#but anyway 25 YEARS HOLY SHIT HOW DID THAT HAPPEN

[puccafangirl]

On the note of SpongeBob's 25h anniversary, I sure do love reading the comments on this video and how they're a mix of people reminiscing their nostalgia for this game and being shocked that a Final Boss theme like this came from a SpongeBob game! ^^

[blackdollette]

kinktober day 10.

10.19 - HATE SEX | EURONYMOUS!

݁ ˖🕸️.𖥔 ݁ ˖ {tags} @willsdollface @izuoyarmin @auggiethecreator @angelsanarchy @s-al-em @that-one-persons-posts @kashmirclam @areuirish @oliviah-25 @bl1ssfulbaby

previous: 10.17 - MUTUAL MASTURBATION!

female!reader x euronymous

word count: 2.3k (holy shit. i rlly didn't mean for this one to be so long)

contents: enemies, lots of tension, degrading, car sex, hand job, unprotected p in v

you stared down at the pale-golden liquid in your hand, held by a crystal clear wine glass. you stood awkwardly in the corner of the party host’s kitchen, sticking out like a sore thumb no matter how much you tried to blend in. you found yourself always seeking the wrong kind of attention, no matter the situation. whether it was catching the predatory eye of someone while walking down the dark streets of your town or simply just being in the wrong place at the wrong time, you just couldn’t catch a break.

the entire house was lit up with warm colours that could brighten up the souls of all those who entered, drastically contrasting the dark clothes you preferred to be adorned in. you didnt know why you even bothered going to these things anymore. you always sensed trouble coming your way, though you were usually wrong and just being paranoid. but not tonight.

a low, unwelcoming voice spoke. “look who’s here.” your head shot up to see the voice's owner, though it’s tone was already engraved in your mind. your gaze contorted into a bitter glare, but you kept your words to yourself. you turned away, setting your glass on the counter. “had no one to sleep around with tonight?” the mockery in his voice made you want to punch him, but you kept yourself together.

throughout high school, he terrorized you for simple things that you had no control over. everyone constantly teased you, saying that you and him would make the perfect couple, but you did everything in your power to keep that from happening. not that it was took any effort. he hated your guts.

“oystein. it’s a pleasure as usual. is this the first time you’ve risen from your coffin this year?” your voice dripped with bitterness so strong that you could’ve sworn you saw him flinch. the tension between you two had been undeniable for as long as you could remember. he belittled you for being a selfish whore, though you were still a virgin. he rolled his eyes, letting them travel up and down your body.

“what are you doing here anyway? other than clearly trying to drink all your problems away.” every word he spoke felt like fire igniting in your mind. he always knew the perfect thing to say to get on your nerves. but you hated letting him know that his hateful words were hurting you. you went to move past him, but he stepped in front of you, blocking your path just as you moved your leg forward.

you noticed his gaze remaining on your exposed thighs in your black skirt for just a second longer than necessary. you shifted away, distancing yourself from the dark figure in front of you. he noticed he was making you feel this way, with a slight look of satisfaction on his face. neither of you could deny the tension growing between you two, so you decided to break it by walking away.

you made your way to the door, leaving him to gawk at your ass as you left the noisy scene. this was the shortest interaction the two of you had ever had, but your heart raced as you entered the dark city streets. you dug around in your pocket, searching for your keys and unlocking your car.

you opened the door, letting yourself in as you took a sigh of relief. you had only had a drink or two, but your mind buzzed with restless thoughts about the encounter. you put your keys into the ignition, preparing to drive even though you were a little tipsy. the engine gurgled, as if unsatisfied with your stupid decision.

you tried again, and then once more but the car didn’t move. you slammed your foot on the pedal, cursing at how inconvenient the timing was. you put your head into the steering wheel, trying to settle yourself down. a few deep breaths did the trick, but you kept yourself in this vulnerable position, letting your patternless thoughts flow through your mind.

you lost track of time, allowing it to become a meaningless form around you until a violent bang on your window broke your trance. euronymous was there, his expression unreadable. you rolled down your window, making direct contact with his striking blue eyes. from the outside, he could see that your car had broken down.

“your car broke down, idiot. need a ride? and i don't mean it like that, you slut.” he couldn’t help but smirk at his own remark, but you simply brushed off his invitation. “i don’t need your help. leave me alone.” his face hardened slightly. “get out or i’ll light up this piece of junk with you in it.” you glared at him. “try it, asshole.”

he was clearly growing annoyed at your resistance, deciding to take things a step further. he opened the car door, unbuckling your seat belt before swiftly picking you up and carrying you to his car. “what the hell?! put me down!” you kicked and pushed him, but he didn’t budge. “you know you don’t want that, doll.” he opened the passenger door of his van, dumping you inside recklessly.

he slammed the door shut before you could try to escape, entering through his own door and buckling himself in, speeding down the streets in an instant. you grumbled, crossing your arms and putting your foot on the seat, causing your inner thigh to be in his perfect line of sight. his foot remained on the pedal, hands on the wheel, but he couldn’t help but glance at the view. it wasn’t a bad sight, so he kept his gaze on it for a while, causing the vehicle to swerve.

“are you trying to kill me?” you spat, shooting him a bitter glare. he scoffed turning his attention away from you, though the flutter in his pants wanted to keep looking for just a little longer. “didn’t your mother ever teach you how to sit like a lady? close your damn legs.” he looked at you from the corner of his eye. “or what?” you noticed the red tinge of his cheeks, wanting to see how far you could take it.

you spread your legs a little more, your black thong just ever so slightly in his view. a breathless gasp escaped his parted lips, causing him to lose focus momentarily. you smiled to yourself, knowing that you finally got him to shut up. your eyes travelled the interior of the van. it was messy, but you’d learned to appreciate a cozy environment with no filter. as you continued looking around, you saw him shifting uncomfortably in his seat, seeming like he was trying to hide something. 

it stuck out so conspicuously that you didn’t even have to search for it. a boner pressed against his jeans, begging to be let out for some pleasure. a short laugh emerged from your throat. “getting tense over there?” embarrassment filled his expression, but he didn’t respond to your comment. he cleared his throat, stopping at a red light. 

“dont wanna talk now, huh? fine. let’s see how much you can take.” and with that, you quickly unbuttoned his fly and allowed his cock to spring out. he gasped, nearly hitting another car. “w-what are you d-” he was cut off when you spat on your hand and started pumping his cock quickly, instantly summoning loud groans from him. 

your squeezed your hand around his length. you could feel his body trembling underneath you at your painfully slow pace. you found yourself enjoying the torture that you were putting it through. his chest heaved, his entire body shook, but he still kept himself together. “j-just get it done with already..!” 

you smeared his precum with your thumb, running it up and down his tip. you were putting him through something excruciating right then, but you enjoyed every pained noise that came out of him as he tried his best not to drive the both of you to your deaths. your technique was perfect, but he couldn’t handle being teased like this any longer. “for fuck’s sake!” he whirled his car around, dangerously driving it into a dark alleyway. 

fear filled your mind for a fraction of a second, but disappeared in an instant when he grabbed your chin and pulled you into a deep, hungry kiss. you were shocked for a moment, but his rough, skilled lips lulled you into a lust-filled sensation. the kiss intensified, him biting your lip and drawing a line of blood. 

you snapped your head back, panting as you watched his cock throb. he locked the car doors, darkening all the windows so that nobody could see what he was about to do. “go to the back. now.” his fists were shaking in such a way that instilled fear into you once again. you carefully crawled to the backseat, waiting for his next move.

he joined you, slamming the door shut. before you had a moment to process anything, he tore off your shirt and skirt, leaving you in your lacy bra and thong. you felt so bare and exposed to him, feeling a familiar sensation as he leered at you. you’d felt this same stare on you before, but you couldn’t tell exactly what he thought about when he looked at you like this. but now you knew. he had been eye-fucking you.

all the inhumane things he imagined doing to you were written on his face in black and white. and now he finally had the chance. he pushed you back, forcing your head to the window as your legs were laid across the seats. without warning, he ripped off your panties, stuffing them into your mouth and exposing your soaking wet cunt.

your muffled protests were interrupted as he pinned your hands above your head, shoving two fingers into you. you screamed out, already feeling your pussy submit to his aggressive touch. “look at you, whore. look at how fucking pathetic you are.” his harsh words stung your heart, but the pleasure dominated any logical thought that you had.

your legs trembled as the hot feeling in your stomach grew to an irreversible point. he curled his fingers inside of you, drawing out long sobs from the depths of your soul. you felt your hole clenching around his digits. he could hear the squelching noise coming from your, the bundle of nerves deep inside of you nearly crushing his fingers.

as your body shook in preparation for your climax, he pulled his fingers out, coated with your fluids. you spat out the cloth in your mouth, your cheeks flushed with rage. “what was that for?! i was so close and you just had to rui-” he clasped a hand over your mouth, rubbing some of your slick of your face. 

“i really can’t stand you, y’know that? i’d kill you if you weren’t so…” his words got lost. he shook his head, brushing away the thought. “but i’m not done with you yet.” he pushed you onto your back, forcing his full-length into you all at once. you sobbed out, feeling your tight walls burn as they wrapped around his length.

“y-yeah, just like that... take it, bitch.” his thrusts were rough and sloppy, sending mixed signals throughout your body. his skin slapped with yours as he pounded into your sore little pussy, rubbing messy circles onto your swollen clit. you came as soon as he entered your tight little hole, feeling your cum leaking down to the raggedy seats.

euronymous’ eyes stayed glued to your face as he fucked you mercilessly, enjoying the feelings he was inflicting on you. he looked at the pretty tears that sat so perfectly on your lashes. your parted lips and flushed cheeks. he felt his brain turning to mush as his balls slapped the base of your hole. he found himself slurring a bunch of nonsense as he became completely pussy-drunk. “i-ive wanted to do this for the longest time…”

his fingers dug deep into your thighs, forcing them apart as he marked them up. “c’mon… speak to me, doll.” his voice had turned into a sultry whisper that made you even wetter. but you weren’t willing to soften up to him just yet. “i… i-i hate you…” breathless moans interrupted your speech, very much to his pleasure. he buried his head in the crook of your neck, whispering little things into you. “that’s just the way i like it…”

he forced one of your legs over his shoulder, sending a wave of fluid through your body. you screamed loud enough that the entire city could hear you. a waterfall of your liquid squirted around his length as his lazy thrusts completely lost their structure, his hot cum pouring into you. tears flowed down your cheeks as he filled you up so well.

his groans dominated your noises, making you vibrate just a little. cum leaked out of your hole, a pool already formed underneath you. he finally pulled out of you, your bodies connected by a string of cum. he collapsed on top of you, clearly too tired to realize what he was doing. you sighed, pushing him off of you. “alright, buddy. that’s enough for one night.”

you searched for your clothes, realizing after a moment that they were damaged beyond repair. he took off his leather jacket, placing it over your shoulders. you looked at him, but he didnt meet your eyes. he looked down, but you could see a tiny smile forming on your face. “you should, uh, probably head home now. i don’t know how much more of your presence i can take.” 

you rolled your eyes, but in a more playful manner this time. you let yourself out of the car, wanting to say one last thing before you left. “i still hate your guts, but we should… do this again some time.” he opened his mouth to speak, but you shut the door, walking down the street as the scene replayed in your mind over and over again.

author's note: soso sorry that this came out so late, but i rlly like this one even tho its super long. and why is this month going by so fast :(( only 6 fics left to go

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 44

chapter 67:

1. jfc remus (how is he that strong)

2. god, can’t our side have one fucking win? all these people captured. including my remus

3. “"She started the war for me, and she'll end it for me, too."” GOD i love lesbians

4. NO NO NOOOO NO NO NOOOOOO NOOOOO NOOOO MARLENE STOP NOOOOO!!! SHE WANTS TO PROPOSE TO DORCAS AFTER THE WAR!!!! SHES GONNA DIE I CANT HANDLE THIS

5. 😦

6. marlene?? i-

7. i’m still in shock

8. okay i have my bearings. this is why the post is two days after the last one lol. anyways, i’m actually pissed that she didn’t get to die a big dramatic or memorable death. she didn’t do anything. it was just a landmine. and she’s dead. and i get it, i really do. war isn’t always big heroic deaths. it’s also this. where one moment, you’re planning to propose to your partner and laughing with your freind, and half a second later, you’re blown to bits. but genuinely, her death fucked me up. i knew it was coming, but not like this. holy shit, not like this

anyways, the first thing i did after i read that bit was text my freind. and first thing they did was call me. i sent in bold “IM CRYING” and i get back “why” “MARLENE” bro immediate call. not well. not well at all

9. i continued and read the rest of her death. and her last words being dorcas will forever fuck me up

10. PANDORA????? PANDORA????

12. anyways all i did was call back the freind and say “PANDORA” and that bitch laughed at me. (love them to death) told them to go suck a lemon (they’d never heard that phrase before) and then they made me hang up to finish reading

my poor roommate has heard me call this freind twice (it’s ten o’clock at night)

13. “Horace would need more than just two hands, many more, to count the amount of people who would have gladly put their guns down for Pandora alone.” yeah, me for one

14. FLEAMONT NOOOOO

15. james will be devestated beyond belief

16. remus? huh??? he was shot in the head. but. he had a pov. i’m not sure now

17. …dorcas? i was so sure she had a pov

no wait she has a pocket. just checked

18. regulus???

19. um actually albus can fucking keel over. wont save all those other people in the lineup, then hears his brothers name and is willing to sacrifice the war for him. i get it, but alberforth knew this would happen to him

20. huh, damn. and alberforth still gets shot

21. 🚨🚨🚨pandora is safe. holy shit pandora is safe. i repeat pandora is safe 🚨🚨🚨

22. and fleamont and suddenly that all made sense

23. “”You forgot to count your bullets."” do i hate snape? yeah. but that’s fucking iconic

24. “Riddle lost the moment those doors burst open and two of Euphemia's someday son-in-laws moved into the room with Dorcas Meadowes one step ahead of them.” lmao freaking iconic. more historically important than trump getting shot

25. effie stopping to mourn barty gave me chills

26. NO FLEAMONT!!!! i’m getting fucking whiplash from this

27. effie having such a short pov but still so much emotion and character is shown in her love for fleamont

28. yall remus, regulus, and dorcas are fucking insane.

and i’m so here for it

29. “For all those years Sirius was taken away from him, Regulus breaks Riddle's fingers. Ten years, ten fingers.

For what Riddle took from James, Regulus takes his eyes. This is a difficult task. Regulus has never removed someone's eyes before. It's messy, and it takes the combined efforts of Remus and Dorcas to keep Riddle from flopping right out of his chair.”

mom pick me up i’m scared

30. “There are no good people in war, and now Dorcas thinks there are no good people out of it—certainly not her, because she would gladly go back into it just to have Marlene again.”

going feral over this actually. i’m unwell. i’m so freaking feral over this omg

31. reading authors notes and finding out that monty was author’s prim is actually making me go fucking insane

32. 😀 hi i’m unwell

(anyways side note, uhhh chapter was fucking insane but also like if y’all are reading this fic or this post, just know that there is no anger or resentment towards the author. he wrote this for himself and shared it with us. it’s a masterpiece and we RESPECT people. so yeah, this is the story he wanted to tell, so he wrote it for himself. just ya know, so yall remember)

[also don’t sell fics 😊 i will hunt you down]

[witchinatree]

magnus protocol episode 25 ramble

one week into senior year and i already want to kill myself ??? not looking too good for me

anyway it's my favorite day because it's also the day of the umbrella academy season 4 and i'm gonna miss it so much i might cry

magnus time!!!

why are they making fun of alice for being worried about the deadly things stalking them. i am worried too.

I WILL START HUMPING YOUR LEG LMAO???

i love that things feel back to normal but i also don't because this means horrible things are going to alter them forever

i'm really worried about how gross this statement is going to be i saw things in the vague tag

also i was genuinely going to eat during this episode but i'm just gonna do it after, post school snack can be delayed for the greater good (my stomach)

kieran what happened to you..

there are so many red flags even trying to GET to this place oh my god

maggot mention. this will be horrific.

oh i get it. it's not a grill to feed hungry men. it's grilling hungry men. welcome back cannibalistic themes

the hunger is compelling them :scream emoji:

has anyone seen dead boy detectives?? episode 7 when edwin and charles walk through the gluttony level of hell (briefly) is what this reminds me of. i don't like it. i hated that scene.

wwwwwhat the not-noodles did wwhhhat

THERE'S A BANDAGE ON MY FINGER OH FUCK OFF

this made my day worse this is making my day worse somehow oh my god oh my god i need this to be over. this is my new mag18. i think i have issues with food horror.

POLEASE SKIP THE DETAILS OF DESSERT PLEASE I'M ALLERGIC TO DAIRY I DON'T NEED THIS PLEASE

shoutout kieran they actually seem really strong for this i guess????? go off. i wish you were vaguer with your writing.

oh. oh... ooooh.... cccan you not...

ALICE WTF DO U MEAN BY THAT ????? LMMAOOO?????

COLIN WTF? COLIN HEY? WELCOME BACK COLIN? WWWHAHTHHHHHH WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WAHAT

I KNEW IT? I THINK I CALLED THIS? I THINK I CALLED THIS? COLIN BABE. GO BACK TO YOUR HOUSE I THINK?

HEYYYYY ARE NORRIS AND CHESTER OKAY. ARE THEY OKAY. DO THEY LIVE IN THE SERVERS. COLIN ? COLIN ? I'M SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU COLIN

WHHHAT WHAT HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT HOOLY HSIT WHAT I JUMPED I JUMPED I'M LOSING MY FUCKING MIND

hi lena babygirl. she needs to file so much paperwork i'm sure. oh my god he got arrested :(

sam bodytackled colin for alice? that's kinda cute sam you're back on my good side. polyoiar back on

well the server is fine. OKAY SAM WAIT YOU'RE ONTO SOMETHING BABE GO OFF KING I'M SORRY FOR PUBLICALLY SHITTING ON YOU A LITTLE BIT

i wonder who the minister is? maybe next episode?

poor celia :( and i don't like that they're gonna hire someone new this feels ominous

someone help lena she did not want this

HAHAH I CALLED IT THE PAPERWORK

oh celia honey where did you go?? where did you end up??

poor celia :( also what the fuck guys

i will no longer be eating as it turns out. i did not like that one

[lizzieislife94x]

Collage Roommate (w.m)

Wanda maximoff x fem reader

GirlxGirl

Set before wanda was an avenger (ignore the pic just roll with it haha 

Y/Ns POV:

"Please Wanda pretty please" I beg my roommate to watch a movie "y/n no you'll just fall asleep in the first 10 minutes then ill be left trapped under your sleeping body not able to move because you always end up laying across me so no" she tries to say as she tries not to smile"ok ok if I fall asleep you have permission to pour water over me just keep a bottle beside you" 

Wandas POV:

"OK OK if I fall asleep you have permission to pour water over me just keep a bottle beside you" y/n says and I giggle a little, truth is I love when she cuddles into me I've had a crazy crush on my roommate for over a year I'm just messing with her because she's adorable when she begs me to watch movies with her "ok fine you win ill watch" the smile on her face is priceless we get snacks and set up the movie as y/n moves into position laying on my lap i get comfortable and start watching I don't even know what she picked I'm just watching anyway and just as I thought not even 25 mins in and she's out like a light I gently play with her hair and look at her beautiful face before turning my attention back to the screen about an hour in and y/n moves nothing knew there but this time she turned her body and her face is in my crotch and I'm frozen I can't move fuck oh god maybe I should pour wat...fuck she's snuggling closer keep cool Wanda keep cool I try to compose myself but can't seem to I can feel the arousal pooling in my underwear and to make it worse I can feel her breath hitting my core fuck "y/n wake up Y/N" I shake her waking her up "what Wanda I was enjoying my dream" i huff and look down at her "y/n your face is in my crotch " I giggle a little trying to cover my flustered state and she instantly freezes "oh I um I'm sorry I didn't um mean to" I giggle at her panic state "it's OK you could have bought me dinner first though" I send her a wink and I see the blush cover her cheeks, should I make a move I'm so confused.

