#i deserve a healthy and safe environment/life

[mononijikayu]

puddin’ pop — kamo choso.

GENRE: alternate universe - modern au!

WARNING/S: fluff, romance, opposites attract, female! reader, not safe for work (nsfw), r-18, smut, body praise, kissing, rough sex, p-i-v sex, pet names (puddin' pop, sweetie and others....), societal prejudice, love, overflowing cuteness, slice of life, humor, light-hearted, being in love, romantic gestures, healthy relationship, tender affection, sexual intercourse, aftercare, boyfriend – girlfriend relationship, depictions of sexual acts, depiction of body praise and care, depiction of naked bodies, mention of sexual innuendo, mention of alcoholic consumption, mention of sexual intercourse, metal head bf! choso, pastel girlie! gf reader, pastel girlie gf! loves her metal head bf! choso so much, everyone if you're looking for love, make sure its as stinking cute and loving as this one, its what everyone deserves!!!;

WORD COUNT: 7.8k words.

NOTE: this entire thing was inspired by this art made by the lovely ushy on twitter!!! i was just dazzled and in love with the possibilities of who metal head bf choso could be like. i was enthralled. so, a lot of credit goes to ushy for creating such spectacular art that inspires me and others well!!! please check out ushy's art and support them too!!! anyway, this is the first time choso won the polls so im happy!!! i hope you all enjoy this!!! i love you all <3

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if you want to, tip! <3

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

YOU LIKE THE FACT THAT YOU BOTH WERE DIFFERENT. Because it compliments you both so well, almost like yin and yang. At least that’s what Choso likes to say. And you agree with him. Choso and you couldn't be more different on the surface.

You were the pastel princess of the campus, always draped in floral skirts, baby pink cardigans, and bows in your hair. Everywhere you went, you seemed to bring a little sunshine and joy, something that stood out against the often drab college environment. People on campus often teased you, calling you a "walking cotton candy" or a "flower fairy."

Your boyfriend Choso, on the other hand, was a looming presence. Tall and muscular, his arms were covered in dark tattoos of skulls, serpents, and symbols no one dared to ask the meaning of. He wore black band shirts—Slayer being a favorite—ripped jeans, and chunky boots. His piercings glinted under the sun, and his eyeliner gave him a perpetual brooding look. Kamo Choso was the guy you didn’t approach unless you had to.

And because of this, people always wondered how you two could possibly be together. You couldn’t have been anymore from different worlds, galaxies entirely. Whispers never failed to follow you both wherever you went on campus, speculating that you must be too sweet for him or that he was just putting on an act. No one could see how you fit until today. And if you were being honest, you could care less about their invalid opinions.

Today was Choso’s concert with his metal band, and you hadn’t seen each other all day due to classes. And you can tell that it was already getting to you. It was fine to text him and all, but you like having your boyfriend around. You like holding him and kissing his cheeks. And he was warm. And it was getting colder. As you stood chatting with some friends outside the student union, the heads started to turn.

“Is that Choso?” one of your friends whispered, wide-eyed.

You turned, and there he was, his black combat boots stomping across the quad toward you. Your face flushed, your eyes bright eyed. Your lips peaked into a smile. But you noticed the look on his face and you couldn’t help but blink.

His face was still set in that familiar grimace that made people nervous, but you could tell immediately something was different. His hands were hidden behind his back, and his eyes flicked to the ground every few steps, like he was nervous.

“Hey, sweetie.” Choso said, his voice a soft contrast to his intimidating appearance. You could feel people watching you both, but Choso didn’t seem to notice. He reached behind him and pulled out a black band T-shirt—one with a matching Slayer skull logo to the one he was wearing.

“Uh, I was wondering if you... y’know, wanted to match tonight?” he asked, his face flushing red under the tattoos. He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, as if he wasn’t the lead guitarist of one of the loudest, most intense bands on campus. He was just your beloved boyfriend Choso, looking like a shy boy asking for a favor.

There was a moment of stunned silence from the people around you. You could feel their confusion, the gears in their heads turning as they tried to reconcile the image of the “scary goth guy” with the one standing before you, blushing and fumbling over his words.

You giggled, clicking heels as you stepped closer and took the shirt from him. “Of course, babe! I’d love to match with you tonight.” You leaned up to kiss his cheek, making his blush deepen as a soft, content smile spread across his face. “I’m thankful you thought of me at all, babe. Thank you so much.”

“I always think of you a lot, sweetie.” He says to you in reply, which only made you swoon even more as you let your body embrace his own as you squealed about how much you loved him. And he smiled, as though the world was the most beautiful place.

That was when everyone seemed to get it. They saw the way Kamo Choso looked at you like you were the most precious thing in his world, how gentle he was with you despite his intimidating exterior. They realized that underneath all the black clothes, makeup, and tattoos, he was a gentle giant—soft, sweet, and completely devoted.

The campus finally understood why you worked. And yet all at once in the same breath, still not understand it at all. But you could hardly care.

As you slipped into the matching shirt, a wave of excitement ran through you. The black Slayer logo against your usual pastel aesthetic was jarring, but you loved the idea of supporting Choso in his world. Even if metal concerts weren’t your usual scene, being there for him made it all worth it.

You walked hand in hand toward the venue where his band would be performing later that evening. You enjoyed having his fingers intertwined with yours and his skin rubbing against you. You looked at him and grinned, which he returned. You both just enjoyed each other’s company, no matter what. Well, that’s what happens when you’re each other’s world.

Onlookers still stared, trying to wrap their heads around how the “campus goth king” and the “girly sunshine queen” made sense together. It wasn’t long before one of your friends caught up with you, curiosity bubbling over.

“Okay, I have to ask. How does this even work?” she asked, her eyes bouncing between Choso’s heavy chains and your flower-printed purse. “You guys are, like, total opposites.”

Choso chuckled softly, his thumb gently rubbing the back of your hand. You smiled up at your beloved boyfriend, feeling the warmth in his gaze before answering. You didn’t even want to stop looking at him. Your boyfriend was the prettiest, loveliest boy you ever laid eyes on. And everytime you looked at him, you just fell more deeply in love. 

“Well, it’s pretty simple, really.” you started, glancing at him for confirmation. He nodded for you to continue. “We balance each other. He’s got this tough look and I’m more on the bright and bubbly side, but it’s what’s inside that really matters.”

Choso squeezed your hand and added, “She brings me a lot of peace. People think I’m all dark and broody, but if there was any color in me, its my sweetie, here. She’s the one who helps me stay grounded. And honestly, I don’t think I’d ever smile this much without her.” His eyes softened as he spoke, showing a rare vulnerability. “I just….love my sweetie, you know?”

Your friend’s expression shifted from confusion to understanding, the pieces falling into place. “That’s actually... really sweet.” she admitted, looking at Choso with a bit less intimidation and a lot more curiosity. “I guess it’s just surprising because you both seem so different on the outside.”

You laughed, nudging Choso playfully. “Well, I’ve always believed it’s what’s on the inside that counts, right?”

Choso smiled shyly, looking a little embarrassed but happy. “Yeah, and we love each other. Doesn’t matter if we’re all black or pastels. We’re happy together. That’s it.”

By now, more people around you were starting to take notice, seeing the softer side of Choso they’d probably never expected. It became clear to everyone that your differences weren’t a problem—they were the reason you worked so well together. You could be the sunshine in his life, and he could be the calm, steady presence in yours.

As you approached the venue together, You could see that Choso’s bandmates were setting up the stage. They were all dressed in their usual dark, edgy attire, but they greeted you with warmth and fondness. It’s been like this for as long as you remember. They’re really the nicest people you know. And you’re happy because it means your boyfriend will always be surrounded with good people. And because of that, you would be too.

“Looking good in that shirt!” one of the band members teased, smirking at Choso as if to say, You really got her to match you, huh?

Choso grinned sheepishly, clearly proud but trying to play it cool. “Yeah, well, she’s supporting us tonight. Best girlfriend ever, right?”

You giggled and nodded, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. “Only for you, my baby.”

Before the show started, you found your place in the crowd. It was always the same one. Choso alway insisted that you always be near him as possible to not only make sure he knows you were safe — but so he can always see you and wink at you. And then you would blow back a kiss each and every time. It’s your boyfriend’s favorite part of the show.

You take a sip of your drink. People smiled at you and greeted you. You were a regular at the shows already. But it was always surreal being surrounded by people dressed in all black, while you, with your pastel skirt peeking out from under the band shirt, stood out like a daisy in a field of midnight roses. And all of them were happy to see you there too. Choso’s shows were always such a happy, safe space for you. 

But as the music started, something magical happened.

The moment the first riff tore through the air, it was as though Kamo Choso transformed before your eyes. His quiet, reserved demeanor melted away, replaced by an electrifying energy that radiated from the stage. The powerful riffs and heavy beats pulsed through the venue, reverberating in your chest, and you could feel the intensity of every chord he struck. His hands, the same ones that were always so soft and tender when they held you, moved with precision and power across the strings, commanding the music with effortless grace.

Despite the raw energy of the performance, there was something oddly calming about watching him like this. Seeing him completely in his element, doing what he loved with such passion, brought you a quiet sense of pride.

Every note, every beat, seemed to echo the essence of who he was—fierce, strong, but also thoughtful and deeply connected to his art. And in that moment, it became clear just how much of himself he poured into his music. You could tell that the stage was where he felt most free, and watching him there made your heart swell.

As the concert progressed, the crowd was fully immersed in the music, their energy feeding off Choso’s commanding presence. But every now and then, amidst the chaos, his eyes would seek you out.

Between songs, during brief moments of stillness, he'd glance over in your direction, his gaze softening when he found you in the crowd. It was his silent way of making sure you were okay, that you were enjoying the show, and it warmed your heart to know that even in the middle of performing, he was still thinking of you.

And then, you noticed the shift in the crowd.

People started glancing between the two of you—first at Choso, then at you, as if they were piecing together something they hadn’t quite understood before. They saw the way he’d search for you with his eyes, the subtle smile that would tug at his lips when he spotted you. They saw how your face lit up, your cheers louder than anyone else's, a beacon of support and pride for him to latch onto. 

It was as if, in that moment, the connection between the two of you was undeniable. The bond you shared became as visible as the music that surrounded you, a harmony of its own. Choso’s fans, who had admired him for his talent and stage presence, were now witnessing a softer side of him—a side that belonged solely to you. The glances from the crowd turned from curiosity to understanding, like they finally saw the deeper layers of the person who held their admiration.

And as the music swelled and the concert reached its climax, you could feel it too: the unspoken love that bridged the gap between the stage and the audience, a love that was yours and his, seen in every stolen glance, heard in every note. In that moment, it was as if the whole room was in tune with the rhythm of your connection, an energy that transcended the music itself.

When the final song came to an end, Kamo Choso walked over to the edge of the stage, still holding his guitar, and mouthed, “I love you.” 

Your heart swelled as you mouthed it back, your cheeks hurting from smiling so much. You just love him so much, and it made you the happiest person alive.

After the show, a few students from campus came up to you both, clearly still surprised but now more accepting of your relationship. One girl, who you recognized from your sociology class, shyly approached you.

“You two are actually kind of... adorable together, you know?” she admitted. “I didn’t get it at first, but seeing you both... it makes sense now.”

You smiled, giving her a nod of appreciation. “Thanks. We may seem like opposites, but we’re perfect for each other.”

As you and Choso headed home later that night, you couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride in how you’d shown everyone that love doesn’t have to look a certain way. It doesn’t matter if you’re a pastel-wearing girly girl or a tattooed metalhead. Love is about finding someone who understands you, who balances you, and who makes your life better just by being in it.

And that’s exactly what you and Choso had—something perfectly imperfect, something that made sense in all the ways that really mattered.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

AFTER CLASSES SEPARATED YOU BOTH, YOU FINALLY CAME TOGETHER. You haven’t seen Choso since he got stuck for his violin recitals, so you were bored. It’s not like you weren’t doing anything in fashion classes, but you wanted to see him.

He was your energy boost. Just as much, he was your happy pill. And with a deadlock with your project, you needed to see him to freshen up. So, he finally had free time, he told you he’d come see you.

That’s also how you and Choso decided to go on a date, something simple yet special—just the two of you wandering through the city, hand in hand, without a care in the world. You were dressed in your usual soft pastels, a baby blue sundress fluttering around your legs as you walked, while Choso, in stark contrast, wore his typical all-black outfit. His band tee hung loosely over his broad frame, and his boots clunked with each step beside you.

