoulder kisses, when you get shy he will force you to look at the mirror by holding your jaw and make you see how you're falling apart against him)

- Likes to watch you masturbate, putting his head close and observing intently. Loses his shit if you moan his name while doing so.

Heavy on Renjun, chenle (moaning his name is the green light to help you out, toys, teasing, fingering...all of them while speaking chinese, make you cum hard but not harder than how his cock fills your pussy after) mark, haechan (will masturbate while watching you) jeno, jisung, jaemin (helping each other's masturbate, his fingers playing with your clit and your hand wrapped around his length)

- Very good at memorising how you like things done. What makes you pur and what makes you feral.

Renjun ( the details of your body, kinks, limits, never left his mind)

- When he's drunk the wild side in him shows. Not innocent. Not as gentle as you thought. He love making you stutter, holds your neck steadily, choking you. “You like this, don’t you?! Don’t look away!” It was obvious. He was going to fuck your brains out. He’ll make sure the only word you know is "more".

Jisung (he's a freak and good at hiding it, don't argue with me) Haechan (i added him just bc he have a thing for choking and being choked, he will give you a teasing smile if you do it to him then make you learn your place)

- Maybe you ignored him for fun. You didn’t want to take it far, but his reactions of “not caring” were so hilarious to you. Once he found out you were pranking him, He will ignore your orgasms just like you ignored him.

Heavy on Mark ( ain't the leader for nothing, i can imagine how hot and dominant he gets when he's mad, you would need a wheelchair for a good 2 weeks)

- He would play games, head between your thighs and die to end the game and eat you out, if he won he’ll eat your pussy gently and take his time with it but if he loses he’ll devour it and won't stop even when you beg him.

Haechan (blaming you and saying its all your thighs fault), Jeno, jisung (the special way of celebrating their victory or taking out the anger of defeat)

- The air always hung heavy when he's working out. it's the way his brows furrow in intense concentration or the groans he make as his muscles flex. either way, it’s a big turn on for you and he knows it. “c’mon, I know you want it sweetheart, open up for me,” “princess… you can give me one more, right?” “that’s my girl.”

Na fucking Jaemin, jeno (no explanation needed, i know..you know...we know)

Have a great day/night and ty for reading♡

[ghosts-bandwagon]

can we have a headcannon of y/n (female) thats throwing dark humour around everytime and have 141 + Rudy, Alejandro nd konig react to her lmao 🤣

Can we have that? 💜 Thank you

Girl. Literally me. (I give my coworkers whiplash but they dish it pretty good too lmao)

Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley:

Might actually get a decent laugh out of him, we’ve all heard his horrendous hilarious jokes, so we all know he can dish it, but can he take it? Depends on the type of humor

If it’s self-depreciating, probably not. Doesn’t really get it? Like he does but he sees you too positively for the humor to click.

Unalive jokes? Definitely not. Hates hearing it from you even if you’re laughing about it, so if you want to make them, you better be cheeky about it (“Head down, sergeant you’ll get spotted.” “Aw sweet, you think so?” You don’t have to be near him or even see him to feel his glare)

Jokes about your traumas? Not super keen on it but if you’re at a point in your life that you feel ok enough to laugh about it, he’s not one to take wind out of your sails (“Damn, this drink hits harder than my dad.” “Sweetheart. Please.”

But if your jokes are similar to his, then your chances of getting a laugh out of him went up exponentially (he thinks he’s so god damn funny and he’s right. king.)

“How do you turn a salad into a Cesar salad?”

“How?”

“Stab it 23 times.” Soap audibly groaned,

“That’s my girl.”

All in all, you’ll get a deep sigh with pinching the bridge of his nose for every joke you make, and maybe you’ll get a pretty laugh from him (god I bet his laugh is so nice 😭)

John ‘Soap’ MacTavish:

(laughs nervously) what the fuck?