 Y/ns POV: 

I feel the heat in my cheeks my face was right in her lady garden I'm so embarrassed sure I've dreamt of it but under different circumstances I unconsciously bite my lip at the thought alone fuck the thoughts I've had about her the amount of times I've ca.. "I didn't mind" I hear her almost whisper with a shy tone to her voice wait what did she say "really?" I ask looking at her rubbing the back of my neck before she thinks of an answer I feel her crash her lips to mine gently pushing her tounge into my mouth fuck her lips are so soft I smirk a little and deepen the kiss holding the back of her neck as her hand rests on my chest I slowly pull and bite my lip "you have no idea how much I want you" she husks out with pure lust and desire in her voice fuck that was sexy "my bed or yours" I breath out to turned on to speak more "mine then yours" I bite my lip and nod quickly standing up grabbing her hand pulling her to her bed and pushing her down with the wave of confidence that rushes through me "strip Maximoff" I say seductively and she complies right away Holy shit this is actually happening Wanda is stripping naked Infront of me and fuck me she's one goddess I climb over her and attach my lips to her neck sucking and biting every spot I find I smirk when I hear her moan letting me know I found her sweet spot that I of course Mark "such beautiful sounds Babygirl " I whisper in her ear before working my way down to her amazing tits biting my lip at how hard her nipples are i latch my lips around her hardened nipple and suck closing my eyes enjoying the moment and the sounds of her desperate moans "fuck just like that' she whispers and I move to the other nipple giving it the same attention while I suck her nipple like a lolly pop I slide my hand down to her core teasing her bundle of nerves she's fucking soaking oh god I let her nipple go with a pop and look into her eyes "fuck Wanda your pussy is so wet" I moan working my fingers down to her waiting entrance and slide them in with ease "well can you fuckkkk oh god, can you uhh blame me you had your face in my crotch for over 5 minutes I uhhh fuck yesss could feel your breath hitting my pussy with every breath you took" she struggles trying to explain why she's dripping I smirk and thrust my fingers deeper and faster curling them at just the right spot to hit her gspot "fuckkkk y/n I'm gonna fucking explode shitttt" I take her nipple in my mouth as she grips my hair and i pump my fingers faster I feel her clench around my fingers as she cums with a scream I look into her eyes with lust "fuck wanda I need to hear those sounds everyday of the week" I confess as she bites her lip and starts to undress me once I'm naked she slips her knee between my thighs and presses it to my core and leans down to my ear as I try and gain some friction from her knee "then we can do it everyday, I've wanted this for over a year now look at you, needy and grinding against my leg like a good little girl" I moan and nod taking her nipples between my fingers "I'm your good girl" I blush as soon as the words leave my mouth and she smirks replacing her knee with her hand cupping my soaked pussy teasing my entrance "fuck I like the sound of that y/n my good girl" I moan as I feel her fingers stretch out my entrance as she fingers me at a brutal pace but fuck it feels amazing she sucks my nipple moaning against it as her fingers rub my gspot and I scream "fuckkkkk wanda god don't fucking stop so good" I moan like something out of a porno she must feel my orgasm approach and let's my nipple go and slides down my body pulling her fingers out replacing them with her tounge and boy does it feel fucking amazing she continues to tounge fuck me till I can't hold back any longer and release all over her face "fuck", I moan as she climbs up my body and kisses me making me taste myself I bite her lip and pull her close to me to cuddle "I could get used to this but give me 10 minutes then we can move to my bed" I say with a giggle and she giggles rubbing little circles around my nipple.

 AN: just another update incase people actually enjoy these :) word Count Is over 1.2k enjoy

[sjofn-lofnsdottr]

Marriage

In honor of my 20th wedding anniversary, here are some more Mercuriel/Vezin pictures. I suppose could show off their wedding a little. It's thematic. I'm also probably going to ramble.

I have said it before, and I'll say it again: their relationship is weird, but it works for them.

Funny little story about this, too. When he picked the game back up again, about a month later I married my friend @petitfarron because he wanted the glamour bits for his catgirl, etc. Vezin attended the wedding, of course, and commented "Just so you know, I'm not marrying one of your dudes."

I wanted to know why, of course, not that it really occurred to me that it was a thing we should do. We'd gotten married on a MUD (uhhh like 25 years ago, Jesus Christ) (it's where we met, we're not just old, we're old turbonerds) and I figured that was all the video game marriage we warranted anyway. HOWEVER, once he told me the reason, which he said upfront was completely irrational, I found it incredibly funny.

You see, he didn't want to marry one of my boys, because it would be marrying a dude, and that's kind of gay, which he is not (he and I are both straight). I pointed out he is a catgirl, doesn't that make it ... not-gay? He replied he is a man, though. I pointed out I am a woman, a woman literally married to him, so ...? And he stressed again, it was IRRATIONAL shut UP.

Basically, fellas is it gay to marry your wife if she's playing a dude and you're playing a chick? According to my husband's irrational brain, yes.

So imagine my enormous amusement when he sent me a code for a bracelet with the message USE ON MERC

Of course, when I asked, "What happened to it being gay?" he replied, "It's still a little gay." So there you go. FFXIV turned my husband gay. But only a little.

Also holy shit was he a bridezilla, it cracked me up. Whenever Farron and I get married or renew our vows, we always have a little fuss over who has to carry the stupid bouquet. That is not a problem with Vezin. I could not pry the bouquet out of my husband's hands if I tried. He had Firm Opinions on what colors to pick, the music, what I should wear. It was adorable. He and I were equal partners planning our real wedding, but our fake one? HE WAS THE BRIDE IT WAS HIS DAY RARGH

We even did the book signing ceremony, because he wanted "as few moogles as possible." Because Vezin-the-character fuckin' hates them.

You cannot tell me they're not plotting something in that last shot.

And then they made their getaway.

During the cursed lalafel time, we decided to renew our vows for the hell of it.

Once again, he demanded to carry the bouquet and this time apparently wanted our entrance to be as ridiculous as possible. I think we managed it.

I did enjoy seeing how different the camera is when both participants are tiny monsters.

The bouquet being almost as big as Vezin: also delightful.

Any time I fantasia into a lalafel (which I only ever do because my spouse has), I am always mad about how cute they look.

Alright, I think that's enough self-indulgent rambling for now. <3

[bookluvrs-world]

FIRST TIME IN PARADISE

summary: y/n waited 18 years for this night. She had no idea that one phone call would change her life.

warning: smut, cursing, unprotected sex

author’s note: THE CHARACTERS ARE ALL 18 IN THIS STORY. i always appreciate feedback and new ideas!! thank you.

I have spent every summer in cousins since I was a baby. From the moment I knew what love was, I knew that’s how she felt for Conrad. He was my infinity. I decided that this summer would be different. I was going to try to get over him. I was determined.

The first night at cousins, I went for a late night swim. Jeremiah and Belly were at the pier , the moms were at some bar down the beach, and Steven was staying the night at Shayla’s. As I was swimming around in the pool, I heard the gate open. It was him. It was Conrad.

We didn’t say anything. He just walked inside, as if he didn’t see me. After swimming for a few more minutes, I went inside to take a shower. As I was walking up the stairs, I could hear Conrad on the phone with someone. I assumed it was a girl so I just kept walking. I grabbed my clothes from my room and rushed to the bathroom.

I turned the shower on, undressed, and got in. After about 25 minutes, I got out and went to my room. As I open the bathroom door, I could hear Conrad in his room. He was angry. I decided to go and talk to him. I knocked on the door and waited for a response. “Come in,” he said. I opened the door and could see glass shattered on the floor.

“Con, what happened?” I asked him looking at his floor. “Don’t worry about it,” he said in a harsh tone. “What were you yelling about?” I asked. “I said don’t worry about it, didn’t I?” He’s never spoken to me like this before. I couldn’t help but get butterflies in my stomach. “Fine, you don’t have to tell me. Just let me help you clean up the glass,” I offered but he refused. I bent down anyways and started picking up shards of glass. “Ouch!” I said as I looked down and saw that my finger was bleeding.

“Holy shit, y/n. Are you okay?” Conrad asked, bending over to grab my hand. He pulled me by the hand and sat with me on his bed. “Does it hurt?” he questioned. I shook my head no. “I’m just gonna go,” I said as I headed for his door. “Y/n?” Conrad said. “Please, sit back down. I need to talk to you,” I walked quickly over to his bed and sat down. “I wasn’t angry, I was jealous.” He said. Conrad has never admitted jealousy. This girl must be special.

“Jealous of what?” I asked him. “One of my guys friends asked who you were and said he was going to make a move on you. Then I tried to explain that you’re a virgin and he said that he didn’t care and that he was gonna take it from you. So, I started picturing you guys together and I just reacted.” He said. Conrad Fischer was jealous over me? Did he…have feeling for me? “Con, I know that you may know this already, but there’s only one person in this world who I’ve thought about losing it to, and that’s you.” I said. His eyes immediately locked with mine.

The next thing I know, he leaned in and kissed me. Our lips fit perfectly with each other’s. The kiss ran deep and passionate. Conrad laid onto his back and pulled me on him. As i straddled him, I could feel his bulge grow. I leaned up to get some air, and take my towel off. “God, you’re so fucking perfect,” he said looking at my breasts. “These are all yours. Do whatever you want with them.” I commanded back. He took my nipple into my mouth and started licking it. He put my other nipple in between his fingers and played with it.

As I was tugging the back of his hair, he started kissing my neck. Conrad flipped me over onto my back and started kissing down my body. He made his way to my thighs. He started kissing them, and looking up at me. “Is this okay?” He asked me. “Do it, Conrad. Please.” I was desperate to feel his tongue. He looked down and licked a stride against my walls. My back arched high. I gripped the sheets as tight as I could. I could feel his groans against me, and that alone caused the knot in my stomach to tighten. “I’m close, Con.” I told him.

“Don’t cum just yet, princess. I’m not done with you.” He said as he kissed my area and came back up to my lips. He removed his pants. His cock sprung out and I gasped. “Was that a gasp?” He asked me and I nodded. “Wait until you see what it’s gonna do to you.” He said as he gripped my hips and pulled me closer to him. He leaned in and kissed me. “Y/n, are you sure you want to do this? If not, we can stop right here or at any point. You just say the word.” He said. “This is all I think about. I want you so bad it physically hurts.” I told him. “Be careful what you wish for, baby.” He said sticking it in.

I immediately felt my walls stretch. “Is it too much, baby?” He asked me. “I want all of you.” I said back. He then shoved all of his cock into me at a rapid pace. I put my hand over my mouth to muffle my moans. “Take your hand off your mouth. I want to hear how good this feels.” Conrad said. I removed my hand from my mouth and let out a loud moan. “Fuck, Conrad. You feel so fucking good inside me.” I said, so loudly that you could hear it next door. It’s a good thing no one was home.

As Conrad thrusted into me, I could feel the knot in my stomach tighten up. “I- I- I’m close, Con,” I told him as I released around his cock. As he felt me release, he couldn’t help but cum with me. He threw his head onto my stomach, breathing heavily. We sat there for a solid minute before he picked his head up and looked at me. “I love you, Y/n. I always have.” He said to me while kissing my stomach. “I love you, Con.” I said as I tugged his hair. He put his shorts back on and pulled me up. “Let’s go get you some clothes on,” He said as he grabbed my towel and walked me to my room.

“Hey, guys. Did you guys hear someone screaming earlier? It sounded like they were getting murdered.” Jeremiah said as he stood in his door way. “Oh, shit!” I said as I finally realized. “Yeah, uhm, I think the neighbors have people over.” Conrad said. “Why are you sweating then?” Jere asked. “Shut up, dude!” I said back. “Make sure no one is home when you guys decide to fuck,” Belly said as we walked into my room laughing. “Well, I guess they know,” Conrad said.

[absolutepokemontrash]

MC’s Half Demon and They Look Awfully Familiar Lessons 18-20

Series Masterlist

T-the season finale… *sniffle* it’s been a wild ride y’all… I’ve never actually written and stuck through with something for so long, so this is a real achievement for me! I really hope you guys have enjoyed this completely weird fluffy/angsty/mildly crackhead adventure! Please enjoy the last part!

All is well, the family is back together, everyone’s fine, the school year is almost over-

Wait, the school year is almost over?

Upon realizing that, everyone settled into a state of mild panic.

MC couldn’t just leave, they were part of the family! An integral part! They were the only thing keeping everyone from murdering each other during family game night!

As for Lucifer’s personal feelings on the matter, things were… tough.

When the exchange program was announced, Lucifer expected it to end like most of Diavolo’s ideas: annoying to clean up, it certainly couldn’t have ended worse than when he and the Crown Prince ended up getting cursed to hold hands for 25 hours straight. What Lucifer didn’t expect was for a child he didn’t even know he had to end up as the human exchange student and for his entire life to be thrown out of whack. That child of his was busy finishing up their final paper of the year.

“Hey, father,” MC looked up from their paper with a cheeky smile. “Do you think that the next exchange student will be as fun as me?”

“I sincerely hope not.” Lucifer sighed, continuing to sift through his paperwork on his desk. “Your kind of ‘excitement’ has completely worn me out.”

“Aw,” MC giggled, then went back to work. “So you don’t want me to stay here then?”

Lucifer stiffened and looked up from his paperwork. “Don’t put words in my mouth, MC.”

“So you do want me to stay. Interesting~” MC said as they began to sweep the eraser shavings off their paper. “Well, if you want me to stay so badly, you could have just asked.”

“P-pardon?” Lucifer blinked a few times to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating. “You want to stay?”

“Since you’d be so sad without me, I guess I just have to don’t I?” MC stood suddenly and slapped their finished essay on Lucifer’s desk. “The sacrifices I make for this family, I swear!”

We stand with you, MC, sacrifice your sanity for your weird-ass familia.

Anyway, Lucifer was thrilled that MC wanted to stay with him in the Devildom, the problem was… MC’s other parent may not have been too keen to just give up their baby.

You know, the demon child they raised all by themselves, with no help from Lucifer because he didn’t know MC existed…

Someone get MC’s ren on the phone! Stat!

“Alright dear little brothers of mine, listen closely because I’m not repeating this.” Lucifer looked over the living room couches at the other six rulers of hell. Belphie was sprawled out on one of the couches and was drooling all over Beel’s lap, Satan was making a point to look as disinterested as possible and kept sneaking glances at the book he was holding, and Mammon was wrestling Levi dangerously close to where Asmo was filing his nails.

Sighing in defeat, Lucifer continued. If any of his brothers misbehaved he couldn’t say he didn’t warn them. “MC‘s parent will be coming to visit.”

Everyone’s attention snapped to Lucifer. Wonderful.

“They’ll be staying for a few days and will decide if it’s in MC’s best interest to primarily stay in the Devildom from now on.”

Asmodeus slowly raised a hand. “Luciiiiiiferrrr!”

“Asmo, is your question overly personal in nature?”

The Avatar of lust brought a manicured nail to his cheek and daintily tapped it. “Mmm… I don’t think so.”

“Ask.”

“How long were you and MC’s parent dating for? Won’t it be awkward to be around your ex?”

Lucifer dragged a gloved hand down his face. “It was a one night thing.”

“Really?” Asmo knitted his eyebrows in confusion. “It wasn’t a long drawn out forbidden romance? You must have had some Olympic swimmers down there!”

“Okay!” Lucifer clapped his hands. “Add that to the list of things Asmo is not allowed to say.”

“We have to take something off the list then…” Beel said through handfuls of chips. “The list’s full.”

“Fine,” Lucifer grumbled. “He can say [CENSORED] again.”

“Yippee! [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED]”

The group collectively groaned as Asmo continued to spout his profane nonsense.

“What did I just walk in on..?” MC stood in the doorway to the living room, still in their PJs.

“Oh, MC, your parent’s coming over to stay for a few days.” Lucifer quickly explained.

MC’s face morphed from confusion to horror. “What does that have to do with [CENSORED]?!”

This house is a FUCKING NIGHTMARE-

Anyway, after the initial confusion/horror, MC got really excited and rushed off to get ready. Meanwhile, the boys solemnly swore that they would be on their best behaviour!

Everyone needed to convince MC’s parent that everything in the Devildom was perfectly safe and that their little hellspawn was in good responsible hands.

Mammon tried to come up with a plan in case MC wasn’t allowed to stay with them, and let’s just say it involved kidnapping. But like- a chill kind of kidnapping where MC would be totally fine.

This idea was immediately shot down in favour of Beel’s plan B.

Beel would just… eat MC’s parent. No biggie, right?

Lucifer shot that one down the moment he heard it.

The only accepted plan for if MC wasn’t allowed to stay was just letting them go. They’d visit the Devildom. A lot. Many visits would be necessary.

So, the hour of MC’s ren’s arrival had come, and the student council assembled to greet them.

Greet the human. The completely non magical human. Greet them and then let them see the Devildom…

Was this exchange program really that good of an idea..?

MC frantically attempted to do some last minute fixes to their hair as they sat themselves down in their seat in the Assembly Hall. Ugh… stupid hair…

“Why are you so nervous?” Satan asked. “Is our visitor a neat freak basket case?”

“No!” MC huffed. “They’re not! I’m just making myself presentable so they don’t think I’ve gone completely feral down here.”

“Well, feral no, crazy, yes. Have you seen yourself lately?” Belphie snickered.

“SHUT UP BELPHIE.”

“Would you all be quiet?” Lucifer snapped. “You’re all acting like children.”

“I am a child.” MC snapped back. “What’s Belphie’s excuse?”

Belphie’s retort was cut off by the portal opening and a figure leisurely floating to the ground. They had an open parasol in their right hand that seemed to be aiding their gentle descent, and a large container full of what smelled like cookies tucked into their left side. The moment their toes touched the floor, the human gracefully closed their parasol and gave the assembled demons a sparkling smile and a polite bow.

“Thank you for allowing me the honour to visit,” the human’s voice was as soft and sweet as Cotton candy. “It’s a pleasure to officially meet the princes of hell themselves.”

:D yay!

After floating down from the sky like Mary Poppins, MC lost all sense of propriety and ran over to tackle their ren into a hug. It was that kind of thing where you really miss someone but you don’t realize exactly how much until you get to see them again.

Lucifer was, of course, the picture of elegance and “this isn’t awkward at all”-ness.

MC’s parent didn’t even seem to be all that concerned with the fact that their baby daddy was, y'know, LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR. THE MOST POMPOUS FUCKWAD IN THE DEVILDOM.

Please don’t tell him I said that, he’s still mad about the Go Fund Me…

MC was absolutely ecstatic to finally show their parent how much they’ve grown in terms of their demonic powers and all the friends they had made, but MC’s ren was more concerned with how much they had grown in terms of their height.

“You’re just so tall now,” MC’s ren giggled as they fixed their child’s hair. “You’ll get things off of shelves for me, won’t you?”

“Yeah yeah,” MC said, rolling their eyes good naturedly. “Like you can’t reach anything in your kitchen.”

“Okay,” Mammon, Satan, Levi, Belphie, and Beel were lagging behind Lucifer, MC, their parent, and Diavolo. “Change of plans, we ain’t eatin’ ‘em, we’re keepin’ ‘em.”

“We were never going to eat them in the first place, idiot.” Satan sneered. “And what’s with the change of tune? You were ready to wage war on the human world fifteen minutes ago.”

“…cookies happened.” Mammon mumbled. He had only gotten one of the human’s totally amazing offerings before Beel proceeded to eat everything. The cookie was perfect… so delicious…

“I say we keep the human.” Beel put a hand on his stomach. “I want more human world cookies.”

“They’re so cute too…” Asmo cooed. “A solid 10/10, and that’s such a rare ranking coming from the only 20/10 in existence!”

“Asmo, your vanity never ceases to make me want to roll over and-” Belphie’s insult was interrupted by him passing out and letting out a cartoonishly loud snore. It was a good thing Beel was able to quickly catch and throw Belphie over his shoulders like a sack of potatoes.

“Asmo has a point, they’re just so totally moe! Kawaii to the highest degree! That parasol, the homemade cookies, it’s just like something from a slice of life anime!” Levi squee-ed.

“So it’s settled, we treat ‘em nice, then we get ‘em to stay.” Mammon nodded to the rest of his brothers, who for the first time in the Demon King knows how long, his little brothers nodded back in full seriousness. They were actually doing a Mammon plan! Holy shit!

So, the brothers liked MC’s ren, what about Diavolo and Barbatos?

Well, MC’s ren had heard all about Barbatos’ amazing cooking from MC and Barb’s totally outstanding reputation, so the two got along swimmingly.

Dia. Loved. That. Human. They’re cute???? They’re sweet???? They brought COOKIES???! They don’t seem to be afraid of him at all????? Please be the exchange student next year :D

Oh yeah… he made a rule that said they couldn’t summon someone with kids… it would be cruel to rip a parent away from their child…

But apparently not a child away from their parent cough cough

Other than the uncle squad, MC’s ren got to meet the Purgatory Hall gang too!

MC was being just the most adorable tour guide, but that didn’t stop Lucifer from having a miniature heart attack any time a demon even looked at MC’s parent the wrong way. If MC’s ren got attacked or felt threatened in any way shape or form, he could say bye bye to his time with the one person in the HOL that didn’t live to make him pop a forehead vein. The human seemed outwardly unconcerned with any Devildom oddness and was amicably chatting with Diavolo while MC pulled them from place to place.

“And that’s Hell’s Kitchen, they have good sandwiches, and that’s Madame Scream’s, they have really good macarons.” MC helpfully pointed out the places as they passed them.

A much to familiar trio of voices called out from down the street. Father dammit, why were they here..?

“Hello Lucifer, what are you all up too?” Ugh… Simeon…

“From the sight of the rest of your brothers skulking about, it appears like they’re acting as bodyguards.” Solomon…

“MC? Who’s that?”

Oh good grief… that nasally little voice… the chihuahua was near… Now… Lucifer was a respectable demon… respectable demons don’t tease children in front of the parent of their child…

“Hello chihuahua.”

DAMN IT HE COULDN’T HELP HIMSELF!

“I’m not a chihuahua you demon!” Luke yapped.

MC’s parent daintily tilted their head and looked over at MC. “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friends?”