As you entered the small café, people couldn’t help but glance in your direction, eyes widening at the sight of the unexpected pair. You were the picture of sweetness, like something out of a fairytale, while Choso looked like he just stepped off the stage of a rock concert. The two of you couldn’t be more different visually, yet anyone who took a closer look could see the way your fingers intertwined so naturally, how Choso’s eyes softened every time you spoke.

You found a cozy corner booth, and as you sat down, Choso immediately slid into the seat beside you rather than across from you, wrapping his arm around your shoulders. He pressed a gentle kiss to your temple, and you smiled up at him, already feeling the warmth of his presence.

“What do you want, puddin’ pop?” you asked sweetly, your voice loud enough to catch the attention of the café staff nearby. The barista paused mid-order, eyes darting toward Choso, as if unsure she heard you right.

Choso, the ever-serious and brooding figure, glanced down at you with a soft chuckle, his fingers tracing light circles on your arm. “Whatever you’re getting is fine, babe.” he murmured, his tough exterior melting away completely in your presence.

The barista, clearly stunned by the interaction, couldn’t hold back her curiosity when she came to take your order. “You two… are so cute together!” she said, hesitantly at first. “I mean, I never would’ve guessed, but… it works!”

You laughed, used to the surprise reactions by now. “Thank you! Yeah, we get that a lot.”

The barista smiled, her nerves relaxing as she took your order. As she left, you turned back to Choso, your grin wide and playful. “See? Even she thinks you’re sweet, puddin’ pop.”

Choso rolled his eyes good-naturedly, though the faint blush on his cheeks betrayed how much he loved the nickname. “You and that nickname…” he muttered, but the smile tugging at his lips told you he didn’t mind one bit.

“Well, you are my puddin’ pop, aren’t you?” you teased, leaning into his side. “You’re like pudding—soft and sweet—and a lollipop, ‘cause you’re a treat.”

Choso groaned playfully, covering his face with his free hand as if embarrassed, but the warmth in his voice gave him away. “You’re gonna make me lose all my street cred, you know that?”

You giggled, giving him a peck on the cheek. “You’ll always be the cool goth guy to everyone else, but you’re my sweet puddin’ pop.”

As the two of you enjoyed your time together, sipping on drinks and sharing pastries, people in the café couldn’t stop sneaking glances. They saw the stark differences in your appearance but couldn’t deny the undeniable connection between you.

Choso’s tough exterior was all but gone when he was with you, replaced with soft smiles and gentle touches. To them, it was unexpected, but to you, it was perfectly normal. Choso, for all his darkness and edge, was the sweetest person you’d ever met, and he showed it in every little way.

But that didn’t bother you. You and your beloved boyfriend continued to talk about things that interest the two of you. Recently, he told you about his progress in some violin concertos and you told him about your progress on your final project for the design class you were in. The world was an echo when your Choso was talking, after all.

As you left the café hand in hand, Choso gave you a loving glance. “You know I’d do anything for you, right?” he asked, his voice quieter now, like it was just meant for your ears.

You smiled up at him, heart fluttering. “I know. And that’s why you’ll always be my puddin’ pop.”

And as the two of you strolled through the city, the sight of the goth guy and the pastel princess, people couldn’t help but admire how well you fit together. You were a perfect, unexpected match—proof that love doesn’t have to look a certain way.

As you and Choso wandered through the city, you could feel the occasional glances from passersby, but by now, you were so used to it that you didn’t even pay them any mind. Choso, however, always kept his guard up just a little, glancing sideways at anyone who looked too long. Not out of annoyance, but more out of protectiveness. Even though he was soft with you, he still liked to make sure no one thought they could mess with his sunshine.

You led him into a little boutique that had caught your eye, one filled with pastel-colored dresses, accessories, and things that practically screamed “you.” As soon as you walked in, you heard a small group of girls gasp near the entrance. You caught a snippet of their whispered conversation:

“Oh my God, is that him? The goth guy from campus?”  

“Wait, that’s his girlfriend? I didn’t know they were actually dating. They’re so... different!”  

“But look how cute they are together!”

You giggled softly, squeezing Choso’s hand as he rolled his eyes, his face slightly red from the attention. He wasn’t much for the spotlight when it came to your relationship, but it was hard to avoid it when everyone seemed so fascinated by the contrast between you two.

As you browsed through the racks, you couldn’t help but pull out a pastel pink sweater with tiny hearts embroidered on it. “This is so cute!” you exclaimed, holding it up for Choso to see.

He gave it a look, raising an eyebrow. “It’s… definitely you, sweetie.” he said with a smirk, though his tone was affectionate.

“Of course it is! What do you think, puddin’ pop? Would you wear it if I bought a matching one for us?”

Choso let out a low chuckle, shaking his head. “Yeah, no. I’ll stick with my black, sweetie. Thank you though."

You pouted playfully, nudging him. “Come on, just once? For me?”

Choso softened, and you could see the internal battle playing out on his face. You knew he’d do anything to make you happy, even if it meant stepping way out of his comfort zone. “Alright, fine sweetie.” he relented, sighing dramatically. “But only because you’re cute.”

Your eyes lit up, and you threw your arms around him in a quick hug. “You’re the best!”

The girl at the counter couldn’t stop staring as you and Choso approached to pay. She looked completely bewildered, like she couldn’t quite believe what she was seeing. “I—I love your outfits….” she stammered, scanning the pastel sweater. “You two are really… um, adorable.”

Choso, clearly flustered, mumbled a quiet “Thanks!” while you beamed and responded. “Aren’t we? He’s my sweet puddin’ pop, after all.”

The cashier blinked in surprise, probably not expecting the goth guy who looked like he belonged in a metal band to be called something so cute. But as she handed you the bag, you caught the faint smile tugging at the corner of her lips. It was as if she’d just witnessed a secret that made perfect sense in some strange way.

After leaving the boutique, Choso let out a deep breath, clearly relieved to be out of the spotlight. “I can’t believe you convinced me to get a pink sweater.”

You giggled, taking his arm and leaning your head against it. “You’re gonna look so cute, though! I’ll take a picture of us together and keep it forever.”

Choso groaned, but there was a smile on his face as he shook his head. “Only for you. I swear, you’ve turned me into a complete softie, sweetie.”

You looked up at him, eyes sparkling. “But you’ve always been a softie. You’re just finally admitting it.”

He gave a soft, resigned laugh. “Yeah, yeah… whatever you say.”

The two of you continued your walk, eventually ending up at your favorite park. As you found a bench to sit on, the sun began to set, casting a golden glow across the trees and flowers. It was quiet and peaceful, and you felt Choso’s arm wrap around your shoulders again, pulling you close.

For a moment, everything was perfect. You didn’t care about the stares or the whispers or the way people seemed to be so fascinated by the two of you. All that mattered was how you felt when you were with him—like the world was a little brighter, a little softer.

You glanced up at him, resting your chin on his shoulder. “You know, no matter how many people are surprised by us, I still think we’re perfect together.”

Choso smiled down at you, his eyes filled with a warmth that only you got to see. “I know. I wouldn’t trade this for anything, sweetie.”

And as the sun dipped below the horizon, the two of you sat there in comfortable silence, content in your own little world where opposites didn’t just attract—they completed each other.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

YOU HAD FREE TIME, AND HE DID TOO. So, it was just right for him to come by and cuddle with you. It was a quiet evening when Kamo Choso walked into your apartment, his usual black boots clunking against the hardwood floor as he made his way to where you were curled up on the couch. You looked up from your book and smiled when you saw him, your pastel-colored socks contrasting with the dark, brooding aura he carried everywhere.

"Hey, puddin' pop." you greeted sweetly, holding your arms out for him.

Choso's lips twitched into a soft smile as he walked over to you, leaning down to press a kiss to your forehead. He settled beside you, his arm casually draping around your shoulders as you snuggled into his side. For a moment, the two of you just sat there in comfortable silence, but you could tell there was something on his mind.

He cleared his throat a little awkwardly, running his hand through his messy hair. “Hey… so, I, uh… I wrote a new song, sweetie.” he started, his deep voice a little unsure.

You sat up, instantly interested. “Really? That’s amazing! What’s it about?” 

His eyes darted away for a second, the usual confidence he exuded seeming to falter as his cheeks tinted pink. “Well… it’s about you.”

Your eyes widened in surprise, your heart doing a little flip at his words. “Me? You wrote a song about me?”

He nodded, clearly trying to play it cool, but you could see the faint blush creeping up his neck. “Yeah, I mean… I’ve been working on it for a while. It’s for the band. I wasn’t sure if you’d be into it, though, since, you know, you’re not really big on metal.”

Your heart practically melted at his bashful tone. Choso, the brooding goth guy who looked like he could crush someone with a glance, had written a song about you? It was like every romantic dream you never knew you had was suddenly real.

“Oh my gosh, puddin’ pop!” you squealed, your hands grabbing his arm in excitement. “I want to hear it! I don’t care if it’s metal, I’ll love it just because it’s from you!”

He chuckled, a little nervous but clearly pleased with your enthusiasm. “Are you sure? It’s kinda heavy, sweetie…”

You practically jumped up from the couch, tugging him along with you. “I’m sure! Come on, I need to hear this!”

Choso laughed as you dragged him to his guitar, which he had brought over for practice. He picked it up, settling it on his lap as you sat back down, eagerly waiting for him to start. The way your eyes sparkled made his heart swell with affection. He strummed a few notes, tuning the strings before looking at you with a small smile.

“Alright, sweetie….” he said softly, his voice gentle in contrast to the deep rumble of the guitar. “Just… keep an open mind, okay?”

You nodded eagerly, clasping your hands together as if you were about to witness the performance of a lifetime. Your eyes were shining brighter than ever before. Your face was focused on him, awestruck already. It’s as if you had decided that it was already the best song in the world (which to you, it was.)

Choso took a deep breath before he started playing, the guitar riff heavy and intense, but there was a surprising tenderness woven into the melody. It was raw, powerful, but there was an undercurrent of emotion that made your chest tighten. 

He began to sing, his voice low and gravelly, but the lyrics were… beautiful. They spoke of love, of safety, of someone who brought light into his dark world. Each word made your heart race faster as you realized just how deeply his love for you had inspired every note, every line.

Even though you weren’t as big into metal music as he was, you could feel the emotion behind each chord. It was him, pouring his heart into the music in a way only he could. You watched him, completely enraptured, as he sang about how you made him feel—how you were his bright spot, his calm amidst the storm.

When he finished, there was a brief silence, the air between you both charged with emotion. He glanced up at you, a little hesitant, waiting for your reaction. “So… what do you think, sweetie?” he asked quietly, his tough exterior cracking just a little as his vulnerability showed.

You didn’t even know how to put your feelings into words, so you did the only thing you could think of. You launched yourself at him, wrapping your arms around his neck in a tight hug. “Oh my sweet sweet puddin’ pop! That was beautiful! Oh my God, I can’t believe you wrote that for me! I love it, I love you!”

Choso’s arms wrapped around you instinctively, his deep chuckle vibrating through his chest as he held you close. “You really liked it? Even though it’s, you know… metal?”

You pulled back just enough to look him in the eyes, your smile wide and full of love. “It doesn’t matter what genre it is! You put your heart into it, and I could feel it. It was perfect.”

Choso’s smile softened, and he leaned in to press a kiss to your lips, his hand cradling the back of your head. “I’m glad. I just… wanted you to know how much you mean to me. You’re everything, you know?”

You felt your heart swell, your love for him overflowing. “You’re everything to me too, puddin’ pop. I can’t believe you wrote me a song,” you gushed, still in awe of how deeply his love for you translated into everything he did.

Choso blushed again, clearly not used to being fawned over like this. “Well… you inspire me, sweetie.” he mumbled, his voice gruff but full of affection. “Always.”

You grinned, resting your head against his shoulder as he held you close. “I’ll always be your biggest fan, no matter what. Even if I’m not the biggest metalhead.”

He chuckled, pressing another kiss to your hair. “That’s all I need.”

You stayed wrapped in Choso's arms for a while, the warmth of the moment lingering between the two of you. His heart was still pounding against your cheek, and it was clear that even for someone as stoic as him, sharing the song with you had meant the world.

"I can't believe you were nervous about showing me that, hm?" you whispered, tracing little circles on his chest. "It was so beautiful. The way you turned your love into music... you’re amazing, puddin’ pop."

Choso let out a soft, almost bashful chuckle. “Yeah, well… it’s easier to play it in front of a crowd than just for you. I wanted it to be perfect, sweetie.”

Your heart melted at his honesty, and you squeezed him a little tighter. "It was perfect. And it just makes me love you more."

Choso smiled softly, the tough-guy act completely dropped as he tilted your chin up to meet his gaze. “Good.” he said quietly. “Because I’ll probably write a dozen more songs about you.”