He’s heard Ghost’s jokes firsthand, so the dark humor isn’t new to him. He might even laugh with you and crack a few of his own

Honestly, as long you’re having a laugh he’s not really that worried (still a little worried tho)

He trusts that if you’re feeling particularly bad about something, you’d talk to him about it and he’s here for that

He kind of enjoys the theatre of it, the dramatic reactions to something so seemingly mundane,

“So when are you gonna take me out?”

“To dinner? We just ate, bonnie.”

“… not what I meant but I love where your heads at.”

“Not in a million years.” He laughs kissing your temple and squeezing you against him

“So you’re saying there’s a chance? It’s just a matter of when, got it. Thanks babe, I owe you”

John Price:

He’s not thrilled about it but he’s worked with Ghost so he’s somewhat built a tolerance

He knows you sometimes use dark humor as a coping mechanism but he’ll tease you saying you should come with a warning label

He’s definitely choked at hearing some of the things come out of your mouth, at least the jokes relating to your own traumas, those always give him whiplash

He finds your situational dark humor much funnier than anything you might say that involves you being harmed, even if it is a joke that’s kind a nightmare scenario for him

Those will definitely get a chuckle out of him, just please stop making jokes about yourself, he loves you a little too much to stomach them

“What does my dad have in common with Nemo?” He refuses to answer, he knows, he fucking knows

“They both can’t be found.”

God damn it, sweetheart

Kyle ‘Gaz’ Gerrick:

He’ll join you for sure lmao

He’ll see you sparring on the mats with Soap and he sees you land a particularly rough kick that he managed to block

“Damn babe, that was clean. Now do it right here.” He’s pointing at his temple, you laugh and throw your sweaty towel at him

You’re out on recon and you’re making your way towards the targeted area,

“I’d be terrible if I was discovered, sure hope there aren’t any snipers to take me out. That’d be awful.”

Price groaned even as Kyle stifled a chuckle,

“Come on, love, we’re a bit too good to let that happen to you.”

“That’s the real tragedy, honestly.”

“Enough, you two.”

König:

He thinks you’re funny but low key a little worried at how easily the jokes come to you

But if you’re laughing and having a good time, then so is he!

Sometimes you really do say some crazy things and he doesn’t know whether to laugh or to hug you

He likes the jokes that have nothing to do with you much better, you’d be sitting at a briefing in the far corner when you lean in and whisper quietly,

“Köni, what’s red and bad for your teeth?”

“Hm?”

“A brick.”

He stifles a laugh and shakes his head, you can see the corners of his eyes crinkle as he tries to hide the smile.

Alejandro Vargas:

Honestly, he kind of gives me the vibe of “telling a joke becomes receiving a lecture”

Like you’ll make a joke and look at him and he’s deadpanned,

“Mi amor, that’s no laughing matter.” And then he goes into a full lecture about why what you said was out of pocket and a little hurtful

It’s not that he doesn’t understand the humor he’s just concerned

But, he prefers the goofier jokes I feel like,

“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.”

“Mensa.” He pushes your shoulder playfully with a laugh.

Dumb jokes like that get a good laugh out of him, just don’t make them about you please he loves you so much and he will lecture you

Rodolfo Parra:

Mortified in Spanish

“Mi vida, please don’t make those jokes.”

They break his poor little heart :( he loves you so much it makes him sad to hear make such harsh jokes about yourself or even see such awful things

He sighs every time he hears one of your jokes and gives this look 🥺

He doesn’t like that you joke about yourself or the things that have happened to you like that

He understands that humor is sometimes a coping mechanism, but he’d much rather talk through the things you’re joking about

He just cares about you so god damn MUCH

But if they’re nonsensical, then he’ll chuckle quietly,

“You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving.”

“What? Amor you definitely-”

“You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.”

“Dios mío, amor.” He chuckles.

[obae-me]

Random Sibling Headcanons

I'm a wee bit sick, which is why I've put my more serious projects on a very short pause. That being said I still feel the need to write something, so why not get some ideas out in the form of little fun ideas? Featuring colored names this time because it's fun for my brain.

These are just some little headcanons I like to think the brothers have done, since I love thinking of their sibling/ at-home relationships with each other.