“Right, Luke, this is my ren, ren, this is a chihuahua.” MC grinned cheekily as they gestured between the two. Lucifer suppressed a laugh which resulted in a very ugly snort. It was a good thing the sound was drowned out by Luke’s exclamations of betrayal.

The chorus of “how could you?!”s and “I thought you were over that awful nickname!”s was put to an abrupt halt when the visiting human elegantly offered a handshake to the fuming angel.

“MC spoke very highly of you,” they chirped. “It’s very nice to meet you, Luke.”

Luke blinked a few times, then quickly straightened his posture, adjusted his hat, then shook MC’s ren’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you too.”

“That’s Simeon.” MC jerked a thumb in Simeon’s direction. “And that’s Solomon.”

“Luke got a whole introduction and we get that? Come on MC, I thought we were friends.” Solomon fake pouted at MC after giving a polite nod to MC’s parent.

“We stopped being friends after one of the potions you had me test out turned me into a-” as quick as lighting, Mammon had shoved his hand into MC’s face.

“A-ah, MC’s rememberin’ stuff wrong, nothin’ potion related happened to ‘em. Right, Solomon???!”

Taking the hint from Mammon, Solomon smiled and nodded. “Nope, nothing related to turning MC into a frog for a few hours.”

“Hm, well I’m quite happy that absolutely nothing frog transformation related happened.” MC’s parent said.

“Yeah, must’ve hit their head on somethin- YEEEOW!” MC had bitten down on Mammon’s hand and slapped it away from them.

“I did not hit my head on anything!”

“Yeah,” Beel nodded. “Nothing’s hit them since the Fangol ball.”

“The what ball?” MC’s ren asked.

“The Fangol ball that hit MC a few months back and broke their glasses.” Five of the brothers slapped their hands to their foreheads.

“Oh my…”

“Eh,” MC patted their ren on the arm. “That’s nothing compared to the giant snake at the retreat.”

“Oh! Do you mind letting me tell that story, MC?”

Lucifer was frantically signalling for Diavolo to stop talking but the crown prince was already beginning his retelling of the events. Luke would chime in with an anecdote from an even worse misadventure the two had gone out on every once and a while. This… this wasn’t going well at all…

MC’s ren was… weirdly chill about the whole thing…

“Oh, it’s so nice that you’re having fun, sweetheart. That reminds me of when I was young and your aunt Clytemnestra and I would go out and have adventures.” “Really? You went on weird adventures too?” “…what kind of adventures could possibly compare to being chased by a giant snake in an underground labyrinth..?”

The side characters ended up needing to abscond for various reasons and all that was left was the brothers, MC, and MC’s parent.

They made it to the HOL without issue, which is when Lucifer remembered that he did not put all the cursed objects out of reach… shit.

“Asmo… Asmo!” “What is it?” “Take MC’s ren out of the house in half an hour, keep them occupied in the living room!” “What? Why?” “I need more time to human-proof the house! Distract them, but no funny business!” “Dear brother, for the first time in a very long time funny business is the second thing on my mind! Wait… no, it’s the third… what have I become..?”

Asmo and Satan, super graciously by the way, led MC and their ren to the living room to distract- I mean entertain them for a bit!

Lucifer and the rest of the gang got to work moving certain things around and closing certain doors- shit where was Cerberus?! Did Lucifer forget to walk him that morning?!

So much to dooooooo…

So maybe bringing a human into Majolish and letting them roam around unsupervised wasn’t the best idea Satan and Asmo had, but it sure as heck was an idea. MC looked through shelves of hairpins and bracelets while their ren disappeared around a corner to look at scarves.

“We’re doing such a great job babysitting!” Asmo clapped his hands. “If MC had just been a normal human I bet they’d last the entire year under our care.”

“Hm, you might be right.” Satan smiled and nodded. “Humans are surprisingly entertaining.”

“Yes… speaking of, where exactly is the human?”

The sudden sound of metal slamming against flesh and the delayed sound of something incredibly heavy hitting the floor jolted Asmo and Satan from their conversation.

“Honestly, some people have no fucking manners!”

It was such a different voice than what Satan and Asmo were used to that the only thing that tipped them off to it being MC’s ren was the fact that MC began to giggle. MC’s ren stepped back into view carrying a metal staff that quickly transformed back to their parasol.

Asmo and Satan rushed over to check if their defenceless little human guest was okay, only to find some lesser demon passed out on the floor with an incredibly nasty bump on the side of their head.

“I’ve heard that humans are apparently quite delicious to demons but I didn’t expect someone to actually try and eat me.”

“I-um…” Satan sputtered, looking from Asmo to MC’s parent. “We’re uh…”

“You alright, ren?” MC called from over by the bracelet shelves.

“Yes, I’m alright.” MC’s ren gave the fourth and fifth born a calming smile. “No harm done, well, except to that poor bastard. I do hope I haven’t killed him… that would be such a nasty thing for the poor sales associates to find.”

Okay so maybe the defenceless human wasn’t so defenceless. That was a good thing… right?

“So where exactly did you manage to get your hands on such a weapon..?” “Ah, I come from a family of witches. This was a college graduation present.”

…doit doit seems legit.

The four made it back home just in time, Lucifer and the others had finished human proofing the house.

Yay!

The house tour went by smoothly, everything was all well and good until Beel and Belphie asked MC’s ren to make more cookies.

Oh god dammit the human said they would.

“Oh Beel, you shouldn’t eat the cookie dough raw… the eggs and raw flour will make you sick!” “Don’t worry, he’ll be fine. Besides, it’s best not to interrupt Beel while he’s eating.” “Yeah it might end like the custard incident.” “Custard… incident?” “MC and Mammon ate my custard and I ended up breaking the wall that connected to MC’s room.” “Hunger tantrums, am I right?”

After that it was Mammon and Levi’s turn to babysit. It went about as well as you’d think.

Levi explained some anime plot in an attempt to make it seem like the Devildom was totally safe and that MC and their ren could stay forever no problem, while Mammon desperately suppressed the urge to swipe the cool parasol.

Finally, it was time for the verdict. Would MC be allowed to stay in the Devildom..? Or would they go back to the human world..?

“Lucifer?”

The demon in question looked up from his paperwork and tried to nod in the most casual way possible. MC’d ren was standing in the doorway, Lucifer must have missed their knock. “Yes? Do you need something?”

MC’s ren smiled and nodded. “It’s about MC’s living situation going forward.”

Lucifer stiffened and got up from his desk. “Y-yes… what about it?”

“MC has expressed that they want to stay here full time with frequent visits to the human world.” The softness that their voice had earlier in the day was completely absent as the human stepped forward into the study and closed the door behind them. “I want to know what you think about that.”

“Well,” Lucifer cleared his throat and tried to shake off the stupid sense of nervousness that had wrapped itself around him. A weak little human’s decision should not make him so anxious! “I would like for MC to stay here as well, I think it would be best for them.”

The human raised an eyebrow and twirled their parasol in their hand. “Really now? In your year with them you truly believe you know what’s best for them?”

Lucifer’s eyes narrowed. “Yes. I do.”

MC’s ren went quiet for a few seconds before replying. “I see.”

“And that means..?”

“I knew this day would come, but I didn’t think it’d be so soon.” MC’s ren sighed, and for the first time all day, they actually let their exhaustion show. “I raised MC knowing that one day they’d end up in the Devildom. They’ve told me over and over again how much they like it down here…” the human took a deep breath and slowly shook their head. “If this is what they want… then I give my permission for them to stay with you.”

A wave of relief swept over Lucifer as he finally took a breath. “Thank you.”

“Mm… I’m going to have to use my favour though.”

The relief completely vanished as the Avatar of Pride’s blood ran cold. Memories flooded back from the one night the pair had spent together, the human had offered a cursed record to him that he had spent decades trying to find, in exchange, Lucifer let them have one favour. A favour from a demon was like a single pact order, Lucifer had to do literally anything this human wanted.

“Protect MC, even if it costs you your life.” The human’s words were careful and measured as Lucifer felt the order sink in. “You’ll do that for them, right Lucifer?”

Lucifer nodded as life flooded back into his limbs. “I would have done it without the order.”

So, the brother’s plan to make MC’s ren stay forever failed because they were going back to the human world with MC for summer vacation. Listen, it was needed, MC needed to see the sun lest they shrivel like a sad houseplant.

At least Lucifer technically had primary custody of his little heathen! Victory!

MC said their goodbyes to the friends they had made over the year as they prepared to leave for the next two months, it was filled with so many bone-crushing hugs that MC was surprised that their spine didn’t snap.

MC and Luke had lagged behind the much larger group as they made their way to the assembly hall. MC’s ren was dazzling the miniature crowd with stories of just how adorable MC was as a little kid. The half demon rolled their eyes and silently mourned the loss of any cool points they had gained over the year. Their little companion was oddly quiet, MC lightly nudged him and smiled.

“Aren’t you happy to be going home? You’ve been griping about being stuck down here the entire year. Don’t tell me you’re getting sappy, Luke.”

Luke puffed his cheek out and crossed his arms. “Of course I’m happy to be leaving, the Celestial Realm is the best place ever, the Devildom is completely terrible in every way.”

MC smirked and rolled their eyes again. Just let the little guy go on his rant…

“But… I am going to miss you…” Luke mumbled, MC’s eyebrows shot upwards as they turned their head to look at him. “Th-thanks for being my friend down here… MC. You’re… you’re really nice.”

To their absolute horror, MC felt a lump form in their throat. Oh dear Grandfather… the chihuahua was what broke them?! They quickly looked around to see if anyone was paying attention, then quickly pulled Luke into a hug. The hug was over as fast as it began, but it seemed that Luke didn’t particularly care and was more shocked at the sudden bout of affection.

“If anyone, and I mean anyone asks, I didn’t hug you.” MC murmured, quickly swiping at their eyes.

Luke nodded, a small smile spread across his face. “Got it!”

So the side characters left… *sniffle* everything’s okay… the DDDs work in any of the realms… they could still talk.

Soon, it was time for the final sets of goodbyes…

“Come on, Bean, we’re going to the human world!” MC tried to take the cat from Satan, who didn’t move a muscle.

“If you think you’re taking the cat from here, you’re delusional.” Satan’s smile didn’t leave his face, but the force behind his words was almost enough to make MC back off. Almost…

“My caaaaaat!” MC whined, they ended up getting lightly pushed away by Satan.

“Remember, the summer’s a good time to catch up on anime!” Levi advised. “There’s 24 hours in a day, and an average anime episode is 22 minutes long, you have loads of time!”

“I’ll keep up with my anime only if you promise to listen to the Death Note musical, Levi.” MC giggled and patted Levi on the shoulder.

“Remember MC, take care of your cuticles and your skin.” Asmo took MC’s hand and checked their fingernails. “They were an absolute mess before you got here, so I expect you to keep up your routines this summer!”

“Yeeeeeeeeeeees siiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrr.”

“Bye MC,” Beel handed MC a half opened cup of custard. “I almost ate it, but I didn’t. Make sure you don’t skip any meals this summer.

MC jumped up and gave Beel a quick hug. “Thanks Beel! I’ll be sure to enjoy the custard!”

“Bye, MC. See you next year.” Belphie stood awkwardly stiff, not exactly sure what to do. MC pursed their lips, then quickly wrapped him up in a hug.

“Bye Belphie, I hope all your pillow forts are structurally unsound.”

The avatar of sloth snickered and rested his head on MC’s. “I hope you get really comfortable and are fully ready to go to sleep, then realize you have to pee.”

MC gasped in fake offence and swatted Belphie on the arm.

Mammon put both his hands on MC’s shoulders, his face unusually serious. “Do ya remember what the great Mammon took painstakin’ effort to teach ya?”

“Payday loans are scams, witches are scary, bowline knots are the easiest to undo, don’t wear reflective sunglasses to a poker game aaaaaaaand…” MC grinned mischievously. “Any plan thought up by the Great Mammon should be subject to intense revision.”

“That’s ri- hey!” Mammon laughed and shoved MC towards Lucifer.

MC looked up at Lucifer, the pride demon looked down at them fondly. He reached out and gently ruffled their hair. “I’ll see you next year, MC.”

“Y-yeah…”

Lucifer crouched down slightly to get to their level and gave MC a smile. “I’m very proud of you, you’ve been an immense help this year. Thank you for everything.”

“Thanks for not being a stereotypical supervillain dad, father.” MC smiled softly and fixed their glasses. “Loveyoubye!”

MC turned and rushed to their ren’s side as Lucifer let out a soft chuckle.

“I love you too, MC.”

As Barbatos readied the portal to send the pair to the human world, MC couldn’t wipe the grin off their face. Geez, if this year was a metric mess of fun and insanity… what was the next year going to be like? The half demon’s grin morphed into a bit of a smirk. No way in hell their next year in the Devildom was going to be as insane as their first year.

MC almost giggled as they gave their family one last wave. That wasn’t the time to think about the future, besides, MC knew that it would take two insane chaotic humans to be summoned into the Devildom to even come close to the chaos MC managed to create, both on purpose and by accident.

And what were the odds of that happening?

——————

Authors Note: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ITS DONE SEASON ONE IS DONE!

I wasn’t able to fit the Anti Lucifer League stuff into this one, I’ll put it in a separate fic later!

I NOW NEED TO WORK ON GETTING THROUGH SEASON 2 IN THE ACTUAL GAME. To get mildly serious for a second, thanks to everyone who has stuck around to listen to me spout my fic-y nonsense, you all are nerds (affectionate) and I love you.

[stressed-chaos]

Memories - Part 9

So I finally decided to post parts with the gap of a day and will try my best to keep that schedule. Here is the afternath of Ben spilling the truth.

Hope you all will enjoy this chapter!

Warnings: Mention of blood, pain, a most likely incorrect reference, anxiety attack

She froze, as if somebody dumped an ice bucket on her, honestly, the bucket dumped would have been better than what Ben revealed. Her arms and legs felt limp and she heard the breaking of something—a plate—probably the brownies she was holding fell down. She lost the sensation in her ears and just before her body was about to make contact with the white coloured marble of her house, she felt two arms wrap around her. Still, she didn’t make any effort to move, basically sitting in his lap on the floor, too shocked to do anything.

Ben wasn’t looking at her when he dropped the bomb, too scared for her reaction, but as soon as her heard the breaking of a utensil, his eyes grew wide and knew that shit had gone serious, his feet immediately running to the kitchen. He reached just in time to hold his wife, who was about to fall flat on the floor, up from doing the same and damaging her head. Ben’s heart was shattering seeing her state, which was eyes wide, frozen as if she hadn’t moved in over 70 years, jaw hanging open like she had seen people turn to dust right in front of her, but he knew it wasn’t the time to dwell on that. Not that he can take his words back.

He missed her. Missed the calming feeling he got while gliding his hands through her hair, and her soft protesting about messing up her hair. (Though they both knew she loved it as much as Ben, if not more). He missed how they tried to cook, even if ended up in a food fight most of the times, and hell he would give anything to eat whatever new she attempts to make, no matter how bad. (Not that he did anyway).

He held her gently in his arms and didn’t even try to adjust himself when he felt his leg rest on something sharp, maybe the broken pieces. He wondered if the pieces of his broken heart were there too, but it wasn’t just the time to be dramatic. Gently cooing to calm her down like you do to a baby, he held her close to his chest repeating, “Come back. Come back to me,” in her ear. It worked to bring her out of nightmares, maybe it may work in this case too. Feeling something wet drop on his arm, he realized it was a tear, surely his. If this is the effect of her knowing about their marriage, then what if something worse happened? Thankfully, he was brought out of his panic session when he felt Y/N move.

“Th— thank you.” He just nodded.

He just now realized the shards breaking his skin, too filled with adrenaline to notice before, and let out a little wince. Y/N immediately tore himself apart from him and saw some little drops of blood near his leg. She helped him move to the bathroom and picked up the first aid kit, dressing his wounds carefully. She wasn’t a nurse, but her own injuries during the first months of her living here had taught her a lot about wounds. 

Despite whatever happened, Ben just looked down at his other half lovingly, it automatically helped him forget the pain. He noticed her furrowed eyebrows trying to concentrate, along with the little of her tongue sticking out from between her plump lips. He felt relieved seeing her again like this after long and didn’t have the heart to bring up the topic that caused all this. Thankfully, he didn’t have to.

“So…we’re married huh?” She asked looking up to him.

He let out another slow nod.

“How long?”

“This year would make it 3.”

“Wait…you mean we got married at 25?”

Another nod.

“But that’s too young.”

“Well you were the one who proposed. Plus at that point we had already been together for 7 years.”

“That does sound like something I would do. And holy shit, 7 years?”

One more nod.

“You’re nodding a lot you know.”

Another. “And you’re taking this news better than I thought you would.”

“Well…since I have lost my memories, I would almost believe anything at this point. And believe me, I am having the biggest freak out-panic attack session inside me right now, but I guess your presence’s helping. Also it explains the ring.”

“The ring?”

She motioned for him to lean his head towards her, indicating she wanted to tell a secret. She looked around to check for any prying ears, and whispered in a deep voice, trying to mimic someone, in his ear, “I am Gollum in disguise and I have the ring to rule them all.”

Ben shook his head, laughing. Y/N joined soon after. 

“The wedding ring. I had it on my finger when I woke up but of course didn’t know what it was for. Guess that clears it up. And If that doesn’t, then nothing will.”

He just nodded again, too shocked to say anything. 

She took out the ring she had made into a locket from around her neck. “You had it this whole time?” Ben was shocked how he didn’t notice that before.

She just shrugged. “And you didn’t think of asking about it? And what about the ‘no partners’ thing?”

“I wanted to, I really wanted to, but we got interrupted a lot of times today if you didn’t notice. Then it maybe got pushed to the back of my mind. And that ring could’ve very well been a promise ring, or just something I bought for myself someday. It doesn’t necessarily mean that I had— have a partner.”

Ben let out an apology.

“You apologize too much.”

“Uh, sorry about that.”

She just smiled at his awkwardness. Y/N could totally understand that she must have fallen for this literal, lovable dork. It wasn’t too hard. She already found herself doing it and they hadn’t  even known each other for a full day, at least in her mind. 

“Okay, even though this news explains a lot, it will take me some time to get used to. So…I’m sorry I can’t be of assistance in the love department.”

He frantically held her hands in his. To be honest, he loved the feelings of their hands intertwined together, just like they belonged. “Hey it’s completely alright. I understand. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, just don’t pressure yourself into anything you feel uncomfortable with. I’ll be there supporting you in whatever step you decide to make, even if you decide to divorce me…okay…maybe not fully in that. Let’s just—let’s just hope it doesn’t happen. I have already waited for you for more than a year, which felt like forever without you. And I’m willing to wait for as long as it takes, because you’re worth it. Every time. I love you...you don’t have to say it back. I just waited so long to say it and just wanted to say it. Even if you decide you don’t love me back one day, I’ll be there, waiting, hoping you will. I’m stuck and not getting out of there, ever.”

She felt tears brimming at the corner of her eyes and this time, she let them flow. “Thank you. Thank you Ben. I promise I’ll try my best. I will remember you, remember us, as soon as possible. I will say those words back, one day and after that I will keep loving you more than I did the previous day and we will never look back from there. And I’ll never leave you again. Ever. Even if you get sick of me one day or when we turn fat and old. You’re stuck with me Benjamin Thomas Barnes, for the rest of your life. I’ll never leave you.”

Silence fell upon the room, until Ben remembered something.

“You know…this might not be the best time to mention that I still want to eat those brownies.”

She just chuckled, playfully hitting his chest and throwing her arms around his neck, hugging him like her life depended on it, still crying. Muttering Dork over and over again. 

“Only for you my love. Only for you,” he replied while hugging her back just as tightly, kissing her temple from time to time, soft tears flowing from his eyes too.

After the heart to heart talk, they both cleaned the kitchen, Ben insisting he helps, despite his injury. He was trying to impress her by showing it doesn’t hurt, but she didn’t need it. She thought men did not have to express their manliness, or impress someone by faking that they don’t get hurt. In her opinion, that was utter shit. Still, for his satisfaction she let him help. After picking up brownies again, they both sat and began talking. Y/N asking and Ben answering the best he could. She felt like a little kid discovering a lot of stuff at once and Ben, being the parent, answering her curiosities.

“What were we like as kids?”

“Oh oh, what’s your favorite movie?”

“Do you think Sebastian Stan remembers me?”

“Did we ever prank people?” He nodded excitedly, a shit eating grin on his face. “A lot in fact. Most of the targets were our brothers and friends.”

“Speaking of that, how was my relationship with my brother? Like parents? Or...?”

Ben pretended to think, and in his acting state, he noticed Y/N’s hopeful eyes. Just like a little kid has. He was happy that she got her childishness back and he was partly the cause of that. He did not have the strength to break it once again and lucky for him, he did not have to.

“It was good…you guys got along, despite the age difference. There were the little sibling fights many times, sometimes one every day, maybe due to the age gap. Since he kind of, in his book, grew up when you were still a kid you guys kind of fought on that. You guys were still close, until he moved away. A little drifting apart happened, but that was fixed.”