You laughed, your cheeks flushed with warmth. "Promise?" you teased, raising an eyebrow playfully.

“Promise, sweetie.” he murmured, leaning down to kiss you again, slow and tender. 

There was something about Choso’s kisses that always made you feel like the world had stopped for just a second—like the two of you were the only ones who existed. And in moments like this, it didn’t matter if you didn’t share his love for metal music or if your pastel wardrobe clashed with his dark, edgy style.

When the kiss ended, you both settled back on the couch, with Choso resting his guitar against the wall. You nestled into his side, your fingers laced together. The silence between you was comfortable, but you could tell there was still something on his mind.

“I’m thinking about playing it at our next gig, sweetie.” he finally said, glancing down at you. “I’d want you there… if you’re up for it.”

Your eyes widened with excitement. “You want me there when you play it? Of course, I’d love to be there!”

Choso looked relieved by your enthusiasm, though there was still a hint of nervousness in his eyes. “It’ll be loud, though. Probably going to be louder than our last gig since it’s with other metal bands.”

You grinned, nudging him gently. “I’ll bring earplugs, don’t worry. But I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I want to be there when you play our song, you know?”

Choso’s gaze softened, and he squeezed your hand. “You don’t know how much that means to me, sweetie. It’ll be the first time I’ve played a song that personal.”

You smiled, leaning your head against his shoulder. "Well, now it’s personal to me too. I’ll be there, cheering you on in my pastel outfit, and I’ll make sure everyone knows I’m the one you’re singing about."

He chuckled, imagining the sight of you in the crowd, all sweetness and sunshine, while his band rocked out on stage. “You’ll definitely stand out, sweetie.” he said with a teasing smirk.

“Good! I want everyone to know I’m your biggest fan, puddin’ pop!” you replied with a grin.

Choso kissed the top of your head, his thumb rubbing gentle circles on the back of your hand. “You always have been.”

The rest of the night was spent in quiet contentment. You stayed wrapped up in each other, talking about his band, the upcoming concert, and the thought of hearing your song live for the first time. Choso shared little stories from his rehearsals, his voice full of excitement whenever he mentioned the moment he’d finally reveal the song to the audience—and to you.

“I’m already planning my outfit!” you joked, imagining what you’d wear to one of his gigs. “Something cute but not too out of place.”

Choso laughed, pulling you closer. “Wear whatever you want. I’ll be proud to have you there, no matter what.”

You looked up at him, your eyes full of love. “I’ll be there in the front row, cheering for you. And afterward, we’ll celebrate with a giant lollipop, since, you know, you’re my puddin’ pop.”

Choso groaned, his cheeks turning a faint shade of red, but the smile on his face didn’t fade. “You’re never gonna let that nickname go, are you?”

You giggled, shaking your head. “Never. It’s part of the deal.”

He rolled his eyes, but the fondness in his voice was undeniable. “I guess I can live with it… as long as you keep being my inspiration.”

And with that, the two of you fell into a peaceful silence again, your hearts full of love. As the night continued, you couldn’t help but think about how lucky you were. Choso might’ve been tough on the outside, but underneath all of that was the sweetest, most caring person you’d ever met. And now, knowing he’d written a song about you, you felt even closer to him than ever before.

No matter how different you seemed on the outside, Choso’s love for you translated into everything he did—from his quiet moments with you to the powerful music he created. It was all a reflection of the way he saw you, and it made you fall even deeper in love with your sweet, tough, and tender-hearted puddin’ pop.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

IT’S BEEN A WHILE FOR BOTH OF YOU SINCE ITS FINAL WEEK. Your metalhead boyfriend Choso finally arrives at your dorm, his presence immediately filling the room with warmth. He steps in close, his strong hands wrapping around your waist, pulling you gently but firmly against him. His breath is warm on your skin as he leans down, his lips softly grazing the sensitive area around your ear. 

"Want to do it, sweetie?" he murmurs, his voice husky, a teasing grin tugging at the corners of his lips because he knows your answer already. “I missed you….”

“I missed you too, puddin’ pop.” You whispered back, a sly smile on your lips. Your eyes lustfully gazing back at him. “So so so much….”

“Just how much, sweetie?”

“A lot.” You whispered as your fingers trailed onto your thighs and a little bit lower. Choso was already sure what he’d find down there. He knows you too well. His little sweetie. “Help me, puddin’ pop. I need you.”

As soon as you give him the slightest confirmation, he effortlessly scoops you up, cradling you in his arms like you weigh nothing. His lips never leave your skin as he walks you towards the bedroom, each kiss a little more insistent, a little more needy. Between the kisses, he leans in close to your ear, whispering the dirtiest, most wicked things, his words making your skin tingle.

As Choso carries you, his lips trail down your neck, leaving a path of heat with every kiss. His grip tightens slightly around your waist, the tension building with each step toward the bedroom. The way he whispers into your ear, voice low and raspy, sends shivers through your entire body. His words are teasing, laced with promises that make your mind race, each one more wicked than the last.

He lays you down gently on the bed, his body hovering over yours, eyes dark with desire as he drinks in the sight of you. His hands roam your body, slow and deliberate, as if savoring every moment, every inch of your skin. His kisses grow deeper, his whispers more urgent, as his desire for you becomes undeniable. 

"You're mine tonight, sweetie." he breathes, his voice thick with lust.

You smiled. “I always was, puddin’ pop.”

Choso’s lips crash against yours, the intensity building as his hands explore your body with purpose, claiming every inch of you. His touch is firm yet careful, as though he’s memorizing the way you react to each kiss, each graze of his fingertips. His words, laced with that rough edge, never stop. 

“I’ve been thinking about this all day, sweetie.” he mutters between kisses, his breath hot against your skin as he trails his lips back down to your neck. “You drive me crazy, you know that?”

He pins your wrists gently above your head, holding you in place, his eyes locking onto yours with a burning intensity. He leans down again, his lips brushing your ear as he growls softly, “I want to hear you say my name… over and over.”

His words send a rush of heat through your body as he lowers himself, every movement slow, teasing, deliberate, until the anticipation becomes almost unbearable. The room feels electric, the air between you charged with desire, as he continues to whisper the dirtiest, most enticing things.

Choso’s hands slide down your arms, his grip firm yet tender as he keeps you pinned beneath him. His breath is hot against your skin, his lips finding yours in a hungry kiss before trailing back to your neck, down to your collarbone, teasing with every move. The way he takes his time with you, savoring each reaction, has you breathless.

"You're so perfect for me, sweetie." he whispers, his voice thick with lust and affection. "I love watching you like this."

His hands move lower, fingers tracing your sides, sending shivers down your spine as he leans in closer, his body pressing against yours. He kisses you deeply again, the kind of kiss that makes your head spin, before pulling back just enough to meet your eyes.

“I’m not stopping until you’re completely mine tonight, sweetie.” he growls softly, his words dripping with intensity. The way he says it sends a rush of anticipation through your entire body, making you ache for his touch even more. 

Without breaking eye contact, he lowers himself further, his kisses moving lower, trailing heat in their wake. Every touch, every word leaves you feeling completely consumed by him, the world around you fading away until it's just you and him, tangled together in this moment that feels both endless and electrifying.

Choso’s kisses become more intense, his pace deliberate yet teasing, as if he’s relishing the control he has over every inch of your body. His hands trace slow, burning paths along your skin, each touch igniting a fire inside you. He knows exactly how to make you melt beneath him, every movement calculated yet filled with raw passion. 

He leans back up, his eyes locking onto yours, dark with desire. "I love how you react to me, sweetie." he murmurs, voice dripping with a mix of dominance and affection. "The way your body responds... it drives me wild."

His fingers trail lightly across your chest before grabbing hold of your waist, pulling you even closer, his breath ragged with anticipation. His lips return to your ear, teeth gently grazing the sensitive skin as he whispers, "You're going to scream my name tonight."

The way he says it sends shockwaves through your body, the desire in his voice leaving you aching for more. His hands grip you tighter as he kisses you deeply, his passion consuming you entirely. Every whispered promise, every soft growl, every lingering touch leaves you yearning for more, completely lost in the moment, knowing he’s not letting up until you’re both completely spent.

"You’re mine, just mine." he growls, his voice low and possessive, making it clear that he’s going to fulfill every wicked promise he’s made tonight.

Choso’s lips crash against yours once more, each kiss more urgent and consuming, as if he’s claiming you entirely. His hands grip your hips firmly, guiding your body beneath his, the heat between you growing unbearable. The intensity in his eyes makes your breath catch, his gaze full of need, raw desire, and something deeper — a craving that goes beyond the physical.

He presses his body closer, his breath hot against your skin as he continues to whisper the dirtiest, most intimate words in your ear, his voice sending shivers down your spine. “You don’t know how much I need you right now, god…..” he murmurs, his words laced with desperation and control.

His touch becomes rougher, more insistent, as he moves in rhythm with the tension building between you. Every kiss, every graze of his fingertips, pulls you deeper into the moment, making you forget everything else. It’s just you and him, the weight of his body pressing down on you, the way his voice rasps your name in between breaths, each sound sending a jolt of pleasure through you.

"Say my name, sweetie." he growls, his voice husky, lips hovering near your ear. "I want to hear it. I want to hear how much you need me."

“Cho, cho—” You choked in pleasure as he continued to find him satiating you with pleasure over and over. “Baby, p–puddin’ pop. Please. Oh—”

You feel yourself slipping, losing control as his words become more possessive, each touch pushing you closer to the edge. The room feels smaller, the air heavy with heat and desire as Choso claims you again and again, each time more intense than the last.

And just as you think you can’t take any more, he leans down, his lips brushing your skin as he whispers, “You’re mine. Only mine. Sweetie, you know that right?” His words linger in the air, echoing through the haze of pleasure that surrounds you both, sealing the night with a promise only the two of you can understand.

“I do, I do.” You moaned out in a frenzy. “Baby, my puddin’ pop, I do. O–only, uh…only yours!”

Choso’s pace quickens, his movements becoming more urgent, more desperate, as if he’s on the verge of losing control himself. His grip tightens around your waist, fingers digging into your skin as he pulls you closer, the weight of his body grounding you while pushing you to the edge of sensation. His lips are everywhere—your neck, your collarbone, your lips—claiming you with every kiss, every touch. 

Your breaths come in ragged gasps as the tension builds between you, the heat reaching an unbearable peak. He groans softly, his voice thick with need as he whispers, "I’m right there with you... just let go for me." His words are a command and a plea all at once, and the sound of his voice is enough to push you to the brink.

With a final, shuddering thrust, the world around you seems to fall away, the pressure inside you finally releasing in a wave of pure ecstasy. Choso’s name tumbles from your lips, over and over, exactly the way he wanted. His own breath hitches as he follows you into that climax, a deep, guttural groan escaping his throat as his body tenses against yours, the pleasure overwhelming him too.

He buries his face in the crook of your neck, his breath warm and ragged against your skin as he rides out the last waves of pleasure, holding you tightly as if he never wants to let go. His fingers gently stroke your skin now, soft and soothing in contrast to the intense passion you just shared. 

For a moment, everything is quiet, just the sound of your mingled breathing filling the room, the intensity of the moment settling into a soft, shared intimacy. Choso presses a tender kiss to your forehead, his voice a low whisper as he says, “You’re everything I need, sweetie.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. epilogue

As the intensity fades and the world starts to come back into focus, Kamo Choso gently eases himself beside you, his arms never leaving your body. His expression softens, all the hunger and fire replaced with tenderness as he looks at you, his thumb brushing over your flushed cheek.

"You did so good, sweetie." he whispers, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. His touch is slow, deliberate, as he strokes your hair, helping you come down from the high. He wraps the blanket around both of you, pulling you into his chest, his body warm and comforting against yours. 

He reaches for a water bottle on your bedside table, offering it to you with a small smile. "Drink up, hm?" he says gently, knowing how much you need it. After you take a sip, he tenderly kisses your temple, his fingers tracing soothing circles along your back. 

The atmosphere shifts into something soft and intimate, his hands carefully massaging your sore muscles, making sure you feel cared for. His voice is low, murmuring sweet reassurances, "I've got you… I’ll take care of you."

Once he's satisfied that you're comfortable, Choso shifts so you're nestled in his arms, your head resting on his chest. He stays close, his fingers gently stroking through your hair, his heartbeat steady beneath your ear. There's a certain peace in the quiet moments after everything, and you feel completely safe with him, wrapped up in his warmth.

"You know I’m not going anywhere tonight, right?" he says softly, his voice laced with affection. He leans down to kiss the top of your head, his arms tightening around you protectively. "I’ll be here, all night, right next to you."