In the picture of Lucifer's office, he seems to have stairs heading up to a second-story loft of some sort. I've always imagined he has a "Pride" wall somewhere up there filled with memorabilia of his brother's greatest or proudest achievements. There's some photos, art pieces, awards his siblings gave up on keeping, etc. His brothers know about it but hate it, so they all never speak of it.

Mammon and Levi once both badly injured their hands, trying to outdo each other high-fiving. You know where you try to get that perfect smack and hurt the other person's palm? Yeah, like that. They whiffed it on the first try and had to do it again and just couldn't stop after that.

Belphie usually puts small portions of his dirty clothes into his brother's hampers so they can clean his clothes for him without them realizing. It drives them all wild having to sort it out each time, and Belphie thrives off of it.

One of Satan's favorite pranks was to quickly run around the whole house and use up every hot water source he can while Lucifer was taking a shower so his water turns ice cold while the eldest is still in it. It got to the point where Lucifer is actually fine taking cold showers now.

If a bunch of them are in the same room and one of them gets a call from Lucifer, the others will suddenly try to sound like something horrible is going on, more often than not trying to incriminate the person who picked up the phone, blaming them for some false scenario that never happened.

If Belphie gets woken up too many times in the same day, he'll find ways to wake his siblings up in the middle of the night. Once he managed to get into all their phones and set annoyingly loud alarms, another night he cursed the piano in the music room to play until morning. Now the brothers have an unspoken rule not to wake their youngest sibling up more than four times a day.

Asmo likes to barge into his siblings' rooms sometimes unannounced with his D.D.D. while he's live on Devilgram or Deviltube. He loves to catch his brother's doing something stupid, it's hilarious. Sometimes he's not even live, he's just recording so he can keep videos to laugh over later.

They trade chores often, much to Lucifer's frustration, but everyone has some chores they absolutely can't stand. They've even somehow come up with a bartering system of sorts. Laundry = 1 other chore like dusting, but something like Dishes = 2 chores like taking on laundry and vacuuming.

None of them have ever missed one of Beel's games. They always show up and sit in the same spots so Beel never has to look around for them in the crowd. Lucifer brings the bag of supplies and snacks should his siblings need it. Because they always end up complaining about something by the end of the night. Mammon always brings his megaphone that almost always gets in him trouble every time. Levi gives his brothers all glowsticks. Satan always secretly has tricks up his sleeve to use against the opposing team should any of them come close to harming Beel (although that's nearly impossible, but he has them as a precaution). Asmo made everyone the most beautiful signs to hold. And Belphie brings everyone blankets since it can get chilly in the stands. He also brings a big lunchbox of snacks for Beel to eat right after the game even though they always go out to eat right after.

Lucifer, Mammon, and Levi as the three eldest are used to giving their younger siblings things they no longer need. The younger four have plenty of hand-me-downs but more often then not, they don't really mind. Lucifer gives out anything he's not overtly a fan of which can be anything from books to cologne to jewelry. Everyone has a few old things of his. Mammon gives out a bunch of clothes quite frequently. Despite his greed, his room can only hold so much, and so he usually goes through a semi-regular purge. Anything his brothers don't grab he sells. Levi gives out old electronics since he upgrades to the newest stuff as soon as he can. Because of this, Satan owns a pair of cat-ear headphones.

On a trip to the human world once, Asmo bought Belphie one of those electronic toothbrushes that play a song in your head while you brush your teeth so the youngest no longer falls asleep during brushing. Yes, it was a Brittany Spears one. (Does this date me? Maybe. Do they even make those anymore?)

Mammon and Asmo have both sat Beel down and tried to give him a basic course on recognizing flirting to keep their younger brother from being so totally oblivious, but no matter how many times they try, he never notices. However, now if Beel is ever given a random phone number, he knows to take it to either of those two to sort it out for him.

Once, for Belphie's birthday he received the ugliest quilt made from little squares from his brother's t-shirts, pillowcases, robes, etc. They all worked together to sew it up and it's very, very obvious who did what parts. Belphie says he can't stand the awful thing but sleeps with it every night.