Ben was skipping around his house, full of life and joy, humming some tune. How could he not be happy? Y/N agreed to be his girlfriend. He was so nervous, which was new, but he finally gathered his guts and asked her. Coincidentally, it was the same moment she was about to ask him to be her boyfriend, cause well, fuck gender norms. And all of Ben’s anxiety vanished away. Too lost in his thoughts, he didn’t hear the knocks on his door but as they got louder, he, still happy, went on to open the door. He just felt on top of the world today and there was apparently nothing that could bring that down.

The door opened to reveal Y/N’s brother, Aiden in the flesh glaring at him as if to send him six feet under the ground. Ben suddenly sobered up from his drunk-in-happiness state and gulped nervously. He had absolutely no idea why he was there, ready to kill him, but he felt it had something to do with today.

Aiden and Ben were…friends. I mean they greeted each other while passing by and talked sometimes. But Ben did not know what he did to piss Y/N’s brother— right Y/N. Ben was sure it had to do something with her. Before he could dwell anymore in his thoughts, Aiden spoke up.

“Can we talk?”

“Yeah…sure,” Ben replied while moving out and closing the door behind him.

“Y/N told me what happened. We need to have a talk about that.”

Aha. He was going in the right direction. He totally forgot about the protective sibling talk that comes when you start dating someone. Now that he thought about it, Jack also went somewhere after he told him the news. He was too dazed to ask anything about it. It must be for the same thing.

“Y/N is my sister. My only sister. Even though she tries to keep it to herself, I know when she is hurt. I am not really with the idea of you two dating, well…actually I’m not with the idea of her dating anyone. But you seem like the closest choice for her due to everything. Still, if you hurt her, even a pinch, I will tear you apart limb by limb. If you ever even think about breaking her heart, I do know how to hide a body.”

His words were simple, but the glare and the tone wasn’t helping. Even though he was scared, he knew he was too much in love with Y/N to even think about hurting her. Plus, it’s not like Y/N can’t deal with his sorry ass. 

“I think if I ever think about doing that, she herself would deal with me pretty nicely.”

Aiden nodded. “And then you’ll deal with me.”

“Don’t worry, he will have to deal with me too if he breaks her heart,” a new voice spoke up.

“Jack, where were you?”

“Doing the same thing as Aiden. She’s like a sister to me Ben, hurt her once and you’re dying thrice.”

“You missed Sebastian. Why do you both think I will hurt her for sure? She’s the love of my life, I did not wait 3 years just for her to trust me with it and for me to treat it like shit.”

“Mate, we don’t think you will hurt her. And if you don’t remember, we both talked to Y/N also,” Aiden reasoned.

“It’s just customary, plus it did feel good to say it. With all the pining up you two were doing since forever, we never thought we would get the chance. We’re just taking the advantage,” Jack added.

This earned him an eye roll. “Don’t forget that you’re the younger brother. Get a girlfriend, then we’ll also talk.”

“It’s not the best time to mention I have one, then?”

Both of them had pure shock on their faces. Jack couldn’t hold it anymore and burst out laughing, “Don’t get your boxers in a twist. You still have some time to prepare for your speech.”

Phew.

“Apparently I will have to deal with Harry too this time. Seriously outnumbered. Not that I was planning on doing anything anyway.”

Y/N also burst out laughing at this flashback. She agreed with all of the things in this. The kicking-ass part. The look of horror. And the jokes. If their brother’s were like that, she was delighted.

[serenity-bitty]

THIS IS A MOMENTOUS OCCASION HOLY SHIT.

Okay. As an autistic person, I have had texture issues my ENTIRE LIFE. And I have mourned for so many foods that TASTE and SMELL absolutely fantastic, but my body refused to swallow. Mourned. Grieved these foods. I can't eat mashed potatoes, I can't eat applesauce, I can't even have a French fry too thick because the texture of mashed potato happens inside the fries.

And I certainly can't eat ground meat.

That's right. Be it beef, chicken, turkey or any other meat, I cannot eat ground meat. No sloppy joes, no hamburger, cheeseburger, big Mac, whopper. NONE OF IT.

Barbeques and cookouts are a special kind of hell for me, to say the least.

And don't get me wrong, sometimes there are moments that give me a small sliver of hope.

On rare occasion, I will outgrow my issues with one type of texture.

I couldn't stand avocados until I was 25 years old. But now? I LOVE them.

After so many years, though, I had given up hoping.

But tonight.

Tonight I was blessed.

My roommate, Maddie, has a good amount of money. Not like rich, but enough to be considered stable and she has the help of her family as well. She can afford nice things.

And one of those nice things was a package of on-sale wagyu ground beef.

And if you don't know what that is, come back to this post after you've gone down a YouTube/Googling rabbit hole about it, and you will understand.

Even if it is discounted, frozen grocery store brand beef, you do NOT disrespect the fucking wagyu. Don't even risk it.

So my roommate is lying on the couch and she isn't feeling well, there's a shortage of her blood pressure medication, so she's having a bit of trouble doing things.

So she asks me to do her a favor and check if the meat she was gonna cook was defrosted yet.

I checked, it was upside down in the bowl, and it was defrosted, but when I turned the package around to see what it was (plastic was too foggy to see) I nearly screamed.

"YOU GOT FUCKING WAGYU BEEF!?!?! HOW MUCH DID THIS COST YOU?!?!"

She seemed a little sheepish for a second, and I kinda felt bad for blurting that out, so I quickly moved on to offering to help her cook it. Because I can't eat ground beef, however, I never really cooked a burger before, so she has to teach me a bit.

I helped her off the couch and we decided it would be less labor-intensive on Maddie if we broiled it in the air fryer.

So she seasoned it and got it started, splitting it up into two halves. I cut up the ingredients and put away the other half of the meat while the patty cooked and she rested in the office. She didn't even ask me to do all of those things, I just did it to help. I flipped it and double checked with her to make sure it was properly cooked.

It came out medium.

I was honestly excited to see her try it, like it is NOT every day you get to see this kind of delicacy.

I'm so broke even seeing someone eat fancy food is an event for me 🙃

(but in my defense, I was pretty fucken high when this happened.)

Anyway, so she eats it and I'm asking her how it is, give us the juicy (pun intended) DEETS.

And she is thorough in her description. And even MY mouth starts to wonder at the thought of tasting it.

And then. I had a thought.

If she lets me try a bite, I can do a bit of an experiment.

If even the texture of a WAGYU. FUCKING. BURGER. Makes me gag.

I would give up on ever enjoying the texture of a burger.

But if not, ohohoho.... I would never stop searching, never stop struggling, never stop trying to find a burger with a texture and budget I could stand.

So I start to work up the courage to ask if I could try a bite.

But she actually offered it to me before I could even get the chance!

I explained what I was thinking to her, and she was a bit interested in my little experiment.

So she hands me the burger.

It's on a bakery bun, with Mediterranean Cheddar (FANCY AS FUCK BOII), Whataburger ketchup, mustard, and some good ole Texas Pickles.

I let the smell hit my nose, and almost audibly gulped.

I took the bite.

Oh. My. God.

It was the best damn thing I'd ever eaten, let alone the first burger I could ever truly enjoy. Holy hell.

I felt like Squidward after his first Krabby Patty.

I had to break into a vault. I needed more. I felt tears prick the corners of my eyes out of both pure joy and deep despair.

I wasn't about to eat more than the one bite I was given. That would be incredibly rude and also just plain mean.

I handed it back to her, desperately hiding my urge to eat it.

I don't know if she noticed, or if she's literally just that fucking nice (and believe me she has shown me nothing but kindness) but she literally offered me the other half of the meat to make my own burger.

I could have cried.

"A-are you sure?"

"Yes, my mom gets me this kind of stuff all the time! Go ahead!"

Bruh.

Avocado, bakery bun, onions, ketchup, and that Mediterranean Cheddar.

Hooo boy. The only thing that would have made this better would be if I had toasted the bun.

Even the grease tasted good. THE. GREASE. Autistic people and grease don't exactly tend to mix!!!! And usually, I don't like too much grease. But this was amazing, an explosion of grease mingling in with the juice of the meat. And the way it interacted with the toppings and the bun.... Oh fuck.

I now understand what Gabriel Iglesias meant when he talked about food. I sounded like I was making love to that burger, and I didn't care.

I may as well have been a judge in shokugeki no soma.

It was glorious. I still can't get the taste out of my mouth. I could die happy.

Also it makes me more like Sans Undertale and that makes me happy.

[tigerkirby215]

5e Vex, the Gloomiest build (League of Legends)

(Artwork by Horace “Hozure” Hsu. Made for Riot Games.)

Writing this build in a dark room late at night, super tired and stuff... Stuck inside cause of this dumb virus... AFKing in TFT for a Prestige skin like a tryhard... It’s kinda aesthetic, ya know?

GOALS

Another person to kill... Shadow? Can you handle it? - You don’t need best friends: you’ve got your Shadow. He’s the only cool one, because he’s basically you.

Ugh. Can we get some rain clouds in here? - No one likes a debbie downer, but everyone loves a good scare!

Man, walking suuuucks - Nowadays even the anti-dash champion needs a resetting dash. “Do the thing, Shadow.”

RACE

I could make Vex a Harengon to justify her rabbit ears, but she doesn’t really do much “jumping.” That, and I didn’t buy Wild Beyond the Witchlight. So Halfling still works good enough for a yordle. Your Dexterity increases by 2, and while your movement speed goes down to 25 you have Halfling Nimbleness to move through people who are bigger than you. You’re also “Brave” for advantage against fears (when you hang around the Shadow Isles stuff really isn’t that scary) and of course have good ol’ yordle Lucky to reroll Nat 1s.

Halflings are normally pretty cheerful but Ghostwise Halflings are perfectly dark. You’d normally increase your Wisdom by 1 but I’d recommend increasing your Constitution instead. But I mean, it’s not a big deal if you take Wisdom instead. It is only +1. You also get Silent Speech to keep to team chat with 30 foot telepathy. I mean, they have to understand your languages but at least you don’t have to tell everyone what you’re talking about. And oh yeah you obviously speak Common and Halfling.

ABILITY SCORES

15; CHARISMA - Turns out when you don’t release any new yordles for (wait it’s been 5 years since Kled was released? Holy shit) people end up wanting them.

14; DEXTERITY - Just because you don’t like walking doesn’t mean you’re slow.

13; CONSTITUTION - Imagine dying like a normie.

12; WISDOM - Vex isn’t sad because she’s pessimistic. She’s just realistic.

10; INTELLIGENCE - You’re too cool for school. (And I needed everything else more.)

8; STRENGTH - Ughhh I don’t wanna lift heavy stuff! I’m tired...

BACKGROUND

I guess you’re technically a Haunted One, even if the black mist is the best thing that ever happened to you. You get proficiency in Arcana and Survival as well as two language of your choice to talk to your "allies.” (I guess one of them has to be exotic or whatever.) (I’d personally pick Sylvan as the language of yordles and whatever language the majority of your party knows as your second choice, but that’s just me.)

The thing that sucks about having a Heart of Darkness is that everyone keeps trying to help you, thinking that your sadness (and the living shadow on your back) is something to be fixed. I mean, at least you can get the NPC normies to help you, as long as you don’t spook ‘em. “No doctors! I told you: being sad makes me happy.”

(Artwork by @ToggleD0wnFall on Twitter.)

THE BUILD

or whatever...

LEVEL 1 - SORCERER 1

Starting as a Sorcerer for saving throws and stuff. Also proficiency in Intimidation and... Persuasion, I guess? Look, persuading people that you’re fine “no really” is a skill too.

I wonder what Sorcerous Origin we’ll pick... If only there was one based entirely on shadows and darkness... Oh hey Shadow Magic. As a Shadow Sorcerer you get Eyes of the Dark for 120 feet of Darkvision to see with your dumb Halfling eyes, and Strength of the Grave which will let Shadow take a hit for you. (As long as you make a good Charisma save.)

But of course the main appeal of a Sorcerer is the Spellcasting. You can learn 4 cantrips from the Sorcerer list and two level spells: For cantrips Mage Hand will let Shadow pick things up for you, Mind Sliver and Sword Burst will keep loud people off you both up close and from afar, and Prestidigitation will let you do all sorts of normie yordle magic. As for leveled spells Shield and Mage Armor are both kinda mandatory for some Personal Space.

LEVEL 2 - WARLOCK 1

What? Did you really think we wouldn’t get at least some support from adults? Work for that cool gloomy dude Viego and make a pack with The Undead. That’s because Undead are super dark and morbid and have a Form of Dread: as a bonus action you can turn on your Doom and Gloom for 1 minute. You get some temporary hit points, fear people when you hit them, and are immune to fears yourself. You can transform a number of times equal to your proficiency bonus and regain all expended uses when you finish a long rest.

You also get Pact Magic, which is different from normie Spellcasting because you get the cool stuff done with just a Short Rest. Anyways you can learn two cantrips from the Warlock list like Minor Illusion to have Shadow trick some normies and Eldritch Blast to Eldritch while you Blast. You can also grab some first level Warlock spells like Hex to mark people you don’t like, and Arms of Hadar if you really need your Personal Space.

LEVEL 3 - WARLOCK 2

Second level Warlocks get their Eldritch Invocations for extra stuff that you don’t have to put effort into. While Armor of Shadows does exist it’s honestly better for you to cast Mage Armor with a spell slot, so with that being said take Agonizing Blast to agonize while you blast and Eldritch Mind so you can keep your concentration around annoying people.

You can also learn another spell like Hellish Rebuke, because people just keep barging into your Personal Space!

LEVEL 4 - SORCERER 2

Now that you can agonize your blasts it’s time to go back to Sorcerer. Second level Sorcerers get a Font of Magic for Sorcery Points which currently don’t do much other than give you more spell slots. You can turn your Warlock slots into Sorcery points though, which is good because they come back on a Short Rest but the rest of your magic does not.

You can also cast another spell like Earth Tremor, to slow people down with Looming Darkness and sunder the land with your edginess.

LEVEL 5 - SORCERER 3

Third level Sorcerers finally get Metamagic! Empowered Spell will allow you to maximize your damage and retain your role as an artillery mage. Alternatively if you want to guarantee fears in your foes take Heightened Spell to give them disadvantage to resist Shadow’s influence.

If you want Shadow to stick around then Dust Devil will swirl around for quite awhile. Alternatively Shadow (Magic) also teaches you Darkness for free, and you can cast it with 2 Sorcery Points to see through it! Your friends can’t see through it, but you can team up with Shadow for some powerful combos when you can see them but they can’t see you!

(Artwork by @jpdiasarts on Twitter.)

LEVEL 6 - SORCERER 4

4th level Sorcerers get the first of many Ability Score Improvements, but I can’t take Fey Touched every time for Flash. That, and we won’t give into basic yordle society. So let’s get value out of our Halfling race with the Second Chance feat. Along with +1 to your Charisma you can also use your reaction to make an enemy you can see attacking you reroll their attack roll, potentially making them miss.

Don’t use this against an attack that you can Shield against, but if someone gets a really good roll you can use this to get your Personal Space back! You can only use this once per combat though (it comes back when you roll for initiative!) so make sure to use it when it matters to keep your spell slots in check.

Oh and you can also learn another spell, and another cantrip! For your cantrip Shocking Grasp will help you push people away if they get too close (folk tend to react poorly when zapped by a tazer!) As for leveled spells Web will keep foes from dashing around, and is also pretty flammable. Huhn; wonder if that’ll be useful.

LEVEL 7 - SORCERER 5

5th level Sorcerers get gifts from the Ruined Queen Tasha in the form of Magical Guidance. You can use a Sorcery point to reroll a d20 if needed, potentially squeezing a success out. Don’t use this all the time (even if Warlock slots means you’ll have plenty of Sorcery points to spare) but this can be very useful in an emergency!

You can also learn third level spells and hey: Fireball may be a normie spell, but it’s still pretty effective. It’s maybe a bit too flashy to be Looming Darkness but it’s a good source of AoE damage which isn’t as loud and annoying as Shatter.

LEVEL 8 - SORCERER 6

All this time being a Shadow Sorcerer and Shadow hasn’t even done anything for us! Well how about you go out there and get some work done, Shadow? For 3 Sorcery points you can summon a Hound of Ill Omen to target a foe within 120 feet of you.

Shadow is basically a Dire Wolf except he’s Medium, has temp HP equal to half your Sorcerer level, can move through stuff (but takes damage if he ends his turn in stuff), and automatically chases whoever you told him to go for. Shadow will appear 30 feet away from the person you told him to get, and will chase after him like I said. All he’ll really do is attack the target you told him to though; he won’t even opportunity attack unless it’s the person you told him to chase. But if Shadow’s near someone they have disadvantage on their saving throws, which is pretty cool. (Unfortunately it’s only against spells, not your Form of Dread.)

Speaking of saving throws: Slow is a really great way to keep normies from running around doing annoying stuff. And you don’t have to hit Shadow with it which is pretty cool.

(Artwork by @Lauriquess on Twitter.)

LEVEL 9 - WARLOCK 3

Third level Warlocks get to choose their Pact Boon: if you want a really small Shadow go for Pact of the Chain, and if you want your cool necklace go for Pact of the Talisman, but we’ll be going for Pact of the Tome because you’re mostly a spellcaster really. (And we definitely don’t have enough cantrips.)

You get a Book of Shadows (See? Books can be cool!) with three cantrips: take Thaumaturgy to be extra spooky, Vicious Mockery for some sick teenage burns, and Sapping Sting to make normies fall over when you fear them. Some might say that 10 total cantrips by level 9 is a bit overkill but look on the dark side: you’ve now got a cantrip for basically every type of saving throw in case you can’t hit with Eldritch Blast!

Honestly none of the Pact Boons are particularly important for Vex so I picked the one that made the most sense. Feel free to take something more practical since 10 cantrips is admittedly overkill.

Oh and you can learn more Warlock spells, so now it’s time to finally take Misty Step. For Flash!

LEVEL 10 - WARLOCK 4

4th level Warlocks get another Ability Score Improvement: getting more Charisma for better spellcasting is probably a good idea.

You can also learn another spell, and hey look another cantrip. For your cantrip even if more damage options are kinda overkill by this point Chill Touch inflicts Grievous Wounds, which might be useful. You can also grab another second level spell and Blindness / Deafness (which is on the Undead list) is far more useful than any of the other normie options you’d have at this level anyways.

LEVEL 11 - WARLOCK 5

5th level Warlocks get another Eldritch Invocation, and even if you’ve got a resetting dash you’re still a squishy mage. So grab Tomb of Levistus for Zhonya's Hourglass.

You can also grab third level Warlock spells now! Remember how I took Fireball and complained that it wasn’t a good replica of Looming Darkness? Well Hunger of Hadar takes your Concentration but it’s a lot edgier!

LEVEL 12 - WARLOCK 6

6th level Undead Warlocks have become Grave Touched by the mist, and can make mist of their own! Along with being able survive without eating, drinking, or breathing you can turn any of your damage into necrotic damage. If you’re in your Form of Dread however you can add one extra damage die to whatever you’re using to get people to buzz off, adding to that morbid and macabre aesthetic.

You can also add another spell and if you’re bored with Shadow being a wolf how about you make them a Summon Shadowspawn? Weaponize your Fury, Despair, or Fear (I’d honestly recommend Fury since it has good synergy with your Dreadful Aspect) and work together with Shadow to deal with all your annoying foes! I’d also suggest replacing Hellish Rebuke with Counterspell, because even if the former fits better the latter is way more useful.

(Artwork by Jennifer Wuestling. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 13 - WARLOCK 7

7th level Warlocks can finally activate Shadow Surge. Relentless Hex lets you mark a foe with Hex and then dash to them. And technically you can move Hex around after the fact to reset your dashes! And while you’re at it you may as well grab Dimension Door for Summoner Teleport.

You could also upgrade Summon Shadowspawn to Summon Aberration if you so desire, but Summon Shadowspawn is more than strong enough and far more fun and thematic.

LEVEL 14 - WARLOCK 8

Another Ability Score Improvement. Yay. Cap off your Charisma for the best spellcasting you can get out of Shadow. You can also learn another spell, but we’re going to wait for...

LEVEL 15 - WARLOCK 9

9th level Warlocks get another Eldritch Invocation: even if it’s kinda ineffective Ascendant Step is still pretty useful to have Shadow carry you around. I mean yeah it’s slow but not that much slower than walking for you, and Shadow can lift you up in the air. “Shadow; carry me...”

You can also learn 5th level spells. If one guy’s being particularly annoying Negative Energy Flood can get them to shut up and work for you. Alternatively if you want more Personal Space Antilife Shell is on the Undead List and will make sure normies keep faaaaar away.

LEVEL 16 - WARLOCK 10

Are you ever so sick of everything that you just want to explode? Necrotic Husk has two benefits: for one you’re resistant to Necrotic damage, and immune while in your Form of Dread because being around Viego for so long means you’re used to his work.

But additionally when you are reduced to 0 hit points you can use your reaction to drop to 1 hit point instead and cause your body to explode! Each creature of your choice within 30 feet of you takes 2d10 + your warlock level in Necrotic damage. You do gain 1 level of exhaustion after using this, and after using it once you can’t do so again until you finish 1d4 long rests. So I’d perhaps use Strength of the Grave first unless you really need to lash out.