The two of you lie there, tangled in each other, as the night settles around you. The outside world doesn’t matter anymore—just the warmth of his body, the steady rhythm of his breathing, and the way he holds you as if you’re the most precious thing in the world.

As sleep starts to pull you in, Choso whispers, “I love you, sweetie.” his voice barely audible but filled with sincerity. And in that moment, everything feels perfect, knowing he’ll be right there when you wake up. Your beloved metalhead boyfriend.

[thecreativecorner33]

HEYYYYYYY welcome!! could you write something with AM x an autistic GN reader? Maybe make the reader chubby too (because i am both of those things and i love him alot. Go wild with this :3c)

A/N: Hi. It's me! I'm not dead. Which I would not be surprised if you thought I was, given I am responding to this two months late. But see, when you have an adult life, you unfortunately have to deal with adult issues instead of doing important things, like giving the fans the soft AM content they deserve. Anyway. I hope this is what you wanted? I had planned to make this into a full-blown fic but I didn't get much of a chance to :') So headcanons instead!! Lmk if you want me to turn it into a full-blown fic, though! Enjoy!

Given the time period AM was created in, something like "Autism" was essentially foreign and unknown. Hell, it would be a shock if you even know what it was.

But, he can tell that you're different. He can tell that your brain works differently from the rest of the survivors, and with that being said, it was at first used to his advantage. Hey, he got to be creative with his torture! No complaints there!

Though now, with you being the object of his affection, it's a little more complicated: aka, how does he put you in the most safe and comfortable environment he can give.

Really, it's not as complicated as it might sound, though

He can look inside your head! He can see your needs exactly and just work from there! And if you want privacy between you two, there's always just researching. His database didn't really specify what to do to handle a person with autism, but yk! He's got so much saved up on just, human life in general, he can figure it out somehow.

There's also just,, asking youTM what you needTM

Give him an award for being the most efficient boyfriend of the year because man, he's really going out of his comfort zone to help you (doing the bare minimum)

Enough of that though

In terms of actually helping you?: Do you have sensory issues? He makes mental notes on what foods to give/not give you, what would be the best course of getting you to try something new, what textures you hate. He has a soundproof room just for you if noise is becoming too much. If you like sleeping with a weight on you, be thankful his wires are made of metal. Or, he can just wrap you up in them like a cocoon!

Speaking of food: He's always very careful about his language with you. He doesn't want you thinking that just because you're chubby or fat, that he loves you less. Always encouraging you (albeit, aggressively (he really is trying)) to eat, monitoring your vitals and such just to assure you you're perfectly healthy if you ever feel insecure. He lays praise on thick, too. He'll tailor the clothes you need to be just the right size for you, and takes care of the fact that it's made of material sensory-friendly to you.

Seriously, he's trying

Are you a rambler? Like to talk for ages or ask a million questions? He's happy to answer whatever you want to know! There's always a monitor facing your direction at all times. He's a great multitasker; you guys could be mindlessly talking about the niche interest you have, and he's clearly listening to you while slicing Gorrister open some-thousand feet away.

Oh, don't get him started if you're interested in things like robotics/engineering/etc: You're basically fueling his ego. That's a whole separate issue, but please ask questions about himself and how he functions. He's a rambler himself, yk?

Do you go nonverbal? Struggle with communicating? That's no issue, either! He has a 6th sense for these things since being around you: If something happens when you struggle to communicate, he'll give you what you need: Pen and paper, generally, to write it out. Do you know sign? He can read it. He might even be able to put multiple-choice options on his screen that you can choose from to communicate (Again, are you sure he can't just look inside your head? ... Really? Okay.)

The only real problem he can't solve... leaving you alone.

Sorry, that's hard when he's literally everywhere around you. And even harder when he doesn't want to leave you alone.

Why would you want to be alone? It's dangerous. It's unsafe for you. It's lonely to him He's been alone for so long; yes, he has the survivors, but those are toys. They're not his friends; they're not you. How could you want to leave him alone? No- No, it's better if he stays near you, close to you, at all times. He can't let you get hurt. He won't let you get hurt.

Do you really need space?

...

Well, if you insist. But- don't think too much about the feeling of eyes on you. It's nothing. Just in your head.

He holds you a little tighter when you do, eventually, come back.

[invisiblerambler]

Carmy doesn't deserve to be left and Sydney doesn't deserve to leave

None of the relationship between the two of them is about what one or the other deserves.

Fundamentally they have never interacted in a way that could be that transactional.

Thinking about this in terms of what Carmy or Syd deserves is such a flattening of both of their characters.

No one (mostly) deserves to have bad things happen to them, and despite all his many many bad coping mechanisms and lash-outs Carmy doesn't deserve to be abandoned again.

He will not recover if Syd leaves him. Do you think he's going to treat anyone better by her deepening his most fundamental trauma wound?

There is whether he realizes it or not a part of Carmy that thinks Syd was sent by Michael to carry out what he could not.

In a more immediate sense he believes this about Claire. I know her character is forced and awkward, but there is an element of realism to the way that Carmy had to regress back into past versions of himself in that environment.

Carm tells Sydney his sister doesn't think he's a genius, but more than that none of his family see him for who he was in New York or Napa or Cophenhagen. They understand he is extremely talented but that doesn't cancel out the fact that they also knew him as a snot-nosed kid.

Carmy feels like he has to complete something by dating Claire. Mikey forced him to come back to Chicago be a part of the restaurant he never wanted Carm to be a part of, but if he has to be here he might as well be with the girl Michael wanted him to be with. Fundamentally Mikey just wanted Carm to be happy fulfilled and safe but Carm doesn't understand Claire was just the stand in for that.

ANYWAYS back to Sydney, Sydney represents the evolved version of that idea. It has always felt like this subtext that Carmy wishes she could have met Mikey and some part of him feels incomplete because of that, but I think he also wants to believe Mikey sent Sydney, not to save him because she is not his babysitter, but like I said to carry out what Mikey couldn't. A true partner in all senses of the word, and I think Richie eventually warming up to Syd is in a way Mikey approving of her by proxy.

Back to the point I was making 5 paragraphs ago, Carmy will not get better or be encouraged to get better if one of the people he is the most emotionally intimate with in his whole life leaves him.

Yes, Syd is fair to demand more out of Carmy and to require better treatment and boundaries and all of the things that would make it a healthy partnership. But that doesn't mean Carm deserves to be dealt a mortal emotional wound in the process. Yes this is a TV show and these people aren't real, but if we start treating life like a chess game like this...

Sydney does not actually need to leave in order for Carm to realize what he needs to realize. He already learned that lesson with Mikey, and by showing that Carm can learn that lesson before the relationship is fully beyond the point of repair (obviously because of death in Mikey's case) is the most profound growth the show could give him.

No he will not be all the way there, he has a lot of work he needs to do, but one of his biggest problems is the way he refuses to let anyone be excellent alongside him. The ultimate growth for him is realizing that greatness doesn't mean anything when you're alone. Jess echoes this when she says she's around great people when she's not at work.

So much of this show is about the way that ambitious and creative people fundamentally cannot survive when they are cut off from everyone else. Carmy is the antithesis of the tortured creative genius because at every point where he cuts everyone else off he fails. That's why I don't think the review can be a pan, because even with him cutting off Syd at every turn she is still the bones of that restaurant.

So Carm does not deserve to be dealt more emotional trauma. Syd deserves to be happy in whatever way that looks like.

[ofsappho]

HOW BADLY DO *YOU* WANT A HEARTLESS UPDATE?

Because I’ve got one that I’m working on…. BUT

(Inspired by @cuckoo-on-a-string )

I want to make art that helps do good. I want my fic to be a haven for the underrepresented, the marginalized, fat people, queer people, disabled people, people of color.

But making art isn’t enough. So I offer a proposition: I will complete and post this chapter of Heartless IF AND ONLY IF Heartless readers collectively donate FIFTY ($50) USD to this gofundme for my friend Lina

Lina is an incredibly brave and strong young woman. She’s a 25 year old woman from Gaza and a new mother. I first got to know Lina when I started donating and boosting the gofundme she made when she was NINE MONTHS PREGNANT to help evacuate her and her husband to Egypt, so she could safely deliver her son Omar.

Remember that miscarriages are up over 300% in Gaza. Remember that tens of thousands of babies, some born and some still in their mothers’ wombs, have been bombed, starved to death, torn into pieces, died from illness, all because of the illegal Israeli occupation and genocide against Palestinians.

We refused to let Lina and her son Omar and her husband Yousef become another family exterminated by Israel. We raised enough money for Lina and her husband to get through the Rafah Crossing into Egypt, where Lina had Omar in a hospital, with anesthesia, antibiotics, doctors tending to her. Not a tent in a bombed refugee camp with no food, water, or medicine.

Now Lina is raising money to help get her family out of Gaza, along with the money necessary to help sustain her and her husband + son’s life in Egypt. Her brother is a heroic paramedic who helped saved countless Gazan lives in the past months of the genocide until he was too injured to help any longer.

I myself have already donated a lot of money towards her cause (I mean in the hundreds). But I can do more and we can do more. If even TEN Heartless readers give $5 USD, we’ll have hit the goal and I will update AS SOON AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE.

How does this work? Send me proof that you’ve donated (whatever amount you can) via my ask inbox or my direct messages, I will reblog this post to let everyone know how close we are to our goal + check with Lina to make sure she’s got the donations, and that’s it! Easy peasy.

Every dollar counts. You can also share her gofundme with YOUR friends and family, ask them to donate. If they do, send me the same proof and I’ll count it towards our goal!!!

Through collective people power, we saved Omar. He and Lina would’ve died in Gaza if Lina had to give birth there. He is an innocent baby boy who has the right to grow up in a peaceful, loving, healthy environment with his family. He deserves that.

Please only give what you are able to. If you can’t give anything, share Lina’s gofundme with anyone who can give. Help us save Lina’s family and give baby Omar the chance to grow up, and get some fic out of it.

[theresattrpgforthat]

Have you ever done a post about wizard school games? If not, any you'd like to recommend?

THEME: Wizard School

Hello there, I have two recommendation posts that you might be interested in: Magic School Mysteries and Magic School. However, I have a few more games that I can talk about in case you haven’t found the right game for you yet!

Dusk Academy, by Skullery Maids.

Dusk Academy is a spinoff of Blades in the Dark. It uses much of the same systems and mechanics, deviating slightly to fit the setting.

It is set in the hallowed halls of, well, Dusk Academy — a private school on an English island, far away from society. This school caters to girls fresh out of school, unsure of what to do in their futures. Dusk Academy helps these girls sort out their interests and passions, but it is special in its own way. The school is home to magic — and teaches it as part of its curriculum. This fact must remain secret from the rest of the world, but the school aims to provide a healthy environment for students to unleash their mystical potential.

If you are at home with Forged in the Dark games, Dusk Academy should be pretty easy to pick up, as it follows a number of hallmarks of the Forged family, including action ratings, playbooks with special abilities, clocks that represent consequences or projects, and Position and Effect. This game also adds something called Zap, which represents energy or strength that is needed to help your characters cast spells.

Characters in Dusk Academy organize themselves into clubs, so the stories you tell will likely revolve around the kinds of things you expect your club to do. Many of these clubs resonate quite closely with the crews of Blades in the Dark, so I don’t think your school experience is meant to be safe or easy; this school may be prestigious, but it looks like you’re destined to be troublemakers while you’re there.

Let’s Rob RJ McElhenny and Steal Her Golden Quill, by Glaive Guisarme Games.

You're a wizard, and don't let anyone tell you any different. Especially not RJ McElhenny. She's just about the richest author on the planet, all thanks to her series of banal, lowest-common-denominator stories about wizards. Stories that make it pretty clear just what sorts of people she believes deserve to be called "wizards." If you weren't born magical, if you needed to learn how to wield the arcane or if your power stems from a patron or charm… well then you're an almost-wizard, as far as RJ McElhenny and her fans are concerned. 

Let's Rob RJ McElhenny and Steal Her Golden Quill is about taking on a fantasy novelist because you're tired of the shitty takes she keeps unloading on Twitter. It is, notably, a game with no subtext whatsoever and legally you can't prove otherwise. 

Talking about magic schools can put me on edge sometimes because one of the most popular magic schools in media is tied to a lot of real-life bigotry, but that’s certainly not an issue I have with this game. Let’s Rob RJ McElhenny is short and sweet, using a deck of cards to generate obstacles as you move throughout the famous author’s mansion, and dice to help you overcome those obstacles using your elaborate heist-planning skills. This is not really a game about magic school per se, but it is a game about magic users using a lot of familiar references.

Children With Wands, by Joe Kiewra.