I hope you weren’t expecting more spells because you aren’t getting them from Warlock: just a cantrip. By this point we’ve honestly got far too many cantrips so I dunno maybe just grab Prestidigitation again and swap it out from Sorcerer when you get the chance.

(Artwork by @DukkoArt on Twitter.)

LEVEL 17 - SORCERER 7

Finally back to our yordle roots: 7th level Sorcerers get 4th level spells like Storm Sphere for a sphere of darkness and angst. But I mean the real benefit is that you get more Sorcery points let’s be real.

Oh and you can swap out Prestidigitation for Gust I guess. Spooky winds and stuff. Either this level or next level depending on your DM.

LEVEL 18 - SORCERER 8

Your last Ability Score Improvement... You’re gonna have to ask: what’s more important to me? More Metamagic, or more Eldritch Invocations? If Metamagic is to your liking take Metamagic Adept for Careful Spell and Distant Spell along with two more Sorcery points to use on them. If you like Eldritch Invocations though Eldritch Adept has a ton of options as a level 10 Warlock. I won’t tell you what invocation to take (they’re all great boosts but none of them shout out at me as something you should prioritize) as there are plenty of options to make your own Vex now that they’re all grown up.

I can at least tell you what spell to take: none of them! Wait until next level!

Oh and you can swap out Prestidigitation for Gust I guess.

LEVEL 19 - SORCERER 9

9th level Sorcerers can learn 5th level spells which means you’ve finally caught up to your Warlock slots. And look at that: the good wish Tasha gave you one last way to weaponize Shadow. Bigby’s Hand does a bunch of cool stuff and is pretty much the ultimate way to make Shadow crush some normies. (Most literally.) Alternatively if you want to borrow from Viego Enervation will let you heal from the mist and also do some damage. Great if you’re stuck in a corner with a bunch of annoying normies.

LEVEL 20 - SORCERER 10

Our final level is the 10th level of Sorcerer for one last spell, one last cantrip, and one last metamagic option! For your metamagic it’s honestly about time you take Quickened Spell to up your DPS. For your cantrip take Mold Earth to dig holes in the sand and brood. And as for your leveled spell? Honestly I just like Synaptic Static, and there isn’t much else I want anyways.

FINAL BUILD

PROS

We’re all doomed. But you’re more doomed - 5th level spells pack more than enough punch, and you’ve got plenty of them. Warlock slots will always be at your fingertips, and Sorcery points give you plenty of flexibility too!

I can feel it: someone’s happy over there! - Along with giving you a temporary hitpoint shield Form of Dread puts a nice bit of CC on all your abilities. Keep enemies scared and sad with tons of Doom and Gloom!

Ugh. Stop copying me Shadow! - Hounds of Ill Omen are cool. Summon Shadowspawn is also cool. Bigby’s Hand is especially cool. And hey: even your lower level Concentration spells like Hex? They’re pretty cool too.

CONS

Ughhhhhhhhhh this is gonna take foreeeever! - You’ve got limited fumes, even for a coffeelock. Form of Dread has limited uses and there’s only so much spell slot melting you can do to get your magic back.

I’m dancing... Happy? - You’ve got a really boring set of really normie skills... and if you’re playing Vex the way she’s meant to be played you’re probably not going to use any of them except for Intimidation.

Yup; the glass is half empty - Half your levels are Sorcerer levels, meaning you’re squishy. You’ve also got Mage Armor on which guess what: also means you’re squishy. People who hit teenagers sure are lame but it’s really not hard to Power Word Kill you.

But I guess you’re pretty cool overall. Shadow’s an alright partner and you can spread Ruination even without Viego. Trudge around and get people to frown for once. There’s nothing wrong with being sad, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting the world to be sad. But do try to at least be happy out of character, because we play games to have fun. I mean, who’d play a video game that just makes you depressed and angry?

(Artwork by @AzzylumArt on Twitter.)

[stressisakiller]

As You Wish

Steve Rogers x Reader Soulmate AU

(As you wish Part 2)

Summary: What happens when after moving into Stark Tower you run into a certain Captain

Warnings: None really, fluff, like one cussword a little bit of spice

Word Count: 2.4k

A/N: Fluffy chapter yay!  Let me know what you think and if you have any requests for future chapters! Thank yall for reading!’

<< Previous   Next >>

Life working side by side with Tony was dangerous. When Killian attacked Tony it was you not Pepper who was taken and subjected to the Extremis serum. This caused you to heal crazy fast and gave you super strength, which was pretty cool but not very useful for someone who spent most of their time in a robotics lab trying not to crush something when it wasn't working.

You later discovered that Killian mistakenly believed that you were in fact Tony's soulmate, while you had always thought that it was Pepper. She quickly refuted your claim when you told her, pulling the back of her jeans down enough to show the smiley face that graced her butt cheek. Turns out that her soulmate was none other than Happy the head of security.

 About six months after the battle of new york, after Tony and the whole Killian/Mandarin situation, Tony asked very nicely if you would move into the Avengers tower with him. He needed to get the Avengers tower going, and after everything that happened and his panic attacks, he really didn't want to live there alone. He was also hoping that if you lived in the tower that the avengers would be more willing to as well. By this point you had met and become friends with most of them save for Captain America, he hasn’t been around much. He was trying to find his place in this new world and taking as many missions as Shield will give him in order to feel needed 

The tower was much different this time than the last time you had been there. There was less plastic film and dust everywhere and all of the construction work was done. Most notably, the wall on Stark's living room floor was no longer a gaping hole.

The top eight levels of the tower were for the avengers. The penthouse was where Tony stayed, no surprise there. The level directly below was his lab space which was restricted access for the most part and then there was the common level under that. The common level was composed of a large kitchen and dining area, as well as a massive living room with the biggest tv you had ever seen. This floor also houses a theater, and an arcade room equipped with pool tables and any other game you could think of. Tony is such a child sometimes, not that you were complaining you loved to play pool. The next three floors are where you and the rest of the Avengers would live. You would each get your own suite that you could arrange and decorate however you saw fit. Each suite includes a kitchenette, and small living room that was separate from the bedroom, and a massive ensuite bath. The lowest two levels were dedicated to the training room and medical ward, as well as a giant pool and sauna area, these floors allowed for outside access as long as they were vetted.

Six months later, life in the tower was going well. You, Tony and Bruce, were the main people living there. You could understand that though, Nat and Clint were constantly out on missions for shield and mainly stayed on base in DC. Tony told you that Steve was currently living in an apartment in DC. He didn't want to live on base but he was running missions for Shield on and off. Thor was off-world with Loki so life was pretty quiet. 

 Then there was a mission that the Captain went on that didn’t go the way he thought. He was wounded and brought back a captive. You were in the common area when the door was thrown open and a bloody Steve Rogers burst through carrying a soaking wet girl over his shoulder.

“The Medical wing, where is it?” He questioned voice hard from pain or fatigue or both. 

“This way.” you hurried off, not looking behind you, you knew that he would follow. 

When you arrived, you called for Dr. Cho and Steve told her what was going on and placed the girl on a stretcher. The nurses pushed her to a room to monitor her until she woke up. He was then shown to a separate room to be looked over and have the bullet removed. 

 That night Tony pulled you into the living room to watch your favorite movie, the princess bride. It was about halfway through when an exhausted Steve came through the door and flopped down on the couch beside the one that you and Tony were currently lounging on. It was coming to your favorite part, Buttercup was currently yelling at the Dread Pirate Roberts and about to push him down the hill.

“Oooh,” you said hitting Tony’s shoulder, “I love this part,” you spoke along with Wesley as he rolled down the hill, “As you Wiiiisssshhhh.” you clapped your hands together, “that will forever be the best reveal ever.” 

You didn’t notice Steve’s stare as you said those words. Holy Shit he thought his tattoo finally made sense, and yet the girl that fate said was perfect for him had her legs thrown over Tony’s lap and was leaning against him while watching the movie. He stood quickly and stomped out of the room, today was just not his day. 

 You look over at Tony confused when Steve left.

“What the hell do you think that was about?” you asked, growing more confused as you noticed the smirk on Tony’s lips.

“Why are you smiling like that?” You had to stop yourself from slapping him when he started to laugh.

“What the hell, Stark, tell me what's going on?”

“I think that Capsicle just realized that you're his soulmate.” He said through chuckles.

“What the fuck do you mean he realized that I’m his soulmate?” you asked your whole body going still as you waited for him to elaborate.

“I thought you had realized this earlier,” he said looked genuinely confused, “The captain is your soulmate, I’ve known since we had that movie night after finding him in the ice. Your tattoo is his dog tags with the flower of his birth month and a phrase that I’ve heard him say multiple times while next to him in a fight.”

You just sat there frozen trying to comprehend what exactly the man sitting in front of you was saying. 

“You know, he may be a little jealous that his soulmate was cuddling someone else since he probably doesn’t realize that you're like a sister to me. You should probably go after him.”  His words seemed to break you from your trance as you threw yourself very clumsily from the couch to follow after him.

“Jarvis, where did Rogers go?” 

“He is in the training room miss.”

“Thanks, J”

You ran all the way down, opening the door you were met by the scene of Steve hitting a punching bag so hard that it broke and flew off of its chain.

“You know, I’m not sure that those are made to withstand the punch of a super soldier, maybe I should design one that can,” you said leaning against the wall and trying not to show the fact that your heart was beating a million miles a minute.

“And why would you feel the need to do that, I’m sure Stark has plenty of things that he needs you to design that are more important than a Steve-proof punching bag.” You could tell that he was gritting his teeth as he spoke, reaching for another bag. You step towards him slowly, making sure not to walk too quickly from fear of him leaving.

“Well I’m sure that the great Tony Stark can take care of himself, and anyways, I think creating something to make my soulmate's life easier is more important.”

He slowly pulled his eyes from the punching bag that he was hanging onto the hook to look at you, pain obvious in his eyes.

“Really? Cause you seemed pretty comfortable with him.” you could see the vulnerability in his eyes as he spoke, he had gone through so much already.

“Yes really, Tony is more like an annoying older brother than anything. I’ve been working around him for the past five or so years, trust me when I say that I have no desire to date him. You on the other hand.” You made sure that your voice turned teasing on the last words, you wanted to make him smile, you hadn’t gotten to see that yet.

“Well good, cause I think I may have to kick his ass if you did.” You could hear the teasing lilt in his voice and the hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth. But as quickly as it came it was gone.

“How long have you known?” his voice cracked a little as he spoke. You let out a small huff of a laugh.

“Would you believe me if I told you that Tony had to tell me when I was confused as to why you left the room?” His eyes snapped to yours.

“Really? You didn’t know?”

“After not meeting my soulmate by the time I turned 25 I just pushed it to the back of my mind, I stopped trying to figure out what my tattoo meant and I focused on my work. Plus there were a couple of life-threatening instances that distracted me." You joked. You weren't 100% sure how to handle this situation, your main friend group consisted of a playboy philanthropist and a science nerd that turned into a giant green guy when angry, not really the best people to show you how to be vulnerable.

“I understand that," he said pausing before continuing, "part of my problem was that my tattoo didn’t show up until after I came out of the ice.” he looked down at his hands and you noticed that they were fidgeting, he must be just as nervous as you.

“I didn’t know that,” you murmured, deciding to ask the question that was begging to be asked.

“What is your tattoo, if you don’t mind me asking?”

He shook his head, “Not at all.” he stepped towards you and pulled up his sleeve, and turned out his arm so you could see the flesh just under his armpit. As soon as you saw the tattoo you burst out laughing.

“Of course that’s what my mark is, man I’m such a nerd.” You clutched your stomach as you laughed, tears coming to your eyes from the range of emotions that you are currently going through.

“Can I ask why I have this tattooed on me?” He questioned, clearly curious to the reasoning as to why he had a movie quote on his arm forever. You were finally able to pull yourself together and sober up from the surprise of his tattoo.

“That movie came out the year after I was born and it was my mom’s favorite movie to watch with me, we watched it at least 4 times a year. But we always made sure to watch it on my birthday as a family, it became an integral part of my life, plus it’s just sooo quotable.” you said with a smile, “Do you want to look at my tattoo?” you asked motioning at your arm with your head. He slowly nodded, not able to find the words.

You slowly pulled your sleeve up, showing him the inside of your forearm and the dog tags that graced your skin. He stepped forward gently taking your arm in his hand so that he could study the markings on your skin. Tracing the outline and the words that he could see before smiling.

“What does it mean?” you asked softly looking at him through your lashes.

“It’s um,” he cleared his throat, “it’s my dog tags or at least the lower one is, it says my name, then Captain America and the city I was born in, Brooklyn. The top one however is something that I always seem to say when I’m getting beat up in a fight in order to remind myself that I could do it. And the flower… I think it’s the flower from my birth month? I was born in July so I think it’s a reference to that.” You nodded at his explanation, his fingers still gently tracing over your skin, causing goosebumps to pop up from the feeling.

“So, would you like to watch the movie with me? We can start it over so that you won’t be lost. I know that you struggle with pop culture, old man.” You smirked at him as you spoke, he just rolled his eyes.

“Be careful, this old man could still show you a thing or two.”

You laughed out loud at that, your laugh changed to a squeal when you felt him wrap his arms around your legs and throw you over his shoulder. 

“Ahh, let me down!!” you beat at his shoulders trying to get him to release you but he wouldn’t budge, he just continued to carry you until you ended back in the living room and he threw you down onto the couch. He wasn’t even breathing hard after carrying you up 2 flights of stairs, jerk. 

Tony was nowhere to been seen as you restarted the movie. You ran and grabbed some more popcorn to share, pouring in some M&Ms before plopping back down next to Steve and pulling on your couch blanket. It didn't take long for you to cuddle into his side and for your eyes to droop. 

Steve smiled at you when he realized that you had passed out before you even got to the part he had walked in on earlier. He didn't mind though, he just got comfortable and pulled you in closer before allowing himself to relax and fall asleep. 

Tagged Users: @writerwrites

[fiveisnumber1]

Timeless - Five Hargreeves x Reader

Main story parts:

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28

_________________________

Pt 28 - A Family Reunion

Gently you and Five parted from your kiss as you finally took in air again. Dropping your hands from his face you wrapped your arms around his neck and nuzzled your forehead against his. You hadn't opened your eyes yet as you were taking in every bit of this moment. As you did so Five lowered his hands from your face and wrapped his arms around your waist quickly pulling you closer to him.

"Oh!" You let out, surprised at the sudden action

"Didn't mean to scare you there." Five comments as he holds you tightly

He had missed you so much. It had only been about three days but all that time was filled with the worry of if you even existed in this timeline, where you could've been, and if you still loved him after tearing you from the life you re-built. He heard you say it, that you love him, and he felt it in the kiss you just shared but he didn't understand how you could love him after he threw you into time alone, again. Five pressed his forehead back against yours as he tries to just appreciate the solace of having you here with him. As you held your boyfriend for the first time in years you could feel something was off. Pulling your head back, you look at Five. He looks back at you and you can see that something was going on behind his eyes. Gently you stroke his hair as you quietly ask,

"What's going on in that head of yours?"

Five looked at you, your head tilted slightly as your eyes searched his face for some type of answer. He melted at the feeling of you running your fingers through his hair and across the back of his neck. Five closed his eyes and rested his forehead against yours once more. His voice barely a whisper as he said

"I promised no apocalypse and no time travel and I left you in time again. Alone. I just...are you mad at me?"

"I could never be mad at you, I missed you so much." You replied gently

A smile crept to Five's face and a weight fell off his shoulders knowing that you weren't upset with him, but your response also amused him. It was the exact same response he had given you when he returned to the future. It was what he said to ease your worry that he was mad at you all those years ago when he left and got stuck in the apocalypse. Five tilted his head up and places a light kiss on your forehead before replying,

"I missed you too ma chérie."

As the two of you stood embraced under the night sky a voice came from down the alleyway calling,

"Hey (Y/N), you okay? You stopped talking to the universe."

You and Five both turn to look at where the voice came from and you see Charlie standing at the entrance to the alley.

"Oh Charlie, I forgot you were here." You comment

"FORGOT?! What do you mean forgot? Do I matter that little to you?" Charlie exclaims before quickly adding "Don't answer that."

Charlie makes his way over to where you are with Five. Leaving the embrace you grab Five's hand to hold as you gesture with the other one to your friend.

"Charlie, this is my boyfriend Five and Five, this is my friend Charlie." You explain "He's the one who kept me sane while I was stuck in this time."

"That's a pretty bold claim saying I kept you sane..." Charlie states before extending his hand out and exclaiming "But wow! It's great to finally meet you. She never shuts up about you."

"Charlie!" You say using your freehand to hit his arm "Don't make me mute you."

"DoN'T MakE mE mUte YoU" Charlie mocks

With his free hand, Five takes Charlie's and shakes it. A full smile appears on his face as he comments,

"I see she's rubbed off on you."

"Not entirely, but definitely too much." Charlie jokes

"Wow, okay." You say sarcastically

Charlie and Five stop shaking hands and Five let go of yours using that arm to wrap around your waist and pull you into his side. Five looks down and you before back to Charlie and says,

"Thank you for taking care of her while I was gone."

"Thank you for coming back and taking over," Charlie jokes before stating "I'm joking, she's the only friend I've ever had so it's been a great experience so far."

"Never a dull day." You add

"I bet." Five replies

As the three of you stand in the alley, Five catches something move out of his peripheral and looks up to see Diego passing by one of the windows. He doesn't notice any of you down in the alleyway though so, a thought comes to Five's mind. As much as he hated the way his brother had been treating him lately, he knew that his brother loved you too. And Diego definitely loved you more than him. Turning to you, Five comments,

"It's getting a bit chilly out here, why don't we head inside. Anyway, I think there's someone else who wants to see you too."

Five then tilts his head to gesture up to the window where Diego is and you turn your head to look. It was your brother. The smile that you had at being reunited with Five widened as you saw your older brother above you. You turn back to Five excited and Five says,

"Let's go. You too Charlie."

Charlie smiles excitedly and the three of you walk inside and start to head up the staircase. As you do so, Five quietly details a plan to surprise Diego. When you approached the door to the apartment you waited quietly with Charlie outside. Five entered alone and as he did Diego asked him,

"Where did you go?"

"Outside. I needed some air and I had a nice chat." Five replies bluntly

Five then closes the door which is your signal and you go invisible and phase yourself through the wall and quietly walk behind where Diego stood. The anticipation rushed through you and you wanted to just run and hug your brother but you know this would mean so much more.

"You had a chat?" Diego questioned, "With who?"

"With me." You said

Diego turned around to look at where the voice came from and when he did you revealed yourself. You looked up at him with a smile on your face. You can see Diego's face go through a series of emotions as he tries to process the sight of you before him. Shifting from shock to confusion to awe he looks on at his little sister before him. You can see him get misty-eyed as he slowly approaches you.

"(Y- (Y/N)?" He asks voice wavering

"Hi Eggo."

Diego quietly takes a few steps over to you before wrapping you in a tight hug. You could hear sniffles coming from him as he held you.

"Eggo are you crying?"

"What? No...I- it's just d-dust" Diego obviously lies

You looked towards Five and rolled your eyes at Diego's response as you hugged him tighter. You knew that your brother had missed you too and even if he was trying to act tough his true colors always showed through. As you held him a knock came from the door. Diego quickly lets go of you and pulls out a knife. A voice calls,

"Can I come in now?"

Diego poises himself ready to throw but you lower his arm. As he looks at you confused you open the door and let Charlie inside.

"Hi, I'm Charlie," Charlie says extending his hand again

Diego looks on at him confused before slowly taking his hand to shake it and replying,

"Uh...Diego."

As you all stand there looking at each other you can feel the tiredness of your feet from standing in heels so long. Looking over towards the living room you see some couches and decide to sit down. As you walk over there the others follow.

"Som how long have you guys been here?" You question

"Three days." Five replies

"About eighty for me," Diego adds

Diego and Five walk over to the couch across from the two sofa chairs as you sit down on one of them. As Charlie takes the other one Diego asks you,

"So how long have you been here?"

You look off to the side. You knew the number of days but actually realizing how long it had been...You were taken aback a little. You look towards them and bring your eyes to meet their gazes. Taking a small breath you quietly respond,

"one thousand, four hundred and eighteen days..."

Their jaws drop and they simultaneously sit down on the couch across from you. No words are said as they stare at you. Five could barely find words to say as his mind was racing too fast calculating the amount of time. Figuring out the amount, Five's eyes went wide with concern.

"(Y/N)...that's..." Five tries to get out

"Three years, ten months, and eighteen days." You state

"Holy shit," Diego says slumping back into the couch

Five's heart dropped and the weight that he thought had left his shoulders came crashing back in full force. You were here for almost four years? He left you for years on end...again? Five looked down at the floor ashamed, he couldn't dare to look you in the eyes right now. He cursed at himself internally for making the exact same mistake that he did the first time but more so he promised himself to keep you safe and he failed. Even if you had already said you weren't mad for what happened and had forgiven him, Five couldn't forgive himself. He needed to make this up to you. He needed to get you home. As he struggled to cope with what he had done Diego asked,

"So how old are you now then?"

"I turned 22 on October 1st, 1963." You reply

"Which is funny because if you were born in 1989 then technically you're also negative 26 right now." Charlie chimes in

"Yes, I am 33, 22, and negative 26 all at the same time." You reply

"Weirdo." Charlie jabs

"Thank you."

"How does he know that? Your actual birthday." Diego questions

"Well, I ended up mentioning some things about the future to him. I was here for almost four years." You explain

"Which don't forget, you still owe me another fact about it." Charlie reminds

"Yeah, yeah you'll get it in time buckaroo." You wave off

"Wait, so I missed four of your birthdays?" Diego complains

Diego was upset with himself that he wasn't there for you when he should've been. Sensing his change in emotion you try to cheer him up by commenting,

"I'm sure you were doing something really important though!"

You watch as Diego's demeanor rapidly changes. Quickly he sits up from leaning back on the couch and looks towards you with a fire in his eyes. He must be passionate about something then. Leaning over the coffee table he looks between you and Charlie before proudly saying,

"I'm going to save President John F. Kennedy."

"JFK needs to be saved?" Charlie questions concerned

He's going to what? Save JFK? He had to be joking. You knew your brother still suffered from a hero complex but had it really gotten this bad after the apocalypse?

"Diego, you're joking, right? JFK's death is a part of history, you can't just change that!"

"JFK dies?!" Charlie exclaims shooting up from his chair

"Listen (Y/N), I know I can do it. I can save him."

"Get your head out of your ass Diego, he's supposed to get assassinated." Five adds snapping out of his trance

"HE GETS ASSASSINATED?!" Charlie yells "(Y/N) is this true?!"

You finally look over to your frantic friend, there was no way to put this lightly. A grimace appeared on your face as you pointed sad finger guns in Charlie's direction. Weakly you answer,

"...that's your fact from the future buddy..."

"NOOOOO!" Charlie yells before plopping back in his seat and mumbling "But I like JFK..."

You lean over and awkwardly pat your friend's back trying to comfort him. This was going to take some time for him though. As you tried your best to help Charlie, Diego and Five bickered over the plan to save JFK.

"You stay out of this Five. This is between me and my sister. I'm going to save the president, (Y/N) do you want in?"

"Diego, I love you but this plan is irrational."

"Thank you! Finally someone with a sense of reason!" Five exclaims  "It's this behavior that got him thrown into a psych ward!"

"You were in a psych ward?" You ask

Diego tries to stutter out a reply to you but before he could say anything Five adds,

"Not only was he in a psych ward but he also decided to get with some overly suspicious crazy lady he met a few days ago in the psych ward."

Get with? What did Five mean get with? You really hoped it wasn't the meaning of "get with" that you were accustomed to. You could feel your blood boil a bit but you try to calm yourself down. Maybe this was all a misunderstanding. In a firm but steady voice, you ask,

"What do you mean get with?"

Five looks you dead in the eyes and in the most serious tone he deadpans his response,

"I mean exactly what you think I mean."

Your jaw drops and you look down at the ground in disbelief. You said no words but your face told the story of how you were feeling at this revelation. Anger, hurt, and disgust flooded your system because you could believe your brother's actions. Eighty days. He could get over a woman he loved for almost a decade in eighty days with some stranger he only met a few days ago. Wow. You whip your head to look at Diego and if looks could kill then he would already be dead with the one you were giving him.

"Did you forget Eudora?" You spat

"What?" Diego asks

"Have you an ounce of regret?"  you chastise

Five and Charlie exchange a look with each other as they watch you yell angrily at your beloved brother, both knowing the reason why you would be so angered.

"(Y/N), I can explain-" Diego tries to start

You stand up from your seat and look down at your older brother. Your fists clenched tightly as you reprimanded him,

"Eighty days, huh? That's all it took to get over Eudora? You meet one psychotic harlot and that's it, no more Eudora?"

"I-" Diego tries to interject

"I what, Diego?" You rebuke

You took deep breaths to calm yourself but it was to no use. You began to shake as emotion overtook you. Tiny electric sparks started to fly off of you as your emotional buildup starts to seep out through your powers. Your voice wavered as you continued,

"I have been here for almost four years and I'm still not over her death. I loved her for five years. You loved her for over ten! You went on a tirade to get revenge for her death and yet you sit here now completely fine with throwing her away as if she was no one."

Charlie and Five look on at the scene before them but say no words. They both knew this was not something they should intervene in. Diego looks at you with a sorrowful look, water starting to well in his eyes mirroring yours. He opens his mouth but makes no sound. Summoning a knife you point it at your brother, your hand shaking vigorously as you hold it.

"I should kill you so you can confront her yourself and tell her what you've done." You choke out

You continue to point the knife in Diego's direction as you look him in the eye. You stare at him for a bit but then turn your head to look away from him. Stabbing your knife into the coffee table below you quietly say,

"I'm not going to though. I want you to live with the guilt of desecrating her memory."

You couldn't stand to look at your brother right now. You were disgusted at his actions. Walking away from the three of them you hear Diego stutter from behind,

"We-well if you're going to be m-m-mad at me then be m-mad at Five too."

You turn around and look back at the two Hargreeves boys.

"Oh really? Why is that?" You question harshly

"G-go on, t-tell her."

Five looks at you. He knew you were already upset, he didn't want to make it worse with the news that the apocalypse was happening again. You crossed your arms as sparks continued to fly off of you. Tilting your head slightly, you gave him a look as if to say "go on". Five knew that he had to tell you at some point so he might as well get it over with now. Carefully, he broached the topic, calmly stating,

"The apocalypse followed us here and we have six days to stop it."

The room was silent as you stared blankly at your brother and Five.

"What the fuck!" Charlie exclaims breaking the silence

"Couldn't have put it better myself." You reply bluntly

"(Y/N)-" Five tries to start

"No no no, if you're worried I'm upset at you Five, I'm not. Today has been...a day and I'm ready to stop experiencing this day." You explain calmly "We can talk tomorrow but for right now point me to where I can knock out for a few hours."

"Well, Elliott and Luther are shoved into the darkroom so you can take the bedroom. It's straight down the hall." Five replies

"Thank you. Charlie, you make the phone call, I'm going to bed. Five if you decide to sleep tonight, which I highly doubt given the circumstances and how fresh that pot of coffee smells, feel free to come join me and get eight hours of rest for once."

"Absolu-" Diego starts to exclaim

You turn your attention to him quickly and harshly question,

"I'm sorry but do you have a comment to make about my LOVING boyfriend who spent FORTY-FIVE years in a WASTELAND completely ALONE to try and get back to ME?"

Diego closes his mouth and looks away from you.

"That's what I thought," You state before adding "Goodnight."

With that, you turn around a headed down the hall towards the bedroom to fall asleep. Once you enter the room you kick off your heels and plopped down on the bed. You were too emotionally tired to search for any sort of pajamas so you stayed in your dress. As you sat down on the bed and started to process all that was said you couldn't help but get overwhelmed. Your whole existence had been flipped upside down in a matter of hours and it was just so much. Quietly, you let out tiny sobs unsure of any other way to cope.

The three boys had watched you walk away and once the door to the bedroom closes Charlie quietly gets up from his seat and heads over to the phone to make a call.

"Look what you did. Now she's mad at me." Diego complains to Five

"What I did? You were the one to go and get with that psycho." Five retorts annoyed

"You didn't have to tell (Y/N) and her name is Lila." Diego replies

"I don't care about her name and you shouldn't either. Also, I'm not going to lie to my girlfriend." Five complains standing up from the couch "Now if you need me I'm going to go get eight hours of sleep with my girlfriend."

Diego looks at Five angrily as he walks away and towards the bedroom. As Five walks through the kitchen he sees Charlie hanging up the phone.

"Charlie, you can take the couch for the night." Five states before turning to Diego "Diego get off it so he can sleep."

"You're the worst brother ever," Diego replies standing up and moving to one of the sofa chairs

"The feeling is mutual." Five replies

He then walks down the hall and quietly enters the bedroom. As he opens the door he can hear you quietly sniffling. Carefully, he approaches the side of the bed you were on and sits next to you. Gently, he strokes your hair as he asks,

"Are you okay, my love?"

"No." You quietly reply

"Is it because of Diego or the apocalypse?"

"It's- it's just a lot for one day..."

"I know darling." Five softly replies "And I'm sorry. I never wanted anything like this to happen."

The two of you sat on the bed silently and slowly you leaned over and rested your head on your boyfriend's shoulder. Five wrapped an arm around you and held you against him. He hated seeing you so upset. Five tried to think about a way to make you feel better, something to help ease the distress you were going through. An idea came to his head and he stood up from the bed. Turning to you he extending his hand for you to take it. You looked at him quizzically.

"What are you doing?" You asked

A boyish smile appears on his face as he answers,

"We didn't get a chance to dance at the consulate."

Your eyes start to dry and a smile reappears on your face as you take his hand. Standing up Five holds you against him as the two of you start to sway in the dark room with only the light of the moon to guide you. From outside you can hear the sound of a radio playing Elvis Presley's Can't Help Falling In Love and using your powers you open the bedroom window so the sound is clearer. You and Five locked eyes with each other and the world started to fade away. The apocalypse and all the other worries you two faced were irrelevant at this moment. Five slowly leaned his head down and pressed his lips against yours. Unlike the kiss when you reunited earlier, this one was soft and gentle rather than passionate and needy, but the emotion expressed in it was just as strong. This was all either of you needed, and just like the song, neither of you could help falling in love with the other. Parting from the kiss you rest your head on his chest and as you continue to say you can feel yourself getting tired. Five sensed it and asked,

"Tired love?"

You slowly nodded your head. Guiding you back to the bed, Five helped your tired self get in under the covers. Making his way to the other side of the bed he kicks off his shoes before removing his jacket, vest, and tie, laying them nicely on a nearby chair. As he approaches the bed you lift the covers up so he can slide in next to you. You roll towards him, wrapping your arms around his waist and placing your head on his chest. Five wraps his arms back around you and rests his head on top of yours. As he slowly runs his hand up and down your back he says,

"As long as we have each other everything will turn out fine."

You nod your head lightly and Five places a gentle kiss on the top of it. You had missed all of this more than words could express. The memory of being close to Five had started to fade over your years and you started to forget what it was like to hold your boyfriend, dance with him, and just exist with him. But getting to share this with him once more you knew that there was no need to worry because he wouldn't leave your side. Closing your eyes, you start to listen to the beating of Five's heart, and soon enough you managed to fall asleep. Five watched as you slept holding you tight against him. He was worried he'd lose you again if he let go even for a second. You were so resilient, finding your way in a new world after he had dropped you in it a second time, and yet you still found it in your heart to love him. Five didn't know what he did to deserve you, what he did to get to call you his one and only, but he was going to stop this apocalypse no matter what and he was going to make it up to you for leaving you here so long.

The night went on and Five closed his eyes but when he opened them again light was peering through the blinds of the bedroom. It was morning. He had actually slept. Outside the bedroom, he could hear the sounds of chatter in the kitchen. He blinked a few times trying to get the feeling of sleep to go away to no avail. He needed a coffee but you were still peacefully sleeping on top of him and he didn't want to wake you. He smiled at the sight of you. The rays of sunshine lit up your messy hair giving you a radiant glow. A wave of feeling came over Five and compelled him to kiss you and so just like the night before he placed a gentle kiss on the top of your head. And just like Sleeping Beauty, you started to wake at the feeling of a kiss from your one true love. You let out a yawn as your eyes flutter open halfway. The world was still a blur but you could tell from the amount of light that it was day.

"It's morning," you slur still half asleep

Five chuckles to himself at your groggy response. Adorable. He looks at your tired face and replies,

"Yes, it is. Good morning,"

You did not want to deal with all the revelations from the night before nor did you want to deal with whatever else the world was going to throw at you given that it was being flipped on its head again. You nuzzled your face deeper into Five's chest and you stated muffled,

"I don't want to get up,"

"Neither do I, but if you recall there is an apocalypse to stop."

"Can't we deal with it tomorrow?" you ask

"Unfortunately, that's not really an option."

You let out a huff. Maybe if you refused to get up he would just willingly stay. That was not the case though because Five sat up from laying in bed and looked down towards you. If the impending apocalypse wasn't occurring he'd happily stay with you all morning but the world was going to end and he needed to stop it. You look back up towards him with a grumpy look on your face that your plan didn't work.

"I'm going to get up so I can start figuring out a new plan, but you feel free to stay here as long as you like. Okay?" Five explains calmly

"Okay..." You mumble

Five takes your hand and brings it up to his lips placing a soft kiss on the top of it. Pulling away he looks at you once more, his thumb gently running back and forth across your knuckles.

"I'm going to go now but you come and join whenever you want."

You nod your head and with that Five gets up and puts on his vest, tie, jacket, and shoes. He heads to the door and walks out closing it behind him but not before giving you one last smile. You lay in bed for a few minutes but without Five with you, there was no reason to stay. You get up from the bed and look in the mirror in the corner of the room. Fixing your hair and flattening out your dress you decide to leave the room and walk out to the chattering of the others who were awake. You saw Luther standing by the stove, Five leaned up against a counter, Charlie sitting at the kitchen table and Diego pacing back and forth. You walk past Diego and sit down on the other chair at the kitchen table.

"No, no, no, I don't understand. They keep following me." Diego says, a scowl on his face

"What are they talking about?" You ask Charlie

"I don't know. I've been staring at the number of eggs that Luther has been cooking." Charlie replies

As you look over and see a mountain of scrambled eggs Luther asks,

"Wait, who?"

"Those Dutch sociopaths." Diego states

"They're Swedish, you idiot." Five comments "Hired guns paid to eradicate us before we do any more damage to this timeline."

"Oh. No wonder those guys said she's one of them when I fought them at the consulate. I'm one of the people they want dead." You mention aloud

"You fought them?" Diego and Five ask simultaneously

"Uh, Yeah." You reply bluntly

"We're going to discuss that later," Diego says before turning to Five "Why now? I mean, I'm fine for three months until you showed up."

"Yeah, I was here for a year and no one messed with me." Luther comments

"I had almost four years with no problems." You add

After you finish your statement another man walks into the room. He looks around at the people there before looking towards you and Charlie. Pointing at you two he says,

"I've seen you before."

Diego, Luther, and Five all look towards you confused.

"Oh yeah, four days ago I paid you a hundred dollars so we could. use your phone to make calls."

"You also threatened to gouge his eyes out if he didn't" Charlie adds

"You what?" Luther asks

Ignoring him you reply to Charlie,

"He tried shutting the door on my face and we needed a phone, I had no choice in the matter."

"Sure..." Charlie says sarcastically

"That's true but I feel like I've seen you somewhere else." The man says

Without another word, he walks out of the kitchen and into the living room. Odd. Diego then turns to Five and angrily says,

"I still don't understand how all of can be fine until you show up."

"Listen, even if it was my fault, which it isn't, we only have six days before the end of the world" Five explains "And the closest anyone's gotten to Dad was that driveway at the consulate."

Well...that wasn't exactly true but you weren't going to say anything. This wasn't the time. You think. As you decided to keep quiet you could feel someone looking at you. You look over at Charlie and see him staring at you intently. You knew what he was thinking in his head but you were not going to acknowledge him on it. Instead, you looked away, back towards the conversation at hand.

"Well...That's not exactly true." Luther says looking up from his eggs

"What do you mean?" Five then asks

"I saw him." Luther states

You and the rest of the group look on intrigued as Luther details the events of him seeing Reginald in person. The more he detailed the story though the more you came to a realization. That was your birthday party a year ago. How did you not see him or run into him? Your eyes then go wide as you realize something one more. You look over to Charlie who looks like he's going through the same realization. In sync you both whisper,

"The hobo."

Charlie gets up from his seat and makes his way over to the doorway to the living room. You follow after him and stand close by. The two of you stay facing forward pretending that you are still listening. Slowly as not to cause suspicion, Charlie leans over to you and whispers,

"You need to tell them."

"I'm not telling them shit." You whisper back

"(Y/N) they need to know!" Charlie whispers more aggressively

"This is not the time!" You whisper aggressively back

You and Charlie continue to whisper fight with each other catching the attention of the Hargreeves boys. They look on in confusion trying to figure out what you two were saying. As the two of you continued to quietly bicker, Elliott exclaimed,

"I remember where I know you from! You're Reginald Hargreeves adoptive daughter!"

You immediately retch at his words. You hated people calling you that, being his daughter is the last thing you wanted to be. The Hargreeves boys stare at you with the jaws dropped. They weren't sure if they heard Elliott correctly.

"Elliott, what do you mean Reginald Hargreeves, daughter?" Diego questions

"Well just look at the newspaper," Elliot says holding out the paper for Diego to take

Diego snatches the paper from his hands as Luther and Five move closer to look at it. The three of them look at the giant front-page photo of you smiling, surrounded by a group of people, as you stand between their dad and Grace. The three of them then proceed to read the front-page headline: Blasting America Upward: NASA Reveals Billionaire Reginald Hargreeves' Adoptive Daughter as Originator of  Primate Rocket Test Trial Concept

"Elliott, why do you have this?" Five asks

"I kept it because the front-page photo includes Majestic Twelve member Michael Anderson," Elliott explains

"Ew, imagine wanting to keep a photo of my dad." Charlie comments annoyed

"HE'S YOUR DAD?!" Elliott exclaims

"Yeah, regrettably." Charlie replies "I'm Charlie Anderson. His son."

"Oh wow! A Majestic 12 member's son is in MY apartment! I have so many questions!" Elliott excitedly bursts

Elliott takes Charlie by the arm and pulls him over to his desk full of papers and news clippings leaving you to deal with the fallout of the revelation.

"We're you even going to tell us this?" Five asks quietly

"I don't know...Maybe? I wouldn't know where to start..." You try to explain

"Well start explaining then." Diego commands

"Yeah! Why does this say you're his adoptive daughter!" Luther questions angrily

"First of all, I'm not his adoptive daughter. The public always gets that wrong. The only thing I am is the heir to his estate, legally I am not his child nor would I ever choose to be. All of this happened by accident!" You exclaim

"What do you mean by accident?" Five inquires

You start to pace around and make wild gestures with your hands as you try to find the words to explain the circumstances. Everything was really just a series of events. Trying your best you start to ramble to them about what's happened.

"When I was dropped in the alley I passed out, went into a coma for seven days, woke up in the hospital and the first person I saw was Mom. She found me in the alley and constantly visited me while I was in the hospital. After I was released she took me in. We went to some meeting and met Reginald and some of his colleagues. I presented the idea to send a primate into space and everyone agreed with it."

"Pogo," Diego said

"Yeah, Pogo. And then Mom and Reginald started working together, unfortunately, started dating, Mom alone legally adopted, and then we moved in with Reginald and I became a public figure. Literally, everything has been by chance! Hell, even meeting Charlie was by chance!"

"That's true," Charlie comments trying to get away from Elliott

"Wait..." Diego interjects "You were in a coma for seven days?"

"Were you in pain?" Five asks concerned

"Guys, that's not what matters right now!" Luther exclaims

"Of course it matters! She was in a coma!" Five reprimands him

"She was in a coma FOUR YEARS AGO!"

"No Luther, this is important." Diego retorts "So you're okay?"

"I'm here aren't I?" You reply to Diego before turning to Five and saying "Don't worry I wasn't in pain."

"So that's why you were at the consulate yesterday. You attended with him." Five comments

"And mom," Diego adds

"Yup. I was forced to go because Reginald, Mom, and I are apparently an influential unit." You respond

"That man will say anything but the word family." Charlie jokes as he walks over to you, finally escaping Elliott

"Oh, so you've just been galavanting about with our mom and dad while you've been here, huh? That's what you've been doing." Luther accuses

"Luther, who cares what she was doing? That's not what matters. We need to get to dad because he knows something about time travel." Five ridicules

Luther rolls his eyes and lets out a huff before heading back to the kitchen table and plopping down in one of the seats. Grabbing his fork he starts to shovel eggs into his mouth. Elliott approaches the kitchen and asks Five,

"Wait, why don't you just do your thing and, uh, time travel us out?"

Five lets out a huff before walking over to refill his cup with coffee.

"Anyone care to explain?" Five asks annoyed

"First time he tried, he got lost in the apocalypse." Luther states

A pout comes upon Diego's face as he crosses his arms. Angrily mumbling, Diego adds,

"Second time, he regressed in age and started dating my sister,"

You look over at your brother. He was making it sound like the consequence of Five's time-traveling was not his physical age getting messed up but rather the fact that he started dating you. Unsurprising yet still unbelievable. "Last time I tried, I scattered my family, and lovely girlfriend over there, across three years in Dallas, Texas, possibly triggering a doomsday."  Five explains

"Damn when you said he fucked up, I didn't think you meant he fucked up fucked up." Charlie leans over and mentions to you

"Charlie," you reprimand lightly, hitting his arm "That's my boyfriend, be a bit more sensitive."

"You said it first."

"I was summarizing..."