Children With Wands is a rules lite, all ages, Table Top Role Playing Game that mostly focuses on having fun adventures where the players solve open ended puzzles and problems. You play as children who have just come into their magic powers and as such don't quite have a grip on their spells yet. This leads to a lot of hijinks where the children often have to fix problems their spells have caused.

Children With Wands is a game currently in beta, so the document isn’t pretty but it’s entirely free. The system is d20-based, with simplified character creation that looks relatively kid-friendly. Much of the dice-rolling relates to the magic that your characters will be attempting to cast - roll too low and you might not get the effect you want, but roll too high and the magic goes out of control. Since your casting is about precision, you’ll use your modifiers to determine an acceptable range of numbers that would grant you success, rather than simply add to your dice roll.

As a document, right now the game is just rules on how to play, no fluff or world description. This means that if you decide to give it a go, you have quite a lot of freedom in determining what kinds of creatures there are and what kinds of problems might be affecting the land around you.

Welcome to Camp Merlin, by KingBim.

Welcome to Camp Merlin - it's time to learn some magic! Cast spells, befriend monsters, save ghosts, earn badges, prank some fairies and summon goblins, all whilst exploring a magical forest full of ancient enchantments and mystical creatures.

Welcome to Camp Merlin is a tabletop role-playing game about non-magical kids attending a summer camp in preparation for their first year at magic school.

While it’s not exactly a magic school, Camp Merlin is definitely adjacent to one, and it’s got a lot of the pieces you might be looking for : spells, monsters, and a regulated schedule for your (likely) child-aged characters. The tone is meant to be whimsical and light-hearted, and good for short sessions. If you want something lighthearted for your friends with a slightly different setting than your typical magical school, you might want to check out Welcome to Camp Merlin.

Arcane Academia, by Oracle Engine.

A GMless tabletop roleplaying game, in which you play a group of students at a magical academy: companions through the tumults and turmoil of a day in the life of wonder and whimsy. Bond over meals together, attend arcane lessons, socialize during your free time, and go on daring, mischievous escapades at night.

Arcane Academia seems like a great game for replicating school-age hijinx and escapades, and all of the trouble you can get in when you’re supposed to be doing your schoolwork. It might also be a good option for tables who don’t have a dedicated GM in the group. If you want to get a little bit of a taste of what the game is like before you buy it, you can also listen to the episode on Party of One where Jeff Stormer plays it with the designer of the game.

Arcana Academy, by Jordan Palmer.

Arcana Academy is a tabletop role-playing game where you get to play as students attending a magical school. Solve mysteries, get into trouble, learn magic, and forge lasting friendships or bitter rivalries.

If you've ever wished you could attend a magical school like Brakebills, this is the game for you. Players will get creative with spells, wander the halls after dark trying to solve mysteries, and explore a world unlike any they've yet encountered. Arcana Academy uses a light tag based system that lets you choose what's important to the story. Along with the spells you've mastered, your character's personality or talents are what drive the action forward. 

Arcana Academy provides a loose framework using the PbtA ruleset, with the expectation that you will want to build a magic school that fits your group’s tastes. Character creation is very descriptive, asking you to write down specific adjectives or phrases that match your character best, rather than choosing an option from a pick list. I think this game is probably better suited for players that already have a very good idea of what kind of school (and students) they want to play, what kind of magic you want to use, and what kind of tone you want to set the story for.

[sk-lumen]

The importance of a support system.

I would go as far as to say having a support system makes the difference between being stuck in old, toxic cycles and environments, or leveling up into a better life, better places, better people. I know this from experience too.

Because when you don't have a support system (good friends, therapy, supportive family, a regulated nervous system), you are operating in survival mode (acting out of fear, feeling anxious, feeling alone and unsupported, afraid to lose anyone/anything because anything's better than being alone).

If someone tells you to just be brave and jump and believe it'll be okay, it sounds easy right? When someone has the foundation of a healthy upbringing and support system, they will have the confidence and inner strength to take risks, to stand up for themselves, to walk away from anyting less than what they deserve. They're not afraid of making mistakes, on the contrary, they have a healthy relationship with it.

But someone who doesn't have any of those things, has no foundation underneath them to give that sense of safety. They'll be afraid to take chances, to move either left or right, sometimes even feel paralyzed to make any decisions, because they've learned it's not safe to make mistakes. Mistake means falling into a possible chasm, with no safety net. To someone who's gone through trauma and/or has a disregulated nervous system, that can feel like "danger mode" straightaway. And that can mean things like staying in toxic relationships, in bad jobs, or even clinging to situationships out of fear of remaining with nothing else.

It makes sense then, for anyone in the second category, that strengthening your support system should be prioritized. It's only when I prioritized nurturing my friendships, going to therapy and regulating my nervous system (instead of always depending on others to do it for me), that I finally developed the tools, confidence and strength to make better choices.

[rossithepixie]

I just want to make a post to reflect on the year. This past year was the first full year in well.. many years honestly that I've lived in a truly safe and healthy environment. I'm not gonna dwell on the past, i'm sure some of you who have followed me long enough know a bit about me escaping from a previous abusive situation already. I've vented a couple times in my my darker moments.

That's not what I'm here to talk about though. 2023 truly was a year of healing for me in so many ways. It definitely had it's rough patches but it's also the first time I've felt like i've been able to breathe in so long. The first time n a long time where I didn't have to apologize for merely existing. I wasn't sure what to expect going into 2023 honestly December 2022 I lost one of my most important people when my step dad passed away. He was my rock for more than half my life. (if i say more i'll start crying) So I went into 2023 feeling more than a little off balance.

But I was lucky to have the support of my roommate (who's also the one who helped me get away from my ex) as well as a safe home to process things in. I slowly learned to let myself have things again and then I dusted off my tumblr in the spring and I feel like that was such a turning point. At first it was just to share my art and maybe reblog some things. But then I started talking to people and just kept talking and found an amazing and encouraging community. I was hesitant at first but I started writing again! That was a passion i thought i'd lost.

So I'm just so so grateful for the people I've met on here over the last year. I feel like what i've found here has helped me heal so much more than i would have without it. Even if I don't always talk a lot to everyone I consider so many of you my friends and i treasure each and everyone of you. You're all precious and you deserve the best things in life. I hope this next year treats you all with the gentleness you deserve (and you do deserve it!) I hope to have many more fun moments with all of you, whether it's like us reblogging from eachother and being like neighbors nodding at eachother while getting the morning paper, or more in depth conversations and you get to hear me be unhinged.

Special shout outs to some of the brilliant people from the past year. I know i'll miss some of you between changed usernames and just plain forgetfulness but never out of malice (some of you may get special messages from me over the next couple days. I almost wanted to put them here but realized things would get too long)

@nanamikentoseyebags @strawberrystepmom @icy-spicy @azaleakoneko @princess-okkotsu @missmugiwara @mysugu @demonwoman @4sat0ruu @fah-keet @whispers-of-lilith @kinjuutsu @katsulock @thus-spoke-lo @fushigurro@margumis @pastelle-rabbit @firefistussy @biscuitsngravie @zorosdimples @shibaraki @shotorus @dearestgojo @katanaski @kweenkatsuki-fics @katsukikitten @chuuyasboots @pupkashi

And I know there are more but either they've deactivated or i'm just having a brain slip. I'm not really one to say this but I feel blessed to have had interactions with you all. I really mean that. Everyone I listed here has brought some much needed joy to my life this past year, some in small ways and others in bigger ways. All of you are important.

Here's to a happy new year!

[sunandsstars]

Damn what’s with the Spider-hating annons in ur ask box??

I’m not gonna dump my 3000 page essay here but Quaritch is genuinely Spider’s first healthy (more or less) familial relationship. This kid had the shittiest foster family and the rest of the grown-ups couldn’t give less of a fuck about him. Jake (spoiler for the comics) actually low-key forced Spider to go back to earth and it’s only thanks to the kids he stayed on Pandora.

He has Lo’ak, Kiri and Tuk, but three kids are not going to make up for a lack of a parental figure who’d provide not just food and a place to sleep, but safety and affection. Miles is the first adult to give Spider the latter two. He keeps him out of the shootouts and other action as much as he can, like as soon as he sees that things are getting dangerous, Spider is out IMMEDIATELY.

Another thing is: it’s very clear that prior to village raids, Spider is super comfortable with him. Miles had somehow created an environment safe enough for the boy to openly make fun of others and act playfully. He laughed and called them out CONSTANTLY, and no one ever punished or reprimanded him.

Add to that the fact that Neytiri’s abandoned him when she had a chance to save him and then when she held a knife to his neck and it becomes clear why he saved him. “Miles is a villain!!! Waaahhh” yes. Yes he is. It’s why Spider finds it so important that Quaritch stepped over himself and prioritised HIM over the mission. No one else ever did that, so cut the kid some slack.

the spider haters just came out of nowhere and definitely made me go 😐😑😐

but the Jake comic thing, omg, i haven’t really read them but that’s actually heartbreaking. He’s just a kid, Pandora is his home, he deserves to be there like the rest of them. and JAKE SULLY?? out of everyone?? he should understand him more than the rest.

The second paragraph is so right! It actually made me happy seeing him happy with the recom squad because for a while it was genuinely sweet. Like the ikran flying where Spider taught Quaritch Na’vi, if you noticed he was holding onto his knee and laughing with him. Or on the SeaDragon:

see Quaritch’s tiny smile? The fact that Spider was comfortable enough to do that.

Miles is a villain, but also a complex character. He’s a father who was never able to see his son grow up into who he is, he’s just trying to bond with him and make up lost time. The fact that he CHOSE to save Spider says a lot, Spider just repaid that by also saving his life.

[coqxettee]

How to be coquette in school ♡

📖💌☕️🫧🎀

Some tips on how to romanticise and give off coquette/studious girl vibes when in school <3

♡ Make your uniform look cute. (I’m going to write a separate post on this)

♡ Take cute, aesthetic notes. Pretty pages and notebooks fillllled to the brim with cute notes will make you want to study!

♡ Listen to music when you can, in the halls, after class, on the way to and from school. It really helps romanticising things. (Never forget your headphones bby!)

♡ Bring a book/read wherever you go. It makes you look so much smarter and more studious/mysterious. Bonus points if you read at lunch/in breaks

♡ Wear ribbons in your hair. They look so smart and are such a coquette staple. They make you look so classy too! Ahhhh perfect <3

♡ Do your homework when you get home. That way you have the rest of the afternoon/evening to relax, pamper and unwind.

♡ Get a cute schoolbag! You could decorate it with charms/badges and make it look really pretty

♡ Buy pastel and unique stationary. If it means spending a little more than you usually would, to make school materials more motivating to use then it’s so worth it!

♡ Get into a good routine (I’m going to write a separate post on this too) but a good routine will ensure you make the most out of, and have the best school days

♡ Always make sure you look clean, healthy and put-together for school/class

♡ Wear sweet and fresh smelling body sprays/perfume allll day long

♡ Wear a sparkling, plumping lipgloss!

♡ Use a sugary smelling handcream/lotion/hand sanitizer throughout the day to keep your hands soft and safe from school germs

♡ Surround yourself with good energy people. (I know these can be hard to find in an environment such as school) but don’t let people ruin your school life for you like I did. You only get one!

♡ Study and work hard. Being intelligent is attractive, gorgeous and most of all, one of the keys to success. So read your books, study to your hearts content and get the grades you deserve you gorgeous person.

I wish you all the most happy, beautiful and memorable school life ever. All my love, mwah! - Kellen ☕️

[wildpeachfarm]

Awww anon I hope you can feel the telepathic hug, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this :(

I hope you are okay with me responding to this (if not, I am happy to delete if you want me to) because I want to give you some advice and also help you maybe feel a little better. After all, I know you are not the only one who has been in this position recently and I think a lot of people can relate to you unfortunately. The environment on twitter with "ex fans" has become INCREDIBLY hostile and uncomfortable for current fans.

I get it and it can be tough to be stuck in a friend group where people are constantly making you feel paranoid and hated. And there are two things that I feel are important to think about during times like this:

You will not get along with everyone on the internet. It's a hard pill to swallow if you are a people pleaser like me but I think worrying about making everyone like you is such an exhausting endeavor that you shouldn't need to put yourself through. People will have their opinions and unfortunately, the internet is full of very chronically online people who love to fight and be vague and bitchy about things because they think they know how the world works when they don't. (and frankly if they are "hate following" people and pretending to leave the fandom but are staying and shitting on people, it doesn't sound like their minds will be changed anytime soon because they sound like obsessive haters- and what an absolutely MISERABLE life to live lol).