Unaware of the conversation you were having with Charlie, Five turns to Elliott. His signature know-it-all look on his face as he asks,

"Any more questions, Elliott?" "Uh, no." Elliott replies

"You're missing the big picture Dad is the ringleader of a sinister cabal that's planning to kill the president." Diego exclaims

Dear God, when was he going to give up on this whole save JFK deal? You knew the answer to that question. It was never. He had to save JFK or JFK had to die for this to be done. You had no clue why he was making these connections though. Granted you didn't associate with Reggie outside of what was necessary but you never got an indication that he was part of a cabal. Sure he had government ties but...a cabal seemed like a stretch to you. You knew wickedness resided inside of him but he would never assassinate the president, especially since Grace admired JFK so much. Would he? "A cabal?" Luther questions, his mouth still full of eggs

"Ignore him, Luther. Look, the way I see it, we only have one option." Five states to the group

"Oh, yeah? And what's that?" Luther questions "It's time to get the Umbrella Academy back together." Five replies "Hell, yeah. Family meeting." Diego says "Okay then, can one of you get Allison, please?" Luther asks "You two still a thing?" Diego inquires

Luther just looks at him without responding. Knowing something was up Diego leans in closer and quietly asks,

"Do we need to talk?"

"No, she's married." Luther replies upset "Whoa. Dude, that's rough." Diego responds "I can handle it." Luther lies "I'll get her. Can you get Vanya without, uh, squeezing her to death?" Five requests "I'll try." Luther retorts

Five starts to walk away and towards the stairs leading down to the ground floor of the building. You turn to Charlie and say,

"I'll be right back."

As you walk away you can see Elliott approaching Charlie out of your peripheral and from behind you, you hear Charlie call,

"(Y/N)!"

You kept moving on though and follow Five down the stairs to the front entrance. When you get to the front door Five stops and turns around to face you.

"Are you coming with me?" He questions, a smile on his face

You were thinking about it but then you heard from upstairs,

"Please stop asking me about my dad! I don't like him!"

You watch as Charlie tries to speed walk away from Elliott upstairs.

"Please I just want to know about him!" Elliott says following him

"I think I'm going to stay to keep Elliott at bay and Charlie from jumping out a window." You reply to Five

"That's reasonable."

"You'll be back soon?" You ask

"As quick as can be mon chérie." Five says before placing a quick peck on your cheek

He pulls back and you give him a smile which he returns before flashing away. Turning around you head back upstairs. Luther had left through the back entrance to go get Vanya so all that was left was Diego, Elliott, you, and Charlie. Elliott continued to push Charlie to talk about his dad and you could tell Charlie was getting frustrated. His dad was the last person he'd want to talk about, especially unwillingly.

"Please I've never even gotten close to anyone whose parent is high up in the majestic 12 before just tell me something!" Elliott begs

You watch as Charlie stops in place and turns on his heel to face Elliott and looks him dead in the eyes. Charlie's face was red and his expression was less than enthused. You hear as Charlie takes a deep breath in before bursting,

"You want to know about my dad? You really want to know? He's an awful person. Never loved me, never loved my mom, he only ever loved himself. Everything he does is for personal gain and status. He could care less about anything that requires emotional labor and has done the barest of bare minimum as a parent. He's an awful man, I want him to die soon and god do I hope he rots in hell once he does. Is that enough for you?"

Elliott nods his head and from the kitchen Diego comments,

"Amen, right there with you bro!"

Charlie walks off to the couch and quietly sits down on it. You knew he was upset, he hated his dad as much as the Hargreeves hated theirs. You had no clue what it was like to despise your father but you did know what it was like to despise theirs. Walking behind the couch you stood directly behind Charlie because you knew there was one way to cheer him up immediately. Extending your arm out above his head you reach your hand out flat before proceeding to aggressively pat him on the head. At first, he tries swatting you away but in time he starts laughing. When you can tell he's all better you stop and he looks up at you.

"So a family meeting, huh?" Charlie says

"Yup. You'll finally get to meet everyone in the flesh." You reply walking around to the front of the couch

"How well do you think it's going to go?" Charlie questions

"About as well as me and Diego talking last night. Probably worse." You reply bluntly as you sit next to him

Charlie gives a small nod of his head. He had this look on his face and you knew he was contemplating saying something.

"Just say it." you command

"What?"

"You're thinking about something, so just say it."

"You can't stay mad at Diego forever. He's your brother." Charlie comments

"I will do what I must." You reply crossing your arms

"You will try." He responds

You stand up and start to pace back and forth in front of the couch. Charlie knew you better than this there was something deeper than just being mad at Diego for meeting someone else. He agreed with all the points you had made before but he could just feel something was missing from your reasoning. As you pace around you complain

"It just doesn't make sense! He knew Eudora for a decade. That's approximately 3650 days plus two leap years so 3652. He knew this floozy for four. You know how much 4 is of 3652?"

"How much?" Charlie asks unenthused

"0.001 percent. It's a fraction of a fraction of A FRACTION!" You exclaim angrily

"Okay, so what's the real issue." Charlie questions

You look at him with a mix of anger and surprise.

"How dare you- I- uh-" You try to respond

You shut your mouth when you realize no response would come. He was right. That wasn't quite the real issue, it was part of it but it wasn't the root cause. You let out a sigh and look down at the ground. There was a far off look in your eyes as you sat on the coffee table across from Charlie. You thought about why you were truly upset, what was really making you tick and it hurt you to think about. You looked up at Charlie as you tried to hold a few tears back. Your voice wavered as you softly spoke,

"Besides my Mom, he and Eudora were the closest things I had to parents after I lost mine...We were a family...and it feels like he's throwing all of that away..."

"And you're losing your family to a stranger." Charlie adds

You nod your head lightly. Charlie stands up and reaches his hand out lightly patting your head. A small smile comes to your face and you look up towards your friend.

"How about we go for a short walk? Clear your head before everyone gets here. You know someone is going to mention you've been living with Reggie, so might as well get in the headspace for whatever reactions might occur." Charlie suggests

You nod your head once more and the two of you head downstairs to get some air before everyone else showed up. As you walked away Diego peeked his head around the doorframe and watched you leave, his face streaked with a few stray tears. In your fit of anger, you had forgotten that Diego was still at the apartment. He had heard what you had said and between last night and now he couldn't help but feel disappointed in himself. He still had complicated feelings in terms of Lila but he needed to figure them out because they really weren't worth you feeling like you were losing him to someone who had barely been around. He knew how awful that feeling was. Diego dried his eyes and put on a strong face as he heard Luther arrive back with Vanya.

Time passed and Five had arrived back with Klaus and Allison. It took forever to get them to come along though since they were both relentlessly drunk. As Five entered the building with his inebriated siblings he saw the other three up on the balcony above. As the sun shined in the room the six living Hargreeves all looked at each other. Breaking the silence, Klaus pulls off his glasses and comments,

"Oh, wow. I know this is impossible, but...did we all get sexier?"

Allison looks up at the balcony above. There stood Vanya in the flesh. She hadn't seen her since the night of the apocalypse. Her voice wavered and she said, "Vanya."

Vanya looked back down at Allison. Pure joy radiated off of her as she excitedly replied, "I can't believe I have a sister."

Vanya makes her way down the stairs towards where the rest of the group is and Luther and Diego follow suit. When Vanya gets to the main floor she stands in front of Allison. The two of them look at each other for a bit before Allison quietly states, "I missed you." "Thank God someone did. " Vanya responds

The two of them stand awkwardly for a second before opening their arms and enveloping each other. The two sisters happily reunited. Klaus attempts to hug Diego but Diego extends his arm keeping him at a distance.

"Oh, you are drunk." Diego states "Yeah. No, just a little... just a few..." Klaus says before noticing the hug going on "Oh, that's so sweet." Slowly Klaus walks over to his sisters and wraps his arms around them.

"Hi" Vanya softly says

"Hey, Vanny." Klaus greets placing a kiss to the top of her head

Five looked around and noticed that you were nowhere to be found. He was about to start asking questions when he heard the door to the building open and the sound of your voice speaking behind him.

"And so that's how I snuck me and my friends into a 21+ club at 16 years old." you explain to Charlie, unaware of the others in the room

"You what?!" Diego exclaims

Your attention snaps to the room filled with Hargreeves. You look around to see Vanya, Allison, and Klaus standing all together on the left side of the room while Luther, Diego, and Five stand on the right side. You then did a double-take as you noticed one more Hargreeves sitting in the corner on an old TV display. Ben. Something was off about seeing him this time but still, you smiled at him and he happily waved back. Turning your attention back to the living group you attempt to divert the topic by saying,

"Hey everyone! Long time, no see!"

"Hey (Y/N)! It's nice to see you again!" Klaus says buying into the diversion

Diego shoots you an upset look that only a protective older brother would give and you shrug your shoulders back. You see Vanya looking at you quizzically. She then asks,

"Are you my sister too?"

You now look back confused. Vanya knew you two weren't related so why was she asking that?

"She has amnesia." Five informs

"Oh." You express before turning to Vanya "No, I'm not related to you. Diego sees me as his little sister but I'm not a Hargreeves."

"Just because you weren't adopted by our dad doesn't mean you're not a Hargreeves. You're family." Ben comments from behind you

You smile at his comment. Five then proceeds to ask,

"Klaus. Is Ben here?" "Oh, uh... no." Klaus fumbles out before lying "No, unfortunately, ghosts can't time travel."

"What?" You say to yourself, a confused look on your face "Are you kidding me?" Ben exclaims annoyed

Seeing that this was going to be everyone, Five decides to move forward with the meeting and states, "All right, then. Let's get down to business."

Everyone starts to make their way upstairs and finds somewhere to sit or stand in the living room. Once everyone is settled Five takes the charge of starting to meeting and says,

"All right. First off, I wanna say I'm sorry. I know I really screwed the pooch on this whole going-back-in-time-and-getting-stuck thing. But the real kick in the pants here is we brought the end of the world back here with us." "Oh, my God, again?" Klaus exclaims as he grabs himself a drink

He looks around at the group and everyone looks back. He didn't know already? Realizing that he was out of the loop Klaus continues,

"All of you knew? Why am I always the last one to find out about the end of the...Oh, my God. My cult is gonna be so pissed. Five! I told them we had until 2019." "We have until Monday. We have six days." Five states "Is it Vanya?" Klaus asks "Klaus." Allison chastises

"What? It's usually Vanya." Klaus retorts "Do you have any leads, Five?" Vanya questions "Yeah, we have one." Five says taking a file from Diego

Five hands the file to Allison and she opens it to see a photo paperclipped to the inside. Her eyes go wide with shock as she comments, "Holy shit, is that Dad?"

"Yeah." Diego replies "That's him?" Vanya inquires

"Standing on the grassy knoll." Diego informs "Diego and I have been trying to talk to Dad about what exactly this means. So far, we've got nothing."  Five explains

"Not nothing. He's planning to kill Kennedy." Diego retorts

"Maybe. But we don't know who or what sets doomsday in motion. Could be Kennedy, could be something entirely independent. But if we know something changes the timeline, we have to make it right." Five corrects "Yeah, but how are we supposed to fix it if we don't know what's broken?" Allison asks "Come on. Do the math. We know Dad's having shady-ass meetings with some shady-ass people. We know he's on the grassy knoll in three days to kill the president. So I think we all know what we have to do." Diego describes getting up from his chair "Talk to Dad." Five states

"Kill Dad." Diego says at the same time

Five looks back at Diego and shoots him a look while the others look around in confusion. Even Ben was puzzled by what was going on. He looks your way and you shrug your shoulders mouthing I don't know to him. "None of us are supposed to be here, right? I mean, what if it's us? Has anyone here done anything to screw up the timeline?" Vanya wonders

Everyone is silent for a second looking at each other with wide eyes. It seems like no one is going to say anything until Luther chimes in, "Diego's been stalking Lee Harvey Oswald."

"And you're working for Jack Ruby." Diego yells back "Allison has been very involved in local politics." Klaus slips into the conversation "Okay, you started a cult." Allison retorts

"Thank you!" Ben exclaims finally getting support "I'm... I'm just a... a nanny on a farm. I don't have anything to do with all of that." Vanya stutter "Well, maybe you do, we just don't know it yet." Allison comments back

Diego whistles loudly grabbing everyone's attention. With all eyes on him, he explains, "Listen to yourselves. Everything in our new lives is connected to Kennedy. That can't be a coincidence. Luther works for Ruby, Allison is protesting the government, Dad is on the grassy knoll, (Y/N) has been living with him for 3 years, Klaus is...doing something weird and pervy but probably related. See, clearly, we were all sent back here for one special reason: saving John Fitzgerald Kennedy."

"I'm sorry go back a second. (Y/N) has been living with him?" Allison asks

"If it makes it any better it was completely by accident. A series of unfortunate events." You explain

"Lemon Snickers," Charlie says to himself

"So close buddy. Good try." You reply patting his arm Everyone looks around for a second before starting to argue again with each other. Their voices becoming a cacophony of sound. You and Charlie look on at the mess that is a Hargreeves get together.

"You were right, this is worse than last night." Charlie admits

"Yeah, I told you."

From across the room, Five listens to the sound of his siblings arguing blending together. The loud mixture of noise sent him back into his memories. The awful future of if they don't stop this doomsday. He remembered the fire and destruction. The ash in the air and the bodies on the ground. A bloody mess in the exact same street just outside the building. And his siblings eviscerated by nuclear weapons, reduced to nothing. While everyone continued to argue you saw Five slipping into the recesses of his memory. Walking over to him you pull his hand out of his pocket and take it in yours. Five shakes his head slightly and looks at you after fully coming back to reality. He holds your hand a bit tighter before turning back to his siblings.

"Guys, you all die." Five states, his voice wavering as he spoke

You squeezed his hand, reassuring him that you were there for him. Taking a breath he hesitantly continues,

"I was there. I saw it. And I wanna forget it, but I can't. I saw Russian nukes vaporize the world with all of you in it...in a war that never happened until we brought it here. And Hazel gave his life to save us, so you may need to shut up and just listen to me. I don't know if the things we've experienced here are all connected. I don't know if there's a reason for everything. But Dad will. We need to talk to him before everyone and everything we know is dead."

Five finishes his thoughts and without a second to pause Luther gets up from his seat and says, "Okay, I'm out." "Did you even hear me, Luther?" Five criticizes "Yeah, I did. I heard a 58-year-old man who still wants his daddy to come and fix everything. Why don't you get your girlfriend to help you out. She's his favorite after all." Luther ridicules

Luther starts to walk away but you could feel your blood boil. Five had been through 45 years of one apocalypse, saved all of you from dying when you were unable to stop it and now was pleading with his siblings to help him stop this new one and Luther was just going to walk out? Unable to contain your anger you shout,

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

Everyone turns to look at you, Luther included.

"Minus Vanya we all agreed to travel back in time. We took a gamble to save our lives, ended up here and now we're facing a doomsday. That's the facts of the matter, we fucked up by being here and now we need to stop it and get out. If Five thinks that your dad can help us then we should listen."

"Well, you can still count me out. It's time we all grew the hell up and I'm sure you can run on home to dad and fix it Number Zero." Luther mocks

"You know you're being a real prick Luther! For someone who wants us all to grow up, it's childish of you to still be mad that my number is above yours. A number I didn't want in the FUCKING FIRST PLACE!" You rebuke

Luther shakes his head before stating,

"I'm out of here." "Luther!" Vanya exclaims

"Come back." Allison begs

Diego gets up from his seat and starts following Luther down the stairs. You watch as Luther walks away. Maybe it was better without him here.

"Where are you going?"

"Save it, Diego," Luther says

Letting go of your hand Five spacial jumps down the stairs and in front of Luther. Looking him in his eyes Five commands, "No one leaves until we figure this out."

Luther stares at Five for a second before grabbing him by the shirt and tossing him over the railing. Spacial jumping once more so he didn't hit the ground Five lands outside in the alleyway. Straightening out his uniform he looks back towards the building and asks himself, "Jeez...When did the monkey learn how to fight dirty?"

Five starts walking back to the door to enter the building but hears a clatter coming from the roof above. Looking up he sees Lila standing there. Speaking the only words that come to his mind he comments, "Son of a bitch."

Link to Side Story Here: The Tattoo - “A Family Reunion” Side Story ________________________________

Taglist: @xplrreylo @joebob15274 @insatiable-ivy @fruitsaladtree @angelpeachamber @academy-umbrella @lizziel1410 @ir3neeee @faith-quake @aliens-with-colas @sunsetcurve-1995 @lady-celeste25 @im-dead-and-hurting @nerdypinupcrystal @cherry-ki-d @anapocalypseinmymind @vicassa @2cuteforyourlies @taylorsmakingfuckingmacandcheese @n1ghtsh4d3-67​ @cheshire-salvatore-mikaelson​ @shadowycreationcupcake​ @emily-hargreeves @metor-showers1994 @fivehargreevesforthewin​ @rinko-san @supernovavision @cicilisthebest @flickbix @hi-v-juice @magykal-777​ @zosiaduda @thethirdwheelfriend @mysticracoon @isnt-it-loverly @officiallydarkgeek @lady1505 @always-the-very-worst @tinypandagirl @libidinexx @lemongrabbuns @itwasallred @deadandoverit @shlokage @keksi249 @theoriginalkat @we-stan-fiction @bi-idiot-fanfics @annnagennnie @izzyjojo4 @megasimpleplan4ever @flowertoty @grabthemoneyandletsgo @itsametaphorbriansblog @vanillacaramelhoney @satvaldiva @disaster-magician @margotsfandoms @emily-b-m @bluechildrenlickmytoes @soft-slytherin-sweetie @oceanspray5 @im-here-for-fanfics @thebloodrobin @freestarlight @starcurrent @lilacs-lavender

[shslpunkartist]

'ello! It's me, system!au anon, and I am here to announce that I'm here to drop some of the long promised system!au Keith x Pico x Xeno x Zardy HCs! Sorry it had taken so long to get to this!

ALRIGHTY SO LETS BEGIN.

Ok. First of all, I must share this: Pico's initial reaction to learning Zardy's age was basically "wow you're really old" and he even genuinely believed the other was old-old too. Pico then goes onto say something along the lines of "Damn. For an old man, you sure still look nice" annnnnd that was as far as he was able to get before an unamused-looking Zardy shuts him up with a little bonk on the head while the rest of Zardy's crew are laughing at the exchange. And that's when both Pico and Keith learned one) Zardy is an young adult and that he's basically 25 in demon years and two) how aging is for netherworld demons and how it differs from each individual.

Now Xeno there. Both Keith and Pico were also under the impression that Xeno was either younger than them (like still adult age of course, just like a year younger than them) or was the same age as them. They didn't find out until Pico - who I say is the first to start developing stronger feelings (he seems like how main Keith is when it comes to developing simping feels for friends he finds attractive ok lol) - manages to convince Keith to go out on a date! Well more like hang out with them instead of a date since Keith, while starting to develop some feels too, wasn't quite sure yet. Not that stops Pico from playfully referring to it as such! Xeno, being the oblivious dork they are, simply thought Pico was being is playful self and meant nothing by it.

Oh and for the record, yes, feels happen with Xeno first. It helps that they're able to interact with Xeno more often than Zardy so understandable feelings would happen with them first lol.

Anyway the not-date goes very well! This is also where Keith starts to realize that his little crush feels might be a biiiiiiiit more than a crush there. Pico, on the other hand, just falls even more for them. What? They're both cutiesexuals okay!

Oh and this here is when they both finally learned Xeno's age and they're just. whoa. because holy shit here they were thinking Xeno was, like, younger or at least their age but nope they're actually older than them! Xeno of course just laughs at their reactions (which may or may not have accidentally slay their simping hearts a bit more cuz oh no their laugh is cute lmao).

Pico often takes advantage of being able to interact with them as if he was a normal person by giving them hugs! He also is very much a cuddle bug just like main Keith too. Oh and very affectionate needy too. Now, Pico's usually mindful enough to take extra care to not accidentally startle Xeno too much when it comes to public places- but sometimes the ginger will forget himself and go right for it, practically nearly glomping them there. Only one time did someone took noticed over how flustered Xeno was, but fortunately didn't paid much mind to it. Doesn't stop Keith from giving Pico a little bonk on the head for it lol.

Keith is also just affectionate in his own way, though unlike Pico he has the sense to not go too crazy about it in public. That and admittedly he's rather shy when it comes initiating more than a little hug and hand holding.

Oh and btw the two are VERY often over how much they like Xeno but Xeno, being the innocent dork they are, doesn't realize it. Pico is getting to the point of just flat out asking out but, well, Keith, being the shy dork he is, manages to convince him to wait until he gathers SOME courage first so he can confess with him at the same time.

Now for Zardy there, pfft, funny thing about that. Zardy happen to the two's growing interest in Xeno and eventually spoke to them about it, informing the two that one) they're not the only one who likes Xeno and two) suggested - uh can't recall the exact wording - he suggested the poly. Some talking (that I can't recall cuz my dumb ass memory sucks and I didn't wrote it down) and eventually an agreement came to be.

Now as for the feels, well.... okay so funny thing about that there. Me and friends all half-joked that system Pico shares a lot of similar tastes with main Keith. He also is shameless about his interests too.

So he just. not even the first day in. freaking asks Zardy how does he look down there. He wasn't rude about it at all but... well, he was definitely not even bothering to hide his interest.