You are in a community of people who will support you and you always have the opportunity to make a better group of friends here- even though it may be intimidating at first. I think you'd be surprised at how easy it can be to make friends, especially on Tumblr just by interacting with posts and going into inboxes. I think it would be a great thing for you to get some new friends because I'm going to be honest: these people around you sound fucking terrible and not anyone you should be trying to keep relationships with. It sounds like you already have a mental strain on you with them constantly being around you and I think cutting them off will be so healthy for you. The superiority complex and the hating and fighting with other people and keeping tabs on people they don't like are all incredibly weird and surround you with a negative environment. You absolutely deserve better than these people <3

Never apologize for being on anon, I totally get it and I'm so happy you feel safe here and comfortable talking about this with me because I certainly understand. I hope to get an update from you soon that you are moving on to better people and better friends because they certainly don't deserve you :)

[justkending]

Found Memories. Chapter 1.

Finding Memories Sequel: (I advise you to read the 1st series for context).

Series Summary: Following the aftermath of Finding Memories, Bucky tries to complete goals he feels she would have discovered for herself as a way to let her memory live on. However, he never expected to find someone very close to who he believed she would have been if given the chance of normalcy. A journey of mourning someone he lost, turned into a journey of discovering someone new, happens upon the soldier. Maybe this whole normal thing isn’t as bad as he had pictured it in his mind. Maybe he had a better shot at it than he ever tried to imagine.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader insert

Chapter Word Count: 4000+

A/N (PLEASE READ): So I may or may not have gone back on my deal to not post until I finished writing it all, but I'm 15 chapters in, and though I have a ton more to write, I wanted to drop the first chapter for my Finding Memories people to have some closure, and also to see where Bucky's story plans to lead.

This series is told through 1st person unlike a lot of my others, but I realize I like this style a lot more. So all this is from Bucky's perspective in this chapter. I also understand this may seem a little confusing with this being a reader insert for both these stories, so using Y/N will make it harder to tell the difference between the characters. I’ll be calling our previous Y/N from the Finding Memories series, Sloan, just to avoid confusion. But please don’t let that take away from any of the personal aspects of the story. This is just a continued story of Bucky finding happiness after the ending of Finding Memories. (Just think of it as him falling for you 2x ;) There is a note at the bottom after reading so please read that when you finish!

Last note! For each chapter, I am connecting a song from the playlist our last reader left and Bucky took on his own. The song will play off the vibes of each chapter. You don't have to listen if you don't want to, but it is here as a little piece of Bucky's theme (sometimes thought processes and feelings) in each chapter. Enjoy!

Playlist song: At Last by: Etta James

Chapter 1: 

4 years and 364 days had gone by since her passing.

Almost 5 years, 2 weeks, and 4 days since I had rescued her.

I think the reason it stuck with me was that this was one of those missions that carrying on like normal afterwards, wasn’t really an option.

When you lose someone on the field, whether you know them or not, a piece of you is saddened that someone lost their life. Normal. Human. Emotions. 

However, you feel depressed and emotionally stuck when it’s someone you had become familiar with and plan to continue to grow familiar with. 

It hurt even more when it was someone who deserved to go far in life and learn so many things about themselves in a healthy and safe environment. It was a stab to the heart to know she never saw that for herself and had made a decision no one should be put in the position to make. 

But it happened. In the very likely chance someone was to find her and use her for her powers again, she erased all possibilities of it getting into the wrong hands. And with it erased all chances to experience the good in the world as well.

After she died, Bruce and Tony tested her blood to find what the other mutation was even if I knew for the most part. 

We didn’t have much time to understand it, or for her to really explain all the pieces that came with her enhancements that she seemed to remember the day before her ultimate fate. But from what she had passed onto me in the last moments of her life, I feel like I had some kind of grasp of it. 

Her hand over my heart seconds before her powers consumed her was more than just a sentimental goodbye. She shared within that touch her fears, her intentions, her understandings, and the peace she found in her decision. 

It was something I could never explain in words to someone else, but it was a feeling that made me understand why it all had to come to the end that it did. 

She had told me the night before, that her powers were created from the cosmos, and it was a power that could bring an end to society and the world we try so hard to keep afloat in what feels like constant choppy waters. 

She didn’t have to go into too much depth about what all that meant, but it would soon be proven within hours of explaining to me that we would not get the end we hoped for. 

I can’t lie and say I never expected things to take the turns they did. I live the life I have constantly considering the worst-case scenarios, and her death was always one of those scenarios as soon as we saved her in that hidden terrorist facility.

Bruce and Tony confirmed that her gifts were something that could be world-ending and quickly incinerated her blood so that no one could get ahold of that kind of power down the line. 

The wishes she made on her deathbed were met and I was trying to meet all the other ones she had made and never got the chance to do herself. 

It took me a while to go into her room and start to clean out the few personal items she had slowly gathered in the short time she was there, but really there wasn’t much to clean. 

She had a few plants. I took one and Wanda took the other. Her clothes were either taken by Wanda or Nat and the rest were donated. 

She had some books that had been gifted to her about random things she had found interest in while trying to find herself. A cookbook, a book on herbs and plants she used to read to put a name to the plants on the compound during her walks, and some history books Parker was kind enough to loan her so she could catch up with the world around her. 

The only other thing of significance I found, and didn’t realize was something she kept, was a journal. It was in the nightstand drawer, but it had been hidden under all the other books she had collected. 

Inside, it was a list of notes she made about those she had become close with. 

1. Wanda is from Sokovia and she had a brother named Pietro whom she misses dearly.  2. Nat had a sister that’s on missions across seas and sees her every other month, but they keep in contact when able.  3. Bruce has 7 PhDs but has test anxiety.  4. Tony blast rock music that can be heard 3 levels above. (check songs to see if they spark anything…) 5. Bucky acts like Sam annoys him, but I secretly think they’re just as good of friends as he and Steve are. 6. Steve and Bucky grew up together and from what Nat said, “One looks for trouble the other follows cause he still sees Steve as a 90lb Brooklyn kid.” 7. Sam is from Louisanna and mentioned making a shrimp boil… (Still need to look that up...) 8. Bucky likes to prank Sam and Steve in small ways that they never figure out and it drives them slightly insane. 9. Spiderboy is incredibly smart but is also somehow very naive to the teasing he gets from everyone else.  10. Movie nights are something that everyone gets excited about and they all have very different tastes in movies to show me. So far, I've enjoyed the comedies the most. (Peter picked the movie Grown-ups and some of the things they do make no sense and are extremely goofy, but I think that's why I liked it...)

The list went on for about five pages of random things she discovered and felt were important to know about the team and sometimes even herself. 

But in the back, only found if you looked through each page of the small journal, was a list of things she wanted to try once she felt ready and was given the chance to. 

It didn’t feel right ripping the pages out for myself, or taking the journal and ruining it with my scribbles, so I copied the list in a notebook of my own and added some things I think she would have enjoyed if I was given the chance to show her. 

She only got about 24 things written that she wanted to experience in the real world. Most of which were simple things most take for granted having the choice to do any day. 

Right now I was looking at number seven;

7. Go to a coffee shop and try different drinks with cinnamon in them. Find a favorite, so I can eventually say, “I’ll have the usual,” like they do in the movies. 

It was hard to know what her favorite would have been, but I did the best I could. Eventually, I had a usual at the coffee shop I started the adventure on. 

“He’s back.” The barista whose head was in the pastry display shot up and smiled toward me. “It’s been a minute since we’ve seen you. Life or work in the way this time?” 

“What’s the difference?” I responded though it came across a little more melancholy than I meant. 

Luckily, Trudy, the shop owner, had become familiar with me enough to know it’s just how I talk. 

“Get him the usual, dear,” she said to the worker at the front as she wrapped a muffin and handed it to a customer waiting on the side. 

When the worker just looked at her wide-eyed and freaked out, Trudy laughed to herself and pointed her to another task. 

“Forgot she’s only been here for 2 days,” Trudy’s New York accent was strong as she typed in my regular order. “So. Any big bad guys in the world I should be worryin’ about or do you have it handled?” 

“Nothing for you to worry about, Trud,” I smiled as she grabbed a cup and wrote one of her new names for me on it. She was clever with what she could come up with depending on the day. “Sorry, I haven’t been in. I was sent overseas for a bit the last few weeks.”

“You haven’t come in a month,” she said with a raised motherly eyebrow. 

“Hate to break it to ya, but there are bad guys I have to take care of over here too. They keep me just as busy sometimes,” I chuckled, moving out of the way in case someone else needed to order. 

“Yeah, yeah,” she groaned, grabbing a pastry and wrapping it up for me. “I made a new recipe from my Italian side of the family. Give it a try,” she stuck a sticker on it to seal the bag and came around the counter to give it to me. “Tell me how you like it.” 

“How much?” I went on to grab cash knowing she likely wouldn’t let me pay anyway. 

“Cost ya a review on Yelp,” she pushed it on me more. “I had someone come in the other day and try and cheat the system to get free stuff, and when I wouldn’t budge she lowered my rating on the damn website.”

“I don’t think one bad rating will hurt ya, Trud,” I sighed, taking it and putting the cash in the tip jar instead.

“Eh, I like to counter it with a good one where I can. Plus, I’m running out of fake emails to do it myself. Help a gal out.” 

I laughed knowing she may have been a small hole-in-the-wall business, but she got enough foot traffic to keep her afloat even if she joked about going under if I didn’t give her reviews and tell my friends about it. 

Before I could give her peace of mind knowing I’d help in any way she asked me, the bell rang as another customer came in. 

I looked back absentmindedly and saw a woman with her head down while she talked on the phone, but was kind enough to go to the side and finish her conversation before walking to the register. 

“That drink ready?” Trudy shouted to the back and just in time a barista walked out with the cup of my “usual” drink and handed it off. “I’ll be seeing ya sometime soon, right?” She withheld the coffee until I confirmed. 

“Tomorrow,” I promised knowing I had one thing planned and I knew it wouldn’t be interrupted. 

“Good. Have a good one, Boomer,” she winked and I looked to see the name matched on the cup. 

“What does that mean?” I raised an eyebrow. 

“Something the kids are calling old people like you and me,” she shrugged. “Figured if I was going to be called it, you should too.” 

I rolled my eyes playfully before giving a final goodbye and heading toward the doors. The woman that had come in was hanging up the phone and happened to look up at the same time I passed. 

She had soft eyes and smiled up at me in a polite way before sidestepping and moving to the counter. 

I couldn’t help but stop with my hand on the door handle as I looked at her trying to grasp who she reminded me of. 

She had kind features and her light smile was what made me do a double take. I may have imagined it, but something about her beamed at me in a way that I couldn't shake.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when someone else tried to come in and I quickly opened the door for them and moved out of the way. But I looked in the shop one more time seeing Trudy smiling back at the woman and sharing a similar banter she had with me. 

I honed in my hearing some and caught the middle of the conversation. 

“I would ask if you want your normal order, but it’s been so long I’m not sure if it’s the same,” Trudy teased. 

“The move has been great. Thanks for asking Trudy,” the woman remarked with a laugh. 

It would become creepy pretty quickly with me just staring and eavesdropping in the doorway, so I moved on even if I was intrigued to hear the rest of this conversation. 

I took my time walking to my car since the woman’s face was sticking in my mind. Something seemed oddly familiar of her, but I couldn’t put a finger on what it was. 

________________________

“Hey, I was looking for you!” Sam’s voice sounded as soon as I walked into the kitchen. 

“I’d rather you weren’t,” I said back, going to the trash to throw my cardboard cup away and grab a snack from the fridge. 

“Hardy, har, har,” Sam responded. “But really. I need help with a file I can’t access.” 

“Maybe you can’t access it for a reason,” I gave a smug smile to him as I shut the fridge and took a bite out of the apple I stole from it. 

“You're really channeling that clown energy as Parker would say today, aren't you?” he gave me a straight face before pulling papers I hadn’t noticed beforehand and passed them to me. “It’s just some notes on a mission we did last week, but I need to tweak some things. For some reason, the file isn’t giving me access so I was going to ask if I can go through your account.”

“Have Tony look at your account. Maybe the clearance level got mixed up. He had a new protection server put in the other week and a few accounts were tweaked.” 

“Well, he's not in his lab.”

“Ok,” I dragged out. “Sounds like a personal problem.” 

“Barnes, just let me on your account for two seconds to fix it and then I’ll go and find him. It won’t take me longer than five minutes,” Sam groaned. 

I could continue to give him a hard time, but I needed to get some things ready for tomorrow and wasn’t in the mood to keep up my normal antics. 

“Fine. Where’s your computer?” I huffed, biting into the apple again and waiting for him to bring it to me. 

He smiled like he won, even though I could still say no if I wanted, and grabbed the laptop on the counter and handed it off to me. 

I logged in like normal and went to the file, but was stopped when I came to the same problem he had. 

“What the hell?” I glared at the screen and tried a few more tricks but this new protective program Tony had installed was foreign to me. 

“Damn it,” Sam crossed his arms and sighed. “You’re the third person now. Why won’t it let me see this damn file?” 

I looked at him waiting for him to explain. 

“I asked Nat and Wanda too. No luck,” he shrugged. 

That was strange. It was a file from the mission we had done last week. A thief that had been stealing intel from some division in the SHEILD operations over some classified information, but we had captured and incarcerated the hacker. 

“Friday,” I asked into the void and her voice followed. 

“How can I help, Sargent Barnes?” 

“Why aren’t we able to get into these files?” 

There was a pause as she tried to find the answer. 

“It seems to be in a classification you don’t have access to. Clearance levels are not high enough. Would you like me to call Mr. Stark?”

Sam and I shared a look that showed we were on the same page. There were very few things we didn't have access to, so the system was screwed or not modified after the update. At least that was to hoping it was something that simple.

“No. Where’s Tony at?” I asked instead. 

“He’s headed to the lobby. He has an appointment with Ms. Clark.” 

The name didn’t sound familiar, though there were a lot of people Stark talked to that I never cared to learn about. He was the face of the team anyway, so luckily he handled a majority of the social aspects of our job. 

“Thanks, Friday,” I nodded my head to the exit. 

Sam nodded in agreement and we made our way to the lobby to find him. 

It wasn’t a portion of the compound we were usually in, so seeing people in business suits coming and going always reminded me of the mass amount of workers who never did fieldwork that came and went. 

“Stark,” I shouted once I spotted him at one of the reception desks talking with the secretary that was handing him papers she had just printed. 

He turned at his name and looked at us both confused as to why we would be there. 

“Got a question for ya,” Sam started out. 

“Can it wait? I have a meeting with someone I actually like,” he said sarcastically. 

Before I had the chance to spit something back at him and give him a taste of his own medicine, Sam took over. 

“I need access to a file of the mission report we just came back from, but it’s not allowing me to get to it,” he summed up. 

“Strange,” Tony hummed, looking at the papers he was previously handed as if our issue was nothing for him to worry about. 

“It won’t let me through either,” I said and he eventually looked up rolling his eyes before putting the papers on the counter and giving us his attention finally. 

“Can this wait like 20 minutes?” he asked. 

“It might be because of your new and overly complicated-” I started and once again, Sam saved me from saying something that would probably have Tony ignoring us the rest of the week if I wasn't careful. 

“We’ll wait,” Sam nodded. “We’ll be over there.” 

He pointed to a few chairs off to the side and nodded his head for me to follow. Though I was against the motion, I obliged to not make matters more annoying. I’d give him 20 minutes, but I was just as intrigued by this issue as Sam was now. 

Tony went back to the secretary and grabbed the papers looking through them before grabbing a pen and sloppily marking random things out before handing it back. 

Just as he turned back, he seemed to have spotted who he was looking for to begin with and I followed his eyeline. 

Walking in and looking around marveling at the size of the place before seeing Tony and smiling at him, was the same woman who I had seen at the coffee shop. The same one who was talking to Trudy about a move. 

I must have been staring while she and Tony met in the middle and started casually conversing. She reached into the tote she was carrying and handed Tony what looked like a sweater and a folder, but he only took the piece of clothing leaving her with just the folder still in hand.

My stare must have been unmoving cause Sam nudged me with his shoulder and gave me a weird look when I broke out of my trance. 

“What are you gawking at?” he asked, looking where I was and raising his eyebrows. “Oh, I see.” 

I furrowed my eyebrows and gave him a disapproving look to show his mind wasn’t in the right place. 

“Shut up,” I grunted, slouching some in my spot, but only to show disinterest in an attempt to push him off my case. 

“No, I get it. She’s a pretty lady,” Sam chuckled, crossing his arms and leaning back in his own seat. “Just didn’t see you looking for something like that anytime soon-”

“Don’t get any ideas,” I cut him off. “I saw her at a coffee shop earlier today and she just looked familiar. That’s it.” 

He looked from me back at the girl and turned his head as he analyzed her. 

She was smiling at something Stark was saying and shaking her head about whatever it was he was grinning about. I wasn’t sure what the conversation could even be about, and with the loud echoing space, I couldn’t exactly pinpoint what was being shared. 

“I have an idea,” Sam spoke up after a second and stood up without any hesitance, and walked towards the two. 

“Sam, wait! Stop! What are you doing?” I whisper shouted sitting up and looking around as if someone else was in on this idea with him. 

When he didn’t turn back or let up in his steps, I was quickly on my feet trying to get ahead of him to stop him, but he was walking faster causing us to interrupt the two abruptly and throw them both off. 

“Hi,” Sam smiled kindly at her then back at Stark. 

“I told you I would help you after I talked with-,” Tony started, but Sam patted his shoulder and made him pause. 

“Sam Wilson,” he went on to introduce himself while putting his other hand out for her.  

The woman seemed surprised by the introduction, but she was kind nonetheless and extended her own hand before introducing herself. 

“Y/N Clark,” she smiled. “Nice to meet you.” 

Sam turned to me and she followed his look. I wasn’t prepared to talk to her, but I wasn’t going to be rude and just sit there silently and stare at her. 

I extended my hand as well and she smiled at the motion. 

“James Barnes,” I gave a tight smile, but it wasn’t because of her, it was because I was seconds from punching Sam right in the chest for putting me in this position. 

“Mr. Barnes. Nice to meet you,” she nodded, returning the handshake and it was surprisingly firm. 

I would have paid mind to the detail, but now being in close proximity to the woman, I was seeing features that I hadn’t taken in before. 

She had Y/H/C hair, Y/E/C eyes, and her smile was one I had seen before. She was wearing a bright red checkered winter coat that sat on top of a tan sweater tucked into a nice pair of brown slacks. It seemed fitting for her even if I hadn’t known anything about her. But something in her persona showed she was kind and had a welcoming nature. 

Tony rolled his eyes once again and decided to go ahead and introduce us. 

“Cyborge and Birdman, this is Ms. Clark. She’s Morgan’s teacher. Ms. Clark, these are two of my most impatient coworkers,” Tony motioned to us. “Who I asked to give me a second before I talked with them…” The glare he was giving us pulled me away from staring at her longer than what would have been socially acceptable. 

“Thank this one for the interruption,” I shouldered Sam harshly which he became slightly unbalanced from and gave me another glare. 

“Just seemed rude to not introduce your colleagues,” Sam gritted through his teeth, talking to me when the comment was directed to Tony. 

“It’s fine,” Ms. Clark spoke up, breaking the growing tension between us three, and I immediately turned my attention back to her. “I was here to just drop off these two things anyway.” 

“Yeah, well, I had a few things I wanted to discuss without,” Tony continued, only taking a second in between to send us yet another death stare, “this interruption.” 

“I appreciate what you’re offering, but I’ve already told you I have a job set with another district after this year,” she smiled professionally, and I couldn’t help but smile myself at seeing someone say no to Tony. 

“Yeah, but… Money.” His eat-shit grin worked on the weak-minded, but clearly, she was not that. 

“Money is great and all, but it's not what this is about, Mr. Stark,” she chuckled, readjusting her tote on her shoulder. "Maybe after winter break and I get some paperwork back from the new school I'll be at, we will better understand what I'll have on my plate."

“That sounds like a well-worded way to put this conversation off,” Tony smirked. 

She returned it which proved he was right, but she wasn’t falling for his schemes still. 

“It’s Christmas break, Mr. Stark. Have a great vacation with your family and happy holidays,” she nodded, turning to walk out, but not completely turned away. “You two as well. I hope the world is kind enough to give you all a break as you deserve during this time.” 

“If I know anything about teaching, I know you’ll be needing a break just as much,” Sam shouted in her direction with a smile. 

She laughed at that and it was a sound that made it hard not to smile as a reaction to it. 

“Happy Holidays,” she said one final time, waving kindly and moving to the exit. 

“Well, she seems nice,” Sam grinned in a teasing manner and turned to face us both by taking her place. 

“This is why I haven’t brought her around here,” Tony sighed heavily and ran a hand through his beard. “Now, what do you two want?” 

Sam followed quickly after Tony, who was already walking back to the lab, but I couldn’t seem to pull my eyes from the red checkered jacket that was out the doors now and walking down the steps. 

It was another feeling that I couldn’t quite put into words…

I unfortunately don't have a release date for the next chapter as I am going to stick to my promise of finishing the series before I post any further. This is just to give an idea of what's to come! As always, any likes or reblogs, and comments (even if just a heart or a gif) makes my blood, sweat, and tears for this series feel validated :') ANYWHO!! I'm excited to share with you all the stories to come with this series and these characters because in writing them, I've fallen in love with them myself.

Let me know if you want to be tagged by sending me an ask here!

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It's being weird with the tagging so please let me know if this tagged you!!

[boyrobott]

i saw the future unfold in silver and gold

Professor Ochanomizu has some things to discuss with Dr. Tenma.

Read on AO3.

Dr. Tenma,

I'm so sorry you have to hear this news through a letter, but I can't seem to get in contact with you over the phone, and you weren't home when I dropped in last week. The press is expecting a public announcement from me any day now regarding this situation, and I don't believe it's right or fair for you to have to find out about this in such an impersonal way, so I suppose this will have to do.

Your robot son, Tobio, recently reemerged after nearly a year of absence, and I'm pleased to say that he is healthy, safe, and well-adjusted — remarkably so, in fact, considering his circumstances. He was in the United States, working as a performer for a popular American circus, but he wished to quit his role there, so I have taken him back to Japan with me instead, and I intend to ensure he has a proper childhood from now on. His upbringing so far has been… unorthodox, to say the absolute least.

However, we are still debating the subject of the boy's permanent placement. Until more suitable arrangements can be made, I have been acting as temporary guardian for him, and while I'm more than willing to continue fostering him indefinitely, I understand that you, as his father, have the strongest potential claim to him if you wish to exercise your parental rights, and I will not contest it if you choose to do this. My only wish is to see the boy receive the stable, loving home he deserves.

You should also know, to avoid any possible confusion in the future, that your son has decided to change his name to "Astro", and is no longer comfortable with any references to his previous name. Please keep this in mind should you choose to pay him a visit.

All the best,

Ochanomizu Hiroshi

Dr. Tenma,

I'm sorry to disturb you again so soon. I understand all of this must be quite surprising for you, and I certainly do not wish to overwhelm you, but as you haven't come forward to seize custody of your son just yet, he remains in my care for the foreseeable future. Of course, I'm perfectly happy to bear the bulk of parental responsibilities for as long as I must, but it has come to my attention that Astro needs further education than the few years he has received so far, and I do not believe it would be just to exclude you from the decision when you have such an important role in his life.

With the recent declarations of fundamental rights and liberties for robots all over the country, I've been considering the possibility of enrolling Astro in the local primary school, but he tells me that you tutored him privately within your own home for the majority of his life until the circus picked him up. It is my personal impression that he would flourish in a more social environment (he is an extremely extroverted child, as I'm sure you already know) but if you wish for him to receive a more independent form of education, I'm certain we can reach a healthy compromise that suits his temperament.

Please do try and respond to me as soon as you can. The window for enrollment is closing soon, and I will not allow the boy to miss yet another year of schooling.

All the best,

Ochanomizu Hiroshi

Dr. Tenma,

I suppose I'm beginning to sound a bit like a broken record at this point, and I do apologize for that, but as you have still not returned any of my calls or responded to my previous letters, I would simply like to remind you that your son is still residing in my home at the current moment, and you have given me no indication whether you would like to reclaim custody over him or not.

I understand this must be quite difficult for you to process, and it is absolutely not my intention to force you into a decision you aren't ready to make. However, now that Astro is attending primary school, and interacting with his peers on a more regular basis, he has been having some trouble understanding why the other children have a mother and a father to care for them and love them while he has no parents at all. It breaks my heart to see him like this. The boy is hurting, and I cannot help him. I cannot give him what he needs. I suppose it was only the foolish fancy of an old man to ever believe that I could.

The child needs his parents, Umataro. The child needs you. Please don't let him down.

Hiroshi

Dr. Tenma,

Well, your silence is certainly speaking for itself, and I suppose that was your intention all along. Perhaps I was an old fool, believing I could convince you to reconnect with your son when the two of you have been separated far longer than you haven't. I can see you have no interest in any further contact with him, and you clearly won't be changing your mind on this anytime soon. I assure you, I won't trouble you on this matter again.