Keith is just "ASJKSDAJKDAS P I C O" ONLY FOR PICO TO GO "WHAT? YOU'RE CURIOUS TOO!" AND KEITH JUST. DIES EVEN MORE AJSKASDJK

Zardy, rather than getting flustered or such like one might expected, instead laughs, not bothered whatsoever. If anything he was tickled silly by how blatant the ginger was and how he pretty much outs poor Keith there.

Now as for whether these feels will be like with the ones they got for Xeno or if their bond with Zardy will be similar to the bond main Keith and Zardy have, well, me and friends couldn't decide! So we'll leave it up to you and others for your own interpretation!

ANYWAY THAT'S ALL FOR NOW!! Hope you enjoyed these HCs! I'll be to try to drop by with some more another time!

Making this Keith a shy baby is one of the best designs I've made. Even though he's the host, it feels like Pico's the one controlling the reigns~

[batarangsoundsdumb]

yet another ask dump yeehaw!

do you ever think that jay's mother was one of those bitch who believes in horoscope and tarots and things like that and so he believes in these things too, or it is just me projecting?

sheila haywood took one look at jason's birthchart said 'nah this won't do' and left.

Wait, but what happens when the justice league does find out that Bruce and John fucked? Lmao it sounds like it would be hilarious, really, I don’t want a justice league that doesn’t make fun of Bruce for like his entire life.

barry runs out of the meeting immediately and comes back with an entire sti testing kit. diana fully seriously wants bruce to get tested while bruce is sitting there like 'come on guys, you're being ridiculous, i already checked twice'

john is standing in the corner clearly offended while bruce is just like 'don't even say anything, constantine, you fucked a shark'

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

on the one hand, good for him, on the other hand, bro, how do you still have a secret identity when your superhero name is just your last name,,,,

Your fic on ao3 was GOLD PLEASE CONTINUE I loved Dinah's cameo btw ( @purple-vixen

thanks so much! i already continued but this ask is like 10 years old because i'm a notorious procrastinator (also yes! i love dinah so much aahhhhhhhhhhhh)

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

bruce internally: holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit bruce externally: get out of my city, alien

AHHH ur multimedia fic is the only thing that brings me happiness anymore continue it forever pls

uhh thanks, but can't continue it forever because my attention span is that of a toddler on crack on a good day and i can't function without at least 10 things going on at the same time and music in the background

Oi, so I'm getting into dc and watching batman the animated series, and they use fruitcake a lot. Which I thought was very funny and wanted to share w you - Denilla

wait like fruitcake (food) or fruitcake (derogatory) ?

young justice 🤝 teen titans slut shaming batman

tim drake and dick grayson to their respective teams 'you guys stop it, that's my dad'

Happyhoganon: If an eighty year old Batman had fought crime in Gotham City for decades and the only threats to him and the city lately are a wheel chair bounded Penguin, your usual purse snatchers and a few con artists popping up every now and then, how well could the Dark Knight do in maintaining the peace in Gotham despite him being just somewhat fit to do that as an elderly man (which says A LOT given how old he is)

uhh he'll probably do what my grandpa does and that is ruthlessly prank them until they die of shame.

in the death in the family interactive movie there's an ending where Jason is tasked with raising Damian and he decides he's gonna raise Damian to take down the waynes and al ghuls which uh maybe isn't great BUT the idea of Jason raising Damian... PRICELESS. CHAOTIC. I just need more people to know about this :)

yes i saw that wow holy shit but jason would accidentally drop damian on his head one (1) hour in and jason just yeets him into the lazarus pit.

Headcanon: The Penguin has a really hard time fighting any of the Robins because of his avian obsession means there's always a small part of his mind that's like "Birb. Child. Protect" ( @subspacecadet )

as soon as dick becomes nightwing the penguin is like 'you know what, fuck this dude' and shoots at him.

Y'all talking about King Shark dating Constantine, let's not forget about John literally hooking up with Satan

listen there's a clear difference between monsterfucker and satanfucker in that king shark is literally a shark and satan still looks like a normal dude

Does everyone in Gotham think Batman is a teen dad?

everyone in gotham thinks batman has been around since gotham was founded, but they do think that bruce wayne is actually a teen father and dick grayson's biological dad.

why. why would you do that fancast when you know it will only hurt people

what? i loved my fancast it was really well done. i did it with good representation in mind and i really managed that with alfred pennyworth being ✨italian✨

Seeing james charles a jason gave me psychic damage how dare you i need to wash my eyes

well that's a you problem isn't it?

do you think dick grayson thirst tweets about nightwing just to annoy his family/cause problems on purpose in general?

he thinks nightwing is hot, next question.

holy jiminy cricket batman, its as cold as the good lords ass crack in here!!

i- what? this is why i don't fuck with english expressions it's way too goddamn weird

Brooooooo, your teen dad!Bruce au is soooo good. I've got brainrot.

Honestly if you ever write anymore, I'd read that shit twice. Sign me the fuck up. Good stuff, Good Stuff.

uh yeah i'm thinking about writing a fic, but i have exams coming up and i don't wanna fail because that would suck. but after i'll certainly be writing more tho

your teen dad AU is so great! bruce acting like a big brother for all of like a week before he's telling everyone about his son. what if in the AU dick meets the JL because they need to rescue him? maybe he's in trouble/kidnapped at a gala and bruce starts calling for JL. clark finds him and has to fly with dick to bring him home - that's how dick and clark meet and superman becomes dick's fave hero. he goes around the manor thinking he can fly with a red blanket draped around him like a cape.

actually- if you want a young dad! bruce fic with like that kinda stuff(just with damian) go check uhh- in for a penny by cdelphiki. it's really good and bruce is like 24/25-ish. (and dick's there!!!)

This account has solely convinced me that Tim is a trash goblin ( @hamilcat-and-magic-turtle )

because he is. that boy has slept in dumpsters on multiple occasions even if he is the son of a billionaire.

Okay but when you said victory dance I did think of the whole justice league defeating the big bad and then they all start flossing

well that's exactly what hal jordan does and that's why batman uses a gun now. no but the victory dance in my opinion is like the 'we're all in this together' dance from high school musical.

The horrors in Invincible s1 was nothing compared to the comics, I cant wait for s2

oh well okay, i mean i personally react to horror and violence by laughing awkwardly so i can't wait to be called a monster for accidentally laughing at a mass murder.

I'm currently watching Batman: The Brave and The Bold and- Bruce is just talking about Oliver like he's an old love (@nightwings-kid)

okay im going to watch that lmao that's totally and completely in character for him tho.

The invincible comic is like super gratuitous with its violence so much so I'm shocked the show was able to adapt it in a faithful way! Anyway had the show been live action it absolutely wouldn't have the same impact as it does as an animated show and I'm so glad so many people agree with me on that

also because a live action casting would've been like uhh amanda stenberg for amber, the dude- the guy from the supernatural but with a mustache for omni-man, and scarlet johanssen for debbie grayson

Debbie grayson is a milf, yes. You're welcome for the invincible propoganda, now you can questions your life. Bruce def seems like the perfect father next to Omni-man. Like they really took a rip off justice league and I was like well, now I'm attached even tho I was like hah I know who they're supposed to be. And then bam- death gore death gore gore gore sad Mark grayson just had to have daddy issues. Why does every character have daddy issues. I'm sick of the attacks

because daddy issues make a person arguably funnier, that's why i'm not even remotely funny (haha good dad flex). i liked that it was dark contextually, but not in the colouring, bc i hate when it's like 'uh yeah graphic murder and now a shot so dark you have to sit in a dark room and squint at the screen to faintly see the characters. (like dcau ugh)

About the Wayne insurance, for a moment I thought you would put the video with moans over the waves.

i mean- i could've done that, but rick rolling seemed more family friendly.

Its the first time in forever that im surpise rickrolled, i usually expect it. Congratulations (i really should know better this is tumblr)

i get rickrolled so often but i actually like the song so i dont really give a fuck

Actually, my information about Damian and John's kids is outdated because it was revealed that the old men telling the kids stories about the Supersons were actually Jon and Damian the whole time. I was blinded by my thirst for Grandpa!Bruce Wayne but I was wrong... I liked my version better, tbh (@artemisa97)

fair enough. but i'd honestly like to see damian and jon getting together, just because it's a really fun dynamic and their friendship was really cute when they were kids. (also idk maybe it would be nice to have one (1) main batfam/superfam character that's not cishet)

How am i JUST finding your blog skdskfkd you're so fucking funny and ur takes are hot

i thought u were calling me hot :( but youre not :( crime detected (but lmao thanks)

So I have depression and I swear that your memes are one of the few things that have made me laugh so thank you 💛🥺 (@katekanebadass)

aw you're welcome, and i hope you're doing okay!

The metropolis memes are so funny, I love them 💀😌

i think metropolis is also so fucking funny it deserves more attention imagine having your entire police force being upstaged by an alien from kansas and his kids

as an american i feel your complete lack of knowledge of us geography is just so sexy (platonic) ❤️

thanks so much (i also don't know any other geography, i'm not kidding, like you can tell me you're from hungary and it will just blank, there will be nothing that comes to mind)

In the DC universe they don't say "Can't have shit in Detroit" they say "Can't have shit in Gotham"

this just reminds me of that guy whose porch got stolen like the steps to his door, and i'm thinking of people living in gotham and waking up without a front door and going "can't have shit in gotham"

honestly all i know about chicago is the bean, so. what would gotham's famous sculpture be?

gigantic gargoyle statue in front of one of the police precincts because a villain thought it was a smart way to keep the police inside, but it's too heavy to move.

why tf do people go on about how batman "works alone" or how he's the "lone wolf" when he like 38290202 members in his family

bc people think it's cool that a grown man in his 30s has no friends or family instead of calling it what it is (sad)

Bruce is gotham's sugar daddy

why would say something so controversial yet so brave.

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

dick: gerard way are you in position, gerard way are you in position

tim: for the last fucking time, my codename is 'totally not count olaf' this week, abbafan 3000

dick: shut up my codename isn't 'abbafan 3000'

dick: it's 'abbafan number 1' and you know it

I have a feeling Tim drake is ur favourite batfamily member but okay u don't have favs if u say so ok

i mean he is, i won't deny it. but i love each and every one of the batfam just the same, i just have a weak spot for short dumbass nerds, because i'm a short dumbass nerd.

Omg i fuckin love boy meets world too fam shsjkfk

bro boy meets world was the shit!!! it was just fire and awesome and so fucking great like bro. it was so good im not even going to be accepting criticism

you know I find the whole "joker completes batman" thing a bit disgusting considering the horrendous stuff the batfamily went through because of the joker and let's not get started on the "joker has a point" thing like yeah he's this cool complex villain but he's absolutely batshit crazy

like yes! i get what you mean the joker just fucking sucks man he doesn't do shit for batman's character or the batfam he's literally just annoying as fuck. like the joker has a point' shit is so stupid. i will accept 'magneto was right' because he fucking was and i think he didn't do anything wrong, but joker? he's just like that. he's not even cool and complex he's just a weirdo with a bleach kink at this point.

ALSO YOUR RACISM POST- SO TRUE BESTIE

thanks bestie, i'm glad you agree.

in today's essay of why I think cass should become batman- I was thinking Tim would probably be the most efficient batman in many ways but I also think he wouldn't want to be batman tbh none of the batfamily members would want to be batman because they're trying to outgrow him but cass is the one who wants to represent the symbol that is batman

absofuckinglutely i will say it again and again that cass represents the batsymbol more than anyone in the batfam, in batgirl (2000) she literally didn't care about anything else than bruce's oath to not kill, she thought the batsymbol was more important than anything in gotham. she's just an excellent character because her motivation to not kill is not 'i'm scared i can't come back from it' or 'well my dad says no murder so i'll go along with it' but that she's killed somebody as a young child and she never wants to kill a human ever again and that's so fucking beautiful for a new batman like yes.

need more cass, duke and tim inclusion in gothamite memes

yes yes, a tall order of cass, duke and tim coming up in 1-14 business days

oldest to youngest batfam members cus I'm confused as shit

okay order of being taken in: dick, jason, tim, cass, damian, duke order of age: alfred, bruce, dick, cass, jason, tim, duke, damian (though cass and jason are around the same age general consensus is that cass is a little older)

I'm so confused Steph is a redhead?? like how was it that hard to get this right? the source material is literally right there and free

cw is jared, 19

do you receive anon hate? if so, how do you deal with it

uh no, i'm not remotely popular enough to get anon hate and i also don't say a lot of things that would attract anon hate, but i do send anon hate to @the-real-peter-parker because he forgot about the specialists from winx club

Wait how many languages do you speak??

uhh- 5 if you include latin, but that's a dead language and i'm really bad at it. but english, my native language, german, and french also, tho german and french not fluently.

You can mix aguaepanela with aguardiente 😈 and is tasty

okay but now i'm curious if the liquor deserves the 😈 emoji or if that's a you problem. but i googled it and it looks like something you'd take one sip of and then not remember the rest of your evening.

[dadsbongos]

Greetings! I got this idea for danganronpa AU where Nagito is like ghost "living" (or haunting idk-) his old house and the reader moves into that house and they slowly became closer and yk<3

hi i love this concept :)

Request for: Nagito Komaeda Warnings: nagito’s backstory, slight religious overtones, we breach minor ghost-fucker territory (but no actual ghost-fucking), no-killing game au also ~~~

The house itself was rather nice. Nothing too luxurious for who the previous owner was aside from the obnoxiously fancy chandelier hanging in the den.

The realtor was hesitant to explain that the reason it was selling so comically cheap was, in fact, due to the belief of a ghost. Not just any, however. It was the previous owner’s ghost.

People who even stepped into the house could feel his chilling touch. Hear quiet, shaky whispers in the night. The fireplace would crackle and burst to life at strange times with nobody near it. Visitors and almost-buyers alike would thrust their warnings to stay away upon anybody who so much as looked at the home.

But that didn’t matter much - a house was a house and it’s not like the ghost was malicious from description. Just… annoying. Perhaps a little eerie, but again, not harmful. Everybody escaped without physical injury. So, why not buy it?

Maybe the ghost just needed a friend? Death was probably a lonely time.

Bought on Tuesday. Moved in Wednesday. Finished unpacking… still pending.

It’s not like (Y/n) had anybody to impress anyways. She’d made the move for a fresh start; new faces, new stories.

The bumps began on Friday.

Sometimes they were taps. Sometimes crashes followed by the gentle rapping against the walls, as if to apologize for the loud noise.

She’d stayed through the month, undeterred by any of the ghosts’ activities.

Then the happenings seemed a little more… intimate.

A photo slowly sliding out from beneath the fridge, at first.

Three people in frame. From left to right, there was a figure with shoulder-length pink hair and a smile to make the heavens jealous - then white hair to rival a cloud-marshmallow love child, skin sickly pale and body wastingly thin - finally, brown hair with an ahoge sticking out like an antenna and posture that almost made him taller than the one in the middle. Well, not really, but attempting counted, right? 

“Which one’s you?” she asked the air, whether she was too tired, or simply didn’t care enough, to be embarrassed was irrelevant. 

A single droplet of water, from a leak she didn’t know existed until this very moment, fell from the ceiling before splotching over the face of the one in the middle.

“White hair, heavy eye bags?”

There was no response, but she took it as a yes anyway. What a pretty, pretty face. In a tragic way.

Because he did look rather ill. Frail build and purple hues under his eyes. Pretty but suffering - it made her feel bad. Of course, she already knew he was dead, but even so - suffering should always inspire empathy rather than romance.

And again, he was dead, so the likelihood of a romance between them anyway was slim to none. None. Unless she suddenly dropped dead, there would be no sweet kisses in the morning or gentle hugs from behind as one of them makes dinner. Maybe when she died, he’d be available for a ghostly date while the house gets put back on the market.

(Y/n) chuckled at the sudden thought of lightning cracking into her home, despite the sunny weather, and striking her dead where she stood. Ridiculous, but God liked ridiculous things.

The sudden thought hit her - what if that old photo was old old? Maybe he was eighty when he died and she just subconsciously signed herself up for a date with an elderly ghost?

Shaking her head, (Y/n) scolded herself for the thought. She’d already be dead by then, it wouldn’t matter what age he was...

Then, it was the scribbling on spare papers. Always specifically spares. Double copies she had put in recycling. Scraps. Even on the backs of paper-esque trash. It was an oddly considerate move for a ghost, though to be fair, she’d never met a ghost before and couldn’t tell if it was out-of-place or not for them.

The words always appeared when she was out of the room. Leaving to grab something and coming back to find the out-dated schedule for work out of recycling and on her desk with crayon sprawled over it. 

Hi 

Eloquently said, in her opinion.

“Hi?” she looked around the room, “Can you not talk? I thought people said they heard whispers…”

A bang in the other room drew her out. When there was nothing out of place, she returned to her desk only to be met with more words.

I’m Nagito Komaeda :)

“Dodging the question, huh?”

The process repeated. Bang. Nothing out of the ordinary. Return. New words.

Sorry :(

“Don’t apologize,” (Y/n) shrugged off before moving to her computer, “I’m just gonna look you up.”

A series of bangs - now that she truly listened, it sounded like a fist pounding to the drywall - resonated through the home. She did not get up nor did she pause her actions of Googling the man known as Nagito Komaeda. 

Until a piece of paper flew in from the open door.

Bad idea

“Probably, yeah,” she huffed, moving back to her computer.

Nagito Komaeda, born April 28th, first popped up as the sole survivor in an old plane hijacking report. Both parents, all plane staff, and the hijackers left dead after the plane crash caused by a meteor strike. Then he came up as a survivor of an old serial kidnapper/killer. Then as a boy who’d inherited the entirety of his parents’ fortune and won a large sum from a lottery ticket he’d found in the trash bag he was stuffed in by his kidnapper. Then as a Hope’s Peak graduate under the title Ultimate Lucky Student.

Finally, as a 25-year-old man who’d miraculously survived ten years post-diagnosis with frontotemporal dementia and advanced lymphoma before his death.

“Holy shit,” she nearly choked on her own shock, “You weren’t boring, that’s for sure.”

Another paper, this time written in marker as if he could sense that she didn’t wish to get up. Another strangely considerate move.

Thanks 

You’re not creeped out?

“I mean, it’s more sad than creepy,” her eyes scanned over a single line in the article once again.

“Nagito Komaeda, after all his fortunes and misfortunes alike, died at age 25, after ten years of illness, surrounded by friends who took the place of family. Out of respect, no interviews were conducted, but anybody, anyone at all even from a quick glance, could tell - Nagito Komaeda will surely be missed.” 

Her eyes watered slightly as she clicked out of the Togami Publications, laughing at the pure awkwardness of her situation, “Oh my God, that’s really fucking sad. I’m sorry your life sucked.”

Another paper.

It’s fine

I was just wasting space anyway :)

“No, you were- “ she gestured to her computer screen before covering her eyes in shame of her tears, “You meant so much to your friends.”

She expected memorial posts, maybe not as many as there were, but she saw them coming. What she didn’t see coming, however, was that each and every one would be dearly heartfelt - not a single one was disingenuous or vague in the slightest. She also didn’t see herself crying by the end of her little search.

But there she was.

Something light floated into her lap. A tissue.

“Oh my fucking God,” (Y/n) choked up again, picking up the tissue with a small smile, “Stop, you’re a ghost, you’re supposed to be scary and making me leave, not helping me dry my tears…”

Another paper atop the slowly growing pile.

Was that a ghostphobic remark?

“Oh, I’m keeping that one,” she stood, sniffling as she wiped away her tears, and picked up the last paper, nodding to herself as she muttered, “Yep. This one’s going on the wall.”

~~

Nagito stopped whispering because people ran when he did. His voice was always hideous, he didn’t to be reminded. Besides, (Y/n) seemed to prefer the paper method - she hung up her favorites along the walls of her office and if a visitor teased her about it she would ignore them. It was admirable, how their grins and giggles rolled off her back like water droplets over a duck.

He wished he could be like that.

Could have been.

He still had trouble with that.

Has.

Nagito looks up from his spot at the kitchen table where (Y/n) was cooking for herself. She seemed so at-peace in this house, and he’s glad for that. He never liked living alone and everyone else seemed to hate having him there. Not that he blamed them much.

Even so, he much prefers (Y/n) over any past guest as his living counterpart of the house.

She even leaves chairs open for him at the table; he smiles widely at the thought, patting his thighs and kicking out his legs in his seat- just like now!

She’d pulled out the chair upon entering the kitchen before calling out for him that she’d be cooking. She even knew he liked watching her cook!

It was selfish of him to crave so much attention, but in the end, Nagito was already dead so… did it really matter when he indulged in his wants more than he should?

Divine punishment isn’t real and he likes being around her, so why should he bother hiding himself away in the attic?

(Y/n) moved around the house with little to no liveliness, it made him chuckle. Her shoulders drooped and footsteps heavy, it was fun. To feel like he wasn’t alone.

He hoped she felt the same. That he was a friend… or, undead companion?

He hoped she would stay and not move out.

He hoped they could be real friends one day… if it’s not too much to ask, that once she dies, she’ll meet him. The real him. 

That would be heaven.