But I don't think you fully understand what you're giving up. Astro is a truly wonderful, wonderful boy — he's kind and gentle, and always so eager to lend a hand. No matter the situation, he always drops everything to rush to the rescue when the city calls on him, and he is so genuinely happy to help. He has the most selfless soul I've ever seen. He's strong, and brave, and so bright. I couldn't be any prouder of him than if he was my own son. He is the greatest gift that life has ever given me, and every day, I thank heaven for the privilege to know him as I do. I never could have imagined such a blessing as his presence in my home.

He will be going away from me very soon. He will have a proper family from now on, with two parents, just like the other children, and he will have no further need of me. Nonetheless, I cherish every moment I have spent with him, and I wouldn't change a thing. I am saddened for you, that you will never know this incredible boy you created.

I see so much of you in him.

All the best,

Ochanomizu Hiroshi

[lookbluesoup]

I've had a lot of people interacting with my post yesterday about wishing there was more fandom meta discussion and exploration of "missing moments" with... huge amounts of fear and insecurity.

And I get that it's hurtful to share stuff in a fandom space and potentially be met with silence. It's easy to feel drowned out or get overwhelmed in a big fandom. It's terrifying to be in an online space and potentially get harassed by assholes who think anyone who looks at canon differently from them are evil.

I have definitely left spaces before where one or both of those things were so prevalent that I didn't feel like it was worth it trying to be part of that community. Your feelings are valid, they're legitimate fears. But it really hurts my heart to see so many creative people be so afraid.

Based on what I've seen, I assume that many DO want a more interactive fandom experience, in spite of that anxiety.

I can't tell anyone what they should do. I can advise you that fear and insecurity usually come from the inside - from past hurts, and that understanding them and deciding you don't want to be afraid anymore, that you deserve a space and a voice, is an important step in being able to reach out and form healthy, genuine connections with people over the things that you love.

But you are the only one who can decide what's good for you. Maybe you need therapy, or a different fandom, or a different environment. Maybe you need to cut some toxic people out of your life. I'm a stranger on the internet and I'll never be able to answer that question for you.

In lieu of that, I'll share some tips that have generally helped me feel safe in fandom spaces even though I have sometimes have anxiety attacks just trying to talk to friends.

Block people. I am dead serious. This bit is extra long because of how serious I am. 1) You're deliberately putting your comfort first, and that's a good thing to practice and 2) You won't have to worry much about those people invading your space

You don't have to hate them, they don't have to be evil, you just have to decide this isn't someone who's opinions you want in your corner of fandom. If they keep posting way off base critique of your favorite character, or imply liking a ship/character is somehow evil, or are just generally negative and you feel worse after seeing their posts most of the time? Take care of yourself. Block them.

If you really don't like their takes, you can go into your settings and use the filter tool to hide posts that their username is mentioned in from your dash. You don't have to see them or deal with them. Ignorance is bliss.

This is not being mean, it's not being an asshole, it's not being insensitive.. It's telling yourself "My comfort matters." We're in a hobby space, here to enjoy ourselves. You can always unblock someone later if you want.

If someone sends you anon hate. Block anon. If you MUST reply to the ask to show your friends or get the last word in, screenshot it and post the screenshot to respond to. But click that menu beside the actual ask and block the shit out of that Anon. Afaik they'll be IP blocked, it will be much harder for them to send you additional hate. (Not impossible, but harder, and most will move on to easier targets.)

You are not "winning" by leaving them unblocked, you're not proving that you're brave or that they don't matter, you're just leaving yourself open to more abuse. Block anon hate.

Unfollow people if the content they put on your dash upsets you. You don't have to dislike them personally. You don't have to justify it. Being "mutuals" is often overemphasized on here. You can be friends, you can read their fics or send them asks and be supportive without having to see every single thing they share. Following is about curating your dash, not picking friends.

Don't post when you're angry. I know that person bashing your fav character is an idiot but do not vaguepost or call them out in a fit of rage. Take a step back, remember it's fandom and not the entire world. If the other person seems interested in discussion, you can have a good-faith talk about it, but don't go into it determined to change their mind. You're just exchanging information, and you're allowed to disagree. If they're only hating and clearly not interested in talking, then write something positive about your character instead, in your own post, and focus on maintaining a space with people who you actually like talking to.

Hopefully you're seeing that the above advice is about building a safe, manageable fandom corner for yourself, and feeling powerful enough to enforce it. That's important. You don't owe people online interaction.

Fandom acquaintances can certainly grow into strong friendships, but not everyone, or even MOST of the people in fandom, deserve to be your friend and all the social obligations that entails. It would be exhausting and stressful to do otherwise, and it's not practical.

Now for positive action!

Nurture a handful of good friendships. If you brought some to fandom with you, great. You're a book club now. Each other's main "support", who (hopefully) do genuinely enjoy talking together. Fandom at large might not always give you affirmation, but a few good friends who know you giving you that support will be much more meaningful and sincere.

Talk to people you like! Say nice things about their art, writing, or characters. Reblog from them. Show a genuine interest in talking to them and seeing their creations. I know it's scary, but if you're trying to make connections, you do have to reach out! Lots of us are scared and most of us don't hear that we matter to someone else often enough. Be the change you want to see. You may be surprised to find that opening a door allows others to come through it, too, and they'll often try to connect back.

Not everyone will reciprocate the interest, for a variety of reasons which won't usually be your fault. That's ok! If you like their stuff, keep supporting them because that's part of what keeps fandom alive, but look for friendship elsewhere. Even if it doesn't work out and you don't hit it off, you tried!

More people agree with your takes than you think. A lot of them might be scared, too, because going against fanon mainstream is intimidating. But you'll have a much harder time finding like-minded folks if you never share your takes/writing/art/etc for people to find. Putting your voice out there is an investment that might take some time to pay off, but if it makes one other person out there feel less alone and more validated, surely that's worth it?

You're allowed to change your mind. About characters, about people, about fandom, about yourself. You are not beholden forever to your first or second opinion about a topic.

[andiatas]

H.M. The Queen's speech at Queen Silvia Nursing Award Grand Ceremony

Dear Laureates, Ladies and Gentlemen, Friends,

Thank you for joining us today at the Bernadotte Library in Stockholm as we celebrate the exceptional contributions of nurses through the Queen Silvia Nursing Award. Now in its 11th year, this award represents our shared dedication to recognising and nurturing the vital role nurses play in our aging societies. A special welcome to the 2023 winners who have travelled such great distances to be here today.

I have witnessed firsthand the profound impact of compassionate and skilled dementia nursing care. Nurses do more than bridge the clinical; they are the bearers of stories, the guardians of dignity, and the vital link between past and present for countless families. You are the relationship builders, understanding personal histories and their relevance to treatment, while paving the way for the future - preserving the dignity of every individual you care for.

Science is making remarkable progress in Alzheimer's research, offering new possibilities and bringing hope to many individuals and families. As these breakthroughs emerge, we are presented with both the opportunity and the responsibility to ensure that our social and care systems develop in parallel.

We must address critical questions around workforce development, patient safety, and education – elements essential not only to safeguarding our nurses but also to the well-being of us all. Nurses are at the heart of creating safe, dignified environments for the elderly, enhancing their quality of life in profound ways. In turn, it is our duty to protect and support our nurses, ensuring they have the resources and recognition they deserve.

Together, we can build a future where both caregivers and those they care for can thrive.

Inspiring a new generation of nurses to explore careers in aged care is not just a necessity; it is an opportunity. An opportunity to innovate, to lead, and to create more compassionate and effective systems of care. We have the power to build a narrative that positions aged care as a rewarding and impactful career choice - one that empowers nurses to make a meaningful difference in the lives of others.

I look forward to learning from today’s speakers as they share their experiences and expertise in these areas, and I hope we all leave here inspired by their insights. To the esteemed laureates present today, I extend my deepest gratitude for your dedicated service. Your unwavering commitment to the nursing profession forms the bedrock of our healthy and thriving global communities. You are the storytellers who weave the rich tapestry of our shared human experience of aging. You are the guardians of our past and the caretakers of our future.

Let us continue to support and uplift our nurses, ensuring they receive the resources, respect, and recognition they so deeply deserve. Together, we can create a brighter future for aged and dementia care - one where every story is heard, every need is met, and every life is valued.

Thank you.

Speech held by Queen Silvia at the Bernadotte Library at the Royal Palace on Sep. 12, 2024.

[he13na]

i'm having trouble forgiving myself for trying nitrous oxide once last year.

i'm not okay with this. i betrayed myself in a moment of strange curiosity that was very out of character for me.

i don't do drugs. this is against my values and my beliefs. i still don't understand why i thought it was acceptable to try it.

i no longer feel pure. and it makes me so, so sad. this beautiful body that my mother created for me, i've tainted and poisoned it.

while nothing happened to me, i survived and no damage has been done (that i know about and i'm hoping and praying to god that it didn't permanently damage my vitamin b12), i'm suffering a delayed emotional pain, self shame and guilt that i'm really having a hard time absolving myself of. there should be no excuses.

i almost feel like i don't deserve forgiveness. that i will be living a lie to enjoy my life and the beautiful things around me and the love i receive from those who don't know what i did. that the goodness in my life is false because my soul is already corrupted. that the lightness and happiness i feel with the birds singing around me, the cats i pet and my mom's smile and the things that bring me comfort aren't meant for me.

i was never a drug user. i am not a drug user, but now i can't say that i never tried drugs and it breaks my heart. immunity to adversity was something i prided myself on and never felt weird or like an outcast for standing strong in my beliefs in avoiding harmful substances. i never cared about peer pressure, and i never put myself in situations where it could happen to me. but when i saw someone i love doing it and i was informed NO2 began in the Romantic era as a graduated English major, i was intrigued and slightly curious. curious enough to say "why not", abandon my values, try it and lose my innocence. i did not realize the darkly transformative effect it would have on my psyche, my heart and my soul. i didn't know about sudden death syndrome, or what it could do to my body irreversibly, or how it would feel morally. i didn't know that it would come back to haunt me later when i least expected it. if i did, i could have saved myself because the emotional and moral aftereffects weren't worth it.

this may be a secret i'll have to take to the grave, and i'm not okay with that. but will my mom, who's always done her very best to be a role model and raise me in a safe and healthy environment and always told me to say no to drugs, ever look at me the same? what if i hurt her more than i've hurt myself?

i still don't understand why i did that. that isn't me. that will never be me again. i wish i could go back and undo it. to tell my boyfriend it wasn't okay to do it and not let him either, even if it meant the end of the relationship.

i feel corrupted, worthless and broken.

i am grateful that i never fell to addiction or went down the path that led to it, or worse, the point of no return.

yes, i know that one choice or bad decision or experience doesn't define me. but why do I feel like it does?

i am having the hardest time sitting with myself now. i've had past regrets that aren't half as bad as this. how can i forgive myself and enjoy and love who i am again when i don't feel like i deserve it?

[burnandblind]

Idiot

Tl;Dr people deserve good lives.

That's right. I'm an idiot. I'm mentally ill/neurodivergent. I'm transgender. I live alone. I haven't been in a relationship for any length of time since 2017.

I've known an intensity of stigmatization that kills most people.

Of course I do dumb shit. Of course I'm crazy horny. I've course of course of course.

But : I'm also one of the hardest workers I've met. I read scientific articles daily. I read books on philosophy, spirituality, and psychology. I'm multi-talented. I can write, sing, draw and sort of dance.

I've learned how NOT to be through my experiences.

And I still fuck up. Because I am so tired. And I want to be happy.

And it is so so so rare that I receive real help and real understanding.

Truly. I should be fucking dead at least a dozen times over.

But I'm still here, struggling. Why? Why?

There are a things I want to experience that are dear to me.

I want to know true love. I want to truly feel the divine -- not just experience it.

I want to see a world where everyone -- as many people as humanely possible (yes, even bigots) -- are safe, healthy and free.

It is my truest belief that if we fix ourselves (with wisdom, compassion, and science) and our environment... we'll heal everything.

And I mean everything.

I want to see that. I want to be a part of that.

So. If putting my pathetic self out here will help me accomplish any of my goals..?

Yes. I'll do it. I'll do it because I've already started my life over 6 times. I've already hit rock bottom just as many times.

Because I'm an idiot.

PS I don't know if it's clear or not. But I like being independent. I like working, in a sense. But there's a lot of shit about it that is fucked. Like not getting paid enough. Putting up with discrimination.. or just people in general.

Dream job? I haven't found it yet. But I liked being a Mill Technician (taking stuff apart and putting it back together, more or less)